Ari's ninth birthday was last week, and the last of his baby teeth finally came out. (Mama said she'd have to yank it out herself if it didn't get with the program. He wriggled in exaggerated fear.) And she let him come pixie-hunting with her! They didn't catch many, but it was a lot of fun. He hopes she lets him do it again soon.
They're walking through the brush of Shallow Winter, and Mama's telling him about ley lines. He listens intently.
So intently that he doesn't notice the quiet growling coming out of the ground.
It abruptly falls away, and he's swallowed into the earth.
Generated:
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Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
He lands in the middle of a forest.
It's a... very weird forest.
All the trees are exactly the same width, although they have different heights and different numbers of branches. They seem to be laid out on an invisible grid, where each square in the grid is exactly big enough to fit one tree. In between the trees, there is grass, populated by the occasional bush or flower. The grass grows in strangely regular tufts.
There is a person standing there. He appears to be human. He has a slightly blank smile on his face, and he is holding a sack in one hand, which he extends toward Ari.
"If you want to survive, you will need to create weapons and shelter. Start by chopping down trees and gathering wood," the blank man says serenely.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari looks around neutrally.
In a flat voice, he intones, "What the fuck."
The blank man continues standing there holding out his canvas sack.
"I am here to give you advice on what to do next. It is recommended that you talk with me anytime you get stuck!"
"I am here to give you advice on what to do next. It is recommended that you talk with me anytime you get stuck!"
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari sighs. "Okay, I know I'm a kid, but I'm not, like, new. I am not taking gifts."
"You can use your pickaxe to dig through dirt, and your axe to chop down trees," says the blank man, continuing to hold out the sack.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari ignores him and sits down to think.
So. He's fallen through the earth into some... profoundly weird section of the Never. Belinda never taught him Ways, since he's too little for that to be anything like a good idea, but he can defend himself well enough as long as an Elder Gruff or something doesn't show up. So... he'll wait for her to find him. Shouldn't be too long.
In the meantime, he turns to the blank. "Are you Summer or Wyld?" he asks, speaking slowly and clearly. (He doesn't bother to mention Winter. Winter's children aren't this dumb.)
"My name is Wyatt," says the blank man, still patiently holding out the sack. "Greetings, Ari. Is there something I can help you with?"
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Aaaaagh. Not enough intonation to be the True name but how did he know it in the first place and-
Ari gives in. "Wyatt," he says, perfectly matched to how the blank man said it. He pushes his will into an icepick-heavy point and slams it into the man in front of him. "Tell me what is going on."
Wyatt continues to hold out his sack.
"If you want to survive, you will need to create weapons and shelter. Start by chopping down trees and gathering wood," he says.
"If you want to survive, you will need to create weapons and shelter. Start by chopping down trees and gathering wood," he says.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
...He kicks Wyatt in the shins. Experimentally.
He doesn't flinch, or give any other indication that he notices.
"They say there is a person who will tell you how to survive in this land... oh wait. That's me."
"They say there is a person who will tell you how to survive in this land... oh wait. That's me."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari sighs. "This is so weird..."
He picks up a rock and offers it in exchange for the satchel. "Say something weird and off-topic if you agree to trade your satchel for this rock in a fair bargain."
He picks up a rock and offers it in exchange for the satchel. "Say something weird and off-topic if you agree to trade your satchel for this rock in a fair bargain."
"Once you have a wooden sword, you might try to gather some gel from the slimes. Combine wood and gel to make a torch!" advises Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Incredibly weird, thank you. By the Six and the Three, so mote it be."
Ari takes the satchel and deposits the rock in Wyatt's hand. Then he opens the goodie bag.
Ari takes the satchel and deposits the rock in Wyatt's hand. Then he opens the goodie bag.
Wyatt looks at the rock and shakes his head somewhat robotically. "You can't craft with this," he says, and drops it.
Inside the goodie bag: one copper pickaxe, one copper axe, one copper short sword.
A small adorable white rabbit hops along through the grass nearby.
Inside the goodie bag: one copper pickaxe, one copper axe, one copper short sword.
A small adorable white rabbit hops along through the grass nearby.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Fair's fair, you don't get takebacks once you've consented by weirdness pact."
