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courtship arms race
Permalink Mark Unread

Macalaurës who have not yet seduced a Rebecca feel that they have been issued a challenge. They get to work on it. 

 

 

He goes to Eclipse and does research. Eclipse makes him feel very uncomfortable. 

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Eclipse continues to be itself anyway, so there.

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He was not expecting it to be moved by his discomfort. Can he find any resources on what it was like in the early 1800s?

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It was genderier. Less with the collars, less polyamorous.

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That's reassuring. Are there historical novels or something.

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Tons. Erotic ones, even, especially if he wants to put in a demon request.

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He will start with not-erotic ones since he is reading for cultural background. Unless there are any his Rebecca owned.

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She did in fact own a couple of erotic books, although not many. (Mrs. Way tells him that it's really hard to get ahold of them and they might not be an accurate reflection of her taste if they were all she could find.)

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He will start with those anyway.

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Eclipse Rebecca possessed a) missing scene fanfiction of Pride and Prejudice and b) a collection of smutty ballad lyrics.

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How does 'Pride and Prejudice But Kinky' even go.

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The plot is the same! Although a number of the male characters take on a more generally threatening air and the flirtation is different in content.

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This is not the most productive line of research. 

 

He goes home to complain.

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"I don't care what you get up to as long as it doesn't bankrupt the consortium."

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"You have approximately infinite money."

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"You are very creative."

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"I am actually not even sure that giving her presents is the right sort of thing - Eclipse is so weird - it's not even that I wouldn't enjoy throwing a girl around some but not one who felt like I had the right to do that, that just ruins it."

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"Too much information, Cáno."

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"Oh, come on."

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"Am I supposed to go 'I relate! I too enjoy mild intimate violence!' -"

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"Okay, now you're making it awkward but you did not have to do that, that statement had several parts and you could have focused on one of the other ones."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You are an infinitely powerful alien and I think Rebeccas are very pragmatic, and also they have an 1800s Earth concept of marriage, the 'you have the right to do that' thing is pretty inevitable once you marry her. If you do not want to have the right to mistreat a Rebecca in the opinion of the Rebecca you will probably have to wait for another one from a world with higher standards."

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"They might exclusively come in 'horribly low standards'."

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"Possibly! I think Peka's better but maybe it's just that your alt hasn't married her yet. You could ask?"

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He consults with Michael.

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Michael consults his wife.

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"...sorry, can you rephrase the question -"

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"He doesn't mind some Eclipse things but he minds, like, the idea that they'd be okay even if they weren't what you wanted. Like, if I grab you and drag you into bed, that is okay, because you would think it was nice, and it wouldn't be okay if you found it scary or upsetting and just endured it because you loved me."

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"Is that a question?"

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"I'm trying to get to the question - he makes sense to me - so that's how we see it. That's not how you see it, right?"

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"Yeah, that sounds really complicated. If you grabbed me and dragged me off to bed - is this conversation going to have a lot of examples like that and if it does can it end with one of them? - then that would be nice? And if it weren't nice then... it... wouldn't be?"

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"But you wouldn't, like, say 'Michael, stop that, I don't like it."

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"...I might say ow if you pulled my hair or something? I think you can tell when I'm having fun all by yourself."

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He shakes his head. "You make so much sense when I'm talking to you and then..." Sigh. Kiss.

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Kiss! "Am I confusing as soon as I leave the room?"

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"You are confusing as soon as I am trying to talk to my alt about whether he should be scared of hurting you. I don't think he should? But I see why he is."

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"It's not like it's literally impossible but that seems like an unreasonable standard."

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"That's not exactly the standard it's that - it would be extra bad to hurt someone who felt like they just had to accept that and get used to it and not fuss about it. And since you can't bring the chance of hurting someone down to nothing it's tempting to try to change the thing that makes it extra bad."

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"...why is that extra bad?"

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"I don't know, it just is, it's, like, kicking a shivering puppy or something. Kicking dogs is bad but kicking shivering puppies is worse."

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"Iiiiis there some reason he can't just be like, 'so was that fun', if he isn't sure if it was fun? Or, like, the Eclipse version, whatever that is, like, 'I command you to tell me how fun that was or else'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He can read minds, if she's okay with that. The thing is that it's less fun if she doesn't feel like she has a choice even if she's okay with what's happening?"

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"...that doesn't make any sense but if mindreading helps I bet she's into it."

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He reports this.

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"How does that not make sense, I think that makes perfect sense."

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"It's - too many levels. It's great to care if she's happy. It's not helpful to care whether she believes herself to be entitled to be happy, that's confusing and it's not clear what you want her to do and now she's not happy, get it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No!"

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Shrug. Giggle.

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He goes back to Eclipse and reads more Eclipse things.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eclipse has many things. In the modern day they have catlogued a truly staggering variety of subtleties of dynamic and kink. In the 1800s there was less of that, although still plenty of range between "kneeling, occasional spanking, husbandly permission required for major decisions" and "wife not allowed to speak to strangers or eat anything not handfed to her and sleeps in a locked box and is well acquainted with various medieval torture devices".

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He hopes Rebecca is not into medieval torture devices.

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She is currently dead and cannot reassure him on this point.

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He visits Space.

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He is making up for all that time he spent pining for his Peka without having met her.

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And this is AWESOME.

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One second of watching Peka smile would make it worth it except for how it was totally worth it in its own right.

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She will smile for a lot more than one second! She smiles a lot. She looooves him.

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He loves her! He is so so happy! He explains adjacency and why the house keys worked the way they did - "had to get you through Revelation and then Hell and then to here - the castle's in the other direction, in Telperion -"

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"Ooh, I get it. Are people going to be mad that I stood in their valleys?"

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"Arranged 'em different valleys because we suspect they'll get over the pollution thing faster if they're sure everyone's accommodating it. This generation might never, but their kids hopefully won't catch it so bad, with nothing around to be freaked out by."

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"Maybe."

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Snuggle. "I don't mind accommodating them so long as it's like 'so all the reds can go wherever they want and do whatever they like, given that what are you going to want in order to feel comfortable?'"

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"One of the theologians asked everybody if they felt better after she magicked them."

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Snort. "I wonder if the ones who don't think you're people think you suddenly acquired peoplehood." 

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"Maybe they think we have been ejected from the species and, as animals, cannot be inherently polluted."

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Kiss. "One of my alts wants to talk to you."

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"Like, 'hi, welcome to the bizarre multidimensional family' or like 'threesome?' or what?"

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"There is a world where everybody is kinky and he has decided he wants that world's Rebecca but is worried about the 'acculturated into reaaally low expectations' thing. I said I don't think you have reaaaally low expectations but I don't know if his Rebecca's low expectations can be fixed with enough magic presents."

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"...there's a world where everyone is kinky?" she blinks.

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"Big multiverse!!! They built all their social institutions around it. Everyone else thinks they're weird but, y'know, you do you."

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"Anyway I'll talk to him, sure."

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He stops by. "Hi! Oh, that is a pretty hair color."

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"Thanks!"

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"So there are a bunch of you who died on 1800s Earth and we are trying to fetch them all back."

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"That's really sweet. Why do you want the kinky one, unless I misunderstood that's not your thing? What kind of kinky, anyway?"

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"We don't know, that's kind of the problem - there's plenty that would be my thing but some that'd be more of a stretch and resurrecting her for an interview about whether we have a boyfriend for her seems like the wrong way to go."

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"Kinda clinical yeah."

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"And she's too Catholic to just go around having fun until a sufficiently kinky me turns up somewhere in the multiverse. ...'too Catholic' is actually a lot of the problem here, I can do either 'sincerely believes one shouldn't refuse their husband anything' or 'into some extreme stuff' but both is scary."

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"What does Catholic mean?"

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"It's a religion - does Amenta have those -"

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"Yeah but I think not the same."

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"Earth ones are often variants on 'there is a God, but he doesn't do things that would make that obvious, but if you do what he says then you'll go somewhere nice when you die'."

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"That would make getting resurrected kind of weird, wouldn't it?"

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"The one that we got back so far decided she'd probably forgotten being in the afterlife."

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Snort.

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"Anyway, it is very mean to resurrect a Rebecca without planning to marry her that very week, because Catholicism prohbits extramarital sex, and we'd like to get them all back now so the Catherines can grow up together - apparently Catherines get along splendidly with themselves -"

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"Wow the extramarital sex thing must be rough. She didn't marry her version of orange boy, did she?"

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"I think she wouldn't have had much choice about if if he'd been the same religion and wanted to but he's a different one so she was just supposed to go be celibate forever."

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"That's awful."

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"Yep!"

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"Okay so you wanna resurrect her and get married but you're scared 'cause..."

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"Because I don't know, 'married and believes you can never ever leave a marriage' and 'outrageously low expectations' seem like a bad starting point for having, like, a kinky power imbalance as opposed to just a shitty one?"

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"...why?"

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"I feel like it'd be harder to notice if something isn't working if you have never ever encountered the working version of the thing."

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"Uh. Get her to make friends with more people from Kinkland?"

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" - that would probably help, yeah."

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"And you're the mindreading kinda Elf, right?"

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"Rebecca didn't think she'd mind but I didn't want to count on that."

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"I think it sounds sweet."

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"That's helpful. Thank you."

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"You're welcome!"

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"How are you doing? We all watched the concert video, it was absurdly cute."

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"Everything is awesome."

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"Oh good."

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"The kinky one will probably also think everything is awesome. I don't think being kinky would make her depressed or anything."

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"And even the horrible dying doesn't seem to have made the one we fetched back depressed. She was very - well, I'm alive now, baby is alive now, that's all great then..."

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"Was it very horrible?"

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"It sounded absolutely horrible."

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"Well dang."

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"Do you think she'd rather have, like, some time alone with her Catherine, before there are dramatics..."

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"Uh... did they die at the same time...?"

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"No."

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"Who first, is this like, two year old Katin whose mom died a year before -"

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"Catherine was three months old and died first, Rebecca a few months later."

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"Yeesh. Yeah give 'em a couple hours."

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Nod. "Thanks." 

He heads out.

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He squeezes Peka. "It was really hard not to race over there and drag you both home right away."

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"That would've been good too but this was so exciting."

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"And you were safe. That's important, that you're safe."

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Snuggle. "I love you."

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"I love you so much."

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Kisses!

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Reds accumulate in droves in Ambaróna and are avid consumers of social gossip regarding the "red princess".

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Local administration is a bit overwhelmed but cheerful enough about getting all their new citizens armbands and bank accounts and apartments. They have heard all about the red princess. "Very, ah, dramatic of him."

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"Dramatic?" asks a red.

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"It's terribly romantic but I have no idea how people'd explain it to their children if they were watching - hairpetting in public - he should really have married her first -"

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"Wait, what's wrong with hairpetting -"

"Is he going to marry her too, that's amazing -"

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"Elves don't have a nudity taboo but we have a taboo on loose hair. I certainly hope he's going to marry her, they were hairpetting in public."

     "Of course he's going to marry her."

"But he should have done it first - the world's getting so wild and liberal these days -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It'd be really irresponsible to get married until you're sure you can stand each other in and out of spring -"

"Unless it's political?"

"Who marries a red for political reasons?"

"Do I have to grow out my hair so I can unloosen it -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"People who live in the city are very used to seeing aliens by now, don't worry about your hair."

     "Yes, it is irresponsible to get married right off the bat, but you're supposed to be discreet until you're married, see."

"I don't think it's political, he's wildly in love with her, but it would be good politics, everyone being all angry about reds like they are..."

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"If he were discreet we wouldn't've known this was a good place to go."

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" - I guess there's that."

"That's actually kind of clever really."

"If you think he thought it out."

"And it was awfully romantic."

"Wasn't it just."

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"Are people angry? Why are they angry?"

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"They're angry at the Amentan governments for mistreating reds and they're angry at Vanda Nossëo for catering to the Amentan governments and waiting until they approved cleaning procedures before they offered you all the chance to emigrate."

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"The clean Amentans would have been so angry if you'd taken us before that."

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"I think Prince Canafinwë probably did it the right way but people who are critical of the process don't really care that the other Amentans would have been angry, they feel like if you mistreat people you lose the right to have your feelings about that kind of thing taken into account."

Permalink Mark Unread

These reds have no strong opinions on that.

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Here are their ID chips and apartments and bank accounts, all set up!

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Yay!!!!

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"They're trying to recruit red public safety officers, they're concerned you won't call emergency services otherwise, if that's something you're interested in I can email you the application."

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One of this bunch will take an application.

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They get cheerily led apartments-ward.

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Reds move in. Some of them decide it is time to go on vacation for a long time. Some of them want to be emergency responders or work for Vanda Nossëo onboarding teams or do interior decorating or learn cheffery.

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They are cheerfully absorbed.

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He does concerts in Eclipse and looks for good candidates to be friends for his Rebecca. They will need to appreciate music and be good people and have sensible understandings of consent and so on and find it intensely romantic to eventually go be ladies-in-waiting for a princess on an Elf planet.

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Well, he can sure get people to attend the concerts, although apparently it's not customary on Earth to go ask for an autograph and then add that you're in the market for a princess to be a lady-in-waiting for.

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He has been living in Vanda Nossëo for thirty years and knows that and instead tells Rebecca's story online including the fact it'd be good if some people who got along well with existing Rebeccas were interested.

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People think her story is so sad! Occasional concert fans send emails.

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He absorbs Eclipse media and finds erotica that is hot instead of weird and uncomfortable and if the concert fans seem like the right kind of person he nags Michael to come bring the kids and Rebecca to a series of lovely Eclipse parks and playgrounds where they can entertain candidates.

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"Do I have to wear a collar?"

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"Uh, no. Weeeird.  - unless you want to, I guess?"

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"I just dunno how customary it is. I braid my hair when I remember to when there's Elves."

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"I think long hair is a signal all by itself so you're probably fine." Squeeze.

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"Okay!"

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They can visit strange playgrounds and meet people Macalaurë thinks might be suited for his Rebecca!

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Rebecca makes friends! Some of the candidate friends are actually mostly there to learn things about other worlds and/or the 1800s but many of them are neat in their own right anyway.

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He does more concerts and gets more acclimated and reads about weird medieval torture devices.

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Those medievals were sure creative.

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"It's not the same thing at all."

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"Yeah, but there's enough similarity that I can't find it appealing."

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"Could have Sybil pay attention, notify you if you get a girl who wants to be tortured in ways that hit a little too close to home."

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"I also want to leave her alone for a couple hours, though, she just traumatically died and she gets her baby back and I don't want to interrogate her about torture preferences right away."

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"For whatever it's worth I do not care if you torture consenting people."

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"I believe you. I just - it's permanently in a completely different category."

 

 

He writes Beka. 

How likely do you think it is that kinkier you specifically enjoys being tortured?

Permalink Mark Unread
I don't really like it myself and I had lots of chances to get used to it, but I dunno how much "kinkier" would fix that up.
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How many concerts will he have to do to afford a precog with a longer time horizon than Sybil.

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Seventeen.

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That sure is a lot of concerts. He does concerts.  

 

 

He books a time for a wedding at a Catholic church in Warp. He books a resurrection for the day before that. He books a precog.

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His precog says he says his Rebecca isn't into medieval torture devices.

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Oh good.

 

His Rebecca can wake up in a Lórien with her Catherine beside her.

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Ooooh. Heaven is pretty.

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So pretty! Peaceful and pretty and quiet.

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She scoops up Catherine and feeds her and sits for a bit and then gets up and walks.

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She can hear singing in the distance.

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Ooooooh. She goes singingward.

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There's someone sitting there in a valley singing.

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She cradles Catherine and approaches to a respectful distance and stops.

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Hello, Rebecca.

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"Hello your holiness."

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"Come here."

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She goes right up to him and kneels at his feet.

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"We're on Earth. It's 2025. They found a way to resurrect people."

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"- 2025," she murmurs.

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Squeeze. "I can read minds. I'd like to read yours."

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"Yes sir. Do I need to do anything?" She's never met a psion before.

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"No." He puts his arm around her and stops not listening.

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Ooh arm. She wonders what he is going to do with her. She does not think she would have been remembered for hundreds of years, let alone so well that angelic future people think to bring her to life complete with Catherine.

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"There are other worlds, and in one of those you married me and they are very happy together, and so I knew I wanted you. We're going to marry tomorrow and then you will live in my palace and raise Catherine and learn magic music."

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...gosh! That's really fantastic! She giggles.

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He sings raining flower petals.

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Oooooh is he doing that by singing??? That is so cool. She is going to marry a hot magic-singing guy who brought her and Catherine back from the dead wow.

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"Should work for you too, once you learn the words - there are some with English lyrics -" He sings one of those. There is an English one that charges phones but that wouldn't be very interesting; he makes it breezy instead.

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Oooooh she listens very carefully and leans on him delightedly.

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He sings it through a couple times.

