"So... I'm kinda confused."

"He's not very good at it, is he?"

"No. No, he isn't. I mean, I decided not to say it then, but when you told me I had been really obvious when I crushed on you what I thought was that he was being almost as obvious then."

"He tries. He doesn't want attention."

"He's not a sub or a switch either, though, is he?"

"Nope."

"Yeah. Didn't really look it." She shrugs. "Kind of a shame."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, okay, he seemed to find the whole prospect of dating terribly repellent, but I wonder if that's not just because he's nondynamic and there's not a model for how relationships would work like that? So, kind of a shame, that he gets shut out of it."

"He's asexual too."

"Oh. Well, then I suppose it doesn't matter all that much." She shakes her head a bit.

"Yup. ...Do nondynamic relationships work? The closest I can really come to imagining it as a coherent thing would basically be a couple of switches switching really fast and I know that's definitely not the thing."

Pause. "Well, there's... I mean, the answer to that question is yes, and that thing you described is not the thing," she says carefully.

"I'm not sure why I assumed you'd know but it sounds like maybe you do."

"Well. I'm. Slightly kinky?" she tries.

"Wasn't on your list. Or my sex ed classes, for that matter."

"Yeah, I mean, it's just. A bit weird. And I didn't want to scare you away by bringing it up too soon, nor to make it look like it was really all that big or important an aspect of it."

"What is it you want to do? I'm not, like, insecure in my domliness or anything, I just have literally no idea what nondynamic sexuals actually practically do."

"Well, there's just... no domination or submission? No ropes and stuff, it's... symmetrical? Like, both people suggest things and ordering anyone isn't involved in it. It's pretty much the same thing without implements and with both participants being active in decisionmaking and such."

"Yeah, pretty much. Um. We don't need to, really. It's just. An idea."

"I'll mull it over." Pet pet. "What's the appeal? In comparison to regular sex, not in comparison to staring at a wall, that much I can figure out."

"Well, it's... kind of exciting? Sorta subversive, like, I'm with a gorgeous dom who could be ordering me around but she's... not? Because she wants to not? It's hard to explain."

"I can see that."

"Yeah. Not everybody's thing. Or, not almost anyone's thing."

Scritch scritch. "Maybe sometime. I could see it being appealing if I were really mentally exhausted maybe."

"Mmhm," she says, leaning into the scritches.

Kiss.

"See, that's what I thought you were getting at early when I went all severe and said 'excuse me', it's not a 'shame' that he's not on the market."

Blink. "I didn't mean it like that!"

"What did you mean it like?"

"Well, like, it's a nice thing! I like belonging to you, it's nice to date and stuff. It's a shame in the same way, I don't know, lactose intolerance is a shame, because cheese tastes nice? It's one less nice thing he has. Which, I mean, granted, he doesn't particularly care that he doesn't have it, I suppose, but. I dunno."

"Alex would probably say that it's not particularly a shame that there are people who can't abide watching Nascars go round and round in circles, however much fun the fans have in the process."

"I suppose," she sighs. "Though it's not quite the same, relationships are kinda... a bigger deal? Than hobbies. But, yeah, I mean, you're right."

"He views the entire enterprise with enough revulsion that I don't think he believes he's missing out, let alone that he's missing out on anything important. I suppose he might feel differently about how much harder it makes it to find especially close relationships but he has a twin."

"Who basically lives in his head, I don't think you can get significantly closer than that."

"It's verbal voluntary telepathy, I don't think that quite qualifies as living in his head, but yes."

"Must be nice, anyway, being that close to someone."

"It's nice."

"...what did he think of me, in the end? I think I picked on him too much there for the first couple of days."

"...yeah, he wasn't thrilled. I don't think you're best friends or anything but you didn't permanently sabotage anything."

Sigh. "I didn't mean to hurt him, I was just... joking around." She shakes her head. "Guess I'll have to make a better impression next time."

"You have to gauge how your jokes land and recalibrate from there, pet."

