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in His strength, I will dare and dare and dare until I die
this is an objectively stupid thread but I couldn't get it out of my head
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" - were you heading out," Chavez asks her on her way out the door. 

She turns, immensely irritated. Obviously she was heading out, that's why she has her hat and purse and car keys. It's five minutes to five pm but she is for once, somehow, on top of her paperwork, and was hoping to get to the pharmacy before it closed. He would only have asked if that was, in fact, Not Going To Happen. 

"I need you to drive out to New Washoe and pick a teenage girl up from the hospital," he says immediately, confirming her worst fears. 

"Great timing," she says tiredly, "really fantastic." It'll be half an hour to New Washoe, and then probably an entire evening of work to find a placement. Teenagers are rough; teenagers with medical problems, next thing to impossible. "What happened?"

"I have absolutely no idea. Apparently three hours ago she showed up at the local church, covered in blood and carrying a stabbing victim. She wasn't herself seriously injured, and has just been discharged, but she told the police that she stabbed the man for trying to rape her, so they're holding her for questioning, and she also told them that she hasn't seen her parents in months, so they want social services involved."

"She stabbed the man for trying to rape her."

"So I am told."

What a tragic mess, if it's true, and you learn some healthy skepticism in this business but she doesn't actually have a very hard time believing it. Stabbed him in self-defense and then took him to a church, presumably seeking help. But they're going to be flatly unable to place her. Forget what she said earlier about teenagers with medical problems being the next thing to impossible; teenagers under investigation for stabbing a man are actually impossible. 

"Are there any residential facilities with availability?"

"I'll look into it while you trudge down to New Washoe and get a firsthand account."

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The part of the police station that called Chavez and asked to get social services involved is apparently a completely different part from the part that deals with her once she shows up. They were not expecting her, are not pleased to see her, dawdle for a while verifying her identity, tell her to wait until the investigating officer is available, and begrudgingly get her a glass of water for the baking summer heat when she asks. 

"Are you Diel, from social services?" someone asks about ten minutes later. He's a balding man who has sweated right through his uniform and looks as annoyed to lose a Friday night like this as she feels. 

"Yes, that's me."

"Oh, good. Are you going to take the girl off our hands? It'd break my heart, really, to have her spend the weekend in juvie with all the little bastards."

That is not what she expected the police to want here. "I'm going to have a very hard time finding a placement for someone accused of stabbing a man."

"I don't think there'll be any charges. She's, you know, from one of those fundamentalist families that the Mormons kicked out for being too extreme, or something. She barely speaks English but she swore on the Bible that he started it and that she tried not to hurt him and then immediately carried him straight to get help. I believed her and so would a jury. Honestly, I'd want my daughter to do the same thing."

"Chavez said she hasn't seen her family in months? Did she get kicked out? Run away?"

A tired sigh. "She got a vision from God that he'd chosen her as a holy warrior and decided to leave to join a religious order, which her folks approved of, because you can't argue with God. Then she got lost in the desert and ended up here, and doesn't know how to get back. She was living with some of the illegal migrant workers, when someone took a pass at her and learned that she knows how to use the fucking sword she carries."

"She stabbed him with a sword?"

"As a holy warrior of God, she carries a sword. I told her that's against the law and she was very apologetic, said she thought it was completely legal if you were a holy warrior of God."

"Fifteen."

"Yep."

"Has she ever been to school."

"Tutored at home. Claims to know all of Scripture in the original language it was written in, but not in this one. Also told me quite proudly that she knows how to do addition and subtraction."

Diel hates the fundamentalists. It's not that she has anything against religious people. Many of the people who give their time and attention and love to desperate children do it as a deep expression of their Christian faith, and the world would be much poorer without them. But the loons who take several wives and live out in the middle of nowhere and don't educate their children and kick them out while they're still children, and children totally unequipped to survive in the real world - it's usually teenage boys, actually, who the fundamentalist cults kick out, because the leadership wants more wives and the boys are competition. It'd be unusual for them to kick out a girl instead of forcibly marrying her to someone her father's age. Of course, the girl could be lying, could have had her vision of being a holy warrior of God's in order to avoid exactly that. "I'd be happy to meet her."

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The girl is in an interrogation room, but not in handcuffs. Her hair is meticulously if unevenly braided, and she's wearing hand-sewn cotton clothing. She is sitting patiently at the table, her head bowed in prayer, muttering to herself; she looks up when they come in.

"Claves?" the cop says. "This is Diel, from Social Services. She's here to figure out a place for you to sleep tonight."

"Hey," Diel says. She usually hates whatever people follow up "from Social Services" with as an explanation but that was honestly fine. "Claves? Is that your family name? What's your first name?"

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"Iomedae, ma'am."

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"That's a lovely name! I've never heard it before. Detective Carres said you only speak a little English, can you understand me all right? Should I speak more slowly?"

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"I - only speak a little. Understand all right - more."

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"Okay. And - do you have any family aside from your parents and siblings? Any - grandparents, aunts or uncles who live somewhere else -"

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That was too many words and she does not know them. 

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"Maybe we can draw together." She mostly carries coloring paper for younger kids but you work with what you have.  She pulls it out, and some colored pencils, and starts drawing.

 

"This is me. This is my mother, and my father. These are my mother and father's other children. My sister Anna, my brother Leonard."

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"Oh. My sisters Acavna, Memacantie, Naovia. My not alive sisters Cahana and Eterel. My brothers Amaznen, Centauli, Kovoris, Resetoie. My not alive brothers Amaznen, Novicantie, Shovani."

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Five fucking dead kids.  And she can't even ask "how did Social Services not catch this sooner because the answer is that they don't register the births they don't register the deaths and if you try to do anything about them it turns into Waco. She hates the fundamentalists. "I am so sorry for your loss. What did your dead brothers and sisters die of?"

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She looks baffled by the question. "- they got sick."

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And no one would even think of taking them to the hospital, no, of course not, let's just pray to God to handle everything. "Iomedae, do I guess right that you have not had any vaccinations?"

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"I don't know that word."

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"A doctor gives us a little bit of a sickness, and then our body learns the sickness and we cannot get sicker."

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"I did not know that! That is very good!"

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"Right. I am going to try to find a home for you to sleep in, and then we will see about getting you doctor's visits and vaccinations and - informing the government that you exist - you were born at home, not in a hospital?"

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"I don't know that word."

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"You were born at home, though?"

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"....yes." She can't quite make sense of the question. Where else would one be born, on the road?

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"So then the government does not know you are here, and we will have to get proof you were born in this country so that you can access services."

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Too many unfamiliar words. "Government, ma'am?"

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Usually fundie parents warn their kids constantly about the evils of the outside world. There's something weird up here. "The police, who talked to you today, are part of the government. They protect the country and send bad people to jail and help children like you."

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"I am not a child, ma'am."

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"Detective Carres said you were fifteen?"

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She can count it out on her hands. She is this old.

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"- yes, so, you're fifteen. And that is still a child. Some people might have told you that you are old enough to marry, or old enough to work all day and not go to school, but the law in this country is that you must stay in school, and you are not old enough to live on your own."

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"I am a holy warrior of God."

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Diel feels a stab of frustrated grief. "Right. And - it is because God chose you that you felt - safe to leave your family -" leave an arranged marriage, probably - "and go out into the world, and that was a very brave thing for you to do. But you are still very young, and there are lots of things you do not know, and so you should have a home, and someone who can teach you."

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"I do not want - 

 

- there are many hungry children. They need - services. I do not want to take services because you think I am a hungry children, when I am a holy warrior of God."

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"That is very noble of you. But even holy warriors of God can need help and support and people who will look after them. And I will try to find someone who can look after you."

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She does not know how to thank the woman. She tries to smile appreciatively.

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Right. The good news is that the girl actually may not be a difficult placement. 

 

"I'm going to make some phone calls. Do you need anything? Something to eat or drink? Do you have...things you own, that aren't here?"

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"My -" Sword-stabbing motion. 

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" - right. I think the police may need to keep that."

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" - but we will keep you safe, you won't need it."

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"It is - my family -"

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"I will make sure that they know it's your property and once it's not related to their investigation we will see if it can be ...kept somewhere, for you, so you can have it when you are older."

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"Yes, ma'am."

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Right, time to make some phone calls. Who doesn't currently have a placement - nope, no one except some people who've said categorically no teenagers -

- she actually think Iomedae would do fine with younger kids, she's probably used to them -

 

- oh, there's an option -

 

 

She calls Evelyn Steel at 7pm on Friday night. 

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Lily is in the bath, which does not make this the best timing in the world, and means it's unlikely to be a routine call. Emergency placement, probably. 

Fortunately she's just finished putting conditioner in Lily's hair and that can sit for a few minutes. "Sorry, love, can you just play with your toys here for a minute? I need to take this." 

She answers. There are splashing sounds and childish noises in the background. "Evelyn speaking. What is it?" 

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"It's Diel. I have an emergency placement, teenage girl. - It's a bit of a tough situation, but she's an absolute sweetheart. She's fifteen. She fled one of those fundie cults, and she's been living for the last six months with some migrant workers. Someone tried to rape her, and she stabbed him, and then carried him to the nearest church to get medical attention. She's very religious. Evelyn, I know that people try to oversell teenagers who are going to be a tough placement, but she is genuinely the sweetest kid. She tried to decline foster care because she was worried other kids needed services more than her. Incredibly polite, very tidy. I know you have another placement but I bet you anything she's good with younger kids."

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Which is all fine and good and she's inclined to take Diel at her word, but it's also..not overall a description that makes Evelyn feel less worried about the girl being described. That sounds like the kind of religious background that involved abuse-level discipline, and that's even before whatever she went through during the last six months before she came to the attention of social services. Good for her for getting away, but - she definitely has a feeling there's going to turn out to be some significant trauma in her past. 

"- Of course I'll take her. I would appreciate more information, though I understand if you don't know much. Has she ever been to school?" 

 

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"No. She knows Scripture, not in English - she speaks very limited English - and she can add and subtract." It would be unprofessional to say aloud that Diel HATES FUNDAMENTALISTS.

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"What's her native language?" Evelyn knows nonzero Spanish by now, and she has Google Translate, but it sounds like it might be more complicated than that. She hadn't even known there were any non-English-speaking religious cults in the Reno area. Though who knows how far she's made her way in the last six months, staying under the radar... "Have we been able to narrow down which religious community?" 

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"Not at all, I was going to start looking once I found somewhere for her to spend the night. She also speaks some Spanish but I don't think that's her native language either. It might be, like, Yiddish, or something, I saw a documentary about that once. We're going to do some more interviews, I'm sure - she said five of her siblings are dead, which has got to be sufficient grounds for removal of the rest of them -"

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"Oh my god." Evelyn actually feels kind of sick, and has to remind herself not to use words she shouldn't in front of Lily. "That's so upsetting. - Is she keeping things back on purpose, do you think? Does she seem afraid of us finding out more about her family?" 

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" - I mean, she's almost certainly lying about some things. She claims that she ran away from home because she got a vision appointing her a holy warrior of God, and - well, I don't even know if I'd call that lying, but it's - a story that let her leave, right? She didn't seem defensive about answering questions, but - I think we're getting something very very far from the full story."

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"...Yeah. I'll - see what I can do." She doesn't expect the girl to open up to her at first. Maybe not for a long time. But the most important part is giving her a stable, safe home.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out. "I can take her tonight. - She's been checked out and at least isn't obviously sick, it sounds like?" Five dead siblings (aaaaaaaah!!??) sounds like the kind of background where she's never been to a doctor before, and also what if they all had TB or something. Possibly even worse, never seen a dentist before. She probably hasn't had the best nutrition over the last six months, either. "Also, what's her name?" 

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"Iomedae Claves. She got checked out at the hospital when she showed up covered in blood, seems to be in surprisingly good health. We'll get her scheduled for all her vaccinations, not only had she never gotten any she'd never heard of the idea."

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If Evelyn had the slightest idea how to spell that it might be a helpful lead, she could see if it's a name associated with a particular ethnicity. It doesn't sound Biblical. "Right. I guess that's better than her being told vaccines are the work of the devil or whatever. Is she average height and weight for a fifteen-year-old? I should check I have some spare clothes and pajamas in her size, we won't be able to go shopping until tomorrow and it sounds like she won't have much with her." 

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"She is built like a truck. If you have fifteen year old boys' clothes they might fit. The things she's wearing currently look not just hand-sewn but hand-spun."

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"Wow." That's got to narrow it down a bit, even once you're filtering for extremely religious communities, how many of them spin their own thread and weave their own cloth to make clothes? That's, like, medieval re-enactor level dedication. (There's no way this kid is from a medieval re-enactor community, though, that's a completely different kind of demographic...) She doesn't know what to make of it. "I'll figure something out. It only has to tide her over until tomorrow. Let me know when you're on your way?" 

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"I will. Thank you, Evelyn. Appreciate everything you do."

 

 

And she goes back in to Iomedae. "Good news! I found a home that can take you for some time. I'll take you over there now, if that's all right with you?"

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"I do not know if the -" gestures at police station - "will need me to speak to a court about the man."

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" - well, honey, they said they weren't going to charge you with anything, because you were just defending yourself, and I don't know if they'll charge him but probably not for a while what with how he's in the hospital right now."

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"Oh. I'll pay for them to fix him. I don't want him to be - in the hospital a long time. I have some money in my shirt."

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"- oh, sweetheart, that's very kind of you, but they will get him good treatment, you don't need to pay for it. They said he's going to be fine."

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"- if he doesn't get sick and die! Without getting fixed people get sick and die! The law can kill him but I did not mean to!"

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" - no, no, he's not going to get sick and die, he's in the hospital, he'll be fine! There's nothing you need to do. ....what do you mean, the law can kill him? No one's going to kill anybody. The police will - look into whether he needs to be in prison because he is a danger to other people, and they might need you to speak, but - not for a while. And he will be safe in the meantime."

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"I think he is a danger to other people. Some girls would sleep in my tent because him."

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"Right, that sounds like the kind of thing the police would need to know. But not tonight. Tonight you need - a bath, and a place to sleep, and a place to be safe, and that will help everyone, okay? Have you been in a car before?"

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"Yes, we drive between jobs."

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It was kind of a stupid question. Something about the handspun clothing and the sword made it feel like it made sense but it obviously didn't. "Great, then, let's go."

 

And she calls Evelyn to tell Evelyn they'll be there in thirty minutes.

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Iomedae sits patiently in the car with her hands folded and her eyes closed, presumably praying again. 

Diel does not try to make conversation. The girl has had an exhausting and traumatizing day and she'll need to be alert for the introduction to Evelyn shortly. Anyway, the prayer seems to be genuinely good for her; she gets visibly more relaxed and self-assured as she goes. 

 


And before too long they are pulling up in front of Evelyn's home. 

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Evelyn would have liked to have Lily in bed before this, but it would have been a rush, and also would have had much better prospects if she could have had the call in private instead of having to watch Lily in the bath, because Lily is now bursting with excitement that a "big girl" is coming to stay with them. 

She hears the car in the driveway and heads for the doorway before Lily, who sprints out ahead of her in her Disney Princess pajamas, manages to unlock and open the door and run out into the street. 

...Right, no belongings to unload, and there's honestly not much point in the social worker staying for a private conversation, usually she has kids who've had previous foster placements and have an actual file but that's clearly not the case here. She stands on her doorstep and waves instead. "Come on in! I'm Evelyn and this is Lily."  

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"Hi! Iomedae."

 

The house is a mansion. Why are they putting her in a mansion. Maybe this is some kind of arrangement where they place teenage girls without family as governesses for people with mansions? She wishes they'd take her more seriously about being a paladin but as long as she gets to keep her earnings it'll probably be fine. 

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Iomedae will probably notice that the houses on either side of this one, and actually more or less the whole neighborhood, are all similarly mansion-sized. This one has siding painted a sunny yellow, an older car already in the driveway, and colorful plastic children's toys scattered all over the otherwise slightly unkempt lawn.

Evelyn herself is a woman probably in her fifties, slightly overweight, with slightly frizzy blonde hair that is only visibly greying up close. She's wearing old jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and slippers. 

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The girl whose shoulders she's holding looks six or seven, with even blonder hair in pigtails, and her entire body is vibrating with excitement. She stares at Iomedae in amazement, before looking up proudly at Evelyn and declaring "a SO big!" and "m'b'sis?" She's hyped up enough that her speech is even less understandable than usual. 

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"Hi Lily! If you eat good you will be big like me when you are a grownup like me!"

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See, she figured Iomedae would be good with younger kids. The problem might be making sure she isn't too good with them. Fundie cults often have some severe parentification issues. "Nice to meet you Evelyn, Lily. I just met Iomedae earlier today myself, but I'll be your point of contact if you need anything, and I'll check in in a few days to see how things are going, okay?"

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Awwwwww. "Yeah, that sounds fine to me." The girl's English is better than she expected. "Iomedae, please come in and take your shoes off. We're going to put Lily to bed - she's up late, she was so excited to meet you, and I'm sure she would be delighted if you helped - and then you can have a drink and a snack, and I need to talk to you and explain some things about living in my house and what the rules are here." 

 

(It's been deeply drilled into Evelyn that, whenever possible, you don't criticize a child's birth family to their face. Evelyn might be judging Iomedae's parents for their five fucking dead children, but - it was Iomedae's reality, her sense of normal, and it might well be that from her perspective, her parents were loving and meant well. The fact that she left does seem to make that interpretation less likely, but - well, even severely abused children often have a lot of loyalty toward their natural parents. That bond runs deep. 

Anyway, she needs a way to present things like 'this is America in the 21st century and you have ten years of education to catch up on' that doesn't sound like 'your parents are barbarians', and she's going to see how it goes over, but her current thought is to present everything that will be new to Iomedae as, more or less, part of the rules for living in Evelyn's house. Teasing apart which pieces are about the law in the US generally, which pieces are specifically her fostering agency's policies, and which pieces are Evelyn's personal opinions and parenting practices, sounded too complicated to approach for a kid who, it sounds like, had literally never interacted with any aspect of the government or legal system until today.) 

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Lily is bouncing up and down in her fluffy slippers. "Pu'me bed?" 

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She takes her leather boots off and puts them into the empty rope sack she is carrying. "Of course I will put you to bed! I have never been in such a fancy house, you will have to show me some things. But next sun I know them!"

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Wow. That would be a lovely compliment if it felt less like it was the result of Iomedae having grown up with a literally-Third-World-conditions level of poverty and deprivation. 

"- You're allowed to put your shoes on the rack beside ours," she says quickly, in case Iomedae is confused about that. Though she won't push; kids who grew up poor, even if they weren't abused per se, sometimes arrive in care very protective of their few possessions, and if Iomedae wants to sleep with her boots under her pillow or something, Evelyn won't stop her.

"I'm glad you like the house!" she adds. "We've lived here since my grown-up son was a tiny baby. I'm divorced," has Iomedae encountered the concept of divorce? aren't a lot of religious cults very strongly anti-divorce? hopefully she doesn't conclude Evelyn is a fallen woman or whatever, but Evelyn couldn't exactly have lied about having been married, for one thing she tries to avoid lying and also at some point she has to explain the existence of Jeremy, who's in first-year college still visits frequently to take advantage of his mother's cooking and laundry machine. "Er, separated from my husband. So it's just going to be you and me and Lily." 

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"You BIGrum," Lily tells her brightly. "Cuz BIG girl." She breaks loose of Evelyn's restraining hands on her shoulders and tears down the entry hall and up the stairs. 

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"Slow feet!" Evelyn calls after her, though the stairs are carpeted. "Iomedae, I think Lily wants to show you around a bit before she calms down enough for bed, so we can go look at your room now." 

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Iomedae does not place her shoes on the rack besides theirs. It would be a disaster if her boots were damaged or stolen. They're good boots. 

She will follow them up the stairs to the room Lily indicates. Presumably it will be next to Lily's so she can get her in the night before she wakes anyone else, though really Lily is old enough this shouldn't be a common problem.

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(Ha, guessed right. ...Also her clothes and boots might be the only reminder she has of home.) 

The upstairs is laid out sort of like a capital I with serifs. Evelyn's master bedroom suite is at the front of the house, overlooking the driveway. The main upstairs bathroom and the two smaller bedrooms - previously one big room, but Evelyn had the space divided in a renovation nearly a decade ago so that she could take two foster placements or a sibling placement and give the kids their own rooms - are arranged along the hallway. Lily points at hers with a brief "mine!" but is WAY more excited about showing off Iomedae's room. 

Iomedae's room, which Lily is now opening with a dramatic gesture and a "ta-DA!", is at the back of the house and almost as big, though part of the space was (at Jeremy's request, back when this was his bedroom) sectioned off in the last major round of renovations to include a small en-suite bathroom with its own shower stall. There's a queen bed made up with sheets and a duvet in neutral tones, a dresser, a set of shelves, and a desk for schoolwork. The window is large and has heavy curtains and looks out on the backyard. 

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Lily is pointing out features of the room as though they were each her own personal invention. "Winda! BIGirl bed. B'shelf. BI'desk! ...BIGirl baffroom! W'showr!" 

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" - there is water that comes out of the walls, here! That is so good! Amazing! I will have so much time to play with you because I will not have to go and fetch it!"

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Lily looks just about as proud and smug about this as she would if she had personally invented plumbing. "Cuh'see BATH! IsSO big!" 

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Uh. Wow. ...Maybe it shouldn't be so shocking that some communities in America don't have indoor plumbing - Evelyn has rented vacation cabins that didn't, and presumably the Amish don't although Evelyn isn't actually sure what they do for water - but Iomedae's response certainly says something about her expectations of being in foster care. Has anyone...explained...to her what this means. Maybe not, it's all been so rushed. She can just hear Jeremy's voice in her head making jokes about child labor. 

...Expecting it to be her job to take care of Lily makes sense, right, if she has five dead siblings she probably also had a lot of living siblings, and aren't girls in fundamentalist religious groups often expected to take on significant responsibility and care for their siblings from a young age?

"Iomedae," she says gently, "even if we did have to go outside to get water, it wouldn't be your job, at least not all the time. And you can play with Lily if you want but you don't have to. While you're here, I'm going to be looking after Lily and you. Anyway, Lily goes to school during the day, and hopefully soon you will too. ...Do you know what going to school means?" Fundamentalist cult and then learning English from migrant workers miiiight not have ended up covering that. 

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'I don't know school."

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Lily would LIKE to tell Iomedae all about school, although Iomedae is a big girl and is going to go to big girl school and not Lily's school. But school is complicated and the words are getting tangled up in her head again. She gets out "school issa...bigrum...w'teesher," and then starts crying. 

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That's still a big improvement over Lily's usual tantrums, which involve shrieking and often breaking things. She's clearly trying to be on her best behavior in front of Iomedae. 

"Lily, love, come here." Evelyn crouches and holds out her arms. "- She has trouble with saying words sometimes," she explains to Iomedae. "And she's a bit overtired, it's past eight." Lily can be scooped up and snuggled and carried, still sniffling, to her bedroom. 

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Iomedae will follow, so that she can learn Lily's bedtime routine. She may not be accustomed to bedtime routines in a rich person house with indoor plumbing but she does the best bedtime prayers, everyone says so.

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Lily is also pretty new to bedtime routines, actually, having come into foster care six weeks ago from a home where she was at the very least badly neglected and probably worse than that. She is fortunately now past the stage where every single aspect of bedtime meant a fight and a tantrum, and she's bathed and pajama'd and has had her teeth brushed already. All that's left is for her to instruct Iomedae on tucking her in and tucking her teddies in and tucking her dolls in princess dresses into their tiny doll bed beside her bed, and then picking which books she wants read to her (she always picks three, for her dolls first and then her teddies and then herself.) 

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...Can Iomedae even read English. Almost certainly not well. "Lily, I think Iomedae might not be able to read to you until she's been to big girl school a bit. Maybe you can ask her to tell you a story if she knows any by heart?" 

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Iomedae will tuck her in and tuck her teddies in and tuck her dolls in and - yeah, she can't read English yet. "I can tell you a story, or I can sing you a song of God, I know lots and lots of those. Not in English, though."

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"'Meday do s'ory," Lily agrees, yawning. "THEN song. S'ory for babies," this is how she refers to her dolls, "n'song f'me." 

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She will, with her limited English vocabulary, try. "Once was a girl. Lived with sisters and brothers in a big house, so big. Wanted to save people. so she became a holy warrior of God. She left her home with a sword. A terrible evil was. She wanted to fight it. But she was too small. She could only fight small evils, but every one she fight, she stronger. One day, so strong, no evils will fight her! They will all run away! She will go into Hell and the devils will run from her! I am this girl, you are this girl. Everyone is this girl. Everyone can do this, only need to be strong and never stop."

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How is that simultaneously so adorable - and, honestly, inspiring, this kid could be an incredible public speaker someday - and so deeply concerning. 

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Lily seems to find the story intriguing and also slightly confusing. Lily has not, in fact, been particularly introduced to the concept of Hell. "Wassa devil?" she says sleepily. 

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Evelyn shakes her head warningly at Iomedae. "Lily, love, it's sleepy time now. How about you have your song and then it's time for night-night lights out?" 

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Lily sets her jaw, then ruins the effect by yawning. "Two s'ory. F'm'teddies. The'ssong." 

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"I suppose that's fair, if Iomedae doesn't mind and she knows other stories. Otherwise I can read your teddies a book and then you can have the song." And Evelyn will smile pleasantly and hide the sinking feeling about the contents of any other stories Iomedae knows. What if they're about Hell. Lily is seven

...that was actually kind of a weird message for a fundie cult story? Isn't the whole point that God is just and sinners deserve Hell? Though if it's Iomedae's way of making sense of her religious upbringing, then that says some very good things about Iomedae. 

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- sure, Iomedae can follow instructions with respect to telling the small child about devils. It's very reasonable to have household rules against telling small children about devils, if you think they're more likely to make a deal with one half-informed.

 

"Once a rich man think, I a good man. He go to the streets and say to all, I a good man! He ask a priest, I a good man? The priest afraid. The priest know not safe to say, no, you a bad man. The rich man will kill him. The priest say, in your land who is hungry? The man say, only those who do not work. The priest say, in your land who is afraid. The man say, only those who disobey! The priest say, if another grow richer than you, you happy or you sad! The man say, none shall ever grow richer than I! The priest say, then your land is not Heaven. For in Heaven no one is hungry and no one is afraid, and many will grow. The rich man angry. The rich man say, who are you, to say my land not Heaven! You dare! The priest say, I dare, because your land is not as good as Heaven and so all you can do to me is send me there. And the rich man kill him but the priest won."

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THAT IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE STORY FOR A SEVEN YEAR OLD Lily will follow Evelyn's cues on how to respond to it and is way more likely to get upset if Evelyn looks upset, and so Evelyn is very carefully looking neutral and like she maybe wasn't listening.

(Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!??) 

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Lily is definitely making a face about that story but - maybe following Evelyn's cues, or maybe just because she's too sleepy - she doesn't seem deeply distressed. 

"Wassa bad man," she manages. "S'he ha'kids? Shd'ave hs'kids n'foster care li'me. Bad man." 

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...That was a fascinating reaction and Evelyn should maybe try to poke Lily about it later. Tomorrow. 

"How about the song now?" she says cheerfully. "Lily, it's time to close your eyes and think about nice things." Such as, for example, not the bad man, either in the story or the one in Lily's memories. Is that a normal bedtime story for small children where Iomedae grew up????? 

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Now she'll sing a song, in a totally unfamiliar language but very beautifully. 

 

 

 

Hands chip the flint, light the fire, skin the kill

Feet move the tribe track the herd with a will

Mankind struggles on the edge of history

Time to settle down, time to grow, time to breed

 

Plow tills the soil, plants the seed, pray for rain

Scythe reaps the wheat, to the mill, to grind the grain

Towns and cities spread to empire overnight

Hands keep building as we chant the ancient rite -

 

Ink marks the paper, moves the wheel, shifts the skies

Mortal hands seize the stars for our designs

Lightning harnessed does our will and lights the dark

Keep rising higher, set our goal, hit the mark...

 

 

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It's a beautiful melody and Iomedae looks...calm and serene and at peace, while she sings it. It doesn't sound like a song about Hell or murder. Evelyn decides to gently and casually ask her what it's about once they go downstairs. 

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Lily's eyes drift closed, then bob open, then close again. Evelyn kisses her goodnight, and she sleepily requests a goodnight kiss from Iomedae too, before Evelyn turns on her nightlight and switches off the overhead light and ducks out, leaving the door ajar. 

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"The song is about people. I don't - have all the words. About how we start with nothing, and if we work hard we will have everything. Water in houses, if we work hard every house will have water in it. And light at night, and no one will go to Hell - that's not in the song but I think it."

 

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"That's lovely." Evelyn means it, too. Even the bit about Hell, it's concerning that Iomedae's religion apparently emphasizes Hell so much but obviously not wanting anyone to go to Hell is the best possible response. "Is that what your religion teaches? ...Only, I'm confused, because here in America I think almost everyone has running water in their house, and there are very religious people who don't but it's usually because they think technology," does Iomedae know that word yet? "- things like cars and running water and electric lights and the Internet, are dangerous or not in God's plan." 

...Hopefully that doesn't come off as a hurtful or incredibly insensitive thing to say about Iomedae's birth family. It felt right, though. 

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" - no, God thinks that lights and water and tractors are good. I can explain it to people when I have more English, if the devils spread lies."

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Right, it makes sense that she would have encountered tractors before cars, if she spent the last six months picking fruit on farms to earn enough to feed herself. (Did no one notice she was fifteen? She's a sturdy fifteen, sure, she looks more than strong enough for physical labor, but she doesn't convincingly pass for older than eighteen. Did the supervisors just not ask questions? Or is common for illegal migrants to bring their teenage children with them to earn more?)

Also Evelyn has so many questions about the religious teachings she grew up with??? It doesn't fit. And Iomedae isn't talking about it like it's her own interpretation or personal beliefs, she's talking about it like it's a basic fact about the world. ("If the devils are spreading lies"??? Concern!) 

 

She nods. "I want to help you learn more English. You can always stop me if you don't know what a word means and I'll tell you." She doesn't feel incredibly qualified, but Iomedae is clearly diligent and has picked up a lot in six months, which is even more impressive given that she was probably mostly staying with non-native-English speakers. "By the way, if your Spanish is better than your English, my Spanish is much worse than my English but I have Google Translate to help. And my son Jeremy took some Spanish in high school and might be better than me."

They've reached the kitchen. "Have a seat," Evelyn says, gesturing at the table. "I'll make us some cocoa and then we can talk." Maybe she'll pull out some chocolate chip cookies, too, the kid looks like she probably burns a lot of calories. 

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She'll sit. "I know more Spanish. I can say Spanish when I don't know English, if you have a man who speaks it."

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Evelyn puts a pot of milk on the stove to heat. "I don't think Jeremy is fluent exactly but I'm sure Social Services has an interpreter for anything really important - if the police need to talk to you, they can do it in Spanish. Google Translate isn't a person, it's a program on the computer– ...Maybe you haven't seen computers. They're - machines that can remember information to look up, or send it to other computers on the Internet - it seems sort of like they can think but they can't really, they just follow rules." That was a terrible explanation of computers. Really they need Jeremy here for this. 

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"- I did not know most words, ma'am, sorry."

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...Nod. "Sorry. I'll show you, after." While the milk is heating, she takes down the tin of cookies from on top of the fridge and brings it over. "You can have some of these. - Actually, have you eaten dinner? Did they give you food at the hospital?" 

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"No, ma'am."

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You should have said something, Evelyn doesn't say, because she is not at all surprised that this polite biddable helpful child didn't want to complain about being hungry. She must be, though. "I'll heat you up something more filling to have first. ...Do you eat meat?" She thinks some religious groups don't but she can't remember which ones. "We had shepherd's pie for dinner. It's beef - uh, cow meat - and mashed potatoes and vegetables." 

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"I eat meat but I do not know if I have meat money."

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Uhhhhhhhh. 

"...Iomedae, you live here. This is your house. As long as that's true, I'm going to be paying for your food and clothes. I can afford it. Social Services gives me some money to look after kids like you." 

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"I am not a kid. You should give the money to the hungry. I pay."

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Oh. Oh dear. This is going to be...tricky. Especially with the vocabulary limitation. 

Evelyn puts a plate of shepherd's pie in the microwave, and adds cocoa mix to the now-hot milk and stirs it in before switching off the heat, quickly pouring two mugs, and bringing them to the table. 

"Iomedae, I'm going to explain some things, but stop me if you don't understand words. Okay?"

She waits for confirmation.

"I know your family lived with different rules. But here there are laws that are different, and so the rules in my house are different. In America, the law says that you aren't a grownup until you're eighteen, though when you're sixteen - if you know enough English by then, and other things, you have a lot of learning to catch up on - you can go live with other people your age in a group home if you want. But right now, the law is that you should have a parent responsible for you, and my job is to be a parent, for a little while, for kids who can't live with their own parents. Like Lily, but also like you. It's not that you can't work, clearly you did manage on your own for a long time, it's just - you shouldn't be working on farms and not even making enough money to eat meat or buy new clothes. You should be learning more writing and math and other things so that when you're older you can work a better job. Does that make sense?" 

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"I know writing and math. I can study and work. No one can study every hour there is light.

But if there is money for kids with no parents, for the poor, it would be evil, me taking it. I am not a kid. I am not poor. It would be - God would not have me as a holy warrior, if I took money for the poor."

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This is so frustrating. Evelyn is pretty good at not showing her frustration when it really, really won't help, but it is and also she slightly wants to cry. 

"- I know you don't think of yourself as poor," she says, choosing her words carefully. "But in this country, you are. So are all of the people you worked with for the last few months, and - sometimes people are just poor, it's hard for even a very rich country to help all of them - but this is the richest country in the world and we can at least help kids. If any of them are younger than eighteen," and born in the US but that's complicated to get into, "they would also get help, if anyone knew they needed it."

How to convey it...

"See this house?" She gestures around her. "Do you think this is a rich person's house?" 

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"Yes."

