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where am i?
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Thinking is hard.

She knows, she knows that it's safe when her beloveds both sleep - that they can read nothing while they dream - but every thought is so relentlessly punished when the demon is awake, and the parts of her mind that generate thoughts have stopped trying. She focuses, when she can come up with anything worth focusing on, or just on breathing or clouds or a tree, as much as she can. The demon "hyperfocuses" on gentle thoughtless love, as much as he can. She sleeps too, as much as she can. And none of these solutions lead to her having thoughts.

There's not enough thinking left for her to register much horror about it. But there are parts of her remaining. Automatic reactions to things, that can pass from her memories through her actions without her intervening much at all on the level of consciousness. She has enough terror of oblivion in her not to look contemplatively at knives. She has enough of an echo of what it used to mean to her to love someone to ache inside if her beloved thinks of harming himself, to beg him not to. She has enough access to her own memories to recognize the strange door, the second time it presents itself to her, and to go in without fear, holding her book and her pen that she has no real reason to carry anymore but holds out of old affection the way a child slightly too old for a stuffed toy may clutch at it.

The blank book is no good to her anymore, but it feels good to hold it, and she does.

The door may not take her far enough away from her beloved to protect her if he wakes while she is there, but it is somewhere to go and sit and wait for her thousand-year span to elapse, and she enters.
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There's someone here who looks like her beloved, again. But this one is a little different - dressed differently, with a different haircut, and a tiny dragonlike creature napping curled up along his shoulders, with tiny green paws and a long thin green tail dangling onto his chest.

He's sitting on a couch by the fire, and his eyes are closed so he hasn't noticed her.
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This one has two parts. That makes more sense. And they want hugs. She can tell. She is not equipped to wonder how she can tell.

Isibel takes the spot next to them on the couch and snuggles up without a second thought.
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It feels nice, radiantly snuggly. Petaal opens her eyes and lifts her head expecting a Bell, and meeps with surprise when she finds herself nose-to-point with Isibel's ear.

Then she shrugs her scaly little shoulders and nuzzles it.

"Hi!" she murmurs. "Who're you?"
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"I'm Isibel," sighs Isibel warmly.

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"You're cuddly," says Petaal. "And an elf."

Kas adjusts himself so his arm is wrapped around Isibel's shoulders and Petaal can snuggle across both of them.
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"Yes," agrees Isibel. "You're a tiny dragon and a human."

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"I'm a daemon!" says Petaal. "I can be any shape I want, look," and she climbs along Kas's arm and onto Isibel's opposite shoulder and down into her lap and becomes a viscacha.

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"Ooh," murmurs Isibel, and she pets the fluff.

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Petaal leans against her and hums happily.

"So what's up?" says Kas. "Have you been by the Belltower yet? I haven't heard of an elf one of you before."
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"The Belltower," repeats Isibel. "I don't think so."

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"I should take you, then," he says, cuddling her some more. "So you can meet all the rest of you. I think you're number eleven."

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"Oh." Isibel doesn't have the mental horsepower to properly entertain this idea, but she remembers the last time she heard about more of her, and what she said then:

"Are they okay?"
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"...yeah," Kas says slowly.

"Are you not?"
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"No." Snuggle.

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Snuggle!

"What's wrong?"
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"I'm broken," mumbles Isibel. "They try not to..."

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"Who tries not to what," says Kas.

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"My - yous. Try not to hurt me."

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"...hurt you how?"

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"When he's awake - if he loses focus - he reads my mind." She closes her eyes. "I don't think much anymore."

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...

Kas hugs her close.
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Snuggles! Thinking is not necessary for snuggles. Snuggles are nice.

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"I'm so sorry," he says, cuddling her.

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"It's not their fault," she says. "We had to."

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"I believe you," he murmurs. "Fuck. I should - I should get my sweeties."

But he doesn't want to move.

[Jane? Amariah needs to be at Milliways.]
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Snuggle snuggle.

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[Roger.]

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Amariah appears a minute later. "What's - oh, new Bell," she says. "Friendly new elfy Bell. Who - intensely upsets you? Hi."

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"She has a me but she says he can't help reading her mind all the time," says Kas.

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"Sometimes they sleep," sighs Isibel, "sometimes they concentrate, sometimes I sleep, sometimes I concentrate -"

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"- How long has this been going on?" asks Amariah slowly.

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"A year - and some moonturns - I don't count them - it's spring again -"

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Kas cuddles Isibel. So does Petaal.

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She cuddles back.

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"Goddesses all. Okay. Elfbell. I know thinking must be - agonizingly hard right now - but you need to answer just a few questions - okay? If we can fix it, can you put yourself back together - if we can magic the mindreading away and you're safe and private in your own head for forever - can you fix it?"

