Everyone knows that mysterious old ladies are kind of a big deal.
Yes, anyone who is female (or wraps up in sufficiently mysterious shawls) and old enough could pretend to be a mysterious old lady, but the actual category of the creatures is a different matter, and one can often tell (though it's better to be on the safe side, when identifying them).
Mysterious old ladies can, in a certain sense, do magic - or help you do magic. Sure, if you decide to take the first milking of your new cow and leave it out in a bowl in the backyard with a garland of roses floating on the surface and then drink it all first thing in the morning without stopping to put on your shoes or comb your hair, nothing will happen. But if you do it because a mysterious old lady told you to, and it was a real mysterious old lady, and you followed all of her instructions? Then you will find that you will get whatever result she advertised.
But if you step into your slippers first or tug a knot out of your ponytail or drink the milk early or late or use daisies for the garland, you will get something else.
It's very important to be exact and careful about these things.
Compared to what happens if you disobey a real mysterious old lady, being occasionally made a fool of by some pretender to the title because your eyesight is going or you were too sleepy to note her lack of a proper mysterious aura is nothing.
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it's log, it's log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Queen Joralina of Mahlirou knows, in a general sort of way, about mysterious old women.
So when she goes out for a quiet walk in the forest behind her castle early one morning, thinking about her troubles, she is not very surprised to find a round and shawl-wrapped figure approaching her on the path.
"My dear, why are you so sad?" asks the mysterious old woman.
If the queen of Mahlirou were more observant, she might notice that the early-morning mist swirls at the edges of the old woman's shawls a little too long after she moves, or that her gnarled old walking-stick leaves no dents in the grass when she lifts it, or that the moonlight shines silver on her thin white hair though she stands in the shadow of a tree. But although the queen is not nearly that observant, she does sense a general mysteriousness about the situation.
"Oh—I suppose—it's only I have no children," murmurs the queen. "And a queen ought to have children. It's important."
"Perhaps," says the mysterious old woman noncommittally. "Would you like my advice?"
"Yes, please," says the queen.
"Then listen closely and do just as I say," the old woman instructs. "This evening, take a bowl and place it upside-down in your garden; leave it there all night. In the morning when the sun has risen, you will find two roses beneath it, a red and a white. If you eat the red rose, you shall give birth to a son; if you eat the white rose, you shall give birth to a daughter. Take care particularly to remember that you must not eat both."
"Not both?" questions the queen.
"No," says the mysterious old woman, very firmly.
"...very well," says the queen. "I will do as you suggest."
"I wish you much happiness with your new child," says the mysterious old woman. "As much as you may find. Goodbye."
And she turns away and walks into the forest, and the queen returns to her castle, repeating the instructions to herself. Leave a bowl upside-down in the garden tonight; return in the morning to find two roses; eat just one of the roses, red for a boy and white for a girl. Simple enough. But which does she choose?
It should be a son, for the succession; she's sure that is what her husband would say. But Queen Joralina thinks she might prefer a daughter, for herself. A lovely little girl.
She says nothing of her encounter in the forest all day. That night she leaves a bowl overturned in the garden, and in the morning she goes out early again and looks under it, and there are two perfectly lovely roses, flower-heads with only a tiny bit of stem attached. She picks them up and puts them in the bowl and takes the whole business inside to sit and think.
Boy, or girl? Girl, or boy? She sits indecisively for so long that she fears the magic may have gone out of the roses, but they sit in their bowl just as soft-petaled and beautiful as they were when she picked them up. Finally she closes her eyes and spins the bowl around and picks up the first rose to come into her hand and puts it in her mouth. It tastes sweet and is not at all as uncomfortable as she expected eating a rose to be. She opens her eyes to look and see which rose she ate.
It was the white one; the red rose remains in the bowl. But in her haste to pick it up, she discovers, she tore a petal from the red rose. Half a red petal is stuck to her finger. The other half, she presumably ate.
She peels the petal off her finger. The first rose was so very sweet - and if her husband knew, he would surely be angry that she chose the wrong child - and she has eaten half a petal of the red rose already, so perhaps she has already spoiled the thing and might as well - she picks up the red rose and eats it too.
Not long afterward, the queen falls pregnant. Her husband rejoices. She says nothing of the old woman or the roses. She convinces herself that she dreamed it all, or that she followed the instructions correctly, or that surely nothing that bad could happen.
Although her husband is very interested in the existence of their future child, he is rather less interested in the process. He finds an excuse to be out of the capital on kingly business around the time the baby is expected. The midwife tells the queen she's big enough for twins, and the queen thinks, perhaps I will have a boy and a girl, sweet and beautiful like my imaginary roses—
It is not to be.
She has a boy and a lindworm.
The lindworm comes out first, long and coily and covered in tiny green scales, with two skinny arms and a toothless dragon's head. The queen shrieks. The midwife, although unprepared for this eventuality, attempts to wrap the flailing lizard in a blanket on general principle; it hits her in the face with its tail and escapes out the window, and she is only just in time to catch the Queen's second child in a blanket that now smells faintly of lizard. Without a word passing between them, the Queen and her midwife agree that neither will speak of this incident ever again.
The new prince is named Taphinieu. The king and queen celebrate his birth with a huge feast, and do the same for his first birthday a year later. The Queen tries harder to convince herself that she dreamed both the roses and the ensuing lizard. She is moderately successful; and after the prince's first birthday, she has entirely different problems.
So when she goes out for a quiet walk in the forest behind her castle early one morning, thinking about her troubles, she is not very surprised to find a round and shawl-wrapped figure approaching her on the path.
"My dear, why are you so sad?" asks the mysterious old woman.
If the queen of Mahlirou were more observant, she might notice that the early-morning mist swirls at the edges of the old woman's shawls a little too long after she moves, or that her gnarled old walking-stick leaves no dents in the grass when she lifts it, or that the moonlight shines silver on her thin white hair though she stands in the shadow of a tree. But although the queen is not nearly that observant, she does sense a general mysteriousness about the situation.
"Oh—I suppose—it's only I have no children," murmurs the queen. "And a queen ought to have children. It's important."
"Perhaps," says the mysterious old woman noncommittally. "Would you like my advice?"
"Yes, please," says the queen.
"Then listen closely and do just as I say," the old woman instructs. "This evening, take a bowl and place it upside-down in your garden; leave it there all night. In the morning when the sun has risen, you will find two roses beneath it, a red and a white. If you eat the red rose, you shall give birth to a son; if you eat the white rose, you shall give birth to a daughter. Take care particularly to remember that you must not eat both."
"Not both?" questions the queen.
"No," says the mysterious old woman, very firmly.
"...very well," says the queen. "I will do as you suggest."
"I wish you much happiness with your new child," says the mysterious old woman. "As much as you may find. Goodbye."
And she turns away and walks into the forest, and the queen returns to her castle, repeating the instructions to herself. Leave a bowl upside-down in the garden tonight; return in the morning to find two roses; eat just one of the roses, red for a boy and white for a girl. Simple enough. But which does she choose?
It should be a son, for the succession; she's sure that is what her husband would say. But Queen Joralina thinks she might prefer a daughter, for herself. A lovely little girl.
She says nothing of her encounter in the forest all day. That night she leaves a bowl overturned in the garden, and in the morning she goes out early again and looks under it, and there are two perfectly lovely roses, flower-heads with only a tiny bit of stem attached. She picks them up and puts them in the bowl and takes the whole business inside to sit and think.
