"Which foot?" asks the Slayer, mirroring the demon as it jukes left and right in the hope of going around her and back out into the hallway. When she has a clear shot she tries a foot, and when that doesn't work she tries the other foot.

"I...uh...the left one!" she yells. She's positive about this.

"...Sorry, 'missing'? Who else is trying to find me?"

"I guess the cat's out of the bag. I have nifty physical superpowers, I'm supposed to have prophetic dreams but I didn't get any, I noticed that I wasn't tripping and then a Power That Be showed up in my room to tell me what was going on, I've pieced together a little more from library books."

"A Power That Be showed up in your bedroom," Cara says faintly. "That's...something we should definitely return to later. Okay. There's a secret organization known as the Watcher's Council. It's our job to find both activated and potential Slayers, teach you to fight evil things, help you learn which demons are poisonous and which ones keep their brains in stupid places, make sure you're following proper procedure, and generally aid you in the ongoing fight against evil." She takes a deep breath, then lets it out. "I don't suppose you have any idea why you didn't get the dreams?"

"Not a clue. The Power That Be made rude comments about my brain not working correctly, but my brain does everything I need it to do except have divinatory nightmares. Why is a member of a secret Slayer-support-group teaching Latin in a high school?"

"Oh. I guess that makes sense. I was actually born here, though."

"Do you have a demon incinerator in a back room somewhere? This is the first time I've killed one indoors, usually I just sort of leave them lying around. Vampires are more convenient but I'm seeing fewer these days."

"I was planning on stuffing it in my supply closet and dragging it into the woods later tonight, when everyone's left," she says. She bends down, scrunches her eyes shut, grasps at the demon gingerly, and begins to pull it towards the aforementioned closet.

Bella picks up the other end helpfully. "Sounds like a plan. I've been thinning out the vampire population so you probably won't get eaten, but - well, you probably already own cross jewelry?"

"Thanks," she says. "And yes, I've got scads of crucifixes in various places in my house and classroom. Exactly how much of the vampire population have you been able to thin out, working on your own?"

"I have a key to the morgue and a lot of little wood splinters."

"Yep. I'm also painting and scratching little crosses all over town, but that's slower going."

"I have holy water balloons? I don't know what's usual, for Slayers, really."

"I try to avoid having to punch and stab. Did you know, most of the time vampires do not rise from the grave equipped with ranged weapons?"

"Yes, that's one of their more convenient features," says Cara. "I really don't know why official Slayer training doesn't prioritize crossbow training more. It's almost as if they don't want to keep Slayers alive past their teenage years."

"That's disquieting."

"I strongly agree," Cara says. "Luckily for you, ensuring that the Slayer under my care has a record-setting lifespan has been my goal since before I joined the Council."

"Twenty-three."

"Okay. Do please beat that."

"With pleasure. I look forward to attending your twenty-fourth birthday party. Assuming, of course, the Council doesn't attempt to replace me with someone else."

"Why might they attempt to do that?"

"Some of them don't like me very much," she says. "We sometimes have disagreements about the way things are run. These disagreements have occasionally led to larger, council-dividing arguments. That reminds me, I ought to inform them of your existence at some point." She surveys her floor. It is covered in bluish-grayish goo. "I think I'll need to get a mop first, though."

"Are any of them likely to be inclined to consult me about how I would prefer to be Watched? That seems like it might be important, but hey, I'm just the only Slayer they have unless they decide to murder me."

"They probably won't murder you," she says, then reconsiders. "Well...okay, it depends on how you define 'murder'. Anyway, no, they do not have a history of consulting the actual Slayer when discussing Slayer-related policies."

"So they might pick somebody I do not like and instruct this person to stalk me. I think 'watch' does turn into 'stalk' when the object of the verb is not consulted."

"That is, in fact, what happens to that word in that instance. So yes, they might do that. Unless I argue them out of it. I am reasonably confident in my ability to get them to back off."

"I like you. You have my permission to Watch me, at least provisionally. Anybody else may run the risk of being treated like a stalker, and my dad is the chief of police. Include this information if it seems helpful."

"Seventeen. Birthday's in September."