These goodies are appreciated! As is the small adorable rabbit. He approaches it gently, then grabs it once he's close enough and wrings its neck.
These goodies are appreciated! As is the small adorable rabbit. He approaches it gently, then grabs it once he's close enough and wrings its neck.
The rabbit explodes violently in his hands, splattering him with blood and rabbit chunks.
Another, identical white rabbit hops past, totally unalarmed by the proceedings.
Wyatt says, "When you have enough wood, create a workbench. This will allow you to create more complicated things, as long as you are standing close to it."
Another, identical white rabbit hops past, totally unalarmed by the proceedings.
Wyatt says, "When you have enough wood, create a workbench. This will allow you to create more complicated things, as long as you are standing close to it."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"What the fuck!"
"You can use your pickaxe to dig through dirt, and your axe to chop down trees," Wyatt reminds him.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Yeah, thanks! What the fuck!"
Ari flicks the gore off of himself with a bit of evocation Belinda drove into him a while back. It showers over the grass, the other rabbit, and Wyatt.
Lacking better things to do particularly, Ari elects to amuse himself with the axe and a nearby tree. (The axe is obviously too blunt to do much actual damage, but hitting things is always fun.)
Ari flicks the gore off of himself with a bit of evocation Belinda drove into him a while back. It showers over the grass, the other rabbit, and Wyatt.
Lacking better things to do particularly, Ari elects to amuse himself with the axe and a nearby tree. (The axe is obviously too blunt to do much actual damage, but hitting things is always fun.)
"You should do some mining to find metal ore. You can craft very useful things with it," says Wyatt.
After several hits, the tree decomposes into a shower of small wooden cubes about an inch wide. Where two cubes strike each other, they merge into one with a soft riffling/clattering sound.
After several hits, the tree decomposes into a shower of small wooden cubes about an inch wide. Where two cubes strike each other, they merge into one with a soft riffling/clattering sound.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"...I need to stop being surprised by this kind of thing," Ari sighs.
He scoops the cubes into multicubes. Upon collecting ten of them, he pauses. "Workbench. Right."
The process of $%WORKBENCH is pretty intuitive. He $%WORKBENCHs. He has a workbench.
He scoops the cubes into multicubes. Upon collecting ten of them, he pauses. "Workbench. Right."
The process of $%WORKBENCH is pretty intuitive. He $%WORKBENCHs. He has a workbench.
Much as the wooden cubes inform him that he can place # blocks of wood, the tiny model workbench informs him that he can place 1 workbench.
"You can build a shelter by placing wood or other blocks in the world. Don't forget to create and place walls," says Wyatt.
"You can build a shelter by placing wood or other blocks in the world. Don't forget to create and place walls," says Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Thanks."
Ari pauses.
"...If you want a shelter, I can make you one in exchange for you giving me advice in the future. You're kind of helpful."
And he'd feel bad just leaving him out in the rain or whatever, even if he is some kind of meat robot.
Ari pauses.
"...If you want a shelter, I can make you one in exchange for you giving me advice in the future. You're kind of helpful."
And he'd feel bad just leaving him out in the rain or whatever, even if he is some kind of meat robot.
"I am here to give you advice on what to do next. It is recommended that you talk with me anytime you get stuck," says Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Sounds like a plan."
Ari decides to see what happens if he sets a tree on fire. He's awful at fire evocation proper, but just starting one is pretty easy.
Ari decides to see what happens if he sets a tree on fire. He's awful at fire evocation proper, but just starting one is pretty easy.
The tree catches.
When a substantial fraction of the tree is on fire, the whole thing collapses in a rain of cubes. The cubes are not on fire.
"If you want a merchant to move in, you will need to gather plenty of money. 50 silver coins should do the trick!" says Wyatt.
When a substantial fraction of the tree is on fire, the whole thing collapses in a rain of cubes. The cubes are not on fire.
"If you want a merchant to move in, you will need to gather plenty of money. 50 silver coins should do the trick!" says Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Excellent. Ari will be doing that, then.
He can't just throw around gouts of flame like some off-brand Gandalf, but he can maintain a flickery little peach-sized ball of flame and whisk it around through the nearby trees, hovering long enough at each for it to catch. (It wouldn't work on anything but dry wood, but these trees don't seem to have much going for them in the sap department.)
