And then it's Sunday!

Tae-hwan has once again slept over at the Yahontovs'.

...man, things are really getting serious between Eric and him, huh? Peter ships it.

Alright, so, morning thoughts today:

What... exactly... is up with that family. Like, is it the case that the simulators put it there to mess with Peter personally, are there other people out there with equally interesting and wild backstories, are they outlying but not impossibly wild in terms of family history, what gives? 

They say once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, and three times is enemy action, so does he have a third idea for something he could do that would shake things up enough to draw the simulators' attention, if they exist? Being super famous and socially transgressive didn't cut it, someone's already replaced the Grim Reaper by climbing the ranks, what's next? ...maybe Peter could still try to replace Alexei actually but hrrrmm he'd want to first have a chat with Alexei and see if he can't just convince him to stop reaping people...

...he's getting distracted. What kind of thing would be really disruptive, if there are simulators and they're paying any attention at all? It feels really hard to top replacing the embodiment of death itself, as ways to shake things up go. Are there any other big-name supernatural people and/or things Peter could try replacing? Father Winter, the Flower Bunny, uhhhhh yeah he's got nothing, and neither of those is really quite as impactful as stopping deaths altogether. Which he's gonna still try to do anyway, via Alexei, but like, that's not a good test of whether the simulators are paying attention, which was the main goal of this exercise.

Hmm, but maybe he's thinking about it from the wrong angle. He doesn't really need to top the Grim Reaper idea, does he? Maybe. Like, if the simulators do exist and are directly messing with him, probably they're paying attention to his ideas even if they're not the most impactful thing he can think of, if they just wanna convince him that there's not really anything he can do.

...they could've just not done anything. If they do exist and did in fact do all of this. Nothing would've been as convincing as zero evidence. Although, like, then he would've wasted his time pursuing a career for the sake of a goal he couldn't achieve.

Maybe that's it? Maybe they're paying attention and just trying to communicate that he shouldn't waste his time getting it because he already has it? But if he already has it they could just say so. Maybe they have very little control over how to communicate? But if they spawned a whole-ass entire family with a family history that matches his earlier thoughts that seems really fucking implausible, doesn't it? But maybe there are bizarre constraints he's not thinking of.

Okay, possibilities:

One, they think it's funny to mess with him in this way. If that's the case, then him coming up with some new idea will either result in nothing, which they'd find really funny because he'd be tearing his hair out trying to read into the absence of evidence, or in his new idea turning out to have already been implemented by someone else, to drive home the point that there's nothing he can do to meaningfully change things.

Two, this is a way they have of communicating with him and they have very low bandwidth to do so with and this was a pretty unambiguous way to do it, or as unambiguous as they could be. If that's the case, then if he has a new idea it will turn out to have already been implemented by someone else.

Three, it's all just a massive fucking coincidence. If that's the case then he'd expect to find other families whose history is just as interesting, or at least in a similar kind of interestingness, as the Yahontovs'.

Four, something he hasn't thought of.

Alright, when he puts it this way what he should do is kind of obvious.

There is approximately no action he can take that will be informative about the "they're messing with him" hypothesis because under that hypothesis they have access to his brain and they'll just provide him with the most useless or confusing or ambiguous set of observations he can make. So he should ignore that possibility except insofar as it should make him much less confident in every other possibility.

If they are trying to communicate with sincerely him but have bizarre constraints, he should think of different tests that are less flashy but just as informative. Now that the possibility is on his radar, since they can presumably read his mind, it should be straightforward to come up with some very specific tests and see whether they happen. If they do, Peter can probably come up with some low-bandwidth communication code and hope they'll buy into it. Binary ftw, baybeh.

And if it's just a coincidence he might want to go find more interesting families somehow. Maybe just meet a bunch of people and ask about their family histories.

...he never asked Tae-hwan about his family history. NTS, do that.

Anyway, this all means that maybe he shouldn't come up with something super flashy to do? Other than what he's already planning on doing, i.e. convincing Alexei to stop reaping people nonconsensually and figuring out ways to awaken other people. Maybe if he comes up with some other goal that is desirable in itself and super flashy he can start pursuing it, too, in case he still wants to collect evidence.

But also, that "figuring out ways to awaken other people" thing, he should maybe get on that.

Hmm.

He does not have the faintest idea where to start with on that (that's a lie, he has a couple of ideas), so what he'll do today instead is go to the Realm of Magic and acquire a familiar and maybe try to practice some more magic and learn stuff.

