A forest, apparently!

bleedfierceforever joined the game

<Technoblade> so do we just call you “bleed” orrrr

<Tubbo_> o/

He knows what forests are! This... does not explain what is going on. He has... fallen into a forest somehow. And there are people --talking? communicating?-- via mysterious means.

<bleedfierceforever> That's not my name.
<bleedfierceforever> Why has-- *this* decided that's my name?
<bleedfierceforever> Where am I?

(Because "Who the hell are you?" is just not polite.)

<Thunder1408> dream smp
<Thunder1408> spawn probably
<Fundy> usually your parents name you but you can change it if you want
<Ranboo> wow so you’re like LOST lost

(There’s someone in the distance wearing a strange glowing-purple armor.)

<bleedfierceforever> Is that... a country?
<bleedfierceforever> I fell in a hole. I think I am very lost. 

And he is going to put a tree between himself and the person with the glowing armour. (He is NOT hiding. He is taking sensible precautions around someone with unknown weaponry and capabilities, and who he doesn't know if they are hostile or not.)

<Ranboo> well its ALSO a country

<Ranboo> i think jack meant the server though

Person in glowing purple armor: definitely trying to get line-of-sight on him. They’re being reasonably sneaky about it except for the part where they’re glowing. 

<bleedfierceforever>: Server?

They're not getting line of sight on him if he has any choice about it. (Landing in a forest instead of plains: A small mercy.)

<Ranboo> um
<Ranboo> oh boy
<Ranboo> phiiiiiilllllll
<Ph1LzA> lmao youre on your own here m8
<WilburSoot> a server is an area that has its own world spawn for when your bed breaks! 

<bleedfierceforever>: ...I know those words. But not strung together like that.

(He can't see any tadpoles, so he's probably not at spawn, except for the fact he really cannot be confident of guesses like that and why are armoured people chasing him.)

Maybe they just want to say hi.

<WilburSoot> when you die you wake up at your spawn
<WilburSoot> which is usually your bed unless you don’t have one and then you just wake up at the default spawn of whatever server you’re in

Well they can say they're friendly then!

<bleedfierceforever> ...in my experience, dead people usually stay that way.

<WilburSoot> well canon lives are different
<WilburSoot> if you lose your canon lives you’re dead for real. like me! i’m a ghost
<WilburSoot> usually dying is fine though, i can show you if you want
<Thunder1408> or you can just wait like five minutes for when tubbo inevitably falls off a cliff or something
<Technoblade> KEKW

(There is now a second person in the strange glowing purple armor. This one also has a green cloak and a white smiley face mask. He doesn’t seem to be coordinated with the first person?)

????

<bleedfierceforever> I would rather not die, thank you

He still does not trust that the person in the green cloak's intentions are friendly.

It is so much harder the hide from both of them at once.

<WilburSoot> good luck!

Person #1 gets a shot off on him. It hurts barely at all, even though the arrow lands square in his chest and also appears to be on fire?

And then Xiao Jingyan wakes up in the same place he originally fell.

bleedfierceforever was shot by Punz using [N U T]
<WilburSoot> or not!
<Technoblade> L
<Punz> welcome to the dream smp big msan
<Punz> welcome to the dream smp big man
<Thunder1408> msan
<Dream> msan

Okay, so dying here doesn't actually kill you. (Unless it's 'canon'?) That's... something. He's not sure what it is, exactly, but it's something. A sign that he's definitely in another world?

<bleedfierceforever> Does anyone else want to kill me while we're here

<Dream> well, if you're offering

It's not really a fight, given the circumstances, but it's enough to give Jingyan the impression that the man (Dream?) would be absolutely terrifying in one. He's definitely a better fighter than Jingyan, and probably one of the best fighters Jingyan's ever seen.

bleedfierceforever was killed by Dream using [Nightmare]

He's rapidly becoming very familiar with the area around spawn.

He's going to avoid getting in a serious fight with Dream(?) if he can help it. He is terrifyingly good. Would rank high on the Langya List, except for the fact that's probably not a thing here.

<bleedfierceforever> Is attacking people who we greet people around here.

<bleedfierceforever> I would not want to be rude.

<Ranboo> uuuhhhhhhh its not rude to NOT attack people but its pretty common yeah
<Ranboo> especially for new people
<Ranboo> i got killed like four times on my first day but its mostly stopped
<TommyInnit> VC2
<TommyInnit> VC2
<TommyInnit> VC2
<TommyInnit> VC2
<Ranboo> oh god
<TommyInnit> VC2
<TommyInnit> VC2

<bleedfierceforever> vc2?

<TommyInnit> YES
<WilburSoot> tommy i dont think he has a button yet!

The first person has left, but the second one is still hanging around. Upon closer inspection, there's a floating nameplate above his head, labeling him Dream. "Do you need some help with anything?"

"I'm just getting my bearings." (Because he is not going to interact with someone who can-- and has proven that he will-- kill him if he can help it.)

<bleedfierceforever> What would a button even do?

"Sure. Let me know if you want a tour." And Dream will wander off.

<awesamdude> you can call people if you have a button

Not taking a tour-- ie going deeper into the woods-- from someone who just killed him! Even if being killed is lower stakes than he is used to,.

<bleedfierceforever> How would one acquire a button?

<awesamdude> do you have stone yet

<bleedfierceforever> Why would I have stone?
<bleedfierceforever> A stone? Some stone?

He will be very slowly talked through the process of Acquiring Things. He’ll have to leave the walled area around spawn first (this is fairly easy; he can go either over or under the walls) but then he can punch a tree, make a crafting table and a wooden pickaxe, and get cobblestone. Or he can just find some exposed stone and punch it for a while, his choice. (If he makes a crafting table he gets a recipe book with it.) If he wants to do everything on his own, he’s going to need some more cobblestone and some coal; if not, here are directions to the community house, there are furnaces there he can use to make the cobblestone into regular stone. (Furnaces: also come with recipe books!) Once he has stone, he can make a stone button out of it, assuming he hasn’t been thoroughly sidetracked by this point. 