"Yeah. For what it's worth, I do like him."

"That's good."

"Y—yeah," she says, her eyes widening in something that could dramatically be described as 'dawning horror.' "What is he gonna tell your parents about me."

"...Uh, what do you want him to say? I can coach him."

"I don't know, I hadn't expected to mishandle it that much, I had hoped to just. Get him to like me."

"I'm not sure what horrible thing you think might happen if he gives our parents a mixed review."

"I don't know either!"

"Then why are you worrying about it?"

"I don't know, 'cause having your parents like me sounds like an important thing?"

"I'm sure they'll like you, pet, and even if they didn't it wouldn't matter that much, what are they going to do about it?"

"Well, nothing, but it's not a matter of doing anything. It's, you know. Your twin is important to you and I'd like him to like me, and same about your parents."

"Fair enough. But I think my parents will like you fine."

"Yeah. I hope so." Pause. "I should bring Alex something when I visit on Easter."

"I'll bring you when I go to the store for overpriced egg-shaped candy."

She giggles. "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're welcome, lovely." Pet pet.

With Alex gone and Jackson more-or-less sorted out (he manages to recover the ability to sit the following day), Sadde starts actually socialising with other people. The week is mostly uneventful, and he and Isabella settle on a routine, seeing each other every day, eating together sometimes, going to class and, in Sadde's case, work, and practicing their magic.

A couple weeks into the new semiquarter... Jackson continues to demonstrate the ability to sit, in chairs even, but he looks pale and distant.

Well. Sadde guesses he'll go check on him, then. He takes a seat with him after grabbing food. "Hello."

"Hi."

He eats a bit before asking, "How're you?"

Shrug. "I'm all right." Pause. "I don't need to go to the health center, even you wouldn't think I need to go to the health center."

He sighs. "Wouldn't I. What would I think instead, then."

"I don't know."

"Well, why don't you tell me what prompted you to expect me not to think you needed to go to the health center?" he suggests.

"I'm not injured?"

"And what are you, if not injured?"

"I'm all right, I said."

"Mmhm." Om nom nom. Ponder. "And yet you sought to reassure me that you didn't need to go to the health center, when I had not brought it up."

"I sort of figured that was why you were sitting here?"

"Hmm. Well, you do look a bit pale, and you have this look in your eye."

"A look in my eye?"

"Yeah. Kinda distant, kinda 'not in Cloud Nine,' which is a change from recently."

"Oh." Jackson looks away.

Sadde keeps looking at Jackson.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Waiting to see if you'll tell me what's wrong of your own volition."

"And... you didn't tell him you don't like it, I presume."

"...Sort of?"

"Mmhm?"

"I did say I'd rather have the whip..."

"And he said...?"

"I don't remember..."

He raises an eyebrow.

"I don't, it was hard to pay attention, he might not have said anything, I don't even know for sure if I was making sense, I might have stuttered or something."

"What is this new toy?"

"Some electric thing, I didn't get a good look at it," Jackson mumbles. "So I'm fine. Didn't even leave a mark."

"Okay... And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, why don't you ask him not to use it the next time you two are together, before he uses it?"

"There's not really a good time to do it, it usually all - goes kind of fast?"

Blink. "Do you not... like... do stuff that's not sex?"

Blink. "What counts as not sex?"

"Dates, conversation, cuddling, sleeping together, watching a movie, having dinner..."

"Sometimes I sleep over or eat there or there's a movie on."

"So... don't you like... talk? During those times?"

"...do you mean, do I talk while I'm asleep or with my mouth full or over a movie? I don't think that's normal."

"I mean, when you're setting the movie up, or between bites like we're doing right now, or before you go to bed, or after you wake up."

"Not much, no."

"Well, couldn't you? Next time you're having a not-sex time together, you could ask him not to use the whatever-it-was."

"Maybe," says Jackson dubiously. "...It probably won't help that I don't know what it was."

"'The thing you used last time' should be enough, unless he used lots of things, in which case you can try to describe it, or point at it when he tries to use it?"

