Isabella notices, next time Sadde's in her room for an evening. "Pet?"

"Yeah. That's me."

"C'mere." Head on lap conversation time. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking it's Wednesday," he sighs, going to her lap pretty willingly.

Pet, pet, pet. "Mm-hm."

"And soon it'll be Friday, which means the semiquarter will end, and summer break will start."

She starts rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah."

"And... d'you remember the thing Tobias said last time?"

"Which thing, lovely?"

"About... expecting me to go home and tell him all about school and such. Expecting me to be well-behaved. P—pretty much the exact same thing he said in an email he sent me today."

Pet, pet, neckrub, neckrub. "If I recall right, after that you said you'd be able to do it if I told you to."

"Yeah. Y—yeah I can probably do it. If you tell me to. I'd—rather you didn't, though. Right now, I mean. W—wait until the last moment. Um."

"I wasn't going to jump the gun, pet." She kisses his temple.

"Right. Of course." He sighs. "I hate him so much. And I kinda hate myself a little for wanting you to have figured out telepathy with me."

"I'm sorry, lovely. I'll miss you." Pet pet pet pet.

"I'll miss you, too. I wonder if he'll even give me internet access."

"I was kind of assuming he wouldn't."

"Yeah, me too, but if I'm particularly well-behaved..."

She wraps her arms around him and squeezes.

Well, being squeezed is certainly very nice. "I love you."

"I love you too, pet. I don't want to let you go. I wish I didn't have to."

"Me, too. I'm yours, not his. That won't change, no matter what he does."

Nuzzle.

"Yeah, I think I'm coming up on the last or maybe second to last breakthrough." Snuggle.

Snuggle! "What'll you do next?"

"Precog. I don't think I could count on having telepathy generalized before you turn eighteen anyway."

"Yeah, I didn't think so. But I thought you'd do other things before precog? I dunno if there's anything more you can do that'd help bootstrap after you have eidetic but I suppose you'd aim for that instead if there was."

"There's some things, but mostly things I can sort of aim at just over the course of thinking in general. Like, I'm stopping formally concentrating on eidetic memory once I have it going forward; but I can still try a little bit harder to force memories to the surface when I remember earlier events, and eventually it might stretch to cover that. I can try to think faster and more clearly, whenever I'm thinking about things. I don't want to fall into the trap of self-optimizing so hard that I can't do anything anyone else can verify in a decade."

"Yeah, that's a good idea, I suppose. Still jealous that there isn't anything like that for mages. Can psions push eidetic memory onto other people?"

"Probably, but it's not a staple of the discipline..."

"Huh. I wonder why not."

"Because having enough eclipsed for collaboration to be viable is kinda new?"

"...that's a terribly good point, yes. Man, we're gonna see an explosion in magical advances over the next few years, aren't we."

"I'm excited."

"You and I, we're gonna spearhead that explosion. They're gonna actually make movies about us."

"Oh no, what if they write us badly?"

"We'll still be alive by then because immortal, we can make sure they won't."

"I don't think public figures have that kind of control over their portrayals."

"We'll also be queen-and-consort of the world," he points out.

"I wasn't planning to use my power to control the press."

"Awww, why do you have to be reasonable and benevolent?"

"It's my job."

"It's true, it is your job."

"And I'm very responsible." Pet, pet, pet.

"Yup. I would know it. You'll be the best queen."

"Mm-hm."

"On related news, I think I can probably heal my own broken bones now. And I might be able to heal someone else's split lip or papercut."

"Ooh. You can tell the administrators and get permission to try it next time somebody has a papercut."

"Could distribute pamphlets. 'Got a papercut? Come test the mighty healing powers of Sadde for science!'"

"I don't think you need a pamphlet's worth of volunteers. Jackson will probably turn up with a split lip one of these days, though," she adds softly.

"...eech, yes he might. I dunno how long it'd take me to learn how to heal the kind of stuff he complains about, though. A few more months, at least."

"He might not be unwilling to have something healed even if he doesn't volunteer a complaint."

"He has come to me looking for healing before."

"I didn't know that."

"That one time he knocked on my door, while Alex was here and you were sleeping in my room?"