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"...Actually, stay there, I need to check something." Specifically, she needs to run to her study and Google the average annual salary in the US.

...Or median household income, she is after all a household, and Google is giving her median instead of average and once upon a time Evelyn knew the difference but it's probably fine? 

"I earn a bit more money in a year than the median person in the US. That means almost half of all the people in this country earn more money than me."

(It's somewhat more complicated than that, Nevada is relatively low cost of living - no state tax! - and moderately inconveniently-located suburbs in Reno are a lot cheaper than downtown Vegas, there are a lot of other places where her earnings wouldn't stretch nearly as far - and Dan paid child support while Jeremy was a minor - and her mortgage is paid off, which means she's sitting on almost a quarter-million dollars worth of money and could get a substantial loan in cash if she refinanced. But close enough.) 

"Anyway. I can afford meat, and I can afford to take care of you, and I want to do that so that you can learn enough to have a good job, and afford a house like this one." 

Would it help to suggest she consider it a loan, since if she stays in care long enough to get a high school diploma, and gets a higher-earning job, she'll pay taxes some of which will go to Social Services and pay for other children to have parents? ...Probably way too complicated, she has no idea if Iomedae has heard of, like, banks. Or taxes, come to think of it, she vaguely recalls that some religious groups kind of just don't pay taxes. 

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"....the kids I worked with are hungry. And not eighteen. And the country is rich, and can feed them. We should go feed them."

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Awwwwwwwww. This girl!!!! is causing Evelyn to have emotions!!! 

"I agree. All kids should have enough to eat." She can explain why it's more complicated than that once Iomedae has the vocabulary to make it a less confusing and frustrating conversation on both sides. ...Also she needs to not under any circumstances let this child find out about starving people in Africa yet, in case she immediately tries to run away to Africa and fix it, which seems like exactly the kind of thing she might do. "But - you can't feed all of the kids if you're barely making enough money to feed yourself, right?" 

Sigh. "...Can we talk about this in a couple of months? Once your English is good? It's wonderful that you want to help people so badly, but - I want you to be thinking about your future." 

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"No, we should go now. They are hungry now. You have this house, and they sleep in a tent, or in a car, with lots of other people, and they are scared and they are hungry and we can feed them. They also a future to thinking about."

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Wow. They are absolutely not going to drive out at almost 9 pm on a Friday night to...feed...random illegal immigrants??? Evelyn is pretty hard to shock, at this point, but this is in fact the first time she's ever had a child refuse to eat dinner because she hadn't personally fixed systemic poverty yet.  

...it's probably terrifying, to truly believe that if you don't fulfill God's will then you'll go to Hell. Put like that, it makes perfect sense how anxious she is about this, and also poor girl. 

 

"I'm sorry. We can't go feed them right now. But - you know them - how about this. I can try to find a phone number for a charity that helps workers like them, who, uh, don't have papers to be living in the US. I'm sure that's a thing. I think it can be hard to help the children there, because they're - scared of getting in trouble for being in the US without having papers. But if you think they would trust you, then you can tell them it's safe, and then the grownups who are already trying to help people like that will know who needs helping." 

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She relents slightly. "If it's safe I can tell them it's safe.

 

don't have papers."

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"...Yeah. But sometimes people have children and don't tell the government about them, and that's different than if they came across the border when the law said they shouldn't have. ...Also I think the kids usually wouldn't be in trouble, but their parents might be sent back to their country."

Whiiiich is poorer. Don't bring that up right now. She literally just managed to calm Iomedae down about this. 

The microwave has been beeping plaintively for a while. She gets up and brings Iomedae shepherd's pie and a fork and plops it in front of her. Hopefully this results in her eating it rather than freaking out some more that she's not paying Evelyn for room and board. 

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She is a very hungry teenager and will look longingly at the food and then back at Evelyn. "The people who pay for the food because I am a kid, if they know I am a holy warrior of God, they want me eat the food? Or give it to someone who cannot work for their own food?"

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There is not a box on the social services form for 'is a holy warrior of God' because that isn't actually a thing. ...Evelyn is absolutely not going to say that out loud, it won't help. But this clearly goes a lot deeper than a story Iomedae came up with to escape an arranged marriage or something. 

(Didn't Joan of Arc have visions of God advising her? And was a teenage girl, too. ...Evelyn isn't really sure where to go with that line of thought, except that there's some sort of shift, in how she looks at Iomedae, if she's thinking of it as "fostering someone like Joan of Arc" - however she ended up that way - and not a traumatized girl raised in a horrible fundamentalist sect.) 

"They want you to eat the food," she says firmly. "And go to school and learn more things and work very hard, and then once you're a grownup you'll know how to help a lot more people than you can right now." 

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"Then maybe a holy warrior eat the food. But I should pray. And I should not eat it for ...una hora y media, para que no decidir solo porque tengo hambre." 

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That is juuuuust about within Evelyn's ability to puzzle out. "...I'm not going to be angry if you want to pray before you eat, but you aren't going to get less hungry." 

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"Sometimes I do. But that is not - the wait is - I don't know how to say. In Spanish also. The wait is not I will be less hungry. The wait is, I am not weak."

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UM. 

"Did you - often have to go without food at home?" she asks. "I mean before, with your family. Though also in the last six months."

Because saying that eating when she's hungry is weak is....uh. Concerning. 

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"No, my family have enough food all the time. I sometimes without food since I came here. I got pay for food, but I share with the children, so I without food some days."

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"That was very generous of you. I hope someday soon we can have you fed every day and them."

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"The richest country in the world. Maybe we can. I can pray now about if later eat the food?"

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"Of course you can pray, love. You can go up to your room if you want privacy, or stay here, I don't mind."

Evelyn is going to have a lot of feelings about a lot of aspects of this situation as soon as it's not deeply unfair to Iomedae to be focusing on that instead of on what Iomedae needs, but - well, even aside from the part of her fostering training that said very loudly that best practices included supporting a foster child's religion, she doesn't object to the praying part per se. It seems deeply important to Iomedae, and it might help her sort out her head and adjust to this huge change in her circumstances. 

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She has no particular intuition that one should pray in private, and praying in that vast rich room that is supposedly hers seems harder than praying in Evelyn's kitchen. She smiles, and closes her eyes and prays.

 

Prayer is not about the hope that your god will send a vision on the spot to answer you; gods work across uncounted worlds, on great and important things, and cannot answer you all the time. Prayer can call your god's attention to something, if it's very important; Iomedae has spent lots of time fervently pleading with Aroden to fix the Evil afterlives, just in case he can and just didn't realize he was supposed to. But mostly prayer is to give your mind over to your god and see if things are clear that way which aren't clear otherwise.

Would Aroden take food from a program meant to feed the poor? Probably, if he were hungry and needed it, because he was the only survivor of Azlant and had reason to suppose he could help more people if he was strong. Iomedae is not the only survivor of Azlant. Iomedae is a better swordsman than her brothers and never gets sick but there are ten hundreds of people like her, maybe more than that. She will be able to help more people in the future if she eats, but so would anyone she takes the food from, and she isn't special. If anything she can endure hardship better, because she is a paladin; it is much less likely to cost her paradise and less likely even to weaken her to the point of illness. She won't steal in desperation and she won't lose the ability to support herself. 

 

Evelyn says that the people who give the food would still want her to eat it if they knew she was a paladin. She isn't sure she believes Evelyn. She isn't sure Evelyn really understands that she is a paladin. The travelling workers did understand - well, it took her a while to get enough vocabulary, but once she had the words for 'the god who was human once' and so on, then she explained and everyone thought that it made perfect sense of her, of how hard she worked and how she shared her food and how she told stories and sang songs and children loved her, and they'd call her over for help when they were injured or sick, though she won't have healing powers until she is stronger. They acted like people who know enough about Goodness to trust it and be inspired to it when they see it. When she explained that Aroden would give her miraculous healing when she got stronger, they told stories of the miraculous healings He'd done through holy people they knew. (She thinks priests here don't channel like priests at home; no one ever proposed going to stand around a church until all their minor wounds were healed. But they knew that Aroden could heal people.)

Evelyn is rich. That is not incompatible with understanding that Iomedae is a paladin. Most paladins are rich, really, because you need armor and a sword, and only rich people have those, and you need to let a strong healthy child go off to spend their life in Aroden's service, and desperate families can't do without a strong healthy child. But Evelyn seems to have instincts that - don't have exceptions for miracles and holy people in them, maybe because she has never needed either. 

This isn't prayer, this is just thinking. Thinking is important, but the thing she wants right now isn't actually to try scrabbling around with her own inadequate tools. It's to give her mind over to Aroden and see if it's clear then.

 

What does Aroden see, here?

 

 

Aroden sees a country that is farther up the slope that it is humanity's birthright to climb. The richest country in the world, Evelyn said, and she was only a little bit boasting. Aroden sees the big houses and the magical beasts and the flat flat flat roads as far as the eye can see and the indoor water and how even the poor children are clothed and Aroden sees humanity marching towards its destiny. Aroden does not see a world that has no need of holy warriors. There are still poor people, and frightened ones, and people who have wealth but forget that they can't take it with them to Axis. But Aroden rejoices in this place. It is good soil to grow in.

Its people are good and generous. Evelyn is a very confusing person, but she seems to have taken in Iomedae as an act of charity, and while Iomedae mostly feels resentful and frustrated because she does not need to be the recipient of an act of charity and it is baffling to pick her as the target of such rather than any of the many people who do need it - Aroden, she thinks, is impressed. Aroden is glad that the world is so rich that it can afford this. And from the perspective of a god, Iomedae is small and weak and ignorant and confused. Not because she's a child, but because even adults are on only the first step of their journey which they are entitled to end in godhood. Aroden is proud of Evelyn, and above petty irritation because her choice of people to help is silly; all of Iomedae's decisions probably look just as silly when you are a god. After all, she was just feeding the children in front of her, and didn't even think to ask if there was somewhere where children were even hungrier -


This is still not prayer, but it's getting closer.

 

Aroden, Who knows the strength of civilization, show us the habits that build it; Aroden, who knows us in glory, hold our memories of greatness close to our hearts, so that we will know when it is in our reach, and know how to reach for it. Aroden, who gave me the strength to be a holy warrior, give me also the wisdom to choose my fights wisely, and spend my life well in your service, and help as many people as I can, and help me grow strong enough to save everyone, literally everyone, and do not let my strength come coupled with contempt for weakness, or my wisdom with contempt for foolishness, and withhold Your grace for me, should my conduct ever be unbefitting of a paladin, and if it's unbefitting to eat meat pies from the charity of this country help me grow in understanding and explain why to Evelyn. And help the lawmen to stop the man who assailed me from hurting anyone ever again, but help him also to not be damned for it, and look after my family and give them the strength to build paradise in this world and find it in the next one, and look after everyone else too, all the families and everyone without a family, in the Empire and in this strange country and in all the worlds You travelled to and any worlds You didn't.

And make Hell cease. 

(She always ends prayers that way.)



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She takes a moment to compose herself, when she is done, and opens her eyes. "I think - I can eat the meat and I have been - ingrato, y altanero, and I say sorry. - I still not eat para una hora y media but I will eat then. And you are trying good and I should say, gracias, Evelyn, you are a part of all grow to Heaven together."

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Evelyn is possibly, maybe, internally melting into a puddle of awwwwwwwwwwwww. 

"Oh, love. It's okay. You aren't ungrateful. You're - I won't say I understand your faith but I'm trying to, I promise." She really wants to give Iomedae a hug but it feels too early for that. 

"Do you have more questions? About living here, about the police, other things...?" 

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"I need talk to police about man more? They say yes not today."

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"Not today, no, and probably not for - weeks, at least. Once he recovers, the police will arrest him and charge him with a crime. I think they won't need to talk to you for that, they would have already asked everything they need to know. He might stay in jail or he might be released and told to come back for his trial, uh, volver para el juicio. When the trial happens, they will probably want you to testify about what happened to you, and hear everything you know about what he did to other girls. Does that make sense?" 

 

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"Weeks? I need bring him food weeks?"

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?????????????

"You...don't need to bring him food?" How in the world did she get that impression. "The hospital will feed him while he's staying there, and if he goes to jail then the jail will feed him, and otherwise he would be going back to stay - wherever he lives, I guess - and buy food like he usually would. - He's a grownup, right?" Probably the social worker would have mentioned if the rapist was going to be tried as a minor. 

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" - the jail will feed him good? He is grown."

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"I'm sure they will." It's not going to be steak and caviar but Iomedae seems to think that homemade shepherd's pie is a luxury food. "Not - fancy food - but he won't go hungry."

...Possibly she remembers there being some sort of scandal in the news a while back about food in prisons, but it wasn't that they weren't feeding the inmates. 

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"But the children go hungry if they obey law." Iomedae is not mad at Evelyn but she is kind of confused, here.

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Oh. Oh no. That must be confusing, and - probably kind of upsetting? Evelyn opens her mouth to try to explain and stops and realizes that she isn't sure she's ever actually thought about this before. It's kind of hurting her head. 

Also Iomedae is looking at her with - that expression on her face - and it's not an accusing expression but it still makes Evelyn feel like something someone might find on the bottom of their shoe, because she's not fifteen and illiterate and from a deprived background and yet Iomedae is already doing better than her on - caring about other people's problems, despite all the problems of her own she has - 

"It might be hard to explain until you know more words," she says quietly. "But I'll - try." Deep breath. "I - think it's not that there isn't enough food to feed all the children, food doesn't cost very much, it's more that the government doesn't know where they are to send the food? There are lots of charities that will give poor people food - if children go to school, and they don't have enough food at home, they can get breakfast and lunch at school, but a lot of the children without papers won't be in school. And there are food banks, places you can go where people who can afford more food than they need themselves can give some of it to a charity, and poor people can go there and get food for free. But the poor people need to know about that, and - trust that the government isn't going to have someone ask to see their papers - I'm pretty sure food banks don't check your papers but if people haven't been to school and can't read in English then they wouldn't know that." 

She can repeat bits of that in terrible Spanish if Iomedae seems confused about vocabulary as opposed to confused about something deeper than that. 

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She needs some bits repeated. Seems to think. "...food ...bank? in a church, is how to do it. If holy warriors of God say, no one check papers, they know it's safe. Holy warriors of God no lying. The government give the food to the churches, the churches give it to the poor."

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Evelyn is fairly sure that most people who go to church, and even most people who work at a church, are not conceiving of themselves as the next Joan of Arc. She doesn't say this. It seems like it would be hard to communicate across the language barrier and also wouldn't help. 

"I think there are food banks run by churches, yeah. There are also some run by charities that aren't churches, because not everyone goes to church, and people who aren't religious might feel awkward about going to a church just to get free food." 

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"Okay. Maybe tomorrow I go these banks, see if safe, then tell everyone go there. And Martin, who try me, he is fed by rich country, until law comes? And then I swear on Bible again about what happen?"

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"We can do that." They'll have to bring Lily, it's a Saturday, but a tour of church food banks in Reno is probably something Lily would love, actually.

...Lily should probably not accompany them on a mission to go find the people Iomedae knows in a migrant labor camp? Evelyn - will cross that bridge when they come to it, she decides. She definitely can't let Iomedae go do it alone, and - it seems like this is important to her, like she feels a lot of loyalty to the people who, from her point of view, must have taken her in and helped her figure out how to survive in her new situation. It's not actually going to be the weirdest thing Evelyn has ever done to help a child settle with her. 

"Martin is the name of the man who tried to hurt you? ...I think there are laws about how the government can treat people in jail and prison, because it's - because the guards in the jail have a lot of power over them, and if there aren't rules about it then some guards would hurt the prisoners just because they can. And one of the rules is that they have to have food, it's not like it's a very big expense compared to the building and the guards. ...I would have to go look up what the exact rules are, if you want to know them." 

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"A good rule. Holy warriors also have rules about prisoners. That is why I have to feed him, if the government not feed him."

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"That makes sense. ...Where did you learn what the rules are for, uh, holy warriors? Is that in the Bible?"

(Evelyn doesn't remember it but she hasn't read all of the Bible, and only really knows the parts that were covered in Sunday School forty years ago, or that get read out at Christmas and Easter. To be fair there's a lot of Bible. Also she thinks some religious sects, like the Mormons, have special Bibles with extra books?) 

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"My father-brother is a holy warrior of God. He fight in, I don't have the words. The holy fight with Tar-Baphon. He die. He fight in Heaven now. When he alive, he visit, and he tell me all about holy warrior of God and all the rules."

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UM??????

 

Evelyn…is too tired for this conversation, mostly, as usual she’s up with Lily since 6 am. She’s trying to keep what is now a pretty big pile of future lot notes in her head, and a pretty big pile of emotions somewhere she won’t be unfairly making them Iomedae’s problem.

Maybe “Tarbafon” is the word for Satan in her language, and her brother was - traveling as a missionary? Right, isn't there a thing where in some insular religious sects, the boys leave as young adults to travel and proselytize (and the girls, presumably, are kept at home and ignorant and shunted into arranged marriages, and good for Iomedae for avoiding that fate). She's not sure how someone manages to die on a proselytizing mission, maybe he went to South America and got a tropical disease. ...Evelyn should stop speculating about things she can't verify yet and that aren't the point, the point is the teenage girl sitting in front of her, who is lost and confused in a system that makes no sense to her and whose brother is dead. Evelyn feels kind of squicky about the part where her affect seems to be that it's okay for him to have fucking died on a mission, because now he's continuing to do God's work in Heaven, but it's not her place to question Iomedae's faith and it does seem to be bringing her some kind of closure and peace. 

 

"That makes sense. I'm sorry to hear your brother died. It sounds like he was a very good role model," would she know that word? ugh how would you say 'role model' in Spanish? "- dador de consejos, for you, when you were younger?" 

 

*Giver of advice

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"Father-brother. I like him lots. Most people, you ask them 'why you not save everyone in Hell' and they say 'no one can do that' or 'they are bad, that is why they go to Hell' or 'who knows God's plan'. But he says to me, I not strong enough yet."

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That's...somewhat concerning as advice to give a young kid, but it's clearly advice that landed well for Iomedae, and - well, it's vastly better than 'bad people deserve to be in Hell', and Evelyn is also not super on board with 'who can know God's plan?' which, you know, can be used to rationalize why it's fine that children get cancer because it must have been in God's plan. 

"Your father's brother, not your brother? The word in English for that is 'uncle'." And what else to say to that... "I think that's good advice. And - I think your uncle would want you to be stronger so you can help more people, and in America that means you need to go to school."

She is possibly harping on this point too much but it would be such a tragic waste of potential if this kid ran away from foster care and slipped back under the radar so she could work for less than minimum wage and spend half her meagre earnings on feeding other children. ...Maybe it would be a good idea for her to see if the director of a church food bank is willing to talk to Iomedae, actually, and tell her what kinds of qualifications they need for their job. Evelyn doesn't actually know very much about that but presumably they need to know, like, how to manage finances and meet legal compliance requirements for a charity, which Evelyn certainly couldn't do. 

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“I’m not smart enough to be a - person like God is who can change all the rules with study - and I already know writing and numbers. I need to learn holy warrior things but if you don’t know holy warriors I don’t know the school will have that.”

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That's not an angle on Jesus that Evelyn has heard before but she...kind of likes it? It sounds a lot more like - the sort of thing where Jesus is a role model to emulate, where 'what would Jesus do' aims you in the direction of systemic reform and advocacy or whatever, and not the kind of Christianity where all humans are worthless sinners who need to throw themselves on God's mercy. 

"I think there are a lot of ways to be a holy warrior for God," she says, carefully. "And if you want to do what God would want in America, and feed children, you need to know - more things than how to add and subtract and fight with a sword. The people who work at churches to bring food to poor children need to know how to keep track of their money and make sure it isn't being wasted or stolen, and know how to follow the law for how charities can spend money, and figure out which places have lots of hungry children so it's worth having a food bank in that place. Also you don't know how to read in English yet and that's important." 

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"Oh, yes, I should learn to read and know how to follow the law. I know how to track money. The school teaches how to figure out which places have lots of hungry children?"

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...Honestly, probably not very efficiently. Evelyn can suddenly perfectly picture Iomedae sitting in high school English being politely bemused and internally frustrated about how essays on symbolism in Shakespeare have nothing to do with feeding hungry children at all

"I think there are - a lot of pieces - you need to understand about the world if you want to do hard projects like that, because the world is very big and complicated. For that particular thing you would need to do geography, which is - where places are on maps, but there's more to it than that - and history, and civics, which is how the government works - do you know that word? Uh, gobierno, I think, people who are chosen by a vote to lead the country and make decisions about what laws to have and how to spend the government's money on things like roads and hospitals. And you probably need statistics, which is math but it's a lot harder than addition and subtraction. And money is more complicated if it's a charity instead of just for you, and if you have a lot of it in a bank."

Iomedae has probably only ever been paid under the table in cash, and - plausibly her family more or less didn't earn money and just lived off farming like the Amish do?  

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"Holy orders have classes in the things I need to know to be a holy warrior. Are there no holy orders here at all?"

 

The people she'd travelled with earlier thought there were, including women's orders, though they didn't know any details and didn't know of women's orders that were for paladins rather than priests.

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Evelyn finds herself trying to picture Iomedae in a nunnery and has to try very hard not to make a face. Iomedae would be unimpressed by nuns. As Jeremy would put it, they wouldn't be nearly ""hardcore"" enough for her taste. 

"There...are? But I think maybe not the kind you mean. There are places people can go if they want to do some good works and spend a lot of time praying to God, but I think you want - bigger things than that. Also I think you normally need to be eighteen." 

 

Her best guess is still that Iomedae is talking about missionaries traveling to poorer countries - that doesn't quite land right either, but it would make sense if Iomedae doesn't actually know that much about the "holy orders" she left home to seek out, and is making guesses based on how she thinks and relates to her faith. Evelyn knows very few things about that and also doesn't feel nearly ready for that conversation.

...Though also she can't avoid it forever and it's starting to itch. There's a careful balance with any child, avoiding telling them things that are inappropriate for a child their age to hear, while also - being someone they can trust - and Evelyn has a feeling that it would be very bad for Iomedae's trust in her if she were to find out that Evelyn had been strategically not telling her some things about the world for her own good. 

 

"Sometimes people from a church do charity work where they go to other countries where people have less money," she says, carefully. "And they build schools and hospitals there, and they found churches and tell people about God. But I think those groups also want you to have already done school when you join." 

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"And to have such blessings from God that illness cannot touch you," says Iomedae, because she does know some things about how missionary orders work. "Even if the holy orders would not take me yet - and I think they might, since I am chosen by God - they could tell me which things are most important to learn."

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Oh no is she from one of those sects that believes in faith healing. Evelyn has no idea how to respond to this diplomatically without sounding like she's criticizing Iomedae's birth family or her faith. Mmmmmmaybe she can just make sure she finds Iomedae someone to talk to for advice who has more moderate beliefs? She thinks most of the people in charge of competent well-run charities, even if they're Christian charities, are probably the sort of people who believe God is with them in a more...metaphorical...way, and believe that God is in favor of taking anti-malarial drugs if you're a missionary in Africa or whatever. 

"Mmm," Evelyn says. "I think we should take some time to work on improving your English, so you won't spend so much time being confused, and then I'll see if I can find someone from a missionary order who can talk to you." 

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"Thank you. If I work at a food bank I can learn English working."

 

Iomedae absolutely believes in faith healing. Also in paladins becoming immune to disease at the same strength where they become immune to fear. She also believes that when you get stronger than that you get a magic horse. She doesn't have the vocabulary to discuss any of that, though.

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She definitely can't– ....actually, is there a particularly good reason she can't? Well, it would be a huge headache for her to have a paid job, since she doesn't have any documentation yet, but she can volunteer. Getting some volunteer hours in the community is actually a requirement for graduation at the local high school (though it's not very difficult to waive), and if Jeremy had expressed a strong desire to volunteer at a food bank, Evelyn would have been 100% behind it as long as he was still keeping up in his schoolwork. Iomedae is of course massively behind in her schoolwork, but she might be more cooperative about all these pointless-seeming-to-her bureaucratic hoops she suddenly has to jump through if she also gets to do some direct good work now. Possibly Iomedae's social worker will object but Evelyn is pretty sure she can win that argument. 

"I think they couldn't pay you because you don't have papers," she says, "but if you wanted to volunteer - help out without being paid - at a food bank, I would be very proud of you. And they would be able to spend more of their money on other things." 

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"You need papers to get paid, but no papers to work for no pay? I can do that. I can do that and school because you have -" she points at the lightbulb.

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"I think they probably have some paperwork, but the papers saying that you live with me should be enough? Charities have to be more careful about who they pay, because the government checks if they're doing anything against the law with the money that rich people gave them for helping poor people, and paying someone who doesn't have papers is technically illegal."

Though of course Iomedae knows that some people were willing to pay her anyway, and Evelyn isn't actually sure whether she feels like it's morally wrong to pay illegal immigrants if you aren't, like, exploiting them. That sounds like a complicated conversation and she's not going to go there unless Iomedae keeps pushing. 

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She looks concerned about that, actually! "It is illegal pay people who don't have papers?"

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Oh no poor kid. 

"Yeah. I know it happens a lot anyway, in places where it's hard for the government to check. I don't think you did anything wrong by getting paid, and you aren't going to be in trouble. The people who gave you money might get in trouble, but - I think if they did something wrong, it's mostly because they pay workers who don't have papers less than they would have to pay people who do, and treat them badly." 

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"If it is illegal it is wrong. Is it illegal to take money with no papers? I can give the money back, but I spend some, I no have it all." And she reaches into her shirt and pulls out - several hundred dollars in neat bundles of fives. "This is half, I spend half."

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Holy fuck. That's a lot of money. Has Iomedae just been walking around all this time with several hundred dollars in her shirt??? Also, wow, she saved that much money while earning under the table fruit-picking wages and also feeding other people's children? It...makes more sense now that Iomedae thinks she knows how to manage money! Holy fuck.

(...Evelyn makes a mental note that, while she generally tries quite hard not to set a bad example with her foster children by swearing in front of them, she should try extra extra hard not to use religious-toned swearwords in front of Iomedae, who would probably be mortified.) 

Evelyn also thinks that it's at least complicated whether something illegal is always morally wrong, but the only example coming to mind is "is it wrong to hide Jews from the Nazis" and she is absolutely not having that conversation right now. 

 

"I...don't actually know what the right thing is to do with the money," she says, calmly. "You didn't know the people paying you were breaking the law, and I'm still not sure if you were breaking the law, you might not have been. I can talk to your social worker tomorrow and ask what we should do." 

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"Okay. And the police, you tell the police. I said to them I think I never broke any law but this was not true."

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Oh noooooooooooooooo this poor kid. Evelyn really badly wants to give her a hug right now. "Your social worker will know what we should tell the police. No one is going to be angry with you for not knowing that before." 

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"It's not - angry - holy warriors must obey laws, or countries will say, no holy warriors, they too much trouble. I break laws I hurt all holy warriors everywhere!!! If I do it on purpose God says Iomedae no holy warrior but even doing it not on purpose hurts everyone!"

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There's something so...thoughtful, insightful...about that, especially coming from the mouth of a child who has never been to (actual) school and only started learning English six months ago. Evelyn had to take an ethics class once, in first-year college, and the names of all the different philosophers are a blur in her memory at this point but it's definitely the kind of reasoning that you might expect to see in an ethics textbook. 

 

"...I think that's right. I think the police you talked to don't - know what the rules are for holy warriors - and probably haven't met anyone before who said they were one. If it's very important to you, I can tell your social worker to write to the police and explain, but - it's not like you lied to them, you didn't know. And I'm sure that God understands."

Doooooes she have another opening here to bang on her favorite hobby-horse again? Yeah, okay, but after this she really should leave it alone for a bit, Iomedae must be sick of her. "- And this is why it's important to go to school, before you try to do any big projects that are hard. There are going to be a lot of laws in America that you don't know about yet." 

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"I will go! If it is free. I maybe no have money."

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"School is free!" School supplies aren't free but hopefully there won't be a fight over Iomedae wanting to pay Evelyn back for a $0.50 school notebook. "Well, up through high school. If you want to go to college that costs money - you are smart enough for college, and it would give you more opportunities and ways to do work that helps people - but that's something you can decide later. I think by the time you're eighteen we can make sure you have the right papers to work a job and get paid." 

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"Should I keep my money until police decide if I have it, or should you?"

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On the one hand, this is money Iomedae could absolutely use to run away to Africa and die of malaria because she thinks God can make her immune to disease presumably you can't actually get to Africa without, like, a passport, but consider that a stand-in for whatever Iomedae might decide to run off and do. Evelyn is generally pretty antsy about teenage foster children in the at-risk-of-absconding demographic having that much money on them. And here Iomedae is, straight up offering to give it to Evelyn for self-keeping, avoiding any need for an argument about it. 

On the other hand...

"You can keep it. I trust you."

She means it because being trusted is something that kids need, especially kids at Iomedae's age, but she also means it because Iomedae is possibly the most trustworthy, scrupulously honest child Evelyn has ever met. And she thinks God will punish her if she doesn't give the money back. It seems really unlikely she's going to use it to run away. 

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It did not even occur to Iomedae she might not be trusted! She just thought it might not be appropriate for her to retain possession of the money given that it might have been illegally acquired! She will put it all right back in her shirt, then.

 

(Iomedae bathes every week before Sunday Mass. It is a Friday so she is fairly grubby, though they cleaned her somewhat in the hospital while cleaning off all the blood.)

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Yeah she needs a bath. (She's...probably not familiar with showers yet? Given how the indoor running water amazed her.) Evelyn usually prefers not to push children to bathe on their first night with her when they're still probably anxious and don't feel at home, but she's planning to at least insist that Iomedae wash her hands and face - properly, the hospital did not get all the dried blood out from under her nails - and change into clean pajamas. She doesn't smell as bad as Jeremy used to when he would come home from a days-long camping trip - and Evelyn is pretty inured to bad smells, she's taken in a lot of severely neglected children. Iomedae's clothes at least look like they were washed in the last month

"I won't know more about it until tomorrow, the social services office will be closed now. Do you have any other questions for right now? If not maybe you could wash up and get ready for bed before you eat, so you can go to bed right after." 

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"No other questions, ma'am -

- oh, I have one. Do I need to give you warning, if I decide to go some other place? A week? Two weeks?"

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Oh dear. Iomedae is not going to like this. 

"...If you aren't happy here, you need to talk to your social worker about it, and we can figure something out. So that would need some notice, yeah, probably a week would be enough to find you a different foster home."

Evelyn has a sneaking feeling that that's not at all what Iomedae means.

"Um. If you leave without telling me, or if I don't know that where you're going is safe, then - because in America you aren't considered an adult yet who can safely live on your own - the law says that I'm responsible for keeping you safe, and so I would have to report you missing to the police. I know you can look after yourself pretty well, and have been, but many girls your age would have been in a lot of danger, in the situation you were in before. You could have been badly hurt, if you hadn't, um. Had a sword." 

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"If I leave I will first get a new weapon and train with it! My safety is very important to me."

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For reasons (the reasons are a previous foster child), Evelyn actually knows significantly more detail on the legality of carrying a knife in Reno than just "it's probably illegal right???" 

"I...think it's very good that you want to be able to defend yourself and other people. But there are laws about what kinds of weapon you can carry in public, and about when you can use them without getting in trouble with the law. The laws are different for police but there isn't a special law in America for holy warriors of God." 

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"Yes, the police said that. ...I take classes at school on the laws for weapons, and I will not leave until I know the laws and am trained in a weapon legal to have."

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Evelyn considers whether she feels like explaining that that isn't really the focus in American high schools and Evelyn will get such concerned phone calls from her teachers if she keeps asking questions like that, and decides that she is not having that conversation tonight. She probably has at least a week before anyone can arrange a school place for Iomedae anyway. 

"I'm glad," she says, because she can't really think of anything else to say. "You can always ask me more questions as you think of them. Right now, why don't we go look through my spare clothes and find you a pair of pajamas that will fit to sleep in?" 

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"- you not want me sleep on rich bed in my clothes?" This is perfectly reasonable it's just kind of boggling to suggest giving her a second set of clothes as a solution.

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"...I think it would be nice if you wore something clean to sleep in, yeah. But it's also...not that big a deal? If your family made all of your clothes from scratch then it makes sense it would seem like a big deal, but - America is rich, remember, and it really isn't. You could buy twenty sets of clothes with the amount of money you have."

(Evelyn doesn't actually take foster kids shopping at second-hand stores to pick out their own clothes, Social Services doesn't like it and it's a self-esteem thing for a lot of kids - and also stores like Goodwill are best when you have two hours to browse without hauling a bored child - but her spare clothing stash is mostly from second-hand stores, or else lightly used hand-me-downs from various friends and thus cost her zero money. It's hard to convey the extent to which Evelyn does not think that giving Iomedae some spare pajamas is a big deal.) 

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"I no own twenty sets of clothes when children hungry. God should leave me, I do that! - three is okay, I think. One for wash days and one for church days and one for other days."

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...Yeah in hindsight she walked right into that one. Evelyn can't help but feel like Iomedae seems to think that God is very judgy. 

"I didn't say you should buy twenty sets of clothes even if you can! Though in my house the rule is that you change your clothes every day so that you don't smell bad, and since I have lots of spares that don't cost me anything to lend to you while you live with me, I think it would be easier if you had enough sets of clothes to wear a new one every day for a week, it would waste water to do a tiny load of laundry every day. The government also gives me a bit of money to buy clothes that are just for you, but if you want, we can stop at three pairs and I can give you the rest to save or donate to a charity instead."

That is not really fostering best practice but you know what is also not fostering best practice, is disrespecting a child's very clearly deeply-held faith and making her have anxiety attacks that God will "leave" her for owning too many clothes when there are starving children. Which honestly makes God sound like a questionable and controlling boyfriend or something but that's probably mostly the language barrier. She can work on it more later. It's...kind of fair, that there are a lot of children - children who Iomedae met - who are still living in poverty.