He can't just throw around gouts of flame like some off-brand Gandalf, but he can maintain a flickery little peach-sized ball of flame and whisk it around through the nearby trees, hovering long enough at each for it to catch. (It wouldn't work on anything but dry wood, but these trees don't seem to have much going for them in the sap department.)
Soon he is surrounded by conglomerated wood-cubes. The trees don't leave holes in the ground, or stumps, or roots; just bare circles of green moss. It is unsettling.
Wyatt goes quiet, perhaps because Ari hasn't interacted with him in a while. He wanders in a small aimless circle.
Wyatt goes quiet, perhaps because Ari hasn't interacted with him in a while. He wanders in a small aimless circle.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Once Ari has conglomerated enough wood-cubes, he makes a shelter. It's closer to a proper house than a temporary shelter, really; the ceilings are much higher than either occupant needs. Wyatt deserves a nice place to spend his fleshbot days.
"Do you need a bed, or anything?" he asks. "Also, how do I make a bed?"
"Do you need a bed, or anything?" he asks. "Also, how do I make a bed?"
Wyatt halts his aimless wandering when addressed.
"To craft a bed at a sawmill, use: Fifteen wood. Five silk."
"To craft a bed at a sawmill, use: Fifteen wood. Five silk."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"...Take that as a no, then."
He wanders over to the workbench to see what else he can make besides wall paneling. He kind of likes this weirdo crafting magic. He wonders if he can take a workbench and some wood back to Winter when Belinda gets him.
He wanders over to the workbench to see what else he can make besides wall paneling. He kind of likes this weirdo crafting magic. He wonders if he can take a workbench and some wood back to Winter when Belinda gets him.
With the wood in his inventory, standing by the workbench, he can make:
1 Wood Platform (1 wood)
4 Wood Wall (1 wood)
1 Wooden Door (6 wood)
1 Wooden Chair (4 wood)
1 Wooden Table (8 wood)
1 Wooden Sword (7 wood)
1 Wooden Hammer (8 wood)
1 Wooden Bow (10 wood)
1 Wood Fishing Pole (8 wood)
1 Wood Helmet (20 wood)
1 Wood Breastplate (30 wood)
1 Wood Greaves (25 wood)
1 Sign (6 wood)
4 Wooden Fence (1 wood)
1 Wood Platform (1 wood)
4 Wood Wall (1 wood)
1 Wooden Door (6 wood)
1 Wooden Chair (4 wood)
1 Wooden Table (8 wood)
1 Wooden Sword (7 wood)
1 Wooden Hammer (8 wood)
1 Wooden Bow (10 wood)
1 Wood Fishing Pole (8 wood)
1 Wood Helmet (20 wood)
1 Wood Breastplate (30 wood)
1 Wood Greaves (25 wood)
1 Sign (6 wood)
4 Wooden Fence (1 wood)
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
...Ari decides against the armor set, because wooden armor kind of sounds like garbage. He does make himself a bow and fishing pole. And a door for the house, which he puts in an appropriate spot.
(And a hammer.)
He remembers something about ores. He elects to see if he can map out the area to see where to mine for them, because it's not like he's got anything better to do. He places some cubes and crumbles them into sawdust with a sandblastery sort of evocation, then arranges it in a complex diagram with a cube of dirt in the middle. (This was his most recent project with Belinda; he's pretty sure he knows it, but he triple-checks his work just to be sure.)
He commands the sawdust to rise into a map of the ground below, and to let him know any metallic or mineral deposits nearby.
(And a hammer.)
He remembers something about ores. He elects to see if he can map out the area to see where to mine for them, because it's not like he's got anything better to do. He places some cubes and crumbles them into sawdust with a sandblastery sort of evocation, then arranges it in a complex diagram with a cube of dirt in the middle. (This was his most recent project with Belinda; he's pretty sure he knows it, but he triple-checks his work just to be sure.)
He commands the sawdust to rise into a map of the ground below, and to let him know any metallic or mineral deposits nearby.
There are several metal deposits underground nearby!
Also, everything is made of cubes. This was already somewhat obvious from the way cubes of wood work, but all of the minerals come in little clusters of cubes surrounded by cubes of dirt and stone.
