:I'll try.: This won't be the first time today he's had to use a lot of magic. He tries setting up a network of force patterns under the ground to shove the mud uphill, but it's like trying to rake water. He needs to do something to the whole chunk of ground at once. Maybe he can freeze it? He pulls together a weather-barrier spell, sucking heat out of the ground beneath them and concentrating it into a space above their heads, and powers it with enough node-energy to freeze the mud solid across their whole chunk of hillside.

Frost spreads out under their feet, and he reaches deeper, farther, pulling enough heat out of enough earth to stop the mudslide entirely, and dumping it all into a closed sphere of fire above them--

a sphere of fire that's suddenly intensifying out of control, somehow generating more energy than he's putting into it, energy out of thin air and more of it than he can hold onto. He tries reinforcing the barrier holding it in place, but the tighter he clamps down on it the fiercer it seems to burn--

:Direct it up!: Yfandes sends sharply, just as the fraying threads of mage-energy holding the barrier start to snap. 

He reinforces the bottom half of the barrier and lets the top half go, and

FWOOMP

a pillar of fire explodes upward, venting itself into the sky. The riders and Companions feel a gust of hot air, but come through unscathed.

"Gods above, what was that?!"

"I was about to ask you that question!" The mudslide taken care of, Savil guides Kellan to a halt. "What were you doing?" 

"I only meant to do a weather-barrier, but I got it wrong somehow, it was like I was putting more heat into the air than I was pulling out of the ground!" He'll probably be deeply embarrassed about screwing up once he's done with being scared and confused.

"That doesn't make any sense - are you sure?" 

"Pretty sure, yeah. But I don't want to try it again to check. Uh, sorry for making a huge explosion? I would promise not to do it again but I don't know why I did it that time." It's very disconcerting, that. Most of his screw-ups at least have some sort of legible mistake involved rather than "everything going to plan right up until the huge explosion."

"Well, you did stop the mudslide. Good work, ke'chara. Maybe we can find a safe way to try to reproduce it at some point." She keeps riding. 

"That. Would be good, yeah. For my peace of mind about knowing how not to do it if nothing else. . . . And free heat would have a bunch of uses, if it could be controlled and done on a small scale."

"True. What an interesting thought." 

Nod. It's not one he wants to pursue right now, though; he's still pretty shaken and they have some trapped miners to rescue.

And so that's what they do. 

And they keep traveling through Valdemar – not setting an especially fast pace, because Savil is using it as an excuse to show him the ropes as a Herald riding a circuit. They resolve some legal cases and pave some roads and rescue some fellow travellers from storms or bandits, and in about three weeks they're going to reach Haven. 

Savil rides closer to Abras as they approach the outer city gates. :Doing all right, ke'chara?: 

The law is interesting but using it is very scary; at least with storms or bandits you can tell after the fact that you did the right thing because everyone is alive.

Abras gets more fretful the closer they get to Haven; it's full of people who know about Tylendel and people who don't and people who are going to expect of him what they expect of Herald-trainees. He was dreading the first time passing somewhere he and Tylendel had gone together for days before it happened; the reality is still a punch in the gut. So many things they had done and would never do again; even more things they had never done and now never would. :It's going to take some getting used to. Being back here.:

:I know: She reaches out to grip his hand, but has to let go again so they can pass the gate-guard. Who barely even looks at them. Being on a Companion automatically means they're supposed to be there. 

They ride toward the palace, in silence unless Savil has anything to say. Oh look, there's the place Tylendel told him the hilarious story about his brother's riding lessons before he was DEAD. And there's the place he and Tylendel discovered they had the same favorite pie flavor before he was DEAD. And there's the place they first talked about how much Abras wished he could let Mekeal inherit the Holding and follow Tylendel on the road, back when Abras wasn't a Herald and Tylendel wasn't DEAD.

Yfandes sends a waft of love. :Want a distraction, Chosen?: 

:Please.: It feels disloyal to Tylendel, trying to shove away the memories instead of holding on to them, but the alternative is crying in the middle of a busy street.

Yfandes helpfully suggests a math problem he can try to solve in his head before they hit the inner Palace walls. 

He's not nearly pulled together enough to actually solve it, but it's something to think about, and if he goes part of the way with his eyes shut to keep the sights out and the tears in, well, maybe nobody but Yfandes will notice.

If Savil notices, she doesn't say anything. She's looking kind of preoccupied. 

–Aaaand there's a whole greeting party as soon as they cross the Palace walls. Jaysen with Mardic and Donni, who are both in full Whites. Shavri, the Healing student. Herald Tantras. Queen's Own Lancir. 

...And his mother, Lady Treesa, stepping out and twittering delightedly at Abras. Lissa's there too, hovering back. 

Oh no. Oh no. He could maybe deal with any one of these people being there, except maybe Queen's Own Lancir (what is the Queen's Own even doing here, oh, probably he's looking to talk to Savil). But the person he would be trying to be for each of them is different and he has no idea how to react to all of them at once. Maybe everyone except his mother and sister will ignore him and talk to Savil.

Lancir and Jaysen seem to be converging on Savil, at least. Mardic nudges Donni and the two of them hang back. Lady Treesa, though, goes right in and pulls him into a hug as soon as he dismounts, talking in that fast-high-pitched excited way she has about how much she's missed him. 

He tries not to flinch at the sudden movement and contact and mostly succeeds, hugs her back and mumbles some lie about how he's glad to see her.

His mother pets his hair and keeps saying things for a distressingly long time, but then his sister rescues him, lifting him right off the ground. “Gods, Abras, I’m glad to have you back safe and healthy. Did you learn how to make some nice big fireballs?”

Abras remembers the incident with the mudslide and lets out a hysterical giggle. "Uh-huh. H-how have you been?"

"Training lots, learning lots. Lord Corey is strict but I like him." Lissa is in fact looking very fit. "He tries not to play favourites but he likes me. Thinks I'll make captain in five years even in peacetime." Still hugging Abras, she lowers her voice to a whisper in his ear. "It's really good. Being somewhere that isn't home, with people who - appreciate me. Haven't spoken to Father since the, um, things happened. I burn his letters, I'm still furious with how he treated you." 

"Of course he likes you, you're great. I'm glad you're happy. I should, um. Bring Yfandes somewhere I can get her saddle off." Actually he should probably acknowledge Mardic and Donni exist first; it's not their fault he's having a rotten day and doesn't know how to make conversation. He tries to smile at them; the result is mildly disturbing.

Mardic, at least, is perceptive enough to notice this. He nods to Abras, grips his arm for a moment, says some words about how he's glad they made it back home, and then suggests that Yfandes probably wants a good rub-down and brushing after their long ride and he'd better let Abras get to it. 

Yes, that, definitely, good seeing you see you later bye. And off to the stables where Yfandes can get a rubdown and Abras can get his metaphorical breath. :It was good of them all to come,: he admits. :I just can't handle . . . things, right now. Maybe a night in a proper bed will help.:

:It was a lot of people at once for me to handle: Yfandes confesses. :Your mother is...something:

:She loves me a lot. Or the person she thinks I am, anyway. Gods, everyone feels so unfamiliar, but it's me that's changed.:

:The person you are now will get to know them again: Yfandes reassures him. :And they'll get to know you. Your friends are good people:

She turns, presenting a different itchy spot on her flank for brushing. :Anyway, it sounds like they've already assigned rooms in the new Heralds' wing for you and Savil. You'll have your own suite all to yourself, and Savil right next door: 

: That's good.: He hadn't realized how thoroughly he had been dreading seeing his old room again until he felt the relief at not having to. Which is ridiculous, because it's just a room, but he's still more than happy to avoid it. : It's going to be a totally new routine here, isn't it. Different places, different things to do, different lessons.: He tries to find something in that to look forward to. :Maybe I'll be able to spend some time in the palace library.: And Yfandes and Savil will still be there.

:That's a good idea! And, yes, it's going to be different. Though we'll try to ease you into it. Speaking of lessons, I think Savil did want to arrange some for the Gifts you didn't have teachers for in k'Treva, but you've covered basically all the standard Heraldic curriculum – you were a very diligent student. Savil was planning to ask Lancir if it makes sense to just put you through the graduation tests and give you your Whites: 

Abras does a double-take. :What. I mean. What? I can't be ready for that yet. For the tests, I mean, extra lessons sounds great, but I'm so not ready for Whites.:

:Why do you think you're not? Savil had you doing pretty much everything a Herald on circuit would do, on the journey here: 

:Um.: He had not really prepared an explicit train of logic for that conclusion; it was more of a background fact about the universe. :I had barely any idea what I was doing that whole time and had to ask Savil for advice a bunch. Also I am currently hiding in a stable because I lack the emotional stability and self-control to have a casual conversation.: Also Tylendel had never graduated and Abras being more prepared to be a Herald than Tylendel is blatantly impossible, but that argument doesn't make it to consciousness let alone words.

Yfandes nuzzles at his hair. :I think you ought to take the tests, do your best, and let the Senior Circle decide how ready you are. You should be honest about feeling unprepared, but - honestly, nearly everyone feels that way. And I think I know you a bit, by now. You're going to feel like you aren't ready regardless of whether it's true. And I think doing some real, Heraldic work that helps people will be good for you: 

:I guess that makes sense? I wouldn't want to not be doing something I was needed for just because I was scared of the tests. And if Savil thinks I'm ready then that's evidence that I am. But, um, what happens if I fail?:

:Then that's fine, it happens, and you'll do another six months or year of lessons and then a proper internship circuit: 

And Savil and Yfandes and Mardic and Donni and everybody will be disappointed and he'll have wasted the testers' time and feel like an idiot but most of that will still happen if he tries to get out of it. :And I guess I won't know either way unless I take the tests. That's what they're for.: He's still going to be nervous about it, though.