"Huh, I didn't put it together, I was half-asleep."

"Yeah, apparently his dom went a bit too far and he needed healing. And it's. Uh. Happened more times since. But he hasn't asked for any more healing."

"Well, brag about your conditional campus license for it and see what happens, I guess."

"Yeah. But, again, that will take a few months still, small cuts aren't very common."

"Yup. Well, if you can do bruises you can practice on me."

"If this follows the same pattern my self-healing did, bruises are next."

"Huzzah."

"Still at least two months for that, though, and might be more 'cause pushing healing onto other people is harder."

"I won't hold my breath." Hair-ruffle.

"Good, I don't know if I'll be able to bring someone back from death by asphyxiation anytime in the next fifteen years."

Giggle.

"Generalized resurrection, though: totally on the to-do list."

"Probably a joint discipline problem. Get the dead person a body, put their mind in it. Bet it branches off from invasive mindreading and postcog."

"There surely is a way to do it without the invasive part."

"If they were uploaded by tech in advance, maybe. Otherwise not so sure."

"Hmm... you could perhaps figure out a way to, like, automate it? And make it so your brain doesn't necessarily inform you of what it's actually doing and what information it's transferring."

"I mean, trying to actually process all the information in a person's entire mind would be work for a hell of an optimized psion in the first place, but maybe."

"Well, if resurrection were easy someone'd've done it by now. Besides, we're both awesome and gonna live forever and have all the time in the world for that little joint project."

"Mm-hm."

"Ambitious? Who, me? Nonsense."

"I made no such accusation."

"Of course not. Because it's patently untrue."

"And I'm so honest."

"Yup. Such slanderous utterances would never cross your lips."

She kisses him.

He kisses her back, smiling. "Hmm, yeah, you're definitely the best person ever. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Pat pat.

Yes, indeed. Sadde kneels.

He shudders and—

—nods. She will change on the train, to more appropriate clothing according to Tobias, but now she's—she's this. It's not so hard to be this right now, with Isabella. "Yes, ma'am," she says softly. "I love you."

So Sadde boards, and her seat is not next to any windows that might let her see Isabella while departing, which is just as well.

Sadde does not contact Isabella during the two weeks of summer break.

Sadde leaves the train, and doesn't quite look up to look for anyone. She looks quite—used to it. Not looking up.

"Sadde!"

Sadde reaches her finally, and still doesn't look up. She doesn't address her, either.

"C'mere, pet," murmurs Isabella, holding out her arms.

She obeys, of course.

"I love you too," she replies automatically.

Sadde tries to keep up with her as best she can.

Sadde will just—be there. Being exactly what she's been for the past two weeks.

"Whatever you like."

"I—until you tell me to."

"You told me. I'm—doing what you told me. I won't stop doing what you told me until you tell me to."

"I told you to bring yourself home in good condition and I am not satisfied that this is good condition. Come on, pet, be the rest of you."

She nods, inhales, and—

—exhales, shuddering. He rubs his head against her legs, and reaches with his arms to hug them, and shudders once more.

"I had—managed to forget- what a terrible human being he is."

Isabella rubs his back. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't—yeah but—not here. And I want—could you—tell me? What your summer break was. I want to hear something normal."

"Okay." Pet pet pet. "Went to Six Flags with Alex and a couple of his friends. Made the mistake of wearing jeans on the log flume, it chafed all day, they don't sell pants at the souvenir stands. Alex started camp counselor training towards the end of the break, he's going to teach little kids to make gimp bracelets and sing cheesy songs and toast marshmallows, he's excited about it. Renée taught us to make lemon meringue pie, which I'm sure will come up routinely in my life - it was delicious though. I tagged along to a meeting of her book club because I'd read the book but it was really boring and I wound up not saying anything and thinking about magic the entire time."

"Why was it boring? You usually have lots of opinions to share about books."

"Yes, but within three sentences it was clear that the book club people enjoyed books on a very different level from me and would be at best confused by my opinions."

"Why?"

"Well, the book was 'Ender's Game' and they were cooing over the poor children - and not in a serious ethical considerations way, just in a 'yes, we are all very concerned about the plight of poor fictional white child soldiers' way."