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The rule is that you have to wear new clothes every day, and it would waste water to do laundry every day, so you must own many clothes. What kind of topsy tervy world gives out clothes to save on water. Gives out precious things that require months of labor to save the thing that falls out of the sky on a regular basis and also any priest can give you. And even if there's easy spellwork for weaving, here, like it's said there was in lost Azlant, the biggest problem with having to do laundry all the time would still not be that it wasted water, it'd be that it wasted half the day. Iomedae appreciates the free school but she's going to seriously resent having to launder clothes she has worn once. 

 

 

"Water falls from the sky or is given by gods, you not fear run out," she says, because that seems like one of the confusing things there though not really the most important one and it's not picking a fight about the rules, which she does not want to do.

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Iomedae looks kind of horrified about the prospect of washing her clothes every day and - oh, right, her family almost certainly washed their clothes by hand, which would be really annoying. Evelyn once bought a couple of fancy blouses where the tag says 'hand-wash only', and quickly concluded that she is not the sort of person who will ever wear a blouse if it's not washing-machine-and-dryer-safe. 

 

And then Iomedae says that and Evelyn has to try very hard not to laugh, and stomp on the urge to say facetiously that she never learned the trick to ask God for free water. (She...probably just misheard...Iomedae saying 'gods', plural. Iomedae has an accent.) 

"I guess I'm not going to personally use up the entire Reno water supply by doing laundry every day, you're right, but I do have to pay for it if I want the water to come out of the pipes in my house. It doesn't rain that often here, Nevada is a desert. ...Anyway, I think maybe you've never seen a washing machine. You're going to love washing machines." She would normally worry about putting literally hand-spun clothes in the washing machine, but Iomedae's clothes seem to have held up tolerably to months of being her only outfit while she did farm labor, and she can just use a gentle setting and the mild detergent. "Come on, follow me. I have a load I meant to put on tomorrow but I can do it now to show you." 

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- she will follow.

 

 

 

She doesn't know enough about anything but weaving magic like in Azlant, plus laundry magic, might in fact be sufficient for this set of priorities to be, while insane, not very costly? 

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Evelyn forges up the stairs and collects the laundry hamper. It has Lily's duvet cover and some of Evelyn's jeans and shirts, plus what looks like at least a dozen distinct Lily outfits, varyingly food-stained and dirt-stained and grass-stained (Lily is an active child and a messy eater.) 

The laundry machines are back downstairs and in the garage; there used to be a set in the downstairs hall closet but they were scaled-down models, and fostering means a lot of laundry, so she invested in a special-mail-order industrial size washer and dryer set. Evelyn decides not to give the usual speech that Iomedae shouldn't come in here by herself, she's big enough and responsible enough and Evelyn is way too tired to have another argument about why it's a rule. "It's dangerous for Lily to come in here," she says instead, "that's why the door has a child lock." She pops it open and negotiates the door with the laundry hamper and heads over to the washing machine. 

"You just put it all in here." Evelyn shifts laundry into the front-loading washing machine, not seeming to expect help from Iomedae. "And shut the door, and then the laundry detergent liquid - soap, but special for clothes - goes in here, and then you press the buttons to turn it on, like this. It'll start washing them in a moment. Then we just need to come back in an hour when it dings to say it's done, and put them over in that machine to tumble dry. If I have time I hang them up to dry to save electricity but it's not a big problem." Evelyn's own mother would be appalled at how much electricity her household uses on the dryer. Evelyn's mother has also never fostered three very active, messy bedwetters at the same time. 

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"That is so good!!!! Everyone everywhere should have!! God is good and paradise need not wait for dying!"

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This girl!!!!! Evelyn is already so attached. ...God is good and paradise need not wait for dying. That's - well, it's some kind of spirit, anyway, even if it's not not a concerning thing to say in context. At least her fundamentalist parents didn't convince her that technology is the work of the Devil, though Evelyn still wonders if it was because they thought it was simpler not to introduce the subject at all.  

"Washing machines are great," she agrees. "Hopefully someday everyone who wants to have one will be able to have one. In America even people who are a lot poorer than I am can still use them in a special laundry shop, you just have to pay with coins and it's, like, two dollars to wash a load. - Ooh, and after this we can go up and you can help me load the dishwasher, you're going to love that too." 

She hesitates for a moment, watching the laundry start to spin. "- Iomedae, is it okay if I give you a hug? You - sometimes you say things and I want to hug you, but I never want to make you uncomfortable." 

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"...am a holy warrior, no a kid. Holy warriors still can hugs, but - from the people they protect, and for the people they protect."

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There are rules about hugs??? ...On further thought that's not the weirdest thing here, don't lots of Christian sects have weird rules about modesty and who you can touch, she just wouldn't have expected it to cover her. This is not exactly relieving Evelyn's faint background sense that Iomedae is relating to God like a controlling boyfriend. 

"That's okay." Sometimes she hugs people who aren't kids but saying that might sound pressure-y. "Dishwasher?" 

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"Dishwasher wash dishes? That is so good! This place is so rich!"

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Evelyn is so happy that Iomedae is happy, and will show her how to load the dishwasher - she stops to clarify that this isn't because the dishwasher and laundry are going to be Iomedae's job, this is Evelyn's house and the chores are Evelyn's responsibility though she may sometimes ask Iomedae for help - and internally remind herself several times that feeling rejected about the lack of hugs is Making This About Herself. She has no grounds for complaint, really, Iomedae is polite and lovely and very cooperative once she understands the reasons behind why she should do something. 

It's nearly ten at this point and Evelyn has a lot of log notes to catch up on while it's still fresh in her mind; she wants to make sure that she remembers Iomedae's exact wording as much as possible, so she can make it clear what Iomedae actually said versus what Evelyn is guessing but could be wrong about when there's so much they still don't know. 

Now that Iomedae has hopefully been reassured that Evelyn is rich enough that lending her spare pajamas is trivial, can she be convinced to come dig through the ottoman of spares to find pajamas that fit her, and then wash her face and hands upstairs before changing?

...Does Iomedae know how to use a toothbrush to clean her teeth. She should do that. Evelyn can give her one from her stash, and a tube of toothpaste for her en-suite bathroom. 

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Sure, she will do that! 

 

 

This is a really astounding amount of fabric. They must have weaving-spells for it. She feels as if someone explained that it is conventional to wipe one's face with bars of gold rather than soap. 

 

- the clothes are mostly brightly dyed. Iomedae would wear heraldry, of course, were she riding into battle, but she did not plan particularly to wear brightly dyed clothes the rest of the time. They look very garish. She will pick the least garish sufficiently-modest sufficiently-large option.

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Iomedae can find a cream-colored short-sleeved nightgown (knee-length on her, not overly lacy) that fits, though it's meant for a plus size teenager and thus fits reasonably at the shoulders and leave vastly too much fabric around her midsection.

She's already had the tour of her room, or at least the Lily version, so Evelyn skips that, and once she's explained toothbrushing if this seems necessary to explain, Iomedae can get ready for bed in private. If Evelyn were in Iomedae's position right now, dragged around from church to hospital to a stranger's house after (and it's easy to forget this happened earlier the same day) nearly being raped, she would be so desperate to be left alone at this point. 

Evelyn can knock on Iomedae's door when it's been an hour and a half since she said she wanted to wait that long before eating?

(Is the shepherd's pie okay, it's been sitting out and you're not supposed to reheat meat dishes repeatedly like that...though probably it's fine, and Iomedae would be so upset about the food waste if Evelyn threw it out and got her a new portion, and she probably wouldn't notice if Evelyn did it and didn't mention, but while Evelyn is not above that kind of sneakiness if it's to avert a tantrum with a toddler, she feels icky about it in this situation.) 

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It'll be fine, an hour and a half isn't very long and Iomedae has a competent stomach. Once it's been time she will eat the pie politely but very very very quickly. 

"The pie was so good, thank you. I am very grateful."

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"You're very welcome!" Evelyn has to remind herself that NO HUGS. "I think it's a reasonable time to go to bed, now. You must be tired." Evelyn is ALSO tired but she has log notes to write and she's not going to do it with Iomedae hovering, even if it might theoretically be fine because she can't read English. For one, maybe Iomedae actually can read some English and it's one of the things she's choosing not to mention yet. 

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"Yes, ma'am. Good night. God show you good and law and paradise."

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God according to Iomedae seems to have excessive opinions about Rules, but it's still a sweet thing to say. "Thank you. Sleep well." 

 

...She'll make herself a cup of tea and sit at the table until she's sure Iomedae isn't about to come right back down again. 

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Nope. She has attempted the bed, rejected it for being ridiculously soft, really, what, why would you want to sleep on a surface that soft, you'd roll right off, this isn't an objection to lavish displays of wealth it's just a pragmatic objection to softness, taken some blankets off the bed and made a mat on the floor for herself, and gone to sleep on it, after her pre-bedtime prayers.

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And Evelyn takes her tea to the study, sits down at her desktop, wakes it up and opens a new email and...stares at it blankly for a few seconds. Fragments from the last couple of hours are bouncing off one another in her head. 

There's a stage in every placement where she's just getting to know a child, trying to absorb and understand what she was told of their background and history, and the things they disclose to her (and how they say them), and their behavior whether good or bad, and all the little habits they bring with them from home, and the faces they make in response to Evelyn's parenting (whether it's Evelyn laying down the law or Evelyn offering them affection - trying to take all of that and put it together into, not just sympathy for them - sympathy is usually easy, compassion is easy, patience can be hard but she's practiced at it - but what it must be like in their shoes, because in Evelyn's mind you can't really love a child until they make sense to you. 

There's a period where she feels like that saying about the blind men and the elephant, except it's sort of the wrong metaphor because it's all her, touching different corners of a child's life and not knowing yet how they fit together. (Her colleague Gina used to tease her about thinking she was some sort of Sherlock Holmes child trauma detective.) And then, at some point, something clicks, and all of a sudden it feels like she gets them. Usually she's still missing a lot, of course, because often a child won't open up and reveal their darker secrets for months if not years, but suddenly she's no longer walking on eggshells around them, and it feels like she loves a specific person and not just the abstract idea of a child in need. 

It takes varying amounts of times. Lily's was about a week in, during a room-trashing, obscenities-screaming tantrum over bedtime, and Evelyn anticipated a long, long night of resettling her over and over. Eventually Evelyn, exhausted after a week of broken sleep and a fruitless half-hour of trying to calm her down, decided that enough was enough and tackled her with the duvet cover and sat on the floor with the kicking screaming bundle in her arms for ten minutes, collecting various bruises, replaying snippets of the pre-placement meeting. She's a very angry child, the social worker had said. Her impulse control is nonexistent. She struggles to communicate what she wants and gets very frustrated. She's in fight-or-flight mode 24/7. But I'm sure she'll settle with you, and Evelyn thought at the time - and thought, again, a week later, sitting on the floor with Lily's heels drumming on her shins - that somewhere inside there was a girl who had been rejected by three foster carers in a row, who surely thought she was unloveable, and who desperately needed to be loved. And eventually Lily's sobs quieted and she went limp, and let Evelyn put her to bed with no protest until Evelyn tried to actually leave, at which point a plaintive voice called out to her, more words and articulated more clearly than Lily had ever managed up until that point with Evelyn: "no! s'weep here!" And the thought that went through her mind - which doesn't make a lot of sense put in words, it never does - is that it wasn't that Lily was angry, it was that she was scared. It's hard to describe how that even helped, but after that she stopped worrying constantly that she was doing things wrong every time Lily had a tantrum, and it felt very simple. She didn't need to try to give Lily a - how would Jeremy put it - a "speedrun" of the perfect childhood. She just needed to be safe

(It really does sound kind of dumb, when she actually thinks about it, instead of just doing it.) 

 

Where is she with Iomedae? 

Iomedae is a very easy-to-read kid, in a way; when she's confused or disagrees with something Evelyn said, she just says so, unselfconscious. The things she wants are - big, but in a way so simple. And something clicked, when she shifted from thinking of the main challenge here as dealing with Iomedae's deprived and probably traumatic upbringing and helping her unlearn all the unhealthy beliefs and patterns she had absorbed when it was all around her and all she knew, to - thinking of her as someone who wants to be Joan of Arc, except of course it's awfully complicated to be Joan of Arc in modern America and Iomedae is abruptly under the Social Services microscope, facing all of that messy complexity at once and dealing with the fact that everyone thinks she's a child. 

It does feel less like she's walking on eggshells around Iomedae. Because - she's apparently more or less already decided that she isn't going to work on slowly convincing her that the way she relates to God and God's work is unhealthy and she should expect less of herself. (Evelyn is still pretty sure it's unhealthy as a general principle, but Iomedae isn't the general principle of a kid, she's a specific kid, and this is so important to her.) Evelyn is still going to have to set a lot of boundaries, but it feels like deciding not to pick that especially uphill battle takes out a lot of the tension between what she wants for Iomedae and what Iomedae clearly wants for herself. 

 

It really doesn't feel like she understands Iomedae yet. She's - confused about different things, at least? 

Anyway, it's coming up to 11 pm and Lily will be awake at six, and she needs to screw her head on and write things down, starting at the beginning so she doesn't miss anything that might turn out to be important. 

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Iomedae is a lovely girl. She is polite and very honest and she communicates much better in English than I expected, though she's still missing a lot of vocabulary when I try to answer her questions. She was wonderful with Lily, and does seem to have experience with young children.

I did note some concerns about the bedtime stories she picked (told from memory and presumably translated, since she can't yet read English.) Nothing too horrifying, but there was some emphasis on Hell being very bad. I think she worries about Hell a lot. She's separately mentioned devils at least one other time, and her religion seems to believe that they do things like spreading lies (in this case, that God doesn't approve of technology.) 

Speaking of that. Her background is clearly very poor, though she doesn't think of herself that way, and claimed they always had food and she's only gone hungry in the last six months. She seems to have had pretty much no contact with the rest of society or exposure to modern life. She was amazed by running water, and even moreso by the washing machine. I was worried she would be unwilling to use appliances, if her family's religion was against it, but she found it all delightful. I'm not sure if it's just that she missed that part of their tenets, because she sang a hymn and when I asked her what it was about, she said "how we start with nothing, and if we work hard we will have everything, every house will have water in it and light at night", which is very nice but I can't square it with what her upbringing was clearly like. She also has a lot of weird expectations about society and I'm not sure where she got them, maybe from Bible stories? She thought it would be her responsibility to feed the man she injured in self-defense, and was distressed when I said it would be weeks at least before his trial. Her sect also definitely believes in faith healing, or something like that, she claimed that God can bless people and make them immune to disease. She also claimed that God can miraculously provide water. 

Her expectations are still very out of sync. She seemed to assume at first that she was being given room and board in exchange for watching Lily and doing chores, and I'm not entirely sure I've convinced her otherwise. I think some of it is parentification, and being used to being treated as an adult who should be self-sufficient, but some of it is definitely coming from her understanding of her religion. I don't know how much of it is generic religious tenets from her family's sect, and how much she thinks is different for her as a "holy warrior". She's very intense about it, and she seems to think it means she needs to follow strict rules for her conduct. I don't get the sense it's something she made up, or her own interpretation of Bible passages or something. She expects us to know what it means and to hold her to those standards, and she wants to join a "holy order" and I think expected me to point her at one. As described it doesn't sound especially like a nunnery, but it could be her understanding of a church that does missions overseas. She claims that her uncle, who was a mentor to her, was a "holy warrior" who fought "Tarbafon" (maybe Satan, and my best guess is that this just means missionary work, though Iomedae may be thinking of it as a more literal kind of fighting). Her uncle is dead, though she didn't seem especially upset when she mentioned this and said he's in Heaven. Her faith seems to affect how she sees death in general; one of her bedtime stories ended with a murder, but I think it was supposed to be a happy ending because the dead character was righteous and went to Heaven. 

She also can get very anxious about having nice things when she knows children are going hungry. I think she has specific children in mind, there were minors in the migrant camp who she shared her food with. I don't know if that's even under the Social Services remit but I think it would bring her a lot of peace of mind and help her settle if we can get some kind of help to them; I was only able to calm her down by promising I would look into church-run food banks, which she of course thinks are more trustworthy than secular charities. I think her compassion and generosity are lovely, and something of an inspiration, and she has a lot of potential, but I'm worried about how much of her motivation comes from believing that God will abandon her, and presumably she would end up in Hell, if she fails to meet the bar for a "holy warrior." She tried to refuse to eat dinner, at least without paying me for it, and then insisted on praying about it and then still waiting 90 minutes to avoid being "weak." She got anxious again about being given more clothes; I think she only has the one pair, and reluctantly conceded that maybe three pairs would be justifiable. 

Speaking of money, she has several hundred dollars on her, which she's apparently been carrying around in her shirt. It eventually came out that undocumented work like what she was doing is illegal, even leaving aside her age, and she freaked out about it, and wants to return the money because God would abandon her for breaking the law. She also wants to apologize to the police for accidentally lying to them about whether she had broken any laws, I suppose because "holy warriors" aren't allowed to lie, and she doesn't want to give other holy warriors a bad reputation with the police. I said I would ask your advice on that. 

I think I've convinced her to attend school, once we have that set up. She was very reluctant at first. She said something odd about it, actually: that she isn't smart enough to be a "person like God is who can change all the rules with study", which sounds like a reference to something but I don't know where. I tried to assure her that she's more than intelligent enough to succeed in school and it would open more opportunities for her. I emphasized that most of the ways she can help people here involve knowing more complicated math, like statistics, and that she needs to understand history and civics and the legal system better. It's possible that a mainstream school isn't the right place for her; she's precocious in some ways but very far behind with others. I also want to get approval to set her up with a volunteering gig at a food bank. I know she can't do paid work there, either under fostering regulations or what with her lack of paperwork, but I think it would be a good source of stability for her, and earn more cooperation on things she's frustrated about. 

She did make some worrying statements that she was considering leaving care. In context I'm fairly sure she meant running away and not asking for a different carer, though she offered to give me two weeks' notice, which I have to say is the most considerate threat to abscond I've ever heard. I told her that we would worry about her safety and she tried to reassure me by promising she would get another weapon somehow and learn to defend herself with it. I think I've discouraged that for now, I explained that there are laws on who can carry weapons and she isn't an exception so she needs to learn them, and learn about other laws so she doesn't break them by accident. She's really very motivated not to break the law and I expect to end up leaning on that a lot. 

I think there's a lot we still don't know about her background. My focus now is providing her with a stable home environment, minimizing her anxiety, and working on her English vocabulary. I hope that by the time she can communicate it, she'll be comfortable enough with me to say more. 

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Evelyn is not 100% sure that her writeup is coherent or that she hit everything, but it's nearly midnight, and she's already written way too much to put in an email body. Yawning, Evelyn copies and pastes everything into a text file and saves it as an attachment, writing out a quick polite email to Diel, and cc'ing her own supervising social worker in case Diel isn't going to be staying on as Iomedae's longer-term social worker. 

Upstairs, she nudges Iomedae's door open a crack (she keeps the hinges very well oiled) to check if she's asleep and seems okay. 

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- she was asleep (on the floor, not in the bed) but now she's awake and reaching for her sword, which she doesn't have, and then looking frantically for something she can use - 

- oh, it's Evelyn.

"Ma'am," she says, and stands and bows.

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This is separately INCREDIBLY awkward and also pretty concerning! Normal children do not wake up like that! Even after a really intense stressful day! Lily doesn't do that! Evelyn has years of practice at being very quiet when she checks on kids at night! 

"I'm so sorry," Evelyn says, hoping her blush doesn't show in the dimmed hallway light. "I - just wanted to make sure you were okay. You can go back to sleep." And she smiles and heads to her room. 

It takes a lot longer than that for her heart rate to come down. 

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The roads aren't safe even at home, and camp was only sometimes safe since she got here. And she's to be a holy warrior. She needs to be able to defend herself.

 

She hates not having her sword.

 

She lies back down and goes back to sleep.

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Lily wakes up at 5:43 am (not that she can read the time). She rolls over and yawns and then remembers that there's a !!!BIG GIRL!!! in the house. Who is so pretty and strong and nice and sings songs. Lily is not supposed to go crawl into Mummy's bed when she wakes up because it's not 'propriate but 'Meday is a BIG SISTER and not a mummy or daddy and so it has to be allowed. Right? Lily is fairly sure this is logical. 

She tiptoes VERY quietly like a mouse down the hall and then knocks on 'Meday's door all quiet like a mouse would. "I c'min?" she whispers. "P'eez?" 

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Iomedae is a light sleeper. "Yes, of course. Good morning, Lily, God bless you, come on in!"

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"Yay!" Lily says in a very excited whisper, and slips in. She seems the pile of floor blankets. "...Y's'eeping onda foor?" Lily didn't used to like beds either but the beds in Mummy's house are okay, nothing bad happens to you in them. She tries to figure out how to tell Iomedae this but it's so many words. 

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"The bed is so soft! I kept feeling I would -" she doesn't know the word so she pushes it down demonstratively. It sinks quite a lot. "The floor is more like my bed at home. And in the fight against Tar-Baphon the soldiers must sleep on hard rocks and keep fighting."

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"S'good f'bounce." If they bounce on the bed now then Mummy will wake up and tell her off for being not safe. Lily shrugs and goes and sits down on the blanket nest. Blanket nests are pretty good too. "Whossa Tabaffon?" 

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"He's a bad guy. Holy warriors sometimes go and fight him, so he can't do as many bad things. I am too new a holy warrior now but when I am bigger maybe I will do that. Or maybe something else will be more important. They will tell me when I get to holy warrior school."

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Lily has so many questions! She snuggles up against Iomedae and then makes a face and tries to make the questions stop going all in knots in her head so she can make words about them. 

"Howsa be 'liwarrer?" she squeezes out. 

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"Well, all person can fight evil. But if you are very good and very brave, God sees your - sees inside you, sees all the good in you, and God give you holy warrior things. And then everyone can see you a holy warrior and know you will keep them safe, and then you fight for them, always."

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Iomedae is SO GOOD and Lily wants her to be her big sister FOREVER AND EVER. 

...Lily doesn't know very many things about God. Her birth family didn't go to church. She knows that churches are like schools about God, because that was what Evelyn said. Probably people at school said other things about God but Lily isn't very good at remembering to put her listening ears on (is what Evelyn says) and she doesn't really have...friends.

She has a lot of questions although it takes her a while to say them.

Where does God live? What does God look like? Does God like dogs? (Lily really wants a dog but Evelyn says No Pets Because It's Complicated.) Can you write God letters? What does God do if he looks inside someone and sees that they're bad

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God lives in - she thinks the English word is just Heaven though in her birth language there are technicalities. 

"God live in His city. It is so big and so rich, bigger and richer than this place, because all the dead can build any thing they want there, and they think of so so many thing. God when He was a person was Azlanti so His hair was dark like mine but so straight, and His skin was light like yours. Or that is the thing I saw. I don't know how good it was. You can wrote God letters or just think letters to Him and He'll hear you. I think to God every day. I tell Him to fix all the bad things in the world. He knows that but I tell Him anyway. If He sees people are bad then they can't be holy warriors, all holy warriors are good. He wants bad people to stop being bad because if they stay bad they are not allowed to Heaven, and go to Hell instead, or other bad places."

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Lily considers this very intently for a while. 

"...I wa'be good," she says. "b'I be bad s'times. I BIG mad n'I broked Mummy pi'cur. Two pi'cur. Iggo shawp eeeeewwywer n'Mummy sad." This is so so so many words but Lily is trying very hard. "Izzat - w'God see all bad 'side me?" 

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"- little kids are never sent to Hell, they go Limbo, where they can decide what to be. If you die you go Limbo and then you can choose Heaven with me if you want. And God gives me the power to see bad in people, and you are not bad I can see. God sees everyone and wants them to have Heaven, all of them, because it's good for people to have good things, to be better and get strong. And if you do some bad things, you can get good anyway by doing more good things than bad ones, to make it right. So when you give to the poor, and help people, and work hard to make things better, then that counts for good. 


If you broke your Mummy's pi'cur, then maybe we should make the whole house so clean for her, and then we have made things better."

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Lily's eyes are big as she listens to this, but she doesn't look upset. She nods emphatically when Iomedae suggests they clean. 

"'Kay! I he'p!" Lily wants to be able to see bad in people's heads. "W'go c'ean now? Be s'pise!" 

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"Yeah! Let's be quiet so we don't wake your Mummy up, that wouldn't be a good present. We can practice sneaking! Holy warriors need to sneak sometimes!"

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Lily will be SO QUIET. 

She knows where the things for cleaning are! The vacuum is in the hall closet downstairs. Lily used to find the vacuum noise scary but she is going to be VERY BRAVE, as well as being nice, so that when God looks in her head he sees that she is good and brave and should be a holy warrior too. ...Actually they shouldn't though because it will make Mummy wake up and then it won't be a surprise anymore. They can take the broom and the mop and do the not-carpet places, which is most of downstairs, and then they can do the carpet places later. 

The dishcloths are in this drawer. The other things for cleaning - Mummy has a spray for the counters that smells like lemons and a special floor soap in a bottle that smells like pine trees and goes in the mop bucket - are in the child-locked cupboard under the sink that Evelyn told her Very Seriously that she isn't allowed to play in. (Technically she isn't supposed to play in the other cupboards either and it made Mummy sad when she made a flour snowstorm even though it was a very pretty snowstorm, but not supposed to is different from not allowed to, one of them makes Mummy sad and one of them makes Mummy scared.) Anyway Lily is pretty sure this is fine because Iomedae is a big girl and they aren't playing, they're doing a nice surprise for Mummy.

She can't open the door herself because she's a little kid but Iomedae can because she's a big kid. Lily can show her how.

(Lily is, in fact, physically entirely capable of opening standard child locks, and it's just that she would never, which Evelyn has been grateful for so many times. Lily isn't exactly good at remembering to follow house rules but for an idiosyncratic handful of them, they seem to have landed in her brain like facts of physical law.) 

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(Evelyn would not normally sleep through even extra quiet child-sneaking and whispering and cupboard-opening, but she was up later than usual and she's very tired. And used to Lily waking her first thing, so she doesn't bother to set an alarm in case Lily happens to sometimes sleep in by an additional precious fifteen minutes, and also sneaking is not a standard Lily mode.) 

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Iomedae is not very good at sneaking either, by the standards of soldiers, but the standards of foster parents are sometimes a bit more forgiving. She will thank Lily delightedly for all the inside help and tell Lily that she's doing an amazing job - and it's fun, too, isn't it, doing good usually is when you find the right attitude to have about it - and she's an adult so the rule about the cleaning supplies doesn't apply to her, presumably, and if it did she'd have been told about it last night, so she'll open the cabinets, get the cleaning supplies, clean the floor and the counters, put the supplies back and lock them, and then check if the laundry machine also folds the clothes or if she needs to do that. 

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The machine doesn't fold clothes. Lily is not allowed in the garage because she's too little (and she would never) so she waits outside. 

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Evelyn sleeps until almost 7:15, by which point the sun is up enough to send a ray of light peeking through her curtains.

The garage is directly under her bedroom. The creak of the garage door - that one she hasn't oiled in a while - doesn't quite wake her all the way, but it's on a spring to close, and the muffled thump as it swings shut does wake her. 

- what time - oh no - there's no way Lily is still in bed and she's not exactly surprised that Iomedae apparently managed to whisk her off silently and keep her quiet for at least an hour, which almost feels like a miracle from God in itself - that part's fine, she really does appreciate the sleep, but what are they doing in the garage 

 

Evelyn throws on a dressing-gown and sprints out of her room and down the hall and hurries at a safer pace down the stairs. 

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Lily immediately glues herself to the entrance-way closet door opposite the garage door, to be EXTRA CLEAR that she was nowhere near it and was definitely not going to sneak into the garage even a LITTLE BIT. 

"I wash't!" she says. "'Meday get l'dee." 

(Is Mummy looking disappointed or angry or scared? Lily disappoints Mummy a lot and it makes her feel sad but she HATES it when Mummy looks scared. Mummy isn't ALLOWED to be scared. If Mummy is scared then maybe there's something scary and there are supposed to be NO scary things in this house.)

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Evelyn mostly looks bleary, she just woke up. "Iomedae? Are you in there?" 

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"Yes, ma'am!" Iomedae emerges with the basket of laundry. 

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"Wow! You really didn't have to, but - that's so helpful of you, thank you. Lily, why don't we go figure out what to make for breakfast?" 

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"'Kay!" Lily is SMUG and VIBRATING and bounces along beside Mummy. The laundry was only a little surprise since Mummy woke up and they didn't have time to fold it. She can't wait until Mummy sees the real surprise. 

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All the cleaning things are put away and Evelyn actually gets as far as putting the kettle on before she cues in to the suspicious complete absence of any crumbs or mysterious stickiness under her bare feet (she didn't take the time to put on slippers upstairs) and, when she looks around, the equally suspicious absence of any dried food spills on the counter. Or stovetop. Evelyn manages a proper clean on the stovetop once a fortnight at best and it doesn't usually get this clean. 

Um. 

Evelyn turns to look at Lily, whose expression is also suspicious now that she has more context for it. 

"Lily, who did the kitchen?" 

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"'Meday! b'I he'p!" Lily is fizzing like a shaken-and-then-opened-too-quickly bottle of soda. "B'not c'burd, pwmise. 'Meday BIGirl, do daggus l'kkids."

Lily knows that the "dangerous chemicals" in big bottles are why she isn't supposed to go in the cupboard, but she can't say 'chemicals' and they ARE liquids. The dishwasher pods are also dangerous on the inside and Lily is not allowed to play with them even though they LOOK like toys, but if Lily is VERY CAREFUL not to squish them she's allowed to be the one who puts them in the dishwasher cupholder. Evelyn calls it something different than a cupholder but Lily still thinks it's a cupholder. For little tiny cups. Fairy cups. 

"I do da SCUBSCUBSCUB!" she adds. She makes an imaginary scrubbing motion. 

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It wouldn't help to get angry, and Evelyn - isn't, really. How on earth was Iomedae supposed to know that she shouldn't clean the house without Evelyn's supervision and recruit the seven-year-old for help? She probably cleaned at home and her little siblings probably helped. 

It also won't help to be belatedly upset and stressed that someone - either of them, really - could have gotten hurt. Lily is clearly fine and had a wonderful morning. There are...aspects of the situation...that Evelyn doesn't feel good about, but nothing actually bad happened that she can tell. 

She's - going to take a minute to think of what to say, because whatever would come out her mouth if she opened it right now probably isn't going to help. 

(She is not looking nearly as pleased with them as Lily had been hoping she would.) 

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"Lily was so helpful and so good! She knew all of the rules and she took them really serious and tell me everything I need know! I am very lucky, such help. And you are very lucky, such a good kid." Does Lily want a hug. 

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Lily does want a hug! She's so happy. She is going to be so good and so brave and then God will look inside her and make her a holy warrior and she can fight all the bad people forever and ever with the bestest big sister in the WHOLE WORLD. And she can send God the best thank-you letter EVER. And maybe give God a dog as a thank-you present too. Iomedae didn't say if God likes dogs but she can't think of a better present than that. 

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(God likes dogs but Iomedae lacks the vocabulary to talk about the triumph of human will and ingenuity which was domestication of animals, so it'll have to wait.)

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...Evelyn is going to feel like such a witch if she gets upset with the children over presenting her with a clean kitchen. "It's very nice, Lily, thank you."

She'll...talk to Iomedae later. She's not feeling happy about it but - probably Iomedae has supervised small children around dangerous things before. Aren't farms pretty dangerous? Iomedae was almost certainly competent not to let Lily eat the household chemicals. If anything, Evelyn owes her an apology before she says anything else, for completely not thinking to explain on her first night. 

"Pancakes for breakfast sound good?" 

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"I don't know what those are! Lily?"

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"Yummy!" Lily says delightedly. "I he'p? Wa'be good." 

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Lily is being especially lovely this morning and Evelyn would be pleased about how well she's getting along with Iomedae - among other things, it might be a reason for Iomedae to stay rather than running off to be a holy warrior of God - and Lily does need self-esteem boosting. But. She is not sure she totally loves that comment. 

She's not going to start a conversation about it while they're pleasantly making pancakes together, though. She smiles at Lily. "You're a very good girl." 

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Iomedae can receive live commentary from Lily on how pancakes are made. Lily is TOO LITTLE to cook on the stove but she helps mix. 

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Iomedae will attempt to memorize pancake-making on this weird stove. She's seen camping stoves but this one isn't much like them, and they didn't make pancakes. 

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And eventually a tall stack of pancakes is brought to the table! When she has a full house of younger kids - especially boys in the 8-11 range, who can eat a shocking amount of food - Evelyn prefers the style where she makes pancakes continuously and the kids come up with their plates, but for this she wants a sit-down meal. She suggests that Lily and Iomedae could work together to set the table, and Lily is delighted to point out where the plates and cutlery and syrup and cups and juice live. 

Evelyn makes herself an actual coffee, and brings that over instead of juice. "Iomedae, love, please have as many as you want. Lily went a bit overboard measuring the pancake mix and we can't eat all this without your help." 

And then, once they're all sitting down and have had a few bites of pancake,

"- I have to say, I'm curious what inspired all this cleaning?" 

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"Lily and I want do nice thing for you! And Lily want be good when big and to be good if you do bad things you also do more good things, make it right. If Lily is so good, maybe holy warrior with me!"

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Um. 

There's...a lot to unpack there, but there are several layers on which Evelyn is not super comfortable with this!

Iomedae should not be encouraging the traumatized seven-year-old to be a "holy warrior" like her! Evelyn is also pretty uncomfortable about Iomedae getting her weird intense religious guilt all over Lily! (...That's an uncharitable framing. Evelyn will try not to be uncharitable.)

