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Hostility
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So, if Edarial wasn't sure that his wife hated him before, he's really, really sure of it now. It's pretty usual that if they're in the same room, he feels nothing but silent, seething hostility from her. Usually, his reaction to this is a poker face followed by running. He doesn't like having someone hostile just - there at the dinner table, glaring at him with her hissing familiar.

Zevros doesn't hate him, Edarial's certain of it, but he's not helping. He's literally never seen his twin this angry before. This is coming from someone who has seen his twin be angry loads of times. At meals, he just - sits there. Stabbing his food and glaring at Edarial while he does it. He gets why, he knows that Zevros is furious with him for the whole 'cold political marriage' thing. It still hurts, though, to have his immediate family just be so openly hostile.

He gets more withdrawn. Meals get delivered to his room rather than him eating with Iobel and Zevros right there, being near-openly hostile. He stops sparring with Zevros nearly entirely, spends an unhealthy amount of time in either his office or his room, and Berathyme spends all her time coiled around his shoulders, offering what little comfort she can.

She's pretty terrible at advice, but at least he has someone that doesn't actively hate him nearby.

He throws himself into being a king, gets lots of things done, and is generally considered by the public to be good at it. A good king. It's sort of tainted by bitterness, now. But the country does not fall apart, it does not break down into civil war - he handles it. The education system gets a shove in the right direction, the canals get cleaned up, various unemployed people get jobs. He wonders what on earth he's done wrong when he's doing good in the world, but he supposes it doesn't matter.

He knew what he was getting himself into, when he made this choice. He knew that Zevros would be upset with him. Maybe to the point where their camaraderie will just never recover. He doesn't know. From the beginning, he knew that he'd be shackled to someone he doesn't love. Edarial hadn't been expecting the random hatred from his new wife, but he certainly wasn't expecting to be happy.

Just, well. He wasn't expecting to be so miserable, either.

It shows, the misery. Dark circles under his eyes, the withdrawn, blank expression, unkempt hair. He loses some weight due to skipping meals just to avoid his close family. Or, other times, he just forgets, burying himself in work so he doesn't have to think 'What did I do?' over and over again.

But he's a good king. So that's something.
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Iobel keeps Cricket close to her at all times. He sleeps in her bed, sits at her feet or in her lap, is carried in her arms or drapes himself over her shoulder.

No one is teaching her to be a queen, so she figures it out herself.

She didn't want it but she's willing to use it. I am the queen. Explain to me this. I am the queen. Have that arranged. I am the queen. Fetch me this. I am the queen. Leave me alone.

She moves in her stuff. She sells the excess hexes to a small outfit that does mail-orders. She goes to meals and looks for things that could use someone who can say I am the queen, do as I say.

And whenever her husband is about she glares at him, and Cricket hisses, but he doesn't compound his crimes any further, so there's that.
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Eventually, months after their marriage, there is a knock on Iobel's door. Not unusual, in itself, except for who's outside it.

It's her husband, looking like he doesn't want to be here but is duty bound anyway.
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Iobel opens the door, finds herself speechless, and winds up just sort of staring at him.

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"Hello," he says. "... May I come in?"

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"What do you want?"

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He sighs, closing his eyes. "To discuss a subject I've been avoiding for months?"

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"Fine."

She stands aside. Cricket hisses at him from her shoulder.
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He's not even angry, he just gives Cricket a sad, resigned look. In he goes. He finds a seat, carefully sits, and then says quietly, "Would you like me to be gentle, or frank?"

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"Frank."

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"Okay. We need heirs."

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"You weren't really thinking this part through when you proposed, were you."

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She gets a confused look. "... Er? It was something I thought about and was not looking forward to?"

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"Ah, of course, my mistake."

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"Am I missing something?"

He sounds genuinely confused.
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"A conscience?" she suggests.

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"It's intact and present, thank you," says Edarial, dryly.

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"What a pity that I know no spell to empirically settle the disagreement."

Cricket murmurs something in her ear and she murmurs back, stroking his fur.
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Edarial stares at her.

"... Okay. Second thing I've been avoiding talking about, but we obviously need to. What in the world did I do to you? Why are you so - dead set on hating me?"

His voice breaks, just a little, on the last few syllables. Berathyme uncurls from his shoulders and relocates herself to his lap, looking at both Cricket and Iobel with judgemental eyes.
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"Are you sufficiently sociopathic that you haven't a clue why I'd be upset with you?"

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"Was it the letter? The interview? It was cold, and impersonal, I'll admit, but not - worthy of such - such resolute hatred! What did I do?!"

This is probably the most emotion he's displayed to her in all of their months of being married. He looks frustrated, hurt, and confused.
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"It was poisoning and kidnapping my cat!"

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Edarial stares.

"... I beg your pardon?"

He sounds like he's never heard of this before in his life.
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She stares at him.

Cricket snarls something.

She asks him a question.

He pauses, then answers.

She says, "Did you send me a strongly worded letter before that demanding that I show up here?"
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"... Um. No? Why would I demand that you show up here?"

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Iobel puts Cricket on her shoulder so her hands will be free to dig through her old notebooks.

She retrieves the original letter, in his handwriting, commanding her presence.
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Edarial takes it, reads it, and then his face contorts in disgust and rage.

"I," he hisses, "did not write this, what kind of -"

He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and carefully hands the letter back to her. "That - is a forgery. A good one, but a damned forgery."
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"And I suppose the fact that while I was packing to flee the country my Cricket got too sick for any healing spell I know to even alleviate his symptoms has nothing to do with you and the guards at the fountain who wouldn't let me through but would happily take him and not give him back till I married you is the result of some conspiracy operating under your nose without you having an inkling and you thought that one guard Cricket got his claws into had a fight with a gardening implement."

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More staring. He seems to be at an utter loss for words.

After a few seconds of silence, he says something to his familiar in her language. She nods, he gets up, opens the door for her, and she slithers out.

Then, very quietly, he murmurs, mostly to himself, "I am quite possibly, the biggest dupe in the country."
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"Cricket says he never saw you till after the wedding, so I am just barely able to believe that it's that and not that you're trying to pretend your innocence so you won't have to fight your way into bed with me."

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"No," growls Edarial. "Fuck no, actually, the very idea of - that is - no!"

His hands are shaking.

"Who the hell would even want to-"

Pause.

"... Oh that son of a bitch."
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"Oh, I'm quite convinced you're not attracted to me, fear not, but it crossed my mind that when you got impatient about the heiring business - what son of a bitch, exactly?"

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"Did you, at any point in time before the - farce that I'm sickened to call a wedding - happen to talk to a spellbinder that goes by the name of Nataliem? Raven familiar, probably had the familiar investigate you, then him show up later?"

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"I met him at a party at my great-aunt's."

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"Mhm. And did he talk to you about, say, politics?"

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"Not for that long, but a little."

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"Okay," mutters Edarial. "So it might not be him, but it's probably still him, because he's a wretched bastard and a fucking sociopath!"

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"Who's fucking sociopaths?" asks Zevros, poking his head into the room with no sense of personal space and Edarial's familiar on his arm.

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"Mind. Gutter. Not the time, Zev," growls Edarial.

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"... Wait, okay. Scale of one to ten, how badly are you freaking out?"

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"Solid eight. Iobel was coerced into marriage with the threat of being unmade and someone pinned it on me."

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"Oh my god," deadpans Zevros. "It's almost like marrying someone you don't fucking know is a bad idea! Who the fuck would have thought, right?!"

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Iobel laughs bitterly into Cricket's fur.

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"Oh, spare me the fucking lecture, Zevros! Not about us!"

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Zevros rolls his eyes. "Yeah? 'Cause I'm seeing it is, you're the reason she's involved at all! Fruity drinks on an island! We could have had them!"

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Edarial doesn't have a reply to that. His face contorts to a mixture of guilt and rage and he flops into a chair.

Berathyme decides to defend him. "Go fuck yourself sideways with a rusty spoon," she hisses at Zevros.
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Iobel hugs Cricket and starts crying.

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"Oi!" says Zevros to the snake. "You can't use that on me, I'm the one who taught you it!"

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Edarial glances at Iobel, then says to Zevros, "Skip it. Lecture me later, hell, you can punch me if you want, fuck do I deserve it right now. Zev, remember the - how did you describe it... Miniature bear?"

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"You mean the guy that looked like he got attacked by an angry pocket sized bear?"

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"Yes. Retrieve him," growls Edarial.

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"... In one piece, ooor...?"

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"It's fucking me asking you, what the fuck do you think, that I want him strewn about the courtyard?"

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"Ugh. Fine. One piece, all of his liquids in him, nothing permanent, whine whine whine."

Zevros storms off to go do that.
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"You want me and Cricket to leave him in one piece too?"

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"I would prefer it, but you're the wronged party here so if you leave him in multiple pieces I will only make disapproving faces at you."

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"What are you going to do with him if I tell Cricket to restrain himself to hysterical growling?"

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"Tried for treason, tossed into the tallest tower with all of his friends and then I throw away the key."