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She sings along on time three when she is sure she has it (she is not sure if bad things happen if you get magic music wrong).

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No, they just fail to work. I won't let you get hurt. 

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She doesn't know how he's doing that, different psions work differently she thinks, but thinks "thank you sir" at him.

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Unless you're into that.

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Ooh right they're getting married she was all distracted by the music. She thinks she is not super into that but it's interesting to think about and she could get used to it if he wanted!

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He wants to kiss her, apparently.

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Kissing!!!!! This could only be more perfect if she had somewhere to put Catherine and maybe if he grabbed her by the hair to put her head wherever was convenient.

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He can sing the grass up tall and fluffy for Catherine and then check very carefully that they're alone before any hair-grabbing.

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Down on the soft goes Catherine and wherever her fiancé wants goes Rebecca's head and it prickles just the right amount, enough to remind her what to do but not enough to really hurt.

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He is so, so delighted that that's the right amount. 

 

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She is delighted about kissing.

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Kissing is pretty great! Kissing someone when you can read their mind about how exhilarated they are is even better! Pulling someone's hair is really something! He possibly gets a little carried away kissing!

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Well they're not married yet buuuuuut they will be tomorrow assuming he was not making that up?

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" - hmmm?"

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"- sir?"

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He pulls her shirt back down.

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Oh right he's reading her mind. Did she think something offensive? Or maybe he's just not in the mood anymore for unrelated reasons.

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No, no, just remembered you'd want to wait. Forehead kiss. 

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Forehead kiss! It is nice. "Thank you sir."

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"I would like you to get good at noticing when you want to wait, so I can notice."

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...over the course of the next day? She is not sure that can possibly be what he meant.

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It is not what I meant. I meant in general.

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"...aren't we getting married?"

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"Yes. Tomorrow."

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"...we don't have to wait after that, sir, I was not a very good nun but I am pretty sure about that part."

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Forehead kiss. "Is that the only reason you can think of why you might ever possibly want to wait?"

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...

...

The first few days after giving birth would be kind of dicey for certain things but it's not like if he wanted she'd fuss about it...

...

If Catherine or future siblings of Catherine needed her presumably he could figure that out? Maybe this is a very convoluted way of asserting that Rebecca is responsible for allocating enough of her attention to childcare.

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Snort. "No - the other Rebecca likes having servants to help with the kids, we can arrange that..."

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Oooh that sounds really convenient!

...

Yeah she has no idea what he meant then.

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"So - if something is hard or unpleasant or scary for you, and you notice, then I can decide whether I want to change things so it's not as hard or unpleasant or scary. If you don't notice, then I have less control over that."

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...maybe his mindreading works strangely and he can't just tell if she is scared unless she draws mental attention to it. "Yes sir."

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Sigh. Snuggle. 

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Snuggle. Was that a disappointed sigh? Did she do something wrong?

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You are perfect and delightful. I thought I might have trouble explaining this. - it's just a thing the modern world does differently - but it won't upset me as long as you're happy.

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She is very happy and hopes she understands whatever the thing is eventually!

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Wouldn't that be something.

 

I want to listen to you thinking about marriage and what excites you about it.

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Oooh.

Well, as the baby evidences she is not a confused virgin which is sort of a pity but means she can imagine without any anatomical bewilderment all kinds of things. There are no medieval torture devices, just casual forceful handling as an incidental because that's hot, and being told what to do because that is the right and proper shape of the universe is her being told what to do.

...when she eventually drags her mind out of the gutter: security and affection and babies (?) and being hand-fed and petted (brief detour to gutter) and a wedding and - huh she does not know his name.

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"Macalaurë. Canafinwë Macalaurë."

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Giggle. "It's nice to meet you."

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"Likewise. I apologize for not finding you two hundred twenty years sooner."

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"Well, I don't see how you could've."

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"I was around then! My people live forever. But resurrection had not yet been invented and I did not know to look for you in particular."

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"Oh wow, how old are you?" She'd been figuring he was a psion all this time. Maybe he is from somewhere with a mage who does that.

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"Two thousand, five hundred, and a bit. I'm called an Elf, we're from another world."

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"Wow!"

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Kiss. "You're going to be immortal too."

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"And Catherine?"

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"And Catherine, and all her little sisters and brothers."

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...awwwwwwww.

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She is a very happy Rebecca snuggled up to him contemplating magic music and immortality and babies and a wedding.

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"Thought about scheduling the wedding for today but I didn't want to be in a position of rushing you into it..."

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Aw that's sweet. "I don't even have a dress yet!"

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"I have dozens approved by other Rebeccas! You can pick your favorite."

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Giggle. "Okay! How many Rebeccas are there?"

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"There are now five living Rebeccas and a couple more still dead while their castles and so on get designed."

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"Do I get to live in a castle?"

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"Now, would I mention that all the other Rebeccas get castles and then make you live in a mere house?"

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"Eeee!"

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"It is not a floating castle. One of me is working on a floating castle but I did not want to wait that long. It has all its foundations firmly in the ground."

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"A not-floating castle is great. I can't fly."

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"I can fix that. But the children might want to wander the castle grounds before it's safe for them to fly."

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Everything just keeps being SO GREAT. Rebecca is not sure she can hold all of this great.

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"...it's not that it'd be very unsafe for them to fly, we will make them totally invulnerable to any kind of physical harm, but still, they could bump their heads."

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She giggles and pets sleeping Catherine's hair.

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"I can make you invulnerable to physical harm too but I wanted to check first that that wouldn't be, ah, disappointing."

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"...like, how invulnerable to physical harm?" If he's suggesting it he probably doesn't want to reserve the option to physically harm her. Even if she is bad. She is ambivalent about him having the option to physically harm her for being bad. But losing the nice prickles when he grabs her hair or not being able to get the wind knocked out of her if he suddenly wants her on her back on the floor or whatever would be sad.

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"It keeps that - just, things heal quickly, and nothing serious can happen at all. I don't want to reserve the option to harm you for being bad."

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Well that's that settled then, he's the boss. "Yes sir."

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"I think that's less common now than when you died. Except for people who enjoy it."

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"Huh. Why?"

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"Well it seems to me that if you can't get your wife to do things that are important to you without beating her then you're pretty bad at your job."

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...she giggles. That's so sideways and cute.

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Kiss.

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Kiss!

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"I will find it reassuring that you're safe."

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"Yes sir thank you sir."

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"If we turn out to find it really inconvenient I am sure we can come up with something non-injurious and satisfactory."

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Giggle. "I'll be good sir. Once I know all the rules." ...she's not actually sure if she will be a lot better at being good for him than she is at being, say, a good Catholic, but she will try.

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"I have fewer rules than the Catholic Church."

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"Most people do!"

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"Otherwise they would probably stay single."

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"What rules do you have?"

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"I wanted to meet you first and figure out - how you felt about following rules and what sort of things you might need rules about. There's nothing at the moment. I don't need to order you to take care of Catherine."

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"Catherine can do that herself. It involves yelling."

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"Awwww." Kiss. 

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Kiss!!!!

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"And I have a feeling you won't need a rule that you have to practice magic music."

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"I am so excited about magic music sir."

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"It's amazing." He sings them both invisible.

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That is amazing! But does interfere with adoring gazing. (He's so pretty.)

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So is she! When they get visible again he'll do reduced gravity and toss her in the air.

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!!!!!!!!

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"You're adorable."

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"Thank you sir!"

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Toss. "You are so adorable."

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Wheeeee! "I'm so glad sir."

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"And you are mine forever."

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"Yes sir, all yours."

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He has enough time before the wedding to teach her lots of magic songs!

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Eeeee!!!!

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Oh, and picking her dress, she should do that.

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She likes this gold and blue one!

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Oooooohh!

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It is important that he think she is pretty in it.

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Well luckily he thinks she looks stunning.

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Good.

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Their alts are all invited.

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(The dead ones can watch a video later in their flying castles.) Rebecca horrifies a frill-necked alien who is also a Catholic priest with her bizarre submissive vows.

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Poor frill-necked alien. He is so so pleased to have a Rebecca of his very own who isn't into medieval torture devices.

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And now they are married!!!!!! And Hazel Rebecca is watching her Catherine so that the elder Catherine can be enthralled with her!

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This is a real advantage to having lots of Catherines of varying ages! He sweeps his bride off to her castle. 

 

It's much bigger than Peka's. 

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Castle castle castle married castle married married married castle married!!!

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Castle balconies! Castle sitting rooms! Castle guest rooms! Castle ladies-in-waiting rooms - didn't move anybody in yet, though, in case we got distracted from the tour before we got around to our rooms.

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"Who will be moving in, sir?"

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Our staff.

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She is going to be a PRINCESS (one of the other Rebeccas mentioned the part where he is a PRINCE, this just keeps getting better) and have SERVANTS in their CASTLE. !!!!!!!!.

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"Adorable."

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"I love you."

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He grabs her by the hair and tugs her closer. I love you too.

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Ee!

They are MARRIED and he can do WHATEVER HE WANTS WITH HER and that is GREAT.

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There are a lot of people in Eclipse who would have been a stretch but 'melts with delight when you toss her around' is not even a little bit much.

 

He picks her up. "I think we should finish the tour later."

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"Yes sir!"

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Then they can get married the way Elves do that.

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She did not enter this marriage anatomically bewildered but she is still really impressed after multiple minutes have elapsed. And she is letting herself be simply full of experiences, she doesn't have to decide anything because that is all her husband's job, she is free free free to just feel and melt and obey and fly -

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He will be slightly heartbroken that 'multiple minutes' is really impressive but he is too distracted to make even vague plans to harass one of the living Catherine-dads over it.

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And now he has a spacey enraptured wife clinging to him.

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That's also an Eclipse thing. Not, like, the best Eclipse thing, spacey is not 'giggling joyously' and giggling joyously is the best look on Rebecca, but he does not panic about it. He pets her.

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She tears up a bit and comes out of it gradually and buries her face against his chest and sighs deeply, all wrung out and relaxed.

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...okay that's pretty cute. 

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And then there is adoring gazing!

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...that's also really cute. 

 

He sings snowflakes.

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Rebecca's life is so awesome.

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"...so, again?"

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"Yes please sir!"

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"Apparently the woman who founded the GCP is a demon. Lilie Ho. I want Sybil on call but I expect she'd take checking for worldleapers appropriately seriously."

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"Makes sense. Did she show up for a summons? Should I go bug her?"

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"Thought we'd start with a letter, though it'll be worth dropping by if we can't seem to get in touch otherwise."

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"Do you have her mail label or should I figure it out?"

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"Not public, sorry, go ahead and dig around."

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Dig dig dig. It's a string of hanzi that do not form a sentence, possibly chosen randomly.

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"None of the other candidates were nearly as appealing, I hope that doesn't mean she just hates talking."

 

And they draft a message.

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Her reply comes a day later. I am elsewhere employed at this time but appreciate your inquiry.

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Do you think you could make the time to talk anyway? It's important and there are very few suitable candidates.

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I cannot accept summonses at this time but may be reached in person at the GCP office in Singapore if you should care to visit in person and await a lull in my work.

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He sends somebody. 

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An employee shows the somebody to Lillie's forensics office.

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Is she in the middle of something?

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Not right now!

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"Hi! I'm representing Vanda Nossëo, we wrote you a few days ago..."

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"Hello."

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She closes the door, checks if there's a message from Sybil. "There is a conjurable means of travelling between worlds."

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Frown.

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"There are, as far as we can tell, infinitely many worlds. I know there's been discussion in Hell of the bizarre phenomenon where conjuring for all worlds doesn't get anything new but then a few years later someone new will show up, with a long established history; this is because of a phenomenon called adjacency, where some worlds neighbor each other and some do not. Travel of any kind is only possible between adjacent worlds. Summoning works in the worlds adjacent to the daeva realms. The three new worlds that started summoning recently are ones whose stars were destroyed and who we brought over so they're now in range. There's a transit network, extranet, and political associations among many worlds in the multiverse. Endorë and this Earth have been left ignorant of it because it would be extraordinarily dangerous for the means of conjurable dimensional travel to become widely known in Hell."

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"Why are you telling me this?"

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"It has been obvious for a while that keeping the existence of other worlds secret forever isn't sustainable, and we think we have a better way, but it would require someone routinely checking for worldleapers."

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"I do not have any demon colleagues I can recommend to you."

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"I'm not surprised, we did a pretty thorough personnel search and were unable to find anyone else definitely trustworthy with a concern of this magnitude."

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"What is the plan apart from enlisting someone to check for 'worldleapers'?"

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"Pair them with someone with precognition so we know about any potential disasters before they endanger anyone. We have a very restricted in scope means of making text unconjurable, so if we catch someone quickly enough we might have a chance at getting rid of the source they ran across. Work with the GCP to come up with a plan for management of a wider range of potential wrongdoing, including crimes against people who accidentally end up in Hell somehow and crimes against people of species that hatch from eggs. Make public the existence of the multiverse in a manner that emphasizes the current - non-conjurable - means of interdimensional transit and ensures no records are available that should spur interest in the original one. Talk with the GCP about their willingness to serve as the daeva law enforcement agency of choice for a much larger number of alien partners or if they prefer we assemble our own organization."

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"How frequently do you require the check performed?"

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"To catch things before they happen with the precog we'd need every two hours. There's someone else who could cover for you for time off or in the case of other urgent GCP work, but he's a child and not reliable as our primary source here. To catch things before a worldleaping daeva could cause harm, we'd have five days. We're hoping for frequent checks in the immediate aftermath of the news coming out and then a slower rate not sufficient for information security but adequate for safety once there's less scrutiny."

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"So this is not necessarily incompatible with my current work."

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"That would be our hope."

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"There are some demons I might be able to recommend as supplementary GCP forensics providers but I believe Rochelle would be reluctant to replace me entirely."

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"Particularly if an increase in the scope of the GCP's jurisdiction is anticipated it makes sense to have you leading their forensics team."

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Lillie nods.

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"Would you be willing to work with us at the higher frequency during the transition and emergencies, and to do routine checks every five days -"

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"When is the transition planned?"

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"It could, of course, happen outside our control, but if our secrecy holds we'd plan to make arrangements with the GCP over the course of the next few months and proceed once that's established."

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Lillie nods. "What are your applicable terms of employment for me?"

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She has a contract! Supervisor in this department, confidentiality is a necessity. Vanda Nossëo has a procedure for pursuit of complaints in cases of people who didn't do anything yet because a precog caught it but who were going to do something serious; informing Hell about worldleapers would qualify. There's a catalogue, 'payment options for demons interested in working with Vanda Nossëo'. "This is a priority of ours, you can more or less pick out anything there of interest."

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Lillie diligently reads the provided materials with a break when the GCP needs something forensicsed and she goes behind a paper screen to do that.

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The catalogue contains lots and lots of magic items.

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Goodness.

"I am willing to assist."

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"Oh good! We're looking forward to working with you. Can I answer any questions for you?"

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"How do I get in touch with relevant persons from your organization as necessary?"

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"We conjure on the half-hour, unlock something for my computer and send me a note at Ilmarë c/o Ambaróna open channel. Once more information is public Revelation will be on the multiversal extranet, at which point you'll be able to just email us."

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She nods.

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"Thanks so much."

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"You are welcome. I would be as appalled as anyone to see lawless demons roaming other universes."

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"It's our sincere hope that almost all of them will be delighted to tour it under a safe binding."

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"Those of them with any business doing so should find no cause to complain about that."

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"You'd think that a demon would like demons better. Or at least have more of a sense that they vary."

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"Revelation's thing about demons is very ingrained. Maybe the Amentan summoners will enjoy the chance to feel morally superior, if we frame things right."

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"I really thought that learning their dead relatives were daeva would soften it. Do we want the GCP doing all daeva criminal procedures, we can do it ourselves -"

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"Not strongly opposed but we'd need something worked out for jurisdiction, and I don't think we want to establish that anyone can set up their own systems, lest someone have an inhumane one -"

      "The GCP -"

"They do their best."

      "Your grace."

"They're fine with us being the summoners modulo logistical considerations which are about to be obviated, and they don't object if we don't gag the demons, are there really other complaints that won't be fixed with some money for good lawyers?"

     "They just very conspicuously think all demons are terrible."

"But they believe they deserve rights anyway. It really is different. ...draw up a proposal, in case the GCP doesn't want that kind of volume of new subscribers, but if they'll have us I favor keeping things contained."

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The GCP will accept new subscribers and expand to match.

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And they're all set up to strongly encourage anyone in Hell who wants a hatched kid to come have their kid on a planet newly set up for that where their kid can be a summoner and accordingly safer, can the GCP amend its bylaws to prosecute child abuse in Hell? "If the wording also prohibited the making of Elves, without drawing attention to that as something anybody could do, that would be convenient."

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"I'm not sure how to do that as a child abuse prohibition unless we just prohibit making people in Hell at all and even that won't cover child demons."