"Maybe," but he doesn't look like a guy with a plan.

"What's the sticking point, here?"

"It's..." Jackson gestures helplessly.

"Yes...?"

"I don't know! But I can't just plain say 'that thing, I don't like it, can you not use it again'."

"...why not?"

"I don't know I just can't!"

"How do you know you can't?"

Jackson seems to find this question so astonishingly unhelpful that he can't even answer it.

Which isn't that different than the entire rest of this conversation. "Well?"

"Do you just sort of go around assuming you can do whatever?"

"...unless it goes against the law or my moral principles, yes?"

"Well... I don't."

"Okay, but, like, you have to have a reason to think you wouldn't be able to do a thing. And, it's a relationship, so, by default you're assumed to be able to choose what things happen?"

"I'm the sub. Maybe it's different for you somehow because you're a switch...?"

"Um. No. No it's not. As far as I'm aware, and as far as all those sex ed pamphlets and classes say, the sub can also choose what goes on in a relationship, because relationships are supposed to be mutually satisfying," he explains carefully. "That is also the reasoning behind safewords and aftercare."

"That can't possibly mean I'm just supposed to sort of randomly say it, that's - that's ridiculous."

"Before we started going out, Isabella asked me to write a list of my interests and limits and stuff. I think the fact that it was a written list was more an Isabella thing than a common thing, but typically the dom is supposed to care what the sub wants, and typically the sub is supposed to be able to say it, especially if it's something they don't want. Again, safeword. Usually 'safeword' is the default safeword itself. But yeah, bringing it up by saying, 'by the way, next time could you not use that toy? I don't like it much' should cover you."

"If he wanted to know he'd ask."

"Maybe," says Jackson dubiously.

"So, uh, yeah, you should probably tell him that next time."

"Maybe," repeats Jackson quietly.

He sighs. "What's the sticking point now?"

"Why do you think I know?" asks Jackson, frustrated.

"Because you're the one feeling it."

"That doesn't mean I know exactly how to say it so you'll get off my back about it."

"If you ask me to get off your back about it, I will."

Jackson purses his lips and nods.

"Then I'll get off your back about it. Is this supposed to be for this conversation only, or indefinitely...?"

"It doesn't even help, why would you do it again?"

"Well, today I might have convinced you to actually ask your dom to not do a thing you want him to not do, so it's debatable that it doesn't help."

Jackson mumbles grumblingly.

"So. Should I not get on your case in the future, too?"

Frown. Nod.

"Okay. If I think your health or your life's in serious danger, though, I reserve the right to attempt to interfere after making sure I'm not overreacting."

"If anything really bad happens a mage can fix me. I'd go to the health center if it was really bad."

"Uh huh."

"Why don't you believe me?"

"Because you seem to have a fairly self-destructive streak when it comes to this relationship, or at least unhealthily self-effacing, to the point that you didn't even tell your dom you didn't like something, so it would be in-character for you to neglect your health if you believed it would jeopardize your relationship, I think."

"He never told me not to get healed."

"That is not in contradiction with anything I said."

Sigh.

"So, I hope I'm wrong, but if I'm not." Shrug.

"I don't think it's so bad that I like having a dom and want to keep him."

"I like having a dom and want to keep her. That's not the potentially bad part of this deal."

"That's what it sounded like you were saying..."

"No, the bad part of this deal is if you like it so much that you actually harm yourself and risk your health because of it. Your life's worth more than your relationship."

"Yeah, because my life was great before," snorts Jackson.

"See also: depression."

"But I'm okay now," says Jackson earnestly.

"No, you're in a relationship now, if you still don't like your life very much that's still depression."

"My life is better, now," clarifies Jackson.

He sighs.

"It is. And I'm not kneeling at people, I honestly thought you'd be happier about me not kneeling at people, you thought it was a huge awful thing."

"I am happy about you not kneeling at people. I'm happy you don't feel the need to do it, I'm just not sure this was the very best way for that to happen."