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"I'll take it." She starts murmuring to her familiar, who seems disgruntled but compliant.

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Edarial, meanwhile, goes silent and stares at the floor, deep in thought.

(Fuck, how could he have missed this?!)
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"I guess this explains why you didn't try to punish Zephrys when she slapped you. You are not in fact a sociopath."

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"Not in the slightest," agrees Edarial. "Mind you, I'm a huge fucking idiot, because I fucking noticed things that were off and I didn't investigate, but a sociopath, no."

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"I suppose that flustered survey-taking fellow never got to you in person, either."

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"Flustered survey-taking... What, did he show up, hear that your familiar was poisoned and kidnapped and then give you the fucking survey anyway? Please tell me that is not what happened."

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"That is exactly what happened. I gave him real answers because it was faster than coming up with incompetent-sounding lies and I wanted him on his way being helpful as soon as possible, and then spent months kicking myself for not saying I would solve the housing crisis in the eastlands by printing more money and giving it to the poor."

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Edarial laughs one of the most pathetic, wretched laughs possible. It's not a happy sound, more similar to a sob than actual laughter. "Oh my god, this is all my fucking fault!"

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"Maybe thirty percent. It's increasingly clear you didn't actually orchestrate it."

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"No, but I could have easily prevented it and I didn't because I was in my own damn head for weeks and freaking out the entire time!"

Okay, he is maybe sounding a little unhinged now.
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Iobel pets her cat and doesn't say anything.

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Edarial's head gets buried in his hands and he makes a sound that sounds similar to an actual sob.

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"Got him!" proclaims a voice from outside of the room. Zevros kicks open the door because his hands are busy holding a man that Iobel and Cricket would both recognize and dragging him inside. "Say hello to their majesties, jackass!"

The man is not currently capable of making words that aren't curses or pleas to be let go.
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Cricket snarls but makes no attempt to escape his binder's arms.

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Iobel is watching Edarial curiously.

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Edarial takes a deep breath, sits up, and rubs at his face. When he speaks, his voice is in a deadly calm.

"Hello," he says, to the guard. "We have questions for you, do please try to answer them."

The guard makes a pathetic whimpery sound that sounds like, 'Please don't hurt me.'

"Sword," demands Edarial.
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Zevros's eyebrows shoot up, but he hands his sword over.

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"Thank you," says Edarial in the same tone, taking the sword.

He leans down next to Scratched McScarserson, sword out, but not pointed near the guard in any way. "Let me repeat that. We have questions."

"Please- your majesty-"

Edarial fixes him with a cold, emotionless stare. "Who were you working for, and who were your associates?"
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"If he doesn't answer I can let Cricket at him," says Iobel lightly.

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"An excellent idea!" agrees Edarial.

The man makes a squeaky sound, then whimpers, "Nataliem! Oh fuck oh fuck don't let the cat at me it's a demon!"
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"... Well that was the most pathetically fast interrogation I've ever seen."

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"Names," demands Edarial, ignoring his twin. "Of all you knew who were involved."

The guard hesitates.

"Or I could let my brother and Cricket team up and try to out do each other?"

Squeaky sound. Followed by names.

Edarial notes them, then calmly returns the sword to Zevros. "Pathetically fast, yes."
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"Me or Cricket would recognize a number of other involved guards who might or might not belong to those names."

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"Yes," agrees Edarial. "So our friend here should pray that he remembered them all correctly, shouldn't he?"

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"It seems like it would be best if he has, yes."

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The guard is currently a shivering pile of fear on the floor.

"If he didn't, can I have him?"
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"Iobel's choice," says Edarial. "So Cricket would probably get first pick."

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"Aw, damn. Guess I can take sloppy seconds, then." He leans down to the guard. "Any names you forgot?"

The man very rapidly shakes his head.
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Iobel murmurs a summarized translation of the proceedings to Cricket, who purrs in her lap and lashes his tail and extends a paw delicately in the guard's direction, claws slowly extending.

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"I don't know anyone else!" squeaks the guard.

"Eh, okay. To the dungeons with him, Ari?"
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"Yup," agrees Edarial. "Unless Iobel has objections?"

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"As long as he's going to stay there for an exquisitely long time I can think of no place better."

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"He will grow old and die in them," agrees Edarial.

The guard squeaks.

"But really, it's less than he deserves, considering the usual method of dealing with treason."

Another squeak!
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"He'll fit right in with the rats," snorts Zevros, who grabs his arm and gets to dragging him off to the dungeon. "Be back in a bit!"

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"Mm."

Plop, back into the chair. He looks pensive, again.
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"And I suppose next we look at a lineup and next you throw Nataliem in with everyone we point at?"

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"Yes," agrees Edarial. "Then they all go to either the tallest tower or the darkest dungeon, haven't decided which yet."

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"And," says Iobel, "then what?"

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"... Divorce?" offers Edarial. "I'm not holding you to a - whatever the hell our marriage is when it was made under threats of violence."

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"And then what?"

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"With me? Or you?"

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"I imagine I see if the landlord has rented my apartment and my store to anyone else in the interim even though I paid for the whole year just a few weeks before Cricket was posioned. You, what do you do?"

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He sighs. Then, thunk. Head in hands.

"I get married again," sighs Edarial. "Fuck. It's such a stupid, asinine rule."
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"To whom?"

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"I don't know?"

He sounds so pathetic when he says that, like - like he's just given up hope and wants to curl up and cry.
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"According to what selection process? Nataliem can be locked up. But I doubt even if you were doing your due diligence for once you'd detect every minor noble whose - parents were pressuring them to try to marry you, or whatever. For that matter, did I really earn my tiara on the basis of that survey, it was a reasonably well-made survey, how good was second place?"

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Edarial gives her a hurt look at 'for once' but doesn't protest it.

"Second place," he says, "was not terrible, but not particularly good, either."
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"And," says Iobel, "what if we do not get divorced: what next?"

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"I also don't know," sighs Edarial.

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"Let's focus on locking various people up for treason first, then."

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"Yes," he agrees.

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Zevros returns, a little while later. "Okay, let's go kick ass. Edarial, you're my backup."

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"... I may not be up for that, at the moment," whispers Edarial. His voice wavers, a little.

He's shaking. Months of misery have not left him very sturdy.
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"I have a forty-one second knockout spell. If it were faster I could've got Cricket out when I first tried. Will that do?"

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"Sure," shrugs Zevros. "You can come too."

He looks at his brother. "Suck it up, Daisy."
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Edarial gives Zevros a pained look. Berathyme hisses.

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"Suck. It. Up. Don't act like you fucking can't, you're the smart diplomatic one and I need you."

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"Fine," says Edarial quietly. He stands, shakily.

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Iobel gets up, Cricket draped 'round her shoulders. "Let me know when to start charging."

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"Yup. Nataliem's the problem, his goonies are shit if we get some guards to help us out. Don't waste your spells."

He eyes Edarial. "... I'll let you know when to charge, both of you. Ari, know where the bastard is?"
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"He's got a house in this city, if he's in the city it would be there."

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"Okay. Meet me at the gate, both of you - Ari, get your sword, Iobel, uh... Do whatever it is you do when you're going to go attack a spellbinder. I'm going to go round people up."

Off he goes, to do that.
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"Do you know anything about what spells he knows? I can be invisible if I'm not going to be doing much else and he might not notice me."

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"No idea," says Edarial. "But I'm treating it as 'he should not get any spells off' - they could be lethal."

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"I'll turn invisible, then. Lasts an hour, should be plenty of time."

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"Yeah. Do it when we're closer, though."

Edarial doesn't even remember where his sword is. He takes a few seconds to think, puts its most likely location as being in his room, and then heads off in that direction.
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Iobel goes to the gate, Cricket left safely behind so she doesn't have to blow two spells on the invisibility.

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Yup, that's his sword, all right. Edarial has a short argument with Berathyme on whether she's coming or not - she wins, and thus is joining him.

Off to the gate.
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Zevros arrives a bit after them both, followed by seven people. "'Kay, we're overdoing it but you never know with spellbinders. Iobel, what can you do besides knocking people out?"

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"Invisibility. I have decent healing but it's not perfect. I finished one to walk through walls a few weeks ago. I have a shielding hex on me but it won't hold up to a well-made offensive spell or prolonged physical battering. All my offensively purposeable spells besides the knockout take longer to charge, so while it might entertain Cricket if I came home with stories about boiling Nataliem's brain in its own juices or something, it's not tactically useful."

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"Fair. How many walls can you walk through in one go?"

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"I can stay wall-walkable for about twenty minutes. Or put it on someone else. It specifically excludes floors, so if he's not at ground level you still have to find stairs, you can't just haul yourself up through the ceiling."

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"Useful. Can you charge while invisible, no problem?"

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"Yes. And it covers the eyeshine. I'd still zap anyone who touched me, though."

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"Oh, I like you, you're useful. Okay, game plan - Iobel, invisibility to start out, then wall walking, sneak in while we are being large distraction. Charge up a knockout spell, hit Nataliem with it. If there's any problem at all, book it through the walls and yell. Edarial - protection duty. Iobel in particular, she's vulnerable, you got that invisible shield set up?"

