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civil procedure
Boots in Osirion
Permalink Mark Unread

- she barely has time to meet his eyes before she hits the ground.

She... has no idea where she is. They were trying to send her home, but they... missed? Aimed too scientifically and her world is spiting them? Those are humans, though. She can probably get back to the Empire eventually. See her parents again. If she doesn't die.

She gets up before she realizes she should have taken off her boots first, but her balance isn't wobbling, even though her hands are shaking. They work? - she looks at her watch. Her watch works. She doesn't have anything else enchanted on her person, she didn't exactly think to gear up before this - trip. (Exile. Banishment. Death sentence.)

She isn't dead yet. She takes a deep breath and gives all the humans around a second glance.

Permalink Mark Unread

Various skin tones darker than hers. Mostly men. Lots of layers of fabric, most of them white and very thin; it's very hot out. People are walking casually around her as if a foreigner teleported suddenly in is not very unusual or notable. 

It's a narrow street with the buildings all around mostly three or four stories tall, and more unsteady-looking the taller they are; the ground level is mostly shops.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

She starts walking. She can't read the signs, but she can see if any of the shops look like they might buy her watch, probably as a curio since it operates on Valinor time, or some of her jewelry - she's got a few things in her hair that aren't holding the braids together, a bracelet, a ring, two necklaces, two earcuffs, and she wishes she'd loaded up a bit more now, getting dressed this morning she'd had some idea of not wanting to distract from the pretty trim on her robes with ten pounds of gold - and then she can see about getting her immediate needs met with whatever she collects that way.

Permalink Mark Unread

It takes a couple of blocks of walking (past a temple and a watchtower and a grand gilded statue) but there are pawn shops and jewelry shops to be found.

Permalink Mark Unread

She will try an actual jewelry shop first, a pawn shop will probably not get her as much. How about this one, it has plausibly Elf-aesthetic pendants in the window.

Excuse me.

Permalink Mark Unread

The proprietor blinks at her but takes this in stride.

Can I help you?

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I need cash more than jewelry right now. Do you deal in secondhand stuff at all?

Permalink Mark Unread

Sure. He extends his hand for her stuff.

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She takes off the ring - silver, a double rainbow of little stones wrapping all the way around - and her least favorite hair clip, the rose gold with the diamonds and the floral design, first.

Permalink Mark Unread

These're quite nice. - I'll buy them but honestly you'd get a better price in the Old City, just across the canal from here. Direction of the dome. Where the rich people live.

Permalink Mark Unread

- oh, that's very kind of you to tell me. I don't really know my way around the city.

Permalink Mark Unread

You look foreign, yes.

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She puts the ring and the clip back on. I'd offer to tip you for the information but I don't have any cash, I'm sorry.

Permalink Mark Unread

The universe has a way of repaying its debts, he says peaceably. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She shivers, just a little, though it's still very hot (she keeps being tempted to do magic about it but no.) Well, thank you.

And she goes out of the shop and across to where he indicated. She's so glad her boots work. She will still need to schedule time to panic, but with her boots working she can probably postpone that till she has an actual room at an inn to do it in.

Permalink Mark Unread

Across the canal there's more space between the buildings and the streets are wider and have vendors sitting on the ground selling religious icons and jewelry (tackier than hers) and maps and so on. And there are fancier jewelry shops.

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She picks a fancy jewelry shop and tries the same introduction.

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This person is even less surprised and quotes her a price that's about half what similar things are selling for in the windows.

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She supposes that's reasonable. She'll sell the clip and the ring but not unload anything else at that price.

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Does she want it all in gold or does she want some silver too? 

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Silver, thanks.

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He counts them out and hands them over.

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Thank you.

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Of course. Come back if you decide to sell any of the rest!

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I'll bear that in mind!

She goes looking for inns.

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In this part of town they're very fancy. Elaborate architecture and spacious balconies and spacious ground-floor restaurants full of well-dressed people.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hm. She doesn't know this city; the crime rate might be better or worse in the fancy part of town, since it's target-rich but probably also better policed. Not having to figure out food separately would be convenient. Things are prettier here and she's finding herself kind of flinchy about that. She eyeballs prices, picking up translations of numerals and currency from other people looking at them. It's harder to be quite that exact when she can't rely on people being used to osanwë protocol but she can manage without making any mistakes. How does a night at one of the upscale inns compare to what she has in her pockets?

Permalink Mark Unread

She could make it a couple months even at the upscale inns on the value of the jewelry. Maybe a little less than that if food is similarly expensive.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. She looks for one in this general neighborhood that looks like it has ever heard of being economical but honestly her sense of that is kind of shot, she's been in Valinor (she is not going to burst into tears in the middle of the street, no, she is going to get a room first) for a long time.

Hello, I'd like a room for one.

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One crown a night. Two for a suite.

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I don't need a suite. Does that come with meals?

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No, but you can put meals on the tab for your room if you'd like.

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Okay, thank you. I might extend my stay past a night but I'm not sure yet. She passes him one of the ones that's called a crown.

Permalink Mark Unread

And she gets a heavy metal key that goes to a room with a nice four-poster bed and some artwork (of the city and of various ruins) that wouldn't pass muster in Valinor.

Permalink Mark Unread

Now it's time to panic.

Is there... hotel stationery, or actually what she should really be checking for is a magic mirror or a crystal ball. But she'll settle for stationery.

Permalink Mark Unread

Not in the room.

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Weird. It will take longer to stop crying without anything to write with but she'll just have to make do.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

At least the place didn't smite her on the spot, her boots still work, maybe Fëanáro will be okay when he makes it here.

Permalink Mark Unread

There's occasional noise in the hallways. Eventually the sun sets. 

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She pulls herself together to go out and get dinner once she notices it's dark.

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On the first floor they're serving drinks (probably alcoholic, because those people over there look drunk) and bread and cheese and seafood and stuffed birds. Someone is using illusion magic to tell a story to a moderately-sized, fascinated crowd. Someone else is playing music on a unfamiliar possibly-magical instrument.

Permalink Mark Unread

She orders a "what he's having" once she has identified someone with a nice looking spread. She looks for a place to sit by herself.

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Lots of tables in lonely corners of the room.

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Lonely corner of the room it is.

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The story concludes. People drift away. One drifts by her and says something.

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Hm?

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Raised eyebrows. Sorry, didn't mean to bother you. I asked if you were waiting for someone.

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No, I'm by myself, why?

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Are you looking for a party?

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- I'm not actually an adventurer.

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He shrugs and turns to leave.

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She finishes dinner and asks the receptionist if they have a magic mirror or a crystal ball anywhere.

Permalink Mark Unread

They do not have those, those are super expensive and rare.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. Do they have a world map or know where she could find one?

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Oh yeah there's probably one of those in the materials for tourists that're here somewhere behind the desk. 

She finds it after a moment.

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She stares at that for a while and then asks if they could translate the scale for her.

Permalink Mark Unread

A mile is the diameter of the great dome outside, or a tenth the distance a soldier can march in a day, or about ten city blocks.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. This is a side plane then. That's complicated. She thanks the innkeeper and asks about where she could get paper.

Permalink Mark Unread

There's a shop right down this street.

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Then that is where she will go.

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They have regular paper and ink and also paper and ink for spellbooks which is ten times as expensive and also some spell scrolls.

Permalink Mark Unread

NOPE not touching those just some normal paper and pen please.

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Sure, that's cheap, here she goes.

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Back to her hotel room to write all evening and then try to go to sleep to get on local time.

Permalink Mark Unread

There aren't other women in the streets on her way back. The city quiets substantially at night.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's not paying that much attention to the gender balance.

She bought a lot of paper and will need a significant fraction.

Fëanáro is certainly going to try to come after her but will probably not be able to get anywhere on that for a long time so he's not in immediate danger. She doesn't dare cast anything, but her boots and watch work and haven't caused any problems yet. It'd be... pretty darn antisocial... to sell the boots and buy locally enchanted replacements, because if she did that it'd be because she was worried they'd explode on her or something. She can't do without very effectively, so she will tentatively hope these continue to work.

She doesn't dare try to go back to Arda, but it's probably safe to try to get back to the Imperium. That will just take planar transit instead of an airship. That's going to be expensive, probably more than the value of all her jewelry even if she doesn't eat through any more of it with room and board expenses. She's not an adventurer, but the idea deserves a few minutes' thought, it'd be the fastest way to make money... she isn't an effective enough psion to adventure on that basis and certainly can't lean on being a wizard, and she doesn't have a therapy license and even if she did she wouldn't have a local one. Plus going on an adventure in her boots would be more dangerous than walking down the street in them.

The Valar are stupid and terrible and she HATES THEM.

It is probably not safe to predicate any major action of any kind on Valinor's existence. That means no message for Rúmil (sending one to Fëanáro probably wouldn't even help). She can almost certainly keep braiding her hair and wear these robes till they fall apart and try to reproduce Tirion street food when she has a kitchen but nothing else.

She's been gone for a long time, so everyone back home thinks she's dead or worse, so she doesn't have to be in a particular hurry because the issue's moot from their perspective.

She needs to know how much a plane shift casting costs around here and maybe look into getting a local therapy license. Or she could do translation, maybe, she hasn't sensed any other subtle artists and while it doesn't seem unheard of it may be rare on this plane? So maybe that's a niche.

She could fall asleep now. She goes to bed.

Permalink Mark Unread

No one interrupts her.

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She goes and gets breakfast in the morning. She asks if the innkeeper happens to know how much plane shift castings cost.

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Four hundred fifty, five hundred crowns, some people will quote her more but unless she's in a roaring hurry she can generally find something at that price if she asks around enough. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She counts what she's got, after returning to her room post-breakfast.

Permalink Mark Unread

Thirty eight. Selling all the jewelry might get her reasonably close.

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She'd really rather not, but she'd better find out if she can finagle it that way sooner than later. Out she goes to try to find quotes from wizards.

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Couple people will quote her five hundred.

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She goes back to the jewelry shop to have everything on her appraised.

Permalink Mark Unread

They'd go as high as, like, four hundred ten.

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Okay. She will try a few more wizards and a few more jewelry shops and have lunch and try a few more but if she can't make ends meet she will spend the second half of the afternoon inquiring about such a thing as a therapy license or a niche for her translation services.

Permalink Mark Unread

What's a therapy license? She can ....therapize people... if they want to pay her to do it. Is this associated with the counseling services offered by some churches? This country's leaders are chosen by Abadar and Abadar is lawful neutral but all non-Evil and non-Chaotic faiths are allowed here and many of them have at least a little bit of a following, she could probably find hers. 

Comprehend Languages is a first-level spell and doesn't require an intermediary so it seems unlikely that'd be very lucrative? Telepaths are definitely wanted in the civil service, though, for interrogations and so on, and one expects it'd pay absurdly well.

She can get an offer for the jewelry as high as 430 and a offer for the plane shift as low as 450.

Permalink Mark Unread

...therapy doesn't require a license here? That sounds like a terrible idea but convenient. Are there existing practices she could hire on with?

Permalink Mark Unread

No one has super heard of therapy so...probably not? There are, like, business license requirements but they're not specific to therapy, they just mean you have to tell the state what you do and pay your taxes and make them aware of your skills so they can conscript you in an emergency and so on.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh. Where does one do that and how do freelance types advertise?

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At the courthouse or a temple of Abadar. People might advertise in newspapers or with posters?

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Okay. She will look for a temple of Abadar.

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There are lots of those! They're bigger than the other temples and more gilded.

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But do they have obvious reception desks, that's the question.

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They do!

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Hello, I was told I need to go through the temple for a business license if I want to open a therapeutic practice.

Permalink Mark Unread

You are actually also allowed to go through the courthouse but we can certainly help with that. Do you have money on hand to pay fees?

Permalink Mark Unread

Some, but I don't know how much the fees are.

Permalink Mark Unread

Two gold, or seven weekly payments of two silver if that's easier. I can make it fourteen payments in cases of hardship.

Permalink Mark Unread

I have two gold. I'm not going to be able to fill out forms without help because I don't know the local language.

Permalink Mark Unread

You can also get a Comprehend Languages here, but if you choose not to I can help you when I'm not helping other visitors.

Permalink Mark Unread

Are they expensive?

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One gold and three silver unless you'd like to join the temple, in which case it's free.

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I think I'll just wait for your help if that's all right.

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Of course. 

And she points someone else in the right direction and then talks her through the form.

What is her name and species and is she a magic user and if so of what type?

Permalink Mark Unread

Isabella Mariel Swan. Human. What's the legal definition of a magic user?

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You must be, with the telepathy? A person who can channel arcane, divine, or less-understood forces to achieve magic.

Permalink Mark Unread

I grew up in a place where the telepathy is considered technically distinct from magic, but if you count it I guess I'm a magic user. The variety is called "subtle arts" where I'm from but there might be a different local name.

I know some arcane magic but for reasons I would rather not explain I am not going to be casting any arcane spells for the foreseeable future.

Permalink Mark Unread

I haven't heard of anyone who can do telepathy without the spell. I'm not an expert on magic, though. I will make a note.

Permalink Mark Unread

I'm also telekinetic through the same mechanism if you need to note that.

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Better to be thorough, probably. 

God, if any? National origin, if it's not Osirion?

Permalink Mark Unread

None. It's called the Imperium. If you need a more distinguishing name "Magisterian Imperium" is acceptable.

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Do you want an introduction to Abadar and to Osirian theology? It's free.

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I guess that would be prudent.

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Great! There's a morning class, an evening one and a weekend one, and we can make another time slot work if none of those do, though if we make one for you you have to commit to attending.

Permalink Mark Unread

Is this every day, would I just come back after dinner tonight?

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The morning and evening classes are every day, yes.

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What time?

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Third bells and fourteenth bells.

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Okay, thanks.

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For sure! Intended form of business?

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In the Imperium subtle artists are often trained as therapists, I thought I'd try doing that here.

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Okay. Does this involve the sale of weapons, magic items, magic texts, religious texts...

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None of those.

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Can you summarize any risks you perceive from your business?

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It's possible to make errors in implementing telepathy-based therapeutic techniques, some of which I can fix and some of which I wouldn't be able to. A wide variety of mental side effects are possible. I'd inform patients of those risks before going ahead with any procedure.

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Do you understand that if you have reason to believe someone is accessing your services in order to commit or evade detection for a crime, you are required by law to make a police report within two hours for a serious crime and twenty-four hours for a minor crime?

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Uh, I've taken an oath of confidentiality. I'm not actually sure it conflicts with that because I'm not sure how accessing my services would help someone commit or evade detection for a crime, but it could result in me knowing about crimes I'd be forbidden to report. - And I guess someone might try to access my services as an accomplice after the fact if they wanted to be made to forget they'd committed a crime or something, in which case I wouldn't have to provide the service but the confidentiality oath would still apply.

Permalink Mark Unread

Huh, okay. 

 

I - should probably get that cleared with someone with the authority to clear it. Priests of some religions are permitted to hear and not report confessions of crimes so there's probably a form for it but I don't know offhand.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. How long will that take?

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If you come back this evening I should have it then. We can fill out the rest of the form and then it shouldn't delay your processing any.

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Okay. Thirteenth bells?

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That's right.

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Thank you.

And she goes back toward the inn, a little circuitously, to have lunch.

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Deviled eggs and eccentric fruits and a spicy curry fish thing! Someone is shapechanging on a different table, to general applause.