Boy, or girl? Girl, or boy? She sits indecisively for so long that she fears the magic may have gone out of the roses, but they sit in their bowl just as soft-petaled and beautiful as they were when she picked them up. Finally she closes her eyes and spins the bowl around and picks up the first rose to come into her hand and puts it in her mouth. It tastes sweet and is not at all as uncomfortable as she expected eating a rose to be. She opens her eyes to look and see which rose she ate.
It was the white one; the red rose remains in the bowl. But in her haste to pick it up, she discovers, she tore a petal from the red rose. Half a red petal is stuck to her finger. The other half, she presumably ate.
She peels the petal off her finger. The first rose was so very sweet - and if her husband knew, he would surely be angry that she chose the wrong child - and she has eaten half a petal of the red rose already, so perhaps she has already spoiled the thing and might as well - she picks up the red rose and eats it too.
Not long afterward, the queen falls pregnant. Her husband rejoices. She says nothing of the old woman or the roses. She convinces herself that she dreamed it all, or that she followed the instructions correctly, or that surely nothing that bad could happen.
Although her husband is very interested in the existence of their future child, he is rather less interested in the process. He finds an excuse to be out of the capital on kingly business around the time the baby is expected. The midwife tells the queen she's big enough for twins, and the queen thinks, perhaps I will have a boy and a girl, sweet and beautiful like my imaginary roses—
It is not to be.
She has a boy and a lindworm.
The lindworm comes out first, long and coily and covered in tiny green scales, with two skinny arms and a toothless dragon's head. The queen shrieks. The midwife, although unprepared for this eventuality, attempts to wrap the flailing lizard in a blanket on general principle; it hits her in the face with its tail and escapes out the window, and she is only just in time to catch the Queen's second child in a blanket that now smells faintly of lizard. Without a word passing between them, the Queen and her midwife agree that neither will speak of this incident ever again.
The new prince is named Taphinieu. The king and queen celebrate his birth with a huge feast, and do the same for his first birthday a year later. The Queen tries harder to convince herself that she dreamed both the roses and the ensuing lizard. She is moderately successful; and after the prince's first birthday, she has entirely different problems.
Renée Higgenbotham Swan
kindestgarden
Elsewhere in the kingdom, a rather annoyed mysterious old woman comes upon a different childless individual who is moping about.
"My dear," she says. "Why are you so sad?"
And the childless individual notes that this old woman's hair is a bit too pearly to be really white, and that there are unseasonable wildflowers in the path she walked to approach, and that her cloak holds itself closed without a pin or clasp, and she considers her reply.
"Well," she says, "I never got married when I was younger because I wanted to travel, and now I have, and I don't particularly want a husband or even a lover but I do wish I had a child."
"I see," says the mysterious old woman. "Would you like my advice?"
"Yes please," says the childless woman.
"Then listen closely and do just as I say. Go into the woods and find a log and carry it home, and clean it up of all the forest debris, and sit it in a chair, and then sew it a set of clothes - a dress for a girl, a shirt and pants for a boy, you must pick only one of these choices. And dress the log in the clothes and then tuck it into bed beside you and when you awaken you will have a child."
"Thank you," says the childless woman, and she goes in the woods and gets a log and dusts it off and sews it into a nice gingham dress and brings it to bed with her.
"My dear," she says. "Why are you so sad?"
And the childless individual notes that this old woman's hair is a bit too pearly to be really white, and that there are unseasonable wildflowers in the path she walked to approach, and that her cloak holds itself closed without a pin or clasp, and she considers her reply.
"Well," she says, "I never got married when I was younger because I wanted to travel, and now I have, and I don't particularly want a husband or even a lover but I do wish I had a child."
"I see," says the mysterious old woman. "Would you like my advice?"
"Yes please," says the childless woman.
"Then listen closely and do just as I say. Go into the woods and find a log and carry it home, and clean it up of all the forest debris, and sit it in a chair, and then sew it a set of clothes - a dress for a girl, a shirt and pants for a boy, you must pick only one of these choices. And dress the log in the clothes and then tuck it into bed beside you and when you awaken you will have a child."
"Thank you," says the childless woman, and she goes in the woods and gets a log and dusts it off and sews it into a nice gingham dress and brings it to bed with her.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
And in the morning she is snuggled up to a six-year-old child who looks just like her and wishes to know what's for breakfast.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
Prince Taphinieu grows up quiet and serious. There is a feast every year in the capital for his birthday, eight nine ten eleven twelve. He learns reading and writing and equitation and statecraft and many other necessary princely skills.
When the prince is eighteen years old, his father the king decides that he must marry. The prince agrees. His father chooses a neighbouring kingdom and exchanges a few letters with its ruling family, and Prince Taphinieu sets out from Dianaevo on his princely horse with his princely entourage to formally request the princess's hand in marriage. He is told she is politically advantageous and not bad to look at. If he has any opinions on how well these attributes qualify her to be his wife, he keeps them to himself.
Two days out from the capital, he is riding along a pleasant road surrounded by flowery meadows, and the bushes by the side of the road rustle ominously, and there bursts forth an enormous serpent with a dragon's head and two scaly arms - a lindworm.
Needless to say, the prince was not expecting this development.
The beast speaks in a vast hissing voice like winter wind through bare rattling branches. "A bride for me before a bride for you!"
"Um," says Taphinieu nervously.
"A bride for me before a bride for you!" the lindworm repeats, advancing toward the prince and his guard.
"Yes, all right," says Taphinieu, and he turns around and leads his entourage back to the city and his parents' castle. When he tells them about the incident, Queen Joralina tearfully admits to her encounter with the mysterious old woman. King Antimoun is displeased. The prince is not seen again in public for a few weeks afterward. But the Lindworm is the elder child, and the logic of its demand is sound. The king sends for a princess from a more distant kingdom.
She arrives only a month later. By this time, rumours of the prince's encounter have already been circulating, but they do not reach her. So she is very surprised when she arrives to find the wedding party very small and subdued and nervous, and even more surprised when her groom slithers into the hall. Two local knights have to hold her in place for the ceremony, and carry her to the bridal bedchamber while the Lindworm slithers along in their wake, and whatever happens in that room during the night, at the end of it the Lindworm is curled up alone in the bridal bed with the shredded bloody remains of the princess's wedding dress.
The king declares this sufficient. He sends Taphinieu out again to court the neighbouring princess.
And again the Lindworm appears a few days' ride from the capital, and hisses mournfully: "A bride for me before a bride for you!"
"Hasn't anyone told this overgrown snake you can't have your bride and eat her too?" mutters the king; but clearly they need to find a princess with more staying power. He sends to kingdoms yet more distant, and in different directions; stories are already circulating after the first one, and after the second it is common knowledge in the kingdom that princesses go to the capital to be married and are never seen again. The neighbouring king withdraws his marriage offer. King Antimoun manages to secure a third princess, from a kingdom so far away that she does not speak the language at all. She screams most dreadfully at the sight of her long scaly groom, and they need four knights to subdue her; the King takes this as a good sign. But in the morning she has been devoured just as surely as the first two.
The compliant approach having failed, next the King tries ambushing the beast - sending Prince Taphinieu out in search of a bride and a sizeable company of mounted knights after him. The Lindworm appears and hisses its message. The knights attack. They hack the Lindworm nearly to pieces, and for a moment that seems to be that, but as they are turning back to report their success, the creature rises from the ground healthy and whole. "A bride for me before a bride for you!" it wails. The knights retreat.
The king returns to the bridal solution, and this time he doesn't much care who he puts in front of the beast as long as she is female and not previously married. The maidens of Dianaevo, at least all who can, find reasons to live in other cities. Those who are left find themselves marrying the Lindworm, one a week, and one a week they are devoured in the now frequently-washed bridal bed.