"...seriously? Did they, ah, even actually read the book?"

"They did refer to the plot on several occasions, just - not my kinda book club."

"Me too. I missed you so much. I missed you all the time. I kept—I never stopped thinking about you. Not for a minute."

"- I'm all out of synonyms for 'you poor thing'." Pet, pet. "Seriously, would you rather go out for dinner and be fed four kinds of dessert or go have a night in and go to bed early, help me help you."

"I—" Pause. "Am having a hard time expressing desires." Another pause. "Dinner. I want—I don't want to sleep. I want to be with you and aware of you."

"Dinner it is. There's a nice place with a very tempting dessert menu and I am getting you steak and four desserts and packing up whatever you don't finish so you can eat it for breakfast in the morning. My lovely, it must have been so hard."

"It wasn't," he says automatically and then stops and corrects himself: "Yes, it was. I can't even—I hope it takes less than two weeks to get—used to talking."

She leans down and kisses his head. "Did you not talk or just - talk strangely?"

"I—barely talked. Tobias has this thing, only speak when you're spoken to. I'm submissive, don't you see, that means I'm not allowed to have a personality or opinions."

"Well, I and my personality and opinions think he's full of shit. My pet needs rights because I said so." Head kiss again.

He giggles a bit. "And of course you're right. But he has this—thing. I'd almost say he's a psion if I didn't know better. You spend enough time around him and you can almost believe what he says."

"I—I don't know if I'd call it holding together."

"I mean - when I met you you'd come out of more than two weeks of that. And you still told me you were a switch, you were still shaped like a boy. You were you and not his trained stereotype."

"Yeah, because I—resisted. I was still a, a switch, an—and sometimes a boy, then, with him. It's—these two weeks, I wasn't. I never did resist. Not once. It's—a—" He trails off, failing to articulate what he means.

"...Oh. Was it a bad idea, having me tell you to -?"

"...I—" He breathes deeply, then exhales slowly, and thinks. "I don't know. Pr—probably not. He'd—I'd—he'd have made me—I wouldn't—have come back. I think. He kept—praising me, for what a good girl I was being, how well-behaved I was, and I felt good when he did, damn it."

"Oh lovely." Hug.

"But—but I'm yours. Not his."

"All mine." Head-kiss. "He was just ignorantly complimenting you on your high-quality deep-cover mole behavior."

He giggles again.

He clears his throat and tries again. "I said I don't think I'll forget me. It may—if I spend too long, like that. It may take a while. For me to—remember. But it's—I guess—it was an experiment. I—" He shakes his head against her legs. "I know I can survive it, now. I think."

"This was the longest break of the year and soon you'll be eighteen." Pet, pet, pet.

"S—soon I'll be seventeen," he says. "And not even that soon."

"Yeah. It's not fast enough. But there's only one more break of that length before you're free."

"Yeah," he sighs. "I wonder if I'll ever be able to convince him to let me spend another break not with him."

"I don't know. Sounds like the way he wants you to be doesn't have a lot of room for negotiation built in."

He sighs. "It doesn't. And if it did, he would never approve of my using it to try to be with you more."

"He's not impressed with how good an influence I am?"

"You're a girl," he explains. "A dom girl."

"Yeah, I'm not sure how it's all shaking out in his twisted reflection of reality."

"He probably thinks you're just wrong about yourself. Just like he thought I was wrong about me. And now thinks he's right. Maybe you just haven't found 'the right dom' yet, or something."

"I don't even have a 'I'd totally get on my knees for insert movie star here', she snorts.

"You're dommier than he is."

"Heh. Restaurant's here," she adds, as the bus pulls to a stop.

He stands up and follows her there. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Into the restaurant they go! He looks around, feeling better by the minute.

He smiles. "Have I mentioned I love you? Because I do. I really do." He eats the bread.

"Beth's food is. Better. With my sense of taste. Uh. Not dulled," he comments. "But still not. Really good."

"Well, the food here is really good." She's running her fingers through his hair now that he has eaten the bread from her hand.

"I'm sure. But I'm demonstrably, um, suggestible by your presence. So. My opinions on the food may be. Biased. By general positive associations with you."

