Pattern's over here, talking to a stray small half-vampire whose nametag says he is called Henry.

"I wanna know about stars," says the Joker.

"Unless you're planning to quit on Golden and move back to Origin, that's not my jurisdiction," Pattern says.

He sighs and shakes his head.

"Why are you asking me?"

"'Cause I'm never gonna be in your jurisdiction."

"Why's that a reason to ask me, though?"

"Because then," he explains, "if you say no, it won't be about me being in your jurisdiction."

"Fair enough, I guess, but I don't want to step on Golden's toes. Metaphorically. I guess she'd barely notice if I literally stepped on her toes."

He snorts.

"If you think I can make a better case for you to her than you can, I'll give it a shot if you can convince me that she should tell you, though," Pattern offers.

"I torch now," he says. "If I wanna do anything permanent to myself - like, say, put my scars back on - I have to use an evil. I don't wanna be going to one of you guys for every little thing. Betcha Q's gonna have the same problem, wherever she ends up, if she mints."

"I was thinking of asking her myself, actually," muses Pattern. "Hmm. Have you asked Golden about this before? Or any of the others? Is there some compelling reason for you not to know?"

"...How much do you know about me?"

"Snippets that came across when were linked up and I was getting the executive summary. You have a colorful history, you got on Stella's nerves and she stuck you on an asteroid, eventually she remanded you to Golden to be Golden's mint and now you're with that Nathan guy, if I understood what Henry was talking about one of his little friends is yours."

"Yep! We made a munchkin," he says cheerfully. "Anyway, I guess they're afraid I'll do something they won't like. Not that I blame 'em, but it's kiiiinda silly, 'cause especially these days, if I wanna wish upon a star all I have to do is hop over to, say, Pluto."

"Maybe they're afraid you'll tell someone who will do something they won't like and can't or doesn't have the impulse control to visit Pluto first," suggests Pattern.

"Am I always gonna have the impulse control to visit Pluto first, is the question."

"Yeah, there's that. Are you likely to send Golden's or somebody's sun supernova casually wishing on an evil?"

"Oh, probably not," he says cheerfully. "Unless I forget."

"Mm, but too many of those takes all the fun out of life."

"I was proposing only one. The kind that makes suns not go supernova."

"No thanks."

"If you aren't sure you'll remember to ask Golden or whoever for whatever large wishes you might want to whimsically make, what makes you think you'll remember to do spooky secret star safety stuff?"

"The spooky secret star safety stuff," says the Joker, "works in advance."

"What makes you say that?"

Meanwhile, Golden is looking for Mary.

"No, seriously, what makes you say that, I have not been around that long, I don't know what you saw."

[Yes?] says Mary.

"I know how you guys work," says the Joker. "Doesn't make sense any other way, the way you handle 'em."

"Maybe you should just have a stash of safe ones, then," Pattern suggests. "That doesn't necessitate telling you how they work."

[The Joker wants the star secret. How much of a disaster is that, please?]

[It isn't one,] she says. [At all. If you don't tell him, he mostly seems to find out anyway—I think the chance of that just went up by a lot, for some reason. If he doesn't get it, there's a tiny chance of widespread destruction in some universe or other someday.]

...The Joker smiles.

"What?"

"Hiya," the Joker says cheerfully. "Somebody's not too good at keeping secrets."

Golden facepalms. It makes a rocky noise. "Pattern, what did you tell my mint?"

Pattern winces, and brainphones the entire conversation verbatim.

The Joker giggles softly.

"Mary thinks telling you what's up with stars and beyond is fine," Golden tells the Joker. "And checking in with her is the obvious thing I would do. Why didn't you just ask me, or maybe Mary directly? Sneaking clues out of Pattern is not nice."

"I'm new at - at Belling, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's not a disaster," Golden soothes.

"I didn't know she was gonna spill like that," he shrugs. "I wanted to ask her 'cause she's from my world and I'm not going back."

"I still don't really see how that makes sense," says Pattern.

"It's about... not feeling like I belong to anybody," he sighs. "But maybe Golden would've been better about that too."

"I should've just gotten her first thing," mutters Pattern.

"Don't beat yourself up about it. Anyway, Joker. Mary says it's a fine idea, I wish you'd come to me but what's done is done, my question is are you going to distribute the information any farther than that?"

"Maybe," he says. "If one of me wants it. Prooobably not what you wanna hear, but it's true. Tell you what, though, I'll keep it to the retirees. Ask Mary what she thinks of that."

[No problems,] says Mary.

"I'm not thrilled," Golden admits, "but Mary says that's fine, too."

"Handy girl to have around."

"Very. The power's not that much like Alice's at all, really, though both are useful. At any rate. I'm going to notify the peal, and then I'll tell you how stars and so on work, if you really want to know."

"Yes please," he says, with a bright teacher's-pet sort of tone.

Golden closes her eyes and sighs, then conference-calls all the Bells and the Joker together and summarizes what has gone on.