When the prince is eighteen years old, his father the king decides that he must marry. The prince agrees. His father chooses a neighbouring kingdom and exchanges a few letters with its ruling family, and Prince Taphinieu sets out from Dianaevo on his princely horse with his princely entourage to formally request the princess's hand in marriage. He is told she is politically advantageous and not bad to look at. If he has any opinions on how well these attributes qualify her to be his wife, he keeps them to himself.
Two days out from the capital, he is riding along a pleasant road surrounded by flowery meadows, and the bushes by the side of the road rustle ominously, and there bursts forth an enormous serpent with a dragon's head and two scaly arms - a lindworm.
Needless to say, the prince was not expecting this development.
The beast speaks in a vast hissing voice like winter wind through bare rattling branches. "A bride for me before a bride for you!"
"Um," says Taphinieu nervously.
"A bride for me before a bride for you!" the lindworm repeats, advancing toward the prince and his guard.
"Yes, all right," says Taphinieu, and he turns around and leads his entourage back to the city and his parents' castle. When he tells them about the incident, Queen Joralina tearfully admits to her encounter with the mysterious old woman. King Antimoun is displeased. The prince is not seen again in public for a few weeks afterward. But the Lindworm is the elder child, and the logic of its demand is sound. The king sends for a princess from a more distant kingdom.
She arrives only a month later. By this time, rumours of the prince's encounter have already been circulating, but they do not reach her. So she is very surprised when she arrives to find the wedding party very small and subdued and nervous, and even more surprised when her groom slithers into the hall. Two local knights have to hold her in place for the ceremony, and carry her to the bridal bedchamber while the Lindworm slithers along in their wake, and whatever happens in that room during the night, at the end of it the Lindworm is curled up alone in the bridal bed with the shredded bloody remains of the princess's wedding dress.
The king declares this sufficient. He sends Taphinieu out again to court the neighbouring princess.
And again the Lindworm appears a few days' ride from the capital, and hisses mournfully: "A bride for me before a bride for you!"
"Hasn't anyone told this overgrown snake you can't have your bride and eat her too?" mutters the king; but clearly they need to find a princess with more staying power. He sends to kingdoms yet more distant, and in different directions; stories are already circulating after the first one, and after the second it is common knowledge in the kingdom that princesses go to the capital to be married and are never seen again. The neighbouring king withdraws his marriage offer. King Antimoun manages to secure a third princess, from a kingdom so far away that she does not speak the language at all. She screams most dreadfully at the sight of her long scaly groom, and they need four knights to subdue her; the King takes this as a good sign. But in the morning she has been devoured just as surely as the first two.
The compliant approach having failed, next the King tries ambushing the beast - sending Prince Taphinieu out in search of a bride and a sizeable company of mounted knights after him. The Lindworm appears and hisses its message. The knights attack. They hack the Lindworm nearly to pieces, and for a moment that seems to be that, but as they are turning back to report their success, the creature rises from the ground healthy and whole. "A bride for me before a bride for you!" it wails. The knights retreat.
The king returns to the bridal solution, and this time he doesn't much care who he puts in front of the beast as long as she is female and not previously married. The maidens of Dianaevo, at least all who can, find reasons to live in other cities. Those who are left find themselves marrying the Lindworm, one a week, and one a week they are devoured in the now frequently-washed bridal bed.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
This is very alarming to the log child (now a teenager) and her mother. The log child starts seeking neighbor boys to conveniently marry, perhaps only for a little while.
And then one afternoon when the log child's mother is not home, a mysterious old woman comes up the path to their house, wrapped in shawls and leaning on her walking stick. The flowers in the yard turn to follow her as she passes, and tiny lights like distant stars sparkle in the depths of her black eyes.
"My dear," she says, "why are you so anxious?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
What a mysterious old woman this visitor is.
"Well," says the log child, "on a weekly basis girls of about my age are being forcibly married and then eaten by what appears to be some sort of carnivorous and royal lizard. And I don't actually like the baker's son very much, and we don't have a horse and I might die, albeit perhaps less messily, if I tried to hike over the mountains to move to another town."
"Would you like my advice?" the old woman asks.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Hoo boy.
Well, what are her non-magical options? ...Terrible.
"Yes."
And she pulls out a bit of paper and a stub of charcoal. Because it wouldn't do to forget something.
Well, what are her non-magical options? ...Terrible.
"Yes."
And she pulls out a bit of paper and a stub of charcoal. Because it wouldn't do to forget something.
"Then listen closely and do just as I say," says the old woman. "Tomorrow you will be asked to marry the elder prince. Before the marriage ceremony, dress yourself in ten snow-white shifts beneath your gown. Ask that a tub of lye, a tub of milk, and as many birch rods as a man can carry be brought to your bridal chamber. If you have practical difficulties accomplishing any of these preparations, you will find the younger prince very willing to help you. After you are wed, and your husband orders you to disrobe, bid him to shed a skin first. He will ask you this nine times, and when you are left wearing one shift you must whip him with the rods, wash him in the lye, bathe him in the milk, wrap him in the discarded shifts, and hold him in your arms."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
This is a bit of work to fit onto her bit of paper, but she gets it all down. She shivers a little. She's committed now, pretty much. "Thank you."
"You will find the results agreeable, provided you follow the instructions," says the mysterious old woman. She turns and putters away down the path.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
The log girl reads her instructions several times until she has them mostly memorized. Tub each lye and milk. A man-load of birch rods. Ten snow-white shifts under her gown, she hopes they keep it chilly up there, she doesn't want to be tempted to find out whether unbuttoning something is a problem and - turns her back into a log or something like that. Would she rather be turned back into a log than eaten? Well, yeah, she supposes, but it's not a good prospect.
She does not hastily marry the baker's boy. She does not trek over the mountains.
She does not hastily marry the baker's boy. She does not trek over the mountains.
The king's men come for her the next day. They seem quite prepared to deal with her should she try to flee; some of them also seem rather unsettled by the whole business, but not to the point of disobeying their monarch.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
She doesn't try to flee. She asks to please be shown where she may speak to her future brother-in-law.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
...This is not a customary request, but the king's men escort her to the castle and instead of locking her in a room to wait for her wedding, they bring her to Prince Taphinieu's study and leave her in there with him.
The prince looks at her with a slightly helpless expression.
"Um. Hello," he says.
The prince looks at her with a slightly helpless expression.
"Um. Hello," he says.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Hello." She looks at her note-to-self. "I'll be brief, because I have no idea how difficult it will be for you to get me these things, but I'm under instructions from a mysterious old woman, and I need ten snow-white shifts in advance of the ceremony if at all possible, and in the bridal chamber I need a tub of lye, a tub of milk, and, quote, 'as many birch rods as a man can carry' to be there waiting for me. Can you get me those things?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
He blinks. "Yes," he says, now looking perhaps a tiny bit hopeful. "You wrote it down? That's clever. Are you sure you got it all right?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I think so. I wrote it right as she was saying it. Do you want me to repeat it for you? I need the piece of paper because I have to do something complicated with all these materials."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Ten snow-white shifts in advance of the ceremony, and in the bridal chamber a tub of lye, a tub of milk, and as many birch rods as a man can carry," the prince repeats, reaching for paper and a pen. "Is that right?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"That's right. Snow-white was specified and quality of shift was not; if you have to cut sleeve holes in a properly white flour sack I'd rather you do that than compromise with something nice in champagne, please. Size of tub was not specified but I think bigger is better, it would be too easy to knock over or run out of smaller amounts. Strength of man was not specified so if you have trouble finding enough rods load them up on someone really weak just to make sure it's at someone's capacity. Thank you very much."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"I'll take care of it," he says, writing all this down. "All right. I'll find you when I have the shifts."