He is very capable of following instructions. He ends up punching a tree (it is so strange to be able to hit a tree with his fist and get wood from it) and acquiring a crafting bench because that seems like the option that Sets Him Up For The Future the best. ...he does quickly give up on finding coal and go to the community house, instead.

And after all that rigmarole, he has a stone button, and he manages to work out how to use it. "You wanted me on this thing?"

“I think Tommy’s the one who wanted you, actually, but it’s probably worth learning how calls work here.” Voice calls! You make them using a combination of a stone button and the chat interface that he’s been using! You can also join group calls—VC1 through VC6 all often have people in them–and you can see who’s already in them like so! You can use the chat interface to mute yourself (so that they can’t hear you) or deafen (so that you can’t hear them)! If Jingyan is interested, it looks like TommyInnit is in fact still in VC2.

"Thank you, I very much appreciate your assistance."

And he should go check on this 'Tommy' who was being so insistent. He gets into VC2. "You wished to speak with me?"

“HELLO????????”

Goodness that's loud. "Yes?"

“WHO ARE YOU.”

"Xiao Jingyan, Prince Jing-- which probably means nothing to you. Also, you do not need to shout, I can hear you."

"--Wait, you're a prince? Like, of a country?"

"I am." Or 'was' until he fell into a ?magical hole? "Of Da Liang."

"That doesn't sound like a real place."

"Nothing about here seems real."

"Well I am very real actually. And I am better than a prince because I am me. How old are you, you sound like an adult."

"I'm 31." Why is he having this conversation with a ?foreign? ?teenager?

"Well that is not very pogchamp of you. I think you are old." He definitely sounds like a foreign teenager; past the handwavey translation magic, he has an unfamiliar accent (well, a different unfamiliar accent than the unfamiliar accent that Dream and awesamdude had shared) and his voice sounds like it's dropped but isn't completely stable yet.

It's not that no one has ever considered him 'old' before, even if it isn't that common, but he hasn't experienced it as a dismissal. "...pogchamp?"

“Pogchamp, my friend. Pogchamp.”

"--I do not know what that means."

“Like, you know, cool. Pog.”

“WHAT THE FUCK TUBBO HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THIS CALL.”

“Since you spammed VC2 in chat. Wait, wait, if Prince Jing doesn’t know what pogchamp is, do you think he knows what bofa is?????”

"Hello, Tubbo. No, I do not know what 'bofa' is."

"BOFA DEEZ NUTS!!!!!!"

"... Right."

"Oh my God, I can't believe that worked. Hi, by the way, I'm the president of L'Manberg, you joined at kind of an awkward time but I can show you around anyway if you want."

"It would be good to get my bearings, if it isn't too much trouble."

"Nah. Just, like, we might make a detour to build a meeting room at some point."

It's strange to be somewhere where people build structures so casually. Where building a room is a 'detour.' "I'd be willing to assist, if I am able."

“Whoa, being quite formal there, big man. —Where should I meet you?”

"I know where the community house is, and where spawn is, so I can meet you at either place, depending on what is convenient to you."

“Community house works for me. Tommy, you coming?”

“You’re so fuckin’ clingy, man. Yeah, I’m coming.”

"Thank you; I appreciate it." While he waits, he tries to make himself useful, but he has so little idea of how to do that that he just repeatedly opens and closes chests in case that creates some sort of insight.

It isn’t long before two loud teenagers come running down the path towards him! The taller one has “TommyInnit” above his head; the shorter one, with burn scars covering a lot of his body, has “Tubbo_” above his head. They’re almost too busy talking to each other to notice Jingyan until they’re practically on top of him. 

“Oh, hey, Prince Jing! Can I just call you Jing, it’s shorter.”

He's going to have to tone down the formality, both what he himself does and what he expects from others. It's going to be So Strange. "You can call me Jingyan, if you need something shorter. 'Prince Jing' is a title."

“Jingyan, then.” (He is, as might be expected from a foreigner, not even attempting the tones.) “Nice to meet you. This is the community house— I guess you already knew that.”

"Nice to meet you both too. It's a useful piece of infrastructure."

"Yeah! ...What does that mean."

How-- how do you explain infrastructure to someone who doesn't know what it is. "It's-- a useful communal resource? That's also a building."

“Oh! Yeah.”

"It's definitely helpful for someone new-- I have no idea if strangers falling on you is a common problem."

“Um, kind of? Usually not… quite as much a stranger as you are.”

“No offense, big J.”

"I understand if I'm-- more lost than most people are."

"A bit, yeah."

Tommy has gotten distracted jumping around. "Weren't we supposed to be giving a tour?"

"Right! Yeah. This way?"

This is an incredibly jumpy culture.

He follows them.

Tommy turns off the path and to the right pretty quickly and starts heading towards a white building with purple windows surrounded by a slightly larger stone perimeter marked out on the ground. “CHURCH PRIME, BABY. I built it did you know, or, well, Dream and I built it, but mostly me, because I’m the coolest. And nobody can kill you when you’re on the holy land ‘cause it’s blasphemy, innit.”

“Hey, I was there too! I helped!”

“I did most of it though.”

“Sure, but— oh, sick, my old house is still around here! I didn’t realize nobody got rid of the ruins.” (His old house seems to be a perimeter of cobblestone with some blocks and furnaces floating in the air.)

"Those are-- unusual ruins."

“…What else would it look like? It got blown up, not mined out.”

... "Where I'm from, ruins usually fall down." He is not going to touch the casualness with which people's houses explode.

“Weird.” He sounds fascinated. “Wait, so like— Tommy do you have any sand? Or gravel, gravel works too—”

“I have… sticks.”