Also, everything is made of cubes. This was already somewhat obvious from the way cubes of wood work, but all of the minerals come in little clusters of cubes surrounded by cubes of dirt and stone.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"This cube stuff is going to give me a headache," Ari mutters.
Platinum, silver, various gemstones... shiny, but he should probably concentrate on workable iron. He can swing back for ritual materials later. He heads for the nearest iron deposit, using earth evocation to shift the dirt out of the way. (Kind of tiring, but definitely better than trying to singlehandedly dig a tunnel with a pickaxe. He'll have a big lunch.)
Platinum, silver, various gemstones... shiny, but he should probably concentrate on workable iron. He can swing back for ritual materials later. He heads for the nearest iron deposit, using earth evocation to shift the dirt out of the way. (Kind of tiring, but definitely better than trying to singlehandedly dig a tunnel with a pickaxe. He'll have a big lunch.)
It turns out that when you shift a dirt block farther than about an inch out of alignment, it spontaneously becomes a small cube of dirt. Dirt cubes work much like wood cubes.
There's a small silver deposit directly between him and the iron, which he might as well pick up while he's going through it.
There's a small silver deposit directly between him and the iron, which he might as well pick up while he's going through it.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Cube physics makes tunneling almost insultingly easy. He isn't complaining, though. He adjusts his digging style accordingly, tugging gently at great swathes of dirt instead of shifting a few pounds behind him at a time. He can actually just walk along like this, showering cubes in front of him every few seconds.
When he reaches the silver, he decides to see if he can use the same tactic on different materials. Tug?
When he reaches the silver, he decides to see if he can use the same tactic on different materials. Tug?
Displaced silver blocks cube right up!
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Convenient! Ari will see what workstations he needs to make this into a chalice later. Chalices are handy. (Maybe he can get some of those gemstones too.)
Strolling through the earth, he reaches the iron quickly and does the same thing to that. He elects to dig straight up and climb the walls to reach the surface, since something gives him the impression that turning the roof of his tunnel into a floating block won't collapse it. Possibly the fact that it's allowed to exist at all, which a conventional system of physics would have some problems with.
Strolling through the earth, he reaches the iron quickly and does the same thing to that. He elects to dig straight up and climb the walls to reach the surface, since something gives him the impression that turning the roof of his tunnel into a floating block won't collapse it. Possibly the fact that it's allowed to exist at all, which a conventional system of physics would have some problems with.
He's not that far from his starting point; the shelter is still visible through the trees, over thataway.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Oh, good.
Once he reaches Wyatt, he waves hello. "How can I smelt ores and turn them into useful things?"
Once he reaches Wyatt, he waves hello. "How can I smelt ores and turn them into useful things?"
"To craft an iron bar at a furnace, use: Three iron ore," says Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"And to make a furnace?"
"To craft a furnace at a workbench, use: 20 stone. Four wood. Three torch," says Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Torches?"
(He did collect a good amount of stone, on the basis that it'd be handy for evocations.)
(He did collect a good amount of stone, on the basis that it'd be handy for evocations.)
"Once you have a wooden sword, you might try to gather some gel from the slimes. Combine wood and gel to make a torch!"
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Slimes."
"Once you have a wooden sword, you might try to gather some gel from the slimes. Combine wood and gel to make a torch!" he repeats in the exact same tone.
A round green blobby thing hops past. It takes some rather magnificent hops - easily six feet into the air every time.
A round green blobby thing hops past. It takes some rather magnificent hops - easily six feet into the air every time.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari looks at its flight path, then carefully places a stone block and makes some adjustments.
The slime lands on a wickedly pointed stone spike.
It explodes, splattering its surroundings with translucent green goo.
A couple of small round balls of something translucent, blue, and sticky fall out of its remains. So do several small copper coins.
A couple of small round balls of something translucent, blue, and sticky fall out of its remains. So do several small copper coins.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"...The explosion, I expected. The gel. Spontaneous coins, not so much."
He collects his bounty, shifts to his workbench, and crafts torches (3), a furnace (1), and iron bars (5).
"This is kind of fun. I hope Mama gets here before nightfall, though. You're nice and all, but I don't know if you'd be very good company."
He collects his bounty, shifts to his workbench, and crafts torches (3), a furnace (1), and iron bars (5).
"This is kind of fun. I hope Mama gets here before nightfall, though. You're nice and all, but I don't know if you'd be very good company."