Off goes the prince with his list, and the king's men escort her to a smaller and draftier room, where the prince shows up about an hour later carrying a bundle of cloth.
"I didn't have to cut up any flour sacks," he says, presenting them to her. "And there wasn't any trouble with the lye or the birch rods, and they're carrying the milk up to your room now."
Off goes the prince with his list, and the king's men escort her to a smaller and draftier room, where the prince shows up about an hour later carrying a bundle of cloth.
"I didn't have to cut up any flour sacks," he says, presenting them to her. "And there wasn't any trouble with the lye or the birch rods, and they're carrying the milk up to your room now."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Thank you." She counts the shifts, to be sure.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
There are ten. They are all extremely white.
"Is it okay?" the prince asks anxiously.
"Is it okay?" the prince asks anxiously.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I think so. Thank you very much. ...Entirely out of curiosity unrelated to my instructions, why is your brother a carnivorous lizard?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Mother was taking a long time to have children and she was afraid she wouldn't get any and she got advice from a mysterious old woman and then she ate both of the roses instead of only one," he says.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Ugh. I will be very, very careful. Now shoo so I can put all these things on."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
The prince shoos immediately.
The hour of her wedding approaches.
Someone brings her a wedding dress and instructs her to put it on. Then she is escorted under armed guard to a large, mostly empty hall. A nervous and unhappy officiant stands ready.
The hour of her wedding approaches.
Someone brings her a wedding dress and instructs her to put it on. Then she is escorted under armed guard to a large, mostly empty hall. A nervous and unhappy officiant stands ready.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
The wedding dress was not exactly tailor-made. It goes on, if awkwardly, over her ten shifts.
She has her instructions memorized backwards and forwards but she's still shaking.
She has her instructions memorized backwards and forwards but she's still shaking.
Her groom slithers into the hall. He is forty feet long and green and scaly.
The officiant mutters a perfunctory ritual. No one even asks the bride her name.
The armed guard escorts her to her bridal chamber, and her new husband follows, his scales rasping on the stone floors.
As promised, there is a large pile of birch rods, and a large tub of lye, and a large tub of milk. Someone has thoughtfully labeled the tubs, although milk and lye aren't particularly easy to mistake for one another.
They lock her in the room with the Lindworm.
The officiant mutters a perfunctory ritual. No one even asks the bride her name.
The armed guard escorts her to her bridal chamber, and her new husband follows, his scales rasping on the stone floors.
As promised, there is a large pile of birch rods, and a large tub of lye, and a large tub of milk. Someone has thoughtfully labeled the tubs, although milk and lye aren't particularly easy to mistake for one another.
They lock her in the room with the Lindworm.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Of course they do.
So now they're wed.
The next line is his.
But the numbers don't work out if she has the dress on over the shifts and wearing exactly one after exactly nine disrobing requests might be important, so she shrugs out of the wedding dress of her own accord.
And waits.
So now they're wed.
The next line is his.
But the numbers don't work out if she has the dress on over the shifts and wearing exactly one after exactly nine disrobing requests might be important, so she shrugs out of the wedding dress of her own accord.
And waits.
The Lindworm coils himself up onto the bed.
"Maiden, shed your shift for me," he says, and despite the strange hissing lindworm voice his tone is pretty clearly unhappy.
"Maiden, shed your shift for me," he says, and despite the strange hissing lindworm voice his tone is pretty clearly unhappy.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
She wasn't given an exact wording. So...
"Shed your skin first."
"Shed your skin first."
He lifts his head slightly and looks at her, blinking.
Then he claws himself out of his green scaly skin, revealing a slightly duller one underneath.
Then he claws himself out of his green scaly skin, revealing a slightly duller one underneath.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
And she takes off a shift.
The great serpent stares intently at her.
"Maiden, shed your shift for me," he hisses.
"Maiden, shed your shift for me," he hisses.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Shed your skin first," she repeats.
He claws off the dull green skin to reveal a shiny black one, shedding some blood in the process, and repeats his request. And so it goes through nine shed skins and nine shed shifts. His skins get more impressive as he goes on - more vivid, more colourful, patterned in blue and purple and red and yellow and orange and green and black and white.
At last he sits coiled on the floor in a pile of lizard-skins, wearing the most brilliant one of all, his bloodied scales gleaming with fiery rainbows. The log-girl is down to her last shift.
"Wife," he asks, "will you shed your shift for me?"
At last he sits coiled on the floor in a pile of lizard-skins, wearing the most brilliant one of all, his bloodied scales gleaming with fiery rainbows. The log-girl is down to her last shift.
"Wife," he asks, "will you shed your shift for me?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Shed your skin first," she says again.
When he sheds this one, there's nothing underneath but flesh. And rather a lot of blood.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Better him than her. But she's not done yet. She grabs the first birch rod off the pile and -
Well, she's not exactly good at this, she has never beaten anything more complicatedly shaped or less passive than a rug in her life, but the old woman gave her this advice, not the girl last week or the girl next week, if she follows instructions she will be fine -
Birch rods. Domestic violence. She keeps going until the rod breaks and then immediately seizes the next one as though any second that ticks by without a blow falling will be the one that gets her killed.
Well, she's not exactly good at this, she has never beaten anything more complicatedly shaped or less passive than a rug in her life, but the old woman gave her this advice, not the girl last week or the girl next week, if she follows instructions she will be fine -
Birch rods. Domestic violence. She keeps going until the rod breaks and then immediately seizes the next one as though any second that ticks by without a blow falling will be the one that gets her killed.
The Lindworm does a lot of hissing and thrashing but does not offer her any violence in return, or even as much as accidentally hit her with his tail.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
How dubiously polite.
It's a lot of birch rods; birch rods simply are not that heavy and men can carry a fair amount. Some of them snap quickly and some of them don't and by the time she's on the last one her arms are screaming and there's a stitch in her side, but she lifts and strikes and lifts and strikes until it's splintered against the bloody creature, and then she hauls him to the lye. This isn't comfortable for her either, the stuff stings, but she makes sure there is lye over every inch of the lindworm, and then she more drags than carries him into the tub of milk and makes sure that gets everywhere too, and then she drags him onto the floor and rolls him up in the shifts and forces her protesting limbs around the bundle and shivers herself to sleep.
It's a lot of birch rods; birch rods simply are not that heavy and men can carry a fair amount. Some of them snap quickly and some of them don't and by the time she's on the last one her arms are screaming and there's a stitch in her side, but she lifts and strikes and lifts and strikes until it's splintered against the bloody creature, and then she hauls him to the lye. This isn't comfortable for her either, the stuff stings, but she makes sure there is lye over every inch of the lindworm, and then she more drags than carries him into the tub of milk and makes sure that gets everywhere too, and then she drags him onto the floor and rolls him up in the shifts and forces her protesting limbs around the bundle and shivers herself to sleep.
the lindworm
And in the morning when she wakes up, there is a human prince sleeping in her arms, wrapped in ten white shifts, looking exhausted and very pretty and plausibly Taphinieu's brother.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Can she let him go yet?
...Well, she probably isn't supposed to go around hugging him literally all of the time forever. This would not be a result agreeable to her. And she can't think of a more obvious benchmark than 'he's a human now'.
She withdraws, tentatively.
...Well, she probably isn't supposed to go around hugging him literally all of the time forever. This would not be a result agreeable to her. And she can't think of a more obvious benchmark than 'he's a human now'.
