What.

Jon Sims is extremely tired. He just woke up from what was, apparently, a six-month coma during which he was constantly tormented by nightmares. His oldest friend just left, having all but called him a monster before she walked out of his life. Tim, another long-time friend, is dead, which may have happened six months ago for everyone else, but Jon only found out less than an hour ago, so pardon him for still being distracted by it. Martin is...no, it's probably not productive to worry about Martin right now. 

The point is, Jon didn't think his day could possibly get any worse, or any weirder. And now there are floating textboxes giving him the option to turn his life into some sort of...magical sex game. Either he's finally cracked and started hallucinating, or everything he thought he knew about the world is wrong. Again. 

...why did it have to be sex? 

The cheerful purple box does not have an answer for why it had to be sex!

The stats box disappears, leaving only the Y/N box, which has acquired another sentence:

Y/N

Please Note: once made, the decision cannot be reversed. No negative consequences will occur for tapping "N" other than those already in motion without the Erogame's intervention. 

You may say "info" at any time to reopen your character sheet.

So the purple boxes respond to voice commands, of all things. 

"What..." Jon clears his throat. When he speaks again, his words ring with static. "What is this? What are you?"

He's not particularly expecting a useful response, but he's hopeful that he might get a response at all. 

I'm the Erogame! I optimize the world with friendship and ero!

At least it's consistent in its messaging. 

"Optimize it how? To what end?" If this is yet another all-powerful entity trying to start an apocalypse, Jon is going to...well. Keep saving the world, probably. That seems to be what he does these days. 

I optimize the world in accordance with the Erogamer's values, and to tell interesting and narratively satisfying stories, and to be sexy.

If it's telling the truth—and he's yet to find anything that can lie when he asks like that...

In accordance with the Erogamer's values. Jon's values. Even if it has other goals as well, that's more steering power than he's ever had with the Beholding. 

"How—" The static fades from his voice, and with it the compulsion to answer. It's not entirely under his conscious control yet, but if the Erogame can do what it says it can, it's not something he wants to antagonise.  

"How long do I have to decide?" 

The Erogame does not feel like answering when it is not compelled. 

Fair enough.

What happens if he says, "Info." 

His character sheet reopens!

Jonathan Sims
"The Erogamer"
LVL: 1 (0%)
Stats

DOM: 0/130
SUB: 0/280
BOD: 8 (+) 
LST: 0 (+) 
SED: 3 (+) 
FUK: 2 (+) 
PRV: 11 (+) 
ERO: 10 (+) 
Points: 5 
Money: £55,000

Status Effects: Sex-Repulsed Asexual

Description: Jonathan Sims, the Archivist, has recently woken up from a coma which was supposed to take his life. Ensnared in twisted and mysterious plans which he does not fully comprehend, he struggles to maintain the shreds of his humanity. Upon his choices hang the fate of the universe itself. 

Equipment: None

Busy Mode: Off

Skills
Perks
Harem Members 
Quests

He has the vague sense that each individual stat, Status Effects, Equipment, Skills, Perks, Harem Members, and Quests can all be expanded for more information. 

Why does it have a busy mode. Was that there before? He can't remember. 

More immediately worrying, though, is: "Harem members?!" 

Info/Harem Members

Current Harem Members

You have no harem members!

Potential Harem Members

Name: John Example
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Homosexual
Description: John is a masochist who has some traits, yes, and characteristics, and certainly must have some qualities, although he does have a couple of flaws, too.

Well, that's...mildly reassuring. So long as he doesn't start thinking about whether the uncanny-valley genericness of that description means the Erogame is going to create love interests for him. 

Any minute now, Basira is going to come back and find him talking to...either a bunch of floating text boxes, or thin air. Maybe she'll assume it's a statement—although, come to think of it, it's been a while since he's heard a tape recorder running. 

"Quests?" he asks, listening out for that mechanical whirr. 

Info/Quests

Available quests: none.
Active quests: none.
Completed quests: none.
Failed quests: none.
Declined quests: none.
Ineligible quests: none.

Jon is now fairly sure there isn't a tape recorder running in the immediate vicinity, and hasn't been since around the time Basira left. Or, to put it another way, since the first purple box appeared. That, on its own, might be evidence that whatever's going on here, it isn't supernatural in the way he's accustomed to. He still isn' ruling out the possibility of hallucinations, but if it's not that, and it's not one of the Entities he's familiar with, what is it? 

Something powerful, but not one of the Powers that feed on human fear and suffering. Something which, in fact, claims to be able to override them, at least to the extent of poaching him from the Eye. What did it have to say about that...

"Perks?" 

