"Hey, love, your impersonator wrote."

"Huh, did she! I asked for once a year.

Awwwwww! She's getting married! And she wrote asking for advice!"

"Asking you for advice? ....why? I mean, not that you are not spectacularly good at being married, but we are hardly having a political marriage in imperial Cheliax and I am not sure it'd be going well if we were."

"I think you'd get the hang of it....anyway I think she does not have any friends. She observes that - people didn't write this kind of thing down, right. You heard it from your mother, or your older married sisters or cousins or friends. There are books of marital advice but they don't touch on sex."

"We, uh, absolutely cannot afford for you to send a manual of sex advice to the Material Plane. I don't - I saw a crowdfund once for sending Ressetar, which is less expensive than Golarion, an account of why not to do cousin marriage, and it was six, eight million cats."

"She's not asking for Axis sex advice. I can at least give her - what she would have gotten from her mother and her cousins and her sisters and so on. Maybe go read a bunch of Material sex advice books and send a list of paragraphs that are actually importantly correct in any particular as far as I can tell..."

"I don't even think we can crowdfund it since the situation's confidential -"

"We could crowdfund 'help Carlota give post-Asmodean Cheliax sex advice' without breaking her confidence but I think the situation people would infer from that might give them too much confidence in this going well - let me pull up the library, see what I've got to work with, and at least put in for a bid. ...if you were sending a bit of sex advice to the Material what would it be."

"What're they starting out working with, here? Are we at 'you can address a lot of libido mismatches with hormone replacement therapy -'"

"Jitiri!"

"What??"

"They don't have indoor plumbing!!"

"In Civilization you can hit hormone replacement therapies before you hit - okay, not before you hit indoor plumbing, but before you hit electricity, if you go in on biologics which you should because that's where all the human enhancement stuff is. Hmmm. Are we at 'there are a lot of non-babymaking options -"

"I suppose if we had as much money as we wanted it'd bear mentioning but they're going to want a lot of children and she's starting late."

"What kinds of things are you thinking are possibly at the right - level of explanation?"

"I don't know. I'm kind of looking forward to going through the books and seeing what I have to work from. My mother's advice was - mostly specific to the war. She's not at war, she's not looking for - survival advice. I don't know what my mother would have told me if she was trying to make sure I was happy in a good match."

"Can she not ask her fiancé?"

"I hope that she will think of without my guidance! But - it's not as if men more than women naturally figure out what they want and how to ask for it."

"Right but I think - hope? - your impersonator friend is maybe unusually deficient at it because of being a spy in Asmodean Cheliax."

"You have never met a paladin. They are also kind of unusually deficient in it.... actually, would you be willing to read through the library's collection of writings on marriage from the time period with me? It would make me happy for you to know - where I came from. And be deeply concerned. And then have sex that is a renunciation of scarcity and its attendant scars on human hearts."

"She wants advice on seducing a man? I think you've got it right there."

Most gravely does the civilized world admonish such as come to be married, that they ought to enter into this estate, not rashly, lightly, unadvisedly, to satisfy their carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts, that have no understanding; but discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in obedience where it is owed. It is needful that this counsel be sounded often in the ears of the unmarried, and not alone in that instant when they are now about to consummate marriage. For want of heeding this counsel, how common is it, and withal how mischievous? For men to offend in an over-sudden and over-hasty undertaking of Marriage, without the due meditation of two special things (namely, what be the duties of Marriage, and what the difficulties, it is as impossible to be well prepared for that estate, as to fly without wings, to go without legs, or to see without an eye: yet scarce one man or woman of a number will put themselves to the pains of informing themselves beforehand, of either of these two things.

Thus having blindly and headlongly cast themselves into marriage, either not at all (or with no firm and settled knowledge) knowing, what belongs unto it, what services they are called to perform, what burdens to sustain in it: it follows (as needs it must) that with much hazard to their own souls, and much unquietness to themselves, families and neighbors, they prove utterly careless of their duties, and extremely impatient under their burdens. Hence it comes to pass, that marriage proves to many, just as the frost unto the drunkard; into which, when his head was warm with Wine or Ale, he put his foot laughingly, and with merriment: but a little after (having slept out his Wine, and cooled his head with a nap,) he longs as much to get it out again. Hence it is, that diverse houses are none other but Fencing-Schools, wherein the two sexes seem to have met together for nothing, but to play their prizes, and to try masteries. Hence it is, that many wedded people brook their wedlock in none other fashion, then a dog does his Chain, at which he never ceases snarling and gnawing, that he may break it asunder and let himself at liberty.

Hence it is, that the little child is no more weary of his fine new gilded book, now a little over-worn and sullied (yea, that the prisoner is no more weary of his gyves, nor the Galley-slave of his oars) then many an husband of his wife, and she of him, within a year or two, and sometimes within a month or two, after their wedding. In a word, from this fountain, such a stream of bitter waters do issue, as make the lives of a number in marriage where almost nothing could be heard, but murmuring and complaining. To redress or prevent, if it might be, at least some of these many mischiefs, I have been bold to publish already to the World, some few directions about the duties of the married, and do now adventure again, to put forth some other advertisements, about the troubles of Marriage. 

