Lydia Martin is not, let it be said, always prepared for anything. In particular, Milliways is difficult to prepare for.

She sighs, but takes a seat next to the obvious royalty.

"Hello. Which kingdom do you come from?"

"I am from the Kingdom of Hyrule. It's a pleasure to meet you. This is such an interesting place, isn't it? Interesting people, an interesting bar. Plus, it's a wonderful break. Where are you from?"

"The United States of America, on planet Earth. It's a republic. Is it nice being queen? We mostly did away with those."

"Who said I was Queen? Perhaps our princesses get crowns as well, not just the reigning monarch." Sigh. "But, yes. I am princess regnant. I'm not a queen. Not until I find a husband. Which is, most unfortunately, urgent. I have nothing against republics, but they are not what the people of Hyrule need at the moment."

"That is one benefit of a republic; a woman president wouldn't need to be married. Why is Hyrule so in need of a queen?"

"We are rebuilding after Calamity Ganon was finally sealed away once again. There is much to gain by restoring law and order, rebuilding roads, promoting trade and education, exterminating monster infestations... Left alone, the inhabited regions of Hyrule would not prosper as well as a light touch of royalty can help them to. And nobody is really prepared for a republic. I tried to propose an advisory parliament at the first meeting of the chiefs, but Chief Yunobo wanted revenge for a thousand-year-old insult from the Zora and the Zora wanted me to forbid certain cultural practices of the Gerudo but the Gerudo would have none of it and the Rito said if the Gerudo didn't have to abide by a parliament they didn't see the point and the mayors of middle towns all wanted lots of royal services and no taxes which is just not possible..."

Headshake. "Perhaps later, when things are more settled. Plus, I'm rambling and should stop complaining about how life is hard. It's not, compared to ten years ago."

"I'm sure changing over to a republic is hard. I was born after the work was done. What kind of monsters? I might know people who can help."

Smile. "I am on the lookout for this sort of thing. Bar, can I have Link's book?"

Here's a book called Monsters Of Hyrule And What To Do If You See One.

...The monsters are physical creatures, perfectly vulnerable to mundane swords, arrows, and the like. Some of them are very tough and scary, but none are curiously invulnerable, apparently. The problem is there's a lot and they keep coming back during "blood moons", which are not entirely understood but are probably Calamity Ganon's fault.

"Our world has werewolves. They're perfectly ordinary most of the time, but they can take a more powerful, destructive form at need. They're stronger during full moons. We also have magic, but I know less about that. If I convince at least one werewolf to move to your world, would that help?"

"We have enough strange, magical things already. The Royal University has its work cut out for it. I am hesitant to recruit outside factors. But thank you for offering."

"Fair enough. How many strange, magical things do you have?"

"Easily dozens. And yourself? How does your republic work, anyway? Perhaps it will help me set up one of my own, eventually."

"Everyone who's registered to vote can vote for representatives, who vote on laws. We also vote on a president, who approves or vetoes proposed laws. If you want to take a look at our constitution, I can go over what I remember."

"That would be interesting, but, it's not urgent. I think Goddess Hylia is giving me a hint to take a break, showing me a place like this..."

"I guess being princess is busy even during the best of times. What do you do with your free time?"

"I love riding through nature! Too dangerous, bah. There aren't so many monsters around lately, and if I have an escort... And I like studying magic. The chiefs say I should focus on statecraft, that's why I pay researchers, but it's interesting and directly useful. I wrote a book about optimal elixir mixtures from common ingredients and people actually use it! What sort of things does an American do for fun?"

"Does most of magic involve elixirs? It sounds interesting. I use most of my time to throw parties and learn math. The math is more interesting, but networking is important."

"Not most, but it's an important field. Parties can be fun, but the networking can be annoying, yes. Math! Math is almost magic on its own. Is this math more like, say, accounting? Or optimizing things like how to place roads? Or estimating things like how much opal the Goron mines will produce from such-and-such a vein of ore?"