“Whatever, okay, I can get some later to see if it’s like that. Sand and gravel falls. Oh, and anvils! Anvils fall. Most things don’t. It sounds really inconvenient to be from somewhere where everything falls, though, you wouldn’t be able to have caves or tunnels, you’d have to just dig down if you wanted anything and didn’t want to die of stuff falling on your head. That’d suck. …Would you even be able to have houses— I guess scaffolding falls and you can build houses with that—“

"If you support wood or stone, that doesn't fall, you just-- can't have floating furnaces."

“Wait, so is it that it doesn’t fall if it’s connected to other things, or is it just that only furnaces fall? Because if it’s the first thing, there’s gotta be a way around that, right? If you can build things out and not just up then things can attach sideways and have that be enough support, you’d just have to get two blocks attached sideways to each other. But no, someone must have thought of that, so there must be a reason why that doesn’t work? Hm.”

“Tubbbbbooooo c’mon man I want to show him L’Manberg. We can talk on the way.” Tommy: possibly physically incapable of standing still? It certainly would fit the presented evidence.  

"That's how rooves work? They are attached to two walls, or columns, and that supports them."

“Right, they’re still attached to the ground, I’m trying to figure out why them just being attached to each other isn’t enough for them to stay up without the columns, since it’s not just that things fall if there’s nothing under them— does everything have to be attached to the ground twice or can you build like this?” He builds an impromptu ¬ shape. 

"If it does not extend too far and is made of a strong enough material, yes."

“Do you know how far it is for different materials?”

"Unfortunately, I'm not an engineer. I couldn't say off the top of my head."

“Aw. Okay. …I am definitely going to have more questions later but I can wait until later.”

"I would be happy to answer them. It seems like a fair trade."

“Aw dude if you’re out here looking for fair trades you are going to get so scammed.”

"...there are worse things than being more upright than the people around you."

“…Sure. But just because there are worse things doesn’t mean you have to be stupid about it.”

"Some things are worth the cost."

“You know what, Jingyan, I agree with you. Not on everything, mind, I’m not going to give up on scamming people, so don’t get too comfortable. But there are things that are more important than that, things where you should pay whatever price is asked. I like to think I try, anyway.”

“Easy for you to say when you’re not offering to pay it,” Tubbo says, very very quietly. 

Like he hasn't lived that for the past thirteen years. "Tommy, you wanted to show me around L'Manberg."

“Yeah! There’s these— fuckoff high obsidian walls around it right now, because some green bastard decided to be a little bitch, but it’s not that hard to find a spot where you can go under or through them.” They can head towards L’Manberg! As promised, in the distance are tall obsidian walls encircling what looks to be a fairly small city. “Tubbo’s president, I’m vice president, Fundy and Big Q are also in the cabinet. And then there’s Niki and Phil and Ghostbur and Ranboob who live here. Maybe other people too, I dunno. Lots of stuff happening here, people moving in and out. Are you American, if you’re not American you can join. —Or maybe if you are, I think Ranboo’s American? I didn’t agree to that. He’s older than me and American, this sucks.”

Once they get past the obsidian walls, L’Manberg is a fairly cute place, if you ignore the random sky paths and the “YOU </3 LITTLE PENIS” sign. Some other notable things include:

- it’s built on stilts in a crater half-full of water

- there are shoddy WANTED signs plastered everywhere, displaying the face of a pig man and the name “Technoblade”

- there are a lot of flags hung up

- there are also a lot of festival decorations that have been partially taken down

- the aforementioned giant obsidian walls

"I have not heard of America, so presumably I'm not American?" The giant volcanic walls are Concerning. "Is there a reason that-- Dream?-- did this?"

“If I had to guess I would say it was because someone” (pointed look at Tommy) “griefed George’s house.”

“Mmmm, that doesn’t sound like something I would do! But whoever did do it was super cool and committed a super cool robbery that was not a griefing.”

“You literally— at the trial, you literally admitted to doing it.”

“Wait, did I? Naaaaaahhhh that can’t be right.”

"There's walls for one robbery?"

“…Yes? Tommy’s the Vice President, what he does reflects on our nation, and George is the King of the other nation—the Greater Dream SMP—that’s what the meeting today is going to be about, is deciding on a consequence for Tommy so that Dream agrees to take the walls down. I… have hope, that we’ll work something out peacefully. You can come if you want.”

That makes more sense. And does not make him like Dream any more than he already does.

"I am willing to help, even though I do not have the best handle on the situation here."

“I don’t have the best handle on the situation either, I’m fucking—I’m on probation, Big J.”

“Look on the bright side, if today goes well you could be off it soon.”

"We can hope so."

“It’s fucking bullshit, man, Dream’s not— he just showed up and suddenly we have to do whatever he says? The whole point of declaring independence from him was that we’re better than that. We’re not going to— to hurt each other, just because he tells us to.”

“Well what else do you suggest, then, Tommy? Fighting him? How is that, how is that not going to end with people getting hurt? We’ve barely recovered from the last war, we can’t afford to take him on right now.”

“We could do it! We’ve done it before! And this time we have— we have more people, we won’t have a traitor, we can try to get the Badlands on our side, we could have spent the past week preparing instead of forcing me to write reports—“

You don’t have two lives to throw away this time, Tubbo doesn’t say. “Tommy. We are not starting a war with Dream unless it is absolutely necessary. That’s final.”

"He should not be besieging an independent nation because of the actions of one person. --though that is much easier to say than make so."

“Right, I would love for him to not be, but given that he is, we have to be realistic here.”

"--I may have an unfairly low assessment of his likelihood to listen to reason."

“Well, if he doesn’t listen to reason it won’t really matter because we’ll all be screwed, but I really do think it’ll be okay as long as Tommy doesn’t fuck it up for himself.”