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"Child demons don't seem to have historically been a problem, they have lots of prospective adoptive parents and can pick one they like and leave if they're getting hurt. Prohibiting making specific people in Hell, maybe, in addition to prohibiting child abuse."

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"Yes, that'd cover eggs of prominent folks from egg species, I suppose - word it to include clones -"

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"Yep. And then the law is clearly appropriate to the situation if anyone does try Elves, without making it clear to them that trying might work in the first place."

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"Sure. But demons can't make minds, are you thinking someone'll sell their 'soul' -"

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"Or they'll go graverobbing - if they take one out of a living person we could get that anyway as murder, but the war wasn't all that long ago and the law doesn't cover just finding one."

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The staffer nods. "Well, I can write it that way, sure."

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"Thanks so much. I'm excited for when we can go public about this."

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"Biggest deal since Revelation!"

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"And a big deal for the multiverse, too! You guys have the most useful magic system, and I've seen well over a hundred."

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"That many? And summoning beats 'em all?"

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"Lots of them are very trivial and inconvenient! ...though I guess if we'd come here before Revelation and someone had shown us parlor tricks..."

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"Those're a ripoff," nods the staffer.

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"So maybe someone else has something great we're missing. But you're the heavy hitters for now. - there are more powerful people elsewhere, but not societies with more widespread accessible access to powerful magic."

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"Huh. Must be inconvenient."

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"It is!" And they make plans for once they're ready to announce that.

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Calado bus guy upgrades to an eight-car shuttle and an elevated boarding platform so he doesn't get stuck if there are too many people standing where he's trying to land his bus. The shuttle now lands on its elevated-platform rails and people can board. Ticketing is on the Elendil end because Elendil is safer.

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Somebody mugs a busful returning to Calado on the ramp down from the platform, hoping for magic doodads.

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"If I had the fancy kind of teleport I could just vanish with the gun," bus guy grumbles to his windshield, and then pops back and forth across the aisle of his bus five times, anxiously - "does this stupid country even have police -"

He steps out of the shuttle. 

 

He and mugger and gun disappear.

 

He and mugger and gun appear in the middle of the ocean.

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Mugger can't swim, it transpires.

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They can get repeatedly lifted like a foot above the water. He's never done that many teleports in a row but this is supposed to run off strong emotions, right, and "terrified and pissed off" is a strong emotion. 

"If you drop the gun I'll take us somewhere else."

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It's ambiguous whether bus guy was audible over the hollering but the gun gets dropped eventually anyway.

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They land with a plop on a soccer field on Earth. "You asshole," says bus guy. "Now they're probably going to take my teleportation license - you can buy the magic stuff -"

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Mugger is busy hyperventilating.

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"Do you need medical attention -"

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"Aaaaaa?"

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"Do you need medical attention," he says slowly.

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"I don't think so?"

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"Right. Would you like me to drop you off somewhere, leave and have another teleporter come by and drop you off somewhere, or just leave?"

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"Where are we?"

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"Federation Earth. It was just the first place I thought of that'd be clear and safe to leave you if you wanted me to leave, my girlfriend and I visited here a couple months ago -"

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"I can't just stay here."

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"Would you like me to drop you off somewhere, or leave and arrange for someone else to come and drop you off somewhere?"

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"Can you just put me back - uh - maybe under the platform where nobody'd see me -"

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"Yes. Uh, they'll probably follow up with you in a couple of days."

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"- they?"

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"The people who gave me a teleport."

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"Why?"

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" - because I'm not allowed to teleport people in a manner that endangers them, and I did that, and so they're going to take my teleport and do an investigation and stuff, and that'll involve talking to you since you're the victim."

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"I'd really rather they didn't."

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" - I can tell them that you don't want to but I don't know much about the process, they might want to anyway. You can tell them not to when they stop by to talk but I don't know if I can get them not to stop by in the first place, I think once it's reported they are strict about procedures and stuff."

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Mugger shivers.

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"...they're not going to arrest you, that'd be up to Calado, they just can't have people misusing a teleport."

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"Are you sure? They stole a senator and her guards."

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"For kidnapping their emissaries. If you attacked me, they'd prosecute that. If you attack people in Calado, well, you're an asshole, but they can't police the whole universe. I kind of wish they'd arrest you, because mugging people is horrible and Calado's law enforcement seems kind of inconsistent, but it's not how they work."

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"I thought you were one of them, I thought if I didn't bother you you'd leave me be, and then you dunked me in the sea and I almost drowned."

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"And that's why they're going to arrest me and want to talk to you."

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"...and there's nothing I can do about that."

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"...why don't you want them to consult you about a crime committed against you?"

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"What if they also think they should dunk me in the sea?"

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" - I'm a bus driver, they're the government. They don't dunk people in the sea. It's illegal to dunk people in the sea, which is the whole reason they will want to talk to you at all!"

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"But you're with them, you showed up when they did..."

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"...don't you have the whole color thing so the distinction is easier to understand? I am an alien. I drive a bus. Drove a bus. My country has a government. That government has some rules, like that you can't endanger people using teleportation, that it only enforces on its own citizens - and some rules that it enforces everywhere. Like - Calado only enforces rules about theft in Calado, right, but they'd enforce population control anywhere. And if some purple in Calado does something, that doesn't mean their government does it, right?"

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"Yeah." Mugger is purple.

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"So. You can tell them to shoo but if you want to talk to them all they're gonna want is to get a victim statement and stuff."

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"...okay."

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He takes him to under the platform.

 

There is a different bus driver explaining that shuttles will continue for 24 hours to get everyone home safely but at that time they will cease, duration to be determined.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh no, what happened? Are shuttles to neighboring countries still working?

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Those are official shuttles which their governments negotiated for and they work. Calado was just this one guy and he dunked a mugger in the ocean to disarm him which is super illegal so he's been arrested and emergency transit authorized for the next day to make sure everyone gets home safely.

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What are you supposed to do with muggers?

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Teleporters who aren't police aren't supposed to move people against their will at all, but taking him somewhere safe would have been legal.

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People go home on the emergency shuttle or go to neighboring countries.

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Some people knock on the mugger's door to ask if they can talk with him.

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He says he would rather not.

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They leave.

 

...does Calado do anything about the fact he's been mugging people at gunpoint.

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Yup, he is brought in for questioning but they let him go.

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"Look," bus guy says in his hearing, "people in Calado need a way to get out of Calado because the entire country is an unmitigated disaster. Find someone else who wants to do it."

      "- this is a court."

"Yeah yeah - I couldn't think of anywhere else where the gun going off definitely wouldn't kill random innocent people, I know the rules, I understand that I hurt someone, if I were to be allowed to keep the teleport I'd make sure to know a larger definitely empty safe location to teleport people in an emergency before working a route there - I had a safe location but it was safe for 'building collapsing on people' not for 'nut with gun' - does that cover the court part so now we can talk about Calado -"

      " - that is not how -"

"This is really important! I'll subsidize them if the problem is that Vanda Nossëo won't and no one wants to pay the stupid tolls! They live in Calado and they deserve the right to leave!"

The court is charmed. Bus guy gets a fine and a reassignment to a very safe route with a bar on visiting non-member countries. 

 

Someone else inquires with same blue about recontinuing shuttle services. 

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It's all the same to the blue.

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Calado can have its little shuttle again. 

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No one else tries to hold one up.

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" - so I'll admit I'm curious," says the emissary to Celenta to his liaison, "why does anybody still live in Calado? Elendil's nice, they've got the language - I get why they'd have wanted to dip their toes in the water first but it's been months now, they could have lined up jobs, and to all appearances Calado is a disaster."

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"They like their homes? Fear the unknown? Don't want to live around reds and aliens?" guesses the liaison, shrugging.

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"So long as it's not, like, some cultural assumption that we should be doing something about. I think practically all the reds went to Ambaróna or Casentar or Mîr."

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"They might be assuming you're aliens who don't care about pollution and are humoring us, but that's actually true."

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"Kind of the only way to make relations between thousands and thousands of different species work, humoring one another."

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"Sure. You'll get a jump in the spring."

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Mugger gets a court-ordered apology note from bus guy. 

Hey, it says. I hope getting an email isn't stressful, I told them you wouldn't want to talk to them but I think they were going to go anyway, in case I intimidated you into saying that or something. Did you want specific magic stuff? I can probably get you specific magic stuff the legal way. (Not personally, I'm not allowed back in Calado, but I could ship them if you would like that. I apologize for dropping you in the ocean. I just wanted somewhere the gun wouldn't go off and I would never have let you drown but you couldn't have known that. Also if you had shot me you would probably have drowned so I apologize for putting you in that position.

- Dave

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...the mugger replies I didn't want anything special I just thought I could sell it.

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Oh. 

Was the gun loaded?

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Yeah

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why did you need money?

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why do you wanna know?

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Dunno. First letter was court-ordered but now it's just - there hasn't been an unsolved crime in my planet in my lifetime, I can't really imagine a place where it's a good way to make money. 

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keep getting fired

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is that normal in Calado or do you tell your boss to fuck off a lot or something 

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sometimes that mostly just late or taking off too much

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most places just give people enough money to live even if they're shit at working

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good for them

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why not go to one of those 

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reasons

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ok

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why are you even emailing me

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Wish everyone lived in nice places. Don't really get why they don't. 

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brother won't go

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oh. my grandma didn't move with the rest of us but she came eventually once she'd visited enough.

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not like that

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?

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what are you gonna do with my sob story?

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i wouldn't tell anyone if you didn't want me to obviously

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but why are you even asking

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curious? my new job is really boring man

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my brother has paranoid delusions and a kid I'm mostly taking care of

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i guess aliens are probably pretty bad for paranoid delusions

 

This message comes with several thousand ahk.

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haha wtf dude

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i can't singlehandedly do the money-even-if-you-don't-work thing for all of calado but if i could i would, it's really good.

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you're a bus driver why do you have this lying around

why are you a bus driver if you have this lying around

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i wanted people to have a way to get out of calado

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why did you bother getting a new job??

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they would have taken the teleport

i really like the teleport

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you said they were gonna take your license???

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yeah but you can't be a teleporter without the license. right now it's just restricted, I can't go outside the consortium, and I run a shuttle every ten minutes between a boring member planet and a beach resort planet and I can keep the magic

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this is a shitton of money

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here too but not having money isn't scary here. there's just like

if an important blue lost all their money would they really be poor

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they could just sell some permissions

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then maybe it's not much like that after all

people here have enough so if someone else is in a bad place you can afford to help them. Doesn't work if lots of people are in a bad place or if you are yourself scared you might be soon

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you didn't even want my brother's therapist report or anything??

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that would be fucked up it would be like i was deciding if you deserved it

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uh you gave me thousands of ahkar did you think I did not deserve them?

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when i met you you were terrorizing people at gunpoint, if things disqualified people from deserving enough money to be okay then that would probably disqualify people but it doesn't. people just deserve to be okay no matter what. 

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wow

well

this'll be good for like a couple months if we can keep this apt

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cool. safer than mugging people too probably. is that not illegal?

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it's illegal yeah I got picked up and mumbled about performance art and weird alien bribery and they let me go

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this is a really offensive question probably but did your brother get sick after he had the kid or before. the amentans were really 'we stop people having kids who couldn't take care of them!' but

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oh it was his gf with the permission not him

he's very charming when he's not having an episode

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might be magic that can fix that kind of thing if he could consent when he wasn't having an episode

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this one's been going on a while

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did aliens make it worse

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worse as fuck, can't even leave the kid with him anymore, usually he's like "I will make you cereal and talk about how it symbolizes the march of time and insist on throwing out all the cereal bits shaped like triangles but cereal gets into child" but lately it's way shittier

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sorry

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the ahkar helps

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money tends to

parents can't help?

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they don't have money and if they get near my brother he attacks them. grandma helps sometimes but usually doesn't have extra

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i will ask my probation officer if there's a charity that would help 

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we don't qualify for that kinda thing he won't go to an orange about his shit to prove it

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our charities are different

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okay

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"Okay, so how do we want to make contact with Revelation, Cam it's your universe -"

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"Isn't there already some formal Space Elf/Revelation contact -"

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"Yeah, we write them about daeva stuff and there have been tentative stabs at cultural exchange. They like our music, we like their softcore porn and childrens' books..."

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"Going through that seems like a solid plan. Like, 'hey, we can move around between universes, oh, by the way, there's lots'."

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"I will let 'em know they have permission to mention our universe-hopping now!"

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"It'll be great. Hopefully."

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Hey! writes the emissary for cultural exchange on the Elf end, there are some people in another universe with different magic who figured out interdimensional transit! They're setting up a shuttleport for us! Some of 'em are humans!

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The Revelation emissaries for cultural exchange are fascinated and curious!

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Do they want a shuttleport too?

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Of course! Several.

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Elves forward the blueprints of the shuttleport layouts these new magic aliens recommend! 

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Shuttleports go up.

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Shuttles pop into existence! The emissaries to Revelation are perhaps chosen for exciting amounts of alien; there's a frost giant and an Andalite and a three-foot bird person and some Warp humanoids and some Elves and humans in the back.

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COOL.

Revelation wants to know all the things about them and where they came from and what their worlds are like and how long they've been hopping around.

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Well, the spell for it was developed about forty local years back and then a world with a more efficient way was discovered maybe twenty local years ago and they have a consortium and they can all describe their worlds individually - lots of them are expats living on Vanda Nosseëo - "we have a consortium, we do humanitarian aid everywhere and have internal free trade and free migration -"

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Many Revelation political units would like to maybe join Vanda Nossëo.

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Cool! The membership requirements should go up online so everyone can read them and ask questions, and it has to pass a vote, "but the membership requirements are mostly things we'll help you with if you're not there yet - humane prisons and universal access to healthcare and education and freedom of speech and the same laws for everyone -"

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This doesn't require them to let demons solicit souls, does it? Like, the demons who used to be humans are one thing, but the naturally occurring ones...

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They're unfamiliar with both the concern and relevant law. "- most species don't actually have souls."

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"We have a problem where if we let demons talk they will often try to get us to give them our souls. Ours aren't physical objects like Elves' but we'd still sooner keep them."

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Nods. "What are they - how does someone take one - is it only demons that are prohibited from doing that or is everyone else also prohibited from doing it -"

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"Demons are the only ones who've evinced an ability to do so; we don't know the mechanism. We're pretty confident they can only take them from their summoners if traded them."

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"...well, as long as the law says that no one is allowed to steal souls, then it's not a discriminatory law, but we should probably look into that further in case magic can help with it in some other respect - what happens when someone's soul is taken -"

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"Sometimes nothing discernible, at least during their lifetime, but many people have assorted adverse psychological reactions."

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"If it's all right with you we'll run some experiments looking into that further?"

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"We wouldn't want anyone losing their soul over an experiment."

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"Even an alien who doesn't have a preference about having a soul?"

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"...uh, a lot of our ethical research protocols continue to apply even if you can extract consent."

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"...is it a concern for people to conduct experiments at home and record the data for others, if that activity isn't coordinated?"

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"If it's on themselves..."

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"I bet lots of people will be fascinated. We cease to exist when we die, you know, and can be retrieved through a standard resurrection, so there's not the slightest sign we have souls. I'd worry more about people who are nonreductionist."

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"Nonreductionist?"

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"Standard resurrection works by just assembling something with all the same atoms in all the same places. There are species that doesn't work for, which is presumed to be because there is something to them other than atoms."

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"Huh. What species?"

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"Anyone natively of Materia - they have humans and nymphs and elves and dragons and so on - anyone native to Sandstorm - they're all these little hobbitish people, have a magic system that does its own resurrections - wizards in Hazel - flat Elves - I'm missing a couple -"

       "Ezerrm."

"Oh yeah."

       "Ilbabai."

" - that one I didn't know, really?"

      "I think so?"

" - we'll hook you guys up to the multiversal internet and then you can read about everyone yourselves."

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"That sounds delightful."

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"Anyway, I wouldn't want those ones trying it, but people who've got nothing to them but atoms seem safe from an effect that's entirely non-physical, and some of them will want to learn more about it so we can figure out how to get locals your souls back."

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"If they want to perform self-experiments we'd like to know what they find."

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Cultural exchange! Funny stories! The Yeerk story, which is less funny!

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The Yeerk story is not funny at all except for the part about the pregnant ones hastily shuffled off to Luster Valinor.

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It's horrifying from start to finish with a funny epilogue. But it's over now. Elentári was the first member! Mîr is not a member but they're, like, buddies. The newest member state is called Voa, it's a nation of a billion and a little bit on a planet called Amenta in the dimension right next to Revelation. Poor Amentans really really really badly want kids and ran out of space on their planet and had horrible population controls. They look like humans with brightly colored hair.

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Anime humans! That's cute.

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"We had to threaten to resurrect the babies to get them to stop the infanticide."

   

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Wait what.