"You should stay indoors at night. It is very dangerous to be wandering around in the dark," says Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"...That too, I guess."
He remembers the silver in his satchel. "What can I do with silver? I'm planning on making a cup with it, how would I do that?"
He remembers the silver in his satchel. "What can I do with silver? I'm planning on making a cup with it, how would I do that?"
"Using silver ore you can make: Silver bars. Silver brick."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Be that way, then."
Absent much else to do, he hunts more ore veins.
Absent much else to do, he hunts more ore veins.
There are many more ore veins around.
Periodically a slime hops up to him and needs to be dispatched.
The sun starts going down.
Periodically a slime hops up to him and needs to be dispatched.
The sun starts going down.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
...well, Mama hasn't shown up.
First night alone. With a meatbot for company. In an aggressively rectangular house.
It'll be an adventure, then.
First night alone. With a meatbot for company. In an aggressively rectangular house.
It'll be an adventure, then.
The meatbot does not sleep. He paces.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari, still lying down, takes out his legs with a sweeping kick.
Wyatt becomes confused.
Wyatt lies on the floor making occasional pathetically useless walking motions.
Wyatt lies on the floor making occasional pathetically useless walking motions.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari is alright with that. He is sleeping, dammit.
It takes Wyatt until a little after daybreak to figure out how to stand up.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Sorry about that," Ari says. "And for probably doing it again in the future. If I'm here for more than a day. Which I shouldn't be."
"Greetings, Ari. Is there something I can help you with?"
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Not at the moment, no."
Ari made an anvil yesterday, along with some iron armor (he isn't wearing it, but it seemed like the thing to do). He stops by it to see if he can make a chalice with anvilmagic or if he needs to beat it from the metal manually.
Ari frowns and returns to Wyatt. "Why would I want silver armor?"
Ari made an anvil yesterday, along with some iron armor (he isn't wearing it, but it seemed like the thing to do). He stops by it to see if he can make a chalice with anvilmagic or if he needs to beat it from the metal manually.
Ari frowns and returns to Wyatt. "Why would I want silver armor?"
"Silver is stronger than iron," Wyatt informs him.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"No it isn't."
"Silver is stronger than iron. Iron is stronger than copper."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Yes, iron is stronger than copper. Silver is softer than iron, gold is softer than silver. That's... that's how metal works. Do you not know how metal works?"
"Anvils can be crafted out of iron, or purchased from a merchant."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"I have an anvil! I just- rrgh!"
He goes to the anvil and makes a silver helmet, then takes out his iron helmet. "Look, here. This helmet is made out of silver. I can bend it with my hands, see?" He demonstrates.
The helmet does not bend. Ari frowns, then bends harder.
The helmet bends slightly.
He takes the iron helmet and repeats the process.
The helmet bends significantly more.
Ari flops down onto the floor.
He goes to the anvil and makes a silver helmet, then takes out his iron helmet. "Look, here. This helmet is made out of silver. I can bend it with my hands, see?" He demonstrates.
The helmet does not bend. Ari frowns, then bends harder.
The helmet bends slightly.
He takes the iron helmet and repeats the process.
The helmet bends significantly more.
Ari flops down onto the floor.
"Platinum is stronger than silver," Wyatt says helpfully.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari puts his head in his hands and screams in frustration for a few seconds.
"In order for a room to be considered a home, it needs to have a door, chair, table, and a light source. Make sure the house has walls as well," says Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari gets up and makes chairs, tables, and torches at the workbench, then outfits the shelter appropriately. He casts another sawdust dowsing, this one revealing fewer sources over a larger area, and slings his pack over his shoulder.
"I'm going out to get platinum. Have fun."
"If you see a pot, be sure to smash it open. They contain all sorts of useful supplies."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Thanks."
Ari goes out for platinum. (On the way, he stops to eat some blueberries and a mushroom (which he checks for toxins first using a basic ritual). Both are delicious.
It's possible that he's lost track of time. There's a lot of platinum around.
Ari goes out for platinum. (On the way, he stops to eat some blueberries and a mushroom (which he checks for toxins first using a basic ritual). Both are delicious.
It's possible that he's lost track of time. There's a lot of platinum around.
The sun sets.