"We'll just have to hope for the best. Plan for the worst, also, but hope for the best."

“Yeah.”

“Your plan for the worst had better not involve fucking exiling me.”

“…It’s an option. I will do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t come to that, right, but if Dream really wants you gone… we have to at least discuss it.”

“You know, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t even consider it. It would never be an option for me. You’re— you’re my best friend, I would never fucking do that shit.”

“I’m the President, Tommy. My duties require me to consider all possible options, not just the ones I like. I’m not going to exile you, just— just behave for Dream and I won’t have any reason to justify that.”

It's... Something, to know that even somewhere as foreign as here, some things are the same. "I will do whatever I can to prevent that."

“See, the new guy gets it! Up top, Big J.” He puts his hand in the air. 

He also puts his hand in the air. Is this how they salute here?

Tommy slaps Jingyan's hand with his! It doesn't really hurt, and it seems to be a friendly gesture.

... This is probably just how they salute then.

"That's... very nice of you, really, and of course we accept you as a citizen and all that, but... As far as I know, you don't have any armor, or weapons, or... food... which is fine! You just joined today! But unless you're a secret Technoblade or something, I don't know how much you'll be able to help if anything escalates."

"I may not be able to help martially very much now-- but I am still willing to help."

"I... don't think Dream is going to accept diplomacy from anyone not in the cabinet, let alone someone as new as you. Unless you have other ideas?"

"Do you know of anything he wants?"

"...Tommy's discs."

"No. Nope. Absolutely not. We are getting that disc back, you hear me, we are not giving him another."

"They're your discs, I'm not going to do anything with them you don't want. But Jingyan asked if there was anything else he wanted."

"He wants Spirit."

"Is Spirit a weapon, an animal--"

"The remains of his dead horse."

"Does Dream have any plans for a horse corpse?"

"...Probably not? But he cares about it. And he doesn't have anything we care about."

"This is a bad idea."

"What? Jingyan asked, right?"

"I would not normally suggest bringing a dead horse to the negotiating table" -- why is this a sentence he has ever said "--but it may be your only option."

"Gonna be honest here, I think this will go better if we just. Cooperate. He's not asking for anything unreasonable as long as we cooperate, probation might suck but you'll be fine and it'll be over in a couple weeks, and we really, really can't afford conflict right now."

"Probation may be the best plan. If the terms are reasonable."

"He has to write daily reports on what he did and show Fundy, he's temporarily stripped of political power, and if he does more shit like this while on probation then Dream'll get mad, probably. --Fundy's a citizen of L'Manberg, we got to choose who he reports to."

"That sounds reasonable." Which doesn't mean it actually is. Much blood has been spilled in the name of "reasonable terms."

"Yeah. As long as we can convince him that it's working and he doesn't need to punish Tommy further, I think we'll be fine."

"We will just have to hope Dream is reasonable."

"He's fucking not, though. This is stupid. I don't know why you even went along with the stupid probation, you could have just covered for me--"

"I'm not going to put an entire nation at risk because you think you should get to burn down whoever's house you want without any consequences."

He is... Not getting in the middle of this. It's not that he disagrees with Tubbo, you can not just burn down people's houses. But-- he does not trust Dream to be proportional about this, and that's important too.

... And he himself has been the person who "should just stop what he's doing" and-- he agrees with Tubbo, mostly. He's not going to say that though.

"Look, you're being kind of a dick, man."

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm just... stressed. Just... promise me you'll behave at the meeting tonight, for your own sake."

"You have met me, right, like, I can't fucking promise that."

"...I'm going to go build the meeting room for tonight. You can come or not."

"Do you need resources to build it?"

"Nah, I've got blackstone. It'll be, like, nostalgic."

On the one hand: He would like to be useful.

On the other: He would not want to get in the way of reconciliatory meeting room building. So.

"Is there anything you would like help with preparing?"

"I don't think so? I guess I might need more blackstone. We can take down one of Ponk's towers, maybe. I can also ask Ranboo to help, though, if you want to get yourself... more... stuff?"

"It would probably be useful long term to have weapons and tools."

"You can go mining, then. D'you want me to call when it's time for the meeting? 'S fine either way. The cabinet will be there, and Ranboo, but Ghostbur and Phil and Niki will be staying home."

"Wait, why's Ranboo going to be there?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you! He's the minutes man now. He'll be minutes man-ing. Taking notes, keeping track of time, all that stuff."

Tommy is not listening because he has already wandered off. Such is the way of Tommy.

Well, there he goes. That bodes well.

"I will meet you back here for the meeting." And off he goes to go mining.

Mining: involves significantly more zombies, skeletons, etc., than Jingyan is used to! (If he finds a cave, anyway. If he's strip mining he might not notice.)

There may or may not be embarassing trips back from spawn before he a) puts a bed near where he is mining and b) actually makes a sword.

People say the letters "F" and "L" in chat a lot, particularly when he or anyone else dies. It's kind of unclear if they have a meaning beyond being the thing that is said when people die.

It's not surprising that somewhere, even when death is so bizarrely low stakes, would develop rituals around death. That's probably what's going on.  He has no idea. (Ooh, more iron--)

He can get quite a bit of iron (and also get much more used to how the world works here) but eventually his stone button will vibrate and make a noise!

He answers the stone button. "Hello?"

"The cabinet just finished talking, we're heading to the meeting room. It's by Church Prime if you want to meet us there."

"Thank you, I'll go head over there now." Which he does.

(He's managed to get a full iron set of tools, but he has no armour yet.)

There are five people standing around; two (a humanoid fox and a tall half-black-half-white being) are visibly nonhuman. He recognizes Tommy and Tubbo, though, and as he approaches, they're wrapped up in a familiar argument:

"Tubbo, I-- I hate to, uh, break the immersion here, of you and your little party, but you know I'm not just going to stay quiet."