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She claps. She eats deviled eggs and eccentric fruits and curried fish. She goes to her room and has a crying jag and pays for another night at the inn but then goes for more of a walk looking for longer-term accommodations.

Permalink Mark Unread

The Old City surrounds the enormous black dome, and is encompassed by the old city wall which is now pierced through in many places by streets connecting it to the rest of the city. There are plazas and fountains and large temples like the one where she's signed up for classes, and the apartments in narrow alleys behind all of this tend expensive. Across the canal is what's called the canal district, where she landed, and it's cheaper, with the streets narrower and more crowded. Northwest of the canal district there are mostly artisans. 

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Are there apartments near the artisans?

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Yep! Somewhat expensive (and nice) towards the canals, cheaper as you go farther out from the canals.

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She economizes a bit in her search. Asks passersby where there are apartments to rent, since she can't read the signs.

Permalink Mark Unread

The telepathy makes people a bit jumpier, out here. But they know who has a spare room or a empty apartment and can find her a reasonably nice place for 8 gold a month, much cheaper than the inn.

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She apologizes for startling people and promises she isn't reading their minds past what they try to say to her. Asks if the place will be available in a few days. Does it have furniture?

Permalink Mark Unread

Can be if she wants to pay first month's rent now. It does have furniture.

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Is the lease month to month?

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Yes.

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Then yeah, she can pay a month now.

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The apartment is on the third floor and looks out on a little courtyard where children play. The people below it are glassblowers. 

Permalink Mark Unread

It'll do. She'll come back when she's meant to move in.

Walk walk walk so she can be at the temple for thirteenth bells.

Permalink Mark Unread

Then they can fill out her form before the class starts! 

Is she married? Widowed?

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Neither.

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Relatives in Osirion?

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Almost certainly not but she hasn't been in touch with her family in about twenty years.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. That works since she's a magic user.  

What is the oath she took, exact wording?

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The exact wording's in a language called Pax, will the telepathic translation do?

Permalink Mark Unread

Ideally I'd write down both the original and the translation.

Permalink Mark Unread

Bella can write the original and translate as she goes for the person to write in the local language. Not supposed to reveal any information she comes by via telepathy without subject's consent defined thus, not supposed to make any changes without subject consent with the following exceptions.

Permalink Mark Unread

All right. And with a few more administrative questions she's set to open her business, her license valid for a year "unless you get married or adopted, in which case the head of your family would need to come in to get a new one."

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"...okay."

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Anything else? We have a bit of time before the class gets started. Oh, we should get you a language spell for that.

Permalink Mark Unread

The instructor objects to telepathy, or there's written material?

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It's a group class and it seems like it'd be tricky for the instructor to send and speak at once and to get all the students to send their questions. There's also a little bit of written material but it's not required, not everyone can read.

Permalink Mark Unread

I don't need people to actually send if they're also speaking aloud, usually, "the thing I'm saying" is a distinct enough thought. I won't turn down the spell if it's free to use for the class, but I'm not sure I want to spend money on it.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's free for the class. 

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Okay then.

Permalink Mark Unread

So they get her her unnecessary language spell and then the class can start.

The class is her and some teenagers in identical dress. 

The topic today is the nine afterlives. (They seem to thnk there are precisely nine, or at least nine that 99% of people from this plane get sent into). The goddess Pharasma sorts everyone into the appropriate afterlife by alignment when they die. 

The chaotic evil afterlife is the Abyss, full of demons which torment you and then eventually consume you, though the details vary by which demon rules whatever realm you find yourself in. There are illustrations and some harrowing tales from resurrected repenting former evildoers. The neutral evil afterlife is called Abaddon, and its monsters called daemons. It's dim and foggy and the daemons eat you. The lawful evil afterlife is Hell, where people are systematically tortured for eternity by devils aiming to destroy their capacity for free will and make devils of them. 

The chaotic neutral afterlife is the Maelstrom, which shifts too much to build anything in it but whose souls are incorporeal and can therefore endure it, though eventually having all your experiences be totally unpredictable and unrelated to your actions leads to madness. The true neutral afterlife contains the option to instead grow in character and pick an alignment, or to be a bureaucrat of the afterlife, or to just wander around. 

The lawful neutral afterlife is Axis. It's a city, or a million different cities all tucked in neatly around each other and connected by portals that means no two are ever far apart. Each has their own laws, and so each forms its own distinct, safe and peaceful culture. There is no scarcity. Many gods have realms there. Abadar's realm is Aktar, one of the largest districts of Axis, and at its center is the First Vault where he has a copy of everything that anyone has ever made. 

People can visit Axis. It's expensive but it's a good idea for many people who struggle with faith and need to see something to be motivated to get there. Abadar makes Aktun so safe that even mortals can travel there, for the cost of a plane shift, and encourages this so they'll take away ideas of architecture and city design in addition to inspiration to be lawful.

Permalink Mark Unread

...okay, maybe this plane has some of its own afterlives.

Permalink Mark Unread

The lawful good afterlife is Heaven and it is a very large mountain with different levels that correspond to your spiritual needs. In one level, for example, they teach philosophy. ...lawful good people tend to claim that Heaven is better than Axis, just harder to describe, or alternatively to acknowledge that it's not as pleasant as Axis but it does the important work of combatting the forces of evil. 

The neutral good afterlife is Nirvana, and it has angels that guide you to enlightenment. It's reportedly restful and beautiful. The chaotic good afterlife is Elysium and it has harsh wilderness with no civilization but this is reportedly less disastrous than one would expect since its residents are mostly good and self-sufficient. The main problem is that it's really hard to get to a good afterlife, and no civilization anywhere in the world gets more than 30% of their people to Good (it can be as little as 1%) and the chaotic afterlives that aren't good, suck.

In light of that, where you want to go as an individual might vary but the obvious civilizational default is lawful neutral. Most citizens get to go to Axis. Only about ten percent are evil and damned to Hell, lower than anywhere else they know of. That's Abadar's wisdom - he created an afterlife that's good for ordinary people and that relies on virtues that can be taught in the material world. More about that next class. Questions?

Permalink Mark Unread

Bella wants to know how the statistics are collected!

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Scrying on a sample (from birth records) of two hundred now-dead citizens of Osirion, every year.

Permalink Mark Unread

...that's honestly pretty cool.

How far does "everything anyone has ever made" go?

Permalink Mark Unread

It contains a perfect copy of all the works of mortals; some people say that it also contains concepts, or also objects of the natural world, but this is less certain. It is said that Abadar created it when he saw early mortals first attempt to put their possessions in safe places to survive harsh weather or other mortals. It's disputed whether that means the very earliest works of mortals aren't there; the church holds that they are, but they didn't hear this from him personally. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay but does that include, like, people's diaries, or just their attempts at prose in the sort of medium that gets shared?

Permalink Mark Unread

It includes things like diaries also, those are works of mortals.

Permalink Mark Unread

...'kay.

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Some other people have questions about the various afterlives and about why other places aren't lawful neutral ("well, if the laws suck then most people aren't very good at being lawful just for the desirable afterlife, and if you try to be lawful according to some code other than the law or the code of a religious order it's too hard for most people to succeed. And in most places the laws are quite bad. Abadar is loved across the world, though.")

Permalink Mark Unread

As things wrap she asks if there's a syllabus for the rest of the sequence of courses she could have a look at.

Permalink Mark Unread

There is! 

She joined partway through a cycle. The remaining classes are:

Teachings of Abadar: war and peace

Teachings of Abadar: wealth and commerce

Teachings of Abadar: when to disobey a law

Teachings of Abadar: why injustice?

Laws of Osirion: towards what ends is law designed?

Laws of Osirion: the Pharaoh

Laws of Osirion: divine guidance

Laws of Osirion: comparison with other societies

Then it starts again with:

History of Abadar

History of Osirion

The Book of Numbers

First Obedience

The World To Come

Permalink Mark Unread

She writes this down in Pax to allow prioritization in the future and thanks the teacher for her time. When will her business license be ready?

Permalink Mark Unread

Probably tomorrow but maybe the next day what with the confidentiality waiver.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay.

She goes back to the inn, pays for until her apartment will be move-in ready. Has dinner.

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This time no one bothers her.

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"War and Peace" isn't one of the most interesting sounding courses but she doesn't yet have other things to do with her time, so she shows up, after spending the day scouting around in the vicinity of her apartment's neighborhood for where to get groceries and a change of clothes and such. (She knew Prestidigitation before she left but doesn't think she'd better use it. Not for laundry.)

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Abadar's teachings on war are that it is very bad, both because it leads to lawlessness and because it destroys commerce and wealth. There are gruesome historical examples of the lawlessness and evil of war, which the teenagers mostly seem intrigued by.

This does not mean Abadar is never willing to go to war, and there is a digression into the history of various attempts by the forces of evil to destroy Axis and how Abadar led the other gods of Axis in repelling them. But it means wars are usually bad and Osirion should only fight them at gravest need and not just to be expansionist like some other countries. When there is a war, Osirions needs to remember to be lawful anyway; it's much harder but Pharasma, who sorts the afterlives, does not care how difficult you found your circumstances, only whether you rose to them. If you are a soldier this means you need to obey orders even if they lead you to certain death (and if you die heroically, you might be resurrected, maybe by the pharaoh's own hand, anyway). If you are a civilian this means you need to continue to obey the state if it's legitimate and the church if the state isn't. (The state is legitimate as long as the pharaoh, Abadar's embodiment in the world, still commands it.)

There are laws of war. No breaking parley or falsely surrendering. No use of spells that damn people to an evil afterlife regardless of the alignment of their soul, or that destroy or entrap the soul; no poisoning the water supply or salting the fields; no rape; if you take slaves all the usual rules about that apply; don't kill people who surrendered or who can't hurt you, except if they've been duly tried. 

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What are the usual rules about slaves?

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The children of slaves are born free, and you have the same duties to them as to other children of your household, until you free their parents. You can't rape slaves or maim them and if they complain of this and are found to be telling the truth they'll be taken away with no compensation.

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Okay. That's not enough of an emergency to take her life into her hands about. (...she needs to stop thinking like that before something is.)

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There's a citizen's interest group called the Council of Freed Slaves. Its members have five seats on the pharaoh's advising council and she could involve herself if she has opinions on slavery policy. 

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Involve herself in what capacity, she isn't a freed slave.

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The instructor has a vague impression some people show up just because they feel strongly.

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Noted.

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They spend the rest of the class talking about the merits of international trade. Abadar is really enthusiastic about international trade and so it's been greatly expanded under the present pharaoic dynasty and especially under the present pharaoh. They explain the principle of gains from trade and why it is important and list off various goods that Osirion only has due to imports, such as chocolate and various spices and various magics.

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Nod nod.

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That's all for today, any questions?

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Nope.

She goes and sits in the inn dining room to have dinner, and try to pick up some of the language once her spell wears off.

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People are telling tall tales and complaining about the prevalance of foreigners bidding up adventuring necessities and making crude jokes about women and planning their next trips.

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Acceptable for vocabulary acquisition, anyway. Sigh.

She goes to the next day's class a little early. Is her business license ready yet?

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It is! She can go be a therapist anywhere she pleases in Osirion. 

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Okay. Can she get help writing a newspaper ad before she gets her language spell for class?

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Sure! 

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The ad should mention that she doesn't speak the language and will communicate telepathically, and the confidentiality thing, and some stuff she can help with like missing memories and flashbacks, and subtle artists are rare enough she can imagine people dropping in for the caffeine thing as a quick-and-cheap option so let's mention that.

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Can she do, like, removing temptations and compulsions, people'd be really interested in that.

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I don't have clinical experience with that but I could try.

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Then she'll write up an ad with just the things she mentioned and another mentioning the other stuff if she decides to use it.

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Cool. Where will she go to get this in the paper?

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She will circle a couple newspaper offices on the map.

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Thank you.

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Of course!

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And she will sit through wealth and commerce, though didn't they cover this yesterday?

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There's a lot more theological teachings about wealth and commerce that they barely got into yesterday. Some highlights include that Abadar and his clerics do not give charity, because if you don't ration things with money they get rationed some other way, and that the church does not have tithing but does encourage everyone to buy insurance against various ills that might befall them, as a religious sacrament; the insurance enables the church to provide for them should they end up in a position of need and provides them the security to go about their lives.  Here's how insurance works, conceptually. Here are some examples.  

Here's a little bit more introductory economics about how prices are established and why Abadar prohibits price gouging only under certain circumstances (it's allowed when it might increase supply; it's not for things whose supply is entirely fixed). 

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Do they... have charity around here? Or any non-insurance-based social safety net for kids or anything?

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Some other churches do charity.

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Okay.

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There are, like, incentive problems there, but if you're going for Good then charity's useful and it'd certainly be an inappropriate overreach to make it illegal. 

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That is an interesting perspective.

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Any other questions?

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Nope.

The next day she goes to see about putting her ad in, starting the day the address therein will become accurate.

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The people running the newspapers are perfectly happy to run her ad in exchange for money. Not even that much of it.

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Oh good.

She kills time and attends classes till she can move into her apartment and see if anybody shows up.

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Some people show up!

- a magical researcher who has never heard of subtle artists and would like to know about them 

- an adventurer cursed not to remember his past who would like to remember his past

- a man who wants to know if women can be treated, he'll pay for it

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She will teach the researcher about subtle artists if he'll pay her hourly rate.

She can try to work around the curse, but she isn't a cursebreaker per se, so it will depend on the exact mechanics of the curse whether it will work or not; she should be able to tell pretty quickly.

Women can certainly be treated, they have minds.

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The researcher will totally pay her hourly rate. 

She can access the adventurer's past and tell him things about it which he can remember but not straightforwardly give him the memories back. 

The man brings his wife. She almost died giving birth to their last child and doesn't want to do it again and they are both hoping that therapy will help.

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Up to the adventurer if this service is worth it in this limited form.

Have they done all the commonsense things already, like making sure there's a competent midwife with healing ability lined up? The anxiety can just kind of grow back if the grounds for it are still there.

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Yes, they can have someone on hand (they meant to this time, but she had an emergency elsewhere).

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Okay, then she can work on this if the wife wants. The husband should leave though.

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Sure, fine.

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Double checking that the wife would actually like this addressed qua anxiety? Bella can be like "nope, intractable case, sorry" to the husband if she does not.

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She is kind of surprised to be asked this. " - honestly I hate everything about being pregnant but I don't want him to marry someone else. I think you'd better, if you can."

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...okay, if that's what you prefer all things considered... I can also try to make whatever else you hate about being pregnant less of a big deal but it'll take more sessions. Maybe some boosters once you're actually pregnant if I'm still in town then.

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"That'd be great. He's willing to spend money on it."

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Okay. Then let's see how far we can get today.

She works pretty slowly, this not being something she addressed before. Miriel didn't have this problem quite.

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This person honestly has a pretty unhappy life but this particular thing is addressable.

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Bella avoids upselling her on the various unhappinesses of her life. She does not plan to be around that long and "has unhappy life" is not best treated with subtle arts.

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Word spreads, a bit, and she gets more customers. Head injury causing forgetfulness? Terrible anxiety about going to Hell that has resulted in this person repeatedly spending their savings on castings of Detect Evil? This person would like to be more loyal to the government because it will help their career advancement. 

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She cannot fix the head injury but she can route around it for partial improvements. She can work on Hell-anxiety though she will be less effective if this person has ever actually turned up Evil. What is preventing this person from being non-artfully as loyal to the government as they might desire?