About that.

Oh, there you are, bub, Peter thought he'd managed to get rid of you for good but it seems like you'll just stick around no matter what, huh.

Well, sup?

...you know what, never mind.

Nah uh, finish what you were saying.

Sigh.

Okay, so, it seems like this morning Peter is feeling kinda bad again.

...seriously? And it took him this long to realise?

Maybe he was very distracted by his philosophical thoughts.

Yeah, sure, whatever. Feeling bad how, then?

Bad like how he felt when he was collecting stray magic in the Realm of Magic to become a spellcaster. Not, like, that bad, quite yet, but still a bit full and starting to get nauseous and, perhaps interestingly, now that he pays attention to it his skin might feel a bit... charged? Like there's electrical currents traveling up and down his body? Oh actually there's a literal visible spark there when he looks.

...oh, is he overcharged because he hasn't done any magic recently? It's been, what, two days? Yeah, that'd make sense, actually. Like, he even had a shower yesterday and the day before, like a pleb, when he could presumably just use the cleaning spell on himself. Right?

Well he just woke up and as he says he showered last night so he wasn't, like, grimy or anything, but to the extent he was kinda not perfectly post-shower pristine, now he is.

On the bright side, casting the spell does help! But only marginally, probably exactly because he wasn't that dirty to begin with.

Hm. Fair, but annoying.

Okay how about he does some "practicing" on his own of, uhhh, Creative Magic? And see how that goes.

Two hours of it doesn't get him anything but it does spend enough magic charge that he's not feeling bad anymore.

Wow holy shit he did not see the time pass. ...he wonders if this is the kinda thing he could timeslide over. To be tested.

Anyway, he'll text Tae-hwan.

yo

everything alright over there?

He replies almost immediately with a pic of him and presumably-Eric in a large bed, entirely naked.

Eric is doing a peace sign for it.

...well! Okay! That was! A picture that he just received!

good morning to the two of you, then!

want company?

yes

...goddamnit.

when are the twins coming over?

they're moving here today, right?

Tae-hwan adds Peter to a group chat with Eric and Zach.

like this afternoon

but you could come over rn

Um??????????????????????????

No, no, he has PLANS. He needs to get a FAMILIAR and start looking into BEING IMMORTAL. He should NOT go visit three hot guys to have a foursome with them.

.....................

sorry I got stuff to do

WHY is he doing this.

but I'm going to fuck all three of you when you're here

AUGH.

you're all talk

if you were here you know exactly how to make me stop talking

Another naked pic, except this time he and Eric are both hard.

nghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Fine. He'll reciprocate. It's not like this hasn't had an effect on him.

later

🥵🥵🥵🥵

Alright he will now put this away because he does not need to be staring at nude pictures of hot men all day, he has stuff to do.

...okay maybe he'll stare at them for a little bit while he takes care of some business.

The Realm of Magic does turn out to have more to it than that one magic mansion and its environs. One of the portals leads Peter to a little village of interconnected floating islands, and if he asks around a little bit he can be directed to an area with some shops and a café and so on.

Man, Peter would not want to live here, there's no, like, day cycle, it's just this weird purple twilight all the time, he'd feel so uncomfortable? But you do you, my guys, he's happy for y'all.

So, shops! He has (he checks) §19,517 to his name and he would like to purchase, in descending order of priority, a familiar, recipes for immortality-related potions, ingredients for same, and maybe a flying broomstick because why not.

Sure! What familiar would he like? They've got ravens, bunnerflies, fairies, and a Sixam owl.

...fairies?????

Not, like, the Sim kind. It's a tiny little ball of light with wings that are reminiscent of the wings Sim fairies have.

O...kay. And when they say Sixam owl do they mean, like, an owl from the planet Sixam. Does the planet Sixam have owls. Why does Sixam have owls?????

The ghostly salesperson does not know why Sixam has owls but it does indeed have owls.

Why are Sixam owls familiars and not regular owls? Or cats or dogs or whatever?

Oh he can totally make a dog or a cat or whatever into a familiar if he wants to.

Oh. Alright.

Also his friend had a "leafbat" familiar, are those not available for purchase?

Those are harder to come by since they're more difficult to enchant but if Peter's looking for more interesting familiars they do have an enchanted skull.

I'm sorry what.