"In September, someone is going to kidnap you, drug you, suppress your Slayer powers, stick you in an enclosed space with an unusually powerful vampire, and wait to see whether you live or die. Act surprised."

"How about I just don't let them do that?"

"I like that plan. That's a good plan," says Cara. "I'd say not to tell them I told you, but if you successfully avoid them, they'll probably guess."

"I assume this is some kind of myopic attempt to make sure that there aren't prolonged tenures for Slayers who coast on luck and super-strength, but it's pretty astonishingly myopic."

"That's exactly what it is," says Cara. "Although I almost think 'myopic' is a bit too charitable. I prefer 'mind-bogglingly idiotic', myself. This is one of those council-dividing fights I mentioned starting."

"Right. I will try to avoid the situation entirely, possibly by spending the month of September backpacking with my mother in rural China or something, I bet I could talk her into that, but if somebody actually comes at me with the drugs I'm considering it attempted murder and acting accordingly, just to let you know."

"That would be entirely justified," says Cara. "There's a few people on the Council I would object to you murdering, but they are not the type to come at you with drugs. Going backpacking in China will not be detrimental to you, but they'll probably just wait for you to get back."

"Oh joy. Well then. I don't think my dad can easily get me out of a murder charge, so maybe I should be learning to fight to subdue?"

"That's probably a good idea anyway, in case you fight something human enough to be salvageable," says Cara. "I can add that to the curriculum. It'll probably be most helpful to practice on vampires, though. I know basic combat maneuvers from Watcher training but I'm a bit pathetic at them. Speaking of which, we should probably figure out a schedule for your official training."

"Yeah. Uh, it's gotten a little hard to find vampires in Sunnydale recently, so we might have to schedule in occasional trips to neighboring metropolises if I'm supposed to practice on vampires. I don't think it's quite humane to keep a supply of them in the basement unless there are civilized ones that have escaped my notice."

"If there are, they've escaped my notice, too," says Cara. "There are hints of that in a few books, but nothing concrete. Trips to neighboring metropolises are a good idea. In fact, you should probably leave a few alive to spread the word. The better reputation a Slayer has, the more nervous the supernatural community will be, which makes life easier for everyone. Actually, you might want to make that trip to China anyway and stake some vampires there."

"Can't I spread the word with graffiti or something? Graffiti does not murder people. Sweep a dusted vampire into a little heap and spraypaint SHE IS HERE on the nearest wall?"

"That could work, if you do it enough times. It's appropriately ominous," says Cara. "Hm. I wonder if I ought to come along on these excursions, or if we should invest in a small recording device and an earpiece for me to shout advice into in the event that you encounter an unfamiliar demon."

"Does the Watcher's Council supply Slayer funding? That seems like a valid purpose for a Watcher's council. I blew my allowance for a good long while on my crossbow."

"On occasion, but we're not a particularly rich secret organization. I'd be willing to delve into my income to pay for something like that if it seems like it'd be useful. I could live off instant ramen. It'll be like the university all over again."

"A council that periodically murders Slayers for the ostensible greater good is merely evil. A council that obliges its Slayers to eventually get day jobs to support themselves is also stupid. It's hard enough to juggle with school, which I can blow off without starving to death if I have to. But hopefully we can nudge along without you having to resort to too much ramen. Yummy though it occasionally is."

"What, here teaching Latin?"

"Bella Swan. I doubt I'm the talk of the teacher's lounge for anything but novelty; Slaying has displaced homework in my life priorities list."

Cara sighs. "At least you have a good reason. Your after-school activity saves lives. Would you be interested in transferring to Latin so that we can disguise your Slayer training as private tutoring sessions?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about that because of some of the books in the library being various languages which, whatever their virtues, are not Spanish. Have you got an intro-level section meeting fifth period or will this call for more elaborate shuffling?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. Convenient. Shouldn't be too hard to put in for a transfer," she says. "Also, you're quite right, Latin is a helpful language to know for anyone trying to learn about demons."

"Okay. Can you paperwork that or do I need to do things to swap?"

"I think you have to get a signature from your Spanish teacher," she says. "You can get the form at the front office. And then we can start planning our not-at-all-suspicious student-teacher trip to San Francisco or wherever."