"How else was it supposed to happen?"

"With you at least telling your dom about the things you don't want so that you're both getting as much out of it as you possibly can."

"Well. I suck at that. So."

He shrugs. "You asked me to get off your back, so. Getting off."

...Jackson emits a juvenile snort.

"What?"

"...You said 'getting off', it wasn't like a masterpiece of humor, just."

...snort. "I had not meant it that way, it was entirely unintentional."

"I know."

He shakes his head and continues eating.

Jackson finishes his food and departs.

And Sadde finishes his and goes to work, as usual.

And when Easter break rolls around Isabella brings her pet to the train station and they go to Phoenix.

And Sadde is fidgety and nervous.

"It'll be okay, pet."

"I'm pretty sure you're right, but I'm still kinda nervous."

Scritches. "Charlie won't even be there, just Renée."

"Which means I'll get to repeat this at some point in the future, woo."

"Poor thing," says Isabella.

He grins. "Fine, I'm being overdramatic."

Pat pat. "Yes you are. It'll be fine, lovely."

"It probably will," he agrees.

"Renée is a very sweet and friendly person."

"Yeah, I've gathered as much."

"You can talk about being switches or something if nothing else."

"...I'm not sure that's the best idea."

"It's not the world's most fascinating conversation topic, I guess, what do you mean?"

"I mean that most of my relevant experience consists in being beaten up by Tobias."

"Oh." Snuggle.

Snuggle. "I presume a bunch of teens go into activism when they're about this old, but I don't really have it in me. I understand the problem and such, but other than convincing individual people that switches are in fact a thing," shrug.

"Okay. She might bring it up; she does know you're a switch. But it shouldn't be hard to steer her elsewhere."

"It's not that I don't want to talk about being a switch, I'm just not gonna be very clear about or forthcoming with information on how it's interacted with my history."

Nod, nod. Pet pet.

Snuggle.

"To be honest she's not likely to focus on your childhood in particular. More like, 'do you get that thing where you go into a store and you can see the cashier decide you're a sub who had an accident at the barber'."

He giggles. "I mean, I have had this happen recently, yes."

"Aw, pet." Pet pet.

"The collar's more indicative than anything. I don't mind it that much, and I don't think I act all that subby most of the time. And I'm definitely not gonna walk around without the collar, heck yeah I belong to you."

"Good boy." She kisses the top of his head. "I like you submissive to me but I don't require you to be submissive at me, let alone when I'm not around, if that makes sense."

"It does, and yeah, I've kinda noticed this," he grins. "I could be submissive at you if you wanted. Wouldn't change all that much, I'm pretty much on the edges of subspace whenever you're around."

"I like you how you are. I'm actually kind of tickled by the fact that you run around not acting particularly subby until I in particular give you a push."

He laughs. "Yes, I think I can see the appeal."

She kisses his head again.

"Good." Snuggle.

Snuggle!

"Get in the car, we have dinner reservations."

"Oh, nice, where are we eating? Also, maybe a bit early, but," he opens his bag to rummage through it for an egg-shaped candy, and offers it to Alex. "Happy Easter!"

"Ooh, thanks! Brazilian barbecue place, it's a bit of a drive, good thing your train wasn't late. Hope you're hungry, it's all you can eat."

"Yeah, ravenous."

"They'll bring us meat, some of it weird meat, and there's a salad bar. And grilled pineapple."

"What's weird meat?"

"I think one time there were rabbit hearts?"

"...that's weird."

"And it's meat!"

"Yes, I see what you mean," he giggles.

She leans across the backseat to kiss him. Alex, eyes firmly on the road, only sighs when he hears the noise.

"Been okay, not doing so hot in physics, too much math when I show up in a science mood."

"'A science mood'?"

"Like, it's a science class, and then it's full of equations, but it's still a science class. Throws me off."

"I really don't think that can possibly be the problem."

"Aren't most sciences mathy?"