Yeah, never mind, they knew that was a bad idea, skulls are so creepy—

No no he's interested he's just confused.

Oh! Well, this is a skull. It floats around. It's enchanted. It's a familiar.

Is it... a specific person's skull...?

Nyeso?

What does that mean.

Well, the ghostly vendor did the familiar enchantment spell near a buried person, and they got the skull, but the buried person still had their skull right there, so.

How does the ghostly vendor know that the buried person still had their skull right there.

That's because it was the ghostly vendor's own skull and they checked.

Fine he'll get the skull but only because the owner of the skull seems to be fine with it and also not be missing it and also it was duplicated somehow?? And also it's kinda cool.

Excellent! That'll be §500.

...really? The Sixam owl over here is §100 though.

Well, you see, the skull is one-of-a-kind.

Uh huh. And how long has the vendor held onto this skull for without managing to sell it.

Well, uh...

You know what, never mind, Peter thinks he'll just get the owl. Actually, no, he'll just learn the familiar spell himself and go enchant his cat—

W-wait, hold on! Uhhhh how about a discount? Since Peter seems like such a nice fellow and all. The skull will go for §250, that's a 50% discount!

...§200? Come on, man, they've got to make a living, here, pun unintended.

§150.

§175!

Sure, but just 'cause skulls are cool and Peter wants to be unique.

Deal! Pleasure doing business. Here's this little magic crystal ball on a pedestal.

...what does he do with it.

He binds the familiar to himself, of course.

Of course, how silly of him.

Is it... obvious... how to do that?

Yeah, reasonably so.

Alright, then, sure, why not.

The crystal ball glows and then disappears.

Hm. And can he then, uh, summon his familiar somehow?

Yeah! Here's a floating, stylized skull without the jawbone with glowing green eyes and glowing green mist surrounding it.

"Hello!" it says. Somehow.

"—oh you can talk."

"Very perceptive of you."

He turns to look at the ghostly shopkeep. "Is this skull you?"

"Huh? No, I'm me, that's your familiar."

To the skull: "Are you this guy?"

"No, I'm Venk."

...he looks at the ghost again and asks, "What's your name?"

"I'm Malcolm."

"Man what the fuck."

The skull bobs up and down in the air and manages to look terribly amused despite being a skull.

Will Venk follow him if he walks off?

Yup!

Good enough. He'll find somewhere to sit. 

"So, uh, Venk. Are you a person?" Might as well get that out of the way.

"No, I'm a skull!"

"Of course, my bad. 

"Do you, uh... want... to be my familiar?"

"That depends, do you suck?"

"No."

"Then sure!"

Peter will go to some pretty extensive lengths to not die but he did not have "acquire an attached person" on his radar as a possible side effect/necessity. The cute leafbat did not seem persony at all, it looked like a pet, but maybe Venk is special? Or maybe the leafbat was just quiet.

"So, uh... did you... exist... before today?"

"Nah."

"And you're fine with that? With, like, coming to existence directly attached to me and being made into my familiar?" Because Peter can see the little mental lever he has to unsummon Venk and that is quite frankly a lot more power over a person's existence than Peter is comfortable having at this point in his life.

"Well, you don't suck, do you?"

"I very emphatically do not suck."

"Then what's the issue?"

"I guess there isn't one!"

"There you go."

"...okay. Well. If there's anything you want you let me know, how's that."

"Sure," it says, sounding amused.

Well, next he wants to look for potion recipes!

There's this magical bookshop over here that might have those?

Sure, let's go.

Here's some potion recipes: Good Fortune, Nausea, Nimble Mind, Emotional Stability, Forced Friendship...

...okay uh he'll first ask if the immortality ones are available but then yeah he definitely needs to look into all of those other ones (except Forced Friendship and Nausea because what the fuck).

Alas, the recipes of the potions of Immortality and Prompt Resurrection are closely-guarded secrets. There's a recipe for a potion of Rejuvenation, though!

That. That one. What does that one do.

It makes you as young as if your birthday had been today!

Yes he wants that one.

That'll be §1,000.

...really?

Well. He supposes it's, like, going to mean he won't grow old, so. Sure.

The necessary ingredients are pomegranate seeds, mushrooms, and powdered diamonds.

Powdered diamonds?

Yep. Just a little bit of them though.

How do you... powder... diamonds.

With a spell!

Oh, of course.

They actually sell the tome for that spell!

...you can learn spells from tomes????