"What's in San Francisco?"

"A large vampire population. I was just naming a random city you may want to use as Slaying grounds. There are other places we could go if you prefer."

"I'm not picky about where I do my Slaying, really. L.A.'s closer, though. I'll get Señora Hawthorn to sign the form tomorrow."

"L.A. it is. Now, you should probably eat something, and I should probably mop up all this blood. See you in a few days, fifth period?"

Cara makes it a point to mention that she is available for tutoring after school.

"But did they take the news with a well-behaved amount of acquiescence?"

"After the grumbling died down, yes," says Cara. "You don't need to worry about them for the time being so long as you continue Slaying regularly."

"Good. I don't need more things to worry about right now. Hey, maybe you can answer a question. I've been assuming that the reason vampires and demons and such are not common knowledge despite not being particularly well-hidden is that vampires are motivated to avoid having people organize large-scale, well-informed hunts for them, and everybody who knows vampires exist would like them to continue to have that motivation rather than descending in packs on large groups of Broadway viewers or whatever. Is that about right or is there something more elaborate going on?"

"Unless there's something going on that the Council isn't telling me, yes, that's about right."

"So there isn't any reason to avoid, say, informing people with access to morgues of my Vampire Planned Parenthood deal, if there's a concise way to convince them?"

"Not that I'm aware," says Cara. "Personally, I say there's no reason to keep potentially-lifesaving information hidden from people."

"Well, if there's an equal downside - say, if I could only notify the morgue people by also talking to trigger-happy people with nukes prone to misunderstandings about where vampires are to be found - then that would be something, but I don't see any obvious reason to think that's the case."

"Me neither. It seems safe enough to me," she says, smiling. "So, are you ready to learn everything there is to know about demons?"

"Hit me."

"Ooh, color-coding. I like. I'll be gentle with Spouse Book." Bella hauls out a notebook and gets started.

"Spouse book appreciates it. I probably don't need to give you my 'information is the best weapon' lecture, do I?"

"I think I'm thoroughly inculcated with this idea."

"I thought you might be. Oh, and I did a little bit of research into what's going on with your brain. It's not unheard of for humans to be born with magic mental defenses. You seem to be one of the lucky few. Congratulations."

"Lucky me. Would this also explain why I can't get any spells to work?"

Cara blinks. "You've tried...who am I kidding, of course you have. Yes, that would do it. A lot of magic relies on calling on powerful entities, and said powerful entities need to be able to find you for it to work."

"Okay. Bit of a mixed blessing. It's a pity, magic would be much more my style..."

"It's probably better to stay away from magic, anyway," says Cara. "I knew a witch once. Magic's fine if you're careful, but has some unfavorable side effects. Notably, addiction. I can do a few spells, but I try not to use them unless it's absolutely necessary. Although I think you'd be careful."

"Oof. Noted. Can I by any chance get around both problems by just using pre-magicked objects?"

"Certainly," says Cara. "I can try to find someone who knows how to do that. Or I can learn, if you'd like, but I'd prefer to avoid that. I have a feeling I'd get addicted fast."

"This may be a disingenuous question, but what exactly is the drawback of being addicted to magic besides needing to work regular opportunities for the practice of magic into your schedule?"

"Off the top of my head, you can die. It can also cause behavioral changes that I'd rather avoid."

"So it's not just addictive, it's poisonous and mind-altering, noted. Extreme caution warranted. But if somebody is selling enchanted things on eBay I can snap them up?"

"Sure. Shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay. Not that I can tell through the internet whether a magic thing is real or hippie woo of some kind. Does anybody know why it's poisonous and addictive and mind-altering?"

"I don't think I can give you a definitive answer."

"Can you give me testable hypotheses?"

"Testable, probably not. I'd guess that it's because supernatural beings tend not to be friendly towards humans, and magic requires calling on supernatural beings. Also, in anticipation of your next question, non-humans don't normally have souls, meaning that they don't feel remorse, which is quite a significant barrier to the development of moral sensibilities."

"Do human sociopaths have souls?"

"Yes. Given the existence of sociopaths, it seems reasonable to assume that while the feeling of remorse originates from souls, it can be prevented by something other than the lack of a soul."