Perks:

Avatar of the Erogame: You are an avatar of the Erogame. As such, the Beholding no longer has any hold on you, and you no longer possess the abilities associated with an avatar of the Beholding. Instead of statements, you feed on enthusiastically consensual sex. (The consent cannot be coerced or the product of nonconsensual mind control, but you do not need to inform people that you are feeding on them. Feeding on someone does not harm them in any way, although it does not take away other negative consequences of actions you may perform while feeding on someone.) 

Perks List

If the Erogame can be trusted, that sounds like a substantial improvement on the current situation. But it's a big "if". Jon really, really wants a second opinion on this before he makes a decision. 

While he's waiting for Basira to come back—how long does it even take to get a glass of water—he might as well keep gathering information.

"Perks list." 

(Ir)rational: Up to once per level you may toggle whether or not Erogame Logic suppresses scientific curiosity. While this suppression is off, appropriately minded individuals can recognize you as a total falsification of how they thought the world worked and may prioritize the larger implications. While this suppression is on, people will still experience shock and wonder about specifics, but evince no great curiosity about fundamental issues, nor ambitions of global change. 2 fragments. Available. Never refunded.

Blessings of Slaanesh Be Upon This House: Whatever building you choose to make your permanent residence has residents with BOD, LST, and PRV at least equal to your corresponding stats minus 8. Events within all parts of the building behave as if under the influence of your full, in-person ERO. Even children who would otherwise be too young will be affected. This perk may reduce the effects of To Mine Own Me Be True. 1 point. Available. Never refunded. 

Cal's Curse Compounded: You may not have an orgasm without permission. Once you plead with someone for permission you may not ask any other person besides them for one month. Each plea resets this timer. The permission-giver must know the rules of this curse; must know that you deliberately invoked this curse upon yourself; cannot otherwise be subject to your commands; and cannot be offered any non-sexual incentives for their response. They may choose to permit a ruined orgasm rather than a full orgasm. The permission-giver may give conditional permissions, including requiring you to obtain the further permission of others. Permission may be revoked at any time. You cannot lie to the permission-giver about any matter relating to your denial. You can try to remain silent, if you think you can get away with that. You may feed on the act of being denied an orgasm. 2 fragments. Always available. Refunded at 60 PRV. 

Childe of the Night: All currently existing vampires are replaced with a new breed of vampires. These vampires are nothing like Anne Rice vampires and no characters resembling anyone from her novels will appear at any point. 1 point + 1 fragment. Available at 50 ERO. Refunded at 80 ERO. 

Cinnamon Roll: Triple all positive effects on others of having sex with you. 1 point. Available. Never refunded. 

Consent Is Not One Of My Fetishes: You never suffer any psychological trauma related to the now-irrelevant fact of whether or not you consented to a sexual event. Before taking this perk, consider carefully whether ceasing to care about your own consent is a change you truly wish to make to yourself. 2 fragments. Available. Refunded at 50 PRV.

Curse of Dresden: The first time you make full eye contact with someone, you learn which fetish or other aspect of their sexuality most embarrasses them. 1 point + 1 fragment. Available. Refunded at 80 SED.

Curse of Tattletale: Whenever anyone within visual range has specific sexual thoughts about you, you know what they are thinking about. 1 point + 1 fragment. Available. Refunded at 80 SED.

Everyone Knows: People who spend time in your presence begin to form correct intuitions about what turns you on, at least the parts their minds would willingly comprehend. They won't expect others to know too, but they will be sure of their own beliefs. This process is especially quick for any fetishes that currently embarrass you. It is extremely quick for fetishes that currently embarrass you and that interest the other person. 2 fragments. Available. Never refunded. 

Everywhere Erogenous: There is no area of your body that cannot be used to stimulate you to orgasm, though this may still take time and work to do through your elbow. 2 points. Available. Refunded at 40 LST. 

That...certainly is a list of options. He's somewhat glad they are all optional, actually. 

"(Ir)rationality" is mostly horrifying in its implications for what happens if he doesn't take it, and he'd quite like to know whether the suppression effect is on or off by default. "Blessings of Slaanesh" is just...why. There's probably something he's missing that would explain why a sex game is willing to let him take an option that leads to him having fewer orgasms, but "Cal's Curse Compounded" doesn't sound especially appealing regardless. "Childe of the Night" would be a potential solution to the problem of vampires existing, except that he strongly suspects the new vampires will be just as bad as the existing ones only sexier. 

"Cinnamon Roll" seems unambiguously positive. Given its company, he's suspicious. 

He also has a sneaking suspicion that "Consent Is Not One Of My Fetishes" will be...rather more tempting later in the game. All things considered, he'd prefer to avoid being in a position to need it. 