Also it definitely sounds like Iomedae told Lily that she was bad and needed to make up for it by doing kitchen chores that are not even slightly her responsibility and that doesn't necessarily mean she hinted that Lily would go to Hell otherwise - do little kids even go to Hell? you would think that that would be a real asshole move on God's part - but there's definitely an implication there and Evelyn is extra uncomfortable about it in combination with the fact that Iomedae has definitely been talking about Hell in general

She's separately frustrated that there's no possible way she can get a straight recounting of the morning out of Lily, and trying to ask Lily how it made her feel is an even more hopeless endeavor. Even before you get to Lily's diagnosed language delay, it's normal for abused children to have a hard time being aware of how they're feeling, let alone talking about it. Lily has the emotional memory of a goldfish and half the time doesn't even remember having had a tantrum five minutes later, let alone why - and in some ways it's probably a blessing for her, that she lives so thoroughly in the present - and maybe that means she also won't be ongoingly distressed about the concept of Hell, but still.

Evelyn is not going to leak any of her many feelings right now because it won't help. She needs to talk to Iomedae alone, which is going to be hard because today is a Saturday and Lily won't even be in school. 

 

"It was very sweet of you," she says, smiling at Lily and squeezing her shoulder but then mostly addressing Iomedae. "But Lily knows that she doesn't have to clean. It's my responsibility because I'm the grownup." That...does not feel like it's even close to addressing all the problems here. 

(Lily is definitely not going to notice anything wrong. Evelyn is good at being unruffled; she has a lot of practice. Iomedae is more perceptive, though, and probably will be able to pick up that Evelyn is upset about something, and specifically upset with Iomedae about something, though not exactly angry.) 

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Of course Lily doesn't have to clean; it wouldn't be a good apology for smashing valuable possessions if it was her chore in the first place. Evelyn's upset, though, and she doesn't understand about what, so she won't press. She'll just smile at Lily again. 

 

And eat all of the pancakes that no one else has eaten, though she's slightly suspicious that this is a deliberate effort to get her to eat food without complaining that it should really go to the needy.

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Evelyn is definitely tracking that concern in the back of her mind! (She doesn't like lying to kids, but she has absolutely no qualms about a bit of manipulation to nudge them toward healthier choices, and also Lily really did dump in way too much pancake mix by trying to pour it directly out of the box into the measuring cup rather than scooping it out.) 

After breakfast she cheerfully suggests that Lily can watch her favorite Saturday morning cartoons. She'll get Lily settled with her teddies and put the TV on to the right program and snuggle her for a minute, and then, "- I'll come catch the end of the episode with you, love, but I've seen this one before. Iomedae can help me with the dishwasher." Glance at Iomedae? 

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"Yes, ma'am." She isn't sure what the dishwasher needs helping with but she's sure she can do it.

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The dishwasher is full of clean dishes from last night, which need to be taken out and put away in the appropriate cupboards and drawers so that they can load in the dirty breakfast dishes. The pancake pan should be washed in the sink, the nonstick coating isn't dishwasher safe. 

Evelyn reminds Iomedae where clean plates go and starts bringing over the pancake plates to scrape into the sink, and gives it a minute or so of working companionably. She finds that cooking or doing a chore together has some of the same helpful quality as being in the car, in terms of making kids more comfortable opening up. The going theory among her fostering friends is that kids feel less self-conscious and put on the spot if they're not the sole focus of an adult's attention.

She doesn't think that Iomedae really needs that structure, but Evelyn herself kind of does. 

"I wanted to talk to you," she says, keeping her voice low - though the cartoon soundtrack should drown out conversation - and her tone light. "About Lily, and -" dear god no she should not present this as a house rule, 'you aren't allowed to talk about your religion' is a terrible house rule, "- and what I think is healthy for her to hear about at her age and maturity. ...Were any of those words you don't know?" 

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"Maturity, but I can guess. You think this morning - bad for Lily?"

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"Maturity is - being more like a grownup, but it's not a yes or no, really little kids are less mature than older kids. Lily is...less mature than most children her size, because she was - we think she was - treated very badly, hurt badly, before she came to live here." This is more than she would usually say to a foster child about another child, but it feels like context Iomedae needs to know. 

Evelyn scrapes a plate into the sink. "I don't know if this morning was bad for her. She doesn't seem unhappy. She likes you and I think you're good with her. But she's - I don't think it would be healthy for most people to try to be holy warriors of God, even if it's right for you. And I don't think it's healthy for Lily to be worrying about whether God would think that she's bad." 

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"I want her not worry that. 

 

If she no good holy warrior, God not pick her. Lots people no good holy warrior."

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Which probably seems like a totally sensible response to Iomedae, and Evelyn feels terrible being frustrated at her about it, but she is frustrated. How is that not even worse! Now Lily will be disappointed when she inevitably doesn't get "picked by God" to be a "holy warrior." Also this part isn't Iomedae's fault, exactly, but Lily has a terrible time sense and probably expects to get picked by God next week if she manages to be good. 

The problem is that everything Evelyn wants to say is probably going to go over disastrously. She wants to say that not everyone is very religious, and that's okay, and no one should try to argue with Iomedae about her faith but also Iomedae shouldn't pressure other people into being as religious as she is. She wants to say that Lily has never even been to church and was doing just fine before this without ever thinking about God. She...is pretty sure Iomedae will be somewhere between politely befuddled and outright distressed and indignant about that, because in the world of Iomedae's childhood, God is the one who gives you water and makes you immune to disease (though apparently decided not to do anything about her sick siblings?) and dying in God's service isn't even a tragedy because you go to Heaven, but going to Hell is pretty much the worst thing that could happen to someone. 

She has no idea how to simultaneously be respectful of Iomedae's deep and genuine faith, and also convince Iomedae that she shouldn't indoctrinate Lily into her family's fundamentalist beliefs. 

She wants to say that modern America is a secular society and some people believe different things about God, or worship God but don't believe in Jesus, or even worship entirely different gods, or are Buddhist and - wow okay she remembers like 1.5 things about Buddhism but she's pretty sure they don't really believe in God, just the cycle of karma and rebirth or whatever - and some people don't worship anything at all, and that's fine and no one should go around judging anyone else. Honestly that is a conversation she needs to have at the very least before Iomedae starts school, and she has no idea how Iomedae is going to react, but it's really not a conversation she wants to navigate in ten minutes over a dishwasher while Lily is watching cartoons in the other room. 

She wants to say that Iomedae's family's religion is unusually...intense...even for Christian churches, and most people who go to church still don't believe that God miraculously heals people or sends them visions to be holy warriors, but it feels like that also falls into a slippery morass of conversations she doesn't especially want to have. In hindsight, Evelyn could really have seen it coming that taking a placement for a very religious child would mean having a lot of awkward conversations about religion. 

 

Okay. Focus. This doesn't have to be a huge philosophical dive into comparative religion, which is a conversation Evelyn is deeply unequipped to have and she should point Iomedae at a...priest, or something. They do have to have another conversation about how to avoid making things really weird at school, but that's not this conversation and will be a lot easier once Iomedae has more vocabulary. All this needs to be is a conversation about Lily, Evelyn's foster child, and what she needs to be healthy and happy. Evelyn really ought to be qualified to have that conversation. 

She chooses her words carefully.

"I think that if Lily sees you worrying about whether you're - as good as God wants you to be - then she's going to worry too, because children are sensitive and they learn how to behave by watching their grownups. . And - I know your family did things differently - but personally, I think children Lily's age shouldn't hear things about Hell, just like they shouldn't - um -" her go-to example of something that kids do not need to know about at age seven is the Holocaust but, once again, way too much context, "- watch violent television shows where a lot of people die. Because you need to be mature to - understand it, instead of just being scared and sad and confused about it. I think some seven-year-olds might be mature enough, and maybe you were, but I think Lily isn't." 

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" - I understand. I not tell Lily - well, I tell Lily bad people go Hell, but kids no go Hell, I tell her kids no go Hell, and I not tell her what Hell is like. 

I no want anyone scared Hell. But have to - have to fix Hell, for that. No just - look away."

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It is UNFAIR that Iomedae said she doesn't want hugs and so Evelyn can't hug her when she wants to on so many levels. Evelyn has so many feelings and cannot make any of them Iomedae's problem.

(It's - not even that it's tragic to hear those words coming out of a kid's mouth, though it is. It has the nature of...Evelyn can never quite put this feeling into words, but something like "I see how you took your tragedies and made them part of yourself and found something it could mean to you where it would make you stronger", which sounds pretty stupid when you do try to put it in words even in your head but it's a way she's felt a few times. Except this is even more than that. It's not just a kid moving past their awful history and succeeding anyway against the odds, it's - something pure and bright and admirable, a way of being that makes you think "wow, that kid is going places".) 

 

Aaaaand she is calm and chill and loading scraped plates into the dishwasher like this is a lowkey normal conversation. "I'm glad you were keeping that in mind. ...What did you tell her, exactly, just so I know?" 

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"I said in fight with Tar-Baphon soldiers sleep hard rocks, and she ask who Tar-Baphon so I say he evil we fight, maybe me, when I stronger holy warrior. She ask how become holy warrior. I say if you very good and very brave God see all the good in you and God give you the holy warrior things. And then all know you are a holy warrior, and keep them safe and fight for them. She ask about God. Where he live. If he like dogs. What he do if he see bad. I say, he wants bad people to stop being bad, so they can go to Heaven and not Hell or other bad places. She says, she do bad things, she break your things, will God see bad in her. I say, she not go to Hell, kids if they die they go to Limbo. And I can see bad in people sometimes and don't see bad in her. And she should do good things, to make up for bad things, like, if she break your things, we can clean the house. So we did that."

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Iomedae didn't say what her answer was to whether God likes dogs, which is such a characteristic question for Lily to ask that she has to swallow a giggle, and now the unanswered question is dangling in Evelyn's head like the stupidest imaginable unmatched-open-parenthesis. 

"I don't actually know what Limbo is," she says, which is a pretty inane answer but she needs more time to process how okay or not okay Iomedae's description of the conversation is. (Also, she more or less trusts Iomedae to be honestly reporting what she thinks she said to Lily, but that's not necessarily the same as what Lily heard. Even Evelyn is still sometimes caught off guard when she learns, later on, what Lily actually took away from a conversation they had.) 

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"is where dead kids not big enough for - I no have the word - go. It is not good, but it is not Hell. If your dead kid there you pray to angels to go find them, take care of them."

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That sounds...maybe vaguely familiar? Evelyn is going to have to spend some time on Google later.

...Iomedae definitely knows the word for Heaven. 

"Can you tell me in other words about the - thing you don't know the word for? I might know the English word."

(She probably doesn't. In her memories of Sunday School they definitely just talked about Heaven and Hell - with less emphasis on Hell, and really not that much time spent on either, mostly they read Bible passages about Adam and Eve, and Cain and Abel, and then Jesus doing various impressive things. Also this was forty-plus years ago. Evelyn went on to take a comparative religion class in college but even that was thirty years ago.) 

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"Look at all you did in life, decide if Heaven or Hell or other places I no have name for. - we also think of Heaven in two parts, where I from."

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Evelyn nods. "I don't think I know the word for it, if it's a different place than where little kids would go. Sorry. I can try to look it up but probably you should talk to a priest at some point." She's finding that she's actually pretty curious, there's - a lot of stuff going on in Iomedae's head that she hopes to learn more about, as time goes on - but now is not that time. 

She smiles reassuringly.

"Lily seems happy, and that's the most important thing. I'm glad you're - trying to think about what would or wouldn't be good for her to hear. I think it might help if you tried to imagine her as even younger than she is, because I think you had to grow up faster than people do in America. I think Lily isn't big enough to - be like you, or think about being good the way you do - and I don't want her to feel sad or guilty about that. I want you to remember that her life is very different than the life your littler brothers and sisters had, and things that were helpful to say to them might not be helpful to say to her. ...I don't think you did anything wrong, Lily seems fine, I just - want you to remember that in future. Okay?" 

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"Yes, ma'am. I want her to be happy. And I want her to know I care for her, but I not stay long maybe, so I do not want her - all built me."

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Evelyn is unhappy about the reminder that Iomedae is still thinking about very politely running away, and it makes her feel like she probably screwed this up somehow, but it's - also just a good thought to remember. Even if Iomedae ends up staying here until she's eighteen, Lily might move on, Evelyn hasn't heard anything back yet but Social Services is presumably looking for distant relatives who might take her once she's, well, calmed down a little more. 

She smiles at Iomedae. "Thank you. I'm glad. Though I hope you'll stay long enough to do some school." 

The dishwasher is dealt with and Evelyn has stress-washed the frypan significantly more thoroughly than she normally would. She sets it in the drying rack. "Let's go catch the rest of the episode with Lily - I suppose you've probably never seen TV before...?" 

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"I do not know the word at least." Iomedae is planning to stay to do school! It sounds very important! She intends to study very hard and get it done with as fast as possible so she can get back to her job of fighting Evil.

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Lily is currently utterly captivated by the fourth episode of Adventure Time. There are images moving on a big glowing box that Iomedae hadn't especially been paying attention to, but it's all drawings with lines and brights colors. It's near the end of the episode and the main characters are currently in a fight scene, though it's not very realistic and might be hard for Iomedae to recognize as a fight at all. 

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Illusion-box! "Man will build the Heaven of God on world!"

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Lily does not hear this at all because Finn and Jake are having ADVENTURES! 

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Evelyn is still not going to hug Iomedae when she specifically said she didn't want that, but family TV-watching is a situation where sort of squishing in a bit is the usual thing to do. She has feelings, and it's easier to make them not Iomedae's problem because Iomedae is staring at the "illusion box" instead of her. 

"...Yeah," she whispers over. "This is a show for little kids and you're starting in the middle, but - we should find some shows with Spanish dubs, actually, I think you'd learn a lot from them." 

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"I can study box but I not smart enough be box-maker."

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....Evelyn is actually just pretty confused about why that was the response Iomedae jumped to? 

Still in a whisper, "- the pictures on the box aren't usually about how to make new boxes. This one is a pretend story for little kids, but there are stories for older kids or grownups, too, and - a lot of them are actual pictures, from real places far away, of real things that happened. So you can see things that happened in other places in America, without having to go there yourself. And we can make it talk in Spanish instead of English, so you understand better." 

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" - yes, ma'am."

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Evelyn feels like she handled that wrong, somehow, but she's been feeling that way about most of her conversations with Iomedae and probably she just needs to calm down about it. Also Lily is reacting to the peak dramatic moment of the episode by gasping and grabbing at Evelyn's sleeve, which is distracting. She puts her arm around Lily and half-watches the ending.

And thinks, vaguely, about what's on their schedule today. Saturdays have been very....well, not "low-key" exactly, but unscheduled at least, while it was just Lily here. But she feels like she has items to accomplish today - 

- right. She promised Iomedae that she would look into church food banks, and help figure out if they were trustworthy and wouldn't report illegal immigrants to the authorities. And then she completely did not do that, yet, because just writing her log notes took ages.

Also there's the question of the money Iomedae had on her. Both of those arguably need a response from the social worker, though Evelyn isn't going to hold off on investigating food banks if it turns out that Diel doesn't do email on weekends. 

 

She will, however, slip off as soon as she can - trusting that Lily will monopolize Iomedae's attention - and head to the study so she can log onto her email and see if there's an answer yet. 

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Diel hates working weekends but you have to, in this line of work. The teenage runaway doesn't have any documents, so that's a bunch of paperwork with USCIS, and the lawyer who does that for the department is always swamped, so it'll be three years unless Diel does most of the work for the lawyer and just sends it over for approval, which means a lot of puzzling over forms. There are protections specifically for undocumented children who are taken into state care, so there are options even if it proves impossible to prove that Iomedae was born in the US, which is looking likely. The parents' names didn't turn up any matches. A call to an expert on the FLDS cults was if anything even more confusing. They felt quite strongly that a girl from one of those cults would not be going around calling herself a sword-bearing holy warrior of God. She's considering the possibility that Iomedae made all of that up, probably to cover being just a normal undocumented alien with a great imagination. No one can lie like a fifteen year old girl. 

Enrollment for school won't wait on that, in any event, though it sounds like the girl should get an IEP - she may or may not be actually disabled but she's illiterate and in high school, and the only way to get her additional services is the special ed system. She's in the process for scheduling an educational evaluation. Midyear transfers to high school are always kind of tough on kids anyway. 

There is also endless paperwork associated with the ongoing legal proceedings. Iomedae's going to need a court-appointed advocate to help her testify, and the whole case of course falls apart if she turns out to be a lying liar, which sure looks likely, and she has to conduct a risk evaluation and a referral to Iomedae for therapy because if she's not lying about everything then she was the victim of an attempted rape. 

 

- Evelyn's email is kind of disconcerting. It makes it seem more implausible - though not impossible - that the girl is lying about her religious-cult upbringing. She asks in reply for Evelyn to ask the name of the girl's church and any important figures or gurus or whatever in it. She doesn't think they can get funds to feed migrant workers in Nevada just because it'd be helpful to a foster kid, but the girl can spend her allowance on it, if Evelyn believes in giving an allowance, though Evelyn should first of course make sense she's not involved in a gang there or anything. Kids rarely abscond alone; they have somewhere in mind to go, friends or a boyfriend or something. 

She doesn't think they have any legitimate grounds to confiscate Iomedae's money that Iomedae went into care with just because Iomedae earned it under the table. She's not delighted about a kid who is a risk to abscond having hundreds of dollars, though, so if Iomedae does happen to want to donate it to the poor that'd be good, and if Evelyn is very worried about Iomedae leaving they can take the money and put it in a bank account for Iomedae to have when she turns eighteen.

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That's a surprisingly irritating email to receive. 

 

Evelyn can't actually complain that it's an unhelpful response, because a social worker who checks her email on weekends is already going pretty above-and-beyond, but it's - she doesn't like the tone, or the attitude, or something. But it's no good spending all her time grumpy at social workers, especially not when they are actually trying to do their jobs. 

There is no particular acknowledgement of the food bank volunteer gig plan, which Evelyn will take to mean that it's not a problem and doesn't call for any special paperwork. Diel also didn't tell her not to help Iomedae set things right with the migrant workers' kids, just that Social Services didn't have funding for it, so Evelyn is just going to - take that as implicit permission that it's okay to do things that don't require funding, and of course she's going to go there with Iomedae and not let her run off with a gang. She'll...have to tell Iomedae something about the money and what Social Services recommended, and Diel's answer was unhelpful, she...will think about that more in a bit.

 

....She reads the email through again, more carefully, before deciding how to reply. 

 

Evelyn really doesn't think Iomedae is lying about her religious background. Iomedae may or may not be holding back important facts about a wide variety of other things, but Evelyn doesn't actually think a fifteen-year-old with dubious English could pull off an act this well, especially not across a language barrier, and she's quite sure Iomedae isn't pretending to have worse English than she really does. But...a lot of that is her gut sense from having interacted with Iomedae longer, it makes sense that Diel buys it less. And - well, part of it is that Evelyn kind of sees it as her job to believe kids unless given a very good reason not to. Anyway, the fact that her parents' names didn't show up in the system doesn't feel especially meaningful - who knows if they were even transliterated correctly, the police must have had to wildly guess at US spelling - and the fact that Iomedae doesn't relate to God specifically like a fundamentalist Mormon also doesn't feel like conclusive proof that she's not intensely religious. 

(She...might not have been born in the US. Evelyn is definitely starting to consider that it would be more believable for an unusual religious group with a language none of them recognize to exist under the radar if it's in another country. And if it were in a much poorer other country, that would make a lot more sense of Iomedae's feelings about wealth and technology. Maybe her parents weren't deliberately shunning technology at all, maybe they just genuinely lived in Third World conditions. Somewhere in South America? It's not impossible that Iomedae, lacking any context about anything, could have travelled hundreds or even thousands of miles on her quest for a holy order, without necessarily realizing she was crossing international borders - or maybe she did and that's one of the things she's concealing, but it would surprise Evelyn a bit given her intense scrupulosity about obeying the law. Anyway. Evelyn is not going to bring that up with Diel because it feels like it introduces a lot of complications and she's still kind of miffed with Diel.) 

 

An educational assessment seems sensible, even though Iomedae is definitely not intellectually disabled. She's bright and diligent, but she's still a very long way behind, and wants to make it up as fast as possible, and funding for extra classroom support or tutoring will help with that. It also seems fine to wait on putting her in a mainstream high school, volunteering at a food bank will give her some of the social immersion and language exposure she needs and Evelyn can work with her at home. 

The court case sounds messy. It's not the first time Evelyn has tried to support a child through testifying in court, and some of those kids had been through much worse than Iomedae, but this sounds tricky to navigate in different ways. Evelyn does not think Iomedae is lying about what happened but she recognizes that how credible she comes across to a judge is in some ways more relevant. It's also not the first time Evelyn has faced that challenge, and seethed in rage at the fact that abused children often act in ways that make them seem less rather than more credible to adults. It's frustrating but it is what it is. She'll just have to try very hard to make sure Iomedae understands the process and how to approach it.

(Evelyn has no idea if Iomedae wants therapy or would benefit from it, she seems pretty untroubled about the 'attempted rape' aspect, basically all of her distress about her own situation is around whether she can morally eat food when other kids are hungry and/or whether she's breaking laws and God will abandon her for it. She might benefit from therapy about that but also Evelyn can very easily imagine a therapist - most therapists - approaching it in a spectacularly unhelpful way.) 

 

...Money, right. It would be convenient if Iomedae wanted to donate it, sure - though Evelyn is less worried than Diel seems to be that Iomedae will run away at this point, and if she did decide to then not having money wouldn't stop her. Evelyn is pretty sure that donating it won't address the real source of Iomedae's anxiety, though. Her best guess of what Iomedae is worried about is that - either the police and/or US government will think worse of holy warriors of God because Iomedae failed to properly conduct herself, or maybe that God will personally judge her for disobeying laws?

She could tell Iomedae that it's not within the legal rights of Social Services to take her money, however it was earned? ...Iomedae will be confused and make faces if she says that. That entire conversation would be vastly easier to have if Iomedae had better English, but that's true of a growing pile of conversations and they can't all wait two weeks. 

Ugh. 

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She writes back a short email thanking Diel for her prompt reply and hard work on sorting out Iomedae's complicated paperwork situation and agreeing that an educational assessment is a good idea. She promises to ask Iomedae what her church is called in her own language - since that might be google-able or recognizable to a religion expert even transliterated into English - and details about its gurus, and maybe any specific rituals that Iomedae hasn't seen the local churches engaging in. Maybe they want to consult a comparative religion professor or something, rather than just a FLDS expert? 

 

She sends the email, and heads back to the lounge to see how the kids are getting on. 

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Iomedae is obeying the instruction to treat Lily more like she is four or five! Four and five year olds love sneaking games where you pretend you can't find them even though you can. Does Lily love those.

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Lily DOES! She has played lots of hide-and-seek with Mummy and she is VERY GOOD at hiding and sneaking! She knows all the good hiding places in the lounge and kitchen!

(She's not very good at hiding quietly rather than making squeaky excited noises without noticing she's doing it.) 

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Wow that's adorable. 

Evelyn smiles at Iomedae. "You're really good with kids. I'm going to try to look up church food banks now and call them to see if they're open today, okay?" 

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Iomedae will not lie but she is willing to foolishly and loudly look in wrong places first! Especially implausible wrong places that make Lily giggle.


"Yes, ma'am."

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Evelyn smiles at her again and heads back to the study and does some Googling. 

The St. Vincent’s Food Pantry is apparently Catholic and looks very legitimate to Evelyn. It's annoyingly not open on weekends. Probably that's normal and she just hadn't previously had reason to investigate whether food banks operate on Saturdays. She sends polite friendly emails to the contact emails provided anyway, saying that her foster daughter would love to volunteer for a Christian charity and she would like to talk to someone whenever convenient about details. She spends some time skimming the website. They have an immigration legal services branch of the St Vincent charity organization, apparently? She can't tell at a glance if it's the sort of thing that would help with illegal immigrants. 

She should try to find Iomedae a priest or minister to talk to, but the number of different denominations of church is overwhelming and she's not...actually 100% sure which one Iomedae had been attending before with her migrant community. Probably Catholic but she should, like, check, and it would make the phone call marginally less awkward. Evelyn feels pretty weird about calling up a list of churches on a Saturday. It gives her a sort of squirmy nervous feeling like she's about to get in trouble with the teacher, which feels like an embarrassing character flaw now that she's pointing it out to herself, but anyway it's not an emergency - or that likely to work on a Saturday - and it probably will go a lot better if she has a few more important conversations with Iomedae first. 

...She Googles for ESL educational resources aimed at teens, because Iomedae will pick up more English vocabulary sooner or later just with immersion but she might pick it up faster with structured learning and Evelyn is impatient. Google is not spectacularly helpful at this, but she finds some vocabulary worksheets that don't look completely useless or like they're for six-year-olds, and some videos that actually seem pretty useful for Iomedae in general? There's a series where an actor goes to various places - a grocery store, a clothing store, a doctor's office, a pharmacy, a school, the DMV - and narrates it very slowly and clearly and there are lots of freeze-frame shots where the object being named is highlighted. There are bad CGI animations. The acting quality is giving Evelyn secondhand embarrassment and she would be mortified to show this to, say, Jeremy at age 15, but she doubts Iomedae will notice or care. 

 

Also they should go shopping today. Iomedae needs some clothes that fit her properly (and are sufficiently...modest?...or whatever it is she was clearly looking for when they went through the ottoman of spares), and they could do with a grocery run. Shopping with Lily sounds vastly less exhausting if Iomedae is also there to keep her entertained - not that Evelyn would consider it her responsibility, just, Lily will predictably be better-behaved and both she and Iomedae will have a good time - and Evelyn wants to see Iomedae's FACE when she encounters Costco. And then maybe they can do an activity together, Lily benefits a lot from burning off some energy. 

It's not urgent, though, it's still only midmorning. Evelyn wanders out to watch the hide-and-seek game and wait for a natural break before interrupting. 

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Iomedae is quite bored with hide and seek by now but everyone has always commended her diligence and it is among the important virtues. (Diligence, obedience, chastity, ambition, courage, conviction, and charity, the local priest said.)

When Evelyn comes out she will find Lily for the last time and then look expectantly over at Evelyn.

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Evelyn will smile at Iomedae and give Lily a cuddle when she runs to her. "Lily, love, why don't you go play with your dolls for a bit? I want to talk to Iomedae." It's not a private conversation exactly, this time, but definitely easier to have without a seven-year-old insistently interrupting both of them, and she's worked hard on getting Lily to the point where "playing with her dolls by herself" is a possibility, though quiet play is still a lot to ask. 

She beckons Iomedae over into the kitchen and sits down at the table. "So, I looked up a food bank - St Vincents, they're a church charity - and they aren't open on Saturdays. I sent a - message," Iomedae probably doesn't know what 'email' is, "but they might not see it until Monday, in two days. I'm pretty sure they would be safe for - people without papers - to go and get food, but I would want to talk to someone there about it before I could be totally sure. I can look for other places but it's going to be hard to find somewhere open on a weekend, and I think your friends will be okay for another two days. Is that okay with you?" 

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"Yes, ma'am." She doesn't know what things are reasonable and what aren't in general but 'it will take a few days to get messages sent' is obviously completely reasonable.

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Evelyn nods. Hopefully Iomedae isn't just saying that because she's uncomfortable disagreeing? Iomedae seems pretty confident about expressing her opinions in general but Evelyn is worried the conversation earlier might have made her anxious. 

"So I'm thinking about what to do today. I want to help you work on learning English and I found some things you can practice with. I also want to go shopping, we need to buy food for the house and I want to take you to buy clothes you like and that fit you. ...I also want to find a priest who you can talk to about God, because I know I'm not a very useful person to talk to about that, but there are a lot of different priests in Reno, and so I was hoping to ask you some questions about your church back home with your family, so I can figure out who would be best for you to talk to. Does that make sense?" 

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"Yes of course! Need talk to priest about the money and about holy orders. Food banks closed on 'weekend' but market open?"

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"Some of them are! Cities have a lot of markets. There's actually a farmer's market I like that's only open on Sundays - tomorrow - they have amazing produce. Fruits and vegetables and things." She doesn't usually shop there because it's pricy - the vegetables per se aren't too bad but she inevitably gets tempted into buying artisanal jam or something - but it's probably closer to what Iomedae is used to, and she might enjoy it. "But for today I think we want to go to Costco, which is - a very big market in a building, they sell food in big packages so it's good for big families." Three is not per se a big family but Jeremy will probably visit for dinner and he eats a LOT. 

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"Workers shop Costco! I not go but I give them money for my part, twenty dollar a week, and treats for the children five dollar a week. A good market."

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Iomedae is such a sweetheart. "Oh, that makes sense! It's really good for getting foods cheaper per meal than most stores, if you buy a lot at once, so it would be perfect for a big group of people trying to save money. And it has really yummy treats. I'll let Lily pick one kind of treat but you might have to help her decide. ...What sorts of foods were you usually eating, with the workers?" It might be reassuring for Iomedae to have foods she's used to here, though Evelyn is a little worried it was a horrifically unbalanced diet. 

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"Tortillas rice beans. On holy day beans with bacon bits in. I eat ten tortilla and two cups rice and two big cans beans a day, working. Here I eat less because no work."

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That's not the worst diet - and Iomedae is a healthy weight and looks like she was getting enough protein - but it definitely sounds like it might eventually give you scurvy or something. Maybe they were sometimes allowed to eat some of the fruit and veggies they were picking? 

She nods. "I like beans! Though usually with more things in, I guess you didn't have a good way to do much cooking? And I think it's good for children to have lots of fruits and vegetables too. I have a Mexican bean stew recipe I like, we could cook that together tonight? ...And something else for Lily, she doesn't like beans, though maybe she'll be willing to try it if she sees you liking it." 

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"Not like beans? Children should eat what is cook."

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"...It makes sense that you would more or less have to, if your family was very poor. And I will insist that children eat healthy foods and not only treats. But I have enough money to buy nutritious healthy food that Lily likes better, and - there are already a lot of things that are difficult to her to adjust to. I think some foster carers like me are stricter about expecting kids to eat whatever the rest of the family is having, but I - try not to have too many rules that will be hard for kids to follow, and Lily doesn't have to eat beans to be safe and healthy." 

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She thinks about that one for a while. "It is good be rich," she says eventually. "It is bad be - only able to live if rich. Lily get the land, when she grow up?"

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Evelyn blinks at her. 

"You mean my...house...?" What does that even have to do with anything. "- No. I guess my son Jeremy would if I don't sell it first when I retire, but Lily isn't legally my child, she's a ward of the state - that means legally the Social Services office is sort of like her parents - and she's unlikely to stay with me until she's eighteen. Once she's - doing better - then Social Services will try to find a relative, like one of her parents' brothers or sisters, or a family who can't have children of their own and wants to adopt her - that means making her legally their child, like she was born there - and raise her. But she'll never be - in as bad a situation as you were, before."

(Probably that won't happen. Most adoptive couples want healthy (white) babies, and Lily is an older child with a speech delay and a lot of emotional damage from her past, who is likely to face a lot of struggles as she gets older. The best case scenario for her is if Social Services can find an aunt or uncle willing to take her as a kinship placement; the more likely case is that she ends up placed with a different family for long-term fostering, and the worst but not that unlikely case is that she ends up in a children's group home. Evelyn would adopt every child who came through her door if she could, but Social Services almost certainly wouldn't judge that in Lily's best interests, when Evelyn is a single carer over fifty - and, of course, very experienced with a lot of specialized fostering training, and they want her bedrooms available for the kids no one else will take. Evelyn does not think Iomedae needs to hear about all the quiet tragedies of foster care right now, so she's not going to bring it up.) 

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" - I don't see why she never need work in field and eat beans, if she no parents and no land."

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...Wow. Okay. In hindsight, that's an assumption that - in hindsight makes perfect sense from Iomedae's knowledge of the world. 

Where to start...

"Lily might be poorer than me when she grows up and lives on her own, yeah. Not because she's a foster child, plenty of foster kids do well at school and go to college and get decent jobs, but Lily has a hard time at school. If she doesn't finish school, she might get a job as a cashier at a store or something, and she would earn more money than the workers do - the jobs you can do without papers pay less - but not enough money to have her own house, or a nice car." At least as long as she doesn't succumb to drugs and alcohol, but - hopefully they got her out of her childhood environment in time. "She probably couldn't buy a new TV or a computer or the nicest kind of phone." Plenty of very poor people do, of course, on financing, but hopefully Lily will learn better than to go into credit card debt. "Even if she can't work as an adult and the government has to give her money to live - she can get that because she's a US citizen, she has papers proving she was born here - she could still afford a little apartment and second-hand clothes. And there are lots of foods that aren't very expensive, not just beans?"

Sigh. "I hope Lily does better in life than her birth parents did, and I think she can. But when Lily lived with her birth family, she was very poor. Her mother didn't work and had money from the government," and probably spent a lot of it on drugs, too, "and Lily ate a lot of pasta and ramen and white bread, because those are also cheap. Those are the foods that she likes, because she's used to them. Probably the children with the workers like beans because it's what they're used to. ...Also it's just very normal for adults to like more kinds of food than kids." 

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There's a lot to process there. She is confused but not sure about what, and she doesn't like the feeling.

"...only people do well school get good jobs?"

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Evelyn is totally unsurprised that Iomedae is confused in ways where she doesn't know the right questions to ask to get unconfused!  Hopefully taking Iomedae out for errands will help, and the educational ESL video will help, and - they'll get there eventually. 

"It's not the only way someone can make as much money as I do, but it definitely helps, and it's - pretty necessary to make a lot more money than I do, unless someone - gets very lucky." She does not feel like trying to explain professional sports to Iomedae, let alone the concept of winning the lottery, and it's a side point. "People who aren't good at the reading and writing part of school but are good at doing things with their hands can do a trade program instead of college, where they learn how to - hmm, repair cars or tractors, or fix the pipes in houses that water comes out of or the wires that make the lights go on. Those can be pretty good jobs too." So is the military but she's worried that explaining it now will make Iomedae assume it's more or less a holy warrior order, which it really isn't. "And even jobs like that, you need to be able to read and write okay and do more math than just addition and subtraction, because we use reading and writing and basic math for so many things." 

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"What jobs people work if no can learn read and write and math because not very clever?"

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Oh no is she upset. It's - a pretty reasonable question, for someone of Iomedae's background. 