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Horrible population controls! The country that practiced infanticide was fond of how well it deterred unauthorized children, and they didn't want to stop, and the consortium was not equipped to handle a problem like that exactly but someone announced they'd resurrect the babies, which made it cease to function as a deterrent, which got the country to change.

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Well, good for someone, then. Poor anime babies.

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Yeah. "They also have a caste system by hair color. Amentans are weird."

"All the ones I've met have been really sweet."

"I don't mean it in a bad way."

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That's not very anime of them.

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"...uh, what's anime?"

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"Oh, it's a form of animation and the character designs are very simple but often involve nonhuman hair colors to help distinguish them."

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"Well, Amentans are, uh, individuals individually but coming from rough conditions and if you decide to take immigrants you'll probably meet some, they like tidy modern places with good law enforcement."

 

And more species! So many species!

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It's so exciting! A major blogging platform opens a new official topic for each species so people can crowdsource their research.

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The aliens thoroughly enjoy themselves.

 

 

Mugger gets an email and a couple thousand more ahk.

yeah the charity was really cool I was like 'I know someone who needs help can we do anything' and they were like 'yeah what kind of help'.

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is this gonna keep coming, should I move somewhere less crap?

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you won't get anyone going like 'where did you get the money from' or anything? I bet they can do regular.

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yeah people will ask but like shitty people I can flip off

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would it help with people being scared of aliens if we paroled your senator early

i'd be mad if someone arrested our senator he's chill

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she sucked, they all suck

I don't think it'd help, he's into way whackaloon territory here, he thinks painting nail polish over the windows will keep aliens from finding us with spy nanites

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if people don't like them why don't they vote for ones they like

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nobody good runs. I don't think I know anyone who bothers voting. purple votes count for fuckall anyway

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huh. 

 

you could come visit if you wanted, sometime. w/ kid if can't find a babysitter.

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didn't you have to stop doing the bus

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yeah but I made a big fuss about it in court. i said that people were in the middle of their magic classes and some of them had plans and we were as bad as calado if we jerked them around just because I was stupid and I didn't care what they did to me but they had to find someone to keep the bus running

and they got someone so that's okay. I think they're paying her out of state funds, I did it just for fares, but whatever

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well I can pay a fare now so there's that. idk how to go wherever you are though

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bus goes to elendil and i could meet you there it's only non-member states where i'm not allowed

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yeah okay. kid has a day off school in three

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cool

 

He's there.

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So's the mugger with a purple two year old boy in tow.

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"Hey! There's a direct to my planet from here, platform 19." Gesture. "How've you been -"

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"The money's good," says the mugger, tugging the boy by the hand. "D'you have to get it all changed in Oahk since you can't wade through our pit?"

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"There's an online service that's presumably doing that, yeah, I just pay a stupidly expensive fee. I don't know if I'm allowed on Oahk, are they members yet -"

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"I don't think so. Closer than we are."

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"Then no go. Good thing my buddies and I already did Federation Earth, I guess next time we can do an Arda or something." He leads them platform 19-wards. "Hey kid," he adds as an afterthought. "I'm Dave."

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"Hi alien," says the kid. "Dave is a weird name."

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"Well, what's yours?"

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"Adro."

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"See, I think that's weirder. Where I'm from Dave is a very normal name. It's short for David. He's in the Bible. I forget for what, though."

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"What's the Bible?"

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"It's the book Jesus's apostles wrote. You read it in church and stuff. Not so much anymore, the world's got too much else going on."

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"None of that made any sense," says Adro.

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"Uh. Some worlds have a all-powerful creator called God who made them and pays special attention to their people. Some of them are really conspicuous and some are subtle and some maybe aren't actually a thing. And in our world, the way it goes is that God made us, and then we were fucking up a lot and so he had a son, whose job was to - forgive us. No matter what. And love us no matter what. And the son grew up and went around teaching, you know, give to the poor and choose God above everything and turn the other cheek and he got a big following and it skeeved the government out so they executed him."

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"That's weird," says Adro.

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"Aliens all think so, yeah. Anyway David's in there somewhere but I forget where exactly. He kills a dude with a slingshot and he plays harp and he's king unless I'm thinking of someone else."

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"That's three different castes," says Adro.

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"...well, that's the whole idea, right, he's a shepherd and that's why he made a good King because he got it."

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"He's a shepherd? That's four. You can't be most of the castes."

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"...why not?"

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"It's just stupid."

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"I guess the harp might have been more of a hobby." He looks it up on his phone. "He sent his friend off to die in a war so he could have his wife, is that a caste?"

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"...I don't think so. Or it's the same as the slingshot one."

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"I had forgot that part." He puts his phone away. Their shuttle has arrived. "Are you named after anybody?"

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"I'm named after a king but names don't have to be the right caste."

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"Was he a good king?"

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"I dunno."

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"Do you know what you wanna be?"

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"I wanna be a firefighter or a florist."

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"Cool!" The shuttle hops worlds. "I really liked driving my bus."

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"Why?"

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"Saw cool people, got to take them to Elendil and watch them come back with new stuff - they'd always be nervous the first time and then cheerful after that, like they were doing something they really liked - sometimes like they were getting away with something -"

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"It's weird that we can just go here."

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"We've got space. There's a whole planet in Mîr just for Dallas Cowboys fans."

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"What's a Dallas Cowboy?"

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"Sports team."

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"That's a dumb thing to have a whole planet about."

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"There are thousands of planets. The Empress prefers ones anyone can live on but she let the Cowboys fans have theirs."

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"Is she also a lot of castes or just blue?"

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"The Empress of Mîr? I can look it up -" He does. "Uh. She was - Amentan four-and-a-bit when she got recruited to be a magical girl and get into magic fights with witches and destroy them to protect people, and she had to keep resetting time to do it, and then one day the princess Lúthien landed on her and they figured out how to take the whole magic system from the aliens and use it to fix everything at once and got married and founded Mîr. Is that all blue?"

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"...magic isn't a caste so I guess it can be."

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"Loki I think you'd have a hard time with. Do you not want to live places if the rulers aren't blue?"

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"It's weird. ...blues are bad but having somebody else run things is weird."

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"The Elf kings are mostly all blue I guess, if that's important to you."

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"We can't go anywhere. Dad won't leave."

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"Yeah. Your uncle said. This is our stop -"

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Off they get. "Where is this? Who's it for? Who runs it?" asks Adro, looking all around.

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"This is in Edda, it's called Avast, it's mostly spillover from Vanda Nossëo, people who work there or have family who work there, we're mostly humans and we've got, like, a democracy and stuff..."

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"We've got a democracy."

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"Your uncle said most people don't bother voting because they don't count. We have a different kind of democracy where the votes count and we bother voting. I like my senator, he comes door-to-door during election season asking what he can do for us."

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"What do you say?"

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"Uh last year I said that the train station smells bad after rainstorms and our landlord never fixes things so we have to do it ourselves even though it's supposed to be in the lease and it should be easier to withhold the amount of rent you spent on fixing things it was their job to fix."

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Adro decides he is not interested in whether the train station still smells. He peers at architecture and people.

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Mostly humans! They're like Amentans with weird hair unless he's observant enough to notice that the women are shorter and the men taller. It's dense new construction, practically all of it. 

 

"I was thinking we could get ice cream and then go jetskiing if you guys like jetskiing."

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"What's jetskiing?" asks Adro.

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"It's, like, a motorcycle but runs on water."

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"Why do you have one?"

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"I don't, I just know the guy who rents them out."

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"Oh."

"Is that safe for kids?" asks Adro's uncle.

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"The bay's all magicked up to the point where it's safer than staying home. Someone in Elendil developed a spell to stop kids drowning - makes water breathable - and it's mandatory for all bodies of water now most places and then there's lifeguards and shit on top of that."

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"Wow."

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"Court said maybe I should learn that spell but I bet I'm too dumb for magic and I don't really wanna find out."

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"You have to be smart to do magic?"

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"Yeah. Not a genius but, like, the kinda person where your friends are like 'fuck dude you're smart', pretty much - should I watch my language around you, sorry -"

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"I know swear words," says Adro.

"His dad can't keep his mouth shut," mutters his uncle.

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"Anyway, not everyone can learn magic. I think eventually they're planning to figure out how to mass produce magic stuff that makes you smarter and then I guess we'll all be smarter, but."

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"Jetskiing sounds fun," says the uncle.

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They can go jetskiing!

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Wheeeee!

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And get ice cream and popcorn and other traditional excursion junk food! Someone compliments the kid on his hair.

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"Thanks?" says the kid.

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"It's really bright! I tried dying my hair once but it came out way duller than that."

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"I don't have to dye it."

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" - oh, are you one of the rainbow aliens - which job is purple -"

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"I'm two," says Adro. "I don't have a job. I want to be a firefighter or a florist though."

"Is that what people call us, rainbow aliens?" snorts his uncle.

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"Yeah, cuz you're pretty much humans but the hair thing. Firefighters and florists are the same category of job?"

      "Purple is like all of the jobs that actually keep the world running," says Dave.

"Damn. Good for you."

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"I think firefighting's grey some places," says the uncle.

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"It's like, real work, cops and soldiers, teaching, office jobs, being too creative and radical to work, and being too rich to work," Dave says helpfully.

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Adro giggles.

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"Huh. Well, the hair looks great."

"Wanna go to the zoo?" says Dave.

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"Sure!"

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The zoo is full of cute alien animals!!

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Adro likes the cute alien animals a lot.

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Oh good. "You have school tomorrow?"

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"Yeah."

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"All right, I can take you guys back to the bus stop. It was nice meeting you."

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"Thanks for the -" Uncle gestures vaguely.

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"It's the kind of stuff you're supposed to do on a day off school. I'd start a jetski rental in Calado if I could do the water safety spell. And wasn't banned from Calado. And had a bunch of jetskis."

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"I didn't even press charges," says the uncle.

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"Oh, I know, I'm not mad at you, dude. I'm not mad at them, either, with great power comes great responsibility and all that. But I miss Calado. Felt like I was doing something that mattered to people."

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"Are you banned forever?" asks Adro.

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"In a year - our years, they're shorter than yours - I go back to court and I'm like 'I wrote my apology letter and I did remedial training on crisis management and I stayed outta trouble and I really liked my route in Calado' and then maybe they'll be cool about it."

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Uncle says, "Maybe in a year everybody'll be gone. People are disappearing. Not super fast, but..."

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"You don't think your government will shape up if they notice that soon there won't be anyone for them to govern?"

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"The senators suck."

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"Well. Maybe once everyone has left they'll leave because they're too fancy to vacuum their own floors and then people who don't suck can come back and do government like Lincoln said."

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"Lincoln?"

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"Government of the people, by the people, for the people, that was Lincoln. He was president but he grew up in a log cabin and worked on a farm and stuff, not very blue."

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"Farming's purple."

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"So then when he said 'the people' he actually meant that, all of them."

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"Doesn't seem like the sort of thing a blue'd do."

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"Well maybe Calado'll have to wait for all the blues to leave before it can have government by the people for the people."

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Sigh.

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"If you guys ever want to leave you can crash with me, I have a guest room."

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"We can't, my dad would freak," says Adro.

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"Sucks. Sorry."

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"Yeah."

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He takes them home.

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Home they go.

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In Revelation some people who are definitely made out of atoms without anything else to them livestream summoning ungagged demons.

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Some of the demons would like their souls. Others want to go see Beyonce in Limbo.

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"What d'you want my soul for?"

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"I collect."

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"How many do you have?"

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"Four."

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"Can I have them?"

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"For five more, maybe."

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"All souls are equally interesting?"

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"Nah, some of them are better than others, but I've had these for awhile."

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"What makes one better?"

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"Oh, ineffable this and that. Piquancy."

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"...sounds like bullshit, honestly."

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"I wouldn't expect anyone who wasn't a demon to understand."

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"Can you tell whether someone has a soul?"

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"Not till after they die. Got ripped off once."

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"How can you tell when they die?"

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"It's just obvious."

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"So if I sold you my soul and then at some point in the next twenty-four hours committed suicide, you would be able to identify the moment when I died?"

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"If I was paying attention."

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"If you make me seventeen million dollars worth of stuff I'll do that."

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"I'm not sure your soul is that good."

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"It'd take you like twenty minutes, there's a listing for a couple massive space stations off my home planet that pays out that much."

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"You just seem like you have a really boring soul."

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"I think you're lying about anything happening when I die and don't want to get caught out."

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"Whatcha gonna do about it?"

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"Send you home and talk to someone else, I guess."

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"You seem like your soul would be the most boring ever soul."

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He sends him home and gets the next one.

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Next one wants to get on a list and do islands.

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"I can put you on a list for that, sure thing. Do people have souls?"

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"Well, something gets 'em from here to Limbo or whatever."

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"But they go there even if they sold their soul. Or sold it twice."

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"Yeah."

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"Could you take someone's soul if you wanted to?"

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"I never learned how or whatever."

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"Okay." Next one?

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This one is cruising for sex.

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"How does that work if people usually don't let you talk?"

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"I waggle my eyebrows a lot. They guess."

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"Sounds like pretty bad sex."

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"My kink is not your kink but my kink is okay, man."

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"Sure, sorry." Next one.

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"Aw man I was hoping for Elves."

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"Oh? Why?"

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"I wanna go hang out in an Elf city."

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"I can forward them your contact info, I bet they'd be happy to have you."

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"Cool!"

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Next?

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"Hey."

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"Hey! I'm not from here, I just heard about how it works and it sounded cool. What sort of stuff d'you want -"

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"I want in on the thing where some demons are getting to bring up kids but I'll work for tourism if that's what you've got."

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"I can make sure you get on a list for the kids thing too." He writes that down. "Want to put up some space stations and then spend however long shuttlehopping? We don't have escort laws, I don't really care how long you want to be at it."

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"Ha, sure."

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Space stations go up! He recommends the demon some great planets to see. 

 

Any more soul-wanting ones?

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After a while, sure.

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"Can you tell if people have a soul?"

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"No."

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"What does taking someone's soul even do."

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"Oh, it doesn't do anything to you, I just have it afterwards."

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"I mean for you, what does it do for you."

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"It doesn't charge me up like it's a movie, if that's what you mean, I just have them."

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"...that's not what I mean. What I mean is, like, is there an experience associated with getting them, can you then trade them to other people and is there an experience associated with that, if someone said 'yeah I took some souls but it was ages ago I forget how many' would that be surprising, if someone said 'I tried to take this guy's soul but then later it turned out he hadn't had one' would that be surprising..."

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"Oh, no, none of that."

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"So it doesn't feel like anything to have a soul, if someone sold their soul twenty times it would work fine - there's no way demons would ever be able to tell if a species of aliens had souls..."

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"Yeah."

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"....huh. Why don't demons act like they can get souls from people other than their summoner, or take a soul without consent, if there's no way to tell anyway and it doesn't feel any different to you..."

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"Oh, well, we can't talk usually, so if we just pretended we could do it by looking at you nobody would notice we were pretending that."

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" - that makes sense. But if, like, a summoner offered you their child's soul or something, you might pretend you could do that, because why not..."

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"Somebody might've done that, I don't know."

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"Do you coordinate on what to pretend or does everyone just kinda do what seems appropriately dramatic."

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"There's not meetings or anything."

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"Cool. Thanks. I don't think I actually have anything you want, then."

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"Oh well."

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He releases the long video of all the demon interactions online in Revelation for people to watch. He also releases a shorter version that shows all the demon interactions but cuts out some pauses and doesn't take days to get through.

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Most people are not super convinced by this because it would be a bad idea to watch some video on the internet in which demons talked and conclude that it's perfectly safe to sell your soul.

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...he's not recommending people sell their soul, they obviously should not do that, he's observing that demons don't actually seem to want their souls that much and don't agree on anything about how taking them works and are not at all dangerous to talk to.

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Well, maybe they can tell that he doesn't have a soul, and are lying, so that humans watching the video will talk to them.

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The consensus on the internet in most places that aren't Revelation is that probably Revelation is just freaking out over nothing at all but, eh, it would be kind of hard to notice that if you started with their premise, poor guys.

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Harrumph.

 

One day there are greys around the perimeter of the bus route.

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A new term starts at the Elendil magic schools. 

 

Shuttlebus announces it'll be running every two minutes, with two different shuttles.

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The greys will let people into Calado but not out unless they are aliens who have for some reason chosen to visit Calado.

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" - uh," says shuttle driver. "Why - we've been paying the tolls -"

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"That's between you and the owner of the road, ma'am."

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"Are they allowed to go to Tapa and use their shuttleport or are they not allowed out of the country at all -"

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"Please get back in your bus, ma'am."

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"How much are they paying you?"

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"Ma'am, I'm not here to make small talk."

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She leaves. She tells everyone on the other end that Calado's not letting people out - "so if you decide not to go back I am sure we can get emergency aid for you."

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Some people want to know what kind of aid.