"Okay, well, if you do want to speak, be positive and apologetic for me please--"

"That's just not how I--"

"--Jingyan's here! Hi Jingyan."

(There is a very unenthusiastic chorus of "Hi Jingyan"s.)

He is not going to look visibly startled at the non-humans, that would be rude (even if being in a group with a fox creature is... concerning.) "Hello, everyone."

"Right, okay, are we ready to enter, is everyone composed, you know?"

The fox-person glances at the people Jingyan doesn't know and then says "Yes, okay, ready."

"We're heading in?"

"If you're ready, then yeah. Fundy and Quackity, your seats are on the left side of the table. Tommy, you're on the right, closest to me, yeah? Ranboo, Jingyan, you're not part of the cabinet so you'll be standing."

"Don't fuck this up, Tommy."

They start walking towards the door. "I'm telling you, I'm, I'm likely going to! I don't understand what-- I'm just addressing the elephant in the room, which is me, although I'm not the size of an elephant, in height I am, not in weight, I'm not wide, but if I was wide though, if I was stretchy, this world would be real different right now-- I can't control me gob, is what I'm saying, I'm like a fucking--"

They're at the door.

"Last call for objections before I open the door and we go inside."

He has no objections other than the Sense of Impending Doom.

(He-- he's not that much like Tommy. But he has been in that place where you should just shut up, but you can't, and-- his reasons are and were different, but he sympathises. And is growing aware of how Doomed this is.)

"Three, two, one, go."

Dream's already inside.

There's a long moment of silence. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Tommy is the first one to break it. "HI."

"Hello."

"Okay. So, Dream, you said you had something you wanted to address?"

"Yeah. Well, I told you before, I want Tommy exiled."

There's another pause before Tubbo nods with visible reluctance. "...Yes. That is true."

This... Is going poorly already. He'd hoped Dream would be happy with probation, happy enough to open with it.

"I told you, you had three days to think about it and you can come back to me, we can have this meeting…?"

"Okay. Well. I don’t t-- Is th-- I’m just trying to think of any other alternative. I want to-- I want to do bargaining, if you will. Is there any other alternative we can do, which doesn’t involve that, perhaps? Or is that really the only one?"

"What's your proposition?"

"Okay. Here is my--"

"I mean, I’ve put-- I’ve put a lot of work into putting those walls up and maintaining them-- I don’t know if you noticed, but they’ve actually doubled in size since the last time we talked!"

"...I did. I did notice that. Okay, right--"

"I also have right now in my inventory eight stacks of obsidian more that I can add onto it."

"Hooooly crap, do you sleep? Right. Okay. Okay! So, right. I really want this to come to a peaceful resolution, where we don’t have to exile anyone. We want to-- we want the best for our country."

"Well, you are considering it-- You are considering it, right? You are considering exiling Tommy…?"

"...It's an option on the table. But it's the last resort."

He does not have a great idea of how hard it is to get obsidian, but he has gained an appreciation for exactly how much a stack is.

The fact that Dream is leaning so hard on exile-- there has to be a way to convince Dream to not but he can't think of it.

Dream whispers to TommyInnit: :)

The unfamiliar human in a beanie speaks up. "I think... I think what the president here is trying to say is that we're willing to compromise. Alright? Tommy has been on his good behavior and he’s done reports and he’s bettered a lot, um, and I think we really are willing to compromise. And we’re all willing to compromise, alright? We can-- we can..." He sighs. "We can maybe keep the walls, perhaps?"

"Yes, okay! Maybe not forever, but--"

"Not forever, not forever! But TommyInnit at the end of his probation, he will end up being a good man! So, I think, maybe let’s leave it at that?"

"So what's the proposition?"

"Okay, here’s what I’m thinking. So, TommyInnit remains on probation, which, I know would suck for you, Dream. I see how that could be bad for you. But what I suggest is--"

"For how long? How long is he on probation?"

"Uhhhhh... For at least two more weeks from now. Two if not three."

"Hm, okay."

Tommy makes an incoherent noise of upset and immediately buries his face in his hands to try and muffle himself.

"I'm suggesting-- Tommy! Tommy. Tommy."

"Sorry, please! Sorry, guys, sorry! I was just poking my eyes, I was feeling pain, uuuuugh." (He does not sound sorry; he sounds incredibly frustrated. He had definitely not been poking his eyes even a little bit.)

"Okay, okay, that's fine. So, while TommyInnit is on probation, Dream. I propose that the walls can stay, okay? Possibly not grow…? But they can stay! And if Tommyinnit so much as breathes in the wrong direction, then..."

"They grow. They double."

"Exactly. Okay."

This is not great, but this is workable. He'll take workable.

"Can I just say-- positively. I have a couple constructive criticisms. These are--"

"Tommy, just let-- Tommy, let the adults speak. C’mon. Let the adults speak, Tommy."

"My criticism is that-- Guys, look at me staying calm like a-- like a power moth. Like a moth with knives attached to it. Dream… he’s taunting me. He’s sending me smiley faces. He’s being all… What's a nice way to put this... Um... uh.... He's being a huge bitch, and it's just making me--"

There's a slight breakout of chaos on the L'Manberg side of things; Tubbo quiets it. "Tommy! Tommy, Tommy, Tommy-- It's going really well, okay?"

Dream whispers to TommyInnit: :)

"Alright, you know what? I actually kinda-- I kinda like your idea, Tubbo. So, um… Probation…? He’s on probation for, for three weeks, if he does anything, if he-- if he destroys anything, he calls anybody a mean name, anything that could be bad, then it extends, and also the walls get taller. But if he behaves-- If he behaves perfectly well and he, you know, he’s a very, very well-behaved citizen. Then-- Then it’s-- The walls come down."

"Okay! Okay. That's-- That's a-- That's a really good arrangement! That’s actually the best-case scenario!"