A flying eyeball descends from the sky and attempts to punch him to death with its cornea.
A flying eyeball descends from the sky and attempts to punch him to death with its cornea.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Gah! What the hell!"
Ari grabs it by the nerve and whacks it against a tree repeatedly until it dies.
Ari grabs it by the nerve and whacks it against a tree repeatedly until it dies.
It explodes, showering him with eyeball chunks, copper coins, and a remarkably pristine lens.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Great."
Ari has noted the evaporating quality of monster goo. He saves the lens; maybe he can make something cool out of it. Anticipating the probability of more eyeballs, he takes out his bow and a stack of arrows he made yesterday. He starts on his way home.
Ari has noted the evaporating quality of monster goo. He saves the lens; maybe he can make something cool out of it. Anticipating the probability of more eyeballs, he takes out his bow and a stack of arrows he made yesterday. He starts on his way home.
More flying eyeballs. Also, walking corpses.
Also a tiny glowy sparkly star whizzing down out of the sky. It destroys an eyeball without slowing down, bounces gently off the grass without harming it at all, and sits there scintillating.
Also a tiny glowy sparkly star whizzing down out of the sky. It destroys an eyeball without slowing down, bounces gently off the grass without harming it at all, and sits there scintillating.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
The zombies, Ari just gravity-hammers. It's quite satisfying.
He approaches the star cautiously. Noting the undamaged grass, he tentatively picks it up.
He approaches the star cautiously. Noting the undamaged grass, he tentatively picks it up.
It makes a soft pleasant sound that is like the auditory version of sparkling, and feels slightly fizzy to the touch.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Niiiiice."
Ari works his way home confidently.
Ari works his way home confidently.
Along the way, he encounters several more falling stars and a considerable number of zombies and eyeballs.
When he reaches the house, Wyatt is standing outside of it with the door open, smiling blankly while a zombie tries to beat him to death.
When he reaches the house, Wyatt is standing outside of it with the door open, smiling blankly while a zombie tries to beat him to death.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"What the- Hey! Shoo!" Ari pulverizes the zombies.
"Wyatt, dude. You have to be a little more proactive, okay? Just say no."
"Wyatt, dude. You have to be a little more proactive, okay? Just say no."
"There are many different ways you can attract people to move in to our town. They will of course need a home to live in," says Wyatt, font of wisdom that he is.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Let's get you inside." Ari manhandles Wyatt through the door and into the shelter, then closes the door firmly behind him. He sets up a stone block to keep the door closed, for safety's sake.
"What can I do with fallen stars?"
"What can I do with fallen stars?"
"If you gather 5 fallen stars, they can be combined to create an item that will increase your magic capacity."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Yeah, that one I got. But, like, I'm already good at magic. You saw me with the zombies."
"Underground are crystal hearts that can be used to increase your max life. You can smash them with a pickaxe."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari just shakes his head.
The stars seem pretty common, so he doesn't see much harm in making the crystal. He pops it in his mouth experimentally.
"Wow. That is... new and different."
The stars seem pretty common, so he doesn't see much harm in making the crystal. He pops it in his mouth experimentally.
"Wow. That is... new and different."
"Stars fall all over the world at night. They can be used for all sorts of useful things. If you see one, be sure to grab it because they disappear after sunrise," recommends Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Yeah, thanks. I'm going to go collect more of those. Wow."
"There is treasure hidden all over the world. Some amazing things can be found deep underground!"
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
A few days pass. Ari plunders caves of their treasures, and builds up enough of a housing complex to hold a few more meatbots. (He refuses to let the hairdresser at his head. He likes his hair just fine the way it is. Away, harridan.) He fills out his magic and health capacity along the way, because it's not like it's hard.
He decides arbitrarily one day to explore to the east. "Take care of them for me, Wyatt," he says.
"Make sure to explore the dungeon thoroughly. There may be prisoners held deep within," says Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"...I'll see what I can do."
He sets off. Initially, he uses his shiny new diamond stave as a walking stick. Then he stops doing that, because it's way too short and he's also way too short and he's pretty sure he looks like a tool.
He sets off. Initially, he uses his shiny new diamond stave as a walking stick. Then he stops doing that, because it's way too short and he's also way too short and he's pretty sure he looks like a tool.
Forest forest forest forest. Rabbits. Squirrels. Slimes.