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"Displaced persons does, like, housing and food and a local host family to help you get settled in."

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Some of them go home to their families. A few will take emergency aid.

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Emergency aid, as promised, sets them up with housing and food and a local host family. Local host families bring muffins. 

 

 

Is Calado still letting people go to other countries that have shuttleports?

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They're screening them.

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For the likelihood that they're trying to leave?

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They're not saying that in so many words but yep.

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Vanda Nossëo notifies Calado that they consider the right of a nation's people to emigrate to be an essential fundamental freedom, and would be delighted to assist Calado in mitigating harmful effects of their population departing in some manner other than by forcing people to stay.

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Calado notifies Vanda Nossëo that they should have offered to be helpful in the first place instead of kidnapping a senator.

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Vanda Nossëo strongly agrees that kidnapping is a terrible foundation for diplomatic relations. However, they're willing to overlook it for the sake of Calado's people.

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Calado thinks that Vanda Nossëo thinks it's very funny.

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Are they sure that they don't want to work with Vanda Nossëo on a way of making sure that services in Calado are maintained and resources remain available for anyone who wants to stay without imprisoning their entire population?

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What are they gonna do, have more of those magic robots and live in a ghost town?

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If Vanda Nossëo operatives could be guaranteed that as long as they perform their job duties and obey the law they will not be randomly taken hostage by private security operating on behalf of any one of the three hundred senators with complete impunity, then they could run a magic school and modernize health clinics and fund education and improve prison conditions in Calado and maybe people would not want to leave. 

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Calado is not to be stuffed full of alien meddlers with diplomatic immunity.

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...diplomatic immunity is "they don't get arrested even if they commit crimes". The thing Vanda Nossëo is requesting is "they don't get arrested unless they commit crimes".

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They may have gotten too used to precognitive justice. Anyway no.

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"So," someone says to the Amentan delegates to Vanda Nossëo, "traditionally we'd give them a couple months to think about it and if they're persistent we'd lift the restrictions on private citizens of member states rescuing Calador citizens. But I think your recommendations are going to carry the day here, it's your world and a society with which you have a lot more history."

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"We could just conquer it," says the representative from Cene.

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"...that wasn't actually in the vein I was expecting. Uh, why might that be a good approach -"

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"Accounts for anyone who doesn't want rescuing but is in a bad place, they get to stay at home and be ruled by Amentan blues, take as long as they need to adjust - with enough fancy stuff it could be very low casualty, too."

"It'll make Oahk angry," says the Celentan representative.

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"And Oahk is considering membership. Very slowly, but still. It is not very easy to persuade the courts of the merits of an unprovoked war; if there turns out to be a unanimous consensus that this is the best option I'd be optimistic about taking it to them, but, well, any considerations against are going to get a lot of weight."

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"Our ambassador in Calado says their leadership is very hostile to aliens," says the Celenta representative.

"Ours says that too," says the Tapai representative. "She says the exact rhetoric varies widely, though - typical -"

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"We realize that the option of emigrating has been very challenging for institutions in permissions-based nations."

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"It's not great," says Soyok.

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"There's precedent for cooperating with a country to freeze emigration but it's typically a country with which we have good diplomatic relations and which makes a convincing case that an emigration freeze is in the best interests of their people. If any of you need that we can get it approved. But - we don't just have poor diplomatic relations with Calado, we literally cannot safely go within snatch-us-out-of-the-sky range of them, so I don't foresee cooperation on this."

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"They've gotten a little less internally conflicted recently," says the Tapai representative.

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"I actually did notice that we'd stopped getting eight different answers to every inquiry."

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"They've probably banded together over hating you or something."

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Sigh. "If you got authorization to conquer Calado how would that go, exactly -"

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"We'd want to outfit the greys with whatever fanciness you've got, build some coalition, deliver a clear ultimatum if there's something we'd take instead, and if refused or they fail to follow through in we go, collect surrenders with as high a threat to death ratio as possible, round up the remaining senators and regional executive politics blues plus their military liaison roles and turn them over to Vanda Nossëo prisons for at least token sentences..."

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Nod. "I think the relevant demand is 'let people emigrate or work with us to negotiate an emigration freeze that serves your people'. Courts won't convict them just of being responsible for running their country very badly but it is plausible to me that every single one of those people has committed crimes which we would prosecute were it our jurisdiction. I suppose I could have someone look into whether that is, in fact, the case...

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"Oh, holding them for processing for a week will do the trick, they just can't be underfoot while we consolidate the place," says the Cene representative.

"Calado has little to recommend it but conquering would be more of a history we'd hope the planet was past," says the Voan representative.

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"Do you have a different recommendation -"

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"Perhaps you could wait and see if the newly - agentic - government will do anything other than screen the border."

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"Oh, we're definitely going to give them a few months to think, it just seems wise to start considering options if they spend the months building a border wall to keep their people in."

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"You could lean more on the Free State of Oahk and try to make use of their relatively healthy channels with Calado."

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Nod.

 

 

Oahkar emissary brings it up. "Do you know for how long Calado intends to restrict travel?"

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"They don't have an end date, I think."

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"There's some history of our working with a country to make sure that travel and trade are possible but not emigration. We haven't been able to discuss that with Calado."

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"You seem to be having a lot of trouble with them. Is there really nowhere else like it in all the everywhere?"

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"There are places who tell us to go away. Telling us to go away and then forcing down our shuttle on its way out and then refusing an extradition but offering to shoot the people responsible was...new."

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"You have to get to know it."

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Nod. "We asked for some recommendations on that and the consensus was that aliens wouldn't really be in a position to do it - can't just go there and slowly learn the ropes when our presence in the country endangers us all by itself..."

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"You probably should've gotten a guide from here from the start but now they're all hostile."

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"I wish we had. Uh, it seems like before there were aliens around, being irretrievably hostile towards much larger polities would have been ill-advised."

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"We put in the time to know how they worked. They didn't use to be internationally quarrelsome."

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"Do you have recommendations for us at this point?"

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"Cultivate some blues online and encourage them to run for senate?"

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"There's an idea. I'll mention it."

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"They have to be twenty or older and not concurrently hold any regional politics position and historically they'll do better with a party endorsement but you might be able to get one in on populism with enough green and yellow support."

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"Our impression is that trade and transit to Elentari is popular in most demographics."

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"Calado's got lousy voter turnout, if you want this to work you can't be wishy-washy about it."

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"You think we should promise more than that?"

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"Do some specific research, you not knowing things about Calado is how you got into this mess."

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"I think Calado would have kidnapped our emissaries even if they'd read a less misleading selection of Calador history books."

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"If you sent them like that, sure. If you'd gotten a private meeting with an indivdiual senator or even all of them and teleported in you'd have been all set."

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Nod. "We'll get in touch with some blues with political ambitions and see if there's an angle that way. Thank you."

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"You're welcome."

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Calado hasn't tried to cut off access to the galactic internet, right?

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Oh no. They are consistently good at some basic infrastructural things. The internet internets freely.

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On the internet some people are discussing whether someone who ran for the Calador senate on a platform of getting Calado a colony planet would win. They have a poll. The poll options are

> yeah I'd go for that

> I wouldn't believe them unless there were alien ships in the sky trailing banners that said 'yeah we will do the planet if so-and-so is in power'

> I wouldn't believe it even then

> I wouldn't believe it but I'd vote for them, why not?

> I don't vote and wouldn't vote under any circumstances

> I don't want us to work with the aliens to meet their standards and get a planet

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The results end up split about 25/6/14/25/15/15. Caste breakdowns show that purples are likeliest to decline to participate in elections ever, oranges like option four, greys like option three, and greens like option two.

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there're people trying to figure out what to do about calado. vanda nosseo held an open comment meeting and i went.

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Mugger writes back. what, are you gonna conquer it?

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it did get mentioned but almost certainly not, the courts are super against that 

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people make jokes about it on the internet all the time. somebody writes a blog post about trying to get a permission and half the comments are "somebody fucking conquer calado"

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the way to get the courts to agree would definitely be to have internal polls in favor but, like, those people might not actually mean it right

easy to joke about

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kinda hard to tell

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if your military doesn't like your government either uh why

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did I look like a grey either of the times you met me in real life?

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no but i don't know anyone else to ask and it seems like a sketchy thing to ask on the internet

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I don't know any greys

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would it help if more people knew aliens

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well you all live in space makes it kinda hard

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i mean calado is still letting aliens visit i think

vn won't let people go but if it would help maybe they'd let limboites go

i'd have an excuse to look up my alt

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alt?

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I'm from an Earth. there are lots of Earths. if they were the same about the time I was born, they'll both have me on them. i haven't bugged them because it'd be weird to do for no reason but my limbo one will be indestructible so VN wouldn't have a real good reason not to let him to go to calado if he wanted

and he probably has buddies in limbo, been there for ages

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are they all the same?

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they're all me but like

different things happened in their lives

 

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I mean the Earths

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they track weirdly well until modern history except for one that's still from before we invented electricity

then they diverge, there's one with a secret vampire government that went public and mine fought off an alien invasion and the one with limbo and the one with warp and the one where everyone is kinky (yeah really) and the Empress's one

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aliens invaded you?

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i was little and don't remember it but yeah

vn gave them terms of surrender and then changed which rays of light their sun emitted to one that they couldn't use for food

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plant aliens invaded you?

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bodysnatcher aliens but they needed the sun rays

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that's weird as fuck. did you get bodysnatched

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no they didn't want kids and they went after important people mostly i think

it wasn't really that many like less than a million in the whole world but they were gearing up to do everybody

my grandma died when they sank the whole coast but she's back now

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yikes dude

why would bodysnatching aliens do that

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there were other aliens and they were like posturing over who was more willing to kill all humans to keep us from being a resource for the other side

 

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wow. are the other aliens nice?

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they're okay.

yeerks are nice now too it was just their leaders who were bad

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but didn't they snatch bodies

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they're little slugs. they can't see or hear or anything. now they take magic bodies or find consenting people but then it was take the person you're assigned or just

be in a pool of mud forever until you die

 

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wow that sucks

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yeah

i guess some people are still mad at them but like

people play the hand they're dealt, you know

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yeah I get it

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The bus route starts up again but it is only transporting aliens who wish to do tourism in Calado.

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The road remains guarded against would-be escapes of Calador citizens but they allow the aliens for now.

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The aliens make very little trouble. They bring money they got traded in Tapa and go to coffee shops and order coffee and go to the beach and play volleyball and go swimming.

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Calado does in fact have places to do those things.

People follow the aliens around and take their pictures and want to know where they're from.

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"It's called Limbo. It's actually really lousy, people go there when they die in Revelation and it doesn't have weather or arable soil or anything. But after you die once you can't die twice so we're allowed to come here."

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"Our crime rate's not that bad."

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"It seems like aliens might be targets."

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"You're interesting," concedes this random orange lady.

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"And it's cool to be here! What do you do -"

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"I teach purple three year olds history."

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"Neat. My wife was a teacher back when we were alive." He points at one of the volleyball players.

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"What do you do now?"

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"Oh in Limbo she took up painting and I got really into writing thousands and thousands of extra dialogue trees for characters in rpgs and now that I'm alive again I've been trying to set up a mod so people can play with 'em and she's been painting new places."

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"You're alive again?"

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"We're, uh, not in Limbo again? We can interact with the world of the living again?"

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"Well, congratulations. Do you like it here?"

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"The beach is great, I missed the beach. Everyone's been so friendly. Do you like it here?"

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"Not really but we can't leave."

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"Can't you vote for people who would let you leave?"

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"Blues are kind of maniacs. They say things, but the things never happen, except really boring things they don't have much competition over like 'I will continue to not destroy the train system'."

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"That sounds terrible. Some people thought that we should just give somebody permission to conquer Calado but I am pretty sure they won't do that."

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"I don't want to die! It's not that bad!"

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" - uh, what?"

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"I don't want space greys rolling in here shooting people."

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"- well of course not."

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"Good."

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"Should everyone just - ignore you all, though?"

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"Well, no, it's fine if you come to play volleyball."

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"I mean, people should not try to help with the thing where your government is full of maniacs and is imprisoning you all."

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"I don't know what you'd do about it."

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Shrug.

 

 

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"But it's nice that you come here and let us meet aliens sometimes. Offline I mean."

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"Figured it might help if people knew us. And it is a nice beach."

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"We've got great beach weather here. If we lived in a country with credits I don't know if I would've had another kid or my beachfront house."

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"I guess it's nice that you can have both."

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"Credit countries involve so many tradeoffs like that. People knock our system but it just means I had to stand out at work, not that I have to cut back on nice things to help get grandkids."

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"I think most places are doing as many kids as people want, now, or at least really cheap credits."

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"Well, now everything's all weird, sure."

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"I can see how permissions would be nicer before."

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"I got three."

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"Congratulations! We had three too."

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"Good for you! I thought aliens didn't like kids."

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" - oh. Aliens do like kids."

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"I guess you can't believe everything you read."

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"Three's enough for most people and we don't need seasons and had another habitable planet right there so we never needed population controls, maybe people thought that meant not liking kids."

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"The three being enough with no controls," she says.

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"Yeah. But liking kids and being happy with three isn't the same as not liking kids."

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"I suppose."

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"And some people do have, you know, eight, fifteen, just it's not common."

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She sighs with distant envy.

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"I hope you all get as many as you want."

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"Oh, I'm too old now, but thank you."

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Tourists are agreeable and pose for pictures and leave in the evening and come back the next day.

 

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Some Calador hotel operators grumble but everyone else is fine with this.

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Some tourists will do overnights once they've had enough uneventful beach trips. 

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Meanwhile, an Amentan in her early thirties with dove grey hair is touring member planets of Vanda Nossëo.

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Some of them have customs at the border and ask about the duration and purpose of your stay; some don't. Some have shuttles every five minutes and some they are hourly.

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She is planning to stay in most places for a day or two. She is a tourist. She brought a pocket everything with books on it and does not mind waiting for shuttles.

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This planet has nocturnal humanoids with prehensile tails who complain about the weather (it's been cloudy, they miss the stars) and the elections (he talks like he's never bought his own groceries; she has the tact of a drunk toddler) and the tunnelcars (they shrank the seats again, you have to pay extra for legroom).

 

 

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How long have they been Vanda Nossëo members? Can she find anyone who remembers the vote clearly?

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Ten local years, which are shorter than Amentan ones, so plenty of people remember the vote. "Didn't you guys just join up? I think I saw something about it on the news. The actual vote was a breeze, for us - the tricky part was the courts ruled we had to modify our Constitution to meet some of the requirements, and that requires a three-fourths vote and that one almost didn't pass. Once it did, though, I think it was something like eighty-three percent favoring membership. They give out all that stuff, you know."

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"What modifications did they want?"

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"It was the rule about equality under the law - we had a Constitutional provision mandating special protections for historically disadvantaged groups. Vanda Nossëo was going to let us keep it with - I might not be remembering the details right - but various subpopulations had to be in favor? But our courts said that we couldn't join an organization with different laws until we modified ours."

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"Protections for disadvantaged groups?"

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"Like, ten percent of the population is Ulegers and they had to be ten percent of the workforce anywhere that got a government contract, women used to not be allowed to run for office and now they had to be forty-five percent of Congress or higher..."

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"Ulegers?"

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"There's a visual distinction. It's obvious to us but aliens can't seem to tell the difference. Different face shape and fur tone."

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"I see."

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"And a long time ago they weren't allowed to work prestigious kinds of jobs and so the rule was in place, making up for it, making sure they had a fair shot now. People were worried the percentage of them would go down once we changed the law but they just funnelled tons of money into scholarships and it's been fine."

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"Why is it they weren't allowed?"

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"...bigotry?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We don't have many resurrections, we just do dead kids right now, haven't gotten anyone from back then back. Not that there could be a good reason."

Permalink Mark Unread

"People seem to feel that way about reds."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmmm?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"On four of the seven occasions someone has identified my species so far on my vacation they choose to immediately comment on a group from my planet who have all been shuffled off because they weren't welcome there."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ah. I don't read the galactic news much. - the thing about treating some people worse than others is that - if we're all glad the Elves didn't decide to run their mutliverse collective that way - and they could have, they used to keep that non-obvious but after the Kandrona war there wasn't much point in pretending - anyway, if we're glad that they didn't go 'but we're objectively superior, we're smarter and faster and prettier and cleaner and longer-lived, of course you don't get the same rights we do' - then we've got to - generalize, right, and say that maybe when we did the same thing..."

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"That's very philosophical of you."

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"None of the justifications for bigotry seem compelling when you realize they could apply to you. And that's because none of them are right."

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"Is this something conventionally taught in local schools or -"

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"I went to school before we met the aliens, they just taught that we used to oppress people and now we try to fix it. I don't know about these days. But people online talk a lot about what real cosmopolitan secularism looks like, the hard kind, the kind that isn't about 'we look different on the surface' but 'we are, actually, deeply and profoundly different and some of us are in fact better' - and it comes up sometimes there."