This isn't going horribly. This is good. He'd say something in agreement, but he isn't in the cabinet, so he probably shouldn't.

"Does cursing count as misbehaving?"

"No, it doesn’t count. But if he calls somebody like, a bitch or something. Then that counts."

"Wh-- WHAT?! You cannot stop my swearing! OBJECTION! OBJECTION! YOU FUCKING BITCHES, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, OH MY GOD, I CANNOT GO THAT LONG WITHOUT--"

"You know what, Tommy? I’ll even compromise with you! I’ll compromise with you! You can call someone a bitch as long you don’t do something to them. That’s fine, you know, I’ll compromise with you. I’ll be-- I'll be reasonable. So just, put it in writing, Tubbo, put it in writing, I'll sign it, and then we can... we can move on. We can move on with our lives."

"Okay! Okay!"

"Alright, I will write the agreement--"

"And, and part of it, I want Tommy to... tell me he's sorry."

"For wh- Why would I- What- What the f- What would I- What the f- Whaaaat the fuck. I think I said that very adequately. I don't think I could have said that--"

"Can I speak real quick? Okay. So, from page six onwards in his book, I’ll write out the agreement. I’ll sign, Dream, you sign."

"Okay."

It takes another five or ten minutes for everyone to read and agree to the wording, but eventually Dream reads out:

"On this day we’ve agreed that Tommy will remain on probation for 3 weeks and during that time the walls that are at L'Manberg will remain. However, if Tommy so much as walks out of line, the probation will be extended till Tommy is 18 and the walls will double in size. Signed: Tubbo and TommyInnit. Okay! You know what? Dream."

And he signs the book.

This... went better than it had any right to. Not that he's going to relax.

"And now it's in writing, okay, thank you!"

"Wait, you’ve agreed then! You’ve agreed that I can fucking-- What the fuck, that was easy!"

"Yeah, okay! Now leave, Tommy, we--"

"Well, now we get to take down the wall!"

"...No, you don’t get to take down the wall, because you’re on probation, Tommy."

"But you get to take down the wall!"

"No. The wall stays up until-- As long as you’re well behaved. If you’re well behaved then maybe you can take the wall down in three weeks, but until then the wall stays up. And if you do anything, Tommy, the wall gets bigger and larger, thicker."

"You-- no, we fucking-- fuck you!" And Tommy hits Dream. (It can't be very hard; Tommy's not wearing any armor, and Dream's in the glowing-purple armor.)

"WHY-- This is the Holy Land!"

Trying to attack somewhere it is taboo is a Good Reason to put his hands on Tommy's shoulders and try and gently pull him out of Dream-range.

He doesn't trust Dream to follow that taboo either, and he is armed, which is all the more reason to get Tommy back.

Dream doesn't do anything. Tommy lets himself be pulled away; Tubbo rounds on him. "You literally agreed to this! Okay? You know what it entails. You’ve read the document."

"You thought-- You thought I had a bad--" And Tommy laughs. "Do you have an enderchest, Tubbo?"

"No, I don't. Please don't--"

"Does anyone here have an enderchest?"

"I have an enderchest." And Dream places an enderchest, whatever that is-- it's a chest, yes, but a shiny black one, with the same purplish glow as his armor.

"Oh. My. God. Even on six hours of sleep-- Hey, Tubbo, you know how I always have those plans and they, and every time-- Let’s just recall. Everyone’s saying I’m being embarrassing. Watch this. Dream?"

"Yes, Tommy?"

"How many of my discs do you have on you?"

"I have... zero."

The Sense of Impending Doom is back. At least Tommy isn't attacking anyone anymore?

"And you know the whole thing I want from this, the whole our rival shit, our little beef, our drama, our squabbles if you will, all surround those discs. You know, I know Tubbo--"

"Skeppy has one and Tubbo has one."

"So you have zero. Dream, you fucking idiot! You idiot! You bitch! Dream, you know nothing. You know-- You- No, we don’t need this table, take it down. Take it down. I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy."

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm not crazy! Just-- Hey, hey, listen--listen to me. Take it down. Take it down. Tubbo! Tubbo, please, for the love of god, look me in the eyes right now. I need you to listen to me. Trust me." He pauses and turns to Dream. "Dream. You, you, you idiot."

"What are you doing."

"You aren’t-- All this time, you go around fucking with your dupe discs and your obsidian and your shit. Thinking you’re the shit! This isn’t some “Tommy’s gone insane”, everyone. I’m not following down Wilbur’s path! I’m not any of this-- I’m not getting exiled! Because, my friend… You have nothing of mine. But, Dream..." He pauses for dramatic effect. "A long time ago… I got something of yours."

He opens the strange chest and takes out a piece of leather.

"Dream, are you familiar with your old pet horse? Do you remember? What was his name, Dream? What was his name? Kill me all you want, Dream. Kill me all you want. What was his name?"

"--I can't kill you, we're in the Holy Land. I can hurt you but I'm not going to kill you."

"What was his name, Dream?"

"Spirit."

"Spirit. Months ago! Months ago, I retrieved Spirit’s remains, an item that means so very much to you. You have nothing on me anymore. You don’t have any discs. Months ago I retrieved this, alright? And I’ve been holding onto this for so long! And everyone thinks that you’ve got this high ground, you’re this madman… You don’t have anything! You’re just some-- some-- some green bitch in a suit and a netherite armor! You don't-- you don't have anything on us anymore. And I've got Spirit. And you, you're our bitch, now."

Why did he ever suggest this.

"Tommy, you're speaking out of line."

"I can speak out of line! What does he have on us?"

"We've literally just-- He has the power to destroy our nation. You’re being selfish, Tommy."

