A napkin appears on the bar's surface.

Hello. Can I interest you in a beverage? First one's free.

It's in his alphabet.

"...and what does the second one cost?" he says to the napkin. Perhaps he's supposed to write it. Who even knows his alphabet? "Also, Quenya's banned. You'll get us both in trouble."

Reasonable currency-dependent prices, says a new napkin. I doubt very much this ban extends to the local jurisdiction and at any rate am not in direct control of the translation effect.

"...right. Okay." Curufin would be curious. Celegorm is - well, he's not not curious, but he's not going to run around taking samples and sketching and testing napkin capabilities, either. "Can you recommend me a drink?"

Of course. A glass of wine with a flower in it for some reason appears.

Well, in Valinor flowers were edible; perhaps in implausible bars they are too. He takes a sip. It's very nice. Is there an explanation for this place? Or do I have to discover it?

I'll be happy to answer your questions, although I don't know the answers to all of even the most frequently asked. The establishment is called Milliways, I am Bar, and the door here has temporarily co-opted the door you expected to be traveling through. When you exit it will most likely be the time at which you left and the place whence you came.

"Okay."

He glances at Huan. You want a drink?

I will have water.

"Huan'll have water."

A bowl of water appears.

And Celegorm sets it on the floor. "Guess my questions are - is this place safe? Can others find it? Who created it? Why did you borrow the door to my fortress? Could anything have left your bar and wandered into my city?"

It is quite safe here both by suspicious coincidence and by security personnel guaranteed to be able to handle whoever happens to be in the bar during their shift. Other people can and do find it, although people from your world will be inhibited in doing so while you are here because time is paused unless you hold the door open or something unusual is going on. Its origins are quite mysterious to me, and I do not control the door. Patrons who open the door by and large return to their own worlds; you could let someone in but it is improbable that anything would have entered your world via Milliways without that sort of assistance.

"Okay. Hi, security personnel. How does one get that job?"

One applies. Would you like an application?

"...you said it doesn't take any time back in my world? Yes, I think I would, though I'm guessing I can't fill it out in the alphabet you're using and I can't write very well in proper Quenya."

The time pausing feature is reasonably consistent. You may fill the application out in any alphabet you like or I can take a verbal interview.

Wanna apply for a job doing extradimensional bar security? You'd be most of the security.

Huan wags his tail. 

"Verbal interview'd be great."

So Bar inquires about what capabilities they would bring to bear, the availability of reliably nonlethal containment methods, situational assessment abilities, and their responses to seven bizarre practice situations involving unfamiliar species and magic.

"D'you need me to demonstrate that my dog is indestructible or will you just take our word for that? Or can you verify it? Anyhow-" and he answers.

I can discern his species characteristics, but 'indestructible' is a relative term, Bar napkins serenely. Suspicious coincidence will guarantee that you will not be on shift while any patrons enter the bar who can overwhelm him but you are not guaranteed to suffer no work-related injuries. Access to the infirmary is free, however.

"There's a prophecy about him. If intradimensional shenanigans can beat prophecies I need to immediately import bar patrons or something - or is there a rule against using the bar strategically like that? Anyway. Cool. We'll look forward to helping out whenever suspicious coincidence guarantees we'll be good at it."

There is not a rule against strategic bar use, but I have no special expertise on the interaction between Milliways and its patrons with prophecies of the sort your world generates. Your Security job comes with a room, which has a key, here it is, #1009.

"Awesome. Thanks. How do I find the bar when you need us to help out?"

You may find other doors in the future, although you are not obliged to sit a shift every time you encounter the bar. And here is a Security Handbook.

He flinches at the sight of it, then realizes it's probably written in his alphabet. "Cool. What does a second drink cost?"

That depends on what you would like. A second glass of wine like your first would be, and she names a quite reasonable figure in Dwarven measurements of precious metal, or you may opt to run up a tab; I can also take barter.

"Don't tend to carry metal. Or much worth trading for, really. Could offer to entertain your patrons but it looks like we're the only two."

As if in response to his statement, the door opens.

A small human child, probably about six years old, dashes in. She skids to a stop and looks behind her in surprise when the door falls closed behind her, then looks around wildly for a few moments before calming down.

Her hair is a surprisingly familiar shade of brown and tied in a surprisingly familiar three-stranded tight plait. The eyes he could be forgiven for not recognizing, given that he had seen them only a few times before they changed to match his own, but the voice, when she speaks, is recognizable despite a decade and a half of development being sloughed off the top.

"What're you? You're pretty."

"Odette?" he says incredulously. "Bar, did you do something to her or is this a different version of her, because if you hurt her I'm - I quit-"

"My name's Edie, not Odette."

I did not do anything to her. I have not encountered the version you are familiar with and therefore cannot verify if this one shares continuity therewith, but multiple instances of people are a known phenomenon.