[Wait,] Aegis says. [Have you all been just not telling your Whistles? Why would you do that, how is it not obvious that they should know how to safely operate the deadly weapons they can basically secrete?] And without waiting for an answer, she starts up another call with Sue. [Stars and up have to be wished safe with the next thing down. Hex to declaw a star, declawed star to declaw an evil, etcetera.]

[I mention this because apparently the other Whistles did not know, the other Bells were just not telling them, I hadn't gotten around to it but now the Joker's asking about it and Golden has decided to tell him and this is apparently momentous.]

[I stored the information on Jehovah and named Micaiah the successor to my captaincy?] offers Angela. [He never seemed to want to know very badly.]

[I told Charlie and told him that Kas could know if he ever came by to ask. He thinks it's a witch riddle of some kind.]

[Sherlock's known from the beginning, thank goodness,] says Shell Bell serenely.

[I'm nearly as new to the party as Aegis and there was nothing to tell - I mean, I could've mentioned it but it would've been practically useless since access to coins would've come with access to another Bell who knew - till recently. But I was going to tell my Sherlock too.]

[I have two staff who know and Alice never seemed to care,] Stella says.

[Heh,] says the Joker.

[I reiterate that they secrete deadly weapons for you. If they aren't interested in how to work the weapons safely that might mean they don't want to make large wishes. It might mean that Whistles aren't that concerned with being safe and it's in your best interest to make being safe as convenient as possible.]

[The little one's got her head screwed on straight,] he says with a chuckle.

[I think it's just that I've known mine since we were six, but yeah, guys, come on, can't most of you read yours's minds?]

...Several of the

Whistles in the cuddle pile

receive slightly embarrassed pings from their Bells.

[What's up?]

[Hi, sweetie!]

[I love you.]

[I love you too. Erm, do you want to know how stars and evils and arrows work?]

[Hi, sweetie! I have just been metaphorically smacked upside the head by Aegis and I wanna tell you how stars and whatnot operate instead of doing the stupid thing I did instead.]

[Policy change. You get the star secret, assuming you'd like it.]

[Sure,] says Alice. [What's the secret?]

[Okay,] laughs Kas.

[If you wanna tell me,] says Micaiah.

[Aegis has pointed out that it could be dangerous for you not to know. Even though you know you can ask me to make any large wishes, if you were impulsive about it one day...]

[It's pretty stupidly simple, actually, you wish on a hex to defang a star and then that star is safe, you wish on a defanged star to get a safe evil, and so on. You probably could've guessed if you cared much.]

[Coins spit out extra magic to do nasty things, the size of the next coin down, whenever you wish on them. The littler ones are not smart enough for wishing on an unadulterated hex to actually hurt anybody, but stars and up, you want to counter that amount of energy in advance, with however big a stack is called for to get up that high. Then they're "declawed". Don't go spreading this around, please.]

[Okay,] Alice says agreeably. [Love you.]

[Maybe so,] says Kas. [Thanks anyway.]

[...Yeah,] says Micaiah, [tell me, then.]

[If you wish on a hex for a star to be safe, then it's safe. If you wish on a safe star for an evil to be safe, that works too, and presumably so on.]

[You're welcome.]

[Love you too!]

[Okay,] says Micaiah. [Thanks. See you later, my angel.]

Through all this, the Joker waits.

[My Alice too.]

[And Kas.]

[I'll tell whoever I hire, assuming I manage to hire somebody.]

[It's possible I should tell my staff mints, given the whole secretion-of-deadly-weapons-thing. I'll ask Mary how that would go.] Stella absents herself from the call.

"You want I should put a word in with one of the spares?" he asks Pattern.

"Mary said talking to Queenie would go better overall if somebody, not necessarily me, were in physical contact with her at the time," Pattern says. "So there's that you could help with. I'm not sure what kind of word you'd put in. 'She's a Bell, she's a little clumsy with secrets'?"

He chuckles. "Apparently the word is 'hug'. I'll see if she's busy. You rather you go in, or she comes out?"

[Yes?] says Mary.

"I'd just as soon not go in," says Pattern.

[Good or bad idea to also tell Anna and Sandy about stars and such?]

[Anna will do basically nothing with that information,] Mary reports. [Sandy... Sandy will do something, but it won't be destructive. You're likelier to be pleased about it than not, whatever it is.]

"Mmkay," says the Joker, and he wanders back to the orgy airlock.

[Do either of them distribute the information elsewhere?]

Pattern waits.

[Nope!]

[Great. Any danger to not telling them, or can I spin it as their Christmas bonus or something?]

[No danger.]

[Busy,] the Joker reports cheerfully. [And I'm about to make her busier. We'll be out in a while, don't fret.]

[Awesome. Thanks!]

[I'll wait,] snorts Pattern.

Pattern teleports over, and conjures her own chair - ergonomic and sleek. "Hello, Queenie," she says.

"Hiya," she says cheerfully.

"Have the other Whistles already explained minting to you?"