"Are there soulless creatures who do seem to experience remorse? Maybe souls are just a correlate."

"It's possible. Neutral demon species do exist, but they're not friendly enough for us to find out whether or not they feel remorse. It's difficult to determine how souls work. You can't exactly take one out and poke it until it makes sense like you can with other body parts. All we have to go on is behavioral analysis. And on top of that, most behavioral analysis is done on the types of demons who kill people, so the information we do have is biased. If I were magically invulnerable somehow I would try to get better data, but the sad truth is that the vast majority of demons would eat my face as soon as look at me, which makes data-gathering difficult. I'm quite attached to my face, and most other parts of my body as well."

"That's usually how body parts work. I do appreciate the complications. I am curious about neutral demon species in general. Does Spouse Book know more?"

"Spouse Book does, in fact, know more. 'Neutral' generally means 'will not attempt to remove your face from your body without provocation' or 'does not generally interact with humans' as opposed to 'friendly', but neutral demons are fascinating all the same."

"Part of what I'm wondering is whether any of the neutral demons dislike any of the non-neutral demons."

"If you're looking to recruit allies, it's a good idea, but most neutral demons strongly prefer to avoid conflict. I'd be happy to assist you in convincing them, but, again, tread carefully. Sometimes it's difficult to know what constitutes provocation."

"Fair enough. Man, who designed this system of Slayage, anyway?"

"Lazy bastards with deeply confused moral sensibilities and absolutely no backbone."

"Can," Bella inquires, "anyone edit the system?"

"Well, my total inability to do magic, for one thing, for all I know one can only get root access to the involved apparatus if one is personally the Slayer. But it seems worth looking into. Several hundred volunteer background-checked Slayers! Who are maybe already out of high school!"

"What? You mean trained volunteer adults tend to be better at doing important jobs than coerced and untrained teenagers? Someone alert the media," Cara jokes. "The magic issue could be a barrier, but even if it is, we can at least find out how a Slayer with magic would theoretically go about editing the system."

"And pass it on to my successor. Fun stuff. But maybe you can do it or some other witch can do it."

"Yes, pass it on to your successor after you live to a healthy age," she says decisively. "You're right, though, it'll only be a problem if it's a spell only the Slayer can perform."

There's somebody sitting on a park bench, stubbing out a cigarette. Bella has crossed this park, so they're pretty much guaranteed not to be a vampire.

Cara would prefer not to have company, but the only other bench nearby appears to have been vomited on. It's a close call. She grunts noncommittally at the other person, then buries her head in her hands.

"Rough day?" says company.

"Brilliant observation," she snaps. "Pardon me, I didn't realize I was sitting next to bloody Sherlock Holmes."

"Whoa there," says company. "Sounds like you've got something to unload, huh?"

"What, do you have nothing better to do than sit around in parks and listen to people whinge at you?"

"Finished my cig," says company. "Why not?"

"Go on," says company mildly.

"You have reached the Slayer, please rate your emergency on a scale of one to apocalypse?"

"Good, you're alive. I don't think it's an apocalypse, but I was talking to a person and I mentioned you and the person turned out to be a demon. Or possibly an evil witch. It disappeared ominously shortly afterwards, so be careful. Make sure everything's all right with your family. If it was a demon, I have some suspicions as to what kind of demon it was, and I'm going to research them."

"Dad's across the room, I'll call my mom in the morning, she's bound to be asleep by now - what happened?"

"Which phrasing was what?"

Pause. "I can still walk across the room without tripping. I'm gonna set down the phone for a second and try something more elaborate." Clunk.

"Wh - how do you know my name? Where the hell am I?"

Bella is not still there. Bella is checking on her Slayerishiness.

"Are you threatening - look, I didn't mean to be here, is this your place, I swear I have no idea how I wound up here, I wasn't even casting anything!"

"You're a witch and not a Slayer, aren't you?" she says. "Where did you come from?"

"My house. Please, what's going on?"