"Bio wasn't so much. Chem was a little but all just multiplying fractions, nothing weird."

"I'm good at math, I could maybe help?"

"You good at physics or just math?"

"I haven't tried physics yet, but I like reading physics books for fun?"

"Okay, you're probably qualified to tutor me. Nerd."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I won't have physics until the next semiquarter starts."

"I'm sure the physics books pine for you."

"Unfortunately for them, I am taken."

Giggle.

"Of course, if Isabella could find some room in her heart for a nice physics textbook, we could maybe have an arrangement."

"I don't have as much of a grudge against math as Alex but it's still not really my type, pet."

"Alas."

"You will have to settle for a platonic relationship with physics."

"I'm sure I'll be able to move on somehow."

"Good."

"Helps that I have the world's best dom."

That will get him another kiss.

It was the intended effect!

Isn't he clever.

Yup! She probably wouldn't like him as much if he weren't.

Driving driving. Eventually Alex turns the radio on. Apparently his tastes run to Top 40 pop.

Sadde might catch himself starting to hum along a few songs.

Awwww.

He gets out of the car and furrows his eyebrows at one other car he sees, but puts it out of his mind.

"Didn't tell me if she did. Maybe she thought it'd be fun to meet your folks? Do they live around here?"

Isabella squeezes Sadde's hand hard.

"Do you want to go sit in the car while I talk to Mom?"

"I—I—I—"

But Tobias has spotted them and stood up, beaming. He's a tall, handsome man, and he has enough presence one almost feels like he's carrying several implements on his person, but he's prim and proper as only a conservative dom can be. His wife and kids are present, too, and Sadde's half-brother stands up as well, though he's more neutral than anything, and certainly no older than twelve if that.

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you!" Tobias says to Alex. "You must be Sadde's dom, yes?"

"Um," says Alex, "my sister is holding his hand, so I don't know why you thought that."

"Alex," says Renée - that must be Renée - reproachfully.

"He's mine," says Isabella firmly.

Renée has no idea what's wrong, but she blinks and doesn't object. "Well... this is Isabella, I must have neglected to give her name in my email, and that's Alex..."

Isabella plants her hand on Sadde's head and pulls it to her thigh, thumb smoothing his hair. "Hello," she says levelly.

"We met at school," says Isabella.

"Of course," he laughs. "Tell me more about yourself. And you seem to have already collared her?"

"Will be, yeah."

"I see, I see. And has my daughter been good? She's always been a bit of a troublemaker, back home." He doesn't even try to look at Sadde or acknowledge he exists, so he doesn't notice it when the boy winces at being misgendered. Or maybe at the question as a whole, it might stir up some memories.

"He's been lovely for me," Isabella says frostily. Pet pet pet pet pet pet pet.

(Alex's look of dawning horror may indicate that Isabella is multitasking.)

"Be right back," says Alex, hopping to his feet and making for the bathroom.

"My father has just been - what was it, Mom?"

"...Officer Mayhew didn't say."

"Harmed, possibly shot, it sounded like he was in the hospital. I think I'll keep my pet with me for emotional support while I deal with that, and not disrupt whatever plans you had already made for Easter. Come, lovely." She stands up and hooks a finger into Sadde's collar and pulls him towards the exit.

"My. Sub. Will go where I tell him to," says Isabella.

The barest of narrowings of eyes, but he nods. "Of course, of course, I seem to have forgotten myself. I'm sure we can catch up at a later date," he says, without sitting back down.

Alex appears to have left by the back door and is already in the car behind the wheel when Isabella and Sadde get there. "Mom drove here separately, get in," he says.

Tobias reassures Renée that it won't be necessary—he doesn't quite say that it would be unseemly to let a sub pay for a dom and his family's food, but it might be obvious that that's what he's thinking, given his earlier behavior.

Sadde gets in and holds onto Isabella. "Please don't let him take me back. He'll—he hated you, he'll never let me come back, he'll destroy your collar, please."