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He just kind of has a very skeptical temperament so he can't truthfully say he never thinks about who'd be a better ruler than the pharaoh or never doubts his divine origins or whatever. But it's not like - like, to be clear he also doubts whether Rovagug really existed and whether the evil afterlives are bad and stuff, it's not specific to loyalty, it's just like that about everything.

 

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I'm not judging your temperament, it just might be relevant to how much I can do. Do they check that sort of thing somehow?

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For really high-trust government jobs you answer a lot of personal loyalty questions under a truth spell and he hasn't dared to apply. 

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A problem with some arts interventions is that they can knock loose, especially if whatever caused the original characteristic is still there - if you're scared of dogs, and I make you not scared of dogs, and then dogs growl at you a lot, then my work can just come undone. I'm a little worried you could wind up in a situation where that happened after you'd achieved some sensitive position and you'd get in trouble, if they ever re-check anything.

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- oh. Sigh. I guess that makes sense.

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Sorry.

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This person died and was resurrected and has trauma about the death. This person has kleptomania although they are really quick to assure her that they have absolutely never stolen anything they just think about it constantly. This person has really horrific nightmares. This person was possessed by a demon. 

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Death trauma is both straightforward and something she has experience with in practice! Kleptomania's pretty easy to block. Nightmares she knows how to handle. The demon is gone now? She can't work on someone who currently is possessed.

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Yeah the demon's gone he's just kind of a mess now.

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Then she can try to work on that with him, sure.

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Pretty soon she has a reliable flow of interested parties. It seems like they really don't have subtle artists here though they have enough magic-users who can imitate some part of what she does that it's not obvious to people at first she's doing something entirely different.

 

Her classes continue teaching her about how Abadar imbues the pharaohs with as many of his essential characteristics as a human mind can hold and about how laws ought to be just and consistently enforced, and it's permissible to ignore ones that are contradictory, ridiculous or unenforceable but important to obey even unjust ones, lest you endanger your afterlife. 

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They certainly do have a culture here, don't they. She attends most of the classes in the sequence.

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They're very pleased about that and wonder if she'd like to be a member of the church, or buy insurance from it.

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...what do they sell insurance against?

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Crime, natural disasters, legal trouble if she doesn't commit a really flagrant crime, sudden illness or injury, death but that one's very expensive for obvious reasons.

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Assuming these are all affordably priced except the death one she is in the market for them. She probably should not buy death insurance considering her likeliest causes of death.

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Death insurance pays out if you're resurrectable and weren't executed by Osirion's government. The rest are all very reasonably priced.

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How much is an alignment check, actually, she hasn't had one in a while and turned up neutral good when she was a volunteer test subject for someone practicing the spell.

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Ten gold. Temples do seasonal discounts sometimes, for the holidays of repentance and so on.

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She'll skip it at that price. (Puts in context that one guy, gosh.)

She goes home.

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The streets are blocked off. Some officials are escorting people around the disruption.

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What's going on?

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Member of the royal family passing through. 

 

The people in front of her turn away and she can see more clearly. Everyone is kneeling very low to the ground. There are six guards around, and -

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Presumably the member of the royal family. 

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She startles, for a second, before she sees him.

But - no, it's not Fëanáro, this is clearly a human adult, they don't look anything alike, they just register the same to arts - but then why -?

She's a little too distracted to notice that everyone else is kneeling. Should she be trying to osanwë him, or - what would even cause this? - it can't be him though, on so many levels, why would he be in disguise, in this disguise? -

"Fëanáro?" If it's not him it'll just sound like a random foreign word, right - she doesn't yell, if it's him he'll hear her loud and clear -

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He turns to look at her. 

Several guards step in to interfere with this. 

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"Stop that, I want to know what she said." Three quick steps that have his security running to keep alongside him -

"Where are you from?"

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Oh! Okay! Apparently people who are just sufficiently Like That ping the same way and now she has fucking royal attention! Again!

- the Magisterian Imperium, your, uh - grace?

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"What do they speak there?"

      "Please," says one of his guards frantically. "We can send for her later -"

"That word, what does it mean?"

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It's, uh, they speak Pax, but it's a name, and it's not from Pax - it - She looks nervously at the guards.

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" - if you manage to misplace her -" he says to the guard. The guard shakes his head vigorously. 

"Please come talk to me," he says pleadingly, and then allows himself to be tugged off. 

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...Bella holds very still so as not to be, uh, misplaced.

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Uniformed guard. A different uniform than the city guards. "Foreign?" he asks curtly.

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Yes sir.

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"Come with me, please."

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She follows along.

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They enter a big cool stone building with a lot of corridors. The guard meets more guards. They speak in whispers, which might be intended to keep her from overhearing but does not in practice do that. 

"She said something unfamiliar to the prince in the street. And just stood there. We didn't detect any magic. Could conceivably have missed it, we didn't see her coming. He wants her because he doesn't speak the language yet -"

        "He can't have all of them."

"I thought he did! And yet. He'll ask after her. Even if she's dangerous just - hold tight and don't lose her while we figure out what's going on. And - send someone to reassure any family, maybe, because -"

        "Yeah." Sigh. "This way, ma'am."

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She goes that way, shivering a little. Reassure any family about what?

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That you're all right, haven't been charged, can be chaperoned to see the prince if they want that, will be released if you weren't trying to hurt him. Who can afford a permanenced telepathy and not a permanenced Tongues? 

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I was born with the telepathy.

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Huh. Well, sit here, we'll get some truth spells, then we'll talk. Do you have family here I can send for?

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No.

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Have a church here?

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I took classes at one for a while but don't belong to it.

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All right. 

Some more people come in. They cast a spell that's disorienting and sort of - demoralizing, or something in that genre, very unpleasantly so.

They cast another one that doesn't feel like anything. 

"You'll need to speak in your language for this. I'll have Tongues up so I can understand you."

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She sort of shrinks in on herself at the first spell. Resists the urge to analyze it. "O-okay."

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"What's your name?"

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"Isabella Mariel Swan."

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"To your knowledge, is there any present danger to the prince you spoke to or anyone in the royal family?"

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"No."

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"Were you trying to hurt him?"

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"No!"

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"What did you say to him?"

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"It's someone's name. I was confused for a moment."

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They ask variants on the same thing for about five minutes. 

"If we bring you to the prince so he can ask you some questions, will this endanger him?"

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"No."

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"Where are you from?"

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"The Magisterian Imperium."

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"How do you get there from here?"

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"I had a magical accident that sent me to another plane. The gods there tried to send me back, or that's what they said they were doing, but they missed."

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"And their attempt landed you here?"

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"Yes."

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"What have you done since you arrived here?"

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"I sold some jewelry because I didn't have any cash on hand, and got a business license and started a therapy practice. It's common in the Imperium for people who are born with telepathy to train as therapists."

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"To your knowledge have you broken any laws?"

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"Not to my knowledge, no."

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"Why didn't you kneel when Prince Fe-Anar was passing through?"

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"I was distracted by the aforementioned confusion and then once he was addressing me I wasn't sure if I was supposed to."

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And a few more variants on all of those questions and then they undo whatever they did that left her distracted. 

"All right. You won't be charged with a crime. Price Fe-Anar still wants to see you; are you up for that now, or do you need a rest first?"

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"...I could use a minute or two."

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"All right." They wait outside the room.

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She takes lots of deep breaths and does a caffeine thing to herself.

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And they walk her down more hallways. When they come out of the hallways they're inside the great black dome. It's cool and pleasant, with the illusion of a breeze. The whole place is stunningly, magically lit, and there's a palace. 

They walk to the palace.

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Well. Last time she showed up in a palace it turned out okay. Mostly.

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This one is about as magical and about as pretty, though in a completely different style. It does not have any cute tiny children running around. It has - women who aren't wearing much, and guards, pretty much.

Walk walk walk.

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Lack of cute tiny children is definitely a drawback. Sigh.

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They open a door to a big spacious room. 

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He's in there, pacing. When he sees them, he bounces. "I told you there wasn't anything to worry about," he says to the guards.

       "Yes, your grace."

"Shoo."

       The guards flee.

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His mental signature is almost precisely Fëanáro's, it's not exact but -

Well. She drops into the kneel everyone else was doing.

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"Come sit down and teach me your language. I'll pay you. You mustn't mind them, they're all rattle and no bite really."

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She gets up and sits down wherever it seems like she's supposed to sit. I speak two.

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"Then speak in them!"

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"Sorry! Sorry, I just - I don't know which one you want first," she blurts in Pax, sending along a translation. "You were asking about the name and that's in Quenya and this is Pax."

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"Which one you want first. I know which one I want first?"

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"That's grammatical, yes," she murmurs.

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"I want first Pax? I want Pax first? This is Pax, you were asking in Pax which one I want first."

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"'I want Pax first' is right, 'first Pax' wouldn't - wouldn't be." She swallows.

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"First Pax wouldn't be grammatical," he says triumphantly. "I want Pax first and Quenya - Quenya which?"

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"Second."

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"Pax first! And Quenya second! Yes. - first, second..." He holds up three fingers.

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"Third," she says, and she bursts into tears.

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He looks startled. 

 

He rocks back and forth for a second and then goes to the door and calls in a servant girl who has fancy handkerchiefs and ice water and truffles.

- it's all right. I'm not angry - you can't mess this up, really -

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It's not that, she says, gulping water between sobs.

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He waits. Not very patiently but he is in fact waiting.

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She pulls herself together. "Sorry."

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"I'll tell them off. They shouldn't go around terrorizing people."

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"It's not that."

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" - fine, then, what?"

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"You just keep reminding me of the person you - psychically resemble - and I'm worried about him -"

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"Psychically resemble?"

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"I can distinguish people by how they telepathically feel, it's sort of like recognizing faces usually except it'll work through walls. You don't look like Fëanáro, he's a child and not a human and so on, but for some reason you read like him - I'm not reading your mind, I don't do that except to pick up on what people are trying to say to me and for my job when people want me to -"

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"Huh. And he's in danger?"

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"Longish-term I think so yeah."

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"From what?"

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"I think he's going to try to come get me back and I think he'd get himself killed in the process."

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“Is there a very hazardous plane in between?”

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"In between? No. But here or the one they were supposedly aiming for would disagree with him. Maybe unless I distract him with foreign languages long enough."

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"Osirion's really not very dangerous. Anyone with a plane shift should be able to stay out of trouble."

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"His plane's really different."

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"Is he a demon?"

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"No! They're called Quendi, or Eldar."

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"Thus Quenya?"

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"Yeah. Quendi means speakers."

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"Are they the only intelligent creatures on their plane?"

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"No, there's their gods and then on another continent some people called orcs I didn't meet."

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He pulls out a pad of paper and starts taking notes. "Unusual as in different customs or different physical laws?"

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"Well, both."

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"Which one's the problem, though? Is it dangerous for us to visit there?"

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"...that depends, it's possible that the circumstances of my departure constitute a general no-humans policy."

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"You're not really explaining very much here."

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"I'm sorry, it's complicated, I was there for about twenty years."

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" - since you were a baby?"

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"No, I'm older than I look. Quendi don't age and everyone was very startled to find that I expected to do so and while the gods were still friendly I got a not-aging blessing. I don't know if it's still working, I haven't been here that long."

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" - huh. How did you end up there in the first place -"

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"Magical accident at my school. Walked into the wrong room and tripped."

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" - into a plane shift?"

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"Apparently but I don't know exactly what they were doing and they never followed up in any way."

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"They didn't try to get you back? Wow."

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"It's possible they tried? But not so I'd notice. My parents aren't important or anything."

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"In Osirion they could sue anyway. I think. I'm not really an expert on normal people on account of it barely being permitted to talk to them."

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"I'm not sure if they were allowed to sue. I mean, there's a background risk of something happening when you send your kid to college, I think they had to sign forms about that. But I don't know since I haven't spoken to them in twenty years."

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"Pax is the language spoken there?"

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"It's the most common one in the Imperium especially among humans and the only one from there I know more than a few words of."

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"Are humans the dominant species in the Imperium?"

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"Yes. Though by a much smaller margin than it seems like is the case here, I think the population's only about - seventy or eighty percent human, something like that?"

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"We're just over ninety but people self-segregate a little. What else have you got -"

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"Uh, elves and dwarves and orcs and ogres and gnomes and nagas and mermaids and dryads and... stuff, I don't have a list memorized. Golems, some of those are people. Demonbloods as long as they have any human ancestry are allowed to go to school and stuff. Kobolds and goblins and hobgoblins. Yokai."

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"Huh. That's - more than we have in civilized society, I wouldn't know if there are some of each of those on an isolated island somewhere."

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"I think my native plane is higher magic or something than this one."

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"Huh. What else do they have that we don't?"

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"Mostly conveniences - I haven't seen any enchanted carriages here, I haven't seen magic mirrors or crystal balls or magical laundry boxes, that kind of thing. Also it seems like I might be the only subtle artist in town, that'd be weird in a city this size on my plane."

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"We have magic mirrors and crystal balls but they're very expensive specialty items for exceptionally wealthy people. Maybe your world discovered a way to make them more cheaply? That'd be really useful."

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"Maybe. I don't know how they do it there beyond the 'hire an enchanting-major college graduate and have them do it'."

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"Is there some reason we shouldn't do a plane shift, say hello, import their stuff -"

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"Don't do that, it's - the kind of thing that might count as cheating, you know? They don't have interplanar trade on any kind of scale even though it'd be cheaper there than here if they wanted it. The place I was last month has some of the conveniences but extra don't go there, it's, I don't know if you even have the genre here - it's a science fantasy world, I'm lucky I didn't just kind of die on the spot when I landed here and I still don't know if that was maybe in part their gods protecting me or not."

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"It's a what?"

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"I guess you don't have the genre. It's, like, you know how if you poke the universe too hard it pokes back? Their universe doesn't do that, you can do whatever you want there. I mean, at least till the gods get scared, then you can't."

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" - I don't think there's any sense in which you can't poke the universe except that the gods will get mad?"

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"- like the classic example is the time somebody tried to do an experiment to find out how fast things fall and now the entire area where they did that doesn't have 'down' any more?"

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"I have not heard of anything like that happening. Things fall... at the same rate unless they're light enough for the air to impede them? Pretty sure?"

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"Are you saying that because it's derived from other principles you have in some way, like, a god told somebody that or something, or because someone tried it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Someone tried it. While flying, I think, so he could get enough height to be confident."

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"And nothing bad happened to them? At all? They weren't even, uh, eaten by a dragon later that month or anything?"

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" - not that I know of."

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She starts laughing, not unmanically.

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 - well that's probably not a bad thing?

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(These guards are actually real concerned.)

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She calms down eventually. "Okay, before I get ahead of myself is there, like, a science book you could walk me through -?"

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"You mean, like, philosophy of the natural world?"

     " - your grace -"

"Go away."

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"- is something wrong? Uh, yes, I guess I mean that, anything recording experimental data."

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"Oh, they're just professionally paranoid and you said you got kicked out of your last plane because the gods were scared of you and whatever the thing is apparently you can do it here too. They're like that. One of my sons snuck a pet scorpion in here once and it got murdered by four people with enough levels between them to handle a dragon."

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"Oh. The gods just thought I invented things too fast and was a destabilizing influence on Fëanáro."

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"The name you called me."