"If I do anything practical with it, it'll be physics. Closest to the last one, but not really. Our world runs on physics. Is that translating?"

"We have a fair understanding of the physical world's rules. The laws of motion, gravitation, the motion of the planets around the sun, the atomic principle... How magic interacts with and breaks those rules is often a confusing subject, however."

"I can imagine. Nothing we have fits our models yet. That might be my contribution. Not enough physicists know about werewolves."

"Are they very obscure or something?"

"They're in hiding. I'm working on dismantling the whole conspiracy, but the werewolves want to stay hidden as much as the werewolf hunters want them to."

"That seems... Sucpicious. The Yiga Clan tried to maintain secrecy. And they wanted to free Calamity Ganon and destroy the world."

"Werewolves aren't anywhere near that organized. It seems to be mostly inertia, and the fear of a...murderous arms race."

She gives a royal frown. "Well, it's not my business. It seems a mite dangerous to import or export magic, though I will certainly be importing knowledge from Bar, here. Hmm." Smile, "Any recommendations for foreign food? This 'milkshake' is delightful. Like the good parts of a cake in frozen liquid form."

"I'm not the best person for food recommendations. I hear pizza is a staple, but it's too greasy for me. If you're looking for something sweet, I'd recommend madelines. If you're looking for something savory, try...quiche."

"I've had quiche. And others have mentioned pizza. I'll try it, and madelines, later. I am curious what is so appealing about math. I could ramble about elixir ingredient properties for hours, I know."

"Math is at the root of all of our physical laws. It's as much discovered as invented. There are still open problems. There might always be open problems. It's something to aspire to."

"And werewolves, and magic, make discovering the real ones even harder, don't they?"

"In some ways, yes. Most of the problems caused by our magic are conveniently only relevant to werewolves and other supernatural creatures. It looks like everything works as we thought it did, except for a few additional complications."

"My people are more concerned about building new lives than seeking true knowledge at the moment. I don't really blame them. But figuring out the world is a romantic notion."

"I haven't been able to focus on it lately, for similar reasons. How is the rebuilding going?"

"I don't really have something to compare it to. We have actual taxes, now, instead of using what was left of the old treasury and appealing to patriotism. Most of the major bridges are fixed. We're working out who owns the land that was overrun in the original Calamty now - the records are mostly gone so I'm tempted to just claim the whole lot as royal property and hand it out relatively fairly, maybe give out reparations to people who squawk about how their grandparents had a farm there before. The Royal University is starting its third year of teaching and we have a few hundred students this time."

"How many people live in your kingdom? How many kingdoms are there?"

"There are approximately two million people in all of Hyrule. We knew about at least a dozen other kingdoms before the Calamity - one still exists, we are trading with them. Two are known to have fallen entirely. The rest, the Expedition Corps has not found their fate as of yet."

"I'm sorry. What exactly was it? The calamity."

"Ganon, the evil god and counterpart to Goddess Hylia, cannot be destroyed entirely. Whenever he returns, Goddess Hylia calls forth a hero with the bravery of ages, and a princess with the bloodline of a goddess..." She smiles sadly. "And they seal him away once again. Apparently, most of the time it goes smoothly. It did not, just before the Great Calamity."

"This is a recurring problem? How often?"

"That is not entirely clear. The good guesses say between once every hundred years, to about once every thousand."

"Why was this time different?"

"Sheikah technology. We thought we were going to use it against Ganon. Instead, he used it against us."