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"Yes," says Edarial. "I'm not sure how it will interact with wall walking, though."

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"Hmm. Okay, perception spell instead. On Iobel, and me. If it looks like she is having difficulties I will tell you to do stuff."

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"Charge it now?"

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"Yeah. Perception spell, put it on your wife first, she needs some time to get used to it."

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"Okay," says Edarial, not sure how to feel about Iobel being referred to as his wife considering the circumstances of their marriage.

His eyes start glowing a light blue.
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"Perception spell?" inquires his wife.

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"Sees outlines of people through walls. Really freaky at first, but useful as all hell for this kind of thing."

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"Okay. That'll dovetail with mine, I'd like to see a copy later."

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"Sure," agrees Edarial.

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"Let me know when you're about to do the spell, Ari. While it's charging we'll head there. Iobel, start charging on invisibility. Don't freak out and lose it when Edarial's spell goes, your vision will change, just try to adjust and get used to what size of people mean what distance."

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Iobel nods. Her eyes go brilliantly white.

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"Right then! Let's move out. Lovely volunteers behind me, listen up - protect the squishy binders, but if Nataliem's charging a spell, don't hesitate to tackle him to the ground and hit him in the head until he stops.

"Ari! Lead the way, if you know where his house is."
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Edarial nods, and then starts leading the way.

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Iobel follows in silence, eyes aglow, braced for the perception spell.

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It goes. The world seems to dim and the people around them turn to bright, translucent silhouettes. It's hard to identify who's who - their faces are now shrouded by varying shades of lighter colors. It will take a bit to figure out, but Edarial is a light blue, Zevros a pale green, and their various companions different colors between them. If Iobel inspects her own hand, she'll see it's a brilliant white, and possibly be able to figure out what the colors mean from hers and Edarial's.

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She makes the inference.

Then: "Do you have someone available who knows the binder binding hex?"
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"One of the prison guards knows it," says Edarial. "But she's not about arresting people, just - keeping binders in a prison without them walking out through wall walking or something. So we'd have to bring him to her."

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"The knockout will hold that long, I just wouldn't bet on it sticking till midnight."

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"So no stopping for tea and crumpets on the way back, got it."

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"I could renew it before it wore off if the guard in question has already cast it today, or if we stopped for tea and crumpets. Just making sure."

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"Mhm. No, you're fine, thanks for warning us."

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"Of course."

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"Okay, Ari! Spell on me, next, do the chargy thing."

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Edarial snorts, then starts charging again.

"We're just about there," he informs them. "So we should probably stop and finish charging all our preparation spells, first."
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Iobel starts charging her invisibility. "I don't have a premature ending contingency - I wrote one, but couldn't cram it in with everything else - so when I start being invisible I'll stay that way for an hour," she warns.

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"If I hand you a thing to identify yourself with, like a cloth or something, does it go invisible, too?"

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"That part I'm very proud of - I can incorporate new stuff into the invisibility if I want to at the time it's attached or given to me. So if you want me to carry a cloth after I've done the requisite wall-walking I can not-invisible it."

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"Aha. Okay, then after we're done we give you a cloth and use that to not run into you. No downsides, we're good."

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"And it means the 'dump a bag of flour on her' trick doesn't work. Except by making me sneeze, anyway."

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"Clever! You're useful and smart, keep it up!"

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"That's the plan. It's a nine-minute charge, though."

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"That's fine. We can wait, we're already waiting for Ari's. Six minutes, right?"

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"Right," says Edarial.

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Iobel charges and waits. "What's the layout of the house like, and what's his eyeshine color so I can recognize him through the perception spell?"

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"I've never been on the inside of his house, so I've got no idea, but his eyeshine color is a lavender."

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"Well, how many floors is it, do you know that?"

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"Three, I think. Maybe a fourth as an attic, but I doubt that would come up."

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"Okay."

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"How long does the wallwalking spell take to charge?"

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"Just two minutes, I got lucky with it."

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"Ooo. Okay, in that case - when your invisibility spell goes, you go look around the house while charging the wall walking spell."

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Edarial notes the smile. He hasn't seen it before.

It makes him rather sad to realize that and he inspects his shoes.
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"I might not even need to go into the house to knock him out, if he's on the first floor and there's a window open."

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"If you can manage it, go for it. You don't even need to bother with the wall walking spell."

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Iobel nods. "If there's anyone else in the house how much should I worry about them?"

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"If they're identifiable as a spellbinder, a lot. Otherwise, don't. We'll handle guards, you and Edarial are for dealing with spellbinders."

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"So I down anybody who's got a critter with them or starts charging, right."

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"Pretty much! If you run out of spells... Hm, we should make a signal."

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"Such as?"

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"Uh - something that wouldn't tip off you were there but would let me or Ari know. Of course that narrows it down quite a bit on what we can do..."

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"She could probably just whistle," says Edarial, quietly. "Hard to place where that's coming from and I doubt anyone will guess who did it while things are being all - dramatic."

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"Okay. I'll whistle if I'm out. But I didn't cast anything before this."

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Zevros shrugs. "Just a measure of paranoia. I hate fighting spellbinders. They never play fair."

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"You could have been a spellbinder if you wanted. Technically you still could, although I imagine at this point you'd have a hard time talking to your familiar. How's that not fair?"

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"My spirit animal was a turtle, and I did not get along with him."

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"That's a pity."

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"Yup! Also, unmaking freaks me out like nobody's business."

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"Well. Yes."

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"Also, honestly I don't think I have the head for it. Like, I've seen Ari's spell-charts and ugh, they gave me a headache just trying to read them, let alone fit everything in my head all at once."

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"It takes practice."

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"Eh," says Zevros, shrugging. "I like how I am now. With no stupid turtle that I hate for reasons I don't even remember."

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"I got lucky with Cricket. He hates almost everybody but he loves me."

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"Huh. What'd you do to make him love you?"

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"He's mostly just really judgmental. He thinks I'm smart and reasonable."

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"Oh, well then. Congrats to you!"

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"Thanks."

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"Spell," warns Edarial.

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"Yup! Hit me!"

Zevros gets the perception spell. He takes a bit to adjust to it and says, "Estimated time for your invisibility spell, Iobel? Another three minutes, I think?"
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"Thereabouts, yeah."

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"Cool. Guess we will just sit on our asses until then," shrugs Zevros. "Unless there's any topics you want to talk about in three minutes?"

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"I'm not exactly overflowing with ideas for small talk, no."

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"Eh. I guess I have a question, are you going to stop glaring at Ari all the time, now?"

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"Yes."

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"Okay, good. That got a bit awkward, like - he was running from you, basically the entire time."

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Iobel doesn't really have anything to say to that.

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Edarial gives Zevros a bit of a look, but doesn't comment.

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Zevros looks at his brother, then says, "And you! Are you going to apologize and say I was right?"

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"Yeah, go fuck yourself, man."

A few of the guards are surprised by Zevros telling their king to fuck himself. Not that Zevros cares.
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"Am I missing some story about your heroism behind the scenes?" wonders Iobel in Zevros's direction softly.

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"I was the one that noticed the results of your cat and the strange convenient headaches at the same time. Went to tell Edarial, he blew me off and went back to pouting. Not to mention, I was against the whole 'get married to someone you don't know' thing from the beginning."

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"But you didn't, for example, ask me what was wrong, or present a sufficiently approachable face that the survey-taker went to you with my story, or double-check the intake procedures of queen candidates, or keep a close enough eye on the guards to know that at least half a dozen of them are taking orders from someone else."

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Edarial laughs, bitterly. With no actual humor.

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"Hey, you didn't exactly come to me and tell me that something was wrong. I was just going to leave you alone because your life is none of my fucking business. This shit is all Edarial's territory for dealing with, and guess who dropped the ball?"

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"Oh, believe me, I'm kicking myself for my own missed opportunities. I could have gone to you, I could have gone to Edarial, I could have simply thrown enough magic and screaming at the top of my lungs around during my rescue attempt that I would be guaranteed attention outside of a handful of bought and paid for guards and helpless servants, I could have burst into tears at the wedding, I could have kept hold of Cricket in the first place, downed those guards, and dunked him myself, I could have worked faster on my wall-walking spell, I could have prioritized cramming my idealized teleportation spellchart into my head last summer instead of setting the project down to pick at an immortality hex, I could have done so many things. And so could any of us, so why are you being more judgmental than my cat?"

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"Because if Edarial had listened to me in the first place, none of this shit would have happened. You'd be in your magic shop working on an immortality hex, and we'd be anywhere but here. The two of you would never have met, I wouldn't be pissed at my brother, your cat wouldn't have been kidnapped and poisoned, and Ari wouldn't be a quivering mess of misery. Everybody wins."

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Edarial is currently demonstrating that he is just as good at death glares as his brother is. Look at him, looking like he wants to wish death on his twin.

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"Congratulations, Zevros," says Iobel tiredly. "I'll write my mother for the 'you tried' stamp she has to encourage students who have not successfully accomplished anything. We can all have one."