:I won't be disappointed: Yfandes promises. :I doubt the others will be either. Anyway, Kellan passed on that Savil's headed to her new quarters. If you wanted to meet her outside the wing: Yfandes flashes him a quick mental image of where it is on the grounds, :then you can get the key to your suite as well: 

:Good idea, thanks. I'll see you later.: He finishes brushing Yfandes, runs his fingers through her freshly combed mane, and follows the mental image to Savil. Mind-to-mind communication is so much more effective than language sometimes.

Savil is waiting for him, a page accompanying her. She reaches out with quick a one-armed hug. "We'll be in here. Just down the hall from each other." 

It's the new wing, but the opposite end of it from their old suite. Abras won't have to pass Savil's former suite at all in order to get places. 

"Thanks." He stares down the hallway for a long moment, then shakes his head as if to clear it and takes a look at his new room.

It's a lot smaller, probably the entire floorplan is the same size as his old bedroom, and the furniture is minimal. There's a bedroom, with a bed and a wardrobe in it, and a couple crates of his possessions (presumably packed up from the old suite) piled up against the wall. The other room isn't really big enough to be a 'living room' or 'study'; there's a desk by the window and a tiny table presumably intended for eating meals. No decorations. It feels impersonal, but it's his. With a lock on the door. 

Other than being a bit too far from the stables to casually walk there if he can't sleep, it's everything he needs in a bedroom. He doesn't want to look at his old stuff right now, so he ducks back out. If Savil hasn't left yet he can ask her where and when he's supposed to go for lessons.

Savil is next door, unpacking in her own suite, which is a little bigger – two bedrooms, and enough room in the common area for a small dining table plus her old sofa and armchair, unfortunately familiar from before. 

He has to shut his eyes for a moment and push away the too-vivid memories of cuddling Tylendel on that sofa. Surely it's full of at least as many memories for Savil as it is for him, he thinks, and she can bear it.

Eventually he remembers the question he came here to ask. "Hi. Do you know where I should go tomorrow, for lessons? Or who to see about setting those up?"

"Hmm. I think that'll take longer than a day to get settled, honestly. But why don't we sit down and talk about it tomorrow morning? And, I'd wanted to talk through with you what's on the standard Heraldic graduation tests, because I think you're prepared to pass all of them with flying colours." 

"Yeah, Yfandes mentioned that. If you think I should take them soon I will, and knowing as much as I'm allowed to beforehand would be nice."

Savil lightly smacks his shoulder. "I'd tell you not to be nervous but it won't work. Didn't work on me either. Anyway - care to join me for supper, or would you rather have some time to yourself tonight? I know it's been a while since you really had any privacy." 

"I think I'd prefer distraction to privacy tonight, if you're up for company."

"I'd be delighted to have you." She reaches out, rests a hand on his shoulder. "It's...not easy, for me either. Being back. I didn't expect it to hit me this hard." 

He is so not qualified to be comforting here, but who is? "You cared about him a lot." It's such a meaningless, pointless thing to say, but it's at least true.

"Oh, ke'chara." She pulls him into a one-armed hug. "It's not - I'm sorry to make you comfort me. But I appreciate it. And I'm so, so glad you're here. Anyway, I'm not feeling up to the dining hall tonight, so why don't we call for some supper and talk about other things?"

She steers him over to the little dining table, visibly casting about for a change of topic. "Did you see the new Healers' wing when we passed it? I heard they got fourteen new trainees this year, isn't that incredible..." 

Topic changes are great. New Healers will be good in the long run even if it's a lot of training work now, he wonders how Shavri's doing, etc.

"I hear Shavri's a brilliant student. Already trying her hand at original Healing research, and she's only been there a year." Savil smirks. "You'd get along, I think. Maybe you ought to invite her for tea sometime, Mardic says she loves to talk about her studies and can go all day." 

"I should, yeah. Healing research sounds interesting."

Savil agrees! She doesn't know all that much about it, but can talk about what she's heard, and then move on to other magical theory, until supper has arrived and been eaten and it's a reasonable time to retire to bed, with Savil's assurances that Abras can head back over whenever he's awake in the morning so they can breakfast together and talk about test content. 

He says goodnight and heads back to his own room. His bed is admittedly more comfortable than many of the places they've camped on the road, and quieter, but the quiet is actually disconcerting. He remembers slowly getting used to sharing a bed with Tylendel, learning to expect to wake up in his arms, and falls asleep in the heart of Haven feeling more alone than he did on the road.

It takes him long enough that he sleeps a bit later than usual, so he knocks on Savil's door figuring she's already awake.

:Come in, ke'chara. Door's unlocked: Savil is curled up in her overstuffed armchair, sipping tea, a book open on her lap that she isn't looking at. 

Abras comes in, takes another chair. "Good morning. So, um, is now a good time to talk about the graduation tests?" He's more nervous now than he will be when the tests are actually happening, and he knows this, and yet he cannot stop.

"Of course, if you're up for that! So, roughly, the tests will be split into a demonstration of magic and other Gifts, and questions about law and governance. For the former, they'll ask you to..."

Savil lists out a repertoire of spells, both defensive and offensive. All of them are, by the standards of Starwind and k'Treva Vale, extremely basic. A dozen types of shield, all of which Abras covered in his first three months. Defensive wards. Control of fire and lightning, some trap-spells. Some basic magical techniques for building and maintenance, like the one for making a paved road-surface out of dirt and gravel. 

Abras feels a burst of appreciation for Starwind. "It sounds like Starwind did a really thorough job of going over everything I'm going to need, which isn't surprising. I hope I get to do some of the building and maintenance stuff for real at some point." There wasn't much call for it in K'Treva, but being able to walk down a road he had made with his own magic would be good.

"Oh, I'm certain you will." 

Savil runs through the other curriculum next, quizzing him on various aspects of Heraldic responsibilities, both on the road and in Haven, and then presenting him with an especially gnarly example of a legal dispute over livestock grazing that a Herald on circuit might run into, and asks what he would do. 

Abras describes the additional information he would gather, and what he would do if that information turned out each of a couple different ways, and what the likely failure modes are and what he would do to try to avoid them. 

Savil's face doesn't give away much, but at the end she smiles brightly. "That's an excellent answer. Abras, I think that you're extremely prepared for these tests. No surprise, really, you're a diligent student." 

"Thanks. I just hope it holds up in the real world."

"The real world is harder. But I think you'll manage just fine. Anyway, should I pass on to Lancir to schedule you for the tests?" 

Gulp. "Yeah, go ahead."

"I've asked Kellan to relay it." She reaches out to hug him again. "Abras, I'm really proud of you. Anyway, care to accompany me on a ride this morning? I'm trying to take advantage of having some free time before they load me up with duties again." 

"Sure, I haven't been loaded up with anything yet either." Though at some point he does want to go to the library, and find Shavri, and practice Farseeing with a map because right now it takes him ages, but he has all afternoon to start any of those.

They they can head out to the stables together, and then ride around the Palace grounds. Savil is trying to discreetly stay away from the areas he's spent the most time in before, but unfortunately quite a lot of it is still familiar. 

If he had noticed her steering he would have appreciated it, but he's too busy flinching at all the familiar things for that sort of sophisticated other-people-modeling. He tries to get a conversation going but his train of thought keeps derailing into a ravine of  Tylendel is DEAD.

Yfandes does her best to prod him out of the ravine every time he falls into it, and Savil, who's also making attempts at conversation, does seem to notice that something is wrong. Or maybe the familiarity is bothering her too. She cuts the ride short after less than a candlemark, suggests he go have a look at the library. 

"...Oh, and by the way, Lancir's scheduled you for the graduation tests tomorrow morning," she adds. "Jaysen will be examining you. He's - strict, but not quite as bad as Starwind." 

Aaaa tomorrow morning that's way too soon actually the less time he has to stew the better. And a strict examiner is good; less chance of passing without actually being qualified. "Okay. Will I find out the results right afterwards, or is there a wait?"

"Same day – they'll probably stick you in a room while Jaysen talks to the rest of the Senior Circle, I remember hating that bit, it felt like about a year but it was only a candlemark or so." 

"I am absolutely going to hate that bit. I should bring a book or something."

"Excellent idea, I wish I'd done that." Savil will part ways with him outside the stable, she wants to catch up with some of her friends in Haven. She suggests that Abras could check in with Mardic and Donni, or Shavri, they probably want to see him at some point. 

That's a good idea. Polite tap on Mardic's shields?

Mardic is available! So's Donni. They're only in town for a couple more weeks, before being assigned to their first circuit (together), but for now they'll have him over for tea. 

He will go over for tea!

"Hi. Congratulations on graduating; I'm glad I was back in time to see you before you left."

Way too much of the time he's spent with Mardic and Donni also had Tylendel being there. Having the three of them at a table without him feels wrong, asymmetrical, incomplete.

Donni is going to fill every second of otherwise-silence with chatter. She's good at that. She's very excited for a real border circuit where they will get to FIGHT with MAGIC which is AWESOME.

Mardic makes a face every time she mentions this. 

Chatter is great but he's going to join Mardic in face-making. And wish he knew a polite way to ask "Aren't you scared you're going to have to kill someone?". Eventually he does ask, "Have either of you ever been in a fight before? What's it like?"