"As long as you enjoy it. Whether it's because they serve steaks sizzling in butter or because I'm overwhelming you with my aura, doesn't matter, the point is you enjoy it."

"Your aura is great," he agrees. "It helps a. A lot."

It is divine. He makes soft appreciative (and entirely PG) noises.

"I stand corrected, I can appreciate this delicious food on its own," he says after the four bites. "Not that your aura doesn't help, but this is very delicious food."

Lots of appreciative noises! This food is great. He may rub his face against her legs a bit every now and then.

Caramel apple tart! So good. So very good.

And there is chocolate mousse cake and cheesecake and creme brulée.

...will he be fed the creme brulée? He's not sure how that'd work.

With a spoon! It works fine. It's not soup.

Oh well. In that case: yum!

And when they're stuffed she packs up the remains of the desserts and pays the bill and smooches him and gives him the leftovers to hold so she can have one hand in his and one for her cane.

And he smooches her back and holds the leftovers with one hand and her hand with the other and he follows her.

"Yeah. Not—wholly well, but, almost? Or, well, I'm feeling well, but that's not all that I'm feeling."

"When we get home do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, I do."

"We can go shopping after my next allowance comes in if you like."

"Really?" he asks, beaming.

"Sure." Kiss.

Kiss! Eeeeeee!

"And if I knew there'd be much less point in telling me. What - happened?"

"I... arrived home. And he greeted me, and he's... Tobias is really nice, if you fit his model of reality, I think I told you this. He's... kinda similar to me? In some ways."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Y'know, the... like... I don't wanna sound cocky here but I'm very charming," he grins. "And there's some of that in him. For instance. It feels... wrong, somehow, complimenting him, but... He really does make you like him."

"I suppose I don't actually know how I would've reacted to him if I hadn't been biased and he hadn't pretended to think I was a sub..."

"Yeah. He was... nice to me, for the first time in my life. He let me interact with my half-siblings—well, Sarah, Jonathan has unfortunately inherited his tendency to think subs aren't quite human. Sarah's nice, she wants to be a doctor when she grows up and she has a crush on this dom at her school named, funnily enough, Dominic. I tried to give her some tips on flirting, I hope they help."

"Awww."

"That was at the start. But it... wore on. Tobias made the occasional remark about girl doms and boy subs, hiding them in ways you don't really notice until you think about it for a second. And I couldn't say anything, I kept remembering what you said, I had to come back to you."

"And you did," she murmurs. "My lovely. What kind of remark?"

"Stuff like, like he'd be talking about a famous person and then say something bad about them and subtly imply it was because of their misaligned role, I don't even know anymore, I stopped paying attention by the end, it was just noise. But I can deal with that, that's pretty normal, it's just, every time he did I felt like I was betraying myself a little, for not speaking up."

"Oh pet." Snuggle.

"But then there was the thing I said, about how he kinda makes you like him, he's so agreeable when he's not—that. So there's that thing I said, how I—liked it. When he praised me. And I focused more and more on the thing I promised you I'd do, because without that, and without my resistance, he'd—subsume me."

She's actually cradling him in her arms, now, her lap is not doing much of the work.

"I didn't leave the house, didn't talk much, for all he said he wanted me to tell him all about magic school he didn't actually ask much, but he petted me and I acted submissive and that's how you found me today."

"You looked so withdrawn."

"Two weeks without a personality will do that to—well, to me, at least. I wonder how Sarah does it. Beth seemed to actually lack a personality, but Sarah was mostly okay."

"Maybe she perks up at school or something?"

"Maybe. I dunno, maybe it's something about me."

"You have a lot of personality, lovely."

"Yeah, but maybe it's a kind that, I dunno, reacts badly to not—existing. Or something."

"Well, you exist. You're real and you're all mine."

"Yeah. All yours. Not his, no matter what this stupid part in my brain says."

"Is it saying anything worth rebutting in detail?"

"...I don't know? It's just, he's your father, he knows better, he's so reasonable, this sneaky girl dom is poisoning you, none of that is stuff I really believe, but."

"Yep, that's me, insidiously making you lust after me from the word 'hello' with my sexy, sexy disability."

"Well it is sexy, the way you present it."

"Yes, I know."