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"Yes, the kid you psychically resemble."

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"Inventing things is ...good...and they could ban you from the kid..."

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"He ran away to another continent and stuff like that, he got impatient with the gods' continent."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - by gods you mean, like, extremely expansive powerset, nearly indestructible, each individually able to take on an army..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's them, yes, although I'm not sure armies have been invented in Arda. That's the plane."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - is the kid also a god? A child god?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, he's a Quendi. - they were concerned for, like, his safety and development, possibly because he's a prince and there are prophecies about him? I don't think they felt threatened, they could break all the magic we'd invented."

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"You know what's not good for kids' development is gods."

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"I think he would agree with you. Although the continent he ran away to was not exactly safe."

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"So given that - people here are allowed to study things - is it in fact dangerous for him to come here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nope! But what I need to do is figure out a way to tell him to come here, in case he expects that the gods did in fact send me where I came from originally and tries to go there to look for me instead of coming up with a way to find me directly."

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Nod.

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"- unless being a science world and being a, hm, anti-hubris world are separate things? Do people who are too - ambitious or egotistical or anything - get in trouble here? Disproportionately, I mean, not 'do you get eaten if you charge a dragon and are not actually ready for that'."

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" - I mean also if you swear oaths you can't live up to or go breaking laws?"

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"I don't mean legal trouble, I mean do they have weirdly bad luck or attract negative divine attention."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Never heard of that. Every adventurer in this town has a overblown nonsense story about how they'll be an epic hero."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good. Then yes, he'll be fine here unless this world has some property I have never heard of which is dangerous."

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"We have laws? We have a gate to one of the evil afterlives out in the desert. We have dragons, and we're inside the shell of a very destructive beetle that is not, actually, dead. But - not properties of the universe, no."

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"- the beetle isn't dead? Also why do you even have that gate."

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"Idiot early pharaoh made a deal with an evil god for support in an ongoing civil war, and built the House of Oblivion, which straddles the worlds, for him to come live in in exchange for help. They still lost! And the evil god went back to Abaddon. But the house is still there. We don't know how to destroy it, or whether trying would provoke him.

Everyone has been told that the beetle is dead because occasionally you get evil cults trying to release the other spawn of Rovagug - which the beetle was - and there can't be cultists trying to release it if they think it's been destroyed."

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"Why is the beetle so... hollow and still... if it is alive?"

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"It molted."

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"Oh."

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"We mostly don't edit the history books, we're not Cheliax, but in this case it seemed warranted."

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"I'm not complaining."

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"Anyway I think we have an ordinary number of hazards for a nation of our size and history but most people will get their whole lives without running into them."

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"Cool. - any joy on the science book?"

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He goes to the door and calls for someone to fetch it.

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Bounce bounce.

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"If that works I just need to enchant one of my earcuffs with my old long distance communication enchantment for reference because I don't have my notes and don't want to forget how I did it, and then figure out how to adapt it for interplanar, and then I can catch him up and we can coordinate. Also I should call Rúmil once I can, he'll be worried too. - Rúmil's one of the king's advisors."

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"And he's allowed to assist the prince in escaping the plane?"

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"I don't actually know what the king's opinion on the matter is. But he'd be worried about me, too, the last time he saw me I was telling the gods sending me back would kill me."

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Nod. "Just don't want to get him in trouble back there."

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"They don't have quite the Osirion philosophy about law. I think - the king's priority would be his son's safety, and he might - have unrealistic expectations about how to achieve that, but it's still actually his priority, and if Rúmil helped Fëanáro get offplane in service of that goal it wouldn't really be a break with the king and they'd work it out.

"The gods are going to be pretty against all this, I imagine, but I'm not sure if I should be assuming they were unanimous in the first place."

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"And they're pretty unlikely to come bother us here about it?"

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"I don't think they'll leave Valinor. That's their continent. But I'll check with Rúmil, he'd know a lot more and I'd want his input before doing anything unnecessary."

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"Alright. - I'm not really the person to coordinate any of this with on our end. I just - want the languages. And the more efficient spells, if there's a way to get that.'

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"You can have the languages. And what I know about wizardry too but that only after I see the science book to make really sure."

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He glances impatiently out the door.

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"Fëanáro was enthralled by Pax too. They hadn't invented writing yet, when I landed, and he saw my textbooks, I'd landed with college textbooks, and he thought they were the most beautiful things he'd ever seen."

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"What's the similarity exactly - do we just happen to have similar psychic signatures the way two people might have similar fingerprints by chance -"

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"I mean, my going hypothesis is that you just happen to be really similar people in a way that is reflected in the signatures."

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"Has that happened before?"

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"Nope! I have never heard of it happening at all to anyone."

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"My name is oddly close to Fëánaro."

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"That's true... I don't suppose it means 'spirit of fire' or anything like it?"

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"Sun-souled."

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"Okay, that's weird. Uh. How are you related to the pharaoh?"

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"The current pharaoh is my son. The last one was my father. 

- I'm really not very suited to it, see -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fëanáro's very young, it... wasn't obvious if he was going to grow into it or not...

 

When I arrived in Valinor his mother Miriel was bedridden with postpartum depression?"

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He goes very still. This is notable because he's normally a very move-y person.

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"Sorry?"

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"She died when I was a baby. Refused all resurrections. I don't know what it - was - it wasn't that she loved her afterlife, she ended up in the true neutral one which is very boring, working in the catacombs - I look in on her sometimes -"

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- nod.

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"We don't look alike?"

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"Not really. I can see some resemblance if I squint but he's paler and a different species and a small child... though the gods did show me what he's prophesied to look like when he grows up one time -" Like so?

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There's not zero resemblance but there's not a lot; the Quendi appear to have Taldoran features. 

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"So yeah, never would have recognized you as - Fëanáro-like - based on the face."

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"Did Fëanáro have siblings?"

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"No."

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"Huh."

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"His mother wasn't really... oh, right, there's polygamy here, Quendi don't do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Pharaoh's supposed to give Abadar as many choices as he can. - that's where almost all the selection power happens, they do commune with Abadar when they get appointed but they don't get half-overwritten with him."

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"I might have skipped the class where that was explained? I've been here for like, a couple weeks."

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"The church holds that the pharaoh is the embodiment of Abadar in the world. And - Abadar selects them personally, with a lot of attention to the question, and gives them exceptional ability as his highest cleric, and they take it appropriately seriously, but the metaphysics is a bit shaky, if you want to say the pharaoh's part a god. And don't want to say that every village healer is."

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"Okay. So you have siblings. Or, half-siblings, I guess."

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"I have fourteen half-siblings."

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"That seems like a lot but I don't know how many is typical?"

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"I mean, most people are married monogamously. - have to be, there are as many boys born as girls. That's less than the pharaohs of old report but their numbers might be inflated and the imperial concubinage system used to be a lot more - horrible."

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Nod.

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Sigh. "Is she all right? The one in Arda."

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"I can't give out a lot of details because I took a confidentiality oath but I can tell you she's alive, and once I have the interplanar earwire I can see if she wants to talk to you?"

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Nod.

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"And nobody else who knows anything about the situation is under any confidentiality oaths, including Fëanáro, who I believe will definitely want to talk to you."

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"I'll look forward to it."

A book of natural philosophy is brought in by a slightly harried-looking but smiling servant.

Permalink Mark Unread

She knows how to say "thank you" in the local language by now!

Permalink Mark Unread

Then she will have her natural philosophy book! 

"I should go explain all of this to the pharaoh."

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"Oh. Okay, I can wait."

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"Shouldn't be that long. Just - give the book a look and I'll be right back."

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"I can't read it. But I'll be fine."

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"Oh! Tongues. I'll have to wait it out for you to teach me any Quenya but there you go, now you can."

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"Thanks!"

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He bounds off.

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She reads the book.

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Natural philosophy is the study of why fire burns and why the tides happen and what sand is made of and at what temperature things melt. They haven't gotten very far on any more interesting questions but they seem to have safely studied these ones.

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That's really promising! She will take about two hours to get through the whole book, though.

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He is back before then.

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"Hi!"

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"Is it what you hoped for?"

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"Yeah! It's very encouraging."

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"Oh good!"

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"What'd the pharaoh say?"

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"Hmm? Oh, blah blah blah have fun."

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...snort.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - did you actually want to know? He said that to Osirion peaceful peoples of other planes are always a delight, and that any friend of peace and prosperity is a friend of his, though if they have different gods there might be significant repercussions to the integration of their planes with our own, which Abadar will no doubt desire to take a role in guiding.

He did not used to talk to me like that."

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"...oof."

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Shrug. "What were you looking for in the book?"

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"Experiments. Of the sort that would get you squashed where I'm from."

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"Did you find them?"

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"Yup. I feel so much less like I might arbitrarily die at any moment."

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"Good!"

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"I agree! - I will need to put up a sign to tell my patients tomorrow that I have to cancel, if you're going to want me all day."

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"Right, of course. You can send someone."

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"I guess that makes sense since I'd need help writing the sign anyway."

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He looks outside again and then ropes in a guard. "What do you want the sign to say?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh... 'with apologies to my patients, I will be unavailable to keep appointments this...' Week? How long do you plan on keeping me?"

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"A week's more than enough for the languages, how long do you expect the magic to take?"

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"Don't know, I was avoiding learning much about the state of the art in arcana around here because it seemed like borrowing trouble and I don't know how much of it you know already anyway."

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"A week for now?"

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"Sure. With apologies to my patients I will be unable to keep appointments until at least the - nineteenth."

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The guard nods and bows and departs.

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"- do they have my address? Somehow?"

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"Oh, did you not give it to them earlier when they were having their fit of paranoia?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It was not among the things they asked but maybe they looked me up by name and have it that way."

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"Do you have it insured?"

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"Uh, the disaster and crime insurance required my address."

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"Then that's probably how they'd know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"In principle I could have rented office space to work out of but since I didn't I guess they'll find the place just fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think they're twitchy around me and flee as soon as they can, sometimes sooner. I don't know why, I complain at them but I'd never complain about them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think I have enough context to guess, I assume people who work in palaces aren't just generally skittish around royalty."

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"They adore my son. The one who's pharaoh."

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"Do you go around telling people to do things he told them not to do or vice versa?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - possibly I should check more often if I'm doing that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fëanáro and I had this problem when we first met, he kept contradicting his father at me, I was terrified!"

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"I don't...it's sad in a way that we're both of us royalty. I think I would do fine at being a researcher who didn't terrify anybody."

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"I did get over it."

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"Am I terrifying you?"

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"Nah. But your son might if he says anything less bland, I don't know."

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"Well, then you don't have to meet him. Probably. Should I get a book on arcana, too, so you can see how much we might need to catch up -"

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"Yeah, I gave the scrolls I saw in a store a wide berth so I dunno what yours are like. And maybe some good inks and parchment so I can draw you some."

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He calls for these.

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"So, I wasn't a wizard in the Imperium. I just knew cantrips and a handful of more advanced spells from high school and my first year and a half of college. But in Arda I started reverse engineering everything and got lots of results, though it's all skewed towards stuff I wanted while I was there, so, like, I don't have Fireball."

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"What sort of stuff did you develop -"

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"Uh, reinvented laundry boxes and crystal balls, the communicators I mentioned - Quendi are all telepathic, so I made those work by closing telepathy range, they won't work as-is for communicating between two people neither of whom is telepathic, but I could rejigger 'em - I was teaching other people too, Rúmil was doing stuff with ice so they could invent ice skating - I can fly - I made this -" She displays her watch. "It's counting Valinor time so it's not worth much here, their days are longer. I figured out one of those spells that pops up a house, there was a time when I had to go move to an island off the coast for awhile because Valinor makes people kind of... patient? And then on the island I invented a necklace to undo that. I should have probably paid a bit more attention when the Valar broke most of the necklaces... I developed Fëanáro spells as presents, he's got one for bouncing over buildings and one for spraying water around to let off steam... these boots of grace are better than the storebought my parents were able to afford for me when I needed them as a teenager..."

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"You invented all that in twenty years?"

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"It goes really fast when you can do science to it... I did have a Maia, a sort of minor god, helping a lot, both as a safety net when I messed with things I didn't know what they'd do yet and to get around mana limits, it turns out they just have infinite mana."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So they can cast an arbitrary number of spells in a day? And let you do that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yup! This made Fëanáro even less likely to bother sleeping on a routine basis when we discovered it."

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"I guess I can see how the locals got worried. - our gods are made of tougher stuff, though, you should be fine if you don't actually pick fights with them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You think so? That's good."

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"Sometimes - not commonly, obviously -  people become gods. The existing gods seem to largely not mind this."

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"Yeah, they can do that where I'm from too, that doesn't mean trying is a good idea."

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"Oh, yeah, I would settle down and sell all that stuff and become fabulously wealthy, it's safer than trying that nonsense. But I've never seen the gods get threatened by things that aren't trying to destroy the world."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think they felt personally threatened. I just kept - perturbing Valinor. They want it paradise-y in a very particular way that includes the making-people-patient effect and I was messing that up."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. 

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"I was even following all their actual instructions on that - when they broke my anti-time-slide necklaces I didn't try, like, making a new version they hadn't broken yet, or anything, and they didn't want me handing out teleportation casually because they were concerned about ecological effects in places that were designed to be hard to get to so I didn't - they just - jumped to banishing me suddenly anyway -"

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"Not a lawful place," he says a little knowingly.

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"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I told them I'd go quietly to the other continent but they thought Fëanáro would just chase me there - he's going to do that anyway -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, he will."

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"I'll be able to finagle the earwire first, I think."

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"Maybe you can explain what you're doing as you do it?"

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"Sure, you can watch me put the intraplanar version on this," she pulls off her left earcuff, "and then we can backtrack for anything that didn't make sense."

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Bounce bounce.

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This takes her about ten minutes and no material components but she does say words.

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"I didn't follow most of that," he says when she's done. "What are the - building blocks you're using -"

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"I can draw it out as a scroll but it'll take me way longer than casting the spell did." She gets underway on scrollifying it.

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That he recognizes.

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"Ta-da! This is the kind that draws user mana -" She pokes a section. "This bit I can change to make it time per day though, it depends if you're going to pass it around."

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"It's generally regarded as pretty dangerous to experiment like that but I think not because the universe will be mad but because if you did it slightly wrong the spell explodes - how did you know which bit to change -"

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"I stood near Olórin - the helpful minor deity - and left things out of spells I knew, or swapped them with each other or added them in from other spells, to see what happened. My first arguably useful result was an arcane mark with an increased character limit. The experiments that seemed especially risky I got Olórin to do for me. He was hoping something would explode, he likes explosions."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - huh." He's smiling.

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"It was so fun!"

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"It sounds it!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have a pretty good feel for most of the moving parts now but I'd still be nervous about doing stuff with combat spells."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There's more than enough to explore without getting into combat spells, I'd think, and the convenience spells aren't worrying no matter who they leak to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yup! I did reverse engineer arcane healing from a positive energy cantrip that's supposed to damage undead? And stuff like that. But I think I've done as much dissecting combat spells as I need to for most convenience applications."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can you show me another one?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure, what do you want to see?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"The better boots? What did you start with and how did you make them -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I landed in Arda with a pair of boots of grace - without them I can barely walk, see, and my parents didn't want me getting myself killed in my required combat courses - they were maybe a third as good as these? I played with Detect Magic till I had that rendered into its component parts and could analyze the boots more exactly and then I dumped kind of a ton of mana into a slightly more efficient setup - I could enchant a new pair, I think I have that much left if you wanna get me a pair of shoes and watch?"