“Only one real one,” Donni says wistfully, and then describes, in gory detail, taking on a foreign hedge-wizard who had set up camp near the southeastern border and been extorting money and goods from the locals in exchange for not burning down their farms. It was a while before anyone was brave enough to call in the Heralds. The hedge-wizard was captured alive for questioning, but he didn’t go quietly. Donni has a cool scar to show off from when one of his fireballs got through her shields. Mardic makes a very unhappy face about this.

"Woah. I'm glad you're okay." Abras shivers. Fighting other mages feels like a very different thing from fighting Pelagirs beasts; the closest he's been to it was that mess with the bloodpath mages where he couldn't do anything, or possibly that time running away from the bounty hunters where he also couldn't do much of anything, and he's not looking forward to the inevitable next time.

"...I was really scared," Mardic admits, glancing over at Abras and then sort of shaking his head helplessly in Donni's general direction. "Scared that he would hurt me, or hurt Donni. Scared that I would hurt him more than I really needed to. It's...hard." 

Sympathetic nod. "There aren't really a lot of good ways for a fight to go, are there. Just different bad options. And the hope that you can end it without anyone getting hurt, and the fear that aiming for that will make things worse."

"That's exactly it. It's such a hard tradeoff to balance – trying to judge what the minimum force you can get away with is, and if you misjudge it then maybe you get hurt, or your friends do, or you just end up in a corner and have to escalate to lethal force. Herald Shallan told us some stories." He shrugs. "But it'll be easier for you. The trickiest is when you're fighting someone more powerful, but who's going to be stronger than you?" 

A mage in all black with an army behind him, the certainty that only Abras can stop him and then only with his death . . .

"It sounds like you two know what you're doing. That counts for a lot. More than power, sometimes." He wants to say "I'm sure you'll be fine," but he can't make the lie come out of his mouth.

Mardic must notice something in his expression, because he changes the subject, asking Abras what sorts of Tayledras magic he learned while he was in k'Treva. 

Abras can talk, almost animatedly, about weather-barriers and all the kinds of shield and learning a language with Mindspeech and how he learned to center and ground from a direct demonstation, until tea is over and he leaves to go look for Shavri.

Shavri is in the library (she spends a lot of time there), reading a book and making lots of faces at it. 

Abras knows he wouldn't be happy about someone interrupting his reading, so he grabs a book on the history of Karse and sits at the opposite end of the table Shavri is sitting at and starts reading.

The book has lots of facts about early Karse that his grandfather's library didn't, which are alternately uplifting (one of the first Sons of the Sun tirelessly campaigning for literacy within the priesthood and for every village temple to have at least one book – at the time, in a mostly illiterate society of sheep-herders) and horrifying (a systematic murder campaign against one of the minority ethnicities in newly-annexed land a century into the kingdom's existence.)

Shavri looks up a couple minutes in, smiles at him, and keeps reading until the end of the section, then carefully marks her spot. "Abras! I'm so happy you're back! Was the journey very exciting?" 

"It was, yeah, I learned a lot out there. I hear you've been doing research; I bet that's exciting too."

"It really is!" She starts in on a story about something to do with bladder-stones, which they're trying to study in mice before they use the new Healing technique with humans. Bits of it are slightly gruesome but on the whole it's interesting. 

Doing things to mice before doing them to humans is a good idea, even if it does sometimes result in gruesomeness. "How easy is it to tell, with Healing, whether something worked or the mouse would have recovered anyway?"

"It's not very hard if you're fixing it directly, like with an injury, but if it's indirect then sometimes. So you would get a few different mice and only do the Healing on some of them, and then see if the other ones got better anyway." 

"That would do it, yeah."

"What have you been working on lately?" 

"Eh, mostly just getting the hang of all my Gifts and trying out ways of combining them--Fetching things I can only see with Farsight and stuff. I should be investigating the weird accident I had on the way to Haven to make sure it doesn't happen again but, uh, I don't know a safe way to do it." If she's interested, he can explain the mess with the weather-barrier.

"It must be really neat having so many Gifts you can combine!" Shavri's expression is speculative and a little jealous. "Ooh, I do want to hear about your weird accident! Lots of Healing discoveries were made because of weird accidents." 

"I used a weather-barrier to move heat out of a patch of ground into a shield full of air, and there ended up being more heat in the shield than I had pulled out of the ground. It was like it started generating more heat on its own. I nearly fried the four of us to a crisp, and I need to know why and I'm scared to find out." The last part comes out all in a rush.

"Hmm. I don't know much about mage-work, but I read in a book once about the elemental plane of Fire, maybe you accidentally channeled fire from it? I don't know if that makes any sense with the spell you were using though." 

"I mean, I don't think there was anything in the spell that could contact another plane, but it's clearly something I don't know is possible."

"It does seem like it'd be really useful to be able to get extra energy from nowh– from wherever it comes from, it probably isn't 'nowhere'. Although if the only thing it can do is a giant dangerous fireball then it'd only be useful in big fights," Shavri grimaces at the thought, "or if you wanted to start a forest fire for some reason." Frown. "...Can you make a really tiny weather-barrier? Then maybe it'd be a littler fireball and you could study it more safely." 

"I've made smaller ones before and they didn't do the thing--though not since then; I guess I should make sure it isn't going to happen every time now. Somewhere outside where there's plenty of space."

“You were using it in a different way, no? To freeze other stuff, not to keep the inside warm. So it was still moving the heat somewhere else, however that works, but maybe a lot more of it? I wonder if air catches on fire the way wood does, but just has to be a lot hotter? I mean, you have to get wood hot enough too, it won’t catch by itself, but tinder catches more easily...”

"Yeah, and I was squashing it all into a shield and it stopped when I let it expand. Maybe I could make a really small shield and it would happen with proportionately less starting heat?"

“Huh, I’d bet it would. And then it’d be a smaller fireball if it exploded. But you’d still want to do it far away from people, I think. Or important buildings.”

"Yeah. Way out in a field somewhere, and as far away from me as I can put it and still see what I'm doing. Maybe over a lake or something."

“That’s a good idea.” Shavri giggles. “You might freeze the lake though - ooh, that could be a really neat way to get to go skating in summer!”

"If I ever end up able to do it on that scale safely and repeatably, I'll be sure to let you know."

Shavri nods and then shifts the topic to some random drama at Healers’ that Abras knows nothing about.

Abras tries to keep track of the names and who agrees with whom on what and quickly gets lost. It's entertaining anyway.

Eventually Shavri interrupts herself. “...Oh, sorry, I should probably go. I hope you have a good evening! See you around!”

"See you!" And then he can get some dinner, and hang out in his room practicing non-explosive magic until a reasonable bedtime.

He wants to be well-rested for his tests in the morning, but he's too nervous about those very same tests to fall asleep easily, so he takes some of the herbs he brought back from K'Treva for it. Then he has a nightmare that the herbs caused him to sleep for a whole day and he failed his tests by not showing up and also Tylendel was eaten by the tree that was eating people. He wakes up from this nightmare at a totally reasonable hour.

Yfandes is already up, receptive whenever he reaches for her. :You should have time for some quick tea and a bite to eat over at Savil's suite, she's got breakfast there already, and then she can show you where to go: 

:Oh good. Thanks.: He doesn't say "wish me luck", because passing the tests due to luck when he would by rights have failed them would be the worst way this could go. :I'll see you later.: He gets dressed and heads over to Savil's, relieved about not needing to get breakfast in the dining hall where someone might say something to him.

Savil pours him tea and shoves some toast at him and then doesn't otherwise bother him too much, until half a candlemark later: "We'd better start heading over." 

Abras pours the tea into his face and shoves the toast likewise and nods and follows Savil.

Savil brings him first to a Work Room he hasn't seen before, it's not the big one at the centre of the Palace but it's nearby. Herald Jaysen is waiting for him outside, and nods stiffly. "Trainee Abras." 

"Herald Jaysen."

Jaysen opens the door and jerks his chin at it without saying anything until Abras follows him in. The room has been equipped with a bucket of random objects – at the top, some wooden balls of various sizes. "All right, let's get started. Barrier-shield, please." 

Being able to stop waiting and act is a relief. Center, ground, barrier-shield. As power-efficient as he can make it, because he has no idea how long this test will go or whether he's being tested on efficiency.

Herald Jaysen pelts his shield with a few wooden balls – it's actually a lot easier than Starwind chucking rocks at him. "Next," he says flatly. "Energy-shield..." 

They go through about a dozen different types of shielding, including privacy-barriers against sound and Thoughtsensing, then Jaysen has him demonstrate some offensive spells and wards. All of it is what Starwind would consider 'very basic', and Jaysen's mage-energy attacks are also a lot less powerful, so Abras doesn't need to use as much force. Still, it's a lot of magic in a row, and without being able to tap nodes from inside the Work Room, he'll be kind of tired at the end of it. 

He does all the things, one step at a time, focusing enough on the task of the moment that he doesn't think about anything else. And then it's time for the question and answer bit, right? It would be nice if he could sit down for this bit but no way is he going to ask.

It seems like they do not think it's necessary for him to sit down, or at least no one spontaneously offers it to him. Herald Keiran is running this part; Jaysen drops her off in a random different room in the central wing, and Keiran, who looks kind of bored, asks him a number of questions about the law, division of responsibility between the Heralds and the Guard, how Council votes work, and then five different case studies for scenarios a Herald on circuit might need to deal with. Two involve gnarly diplomatic matters at a border-crossing. 

The stuff that's just memorization he has memorized; the case studies are much harder. He feels simultaneously like he's talking complete nonsense and like he's doing way better than he would be if he had to actually had to talk to the people in the scenarios.

Keiran gives no indication of whether she thinks his answers are good or rubbish or just boring. "That's all," she says after the last one. "You stay here. We're going to discuss." She heads out and leaves the door the room he's in slightly ajar. 