"Hi, Edie. I'm - well, it's probably safe enough - Tyelcormo, and I know someone who looks like you who is named Odette. I'm a Quendi; we're all very pretty."

"What's she like? Is she a mutant too? What's he?" she nods at Huan.

"She's not a mutant. I've never heard anyone called a mutant; what are those? Huan's a Maia. They helped create the world."

"I'm a mutant. Everyone at the Xavier Institute is a mutant except Ms. McTaggart visits sometimes and she's not. Mutants do stuff." I'm a telepath. It's interestingly different from osanwe; it seems to somehow convey the impression of another mind brushing against one's own. Can I pet you? she asks Huan.

Yes, Huan says, and pads forward.

"My Odette is not a telepath," Tyelcormo says, "she's a Great Mage in training."

Edie buries her hands in his fur, literally radiating delight.

"Your Odette? What's a Great Mage?"

"The Odette who is a friend of mine. I take it from this bar that there are other Odettes. Where Odette's from people can do magic, but it hurts and changes them so most people only do a little. But some people are very good and it doesn't change them much, so those people can keep doing it forever and become very powerful. They're Great Mages."

"Oh. That sounds like me, I guess. If she's not a mutant is she a Quendi too?"

"No, she's a Man. But she'll live forever like a Quendi."

"You live forever?"

"Yeah. I'm - almost three thousand years old, the way my Odette counts them. I don't know how long years are on your world."

"I'm six," she offers. "And mutants age the same way as humans, mostly. You're three thousand years old, that's amazing. How old is she?"

"Twenty-one."

Thus, friend.

"Do you lllliiiike her?

"Can you read my thoughts even when I'm not sending them? Where I'm from that's considered rude."

Sigh. "I know. Daddy always says the same thing. But it's hard not to!"

"Well, is it hard not to say them? Because if it's hard not to read them but easy not to say them, you can just read them and not tell people about them. That's just as good."

"But it's about someone who's the same as me! I want to know!"

"But imagine if you met Odette and told her! She'd be sad, and that wouldn't be very nice, would it?"

"Why would she be sad?"

"If you have a friend, and then you learn your friend likes you, and you can't kiss your friend - and we really, really can't - then everything is more awkward and no one is better off."

"Why can't you?"

"There's a law against it that my brother just put into place for a really good reason, and she's twenty-one and I'm three thousand, and she's working on getting strong enough to stop the evil god that killed my father and tortured my brother and is trying to destroy the world and romance would be kind of a distraction. And if people found out they wouldn't trust her. And I do not in fact know if she'd want to, though I'm very pretty so she probably would."

"You are very pretty," she nods sagely. "Those are good reasons, I guess. Are they going to go away at some point?"

"She'll stop being twenty-one in a year, I'm pretty sure that's how years work. She'll stop being intolerably young in a few centuries, that's also how years work. If we beat the evil god then I will definitely make it known to her that I would like to kiss her." 

"She'd rather know. If she wants to kiss you she's not going to want to kiss you less because she doesn't know you want it too and she'll be more distracted by fretting over whether accidentally letting it slip will make you not like her anymore than by waiting."

"I'm more worried about the case where 'kissing me' isn't even on her mind and now that it's been raised she's distracted by it."

"Okay but me reading her mind about it wouldn't make her sad."

"You sure? I guess you would be. Sure, fine, if you run into her you can read her mind and determine whether she'd like to know that I'd like to kiss her, or that I'd like to marry her someday conditional on an understanding that I am very very much firstly of the House of Fëanor, and if either of those things are things she'd prefer to know you can tell her."

"She might be sad because she's not a telepath and didn't know to be sad about that before," she says thoughtfully. "Anyway I don't know what the House of Fëanor means but Emily--or whatever her twin's name is--is always going to come first for us."

"Her twin's name is Illia. And yeah. I know. I think she will understand why my brothers and my father if she can bring him back are the same, to me."

"...If she's not a mutant which one of her parents is the mom?"

"I am not sure I can usefully answer that question. She's told me about her mom and her dad. Her mom's, ah, her mom. Her mom did some bad things to people who hurt her, is that what you mean?"

"Okay so her mom is her version of Daddy, then, probably."

"I am a bit confused."

"I have two dads. Daddy and Papa didn't know Emily and I would even be possible before we happened but sometimes mutants have weird physical stuff. Aunt Raven is blue."

"Yeah, in my universe - well, I guess I don't know, don't suppose anyone's ever tried. I am pretty sure that would not work in my universe, and I bet Odette would have mentioned if it worked in hers."

"I don't see how it would if you don't have mutants." There's a vague undercurrent of distaste at the idea of not having mutants but obviously it's not his fault, he's perfectly nice.