"But it wasn't the sexy that got me hooked, it was the awesome."

"You'll make me blush." Pet pet pet.

"...really? That I'd like to see."

"Really?"

"Yes! I bet you'd look adorable."

She giggles. "I can't do it on command though."

"I can't do it at all, it's terrible for my image as a sub."

"Shapeshifting project!"

"Harder than it looks! Or, well, I have no idea how hard it looks, but it's hard anyway."

"Aww."

"The way my biological magic works is, like... I picture the way my body's supposed to be, and I kinda... stretch it... that way."

"And you can't... stretch the blood vessels in your face?"

"It's not really the blood vessels, it's the blood itself. And it's very... Well it doesn't work in any intuitive way. I learned how to push myself into another sex before being able to fix bruises."

"Weird."

"Yeah. Like, I'm now kinda building a more general knowledge of how bodies work, but that's still behind pushing fixes onto other people, which is behind fixing myself."

"Fair enough."

"It feels a bit like first I learn how to do things and only then I learn what I'm doing. I'll be able to figure lots of different, discrete ways to heal people before I can start unifying them and generalizing."

"You know what? Magic is weird and frustrating."

"Very much so. And I can't even begin to guess what I'm gonna do to mage stuff that's not related to, like, biology."

"You'll figure it out, lovely."

"I'm sure I will but, ech."

"Ech?"

"Magic is frustrating and takes a long time and it's kinda annoying to have to figure it out this way."

"Do you ever think about what you'd do if you woke up one day with all your memories but you were like seven?"

"...I'd definitely work much harder not to eat those cereal bars."

"Oh, lovely. That's not what I meant."

He shakes his head and forces a laugh. "Sorry. I'm in a—weird mood, today. For obvious reasons. Um, what did you mean?"

"I mean, I wind up thinking about all kinds of things like how to convince my family and avert natural disasters and stuff, but if you re-eclipsed you'd have a huge head start."

"Yeah. I mean, I don't think seven, I usually think, if I were born with my current mind. And yeah, all sorts of things like that. Mostly I'd try to get my mother to leave Tobias earlier."

Snuggle.

"And if I knew it was coming I'd memorize a lot of stuff like lottery numbers and, yeah, disasters and terrorist attacks and whatnot."

"And technology."

"Like, how to build it?"

"Yeah."

"That'd take a long time, though. It'd only work if you could postpone the event of returning to your baby-body. And in that case I might want to wait a much longer time before I did it."

"I really wouldn't want to be a baby again. That would be unpleasant on so many levels."

"Seven years old, then. Why that specific age?"

"I think at that age I could have talked my mother into homeschooling me. No way she'd miss out on being my kindergarten teacher and until I'd put in my time in first grade I'm not sure she'd have bought I could benefit from being pulled out."

"Huh. Why'd you want to have been homeschooled?"

"School was kind of a waste of time even then and double so if I'm doing it over again."

"And would you not tell your parents that you were from the future?"

"I would, but I'm not sure they'd react appropriately to the information without some prodding. ...Man, time travel would make it awkward with Alex. Especially me being older."

"Yyyyeah. And, react appropriately?"

"I mean, I think they might still expect me to be seven, with - extra information?"

"Oh. I think my father wouldn't've believed me but mom would've and would've reacted accordingly but been a bit sad that she'd've missed my childhood."

"Yeah, I imagine my parents would be sad about the missed childhood too."

"I'd still do it, mind, but I can see the point in that. Even if my childhood wasn't pleasant enough that I'd want to repeat it for itself, it's still... I dunno, nice in its way?"

"I didn't really like being a child. It was way too uphill to get taken seriously."

"Oh, my mom always took me seriously. That thing other people complain about, where adults treat children like nonpersons, it wasn't really a thing with her."

"I don't even mean my parents, particularly, although they weren't flawless at it."

"Yeah, I didn't interact with many non-her adults. In large part because of that."

"We always had a parade of guests and friends of the family and stuff, plus teachers."

...he giggles. "Teachers did not like me."

"Awwwww."

"I was a terrible student."

"Like, behaviorally, or academically?"

"Behaviorally."

"What did you do?"