Sudden inexplicable tundra!
Sudden inexplicable tundra!
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"...Well then!"
It's just like being back in the Nevernever proper. Sudden biomes. Snow everywhere. Things trying ineptly to kill him.
It's just like being back in the Nevernever proper. Sudden biomes. Snow everywhere. Things trying ineptly to kill him.
The penguins don't try to kill him. The penguins are nice.
The ice slimes are pretty and sparkly and dumb as squishy little rocks.
The ice slimes are pretty and sparkly and dumb as squishy little rocks.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Squish, squish, squish. He prefers the stave to his gravity hammer; magic regenerates quickly and doesn't really feel like much of anything, whereas the gravity hammer is like murderous jumping jacks.
Pew, pew, pew. (He catches a penguin with his butterfly net. He wants a penguin.)
Pew, pew, pew. (He catches a penguin with his butterfly net. He wants a penguin.)
Catching a penguin with his butterfly net works perfectly. Welcome to Terraria, as Wyatt would say.
Next up: sudden inexplicable desert!
Next up: sudden inexplicable desert!
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Blech. Warm.
Ari continues. Begrudgingly. If he sees anything it will die.
Ari continues. Begrudgingly. If he sees anything it will die.
He sees slimes, cactuses, vultures, and a giant insect aggressively spitting clods of sand at him.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
The cacti he spares. The rest are murdered with extreme prejudice.
Once he recognizes the cacti as a type of tree, they aren't spared either. He harvests enough of them that he can take a break to make a bathtub after this and clean off. Fucking deserts. (That bathtubs are permanently filled with warm soapy water is something he learned early on. It makes as much sense as anything else, really.)
Once he recognizes the cacti as a type of tree, they aren't spared either. He harvests enough of them that he can take a break to make a bathtub after this and clean off. Fucking deserts. (That bathtubs are permanently filled with warm soapy water is something he learned early on. It makes as much sense as anything else, really.)
Cactus furniture is conveniently unprickly.
Next up: An enormous stone building with a meatbot wandering around out front. Well, maybe it's a person. But it's probably a meatbot.
Next up: An enormous stone building with a meatbot wandering around out front. Well, maybe it's a person. But it's probably a meatbot.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari is not holding his breath. (Even though he can hold his breath for three minutes, which he has always been inordinately proud of.)
"Hail, stranger! Do you want to join my Court? I'm guessing the answer is yes!"
"Hail, stranger! Do you want to join my Court? I'm guessing the answer is yes!"
"I cannot let you enter until you free me of my curse," says the old-man meatbot.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"...Got any witch hazel handy? Or do you have some other kind of curse?"
"My master cannot be summoned under the light of day," the old-man meatbot informs him.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Your master tells me how to get rid of the curse?"
"I hope you have like six friends standing around behind you."
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"...Hey! The fact that I'm a kid does not mean I can't kick your ass!"
"You pathetic fool. You cannot hope to face my master as you are now," says the meatbot.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Listen, you want the rescue now or in five years? Because I'm not gonna be here in five years."
"You are far too weak to defeat my curse. Come back when you aren't so worthless," the meatbot suggests.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Look, assh-"
Ari pauses.
Suddenly, he's wearing a full set of silver armor.
"Better?"
Ari pauses.
Suddenly, he's wearing a full set of silver armor.
"Better?"
"Please! Battle my captor and free me! I beg you!" says the meatbot with halfhearted agitation.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Sorry about that. Anyway, sure, bring it on."
"Come back at night if you wish to enter."
"My master cannot be summoned under the light of day," the meatbot reminds him.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari stomps past the dungeon, growling under his breath.
The desert reverts to a forest soon afterward.
The sun is setting behind him. Maybe he could go back and try again!
The sun is setting behind him. Maybe he could go back and try again!
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari grumbles, but heads back.
"Summon your master that I may blah blah blah. Jerk."
The old man transforms into a ten-foot-tall skull with proportionately sized disembodied floating skeleton arms, and attacks!
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Gah!"
Ari leaps back, then goes straight for the gravity hammer. Screw saving energy, that thing is fucking huge! He slams one of its hands into the ground with full force.
Ari leaps back, then goes straight for the gravity hammer. Screw saving energy, that thing is fucking huge! He slams one of its hands into the ground with full force.