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"Required combat courses? For women?" He sends for some boots.

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"For everybody. If we ran into ghouls on campus they were not going to care if we were women. It's really sexist here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There are ghouls on campus? Getting into combat is bad for most women, it traumatizes them, though I guess that is an improvement on being eaten by a ghoul. You can't just go around with someone who can protect you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"There aren't usually ghouls on campus but if there was enough rain they'd come up from the swamp. Combat doesn't actually disproportionately traumatize women as far as I know - and I'm a therapist - but I don't know if you're imagining too-high rates for women or too-low rates for men. And no, we cannot do that. The paths were warded but it's not realistic to have half the student body constantly escorted."

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"We don't have ghoul-plagued schools here but we also don't have many schools that accept women."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's the wrong climate for ghouls, I assume you have other stuff even if there's less of it total. Of course if you systematically deny women educations then you won't have to worry about them being safe at school."

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"You don't!" He accepts some boots from a servant.

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She looks them over and then enchants them.

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And he watches, fascinated.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ta-da."

Permalink Mark Unread

He has so many questions!

Permalink Mark Unread

And she is happy to answer them but eventually she will need to sleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

Right, that. Servants can get her a comfortable room in the palace. 

Permalink Mark Unread

And she sleeps in it.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's very luxurious. Almost like home, in some ways, and not at all in others. 

There's a breakfast spread waiting for her in the morning.

Permalink Mark Unread

That kind of means someone snuck in but she didn't bring a notebook or anything sensitive like that so she will not make a fuss. She eats and wanders out.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is sitting where they parted last night, writing furiously. There is a lot of paper next to him. He may have not slept.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you just planning on tapping all your servants for mana to compensate for staying up?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I slept two hours! There's a spell that lets it count as eight, though you can only use it once a week. I don't actually know how to do the tapping-for-mana thing and thought it might be specific to gods, you'll have to teach me, is it standard where you're from? - that might explain the cheaper magical products all by itself."

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"Oh, yeah, people will sell their extra, it's not hard to learn to do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wow! That next, then, maybe."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, who should I demonstrate on?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Everyone have it, they don't need magic abilities themself?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"People who practice have more but everybody starts with some or how would they learn enough to practice?"

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"Well, most people can't be wizards no matter how much they practice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, you have to be smart enough, people take tests at the start of ninth grade in the Imperium."

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"I don't know what age is the ninth grade but that's what we do too." He waves someone over. "What do you need her to do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nothing." Is it okay if I take some of your mana? It will feel a little weird but it won't hurt and you'll be back to normal after you sleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

Of course, ma'am.

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She might not take that if there were actually a risk involved but for this it'll do. Yoink.

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He observes.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I took like a third of what she has but I was trying to do it nice and slow, did you get a good look...?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so. Maybe one more time?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Bella takes another quantity of the same size.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wonder why no one here discovered how to do this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know. It's not something I had to figure out myself, so I don't know how hard it would be to come up with from scratch - anyone who takes a class in arcane magic at college level picks this up, although I think people graduate high school without a working understanding."

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"I'm curious what you'll make of our arcana textbook."

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"We can find out. I do want to get underway on modifying the earwire spell though."

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"Yes, of course. Reassure your friends, then we can do more catching me up."

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"You can watch me work through it though."

Which she proceeds to do, commentating as she goes.

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He takes detailed notes!

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It's going to take more than a day. It might help to have a look at a plane shift scroll.

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He can get one of those fetched!

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Cool.

This is gonna take a week or so. More if she's doing other things, though she can teach him the languages in parallel by commentating on the work as she does it.

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That's good enough for him, as long as he can occasionally interrupt with linguistic questions.

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Yes, that is fine and does not (now that she does not expect Fëanáro to die or anything) cause her to start crying again!

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They will totally be able to prevent the death of his mysterious alternate universe self!

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She's going to try Rúmil first, come to think, since that will be a faster way to find out what is going on more objectively than Fëanáro is liable to produce on his own.

Rúmil? It's me - I'm okay -

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Bella! Are you back? How -

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I'm not back. I'm not where I came from, either, they missed.

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wow. They said - they promised you'd be safe - 

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I am! It's another science world! But it has a magic system like mine. They aren't very advanced, though. Also there's this prince in the country I landed in who psychically resembles - and also in personality and some circumstances resembles - Fëanáro. Except they don't look alike, this one's an adult human of the local ethnicity. He's been looking over my shoulder while I got the earwire interdimensional. How is Fëanáro doing, I called you first because I thought it possible he'd just tell me how the Valar were stupid and terrible instead of telling me what was going on and I already know that they are stupid and terrible.

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He ran off into the woods and hasn't spoken to anyone and is working on magic.

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Well, okay. I guess I'll call him. Is anything else going on?

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People are debating a resolution critiquing the Valar's handling of the situation.

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Uh-huh. Well.

They have plane shift here and I wouldn't have to reinvent it for people to go back and forth. I mean, it'd be expensive, but this Fe-Anar character is a prince too, so.

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I'd love to come. Getting Fëanáro a chance to see you and get some reassurance is more important, though.

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I am pretty sure he can swing two of it. But you and not Fëanáro should probably introduce the idea to Finwë and Miriel.

- This one's mother died when he was a baby, so you're aware. His father is presumably also dead too because his son is pharaoh now but I don't have a lot of details on that and have not met the pharaoh.

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A pharaoh is like a king?

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Pretty much. God-king in this case - he's not a god, but he's like, closely associated with the deity of the major religion here.

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So more like Ingwe than Finwe? Or - something else?

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I have accepted an education in the local religion but don't know how much of it is accurate versus propaganda. The idea is the god, name of Abadar, picks the pharaoh out of the selection of royal relatives and they... commune, which I don't have details on... and he's a powerful cleric.

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Are these gods any less stupid?

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They... vary... but they do less stuff in general.

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I guess I'll take it. For now.

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Oh, yeah, I don't want to, like, live here. But it's safe to hang out here for now teaching Fe-Anar languages and metamagic.

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Suppose there are worlds without gods?

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We're zero for three but let's at least look.

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I'm glad you're all right.

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Me too. At first it looked like another country I just hadn't happened to know about in my plane, and then it looked like another material plane but in the same - set - and it wasn't till I ran into Fe-Anar and he had me teaching him Pax that it managed to come up in conversation!

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How did you manage that - no, I guess the Pax would've been enough.

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What happened was he was walking down the street - with a bunch of guards, because prince - and he reads almost exactly like Fëanáro, it's uncanny - and I was so confused, and I figured it'd be safe to try just, like, saying "Fëanáro" and figuring he'd ignore a random foreign word if he was not by some ridiculous contrivance Fëanáro in disguise, but what do you know, he noticed that wasn't in a language he knew and wanted to talk to me and I was approximately arrested to be assessed as a security risk so he could do that. It has been uphill from there.

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Is the place very dangerous?

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Not by material plane standards but more than Valinor.

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But Fe-Anar can keep Fëanáro safe if he visits, you think?

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His security's good. Do you want to talk to him yourself?

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Maybe? You're probably far more equipped to assess that than me, though.

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The fact that he has security may mean that something ever tries to happen? But the risk is low.

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All right. Much better than letting him hare off to Materia looking for you, anyway.

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Yeah, I was worried he'd be trying something to go where he expected me, instead of directly to me.

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I tried to talk to him but he wasn't in a very talkative mood.

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...Yeah. I think I will call him now.

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Good plan.

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She drops the call. "So Rúmil says Fëanáro ran off into the woods and is not in a talkative mood. Also wants to know how safe it'll be to visit exactly, I assume 'very' but literally a negative number of people have died in Valinor so compared to that."

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"A negative number of people? The palace is secure against, you know, the sorts of things that humans have the capacity to secure against."

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"I have a lot of complaints about how their god of death conducts his affairs but he does bring people who died in Arda but outside Valinor back to life inside Valinor."

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" - so it's kind of an afterlife? Where you can have kids? The level of interventionism begins to make a bit more sense."

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"It's an afterlife for some people and a regular life for other people and Quendi do not die of old age, or get sick."

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"Huh. 

The palace is as safe as anywhere in this world. You could meet him in Aktun, if that's not enough."

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"Aktun?"

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"Abadar's city district in Axis."

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"I think that would be worse in enough ways that no."

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Faint smile. "Then this is the best we can do."

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"Okay. I'll call Fëanáro."

Fëanáro? It's me, I'm all right, they missed and I'm in a different science world and I'm safe.

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Bella!!! Oh good. ...I'm still coming to get you.

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You should definitely come visit and I do not want to live here forever but the magic here is like mine so you don't have to develop the spell for it yourself first, especially not if you were going to try to find Emily instead of triangulating directly on me. Are you doing okay, you must have been as scared as I was -

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The Valar are mean and stupid and evil and I don't like them.

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Yes, me too.

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They shouldn't be in charge of anything and they should have to tell you they are very sorry.

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I do not have a way to make progress towards either of those results.

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I'm working on it.

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Please do not attempt to mind control the Valar into being very sorry or anything like that.

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Well I was going to rescue you and run away and then they'll be sorry.

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It turns out they are so incompetent that I do not even need rescuing. I don't want to live here forever but there's not a special rush to get me out, I'm safe. We don't have to be in a hurry to figure out whether or where you are running away either.

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I am running away.

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This really isn't an ideal place to settle down long term, so until you have a safe way to find one, you might as well wait.

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It can't be worse than Valinor.

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There's slavery here.

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Well, we should make them stop that.

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There's also evil gods around - like actively malicious, not just incompetent. I think we should live somewhere out of reach till we're actually ready for that.

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But then who'll stop the slavery?

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So, there's this guy here who psychically resembles you and also generally seems you-like - he grabbed me out of a crowd because I said your name when I was confused by the mental signature and he recognized it as not being in a language he knew - and he is the king's dad. His name's Fe-Anar. Maybe you should talk to him about that when you visit.

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When can I visit?

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When we've got a plane shift that'll work. They have scrolls of it here, but it only works for outgoing, not for incoming; I can try to pull together an incoming version and I can tell you about the regular kind insofar as I can without being able to put a scroll in front of you, and we can see who's got it working first. Bring Rúmil - give him a bit of notice first, please, don't kidnap him - if you beat me to it.

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Okay!

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She does her best to transmit the content of the plane shift scroll Fe-Anar got for her reference.

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Huh. It's designed kind of weirdly.

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I think the field's less advanced here. It's a science world but even doing science things take a while.

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We did a lot of science pretty fast! Is it very new?

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We did science on a basis that was not itself created with science but that might have managed to be more advanced anyway. I'm not sure how old this plane is but it could easily be a lot younger than my original one. High school metamagic was new to Fe-Anar. Also we had Maia help, which sped things way up in terms of mana and safety both.

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I can try to convince Olórin to come along but he is kind of a god and so he kind of sucks.

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Olórin never personally sucked at us, don't be racist.

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He's still kind of on their side, though, probably.

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I wouldn't expect him to outright disobey them but if you didn't actually ask him what he thought I don't think we know.

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I guess. 

 

I miss you.

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I miss you too. I was really scared for you, if I'd landed in my original world going after me could've gotten you killed.

We'll figure out the plane shift and find somewhere to go and it'll be all right.

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Are you sure there's somewhere that's all right?

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...No. If nowhere's all right we'll settle for someplace at least as good as where I am now, dig in and get really powerful, stomp some evil gods, and make somewhere all right. I checked and they don't think hubris is dangerous here either.

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Okay. Sounds like a plan.

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I'll see you soon. How often do you want me to check in, since I'm the one who can make calls for now -?

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I dunno. Every couple of weeks?

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Okay. Valian weeks? I'll talk to you then or whenever I have the spell, whichever comes first. - maybe don't land directly inside the palace unless you interdimensionalize an earwire yourself in the process ad check with me first. They're - you remember what I thought I'd landed in when I appeared in your palace, better if they know to expect you.

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You thought we were really mean and would be mad at you for being there.

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Right. These guys wanted to cast truth spells on me and ask a bunch of questions before they were comfortable letting Fe-Anar talk to me because they want to be very paranoid about the royal family's safety, and if they know when and where you're coming they will be less freaked out and less likely to react badly. It's okay to appear in some public area of the city and osanwë me, if you get plane shift but not an interdimensional earwire sussed out before I get back to you having figured out a way to grab you here from my end.

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Okay. I'll do that. 

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Good. I'll see you soon. Do you want to talk to Fe-Anar now or wait till you can in person?

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I want to talk to him!

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Coming right up!

And she gives Fe-Anar the earcuff and explains how to use it to get "close enough" to Fëanáro that they can talk, using Fëanáro's osanwë since Fe-Anar is not telepathic.

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He creases his forehead and thinks things at Fëanáro. After a while he starts smiling.

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She giggles and gets underway on figuring out how to reverse the plane shift. Asks a servant if they have any summoning scrolls she could refer to.

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They do!

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Eventually he hangs up, shaking his head. "What an interesting kid. His family managed that very badly."

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"What have his family been up to? I was telling him things like not to appear unannounced in the middle of your palace because it'd spook your guards, his folks didn't come up."

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"They don't seem to have ever given him a credible account of why he shouldn't run off on his own."

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"That's because there isn't a good reason for him not to in Valinor, it's safe there and all the plants are edible and they have a telepathic range of hundreds of miles with people they know well, it's entirely because his parents grew up in a monster-infested continent and haven't updated yet."

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" - huh!"

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"I think he'll be more conservative here because there are actual reasons for most of the things he'll encounter. Maybe not perfectly so but more."

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"I was. For whatever that's worth but talking to him I'm - convinced it's worth something. When I was a kid I got a satisfactory explanation of what I needed to be careful of and - I wasn't perfect but I told people when I wanted to leave."

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"Yeah, I - have not encountered any reason to believe that you two are a coincidence, although I don't know what else you could be."

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"I sort of want to meet his father but this doesn't sound very feasible."

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"I guess you could call Finwë but I'd want to have Rúmil alert him to this possibility first."

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"Could you? It'd be interesting."

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"Sure. It might not be a good time, though - uh, the thing where Valinor makes you patient also seems to make people kind of generally sluggish, he might be like, 'sure but it's a bit stressful at the moment, call me in a Year', and their years are ten times the years I grew up with though I guess I haven't checked if yours are the same here."

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"He's king, right? I'm not expecting him to consider it a priority but it seems worth a shot if it won't offend him."

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"He's king. There's three bunches of Quendi in Valinor - well, one's off the coast - and he's king of the bunch called the Noldor because he was one of the three Quendi who agreed to go with the Valar to check the place out and see if it would be a good idea to move there, and everybody who moved there on his say-so was like 'okay, he's the king now'."

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" - ah huh."

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"It's a very different world. And Quendi are very different people."

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"There are a lot of species here and a lot of countries and some of them will even tell you they pick their kings by popular acclaim with no dissenters."

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"The Quendi I actually believe when they say that."

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He shakes his head a bit incredulously. "Fëanáro will be so disappointed with the rest of the universe."

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"I'm not sure 'disappointed' is the word."

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"Humanity's pretty disappointing if you're used to that."

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"I'm a human. I've told him about my original plane. He used to write self-insert fanfiction about it. But he gets more determined to fix things than disappointed."