He stays there, and tries to focus on the book he brought, and is filled with dread of at least one of passing or failing. Maybe both. He ends up doing more pacing than reading.

Lancir is the one who comes to collect him. He's smiling slightly. "Well, lad, how do you think you did?" 

Ack, it's the Queen's Own Herald, gotta say some words. This question feels like a trap. If he was a reliable judge of that sort of thing there would be no need for the tests now would there. Words, with mouth, now. "I did my best."

Wider smile. "You did very well and the Senior Circle's vote was to graduate you and give you your Whites now. How do you feel about that?" 

"Nervous. But also glad that I know more than I used to. And that I'll get to do useful work." Glad that his teachers' investment in him paid off. 

Lancir nods. He reaches out to grip Abras' arm. "Congratulations. We're glad to have you." A pause. "...If it's all right, I'd like to speak with you in my office for a bit." 

Oh no he fucked up somewhere. "Sure, of course. Now?"

"If that works for you." Lancir doesn't really wait for a response, just starts walking Abras in the direction of his office. It's a fairly short walk.

Lancir's private office is - messy. He clears a stack of books and papers off a chair and gestures for Abras to sit. "Something to drink?" There's a decanter of well-watered wine on his desk. 

He accepts, but stops at one swallow; his mind really does not need to be working any more slowly right now.

"So, um, what did you want to talk about?"

Lancir looks intently at Abras. His piercing blue eyes are oddly Companion-like. 

"I actually wanted to meet with you in my capacity as a Mindhealer, not as Queen's Own," he says slowly. "You lost a lifebonded partner. That's...a pretty big deal, to go through. I've done some research and I don't think anyone's survived it before, not for longer than a few months. You seem to be holding up surprisingly well, I imagine Yfandes is helping, but – I'm worried, all right? And I want to know how you're doing, so that I can help." 

"Yfandes has been helping a lot. Savil too. It's--I appreciate it, that you want to help." He probably shouldn't lie and say he's doing fine, even if that's what all his instincts are pushing for. 

Lancir nods, sympathy and warmth in his face. "I'm glad. I imagine it must be harder, coming back here. How have you been finding that? I - know it's not easy to talk about, and it might feel embarrassing, but I'm not here to judge you, and it's going to be easier for me to help if I know what's troubling you now." 

Abras realizes that Lancir has noticed the obvious fact that, test scores or no test scores, he doesn't have the emotional stability to be a Herald right now. It's good that he wants to help fix it instead of just being annoyed at him about it. He shouldn't make that harder by trying to pretend the problem doesn't exist.

"It's been. Harder. Yes. A lot of things remind me of--I just need to get used to it."

"It sounds like you're being quite hard on yourself," Lancir says quietly. "It's not your fault that reminders are difficult - it's very understandable. You may 'get used to it' someday, but it's normal for that to take years, and - I honestly don't know how it'll go, your situation is kind of unprecedented." He pauses, sips his drink. "One of the things I can do with my Gift is to block those associations a little, so it's less distracting to you. I think that could help a lot for now." 

"How . . . does that work?" Presumably it's safe and non-worrisome or Lancir wouldn't be looking to do it, but it sounds unnerving anyway.

"Roughly, the way my Gift works is that I can see certain pathways in your mind, places where your thoughts tend to go a particular way, and I can help you shift them. When a really traumatic thing happens to us, our minds tend to build a lot of associations to it, so it comes to mind often and disrupts whatever you're doing at the time. I can use blocks and redirects to make it so your mind doesn't head in that direction so often – I don't think it's healthy to wall it off entirely, but I reckon it's not helping if you're reminded of it a hundred times a day. The way it would go is, I'll have to ask you to think about a place or object or person that was upsetting, so I can see that pathway as it is now, and then I can nudge it, shape it so you start thinking about something else." 

He narrows his eyes. "If you're feeling guilty or inadequate a lot - there's no shame in it, trust me, sometimes I swear half the Heralds feel that way sometimes - then I might also put in a redirect that reminds you to be kind to yourself, when those kinds of thoughts come up. How does that sound to you?" 

It sounds like someone going into his mind and magically changing it. Not just showing him things like Starwind's demonstations, or adding information like a language, but making some thoughts harder to think. Thoughts he shouldn't be thinking, admittedly, but the prospect still makes his breath catch a bit. For all his mind is a damaged mess, it's all he's got and he wants to hold on to it.

Abras forces himself to think about it as dispassionately as he can. Just because something is scary doesn't mean he shouldn't do it. He needs to be able to go more than a handful of hours without thinking about Tylendel, needs to get his emotions in some sort of order so he can handle the responsibilities of a Herald. If he can't do that himself, and it sure looks like he can't, he can at least be brave enough to let Lancir help. He forces himself to say, "I'm okay with that."

"You seem a bit nervous," Lancir remarks. He smiles. "I promise, I don't bite. I want you to be comfortable with whatever we end up doing. Would it be easier if we start with just one basic redirect, and you can see how that is for the next week?" 

"Yeah, that would be good. If it's okay with you. Sorry, I know you know what you're doing, I'm just--not familiar with any of it."

It'll be fine, he tells himself. He probably won't even notice. Okay actually the thought that he won't notice makes it scarier.

"Of course. We don't need to rush anything." Lancir leans back in his chair. "All right - I'm afraid this will be one of the harder parts. I need you to think of the last time something reminded you and was upsetting, and then talk me through the feelings you had. Can you do that?" 

Abras starts in on a halting recounting of the last time he looked at Savil's sofa and remembered sitting on it with Tylendel. He felt sad, because he missed him, and also like he was grieving wrong because people always talk about expecting to see their lost loved ones and then being surprised by remembering that they're gone, and he never has that, he can't forget that much, it's always there in a corner of his mind.

At no point in this explanation does he actually say Tylendel's name, or the word "dead".

"Abras, I'm impressed that you can speak about it this much already," Lancir says. "And, listen to me–" Abras will notice the corners of the room going very slightly soft and fuzzy, "–there's no wrong way to grieve. For anyone, but I think it especially goes for you. It makes sense that it's hard to forget, because - he did a lot of damage to your mind, on the way out. Lifebonds are rooted very deep. I think it will get easier to bear, over time, but - I don't think you're ever going to be able to forget, or stop missing him. You're just going to figure out how to live anyway. And you've made a really good start." 

He's quiet for a moment. "For the specifics," he offers finally, "how about redirecting so you think of recent times with Savil instead? Or maybe with Mardic and Donni, in the past. Probably a happy memory will feel jarring, but if you can find a neutral memory, I can patch it over to that instead." 

Abras fails to pay attention to a bunch of what Lancir is saying because his vision is suddenly malfunctioning! This was not expected! He turns his head from side to side a few times and blinks, trying to get it to go away.

"Sorry, you wanted--a description of a neutral memory?"

The sense of fuzziness vanishes as soon as Lancir stops speaking, and it doesn't return when he answers the question. "Yes. Abras, you seem like you got distracted somewhere in there – is everything all right?" 

"Uh, it's fine, I just had--random blurry vision? It fixed itself. Does Mindhealing do that?" Or he is separately going wrong in the head in yet another unrelated direction?

"Oh. Hmm. Yes, I believe my Gift can do that, it doesn't stick around though. And it should've been subtle that time, I was only giving it a tiny push so you'd remember this conversation better, but it seems like it just distracted you instead. Would it be less startling if I warn you when I'm going to?" 

"Warning me when you're going to use your Gift would be--good, yeah. It won't be so distracting now that I know what's causing it and that it will go away." He feels ridiculous, getting so thrown off by something so minor.

"Of course. I'm sorry. Er, the things I was saying when I accidentally distracted you were kind of important, so I'm going to say it again." He repeats his speech about how there's no wrong way to grieve, not quite verbatim, and this time without any weird visual changes. "Try to keep that in mind, all right?" 

"I will," he says earnestly, feeling very embarrassed about wasting Lancir's time.

"Good. Now, try to think of that neutral memory for me?" 

He can talk about a conversation with Mardic and Donni their attempts to learn concert-work.

"Excellent, that'll do." Lancir lays his palms flat on the table, looks into Abras' eyes. "I'm going to use my Gift again for this next part, and I'll need to push a little harder – it should feel the same way it did before, but more. I want you to imagine you're about to walk into Savil's suite - tell me when you have it in mind - and then when you picture opening the door, think about that conversation, and I'll use my Gift to cement it in, that's the redirect." 

He does not want to have his thoughts changing direction on him because of magic. He wants to have thoughts that follow logically from other thoughts based on his memories and experiences. But the thoughts that follow logically from his other thoughts are bad ones and he should have better ones instead and if he backed out now Lancir would justifiably think he was being ridiculous.

He concentrates and narrates as directed, face expressionless.

"...And, now," Lancir warns him, just as he hits the part with Mardic and Donni, and - everything melts a little, the edges of things softening, it last for about five seconds and then snaps back to normal. "That's it, done. Doing all right?" 

Between the tests and this, he's feeling pretty drained; the idea of being alone somewhere quiet sounds more appealing than anything else right now. Also he wants to poke at his memories and see if he can tell anything's different, but that can wait until Lancir, who has to be extremely busy, is done with him. "I'm holding up. Was there anything else?" Please say no, please say no . . .

“Why don’t we leave it at that for today? If you’ve got any questions, though, I can answer them now.”

"I don't have any questions. Thanks for your help." And now maybe he can head back to his room and hide under a blanket for a while, unless he's forgetting some other important obligation.