"Well, nearly everyone who grows up in America learns to read and write at least some, even if they're not as clever and hardworking as you, because school is free - and it's convenient for poor parents, because the school watches their children while they're at work so they don't have to pay a babysitter - so most kids go to school starting when they're a couple years younger than Lily, and even if they learn slowly they have lots of years to learn. You don't have to be able to read very well, or have finished school, to be a store cashier, or work at a gas station, or drive a truck to deliver food to stores. If someone can't read much at allbut they have papers, I think they could probably still do construction work like building houses or fixing roads, or they could be a janitor and clean buildings, or restock the shelves at a store or something. The minimum wage in Nevada - for people who have papers, I realize that the workers you know are in a worse situation - is eight dollars an hour, so even very unskilled jobs pay that much." 

 

- for some reason Evelyn had never super considered it from this angle before, but American society really does shut out the illiterate, doesn't it - which must seem even more unfair to Iomedae, who doesn't take literacy for granted as a basic competency that everyone should have by age eight, and whose main social group up until now consisted of people who hadn't grown up in America or been able to take advantage of the school system, and whose own children were shut out as well thanks to their lack of paperwork. 

And, well, even the most disadvantaged kids can grow up to work in construction and afford an apartment, but they - so often don't. They're the statistics you see thrown around for "outcomes of foster care" – the homeless, the addicted, the single mothers struggling to get by on their meagre welfare check, the women trapped in abusive marriages because they can't afford the rent otherwise. She - doesn't usually think about that, for some reason, she tells herself that her foster children will certainly grow up to beat the odds, and often they do, but - that doesn't mean that those aren't the odds, or that all the others don't exist, the ones who weren't as lucky, who never had someone fighting their corner, the damaged kids who spent their childhood bouncing from one family to another to an institution without ever really having a home

She feels kind of shitty about it now. 

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"Eight dollars an hour is so good money. 

 

Lily have hard time marry because orphan?"

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...Wow, Evelyn really does keep failing to predict all the very predictable opinions and assumptions that someone with Iomedae's past and background is going to have. 

 

Also, the truth is that Lily's adult relationship prospects are just - not great, compared to if she had grown up in a loving two-parent family. They don't know for sure, because Lily has said approximately not a single word about her home life before foster care - and was quite possibly threatened into silence - but Evelyn at least is pretty suspicious that she was sexually abused. Even leaving that aside, the relationship models she's observed were pretty dysfunctional. (Which is a reason Evelyn thinks she would do better if she can eventually move to a two-parent family, because it's not like Evelyn can be a role model on that particular front.) It's - maybe the single area where Evelyn worries the most about Lily ending up as a statistic. Several of her previous foster children in not-too-dissimilar situations ended up finishing school and have reasonable jobs and their lives together except for their utterly disastrous taste in men, because - it's what they know, right, in a way it's what feels familiar and safe. 

"She's not an orphan, her parents just can't give her a safe home or take good care of her," Evelyn says, not that this is really the point. "I hope that she'll end up meeting a lovely boy who treats her nicely, once she's older," a lot older, Evelyn is kind of weirded out by thinking about Lily's dating prospects when ideally that's a decade off, "but - she doesn't have to get married, to have a happy life. I'm not married. Plenty of women don't get married, or wait until they're thirty, because they want to focus on their job before they start a family." 

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"I know this. not marry. Is very hard obey God and husband, most holy orders say no try. And a baby need a mother love the baby, stay for the baby, and I leave everything march on Hell when strong enough.

But if a girl not holy warrior and not have a trade and not have land and not have parents - pretty smart to marry."

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Iomedae is so understandably missing such a huge swath of context and Evelyn is sliding into a morass of uncertainty about which gaps to fill in next. Saying but this is the twenty-first century won't even mean anything to Iomedae. 

"She hopefully will have a trade. That's - part of what we hope will happen, when Social Services takes kids into care, that we can give them support and opportunities, and they'll grow up healthy and finish school and get a good job and contribute to society rather than living on money from the government, and so it's worth it even though paying for foster care also costs the government money. ...And of course it's nice to be married, if someone wants to be, and it makes the finances easier to have two people both working, or if she ended up wanting a family one of them could stay at home with the kids. I won't say it wasn't harder, when my husband and I separated - and he was still sending me a little bit of money, for looking after Jeremy - but I made it work." 

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'all girls should have a trade, and it's nice to be married, if one happens to enjoy it, but it works out fine regardless' is the most insane theory of how to have a prosperous home Iomedae has ever heard but that doesn't make it necessarily wrong about this place. 

 

She spends another while trying to even come up with a coherent question. 

"If you took ill before son grown who would care for you?"

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"Hmm. If I got sick with something that a hospital can treat, I have good health insurance through the fostering agency - 'insurance' means I pay some money every month and the agency pays some for me, to a company that takes money from a lot of people, and if one of them gets very sick, the company will pay the hospital for them. It works out for the company even though the hospital is very expensive if someone has to stay a long time, because not very many people get sick enough to need the hospital at all. So hopefully I would get better, and I have a different insurance that would pay me half of what I earn from working for a few months while I was resting at home. ...If I got really sick, and I wasn't going to get better enough to work again, I would have to sell the house and move to a little apartment, but then I could live on savings and money from the government for a pretty long time."

She frowns, thinking. "- If Jeremy were done college and had a job and a house of his own, he might want me to live with him instead of by myself, but I wouldn't ask that of him if he didn't offer, he should have his own life. I also have a lot of good friends who would want to help and might ask me to live with them, and I have savings in the bank, including from when my parents died and I sold their house and all their things, but it's in a retirement account now so it's harder to spend it before I'm sixty-five years old. If I had gotten sick when Jeremy was little, my parents would have been still alive and they would have looked after Jeremy and given me money, I think, although they had less money than I do so it would have been hard for them." 

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Maybe that's also how nobles would do that at home. Iomedae isn't sure. 

 

"I think I understand a bit, ma'am."

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"- It's a good question to bring up, though, because getting very sick is one of the things that can ruin someone's life if they're poor to start with. A lot of minimum wage jobs that you can do without finishing school won't cover health insurance, so someone would have to pay for the hospital themselves, which in practice means that the hospital sends them a bill they can't pay and they end up in a lot of debt. ...Debt means that someone, usually a bank, gave you money as part of an agreement that you would pay it back later with some extra, and it's good to have that option because sometimes you can spend that money on things that mean you can earn more later - and for a house it's normal to take out a loan, because almost no one can save enough to pay for a house in cash, so you pay the bank slowly over lots of years, but it's a better idea because houses usually are worth more money ten years later and if you have to sell it, you get enough back to pay the rest of the loan and still have money left over. But being in debt to the hospital isn't like that, you can't sell your health. It's still better than being dead, but someone who had a minimum wage job before is still going to be in a bad situation even if they get better and can work again. It's - one of the ways America isn't perfect even if we are the richest country in the world." 

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“It is not among the reasons I would give America isn’t perfect. You rich, but not help poor other places. You have so many laws and they not make sense. A man attack a woman and it take months see a judge. You no have holy warrior orders. You a hundred times richer than Taldor, still not fixed Hell. You no have god healing so workers hurt always. Your churches no see stars. Many things here good but I would have said a place this rich would be so much more good and Evil could not stand long. Maybe all the riches of Heaven not enough, need also all the courage and all the honor and all the - knowing things still matter if they happen to other people.”

 

She looks a little surprised at herself, when she stops.

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Wow. Harsh. Not...entirely unfair...and if anything it makes her feel even more fond of Iomedae...but harsh. 

"...Yeah. America's government does send money to poorer countries, actually," though not a lot, isn't it less 1% of the federal budget, "and a lot of people who can spare a bit of money for charity will send it to charities that work in poorer countries, and sometimes people who are very rich donate a lot or they found their own charities. I usually make a donation at Christmas, although I can't spare all that much," mostly because she can never help herself from spending more on her foster children than is technically covered by the spending allowance, so it comes out of the not-spectacularly generous foster care "wages", and - sure, they need help, but children in Africa need help too - children in Africa are actually starving, not just short of their own toys and belongings - and wow she is doing a lot of feeling like a shitty thoughtless person in this conversation.

"And the government lets some people come to the US legally if their home country has a war and their family is in danger there." And of course the US military sometimes intervenes in foreign wars on humanitarian grounds, that's just...not a track record that comes off as one of the US's crowning achievements. "There's just - a limited number of people allowed per year, and just being poor isn't enough. I - know we could be doing a lot more, if everyone were - like you - but I think it's complicated, and there's a lot of world." 

...Evelyn is mildly baffled about the mention of churches not seeing stars. Is - seeing the stars an important religious ritual for Iomedae's family? That's so random.

She's also just not going to touch the part about Americans insufficiently believing in faith healing, let alone the part about fixing Hell, because she still has no idea what to say. That seems like a God-sized problem, not a human-sized problem? Iomedae would not respond well to it, and - well, the actual thing is that Evelyn...mostly doesn't go around thinking about Hell...? She has done more thinking-about-Hell in the last day than she had in the last five years and she's not a fan.

(There's something very surreal about the idea of the US military declaring war on Hell - which does seem like a more "just" war than Afghanistan - but she doesn't think that's the sort of thing you can do.) 

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“The cars complicated. Costco complicated. People do complicated things when they want do them. End Hell very complicated and I do it anyway or die trying, and if anyone ask me why not ended Hell yet answer always be not strong enough yet.”

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Nod. "I think - in a world where most people aren't like you, because they aren't - it's harder to get a lot of people to work on a very hard complicated thing when it's...only going to be good if it succeeds? Costco and cars weren't - big projects that people set out with a big plan to achieve on purpose - they just sort of happened over the last few hundred years, with the Industrial Revolution - that's when we got more technology and started to get a lot richer - and every step was just, people doing the thing in front of them. There were a few important inventors - very smart people who build new things - but I think it was easier for them to get everyone else excited, when it was - gradual like that." 

This conversation is getting really philosophical to be having across a language barrier, and also Evelyn is noticing herself feeling kind of defensive (more on behalf of America than on behalf of herself, she's not in denial about the fact that she's never been the sort of person who tries to change the world), and the combination means that probably they should, instead, not be having this conversation, but cutting it off and changing the topic also feels kind of bad. 

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“It is your home. I - not ask you speak ill of it. I sorry. I angry with people at home this, too. As you say it how people everywhere, have to change them if you want them be different.”

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"Yeah. I - get frustrated too, sometimes. I...think I try not to expect most people to be like you, it ends up - just being a way to feel disappointed in everyone and I don't like feeling that way." And she would say something about the parable of the glass house and stones - is that from the Bible? she can't actually remember, no wait, it's the horrible one about not throwing the first stone when someone is being stoned to death, she is not going to reference that. "But - I'm really glad that you're you." 

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“It doesn’t matter how we feel about us selves, only if we win. But it’s good I’m me since I trying to win.”

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"Mmm-hmm."

Aaaaaaand that is probably a good spot to change the topic. Evelyn...well, 'likes' isn't quite the word, she appreciates talking to Iomedae and hearing her opinions, but it's not exactly comfortable. 

"Right. What order do you want to do things in? We could do English practice first and then Costco, so you can try to pick up a few more words? And I found some videos that explain - going to big stores, and things - and show you pictures of it along with the words." 

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“Sure!” 

Evelyn did not even slap her. Evelyn is really an exceedingly reasonable person. She will take a couple of deep breaths and remind herself that lecturing people does not actually usually work.

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Evelyn has never slapped a child in her life and– okay, that's false, in third grade she slapped fellow third grader Kenneth Williamsby for repeatedly pulling her ponytail from the desk behind her and then saying her dress was puke-colored, and then got detention. Probably at some point when she was little she slapped her little sister for annoying her, but she definitely hasn't slapped anyone, children included, since she was nine years old. Evelyn would still be horrified by Iomedae's appallingly low expectations of parenting figures' behavior, if she knew about them, which she does not because she cannot read Iomedae's mind. 

(She wasn't even annoyed! Nothing Iomedae said was really...untrue...and she could have been a lot ruder about saying it. Evelyn's guilt about not donating more to African charities is her own problem.)  

 

...Videos seem easier to start with than worksheets, which require introducing the English alphabet unless she decides to just use them as a reference for herself and teach Iomedae the spoken vocabulary. She'll set up Iomedae in the study, at the chair in front of the computer, and pull up "Bill Goes Shopping." She asks Iomedae not to touch the screen or keyboard since it might accidentally close the browser, but she's spectacularly not worried about Iomedae engaging in inappropriate Internet usage, and it's not even mostly because Iomedae can't read. 

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Are they watching VIDEOS???? Lily LOVES videos and wants to scramble up on Iomedae's lap and watch with her. 

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The video shows a man who says "My name is Bill! Let's go shopping!" in very exaggerated carefully-intonated English, with extra emphasis on the key new vocabulary, often accompanied by a freeze-frame and an animated image. "We're going to the grocery store!" An animation of a cartoon grocery basket with cartoon fruit and bread in it bounces, superimposed on the image of 'Bill's' spotless kitchen. Presumably kitchen-appliance vocabulary is covered in a different video. "To go to the store, we need to walk outside and get in the car!" 

 

- okay, possibly this video is mostly too easy, Iomedae knows those words. Also Evelyn is drowning in agonizing secondhand embarrassment but that's fine. Lily is enthralled, though, and probably it eventually covers harder words or just words that Iomedae doesn't happen to have run into before? 

 

(The video will later include words for: traffic lights and pedestrian crossings, braking, various road signs, a high school, a park, a lawn, a sprinkler, a semi truck, a shopping cart, an automatic sliding door -)

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Iomedae patiently repeats all the new words to herself under her breath though she does look kind of bored. 

 

 

(It doesn't seem like a terrible concept, but she likes talking to people more than learning from illusionboxes; understanding people feels like it matters.)

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The grocery store is a medium-sized Safeway, not nearly as big as the local Walmart or Costco, but there is still kind of a shocking amount and variety of food. Rows and rows and rows of it, bins stacked with produce and glass-doored fridges full of bottles of milk and blocks of cheese and cartons of eggs, and then six aisles of shelves. Bill has a list, and walks around with his shopping cart. He names lots of foods even when he's not putting them in the cart (when he does this, the food in question lights up and flashes), meanwhile narrating out loud what he intends to make with them (animations of various dishes appear) and sneaking in some cooking terms like 'saute' and 'roast'. Bill is going to make cookies for the school fair and lasagna for his mother, and seems to reminisce about various other dishes he isn't making this particular time. He also spends a while in the toiletries aisle getting shampoo (for washing hair, there's an animation!) and mouthwash and toilet paper and a kitchen sponge and matches for his candles at home. In the pharmacy section he gets bandaids for his first aid kit at home and ibuprofen for his mother's headaches. 

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Lily continues to be captivated by the "s'ly'mn" in the "gro'sor" is trying to restrain herself and not interrupt but she can't help but pointing out some of her favorite things! (She continues to be way harder to understand than Bill, especially when it's not actually a word Iomedae knows, like 'marshmallows' pronounced 'm'm'loz'.) 

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Iomedae is still operating from a worldview where Lily will only interact routinely in her life with between 10 and 40 people, all of whom will learn the funny way she talks, and it won't limit her much except that she could never be a priest or wizard even if she were smart enough. And almost no one is a priest or wizard anyway. So she doesn't think much of it.

 

"The market is indoor! What good idea for market be indoor, if you have big enough building!"

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"We have pretty big buildings!" 

 

- and since they're at the computer anyway, and the video is done and Iomedae didn't seem incredibly enthused by it for language-learning, why don't they go look at random video clips? 

Here's a fast-forward style video of a skyscraper being built. (Evelyn does explain that it actually takes months or years, this is sped up for dramatic effect.) Here's a harbor full of container ships and containers being loaded and unloaded with a crane. Here's a moderately sped-up aerial view video of New York City with cars racing down highways, lights coming on as the sun sets in fast-forward. 

(She really wants to see Iomedae's face when she sees a video of a space shuttle launch, and the International Space Station, and an astronaut on the moon, but she's only going to get to see that expression once and she wants to save it for when Iomedae definitely has the vocabulary to understand what's happening.) 

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Oh, those are better than the pictures she's seen of paradise. 

 

"...so good," she says, because she really doesn't have the vocabulary to express it properly. "So rich and strong and clever. The person make this great obeyer of God."

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...That is not really how people emphasize God usually but it's an adorable way of talking about God and Evelyn doesn't exactly have complaints. She keeps this observation to herself. 

(She should take Iomedae to a planetarium tomorrow. Lily would love it too, it's open on Sundays, and it's not the same as seeing the real stars but driving far enough outside the city to get a good view of the real stars at night is pretty logistically complicated given that Lily goes to bed at 7:30 pm. Maybe they can do a little family camping trip at some point, once Evelyn is more confident that Lily will cope.) 

Oooh she should show Iomedae a video tour walkthrough of a proper cathedral. The computer screen is an inferior substitute for the real thing and the speakers do not really do justice to the hymn recording but -

"This is a church. It's called the Notre-Dame Cathedral, it's in Paris in France, which is a country on another continent. They started building it more than 800 years ago, but it took almost 200 years to build. ...The world had less technology then, most of the technology is the last two hundred years. But they still built it so it would stand for this long." 

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"A great church! When small I mad that church of God spend money on churches but some say God have good reason. I will ask Him when bigger."

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Smile. "I would have thought God listens to your prayers no matter how big or small you are." 

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"He listen no matter, but if you are big and holy and have enough money, you can go to great priest in big city and they can get answer."

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"Huh. I haven't heard of that but maybe some priests do." Evelyn keeps her expression pleasant and tone light but that sounds like SUCH a scam.

(...More like the kind of scam she's heard about in poorer countries than in the US, but for all she knows there's a whole parallel world of sketchy evangelical ministers in the US who do that. It really doesn't seem like something a Catholic priest would claim, but she already didn't think Iomedae's original sect was Catholic. Maybe she should google whether the Mormons have something like that. She doesn't particularly feel like asking Diel.) 

 

Anyway, it's now nearly 11:00, and they were all up early. Lunch and then head out to Costco? And maybe a museum trip after, Lily loves the local science museum - and needs to burn off energy - and it'll be good language exposure for Iomedae. 

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For lunch as for breakfast Iomedae will be helpful if permitted, eat everything offered to her even if it's really quite a lot of food, and talk with Lily about places in the city Lily likes to go, working apparently from the assumption Lily goes to most of them herself on foot.

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This is a particularly terrible assumption in Evelyn's current neighborhood, where just about the only place accessible on foot is a small children's park nearby. Lily likes to go places with Evelyn in the car. She's not allowed to go anywhere by herself, or run off when she goes shopping with Evelyn (this rule is very salient right now because Lily did not arrive with the sense that she needed to not play hide-and-seek in grocery stores and open random desserts to eat them in the aisle) and when they go to the swimming pool she has to wear armbands and stay where Evelyn can reach her. 

Lily likes the children's play center that has a BALL PIT where you SWIM in BALLS, and she likes McDonalds but Mummy says its's "n'elty" and so it's only for treats, and she likes going in the car when it goes through the car wash, and she likes the cinema, which is like a TV but SO BIG BIGGER THAN A HOUSE and also Mummy buys her popcorn.

She doesn't like the climbing gym because it was TOO HARD and she fell down, and she doesn't like the ice skating rink because the ice hurt her, and she doesn't like the children's theatre because they made her and Mummy go home when she shouted. She really really really doesn't like the dentist who she says had 'bad hands', and claims she is NEVER GOING AGAIN. 

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Evelyn can fill in more detailed explanations of what all those places are.

(Most kids don't really like the dentist and you still need to take them. Lily hated the dentist a lot more than that. She is about 80% sure that the dentist caused Lily to have some kind of horrifying trauma flashback and is in fact not intending to revisit the matter for at least a year.) 

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Lily is not allowed to go anywhere by herself? Not as a punishment for disobedience but just as a general rule? There must be a lot of wild beasts around here. Iomedae didn't hear any last night but the kind you don't hear are the more dangerous. 

 

She asks if she can carry a knife, please.

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Lily looks pretty freaked out by this request! She curls up and is very quiet. 

 

(Knives are BAD and one of the reasons that Mummy's house is a good house is that Lily never sees any of the knives because they are PUT AWAY.) 

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...It takes Evelyn a minute to unwind the connection there. (Though she definitely assumes Iomedae is worried about more rapists, not wild beasts, because why would there be wild beasts in a Reno suburb.)

"- It's not a dangerous neighborhood for a girl your age, once you know your way around," she says. "The cars are dangerous for little kids, because they might not see someone Lily's height, and the streets are confusing so Lily could easily get lost. It's a Social Services rule for children her age, that I shouldn't let Lily go places outside the house alone, or leave her in the house and go out. It's okay for you to go for walks by yourself if you want to, although you need to learn how to read a map and street signs - all the houses look similar so it's really easy to get turned around - and also there just aren't very many places you can go on foot. One of the reasons this house cost me less money is that you really need a car to go shopping or do any activities." 

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- oh, the thing where Lily should be thought of more like a four-year-old strikes again. She nods. "I understand. How many miles on foot to market and school?"

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"There are a lot of different markets and schools, Reno isn't that big a city but it is a city. Lily's primary school is about five miles away - it was closer to her old house, we wanted to keep her in the same school, there's a special school bus route that picks her up from here so I don't need to take her every day. Safeway - that's one of the grocery stores - is also about five miles but in a different direction. The closer Walmart is about four miles, but sometimes I go to the further one, it has a better household appliances section. Costco is six miles. The farmer's market I like is also about five miles. ...Raley's is kind of walkable, it's less than a mile, if you ever wanted to go buy food for yourself that would be where to go. It's more expensive so I only go there for one-off things, if I'm out of milk or something, I do most of my bulk shopping somewhere else." 

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That is not, in objective terms, far away, but it is absurdly far away given that Evelyn's land is not very big and there are houses all on this street. 

 

Doing errands with those distances involved is going to be quite annoying. She will get stronger, she supposes. "You are distant from your market. I was wrong because many buildings nearby. 

 

...I still want carry knife. That is a long way to walk alone."

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"....I wasn't expecting you to walk to Costco?" Evelyn says blankly. "Though we should maybe get you a bicycle, the hills are too nasty for me but you're so fit, and you won't be old enough to start learning to drive on your own until you're sixteen. I know it's difficult to be a teenager and trapped in a suburb in the middle of nowhere. - suburbs are neighborhoods like this one, houses far away from the part of the city with all the skyscrapers and big offices where people work, I live here because it means I can afford a big house with lots of bedrooms and a backyard but there are certainly downsides. But - no, don't worry about it. There are buses, and for groceries I'll take us in the car, we buy a lot so it's not practical to walk home with it anyway." 

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"I not trapped. I will go places. Just want be safe when I out late."

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"I am...not super comfortable sending you out on your own with a -" Lily is looking pretty stressed at all the knife-related discussion, aaaaah, maybe Evelyn will scoop her for a hug. "With a weapon to defend yourself." Lily's limited vocabulary comes to the rescue. "At least until you speak more English and - have more options for getting out of situations by talking instead of fighting." Is it even allowed within the fostering regulations to give a kid a fucking knife, assuming it's not disallowed because they're taking it to school or it's above the maximum allowed knife size or one of the specifically banned kinds of knife. 

"...I can probably give you a Swiss Army multitool." That must be allowed, Evelyn currently keeps it in her backpack, and keeping one on her is totally the sort of thing her mother would have told her to do if her mother had been the sort of person who owned a multitool (instead she was told to walk with her keys in her hand at all times). "It's a clever little thing with several useful tools and it comes with a - blade." Lily's limited vocabulary will again come to the rescue although it's just occurred to her that given Iomedae's limited vocabulary this might be a doomed strategy. "And a bicycle. On a bicycle you can move very fast and nobody on foot could catch you. And you can have a cell phone so if someone in a car tries to bother you, you can call the police or you can call me. That's what most girls do to be safe when they go out alone." 

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" - of course I run instead of fight, if no other person in danger, and talk instead of fight, if any time for talking. I a holy warrior! I not hurt anyone if any other option! If you are four miles away and a thing try to eat me calling you not help. And what will you do, anyway?"

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What???? Aughhhhh. Has Iomedae not noticed that they're in a city and there aren't...wild animals, or whatever she thinks will go after her in a fucking suburb– Evelyn needs to calm down and not be frustrated, this isn't helping.

"Iomedae, I - think we're miscommunicating about something. Nothing is going to eat you in Reno. Someone might try to -" dear god she cannot talk about that in front of Lily, "- bother you, like happened yesterday - but that happens really rarely and most people don't have weapons and–" 

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AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH Mummy is ANGRY and bigsister is SCARED and Lily is trying to make it go away by closing her eyes and going someplace else in her head, but now her head is just full of noise and badness and no Mummy and - 

 

 

- Lily flails her way off Evelyn's lap, sweeps Evelyn's plate of spaghetti onto the floor, and starts shrieking like a banshee. 

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"Should I get help?" she asks Evelyn. She is not herself equipped to handle curses or demonic possession or whatever this is.

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Evelyn had been really hoping that Lily's lack of tantrums with Iomedae around would stick but, in hindsight, that conversation was exactly the sort of thing that would set her off. 

"It's okay. She's okay, she's just upset, the things we were talking about made her scared." It's kind of hard to be audible over Lily shrieking and knocking everything off the counter island, though fortunately Evelyn learned a while back not to keep anything breakable at Lily-reachable heights. Her plate was plastic and it's fine. There's a lot of pasta sauce on the floor and some of it splattered her pants, but that was also in a nonbreakable plastic bowl. 

 

Evelyn does not really feel like tackling three and a half feet of mid-meltdown seven-year-old with her bare hands. Lily can be a lot stronger than she looks. "- Can you go upstairs and get her duvet off her bed for me, please." 

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"Yes." She doesn't know what a duvet is but worse case she can bring everything on Lily's bed down.

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"The blanket!" Evelyn belatedly shouts after her, trying to dodge out of Lily's kicking range. She no longer particularly tries to talk to Lily when she's this thoroughly - whatever state she gets into - it doesn't work, she just stops processing anything. 

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Blanket! Got it!

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Then Lily can be gently tackled and blanket-burrito'd on the floor in a puddle of spaghetti sauce. This is honestly not even a particularly stressful situation for Evelyn, there are no bodily fluids involved at all. Evelyn is taking a lot of kicks to the shins and Lily somehow manages to elbow her in the gut, which actually hurts a lot, but she has a pretty good poker face when she wants to. 

"Shhh," she says to Lily over and over again, and doesn't try to say any words, this is not the Words Lily yet. At least the blanket strategy means she can get the calming-down period to, like, less than ten minutes, which is a huge improvement over Lily's first week here. 

 

Lily stops screaming and just whimpers. "- I'm going to take her upstairs for a bath," Evelyn says to Iomedae. "If you don't mind wiping up some of the floor, that would be really helpful." Iomedae already cleaned the entire kitchen with a seven-year-old present and avoided causing any disasters; Evelyn is confident she can manage this, and having a way to help will probably help her calm down too. 

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Iomedae is mostly standing there wary and confused, detecting Evil (there isn't any). She is happy to clean up the floor, wash the plates and the pots from cooking lunch, and get the kitchen tidy again while Evelyn takes Lily upstairs for a bath.

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Lily is floppy and teary in the bath, and eventually remembers how words work and tells Evelyn several times that "NO 'ife. GONE", and then wants her pink sparkly princess shirt, and by the time she's dressed and her hair is combed, is back to her usual sunny self. 

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And will stare at them blankly if they try to ask what upset her, that's always how it goes. 'It's like she's bipolar' one of her former foster carers said at the placement meeting, and Evelyn haaaaaaaaaaaates it when people misuse actual medical terms - can kids Lily's age even have bipolar? - but it's definitely true that it sometimes seems like there are two Lily's that never talk to each other. 

(Lily is terrified of knives and Evelyn has learned to reorder all of her cooking so that the chopping happens when there is zero chance of Lily wandering in, and the rest of the time the knife block lives in the cupboard over the fridge. She ends up doing a lot of bake-in-a-dish meals that she can prep during the daytime and stick in the oven once Lily is home from school, and spending more than is really ideal on pre-chopping fruit and veggies for snacks because she kept forgetting to cut up whole vegetables in advance.) 

 

She takes Lily down. "Thank you, Iomedae, that was very helpful." 

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Weren't they supposed to go to COSTCO??? 

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She is willing to go to Costco unarmed as there will probably be guards in a busy market.

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(Evelyn is technically armed. Very technically. She has her Swiss Army multitool in the side pouch of her handbag and her car keys in her pants pocket. She always does, but now she's additionally weirdly aware that they could technically be weapons if someone tries to rape Iomedae in the soft drinks aisle. This is honestly a pretty annoying kind of awareness to have, but - helpful for trying to understand Iomedae, probably, who must have grown up feeling like this all the time.) 

She drives them there. Lily is "bing M'ssr Bill" from the video and cheerfully narrating words for all the objects they pass.  

 

 

Costco is ENORMOUS. The parking lot must fit hundreds of cars, and on a Saturday afternoon it's mostly full. The shopping carts look practically big enough to drive down the street themselves. They go in through the huge automatic glass doors into a high-ceilinged, concrete-floored, vast echoing room with shelves and shelves and shelves of food. And a lot of things that aren't food, too, clothes and toys and bicycles and electronics and even furniture. 

 

(Costco does have a security guard at the door, with a bulky uniform and a walky-talky and maybe a weapon in his belt pouch though it's hard to tell at a glance.) 

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Lily will try to explain Costco to Iomedae with as much pride as though she personally invented it. 

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...Having Iomedae around is great. Lily must have already said ten times as many words today so far than she used to on the average day. Evelyn suspects that Iomedae being "practicing her English" is - helping in some way? Making Lily less self-conscious, or just giving her more of a framing where talking is something you get better at? 

She is definitely watching Iomedae's face for first-time-at-Costco reactions. 

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It's wonderful. She is not totally flabbergasted, she's been inside a small-for-this-world ethnic grocery store in California, but this is a glorious height of human achievement that belongs among the wonders of the world, and she loves it, and she bounces on her heels and squeals and praises God who made civilization and all who made this bit of it with His hand guiding.

"Everyone should live to see Costco, and Heaven and Hell should have it," she concludes this praise.

 

...she will go look at the beans and then frown, apparently completely stuck. "We usually get this one. Probably it is best. It is not cheapest, but it is bigger than the cheapest. I needs paper."

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Evelyn is now additionally distracted by the pointless intrusive imaginary story of fixing Hell by staging a takeover by big box stores. Iomedae is also getting a bit of an audience, though mostly people seem to think it's adorable. 

 

- they don't really need to worry about the exact cost per 100g of beans but she can give Iomedae a mini spiral notebook and a pen from her handbag. "After this I want to go to the frozen meats section, okay?" 

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Can Lily be the keeper of the list? "P'eeeeeeeez?" 

(Lily cannot actually read well enough to use a grocery list. She just likes being the one holding it so she can proudly hold it up to Evelyn and be the one to check off each item.) 

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Iomedae is going to meticulously using only addition and subtraction since she doesn't know division figure out a unit price of all these beans*, determine which are cheapest (it's the ones they always get), notice that the per-unit price is actually on the label, praise God and Costco again, and then, sure, they can move on.

 

 

(How? Well, you take a 15.5 ounce can of beans that costs $.85, and you meticulously check whether if each ounce of beans in it costs $.05 you successfully accounted for all the beans and all the money or not, and then you try again with a different number based on whether that one was too low or too high.)

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Evelyn is suspicious that the number system of wherever-Iomedae-is-from that she's writing in is inconvenient for math, because that took ages. She's not incredibly bothered, four-hour Costco trips are a family tradition, but Lily is eventually going to get bored. 

Lily proudly shows her the list and Evelyn reads off "ground beef 80%/20%" and Lily grabs Iomedae by the hand and tugs her to the frozen meat section. It's a walk-in freezer the size of Evelyn's entire downstairs, every wall lined with shelves going to above Evelyn's head, with more standing shelf units in the middle, every single one of them loaded with a wide range of packaged meats. 

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That is truly boggling and amazing and good and a civilizational achievement and also (she checks quickly) a lot more expensive than the beans. 

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It is but it's a lot more protein-dense. Not to mention delicious. Evelyn does buy the cheaper meats - the list has ground beef (80% lean is cheaper than 90% lean) and stewing beef and chicken breasts, no fancy steaks for them, Evelyn doesn't even know how to cook a good steak - but once all three are in the cart, it does come to more dollars than Iomedae would have earned in a week before. 

"This is meat for the whole family for a month," she assures Iomedae. 

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Iomedae wishes Evelyn would not say 'whole family' about Evelyn, the little girl who calls Evelyn 'mummy', and the fully grown holy warrior living with them temporarily under orders from local law enforcement, but she is not going to be petty when Evelyn is, after all, offering to spend Evelyn's money on food for her, and she's done everything in her power to make this not be under false pretenses. "You choose how spend your money, ma'am."

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...Something about that interaction feels off but Evelyn doesn't want to try to unpack it in a Costco walk-in freezer when the last attempt at a serious conversation with Iomedae made Lily have a meltdown. 

(She's not upset or annoyed with Iomedae. It's - actually really understandable, how she feels - and if Evelyn didn't have to juggle Social Services rules, Iomedae is perhaps the only child she's ever had who she would trust to own a legal-to-carry knife. But she can't do that and so she's mostly...tired.) 

Next they need eggs (one of the 36-packs, Evelyn reuses normal egg cartons and will pack it more conveniently, but eggs last a while and Lily eats a lot of them) and cheese (cheddar, block not sliced) and bulk sandwich meat for Lily's lunch, and two loaves of sourdough and one of rye and one of white bread. (Unsliced is cheaper, she slices it at home before repacking it in its bag and popping it in the freezer, they don't go through bread quite fast enough for it not to go moldy if it's the no-preservatives kind and Evelyn is suspicious of preservatives on the vaguely-held principle that Additives Make Kids Behave Worse.) 

Lily wants a pack of croissants for "s'essl Su'dy beffas" and Evelyn agrees that seems reasonable this time, if Jeremy comes over for breakfast that's enough people to finish them before they're stale. 