"This is upsetting."

"Awww, I think it's well-meaning."

"Do you think he's right? That most marriages were miserable and near-immediately regretted?"

"Well, 'miserable' and 'regretted' are different, right. I ...expect not? Or some are regretting it a month later but not five years later - let me post a snap poll, though of course 'ended up in Axis' is sure a filter -"

Aroden is the God of law and civilization: and therefore will have All things done in decency and in order: but that the wife should submit and subject herself to her husband, it is a lawful matter, and the contrary lawless. Which point shall further the more plainly appear, if we shall consider, that the Husband is the superior, and the wife the inferior; that the Husband is as the head, the wife as the body.

For the first, there can be no ordinary intercourse and commerce or conversing between person and person, but there must be a precedency on the one part, and a yielding of it on the other. Now where they be equals, there may be some question, some difficulty, which shall have the priority, and they take it commonly, as it falls out, or by turns. But where there is an apparent inequality, there it is without question that the inferior is to yield to the superior.

Now here the Husband is the Superior, and the wife the Inferior, as is seen by observation and as we are commanded to understand; for Aroden writes that men are stronger, and to the primary work of civilizations - farming and fighting - better suited, and the unique suitability of women is in the production of the next generation of men; and it is a rule general, that The end is more excellent than that which tends thereunto. And the highest point to which any woman has been raised by Aroden's will is the point of his helpmeet, his herald, his aide; and this is the highest point to which any woman should aspire to be raised, as the body and the companion of her husband, and never as his equal.

The use of this point may be partly for Reprehension, and partly for Admonition.

For reprehension, to reprove and tax those women that affect mastership; seek to rule and overrule those, whom Aroden has not committed only, but submitted and subjected them unto; and so violate that order, which Aroden himself has established in mankind: a course that brings commonly, through the just judgment of the civilized, disgrace and contempt upon both parties, yes utter ruin oft of the family and of their whole estate. For howsoever women may think it an honor to them, yet it is indeed rather a dishonor. A masterly wife is as much despised and derided for taking rule over her husband, as he for yielding it to her; and that not only among those that be godly and religious, but even among those that be but mere natural men and women. Yes it is the next way to bring all to wrack. For where the wife makes head against the husband; there is nothing but doing and undoing, and so all things go backward, and the whole house runs to ruin, as by lamentable experience too often appears.

Which may serve therefore, for Admonition, to admonish every civilized woman in holy wisdom and godly discretion to learn to know her place and her part; and to fashion her mind and her will, her disposition and her practice accordingly thereunto: yes though she be herself of a greater spirit, and in some respect of better parts, though she bring much with her, though the main estate come by her, yet to acknowledge her husband, as nature, law, and history has appointed him, to be her superior as he is her husband and her head: (which acknowledgement is the ground of the duty here urged; as the contrary conceit cuts off all conscientious carriage in this kind) that she be willing to wear the yoke and bear the burden that civilization has imposed on her, while she reaps the many benefits of civilization's concern for her, and lives more easily than any barbarian woman: and not only avoid and forbear, but even hate and abhor the contrary, as a course abominable in Aroden's sight, odious in man's eyes, and prejudicial to them both.

Now that this may be the better performed: it shall not be amiss more distinctly to entreat of such particular duties as spring from the Subjection or Submission urged by the Apostle on this part.

We must not therefore conceive it, that this Submission consists in a complemental crouching and curtseying, or the like, as hypocrites place religion only in ceremonial observances: but rather in a faithful and careful, in a constant and conscientious performance of such duties as issue and flow from the inward acknowledgement of that superiority of power and place, that his innate nature has given to the husband in regard of the wife.

"- did Aroden really say that?"

"It's complicated. - he really said that men are stronger and better at fighting and that for this reason rule over women until strength and fighting skill cease to be the means by which wealth is earned and held onto. But he says it in the course of saying that in Azlant it wasn't so, and it is one of the objects of civilization to return to that."

"And the part about how women should not aspire to be his equal -"

"That I think they just made up entirely."

"The logic just doesn't follow. The wife should obey her husband as she's the inferior, and then he specifically goes on to say that the wife should obey her husband even if that's not true -"

"Well, you can't have everybody deciding for themselves if their husband is their superior, that'd be very messy. I think the sensible angle on that is just that you should only marry if you think your husband is your superior, barring exceptional external circumstances. Other Carlota has it very easy on that front, marrying arguably the best person on her planet."

"I'm lucky you did not follow such advice."