Yfandes confirms that he is not! She's waiting for him outside. :...Are you all right, Chosen? You seem kind of shaken. Stressful exams?: 

:The exams were alright; I just get nerves before and after. And it was a bunch of magic and then Lancir wanted to talk about stuff, and I could really use a nap right now.: 

:...Queen's Own talk, or Mindhealing talk?: Yfandes noses at his hair. :Nap sounds good. You'd be welcome to join me in the stables, but it's noisy during the day and it's not really private, I imagine you could use some peace and quiet right now before anyone wants to celebrate with you: 

: Mindhealing stuff. And yeah, I think I'm just going to hide in my room for a bit so I'm more awake for celebrating later.:

:I hope it was helpful – you should fill me in later once you've rested: Nuzzle. :I'm really proud of you, love. Want a ride back to your wing?: 

:Sure, thank you.: That way he can spend the next few minutes thinking about how nice Yfandes is instead of paying attention to where he's going.

Yfandes will supply him with cheerful chatter about getting to know all the foals her friends have had in the time they were away, and then drop him off at the door. 

Awww. Companion foals: probably super cute. 

And then he can go hide under a blanket and poke at his memories of Savil's sofa and see if they feel any different and be very unsure if he's hoping they will or hoping they won't.

It's pretty subtle when he's just remembering it, but at least some of the times he'll notice a strange bouncing feeling and then he's thinking about Mardic and Donni. 

That's so weird. He doesn't like it. He keeps poking at it, the way you poke at a missing tooth, confirming over and over that yup, still there, still bad. At least he's physically and mentally exhausted enough that eventually he takes an actual nap for an hour or so. When he wakes up he is, if not exactly ready to face the world, at least capable of doing so.

A note has appeared under his door! It's from Savil, asking if he'd be up for a little party over at her suite. Mardic and Donni want to come, Herald Tantras as well; she'll invite Lissa and Shavri too if Abras is up for that many people. 

Sure, he's up for a small party, and Shavri and Lissa are definitely welcome. 

Savil, whenever he heads over, is bustling around tidying up and getting the suite ready for guests. The sofa is right there, ready to loudly be a sofa at him. 

Apparently his main mental association with the sofa is now less "Tylendel (who is DEAD)" and more "can't trust his own brain or be sure what's going on in there". Which is . . . progress? He supposes? He tries to ignore the sofa and help Savil set things up.

They have everything clean and ready, and wine and snacks out on the sideboard, by the time Mardic and Donni arrive.

Mardic hugs Abras. "This is so exciting. And terrifying. I can't believe we're both graduating." 

Donni throws a handful of paper stars all over him. "Ta-da! I pronounce you – Herald Abras!" 

Abras instinctively tries to dodge the paper stars, then turns red; it's not clear whether he's embarrassed about flinching or about the phrase "Herald Abras". He smiles ruefully at the stars on the floor and says "Thanks," then turns back to Mardic. "Exciting and terrifying is right."

Lissa gets there next. She picks him up and swings him around. "I'm so proud of you, baby brother!" 

"Thanks," he says warmly, and he means it. He wonders briefly if his father would be proud, tries not to care. "I wonder what sort of work they're going to have me doing around here."

"Mindspeech relay with Tran and routine mage-work around the place to start, I'd guess," Savil jumps in. "Maybe Farsight checkpoints, you're pretty solid on that. Lancir will keep your schedule open so you can get lessons in your less-trained Gifts as well. Oh - how's your Fetching coming along? Lance asked me if you'd need a teacher, but I know you've been practicing a lot on your own." 

"Those all sound like good things to be doing. Um, a Fetching teacher can probably point out things I haven't thought to practice but if you think I should focus on other stuff but if you think it's better not to have one that's fine too."

"We'll have to see what makes sense. Probably a couple of lessons wouldn't hurt, if you're solid then your teacher can say so and not waste any more time. You'll need more Healing, I think. Oh, and really we ought to see if we can do anything with your Bardic." 

"I definitely want to study Healing. And Bardic, but I'm really interested in Healing. I know I don't have enough to get anywhere serious with it but I want to try anyway."

"Good! Even a weak Healing Gift can be incredibly useful out in the field. And I'm sure Shavri would be delighted to explain things to you. I've never met anyone who could go on as long as she can about a single topic." 

This is the moment at which Shavri arrives. "Are you talking about me?" 

"Yeah, I said I wanted to learn Healing and Savil said you knew a lot about it. Which I already knew but. Maybe you could teach me stuff?"

"Ooh, really? I would love that!" Shavri lights up, and runs over to give him a hug. 

Spontaneous hugs are a surprising response to being asked a favor, but as surprises go it's a pretty good one. "Great, thanks. And, um, I'd be happy to help out with your research at some point if you run into anything that would be easier with Mage-Gift."

"Really? That would be neat if I can think of anything, I'll see!" Shavri beams at him some more and then runs off to greet Mardic and Donni. 

It's finally starting to sink in that he graduated, that he's learned a lot and earned the chance to do important things with it.

(And Tylendel should be here to share it with him, should be reminiscing about his own graduation tests months ago, should be alive and laughing and happy and not DEAD)

He goes over to where Lissa is standing and tries to focus on the present rather than the past and what might have been. "How long are you in Haven for again?"

"Just a few more days, unfortunately. I'd love to take you out to town to celebrate, though. We could go to a tavern or something, it'd be fun, right?" 

Going to a tavern sounds like a pretty miserable time, actually. Too much noise and people to relax, but not enough actually happening to be absorbing. "Maybe if we can find one quiet enough to talk in? You can tell me all about what you've been doing with the Guard."

"Sure. Might be boring for you, though, mostly doing lots of drilling and learning about tactics a bit." She makes a face. "I didn't realize how much Lord Corey would want me to learn from books. I'm no good at that, not like you. Though Seldasen on tactics is all right." 

"That's kind of ironic; they're mostly having me learn from watching demonstrations. But Seldasen is good, yeah. Very clear explanations, and you get the sense he thinks really clearly too."

Lissa nods. "Demonstrations make sense for magic, I'd think. For actual fighting techniques I mostly learn it that way, it's just that Lord Corey decided I'm officer material and says I'll make captain within five years." She makes a face. "I don't know that I'm even any good at the higher-level strategic things, but I guess he thinks I've got it in me to learn." 

"I bet you'll turn out to be amazing at it," he says sincerely. Military command is worth being nervous about, but Lissa has never been scared of anything.

"I hope so." She bounces on her heels a bit. "...I'm getting more wine, can I get you some too?" 

"Hmmm . . .sure. More water in mine than in yours, please."

Lissa gives him a slightly dubious look, but nods and heads off to the sideboard. 

Savil drifts over. :Doing all right, ke'chara? I know you've had a long day: 

:I think I might be pretending to be able to enjoy the party by mimicking everyone else doing it, but I've got myself fooled too? I'm having a good time but as soon as everyone else leaves I'm going to fall asleep. Maybe sooner.:

That gets him a slightly concerned look. :You don't have to stay. I think everyone's excited at the excuse for a party and getting to see each other, but if you're tired, you should get some sleep: 

:. . . Thanks. Sorry for ducking out of my own party early. I do appreciate you throwing it.: He makes his apologies to Lissa and the others and goes back to his own room to collapse.

Yfandes is immediately there, hovering nearby (mentally speaking, physically she's cozy in the stables) and sending affection along their bond without intruding too much.

The part of Abras that needs to not be around people decided long ago that Yfandes doesn't count; he's immediately both less crowded and less lonely. He sends affection back at her as he falls asleep. 

And Yfandes will be there again in the morning, whenever he's awake. 

Which is good, because his lessons don't start for a couple days and he's kind of at loose ends. He can go to the library, and try out the obstacle course with Yfandes, and get food at the cafeteria, but he can't do any one thing for very long. Sooner or later (usually sooner) the memories catch up to him, and it becomes obvious how incapable anything is of being okay, and he circles back to hiding in his room, trying not to cry with mixed success.

Fortunately, late on the second day Savil hunts him down and gives him his new schedule. He'll be doing the Mindspeech relay with Herald Tantras first thing every morning, and usually a block of routine mage-work in the afternoons, and three days a week he has some kind of lesson – Healing, Bardic, and continuing to learn magic with Savil. He's also on call for emergency magic and for Farsight checkpoints as needed. 

Having something useful to do first thing in the morning is helpful for having a reason to get out of bed. And he's vaguely curious about what the traffic over the Mindspeech relay generally looks like, though it's probably mostly routine stuff. He's a bit worried about what he'll do if he gets called for emergency magic during a hiding-in-his-room period, but he's too embarrassed to bring this up to anyone and risk it sounding like he's asking for lighter duties.

The next morning, Yfandes can poke him if he's not already awake at the time he has to get up in order to make it to the relay room on time. 

Good news: he's already awake. Bad news: it's because he woke up from a nightmare about wyrsa an hour ago and has been up since and definitely needs a poke to get out of bed. He slouches to the cafeteria for some bread and cheese to eat on the way, and is feeling marginally more human by the time he gets to the relay room. Five minutes late and apologetic about it, because he needed to detour around a courtyard he spent too much time with Tylendel in.

Herald Tantras is there already, and seems weirdly delighted to see him. "Abras! Sorry about the early start, but I'm really delighted they've assigned you as well, it'll be so much less boring. Tea?" He has a pot steeping on the table. "Here, let me show you the relay book..." 

It has a page with today's date on it and a number of short messages, in various different people's handwriting, each titled with a point of origin and a destination. Most are, in fact, pretty boring. Herald A on one circuit wants Herald B a few circuits over to know about an unusually high rate of Pelagirs incursions along the northwest border. Soap is in short supply in the southeast because the landholding that makes and sells most of the soap had half of their livestock die of pox, pass it on to any merchants who want to make a killing. There are also announcements originating from Haven that need to be sent down every leg of the relay.