"We have Valar. They could probably do that kind of thing, they just never ever would."

"What are Valar?"

"The kind of thing Huan is, except more powerful. Odette's trying to get as powerful as them because we need to kill one."

"Why wouldn't they help people have babies?"

"They wouldn't help two men have a baby because they don't approve of that."

"That's dumb and they're dumb and bad," she decides firmly.

"Can't say I'm their biggest fan."

"Good. They're dumb and bad and you're nice and your brain is sparkly."

"What makes a brain sparkly, exactly?"

"It works really well. Papa's brain is sparkly and Dr. McCoy's brain is sparkly and yours is sparkly differently but it's still sparkly."

"I think it might just be Quendi. My brain is pretty bad for a Quendi."

"What do you mean?"

"Most of them are much smarter than me."

"How do you know?"

"I can't read, practically everyone can. My father invented writing. My father can invent anything, he's ridiculously gifted at art and engineering, and several of my brothers take after him - and whatever they do do, they're the best at it. I can talk to animals. Maybe that's what you're seeing."

"You can't read? Then how come you can talk to Bar, she talks with napkins."

"I can if I try really hard, and she talks in a special language my father invented for me because I was too dumb for the normal one and it's easier to read."

"...That's not how that works. That sounds like dyslexia, not being dumb."

"Odette said that too." I don't really care that there are mortals as bad at reading as I am.

"Dyslexic people aren't dumber than people who aren't, I could tell." She pulls her hands out of Huan's fur, props her fists on her hips and scowls at him. "You're not dumb. You should listen to your me."

"You should meet my father, kiddo. My - ah, my you - hasn't met him either."

"Do you mean he said you were dumb or that you weren't because if it's the latter you should listen to him too and if it's the former I should meet him so I can punch him." Getting punched by a six-year-old mortal would probably not be a big deal under most circumstances but this one is very determined.

"Please don't punch my father. And he didn't say that I was dumb, he invented me the special alphabet so I could read despite being dumb. You should meet him so you can tell what actual smartness looks like."

"You're not dumb. And even if he's way smarter than you that doesn't make you dumb, Scotty isn't dumb just because Papa and Dr. McCoy exist."

Sure, kiddo, just dumb for a Feanorian. Shame that's all I care about. "I'm sure Scotty's very smart."

"He's pretty much average, really," she says dismissively. It does not occur to her that this might be an unhelpful thing to say at the moment. "He's not as smarty as Sarah, who's dyslexic."

"Okay. All these people are Men?"

"We're mutants." This is an important distinction! Really.

"Okay. I'd be upset to be mistaken for a Vanya, that's fair enough."

"What's a Vanya?"

"Uh, I'm not clear on the difference between Men and mutants, but if they're different kinds of people who look different and do different stuff and live different places, that's sort of like the Noldor and the Vanyar and the Thindar and so forth."

"We mostly don't live different places. I just live at a school for us. Lots of mutants have human parents."

"Then it'd be different. Noldor parents have Noldor children, Vanyar parents have Vanyar children."

"Mutant parents have mutant children, and sometimes human parents have mutant children, and in enough generations probably everyone is going to be us instead of them."

"And what's the difference?"

"Well--lots of differences, on the outside, some of us have different skin colors or hair colors and some of us have wings and some of us have powers--I'm a telepath like Papa, and Emily does magnetism like Daddy, and Scotty's indestructible and has laser eyes, and we all have the X-Gene."

"...genes wouldn't do that. Also, genes wouldn't rise in prevalence in a population like that."

"Well, they do," she points out reasonably.

"The translation magic is probably not working, we must use the same word for different things."

"What do you think it means?"

"Animals have a language inside every part of them that describes what they are and their role in the song. Most of the bits tell what kind of animal it is, but some of them describe things about the animal - hair color, eye color, length, pelt thickness, things like that. When animals have children together, they get half their mother's bits and half their father's bits, and then the new one is built from that, which is why animals look like their parents."

"That is totally what I mean by genes."

"The way genes work in my world, they are reshuffled when animals have children, they don't take over. So no gene will eventually be present in the whole population."

"That's...supposed to be how it works...but mutant numbers are rising. I...think the X-Gene's recessive, is part of it..."

"That shouldn't have anything to do with it - hey, Bar, can we have some paper?"

Paper appears. It is not free, but your Security job does come with pay and I can dock that if you prefer not to run up a tab.

"Yeah, okay. Unless you were going to pay me in mithril I don't think I need a salary. Edie, come sit up here? Let's look at a recessive gene and how it'd behave in a population if there wasn't any magic at work."

"I mostly meant for why mutant couples have mutant children and human couples also have mutant children. Like how two brown-haired parents can have a blonde kid but if you see a black-haired kid with blonde parents you know they're adopted." But she climbs up onto a bar stool anyway.