She withdraws, tentatively.
the lindworm
Nothing terrible happens.
The magic has succeeded.
And then he wakes up, and looks around himself in confusion, with the awkward movements of someone who is used to operating a body of a very different shape.
The magic has succeeded.
And then he wakes up, and looks around himself in confusion, with the awkward movements of someone who is used to operating a body of a very different shape.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
And he may be less toothy now but he did eat a bunch of people, and probably has no social niceties to speak of even if that was all a bad magic side effect. She scoots away a few feet.
the lindworm
He curls up amid the pile of shifts and lizard-skins, and starts crying.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
She does not want to start crying. That can't possibly help. She swallows and starts trying to massage feeling back into the one of her arms that is asleep. She regrets it when she succeeds; it was enjoying a respite from exhausting violence.
the lindworm
The weepy ex-lindworm doesn't seem to have much to say to her.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Yeah, she doesn't have anything to say to him right now. She could maybe come up with something - "Why did you eat all those maidens", "Well, this room is a mess now", "Don't even think about trying to consummate our marriage", "So, these are called thumbs, they're useful", but. No. Just no.
the lindworm
Then he will continue crying by himself amid the debris of his transformation.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
There's a bed in this room, for some idiotic reason. It has sheets. She pulls a clean sheet off of it and mops remnants of lye and milk and sweat and flecks of blood off herself.
And then she heads for the door.
And then she heads for the door.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
The other prince is sitting on the floor of the hall, looking nervous and upset.
He brightens when he sees her.
"You're alive! Oh good."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I'm alive," she says. "So's, uh, he."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"...Is he crying?" asks Taphinieu, tilting his head to listen.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yes. I mean, I might be crying too if my mother had screwed up magicking me into existence and then someone had to put me through an elaborate and painful series of steps to fix me."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Maybe I'd better go talk to him," he says worriedly.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Be my guest." She slumps against the wall. "Meanwhile can I get water, somewhere?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Um. Yes. I'll find a servant," says the prince.
He fetches a maid and leaves her in the hall with the instruction, "Please get the princess anything she asks for," and then goes into the room.
He fetches a maid and leaves her in the hall with the instruction, "Please get the princess anything she asks for," and then goes into the room.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Oh right. She's a princess.
...cool.
She gets some water, and some bread and butter for breakfast, and then she wants an actual bath and a fresh dress with no blood or milk on it, and then she comes back to see what's up.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
Taphinieu is sitting among the blood and milk and lye and lizardskins and discarded shifts, hugging his brother, who is curled up half in his lap with a blanket tucked around him.
"Hello, Princess," he says when she comes back. "...Um. What's your name?"
"Hello, Princess," he says when she comes back. "...Um. What's your name?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Carrabella."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"It's, um, it's good to meet you, I guess," says Taphinieu. "Welcome to the family. ...um, speaking of which, there's some things I think I should tell you if you're going to be around and married to my brother and all."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"What?" she asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
He is quiet for a moment, thinking of what to say.
Eventually he settles on: "...it's not good to upset the king."
Eventually he settles on: "...it's not good to upset the king."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Oh?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"He isn't a nice person."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"He did routinely kidnap people expecting them to get killed. Do you mean apart from that?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Yes."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"What else is wrong with him, and have you tried going outside and being conspicuously dismayed?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Yes," he says. "When I was a child. And the mysterious old woman said, 'If you try to be kind and responsible even when it's difficult, and remember that just because you're being punished doesn't mean you've done something wrong, things will sort themselves out eventually.' I don't think she usually gives advice like that."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yeah, that's weird. You didn't have to eat any non-food or combine inanimate objects in unconventional ways. Are you sure she was a real mysterious old woman and not just a well-intentioned elderly lady?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"I thought sometimes she might've been just the ordinary kind of old woman. But she looked very mysterious when I met her. And I think it turned out to be very good advice even if it wasn't magic."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I mean, that's good, then, but it doesn't necessarily guarantee that things will sort themselves out."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Well, whether or not there's magic involved, the problem will go away when he dies. And people do that."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yes, they do. Is he looking likely to do it soon?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"No. You can go outside and be conspicuously dismayed about it if you want, but it might not work if you just vaguely heard about the problem and aren't one of the people having it. And it's not a problem I want you to have."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I will... tentatively take your advice on this matter for now."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Okay."
Continuing to hug his very quiet and unhappy nameless ex-lizard brother.
Continuing to hug his very quiet and unhappy nameless ex-lizard brother.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"So," she says to the ex-lizard. "We're. Married. ...Irregularly, but."
the lindworm
Nod nod.
"I'm glad I didn't eat you," he mumbles.
"I'm glad I didn't eat you," he mumbles.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yeah, I'm glad you didn't eat me too. That was... some kind of magical compulsion?"
the lindworm
Nod, nod.
"I kept trying to stop but I couldn't."
"I kept trying to stop but I couldn't."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well... hopefully that's all... cleared up. Have you got a name?"
the lindworm
He shakes his head.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"We're going to have to call you something, and you aren't a lindworm anymore."
the lindworm
He nods. And sighs. "I miss my tail."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, maybe you can go outside and sigh about that if you can follow instructions to the letter, but in the meantime you need a name."
the lindworm
"How do I pick one?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I'm not sure. What have you been doing with yourself in the time you've spent doing things other than eating maidens, did you hear any names you liked?"
the lindworm
"I wandered around and hunted animals and swam a lot. I like swimming. When I got lonely I snuck close to villages and listened to people doing things, but then usually they found me and chased me off. I don't remember any names."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, I suppose you could ask one of your parents to name you but I'd understand if under the circumstances it was unappealing."
the lindworm
"Taphinieu says all my magic problems are because of the queen's mistakes and the king is the one who made all those people marry me. I don't think I'm going to like them much."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yeah. I could pick something but I haven't exactly given it much thought. Taphinieu, any ideas?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"I'm thinking. I haven't thought of anything good yet."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"And if I were you I wouldn't want a lindworm-theme nickname either."
the lindworm
"I don't know if I want a lindworm-theme nickname. Why wouldn't you?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Association with involuntary maiden-eating."
the lindworm
"Oh. Yeah."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yeah."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"How about 'Erian'?" the younger prince suggests tentatively.
Erian
Shrug. "That sounds okay."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Erian it is. Nice to meet you."
Erian
"You too, I guess. At least, it's a lot nicer than what was happening before I met you."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"What can I say, 'follow instructions from mysterious old women very carefully' winds up being an important part of one's upbringing when one used to be a log."
Erian
"...You used to be a log?" Thoughtful pause. "How did you stop?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I should clarify, I was a log to begin with, I didn't get turned into one. My mother had mysterious old woman instructions to get a child and she followed them and got me."
Erian
"Oh. ...Do you remember being a log?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"No. I remember waking up already being about six and telling my mother what my name was and asking what was for breakfast."
Erian
"How'd you know what your name was?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I just sort of came with it. She liked it so she didn't try to change it."
Erian
"I wonder why you came with a name and I didn't."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"No idea. I suppose you can ask if you spot a mysterious old woman, but it seems like a waste of a mysterious old woman. Speaking of which, I would like my mother to know that I have not been eaten, as soon as possible."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"You could go and tell her yourself, or send someone," says Taphinieu.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I'll go myself, but I shouldn't be long."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Okay."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
And the princess goes home and reassures her mother and comes back to the palace with a sackful of her possessions.
The palace is in something of a commotion and no one really pays her much attention when she shows up.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
What is there a commotion about? If it were about her being alive she'd think they'd pay attention to her. Where are the princes?
Taphinieu
mydarkness
Well, one of the princes is in the throne room.