The hand is damaged! The enormous flying skull is displeased.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Too bad for the enormous flying skull.
Ari leaps onto the damaged hand (conveniently within reach, it's almost like he planned that) and uses it as a vantage point to start shooting at the skull. And, while he's at it, he starts draws spikes out of the floor in preparation for a grand attack.
Ari leaps onto the damaged hand (conveniently within reach, it's almost like he planned that) and uses it as a vantage point to start shooting at the skull. And, while he's at it, he starts draws spikes out of the floor in preparation for a grand attack.
The enormous flying skull attempts to slap him with its remaining hand.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
A convenient opportunity to jump onto the remaining hand!
...Or, actually, to miss the remaining hand and twist his ankle on the floor. That works too. Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
He reaches out with a gravity-hammer and slams the skull full-force onto the spikes. If that doesn't work, then... he hopes that works.
...Or, actually, to miss the remaining hand and twist his ankle on the floor. That works too. Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
He reaches out with a gravity-hammer and slams the skull full-force onto the spikes. If that doesn't work, then... he hopes that works.
The skull is severely damaged! It chatters what remains of its jaw. Its good hand flails wildly, passing through stone like it isn't there.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari hobbles over to the skull, takes out a platinum sword, and stabs through its cranium.
The skull explodes in the traditional Terrarian fashion.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
"Sweet."
In the rubble, Ari finds: some coins, a few healing potions (one of which he immediately drinks), and a book with a skull on the front.
As he picks up the book, understanding fills his mind. A grin spreads across his face.
"I can shoot people with flaming skulls! This is sick!"
In the rubble, Ari finds: some coins, a few healing potions (one of which he immediately drinks), and a book with a skull on the front.
As he picks up the book, understanding fills his mind. A grin spreads across his face.
"I can shoot people with flaming skulls! This is sick!"
A couple of flying eyeballs decide to help celebrate his achievement by providing target practice. No, wait. They're probably trying to kill him.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
They can fucking try!
Ari remembers Wyatt's advice, and the fact that this seems to be the dungeon. He hops on down to see if anyone looks particularly imprisoned.
Ari remembers Wyatt's advice, and the fact that this seems to be the dungeon. He hops on down to see if anyone looks particularly imprisoned.
Skeletons! More skeletons! Tacky decorations! Unopenable chests! Captive female meatbot!
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari gleefully pulverizes skeletons, including the irritating teleporting ones who shoot through walls. He quickly discovers the unopenability of the chests, and ignores them in disgust.
He finds the captive meatbot in short order and cuts her ropes. "Hello!" he chirps.
He finds the captive meatbot in short order and cuts her ropes. "Hello!" he chirps.
"Thanks! It was only a matter of time before I ended up like the rest of the skeletons down here," says the meatbot, getting to her feet. She is better at standing up than Wyatt.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari is only slightly tempted to legsweep her and find out how much better. Not that she'd mind, but it seems impolite.
"Cheers, then." He and his grappling hook make their way out of the dungeon, accompanied by the distant pop of the mechanic evaporating and appearing back in the Court. Once he's out, he continues on his eastward pilgrimage.
"Cheers, then." He and his grappling hook make their way out of the dungeon, accompanied by the distant pop of the mechanic evaporating and appearing back in the Court. Once he's out, he continues on his eastward pilgrimage.
Desert desert forest forest forest forest forest what the fuck is that.
The trees are grey. The grass is red. The leaves are also red. A very particular shade of red. And they drip.
Also a horrifying creature is flying out of the depths of the bloodforest towards him.
The trees are grey. The grass is red. The leaves are also red. A very particular shade of red. And they drip.
Also a horrifying creature is flying out of the depths of the bloodforest towards him.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari bursts out laughing.
"This is the worst! I love it!" He blasts the horrible thing with skulls until it dies.
He advances into the horrible.
More horrible things attack! They are so horrible. Frequently they are also dripping with blood, perhaps after having brushed past a tree or through some grass, perhaps just as a personal aesthetic choice.
Ari Kaltenbaum
sonofsnow
Ari giggles helplessly. (He also cuts down a few trees, because that wood looks really pretty.)
The trees do not attack him. They are one of relatively few things around here with that distinction.