"Yeah, but-- Tubbo! No no, Tubbo! Look at me! Look at me! He’s had my discs all this time. All of-- Right? Every single time he’s had a high ground. He doesn’t have anything on us, alright? As long as we speak to Skeppy before him, which we can do easily, alright, I’m very good friends with Skeppy. He's blue, you know, and he's-- I'm thinking about Skeppy, sorry. Everyone thinks I’m out of line. Everyone thinks I’m being naïve. But Dream, you don’t have anything on me anymore, because you don’t have the discs. Dream, I can burn Spirit. Alright? Why is no one else freaking out right now?!"

"We're speechless, man! You are literally being selfish!"

"How? Dream, you don’t have anything on me, and I have Spirit on you. And this is-- This is the only item on this server that means anything to you now. And it’s in my possession. I have it. So, Dream. I think now you’ve got-- You are in no position here to be in charge of us. Listen to me! It makes sense, right? He doesn’t have anything of ours! He doesn’t have the discs! Only Tubbo has the other discs, right? Right?!"

"That's true, that actually makes sense! Dream. What do you have on anyone anymore?"

"What do you have other than some obsidian? There’s more of us now! You don’t have anything!"

"That's right! There's nothing! We're not scared anymore!"

"Yeah! Yeah! I’m not insane! I’m not insane! I actually thought I was, my muscles are throbbing, hooooly shit. Holy shit!"

"So, what are you saying you want, Tommy? What are you saying you want?"

"Tell him, Tommy. Tell him what he has to do next."

"Dream. You gotta take down those walls."

There is a chance that Dream values Spirit's body more than he does respect and subordination.

He doubts this is likely. But there is a chance.

"Come with us! Come with us, please! We don't need the Holy Land for protection anymore!"

Tommy runs out of the house; everyone else trails after him, following him back to L'Manberg.

"I-- This is a really bad idea, Tommy. I'm just saying."

"He-- No, he has nothing on us! Tubbo, Tubbo, Tubbo, Tubbo. I get your point. I get your point. It’s-- He has nothing on us though! Tommy is right!"

"We made up an agreement--"

"Just to elaborate that everyone does understand, because people seem to be very-- Two months ago, alright? We actually scammed Dream, we got this off Dream. Me and Tubbo did. Ages ago. This is the only item on this server that means something to Dream and it’s-- I have it! It’s in my possession, alright? Dream doesn’t have any of the discs! Tubbo has one! And everyone knows that’s the only thing that means stuff to me right now. Tubbo. Tubbo, bro--"

"This isn't a good idea."

"Why? Why?"

"He’s gonna have something up his sleeve, Tommy. This is-- Tommy, you are doing more damage than helping right now."

"Tubbo. Dream has nothing on us now, especially not on me! And all Dream wants is-- The only reason-- He’s after you. Look at me. Tubbo! Tubbo. The only reason he’s done this obsidian isn’t to constrict L’Manburg, isn’t to do any of this shit. It’s to get you to turn on me. Why do you think he was getting to consider exiling me? It’s to get you to turn on me! Alright? And it’s not gonna work! Because I have shit on Dream! And remember, Tubbo. I know I went on about if the roles were reversed, but it’s true, isn’t it? I wouldn’t, you know… If I was the president, I wouldn’t. But anyway. We don’t have to do that. We can-- Let’s just tear it down! Because what are you gonna do, Dream? Because if you do anything… I can just-- I can just burn Spirit! Take it down, Dream."

And Dream starts slowly, unbelievably, going up to the walls to take them down. Quackity and Fundy point and laugh. Ranboo, in the background, gives a quiet noise of confusion and disbelief.

"There was a peaceful way to do this… This is not-- This is not how it should have gone."

"No no no no-- Tubbo! No one's getting hurt! This is fine!"

"This is blackmail!"

"So what? Tubbo, you are acting like this is your first time!"

"Tubbo, with the discs, alright? We’ve done so much chatting, so much everything. There doesn’t have to be a peaceful way anymore."

"Yeah, but... This was meant to be a new era."

"Tubbo, it’s not a new era if he put fucking obsidian walls around the entire place, alright? We don't have to be neutral anymore."

"Yeah? Well... This just feels like history repeating itself, Tommy."

"How does it--how?! Tubbo, for the first time ever! This isn’t history repeating itself, because we have something on him!"

And then Dream starts building the walls back up. Higher, higher, higher, past where they were originally, while Fundy, Tommy, and Quackity yell at him to stop.

Dream jumps down, square in front of Tommy.

"Okay, listen. You fucked up this time."

A visible ripple of shock goes through the people gathered-- Dream must not swear often, if at all.

"I don’t give a fuck about Spirit, okay? I don’t give a fuck about anything, actually! I care about your discs. I care more about your discs than you do. That’s the only thing I care about on this server, actually! I don’t care about Spirit. Spirit was my horse. Died ages ago. I care about your disc because that’s what gives me power over you and your friends and everybody that you care about. Because you care about your discs more than anyone else here. So, if you are not exiled from L'Manberg, I will build these walls until they’ve reached this block limit! I will keep everybody inside, I will hire guards, Punz and Sapnap to patrol all around the entire walls keeping them inside! No trade! No one leaves! No armor or they get slaughtered inside. Don’t try and threaten me!"

"I don’t care. I have lost all care for anything on this server. The only thing I care about is your--"

"Really? How do I know you’re not fucking lying! Why would you care-- Why would you--?! They're my discs! Why would you-- Why do you even care about the-- So if I burn Spirit right now, you--"

"BURN SPIRIT right in front of me! Right now!"

"Listen, Tubbo. You have three days. If you do not exile him in three days? I'll do what I said."

"What the fuck do you mean?"

"L'Manberg can be independent. But L'Manberg can’t be free."

And he goes back to building the walls.

He should have never mentioned Spirit. Or if he did, he should have known that it would go poorly, that made sense, he shouldn't have seen this Dream as strange and unknowable, and he should have told Tommy not to do that.