"I said something inadvisable to a demon, and the inadvisable thing I said seems to have given it some sort of power over me. Namely, the power to create a witch version of a friend of mine. You could be a perfectly benign witch version of her. You could also be a hostile entity who's also convincing facsimile of a benign witch version of her. Given the nature of the type of demon I suspect we're dealing with, I'm more inclined to believe the latter, but I'm not sure how to prove it either way."

"You made a wish around a vengeance demon? And it got you me? What the hells did you ask it for? Or is it something more obscure?"

"I didn't know it was a vengeance demon at the time. I still don't know it's a vengeance demon, but that seems the most likely. I wished that my friend could help me with something that required the help of someone magical, and I mentioned that I required the help of a witch, specifically, and not, say, a Slayer."

"I'm a witch, but right now I don't feel very helpful, you are not the most welcoming hostess I've ever met."

"What, you think I expect you to help me? No, thanks, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on while ensuring that all my limbs stay attached to my body," she says. "You appeared in my apartment after I made a wish around a probable-vengeance-demon, I am not a trusting person on the best of days, and I just made an uncharacteristic judgment error that I am not keen to repeat. I'm not feeling particularly welcoming."

"Look - I look like someone you know? Who's named Bella? Why don't you get her to come see if I seem to be - like her?"

"- Cara? Earth to Cara?"

"Sorry, something came up," she says. "An unknown entity who seems to be a witch version of you and looks the part has appeared in my apartment. It's possible she's a harmless copy of you, but it's also possible that she's something more alarming, and the only way I can think of to confirm which is which is to have her talk to you. How quickly can you get here?"

"I haven't asked her detailed questions about her memories or where she came from yet, but I agree, that's a point of interest," she says. "Do you want me to stay on the phone with you? I'd like to start grilling her now, but I can put you on speaker if you want to be part of the conversation."

"I shouldn't phone and drive. Grill away, but be civil, if she is a me and we can't get her home it'd be incredibly inconvenient if you and her couldn't work together."

"...I may have botched that already, I panicked when I found her. I tried my best to explain why I panicked, but I did panic. I can explain in greater detail later, if you need to drive."

"I need to drive. I'll hear all about the botching later."

"All right." Cara hangs up. She pulls up a chair and sits across the table from possibly-Bella. "Are you willing to answer my questions?"

"If you don't get too personal or - like you're trying to figure out how to kill me or anything, I guess?"

"I'm not going to try to kill you unless you attack me or are otherwise definitively proven to be threatening," she says. (And probably not even then. Even if she managed to hold her own, she doesn't think she could kill someone who looks that much like Bella). "Would asking you how you found out about the existence of magic count as being too personal?"

"Uh, everybody knows?"

"Now that's interesting. How long has magic been common knowledge?"

"Since well before I was born and narrowly before my parents were but I couldn't pass a history quiz on it."

"And I assume people are also aware of vampires and demons and such?"

"Quite."

"Interesting," she repeats. She doesn't share her thoughts on that just yet. "But you still have the Slayer line, the Watchers' Council, etc?"

"Uh, the Slayer line was exterminated about when everyone found out about magic, someone killed all the Potentials first and then got the extant Slayer and that was it. I think there might be some former Watchers left but they've mostly dispersed into the USADI and similar organizations to get the monster-handling - handled, by non-slayer persons, in a systematic way."

"Public. There's a draft in effect if you have the right skills, so I'm not publicly a witch, although signing up voluntarily's a viable career option if I think I can get research or medic work, and they might be smart enough not to try to put me anywhere the ability to walk across a flat surface without tripping is necessary, so my odds aren't awful there. They're - ruthless, but they keep it pretty damn firmly aimed at the nasty biteys."

"That sounds more effective than what we've got, at any rate," says Cara. "Plausible, too, although imagining a clumsy Bella is a bit strange."

"Witchcraft didn't cause that," says witchy Bella.

"I see," says Cara. She seems to have relaxed slightly. "I should tell you that thus far, you don't strike me as a malevolent being, but I'm going to hold off on definitive judgments until Bella gets here."

"I appeared under highly suspicious circumstances, I get it. If I thought you'd done it on purpose I would be highly suspicious of you too, but you weren't even home, so."

"Well, maybe it was more obscure than a vengeance demon, but that was the first thing to come to mind."