"Sh-sh-sh my lovely we'll think of something," Isabella says, wrapping her arms around him. "Put your seatbelt on. You can sit in the middle right next to me. Take deep breaths."

He obeys—he couldn't not, he doesn't even think about it.

And once they have their seatbelts on and Alex is pulling out of the parking lot she resumes holding him. "Oh pet, I'm so sorry."

Heavy breathing.

"It's okay. We'll figure something out, lovely."

Cling.

Soothing noises and holding and petting and telepathically warning Alex to keep his face shut.

"You think?"

"Alex. Shut. Up."

He winces again when Alex speaks. "I—didn't think."

"I had no idea she'd set up something like this - as a surprise - I'm so sorry, lovely."

"'S not your fault," he mumbles.

Squeeze. Pet pet pet.

"Fuck," he says at one point.

"Pet?"

"I'm just—fuck, did you see the way he looked at you, at me, he was okay with me going to school, he won't be anymore. Fuck."

"If he doesn't want to lose his other two kids he won't want to go to court for child abuse."

"There's no evidence, I used magic to heal everything, he never abused the other two, unless you count indoctrinating them into whatever nineteenth-century view of roles he has as abuse, it's literally my word versus his, a nice preacher of a congregation, everyone loves him, handsome, rich, who would believe the wayward kid of the crazy sub-turned-dom who left him and then drove herself into a ditch seven years later."

"...I'd need to look up whether role pressure is considered emotional abuse in this state..."

"I don't even know if there was any pressure, from what I saw Jonathan and Sarah did just happen to be their roles, and Tobias just teaches them what those roles mean."

"I meant on you, pet. If it's your word against his but his word is 'that's a sub' and yours is 'no I'm not', then that's all that would take to establish it."

"Oh. Yeah, maybe, but." He tugs on his collar. "People might not believe my word."

"I gave you a key, lovely."

"I know, that's not what I mean. We'd have to lie about you being my dom, Tobias could get people to say that I've always acted submissive and that this was an act of rebellion against him after joining school, hell he might even find people from school and get them to testify about my being your sub, it would totally be a thing he'd try to do."

"...I'd suggest you borrow Jackson but that would involve interacting with Jackson's dom. Ugh."

"...who I suspect would not play ball, in any case."

"Yeah." Hug. "...Do you want to discuss contingency scenarios or are you not up for that right now?"

"I—" Pause. Think. "I think I am. But I might not be, so if I find I'm not, I'll—stop, if that's okay?"

"That's fine, pet." Hug. "I have one instance of telepathy down but it's verbal only and it still might take me months to develop a second or generalized instance. If he manages to take you you'll be on your own at least at first."

Shudder. "You don't need to do that, you have your things."

"I wouldn't want to leave you alone in that house until you turned eighteen."

"B—but I'm not sure I'd want you to be there. To—to know."

"You wouldn't have to tell me anything you didn't want to tell me, pet, it's voluntary telepathy, I'm not a psychic combatant."

"I know, but I'm not sure I'd be able to not tell you, and right now I don't want to—I mean, I don't want you to know the details." He buries her face in her neck. "Dn't wnt you t' see m' like ths," he mumbles. "But I'd want you to be there anyway. Gee, very consistent and thoughtful of you, brain, here's a cookie," he says a bit more clearly, and sighs.

She pets him. "Oh my lovely," she sighs. "...Renée's a mandated reporter, not about you but about her students so she might know a few things about how this tends to go, if she or her social worker friend or whoever thinks you have a shot at winning can you tolerate an investigation and maybe a court case?"

He groans. "I had been hoping he'd forget about me, no court cases. Yes, if that's what it takes to get him not to touch me, but... What about Jonathan and Sarah?"

"Is your stepmom not able to look after them on her own if she has to?"

"I really don't think so. Did you see how she and Sarah were acting? That was not just in public."

"Is she incompetent or just - quiet? Like, can she drive and fill out paperwork and do shopping? You said she cooks..."