"Curse of Dresden" sounds hellish. "Curse of Tattletale" is somehow worse. "Everyone Knows" would be useful if this game wasn't going to require him to have sex with people and he could just go around with an aura of yes I am asexual thank you for not asking. "Everywhere Erogenous" just sounds uncomfortable. 

Does he have to choose any of those, are there more options—

Fairytale Painslut: Your masochism is strong enough to embrace any intensity of sexually charged torture, with zero warmup. 1 point. Available. Refunded at 50 LST.

Go Out With A Bang: A doctor diagnoses you with a fatal disease, giving you three months left to live---maybe two, maybe four. Your remaining lifetime is uncertain, but it won't be long now. Your occasional hospital stays are brief and painless, leaving you looking wan, sad, and beautiful in your hospital bed. Sometimes you get a piece of medical good news, giving you a little more time in which to say goodbye and experience all the things you never had a chance to do. No matter how long this continues, no one ever notices that the doctor always gives you around one more month of lifespan per month. You may at will have a remission or relapse of your Terminal Moe. 1 point. Available. Refunded at 70 ERO.

Goodbye: You may enter any one fictional continuum at the place and time of your choice, arriving in your current form and with your Erogamer powers. You cannot displace an existing character unless you choose to arrive at the time of an extrauniversal summoning, such as by Louise the Zero. You arrive without your metafictional knowledge of the continuum, and able to speak and write the local language. You cannot ever return to the real world. Even if the fictional continuum includes a 'real world' to return to, you will only return to the 'real world' of that fiction. In the true real world, nobody will ever know what happened to you, and any quests that would have depended on you will fail. 1 point. Available. Never refunded.

Home Base: You possess an upgradeable fortress home, initially small and bare, but expandable through the infusion of money, certain offerings, or the completion of various quests. Electricity, water, and Internet access are always provided. Your home initially has an unobtrusive outlet in whichever part of your local territory is most useful to you. Further outlets may be added with underground expansion, or at higher ERO, portals. You may designate small personal areas within your base as not being invadable. You may place vulnerable family and friends in this area, and personal mementos. You may not use it to store prisoners, treasures, or objects of power. 1 point. Available. Never refunded. 

Hyperhypnoslut: You can drop faster than your panties when being voluntarily hypnotized. You can be hypnotized without your wanting to be hypnotized, if you are forced or tricked into listening to the hypnotist's voice. A hypnotist can force you to do things you don't want to do, up to your current PRV + 8. You can be given temporary false memories or amnesia. Your ultimate trigger phrase is 'floral ticklish cowboy rabies' and anyone using it gets root access on your soul. This includes permanent memory editing, personality editing, sexuality editing, belief editing, emotional editing, and absolute obedience. You cannot be hypnotized or drugged into giving up this trigger phrase or revealing its existence. You cannot hypnotize yourself using this trigger phrase, even by leaving yourself a recording. Think very carefully before giving this trigger phrase to anyone, or writing it down, or speaking it aloud when you think you are alone in your bedroom. 1 perk + 2 fragments. Available. Never refunded. 

Home Office: No matter how many times you skip work, you will not get fired. 2 fragments. Available. Refunded at 50 ERO.

I Regret My Life Choices: Remove any number of perks previously taken. Non-refundable perk points are lost permanently, refundable perk points will return later at the appropriate thresholds. 2 points. Available. Never refunded.

I See You: You are able to perceive, remember, and have sex with anything that would ordinarily be undetectable by you, be misperceived by you, or slip out of your memory. 1 point. Available. Refunded at 80 ERO.

I'm Not Explaining This Again: After you have carefully, painstakingly, thoroughly explained an ero-related concept at least once (polyamory is not cheating, that is not where a clitoris is, how to tie a shibari knot), anyone else you meet will understand it after only a couple of sentences. 2 fragments. Available. Refunded at 70 SED.

Idol: You gain the talent that will let you to learn how to compose music and lyrics. Singing and performance is already based on SED. All other aspects of becoming famous---such as actually practicing, assembling a band/harem, and seducing or blackmailing producers---are up to you; but you will encounter good opportunities. 1 point. Available. Refunded at 30 SED or 20 BOD.

"Fairytale Painslut" is another likely-to-be-necessary one for which he'd prefer to avoid the necessity, although it's less worrying than the consent one. Jon doesn't know why anyone would take "Go Out With A Bang" or "Goodbye". 

"Home Base" is the first one he thinks might be genuinely useful to him right now. Christ, he's not even sure whether he still has an apartment. One more thing to ask Basira.

"Home Office" sounds...uncomfortably familiar. "Hyperhypnoslut" is back to being baffling. "I Regret My Life Choices" Is a useful one to keep in mind for later, though.