"What? Yes I did. You are better than me - wiser, kinder, more knowledgeable, less tangled-up - you have higher scores in every game we've put remotely similar time into - and so have my submission by right -"

"You are more creative than I am. You notice things about our friends I wasn't paying attention to, you're the one who is good at picking out presents. You're gorgeous. When you redid the dining room I spent two months coming home and just - being mysteriously happy in a way I couldn't explain - I have no idea what series of alerts you have set but you always hear about concerts I'll want to go to before I do. When we'd been dating for a sestan one of my friends asked me, if she was rich what would Axis be like, and - I realized I desperately wanted that place to exist, and that's when I knew I wanted to marry you."

" - but you see, love, all of those are very traditional successful performances of wifely submission to her husband. I make our home a place of comfort and beauty and bespoke display cases for model tyrs you built. I arrange events. I know everybody and ensure that we have built up a satisfactory history with them so that if we need them they can be relied on. This preacher who says that men are superior to women does not mean they are better at navigating the neighborhood-informal-economy or at home decorating. He means - leadership. Governance."

" - governance of what? Leadership of what? All we have is our lives, and to plan them and intertwine them with our friends and make them good is the project. Don't - diminish it - with - sorry, I think I'm actually upset about this. I wasn't expecting to be."

"Oh. Upset about - my claiming that I'm being a good Golarion wife? Were you upset just at the last thing I said, or before that?"

"Before that, I think. I - 

- oh, I think I've got it. If any other person in the world tried to tell me that you are my inferior in any respect, or that the things that occupy your time are less important and less weighty and less meaningful than the things that occupy mine, I'd mute them for a century. And you're doing it, and I know you're - teasing, slightly, or playing with the idea, but -"

"Is this specific to the word 'inferior', if I were to claim that my interests are 'traditionally feminine' would that be fine -"

"That would be fine so long as it was understood that there is nothing wrong with that and that it is not in any way worse or less worthy than other activities."

"Right. Hmmm. I think - it makes me happy that, if my society of origin saw my marriage, they'd - consider it very tragic I couldn't have children save by adoption, of course, but other than that they would think I was doing a good job. That matters to me. I am sure eventually I will grow into someone who is not doing a good job by the standards of my society of origin, but - I don't want that right now. I would not really feel properly married, if I was not fulfilling the obligations that I believe to go with marriage. 

I love you. I trust you. I would do anything you asked of me right down to the point where the probability you go mad or get hit with a spell is higher than the probability you'd really say that. That, too, makes me happy, and I would not have married you if it was not true. I think I do feel, deep down, that I got terrifically lucky, and I think that it is healthy and salutary for me to think so. But probably it is also healthy and salutary for you to think so. And - the part that is emotionally important to me is not that you don't think that too."

"Well, that's good, because I do."

"Then I suppose we will both have to obey each other." And she folds to the ground in graceful obeisance. "My beloved husband."

"My beloved wife - how did you do that. I think I did something terrible to my knee and I'm only half as far down as you."

"- well you never want to have your knee out to the side like that, for one thing. Motion in one direction at a time; moving in two or gods forbid three looks unintentional - do you want to learn the court manners of a dead land?"

"We're invited to your friend's wedding, aren't we?"

Marriage is of great Advantage to private Persons, because of the mutual help which they give to each other: the Creator did not intend that the Woman should be a Clog, or Burden, or Incumbrance to a Man, but made her to be a Help unto him; that is, to be both a Com∣panion and Assistant, to partake of his Labours, to bear half of his Burden, as well as to share of his Happiness. He that has a prudent Wife, has double the Hands, the Eyes, the Ears and the Feet of a single Person. He can be at Home and Abroad at once; She can manage the Affairs of the House, while he is transacting Business Abroad; and so is in a better way of Thriving, of promoting the end of Life, and of pro∣viding for the Necessities and Comforts of it. Some may think that all this may be as well done by Servants; but a little Reflection on Experience shew it a mistake, for though great Wages may make a Servant faithful, they cannot give that Concernment which a Wife hath. Wherefore the wise Author I last quoted, saith,

Blessed is the Man that hath a virtuous Wife, for the number of his Days shall bedouble. A virtuous Woman rejoyceth her Husband, and he shall ful∣fil the Years of his Life in peace. A good Wife is a good portion, which shall be given in the portion of them that live in Aroden's example. The Grace of a Wife delighteth her Hus∣band, and her Discretion will fat his Bones. A silent and loving Woman is a gift of the Lord, and there is nothing so much worth to a mind well instructed. A modest and faithful Woman is a double Grace, and her continent mind cannot be valued.

"Why do they keep saying 'silent', most of the rest are virtues which may not be at the top of a reasonable list but that one's not a virtue at all -"

"It is a - mitigating element in personality incompatibility."

" - I guess."

"I do think it's hard on young women, though. They are told that one of the most important qualities they can display is not talking. And then, since this is known to be a thing they are supposed to do, any girl who doesn't do it is not just talkative but is also unable to follow important social rules."

"Are you sure there is anything, in any of these, that is a good idea to send to a confused Asmodean spy."

"No. But I mean to keep looking."