 

- she's in fact one of the more grocery-spending-conscious of her fostering friends, being a single carer without a second household income-earner, but is nonetheless self-conscious at how extravagant she must look to Iomedae. 

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It's her money. She's rich. Iomedae will make the pitch to people that they should use their money to fix the world but if they are unpersuaded by the first pitch they'll likely just be annoyed by the second, and at this point it'd be ungrateful. 

 

The stress about spending all this money will cancel out her delight at being in Costco eventually but not for a while.

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If Evelyn were particularly thinking about this explicitly, she would probably think that she's fixing her corner of the world one child at a time, and Lily likes croissants, but she's not in fact thinking about this at all because she's mostly trying to keep Lily, who's getting restless, from throwing random dessert items into the cart. She puts back at least six and really hopes this isn't going to set off a tantrum. Maybe Iomedae can distract Lily while she hurries off to get apples and bananas and frozen veggies? 

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Of course! Iomedae can tell Lily how all these vegetables are picked and which are the best ones to pick. ...some of them are out of season. It is super weird that they're here. How did they do that, preservation magic? On vegetables?

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"I don't know a lot about the Costco supply chain but they might be from somewhere far away where they're in season? Transport is pretty cheap with container ships, like we saw in the video. Or they might be grown in a greenhouse - that's a big building with a glass roof that lets in the sun, but where you can keep it warmer inside than outside and sort of make the plants think it's the right time of year." 

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"That is very good. Say to the seasons, no! We stronger!"

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"YAH! WE S'OGER! P'AZE GOD N'COS'O!" 

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This is fine this is fine Evelyn is not dying of mortification in the frozen vegetables aisle. "Lily, indoor voice, please." 

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"God hear you even if you praise him only in your inside!"

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That sounds less fun but Lily will reluctantly keep her exhortations to praise God and Costco to a more moderate volume. 

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They make their way to checkout. 

The cashier who rings them up, sliding each item over the barcode-scanner bed without even looking down at his hands, is one who knows Evelyn. Most of the Costco staff know Evelyn. 

    "Hi, Lily! I think you've grown! Soon you'll be taller than me!" 

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Lily beams at the attention. "Yay! Wh'I gowap be a howee wower God!" 

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The cashier raises an eyebrow. "That one's new. - And you must be new to the family." He smiles at Iomedae. "I'm Pete, hi." 

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Smiling smiling so so normally. "This is Iomedae. It's her first time in a Costco and she's very impressed." 

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Iomedae does not smile at strange men lest they take it wrong but she'll nod politely. "Please meet you, Pete. God command we build Heaven on Earth and Costco part of it."

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A slightly uncomfortable laugh. "Wow. If Costco counted like going to church I'd be a lot more religious!" 

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Evelyn smiles pleasantly and hopes desperately that Iomedae isn't going to start an uncomfortable philosophical conversation with the checkout clerk. They only have like three items left to scan (it's a lot of food and money but not a huge number of total kinds of food) and then she can escape...

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"Is good be going church but everywhere - people make world better, for us, for children - dogs and apple trees and out of season vegetables and laundry machines and dish-wasters - God is glad. If you feel a part of people march to better world here, then pray here, God still hear you," says Iomedae earnestly.

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"- That's sweet," Pete says, clearly at a loss. "There you go, Evelyn." 

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The total is less than $300, which is not even bad for a monthly Costco run. Evelyn doesn't especially try to hide the electronic payment display from Iomedae but she has her credit card out of her purse in ten seconds and pays very quickly. "I bet you two can get the cart unloaded into the car so fast!" she says, aimed more at Lily than Iomedae. "You're both so strong. - Bye, Pete, have a lovely afternoon." 

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Lily is fizzing with energy again. Once the groceries are packed in the trunk and the cart has been restored to its place, she bounces in her booster seat and wants to know if God likes Lego (which she pronounces more like "igguh"). They could build the BIGGEST Lego tower in the WORLD for God. 

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Wow that was emotionally exhausting. Mostly the constant conversational subtext and unspoken judgement with Iomedae, though plausibly that was mostly in Evelyn's head and she should get over herself. She's glad Lily is happy, but...just 'but'. She doesn't have an end to that sentence, only vague discomfort. 

Also Iomedae has probably never heard of Lego. "Lego is a kind of children's toy for building. The blocks snap together and stay, so you can built things that hold together, but you can take it apart again later and build different things." 

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"I not know if God think things about that. Except that all things we build for our reasons good, if not hurting people."

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"Le'bild Igguh tar! Igguh GOOD. I so'you." 

It's not Lily's favorite toy - the barbies are her favorite, because "ba'tu'bee" or Bald Tattoo Barbie (the "tattoos" are because she arrived in Lily's possession pre-scribbled on with Sharpie, and also Lily knew kind of a lot of people with tattoos) is her only toy from before when she was very little and lived in Old Mummy's house with Grandpa.

She also used to have a "be'ky", a very old faded pilled baby blanket. Be'ky was a versatile toy. Rolled up he could be a baby to cuddle, folded he could be a bed for Bald Tattoo Barbie, or he could be a lake or a table to eat a picnic or a cloud to rain and thunder, or he could be a magic thing that Bald Tattoo Barbie would hide under in Lily's bed and go somewhere else so that she wasn't there when bad things happened. The magic wasn't big enough for Lily too but at least she could think about how Bald Tattoo Barbie was far away. But her new mummy though be'ky was yucky and the smell didn't even come out in the wash, and anyway Bald Tattoo Barbie doesn't need special magic at new Mummy's house. 

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Well, they can drive home and put away groceries that need immediate put-away-ing, with Lily directing Iomedae on what to carry where. (The eggs and bread should stay out on the counter so Evelyn can slice and repack as needed. She also puts the bread in reused produce bags because the Costco bakery bags have the texture of cellophane and tiny holes in them and are not proof against freezer burn.) 

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And meanwhile Lily can show Iomedae the duffel bag of Lego in the lounge!

At this point the collection, accumulated over many years including some that dates back to Evelyn's own childhood, does fill most of a carry-on-sized duffle bag. It lives in one because it's one of the toys Evelyn is most likely to want to take somewhere for a playdate or birthday party, and then inevitably slightly regret her life choices when she spends an hour finding wayward pieces. It's been added to over the years by birthday presents - Jeremy loved Lego sets as a preteen and Evelyn doesn't buy them new but her parents and her sister would - and of course Evelyn compulsively buys any Lego that shows up at Goodwill.

There's a LOT. 

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This is the kind of thing that is according to Iomedae's theological education clearly a worthy human endeavor but it's deeply unclear how it'd feature in any story in which they conquer the Evil afterlives and so Iomedae finds it intrinsically unappealing. She can sit with Lily and build a tower and try to pick up more English, though.

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Evelyn joins them after the food is put away. (Lily has a much better time with Lego if her Mummy can find specific pieces for her on demand, and Iomedae isn't going to be familiar enough with Lego yet.) 

There's a lot of new vocabulary that comes up! Iomedae can learn about firemen - like police but they put out fires in buildings, and have special fireproof suits and drive around in a fire truck with sirens and a big hose to spray water) - and cowboys, and football players, and the difference between doctors and nurses, and Star Wars, which is pretty high context to explain but Evelyn hopefully manages to convey that it's a pretend story and not real. 

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"God go the stars!" is what Iomedae has to say about Star Wars. "The people in the stars also should save."

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Lily loves this. "Go'go s'ars! SOfah. SO'bg." 

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Evelyn kind of wishes Iomedae would stop teaching Lily catchy phrases that will raise a lot of questions when she inevitably shouts them in the schoolyard, but Lily is happy and it's fine and she needs to get over herself. 

They can build a big tower, and by then it's 3:30 pm. How about they have a snack, and then make a quick Walmart trip so that Iomedae can pick up a few outfits that fit her and are in a style she likes? And then they'll make dinner together, and Jeremy is coming over to eat with them. He's excited to meet Iomedae and can maybe tell her about college, which is the school people can do after high school to get different jobs. Jeremy hasn't decided what job he wants to do yet but he's thought about lots of options and can tell Iomedae about them too. 

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Iomedae is wary of the introduction to Evelyn's grown son. Evelyn has been nonspecific about the actual authority she is acknowledged to have over Iomedae here, but it's obviously a lot, and her grown son of course exercises the same, and it's deeply unclear to whom Iomedae'd appeal if she disliked any liberties he took with that, and if it got to the point where she'd appeal to her sword she does not have her sword.

She is not very good at concealing what she thinks of anything, but she'll nod politely about these plans for the rest of the day. "Yes, ma'am."

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Iomedae is uncomfortable and Evelyn doesn't have the slightest idea what about, it could be the thought of spending money on clothes, or - that she's not supposed to be in private with unrelated men? Isn't that a religious-people thing sometimes? Ugh. There is absolutely no non-awkward way to bring it up with Lily right there - the fact that she can't circumlocute on age-inappropriate topics because of Iomedae's limited vocabulary is a surprisingly frustrating barrier - and if it's not that and it's just the clothes, she doesn't want to make it salient. 

They can have cheese and crackers and carrot sticks with ranch dip, and then get back in the car to head to Walmart. 

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Lily loves Walmart! It's not as big as Costco but it has more toys and it has princess dresses. 

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Walmart too is a great achievement of civilization (why have two markets? Wouldn't it be more profitable to have everyone in one place so people can wander between vendors?) but Iomedae finds clothes shopping stressful. She cannot identify the fabrics by touch and doesn't know which ones will be sufficiently long-lasting, and what she wants are loose, labor-friendly, modest overshirts and pants, in a grey that won't show dirt too quickly, and undershirts fitted to support her breasts, which is definitely going to require a tailor. 

"Where...is the tailor."

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Evelyn laughs nervously. "We can't really afford a tailor, love. If you need your pants hemmed or something, I've got an old sewing machine." A very old sewing machine, it was her mother's, but if anything Evelyn prefers it to more recent models. It's probably going to last long enough to hand off to Jeremy's wife, when he gets married, assuming he does get married (he's either not into the dating scene or very secretive about it) and his wife even wants to sew. 

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They can afford to buy her enough clothes she can wear fresh ones every day but not a tailor to make the clothes fit???

 

"I can sew, if sewing is the thing I think. Which of these fabrics last ten year in the sun?"

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Wow, what a good question that Evelyn does not at all know the answer to. ...She does know which clothes could at least survive several sessions of Jeremy's football practice and still be in adequate condition to end up in the ottoman spares rather than as rags once he grew out of them, but she's pretty sure Walmart is not the place you go for really durable clothing, and the places you do go - sports stores? camping stores? - are a lot more expensive and not where she usually shops. 

"I don't know if it needs to last ten years, love, you're probably not done growing. But I'll show you the ones my son used for sports practice." They're in the boys' section, cargo pants and shorts made of heavy sturdy cloth - she's not sure what the kind is called, it's not literally canvas - in a cotton-polyester blend. "Do these look okay, if you can find a pair that more or less fits? We can take them up if they're too long in the legs." 

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"I no done growing but I buy big clothes, then still fit when done growing." She will take the cargo pants, and a shirt in the same style if they have it, and she's not going to buy good clothes for church unless Evelyn orders her to because until she can have her knife she feels sick at the thought of looking like a young woman. Holy warriors go to church armored and no one questions it because they are holy warriors.

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They don't have shirts in the exact same fabric and style but they have ones in a slightly softer and stretchier but still thick fabric that Evelyn says are durable. Iomedae can find clothes that fit her with room to spare. Evelyn would like her to take at least two pairs.  

"- Right, and we should probably look at sports bras, you're an active girl." Iomedae is the last kid she can picture wearing a push-up bra. Evelyn is dreading the face she's going to make about that section of Walmart. 

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Honestly at first she is just confused about how you would wear those and what they are for!!

 

"...harness for metal clothes?" she asks Evelyn confusedly after examining a sports bra a while. "I sold my metal clothes."

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Evelyn actually has no idea what Iomedae is talking about there! (She does not really have 'plate armor' as an available guess.) 

"No, it's - for wearing under normal clothes, it helps women be more comfortable when running or doing sports, by -" She cups her (rather larger and saggier-when-not-enbra'd) breasts and jumps up and down a bit to try to demonstrate the lack of bouncing. Her cheeks are flaming. 

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"Huh. I can try it." She thinks it is utterly bizarre to dye underclothes which hopefully no one will ever see, and these are dyed some fairly outlandish colors. She picks out the least obtrusive one. 

 

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Honestly it's really weird to, instead of being relieved and pleased that a teenage girl is choosing sensible clothing and not inappropriate lingerie, be vaguely uncomfortable about the implications. Evelyn hides this reaction, of course. She can point Iomedae at the right section for plain sensible sports bras in teen-girl sizes and white or beige coloring.

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While she had her back turned, Lily somehow pulled down a hot-pink lacy pushup bra with padded foam cups and draped it over herself. "Mummy! Am Awwel!" 

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Evelyn will do her best to look blandly cheerful. "You're right, love, Ariel does wear things a bit like that when she's a mermaid." This shopping trip is so draining and she's not even sure why. Probably it's mostly imaginary Iomedae subtext again and she's letting it get to her more than she should because it's been a long day. 

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Iomedae is also feeling very stressed and strained. It's probably the bright lights and bright colors and weird place and Lily's tantrum and the fact she's discouraged from carrying even a normal camping knife and the dinner with Evelyn's grown son and the fear things will be like this for months because that's how long it will take the magistrate to evaluate the attempted rape and the fact she is not allowed to earn money until she has her papers and no one has said how long that will take.

 

Evelyn is...not going to explain to Lily that you should not wear neon pink padded undergarments, apparently? Probably Iomedae wouldn't try getting into that with a four year old like she's supposed to imagine Lily is, though she wouldn't hesitate to tell a seven-year-old sister that she's pretty sure those are for prostitutes and that's why Evelyn is suppressing such a face. 

 

(Iomedae is not a sheltered child. One of the great vices of the Empire's cities are prostitutes, women who lie with men for money, and get sick from it and die young and make the men sick too and if everyone involved is very lucky give their babies up to the Church to be raised out of the generosity of responsible people. Armies, too, are followed by prostitutes to entertain the soldiers. This is among the reasons Iomedae's family was opposed to her becoming a holy warrior. She told them she would have a sword, and Aroden's power to defend herself, and she had not meant for that to be a lie because she had not imagined anyone would ask her to go around unarmed.)

 

"Let go back your house," she says to Evelyn.

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Evelyn has the Little Mermaid Bra interaction with Lily every. single. time. they go through the Walmart clothing section, and the first several times she would add that, of course, once Ariel was a little girl like Lily and not a mermaid she wore shirts and dresses, but she's very tired and instead she just reminds Lily to make sure she puts it back exactly where she found it rather than throwing it on the floor. 

They can go. She's worried about Iomedae but the Walmart checkout line, with Lily's limited self-control running low, is a terrible place to have a "are you doing okay" conversation. She's relieved just to make it out without any awkward incidents. 

 

It's 5 pm by the time they get home. Evelyn texts Jeremy to tell him to come at 6 instead of 5:30, it seems like Iomedae needs a break or something. Probably the 'or something' but Evelyn has no idea what.

She'll get Lily settled watching cartoons and suggest in a friendly way that they have a whole hour before Jeremy gets here (so Iomedae doesn't have to be on tenterhooks for it) and maybe Iomedae can help her make dinner? 

(She would text Jeremy to tell him to be very nonthreatening and definitely avoid ever being alone in a room with Iomedae, but Jeremy is the son of a foster carer willing to take "difficult" teens. He is very used to being careful.) 

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Iomedae is very willing to help make dinner. She doesn't seem totally okay but she seems a little more so than she was at Walmart.

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...How about they make ratatouille, it's high effort enough that Evelyn doesn't usually manage and they all like it (and, though she doesn't say this, it has cheap ingredients.) They can companionably chop onions to sauté, once she asks Iomedae to make sure to quickly hide the knife if she hears Lily coming. Evelyn doesn't trust herself on this but Iomedae has great reflexes, which is...mildly concerning when you wonder why...but useful. 

 

Aaaaaaaand then she needs to just take a deep breath and Actually Communicate. "Iomedae, love, you seem kind of nervous, and I don't know if it's just that today was a lot of things, or if you're worried about something tonight?" 

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"I do not like that I cannot keep me or other people safe, ma'am." This seems like a safer complaint to express than the one about Jeremy. "Even woman my age not holy warrior carry knife. I feel mad it take months law think about Martin and I have stay here months."

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Oh no. What an understandable tragic messy fraught situation. She could try again to explain that suburban Reno is a very different kind of place from...wherever Iomedae is used to...but, well, it's not like Reno-the-city is the lowest-crime region one might think of. And if Iomedae does end up harassed by a guy in the street - not impossible, she may be built like like a brick wall but she's pretty and some people have terrible judgement when they've had too much to drink - then she's never going to forgive Evelyn or feel safe here. 

"- Wait here one moment." 

She collects her handbag from the top of the hall cabinet and comes back and carefully slides the Swiss Army multitool out of its pouch. Shows Iomedae how the blade flicks out. It's maybe two inches long but at least it's metal and has an edge. 

"You can have this and keep it in your pocket, I am pretty sure it can't possibly be illegal since I was carrying it around with me before and Jeremy had one since he was twelve. Don't ever let Lily see it, she - we think she remembers a scary thing happening with knives when she lived with her old parents, but like you saw before, even talking about it upsets her a lot. That's why I was trying not to say the word 'knife' but I think I just confused you before." 

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"Oh. Yes, I was confused." - she distracts herself somewhat trying to figure out the mechanical mechanism. It is hard to imagine taking down a serious threat with this but it is clever, and a lot better than nothing. "I no show Lily. 


Do you know how long to get papers?"

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"I think a year or two, maybe. I can email the social worker and ask."

Yeah, Iomedae looks about as unimpressed with the multitool as you would expect of someone used to carrying a SWORD for self-defense, but - hopefully it's at least an indication that Evelyn is trying, that she hasn't written off Iomedae's worry as a child's foolishness. Kids can tell when adults are doing that and they hate it even when it is an unreasonable thing to be worried about. 

Are there any other self-defense weapons legal for minors? - no, tasers are allowed but not for minors, pepper spray is banned for minors. Evelyn...can kind of follow the reasoning why but also it kind of does feel like the state of Nevada just doesn't want kids to be able to defend themselves. And, seriously, has anyone ever used pepper spray to mug someone rather than fend off a mugger? 

"- I wonder if you should take a training class in how to fight with no weapons? I know it's not the same, but it might make it less scary, if you know that you know what to do." Evelyn is pretty sure a lot of martial arts studios aimed at kids are...kind of stupid...but surely she can find one that does genuine realistic unarmed self-defense. 

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"That sound good! Also want learn other kinds weapons, even if no can carry them in the city."

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Nod. "Yeah. There are probably places you can train that keep the weapons locked up at the school, that would allow you in? I'll search for places." And...probably beg them to reduce their fee for an underprivileged but very talented kid, because that's got to be pricy and wow she is not going begging to Diel for social services funding so Iomedae can learn archery. 

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"Thank you. 

 

How I call Jeremy, when he come for dinner?"

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"...Just Jeremy is fine? We're not a very formal family."

She is not going to bring up that Jeremy is Iomedae's big brother while she's here and will look out for her like one, because wow that will not help and also Iomedae probably has a very concerning set of expectations about what it means for a big brother to look out for you. She wants to say that Jeremy is safe and trustworthy and has been for dozens of other foster children, but that's not really the sort of thing you can just say in words and expect to be believed. 

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Jeremy is not Iomedae's big brother. Iomedae has two living big brothers and both of them would give her a good hunting knife and need restraining from going to yell at the magistrate for taking months to settle the case.

 

"I also angry it take years get papers. I think maybe I go different place where people can work without papers."

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Well. This is really not going well, is it. 

"Iomedae, you're a clever girl and a determined girl and you know I can't stop you. I think you next year will be happier if you stay long enough to learn more about - what the places where they let you work without papers - are like. ...Actually, I should look this up, but I think there might not be very many places like that, just - places where the government isn't very good at government things and so they won't notice if someone is breaking the law." 

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"I pretty sure there many places where legal work without papers. That a evil America thing. No where else do that."

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It's not that Evelyn is even unsympathetic to the whole "ICE is evil" viewpoint! It's just that - gah

"We can go look it up on the computer after dinner, I'm sure Wikipedia must have a page on immigration law in different countries. But - Iomedae, are you sure you would have known, where you grew up, if the big city was far away and you had never been there and everyone you knew was born there, what the rules were for people coming from a different country who wanted to be paid in money to do a job in the city?" 

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"I not sure I have known the big city. But if people needed papers, my father have had papers. My father an obedient man, he want Heaven. The priest have had papers. Priests have be obedient."

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And of course you can't just tell a kid who clearly loved and admired her father that it's quite possible he had no way of knowing either. (Though she said her parents were literate, which makes it more confusing...) 

Sigh. 

"I don't know, love. I'm sorry that every time we talk it's so - like this. It's just - it feels like we know completely different worlds, and everything I think is obvious seems insane to you, and everything you think is obvious seems - often very bad and worrying to me, though I'm glad all the priests you knew were - good people." 

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"They have to be. God not pick bad people be priests. - evil gods pick bad people be priests, I guess, but God who was person once and return in glory, he not pick evil priests."

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Guess what Evelyn does not feel like getting into right now: Catholic priest child sex abuse scandals! There might or might not be a time in the future when that would be a good thing to explain to Iomedae but now is NOT that time. Also: people can just decide to go to minister school or whatever and be priests, she doesn't think Gods vets their admissions. Not useful to say right now.

One ridiculous part of her is muttering that she didn't know Satan was supposed to have priests, but there's a whole Satanic church and everything, right, even if she thinks it's mostly pretty...fake. ALSO not useful to say right now. Evelyn's brain should do a better job of coming up with something to say that isn't incredibly tone-deaf and/or a hook into a big messy upsetting conversation that's a terrible idea to have while hanging out in the kitchen around a frypan of onions. 

...She fails to think of anything productive to say and just nods in an empathetic sort of way instead. 

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"I know maybe I should stay here because school is free and learn more make me better holy warrior. I don't see now story from go school end Hell, but I will try it, and if it teach how end Hell I stick with it."

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"...Yeah. I think school won't - give you a plan of how to end Hell - I don't think anyone has a plan that would work, and it sounds like no one did where you come from either. But I think one of the things school is for is making you - better at planning, and better at knowing how to go find things out that you need to understand for your plan to work, and better at convincing other people to work with you."

Evelyn is dizzyingly unsure whether she's taking Iomedae's entire - thing - about Hell way too seriously, or somehow failing to take it seriously enough. Feeling this thoroughly disoriented, off-balance and unsure which of her assumptions are reasonable and whether she's being fair or awful, isn't an entirely new experience for her, with fostering, but - usually it's a pretty different kind of thing. Kids who are traumatized and - she hates the word 'manipulative', but kids who've learned lots of different little scripts to press the adults' buttons - and the thing she heard a therapist call 'unstable identity formation' once (she likes that word way better than many words that get used instead), kids who aren't sure themselves where they stand or what they want or who they want to be.

Iomedae is incredibly sure of herself and what she wants, possibly more sure of that than anyone Evelyn has ever met, and conversations with her feel like repeatedly being shoved off her metaphorical feet by a very polite, very grateful slowly advancing truck. 

 

(She's still not mad. Or even annoyed, really. Iomedae isn't the one being unreasonable. If anyone here is being unreasonable it's Diel and Social Services stop it. Maybe it's just the world.) 

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"God have a plan." 

But somehow this has been a relaxing conversation, and she does the rest of the dinner preparations in a better mood.

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Jeremy arrives at 6:30 on the dot, wearing jeans but he's gone to a bit of effort for Saturday family dinner with a new foster kid, and he's wearing a button-down shirt and gelled his hair. He's tall and looks healthy and very fit, and he nods to Iomedae without looking at any part of her body other than her eyes, and then crouches to hug Lily, who runs into his arms shrieking with joy. He ruffles her hair. "Hey there, munchkin. How's things?" 

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"M'nawa mush'n! M'a meeewaid." 

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Jeremy laughs and scoops her up. "My bad. Hey there, little mermaid. What's for dinner - smells like fancy cooking in here, who kidnapped Mom and replaced her with a creepy Stepford Wives double?" 

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She knew a few of those words. She does not speak.

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She's clearly nervous - no wonder, she just got here - and she's apparently very religious and probably has hang-ups about boys. Jeremy is going to continue being friendly and harmless and smiling at her or addressing her when it would be notable to avoid it but be clearly not paying her close attention.

He heads to the kitchen with Lily on his hip like a baby monkey. He cracks the oven open to get a deeper sniff of the now-baking ratatouille, grins, and does not try to make a joke about religious girls being great cooks come together because wow they are not on joking terms like that yet and he's not twelve. He offers to set the table and pretends to be very confused about where the plates and cutlery are, so that Lily will shriek with laughter and call him a sillyhead and point it out.

It's not until he asks Lily about her day, and she bursts out with a "PWAZE GOD N'CO'SO!" and happy dance that he - well, bursts out laughing first and hugs Lily, and then glances politely at Iomedae because there's an obvious place where that came from. "Did you like Costco, then?"

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"When God triumph over all there will be Costco everywhere, in Heaven and Hell too."

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"Okay, I gotta say, I would not want to be hiring manager for the Costco in Hell, that sounds like the worst job." 

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"We fix Hell first. ...still probably bad because the people there bad. But lots less bad."

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Jeremy had DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS about the probably-super-traumatized super religious foster kid! He - does not catch Evelyn's eye and make a 'what even???' face because that's really rude and he's still not twelve. 

"Well, that's certainly ambitious," he says, because it's also probably super rude to make a weird joke about it that probably won't even come together right anyway. 

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"If you were in Hell probably you think I pretty not-ambitious, not trying hard enough, spend half day building Lego towers."

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"- I mean, sure, I bet being in Hell is rough on your ability to empathize with other people and hold them to reasonable standards. Also probably a lot of people in Hell are dicks because of the whole, like, they got sent to Hell for a reason thing. Which obviously still really sucks, but.  You seem like you're probably trying pretty hard by, like, normal people standards." 

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....Evelyn as a general rule tries not to step on Jeremy having conversations with foster kids, he's had a lot of practice and isn't actually stupid and sometimes it works better, having a person closer to the foster child's age and, well, authority level, addressing them in a way that isn't trying meticulously hard to be supportive and empathetic.

 

She's still tense

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She does not seem upset at all. "If I trying to fix Hell, I not impress the devils with my trying pretty hard, and the people in Hell not wrong to ask - did it work are we free - not 'is Iomedae trying pretty hard normal person standards'."

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"- Yeah, that's fair. Just, it'd suck if you never managed to do any of the cool stuff you want to do with your life because you never took a break and burned out before you were twenty." 

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Iomedae is unfamiliar with the concepts referenced there! She will look mildly skeptical. "It would suck," she agrees, after a little while.

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Jeremy was warned that Iomedae is still learning English, he just isn't going to talk to her like she's five and feel like a patronizing idiot. 

"There's - a thing where most people, if they don't take breaks, especially if the thing they're doing is really hard, will - get really sad and tired and find it harder and harder to do any things? There's also a thing where no one things it'll happen to them until it does." Shrug. "Maybe you're just superhuman, but I don't think anyone should go around assuming they're superhuman." 

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"I am pretty sad and tired but I think it because I no allowed work and earn money and they took my family sword and I have to stay months before the law decide what do about Martin. Doing less make me sad and tired. Doing more make me less sad....more tired, but better tired."

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"...Yeah, that sucks. I'm sorry our criminal justice system is a mess. What were you doing before this?" 

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"I pick fruits and vegetables. It is hot and the work is hard but the money is good and the people love God and I very happy."

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"That does sound - nice, actually, I did a job last summer planting trees and it was really satisfying. But, I mean, did you have a plan to get from picking fruit to fixing Hell? Seems like it's rough to get from here to there when you're in foster care, but it'd also be rough if your starting place is picking fruit. ...The money really isn't that good." 

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"Pretty good pay! I save five dollar every day. My plan was learn Spanish and English and then find holy orders fighting great evils so I can become strongest holy warrior ever. Save money for armor and miracles to keep me safe."

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"Well, now you're learning English and you've got Evelyn's computer with Wikipedia on it. We could Google holy orders. Is that, like, the Knights Templar sort of thing? I don't know if they exist anymore." He will not ask who exactly claims they'll sell you miracles. It sounds like a scam. 

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"I can look holy orders now but I not earning any money, I not allowed to earn any money for years, and they took my sword. I kind of angry Martin for make everything horrible even though it not his fault I took him to get help, he have warned me not to."

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"I feel like you've got loads of valid reasons to be mad at Martin! But - fair, I guess. I think it's better here but I obviously would, and it sucks that you can't make any money. Mom let me work when I was fifteen, I'm guessing that's either a foster kid thing or because you're undocumented?"

He twists over his shoulder to look at Evelyn. "Can't you pay her? That's just, like, an allowance. Give her five dollars an hour to keep Lily occupied for a bit and you can lounge around in the bath reading romance novels like the Queen of Sheba." 

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"It's because I no papers," she confirms. "I should also have worked for free before this, only I did not know it was illegal for people to pay me. If I had been knowing that I guess I would have tried live on holiness only like great holy people do."

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"Like, meditate so you don't have to eat? I think that's not a real thing." 

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"It is! I think I not holy enough for it though."

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Grin. "No kidding. That's got to be, like, advanced yogi shi– ...sorry, Mom. Uh. Very holy person powers. I guess it's not really the same thing, yogis are supposed to be people who meditate a lot but I think they're usually Buddhist so they wouldn't worship your God." 

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"Holy followers other gods also can do it," she agrees cheerfully. "And maybe holy people no god. I don't know much about it. My uncle was a great holy warrior but still eat like anyone."

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...Wow, Evelyn had been bracing herself for that to go horribly - aren't fundamentalist Christians particularly intense about the whole 'you shall have no other Gods above me' thing? - and now she's surprised and relieved and...confused, honestly, not yet seeing how it fits. 

She sets the finished, steaming ratatouille down on the trivet at the center of the table. "Did you grow up knowing anyone who followed other gods?" she asks, which might be rude but it's a thread to tug on, and Iomedae has actually seemed fine with Jeremy's more blunt questions. 

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"Different gods good at different things. God most important of the gods and my favorite and the one who pick me as holy warrior and who I serve, because God was human, God care about human things, God have plan to fix everything. But where I grow up, pray Erastil for crops and Pharasma for babies and Desna for travels and Abadar for riches and Gorum for strong. And some people pray Shelyn for love, or Jaidi for husband, or Cayden for braveness, but I not do that because I not want love or husband and my father say I have too much braveness already, not need any more."


She eyes the ratatouille. "There a mealtime prayer to Erastil but in my house we say one to God."

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That is NOT HOW MORMONS WORK and honestly sounds weird and implausible for any Christian sect. 

“How does the prayer go in English?” she says. “I’m sure it’s lovely.”

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Lily interrupts. “Who C’ddn? Ma’me bwave?”

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"I no have all the words but -

Thank God brought knowing of what men could be out of lost lands to us! Great the people tame the plant and animal so they make food! Great the car makers and the farm workers and the Costco! On all table may there be food! May we be thankful, we grow strong, may we give our children better world with better plant and better animal! By our work may we build Heaven in the world! Amen."

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Lily very seriously tries to repeat this, getting about half the words and half of those comprehensible. 

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Evelyn feels extremely weird about repeating Iomedae's prayer on multiple levels, so she just ducks her head in a respectful way and then, once Iomedae is done, serves up ratatouille. 

 

(She's trying to think. Maybe Iomedae just means saints, the Catholics have piles and piles of them and the topics attached do sound like the sort of thing you'd expect for saints - but if Iomedae has been hanging out with Catholics, she would surely know the word, and wouldn't just be blending it into capital-G God and all the other gods who aren't God-god. ...Probably a lot of the confusion continues to be language barrier related?

Echoes of memory from long-ago college world religion are coming back, weren't there a lot of poorer countries - maybe even Mexico, definitely someplace in Latin America - where the locals were proselytized to by missionaries and "converted to Christianity" in a sense that very much meant shoving Jesus into their existing, mostly-polytheistic traditions? Evelyn continues to be deeply unqualified for this kind of speculation, but surely something in that direction is a better explanation for...everything about Iomedae...than "she's not believably Mormon so she must be lying"?) 

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Jeremy will also bow his head respectfully without repeating the prayer, and beam at his plate of ratatouille. "This smells incredible. - Iomedae, what does it mean that God took some sort of knowledge out of lost lands? I don't think I know that Bible story but it sounds really cool." 

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"Long ago Azlant was great place, rich like this country, cheap clothes like this country. But they go to war with - I don't know the name - and a great rock fall out of the sky on them and they destroyed and the sun not rise ten ten ten years and everybody starve, except God help them. - this when God a human, ten ten ten ten years ago."

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"Cool!"

....That's just Atlantis. Who taught this kid a weird fake Bible story where Jesus went to Atlantis. Was born in Atlantis? Actually, you know what, there is absolutely someone out there on the Internet who has a 'Jesus was born in Atlantis' headcanon and a conspiracy page website about it. It's still really really bizarre that this non-English-speaking kid who turned up in hand-spun clothes, who had apparently never seen plumbing let alone the Internet, was raised unironically believing that. 

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Evelyn is mostly staring at Iomedae and trying to figure out the math. If she means ten to the power of four, 10,000 years is way too long, but it would be even more ridiculous if she meant forty years. Maybe she's just - gesturing at big numbers, and means 'a really long time' and 'an even longer time' but that...doesn't feel like how Iomedae talks. 

"Iomedae," she says in a light friendly tone, "when you learned about God from your family, how long did they say God had been human?"

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"A really long time! God was a great hero, so great he not grow old and die like most people. - he did die, on the cross and probably some other times, but not of being old."

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Well then. That's - a pretty baffling set of claims that she is almost certain the Catholics would say was heretical ("and probably some other times"????) and - does sort of sound like the sort of thing you would get if a pagan group was "converted" and smushed Jesus together with one of their existing folk-mythology demigods or something. 