It's quite a large room, and there is blood on more parts of the floor than there isn't. The blood is intermingled with fragments of lindworm skin. Prince Taphinieu is trying very hard to coax a maid with a mop into cleaning up the mess, but she doesn't want to go near it.
It's quite a large room, and there is blood on more parts of the floor than there isn't. The blood is intermingled with fragments of lindworm skin. Prince Taphinieu is trying very hard to coax a maid with a mop into cleaning up the mess, but she doesn't want to go near it.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Oh no. What happened?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Erian's empty skins wrapped themselves up as though they were around a lindworm again and ate the king," he says. "And then exploded."
The maid bursts into tears.
"It's okay," says Taphinieu, "you don't have to clean it up, I'll find someone else." To Carrabella, he adds, "No one wants to go near the skin bits in case they start doing things again."
The maid bursts into tears.
"It's okay," says Taphinieu, "you don't have to clean it up, I'll find someone else." To Carrabella, he adds, "No one wants to go near the skin bits in case they start doing things again."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, that seems like a more or less reasonable concern, considering."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"I think they're not going to do anything else. But if I keep being the only one who thinks that, I'm going to end up having to clean this mess up myself," he says wryly. "Erian's in your room. I found him some clothes earlier and he put them on - that's when the skins started acting alive - but he stayed in the room because he's having trouble figuring out legs."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Is that room still a mess too or has it been cleaned up?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"It's much less of a mess. Still sort of untidy but not covered in blood and milk anymore."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, that will have to do. Thank you."
She goes up to her room.
She goes up to her room.
Erian
There is Erian! He is wearing clothes. And curled up on the bed.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Having trouble walking?"
Erian
"Slithering was so much easier."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Walking's tricky. I'm barely qualified to do it, let alone teach it, unfortunately."
Erian
"I'll learn. Probably."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"And when you've got that down you can figure out how to swim again."
Erian
"I hope it's still fun."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Some people like it." Pause. "So we're married and your father is dead and I think you're generally acknowledged to be the elder brother."
Erian
"Apparently that makes me the king of Mahlirou," he says. "I'm not sure what I think of that."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, what things might you think of it if you could be sure which one it was?"
Erian
"I think I don't want to be king of Mahlirou. I'd rather live in a swamp and eat fish and have a long lovely coily tail. But it seems like I don't get to do that."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, people do sometimes eat fish. Otherwise... yes, that line of work is a bit inaccessible now."
Erian
"So if I've turned from a lindworm into the king of Mahlirou and I can't turn back then I guess I'd better learn how to be the king of Mahlirou. Apparently walking is involved."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"It's not strictly necessary. You could be king and carried around all the time in a chair. But yes, walking helps."
Erian
"I wouldn't like to make someone carry me around all the time in a chair if they'd rather be doing other things."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"You could pay them. Some people would probably rather carry you in a chair and receive money than not do it and not receive money. But you haven't been trying to walk for very long so you may yet manage it."
Erian
"I'd rather manage it than be carried around."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Reasonable. What happens when you try to walk?"
Erian
"It just doesn't work very well. It's completely different from how I moved around before, and balancing is hard."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, maybe you could lean on walls until you get the hang of it."
Erian
"Maybe. I'm not sure that's the sort of thing that would help."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Do you want to show me? I might think about how I walk more than most people, maybe I am qualified to teach you."
Erian
"Okay."
He attempts to get out of bed. His problems are indeed on a different level than the kind of thing leaning on a wall would help with. He can manage to stand up, but as soon as he tries to move in a direction, he stumbles awkwardly and has to sit down abruptly. The issue isn't just balance, it's coordinating the use of legs in general. He has no practice, no experience, no muscle memory, for operating these strange new limbs.
In fact the only part of his new body he seems perfectly at home with is his hands and arms. Those work fine.
He attempts to get out of bed. His problems are indeed on a different level than the kind of thing leaning on a wall would help with. He can manage to stand up, but as soon as he tries to move in a direction, he stumbles awkwardly and has to sit down abruptly. The issue isn't just balance, it's coordinating the use of legs in general. He has no practice, no experience, no muscle memory, for operating these strange new limbs.
In fact the only part of his new body he seems perfectly at home with is his hands and arms. Those work fine.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yeah... you were mostly tail before and used to having a lot of you in contact with the ground. Whereas walking involves a series of controlled falls from foot to foot and you have to make sure the next foot is where it needs to be in time to catch you." She demonstrates in slow motion.
Erian
"Hm," says Erian. "Maybe I see what you mean. It looks hard, though. Then again you'd probably have a lot of trouble figuring out how to get around without legs if you turned into a lindworm all of a sudden."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Probably. I'd probably have taken a long time to figure out how not to flail if I moved the tail at all, and in the meantime I'd have had to get around by sort of pulling myself forward with my claws, you had those."
Erian
"Yes," he says, looking at his hands and flexing them. "Except for surface details, the hands are just the same. At least there's that."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"That should help with learning to do things like write if you don't already know how - I started with that, did you? - and pick things up."
Erian
"Started with - what do you mean?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"When I turned into a human I could already talk and read and write. If you were living in a swamp this whole time I assume you didn't learn to talk the usual way, can you also read and write?"
Erian
"I'm not sure what the usual way of learning to talk is, so I don't know if I did it or not, but I don't think I was born knowing. And I don't know about reading or writing at all; I haven't tried."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
She has a sack of her possessions handy and this includes writing materials. She writes: This is a sentence. She hands him the paper.
Erian
He peers at it, shrugs helplessly, and hands it back.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Okay, no automatic literacy for you. You might want to learn that - you could get along without reading easier than getting along without walking, it doesn't come up nearly as frequently during most people's days and I can read you things if you like, but it's good to know."
Erian
"Okay. I'll try to learn."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Taphinieu may have had another spelling in mind but I'd be inclined to write your name like so -" She writes it. "And his is thus and mine is like this."
Erian
Erian peers at the written names.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"...Have you eaten anything? Since, uh, last week? Or more relevantly last night, have you eaten the sorts of things humans eat or has that been overlooked in the confusion."
Erian
"Do humans need to eat every day?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yes. Ideally more than once. Do lindworms not?"
Erian
"If I've only been eating very small things, sometimes. But mostly no. That seems inconvenient."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"A little, but we have more variety than fish all the time followed by weekly maidens."
Erian
"I ate things other than fish," he says. "Frogs. Sometimes deer. Sometimes birds, but they're very hard to catch. Other things. What do humans usually eat, then?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Sometimes any of those things, and also various plants, and some more kinds of meat. And milk and things made of milk, and eggs."
Erian
"Should I eat things, since I'm human now?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Probably. Let's get you to the kitchen and you can try some things. And practice walking."
Erian
"Okay."
He tries getting up again. It doesn't work for long, again.
"...What if it takes me more than a day to learn how to walk as far as the kitchen?"
He tries getting up again. It doesn't work for long, again.
"...What if it takes me more than a day to learn how to walk as far as the kitchen?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Then someone will have to bring you things, but you'll probably get less variety that way."
Erian
Shrug.
Attempt to stand. He has that part more or less worked out by now, but the next step - so to speak - is still... yes, now he has fallen on the floor. He snorts.
Attempt to stand. He has that part more or less worked out by now, but the next step - so to speak - is still... yes, now he has fallen on the floor. He snorts.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I sometimes find wearing shoes helps," mentions Carrabella. "Not with overwhelming consistency, but it can."
Erian
"I think Taphinieu brought some of those too..."
He looks around, locates the shoes, and manages a fairly effective slither-crawl in their direction, using his hands more than his legs.