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She nods politely and moves on.

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Bird people with eighty-three polities sixty-nine of which are members.

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What's keeping the other fourteen?

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Philosophical belief that there should be some independent bird people countries, too small to be a state on their own and don't want to be a protectorate of any existing ones, religion.

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Is Vanda Nossëo being pushy about it?

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They've given one of the religious objectors a bit of a hard time. The religious objectors are pretty mad at them over it. 

(The other thirteen they left alone.)

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What are the religious objections?

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They burn heretics alive and don't want to be made to stop.

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Next.

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Avast is new and small - eight hundred million - and everyone older than three Amentan years is an immigrant. They have a distributed democracy thing where every neighborhood of six hundred has a representative. Almost all humans.

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Why did they move here? Where from?

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Cube because the commute to Vanda Nossëo was such a hassle! Cube because they had a phobia of tigers and lots of people in Cube go around as tigers all the fucking time. Aurum because the vampires are scary. Aurum because the idea of a vampire mating on you is scary. Casentar because they prohibit skiing and this guy loves skiing. Ambaróna because they didn't like monarchy, or Elves. Mîr because they didn't like how powerful the Empress was even though she's really benevolent about it. A dozen other places for reasons like 'the trains are better' or 'needed to get away from my folks' or 'I'm writing a thesis on the distributed democracy thing' or 'I wanted to live on a majority-human planet."

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Next.

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Ambaróna is full of reds does she skip that one?

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They're clean, right?

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Yep! They had live video feed of the whole process in case Amentans didn't trust them and wanted to verify.

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She's not going to talk to the reds but she will go where they went.

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Ambaróna is dense enough to be Amentan and pretty enough to be definitely Elven and has daeva everywhere and lots of singing and lots of species and a small clump of protestors against the royal family who everyone else ignores.

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What are they protesting?

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...the obvious thing.

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She's a tourist.

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They think they should have stepped down after the destruction of Valinor. 

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Ah.

 

Next?

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Many! With complaints about Vanda Nossëo ranging from 'made us stop having slavery' through 'are too stingy with magic healing'.

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Eventually she wends her way back home to Calado.

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Vanda Nossëo is quietly trying to find blues who could credibly promise to do better for Calado, let alone enough of them for it to matter.

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The age limit is an issue. Older blues have mostly either invested heavily into the system or evince no interest in higher level politics.

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And it'd take a very long time for younger blues to get to an age to qualify; the situation's not going to be sustainable that long.

Does the newly capable-of-speaking-in-one-voice Calado government make any moves other than blocking travel?

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Not overtly.

They might notice one grey getting on the bus back to Calado.

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They warn the grey that they will not be able to leave Calado again once they go back and there's housing and food aid if they prefer to stay.

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"I have family back home."

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"Okay. Take care." Shuttlehop.

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She falls into step with a tourist. "What brings you to Calado?"

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"Ah, I heard the architecture is lovely."

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"Not compared to the Elf stuff, surely?"

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" - well, Elf architecture is different, but different isn't always better."

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"Hm?"

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"I think all kinds of different styles have their unique merits."

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"Have you been a lot of places then?"

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"Not yet, we only got transit two months ago. But we're the only people who can go to Calado, so..."

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"Why's that?"

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"Indestructible. Ah, the interstellar consortium is concerned that any incidents between Calador citizens and tourists might be difficult to diplomatically resolve given the current state of relations. But we can't be injured, so if we want to take our chances, that's all right."

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"I see."

She goes to her poker night.

The Ambaróna private channel requests a representative at thus and such an address.

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Vanda Nossëo does a little bit of reading on the person who made this request.

 

 

He teleports on over.

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The face is recognizable. "Your grace," says the dove-grey tourist.

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"It's a pleasure to meet you, ah -"

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"Mikyoro," she says.

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"What can I do for you?"

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"I'm curious about Vanda Nossëo's plans for Calado."

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"We have been trying to reach out to them about an agreement under which we'd help them restrict emigration to a level that matched population growth without controls and they would accordingly end controls and permit external humanitarian organizations to provide services. I do not see any prospects of such an agreement being reached with the current government, and we've struggled to find candidates for office who might support negotiating towards an agreement, though I do think they'd win an election if the public, uh, believed them."

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"Probably."

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"Absent prospects of some kind of agreement we will probably notify the Calador government in a few months that we have no plans to continue to enforce restrictions against travel into Calado by private citizens of Vanda Nossëo or allied organizations."

Permalink Mark Unread

"With what implications?"

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"I anticipate that many people in Calado might privately arrange contracts with teleporters to depart for elsewhere, and that many teleporters might offer those services cheaply or free on the principle that everyone ought to have the right to vote with their feet - or the less noble principle that your senators are really annoying."

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"Leaving anyone who can't or won't leave to... what, starve?"

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"Typically we would try to counterbalance mass emigration with a mixture of immigration and automation."

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"No one wants to move to Calado."

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"We've noticed. There are a lot of bored Limboites, we might be able to pay them a lot of money to do it. - it's not a very good solution. But the courts consistently oppose overthrowing governments for mere incompetence, because of the precedent it sets, and my understanding is that while there is a coalition of Amentan nations in favor, it's not a very strong one and non-Amentans find the idea of authorizing a war very hard to countenance."

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"What about a coup?"

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"We would recognize a Calador government and open relations with them should they demonstrate that they are in fact in a position of setting law and policy. A civil war is an outcome we're very motivated to avoid, and we would consider providing resources that would make it less likely that an attempted coup would result in protracted conflict."

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She plucks a pistachio out of a bowl and shells it thoughtfully. "Such as?"

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"I think we would want to be satisfied that a prospective government had a reasonable plan for how they'd govern and a plan to get there, at which point we could provide resources including demon-aided forensics, magical backup like that which was employed in the Yvaltan secession..."

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"What's your trouble with finding candidates for office?"

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"It seems that blues over twenty are either very invested in the current system or have no interest in politics at all."

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"A coup could install a younger one, if there are suitable."

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"I could mention the merits of expanding a search to people ineligible for a senate race. Is installing a blue the most reassuring end-state of a coup?"

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"I think people who were ready to try something radically different have probably already left. We could install an alien, perhaps."

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"That seems likely to be worse. We notoriously don't care about kinds of pollution transmission that don't follow from germ theory and it seems particularly important Amentan governments be credible on that."

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"Yes. A blue would be least disruptive."

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"I think 'least disruptive' is an important goal. What would be a good way to bring a good candidate blue to the attention of people who are interested in installing them?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can be emailed. Or I suppose you could teleport in, apparently."

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Nod. "Thank you for inviting me over."

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"You're welcome."

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Vanda Nossëo expands its search for Calador blues.

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There's young idealistic Calador blues! Some of them are not openly fantasizing about escaping on their blogs!

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Miscellaneous functionaries read through their published works.

 

Sondayo Insho gets an email from an alien address.

Interested in talking with you about Calado's future. Would it be convenient to meet sometime?

     - Macillë Menel, international affairs, Vanda Nossëo

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What does "talking about Calado's future" mean here?
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We're interested in meeting people who have ideas about what productive relations between Calado and the rest of the universe might look like, if the political will ever came about to put those people in power.

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I just graduated and don't have many demands on my time during mornings/early afternoons.
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Lunch tomorrow?

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I'll be in the jungle house.
Address.
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Do you have recommendations about who could inconspicuously visit you there?

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Not a frost giant.
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She goes herself. She is an Elf. Silver-haired and in clothes that could mostly pass for Amentan.

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A little old purple man lets her in and shows her to the parlor, where Sondayo is.

"Hi."

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"Thanks so much for taking the time to talk with me."

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"No problem. What's going on?"

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"We've been trying, without much success, to figure out how to collaborate with the government on policy for a stable and peaceful Calado that doesn't have to use force to keep people around. We're interested in figuring out whether there's anybody with whom we could successfully collaborate on that."

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"And, what, you want me to lean on great-grandpa?"

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She does not answer that. She sits down.

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Little old purple brings her a tray of water and fruit.

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...sure, she'll take some water and fruit. "Are we rumored to be picky eaters?"

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"No, why?" says Sondayo.

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"Just curious. To answer your earlier question, if there were Calado blues with goals in common with us but no political power, that suggests different solutions than if there are no blues in Calado interested in any kind of diplomatic arrangement."

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"I like what I've heard about you guys. Different, very one size fits all and we didn't fit very well, but you're not nearly as bad as you could be."

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Nod. "We've proposed to your government that we assist them in ensuring emigration doesn't exceed the replacement rate given the abolition of population controls. Do you think that would be a good idea?"

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"You'll fuck merry hell with the caste balance."

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"Oh, are some people distinctly more likely to want kids?"

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"Some people are more likely to leave," he says.

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"Ah. The other option is to become a member state in your own right - we can more easily cooperate with restrictions on travel if conditions at home are better, and people will be less likely to even want to leave..."

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"Great-grandpa won't go for that."

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"I'm talking with you right now."

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"Yeah. But I'm not an Yvaltan householder, I don't have a million people of my own for you."

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Sigh. "There is some chance there will be a coup."

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"...ah-huh. Thanks for the warning."

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"We don't do that kind of thing, but we do answer questions about how we might respond, and we've gotten some."

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"Why do you think there's going to be a coup?"

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"The government has no public support and no credibility, there's persistent muttering about whether it would just be better to authorize a neighbor to conquer the country, the borders are currently closed because everybody was going to leave, and inquiries about how Vanda Nossëo would treat with a different government have come from people who are in a position to bring that about. 

Those people are not blue. Our impression is that it will be most reassuring if Calado's leadership stays blue."

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Sondayo raises an eyebrow. "Is this a job interview?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you looking for a job?"

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"I might be."

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"I'd be interested in setting aside the question of what great-grandpa can be convinced of and focusing on the question of what would be good for Calado."

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"If a coup wants to install me as emergency president, I won't decline the honor."

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"Uh huh, and what would you do with it?"

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He smiles a little sideways. "Hold a vote."

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Dove-grey tourist, who is a high-ranking general in the Calador army, gets an email. The email says that they looked further into blues with political interests compatible with greater cooperation and the problem with people over twenty is persistent but they had a productive conversation with so-and-so, who regrettably won't be 20 for a while.

And that if it'd be useful to have nonlethal weapons and medics on standby Vanda Nossëo has a lot of both.

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They'd love some nonlethal weapons and a few medics.

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Healers. Andalite shredders. 

Almost all of these weapons have one nonlethal setting. There are a few with seven settings; the top six are lethal, but also useful for cutting through steel, etc. 

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And a week later the overwhelming majority of the Calador military rises up and gently deposes the Senate. Sondayo Insho, surrounded by uniformed greys, is installed as emergency President, and calls for an immediate vote on Vanda Nossëo membership.

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you okay dude

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I'm not sure my brother is ever gonna come back to reality but we're all right
replies the mugger.
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sorry :( this seems better than everyone leaving

 

are people going to vote or do they still feel like voting is bullshit

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it's not weighted, I might vote. Adro's gonna
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good for him

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then you can come visit if you wanna check our our shit country

I dunno who this president guy is. some insho, but loads of blues are inshos, I never heard of him
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watching the press conference it seemed more like your soldiers picked a blue who would do what he was told than like a blue got the generals to hold a coup

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yeah he doesn't have military connections or anything
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would people be upset if they just had a grey up there calling for a vote

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yeah like at least the blue went to blue school and shit?
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i guess

well if you're a member then i can maybe apply to work your shuttle route

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I promise not to mug your passengers this time
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yeah good idea they would arrest you for real

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also like now I know you and it would be weird.
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i would be pretty upset yeah 

i've been assuming it was because you needed money for Adro so

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and me and my brother, we aren't adorable moppets but we gotta eat

and sometimes if he runs out of nail polish or whatever idiot thing it's just easier to get him more than to not that
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yeah i mean like

for reasons that could be fixed by just giving you all enough money to live off

though it would have been really bad if you went to jail, are the police just that unlikely to catch people

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they did catch me, they just let me off. it would have been bad if they hadn't but it would also have been bad if I didn't have any money you know
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i think vn says online that you can always ask them for food if you're hungry but i suppose that seems about as plausible as 'we all love our senators and stick to two kids voluntarily'

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and like at some point they'd ask "and why do you need all this nail polish" and I don't want to get into that shit with an orangealien
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yeah

hope the vote turns out well

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probably will if they're not letting senators run around senating
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they are all in our very cushy jails

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I hope not too cushy, they suck
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the idea is that everyone deserves to be comfortable no matter how much they suck

i think that's true for people in, like, my world

where if they did something horrible they got caught immediately and the person they did it to knew they'd get caught immediately and they were raised with this idea so it doesn't feel like we're saying it's not very serious by having cushy jails

i think it sort of breaks down for a place where they did horrible things for a long time and most of the people they hurt had no recourse 

and you have the death penalty for serious crimes so this doesn't feel serious

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well it would be really weird for a few hundred senators to all get the axe but yeah
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on my planet 'get the axe' means being fired from your job

the death penalty is fucked up

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meh
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i mean like if something had gone wrong with the mugging and the gun had gone off you'd still be you 

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yeah but like at that point I wouldn't be doing anybody any good being alive
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i'm really glad everything worked out

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me too
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Vanda Nossëo releases a statement emphasizing that it's typically unwise to have coups because of the risk of a partial success and protracted violence, but acknowledging the new Calador government and announcing the immediate deployment of observers to supervise Calado's membership election and commending the parties for a peaceful transition of power. 

 

They resurrect the handful of soldiers killed in the brief fighting. 

 

Calado senators, scattered across moons and planets in five dozen star systems, can play ping-pong and Super Mario Kart with their fellow inmates.

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Calado senators are very mad.

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"I can imagine!" says a prison social worker. "It must have been a really scary situation."

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...the senator with this social worker looks incredulously at her.

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"I'd be very upset if our military overthrew our government."

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Sigh.

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          "You guys have a military? We don't have a military."

"They maintain the trails in the national parks and rescue dumb boaters and parachute down onto kickball fields at the start of the national matches."

          " - how would they even -"

" - well, I don't really know. But if they managed it'd be upsetting. It'd be upsetting if, say, Loki overthrew Vanda Nossëo, and that could happen."

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"...maintain the trails in parks?"

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" - it's like, you know, some places keep a ceremonial monarch even after they have delegated all the non-ceremonial duties to an elected legislature, we did that but with our military. We have very well-maintained trails. Do you care for hiking? I can recommend some and get us an excursion permit."

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"I'm more of a sailing person," says the senator.

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"I can get an excursion permit for that too!"

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"Sure, why not."

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        "Loki wouldn't do that."

"Of course not. But she could, which is the only comparison I was making."

        "I just don't think you should say things like that, you'll freak people out."

"I will put together a list of good sailing locations so Noran can pick one, how about that."

        "Yeah."

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Senator Noran looks bemusedly between the two of them.

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"Can I answer some questions for you?"

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"Am I being charged with something?"

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"The post-coup government of Calado has announced their intent to hold members of the previous Calador government under Calador law -" she frowns, looks something up - "pursuant to national security. Huh, okay - so you're not charged with anything under galactic law, you are being held under Calador authority, and they handed you over to us because of a lack of local prison capacity that was secure and compatible with galactic standards."

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"...is there an estimate of the duration of the security arrest?"

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" - a week for the election, to be determined after that probably not exceeding a few months."

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Sigh.

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She sends him sailing options.

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He will go sailing.

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And Vanda Nossëo supervises a membership vote.

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Turnout's low. Too low.

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Ugh.

 

"We can do another one in three months, have people canvassing for it and explaining to people they actually need to vote."

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"Why three months, why can't we just get people to fill out the ballots they already have a bit late?" asks Emergency President Insho.

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"- I can file for an emergency extension of the voting period but you're really supposed to do that before you start tallying votes, looks like you're trying to massage the numbers otherwise. People do want out, they just mostly didn't bother saying so."

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"I went on TV about it about thirty times in two days," says the president, "I am happy to have people going door to door too, I just thought this would be obviously unlike another vote between this elderly well-embedded senatorial hopeful and that one..."

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"It seems like your population has some learned helplessness about civic engagement. I'll file for an emergency extension."

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"Mm-hm. Thanks."

