"Uh. Fine?" says Tev.

"I eat well," says Tev.

"Good plan," says Tev.

"Is everyone I meet going to tell me how tall I am?" wonders Tev. "I have noticed. Nothing against you personally, Warden."

"Yes. I one-hand. Although I'm starting to think the shortened hilt was a mistake, because when my shield is off making friends I might like to use both hands for the sword."

Jahenna's brow furrows. "Autonomous shield? That's odd. I- have never heard of that. Which does not make sense. I have heard of everything."

"You haven't heard of this. It's not exactly autonomous," he says. "I control it. Mostly. It's a little temperamental. I picked it up on my way out of... a place." Why do so many conversations seem to end in him having to describe the place.

"Some people are definitely dead," he says. "I think some of them might have gotten away, though. I was a little out of it."

Tev offers no opinions on the subject of recruiting maleficars.

The pace towards the plume of smoke and likely maleficar: quick, but not quite an outright run. Running implies panic. Quickness implies... urgency.

There appears to have been a fire in the upper floors of the temporary chapel. Zann is nearby whistling innocently while a Tranquil throws frost runes at the blaze.

"Hi! Did you come to help with the fire? There's really no need, I think Billy over there has it under control."

The Tranquil turns to look... slightly less blank than usual, in the shape of what might almost be a glare. "My name is not Billy. It is Janon."

"Sorry, Billy."

"Please explain how this fire started. Using the truth, if possible."

"Well, it's a wooden building. And the attic was full of scrolls, Chant of Light and that shit. Maybe someone dropped a candle?"

"It's broad daylight."

"You set it on fire," says Tev, lest they continue this runaround for an hour.

Zann spares a glance at Tev, then spares another one. "Fuck, were you missing the day they passed around the short? In what way is this fair?" At Jahenna's look, she admits, "The Reverend Mother... may have been saying certain things about how magic must serve man. And I may have had... the passing thought... that she must have better things to do. And just as I thought that, the chapel caught fire, as though by a miracle. Have we considered that I may be the next great prophet of the Maker?"

Tev snorts.

...Tev decides not to interfere.

Tev attempts to look pious and vaguely unsettled. He succeeds at the vaguely unsettled part.

"Hypothetically," says Tev, "the Revered Mother looked about ready to hit you over the head and dump you off the walls, which would probably make it harder to control your hypothetical fire."

"She would try."

"Got it."

"Is there a good reason we can't take multiple vials of blood from one darkspawn?" wonders Tev. This seems like a reasonable question to him.

"Excellent question," nods Jahenna. "Yes. Don't do that. Any further questions?"

"And what if I want to know anyway?"

Tev sighs. He does not openly acknowledge Jahenna's offer.

"I'm sure it will."

The wolves find themselves suddenly incinerated.

"The Joining is where you use the blood you've collected to essentially turn yourself into a little bit of a Darkspawn. It's got a few side effects, but none that are particularly prohibitive apart from a somewhat shortened lifespan, and it's the only way to end a Blight. And there's a death rate, but out of the three of you only Morty is at all likely to incur it, because you're a brick fucking house and Zann's a blood mage."

"...Is there a good reason why Duncan doesn't want us knowing all that?"

"For whatever reason, the recruitment rate goes down when you tell people they're turning themselves into monsters and they're a certain amount likely to die in the process. Fancy that."

"I'm not sure I'd call that a good reason."

"Oh, a moralist. Lovely. You know how there's an archdemon, and we're the only way it can possibly be killed? I think that's a pretty fucking good reason."

"So you're telling me because...?"

"Because you're in no actual danger and you're clearly stubborn enough that it could have gone very, very badly if, say, we sprung it on you with no warning and you disagreed with our assessment. Forgive me for being inconsistent in the interest of keeping a half-bronto elf from lopping my head off."

"Fine."

"You are still going to go through with the Joining, right? It really is necessary to saving Ferelden and probably Thedas in general. And there's fringe benefits."

"Fringe benefits?"