Next to the book, Tran has a map that shows the relay stations and the names of the Heralds assigned to them. He seems to consider both the book and the map to be self-evident, and doesn't offer any explanation unless Abras asks. 

They seem pretty self-explanatory, yeah. Abras doesn't have a lot of practice Mindspeaking people he doesn't know, but that's one of those problems that solves itself. He drinks tea and passes messages and checks them off and if there are any responses he does with them whatever seems to be the done thing.

Fortunately Tran demonstrates the done thing first, by flipping to the next page and noting down a message bound for Haven about an injured Herald, along with its originating destination. At one point he gets one from the north, his own half, that needs to be passed to the south, Abras' half, and he prods Abras and points at it so he can add it to his own list. 

It takes about half a candlemark and then they've hit all of it. "Whew!" Tantras says cheerfully. "That's so much faster with your help. And less tedious." 

"I'm glad I could help. I can see how it would get repetitive after a while, but it clearly needs doing. Thanks for teaching me."

"Aww, come on, I didn't even teach you anything, you picked it up like a natural. Anyway, I'm going to go work out at the salle - want to come?" 

Well, he doesn't have anything planned for the next while and if he doesn't pick something immediately that time will get eaten by sadness. "Sure."

Then Tran will skip along to the salle, humming, and grab one of the practice-blades. He starts out warming up on one of the pells. 

Abras does likewise. Swordsmanship has never been his strong suit or even his mediocre suit and Tran could totally wipe the floor with him, but being bad at things is more rather than less reason to practice them.

Tran quickly strips off his tunic and tosses it to one side, rolling up his shirtsleeves. His forearms are marred by faint but visible burn-scars.

"Wanna spar?" he says, a couple of minutes later. 

"Uh, sure. Practice-blades or hands?" (Don't think about the scars, don't think about how he probably got them--)

"Huh, do you have much training with barehanded fighting? I don't, honestly, but I'd be happy to give it a go." 

"Me neither, really, but maybe if we're both clueless you'll wipe the floor with me less." Shrug. It'll be an experiment.

Tran laughs. "Hey, hey, I'm not here to show off." He steps out onto the mat. "Ready?" 

"Guess so." And now he can attempt to imitate Lissa and Starwind, and Tantras can attempt to imitate anyone he's seen who knows how to punch people.

Tran is reasonably quick, and he's taller than Abras and definitely stronger, but he doesn't appear to have grown up with an older sister who liked to pick fights, and he also seems a bit reluctant to actually hit Abras, which is throwing him off. 

Well, it would be pretty obnoxious of Abras to hit harder in a practice fight than his opponent is hitting, so now they're both just dancing around trying to tap each other.

Tantras eventually changes tack and tries to get in close enough to trip Abras and knock him to the ground. 

Abras wasn't expecting that! Down he goes, in a tangle of limbs and with a last-minute attempt to pull Tantras down too.

Tantras yelps and lands on top of him. He laughs, then attempts to turn this into pinning Abras down. 

Abras flails around and eventually gets pinned.

And then freezes, hyperventilating and tense. 

He's here in the salle--

He's paralyzed in the snow outside K'Treva--

He's tied up in a barn and Krebain is leaning over him--

Tantras is laughing. "Got you! That was really fun." It takes him a moment to notice that Abras...doesn't seem to be responding. 

He backs off. "Abras? Are you all right?" :Abras, hey – did I hurt you?: Worry and consternation in his mindvoice. 

Abras' mind starts to clear again as soon as he can move freely, but he's still disoriented and full of adrenaline. :I--what--: He rolls onto his back and stares wide-eyed at the room, his brain slowly accumulating evidence that he's here and not in danger. "Oh gods, I just--I lost my head for a minute. Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. It, um, it makes sense that it startled you." (Tantras knows the story of Abras' kidnapping; he was there, after all, organizing search parties from the Leshara landholding – and he's tensing up as well, now, remembering what happened next.) "Hey, um, do you need a hug?" 

Yfandes, sensing Abras' distress, sends a wash of reassurance and hovers mentally nearby. :It's all right, Chosen. You're not in danger: 

Abras would really rather not have anybody touching him for a bit, actually, but Tran looks like he might be asking for himself, and of course he would have some bad memories too. "Um, I'm okay--do you need a hug?"

To Yfandes, he adds :Thanks. I know where I am now, don't worry. I didn't mean to startle you.:

"I'm all right." Tran sits back on his heels, waits a bit for Abras to catch his breath. "...hey, do you think practice blades would be more fun? Or we can just call it a day." 

Abras realizes he's still on the floor and gets to his feet. "I, um, I think I'm done for today. I should go and--I should go." If he flees right now rather than doing the polite thing and waiting for Tantras to say goodbye, maybe he can make it back to his room before he starts crying about how his brain is broken because Tylendel is DEAD.

Tantras starts to call out something after him and then cuts himself off and looks down at the floor. 

:Chosen, hey: Yfandes intercedes, once he's made it back to the safety of his room. :Are you going to be up for mage-work this afternoon? You seem pretty shaken. If you need a break, I can let Kellan know: 

Failing to show up for his first day of mage-work because he can't leave his room: awful. Saying he can manage it and then failing to leave his room anyway, or showing up and doing a horrible job: even worse. His life in general: just absolute shit.

: . . . Could you, please? I'm sorry. I wish I was good enough to do it anyway but I'm just not.: He shoves his head under his pillow and thinks about how he can't do anything about anything, especially not Tylendel being DEAD, because he, Abras, sucks, and he sucks because Tylendel is DEAD.

Yfandes backs off briefly, presumably relaying the message, and confirms quietly that Savil has been alerted, and then hovers for a while, giving him space but receptive if he wants to talk. 

:You can come out to the stables if you want: she sends finally. :My stall is pretty private. I could help you take a nap – seems like you didn't get enough sleep last night and that's making things harder: 

:Yeah, that could help.: The adrenaline crash stacked on top of the sleep deprivation isn't doing him any favors but if he stays in here he'll just be too sad to sleep. :I'll be there in a bit.: It takes him longer than it should to leave his room, for fear that someone will see him, but eventually he starts sneaking down to the stables.

Yfandes comes out to meet him, and she can send a much stronger wash of love and affection once they're touching. :Chosen, can you stop beating yourself up over this? It's really understandable. You have a big adjustment to make, coming back to Haven. Give yourself time, please: 

Once they're in her stall he can bury his face in her mane. :I'll try. It's just--I thought I had been making progress, in K'Treva, and now I'm back to it being just as bad.: 

:I don't think it is just as bad. You certainly couldn't have gotten through the Mindspeech relay shift before. If that's all you can manage for a little while, then - that's fine. We'll build up slowly:

She nuzzles him, falls silent, and presents an itchy spot on her flank for brushing. 

:Okay.: He brushes her, appreciating the opportunity to do something mindless and repetitive and tangible and also the knowledge that Yfandes cares about him even when he's being useless. Eventually she's all brushed and he's calm enough to have a chance at sleep.

Yfandes helps, and he's out. She keeps sending calm-soothing through their bond every time a nightmare threatens to surface. 

The footsteps are probably going to wake him, though. "Abras?" 

He wakes up and suppresses a groan. Getting caught napping in the stables when he was originally supposed to be working, by Lancir of all people, was not in the plan. Okay, he didn't have a plan, but if he had this would not have been in it. Pretending he isn't here isn't going to work, though, so he scrambles upright. "Hello Herald Lancir." :Thanks for the nap, Yfandes.:

"Hey, no need to worry," Lancir says gently. "You're not in trouble. Just - can we talk? Here is fine, or my office, or we could go to your room if you'd prefer. Savil told me you had a bit of a rough morning. I wanted to know what's going on." 

"Could we go to your office?" Less chance of anyone else walking in on them, and he'll have the walk there to think.

"Of course." Lancir waits for him to exit the stall, then starts walking. 

Abras follows, mentally piecing together an explanation of what happened.

They reach Lancir's private office. Lancir clears a chair for Abras, offers him a drink again, and sits down. "So. Tell me what happened this morning?" 

"I was sparring with Herald Tantras, and he pinned me, which was a very reasonable thing to do, but it--reminded me of--other times I haven't been able to move, and I panicked and thought I was somewhere else for a minute. And then Tantras moved and I realized what was going on but it was--I got scared. So I asked Yfandes to ask Kellan to ask Savil to cover my work because I was worried I would be too--that I wouldn't be able to do it right."

"That's very reasonable on your part," Lancir says. "Knowing your limits and when you need some space to take care of yourself. Right now, I think that should be a higher priority than any given day of your work as a Herald; we managed fine without you at all, having any amount of Abras is a bonus right now. And I'm worried about you pushing yourself unsustainably until you break down, not that you'll slack off; you're just not that sort of person." 

He leans back in his chair. "Does that happen often for you? Thinking you're somewhere else for a bit, when something reminds you? It is something our minds can do, when a really bad event happens and the memory digs itself in deep enough. And I'm sorry you have to go through that; I know it's a frightening experience." 

"Not . . . often? But it's not the first time. . . . To be honest it probably won't be the last either."

Sympathetic nod. "I wish I could fix it for you, lad. It's not that quick or easy, unfortunately. Talking about it may help – with Yfandes, or Savil, or me. If you want, I can do a calming-loop – basically a mental handle you can grab to settle yourself down, after something like that. Speaking of that, how did the redirect I did the other day end up working out?" 