She shakes her head. "Fine. I'm telling the story again. Before the Calamity began but after the Sages were predicting it would be soon, we unearthed ancient Sheikah technology, wonders of a society that understood magic far better than we do now, and studied them. The four Divine Beasts were the greatest weapons against the foretold return of Ganon we could imagine, but just as he returned he slew all four champions who had trained to pilot them, and turned the divine beasts, and the army of automated warriors, the Guardians, against us. Link was the hero - I was the princess. I... I didn't have any kind of divine power like the prophesies said I should. We tried to fight Ganon anyway. It did not go well. Suddenly, in desperation, I found my promised power. I brought Link to the Shrine of resurrection, hid the legendary sword, marched back to the castle, and entered a... A fugue state that held Ganon and I locked in suspended time. For one hundred and one years. Apparently. And then Link came back and sealed him."

"Are you sure you're not accepting outside help? That sounds monumentally unfair."

"Goddess Hylia is helping us. I have not yet met anyone who I would trust in Hyrule if they had as much power as a goddess."

"I see. Does Hylia often help?"

"She does what she can. I see how it wouldn't seem so - she does nothing direct - but I really believe it. Heart Containers and the dragons' magic are her doing. The Sages' power is her doing. The Master Sword, the sword that seals the darkness, and the fact that Hyrule's life prospers even in the worst conditions is her doing."

"What exactly are 'heart containers'?"

"If you touch one with the intent to claim its power, you absorb it, and become - tougher, more vital, more enduring. Even naturally enduring people see very noticeable benefits from just one."

"Those seem useful. If you're not accepting help, are you selling it? If those work for us, we'd be a lot better off. Have you ever used one yourself?"

"I have used them myself. Two of them. They were very invigorating. They are - Very rare, unfortunately. I would have to charge a lot of money for one. I have healing potions that I can practically give away, however. The fact that these are consumable is a significant drawback, of course."

She nods.

"What do you need that you might be willing to take home?"

"Mostly tools and knowledge at this point, I think. We're going to try and build aeroplanes, electric carriages, cotton mills, and the like with what I learned here."

"That does sound useful. You're a bit behind for most of the best stuff. What's the state of the art for medicine in Hyrule?"

"...Healing potions? They don't do much for aging, but most injuries can be worked out easily with some."

"How do those work? Nothing we have is as comprehensive as that sounds."

"I'm not a doctor. You drink healing potions and you eat food, or get fed some soup, and your body grows whole and healthy again."

"I suppose there's less time for curiosity during a Calamity."

"And I'm not a doctor. I'm sure our doctors know much more about the details - I mostly know how to make them."

"That's fair. You must have a lot of responsibilities."

"Indeed. One person can only do so much." She sighs a bit. "Things are getting better. And for all that ordinary people will say about it, I just wish it wasn't so very difficult to run a kingdom sometimes."

"It must be difficult. How does your reincarnation figure into things? In my experience, monarchies are hereditary. You said something about the bloodline of the goddess?"

"Oh, I didn't quite die. And the crown recognized me. Bloodline of the goddess just means I descended from the royal line, which was started by a child blessed by Goddess Hylia with great power."

"Magical crowns seem convenient. You've never had your authority questioned? I suppose the Calamity would count towards that."

"It helped that a few of the oldest people in most places remembered the old king's reign, particularly the Zora. And that I didn't ask for any taxes for the first two years - we used what was left of the treasure halls instead."

"Who are the Zora? Some of your citizens?"

"Yes. They're a race of aquatic people. Fascinating history and culture, very artful. They live much longer lives than Hylians - Easily two hundred and fifty years. The Zora king knows me. He swore fealty to the Hylian crown again and that was that."

"How many kinds of people does your world have? It does sound fascinating."

"In my kingdom, we have Hylians like me, the Zora, the Gorons, the Rito, and the Gerudo - who look and live mostly like Hylians but there are a few key differences. Ah, and Koroks. There are others beyond our borders."

"It must be complicated to please everyone. What are Koroks?"

"Koroks are a sort of forest people. They're... Strange, even by our standards. They're tree-like, small, patient, childishly playful, very very shy, and only a very few people can actually see them."

"Most of our kinds of people are derived from the same basic model, humans."