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dude vote

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I can't find the ballot my brother may have decided it was going to kill us
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you can pick up a new one we check on our end if anyone voted twice

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oh, okay
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if not enough people vote you can't join

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Adro's gonna take a bunch in to school and badger the other kids
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good for him

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we're short millions of people though
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yeah I know 

why aren't people voting do you know

 

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not used to it?
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wish they could whip up planets faster so we could have it for people to see

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dunno if that would help here
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gonna ask my parole officer if i can go hop the bus around talking to people

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cool. if you need a native guide or whatever lemme know
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that'd be great

 

 

 

 

 

he said what would I do if I see the mugger again, i said give him a hug and get drinks when we're done canvassing

he said okay

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pfffff does he know about the jetskis and ice cream
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i said we'd stayed in touch but not details cuz like

the court would be happy about it and possibly cut me some slack and that's - not the point?

i didn't want it to be about that

even retroactively

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dude if you can get slack for taking me out for ice cream go for it
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it's not like they're being hardasses about it as is but okay

i'll be in the usual spot at 4 

with the old bus, the shuttle's too big to take around all over the place

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see you


He's there.
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He has the old bus and a supervisor. He does give him a hug. There's a sign on the bus. It says 'fare: free but you have to fill out your ballot and tell all your friends to'.

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"Yo," says the mugger, who has absolutely had a name all this time and is called Cahmro.

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"Hey. This is an Earth school bus, I bought it for like two hundred bucks when the district consolidated and got it running again myself. Well, with my dad. Where we going?"

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"Around my neighborhood, I guess?"

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"Sure." Pop.

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And they can bother random majority-purples about voting.

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"Purples are the ones that matter," Dave says to his parole supervisor. "You know their system, right -"

      "Not really."

"Like, pretty much all real jobs are purple. Mechanic, that's purple, construction, that's purple, farmer's purple, miner's purple, factory's purple, girl jobs - hairstylist, housekeeper -"

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"Girl jobs?" blinks Cahmro.

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" - you know, like, nail stuff and clothing stores and eyelash curling or whatever - those are all purple too -"

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"...wouldn't girl jobs be like... uh... surrogacy? ...wetnursing?"

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"...I don't think we have those. Are they purple?"

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"Surrogacy's anybody, it's just being pregnant. Wetnursing is like if you don't think formula's good enough for some reason and the baby's mom isn't able to breastfeed you can hire somebody and I think it's orange."

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"Okay but like are there guys who want to be nail artists and makeup people and hairstylists."

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"............yeah? I interviewed at a hair place once. Didn't take me, though."

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"Huh." There are people gathered. "Have y'all voted? You should, you get a planet if you vote and you don't get a planet if you don't vote, that's, like, a shitton of power and you are gonna be great with it."

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"Power?" says a purple man with a baby.

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"To decide yes planet or no planet."

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"Yeah but we're purple."

"They're not allowed to weight this one, 'cause aliens," says Cahmro, "you get the same vote as the emergency president."

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"Government of the people, by the people, for the people," Dave says. "None of the fucking blue bullshit where the people who keep the country running can't be trusted with picking who runs it."

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Purples fill out ballots.

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Good. They can have a ride to Elendil and Dave can come back for more.

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At one point Adro texts Cahmro and he has to run and deal with his brother.

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" - want a ride home -"

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"I'm just there, no big, be back soon." Run run.

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Dave hangs around the bus waiting.

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Purples (mostly) wander by.

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"You should vote!" Dave says to wandering purples. "There aren't enough votes and it's not weighted."

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"What do you mean not enough votes?"

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"More than half of people have to be in favor. If no purples vote, then even if every single person who votes is in favor, that's a no, because they look at it and they're like 'half your population didn't even vote, we don't know what they want, maybe they're all against it'."

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Purples fill out ballots.

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"You can take them home for your family, too, everyone can vote, kids can vote."

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"How young?" asks somebody with a one year old.

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"If they're old enough to fill it out themselves it'll get counted. They have magic counting so if you have to fill it out for 'em it'll just get recorded as you submitting two and only one of them counts if you submit two."

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"Don't they care that we'll tell 'em which box?"

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"The idea is parents getting a little extra weight is better than saying some people shouldn't vote, and the kids get practice at their civic responsibilities. What my mom and dad did for me was they said 'we're voting on joining the aliens. Daddy's voting yes because he thinks there'll be more trucking and more money. Mommy's voting yes because she thinks the aliens were good stopping the Yeerks. You can vote however you want' and then I said yes too but I felt like I was choosing."

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Parents take extras for their kids and grandkids and niblings and neighbors.

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Dave tells them all that they're cool and should hit him up if they want to drive teleporting buses after Calado's a member state

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Does it pay well?

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Pretty well and you get to teleport, which is great.

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Sounds handy.

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He's vacationed so many cool places! 

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Purples will loiter and look at his vacation photos.

Eventually Cahmro comes back.

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"Everything cool?"

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"He was destroying the sofa. One day he's not gonna confine it to property damage and somebody's gonna have to cart him off before he stabs us in our sleep." Sigh.

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"You don't think they can make him better?"

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"He's getting worse. I dunno. Maybe magic people can."

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"Maybe he has an alt somewhere who can guess what he'd consent to and stuff."

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"Didn't you say you'd need an excuse to look up yours?"

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"Yeah but one of 'em being crazy and wanting alt advice on medical treatment is an excuse."

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"Maybe. But he might not have any."

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"Yeah, might not. No other Amentas. - people sometimes have alts who aren't the same species, like they have some things the same - if I had an alt here I'm sure he'd be purple - but they can be a bit different and stuff. Sometimes they're genderswapped."

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"He had an episode while his girlfriend was pregnant, that'd've been weird if they were switched. If there were still his girlfriend and Adro."

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"Elf royal family's the same every time but I don't know about other kinds of alts who aren't just people on Earths." They do another neighborhood.

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This one is an orange neighborhood. Somewhat more but not overwhelmingly more of the oranges have voted already. A few teachers agree to bring ballots to school.

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"Calado is like some kind of fucked up mirror universe of how democracy is supposed to work."

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"Huh?" asks Cahmro.

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"Like, your blues took the best idea in history, the idea our forefathers fought and died for, and they managed to make it so meaningless no one even bothered participating in it. They took something where the whole point is to hear peoples voices and they used it to, like, train them how useless it was to talk."

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"Democracy is the best idea in history?" asks Cahmro skeptically.

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"Real democracy. One person one vote democracy. And, like, the Bill of Rights and stuff, but I think they go together, they're all about making government accountable to the people."

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"What's the Bill of Rights?"

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"So when we were writing our Constitution we wrote it all and then some people were like 'great, that's a big list of things the government can do. What about a list of things the government can't do?' And they added the bill of rights which is rules about things the government can't do, no matter what, not if there's a war on, not if the President says so, not to anyone. Freedom of speech, freedom of assembly, freedom of religion - I don't actually remember the other two, there're two more -" he looks them up -

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"Weird. Very green," says Cahmro.

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"Free press, anyone can own as many guns as they want, can't search your house except for evidence if they have good reason to think you committed a specific crime, jury trials..."

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"We discussed jury trials in my classroom," says an orange, "they seem ludicrous."

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"Vanda Nossëo doesn't do them but if I was in trouble for something on Earth I'd definitely want a jury, it means people like me are hearing the case instead of the kinda people who end up being judges."

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"Why's that help?" asks Cahmro.

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"- like, say it's before the aliens, and I'm a farmer and I've got a place out in the country and someone breaks down my door in the middle of the night and I shoot him, maybe some rich judge who grew up in a city and went to school there and lives in a gated community is gonna be like 'why didn't you call the police?' - cuz it takes them forty minutes to get there, dude, we're in the middle of fucking nowhere. 'why didn't you give him a warning' - my wife and kids were sleeping in that house, man, he's not getting a warning - but my neighbors, my neighbors will get it, because they live there too."

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"You have a wife and kids?"

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"No, and I'm not a farmer who lives in the country, it's just an example. Like - like say you got arrested for something, and you got in there and you saw the judge was Amentan, wouldn't you be glad? Because they're going to get more things about you, they're not an alien -"

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"Well yeah, but not a bunch of random purples who don't know what they're doing."

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"I'm pretty sure they get instruction in what the law is, and what else would they need to know?"

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"I dunno."

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More neighborhoods!

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Yellow neighborhood! They attract a person who protests alien meddling.

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"I think the coup was your military," Dave says, pressing a ballot on the person anyway. "But you can vote against alien meddling if you want!"

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"The aliens made them do it," says the protestor.

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"Mind-affecting magic is super illegal."

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"That's not what I meant but it's a very worrying possibility now that you mention it!"

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"What did you mean?"

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"They strongarmed them into it!"

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"Well, then you should vote no," says Dave.

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"This entire election is a farcical acquiescence to their intrusion!"

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"...I think there's a write-in option?"

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The yellow writes in a four paragraph screed in very tiny penmanship and resumes yelling at people.

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"Did you like the old government of Calado?"

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"They were Calador! They were our legitimate Senate!"

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"Is my translation thing glitching," he asks Cahmro.

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"Nah," says Cahmro.

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"We should do another purple neighborhood."

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They go to another purple neighborhood. Purples vote. An even gender mix of purples can be coaxed temporarily out of nail, hair, and makeup salons.

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"That's so weird, man."

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"What is?"

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"Guy cosmeticians."

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"What?" says a guy nail artist.

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" - on Earth we don't have castes but there are jobs for men and jobs for ladies and that's a lady job."

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"That's stupid," says the guy nail artist. "We don't have to do that if we do the aliens thing, do we?"

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" - of course not. Even on Earth people don't have to, they just want to."

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"I'm fucking amazing at nails," says the nail artist.

"He is," agrees one of his co-workers.

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"You do you, man."

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Purples take ballots.

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"Are dudes who do makeup and nails pretty much all gay or is that not a thing either," he asks Cahmro when they have left.

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"...what does that have to do with anything?"

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" - that's just how it is with humans. Also, like, musical theatre and fashion and shit, the dudes in that are gonna be gay."

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"I guess that's... convenient for them...? What the fuck?"

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"...I guess it doesn't seem weird if you're used to it. I don't think it's even a discrimination thing, not totally."

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"...why would it be?"

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" - like, you know, you can't be out so you can do plausibly deniable shit like musical theatre and fashion?"

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"Can you check if your translation thing is broken?"

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"I can turn it off and back on again." He does that. 

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"Say the thing again?"

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"It might be that there are so many gay men in fashion and theatre because if you can't be out, doing fashion and theatre is a decent way to meet other gay men."

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"If you can't be what?"

"Is this about the election?" asks a passerby.

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"No, sorry," - ballots, voting spiel - and when it's a bit quieter - "if you can't be out, like, if you're acting normal and pretending you're not gay."

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"...why would you do that?"

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" - so your folks don't kick you out or so you don't go to Hell or whatever -"

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"...the place the terraformers come from? Wait, why would your parents kick you out?"

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"...for being gay. Uh, not that Hell, some people think that you get an afterlife when you die if you're not resurrected and if you fucked men then you get tortured forever."

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"Is this about the voting thing?" asks a purple in confusion.

"No," says Cahmro, and, "how would kicking your kid out help with that exactly?"

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"No, no, not at all, it's about a religion on my homeworld - and yeah, it's not cool doing that, I don't know what people are thinking - I sorta do actually but maybe we shouldn't get into it now -"

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"Jeez, I was all, hey mom and dad I sprang way sideways, and they were like, oh, so did the boy at the shoe store with the ear piercings says my ballgame-watching friend, and I was like, ew, piercings, maybe if I can't find anybody on Sideways looking all day long."

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" - well I guess maybe lots of dudes in musical theatre will move to Calado."

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"That's not even a Calado thing. Well, Sideways is, I think other places you have to get some other app."

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"Maybe Amenta in general will be popular - things are better now, it's not illegal anymore, but -"

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"It usedta be illegal? Yeesh."

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"Oh, they'd kill you someplaces. Not in America, because we believe in freedom, but yeah."

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"To stop you from actually fucking any dudes so you wouldn't get tortured?"

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" - I think that's the idea yeah."

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"...okay..."

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"I guess it'd be right if they were right about the torture but far as we can tell when you die nothing happens till you get resurrected."

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"Yeah. Where'd they even get an idea like that?"

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"Jesus, except he didn't actually say much about that, it was more people interpreting."

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"Seems kind of irresponsible to make that kinda thing up."

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"I guess. It had some good stuff - like, most of it was good stuff, love your neighbor and be faithful to your wife and have faith in God and work hard and there'll be something good waiting for you on the other side - but there were also a lot of wars over it so who knows really. Maybe Jesus when we resurrect him but we haven't yet because it's really controversial."

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"That all sounds real bizarre, gotta tell you."

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"You've got the caste system and the pollution thing so we're even."

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"But what the heck business of Jesus's is it if you have extra on the side, if your wife doesn't care?"

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"- Might have kids with someone else and then you're a deadbeat dad. I really don't know why the bit about gay people, Jesus didn't actually say much about gay people."

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"Sounds like a mess." Ballots. New neighborhood.

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"I guess that doesn't happen here now, with kids being so hard to get, but did it happen before? A guy gets two girls pregnant and skips out on one and then she's in trouble -"

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"I dunno a lot of history but if you had a baby why would you leave and not, like, hold your baby? Maybe if you couldn't stand the girl, I guess that might happen."

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"Maybe that makes all the difference by itself, don't have to worry as much about being left to starve if the kid's dad wants the baby really bad. That's - good. That Amentans are that way, I mean."

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Cahmro makes a face.

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"Sucks to not get 'em?"

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"Like dying."

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"Well. As many as you want, now."

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"With who?" snorts Cahmro.

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"I guess you can't find lesbians playing softball and working as vet techs and cops, either, huh?"

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"...no? What a random bunch of things."

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Shrug. "You could get a Stork baby if you don't care if they're related to you."

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"What, they just give 'em out?"

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"The planet just makes them. Just babies, randomly appearing places."

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"The fuck?"

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"It's a weird multiverse, man. They used to mostly starve in the woods but now they adopt them all out. I don't think it's hard to get one, though, if you wanted one."

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"Yeah, maybe. Whenever I meet a lesbian if they don't turn me down for not having a permission in hand they turn me down for having a crazy brother."

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"Sucks. I'm sorry."

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"I guess maybe there's less picky lesbians now we're not gonna have to worry about permissions."

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"If this passes. Let's hit a few more neighborhoods."

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Purples. Greys. Purples. Greens, most of whom voted. Purples.

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Eventually his parole officer informs him that they should go back. 

"I promised him drinks."

      "Some other time, maybe."

"Sure, next week when they're a member! Hopefully."

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"Aw, man," says Cahmro.

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"I can take you home with me for drinks?"

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"Lemme see if Adro can go home with a friend."

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"Kay."

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Adro can do that.

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Then they can get drinks at a bar in Dave's hometown. Dave has friends who work in construction and security and drive food trucks and clean the shuttleports.

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Mostly purple. Dave knows where it's at.

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"It's a weird system," says one of Dave's friends. "Like, do I want government work, fuck no, but I think it'd piss me off if they were like 'no, we don't take your kind'."

"I might wanna be a senator," says the guy who cleans the shuttleports. "Seems like a cool job, odd jobs really, figure out what people want and get it done."

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"They don't have to say they don't, it's just a thing," says Cahmro. "But you're aliens so it's not like that I guess."

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"It seems a weird way for things to be like, like, I've got a sister who's smart as fuck and if she wants to be a kickasss union boss or start a company or whatever then that's great, right, but if she wants to go off to a fancy Warp university seems weird to be like 'nope' -"

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"Well, you're aliens," repeats Cahmro. "I think there's a place where intercaste kids are the same sex parent's caste? Maybe if you weren't aliens you could be that."

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" - my mom tailors dresses and my dad worked on an oil rig."

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"'S all purple. But you're aliens. So your sister can do whatever." Shrug.

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"Everything's purple."

"That's what I keep saying," Dave says. "Purple is the fucking caste, man. The rest of 'em are like accessories."

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Cahmro grins.

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Dave grins back at him. 

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Drinks! Yum. Alien booze.

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"Shouldn't have too many, not s'posed to teleport drunk and I gotta take you home."

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"Yeah, all right, I don't wanna wind up merged with a fuckin' tree or something." Snort. "Or in the sea."

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"Sorry 'bout that."

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"'S okay, I don't blame you, dude."

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"A thing they really drill into you in the meetings with the probation officer is, like, 'people who are around you when you're abusing your power, they don't know if they're going to make it home', and, like - yeah."

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"Yeah it was scary. I still think they overdid it on you though."

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Shrug. "Blues."

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"Blues!" He shakes a fist vaguely.

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"Ours aren't even blue! But they are, you know, important people leading important-people kinds of lives, that's just how a government's always gonna end up being."

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"Even with your fancy trial by random people off the street and your fancy unweigh- un- unweighted votes."

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"Oh, I think we're miles better than Calado. - not for queers I guess but for everyone else."

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"If you're tryin' to stop people from being tortured I guess your heart's in the right place. Don't kill me I've already fucked dudes."

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"Man I -"

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"What?"

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"I wouldn'ta brought it up if I knew it was, like, a thing for you personally, it can fuck people up being around people who are weird about it too much. Sorry."

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"It's not a thing, I live in Amenta, land of nobody ever got killed for springing sideways, I'm fine, man."