And then she is invisible.
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Zevros sort of growls and shakes his head. "Don't care. We'll just deal with Nataliem and then go back to biting each other's heads off."

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"Mm-hm. What's the address?" Iobel asks, starting to charge the wall-walking.

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Edarial rattles it off for her.

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Iobel goes to wander around the environs of this house and see what they're dealing with.

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It's a large, fancy house, with pretty gardens and a few fountains. Iobel can see lots of people inside it, some whose silhouettes look like they're carrying weaponry. On the third floor is a lavender figure who's isolated from the others, and who seems to be sitting at a desk. That's probably Nataliem.

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Iobel circles the house, guessing layout based on how people are clustered and plotting a course in so she can sneak up the stairs. If she's lucky there will be a ladder or a climbable trellis or something.

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There are neither of those things, unfortunately - but she can find at least one set of stairs through the walls by looking at how people move. While there are what look to be servant passages for out of the way deliveries, they might be too cramped for comfort if someone else is in them. The main hallways have guards in them, but at least Iobel would have the ability to go around them if they are walking towards her.

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Iobel's wall-walking spell goes off. She steps in, walking carefully, breathing shallowly. She takes the main hallway and starts charging the knockout, abandoning it unused during calm moments and starting up again to have it ready in case she does bump into someone.

Up the stairs she goes.
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Figuring out the layout's a bit of a problem, but Iobel can avoid running into people well enough. She makes it to the second floor, then the third - then she just has to make it to Nataliem and use the knockout.

There he is. In his office. She now has line of sight, and he's completely unaware.
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And she's got thirty seconds of charge on the knockout.

She charges it the rest of the way and nabs him.
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Down he goes. His raven squawks with alarm, nudging him with her beak. Then, she starts crying out, for guards or other help to show up.

It might be a good idea for Iobel to not be in the room when they arrive.
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She sidesteps into another room on the same floor, looking through the wall in case anyone approaches who might be another spellbinder. She charges another knockout.

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It doesn't seem like there's another spellbinder arriving, but Iobel can tell that the assault downstairs has begun. She can hear yelling, and several of the guards leave Nataliem to go defend the place. But the others move to pick him up and carry him off while everyone downstairs is busy.

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There's three of them; Iobel could get them all, but it's probably safer for her to quietly stalk them while they try to drag Nataliem through a combat zone and only knock one out if they get farther than the front door. If she sees the raven she wants to get her, too.

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The raven is still in the room with Nataliem. She pecks at a window for someone to open it so she can fly away to safety, but the guards are currently busy trying to drag her master out. Fortunate for Iobel, not so much for the raven. She gets to trying to open it herself, struggling a little with a device not built for use with a beak. If Iobel's fast enough, she can manage to knock her out.

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Iobel is fast enough.

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Down she goes. The guards dragging Nataliem out don't even notice the bird flopping to the floor in a heap. They're too busy trying to coordinate to get their employer out.

Now it's just waiting to see if the fight's going in her side's favor downstairs, and making sure Nataliem isn't dragged completely out of the house.
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It's really not a long wait.

If Iobel's watching the proceedings through the floor, she can see that Zevros is utterly terrifying in one on one combat. Especially when combined with his brother's spell - it's hard, if perhaps impossible for someone to sneak up on him. Once he knows they're there, he handles them well enough, and leaves several crumpled bodies in his wake. A few of their silhouettes flicker out entirely.

Apparently he doesn't mind leaving some casualties.
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Iobel tentatively suspects that she will get to hang on to her last two spells.

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That's a pretty good suspicion.

The guards with Nataliem are handled. And then, they've won.

Zevros is absurdly pleased with himself.
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Iobel picks up a doily, does not incorporate it into her invisibility, and waves it around in the air. "I got the raven, too," she says, "she's upstairs. Does anyone need healing, I have two spells left?"

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"Hey, Iobel. Thanks for grabbing the raven - there's a guy downstairs that got some shallow cuts, another who's going to have a massive headache in the morning and will need to be dragged out, and Ari got punched in the face, but other than that - we're all fine."

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"Except for the dead, I suppose. Do you want to tie people up before I patch them?"

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"... Wha? Oh, no, I was talking about the guys on our side. Loads of the other guys are hurt, fix em if you want, I guess. Tie them up first."

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"I'd rather not leave excess corpses if anyone's bleeding out and I could save them, but I don't know how to safely tie up people likely to be hostile."

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Zevros sighs. "Okay, fine, I'll help."

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"Thank you."

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Zevros helps. Grudgingly.

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Edarial has found bandages and is currently using them for a mission called 'let's not have more people die.'

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Iobel triages, identifies the two people at the worst risk of death, has Zevros tie them up, and applies healing magic.

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They are healed!

Edarial notices, and then smiles.
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"If you have spells and know any healing that fellow's probably next worst off," Iobel says to Edarial, pointing.

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He nods, then gets to healing them. He's not the best with healing spells, but - hey, they're useful.

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Iobel goes up the stairs to fetch down the unconscious raven.

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The raven is fetched without problem.

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She puts the bird on top of her binder and waits for the party to be ready to go.

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They're ready to go reasonably quickly. Nataliem's dragged out, along with someone unconscious that was on their side. Injured parties are patched up, and then either carried off or escorted to prison. Several guards surrendered - they will be detained for a little while and questioned about Nataliem. Servants and people who obviously had nothing to do with anything nefarious are left to their own devices with the caveat that if they need to be questioned they should be findable.

Once all prisoners have been dropped off at the prison to be processed (and Nataliem's familiar is bound with a hex), there seems to be little else to do besides wait at the palace for him to wake up for questioning.
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Which means that Edarial's run out of distractions. It's okay if he's got a goal, a mission to do, but now that it's gone and he's just waiting for Nataliem to wake up - well. He's got nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. Mostly the guilt, and all of the various things he could have done better. Things that would have prevented an innocent woman from being married to him against her will.

Out of habit, he curls up in his room. He has a lot of things to think about.
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When everyone who was found at the house has been handled, Iobel says to Zevros, "What would be the best way for Cricket and I to check over the palace guard and identify the other involved parties, ideally without causing further injuries?"

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"Uhh... I could make up a fake training thing that's mandatory for all guards ever, then have you and Cricket show up and point people out to me?"

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"That works. How long will it take to set up?"

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"Well, normally this sort of thing takes days of planning and coordination. But I'm a prince, and I scare people, so - give me a few hours."

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"Okay. Thank you."

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"Mhm," shrugs Zevros, who goes off to do that.

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Iobel goes up to her room and pulls out a notebook and writes, Cricket on her shoulder. It's his language she writes in, but he's illiterate, so no one can read her thoughts except for her.

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Her husband's certainly not going to try.

Not only is it against his morals, but he's kind of busy right now. Wallowing in misery.
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So, Edarial didn't do it. He was neglectful to the point that it almost strains credulity, but seems to have been legitimately upset about having to get married, which is - some excuse, if not much - and is now quite willing to resolve the problem insofar as it can be resolved.

She has very little sense of his personality on a social level under all the despair - approximately, what she knows is that he's the sort of person to get married for some combination of national benefit and brotherly sacrifice despite finding the prospect hideous, he is not a rapist (lucky him; that would have gotten her thinking very seriously about murder), and that he smiled when she healed the fallen enemy combatants. And that he filtered candidates for queenhood on the basis of the quality of their politics in a way that made Iobel the best choice by a significant margin.

(She leaves a note in clearly readable Marlese for Zephrys: she wants the names and addresses of everyone else who was being considered so she can find out if she was the only person being coerced at any point in the process. She somewhat doubts that Edarial would think of this.)

He's willing to divorce her. She's not sure if that would be best, although she's scarcely going to cling to his sleeve and weep if he insists on it because he can't stand the sight of her.

But she thinks she's a good queen, and could be better if the king weren't avoiding her; and he has to be married to somebody; and maybe if he ever lightens up he'd be all right; and maybe she can cook up a spell to get her pregnant with the heir to the throne without having to trespass on his distaste or her unease.

It's more complicated than that on paper, but those are the conclusions she has by the time Zevros's few hours have elapsed.
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Knock, knock. Who's there?

Zevros. The answer is Zevros.
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"All set?" Iobel inquires when she has answered the door.

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"All set!" he agrees. "I will actually be training them, because half of them are okay but not great at poking things with sharp objects."

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"Okay." Iobel picks up Cricket. "And we'll tell you which of them we know were involved with taking my cat."

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"Yup! And then I will throw them to Edarial and he will handle it."

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Iobel nods. "Lead the way."

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He does! Oh look, guards.

Zevros gets to actually training them! This involves calling them out by name for Iobel to hear. This isn't necessary for the actual training part, but it'll certainly help for identifying who's who.
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Iobel brought her notebook along. She makes notes. Cricket helps.

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How very useful! Once all names are called and there is a bit of training, Zevros pops over to ask for the names.

He has plans.
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Iobel produces them. "Although it's possible there are some we didn't see, who were on duty outside the closet at times when I wasn't there and Cricket couldn't see them."