"I was a smartbutt who occasionally pranked other kids and couldn't sit still. Picture the human version of a ferret."

"Did you also smell funny? That's much of what I know about ferrets."

He giggles. "No, I was just behaviorally like a ferret. Small and hyperactive."

"Awwww."

"But yeah, other than them, not much adult interaction."

"Sounds like it would've had advantages."

"To not having had much adult interaction?"

"Sure. I mean, not necessarily overwhelming advantages, but still."

"Yeah, it was mostly, I got used to being taken seriously and didn't have the thing where I was annoyed that people didn't."

"Exactly."

He snuggles up. "Tiny you must've been really cute."

"Of course." Snuggle snuggle.

"Hmm, okay, mustn't've been that terrible, today has been enough to get rid of—almost all of it."

"Well, that doesn't mean it wasn't terrible, it means snuggles are restorative." Nuzzle.

"Well, yes, that, too, but I meant mostly it apparently—there apparently wasn't any permanent damage."

"Good. Back in good condition, my lovely my own." Snuggle.

"Not completely. Not yet. But. It'll get better. I can fake it 'til I make it, getting my personality back is awesome."

"And you have a good while before he can reasonably expect you back."

"Yes, thank the administration."

"Thank you, Selene Academic Calendar!"

Giggle.

She kisses his head. "You in the mood for sex or too wrung out?"

"Hmm, it's been two weeks, you might have to tell me what to do."

"Oh no. How will I cope."

"I know, right. But if you're up for it..."

Good. He likes it much more when it's her.

And Sadde will stay up for Nouns because he has missed Nouns.

Nouns appear! "Cabbage. Train. Florida. Deep pile Persian shag carpet. Rosary."

...deep pile Persian shag carpet? Okay, this one he's gonna remember.

Zzzzzzzz.

And eventually, zzzz himself.

And they have class in the morning. She climbs over him to get dressed.

"Deep pile Persian shag carpet," he says once he's awake enough to say things.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Y'said that. Las'nght." Okay, maybe not that awake.

"Must have been feeling adjectival. I have no idea where the nouns come from."

"Mmmm great nouns, though. I love your nouns." Still in bed.

"And I love you." She gets her pants on and leans over to kiss him on the head.

Eeeeee. "I love you, too."

"Don't you have an early class this quarter?"

"Not on Mondays."

"All right. But if you wanna eat breakfast with me get up."

"Nnnnhhhhhfine," he says, getting up and stretching and going for clothes.

"Nah, just incremental. Although incremental's still pretty good."

"What does incremental even amount to at this point?"

"Oh, more vivid audio memory of you making delicious noises at me, that sort of thing."

"...oh. I like your eidetic memory."

"It's good stuff."

"Makes me wonder what we even repeat the experience for," he teases.

"Once my memory is perfect we will only ever do anything twice for the benefit of your poor sievelike brain."

"Sievelike?"

"Yes. Sievelike. Full of pasta." Pat pat.

"Pasta! Why would my brain be full of pasta?"

"Because it's like a sieve, I just explained."

"Sieves serve for things other than being full of pasta."

"All right, full of hardboiled eggs."

He giggles. "Well, for one who can get all her satisfaction out of memories, you sure seemed to enjoy last night."

"Of course I did, lovely." Smooch. "You are entirely enjoyable."

"Good, I wouldn't like to only have you do unspeakable things to my body out of a sense of duty or something."

"Of course not."

Grin. "It'd still be pretty nice to have shared lucid dreams, though."

"It would. It would indeed. One day."

"Then we'd have fun for hoooooooours on end."

Giggle.

"So, anyway. What classes do you have this quarter?"

She pulls out her schedule. The most interesting thing on there is Magic Around The World.

"Ooh, this looks fun, what's it about?"

"Oh, different virtuality procedures and incentive programs and common ways of specializing, stuff like that."

"What kind of different virtuality procedures? Does it get very different than here?"

"I haven't taken the class yet!"

"Fair enough," he giggles. "I'm taking the two magic intro courses, I'd been meaning to but kept forgetting."

"I hope you like 'em."

"Yeah, me too. I sometimes wonder if there's some class we could take together but that might be altogether not very constructive."