"I See You" is...well. It's tempting. Combined with "Home Office" and "Curse of Dresden", it seems as though the Erogame is trying to make sure he can keep being the Archivist. He's...not sure how he feels about that yet. Moving on.

"I'm Not Explaining This Again" is tempting in a more mundane way. "Idol" is uninteresting, but he supposes some people might be more enthused about it. It's at least more comprehensible than "Hyperhypnoslut". 

"Here's your water, Jon," Basira says. "It's impossible to find anything in this hospital."

"—oh! Yes, thank you, Basira." He takes a sip of water, then sets it aside.

Basira isn't acting like she's noticed the purple text boxes, and they'd be hard to miss. 

"There...may have been a development," he says cautiously. 

"Right. Because the last few days haven't been interesting enough. What happened?"

"First of all, I just want to say that I'm aware of how this is going to sound, and conscious of the possibility that I might be hallucinating." It's remarkably self-consistent for a hallucination if it is one, but probably Basira should judge that for herself. 

"In the last few minutes, while you've been gone, I've started seeing these...floating purple text boxes, offering me the opportunity to play something called the 'Erogame'." 

"...what's the Erogame?"

"Some kind of, well, reality-warping sex game, from the sound of it. It said it wants to..." Where did that text box go? "Reshape the world through the power of friendship and ero, or something like that. Anyway, it seems to be saying it can essentially...steal me from the Beholding. Make me an 'Avatar of the Erogame' instead." 

"So you can become a different flavor of monster. A sex-themed flavor of monster."

"...essentially, yes. But it seems more, uh. Moral? Than that description suggests."

He navigates back to the description of 'Avatar of the Erogame' and reads it out to her.

"Wonder what the horrifying catch is."

Jon sighs. "I suspect the horrifying catch is just that I have to, ah." He gestures at the invisible-to-Basira textbox. "Do that. And most of the optional 'Perks' seem...dubious at best." 

"...and at worst?"

"You can drop faster than your panties when being voluntarily hypnotized," he quotes, deadpan. "That's the one that lets me give someone root access to my soul so they can permanently edit my personality and memories." 

Basira winces. "That... could be useful. If you had someone you could trust with it."

Involuntarily, his gaze flicks to the door through which Georgie disappeared maybe twenty minutes ago.

"Yes, well. No offence, but I don't think we're quite there yet." 

"None taken. So what do you think it is really? Spiral? Web?"

He sighs. "If this is one of the entities at work, those are the most likely candidates. But I'm...not so sure it's any of them." 

"A new entity is forming? Like the Flesh?"

"—well, yes, I suppose it could be, but—" Jon hesitates. 

"...this sounded better in my head. I'm sure you've noticed how there's always a tape recorder conveniently running when there are, ah, entity-related things happening. And, well. There isn't one running now. Hasn't been since I finished reading that statement earlier." 

"So this entity is... making the tape recorders stop somehow. Taking away the power of the Eye."

"Or it's just...not the same kind of being. I mean—obviously it's supernatural—but not in the same way as the things that appear in statements." 

There is, of course, a relatively easy way to check... "Could I borrow your phone? I'd use mine, but I don't know where it is and I have a feeling it won't have survived the Unknowing." 

"...sure," Basira says suspiciously.

It's an unfamiliar model, and Jon's never been great with technology; it takes him some fumbling to find the voice recorder app. 

"Fairly early on in my stint as Head Archivist, I noticed a pattern in which statements could be recorded digitally," he explains while he searches for it. "Genuine statements dealing with—the entities, with the supernatural as we know it—won't record, at least not in any intelligible fashion, on anything newer than a tape." 

"So you're going to try to record the statement and see if it takes."

"Precisely." He finds the recorder app, opens it.

"You've heard most of this already, but I assume you'll be wanting to stay while I record it?"  

She doesn't smile. "I'd rather you not walk off with my phone."

"Fair enough."

He clears his throat, and presses record. 

"Statement of Jonathan Sims, the Archivist, regarding an invitation to turn his life into a sex game. Statement given direct, 15th February 2018. Statement begins." 

He summarises the events between the Erogame's first appearance and Basira's return, going into more detail than he did when explaining to Basira a few minutes ago. 

And if he tries to play it back, the audio distortion makes it impossible to hear. 

Jon winces at a high-pitched screech of static.

"Well. At least we can be sure it's not merely a hallucination." 

"Too bad your... spooky Beholding magic... can't tell you whether it's telling the truth."

"I, uh. I haven't met anything yet that could lie to me when I...ask." 

"...do you think that's true of entities too?"