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"Whenever people are like 'the fuck' over the sanitation workers you can be like 'right back at you, man'."

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"Ha, sure. Like, yeah, but if a red sprang sideways they could fuck whichever other reds, no problem."

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"And, like, starving people in Africa. You don't have that. - we don't anymore but it took till the aliens to fix."

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"Don't have an Africa."

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"But you don't have a whole place with no internet and lots of starving people."

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"Shit, no. Everywhere's got internet. There were maybe some starving people when the moron in Voa did the thing?"

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"Oh?" says a friend.

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"Some moron blue in Voa like, got shit all over a bunch of food, so nobody would eat it."

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"Aren't blues your politicians? Why would you let them near food.'

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"He didn't personally like, go put it on things, he got reds to and covered them up."

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"The fuck."

"Enough that people were starving?"

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"They're a farmy country. I dunno how much he got but you couldn't be sure of any of it, right?"

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"Couldn't you just check?"

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"Nah."

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"We brought 'em food," says Dave. "One off food shortage is easy, you can just straight help. I think Prince Canafinwë also gave Tapa a new peninsula so they'd stop being at war."

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"Yeah all the maps changed. Adro said they changed the one in his classroom."

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"How does he pay for that -"

"Sings to them. Maybe also fucks them but the singing would be enough really."

 

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"The terraformers work for singing? Or sex?"

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"They can make whatever. Like, literally whatever, think of it and they make it. So you sell 'em intangibles."

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"Guess that makes sense. Greens're good for something. And oranges."

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"Fucking people for terraforming is orange?"

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"Well, fucking people for money is, but I think it'd be the same for terraforming."

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"You can also just take them places so they see new things they might wanna make. Or recommend them books or whatever. Demons're cool."

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"Makin' us planets, that's really cool."

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"And they do the police and stuff - not often, the rule is like, you turn yourself in and then the courts respect that you were honest and admitted it and that the demons could spend their time on planets, but like people wouldn't turn themselves in if they didn't know the courts could demon it."

"And they help people recover old documents and rebuild historic sites and stuff, lotsa people are really into that."

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"Green," yawns Cahmro.

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"We gotta dupe of the house my family built when we first moved out to the frontier, it was pretty cool," says one of Dave's friends.

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"Okay, that's cool."

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"Would all demons be purple, cuz making stuff?"

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"Eh, if they make art and shit that's green."

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"Is, like, country music purple or green, I feel like it wouldn't work to have it be green."

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"All music is green. I mean, if you do it professional, you can sing 'Pass the Pitcher' at a party or noodle around on a music app. I dunno what country music is."

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" - it's, like, songs by real people about real people. I really don't think greens could do it. Like, you know, 'I'm sick of waiting tables, I'mma get out of this two-stoplight town and go to the city', that's a country song. 'Don't fucking offer me overtime, I'll work my shift and then I'll go get drunk', that's a country song."

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"What's a stoplight?"

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"Says which direction cars can go on a road."

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"They don't already know that?"

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"You change it so there's better traffic flow."

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"Huh."

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"We could go to a karaoke bar, people sing country songs, you'd get the idea."

"Most people sing 'em pretty terribly, though."

"Are there Elf karaoke bars?"

"All Elf bars are karaoke bars but there's no Elf country music."

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"I won't know any of the songs," says Cahmro.

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"Someone should, like, translate them, make it big on Amenta with purple music."

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"Ha, yeah. There's catchy green stuff but it's not like you said."

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"Yeah, you'd have pop music, that's different."

"I know a guy who could maybe pull that off, do a bunch of covers for Amenta."

"You should tell him to go for it!"

"The Amentans won't be like 'but you can't do a concert, you're not green'?"

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"You're aliens, you can do whatever."

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Aliens drink and talk about which songs they'd translate and how to make sure no one thinks they're alien-equivalent-of-green because ugh.

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"Wear a purple hat."

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" - seriously?"

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"Yeah, that's what people do if they don't wanna dye their hair but it's wrong. Hats. Purple hat on alien hair."

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"- maybe if it was, like, not a girly purple," says someone dubiously.

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Cahmro scratches his amethyst curls, puzzled.

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"You get used to it when you see a bunch of them," says Dave.

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"You guys sure assign girls a lot of random shit."

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Humans shrug. "It's weird that you don't have that, really."

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"Why?"

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"Like, I feel like it'd fuck with romance? Like, who asks who out, that kinda thing."

"He's gay," says Dave.

"That's cool, that's cool, I'm cool with that. But for people who aren't gay."

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"Whoever has the idea? That the two of them should date? Since we're not psychic?"

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" - no, see, if a girl likes a guy she has her friends tell him, and the guy asks her out if he likes her too."

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"...why?"

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"It's more attractive."

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"So why don't guys do that too, have their friends tell girls..."

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" - because girls don't find that more attractive, they find it attractive being asked out."

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"Aliens," snorts Cahmro.

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Aliens are glad he came out drinking with them. Eventually Dave'll bounce him back to Elendil for a late shuttle home. "Hope the vote's all good now."

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"Hope so."

 


It squeaks by.

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Calado gets a planet and alien humanitarian organizations descend to build homeless shelters and schools and clinics and a proper shuttleport.

 

Vanda Nossëo inquires after how much longer the blues they're holding on Calado's behalf are expected to be held.

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"I want to hold an actual presidential election. They can submit candidacies remotely if they like, even. When there's a non-coup-installed president then they can come home," says Sondayo.

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Blues in prison are informed of this!

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Some of them do in fact attempt to run for president.

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Dave takes the shuttle route between Calado and its colony planet and asks for recommendations on where to live in Calado.

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"You wanna live in a purple neighborhood? Mine's kinda shit, if I could I'd move to Bronze Hill."

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"Or we could spruce yours up, get an angel to refit the place and stuff - what's wrong with it -"

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"It's just kind of run down and dead. You saw it. Rent'd go way up if it was nice."

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"See, this is why you gotta own your own place, so when you put your sweat into it you're the one who profits."

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"I can't afford an apartment building, man."

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"Your government should do what America did way back in the day, we said if you went out to frontier and built a house on some land no one was using and defended it and improved it then it was yours."

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"Dunno how to build a house. They aren't even space efficient and there wouldn't be trains."

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"You've got a planet, you don't have to worry about space efficient."

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"Are they just gonna keep giving us more planets? I guess we could do buses."

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"I think that they're gonna get cheaper with more demons in play. But seriously, one of them'll last you a while, it's got more land area than here."

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"I guess I could farm shit. Farmers cope with not being near everything."

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"I could help you put a place together and then we can just teleport into the city whenever."

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"Hey, yeah, that's a good reason to want to teleport, you can live someplace with a helluva view and just," he snaps his fingers, "for groceries."

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"Yup! It's a great deal all around really. We could hop around the colony planet this weekend, look around."

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"Let's do it."

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Grin.

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Yvalta has adopted a policy of not letting entire families leave the country at the same time; there is still some attrition, but they keep it slow. Other permissions-based countries are either taking this opportunity to force through the next most popular population control policy or wheedling more servants than just the red-replacement golems out of Vanda Nossëo.

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Vanda Nossëo is happy to help places manage dwindling populations and can also recommend countries to potential immigrants if the countries will have humane and consistently enforced laws for them.

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Yvalta would actually be a really nice place to live if you didn't want any kids. Other countries have issues with "humane" or "consistently enforced" or don't want the cultural dilution.

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If they'd rather have servants they get servants. Yvalta gets some cheerful Elf and human immigrants; the Elves mostly wear green silk headscarves and sing and paint and buy up an apartment building and make it absurdly pretty, and the humans do all kinds of things. A particularly successful one organizes redubbing of alien television for Yvalta audiences.

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President Sondayo Insho is reelected mostly because nobody else can pull together a large base of support. Ex-senators go home. They are annoyed but not very troublesome.

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Dave's impression is that they aren't missed.

 

They bounce around looking for places for the house.

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"People say Calado has nice weather but they're morons," says Cahmro, looking at a snowy slope. "I've never been sledding. I wanna go sledding."

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"Sledding's okay. Snowboarding is where it's at. We could do a house here. Great views."

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"Hell yeah. Trees and sky and shit."

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"D'you know people who know how to build it? I want to help - it's good luck, living in a place you built with your own hands - but you've gotta be learning from people who know how."

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"I can find some school friends or whatever, yeah."

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"Cool."

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Cahmro finds some people who know how to build houses. "We could get an architect but we could also just dick around with an architecture app and use that."

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"Let's do that. Are there building codes and shit?"

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"Oh, yeah, probably." A builder friend knows these things. They are not substantially restrained if they own the plot and there aren't neighbors.

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"How do we set about owning the plot exactly."

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The government is selling it off! They can get a parcel large enough for a big house and a yard for a sum that Dave can handle pretty readily.

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Dave is delighted to be buying a house on the frontier. "It's not even awful because of the native Americans."

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"The who?"

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"Oh, like when we were settling the real frontier we were murdering the locals."

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"Oh, yeah, everybody did that."

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"Yeah but it's still horrible. This is all the settling the frontier without any murdering."

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"Definitely better."

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"There's a project to get them all back now, course, but it's complicated."

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"How come?"

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"Like, you're waking up in such a different world - people don't do as well if they haven't got anything they can do and anyone counting on them - you were murdered when your kid wasn't yet one and they grew up and died of old age, what do you do with that -"

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"Haven't y'all been doing this long enough that you have something for that? Beats me what, but..."

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"They could make it possible to fork living people but they haven't, dunno why."

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"So what do they do about that?"

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"Dunno. Probably whatever worked best for Mîr but I haven't actually been to Mîr."

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"Huh."

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"Mîr has, like, the most data, because they've got on-demand resurrection."

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"Why doesn't everybody have that?"

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"Same reason you can't summon terraformers to Calado, and same reason Loki doesn't just put planets in a different orbit so their seasons are right for Amentans. Stuff has a range limit."

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"Dang."

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"Yeah. Though dunno, lots of people are glad they're not in range of Mîr because they like their independence and stuff."

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"Yeah, that's fair."

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And they can plan a house!

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House! "You sure you're okay to live with my brother? I can't leave him. Maybe being out here'll be good for him though, he's not getting any better in our craphole."

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"Yeah, if he's scaring me I can just leave."

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"Fair enough. He's never hurt a person, anyway." So there are rooms for three purples and one human.

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"And some guest rooms for buddies who want to come skiing, that's the best thing about having a house at a place for skiing."

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"Good plan."

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"And maybe one for the lesbian and her girlfriend."

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"If I find a lesbian, yeah - then we'd need more rooms for kids - this is gonna be a mansion, damn -"

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"Owning a mansion you didn't build makes you a twit but owning a mansion you built with your own hands doesn't. It's like being rich off investments compared to being rich off building a business."

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"...I never particularly thought of there being a difference."

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"They're different. No shame in being rich because you made the world richer. If you're rich because your daddy was, or because you shuffled money around and got lucky, well, you're not any better than anyone else and you shouldn't start thinking so."

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"There's not a house here," nods Cahmro, "and we're gonna put one in, and it can be big."

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"You got it."

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This will cost money.

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Dave can pick up some extra hours. "You could come along sometimes and hang out, make the back-and-forth less tedious."

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"Sure, when my brother's doing all right and Adro's in school."

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Dave shuttles people from Calado-colony to Calado-proper to Elendil to Revelation to Limbo to Ambaróna to Vanda Nossëo to Avast to Vanda Nossëo colony Esheme and then he goes back again. 

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Cahmro sits near the driver's seat and chats and people-watches. Occasionally Adro comes.

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The shuttle has a steering wheel and horn in honor of Dave's old bus. They don't do anything, of course - the whole thing is powered by Dave's teleport - but Adro can spin them and honk if he wants.

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Spin! Honk!

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Elendil! Revelation! Vanda Nossëo!

 

 

 

The Elf who adopted some Yvaltan oranges stops by their home to check on them.

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Vae isn't showing yet but they look infinitely happier. They're cuddled up on the couch; she's embroidering and he's on his everything.

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"Hey! How are you guys doing?"

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"It's so nice here," Lynt smiles.

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"I'm glad! I don't know if you saw or not but there's a House that's a member state now..."

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"- do you want us to move -"

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" - no, of course not, you can stay forever - but if you wanted to, I wanted to make sure you knew."

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"Maybe when the baby's going to spring." Lynt pats Vae's midsection.

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He beams at them. "That'll be a long time, what with Valinor."

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They giggle.

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"Do you need anything?"

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"Everyone's been so helpful. We have everything we need here."

"It's so nice. Thank you so much."

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"Of course. Write me if you ever want to visit somewhere else, okay?"

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"We might want to show the baby more places sometime. But there's a whole beautiful planet here. Thank you."

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"Sure.

 

Uh, Yvalta's not letting people leave."

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"- oh no. Even though there's a member House -?"

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"The other Houses were less excited about it. Some people fled to that one, but lots got stopped, they executed people for breach of contract -"

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Nod.

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"Is there something we should be doing?"

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"- like what?"

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" - I don't really know. Taking more people home with us."

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"Maybe."

"It worked for us."

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He bites his lip and nods. "You could write a blog post about it or something? So people know they can ask."

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"I don't have a blog..."

"I used to but I haven't updated in a season and a half."

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Nod. 

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"I could write my sister. I don't know what I'd say."

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"You don't have to, just, maybe more people would talk to the Elves in Yvalta if they knew we'd help."

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"I can update my blog."

"I'll write my sister."

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"Thanks so much. I'm so happy for you both - take care -"

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"Thank you."

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He smiles at them. He heads out.

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There is an uptick in random Yvaltans flinging themselves at passing aliens.

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- passing Elves will more-or-less reliably take the Yvaltans home with them and quietly arrange a teleporter from there. Passing humans are just kind of baffled and higher-variance.

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Well, not everyone spots an Elf, but they preferentially fling themselves at Elves.

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" - why the flinging," says an anxious Elf who has brought some Yvaltans home to wait for a teleporter, "you could just hand us a note or something."

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"What if you didn't read it before we got noticed doing it?" asks one of the rescued purples.

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"- would you be in trouble, I know that in practice they stop people leaving but surely it's allowed -"

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"Not for everyone - and it's not good to get people angry even if you're allowed -"

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"Oh. They don't bother us when they're angry."

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Nod.

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Teleporter pops in. "Thank you," says local Elf.

"For sure. Where to?"

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"The one House's colony planet - they're taking jumpers, right -"

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"Yeah, they are." Pop.

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The colony planet is colonized.

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A mansion gets built in a scenic skiing site in Calado's new colony.

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And Cahmro and his brother and nephew move in.

Nephew is entranced by snow and builds in it. Brother is on drugs - "didn't know how else to get him here, I got some from the electrician -"

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Nod. "I hope it helps."

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"It calms him down as long as he's on it but it makes him sick after. Not crazy, just like throwing up." He makes a face.

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"Wonder if healing helps with that. I was gonna apply in ten years for a promotion to the really fucking serious teleport and they give you healing powers with that one but I haven't got anything right now - I could call someone in maybe -"

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"Why do you get healing powers with the better teleport?"

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"Better teleport is a Loki spell, and if you're screened for any of them you might as well get the healing because the healing is really good. It's incredibly hard to qualify, though - I might get rejected because not a clean record - that teleport can move stars. You can't have anyone who ever fucks up or who any price could buy or who might change their mind about what they care about."

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"Shiiiit."

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"You don't need it for much but evacuating a panicked crowd of people - or I could've teleported away with your gun and left you alone - or if another planet's sun ever went out -"

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"It feels like so fucking long ago I decided, oh, I bet I could sell some magic shit."

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"I spent a while wishing I'd just left it alone. I'm glad I didn't."

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"You're cool."

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"I think most people are, if you get to know 'em."

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"There's usually some reason you don't, you know? I'm glad they made you write me that cheesy letter."

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"I'll tell the court that. They'll be so pleased with themselves."

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Cahmro laughs.

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...Dave kisses him.

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Cahmro squeaks in a very undignified way and then kisses him back.

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"Shoulda recorded that, that was adorable." Kiss.

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"Woulda warned you if I'd known it was gonna happen." Kiss.

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"So I think this is a species difference," Dave says after a few minutes, "but if you were a human girl at this point I'd, like, back off and suggest we get dinner next week, to show that I'm cool and don't just wanna fuck you."

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"...well if it were spring that would be a totally unfair tease but I'm not even reseasoning to here yet so if you wanna do that we can do that?"

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"Not really but I don't know what the Amentan thing would be."

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"I mean, do you wanna fuck? There's not a thing that happens whether you wanna do it or not."

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"- yeah, I do."

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Kiss.

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This teleport spell doesn't let you take people but not their clothes with you but they will somehow manage anyway.

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It's the frontier, a perfect place for low-tech traditional solutions to problems.

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And they built their house themselves. That's the best kind of house and the best kind of life.

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Cahmro also thinks that this is the best.