"Like you? Or me, barring the ears? There are probably more subtle differences, though. The Gerudo are basically like me as well. Taller, stronger, dark skin - And they only ever have female children, they need to find Hylian fathers for them, which makes relations... Interesting." The bad kind of 'interesting', apparently.

"Our variety of people mostly prey on humans, which is part of the issue- kitsune are friendliest, but they can be deadly without being predatory."

"The preying in our case is mostly metaphorical and whipped into hysteria by reactionary women who think some Gerudo stole their boyfriend. I'm not saying there aren't ever rape-flavored - or banditry-flavored - problems with the Gerudo, but they're nowhere near as bad as Mayor Brigham would have you believe, for example. And they're just as often the victims as the perpetrators."

“Less metaphorical in our case, and it’s more that they feed on us, but the violence does go both ways. Is Mayor Brigham a significant problem, politically?”

"Yes. She is. Seems to resent everything I try to do on principle, possibly to garner support from the small minority who agree with her."

"How strong is their loyalty? Do they disagree on other issues?"

She takes off the crown, looking tired. "You're trying to be helpful but I don't actually want to talk politics right now. Bar, can I have some of this 'pizza' thing."

Pizza appears. Topped with mushrooms.

"I suppose I can sympathize. What would you like to talk about?"

"...I don't actually know." She looks at the pizza slightly dubiously. "I don't suppose you know any easy and casual dice games or something?"

"I know plenty of card games. I suppose the simplest is Go Fish."

She retrieves a pack of cards from the bar.

The rules are explained and now she's playing Go Fish with a princess! What a strange place.

"Do you have makeup at home? I don't need all the gory details of personal grooming, but I'll admit I'm curious."

Nod. "There's makeup, yes. I'm not sure how much magic goes into the making of it and how much is just - normal pigments and things. I know there was an issue with whitener a couple of decades ago. It was a lot more toxic long-term than we suspected. I've had doctors testing that sort of thing more thoroughly recently."

"Bar might have books on that. We had some issues, and if they're similar enough, more information should help."

She requests something on the history of makeup, which covers the kinds of ingredients used and why they've landed on the modern ones.

"...Ah, so it was the lead powder. Interesting. Thanks for the book recommendations, both of you."

"There should be information there about artificial pigments, but I wouldn't recommend following our lead- there are probably improvements we haven't made because we're limited by the mental inertia that plagues most people."

"There's something to be said about making slow, measured changes. Particularly if they affect many people at once. There's a man in Hateno Town who is a genius with paint and dye, though, I'm sure he'll enjoy this book."

"Of course. You know your own kingdom. Can I ask about the clothes? It's a bit frivolous, but they're an interest of mine. Not just yours, the world in general."

"Hm, I'm not sure what you want to know about them?"

"How are they made? By magic, or without? What are the styles?"

"Most clothes are made by hand. Armor and the like uses forging... Uh." She asks Bar for a book. "This is the sort of thing that's typical for nice-but-not-fancy wear. Styles vary quite a bit with region, though. Some clothes have magic infused in them. Practical-looking clothes, even if they're not actually practical, are popular."

"Interesting. It's not something I would wear in my world, but I can see the appeal. Are there different expectations for queens?"

"Of course, why wouldn't there be? Light-colored dresses with elaborate patterns, ruffles and puffs and things that are impossible to move around in but make you look thoughtful and regal and shiny."

"I'm dealing with a world which has a surprising number of differences, given that we appear to be essentially the same type of person. I was considering asking if you have examples of clothes from the other species on your world, but I don't want to waste your time getting books. Your world sounds like ours used to be, besides the magic and the other species. And the Calamity Ganon."

"I could give you a few recommendations, at least. And I'm given to understand that the door tries to arrange interesting conversations, so worlds with some sort of similarity makes sense."

She'll take recommendations.

"I wonder how many intelligent species most worlds have. One must be uncommon."

"I don't think we have enough information to draw reasonable conclusions. But we could ask Bar."