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" - awww."

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"I know, right?"

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"The consumer goods will improve a lot for people."

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"I hope so. Doing laundry is a waste of time."

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"- honestly I don't know very much about how laundry is done but it seems like the sort of thing that would be."

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"Perhaps not the most accessible example."

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Helpless shrug. "I think the pharaoh has gone to some fairly absurd lengths to meet normal people and ask them questions about their lives but it took fairly extraordinary lengths and I mostly study languages, and magic."

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"That makes sense. You do go out ever, that's how I encountered you..."

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"We just opened up a museum of commerce! I was going to go see it."

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"...what goes in a museum of commerce?"

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"All kinds of things! It has maps of how far the typical goods sold in Sothis travelled to reach our shores at various points over the past five millenia, and authentic storefronts from many of the same time periods, and a history of ships, and I don't know what else since I did not in fact make it to the museum."

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"Sorry."

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"That really wasn't your fault at all!"

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"Wasn't it? I suppose I didn't know you were on your way to a museum of commerce in particular but I did sort of interrupt you."

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"Well, yes, but if you hadn't been more interesting than what I was doing I would've ignored you."

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"Fair enough."

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"I will go visit it some other time. You can come, if you'd like."

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"Sounds fun."

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"Do you think Fëanáro'd like it?"

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"Maybe, although Valinor doesn't use money, it's a gift economy, so he might need some background, more than he's incidentally picked up from stories I've told him."

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"I think there's an exhibit on the history of money! - it's a gift economy? Does that...work?"

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"Yes, mostly because nothing's scarce. Except, like, specific people's attention if you are in a hurry."

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"Nothing's scarce in Axis but almost all its societies still use money. Then again I guess they would."

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"Seems on-brand."

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"Heaven doesn't use money but I think this is conventionally considered one of the ways it's not shaped for humans."

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"I adjusted pretty well after initial confusion about how on earth I was supposed to get ahold of things."

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"How do they get people to do, you know, sewage and so on?"

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"They have magic plumbing that requires no maintenance. I'm not recommending it as a model in this respect for places that don't have a ton of highly interventionist mini-gods and a batch of big ones."

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"- you know, if their gods set up a sewage system for them I'm going to find some space on the altar for them after all no matter how badly they fucked up with you. That's - important, and human, and not glorious at all, and whoever came up with it is all right in my book."

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"It would probably have been one of the Quendi's idea that they just implemented, but okay."

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"Still. Couldn't get our gods to do that."

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"Yeah. Ainur are different."

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"Huh. Show me more magic?"

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She can do that.

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If he is getting magic and languages he'll be quite happy to hang out with her learning everything that her world and some scientific research has to teach about magic.

Several of the pharaoh's advisors, after a little while, also want to sit in.

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Um, hi.

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They don't make any trouble! The magic is just very interesting. If she has questions about anything they're more than happy to answer them.

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What are they going to do with it?

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Mostly they want to figure out whether when it becomes widely available on this plane any of Osirion's defenses will suddenly have gaping holes in them.

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A legitimate question she will workshop with them. But mostly she wants to work on getting Fëanáro and Rúmil to come over.

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That's super reasonable! They're not in a hurry.

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Good.

She has the spell patched together in two and a half local weeks. It will take enough mana that she will want to tap somebody to get both her desired summonees in one go.

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Lots of people about who aren't using their mana (and in fact didn't know they had it).

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Then that will not present an obstacle. She calls Rúmil to find out if this is a good time.

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I explained to Finwë that he'd need to see you to feel secure, and I said I didn't think it was dangerous. - you don't think so?

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Very low risk. It does turn out I can't summon you straight into the palace but you won't have to be out of it for long, nobody's expecting you besides trusted palace staff, etcetera.

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And less chance he does something unwise. All right. 

 - I'm looking forward to it.

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Fe-Anar wants to take us all to the commerce museum.

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Commerce museum! Okay. 

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So should I go get set up now?

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Yes!

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Can you let Fëanáro know? I don't want to run down my mana on the call when I'm about to do big spells.

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I'll tell him.

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"All ready! Where should I go?"

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There's actually a chamber specifically for summonings, right nearby.

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And it is suitable for summoning friendly regular people and not just outsiders and stuff?

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Yep! Comfortable breathable air and everything.

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Cool.

Are they going to insist on that uncomfortable spell they did on her again?

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No, she was a random person who'd gotten the prince's attention and the selection effects there are much worse than for friends of cleared people. 

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Oh good.

Summons!!!

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Rúmil!

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Fëánaro. 


Hughughughug?

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She scoops him up and squeezes him and spins him around!!!! "I missed you!"

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"I missed you!"

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Hug hug hug. "Fëanáro, Rúmil, this is Fe-Anar. Fe-Anar, Fëanáro and Rúmil."

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"He's - I assumed he was a teenager - or maybe a little younger than that - you're not even allowed to start arcane training at that size here -"

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"I'm older than you are! - probably. I'm older than Bella and she's a grownup human like you."

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"You're older than him too, yes."

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"See."

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"Tiny children of long-lived species are still tiny children! All of my children used to be as tiny as you and now they have all grown up."

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"It's not just the species, Valinor also slows people down."

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"Huh. What does that even feel like, subjectively -"

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"Well, the effect where you age slower doesn't feel like anything but the mental effect is like, uh - well, this." She shows him.

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He makes a horrified face. "Urgh."

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"It took me ten years objective time to notice but yeah."

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"It's subtle, but it's - ugh. Why?"

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"So everyone will be calm and patient and nondisruptive and give the Valar lots of time to react to everything, which they need because they're very sluggish."

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"Wow. Anyone suggested they instead speed themselves up?"

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"I did not get around to giving this advice to them."

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"Your palace is very nice," he says.

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"This is just where summons are allowed. The palace is this way."

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He follows.

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The palace is nicer. Bella has a spring in her step and carries Fëanáro all the way there.

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Hug hug hug hug hug. 

 

"Ooooh, it's pretty!"

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It occurs to Bella at this juncture to warn Fe-Anar that if it comes up people shouldn't touch Quendi hair, in case he was going to be tempted to pat Fëanáro on the head or anything. "You probably wouldn't like some parts of the city much, but the palace is nice, yep."

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"The transparent clothing is really interesting! I will suggest it back home."

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"It'd probably catch on, wouldn't it. - they don't have non-hair-related modesty norms," she explains.

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"I'm glad you like the palace! I hope you'll like the museum too. It's mostly meant for older - well, taller - people -- but we can probably hold you up."

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"Why'd you think I was bigger?"

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"Bella seemed very sure you'd develop your own plane shift and come find her."

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"I would have done."

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"I know! I'm impressed."

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"He's very determined and very clever."

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Bounce bounce.

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"We are very excited to have you helping us with magic research!"

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"I'm not sure how long we'll stay but I'm sure that as long as he's here wild griffins could not prevent Fëanáro from helping you with magic research."

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"The wild griffins are not allowed in the city at all!"

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"That seems like a good rule."

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"It's an expression."

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"I want to help you with magic research! Also you should end slavery."

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"You can talk with the pharaoh about that but I have to say he's heard the argument before."

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"Well then what's his problem?"

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"I think he doesn't really want to do it."

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"That's dumb."

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"Do people say that to your father?"

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"Not usually because usually my father isn't dumb. But when he is, I say so."

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"Is it likely that Fëanáro and the pharaoh should not meet or has he also heard being called dumb before and everyone weathered the experience?"

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"They should probably meet privately so there aren't people around to be shocked and offended. The pharaoh himself I think will tolerate it."

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"A reasonable precaution."

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"We are making progress. On slavery, I mean. We've changed a lot of the rules so it's less likely to hurt people."

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"I guess that's better than not doing that."

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"There's worse emergencies but I realize that isn't saying much."

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"What are the worse emergencies?"

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"Demons and stuff like that. I'm not sure they're substantially tractable emergencies at this time but they are worse."

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"What are you guys doing about demons?" 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, we study how to make sure as many people as possible get a nice afterlife."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am told they do statistics."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We do! My father started the program and the pharaoh expanded it. We track annual rates of going to different afterlives and try to learn more about peoples' life history if their afterlife was surprising. And also the results get incorporated into sermons and so on and that seems to be having some effect on behavior."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The afterlife they're aiming for sounds okay. And allows tourism so it is probably actually okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How many afterlives are there?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"There are nine that the overwhelming majority of people from this plane go to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It seems way more organized than my world's whole deal."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How does it work in your world?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I'm not aware of anyone taking statistics, but there are I think more than nine possibilities including obscure demiplane type options, people talk as if it has to do more with which god you're devoted to than alignment, and if you don't have one it depends a lot on the circumstances of your death, and it's not like how you behave in life has no influence on the situation but you can't actually just go 'okay, I guess I'll aim for this one over here that seems decent by paying all my taxes' and expect that to... work."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. I guess that fits  with your universe being more hostile to trying to ....systematically benefit from the way it works."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, exactly. I had a lot of learned helplessness about it and now I just wish to be immortal or at least resleeveable like they are." She nods at the Quendi.

Permalink Mark Unread

"That'd be nice." Sigh. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"If my anti-aging thing from the Valar is still stuck on and I manage to stay out of intractable trouble I have a while."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are all the afterlives nice?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah, the evil ones are awful and the good ones are mostly okay and the neutral ones kind of suck except for the lawful neutral one, which is related to why Osirion is a lawful neutral country."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can you make them better?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not really. The gods want them that way."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can you get better gods?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He laughs. "Maybe someday."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What's ascent like around here, anyway, it's possible where I'm from but, you know, like everything else awfully idiosyncratic and like so many things very unwise to try."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Most people who are trying to get as powerful as possible cap out at some point, if they don't die. They just don't learn anything newer or more powerful or more interesting than the things they already came up with. And they can't test their capabilities in a meaningful pressured situation because nothing can threaten them. But sometimes - usually if there's a well-timed enormous-scale threat to address - they keep getting more powerful, until they have the abilities to establish a divine realm directly or fight a god and steal one or be invited to join a side of a divine war. And they do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Has anyone already tried the 'find more planes with more stuff to do, do stuff there' method?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't before your arrival know of planes beyond the afterlives and the elemental planes and the ethereal plane and the astral plane and those aren't teeming with different challenges than you'd find here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Well."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Now I should maybe reconsider that, yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you in the market?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not very powerful. Couldn't really do anything dangerous -" he gestures at the dozen guards trailing them. "Do you have a problem you want to throw people at?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't have a schedule but I have reason to believe there exist unsolved problems. Lots, even. First we need a place to park, though, here isn't uninhabitable or anything but I'd rather someplace with actually no gods at all and maybe more advanced science."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Places pretty much only exist if someone made them, right? Where're you going to find one without gods?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe there aren't any but I want to look! There's fiction back home about worlds that just happen via scientific type processes all by themselves. Or maybe there's a place gods made originally but then they died, that would also qualify."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Good luck."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thanks."

Permalink Mark Unread

They reach the Museum of Commerce. It's grand and elaborate. Fëanáro claps his hands gleefully and darts around.

Permalink Mark Unread

She keeps an eye on him but doesn't chase him, she wanders around with Rúmil and asks Fe-Anar what any particularly interesting-looking signs say.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, you know, I'm sorry, I completely forgot - Tongues - not that I mind reading things to you but it's slower so if I were you I'd mind."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, we might be here long enough that I should pick up the language for real but thank you. Rúmil, do you want him to cast it for you too or just have me translate?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"What does it do, exactly?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Lets you speak and understand any language for the duration."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh! Yes, I'll take that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can Rúmil get one too?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course." He casts it. "The first time I had that spell I was very disappointed. I thought it'd let me understand other languages. It just translates them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe you can rework it so it does that."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - ooooh!" Bounce bounce bounce.

Permalink Mark Unread

Giggle. "Should Fëanáro teach you his spell that lets him jump over entire buildings, I'm increasingly unsure that you've grown out of the taste for it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"People would be so concerned and confused," he says regretfully.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you telling me you can't turn invisible?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"People with Detect Magic up would be so concerned and confused! Admittedly that's much fewer of them but they'd be much more concerned."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Pity."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm glad he can have a childhood. I think it'll be good for him."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He's very impatient to end it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then I guess he'll probably invent a way." He sounds slightly regretful.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, he tried running to a continent where he'd grow up ten times faster but this did not work. I guess if he doesn't go back to Valinor that'll happen anyway though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I want to go back to tell people some things about this place, unless you think the Valar will make me stay, but maybe they'd do that, in which case I will just stay here!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"They might do that. Do you want to try calling with the interplanar earcuff to find out first?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah probably."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Lemme know when you want it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not yet! I'm trying to learn the language from the museum signs and people talking."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- no reading minds, people here don't have osanwë and won't know to keep private thoughts and I think none of them are even subtle artists. I should have mentioned that before."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That makes it a lot harder to learn the language."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can do a thing where all I'm getting is exactly what people are saying and not anything else, but I don't know if you can do that..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think so." He makes a face.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe you can do it through my and Rúmil's spells if you borrow our eyes and ears and what we're understanding?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oooh! I can do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There you go."

Permalink Mark Unread

He scurries off again.

Permalink Mark Unread

Giggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

"This is nice," Rúmil says of the museum. "Sincere, and interesting. I think it'll keep him occupied, if he does decide to stay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...the museum will? I don't think one museum will hold him long."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I was thinking more the country but I guess I don't know how much it's like this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't explore much, and I think different things would stand about it to me than to you or him."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't really like the enormous black beetle body but I assume there are logistical constraints there or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It'd probably be hard to move it? And it's very dramatic. They are not optimizing the city for beauty."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess not," he says a little wonderingly, examining a timeline of Osirian coinage.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I found a reasonably nice looking quarter of the city to rent a place in but I haven't been back since Fe-Anar accosted me, he's just been sending people for me to update my sign saying how long I can't see patients for."

Permalink Mark Unread

"... are you allowed to leave if you want to?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You know, I have not checked. It seemed like it might make people nervous and they weren't making it at all hard to do spell development."

Permalink Mark Unread

Rúmil shoots Fe-Anar a glare.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't check!" she reiterates. "Maybe I have been free to go this whole time or he would have argued for it if it had come up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I just - don't think of Fëanáro as willing to drag people off the streets to get what he wants -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"He had a bunch of guards with him who were very uncomfortable with the idea of an unvetted person chatting with him in the street. He said 'please', I don't know that he had a lot of good ways to be very noncoercive otherwise without my maybe vanishing."

Permalink Mark Unread

- nod. "Did they scare you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, but mostly because I was experiencing a high level of general background fear which was not their fault."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. "Gotta be some world out there that's safe for us."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I hope so."

Permalink Mark Unread

They spend most of the day at the museum and then Fëanáro announces that he's seen it all and thinks he can mostly read the local language and they should go somewhere else.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Back to the palace, I think. It's getting dark."

Permalink Mark Unread

" ...so?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"So most things will be closed."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Humans can't see in the dark," she clarifies.

Permalink Mark Unread

"How often does it get dark here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Every night."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Have you considered magic lights?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We have them! Permanent magic streetlights everywhere, it reduces crime when we studied it," he says proudly. "But it messes people up for it to be bright all the time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Humans also need to sleep on a daily basis and this is easier in the dark, remember how thick I wanted the curtains in my house?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. That's so much sleeping, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I heard you hate sleeping."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wouldn't sleep if I didn't have to but I wouldn't say I hate it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- surprising? I hated more things when I was a child."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did you hate sleep?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe but it would've been very far down any list I gave you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I hate the Valar and not being taken seriously and sleep and Materia. And slavery."