"That could be true, though I'm not aware of the existence of 'pleasant surprise demons' or 'utility maximization demons'," says Cara. "It was more similar to a vengeance demon than anything else, but I suppose there's a small possibility that I've forgotten one or two of the more obscure species over the years."

"You realize I may be stuck very far from home with no way to tell my parents I'm even alive, right?"

"There are worse places I could have ended up, this doesn't seem like a hell dimension, but I did not wish to pretty please go meet Slayer Me on a one-way ticket."

"Yes, I'm the only one who did any wishing," she says. "I'm...there are a lot of adjectives I could put in front of the apology, but none of them are quite adequate. I'm sorry. There's got to be a way to send you back, I'll try to find out how." She doesn't sound all that optimistic about her chances.

"Get me enough books and I'll work on it in my spare time, after helping with whatever Slayer Bella's big-deal priorities are."

"Books I can do." She's not quite ready to tell witchy Bella everything (even though she feels she owes witchy Bella that much at least, and is bursting to talk about the project besides) due to lingering suspicions.

And with that there's a knock on the door.

"In your professional opinion, is there any way that any sort of entity she might be has a way to read my mind?"

"The Powers-That-Be could not read your mind. You're safe."

"No duh, but I wouldn't have to read your mind, I'd just need to read your notebooks, for that, so you have something else in mind."

"Well. But not perfectly, because it's all in note to self format. You could guess what somebody was making for dinner by reading their grocery list, but if they didn't bother to write down the brands or quantities because those were obvious, you might not know how many people they were having over or their budget or the preexisting contents of their spice cabinet."

"Nicely put. Is it too invasive to ask you to walk me through a three questions assessment of where you're at now, in real time, out loud?"

"Uh - I don't think so, although I guess I might stop abruptly if I find something."

Well. She certainly sounds like Bella.

"Uh, born in a little walled enclave in Washington state called Forks. Walled enclaves are towns with walls and really snug security around them so if you live there you can be pretty sure no vampires and probably no demons are about. My parents were both born there so they got automatic residency, and so do I for the same reason. Public school, my best friend's a girl named Angela, her dad's a pastor and I forget what her mom does. I am defying parental forbiddance to be a witch and have done since I was - it was autumn and I don't remember the date so I might have been thirteen but I was at least almost fourteen. My parents thought I'd get addicted or drafted - yes to the first, no so far to the second - and I'm seventeen now. I have the addiction under control and I titrate my casting but it frazzles me if I'm too withdrawn and makes me kind of giddy if I overdo it. My most significant accomplishment so far is summoning and then destroying the Gem of Amara, which is an artifact that vampires can use to become invulnerable."

"Sounds like it to me. What's the magic addiction like?"

"...Sort of personal," says Witch Bella, glancing at Cara.

"I can go out in the hall."

"Eh, more urgent question is where to keep her. I can try to explain her to Charlie, but it wouldn't be the simplest thing in the world."

"Charlie - just Charlie? What happened to Renée?"

"Divorced when I was a baby, remarried recently, lives in Florida, I moved here to let her travel around with her baseball player husband."

"I'd ask if you wanted to stay here, but my place is not exactly suitable for houseguests at the moment." Indeed, there are more books and papers cluttering the apartment than usual. "I could also put you up in a motel somewhere. I don't think I can afford a particularly nice motel, but I owe you." She shifts a bit. "I am sorry about all the shouting. And...everything."

"I mean, I can take the couch and be fine, if that would put you less out than would getting me a motel for who knows how long. I'm not picky. Explaining to Charlie might be the better long-term plan but I don't blame the Slayer over there for not having a script to do it on short notice."

"If you're all right with sleeping on my couch, that would be preferable until and unless Bella feels comfortable broaching the subject with her father."

"Slayer seems to trust you. Stop calling her Bella, it's confusing. I can be Rune until I think of something better. Slayer, you got anything better than 'Slayer'?"

"Eh - Bolt? Arrow? Destiny. I'll be Destiny, pretend I'm a stripper."

"I should probably get adjusted to this world's version of the Pacific time zone and it being unwise to go out at night. Could use - dinner, I guess, at this hour, and a look through your library, and a pillow and a toothbrush and some of Destiny's spare clothes, I bet she's got some stuff too nice to Slay in."