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"Sure, this'll work."

Zevros takes the list of names, then heads back over to his trainees. He clears his throat. Then he starts reading them, in a loud commanding voice. The first few are confused. Then, they start noting whose names are being called, and that's when they get very nervous. He makes it to the end of the list, rolls up the paper, and then looks at them all, calmly.

"Ladies. Gentlemen. If your name has been called, congratulations. You are now under arrest. For kidnapping, poisoning, extortion, obstruction of an emergency healing thingymadoodle, assault, and best of all treason. Against her majesty. Ladies and gentlemen whose names have not been called - I will buy you a drink for every one of the named people that you arrest. Or stab, honestly I'm not picky. But try not to take too long at it."

Zevros draws his sword, grinning. "Because I'm competing, too."

It turns out that the number of guards that are not traitors outnumbers the ones that are by a large amount. It's hilariously one sided, and soon enough - there are all named parties that Iobel and Cricket know of that were involved, out of commission in one way or another. None are dead, and they are all escorted (or carried off to) the prison, to join their fellows.

"And remember!" calls Zevros, after the remaining guards, "The most important lesson of all! Traitors get to go to jail, people that are loyal get to party after asswhooping! Know where you stand on that, be on the right side!"

Then he looks at Iobel. "I realized that Ari is probably still sulking in his room. So I just handled it."
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"I have no objections whatever to your methods. Nicely done."

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"Thank you!" says Zevros, with a bow.

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"How long do you estimate he'll sulk? I'd like to plan my schedule around when he'll want to talk to me about - whatever's next."

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Zevros shrugs. "I've got no idea. Honestly though, it will probably take a while. If you want to get anything done in the next week or so on the front of talking about where your... creepy double nonconsensual relationship political thing is going, I would recommend talking to him."

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"Is he much use at discussing that sort of difficult topic while in the process of sulking?"

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"Eeeeeeh. Kinda? Why, want me to be nearby and translate Edarial-speak to Marlese?"

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"Maybe. I don't know. I suppose it's not urgent on the scale of a week, anyway."

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"Okay. But you should probably actually talk to him about something, because he thinks of you as 'wife who hates him.' That not being a factor anymore might affect what the end result of his sulking is."

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"I can go tell him I don't hate him right now if it's likely to help."

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"It might. But then again, he's never quite been like this before, so maybe it's a special case and he'll end up freaking out and agreeing to flee the country and drink fruity drinks on an island with me."

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"If you flee the country to drink fruity beverages please first arrange for me to sit regent for and legitimize any children I manage to have or I'll have a mess on my hands."

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"... Oooo! Oooo that might persuade him, let's go tell him that right now!"

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"...Sure, why not."

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Off they go, to do that. Zevros knows where Edarial's room is.

Knock, knock! Excited knock, knock!
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It takes a bit, but he opens the door.

"Yes?" he says, in a monotone.
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Zevros pauses a bit to survey his brother's appearance, and loses his train of thought doing it.

"You look like shit," he says, instead.
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It's true, he does. He really, really does. His hair's a tangly mess, and he looks like he's been crying for hours.

"Thank you for the obvious," says Edarial, in a deadpan. "Will you tell me the sky is blue next?"
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"Okay, get off of your period for like, five minutes, Iobel had an idea and it might mean we can just flee the country!"

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"Please don't start that again."

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"The suggestion is that if you make the right arrangements I can sit regent, work out how to have a child some way or other, and legitimize him or her."

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"Unfortunately," says Edarial in a tired voice, "Marlatia is very delicate right now and if I made a - sorry for the wording, but - random woman regent, however smart or competent she is, and fled the country with my brother, someone would take issue with it. And that would spark a civil war."

Pause.

"I do not want a civil war."
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"I assure you I am not attempting to start one. Since no one has troubled to give me queen lessons, perhaps things are indeed that delicate, but I have been queen for several months now, so I don't think I'm quite that random."

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Edarial's eyebrow twitches a bit, at her wording of 'troubled to give me queen lessons.'

"Not completely random, no, but still quite random in comparison to various people that have been on the political playing field for decades. Yes, they are that delicate. I understand that you are not trying to start a civil war, I am not accusing you of doing so, but I am being frank with you because I don't have the energy to be more gentle."
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"So much for that idea, then. Zevros also opined that it might help if I tell you that I do not hate you."

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"... Thank you."

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"Edarial. Edarial, seriously, can we just -"

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He sighs. Then he interrupts his twin's inevitable pleading with, "- You mentioned, earlier, how 'Everybody wins' if I would have never forced myself into marriage."

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"... Uh, yeah, like all of the problems ever would have been -"

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"- No, nope. False. All problems for you would have been handled. All of the personal problems that you are having in your immediate family right now. Those would have been handled. But do you know what it would have done for the people that were not us?"

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"Jack shit?"

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Edarial laughs. It's the same not-actually-a-happy-laugh.

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Iobel glances between king and prince, unsure that she's getting all of the content of this exchange.

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"Do you realize," says Edarial softly, "just how quickly this country would devolve into civil war? Do you comprehend that? There are multiple people who have a claim to the throne, several of them would try to use it."

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"Kinda not caring, if a country needs one of two people to get married it's kind of a stupid country. Like, just bend the rules a little and let someone make some decisions, not that hard."

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Edarial stares.

"... You get that a country is not just a nebulous entity, right? That there are people in it that did nothing to choose to live in it but be born in it and who have nothing to do with any of the reasons as to why a country is going to combust?"
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"Yeah, and?"

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"And? And those would be the people that would be most hurt by a civil war. Those would be the people that would really suffer. It would be their homes that are getting pillaged for supplies for armies, their fields that are getting emptied, their children that are conscripted to join one side or another - I could go on. There's a lot of material about how wars are bad. I'll spare you."

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"Gee," drawls Zevros. "I am so lucky."

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Edarial makes a frustrated sound.

"Do you just - not care if people die, or are unmade, or hurt, or tortured, or traumatized? Do you not feel at least some - shred of responsibility for - knowing that you can at least try to stop it?!"
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"I do," says Iobel.

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This answer seems to calm him down, a little. "Thank you," he says to Iobel.

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"So having established that you don't think Marlatia is stable enough to survive the departure of the only available royal blood even with a queen consort trying to hold things together, what is the plan?"

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He sighs. "Right now? Try to fix myself to the point where I am properly - functional to make lifelong decisions again. Work on things that involve fixing the country in the meantime, because I do better when I have set goals to strive for."
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"Should I go back to staying out of your way while you do that?"

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"I don't know. Sorry."

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"Then I suppose I'll guess, and if you later come to know, perhaps you will tell me."

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"Sure," he agrees.

There he goes. Back to looking - empty and miserable and sad. Great.
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Iobel looks at him for a moment, then reiterates: "I don't hate you."

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He manages a little, sad laugh. "That makes one of us."

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"I seem to be in much better emotional condition than you. If there are any - royalty-ing matters - that you could do with having off your plate so you have time to work through your issues in whatever way works for you, I'll take them."

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"Okay," he says, attempting a little smile. "Thank you."

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"You're welcome."

And her guess is that she should get out of his way, so she turns and goes, Cricket trotting at her heels.
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His brother lingers at the door.

"... You think I don't care about things?" he says quietly. "You're hurting that much?"
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Edarial looks down. "Yeah. I - am extremely bad. At political marriages and - and feeling like everyone in my close family hates me."

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Hug.
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Hug.

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"Do me a favor and - fix yourself? Also hit me if I poke you too hard."

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"I'm also not really good at hitting things."

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"Pff. Daisy," he snorts.

Then he turns, and walks off.
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Iobel makes no attempt to approach Edarial again. She attends meals, she takes the list of names and addresses of the other queen candidates mentioning that some treasonous behavior that might have affected them has come to light and asks if they suffered from any coercion prompting or prolonging their stay at the palace, and she keeps an eye out for any queening that she can do.

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Edarial is generally very withdrawn. He does actually start showing up to meals again, though he still skips about half of them and has them in his room, instead. His default seems to be 'quiet,' rather than 'let's talk about ways to fix me.' Occasionally, when Iobel or Cricket enters the room, he stiffens a bit and starts looking for a way to politely flee. Like he did when she was spending all of her time glaring at him. But it becomes less frequent, slowly, and instead of politely fleeing it becomes a little shy wave, or an attempt at a smile.

He sends her a few things that could require queening. Shyly, with 'You don't have to deal with them if you don't want to' caveats on every one. It turns out that he was doing a lot on his own, once Iobel starts helping with his workload. He can manage just fine with it, but he feels guilty for not teaching her how to be a queen.

Occasionally, rarely, he will actually make jokes. He is revealed to have a sense of humor. With Zevros. Iobel herself he doesn't quite know what to do with, so he leaves her alone. But he can joke around with his twin, again.
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Zevros, for his part - stops being hostile and angry. The ritualistic stabbing of meals stops, though having his feet on the table doesn't. He does occasionally get a little too nosey or pressuring with Edarial, but stops if warned.

