"So," says Bella to Rúmil one afternoon, "a few weeks ago I told myself that if in a few weeks I had not come up with an actually good way to bring up a thing I would just mention it anyway on the grounds that if it came up somehow later and I had not done so that would be weird."
"We don't have a system set up to hear about incidents in your jurisdiction yet except the, ah, big public safety one."
"That is the one which has spawned all the problems, yes. You don't have jurisdiction or enough information to try the case."
"How do you mean?"
"Do you know whether we had a trial already? Do you know how long the victims were dead - did you even know they were resurrected- how much information do you have about the war -"
"We haven't tried him yet, that would presumably have come out then."
"More than half the relevant information is a critical state secret with no safe way to introduce it at trial. Like the interdimensional transit. We are equipped to handle that case and you are not."
"So you want some kind of - partial subscription where we do arrests and you do your own trials? We normally publish the transcripts, too..."
"I'm optimistic that ordinarily we can just work with your normal procedures with no special process at all- trials should be public, it wouldn't be decent to compromise on that - but that one is going to have to be a special case. If we'd already been subscribers we'd at least have known to apprise you of the situation in advance - a week before it even happened -"
"So the, ah, no-state-secrets version of events - the problem is that verifying any of this will be impossible without running across them - is as follows: our world had a nasty work of a creature named Melkor, who had put out a couple suns, started a world war on a planet of five billion, and paved another couple moons with servers which he used to upload and torture several hundred million people. By sheer chance a young kid summoned Swan, unbound. We asked him for help with the war; he terraformed a planet and took refugees there, investigated Melkor, helped end some famines that were a consequence of the war. And discovered that Melkor could be destroyed with a black hole and nothing short of that, and arranged for the target to be our least-populous planet whose population was all resurrectable, and went to the affected populations' government for guidance. We told him to do it. He then promptly resurrected everybody. The victims opposed pursuing charges - they were really glad Melkor was dead and the torture stopped and the planets with much larger and less resurrectable populations protected -"
"...okay. Uh, I can maybe hammer out a custom subscription arrangement where you can do your own trials on special occasions. I just have to get it through in time for you to try Swan."
"I appreciate it tremendously. Can I be helpful there?"
"Wouldn't even begin to try to do it without you. So, who exactly is the subscribing entity and who are you to them?"
"The subscribing embassy will be the Endorë Federation for Interstellar Concerns, which has a dozen member states and does external diplomacy like this for them; I am our delegate to Earth and the crown prince of one of our member nations."
The subscribing manager needs more minutiae about the member states and about how the documentation should refer to the prince, then: "And how will you normally prefer to submit incident reports?"
"It'd be easiest to have them conjured, that not calling attention to the interdimensional teleportation, is that workable?"
"In the clear or encrypted?"
"We're not set up for that right now but could arrange it for a step up in your pricing package."
"I don't anticipate that being a problem."
"Okay..." More paperwork-if-there-were-paper-involved. "- and I think you're all set, I'll toss this up to the director, will you want to pay by the month, year, or decade?"
"Let's do decade. - I don't think there's an exchange rate yet."
"Even with fairy currency?"
"Oh, we might have one with fairy currency and the Dwarves definitely do. I'll have some people in accounting arrange it."
"All right - first installment will be expected within the month."