"I'll go run you some errands."

"I'll see what I have in the way of food. Feel free to look through books while I'm cooking, and let me know if you have any questions or want to find something specific."

"Is there some known reason why you might've gotten me instead of something else from a vengeance demon?" wonders Rune.

"Magic doesn't like me. It might have been trying to replace me outright and only got halfway. Still not especially cruel as that sort of thing goes, but more inconvenient than just picking you up and putting you in Cara's apartment."

"Right, I'll take whatever you've got on vengeance demons and interdimensional travel."

"Thanks, will do."

"Speaking of money to put Rune up in a motel and whatnot, can you requisition some from the Watcher's Council? Expenses?"

"I'll try. How much of a secret should this be? It tends to be hard for me to wring money out of them, and I'd have more of a chance if they knew what it was for, but I'm not sure we'll want them attempting to interfere."

"What's the worst case if they do interfere? They decide Rune's a demon and have her assassinated or something?"

"Potentially. It's likelier that the consequences will be more...bureaucratic in nature. For example, if we don't manage to convince them she's benign, they could completely cut off my access to their libraries and other resources. They'll take significantly more convincing than me, too. They're still a bit suspicious of you because of the 'missing Slayer' thing."

"I did not decide to be missing. Do you have an alternate source on books if they decide to shoot themselves in the foot like that?"

"Witch shops often have demonology books but I don't know if the quality of witch shops is much like what I'm used to, here."

"I can still get books, I'll just have to limit myself to local collections. I'm not sure what quality you're used to, Rune, but the local magic shop has a better selection than most. I can make do if you think asking for money is worth the risk."

"Ugh, they're so badly run. Slayer-subsidy should be standard. Do you have to tell them Rune's a me or can you just tell them we've recruited me witchy support staff but ought to pay her?"

"You're right, going into too much detail will probably just complicate things. But I should warn you that in general, the Watchers' Council doesn't approve of Slayers having a non-Watcher support staff, especially if it includes witches. Some days, I think they wake up in the morning and think, 'Gosh, pitting one teenage girl against the forces of evil is a pretty inefficient system. How about we make it even worse for everyone involved?'" She rolls her eyes. "I'll try to appeal to the more reasonable members."

"Thank you. What exactly is the concern they have with the extra support?"

"Varies. The consensus seems to be that they don't want to put the Slayer's life in the hands of someone who they haven't personally vetted extensively, but I suspect it mostly stems from them being afraid of change."

"They'd rather kill me themselves when I turn eighteen, huh?"

"Well, they can't trust anyone else to do it properly," she says sarcastically.

"I almost wonder if they value a high turnover rate for some reason," says Rune. "There are rumors that the last Slayer in my world was killed by a botched or interfered-with or even an according-to-plan-some-of-them-die Cruciamentum but I don't know if it's true."

"Valuing a high turnover rate would explain...a lot of things, but I'm not sure why they would," Cara muses.

"Younger Slayers are easier to control. Keeps the demon population guessing about where the Slayer may during any given year be based," suggests Destiny.

"True. They'd have to train new ones more frequently, but it's not as if they're losing money or irreplaceable resources by doing that, and if the Slayer's value is primarily based on reputation and not actual Slaying, a less-experienced Slayer isn't significantly less valuable than any other," she says. "Fuck."

"Okay, look, what valuable things would actually be lost if the Watcher's Council disappeared?"

"Resources. International coordination. Institutional power," she says automatically. "Fuck, I'm angry enough that I almost don't care."

"Can we potentially replace those things? Even partially."

"The first two, yes, if we could get enough people on our side. The third would take longer." She rubs her temple. "I sense another project. And I wholeheartedly approve. But it'll take a lot of work."

"What do you mean by institutional power? Do these people, have, what, politicians and stuff who owe them favors?"

"'Reputation' might've been a better way to describe it. They're an old and well-known institution, so they have a lot of prestige among people who are in the know about supernatural phenomena, and people are more likely to listen to them. I wouldn't be surprised if they had various politicians who owed them favors, too, but that's not really my area, so they wouldn't have told me."