But it's too late now.

He has been here for a day and it has already gone this wrong.

"Tommy, you had one job. You had one job. Be positive. To be peaceful. And you messed it up."

"Tubbo, he’s only doing this to get under your skin, so you turn on me, alright? You can't turn on me now!"

"No, actually! I think he made it very clear, what he's doing! He's doing this to get your discs! Because he wants them!"

"But the reason he’s doing this, because he--"

"You had one job, Tommy… you couldn’t do one thing for me! You couldn’t do one! Just one thing! And it was for your own good! So, you know, if the roles-- if the roles were reversed, as you said… Yeah! Yeah, you probably wouldn’t have exiled me. Because I would have actually listened to you and have done what you said! And maybe had a couple of ounces of respect! You’ve messed this up for no one but yourself.

Selfish."

"Do we have a plan for dealing with this?" Because getting people back to practicalities and away from recriminations is probably the best way to stop everything from breaking.

"We have-- We have three days."

"Tubbo--"

"I don't want to exile you! Okay? I don't want to exile you, but--"

"This whole war, all of this, L'Manberg, everything! This started way before L'Manberg, me and you versus Dream. This isn’t-- This can’t be where we split now. You can’t-- It’s always been me and you, man! We can’t-- C’mon, please! You-- This isn’t-- this isn’t-- The power is getting to your head, man! I know that you’ve got president, I know I wanted Wilbur to be president, that’s why I gave it to him, alright? And I’m happy! I’m happy for you, but-- you can see the power of having-- This isn’t what we were meant to do! If he builds walls over us, if he-- It’s-- It’s always been about getting back the discs! Because that’s what we started fighting for! There have been too many times where I put them to the side, alright? When L'Manberg was blown up the first time, and I was shot-- Every time I’ve put them to the side, but now-- You can handle this, this isn’t..."

"Yeah. We could have handled this. If you’d listened. And we could’ve gone and got your discs back--"

"Tubbo-- If I’d listened, we wouldn’t have got the discs back! It would still been a war! I would be on probation! What-- You can’t probate your friend. Even if I’ve listened to you, you still--which I would never in a million years put down to, 'probate Tubbo'--it doesn't, I would have never done that! Even if you wanted to, I would understand and I'd help you, I wouldn’t just..."

"We can worry about exiling Tommy in three days. We can worry about whatever these discs are in three days. Do we have any other solutions."

"We could-- we could fight Dream. We have three days, we could try to get supplies, we could prepare-- we could ask Eret, and Jack Manifold, maybe even try to get enough money to pay Purpled or Punz, we could get help from Sam and the Badlands--"

"Tommy. You have to see what a bad idea that is. You saw today, he always has something up his sleeve."

"Today, he had the ability to build taller walls, which is something we already knew he had."

"And we already know he has the ability to have better gear than us, more food, more potions, better fighting kills, that's also something we already know he has, and that's assuming we can still get around the walls for the next three days. He has the ability to cut us off now, and then we'll have-- what's on our backs, pretty much, and any chests that are already in L'Manberg."

"Well, what do we have? I have-- a netherite chestplate, diamond leggings, a diamond axe and sword--"

"Is any of that enchanted?"

"...No."

"Right, that's another thing we don't have in L'Manberg that he does, we don't have an XP farm, we don't have an enchanting table. If we can get around the walls we can use the communal one but I don't want to bet on that."

"Is there any reason we can't dig under the walls."

"I mean, we can, that's what we did, but he could-- he could extend the obsidian down to bedrock to make it more difficult, he could use a composter to check the ground for tunnels, he could hire people to supervise us, he could kill us and take our stuff before we get a chance to get very far, he could kill Tommy and I for real if he catches us outside the borders, he's been-- if he's been planning for this possibility he probably has even more ideas than that, I just-- I just started thinking about this a couple minutes ago and I can still think of ways he could hurt us."

This is not good, but people are discussing material reality and not arguing and this is a start. "In the days, what preparations could we get done? Could we build food farms, xp farms, an enchanter?"

“It depends what people have on them, honestly. Food farms... I mean, probably? I doubt anyone’s carrying seeds around but we can kill skeletons, bonemeal grass, try to get seeds that way, and some people might have potatoes or carrots or something else replantable. It won’t have as good of saturation as steak or golden apples, and we don’t have unlimited space, but we can probably manage to not starve, and if anyone has dirt we can make at least a little more space. No to XP farms, there aren’t any spawners here, or animals we could breed and kill, or… much of anything, really. Enchanting room… we could probably get one set up but it’d be a project, and I don’t know how useful it’d be without an XP farm— I guess we can all get level one enchantments at least?

I still think this is a bad idea. Dream can— Dream can kill us.”

"How much is Dream's ability to kill us all a question of resources versus a question of raw skill. I'm aware he's good, but how much can we level the playing field with numbers and resources.

Sieges are awful but they are winnable."

“It’s— both? We could probably take him if he had less resources than us and there was a definite way to win, we’ve done it before, but with the resources here we might be able to get as many resources as him if we’re lucky. And he’s almost definitely going to win an even fight, especially with the high ground like he has. We can get more people but so can he— he can get Punz, Purpled, Sapnap, maybe George and Karl. And the fights we’ve won in the past against him were always— it’s a lot easier to get an item to a location than it is to get someone to leave if they don’t want to.”

“We won the Independence War.”

“We won the independence war because you gave him your discs, Tommy. Because you were willing to sacrifice something.”

"You know him better than I do-- what's the likelihood he would get bored, or decide a siege isn't worth his time?"

“I… don’t know. He gets bored easily, he’s bad at staying still—he’s actually kind of like Tommy like that?—but he doesn’t… When he does focus on things, he’s scary about them, he doesn’t do anything else. And I don’t think he’d go back on a threat until he felt like we’d been taught our lesson.”