"Yeah," he says, "that explains that part, but it doesn't explain the gene increasing in frequency in the population, and it predicts that most children of Men and mutants will be Men - are they?'

"...No."

He draws it out. "They should be, see?"

She looks at it. She nods. "I bet Papa knows. He's a brilliant geneticist."

"Bet he does. Anyway, mutants sound like they can do more than Men so I guess it's good that eventually there'll be more of you."

"Yes," she says firmly. "We don't all live forever but some of us do. Papa says he thinks fuck-off guy does."

"fuck-off guy? And I can teach you Odette's magic, then you'll all live forever."

"When Papa and Daddy were recruiting they walked up to him and he told them to fuck off without even hearing them talk and they left. And--yes, absolutely, that would be the best thing ever!" She leans over on her stool and throws her arms around him.

He hugs her back. "So in Odette's world teaching magic to people who are younger than fourteen is very bad. Magic can change your brain. I think it's worth it to stop everyone in your world dying, but I am an irresponsible person who has problems with authority and you might want to get your Papa and Daddy's opinions. Or get a grownup here."

"Daddy's not here right now and Papa's on the other side of the door I opened to get here and asking Dr. McCoy would be a terrible idea."

"Why's that?"

"He turned himself blue and furry one time testing a serum that was supposed to make his feet look normal on himself."

"Magic won't turn you blue and furry but it could change your personality, which is pretty scary."

"He injected himself with an untested serum and I'm really not supposed to go to him for risk assessment."

"I have done some things that are even more reckless than that, so you probably shouldn't use me for risk assessment either."

"Does it hurt if you only teach me and I don't actually do it? I could know how and then when I go home I could ask Papa or show him how if I shouldn't."

"That should be safe. I can send you the mental impression, or you can just read me while I do something..." He sends the napkin fluttering in the air. Folds it into the shape of a bird, makes it dive and soar around.

She beams.

When she's actively reading him, instead of just failing to shut him out adequately, there's a shadow of the presence that accompanied her sending earlier.

"Cool, isn't it?" It's vaguely disconcerting. He definitely shouldn't let her near Maedhros.

"It's really great," she sighs happily.

"It can be used to reverse mortal aging, and mortals who do it enough don't age."

"Good. I don't want anyone to die."

"Not if they don't want to," he agrees.

"If they want to die they should at least try therapy first."

"That seems fair."

"It's bad when people die. There are other things that are more bad and there are people so bad that it doesn't really matter anymore but if you can stop wanting to die you should."

"My kind of people don't stop existing when we die so maybe things seem different to us."

"Even if you have an afterlife your family will still miss you."

"Yeah, trust me, I know."

"I'm sorry about your dad." She hugs him a little tighter.

"My world had been at war for a very long time. Lots of people have died."

"That's bad. There was a war in my world and lots of people died but it's over now."

"We are going to win ours but it might take some time."

"Is your me's mom there?"

"Nope. Could she fight a god? My Odette and her twin came through alone."

"I don't think so. But she could get hurt. But I guess if she's already a mom and she already killed her Shaw without there having been a war it's probably not especially risky."

"You think all of the worlds have the same stories in them, not just the same people?"

"I don't know but if she had to kill a Shaw--or someone else I guess--for killing her parents..."

"Odette and I haven't talked about it much. I figured if she was like me she didn't love sharing reasons people had to hate her family."

"Killing Shaw wasn't bad. Almost throwing the missiles back was but I think all the people Daddy killed before he met Papa were Nazis so it was okay."

"What's a Nazi?"

"Nazis are a group of people primarily defined by the idea that Jewish people and Romani people and handicapped people and homosexuals and some other kinds of people needed to die so they built death camps, rounded up everyone they could find that matched one of those descriptions, and worked them and starved them and beat them and experimented on them and denied them every form of dignity they could think of and threw them in the ovens when they died. They pulled out our teeth if we had fillings they could use and cut off our hair to make mattresses out of and the sky was black and greasy from the smoke from the crematoriums. The one who survived to the end of the war were nearly living skeletons."

"...yeah, I'd say killing those is okay, and I don't even know what Jewish people or Romani people are."

"Jewish is a religion. I'm Jewish. Daddy was Jewish, and Grandma and Grandpa were Jewish, which was why they were there. Romani is a culture. I don't know as much about them as I would like."

"Odette told me about religions. We don't really have them in my world. Did your Daddy get all the Nazis?"

"Nuh-uh. Just the ones who could tell him where to find Shaw. Most of them died at the end of the war, anyway, but some of them got away, including Shaw. Daddy found ones who could lead him to him and dealt with them and then after Shaw was dead there was us to look after."

"But they can't do it again?"