He looks around, locates the shoes, and manages a fairly effective slither-crawl in their direction, using his hands more than his legs.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
If necessary she'll help him put them on.
Erian
It's mostly a hands task, so he has it pretty well covered; it's reasonably easy to guess things like which shoe goes on which foot and in what orientation.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Okay, cool.
Erian
The shoes are not a clear improvement, but Erian seems pretty content to keep standing up and then falling over until he figures out how the next part actually goes.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Okay.
"I'll go ahead and ask the kitchen to prep a few things for you to try, since you don't know what human food you like."
"I'll go ahead and ask the kitchen to prep a few things for you to try, since you don't know what human food you like."
Erian
"Okay."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
And she goes and does that.
And then having done that comes back to see how he's getting on.
And then having done that comes back to see how he's getting on.
Erian
He has reached a stage where leaning on a wall actually sort of helps, and is stumbling back and forth along the wall of their bedroom.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Various food is in progress," she says.
Erian
"What sort of food requires progress, anyway? Did they have to go out and catch it? I guess that can't be helped, I certainly can't hunt for myself in this state..."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"A lot of food is served hot, or mixed with other food, or both."
Erian
"Oh. Is it nicer that way?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yes. Some things can't be eaten without cooking them at all. Like potatoes. If you cook them they get soft and yummy."
Erian
"Being a human just keeps seeming more inconvenient."
He falls over, sighs, and climbs back up the wall.
He falls over, sighs, and climbs back up the wall.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Would it help if I held your hand? I'm not the steadiest sort of walking stick but it might be better than nothing."
Erian
"It sounds worth trying."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
So she takes the hand that isn't on the wall side of him.
Erian
Erian emits a quiet happy lizardish chirp.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Why did you make that noise? What kind of noise even was that?"
Erian
"It was a happy noise. Holding your hand is nice."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"...Okay."
Well, she walking-sticks him kitchenward.
Well, she walking-sticks him kitchenward.
Erian
With her help, he manages to mostly not fall over!
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Then they will make it to the kitchen!
And he will be offered some fruit, and a roast beef sandwich with tomatoes, and some potatoes and veggies with cheese.
And he will be offered some fruit, and a roast beef sandwich with tomatoes, and some potatoes and veggies with cheese.
Erian
"Human food isn't bad," he concludes. "I like these things."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Good."
Erian
Chirp.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"That's really cute, but it's not a noise humans make."
Erian
"Is it not? Is that bad?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, it'll make you seem strange. You might not want to seem strange during all occasions you might otherwise - chirp."
Erian
"When might I not want to seem strange?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"If you're trying to impress someone. Into believing that you won't fall for it if they try to trick you somehow, say, or into having confidence that you'll do something that's important to them."
Erian
"I suppose."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Or if you just want people to like you without having to hear and understand your entire life story."
Erian
"Do I want that?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"It's a lot more convenient than the alternatives."
Erian
"It might be. Do people not like people who are strange?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Often, yeah. It depends on the person."
Erian
"That makes sense."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"There may be things besides chirping, I'll let you know as I spot them."
Erian
"The trouble I have with walking seems like it might be that sort of thing too."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"It is. But you're already working on it. Maybe spend the meeting sitting down if you're going to talk to foreign dignitaries. ...There are probably some foreign monarchs who want apologies about their daughters."
Erian
"Well, they can have them, but I'm not sure how it helps."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"It doesn't. Not directly. What it does is make it clear that you are concerned about how they're feeling and are in a position to not do it again."
Erian
"Hmm. I see. That does make some sense..."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"The families of the girls might want some kind of recompense. I can't think of a great argument for not giving it to them unless the treasury is in really bad shape, but if it is you won't be able to give everybody a non-insulting amount."
Erian
"I don't know anything about the state of the treasury."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Taphinieu probably does, or will at least know who to ask."
Erian
"Probably. I think Taphinieu is much better suited to being king of Mahlirou than I am."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well - probably. He's had a human prince's upbringing. It might even be more politically palatable - you're older, but you're twins, so it's not a significant age difference and people have had more opportunity to get used to the idea that he was the prince because you were off lindworming. But if he prefers to be king he hasn't mentioned it."
Erian
"He seems to always know what things need doing and how to get them done," says Erian. "I wonder if I should ask him if he wants to be king instead."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"You could do that."
Erian
"Hm?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
She shrugs. "It's even a good idea. But if you do that we will still be married and I will not be queen and I kind of liked the idea of being queen."
Erian
"Why?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Monarchs in the course of doing their jobs get to exert a lot of power and throw around a lot of money. Using it intelligently matters more than doing almost any commoner's job intelligently. And I think I could do it intelligently. I have no reason to doubt Taphinieu's qualifications, though."
Erian
"I think even if Taphinieu is king you can probably still help him do things," muses Erian.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Maybe."
Erian
"Why wouldn't you be able to?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"He might not want me to. Also, if he's going to be king, he will have to get married so that he can have an heir, and then there will be a queen I know nothing about involved who might have her own opinions."
Erian
"Oh. Hm. I don't know about that. But you could talk to him about it."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yes, I suppose so."
Erian
"Do you think you will?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Probably. It'll depend on whether he wants to be king if you ask him. If he doesn't then there's less point."
Erian
"True."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Unless you're planning to run off to live in a swamp and leave him without a choice in the matter, of course."
Erian
"I think I don't want to do that."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Okay then. We can all discuss this like reasonable adults then."
Erian
"Okay."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"We can go find him now," she suggests.
Erian
"Sure."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Where oh where might Taphinieu be?
Taphinieu
mydarkness
He has finally enticed someone to clean the throne room, and is sitting next to the throne, busily telling people to do things. But not too busy to smile at Carrabella and Erian when he sees them.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
This conversation might be best had not in front of servants.
Erian
"Can we go talk to you somewhere?" says Erian.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Of course. Just a moment."
And he finishes what he was saying to this particular servant and then leads the two of them to his study.
And he finishes what he was saying to this particular servant and then leads the two of them to his study.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"It has occurred to Erian that you are possibly better suited to being king than he would be."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Oh."
He considers this.
"Yes, that's probably true."
He considers this.
"Yes, that's probably true."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Do you want to be king?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"I don't think that's the question," he says. "I think the question is, should I be king? What's better for the kingdom? And it seems like what's better for the kingdom is probably me."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"That is the question, but what you want is still relevant. If you're going to burn out in five years because you hate the job - for that matter if your father has completely obliterated this royal family's ability to convince anyone to marry into it absent force - those are important considerations."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"I will be okay," he says. "And I think that might be the kind of problem I could talk to a mysterious old woman about. Probably somewhere in the world there is someone who would not mind marrying me, and magic could help me find her. Even without magic I think someone might be okay with it if we explain about the magic problem, but it might take a long time in that case. I'm young, though, I have time."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"All right. So I guess Erian's going to abdicate in your favor, probably simple enough. This leaves the question of what about me."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"What do you mean?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I mean, as it stands now I'm the queen. I kind of like the idea of being the queen, but not enough to attempt to demand that Erian be the king to enable it. There remains the question of whether we should stay married or have you pronounce us annulled, and whether you're interested in my advice in any capacity or would rather I just go home."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"I'm not sure if doing things to your marriage might cause magic-related problems," says Taphinieu. "I think if you want to stop being married you might want to ask a mysterious old woman about it, just in case. But if you want me to annul it anyway I will. As for your advice, I don't know what sort of advice you give so I don't know if it will be useful, but if you want to stay and give it, you can, and we'll see."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Your point about consulting a mysterious old woman with respect to the possibility of annulment is well-taken. I may have already collected on my 'agreeable results' just by successfully averting further devourings."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Or she might have thought you'd like being married to Erian once you got to know him, or might have thought you'd like the opportunity to advise a king. It's hard to tell with mysterious old women."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Right."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"And if you would like the opportunity to advise a king, you may have it."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I'd like that. Do you have anything non-obvious needing decisions now or is this a good time for me to go mope outside?"