"It definitely worked, I can see it. By introspection, I mean, I don't have Mindhealing Sight or anything." He's not sure about the calming loop. It sounds like a good thing to be able to do, but it also sounds like a thing in his mind that wouldn't belong there. And there's the nagging sense that he ought to be learning how to make his emotions flow logically from the facts of a situation, rather than messing with them magically.

"Oh, can you? Fascinating. You must have good introspection. May I have a look?" Pause. "Er, Abras – did you have some sort of problem with it? That definitely isn't the way I left things."

"It worked okay, I looked at the sofa and thought about Mardic and Donni like you said I would. Did I mess it up by looking at it? Sorry."

"No, no, don't worry about it. You seemed to have added a new association to something else, is all – thinking about it a lot will do that. Is it troubling you at all? I could try to strip out the secondary part, but it'll a little tricky so if it's fine I'll leave it be."

"I don't think you need to mess with it. I should take a minute to think about that calming loop, though." It would be magic messing with his emotions, but he already has a giant hole in him messing with his emotions, and maybe if they cancel out that's better than having just one thing. "Can you tell me more about how it would work?"

"Hmm. To start, a lot of what's troubling you right now would be a perfectly normal fear-response, if you were actually in a fight or under attack. But your mind has learned to associate a lot of commonplace situations with a threat, or associates them to a particular bad memory. Which is exhausting and will keep you on edge. It's not feasible to do a redirect for every object or place that bothers you, but I can give you a way to tamp down the fear a bit more easily once it happens. Basically, what I'll have you do is pick a calming scene - maybe a nice evening you spent with Yfandes in k'Treva, as an example - and sort of do a trance-exercise focusing on it, and I'll use my Gift to push that more deeply into your mind. Then we'll try to give you a link to it, like the phrase 'I notice I'm upset' or just the feeling of noticing. If it works as intended, then next time something hits you that way and you're feeling scared or overwhelmed, you can try reaching for it to calm yourself down. Does that make sense?" 

"So it won't do anything unless I decide the fear is irrational and trigger it on purpose? Or will it happen every time I'm upset?"

"It should be voluntary. I don't want it setting off and distracting you in an actual fight."

"Good, I was worried about that too." And if it's voluntary then it would be pretty foolish of him not to take it, when he could just choose not to use it if it turns out he'd rather not. "And you think it would help me stay aware of where I am and keep doing things? It won't be much good if I'm hallucinating I'm in k'Treva instead of hallucinating something else."

"No, no, it's not going to be nearly deep enough for that. I'll be building on a mental image, not something you're actually seeing; it shouldn't be possible to confuse with the place itself. And the reason you get confused like that sometimes is that when you're scared enough, your mind really etches in whatever was happening at the time. I'm not doing the same thing at all." 

"Then it sounds like it would make me a lot more functional. And you'd be able to take it out again if it turned out I needed to not have it for some reason, right?"

"Of course. It's harder to take it off than to place it, so I wouldn't want to put it in on a whim, but it's definitely possible. Oh, and it'll only last a few months on its own anyway, if I don't reinforce it. Faster if you never use it. So if it's not helping after all, you can just stop using it and wait for it to fade out." 

"Oh! In that case I should definitely do it." It would be pretty cowardly not to, since it's clearly not dangerous; if he's going to learn to only be scared when being scared is reasonable he should start now. Thinking that thought doesn't make him not nervous, but it makes him determined to go ahead anyway.

"Good." Lancir smiles at him. "Why don't you take a minute to pick out a nice calm scene? Doesn't have to be the specific one I mentioned. Ideally it's something where just thinking of it, you'll feel yourself relax a little, do you know what I mean?" 

"Yeah, okay." Yfandes and k'Treva are good suggestions . . . .

He recalls one of the nights he slept next to Yfandes in the hammock. It was cloudless that night, and a new moon, and in the gaps between the trees he could see an entire sky full of stars, shining serene and untouchable above them. He remembers Yfandes' love, and the peace of the silent night, and nods. "I've chosen something," he murmurs.

"Very good. Now hold onto that, and – oh, warning, I'm going to use my Gift at moderate strength so you may get some of the changes to your vision again, and it'll be for a longer period. If that part by itself ends up making you nervous, please tell me, because we really don't want to cement in 'feeling anxious' right now, right, we want the opposite." 

Abras nods, distantly, still concentrating. "I'll try not to worry about it."

Lancir waits a bit, then says "Now," and the world goes soft around the edges. 

Don't think about not being able to see clearly. Don't think about having his mind modified. Think about the memory, and calm, and peace and quiet surrounded by friends.

It last about thirty seconds and then lets up. "Doing all right?" Lancir asks. 

"Yeah, it's back to normal." And now there's a lever in his brain he could theoretically pull and he's not sure how, and he kind of wants to try it immediately specifically because he's worried it will be some flavor of awful and the uncertainty is worse than any plausible outcome. "How do I use it?"

"Hey, we're getting there. For the next part, I do need you to - think about something upsetting, because that's the state we want you to be able to transition to toward the calm-loop. I'll prompt you through it; I'm going to tell you to notice what you're feeling, and then to think of your calming scene, and I'll use my Gift enough to form a link between those two thoughts. Hmm. What would you call the emotion you're feeling, if you're walking around in Haven and something - reminds you of it?" 

Oh right he forgot that part. "Um, it feels like--noticing something that was always there in the background, like when you're reading a book and you realize you've been hungry for a couple hours? Except the thing I'm noticing"--and it is not within his capacity to describe it without noticing it--"is that, it's not okay, the world is wrong, I'm wrong, something is broken and it can't ever be fixed--" he runs out of words at the same time his throat closes up.

"Thank you. Good. Notice what you're feeling right now." World goes gooey again. "And - now, think of the calm scene." 

He fights to drag his mind away from the pain and loss. The wrongness in the world is a fact, yes, but Yfandes is a fact too, k'Treva is a fact, the stars are real and unchangeable and still out there.

And the memory itself is - not exactly clearer, but brighter than it was before, it has a pull to it, drawing him into the peace-and-stillness-and-Yfandes'-love. 

The corners of the room snap back into place. "That's all," Lancir says. "Hopefully. How are you feeling?" 

"Weirdly nice." He wonders if the memory is now more, or less, true to his actual experience of the moment it's a memory of. "Thank you."

"I'm glad." Lancir smiles warmly at him. "You did really well – I'm aware this is a lot more work for you than it is for me. Why don't you take a minute to get settled, and then we'll test the link, see if it's strong enough." 

"Okay." He tries to find some sort of emotional neutral ground between the calming memory and everything being awful. If he's even capable of a state like that anymore.

"All right, let's try this." Lancir looks him in the eye. "I'm not going to use my Gift this time, just observe. And, I'm sorry, I do need you to try to set off the painful feeling again, since that's where the loop should start." 

Well, that's as easy as falling off a tightrope into a pit.

Lancir doesn't interrupt him with any prompts this time, just watches and waits. 

Abras is watching himself being miserable. He's not sure what he's supposed to do now. He tries thinking about the calming memory, which involves fighting off the worry that he's going to taint it with miserable-ness.

Nope, nothing happens – he's still miserable.

"Notice and name what you are feeling right now," Lancir reminds him finally. 

"I am aware that I feel very sad," he says in a quiet monotone.

"Hmm. Can you decide whether you want to be less sad, right now? If you do want to be less sad, think about your calm scene now." 

Being less sad when nothing is going to improve seems a bit stupid, but he needs to test the thing, right, so he tries thinking about the calm scene again.

And this time it’s there, still bright and clear in his memory, pulling him in. Stars and Yfandes and quiet peace. 

The room goes melty just long enough for him to notice and then it’s gone. “Sorry I didn’t warn you,” Lancir says, “didn’t realize it was going to need reinforcing so badly. How’re you holding up?”

He's not sure he trusts his introspection right now, or his understanding of what that question even means with so much going on, so he goes for the practical answer. "I feel like I could do things if I had things to be doing? Maybe not anything that required a lot of cleverness." It feels a bit like everything is very far away, including his own emotions.

Lancir nods. "You look pretty tired – can't blame you, lad, the work I do takes a lot out of you. I think we're almost done. Good news is, now that it's in at all, that new pathway we laid in shows up to my Sight, so I can use my Gift to strengthen it a little more without your needing to do most of the work. Five more minutes and then we can wrap up, sound good?" 

"Yeah, okay." He had been kind of hoping they were done now, but he's not going to complain about five more minutes.

"Sorry, I know it's a lot at once – I'll be efficient. About to use my Gift. You can think about whatever you like." Room goes swimmy again. Abras can't directly tell what Lancir is doing, except that once in a while he gets random flashes of emotion. 

"...And that's it," Lancir says, probably less than five minutes later. "Good work. Thank you for bearing with me. You'd better go get some rest now." 

He knows what Lancir is doing, because he said, but the random flashes of emotion still make him twitchy. At least constant background despair is predictable. 

"Okay. Thanks for all the help." He leaves, runs around the building his room is in a couple times to get his body something like as tired as his brain, then falls into bed. And wakes up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep anymore and as hungry as someone who skipped lunch and slept through dinner.

:...Chosen?: Yfandes sends, half-awake. :What's the matter, love?: 

:Oh no, did I wake you up too?: He sends from where he's lying in bed, wondering if there's anywhere he can get food at this hour without waking anyone up or taking anything he isn't supposed to. :I'm sorry. Everything's fine, just messed up my sleep patterns.:

:It's fine. I was a bit worried about you so I left a link open while I slept: She sends affection and reassurance. :Kitchen has a room that's open all night – you're not the only Herald who wants a midnight snack sometimes. Here: She shows him through her eyes. :I should've reminded you to eat before you went to sleep, but you were so tired: 

:Thanks! And don't worry about it. Good luck getting back to sleep.: He goes and gets some food, then takes a walk around the area. Everything is blessedly unfamiliar in the dark, and while he can't get himself to be sleepy again he can at least watch the sunrise over the river, then go back to his rooms and read a bit before it's time to do the mindspeech relay.