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Lily, having never been to church, has actually never heard that story! "God die'ow?" 

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"The law wanted to kill God! And He could easily have stopped them, but - because of some powerful god things he had set up in advance - if they killed Him He could take the burden of their evils onto Him, and when they die His suffering will count against their evils and they will go to Heaven even if their evils would otherwise meant they did not! I do not know how He did it or if we can do it too! I hope so!"

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Evelyn did not actually have time to catch Iomedae's eye and try to remind her via eyebrow waggles that Lily is a small child who does not need to hear about torture, but...that wasn't too bad, Lily mostly looks mildly puzzled rather than upset. 

 

 

"or if we can do it too"????????????????

 

- you know, of bizarre heresies to come up with, that absolutely sounds like one that originated with Iomedae. 

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Lily looks like she is in the middle of cogitating some VERY IMPORTANT thought that involves saying lots of words, which she is effortfully lining up. 

"How'uman d'na God? N'we dodat?" 

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LILY

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Evelyn will just be right here eating ratatouille with an extremely normal smile, how about that. 

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"We can do that! God wants us to do that, so we can help Him fix everything!"

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...Yeah she's got nothing. 

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"YAH! PAZE GOD'N CO'SO!" 

 

 

...Pause. Lily looks puzzled again. "...Wassa call God? W'na pe'sn. D'havuvver name?"

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"Where I grow up we call Him Aroden!"

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Huh. That...does sound like a case of Jesus Christ smushed together with some mythological hero she's never heard of. It might be enough to narrow down Iomedae's origins?

Though Evelyn still kind of expects that not to work. (Also, where the heck did the Atlantis bit come from???) 

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"A'den," Lily says thoughtfully, and smiles. "Fik'vything." 

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Evelyn is incredibly tired. Not physically, she actually got some extra sleep this morning, but her brain is worn out from running in circles and trying to stay a step ahead of Iomedae and figure Iomedae out. She - definitely has the itchy background feeling that she's Making Assumptions, just...not enough energy to pin down where they might be the wrong assumptions. Tomorrow, maybe. 

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Probably that's more than enough interrogating Iomedae about her religion. Jeremy will change the topic to asking Lily about her week at school, and making jokes until she nearly falls out of her chair laughing. 

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Jeremy seems to be an honorable man. She will not let her guard down but she will smile encouragingly at Lily, and eat her dinner, and make conversation where there's opportunity.

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By the time they finish dinner, and ice cream for dessert, it's Lily's bedtime. She is in fact drooping and will hopefully fall asleep quickly, but is disappointed to miss out, and demands three stories from Jeremy AND the 'p'tty sog' from Iomedae. 

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Iomedae is happy to sing for Lily! She'll sing the same song as last night, if Lily liked that one. 

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And then it's still not very late for the adults who don't go to bed at 7:30 pm. Jeremy thinks they should watch a movie!

(...Normally this would be a great opportunity to watch the sorts of movies that you can't watch with a seven-year-old around, but Iomedae might not like a lot of American movies aimed at adults. They can watch Harry Potter? The first Harry Potter movie definitely doesn't have sex in it. Some very religious people think magic is Satan's work but, like, probably those aren't the same religious people who think Jesus is from Atlantis and wants his followers to also become gods.) 

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Evelyn will try to convey very clearly that this is a pretend story with actors pretending to be characters and using technology to do special effects. She can just see Iomedae assuming otherwise that there are real wizard schools out there. She's seen this movie about fifteen times but she doesn't mind watching it again, and it might make it easier to explain confusing parts to Iomedae without having to pause it a lot. 

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The movie starts with dramatic music and a dark foggy night and a baby and a very large man riding a flying motorcycle. The characters speak with a different accent than Evelyn or Jeremy, which makes it even harder for Iomedae to catch all the words. 

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Iomedae feels stressed and trapped again, but this time can identify it as just that she hasn't done any real physical work all day, and can partially soothe herself by sitting on the floor and supporting her whole weight with her hands and shoulders in various configurations while they watch the movie.

 

The words rarely make any sense but the events mostly do! There is absolutely no reason one would expect motorcycles not to fly or babies not to be left on the doorsteps of relatives if there are no wild animals around. It further makes perfect sense that this place, which is very rich, can send all children who are smart enough to be wizards to wizard school! Iomedae is not taking the explanation about actors as evidence against there being wizard schools in Reno. Wizard schools are an obvious extension of the concept of 'schools'. She has not herself been invited to go to wizard school because she is not smart enough. 

 

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Other events in the movie: there is an animated hat that appears to be involved in assigning children to different classes! Characters can fly by sitting on broom handles! There is some kind of flying sport and the main character, Harry, is very good at flying! He and his two friends sneak where they aren't supposed to and find an enormous three-headed dog! The female friend is cornered by an enormous monstrous humanoid (that Jeremy clarifies for her is a 'troll') and has to be rescued! 

Eventually they need to fight their way through an underground dungeon full of puzzles and dangerous obstacles! At which point Harry has a confrontation with a teacher who turns out to be ??possessed?? by the villain who killed Harry's parents! (Jeremy will narrate this for Iomedae, if she hadn't been following that part, it's important character development.) 

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None of these things are particularly surprising to Iomedae! They are the kind of thing that happens all the time! The wizards assailed by a troll would be fine if they had a holy warrior, but they don't, because it's a wizard school not a holy warrior school. 

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Iomedae seemed to be enjoying that, at least! It's past 9 pm by the time they finish. Jeremy joins them for a post-movie glass of milk and cookie at the kitchen table, but says he'd rather not stay the night, given that he has a choice of the downstairs sofa or the "baby room" next to Lily's. 

(Jeremy's former room when he lived here - and where he still sleeps over if it's available - is the room currently occupied by Iomedae, which Jeremy has the tact not to mention. Evelyn also suspects he wouldn't mind the sofa, and is in fact begging off because he's picked up that Iomedae might feel a bit uncomfortable about a strange man in the house, even if she otherwise seems to have calmed down about Jeremy's presence. This also doesn't seem like something to bring up.) 

 

"How did you like the movie?" she asks Iomedae brightly over milk and cookies. 

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"I like it! The box is a good thing. The talking too fast but I will study and get better English."

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"You are getting better! I'm sure it's good practice, even if it's a bit fast. - Jeremy, love, can the TV play things slower?" 

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Jeremy looks thoughtful. "I know you can with videos on the computer, but I've never tried before. I'll go look it up and if you can I'll show you." He winks at her. "And write you a little cue card so you don't forget." Glance over at Iomedae. "Mom is really incompetent at all this new techy stuff." 

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"Look, it's not my fault they keep inventing doodads. There weren't DVD players when I was your age." 

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"Of course not. How does the line go? 'When I was your age, kid, we had to watch TV by drawing cavepictures on rocks and moving them real fast.'" 

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...Okay but, jokes aside, that might leave Iomedae actually genuinely confused about the rate of technological progress. "There were already TVs when I was little," Evelyn assures her. "In color, even, I think that was invented in...1950 or so? We just didn't have as many different channels, and there weren't portable movies you could stick into the box and play, just what was already playing on the TV broadcast."

She pauses, thinking. "...There were VCRs already, actually, those are pretty old, we just didn't own a VCR player. My friend did. And of course we could go to the cinema, and see movies like that up on the big screen." 

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"Watch world get better in your life is see hand of God!"

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"- Awwwwww okay that's actually really sweet. I want to go to her church." (Well. Leaving aside the weird Jesus-is-from Atlantis take, which does sound sort of culty.) 

To Iomedae, "- Mom's church is fine but it's, like, pretty boring. We sort of stopped going very often with all the kids in and out all the time." 

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"Tomorrow Mass, if you want go with me! I no understand the services here very good though. At home I love church. One time for three months I speak only Scripture."

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....Right, they probably should take Iomedae to Mass. And not just leave her there and go out for coffee, that wouldn't be very supportive. Can Lily sit through an entire Mass? ....She would probably be overjoyed to go, actually, but can she sit through a Mass without screaming about praising God and Costco at inopportune moments, no almost certainly not. Maybe there's a children's Mass...

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Jeremy looks kind of impressed! "Wow. How did that work? Like, did you quote random scripture, or did you answer questions and stuff except you'd dig up just the right quote for it?" 

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"I was not allowed to say disobedient things. I say, is scripture disobedient? My father say, no. So I learn lots and always answer with God say the things I wanted to say."

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"....Okay, that's kind of incredible, nice. Does God say a lot of disobedient things in Scripture?" 

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"Yes!! God not very obedient at all. That why they kill him that one time."

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Evelyn has a very hard time not bursting out laughing. "That's a pretty good point," she manages in an almost-normal tone. Her lips are only slightly twitching. 

(She's also feeling weirdly proud of Iomedae. What a clever way to push back against the limitations her parents wanted to place on her! ...It doesn't sound like an abusive family, overall, with how Iomedae talks about, but definitely a bit controlling and - well, patriarchal. Evelyn is, once again, impressed with Iomedae for managing to get out. And - sad, that she can't make the transition any easier.) 

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"What sorts of things did you want to say, that your parents would've thought were disobedient if it wasn't literally Scripture?" 

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"I no have all the words but - that it the duty and power of children grow past their parents and gods. That no man matter more than any other and no woman any less. That the world shape to our will. That ambition great virtue."

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Jeremy is tempted to pump his fist and say 'girl power!' but he's not sure if that would be weird for Iomedae so he doesn't.

"That's really cool," he says instead, though internally he's trying to think where you would even find quotes expressing that sentiment in the Bible, of all places. It doesn't feel very Biblical. Though maybe the weird cult sect that thinks Jesus is from Atlantis have their own bonus Scripture, like the Mormons. ...Actually it would make a lot more sense of Iomedae if she'd grown up reading weird bonus Scripture about Jesus in Atlantis. Jeremy kind of wants to hear more about it now but it feels awkward to ask. 

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"It's quite impressive," Evelyn agrees. She feels like the movie gave her some time to find her mental balance, but she's pretty tired and the conversation is already making her feel out of her depth again. And she can't even go to bed, because she needs to write her log notes. 

Though at least Iomedae knows the pre-bedtime routine now, and is trustworthy to amuse herself and go to bed on her own while Evelyn shuts herself in the study. She doesn't normally do that, but she really doesn't want to be up late again tonight. 

"Jeremy, love," she says, "why don't you go look up the DVD thing? And maybe show Iomedae how to slow down videos on the computer, too. After that I need it, I have emails to send before bed." 

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Jeremy will go consult the might of Google on how their DVD player controls work. Man, it's too bad Iomedae can't read yet, because then he could show her WIKIPEDIA. Iomedae is going to love Wikipedia. Wikipedia is absolutely an act of homage to Cool Atlantis Jesus. (He doesn't say that part out loud.)  

He can try to show her how to speed up and slow down videos on Youtube, too, though it's probably pretty confusing if you've never used a computer before and can't read English. 

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Yeah having never interacted with electronics before in any capacity Iomedae is at a serious disadvantage but she will diligently try to learn (while maintaining quite a bit of physical distance from Jeremy.)

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...Jeremy is unsurprised and will scoot as far over as he can on Evelyn's office chair so there's lots of room for her to be not-too-close to him. 

It turns out the DVD player does have controls for playback speed. Jeremy takes Evelyn over and shows her and makes her do it herself and then makes her a flashcard that includes a picture. He's kind of teasing her, but only a little, he thinks there's still some chance she'll be calling him next week asking for help about it. 

 

And then Evelyn can have her computer and Jeremy will head out, promising to rejoin them at breakfast for the coveted treat of fresh Costco croissants. 

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Evelyn tells Iomedae that she has some things to do on the computer. Does Iomedae need any help finding things to get ready for bed or is she all set? If she gets hungry again tonight she's of course welcome to anything in the fridge or cupboard. (Evelyn absolutely does not expect Iomedae to take her up on this, but she is a growing girl with a lot of muscle.) 

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"Thank you, ma'am. I do not need help to get ready for bed." 

 

She will go upstairs and wash (not draw a whole bath) and follow Evelyn's bizarre other bedtime tooth care rituals and change into the borrowed pajamas again, and pray, for guidance and wisdom and generosity and for the souls of the dead and for Aroden to end Hell already, and then she will sleep on the floor with her swiss army knife under her pillow. 

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And Evelyn will shut herself in the study and stare at an empty text document. 

 

...Where does she even start? There were so many things today. It feels like the longest day of her entire life. And, not to mention, there are a lot of things she feels...less than entirely comfortable...about relating to Diel, given the attitude displayed before. 

Okay. Focus. She wants to be quick about this and get to bed, so - start at the beginning, and go through in order, and if her notes are less meticulously thorough than usual for early in a placement, it's not like Diel will notice she is not going to be deliberately lazy. Just. Apply some judgement to how she phrases things, is all. That's a completely normal thing to do. 

Iomedae was up early with my other foster child (Lily, 7yo girl, learning disability and suspected abuse) and had a conversation that resulted in the two of them cleaning the kitchen before I was awake, as a "surprise" and for Lily to make up for breaking some of my things. I didn't punish either of them, since Lily assumed it was okay to open the cleaning supplies cupboard with a big girl there and Iomedae had no way of knowing otherwise; I explained that cleaning is my job, and then asked Iomedae privately what she had said to Lily. It wasn't terribly inappropriate, but I made sure she knew that it would be inappropriate to talk to Lily about Hell. 

Iomedae continues to learn English very diligently; I found her some worksheets and videos. She accompanied us on errands to Costco and Walmart, and seemed to be very impressed, describing it as "man building Heaven in the world". She continues to seem intensely guilty about spending money on herself rather than helping the poor, though I've tried to reassure her that this is a perfectly normal amount to spend on food and clothing in America and not especially extravagant. Iomedae prefers to dress modestly and avoid bright colors, and I've also noticed that she had some anxiety around meeting my adult son; she may have been taught to be cautious about socializing with unrelated men. My son handled it sensitively and there were no real issues. 

Iomedae continues to be distressed that she isn't allowed to work and earn money, and that she isn't allowed to carry a sword when she leaves the house. She is clearly used to being treated as an adult with adult responsibilities. I've tried to explain that a suburb in Reno is much safer than what she's used to, but I think she was alarmed that Lily isn't allowed to walk places alone, I suspect that in her culture children were supervised less and given more freedom. Iomedae continues to admit openly that she's considering leaving (in particular, going somewhere where it's not illegal to work without papers, which she seems very confident is a thing), though I don't think she sees it as running away, since in her worldview she's an adult. I've tried to approach it as sensitively as I can, and emphasize how going to school and learning more about America will make it easier for her to help the poor.

I did ask Iomedae some questions about the details of her religion. It may be some kind of polytheistic blend with Christianity; she mentioned praying to a number of other "gods" (the word she used, though the specifics sounded like she could be talking about Catholic saints). She said her family would pray to an "Erastil" for the harvest, and "Dezna" for safe travel, and an "Abadar" for prosperity, and a "Shelynne" for love or "Jaydee" for a husband; I'm obviously guessing at the spellings here. Her family also called Jesus by a different name, "Aroden". I've tried some Google searches for different spellings of the names, searching for both saints and figures from other cultures' mythology, and haven't turned up anything, so I'm not sure what to make of it. Some of what she says about Jesus/"Aroden" is also pretty unusual. The most notable to me is that she said Jesus/"Aroden" wants everyone to become a god and help defeat Hell, which is certainly not a Biblical interpretation I've ever heard before. She has very black-and-white views on churches and on priests, claiming that God personally chooses priests and they can never be bad people. She also definitely believes in miraculous healing. 

It's definitely leaving a lot of things out, but Evelyn honestly cannot be bothered to rake over her memory any further. Usually the process of writing up notes is sort of steadying, helping her sort through the events of an overwhelming day and leaving her feeling less confused and off-balance. Evelyn...isn't sure that's true, this time. She's getting to know Iomedae, for sure, accumulating a longer list of Iomedae's traits and preferences and reactions to situations, but on some level she's even more confused. 

- not helpful to sit here beating herself up over not being able to instantly figure out what Iomedae needs to relax and feel safe and happy here. Evelyn has to trust herself, and more important has to go to BED so she'll be rested for tomorrow, which promises to be just as intense. 

She goes to bed. 

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Lily actually sleeps in a bit later than usual, but is awake at 6:15 am and padding over to Iomedae's room. She knocks. "I c'in?" 

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"Of course!" Iomedae woke at sunrise and changed out of her pajamas and is studying her swiss army knife, though she puts it away when Lily knocks.

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Lily wants a hug and to hear more stories about things that God did! ...And whether God likes dogs. Iomedae never did answer that bit. 

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Iomedae will try to explain! "God likes dogs. God likes dogs because, long ago, when world was new, there no dogs. There only - big scary things kind of like dogs, but not. And people have to do all the things dogs do like listen for bad men and catch animals. But over lots time, they made friends the big scary things kind of like dogs, and raised some babies of the big scary things, and made dogs. And now dogs listen for bad men and catch animals, and people stronger and richer. Step on path to Costco and to Heaven."

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That's a good story! Lily didn't know that there didn't used to be dogs and people had to make dogs! She's very happy that someone tried to make dogs, dogs are good. The neighbors have a dog and he barks in the nighttime sometimes, but it's not scary, because he's there to scare bad people away. 

Lily wants to hear more stories about things God made and things that God likes because people made them! 

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Iomedae has some more vocabulary from last night's movie! God made magic. Well, there was magic before God, but it was lost when Azlant fell, and God is the one who passed on all of the magic that is known these days. God made part of Heaven though other parts are older than Him. God likes how man made plants the same way they made dogs, picking the most obedient ones. 

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God made MAGIC?????? What kind of magic? Is it like wizards in stories? What does the magic do? Can you fight bad people with it? 

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"Most stories about magic probably about real magic but maybe some storytellers not know everything about powerful magic, make things up. Magic do all kinds of things. Picture boxes, clean clothes. Fight bad people, yes."

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"Mummy sa'it NOT re'm'gic," Lily points out. "P'ete'd m'gic." 

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"I don't know what your mummy means by re'magic or p'ete'd magic. I don't know much about the kinds of magic. Maybe those things are p'ete'd magic."

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Trying to explain what pretend means sounds hard, that would be so many words. Lily shrugs, and asks to hear stories about God fighting bad people when he was a person. 

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Iomedae knows a bunch of those, though she'll have a bit of a time repeating them! God repelled an invasion by the terrifying warlord Imictal while He and Arazni were working together in Xopatl. God led an army into the Abyss to fight the demon lord Ibdurengian, who wanted to kill all the people of Azlant. God fought Tar-Baphon himself and beat him but Tar-Baphon came back recently. 

 

Iomedae proposes that while she tells more stories of God they go make breakfast. She thinks she remembers how to make pancakes.

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Making pancakes would be fun but Lily thinks the rule is that Mummy needs to be there when you use the stove. Lily isn't allowed to touch the stove at all and big kids are but she thinks it might still be the rule that they need to tell Mummy about it. She can go knock on Mummy's door, Mummy is usually awake at the same time as Lily. 

(Evelyn is in fact awake this time! Mostly. She opens the door wearing her dressing-gown and slippers in only a few seconds, at least.) 

"'Meday mek pa'cakes!" Lily explains. To Iomedae, "who 'Razi?" 

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"Arazni a great servant of God. When God human they work together make world better. Now she - I don't know the words - feather wings like a bird, but holy -"

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"Woooow." Lily also doesn't know the word for that. Mummy knows ALL the words though. "Mummy?" 

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"An angel, I think." That part at least makes perfect sense. "That's lovely." Maybe she can, by dint of googling every possible spelling variant, even pin down which Biblical angel that's referring to. 

They go downstairs. Evelyn puts the kettle on to make herself instant coffee, but lets Iomedae take the lead on pancakes, though she'll be right there if questions arise or if Iomedae seems to be about to do something risky.  

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Iomedae is not really sure how she would do anything risky, here, other than touching the hot metal, which she does not do. She observes Evelyn making instant coffee so she can learn how to make that too. (She does seem to be going off her memory of which measuring cups Evelyn used rather than off a sense of how much of each ingredient to use.)

"An angel!" she says happily. "Arazni an angel. In Heaven can be an angel if you want."

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"How lovely. What about if you don't want to be an angel, are there other options?" Evelyn says it more to make conversation than anything else. 

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"Yes. No a very good Heaven if it make you be an angel! Heaven no have make people be things. In the part Heaven where you no have to be good some people just be people forever. I think they wrong though. They should be good and fight Evil. But still maybe not angels, could be - other kinds things I no have words for. Little balls of light send messages on Heaven battlefields."

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"I don't know the word for that, sorry. They might also just be angels, I think there are lots of kinds of angels." 

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"Angels mean all the kinds? Then yes, more angels." She makes less pancakes than yesterday; it was a custom of the people she travelled with to fast before Mass, and it is not a custom where Iomedae is from but it seems to her like a good one. If nothing else it motivates one to make it to an early Mass.

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Evelyn is still pretty torn on what to do about Mass. None of the child-friendly Sunday services advertised on Google are at Catholic churches, and besides, Evelyn...is not Catholic...and feels slightly mortified at the concept of showing up at a Catholic church. She's not sure if it would be worse if she didn't know anyone there or if she did and ran into some acquaintances who were looking at her curiously wondering what on earth she was doing there. 

...Honestly, the thing that's going to happen here is that Evelyn is going to be a coward and take all of them to her usual Presbyterian church (where "usual" is, at this point, attending at Christmas and Easter, and random services here and there when she's between placements, or only has teenagers who spend the weekend out anyway.) At least the pastor knows her and knows that she fosters, and won't be baffled or giving her judgy looks if Lily bursts out in loud praise for God and Costco in the middle of the service. 

 

She compliments Iomedae on the pancakes, which in fact came out very believably pancake-like given that they were made by someone who first experienced using a stove yesterday. 

"If it's all right, I think we'll go to our family's usual church," she tells Iomedae. "It's called St John's. It might be a little different from the churches you went to with your friends, and - very different from when you were home with your parents, I'm sure. But they're very lovely, and they're understanding about children, I trust they'll be patient with Lily if she has to shout and run around a bit. The service isn't until ten-thirty so we don't have to go for a while." 

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"Yes, ma'am," says Iomedae, though she cannot really fathom the idea of a church that is not understanding about children, who are after all a majority of all people. She starts on cleaning the kitchen.

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(The US is a country where only one in five people is below the age of fifteen. In Evelyn's world, kids are definitely not the majority of people, and it's practically a stereotype that it's mostly the elderly who go to church.) 

She intercepts Iomedae. "No, no, you already made breakfast. It's my turn to clean up." 

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"....yes, ma'am." Iomedae is feeling restless, though. She would volunteer to go carry water, or walk the grounds, or train the animals, except no one seems to do those things here.

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Evelyn can recognize kids who need to burn off some energy! Usually it's because they have ADHD, but 'used to hard physical labor and under-exercised' probably feels a bit similar from the inside. 

"I think we're expecting Jeremy at eight or eight-thirty," she says, "but if he's up for a little adventure, there's no reason we can't bike to church instead of driving. Jeremy and I used to when it was just the two of us. You should be able to ride my bike, and I can take the tandem with Lily on the back, it's a bit far for her to bike on her own. ...You should probably practice first, if you've never ridden a bike before. Lily, want to show Iomedae your bike?"

Lily, of course, does not have stellar gross motor skills, and still has training wheels. Hopefully Iomedae will be able to pick it up quickly, because Evelyn does not have training wheels suitable for her adult-sized women's bike. 

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Iomedae possesses no particular advantages at learning how to bike except her indifference to falling over and skinning herself horribly. It's really quite different from riding a horse. An hour is probably enough time for her to make some progress all the same, though.

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After the second extra-large bandaid applied despite Iomedae's irritated look hinting that she does not feel she needs bandaids, Evelyn declares that she can practice in the BACKYARD. Which is hard mode in many ways, the grass isn't totally even, but at least falling will only result in grass stains. Evelyn does have some tips, and suggests she try peddling backward while Iomedae holds the bike up to see how that feels, and then walking around on the bike to get a sense of the steering while her feet are on the ground.

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Jeremy indeed arrives at 8:30, and spends a minute calling "hellooooo?" to the empty house before thinking to stick his head out into the backyard. "Oh, there you all are! Iomedae, what on earth have you done to your elbows?" 

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"Holy warriors usually wear metal clothes. Maybe this is why."

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"Okay, seriously, Mom. Get the girl elbow pads. She can have mine, they'll be in the sports box in the garage." He grins at Iomedae. "I think it'd look pretty absurd riding a bike in armor - and you'd get so hot! - but we have a solution." 

And shortly later Iomedae can have elbow and knee pads to accompany her helmet. They fit her reasonably well despite having been sized for a 16-year-old boy. 

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Lily thinks it's VERY FUNNY when Iomedae falls, and also VERY BRAVE of Iomedae that she hasn't even cried one time. She claps every time Iomedae gets up again. 

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Jeremy goes inside for lemonade and comes back out with three ham-filled croissants on a plate. "Did you guys forget I was coming over and have pancakes without me?" 

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"Iomedae wanted to make them for Lily!" Aaaaaaand Evelyn might have forgotten about croissants and breakfast. "That was at like 7:00 am, we can have a snack before we go to church. - We're biking, if you want to join us." 

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A family bike ride is honestly a bigger appeal than church, though also Jeremy can't wait to see what Iomedae is like at a normal service. "Yeah, sure." 

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Iomedae is happy about Jeremy's weird elbow armor. It doesn't seem like it'd be very useful in a fight but it does in fact work well for learning to ride a bike. 

 

"I am dirty and should new clothes for church," she declares.

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It's about 9:20 am; they arguably don't need to leave until 20 minutes before the service, but Evelyn wants to leave lots of wiggle room for incidents. "You definitely should, and you've got time for a quick shower too. Here, pass me the elbow pads and things, I'll see if I can get the grass stains off a bit. I think you should wear them for the ride there, though obviously you can take them off before we go in." She used to just throw them in the washing machine when Jeremy came back from his various sports practices, but they don't super have time for that, so Lysol wipes and scrubbing it'll have to be. 

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Iomedae has never before interacted with a shower. It is deeply unpleasant, like being in a strong but highly specific rainstorm, and after a few minutes she's miserably cold, but holy warriors don't care about such things. 

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She gets out of the shower and makes her hair look nice for church and puts on one of her new sets of clothes and tries to be a respectable person and not look like a drowned urchin. 

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"You look nice," Evelyn tells her, even though she mostly looks like someone deliberately trying to dress as a boy and also a peasant. 

...And whose lips are slightly blue. "Iomedae, love, did you have a cold shower? It does go on warm." Maybe it's a weird religious thing but maybe she just literally couldn't figure it out. 

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"Oh! That is a good idea, it going on warm. I did not know how make it go warm."

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"I'm so sorry! I can show you later once we get back, it's a bit different from the knobs on the sink or bathtub. ...Lily, love, finish your croissant and come upstairs to put a nice dress on, okay? We need to leave in about ten minutes." 

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Lily thinks she should wear a PRINCESS dress to church! 

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...Lily can wear a princess dress to church, sure. The back seat of the tandem bike isn't anywhere near the chain, so hopefully her taffeta skirt should be safe, but Evelyn is going to insist that Lily puts on leggings underneath and then bundle the skirt into a tail and scrunchie it in place, safely out of the way. 

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And they can head out at 9:45. Jeremy takes the lead but tries not to show off too much, Mom is...not the fittest...and Iomedae is the fittest but is still kind of learning. 

 

Most of the trip is on dedicated bike paths or quiet suburban roads or larger suburban roads with bike lanes. Some of it involves traffic lights and needing to avoid being hit by cars. Jeremy will gesture for them to stop before each tricky bit and make sure Iomedae knows it's coming up. 

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Iomedae will be attentive to the cause of not being trampled and left for dead by the local megafauna. It's a very important holy warrior life skill. Jeremy continues to seem like an honorable man.

 

She's so stressed. She's very glad it's Sunday and she can have Mass now.

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It takes them nearly half an hour to get there, but Evelyn has a lot of practice planning ahead, and even with the time it takes to lock up the bikes and remove helmets (and padding, for Iomedae) and deal with mussed hair, they still walk in ten minutes early for the service.

It's in a large building with a high ceiling, the interior mostly a single hall with wood-paneled walls and a large cross and pulpit at the front, with benches behind it for the choir. The pews are mostly empty, though a few elderly women are mingling in the aisle, and one family is already their with their teen children. 

Obviously nearly everyone present knows Evelyn, and she's immediately waylaid to go catch up with the gossiping ladies. 

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Wow, Jeremy hasn't been to church since last Christmas and it's giving him a weird burst of childhood nostalgia. ...Also he has a bizarre intrusive desire to yell PRAISE GOD AND COSTCO. He is not going to do that. 

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Lily has decided that the pews are an obstacle course and she is going to run up and down all of them. She is only mildly dissuaded by the fact that some of them are occupied. 

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"Lily, in church children must be so quiet. Do you know why?"

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Lily would absolutely not stop running around if Mummy said that but Iomedae still has enough novelty value to get a lot of attention. "Yah? Why?" 

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"Well, there are going to be hundreds of children here. So what if each of them makes even a little bit of noise? There'll be two hundred noise!"

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That's so many children! That's, like, her entire school! Where are they going to fit, this isn't as big as Lily's entire school. She looks slightly worried about this. 

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"I don't think there are hundreds even at Christmas," Jeremy says dubiously. "Maybe, like, fifty at the kids' Christmas service. I dunno how many families come on a random Sunday, I maybe haven't been on a random Sunday in...sort of a long time."

Jeremy RESENTS feeling weirdly guilty about skipping Boring Church just because Iomedae might retroactively judge him. He would totally go to Cool Atlantis Jesus church. ...He starts amusing himself imagining what the sermons at Cool Atlantis Jesus church would be like. 

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There are not, in fact, even fifty children. Maybe thirty, by the time all the families have trickled in and people are making their way to their seats; with parents included (surprisingly often only one parent) that adds up to fiftyish people. There are another fortyish older people, some couples and some coming in alone and some coming as apparently a group of friends. There is a surprising dearth of anyone older than Jeremy and younger than thirty, except for mothers with kids. 

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This city is the biggest city Iomedae has ever seen. If half the houses they passed were inhabited, and half those people came to church, everyone wouldn't fit. 

Iomedae looks around at the demographics, kind of puzzled, but points out to Lily that even thirty children is enough that if the children make noises, no one will learn about God, and then they won't get to go to paradise or build it on Earth.

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There's an organ prelude, once most people are seated; the start of the music quickly prompts the remaining minglers to find a seat, which isn't hard because the pews are at most a third full. After the organ music stops, the pastor goes up to the front and there's a call-and-response; the audience response is very not together - Lily is mostly mumbleyelling semi-random words and probably so are some of the other kids - but the pastor's bit is spoken slowly enough for Iomedae to understand, and Evelyn knows the whole thing and is trying to speak loudly and clearly for Iomedae's benefit.  

We do not live by bread alone

But by every word that comes from the mouth of God

The sacrifice acceptable to God is a humble spirit

We will strive to follow the way that leads to abundant living

There's a hymn! There are hymnals in the pews, which Jeremy has to hastily consult, but Evelyn has the whole thing memorized, and it's not exactly useful to Iomedae anyway. There's organ accompaniment and the music is tune and easy to follow. 'God' and 'Lord' can occasionally be picked out as Evelyn sings them, but singing is pretty hard to follow. 

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This is well within the range of Iomedae's expectations about how church services go! It's hard to understand English when the speakers aren't deliberately being slow and clear for her, but the snatches she gets are usually reasonable things. She makes a mental list of words to ask about at the end, like 'humble' and 'abundant'.

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There is a prayer of confession, which also has a (different, junior) pastor speaking up front and the congregation repeating after sections; it's harder to follow, the junior pastor has a Southern accent and speaks fast. 

Afterward is a special children's session! All of the children are invited to come up to the steps and sit with the junior pastor, who is smiling and friendly and welcoming to them. (The children who go up are roughly up to the age of ten or twelve; Evelyn doesn't seem to expect Iomedae to join them.)

And, in fact, Iomedae is very quickly going to learn a definition of 'abundance', because the brief children's session is mostly a lesson on what this word means! Abundance means, more or less, 'having more than we need', and is explained in detail with the example of a 'Thanksgiving table', which sounds like some kind of harvest feast where it's traditional to cook way more food than all the visiting family will actually eat. It's quite easy for Iomedae to follow, since the junior pastor is trying very hard to speak loudly and clearly for the children's benefit. 

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Lily is ENTHRALLED and also inspired to loudly praise God and Costco several times, which - given the semi-appropriateness of this exhortation in the circumstances of the lesson - gets a lot of giggles. 

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Iomedae has never found anyone else's accounts of God as compelling as His own words and His own works but at least it doesn't seem like these people are missing the point. 

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The children are ushered out for children's crafts and Bible-themed activities. 

 

...Lily is stressed and wants Evelyn to walk her over. Evelyn makes an apologetic face at Iomedae and mouths 'I'll be right back, you stay.' 

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There is a reading from the gospel of John, which is not quite read clearly or slowly enough for Iomedae to get every word but she can catch the gist, at least of words she knows.  

"Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber.

The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep.

The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.

When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

Jesus used this figure of speech, but the Pharisees did not understand what he was telling them.

Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep.

All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them.

I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.

They will come in and go out, and find pasture.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

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God is very good and Iomedae loves Him and trusts Him and plans to spend her life in His service and remind Him every day to end Hell. She listens very attentively, with an expression of great urgency and determination, and at the end she weeps.

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Evelyn comes back around this point, and can't actually stop herself from resting her hand briefly on Iomedae's shoulder, though she manages not to give her a hug like she REALLY REALLY wants to. She sort of missed what the poignant moment was but she can imagine. 

There's another hymn, this one more serious in tone. 

The sermon is long, nearly twenty minutes, and only partially comprehensible, but seems to be a deeper analysis into the metaphor or 'figure of speech' of God as a shepherd. If Iomedae is following it right, the passage is actually not written by God, but by a third party sometime after the particular actions being described. 