Permalink Mark Unread

"When I was little I hated my half-siblings and their mothers and many of my tutors and most of the rules I had to follow and devils and demons and Pharasma."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- how did you wind up with tutors you didn't like? That seems relatively easy to fix."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It was really hard to find people who knew all the languages I wanted to learn and many of them were lousy at teaching it. Or thought they spoke it better than they in fact did. Also all theology tutors are fundamentally disappointing, intellectually."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, I guess that makes sense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My children had a better education."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fëanáro has claimed he wants to have ten."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess since he's immortal that might work. I wanted to - have time for each of them individually instead of having them frantically competing for scraps of my attention."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How many did you have?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seven. One wife."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's still kind of a lot but it is admittedly fewer than ten. What's your wife like?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Glowing. "She's very smart. We met through my tutor in sculpture and architecture - she'd petitioned for enrollment in Sothis's school of architecture and infrastructure, and been rejected of course, and he thought it was a loss and mentioned it to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- they don't take girls or something?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I made them in this case, but generally no."

Permalink Mark Unread

"See, that's another reason I don't really want to live here indefinitely, that's just going to keep bugging me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's easier to get the rules bent if you have magic, like you do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's why I don't need to leave right now. It does not mean it will not keep bugging me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why wouldn't a school teach girls?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Most of the schools want the people they train to go on and do high quality work and generate good publicity for the school and their teachers, and women don't work in trades like architecture."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - but why not?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, projects take years to see through and you can't do that if you're probably going to get pregnant and have a baby several times in that interval."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well probably if someone was working on an important project they wouldn't get pregnant right then."

Permalink Mark Unread

- he looks at Bella for help.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Humans do not live long enough to put off having children till all their projects are done if they want to have children ever. - also in this country women seem to need to either have magic or be attached to their dads or their husbands and the husbands seem very enthusiastic about having plenty of children for reasons I'm not fully clear on so any girl who doesn't get along with her dad is under some pressure to arrange to have kids about it. Also I'm not actually positive this plane has invented the ring of protection, maybe we should rederive those before we leave..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's the other way around, I think, or maybe they feed into each other, women need to have magic or family because they can't really get hired for much, and they can't really get hired for much because no one wants to hire someone who's going to be gone in six months. Ring of protection?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Magic contraception. It's cheap enough that college campuses give them out free where I'm from."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We definitely do not have that and it would change a lot of things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I will rederive it. I think it uses cold magic for some reason."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The church'll be delighted."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The church will?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes? They try to tell people to have smaller families but people find it hard."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't catch that tenet in the classes I attended."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The classes for married people are separate. You're not supposed to talk to unmarried women about sex, you'll give them ideas."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I see."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - but not unmarried men?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, you'll give them ideas too, but this is less disastrous since bad decisions won't get them pregnant."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't know very much about humans but I would think it'd take two people to get accidentally pregnant!"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - people do, to be clear, also try to discourage young men from immoral conduct!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe you just said something perfectly reasonable with odd emphasis."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If somebody turns up pregnant, whoever got her that way can run off somewhere and forget about it, whereas she will continue to have to deal with being pregnant," says Bella. "And some humans would, in fact, run off. So treating the circumstance as a hazard to women is more workable than treating it as a thing that two people might get each other into together."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No Quendi would ever run off?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course not! - I guess conceivably if someone was very overwhelmed and distraught they might, and then probably everyone would go find them and figure out why they were feeling that way and conceivably the Valar would step in to delay the progression of the pregnancy until they'd sought counseling."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - wow."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They can pause pregnancies? I didn't know that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They have never done it but I know a woman who got very sick while pregnant once and it was mentioned as among potential solutions before they found something better."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. I didn't know you ever got very sick either."

Permalink Mark Unread

"A lot of people arrived in Valinor in fairly fragile shape, at first."

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods.

Permalink Mark Unread

"So the Quendi are just - so lawful they don't need to worry about misbehavior, ever?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sometimes people get married carelessly?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"By which he actually means that Quendi have magic soul marriage which happens automatically when they have sex, and occasionally some Quendi don't wait to be engaged for a full Year during which they are supposed to not see each other in person, and instead go ahead and get magic soul married in a manner that appears premature to those around them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you sure that Arda isn't just some lawful - neutral? good? - side plane with outsiders who look weirdly humanoid compared to most of them -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good. I think. I didn't rederive any alignment detection spells while I was there. I guess I can't be sure but at a certain point isn't it quibbling over definitions? They have kids. They can die, it's just temporary if the god of death has decided to do his job that day. As far as I know none of them have ever been summoned to do epic battle."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fair. It's just, there's all this theory that you can't have a society where all humanoids are lawful and if you can then many books will have to be rewritten." He doesn't look regretful.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'd suggest checking but there are only two examples here, I don't know if any others will come visit, and I cannot at this time wholeheartedly recommend being a human in Valinor because even if all they try to do is send you home they do not have good aim."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The tiny one doesn't seem that different from me and I'm not lawful but the differences wouldn't have to be very large, I have ever read that way."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I honestly don't know how he'd ping. You're all very concerned with it here, I suppose that makes perfect sense with a legible afterlife assignment system."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Your world's system sounds horrifying. This one - well, it's not just, and it's objectively kind of horrible and stupid, but anyone operating in it can informedly do fine for themselves and that's really important."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Eenh. I'd buy 'most people'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The intellectually disabled are usually true neutral. So're dead babies. I guess you can argue orcs or Chelish or whatever don't stand a fair chance."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know what a Chelish is. But people vary individually kind of a lot in what's accessible to them and I don't think everyone who can't realistically get themselves out of some section of grid is guaranteed to like where that sorts them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, I agree with that. Cheliax is a country ruled by the lords of Hell and most people there go to Hell and it's an ongoing humanitarian nightmare but we're not positioned to do anything about it, we can't go to war with them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...because the casualties would go to Hell or for some other reason?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That, and also Abadar's very serious about the opposition to war even in this case. I don't know if he knows something we don't or cares about different things than we might."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't suppose he's deigned to specify."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, not to me. You could ask the pharaoh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Does he even know you have interdimensional guests? He hasn't, like, shown up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We were getting along and you said he might terrify you. I said he should plan to talk with you but not right away. He doesn't know about the thing where Fëanáro is sort of me, I wanted to see it before I tried to explain it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I hope he's at all capable of managing how terrifying he is or I feel really sorry for his staff. Maybe that's why he was being bland, although I guess it doesn't explain him being bland at you in particular. - So you've seen him now, thoughts?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're right. I don't get it but it's - very odd. And he wants to meet the pharaoh so I guess we had better arrange that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess so. Does the pharaoh have kids, is he used to kids such that he might be able to be slightly less surprised at the juxtaposition of you plus kid plus other species?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"The pharaoh has no children yet." Sigh. "It's a slight problem. He does know what kids are like, he had six younger brothers and lots and lots of half-cousins."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's good then. I should probably be around as a - cultural translator? Not that I'm terribly familiar with Osirion culture but I have been around a few weeks and am a human, at least."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, I think that's a good idea. Plus you'll have plenty to say to him in your own right, I imagine?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I imagine that depends."

Permalink Mark Unread

"On?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Where the conversation goes, I suppose. I will have much less to say to him if he decides to be terrifying and a lot more if he wants to make a project of convincing me to live in his country long-term and there's lots of room in between."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

 

They return to the palace. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Fëanáro races off to its gardens and to the black dome wall. "What's this made of?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"A dead bug! It is eight thousand years old and showing no signs of it, we suspect that it will last forever."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean, presumably, if you don't get tired of it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Even in Endorë things rot! This is not Valinor. Things rot. This bug is happening not to rot for some reason and that's notable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ohhhhh! That makes sense." He pats the wall. "Does it do anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It reflects magic. It makes it easier to keep the area cool. And it's very visually striking."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And it'd be inconvenient to move."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It really would be! Possibly impossible."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can we talk to the pharaoh now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can ask." He nods at someone who runs off.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is he not likely to be busy?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's pretty late in the evening, he might not be."

Permalink Mark Unread

"All right. I'm just going to assume Valian daywear is fancy enough."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You all look very nice. Fëanáro, you should know that in Osirion it is considered very rude to look at the pharaoh before he has given you permission, or speak to him, so visitors do this -" he gestures - "and then he'll indicate if you can lift your head a little."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is this on top of the kneeling or instead?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You also kneel. Much farther for him than for me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How far?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He demonstrates.

Permalink Mark Unread

Elves watch seriously.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay then. Full on Saturday morning cartoon villain obeisance. "Anything else we should know?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't speak until he addresses you either."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

Bounce bounce.

Permalink Mark Unread

"- is he like, behind a screen or something, or do we have to walk into the room with our eyes closed, or...?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"He'll come in after you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That works." To wherever they are going full speed ahead.

Permalink Mark Unread

Bounce bounce bounce.

 

They go up some staircases to a spacious pretty palace room. 

Permalink Mark Unread

When she has her face on the floor it will be quite hard to tell what expression she has thereupon.

Permalink Mark Unread

The pharaoh enters, with some attendants. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Your grace. It is my pleasure to introduce Fëanáro and Rúmil, of Arda, and Bella Swan, most recently of there also."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We are very pleased to meet them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fëanáro had  - quite a few questions, actually, I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then let's see if we can answer them! You may all sit." He does.

Permalink Mark Unread

She will have to stop rolling her eyes and do the not looking thing. She sits up.

Permalink Mark Unread

"All right. I have been promised a lot of questions, and by my father, who doesn't usually think he has a lot of questions even when he does, so it must really be a lot of questions."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Does that count as addressing me? What is someone supposed to do if they have something you need to know about but you're not paying attention to them, do they clap their hands or something?  Why do you have slavery, don't you know slavery is bad? Are the gods here going to be mean to us if we do cool stuff? Are there dragons that eat people and why do you let them do that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That is a pretty good start at a lot of questions. That does count as addressing you. If there is an emergency people can rush into the room and kneel and if they do that I will assume it's important and go 'what's going on'. If someone got in the habit of rushing into the room and flinging themself at the floor and then asking for directions downtown or something else they don't really need me for, I would maybe get in the habit of ignoring them, but people know this and do not do that so it has never come up at all! What do you mean that slavery is bad? I do not think any of the gods here will be mean to you but I cannot guarantee it for sure. Abadar embraces you and wants to see you thrive and invent things that make peoples' lives better. The dragons do not answer to me and sometimes they do eat people."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Slavery is bad because ....it hurts people, and Melkor the evil god in our world did it and it was really awful and all the people he hurt are still sad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Slavery as practiced in Osirion is very different from slavery as practiced by evil gods. It still hurts people but it is a different thing and should perhaps have a different name."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well if it still hurts people then why is it allowed."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Almost all things are allowed, and many of them hurt people. Are all forms of hurting people not allowed where you're from?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"- well you can hurt their feelings."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can you pull your children away from a fire if they are about to touch it, even if this means yanking on their arm? Can you punish someone who has committed a crime? Can you make an agreement with someone that you will test a magic spell for them even if the spell hurts?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"- you could pull your children away from a fire but you wouldn't pull hard enough to hurt them. You can't punish someone who committed a crime by hurting them. You could say that you would test the spell but if you tried it and didn't like it they would have to stop."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How would you punish someone who committed a crime?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well it's just Melkor who did that and he is locked away so he can't keep doing it but the Valar say this doesn't hurt him but also they're stupid and evil so maybe it does."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Only the evil god has ever done any crimes?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay.

Did you have more questions? Did your companions have questions?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Does that count as addressing us? she asks Fe-Anar.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes.

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She relays this to Rúmil, then says to the general audience, He's not exaggerating about the Valian crime rate, it's just actually like that.

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He raises his eyebrows at the telepathy but only the tiniest bit. 

"That's fascinating. How do they do it?"

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Quendi seem to just temperamentally be that way. I have less detail about the ones in other parts of Arda but it seems consistent, not local.

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"You can look at me. Do you think Quendi would still be like that if they were in a place like this?'

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She looks up. ...I don't think it'd affect their temperament but I'm not sure what would happen besides that.

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Nod.

"I am very interested in this," he says to Fëanáro, "because I would really really like my people to be like that, if there were any way to do it by circumstances or interbreeding or magic or anything else."

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"Why?"

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"I really want them all to get an afterlife that's okay for people to live in. It's very important to me."

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"We don't have the afterlife thing."

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They have fourteen gods, plus the evil one, and the god of the dead hangs on to their souls when they die, and can bring them back to life and is supposed to get around to that in the general case, but is not prompt or competent at it.

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"Huh."

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"Is slavery good for getting people into the right afterlife?"

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"We don't know, but we are studying that. One case where people are enslaved is if they would otherwise be executed, because we really really don't want to execute people who'd go to a bad afterlife."

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"Well, don't do that."

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...Fëanáro, are you saying they should let them go? Because I bet you aren't saying they should lock them up and that's the conventional alternative.

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"No, they shouldn't do that either!"

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"It makes sense that if you don't need punishments to make Quendi follow laws they would seem like a horrendous injustice. I'd assume usually if a law gets broken it's by accident or under some wildly unusual circumstances under which the law was inconsistent or ridiculous. We don't expect people to follow inconsistent or ridiculous laws either, it's just that we get different sorts of lawbreaking."

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Quendi can spontaneously die of being confined, clarifies Bella. I think they don't fully believe that this is not true generally of all kinds of people.

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" - that's really good to know, thank you. Is it safe for Quendi to be detained temporarily if there is a confusion about whether they broke a law? For an hour, say?"

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"That would be really upsetting but no one would die of it."

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"Okay. I will need to think about how to make sure all Quendi are safe when they travel here but I think it can be done."

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Also I think it doesn't kick in if they are technically able to move around but they are chased by annoyed guards the entire time.

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"We have definitely had to accommodate less convenient species traits, I'm more worried if they're wandering somewhere and appear to have broken a law and it's the middle of the night or something."

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- what does it being the middle of the night have to do with it?

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"In daytime complaints about prison conditions get escalated to someone I can reasonably ask to know that Quendi can't be safely imprisoned. At night, complaints about prison conditions get written down to get passed along in the morning."

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Oh. Inconvenient that they also need less sleep then. I'm not sure you should be angling to have lots of Quendi immigrants, it's unclear if their death god will be able to grab them from here and I don't know if the local afterlives would agree with them and there's not a third option under development at this time.

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Nod. "Any who do want to come are welcome and might want to settle somewhere where local authorities can be informed about them. And you are from yet a different place than that?"

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Yes. When I first landed here I thought it might be a co-plane of my home cosmology but it seems to be different on closer inspection, mostly in that my home cosmology is hostile to science and hubris.

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"How does that work?"

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If you do those things it does not work and often kills you and innocent bystanders. For example, an experiment to determine how fast objects fell resulted in the surrounding area not having a down anymore.

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"Huh. Well, welcome to this plane."

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"Thanks." This one she knows in the local language.

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I feel like you will have a version of the slavery question that won't just make him go - well Quendi are weird -

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My country has slavery too last I checked, I don't have a lot of experience with competing models known to work for humans to propose, but I can try. And to the pharaoh, Is the institution of slavery mostly sticky because you don't like prohibiting things that don't seem like they have a lot to do with general social breakdown, or are there other things that make it seem like a good tradeoff?