He's actually completely fine with talking to Iobel, and occasionally gives her status updates on his brother. "He actually went outside today," or "Edarial's staring at the ceiling again, do you think I should go poke him or would that make it worse," or "I'd drag him off to spar with me if he would stop making that face every time I suggest it."

But beneath the abrasive manner, rude language, lack of care for the country as a whole - it's rather clear that he does care about him, quite a lot.
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Iobel neither chases nor avoids her husband.

She accepts every queening task sent her way, takes copious notes, and has Zephrys recommend a co-worker to do more of her random tasks and free up more of her time.

She confines herself to smiling at amusing jokes; she doesn't think they're quite at a laughing stage with each other.

Iobel is fine talking to Zevros too; he kind of rubs her the wrong way, but not enough to prevent ordinary conversations. She certainly has no opinion on whether poking Edarial will make him worse. She knows almost nothing about him, certainly nothing compared to his twin.
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When Cricket finds out that Zevros is willing to teach him to swear in Marlese more than the incidentals he's managed to acquire from Iobel, he is most pleased.

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Zevros actually is willing to teach some very choicy phrases, too. Violent ones. Because every familiar needs to know that, right? That's a thing they need to know.



One day, over lunch (with Edarial present) he says, "So apparently Nataliem is pissed because we threw him in prison and then ignored him. Does anyone care? 'Cause I don't."
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"Does he actually have anything worthwhile to say or does he just want attention?"

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Zevros shrugs. "Probably the second thing. Though I wouldn't know, I didn't go in there and ask him, 'Hey, do you have anything worthwhile to say?' So I could be wrong."

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"I might look in on him at some point just in case, I suppose. It would be nice to know - why."

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"I suspect that it had something to do with a twisted desire to help Marlatia. Because obviously everything he did is exonerated because he was doing it in the country's best interests," deadpans Edarial. Sarcasm is also a thing he proves to be capable of doing, as demonstrated here.

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"It's the escalation pattern that confuses me more than the result he aimed at. That and how he expected to go unpunished, assuming he did - as it happened we didn't notice for a very long time, but he didn't know me well or do much to prevent any impulse I might have manifested to go to you with my concerns directly."

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"Could just be crazy. Crazy is a thing this place can do well."

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"Should I be concerned about contagion?" inquires Iobel dryly.

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"Yes. We're all crazy, can't you tell?"

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"Oh my god you said a joke to Iobel."

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"... Yes?"

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"I'm surprised too," Iobel volunteers. "I have previously observed you to make jokes, but not to direct them at me; I am terrifying and upsetting."

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Well that just kind of depresses him, now. She hasn't seen anything of what he's actually like, only when he's freaking out because he's married, or freaking out because he's married to her, who demonstratively hated him.

He sighs. "I am perfectly capable of them."
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"So it would seem."

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"You are seriously such a killjoy lately," Zevros tells Edarial.

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"Yes. I know. Sorry."

There he goes. Back to resigned misery.
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Iobel sighs.

"I'm going to go see if Nataliem has anything worth hearing to say. Are either of you coming along?"
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"Sure," says the raincloud. "It couldn't hurt to know more."

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"Don't care, should have killed him," shrugs Zevros. "Do whatever you like."

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Up goes Iobel, followed by Cricket and presumably the kingly wad of misery.

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Yeah, he follows, along with Berathyme. He's rather quiet, on the trip to Nataliem. Unless Iobel wants to talk about something, he'll just leave it at silence.

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She's not going to push it.

And here is the dungeon. It's so dungeony.
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It is quite dungeony!

Edarial actually already knows where Nataliem is in this dungeon. He'd checked to make sure living conditions weren't terrible, before dumping him here. "This way," he says.

Then, there is Nataliem. His familiar is with him, since she can't fit through the bars. He glances up, at them both. "Ah, your majesties," he says, getting up to bow with only a trace of spite, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"
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"Idle curiosity," says Iobel.

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"Oh?" says Nataliem. "And what would you like to know? Why you should let me go? Or are you simply planning to leave me in here, my familiar bound, until I take my final breath?"

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"If we ought to let you go, that would be news to me, certainly."

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"I'll accept the other charges, but certainly not treason. Everything I did was in the name of the crown."

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"Really! Tell me you are not better off with her than you would have been with other candidates!"

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"I have letters out to the other candidates to find out if they were coerced too. But perhaps you can tell us and perhaps you'll even tell the truth, was I the only one to be so thoroughly kept captive?"

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"Well there's really no point to lying, considering where I am, so... No. But you were the most troublesome."

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"Lovely," snorts Iobel. "Why did you jump straight to commanding my presence at the palace? I'd have accepted a politely worded invitation. Perhaps Edarial and I would have gotten along famously under better circumstances."

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"Most people are more persuaded by commands than invitations," shrugs Nataliem. "And I'd offered to get you an invitation, but you'd turned me down."

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"I turned you down because I expected you would be able to get me some perfunctory meet-and-greet at best and that wouldn't serve for the kind of information I would have wanted before getting married. You didn't offer to get me that."

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"Pff," snorts Nataliem. "It doesn't matter how I got you into the marriage, what matters is that you were married. I had no doubt that his majesty could win you over from there."

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His majesty raises an eyebrow. Then, testily, he replies, "I beg your pardon? 'Win her over'? I'm not a rapist, I wasn't about to -"

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Nataliem rolls his eyes. "Oh, please. I was expecting more from you. I mean charm her."

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...Iobel looks eloquently skeptical.

"I was under the impression that he had held my cat hostage, and he assiduously avoided me for months."
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"Did you," sighs Nataliem. "Edarial, really. I'd had such high hopes!"

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"Kindly," says Edarial with a tone that is anything but pleasant, "do not try to familiarize yourself with me, I want nothing to do with you."

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"And even if he had tried to charm me, I was under the impression that he'd held my cat hostage. If we'd had enough of a conversation early on to produce that information then instead of just the other day, I imagine the ultimate outcome for you would have been the same. Did you have some plan of getting away with it?"

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"Because I was not expecting his majesty to be so cold as to lock me up in prison," says Nataliem primly.

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"You're such a brilliant judge of character I'm beginning to wonder how you could even tell I'd be a good queen," mutters Iobel.

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"I had other candidates," he shrugs. "You were hardly the best. They were better options, but his majesty ignored them once it became clear they were involved with me."

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Edarial smiles, just a little at the last part. He does not regret ignoring them for being involved with Nataliem. Not in the slightest.

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Iobel glances at Edarial. "Were you turning women away for having met Nataliem or was that code for 'in his pocket'?"

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"In his pocket. Or possibly sleeping with him, I'm not entirely sure which."

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Iobel makes a face.

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"That was my reaction, too."

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"Ugh," says Nataliem with distaste. "No, I wasn't sharing any of their beds. It would feel incestuous."

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"Incestuous?"

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"... None of them were your cousins or daughters or-"

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"I thought you were smart. You figure it out."

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Edarial stares at him.

While he is the former queen's son, he's not her king's. He's aware that there were several attempts at inventing a spell to cure sterility, and for one very good reason. The former king was sterile. None of the attempts to fix this worked. This is something he's been aware of for most of his life, and not cared about in the slightest. What did he care about a father who isn't there?

But with it all laid out in front of him like this... Well. It's not hard to figure out.

"Shit," he hisses. "Shit, you son of a - are you lying, are you making this up to spite me?!"
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"What am I missing?"

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"I and Zevros," says Edarial quietly, giving Nataliem a death glare, "are certainly royal, but one little known fact is that we're not the king's children. But we are the queen's. In other words, we are both bastards."

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"Oh."
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"Yes. But I don't think I believe him, it's -" He trails off. "Improbable."

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"You have my eyes," says Nataliem.

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He says something to his familiar in her language.

"Eat shit, choke on it, and die slowly while I piss in your throat," says his familiar.

"Thank you, Berathyme," says Edarial dryly.
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Iobel inspects their eyes.

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They are remarkably similar. The same shade of blue.

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And the age is right and -

She tentatively suspects that Nataliem is telling the truth, not that she anticipates this causing his children to be inclined to release him.
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"If you," says Edarial a little shakily, "are actually my father - then I'm ashamed to have you. I want nothing to do with you, and frankly you disgust me. So I hope you like your new home, because you will be here for a very long time."

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Iobel smiles a very small, very tight smile.

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"After all I've done for you?"

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Edarial barks out a laugh. "Corrupting pretty much everything I stand for with manipulation, kidnapping, terrorizing, poisoning, neglect, torture, treason, arrogance, narcissism, and generally being an asshole. Yes. After 'all you've done for me.'"

He growls, "You're lucky that my brother isn't here. He would have killed you. I wouldn't have stopped him."
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"Are you going to tell your brother?"

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"... Yes," sighs Edarial. "He deserves to know."

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"Is he going to come all the way here and kill him even if told in some less remote part of the castle?"

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"He will probably not bother."

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"Is there anything else worth learning from this... person?" wonders Iobel.

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Edarial considers Nataliem.