"My sword is a couple of centimeters taller than I am. If you think a woman my size should be able to lift that thing, let alone murder with it one-handed, you are incorrect. Let's see... perfect metabolism. Ability to sense danger, plus various boosted senses in general. Increased sexual stamina, or so I've heard. Immunity to disease, courtesy of the Taint seeking it out and murdering it. You won't age until the day you're supposed to die. Any latent magical abilities you may have get heightened. It's a nice package deal all 'round."

"I don't think I'm in this for the fringe benefits," says Tev.

"Well, save the world for its own sake then. I'm not stopping you, that's why I signed on."

"In fact I think the fringe benefits are a little worrying. If I get any stronger I'm going to have trouble opening doors."

"If the strength weren't controllable I couldn't open doors. It may well give you a better hold on what you've got now. The Taint plays nice with the powers, it wants us to sign up to be hurlocks or whatever."

"Well that's comforting."

"More comforting than the alternative."

"Which alternative?"

"The one where it didn't act nice? The one where we all just turned into ogres or something? The one where we're ruled over by King Archdemon I? Pick one, they all suck ever so slightly more than the current options."

"If you want to look at it that way, I guess."

Tev unhooks his shield from his back and looks around for something to kill with it.

Tev sends his shield through the one with a staff and draws his sword while the shield is in the air.

The shield comes back to Tev's arm. He heads for the one with the staff, killing any darkspawn that gets in his way.

Tev wonders if the leek problem applies to his shield, too. He isn't quite ready to try throwing it. Aggressively flailing a leek works pretty well when the leek is a greatsword, and losing the shield would be a problem.

What in the fuck is that sound?

(Jahenna quickly downs a glowing red potion and converts herself into a whirlwind of gratuitously excessive death.)

Oh good. He has his coordination back. Time to kill things.

Between the three of them, it is an extremely short fight.

Afterwards, the blood-spattered Qunari turns to his battle companions. "Hello! Who are you? We don't get many visitors, in the Wilds. Nice swords."

"I'm Tev," says Tev. "You live out here?"

"Yep. It's nice here! I mean, when it's not full of darkspawn. Then it's not nice, though it's a hell of a lot more fun. What brings you here?"

"Darkspawn, actually."

"Ah! Are you those Grey Wardens I've heard of? I had been wondering. I mean, Blight and all, we'd expected you a bit sooner... Anyway, what specifically about the darkspawn? Are the two of you going to kill every hurlock in the Wilds? Because somehow I doubt it."

(Jahenna declines to comment. Jahenna has been declining to comment for a while. She is looking pensively at this Qunari apostate gentleman and thinking very hard about certain things.)

"That would be kind of difficult, wouldn't it. Who's 'we'?"

"Me and my mother. We live here, so as to hide from unpleasant people who would really like it if we were dead. But she mentioned to me that I might have to help some people near the outskirts, and not to be cagey with them, which is good, because I'm shit at lying. Also, she said I should bring them to meet her. But she said there would be three of you, so I'm a little bit confused."

"Does she usually predict who you're going to meet better than that?"

"She could've told me what you had for breakfast, usually. So it's kind of odd, y-"

Abruptly, an elf appears! (Also a bedraggled-looking human in a battered flower crown. He is carrying her things.)

"It's been fucking forever, what is keeping you people? Did you- hello. That is some distraction."

She addresses this entirely to the naked Qunari. It is unclear if she has noticed the darkspawn corpses littering the copse. (Morty has noticed the corpses. He looks distinctly queasy.)

"Hello," says Tev.

"Sorry about not helping with, uh, whatever the hell happened here. We got bored and went flower-picking after like two minutes."

"She got bored and went flower-picking," clarifies Morty. "I came along because she threatened me."

"And you got a flower crown out of it! See what being a good helper gets you?"

Morty elects to remain silent.

"Do you have any spares?"

"Pity."

"Yes," says Tev. "What a pity that you can't have your very own flower crown."

"It is! Mother hardly ever makes them for me anymore, and the houndflowers are too small for me to properly braid. Anyway, there's three of you now, so... I'm no longer confused. Would you like to come back to our home?"

"I wouldn't mind," says Tev. "But I'm not in charge of this expedition."

"Great!"

Tev sheathes his greatsword, but carries his shield on his arm.