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Not obvious what we'd replace it with for criminals. For debt, the only real replacement would be laws about how you can declare you're not paying your debts anymore, and we might trial something like that. There's a council of freed slaves working on researching reasonable policies here.

I have banned things that cause less social harm than slavery. I have complicated thoughts on when I ought to use the state to improve peoples' character that as you might expect mostly boil down to 'are they getting into Axis?'

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Not every crime has enslavement on the books for it, right? You do have jails.

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Just for holding people while we conduct an investigation. But no, we fine people for most things and execute people for some things. 

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That's a really dramatic jump there.

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Oh, sorry, there's things in between, that's just the range. We also whip people and cut off their hands, we just don't try - holding onto them past the trial, except under very rare circumstances, it's not improving and it's very expensive.

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I suppose cutting off people's hands is not expensive.

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No. And I wouldn't call it improving but it discourages repeat behavior by making it harder to get away with.

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Don't roll your eyes, Bella, nope, not rolling your eyes at the pharaoh. What things have you tried in the improving department?

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Curfews, streetlights, prayer and reflection, lectures, job training, supervised work programs, various forms of restitution, public apologies, watching other criminals be tortured in the evil afterlives, hard labor, meditation, a geas, prohibitions on drink, separation from criminal elements, probably more but I'd need to consult my notes.

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Okay. They don't work very well?

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Some do! Streetlights work really well, so we have them everywhere now. Prohibitions on drink work so well we're contemplating whether to ban alcohol entirely. Curfews work reasonably well. Many of the other things do something but not very much. Some people think it's a matter of addressing the specific issue that drove someone to crime and that judges should be trained to evaluate that and select the appropriate punishment but right now judges selecting one of those doesn't work much better than chance selecting one of those - though note that Abadar's domain includes luck, and selecting things by chance is usually understood to mean letting him select them, and it's not surprising that'd work better than humans choosing one.

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Are geases too expensive?

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Expensive and it's unclear if lawfulness under a geas counts to your credit when you die.

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She nods. Apologetically to Fëanáro, I'm not sure I'm going to make much progress.

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Why not?

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He's trying a lot of things and under a lot of constraints. And like I said, the Imperium has slavery too, I don't know what countries that are full of humans and don't have it are doing.

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Oh. 

Okay.

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Sorry. I'll keep thinking about it.

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I'm not mad at you. I just wanna have enough magic to make all the bad things stop.

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Yeah. Me too.

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"Can we come talk to you again once we have more magic stuff?"

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"You can come talk to us again sooner than that, if you'd like. We usually only have one world to draw on in trying to think about things."

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"Okay."

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How do people set up appointments with you in general?

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My advisor Reza does my scheduling. My father should know where to find him, or if he doesn't the servants will.

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"Thank you."

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Thank you. We've heard a lot about you and greatly enjoyed meeting you.

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Are we being dismissed? How is it customary to leave? she asks Fe-Anar.

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He'll leave first.

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He does that.

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"Well." I was not super expecting that conversation to go all the places it went, she tells Rúmil. I'm sorry, are you okay?

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He squeezes her hand. You've mentioned that your world was - pretty terrible.

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Squeeze. Yeah. But in some ways this is actually nicer than where I'm from - like, they have rules about how you can treat slaves and the Imperium doesn't, for instance - I was not expecting it to, like, get in your face about it right away.

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You must've been so frightened, when you arrived in Valinor - I knew but not -

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It didn't last, you helped me.

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Squeeze.

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"Thank you for introducing us," she says to Fe-Anar.

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"Of course."

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"It's getting a little late but I don't know what sleep schedule you two are on," she remarks to the Quendi. "Or non-schedule as the case may be."

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"I don't wanna sleep."

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"I don't need to yet."

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"Well, I'm going to need to soon so you should make plans for overnight that don't require me."

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"Maybe we can go out in the city more?"

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"I think possibly we shouldn't. Maybe we can see if any of Fe-Anar's other children are around to meet."

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"Most of them should be."

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"I assume they also sleep."

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"They do! Though some at odd hours."

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"Well, have fun. I'm going to go turn in but if any of them want to meet me I'll be up in the morning."

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"I'll tell them they should meet you!"

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She hugs him. And Rúmil too for good measure. And goes to bed.

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No more of Fe-Anar's children are available at this hour. He wanders the palace sketching things. Rúmil follows him.

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Bella's up eight hours later and goes looking for them.

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He has pretty pictures of the palace! And of the outfits, some of these people agreed to model them for him so he could get good drawings to take home. If it's safe to go home.

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"It's safe to send the drawings, if nothing else."

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"Yeah."

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"What do you want to do today?"

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"I dunno. Maybe explore the city more?"

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"We can ask about that. If we bring Fe-Anar he's probably got to bring all those guards."

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"We could go without him and he can borrow our eyes if he's curious."

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"Good idea. You've probably got enough range to get color commentary too."

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"And that way we don't have to worry about the guards making people not wanna talk with us."

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"Yup. Let's find him and suggest it, his office is this way."

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Bounce bounce bounce bounce. 

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"That sounds like a good plan to me! Have fun out there."

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"Do you have sharing their vision figured out? They see really well, it's awesome."

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"No, how do I do that?"

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"You kinda just pay attention to - this."

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"Huh!"

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"You can do the same thing with whatever senses they're leaving open."

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"That's so clever! I will spy on your whole trip, then."

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And they head out.

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Bella leads them through nice bits of the city in the general direction of her apartment.

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They are fascinated, if not totally admiring.

 

"Also I've been meaning to ask," Rúmil says, "why has everyone including you been saying things like, ah, 'lawful neutral', like it's a well-known categorization scheme -"

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"- oh. Uh, there are spells that can detect at very low granularity some things about how you live your life. Those things don't map perfectly onto the independently interesting concepts of the same names, but they have some magical effects, and here more than in my original plane they sort people into afterlives. It's good versus evil and law versus chaos and you can also be neutral on either or both scale so there's nine ways to be. This country is trying very hard to get everyone into the lawful neutral afterlife, Axis, which sounds pretty nice and is apparently easier to get people into at scale than the good afterlives, and this has a lot of, I want to say distortionary but I'm not sure they'd see it that way, effects on their policy and behavior."

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"Huh. 

What do you suppose happens to you and to us, if we die here?"

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"I probably wind up in an afterlife - last time anyone checked I pinged neutral good, I don't think I've done anything evil since then, I'll be fine - and you can lean on Fe-Anar for money to resurrect me. You guys might be the same - alignment checks aren't out of my price range if you're nervous but I'd expect you'd both be fine - or your souls might not make the trip and just kind of hang around, but probably either a resurrection spell will still work, or one I spend a couple weeks on adjusting will."

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"That's not so worrying, then. I think I'm all right staying here until we find something really good, if it looks like Valinor won't let us go back and forth."

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"That was my thinking, yeah."

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"I don't understand why they're so cruel if they want to avoid doing evil things, though."

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"Like I said, it doesn't map perfectly onto the independently interesting concepts of the same names. They're going for Law, and they're not just individually going for Law, they're trying to be socially conducive to Law, and that means both that they need to deter people from committing crimes for those peoples' sake on top of their victims, and that they need to follow their own laws which specify punishments for things and may or may not be freely changeable since they're theocratic and Abadar's a god, not a regular person."

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"Well if he thinks slavery is okay then he sucks."

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"I was going to put it a bit more carefully," says Rúmil in a tone of agreement.

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"I don't disagree. It's just probably more useful to think of his mortal followers as doing the best they can under very unreasonable threat."

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He nods. A vendor's cart catches his eye and he stops to pick up and consider a little silver mirror.

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"Stuff is not free, if you want a thing I have some cash but not an unlimited amount, I sold a couple jewelry pieces when I landed."

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"- huh. How do you decide how much to give them for it?"

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"Some places set fixed prices, others will let you argue about it but they still want enough to cover their costs and then some and if you don't know how much similar things usually cost you can get ripped off for more than it's worth."

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He puts it back. "Sounds kind of stressful."

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"It is but everyone's too used to it to really notice."

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"I wish Valinor hadn't -"

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"- hadn't -?"

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"Screwed up so badly. Not had any principles to start with. Had been - up for this."

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"Yeah. I miss it."

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Fëanáro would like to buy these books!

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How many books and how expensive are they?

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All the books and, uh, he's not sure.

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"I don't have enough gold - not even just on me, even if we go to my apartment - for all the books. You can have..." She looks at the prices. "Two now and you have to get your mysterious duplicate to buy you the rest of all the books."

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"Okay!" He will spend a lot of time considering which book to get.

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"I'm also not sure that random stores offer delivery so we'd be limited by carrying capacity anyway."

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"We could make a spell for it."

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"Yes, but not right here standing in the bookshop."

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Sad tiny child manages to pick two books. By reading two others so he doesn't absolutely have to pick them.

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Bella buys the two books for him. "I'm sure your double has books. And will buy you books."

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"Probably. - I like it okay here."

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"I'm glad."

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"Where's your house?"

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"Apartment. It's this way, across the canal. I have not been decorating much because at the time I was routinely sleeping there my priority was saving up for a plane shift - thank goodness I hadn't gotten enough gold together for that, I'd figured as long as I was back in my planar cluster I might as well see my parents again but imagine if that had worked."

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"Materia might've squished you!"

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"Yup. I could probably have sold enough stuff on day one if I'd shopped around hard enough for buyers, I was close if I'd unloaded all the jewelry and hadn't tried getting anyone interested in my watch, but I'm glad I decided to decompress and set up a therapy practice and stuff instead."

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"What are we doing now? First, I mean?""

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"Reinvent rings of protection. Then look for a place to live, we'll want very fancy scrying."

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"Maybe with the money from inventing stuff we can make the whole city prettier."

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"I guess the fancy scrying might take long enough for you to find a good way to spend your cut on urban beautification."

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"And probably they'll be nicer when their city is prettier."

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"I wouldn't bet on it. Maybe they'd do less graffiti but I actually haven't seen any as it is."

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"They'll just feel more relaxed and happier and things, I would expect. In the palace people seem more relaxed and happy."

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"In the palace most people are rich or at least stably employed and bought into the system."

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"And the people here aren't?"

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"Fewer of them are."

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"I feel like there are a lot of things going on here that I don't understand."

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"Yeah, I think planes like this are more complicated than Valinor in a lot of ways, maybe just because it's - older? Or the civilization is anyway."

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"I guess. 

I wanna meet the rest of the people who are the kids I have in this universe."

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"Well, let's head back to the palace, then, I suppose I don't know if they all live there but it'd be where to look."

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"Okay." He hugs his books tightly to his chest and turns around.

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Back they go. What is the security procedure for getting in?

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They have to sit for a while while various people get consulted but it's a much nicer waiting place than her first time being taken to the palace.

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Wiggle wiggle.

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"What are your books about?"

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"This one is called The Starstone: A History of Men Who Became Gods and this one is called Why Is There Evil?"

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"An excellent question, that. You'll have to tell me what's in 'em when you've read them."

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"I will!"

They're let into the palace before he's gotten very far, though.

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Whereupon they can maybe find Fe-Anar and be introduced to more of his kids, it being not the middle of the night.

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They can! His oldest kid is the pharaoh who they already met, his second-oldest kid, Masaharta, is around in the palace; his third-oldest disappears for months at a time and is presently disappeared; his fourth-oldest runs a temple in the city; his fifth-oldest is travelling in Tian Xia; and the twins should be here somewhere.

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"- he's allowed to disappear? For months?"

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"Not really, no. No one's found a way to stop him short of holding him in a prison cell, though."

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"Awkward. Well, who do you want to go looking for first, Fëanáro?"

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"What're twins?"

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"Twins are when a woman bears two children at once. Do Quendi not do that?"

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"No. It sounds neat!"

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"Identical or fraternal?"

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"Identical."

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"Hey I just had a wild speculation. Can I meet your wife?"

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"Of course!"

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To his wife, wherever she may be hidden away!

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She works in her sculpture garden. He takes them there.

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"- yep, that's her. We don't have to actually interrupt her."

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" - hmm?"

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"I recognize her. Like I recognized you."

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"His marriage has been arranged already?" he asks, looking at Fëanáro.

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"No! They don't do arranged marriage as far as I know and they're both small children! I've just met her before, through her dad, when I landed it was really bright and I wanted sunglasses and Rúmil took me to her dad's workshop to, uh, invent glass."

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" - that's incredible."

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"I think I mentioned the time I got obviated future visions from the Valar - there were seven people hanging around future-him and I didn't know who they were but two of them were identical twins. And I assume all yours have black hair but three of them had red, and so does Nerdanel."

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" - so we likely marry the same person - and have the same parents - and have the same children - what does that mean?"

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"I don't know! I mean, he might not wind up marrying her, he was just fated to before I came along being not part of the fated plan."

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"I don't wanna marry anyone, it sounds weird."

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"Your call."

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"When you are older you might want children and you ought to marry the mother of your children."

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" - or are magically obliged to, in your case, I guess."

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"It's not going to come up for at least forty years."

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"Do you like the kids you had with Nerdanel?"

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"I do! Highest quality of kids. A man could not dream of better kids."

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"Hmm."

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"I assume her name isn't exactly Nerdanel?"

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"Neferure. Not as close as our names are, but we don't have -rd and -nel isn't a name ending."

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"Well. If it would interest her to know you can tell her that in another world she is a redheaded Quendi yea high." Gesture. "Does this one have a sister too?"

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"Four of them."

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"Huh. I suppose it doesn't actually matter which one she corresponds to for any practical purpose, does it."

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"I think I'd actually like to figure out how many people there are mappings for and which ones, it might be important to unravelling why it happens at all."

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"I'll only be able to check people I've met but I have met Nerdanel's sister. - Hyellindë."

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"I don't remember their names," he says a little guiltily. "We can ask her at dinnertime."

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"Sure. Is there a dinner event tonight?"

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"Not a big one, but we usually eat together."

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"Does the pharaoh attend and if so is there ettiquette about that which differs from that observed in his audience room?"

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"No, no, no one could have a nice dinner conversation if he did. - I think it's kind of hard on him. But this'll be just other people."

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"It did sound potentially awkward but conceivably he could have been more relaxed about things during family dinners, how would I know."

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"He is never more relaxed about things, that I know of."

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"Well, hopefully he's psychologically architected for that to work out sustainably."

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He looks unsure of this, but nods.

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"Anyway, Fëanáro wanted to go look for your non-pharaoh kids before I requested this detour."

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"Oh! That sounds great, I bet they'll be delighted to meet tiny me."

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"Where to, I don't know my way all around here, there's three of them likely around in the palace it sounded like."

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"Yep! Masaharta will be playing music, probably, but we can go in -" And he leads the way.

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Ooh, music. Hopefully the Quendi will not be too disappointed by human music.

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Not this human music.

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"Ooooh - it's really really beautiful -"

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Ooh, it is!

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Quendi will happily sit there all evening listening!

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"Did you want to - meet him?"

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"Well we can't interrupt him!"

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"Oh, he'll be at this all evening."

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" - so?"

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" - I mean if you want to sit here for five hours you can do that."

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"Thank you!"

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"Concerts in Valinor can last for days."

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"Don't people need to - eat? Relieve themselves? Sleep?"

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"Not very often, though sometimes they'll duck in and out."