"Everyone hates them now. They kept what they were doing a secret during the war but now everybody knows."

"I hope that's enough."

"No one's going to put them in charge again."

"Our Enemy did a lot of really evil things but after a few Ages he was pardoned and people'd forgotten or wanted to give him a second chance, and now he's right back at it."

"If they try we'll stop them."

"Well, now you know magic, the better to stop them with."

"We could've done it anyway."

"War is awful. It is worth it to be way more powerful than the other side."

"...Okay, true," she admits, somewhat reluctantly.

"I'm sure you could've done it anyway. Your family sounds very capable and courageous."

"Yes," she says firmly. "Shaw was going to kill everyone."

"Everyone, huh? Why?"

"Because he was a bad scientist who thought all the mutants would be able to survive a nuclear holocaust and he wanted everyone who wasn't a mutant to die."

"Well. I'm glad your family was around to stop him."

"Yes."

"What's a nuclear holocaust?"

"It's when a lot of nukes go off and radioactive dust poisons everything and blots out the sun."

"I'm not sure our world has that, because the Enemy'd probably have tried it."

"Maybe he doesn't know how."

"Maybe. The Valar are smart in some ways and stupid in others. It's hard to guess what they'd know."

"Nukes are pretty high-tech."

"Then probably no. Good."

"They're bad," she nods sagely.

"D'you show up here often? You seemed pretty nonchalant about it."

"Nnnnooo but Bar told me what was going on."

"Well, that's good. I kind of want you to meet my Odette but I don't know if it'd work."

"Where is she?"

"Flying out for the day. She might be within range of me once I step out or she might have left already. I can go check."

"I wanna meet her."

"Yeah, I bet you do. Okay, I'll check." And he goes to the door and calls out to her. Odette?

Yes, what is it?

...so I guess we should have considered that there were probably more than two worlds out there. And I ran into a way to another one, and it has - her name's Edie, but she's you if you'd been born in a different world, and she wants to meet you.

...I will be right back.

She is right back.

So where are you, exactly?

He points her to the guest room.

Guest room!

...You didn't tell me she was little! she sends, before the little launches herself at her. She catches her easily, scooping her up and twirling her around in the air.

"Edie, meet Odette."

"You are me!"

"Apparently I am!"

Can I read your mind?

Hhhhow selective can you be not everything in my head is child-friendly.

Pretty selective! I just wanna check a thing.

Then I suppose, yes.

Edie checks.

She beams.

She throws her arms around her alt's neck.

He wants to kiss you too! She informs her elder self. He wants to maaaarrry you someday.

...

Kissing does not always equal marriage.

He said.

"...Interesting conversation you two've been having."

"The weapons that blot out the sun?"

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, of course she checked that first instead - we have been having an interesting conversation, on a bunch of different fronts."

"I was honestly worried that if you knew I had a crush on you you would think I wasn't immune to pretty vassalhood."

"...is it the 'he's hot, wish it weren't a bad idea' kind of crush or the 'yeah, at request I'd change my name to 'personal property of Celegorm' kind of crush?"

"Ew. No. Definitely the first one."

"Then I think you're fine.

Still is a really bad idea, though."

"I know," she sighs.

"Saying this is probably a really bad idea but apparently time's frozen outside while the door's closed and there's no way for anyone else to know anything that happened in here unless we tell them."

"Except your six year old self."

"I won't tell," she says indignantly.

"Kiddo when I was six I didn't even - I guess the telepathy means you know lots of things you shouldn't - I want you way out of range, okay?"

"I know what sex is, if that's what you mean. If you're going to do that and not just kissing I'm going to go explore the forest outside, Bar says there is one."

"We're just kissing. Possibly kissing haven't even decided but I'm not confident in my ability to just think about kissing - why don't you go explore the forest."

"Uh-huh." She scampers out the door.

"...She said you wanted to marry me. Someday."

"It might have been a mistake to trust a six year old version of you about what you'd prefer to know."

"I'd rather know," she reassures him. "It's just slightly awkward to talk about. So, um, my plan was that if I still wanted you when the war was over and I was older I would know it was serious; actually talking about it now complicates things. Er, if I don't love you forever you're not going to end up like Aegnor, right?"

"I have both a better track record of coping with loss than him and also way more reasonable priorities."

"Just checking. Anyway. I get that the age difference bothers you and the last thing I want to do is pressure you into doing anything despite being uncomfortable but can you tell me what age I need to be before it stops being an issue?"

"Um. I told the little you several hundred but I'm not sure that's actually - a principled answer - why are you worried about pressuring me?"

"Uh, because insane amounts of magic?"