"She can do—house stuff. Cleaning and cooking and shopping. She doesn't work, Tobias' family is rich and they mooch off it, also he's an engineer. I think she might be able to find a job without Tobias around, but she can't really be a mom. And Jonathan might want to take over and take care of the other two and he's eleven."

"...Okay, but you don't actually have to be a sacrifice on the altar of this particular family's well-being. There are families that need at least that much help and can be helped at much less cost."

He continues clinging and doesn't say anything.

Squeeze. "And maybe Tobias's parents will help look after their grandkids or something. It sounds like your half-siblings have a lot more support available than you do and it is okay for you to grab more until you have this extremely basic thing you need of not being terrorized."

"I know you're right, I just don't... believe it, if that makes sense? Inside."

Sigh. "Might as well tell him." He looks at Alex. "And you might've guessed now the reason why I had never seen people in terrible distress before."

"Hadn't put it together. What's the big secret?"

"Sadde's never been to virtuality. If he ran away and didn't dare approach civilization - they're not likely to spend psion resources on tracking you down, or at least it'd take a truly astronomical amount of money from your dad to hire a private one. And you've done it before."

"My father, not my dad," he says. "The first time, I hadn't seen him since I was four, my mom was taking care of me, he had probably forgotten about me, she had custody and he had no interest in keeping a child that was so obviously not going to behave. Then he had custody again and I was his job. And then he gave up on his job. And then there was you, who not only managed to collar me but did so while being female, you're not a sub, and you're letting me stay a boy at least sometimes so you're doing it all wrong. Way he works, you challenged him. He might not hire someone to track me down, but only because then he'd know I wasn't with you either." Pause. "And then I wouldn't be with you, or at school, and that'd be terrible."

"Sorry. Father. It'd only be until you turned eighteen, he can't touch you after that, pet."

"That's still a year and ten months away."

"I know. I know. But is it better than being in his house?"

"...if it's being in his house and not with you versus running away and not being with you, yeah. If he still allows me to go to school... I'm not sure."

"Is there any way to find that out - reliably?"

"Find what out, whether he'd allow me or whether I prefer that?"

"Whether he's going to pull you out of school."

"Oh. I don't know. I—his thing now is that you exist, I think he'd decided that he'd allow me to be a freak if I was gonna be a freak away from him, but now his pride was injured and, um. I have no idea how he'll react."

She sighs. "Would it even have helped if I'd dragged you out to the car and not spoken to him?"

"It... might have helped if he hadn't seen you do it and had just continued to assume you were a boy and I was a girl, which I'm sure he did at first."

"But unfortunately Renée thought this would make a nice surprise... ugh. She ought to have known better even if she didn't have details. I don't even know how she got ahold of him without going through me."

"Well, I have a very unusual name? Shouldn't be hard to find, I suppose, maybe she asked your dad for help, since he's police and stuff." Pause. "He is fine, right? That was just a story your mom made up?"

"That was a story I made up and had Alex feed to Renée."

"Story you made up, then. Good. Okay."

"Yeah. He's fine." Squeeze.

Sigh. "Okay, let's—look at possibilities. What can he do, to make my life bad? He can pull me out of school, he can threaten to do so if I don't come home for holidays or something, he can threaten to do so if I don't act verifiably submissive and am female all the time... How hard would it be for me to get rid of him, to have him not be my parent, is the fact that I don't want him to be my parent enough?"

"I have no idea. Renée might have a better idea but she works with kindergarteners."

"It should be strictly easier for a sixteen-year-old to get rid of their parents than a kindergartener, no?"

"Well, it should, except that it's a lot harder to paint a kindergartener as a wayward troublemaker who needs a firm hand."

"...ugh."

Squeeze.

"We should ask your parents about it, then, I guess. And maybe look it up online, or something."

"Charlie works in another state, his expertise is only vaguely applicable here."

"Yeah," he sighs.

"Can you live with it if he wants you home and girl-shaped and perpetually subby for the holidays, if you can go to school?"