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Isibel blinks slowly.

"I don't know," she says.
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"But maybe? Okay. We're not short on time for you, if you can do it then we will find a place to put you that's safe and you can work on it there, okay, we will take care of you - there are ten of us and we are okay - will you trust us to decide things for you till you're put back together?"

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"...You should talk to my beloveds," sighs Isibel. "About that."

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Petaal cuddles up in Isibel's lap, making helpless little sniffly noises.

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"Okay. We'll talk to them," says Amariah. "We'll figure something out with them. We'll have to talk to them - can you take us through the door to where they are? And then if you wake them up I can send you to sleep, and keep you that way, until everything's fixed, will that be all right?"

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"I'll take you where they are and wake them and go to sleep and when I wake up I'll be safe," says Isibel trustfully. She kisses Petaal - a chaste little kiss on the head - and disentangles herself and collects her book and pen again and goes to the door.

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Kas picks up his fluffy daemon and follows.

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[This,] Amariah tells her sweeties as she follows them to the door, [is a disaster. I think we should bring in all the Bells - maybe all the Jokers - when we get there; this isn't like Shell Bell where she had a stable version of herself to do the steering, we don't have one of this exact instance.]

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[Yeah, fuck,] says Kas.

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[...They'll cooperate, right? They won't want to go on reading her? She's turning over a lot of the steering power over to them but she's so loopy I don't know why she's doing it.]

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[Looking at her makes me want to cry. I don't know how they could feel any different.]

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[I was thinking something like - how vampire mates work in Aurum. Those only usually work out and when they don't the keener half can get deluded about it in a hurry. Something like that.]

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Isibel opens the door. It leads to a pretty little house, beautifully decorated, listlessly maintained. Something comes over her - her breaths drop into even rhythm and she starts walking with singleminded purpose. Out the door, onto a subtle path, up.

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Amariah wraps herself and Path in invisibility before following the elf out of the building.

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Kas does likewise. Petaal turns into a least weasel and rides on his shoulder.

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Isibel snaps out of whatever-it-is when they reach the cave where her beloveds live.

She tucks herself under the demon's arm and closes her eyes. "Beloved," she murmurs. She hasn't tried to wake him on purpose before and doesn't really know how.
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He hugs her and nuzzles her hair in his sleep, but doesn't wake up.

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Isibel tilts her head and nudges him. "Please wake up," she murmurs.

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"My love?" he mumbles sleepily.

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Isibel flinches and looks desperately at Amariah.

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In a moment Isibel's collapsed asleep against her demon.

"Hello," Amariah says to the demon in a low voice, having pentagoned the language.
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"What," he says, staring at Amariah. "What under the burning sun are you."

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"My name is Isabella Amariah. You can call me Amariah. I'm an alternate version of her. There are nine more of us all from under different burning suns, and more of you, too. I can bring them here, or we can all meet somewhere else, and we will try to help her. She said to consult you." Her aura, in addition to announcing that she's a witch and powerful, is emanating anxious concern (for Isibel) and controlled, wary anger (at the demon; she does not know yet if it's justified or not so it has yet to be slain).

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"Help her how? Kill me? She doesn't want anyone to kill me," he says, like this fact is a source of despair.

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"I don't know exactly. Magic. I don't know what kind of magic you have working here but we've got a few kinds of our own and we might be able to - wall her off from you somehow," says Amariah, the anger subsiding. "Or - well, anyway, we'll want to all work on this together, the last time one of us got broken she'd also been split into two and one of her was fine so she could manage by herself but there's not an extra of this one, is there?"

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"No," he says, cuddling the one of her that there is. "What is your magic? What do you need me to do?"

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"I have three kinds. We need you to explain what it is that is going on that hurts her. And tell us what she wants, when we don't know for sure, because goddesses know she can't. So we know how to take it apart and let her out. I'm going to tell the others now," she adds. [Jane.]

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[Shell Bell volunteers Atlantis as a meeting place if this cave is unsuitable,] Jane broadcasts to all present a minute later.

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"Does Atlantis have more room?" says the demon. "If there are ten of you - and I should wake my love," he flicks his tail against the dragon's side, "if you can keep my Isibel sleeping - there won't be room here."

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[There's room in the Atlantis palace for an entire Bellparty including the dragon and then some.]

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"She'll stay asleep till I wake her - or in two days, whichever comes first, in case something happens."

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"Then - how do we get to Atlantis?" says the demon.

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[Me,] says Jane. [Is that what we're doing, then, collecting everybody there?]

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When the demon issues no further input, Amariah nods.

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Shell Bell is there to meet them when they land.