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Not really. Go on."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
So she goes out in the garden and leans on a tree and sighs loudly, looking up at the sky rather than any directions from which a mysterious old woman might care to surreptitiously approach.
And there is a mysterious old woman. A different one from last time, or maybe just wearing a different face. The ends of her shawls trail a faint cool mist, and she leaves no footprints in the grass, though her walking-stick makes clear marks.
"My dear," she says, "what troubles you so?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well," says Carrabella, "I'm married to a man I barely know and don't even get to be queen in the bargain and I'm unsure whether continuing to be married is part of the deal the last mysterious old woman gave me."
"Are you quite sure that is the problem you most want to solve?" inquires the mysterious old woman.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"...Knowing whether I have to be married is definitely important for anything else I might want to do. But now that you mention it, there are other things that trouble me so. For instance, there are a lot of dead people, and on a quite routine basis there are more."
"You were promised agreeable results, and agreeable results you shall have, though they may not be quite the ones you would have expected nor come quite as soon as you would have liked," says the mysterious old woman. "What would you like my advice with, dear?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Can I fix mortality?"
"Many things are possible," says the mysterious old woman. "Some are more difficult than others. Advice is not a limitless resource, but you will find it tends to be available when you struggle with important problems. The larger the problem, the more complicated the solution, however."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I brought paper."
Lots of it, actually.
Lots of it, actually.
"Then listen closely," says the mysterious old woman, "and do just as I say. You must build a fountain..."
And constructing the fountain will take just shy of five years and it's a good thing she can probably count on the king of Mahlirou to help because some of the ingredients are expensive and nearly all of the procedures are too complicated for a single person to accomplish alone. It can be done, though. And the mysterious old woman very patiently explains the entire process, and Carrabella does not run out of paper writing it all down.
"If you build it correctly, anyone who drinks the water from the fountain will be cured of all that ails them," she finishes.
And constructing the fountain will take just shy of five years and it's a good thing she can probably count on the king of Mahlirou to help because some of the ingredients are expensive and nearly all of the procedures are too complicated for a single person to accomplish alone. It can be done, though. And the mysterious old woman very patiently explains the entire process, and Carrabella does not run out of paper writing it all down.
"If you build it correctly, anyone who drinks the water from the fountain will be cured of all that ails them," she finishes.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Well, this isn't going to leave much time for dating anyway. She can just go on being married in the meanwhile.
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
The mysterious old woman smiles a kind, wrinkly smile and walks away.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
And Carrabella goes back inside looking for prince or king, whichever is which and whichever she finds first.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
Taphinieu and Erian are both in the throne room again, and Taphinieu is discussing where to get a new crown since the last one disappeared along with the rest of King Antimoun. The tone of the discussion strongly implies Taphinieu will be the one wearing it.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Hello," says Carrabella. "I received higher-priority advice than whether or not our marriage should be annulled. Will it be at all inconvenient if we just go on being technically married for the next five years while I work on something else?"
Erian
"I don't think so," says Erian.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"What else will you be doing?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I will be building... a fountain. Which will probably do wonders for local tourism, if you need a reason to invest in it besides the fact that it will cure all forms of physical ailment."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"...A fountain that cures all forms of physical ailment definitely sounds like something that I want," says Taphinieu. "How difficult will it be? Can I help?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"You can definitely help. I need a lot of things. First I need to copy all of these instructions, perhaps more than once, so that there isn't just one of them. Then I need materials and a place to put it."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
"Do you want me to find you a scribe, or just more paper?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Both, why not."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
A scribe is procured, with plenty of paper. Taphinieu directs him to help Princess Carrabella copy out the instructions.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
And Carrabella copies them out and reads them aloud as she goes, and then there are three copies; and then she goes through and determines the first set of things she will need before she can start and presents Taphinieu with a shopping list.
Taphinieu
mydarkness
Taphinieu accepts the list and looks at it and nods.
"Yes, that shouldn't be too difficult to find. It'll probably only take a day or two to get it all. It would be less if there weren't so much else going on, but I really need a crown because until there's a proper coronation people are going to be confused about who their king is and that's never good."
"Yes, that shouldn't be too difficult to find. It'll probably only take a day or two to get it all. It would be less if there weren't so much else going on, but I really need a crown because until there's a proper coronation people are going to be confused about who their king is and that's never good."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I understand."
Taphinieu
mydarkness
Taphinieu nods, and turns his attention back to the many people who need to be told what to do about the miscellaneous problems at hand.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"We should probably talk," Carrabella says to Erian.
Erian
"About this being married thing?" he guesses.
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yes."
Erian
"That seems like a good idea, sure."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
Off they go someplace. "So," she says, "I still don't have reliable mysterious old woman advice on whether ceasing to be married would do anything unfortunate. To be safe, we should go on being as married as we currently are. But this doesn't mean we have to consummate the marriage or, if it comes up, worry overmuch about adultery, I don't think. Please tell me how much of that I have to explain to you because you are only recently a human."
Erian
"I... think I know what all those words mean..." he says. "I'm a little bit confused about what adultery is and why anyone worries about it in the first place, though."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Marriage is usually a promise not to do it. People take promise-breaking pretty seriously."
Erian
"But why is it part of the promise in the first place?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"It's a usual expectation in relationships and marriage cements those."
Erian
"...I think that still isn't an answer to the part that confuses me," he says. "But maybe the answer is just 'humans are strange and inconvenient'."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Maybe. What is the part that confuses you?"
Erian
"Why it's a usual expectation in the first place."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Well, usually people aren't getting married because the king made them - or for that matter because if they don't marry the baker's son smart quick the king will make them. Usually they're doing it because they're in love and actually prefer to spend most of their energy on each other and their shared stuff."
Erian
"Does that explain adultery?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"No - the idea is that if you want to commit adultery you have no business getting married, I think. I did not personally design this system, I'm just reverse-engineering it, so there are probably other perspectives, but my understanding is that the promise is a big show for everyone you know that you are really, really sure you want to stick with this person, and then some people turn out to be wrong about that and don't follow through."
Erian
"Okay. And none of this applies to us because we got married mostly so I could stop eating people. Right?"
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Right. We got married because I didn't flee the country, marry somebody else, fight off your father's men with skills I don't possess, or commit suicide, not because we wanted to get married; and we are staying married because it might have bad magical consequences if we stopped, not because we want to be married. Which means that none of the standard expectations apply, or ought to anyway."
Erian
"Well, that seems simple enough."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"I think so too. No other questions? About that or anything else, I may as well be on explaining-humans duty until I can start my fountain."
Erian
"There are probably plenty of things I still need explained about humans, but I haven't encountered them yet so I don't know what they are."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Okay. Well, if you run into anything, I'll be around and might be more askable than some people. There's enough stuff that happens specifically at sundown or sunrise in my instructions that I'll have downtime between."
Erian
"Okay. Can I help you build the fountain too? I've been getting better at walking, and for all I know there are some parts that don't even need it..."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Yeah, there are parts I could use help with, and not all of them need walking."
Erian
"I'll help with those, then."
Isabella Marie Svaner ❄
spell_eternity
"Thanks."
Erian
He smiles.