"Did I tell you - you know, I don't know if I did - Melkor came to visit us in Formenos, before he went openly evil. He wanted to convince my father to work with him against the Valar. My father was, I think, briefly tempted, the Valar had just exiled us. And then Melkor made the mistake of making a very vague implication that he could hurt us if he wanted to and my father slammed the door in his face and said 'begone, jail-crow of Mandos!'

Nelyo later got the chance to spit in his face but that's less of a happy story -

-we are not pressurable."

"Okay, then I am in fact fully-grown and Andreth has made some remarkably accurate-looking remarks about your species not maturing much once you come of age--see also Aegnor acting like a seventeen-year-old boy with his first crush--and I'm not sure why the age difference is such a big deal, although the political and other reasons not to do anything anywhere anyone is liable to find out until Morgoth is dead do remain."

"That seems utterly reasonable but as I told the six year old you I am reckless and make bad decisions."

"I am nonzero amounts of reckless but I don't usually make bad decisions out of it and it was my idea," she points out. "Also, Andreth is a sensible person who many people think highly of and she outright told me that the age difference thing was silly and if it weren't for the politics I should definitely kiss you."

"And you're not going to have a harder time - denying rumors, behaving normally, whatever - back home?"

"I haven't said I love you even though I'd be perfectly comfortable saying it to someone I was friends with because if someone I was just friends with with no crush reacted as though I had meant it romantically I could clarify the issue and I don't want to lie to you about how I feel about you because I was planning to stop hiding it at some point in the undefined future but I have no qualms whatsoever lying to someone whose business it is none of and to the extent that lying would be more difficult I think having this conversation at all would do it but I don't think that's a meaningful amount."

"Okay. And...I told the younger version of you this but the war is the most important thing in my life and even after it my family will be the most important thing in my life and I can be very very fond of you but don't ever expect me to choose you."

"As long as you understand that Illia comes first for me too and that if the Oath coerces you into trying to kill people--or you feel the need to for some other reason and I disagree--I'm going to stop you--I'm okay with that. ...For the short term, anyway, I'd want to talk about that before getting married but that's to the tune of 'I don't want to swear off children forever and I'd be leery of having children with someone for whom the children wouldn't come first' and I'm not willing to risk assuming that you wouldn't choose your father or brothers over a hypothetical son or daughter without asking."

"Only person the Oath wants dead is the Enemy. And I'll feel betrayed if you decide we're wrong about something and stop us but not more betrayed if we've kissed. Marriage is - not in wartime. Not worth thinking about now."

"The only person the Oath wants dead is the Enemy until and unless he decides to sow discord by giving someone a Silmaril and they decide not to give it back. I am confident in my ability to bargain for and/or steal a Silmaril if that should happen but not so much that I'm willing to commit to not holding you back. If--if there was, something like Alqualonde, where you had no better options, is the kind of thing I'm thinking if, I would make everyone stop killing each other, not help them kill you."

"And if we ever disagree enough maybe we'll stop wanting to kiss each other. As I said, I don't think I'll feel worse about that because at some point we got around to it."

"Yeah. Probably it won't come to that, though."

"I like the way you found yourself here and immediately adopted our problems as your own. I like the way the Enemy makes you angry. I like watching you get stronger. I want to be there for that. I want to be there for you, if the war endures long enough for you to get ground away by it. I think you're great. Also all of the largescale magic tricks you pull are really hot."

"Before you, people who I told about my issues were separated into 'potential shoulder to cry on' and 'not'. No one actually said anything that helped before. And I hate the way you don't think as highly of yourself as you should and I want to hold you until you believe me down to the bottom of your soul that you're amazing. And when you smile--god, you have the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen in my life."

"All twenty-one years of it."

"I've met a lot of people in those twenty-one years! Many of them smiled at some point!"

"Does the bar object to people kissing, do we know? The bar, ah, has opinions."

"Bar, do you object to people kissing?"

Not a bit. However, you may wish to know nudity is disallowed in the main bar area. It is not forbidden in private rooms or the back yard.

"So Bar is coded to my social norms more than yours, it seems."

"Even in Valinor people kissed casually. I just did not want to kiss you casually because it wouldn't be."

"Mhm. ...in my experience, kissing often involves putting your hands in the other person's hair--I can avoid that if you need help not thinking too hard about going any further than that."

"Do you care what I'm thinking about? I have managed to kiss lots of girls without getting married, I am pretty good at not acting on thoughts one has while kissing..."

"Wasn't sure if you cared." 

He's taller than she is. This would probably matter to someone whose feet spend more time on the floor than a foot or two off it. 

She places one hand on his cheek almost reverently and leans in--or more accurately floats closer--to press her lips to his.

Osanwe very much improves kissing, because you can keep flirting while you do it.

Mm...okay, let me get back to having coherent thoughts first.

Hmm? no, most of the fun is how hard it is to find any words - and it's hard to find any words - you're really pretty.