Tran is, again, happy to see him, and has a cup of tea waiting. "...You all right?" he says as he hands it over. "You've got bags under your eyes." 

"I'm, uh, trying not to become nocturnal and doing a bad job of it. Sorry for running out on you yesterday."

"No, it's fine, I'm sorry for - what happened. Um, anyway, let's get started." Tran flips the book open. "You want north or south today?" 

"Uh, swap off from yesterday, I'll do north?"

"Sounds good!" And they can get started. 

Relay relay relay. It gets repetitive enough towards the end that his mind starts trying to wander toward the hole in itself. He notices that he's upset and that it's slowing him down, reminds himself that he needs to be less upset, and triggers the calming loop. That lets him keep going, though still somewhat slowly because now his mind is wandering to his calming memory and also to how weird it is that one memory can be made so much louder than the others, and how messed up it is that what he's feeling depends on so many things that have no relation to the world around him. Tantras is definitely going to finish his half first.

He does, but doesn't say anything about it, just scoots his chair back and puts his feet up on the table and sips his tea while he waits. 

Ah, crap, Tantras probably has somewhere to be and Abras is holding him up. He gets the last couple batches done and recorded.

"Done?" Tantras smiles at Abras. "I'd ask if you want to spar but that was kind of a disaster, so – want to get brunch or something? When's your next thing after this?" 

"My next thing is redoing the shielding on some work rooms and they won't be available for another hour or so, so yeah, brunch sounds like a harmless way to stay awake until then." Of course, he thought that about sparring too, but maybe this time he'll get lucky and not step on a metaphorical bear trap he left in his own head.

"Are you that tired?" Tran reaches out and gives Abras' shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Let's go grab some food and then sit out in the sun, huh? I find that helps when I'm sleepy. And it's supposed to be a good way of convincing your body when daytime and nighttime are. Trying to get back on a normal schedule after being up all night is the worst." 

"Yeah, that sounds good." Food should help; he knows that when he needs one of food or sleep, getting the other is at least a partial substitute.

Tran leads the way to the dining hall at a brisk walk; breakfast is still out, though several of the dishes are almost gone. He loads up a plate and takes one of the woven-reed covers for bringing it outside, then waits for Abras. 

Abras grabs food without particularly paying attention to what it is and follows.

"So what's the thing you've found weirdest about being a Herald so far?" Tran asks, when they're sitting out on a bench in the sun. "I remember my first week after I got my Whites, it was surreal. I didn't feel like I could possibly be a real grownup yet." 

"Oh, yeah, same for me. I think the weirdest part is . . . people just trusting me to do stuff? I'll get asked to do some piece of work and nobody's watching and evaluating to see if I'm doing it right, because it's not a test, they just want the thing done and they assume I'll do it."

"Right? It's bizarre. You get used to it though, eventually. For me the weirdest part was the looks people started giving me once I was wearing Whites. Like I was this important person or something." 

Nod nod. "I just try not to think about whether anyone is looking at me." It's a good thing most people don't know the whole story, or he'd be getting much worse looks.

"That's the best way to go, I think." Tantras takes a bite of toast and chews in silence for a moment. "...You are helping," he says after a bit. He reaches out to squeeze Abras' shoulder. "I know you don't feel ready, but I don't think any of us do at the start. From my side at least, though, it's really good to have you around." 

"Thanks. Even if I can't do everything I want to it's good that I can do something. And I can tell you're doing great."

"Aww, thank you." 

They can finish the rest of their brunch-picnic, and by then the Work Rooms will be available for shield-repair. 

He needs to use the calming loop when it occurs to him that he could have learned to do concert-work with Tylendel if he wasn't DEAD, but he gets the shields redone. Then he spends some time in the library reading about magic theory and trying to find anything that would shed light on the exploding weather-barrier.

Unfortunately no one has studied this at all; weather-barriers are a Tayledras spell, Savil is the only other Valdemaran mage who knows the technique. There are books on standard fire spells but they don't mention any similar phenomenon.

Savil Mindtouches him midway through the afternoon. :Care to join me for supper, ke'chara?: 

:Sure.: 

He reads a bit more, starts thinking too much about another event involving massive quantities of magical fire, and gives that line of research up in favor of sitting in a reading nook with his knees pulled up to his chest. He's already needed to use the calming loop twice today, he's not going to use it again when he doesn't need it to get his work done, he needs to learn to calm himself down without relying on a magical crutch. That burns all the time before dinner but he shows up at Savil's rooms with dry eyes and a reasonable facsimile of a friendly expression.

Savil is not particularly fooled (which probably means she's getting help from Kellan, on her own she is not good at reading subtle facial expressions). "Abras, hey, are you all right?" 

(If Abras realized she was getting help from Kellan he would be very embarrassed about being discussed behind his back, but who can and can't read facial expressions is as beyond him as facial expressions are.)

Oh crap, this is one of those "polite lie or annoying truth" situations again. "I'm not--less fine than usual?"

That gets him a worried look and then a hug. 

"...Anyway, have a seat. Wine? And, there's something I should tell you." 

"Thanks. What's the matter?" People never lead with "there's something I should tell you" if they think you're going to enjoy hearing it.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She hands him a glass. "It's nothing bad. Just, you need to make your vows to Elspeth. It's really just a formality, but I figured you'd be happier with a few days' warning." 

There's a brief moment of "oh no, interacting with the Queen" and then it gets swept away by the tide of "oh no vows". It had seemed so remote before his graduation and he hadn't remembered to come back to them afterwards.

"Oh--right--vows. Um. Aunt Savil, I, please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think I understand the vows, I mean really understand them."

"Oh? If you've got questions, I can answer them. Have you asked Yfandes?" 

"I probably should, but I sort of don't know what the right question is to ask. I just . . . how do you know if you're doing what you swore to do? What if you run into a choice where you can heal wrongs or keep the peace but not both? I look at the whole thing and it seems so good and right and I want to swear it, and then I look at each piece and feel like I don't know how I could swear it honestly."

Savil frowns. "Abras, ke'chara, I think you might be overthinking it. There are going to be thorny decisions sometimes, and – I guess sometimes we can't have everything come out the way we want, and we do have to choose which parts to give up. Often you'll be able to ask someone else for advice, if you're not sure, but always. So it has to be up to your conscience. And...that's what Companions are for, right? To help us remember what's good and important, so we can make those choices." 

"I guess? I feel like if I'm going to promise to do something in front of Queen Elspeth and then let it guide my life that deserves kind of a lot of thinking about. Having Yfandes' help will be really good, though, I definitely couldn't do it without her." He guesses he could just interpret it as "don't do anything Yfandes thinks is wrong", but abdicating his own sense of right and wrong that way feels, not exactly cowardly, but like a failure. And he won't always have time to talk to her; he needs to be able to make decisions on the spot in unexpected circumstances and that means having principles to operate by.

"Hmm. So I've never been that much of a book-learner, but I know we're different that way – maybe you should read Seldasen on ethics? I read it a few decades ago and found it very clearheaded. It might help you feel less confused - although, honestly, Lancir told me once that anyone who isn't confused about ethics is a fool. It's a messy complicated world out there and it's just hard." 

"I'll definitely read Seldasen on ethics; he had some really good explanations of tactics. I guess it's okay as long as people--understand that I won't know all the implications of what I'm swearing and I'm just going to do my best with my own imperfect conscience and whatever guidance I can get." It still feels a lot less clear-cut than he would like. If he promises to keep a secret or do a specific thing at a specific time it's really clear what the rules are and what he has to do and nobody will argue about whether he broke his promise or not.

"Oh, ke'chara." Savil slides her chair over and hugs him again. "Do you think it means swearing to be perfect? Listen, that's all any of us are ever doing – our best, with our imperfect consciences and the guidance we can find in each other. I know you'll do fine." 

"I hope so. I don't want to--put off thinking about ethics until a situation comes up where I wish I had. But if I don't know what situations to think about I can't think about them usefully."

"From what I remember, Seldasen gives a lot of examples from past situations that actual Heralds dealt with, which should help you figure out what needs thinking through. Oh - and you could always read through our archives, if you wanted. There are case reports on every major incident since the Founding." 

"That sounds worth reading through, yeah." It'll be quite the project, but he'll be able to see how much continuity there is, whether Heralds from different centuries have made similar decisions for similar reasons.

Savil squeezes his shoulder. "You're so diligent, Abras. You'll do great." She squeezes his shoulder. "All right, now eat something." 

"Thanks." She wouldn't be calling him diligent if she knew how badly he had failed at research this afternoon. Don't think about that. Fork, edible substance, mouth, repeat.

Savil makes conversation, talking about her day and how Herald Jaysen and her other friends in Haven are doing, none of it is particularly relevant to Abras but it passes the time. 

"You look tired," she says finally. "Early night, maybe?" She peers into his face. "Have you been sleeping all right in general?" 

He makes a wobbly "eh, sorta" hand gesture. "An okay amount, but at weird hours? I'm going to try to stay up until a more reasonable bedtime. Maybe I'll go talk to Yfandes for a bit."

"Sounds good. Take care, all right?" She hugs him before he heads out. "I'll let you know when we have a day and time arranged for your vows."