"Oh, you bet!"

"I don't have someone to do that for me. Right now I'm running Downside-related errands, but eventually I'll be going back to my original world and doing what Bells do best. I'd like to employ a mint. Are you interested?"

"Depends," she says. "Do I get terms like my buddy here's?" She snugs her arm around the Joker's shoulders and kisses his cheek; he leans into her affectionately.

"I'm assuming whatever those are, they work for Golden, but can I hear the terms anyway in case my situation is importantly different somehow?"

"Mmm, pretty much: don't chase me around with quotas or check up on me every five minutes to make sure I haven't murdered anybody, and I'll give you lots of coins when you want 'em."

"Are you going to murder anybody, I can't really approve of you murdering anybody," Pattern says.

She rolls her eyes. "Sweetie, I know that. There are probably rocks that know that. Us retired Jokers," she snuggles the other example some more, "we don't make trouble unless somebody's trying to force us not to."

"How likely are you to attract attention from someone besides me who will hope to force you not to make trouble?"

"Is there anybody besides you who's got a shot in hell at doing it?"

"At succeeding, no, at trying hard enough that you'd have to do something regrettable to be not-forced, I don't know, that seems like it would depend on your style."

"Tell you what," she says, "if I run into anybody like that, I'll let you handle 'em."

"That sounds workable, then."

She beams.

Golden wanders thisaway. "Job interview?" she inquires.

"Yep."

"Have you already been warned about your world's little bat infestation?"

"...No?"

Queenie giggles.

"There's someone who literally does a costumed superhero bit in your world, perhaps she wasn't famous in your part of the country or before you died. She was the primary protagonist to the Joker's an-, overall white hat in spite of the actual color scheme but she did murder my friend and Minister of Temporal Affairs, Nathan, because he growled at her and stood up too quickly. She's just a human, you don't need to worry about her per se, but don't give her any magic, we don't trust her with it after Stella 'owed her three wishes', paid up, and Batlady wound up sending Nathan Downside for a hundred years plus a forking issue like Shell Bell had. It would possibly be a reasonable professional courtesy to keep her and Queenie away from each other."

"Do you object to staying clear of her?" Pattern asks Queenie.

"Mmm... that depends," says Queenie. "I'm not gonna get in her face, but I might drop by Gotham. I miss the place, y'know?"

"And Quin," murmurs the Joker.

"Okay... do you suppose that's likely to attract notice from the Batlady, if you do?"

"If I do what, go see Quinnie?" She shrugs. "Maybe, who knows?"

"So possibly I should warn her, and see how she reacts."

"You might want me or Stella with you if you schedule such a meeting," Golden says.

The Joker snorts. "What the hell would you do that for, anyway?"

"Would unpleasantly startling her be a better idea for some reason?"

"She is just a human. A single person visiting a large city won't necessarily attract her attention at all. Although given the way Bells and our friends seem to attract coincidences, I'm not sure if counting on that would be wise."

"If you tell her one of me's gonna be visiting Gotham, she'll throw a great big messy shitfit, I bet. Even if you tell her it's not me. Even if she believes you it's not me. If Q just goes, there's a good chance Batsy might never find out."

"Okay... maybe Queenie could go in disguise just in case?"

"Hon," says Queenie, tapping her unscarred, unpainted face, "this is a disguise."

"Your standard power stack included a vision boost. Just because you can tell what her bones look like under there doesn't mean the Bat can," Golden says.

"...Fair enough," shrugs Pattern.

"Mm... separate issue from Q's job offer," says the Joker, "I do miss Dr. Quinzel. She's a friend of mine from Gotham. Think you could find her, see how she's doing, ask if she wants to come have a chat?"

"In person, or would it work fine for you if Jane did it?"

[I'd be her ride anyway,] Jane points out.

"Doesn't matter to me," he says with a shrug.

[I'll email her once I have a foothold in Origin,] says Jane evenly.

"Thanks."

[Or, you could compose an email to her yourself and I could pass it along,] Jane points out.

"Aw, I wouldn't know what to say."

[Suit yourself.]

"So that's that taken care of. Is there anything else we should work out?"

"Queenie, at the risk of my regretting asking this question, how are you planning to produce large coins wandering around by yourself?"

"Golden doesn't. I can, if you want, the agony beam's also standard issue, I think it's only Angela who hasn't got one."

"Sounds like fun," Queenie says cheerfully.

"And if I hire you I'll tell you how stars work, and that's not information for general consumption," Pattern says, "okay?"

"Sure."

"I think that's everything."

"Yes, it sounds like it," Golden agrees.

"Want a job, Queenie?"

"Yep!"

"All right. Where will I find you when I'm done with my errands and ready to move back into Origin?"

"Who knows. With another one of me, probably. Alice or Jokes, I bet." And she snuggles the Joker some more.

"So, at least one of the other Bells will be able to locate you. Okay."

"Mmhmm," she says agreeably.

"Cool. I'll see you later, then."

"See ya!"