Means a lot coming from you--mm--wonder 'f your hair is softer than mine--okay it looks like enough food growing up does not in fact close the gap soft soft soft...

He whimpers slightly. You've been - wondering about my hair -

since Andreth mentioned it was a thing--you said platonic hairpetting was a thing--was so tempted to ask--but it wouldn't've been--

It wouldn't have been, no - would've probably said yes anyway -

would'a been such a bad idea where anyone could find out--oooh...

that too.

but f'r now--this is nice. and. can be patient. She giggles over osanwe. like weren't enough reasons t'want'm dead fast's possible

We do have a lot of those. 

Hm. Are any parts of his scalp more sensitive than other parts? She should experiment. Via the softs.

will probably remember the other reasons're more important--later.

This is a good line of experimentation. 

...You know what she can do? She can use magic to cheat. Only having two hands is a limitation only if you are insufficient amounts of creative and/or magic.

This is kind of a fantastic idea.

mm--could you--my scalp--fingernails--please?

Definitely.

Words? What are words? But osanwe is capable of transmitting sheer wordless staticky delight, right?

ah, technically, when sending osanwe strong emotions - supposed to warn people - so this is your warning - 

Lots of sheer delight.

It miiiight be a little hard to disentangle the delight he's feeling from the delight she's feeling since there's so much of both of them. But that's--definitely--not a bad thing.

...She appears to have pushed him against a wall at some point, how'd that happen. Whatever, not important. What is important is reconciling the fact that she really wants to keep kissing his lips but would also like to investigate his jawline, hmm.

Even magic might not be able to simplify that.

She can think of several magical solutions but they're all terrible ideas and besides would require more attention than she wants to devote to not kissing right now so she will just have to alternate, she supposes.

Well he's just going to hug her and adoringly repeat her name, if that's all right.

That is way more than alright that is excellent--

She breaks off from kissing for a moment to say--"Tyelcormo" and resumes whilst delightedly sending, I can say your real name here it's so great.

Guess you can. Eru, it's been - five hundred years - feels like a different person -

--Should I say it more often? Not--not out loud, obviously, but--I don't want you to lose it--

We have all the ages of Arda. If - if we win the war, I can teach my children Quenya someday, name them in it...

Yeah.

Teaching me Quenya is another thing that theoretically ought to wait for the end of the war that no one's going to know if it happens in Milliways. Or starts, anyway, I'm not confident in learning a whole...language...in...

If the door's pausing time on the other side I could just stay here until I'm strong enough to kill Morgoth and then nobody else has to die.

Oh.

There's not as much stuff to do--but--even if all I have is makework, even if I'm subjectively slower--I could--

Could bring everyone back today, no risk of Mandos getting nervous as your capabilities grow.

Hadn't even thought of that, but you're right. Testing my thresholds is going to be harder--I wish I'd gone to Doriath and talked to Melian sooner--but--

If you stay in here you can teach me all the Quenya we want and if you leave you could see your dad within the hour.

You have Huan for testing your thresholds.

Then maybe you had better stay, since I can't talk to him.

Of course I'm gonna stay, wouldn't you get lonely?

...Oops, it looks like I was trying to be dramatically self-sacrificing so you could see your dad subjectively sooner.

I don't want to see him sooner I want him to not be in Mandos for a minute longer. 

Well. It seems I can do that.

pause.

Maybe not literally a minute. I have to figure out where to resurrect everybody and a Feanorian fortress is not a neutral location. Also just to be on the safe side I want your brother Maglor singing that one song that helped with the chasm if possible.

I do think you should do it in our territory. Grandfather's going to obviate all of the succession tensions and we are guaranteed not to react badly to our enemies suddenly appearing in our territory but everyone else might.

Fair enough. I still want your brother singing, if that's at all doable.

Definitely. He'll be flattered.

And then I kill Morgoth and it doesn't matter where you teach me Quenya.

Yes.

He kisses her again.

She kisses him back. This is lovely, he's lovely, she's going to be a goddess and fix everything magic can fix, she's not going to have to be patient because by the time they leave she'll wield ultimate cosmic power, he has such soft hair...

He cannot think of any reasons this isn't the best idea that's ever crossed his mind and anyway she'll need distractions while ascending to godhood.

Psychological health maintenance is very important.

After a few more minutes of this she says, So my magic totally does birth control and humans don't do the soul thing and anyway there are other options besides the thing that makes those things relevant and since I apparently don't need to squeeze as much kissing you into the next short period of time as possible to tide me over until Morgoth's dead we should probably either stop or the exact opposite of stop for the sake of my sanity.

Well your sanity is really really important. He doesn't stop.

Having said that I am liable to get carried away in the extremely near future and Bar says no nudity in the main area--mm--nn--oh, that's nice--

Says there are rooms.