...yes. Is he new?

Quite new, yes! Do spells have, like, names? Can he find a tome for the spells he already knows? Is it one spell per tome?

It is one spell per tome, yes. Spells often have standard names but like only so that people know how to refer to them, it's not like the names do anything. The spells he already knows are commonly known as Scruberoo and Repairio.

...spellcasters are all dorks.

Other spells include Delicioso (which makes a meal appear out of thin air) and its specialisation Celebratio (which makes cake appear out of thin air), Floralorial (does good things to plants and gardens), Copypasto (duplicate a small object), Transportalate (that's the teleportation one) (they're out of tomes for that one right this moment), Deliriate (makes someone confused and scrambles their thoughts), Morphiate (turns them into a small animal such as a bunny) (also out), Infatuate (makes someone fall in love with you), Necrocall (summons the ghost of a Sim if cast on an urn or grave), Zipzap (electricity stuff)...

Delicioso sounds useful but, uh, that Copypasto one, what does it... work on.

Small objects!

Like how small.

Yea small.

Does it work, on, say, diamond dust.

This vendor does not see why it shouldn't.

Speaking of which, is there a spell that can crush diamonds.

Yeah, there's Squeezio. Oh by the way Copypasto costs more magical charge for more valuable or powerful things and Squeezio costs more for things that are harder to crush.

...more valuable?

Yeah. You know. Rarer. Less common. Like diamonds.

Oh it also costs more for magical stuff.

You can duplicate magical stuff???????????????????????

Yeah!

Like potions. Can you duplicate a vial of potion. With the potion inside.

Sure.

Bro.

Are there any other interesting potions or spells he might find? Also why the hell does no one sell potions, wait, he knows why, it's because if they use ingredients like powdered diamonds and shit they're really expensive to make and Peter bets people don't do even a little bit of duplicating it to have infinite amounts of it. He bets.

The spells and potions are Many and Numerous. Some more interesting potions include Curse Cleansing (gets rid of any curses he might acquire due to failed spellcasting and overcharging) (there's also a spell for that actually) (they're out of both the spell tome and the potion recipe) and Plentiful Needs (restores him to perfect physical condition when it comes to needs like hunger or sleep or needing to go to the bathroom).

Hi yes excuse me that second one, by "perfect physical condition" you mean...

Like you just ate a delicious meal and feel perfectly sated, and just slept a wonderful night's sleep and don't feel tired at all, and somehow even though you just ate a ton you won't feel the need to go to the bathroom anytime soon, and like you're perfectly comfortable and don't have any aches or pains, and so on.

That one. He wants that one. He needs that one. Not needing to sleep—

Oh sorry actually they're out of that recipe, too.

Why did no one Copypasto'd every single recipe and book in this store a hundred times over?????????

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

What?

What?

...this is really fucking frustrating.

Do they have any idea when they'll have those back?

Not really. Check back tomorrow?

Fine. Sure.

This is stupid.

Anyway, flying broomstick, is that a thing, can he get that.

Sure can!

Cool cool how reliable are those, can he slip and fall or...

They have protective enchantments that mean that you basically can't fall off them without trying quite hard.

Excellent, he'll have one, please.

That'll be §150 please.

Man, he's, uh, just spent... quite a lot of money... and now he's carrying a bunch of shit.

"Got enough yet, or do you want a flying pony next? Maybe a dragon?"

"...what?"

"Oh, I don't know, you just seem very consumerism central today."

"...money can be exchanged for goods and services."

"That it can."

"Any further comments?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Right." The fuck.

Anyway, he had an idea, actually: what if Magic HQ lets him borrow books? They had tons, maybe some could be useful?

Maybe he should've checked that before spending money, actually? Oh well. He'll hop on a broomstick and see how that goes.

...gently, at first.

It's very steady. It's still, you know, a broomstick, and cushioning enchantments or not it is still one long stick between his legs and is not the most comfortable, but it's alright.

It's actually a lot more comfortable than he'd expected tbh, kinda like riding a bike? Not that he's ever done that, of course, but he does have the memories of having done so, so.

To HQ!

Peter does not have the ability to perceive magic he was temporarily granted when he was about to become a spellcaster so it sure does look like he's flying over an infinite void.

...you know what, he changed his mind, he's gonna turn right back around and land and spend a couple of minutes on solid ground until his vertigo goes away.

Magic HQ will still be there whenever he needs it.