"... No. No I don't think there is."
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"All right then." Iobel picks up her cat and turns to go, murmuring a summary of the information in Cricket's ear. He responds in repulsed tones. She pets him and says something apparently soothing.

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Edarial follows. Berathyme asks for a more complete summary, and he provides it on the way. She nuzzles him.

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She decides not to attempt to begin any further topics of conversation, though she doesn't range far ahead of her husband either.

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This time, he breaks the silence.

"... So how afraid are you that I'll turn out like him?" he asks, quietly.
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"Less than Cricket is. Not zero. But I know little about what he was like when he was your age, and the late queen is not a stellar source of traits either, to be frank."

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"I have such fantastic odds," Edarial says bitterly.

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Iobel swallows several possible responses to that. She shushes Cricket when he starts muttering at her.

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Edarial isn't going to ask. Back to silence it is, then.

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Eventually she comes up with one she doesn't feel the need to stifle.

"She didn't seem to care what happened to the country. He didn't seem to care how things happened to the country. You have some measure of care for both."
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That actually makes him smile. "Thank you," he says, sincerely.

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"You're welcome."

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Well. Edarial can't think of anything else to add, so... Silence. Less awkward silence now, though.

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Iobel can think of things to say, but doesn't know if this is the time. She doesn't know when would be the time, but - it doesn't seem to be now. Maybe if she just leaves him alone long enough Edarial will magically turn into a person again instead of a heap of negative emotion.

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He does not look to be about to magically turn into a person again anytime soon. Just a heap of negative emotion. That walks, talks and fixes a country.

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Well, she assumes there's a person under there, anyway.

Cricket asks her something.

She answers, sighing. The name "Edarial" appears in her reply.
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Edarial glances up at his name, then looks at Iobel quizzically. What exactly was she saying?

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"...I can tell you what I said if you like but I doubt you will be particularly pleased to hear it."

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Well that's hardly a change in anything.

"Go ahead," he says, after a pause. "You don't have to if I'm prying, however."
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"If it were very private I would have referred to you as 'the king' or something," she says, shaking her head. "Cricket asked what I was thinking and I said - I think you look at me like I'm a walking sign that reads 'contemplate the terrible circumstances of your marriage now' - as opposed to a human being."

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Edarial opens his mouth. Then he closes it, not having a response to that immediately.

He looks down, at his shoes.

"... I have been doing that, haven't I?" His voice is quiet and shaky. "I'm sorry."
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"I would have said it directly to you in the first place if I were after an apology. I have no particular hope that you are ever going to like me or anything about me beyond my opinions on governance, but it seems like it would be more conducive to forming some kind of working relationship regarding the opinions on governance if you didn't find me and my - context - intolerable to think about. I'm mostly wondering if that's ever going to happen or if eventually you're going to dismiss me, queen someone else who you might or might like and who might or might not be helpful but who at least isn't associated with so much unpleasantness, and move on."

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"How can I like you when I hardly know you, and you spend most of your time commenting on my various failures while I'm still trying to pull myself together? Because personally I feel like I'm not being treated like a person, either. It's like I'm an excuse for you to - be queen or you're waiting for me to do something you don't want, like kick you to the curb for my own comfort. I don't even hate you or dislike you, I'm just - stuck in the mindset that there is a woman who hates me and happens to be glaring at me every chance she gets and oh wait she turns out to be entirely justified. Honestly most of this isn't even involved with you, you just happen to be a reminder of the shit that's going on in my head. None of that's your fault and I know that and I'm working on it."

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"I don't expect you to like me. But how am I supposed to know what will and won't help you pull yourself together? I know very little about you and less about how to haul you out of a miserable fugue, and if Zevros's likewise inability to do so is any indication I could have known you all your life and still have no idea. More information and feedback would help me, and you asked me what I said when warned it wouldn't be pleasant, and what else do I have to go on? I know little about you and less about what you do when confronted with a marriage to someone you - apparently produce no value judgment upon at all. You could have me packed off home if you like. My apartment and my store are still there. You could get rid of me. Why wouldn't you? When all I am to you is a terrible reminder of something you never wanted that was worse than you feared."

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"I'm not expecting you to instantly and miraculously know how I work, and I'm not going to get upset with you for screwing things up every now and then. Heaven knows Zevros gets it wrong most of the time and I love him. I can't promise I'll react fantastically to everything, but generally I do not write off people entirely without extremely good reason." He motions back to the dungeons, and presumably, to Nataliem.

He sighs. "Yes. I could get rid of you, but I'm not going to just because it's convenient for me. Because even if - this was worse than I expected I still took on the responsibility willingly. Meaning that I'm going to listen to your preferences for things, including how you seem to want to stay as queen. You deserve some basic respect for your choices. You are my wife and that is not meaningless to me. Even if the ceremony was a sham and I wanted to shove that idiot priest's stupid misogynistic oaths back down his throat."
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"Oh, god, the oaths," says Iobel, almost laughing. "They were - yes, they could have stood to go back whence they came and maybe a bit farther. Well. This is good to know, because if you were going to show me the door I'd have preferred it done quickly. So. Since I'm here, since I'm staying - how does one haul you out of a depressive pit, how does one formulate some reasonably cordial working relationship with you, how does one cause you to feel like you are being treated like a person, how does one come by information about you like that of 'willing to consider preferences of wife in wife-relevant decisionmaking' by mechanisms other than speculation or conversational happenstance?"

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He shrugs. "I'll... Mostly haul myself out of a depressive pit. This one's a bit - deeper than the others and it's not exactly fun, but I can - metaphorically climb well enough. I think. If not, Zevros will no doubt kick me until I start again now that he's no longer upset with me."

Edarial attempts a little, teensy smile. "As to the others... Talking? Asking relevant questions? I don't know if you want to talk to me or not, and it's not like I know what in the world to say to you. I've been mostly in my own head, unless you want updates on how much I hate myself at any one point in time, I don't think that's very useful for smalltalk."
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"I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me or not. Gradually ceasing to flee the room at my approach is an improvement but didn't make it look like you wanted to have a chat. You've been sending me work, we could talk about that if nothing else."

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"I mostly have not been wanting to talk to anyone. Talking about work or projects works for me, though."

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"I found and allocated funding for that person who wanted to coordinate canal cleanup and had more than sixty percent of an idea for how to go about it," she volunteers. "I took some of it out of the budget for buying new dishes. I don't know why there was such a budget for buying new dishes; they aren't exactly unreusable."

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"My mother had a habit of breaking them and I hadn't gotten around to moving the funds from there to something else. So, no loss, excellent choice."

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"I thought it might be something like that, although I did check with the kitchen staff to be sure. The rest of it was out of public works fund so I assume that's fine."

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"Hmm. Mostly fine, I was going to use a portion of that for a project to rebuild some slums in Forgrat, but I can manage."

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"You'll get some of it back in taxes, since it's mostly going to pay workers, and I think cleaner canals should cut the spread of various diseases. I can check with you before dipping into that budget again."

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"Oh no, the project itself is fine, I'm just thinking of various other things that need juggling, too." Pause. "I should probably give you my notes on those, shouldn't I."

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"It would help with setting priorities."

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"I have them prioritized, but... Mm. I'm used to working on this sort of thing by myself, so..."

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"I want to be effective; if I can't be effective working on the same thing you're doing because you have a solo workflow that works and shouldn't be perturbed, I'll do something else. I'm good at inventing spells and cheating at problems and aggregating a lot of anecdotal complaints into patterns. Deploy me where I'll be useful."

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"Okay," he agrees. "I do the same sort of thing with Zevros, but I need to get - used to actually talking to you."

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"Do you want my life story?" inquires Iobel dryly.

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"I don't know. Do you want mine?"

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"I know more about yours already, I think, but sure."

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"Born a prince. Avoided my mother like the plague, for very obvious reasons. The king I didn't need to avoid - he didn't like either of us, for being bastards, so he did most of the avoiding. He at least threw some tutors and nursemaids in our general direction, so we weren't completely bereft of parental figures. None of them really - stick out to me, they got switched a lot on account of my mother, but it was better than nothing. When I was eight and between tutors I got bored and bound Berathyme, for permanent company - I'd had basically only Zevros - and because magic interested me."

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"I was born out in South Fork, but my parents got divorced when I was very little and I grew up with my mother here in Emavan most of the time with visits out to my father now and then. He's a police officer and she's a schoolteacher, so I got to go to the school she teaches at for several years, even though it's mostly too pricey for the children of single parents. I bound Cricket when I was seven because I wanted to be a spellbinder and because I wanted to be able to pet him." She pets him illustratively. Cricket purrs.

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"... That's adorable," Edarial pronounces.

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"He promised to be my nice soft cat. He has been my nice soft cat."

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"Berathyme promised to keep me company. She didn't even bother learning any Marlese until Zevros started teaching her curse words."

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"I taught Cricket the translation of his name - which I now mostly call him even in the private language; he likes the sound of it better - and enough basics that I could send him on little errands like asking Raney when dinner would be, and then a bit more when I opened the store and wanted to be able to leave it open when I stepped out without paying a human shopkeeper. And he has wheedled me into teaching him a little swearing, although not nearly as much as Zevros has managed to pass along recently."