Yeah--think might remember that--how...?

Think I got one. With my offer of service to the security team. Have a key and everything.

Great.

They can go find it. It won't take intolerably long if she continues playing with his hair while they do.

His hair is so delightful.

Did I ever tell you--how I changed my mind to not mind pain?

Don't think so. Do you like it because-

Yes. And I have been doing so much magic and my crush on you was doing monogamy to my brain--

You poor, poor - are you sure it wouldn't have been good for the war effort after all for us to - Well, you can always do some more magic.

Mmmmhm. I am not incompetent at dealing with the issue on my own. But--oh--

Is this the room? It had better be.

Room. Magic can do something about clothes, yes.

Yes it can. Door can be shut and then clothes can be over there in a pile now and Tyelcormo can be tackled onto the bed.

And Tyelcormo can make an extremely appreciative sound. 

Oh good.

She does not in fact have any experience with the thing that causes marriage in elves so she can just start kissing a line down his jaw and neck and chest and...lower. Magic can take care of the hair-playing-with.

Odette.

People who think this is a submissive act are clearly doing it wrong. Or at least differently. She loves this, loves this, taking this beautiful amazing person to pieces beneath her--

Or possibly they can't simultaneously be pulling someone's hair with magic, that changes the dynamic a little - not that he's thinking even that coherently - 

Good. If he were thinking coherently that would mean she wasn't doing her job well enough.

Helpless whimpering noises.

The purring noise is because she's pleased with herself. The vibrations are incidental.

It is a really good thing he didn't have a good enough imagination for this or he'd have broken the law a while ago.

Hee.

Eventually--and it does take a bit longer than it would have without magic to, mm, hold things in check--there can be ordinary mouth kisses again.

"Aten, Odette, I love you."

"I love you too."

"Here until you're ready to win."

"Mmhm. You know, focus is nearly as important as power. Want to see if I can maintain something simple while you do your best to distract me?"

"Yes."

She starts floating a handful of small random objects.

He cannot do the trick where he pulls on her hair at the same time but that's all right, shouldn't need it.

She drops all of the objects. Several times. That's fine, she'll just have to practice.

Since he also gets practice he thinks he might be able to maintain this edge, and says so, and kisses her, and expresses interest in doing this all night.

What an excellent idea.

They can get started on turning Odette into a god in the morning, it's not as if that'll make it take any longer.

Not for the purposes that matter, anyway.

In the morning he's still not especially motivated on that front.

Well, look at it this way: it's not like she's not doing magic. Just because all the lovely things she can think of to do with hair and so on aren't as big as some of the things she could be doing doesn't mean they don't help.

And the focus practice. They could do more focus practice.

Focus practice is so helpful.

Odette is the loveliest thing in the universe. Multiverse.

Hmm. Is he sure? He's pretty glorious too.

"Aren't I? You got the prettiest Elf. Well, Thingol's daughter's supposed to have the title, but I'm not convinced. And if she turns out to deserve it perhaps Illia can have her."

"I'm straight, she doesn't count for me," she agrees. "Be pretty awkward not being able to invite both sets of in-laws over at once, though."

"Maybe my family is unusually dysfunctional but that hardly seems like a problem."

"I dunno, back home there's stereotypes about not getting along with your own in-laws, let alone your in-laws' in-laws."

"My father calls his brothers 'the King's children by his second wife'."

"That part's kind of dysfunctional."

"Makes not getting on with the in-laws' in-laws seem pretty tame."

"The part that's actually likely to be awkward is that Illia picked up my habit of calling the Quenya ban linguistic blackmail."

"I don't know if Thingol's daughter agrees with his policies, it's not as if she'd have a say in them."

"Yes, but imagine if she slipped up around him by mistake."

"Yeah, maybe not the best choice of lovers. Thingol might disown his daughter for being with a woman, most parents would."

"Ugh."

"We can change that too. You're going to rule the world, dear."

"Hah. I'll get Illia to do it, that sounds like an awful lot of caring what people think of me."

At that he grabs her and kisses her some more. A lot more.

Oh, good. I care what you think of me, and don't mind that one bit.

Would recently have said I don't care what you think of me. Would have been lying. Also had insufficient information about what you liking me is like.

Having only had two previous partners I was honestly kind of worried about that. Maturity aside I would have expected this to be one area where your greater experience made a bigger difference than it did.

Being in love matters a lot.

Yeah. Warm fuzzy feelings. I've never been in love before, so I didn't realize how much better it made this.

Thaaaat could also be the relevant thousands of years of experience, he says a bit smugly.

I love you.

I love you.

Not gonna pine forever. But I don't think I'd find anyone else, either.

Clearly this is a response that requires cuddles. Then I guess if you ever have children only one of their names apiece are going to be in Quenya. Probably.