"What's the internal structure like, anyway? Who is it who wouldn't have told you things? You're a Watcher too."

"We're all Watchers, but we all have different specialties, and some people have more overlap in the tasks they do than others. I know demonology, so I know exactly which books we have in the library and which experts we have on call, but they don't let me anywhere near PR, so I don't know exactly who we contact when we need to cover up something illegal. There's also a sort of unofficial hierarchy that I'm near the bottom of. I'm not from a legacy family and I had no friends on the Council to vouch for me, so I had to fight for my spot, and since joining I've started a lot of fights about unethical policies. So if there are secrets that some Watchers know and others don't, I'm probably one of the ones that doesn't know."

"What's the ratio of probably useful to partially sane to get-out-of-my-steering-committee that they've got going on?"

"About 20-30-50, I'd guess. The twenty includes the people who take my side when I start arguments and the people who agree with me but don't publicly take my side for various reasons, the thirty includes the people who just agree with whoever's in charge and the people who disagree with me but are reasonable enough to be persuaded."

"Not as bad as it could be. Of course, schisming the organization could have problematic knock-on effects if the big chunk doesn't want to disband and go home."

"Right. The problem is that that chunk is full of people who are very attached to the power they have and very set in their ways, and the chunk of useful people includes a lot of people who aren't keen on confrontation and are easily intimidated by the hostile chunk. I don't think the hostile chunk disbanding is a likely prospect."

"And they're oriented around having power over the office I hold and their suspected favorite method of having it held by someone they like better involves no diplomacy and lots of premature death. Caution is the order of the day, please."

"Strongly agreed. Let's avoid premature death."

"Assuming killing them's off the table, the endgame has to look like 'they acknowledge that they should go home and drink tea' or 'they are pried off their efficacious powers so that we can literally ignore everything they do'. The first one's sounding unlikely, so what are their efficacious powers? Magic, some money, a network that isn't all Council members, information for distribution or withholding, am I missing anything?"

"Let's keep killing them off the table, shall we? Other than that, they have a small special operations team that they use to track down and rein in rogue Slayers. The members are reportedly quite good at what they do. I doubt they're likely to use magic as anything other than a last resort. Other than that, I can't think of anything."

"How often does 'rein in' mean 'kill', and if it ever doesn't, what else does it mean sometimes?"

"I've been told it generally means 'kidnap and rehabilitate', but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if it meant 'kill' more often than they let on. As to what 'rehabilitate' entails, it varies based on the Slayer, but they'll use whatever they need to as leverage."

"...Oh, also, about that thing where they want to drug me and shut me up with a vampire. What do those drugs do to people who aren't the Slayer, if you know?"

"They're a mixture of muscle reactants and adrenaline suppressors powerful enough to take out the Slayer, so I'd assume they'd render an ordinary human ineffective and possibly immobile."

"Well, there goes my cunning idea for if they only worked on Slayers."

"Oh thanks ever so."

"I'm not sure how that would work, if they could only be used on Slayers. Probably something magical. Anyway, I thought you meant that we should steal them and use them on dangerous Council members, although that plan has some flaws."

"No, I meant that Rune could pass for me and has powers that don't depend on being able to hit things. Oh well."

"Yes, that would've solved that problem neatly, if Rune had had no objections. Which I suppose is not necessarily a safe assumption."

"It's a good idea, I just felt snarky about it."

"Understood. Destiny, do we want to usurp anything else tonight or should I start dinner?"

"Go ahead and start dinner. I'll get out of your hair."

"Bye."

"All right, Rune, any food preferences you'd like to make known?"

"Bet I eat what she eats. I'm not really picky, generally."

"Not necessarily. It may be that in order to get a witch Bella you have to go through all the rigmarole associated with my world - the ended Slayer line, whatever explains my lack of magical immunity. That otherwise you just get a Slayer Bella, or at any rate a magically incapable one."

"That could be true. It still seems like it would be easier to create a timeline where, I don't know, innate mental defenses didn't exist and you stumbled upon magic by more conventional means."

"Then you'd get a witch-Slayer, maybe, which wouldn't have been much in the spirit of replacing her."