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"My brother takes an absolute delight in teaching familiars swear words. Berathyme didn't even particularly care much, he just wanted to teach her and she didn't protest."

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"Cricket's not even that vulgar when he's just muttering to me about his negative opinions, but obviously it would be hard for him to develop enough eloquence in Marlese to express the same judgmental dislike for virtually everyone but me."

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"Berathyme doesn't tend towards vulgarity either. I think it just amuses her to say things that are considered extremely rude to people she takes offense to."

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"It's a bit of a pity they can't talk to each other."

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"It is," agrees Edarial. "I wish there were a spell to help with familiars and learning a language."

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"I'm pretty sure translation magic, if it were even theoretically possible, would take years to chart and a superhuman to learn. Alas."

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"Not to mention a complete fluency in the language itself. So it would be confined to the number of languages the spellbinder speaks."

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"It might be possible to do it for familiar languages in particular without. We do learn those in the first place by magic, so if there were a way to tap into that - I just don't know what it would be, and it'd be absurdly complicated, anyway."

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"True. I just don't know of a way to even begin to figure out how to tap into magic familiar languages. It's rather hard to do something with no starting point to work from."

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"Yes. But in the most farfetched of theory, there could be translation spells that were not ninety percent dictionary."

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"Certainly. But the same can be said of lots of theoretically possible but in practice unworkable spells, though."

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Iobel nods.

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They reach Zevros, who is currently playing with a knife. Idly, not in the threatening manner he occasionally feels like employing.

"Hey!" he says, and the knife is put away. "How went the talk with the crazy?"
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"It was - perhaps not productive, but - I think I'll let Edarial tell you what we learned. Besides that I wasn't the only captive, so I'm going to want some - something drawn from somewhere to send to the others harmed, for their trouble."

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"That would be fine. I'll try and figure out from what we'd be drawing, but - I agree with the sentiment."

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"... Wow did you just sidestep whatever the thing that you learned was. Edarial. Don't make me break out the knives."

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"Sorry. Nataliem is - says that he is, anyway - our father."

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This is surprising enough information that it stuns Zevros into silence.

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Iobel has no opinion. She stands still, watching the twins.

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"... Okay," says Zevros, after a few seconds. "You know what, fuck him, fuck the horse he rode in on, fuck the raven on his shoulder and fuck our mom. For fucking him."

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"I do hope you don't mean literally," says Edarial dryly. He seems to be in a decent mood again.

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Zevros snorts with laughter. "No, but we should have killed him. You didn't kill him, did you."

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"I continue to not want to be a murderer. Surprise, surprise."

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"Pff. And I don't care enough to go all the way over there and shank him myself and then explain why I just killed someone. Guess he stays in the dungeon."

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"It seems a better place than any other."

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"I can think of a few better places but Edarial's giving me the 'stop sounding like a psychopath' look."

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Edarial is, indeed, giving him a look.

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"Well. Anyway, regarding reparations for my erstwhile fellow sufferers - figuring out exactly what it should be can probably wait until we know how many and who, and I already have letters out, so we should know soon."

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"Agreed," says Edarial. "I will try to prevent there from being any repeat incidents."

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"The culprit's in jail, and you seem disinterested in kidnapping anyone, so I don't think you'll have to try hard."

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"I am quite disinterested in kidnapping anyone. But I am bothered by how it had room to happen in the first place."

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Iobel nods.
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"So, I'm going to try very hard even if I probably don't have to."

Is that guilt, coming back? It's looking like it. Well, at least he demonstrated his personhood before going back to being miserable.
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Iobel nods.

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"I would put forth fruity drinks on an island, but I'm going to take a wild guess and say you'd turn that down."

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"How astute of you."

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"I should write to my parents," Iobel says abruptly. "The last they heard was - before. It is possible that on learning that they run no particular risk of being locked up for my cooperation if they appear here, one or both of them will want to. Should I dissuade them in advance?"

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"I have no preferences on the subject," says Edarial. "So I'll leave it up to you."

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"If they're like our parents, skip it."

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"I have excellent parents, but if they appear here at all it is likely that they are going to want to meet my husband."

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"That's fine. Just - as long as the entire situation is explained, beforehand."

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"They already know the bad news. I will inform them of the better news when I write."

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He nods. "Thank you."

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"You're welcome."

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Since that seems to be the end of that conversation, he attempts a little smile, and then heads off to go back to being a hermit.

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"I seriously swear he is not this much of a killjoy normally," says Zevros once Edarial is out of earshot.

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"What is he like normally? Who exactly am I married to?"

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"It is really hard to reduce an entire brother into a few sentences. Uh... Really smart, driven, had a pole perpetually up his ass. Fucking fantastic listener, heart bleeding all over the place, sometimes gets a bit too focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. Treats himself like a resource to be used and not like a thing to be taken care of until he realizes he is hurting. Uh... Sarcastic, and a huge magic nerd."

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"He sounds like a more uptight, less self-centered male version of me."

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"Huh." Zevros peers at Iobel. "Congrats, I guess?"

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"Dubiously. The more I find out the more convinced I am that a great deal of pain could have been avoided, and without thwarting any particularly valuable goals, if the initial letter had been worded as a voluntary invitation."

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"Basically. Our dad's a bastard, and considering that I'm a bastard I'm allowed to say that he is an extra special super-bastard. That should die in a fire."

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"I will extinguish that part of the palace last if it ever goes up in flames," says Iobel dryly.

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"That's the spirit. Uh - I guess I can tell stories about Edarial, that might show his personality a bit better than me trying to ballpark it with small sentence descriptions."

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"Be my guest."

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"Oooh, I can tell you about when I told him I was gay! Which is a thing that I am, by the way, try not to be weird about it."

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"I will not be weird about it. There were rumors, anyway."

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"Cool, thanks! So, anyway, I was trying to figure out a way to tell him, since he is a huge fan of duty and responsibility and I'm kind of firstborn. I figured he would tell me it was a phase and that I needed to suck it up for the country or some other bullshit. So I was kind of aggressive and challenging about it, like, 'Yeah I don't like women what are you going to do about it?'"

Zevros snickers. "He kind of just looked confused, then said, 'Nothing? I already knew' and just moved on because he just didn't think it mattered in the slightest. It was kind of funny, I wanted to hug him for it."
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"I begin to suspect that he agreed to get married to spare you the trouble, as though there is somehow more justice in a straight man being married to a woman he has no interest than in a gay man being likewise. Or perhaps that didn't factor in and it was only your preference for absconding for fruity drinks."

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"Pretty sure it was a bit of both. Me not wanting to be king, and me being gay. He wants to be king, and doesn't seem to be gay, so I guess in his head it was the better option. Honestly though, he doesn't seem to be anything, I don't even know if he likes women. He's shown absolutely no interest in anyone. At all."

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"Which was a relief on the wedding night yet could prove inconvenient when it begins to look like one of us is doomed to childlessness. Perhaps I'll find - someone."

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"Yup. Warn him if you do, though. Because fairness. Pretty sure he won't demand that you stick to celibacy, but he likes to know things."

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"I assure you I am not going to carry on an affair without informing the public-father-to-be of any child I may fall pregnant with."

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"See, that's logical. Thank you for being that."

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"You're welcome." She sighs. "I'm probably going to need to have either an actual pregnancy or a story about a tragic miscarriage soon."

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"You can probably talk to Edarial about that? Maybe there's a funky spellbinder solution to get pregnant."

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"I'm not aware of one, although it probably wouldn't be too hard to chart one up homebrew. I do also have misgivings about having a child in this... atmosphere, though."

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Zevros shrugs. "Yeah, I am not the right twin to talk to about this. Um, if you have a kid take care of it and keep it away from the crazies?"

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"I don't doubt that I could manage single parenthood - so to speak - if obliged to do it. My mother did. But I don't think the environment of despair would do it any favors."

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"Gonna have to agree with that one. Sorry, I swear he's not normally so - despairy. And miserable."

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"The question is how long it will take him to return to that less-despairy state."

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Another shrug. "Unfortunately he doesn't come with timestamps. 'Will be ready for child-rearing in two years.'"

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"What a pity."

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"I know, right? It would make my life so much easier."

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"What a pity he is not in fact a version of me."

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"Hey now, I like him how he is."

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"At this time, or just in general?"

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"In general. Right now I mostly just want him to go back to how he usually is."

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"The particular aspect of myself I had in mind is my ability to - consciously steer myself. Decide what it would make sense and be consistent with my self to want and do, and then go more or less directly there."

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".... Neat trick. Pretty sure he can't do that, though."

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"I am not aware of anyone besides me who can."

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"Yeah. But he'll get out all right, I think. Probably."

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"Probably."

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"Hey, I'm still holding out hope he ends the fix it all crusade, throws regency to you, and then we run off into the sunset and he saves kittens from trees while I spend my days with handsome, handsome men."

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"I'd take it, but he knows more than me about how the regency would go over."

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"Which, according to him is 'badly' so... Yeah, dreams crushed."

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She nods.