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Once she understands the language better and can read the English holy books she's going to be so much less confused. But - the spirit is recognizable anyway, even if she has a bunch of confusions she doesn't have the words for yet.

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Evelyn is really bad at sermons and mostly tunes this one out, except for the part at the end where there's a moderately upsetting anecdote about a child dying horribly in a bike race accident, though the followup with the parents forgiving the volunteers and truck driver involved and trying to make sure they wouldn't be crippled by guilt about it was genuinely quite sweet. She forgot how much this particular pastor tends to jump around in sermons, it honestly makes it kind of hard to follow the message even for fluent English speakers. There's also a mildly uncomfortable anecdote about people having arguments at a political rally that she really hopes Iomedae didn't catch much of, because Iomedae will have questions and Evelyn does not, actually, feel like having to get into the political rifts between various Christian sects in the US right now. 

After the sermon is...mostly more hymns, actually, though there's a section set aside for recognizing various people's Contributions To The Community And God's Work. Evelyn used to occasionally get called up for those but it's...been a long time. Probably to get publicly recognized by the pastor, you need to not only do good works, but also show up on Sundays often enough to reliably be there for a callout. 

 

Afterward the children run back in (Lily had a wonderful time and made a PICTURE of a SHEPHERD) and there's tea and lemonade and cookies at the back. Evelyn has a lot of catching-up small talk to do with people who haven't seen her in months and would be inclined to stay for half an hour unless Iomedae seems restless. 

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Iomedae really likes the story about the boy being killed in a horrible truck accident and his family having the abundance to forgive the people responsible and ensure they don't start to think of themselves in terms of the terrible mistake they made. That is correct, and she thinks a lot of what true holiness is; being someone who unravels in everyone else the knots and griefs and fears that keep them back from doing the right thing themselves. She is more confused by, but also likes, the story about people on opposite sides of some war being too angry with each other to recognize that in Axis they could sit down across a table from each other, and is gripped and appalled by the man in the story who says he'd rather go to Hell. 

("He wouldn't," she says audibly-to-Evelyn, at that part. "He wouldn't, if he really knew!")

 

When the sermon is over she is not in the mood for tea and lemonade and cookies but in the mood to pray silently in her pew for that man in particular, and then for everyone else and for God to fix Hell already. 

Then she'll get some tea and cookies, because she's very hungry. 

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...Well, at least Iomedae isn't asking her a lot of questions about what exactly the people disagreeing were fighting about, though also, yeah, she's pretty sure people just use "I'd rather go to Hell" as a form of emphasis and that's kind of horrifying when you think about it.

She smiles and waves at Iomedae when Iomedae eventually stops praying and gets up for cookies. No wonder she's hungry, there was a whole bike ride and then a whole service and Iomedae didn't have croissants and didn't have a lot of pancakes. Lily is bouncing around fizzing with energy and very excited about shepherds and abundance and Costco. (Evelyn is once again deeply grateful that her church doesn't expect kids to sit through sermons.) 

 

     The pastor comes over to greet Evelyn and say how pleased he was to see her here. "And Jeremy too! It's been some time. And these must be your foster daughters?" 

Evelyn smiles back. "Well, you might be seeing a bit more of us for a while. My foster daughter Iomedae - the older girl - is very religious. Not - from here, we aren't sure what denomination, but she was happy to come here." 

    Nod. "She seems very sincere. It's wonderful to see in young people." 

It is slightly less wonderful if you're living with it including all the concerning parts of it, but Evelyn just smiles. "She's lovely. Practically the first conversation we had was about her wanting to work at a food bank to help the poor." Maaaaaybe she will not mention the fighting Hell part. If Iomedae mentions it then she'll...just have to see what happens. Probably it'll be fine. 

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Iomedae smiles brightly at the priest but does not speak unless addressed because these people think she is a child and a child would not be so entitled.

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Evelyn feels like perhaps something slightly concerning is going on in Iomedae's head, but she is also not feeling especially inclined to rock the boat right now. 

"So I'm sure we'll be back next week!" she says cheerfully. "All right, guys, we'd better head home and get some lunch before we're too hungry to bike that far." 

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Jeremy will rustle up Lily, who is hiding under a tablecloth surprising random adults with exhortations to praise God and Costco (she sat SO STILL and was SO QUIET earlier and has used up all of her sitting still and quietly), and they can head out. 

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Iomedae is slightly more competent at biking by the time they return to Evelyn's house. With not all of her attention consumed by not falling off the bike she has enough spare to be deeply confused about how it works; it has a bunch of clackety chains and metal parts. When she gets off it she gives it a searching look but the explanation is nonobvious. Probably it's a magic construct like cars.

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Jeremy sees her peering at the chain and looks amused. "Wanna watch a video about how bikes work? Gears are neat." 

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Evelyn will usher Lily in and start working on lunch. 

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"I would like watch a video how bikes work!"

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"A video of how bikes work, is the grammatical way to say it," Jeremy corrects, with a smile to soften the criticism. He felt weird and awkward about correcting Iomedae's English earlier, but she's picking things up so fast. 

He finds an instructional video on Youtube that looks to be aimed at sixth or seventh graders. It has lots of animated visualizations of gears turning, and works up through simple gears and pulleys to a video of an actual bicycle, starting with a simple one-speed kind and then progressing to a multi-geared bike and showing an animated cutout of the derailleur for changing gears, which is more confusing to follow. 

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Iomedae is captivated. "Huh, it is not magic?"

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"....Nnnno? I, uh, don't think magic is a real thing."

Oh no does her weird cult believe in literal magic. That's so awkward. It doesn't seem like it would be Cool Atlantis Jesus' deal but that isn't going to stop weird cult people, is it. 

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"Maybe I pick the wrong word. I mean, it is not thing only wizards can do?"

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"....No." Jeremy is genuinely unsure whether Iomedae is confused because her weird Atlantis Jesus sect believes magic is real or because of Harry Potter. "There - aren't any things like that. I mean, the first person to invent a bicycle had to be pretty smart, to come up with the idea, but - they're just made in factories now. Uh, do you know what factories are?"

Cool Atlantis Jesus would be really into factories, he thinks. Well, except for the child labor stuff, that's not very cool. 

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"I do not know what factories are. ...God could do - raise islands out of sea. Make food and shelter in the time of darkness. Return from dead. Take armies to fight demon lord."

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"- Yeah, okay, when God was a person I'm sure God could do crazy miracle things." That part is in the normal Bible and everything. "But none of the things you'll see in this house or on the computer are magic, we don't know how to do crazy miracle things, just how to make things. Out of stuff."

Youtube video of a factory assembly line with robots machining parts? 

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That is extremely cool and Iomedae doesn't know enough about anything to know if it should violate her expectations about the universe or not! Prestidigitation is not crazy miracle things. She will not try to argue the point right this minute, anyway, except to point out "God still do miracle things through priests and holy warriors".

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"Mmm-hmm." Contesting that is solidly in the realm of 'arguing with someone about their religion' which is unimaginably rude, and so Jeremy is going to leave it alone. "Factories aren't magic, though. Neither is this." He pats the computer. "I mean, couldn't make it, but mostly 'cause it takes hundreds of people. And I can give it instructions to do things, I'm not, like, good at it, but I took a programming class." 

Programming is a pretty abstract topic, but does Iomedae want to see a video on car manufacturing? 

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Yes but it's not going to persuade her that magic isn't involved because she's pretty sure in Azlant magic items were made in - factories, though the holy book didn't use that word, just that they weren't made by individual craftsmen at home slowly and at great expense. 

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Jeremy cannot read Iomedae's mind and is oblivious to her continued assumption that factories involve magic. He'll track down a video sequence for her on the history of computing and show her a video on the Jacquard loom, which he plays at 0.75 speed but which is still kind of hard to follow, and he ends up pausing a lot to cover background he's pretty sure Iomedae won't have. 

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Evelyn makes a big vegetable-laden pasta salad for lunch, to be served alongside the rest of the croissants and a platter of fillings to choose between. She calls them over for it about 40 minutes after getting home.

(Lily already had a snack and Evelyn had been choosing to assume that Iomedae filled up on cookies enough to fuel the bike ride home and was fine, since she hadn't mentioned being desperately hungry. Evelyn suspects Iomedae would never ever complain about being hungry, but she can't actually live her entire life hovering and trying to persuade Iomedae to eat more.) 

 

"I was thinking," she says over the lunch table. "A lot of things are closed on Sundays, but what about a trip to the science museum this afternoon?"

Lily loves the children's exhibits and activities, and it's probably genuinely educational for Iomedae. Also, it has a PLANETARIUM. Evelyn is planning to surprise Iomedae with that bit. 

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Iomedae is in fact ravenously hungry but she'll solve this by eating quite a lot of pasta, if there's visibly enough to go around.  Abundance!!

 

"I don't know 'museum', ma'am."

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(There is visibly a ton of pasta to go around, though between the two of them Jeremy and Iomedae can put quite a dent in it.)

"Museums are great! It's - basically a place where you can walk around and see educational examples of - all sorts of things, there are art museums with famous paintings and history museums with old pottery dug up from thousand-year-old villages and stuff. This is a science museum, so it has stuff like the video you and Jeremy were watching on gears and how they make bicycles work, and then way more things. There are staff who know a lot about how they work and can answer questions, and it's all meant to be fun for children Lily's age and for grownups." 

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"It's really cool!" Jeremy assures Iomedae. He stopped attending family science museum trips years ago, they don't swap in new exhibits very often and it got boring, but seeing Iomedae's face is going to be an entire exhibit of its own. 

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"It sounds very good but we have not fed the poor yet."

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Oh no she did completely forget to leave any food bank donations at Costco, didn't she. "Iomedae, the food bank is also closed on Sundays - remember I said it wasn't open on the weekend? the weekend is Saturday, that's yesterday, and today as well - but we'll go tomorrow." 

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"The food bank closed on holy day? But that is when worker not work all sun hours."

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"...Yeah, honestly I thought it was weird too! I didn't actually look at all the secular - not run by a church - food banks." Honestly she spent five minutes looking at all and kind of stopped on the first Catholic-affiliated one that looked legit. "And I sort of thing the Internet isn't the best place to look and we should ask the person at the food bank that's open tomorrow what all the other good ones are. But I can have more of a look now, and then maybe we can pick out some food from my cupboard to donate, and drop it off and then go to the museum? I do want to go to the museum, Lily loves it and you'll learn lots of new English words there." 

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Jeremy groans loudly. "Mom, let me look up food banks." He rolls his eyes at Iomedae. "Mom is, like, really bad at Google. S'like how she's bad at TV controls. They didn't have Google when she was my age." 

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"Maybe I should have talk to the priest even though he not believe I holy warrior."

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"Yeah, maybe. I'm sorry I didn't think of it. He probably would know." 

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....Jeremy is just going to take himself off to Evelyn's closet-study to Google things. It seems like it might be really important to Iomedae, and it's already past noon, finding anything open today at all is going to be time-sensitive. 

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"You could also go to the museum and I could go back to my friends if they still in Reno working."

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This is kiiiind of awkward to handle.

"Iomedae, know that you're responsible enough to be okay," probably, maybe, sort of, "but it's a rule, it's my job to make sure that you're safe. So I can't just drop you off without knowing anything about your friends and what they're like." 

 

(This is not entirely true. Evelyn has looked after children younger than Iomedae who had very dubious friends - in some sense way more dubious than the friends Iomedae is describing, who sound pretty wholesome aside from the whole being undocumented immigrants thing - and she wasn't allowed to physically stop them from leaving the house, and was in some cases - with certain social workers, she very clearly remembers which ones - actively discouraged from bringing it up or mentioning her discomfort, which she thinks was ENTIRELY REASONABLE discomfort.

..She's - not, currently, dealing with a social worker pushing in either direction - at least as far as she knows, she hasn't had a chance to check her email for a reply from Diel. All she has to go on is that she feels pretty iffy about, what, randomly dropping Iomedae off vaguely near where her illegal migrant friends are working?) 

 

Iomedae must be so frustrated about all of this. And it feels like there might be a lot of trust at stake - well, lately every conversation with Iomedae feels like that, but this one at least offers a right answer, or if not that, an answer.

...She can't take Lily with her to meet Iomedae's migrant friends, but Jeremy's available, and police-checked, and Lily adores him, he could keep her occupied. 

 

"- I could take you to meet them, if you know where they might be? And if I've met them, and they seem - nice, and like they'd look after you - then I might be okay letting you spend time with them on your own, later." 

(This is absolutely not fostering best practices and Evelyn is already cringing at the thought of having to elide all of this when writing her log notes to Diel tonight. But. Diel isn't the one here, in the room, right now, trying to make sense of and work with Iomedae.) 

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"Martin is not there, he is in the hospital. The others safe, I know them six months no problems even when I not know talk to them. They follow God. They work. They not look after me, because I am not a child, but if I was a child, I would trust them look after me. If I was a child, I have lots more trust them than trust you.

And also - I a holy warrior, the person keeping me safe is me. You do not even carry a sword. You cannot keep me safe. But if you want come with me and meet them, you can do that."

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....Okay, wow, several parts of that were pretty ouch. Not that Evelyn feels like she can claim to be surprised. She definitely feels like she walked right into that one. She will smile so normally. 

"I know. We– I think I said this before, it's like you and I know how to live in different worlds -"

(Evelyn is abruptly acquiring a much more visceral sense of why they call it the 'First World' and 'Third World' and...okay there must also be a Second World and she's suddenly tempted to tell Jeremy to Google that too except for how that would be stupid.) 

"- and I'm sorry everything I have to say is so confusing, and probably seems very stupid to you, but in my world, someone who's fifteen is, yeah, a child. And also I just think it's - true - that you don't know all the laws here, and might break them by accident, and I feel better about that - not happening - if I'm there." 

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"You can come with me if you want! It make sense come with me to tell me laws. 

 

When I was child, my parents say I had to be twenty, to be holy warrior. And I obedient and was obeying. But then God said, no, Iomedae holy warrior now. And my parents sad, because they want me to be safe. But they love me, and they know - that God pick me? That means I not a child. That God no can make a holy warrior if not ready. That maybe I die, but I die serving God, and if they try to say no Iomedae, do not obey God, that is not loving me. And they know if they make me choose God or them, I choose God. So they - cry. And they hug me, and they angry with God, and say, God, she is still small. But also they see I am happy, and I am happy God called me. And they make me metal clothes, and give me sword, and go with me as far as Tisele. Because sometimes love someone is keep them safe. And sometimes love someone is raise them strong. And sometimes love someone is let them go."

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Wow. Oof. Okay. That's...a lot of things...

 

....Evelyn is not going to cry right now. That would be unprofessional, and wouldn't even help. Because, well, it's pretty clear at this point that Iomedae isn't someone who would cry at this particular provocation.

(Iomedae might cry at a church service, reminded of how Jesus died to save people from Hell, but - that's different - why is it different - Evelyn isn't actually sure why but it fits, somehow, in her sense of Iomedae, that church is a place where it's - okay to not be desperately oriented toward helping the poor, where it's okay to instead listen to a reading and cry, and that's not where they are right now...) 

- she still needs to come up with a response to the thing Iomedae just said, which is clearly incredibly important to her, and - it doesn't matter how much Evelyn still feels intensely confused about Iomedae's entire conception of God, and what it means to her to be a holy warrior, and - 

(Evelyn is pretty sure she's going to have emotions about - something - as soon as it's not a terrible idea because it would make her feelings Iomedae's problem.)

 

"I'm glad your parents raised you to be strong, and - were willing to let you go." 

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"I don't know what God plan for me.  I don't know that God not plan me meet you, and learn how to make laundry machines, and take that home and build Heaven in world. And I know I need stay where the court thinks for months so they can hear what happen Martin. And I know that grown enough holy warrior not same as grown enough never foolish, never in error, never need help. I mean to obey you, unless God say some different thing. But I am grown, and I obey you as grown woman, because this ordered by your government, and because this your home and all should obey you in your home. I had my child time. There too many people burn in Hell for me have more child time. God thinks I strong enough to mean my word, and find my way."

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And it's not like Evelyn has a counterargument to that, does she.

She's– it's not the time to throw her own emotions around, is it, so she's not going to - and she's confused, again, Iomedae keeps saying things that seem like they might be very important and also don't make any sense, don't quite fit into the picture Evelyn is trying very hard to build, here - 

- she's not going to show any emotions right now but she sure is having them. 

 

"I - don't know what God said to you, love, but - yeah, I think you're grown up enough to mean what you say." 

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Which is, of course, the moment at which Jeremy jogs back over to the kitchen with a scrap of notepaper in his hand. 

"Wow, Mom, you're in fact terrible at Google. ...Though, uh, sorry, Iomedae, I think there actually aren't any food banks open on Sunday afternoon, unless we want to drive to Carson City, which is three hours drive away so I'm pretty sure that's a no." 

....He makes a slightly apologetic face. "- Wasn't obvious. Ton of places are just open, like, one day a week. Or their website is hard to find. But there's definitely, like, three food banks that have hours on Saturdays, and we missed on that would've been open earlier this morning." 

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"Maybe next week I go to, and commend," it's a new vocabulary word from the sermon, "the food bank open on holy day and not on days when workers working. I was thinking maybe today we go to the people I live with until Friday, I say bye to children, I tell them la migra not get me, I tell God bless them."

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....Jeremy is feeling like he maybe missed some of the conversation here and it was important. 

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Evelyn smiles apologetically at him. 

"- Yeah. I - so I do really want to take Lily to the science museum at some point, okay? But Jeremy can play with her here for an hour or two, and - I understand why it's important to you to say goodbye to your friends, and tell them you're okay."

 

(She's not entirely sure what la migra means but she can guess, and - it's not exactly false that they got Iomedae, but the more important part here is that Iomedae is okay.)

 

"....Do you actually have an address I can drive to? Or a place on a map, I can pull up Google Maps...?" 

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"...I no have that. I could get there from the church where I bring Martin? Which was Holy Spirit Catholic Church in New Washoe."

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...Jeremy knows when to take a cue, and will go look that up. 

 

He's back less than a minute later. "It's like a 25 minute drive away. - I don't mind playing with Lily while you go over."

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(Lily got bored of sitting at the table ten minutes ago and is currently having a "fm'ly g'mmet" with her Barbies in the lounge.) 

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"Thank you, Jeremy. I do want go over. Next week they gone I think."

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...Yeah, this does seem like it might be a time-sensitive opportunity. 

"I understand," Evelyn hears herself say, even though this is very aaaaah and she is absolutely dreading writing her log notes for tonight. "I– thank you for trusting me with this, Iomedae." It feels like the right thing to say even though it sounds incredibly stupid to her and probably even stupider to Iomedae. "...I'll go start the car, okay? Why don't you go give Lily a hug and tell her we're going?" 

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Grandpa not-even-a-real-Barbie is currently being shoved into the duffel bag of legos so he can drown in a spiky lake of spiky lava. 

 

 

....Lily will belatedly look up at Iomedae if she walks over. 

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"Lily, I go speak to my friends. They no have work today because holy day. I back in some time. Evelyn go with me."

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...Lily runs at Iomedae and hugs her around the middle. "NO go!" 

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This was incredibly predictable and Evelyn is aware she could have avoided the whole thing by not telling Iomedae to give Lily a hug first before they left. 

 

...She gently peels Lily off Iomedae. "Lily, love, we're going to go have a boring grownup conversation. And Jeremy is going to stay here and look after you, yeah? Why don't you go tell Jeremy what toys you want to play with - I bet you've got some toys he's never even seen before -" 

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Lily is easily distracted. 

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Jeremy is definitely familiar with all of the toys Lily owns and Evelyn feels very slightly bad about being misleading– okay, well, maybe just lying - but mostly she wants to get out the door with Iomedae while it's still not quite 1 pm and they can maybe make it there and back and still manage to visit the science museum with its planetarium before it closes. 

 

She'll be at the door, putting her shoes on. 

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Iomedae will put her boots back on as well. 

 

"My father would say, is good sometimes tell child 'you not get thing you want because sun no rise just for you'. If you no say this, child maybe think sun do rise just for you."

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That's tricky enough to respond to that Evelyn is going to just...not...until they're in the car and she's put the destination address into her GPS, hoping that for once she can manage to not have a GPS disaster trying to follow its instructions to a place she's never driven before. 

 

"...Yeah," she manages, once they're a block away. "I think that's wise, and good advice. ...I don't think it's what Lily needs, right now, she's -" 

(This entire conversation is possibly a terrible idea but - if she's trusting Iomedae enough to drive her out to meet her illegal immigrant friends, which she clearly is, she should grant her some maturity...) 

"- Lily was treated very badly by the family she was born to. Probably - she hasn't been able to tell us, but - I've taken care of a lot of children, I've been doing this for twenty years, almost. And - I think living with me is the first time anyone has ever tried to put what she needs first. So - yes, she also needs to learn that sometimes she can't always have what she wants, but...." 

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"Lily mother father evil?"

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Wow that is hard to figure out a graceful response to while trying to focus on getting onto the highway. 

"...I don't know. I haven't met Lily's mother or father, but - I think someone who was around her was pretty evil, probably, yeah. ...Though sometimes mothers or fathers can't keep their children safe or take good care of them, and it's not because they're bad, just because they're - hurting too, and..."

Shrug. "I guess that doesn't excuse it, does it. Lily's - hurt, either way - and so I try to be very gentle with her, even when she behaves badly." 

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"People should do right thing even if hurting too. God hurting when he say - Padre, perdónalos -"

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".....Yeah."

Evelyn is currently driving a car, which is a very good reason not to randomly cry even though she has feelings.

"I know. But - I think God was stronger than - wow, I mean, probably any of us. And I think - I think God wouldn't want Lily's mother or father to burn in Hell." 

 

...was that an awful response. Evelyn has no idea. She's operating on half of her brain right now because she's trying to follow confusing GPS directions.

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"No! God not want that! God never want that for anybody! That why - padre, perdónalos - 

 

 

 

I don't know if God stronger than me. I very strong."

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....Okay she's gotten onto the right highway and the GPS is telling her she doesn't have to exit for a while.

 

"Yeah. You are very strong. I've seen that. But - you're still very young, and you - if you want to help people, here in Nevada, you - there's a lot you have to learn. I think God would - want you to take a step back and look around and try to understand - you're smart, Iomedae, I know you don't think so, but you're learning so much, so fast... But your - the things you learned from your parents, as a kid, I think a lot of them aren't true, here in America -" 

Half of that felt incredibly stupid to say out loud but Evelyn is genuinely unsure which half. 

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"I think you right. Things different here. God want me understand, so I can find what important. There is so much and it is so strange.

 

But I no want to - sleep on bed so soft, own so many clothes, have so many confusing problems I no can remember people burning in Hell and it my job save them."

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"Yeah. I know it's really confusing. I - don't think you're going to forget, I really can't imagine you forgetting, you - can let me dress you in nicer clothes and you're still definitely not going to forget - 

 

- sorry, I do want to talk to you about this but I actually really need to focus on driving. Is it okay if I put the radio on and we can talk about this later?" 

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"Yes! I like the radio!"

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They can have cheerful Christian Rock, then, for the next twenty minutes until they reach the church address that Evelyn plugged into the GPS. 

"Right. You're going to have to direct me from here." 

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She carried Martin about half a mile, and can retrace her steps. Past these parking lots and these warehouses and these empty lots and -

 

There’s a tow truck, moving a battered trailer. There’s no one around.

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“La migra came, we can’t help, and we need go in case it not gone,” she says to Evelyn. 

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(Did Iomedae really carry a grown man that far by herself? She must be even stronger than she looks, and she looks pretty strong.) 

 

...Oh. Shit. This is the worst timing imaginable for what was almost certainly an ICE raid on Iomedae's friends' camp, and...probably not a coincidence, that it happened shortly after some police attention was directed at the situation. 

"You're not going to be in danger," she says quickly. "You're with me and we're not doing anything against the law. ...Do you think they might just have moved? We could drive around more and look." 

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“They no have left their homes, if they move on purpose. You with me not help, you still no have sword. We should go and not be seen. 

If la migra care if people did anything wrong they no take the children.”

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...What exactly does Iomedae think ICE is such that Evelyn having a sword would possibly help??? That's so concerning. Evelyn wants to say something reassuring - that they won't hurt the kids or punish them, and it's not like they could take the adults and leave the kids to fend for themselves at the campsite - but that's not obviously true, from Iomedae's perspective, or honestly even her own. She's definitely heard some tragic awful things on the news about kids in detention centers. 

 

They can go, though, it's clearly not doing Iomedae any good being here. 

"I'm sorry," Evelyn says, because she's struggling to think of anything else to say but an 'I'm sorry' is nearly always appropriate. 

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Iomedae is not in feelings mode. Everyone may well be dead or worse and it may be her fault but it will not be better if they get her and Evelyn too. Iomedae is going to get back into the car, pray fervently for guidance, and concentrate very hard on detecting Evil and clutch her tiny useless knife.

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Evelyn is in fact concerned about what Iomedae thinks happened here! She's...not really sure what she can or should say to try to reassure her, given that it's not like she knows the exact details of what happened. 

"La migra won't have hurt them," she says. "They're - like the police, sort of, except that instead of arresting people like Martin they arrest people who are working here without papers. It's - I'm not going to tell you it's...fair, or okay...but the people will have been taken to a detention center, which is a bit like a jail. They're - probably very scared and upset - and the adults are likely to be sent back to the country they came from, but - the detention center gives them food and a place to sleep in the meantime, and la migra have to follow the law too, it's against the law for them to hurt people." Wheeeeeeeether that is always how it works in practice is another question, of course. "And I don't know exactly, but I think for the children they might try to look for foster parents, like they did for you. I - could probably email your social worker and find out about the children?" 

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“La migra is the government?”

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"...A department of the government, yes. In English we call it ICE, which stands for Immigration & Customs Enforcement. ...What did you think they were?" 

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“- a very terrible thing. Probably eat people or do worse than that. …arrest people and take their children away still very bad but it good if it not eat them. And I have to obey the government.”

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Oh noooooooo poor girl. "No, no, nobody will have been eaten! It's still very bad, yeah - I think a lot of people feel like ICE isn't fair, people come here from poorer countries because they're desperate and need to send money home to their families, and we snatch that away from them, but - yes, it's better to follow the law while it is the law, even if we wish it were a different law instead." 

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“This happen because me?”

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"...I don't know. Sometimes ICE decides to go around a whole area and find camps of people living without papers, and that might have been nothing to do with you. And - it's not your fault, Iomedae, even if the police did decide to look in this area because of Martin and talking to you." 

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"Maybe I not know word fault, but if I take Martin to government, and government go take all my friend children away because I did that, I owe my friend for the wrong I cause to them, and I need change what I do so that not happen again next time I try solve a problem.

 

I should have kill Martin maybe?"

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Evelyn is pretty used to hearing shocking horrifying things while driving, and does not jerk the wheel of the car at all. 

 

"I am very glad you didn't kill Martin," she says levelly. "Killing people is illegal - well, it's complicated if it's in self-defense, but it's always better not to kill someone, if you have any alternative, and in this case you had an alternative. And it would have been investigated by the police if anyone found out, even if you were eventually cleared of any crime in court because you were defending yourself."

Though...Iomedae maybe has a point that it - well, quite possibly led to her friends feeling betrayed, they must have been trying so hard to stay under the radar of the authorities.

"...It might have been even better to fight him off without hurting him badly enough that he'd have died without the hospital," she says carefully. "There are classes in fighting without weapons, and they would teach you how to defend yourself from a rapist without risking him bleeding to death on you." 

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"I try that first but then I have to draw my sword because he was bigger. I need more fighting practice, stop people but not kill them even if no God healing them and no can tell government.

Of course it is better not to kill someone, if there are other ways to make other people safe from him. But the thing I did? It did not make people safe. Now they never safe again, because of me."

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Evelyn wants to reassure her that her friends will be all right, one way or another, even if they do end up deported to Mexico, but - she can recognize the feeling of wanting to say something because it will make her feel better. And - nobody is directly going to end up dead or in danger, but - Mexico is more dangerous than the US, and some of those workers must have had dependents back home relying on their income, and now if something happens - an illness, an accident, a home burned down - there won't be money for treatment or rebuilding, will there. If the kids are taken into foster care, that's arguably better than being deported but they might never see their natural parents again. There's all sorts of harm waiting in the future, downstream of a reasonable decision made without full information, and Iomedae isn't going to feel reassured if Evelyn tries to excuse it. 

She doesn't feel great about implicitly condoning Iomedae ending up in the same situation again, Iomedae really shouldn't be running around with illegal immigrants, but Evelyn. also can't think of a way to say that which will land well at all. 

...She's not even going to get into the faith healing thing again right now. At least Iomedae is taking seriously that she can't count on miraculous healing from God if she has to defend herself again. 

"I'm sorry," she says. 

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Iomedae mostly isn't paying attention to Evelyn. Evelyn doesn't carry a sword and cannot be useful for figuring this out.

She wronged them. She believed it was safe to take Martin to a church, because she was a paladin, because no reasonable local lord would, in response to a paladin bringing an injured man who'd attacked her to a church for healing, exile all the farm workers and steal all their children. People had told her that the local lords weren't reasonable but she'd imagined that the taxes were high, that they wouldn't help with monsters, that they'd murder you for speaking ill of them, not that if you brought someone to a church for healing they'd find out, exile everyone, and steal all their children, because why would they do that. Because why would the priest call them, if that's what they would predictably do.

She knew that many things here were confusing. Different beasts, different crops, food comes in cans, a hundred things. But she didn't put the pieces of the picture together, she didn't guess that because the beasts were different the evils of the lords would be, even though in retrospect it is completely obvious. She hadn't wanted Martin to die slowly and terribly of infection from his wounds, and she hadn't wanted to put him to death on the spot, so she'd ignored his warning, when he'd understood what she didn't, when he'd had an accurate picture of what forms the evils of the local lords could take. 

 

 

She can't fix it. She still understands too little. She doesn't know where la migra will have taken them. Evelyn will not let her wander the wilderness looking. She would not be permitted to take them away even if she found them. They may give the children to foster families, Evelyn said, and Iomedae neither possesses the means to take care of them nor the right by local law. 

Evelyn told her that if she left Evelyn would have to tell the police, and she didn't understand what Evelyn meant by that or why she was saying it, why the police would care, but they would care because they are in the habit of seizing children and giving them to strangers, and the children are not permitted to run away. And not permitted to earn money. And not permitted to carry a weapon. They can be transferred, Evelyn said, between foster families.

Iomedae is - she understands, now, it's easy once you're staring right at it - a slave. They gave her to Evelyn because that is their custom with slaves who they regard as children. Evelyn is a kind person. Something out of a thought experiment from a theological debate, a slaveowner who sincerely desires the welfare of her slaves, requires nothing of them she would not require of a guest. It is heartening about human nature, that that's a thing that exists. It would be childish, to blame Evelyn for any of this, and Iomedae is not in fact a child. 

She is very, very far from home. She does not have the protection of being from an important family, to which she was accustomed; she does not have the protection of being a paladin, because while the laborers understood what it meant, and took it seriously, no one else does. She cannot take actions with the assurance of someone who will be vindicated if they are in the right, who needs to act justly but who'll be granted the opportunity to prove they acted justly. She cannot see any of the consequences of her actions, and she can do unfathomable harm, blindly, doing simple things like stopping by a church to request a service that very church had told her five days earlier that God offered freely. 

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Once upon a time, a very long time ago, Aroden tried to do the right thing, and miscalculated. He was far greater than she is. The miscalculation was greater, too. Scripture is sparse on the details, but it was his selection to power in Azlant, that terrified the algothulls into calling down a terrible thing from the sky; they feared him. He must have had no idea they could do that, were willing to do that; he would have done almost anything to prevent it. 

Azlant is gone. More people died in one moment than there are in all the world today. Aroden was a powerful enough wizard to be immortal, and awoke to a world where the sun would not rise for hundreds of years, so full was the sky with ash, where everyone was starving.

And he wrote it all down, all Azlant had known, so that people could rebuild, and then he fed them, and built things, through the hundreds of endless years. He didn't fix it. He couldn't fix it. He just looked out in the world at what needed doing, and did that, for longer than a whole human lifetime, for longer than ten of them

The holy books do not say all that much about how He felt about it, because -

- well, here Iomedae's extrapolating, but the obvious reason why is that He wrote them and He thought it was not worth particular attention how He felt about it. There's a time for that. The time is 'once they've won'.

 

All that is asked of Iomedae is that she get over having destroyed the lives of fifty people who were kind and good to her because she was stupid and ignorant and arrogant and wrong. It really should be trivial by comparison.

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There are several hymns about this exact subject, about standing up again in a world shattered by your own idiocy and carelessness, about doing the right thing knowing it may be that you've done more ill for the world than you will ever be able to do good, about not being good enough or strong enough for the problems that are nonetheless yours to solve. Iomedae is very glad to follow a god who has a bunch of hymns composed about this exact subject.

They're ones she liked before, but finds that they land quite differently, once you have actually made a terrible mistake you cannot fix and cannot be forgiven for. 

She sings them all through to herself in her head and does feel better, at the end. She does not cry. 

 

 

She needs to understand this place. She has spent her whole life chafing at being told she is too small to do things, but she is, actually, too ignorant to do things, right now, here, and expect them to go well.  The affordances she was accustomed to relying on don't exist. She keeps repeatedly being wrong about things. She needs to understand the laws and the lords and the politics, and until she knows all of that she should do as little as possible. ...this is not an easy prescription, because it doesn't actually answer 'should you let a man who attacked you die rather than get him healing', she's not sure that a better appreciation of this would actually have saved her from the mistake, but - it's a mistake that is very stark and obvious and worth correcting even though it wouldn't have saved her here.  

The obvious thing that would've saved her here is - listening to Martin, even though she was very angry with him and he was very angry with her and she was very scared and he had the obvious reason to be lying to her and he wasn't even trying to explain in a way that made any sense. Listening to him at least enough to go wake some other people and ask them. Or being better at taking people down without a sword, Evelyn has a point that that's a good solution. 

 

She cannot think of anything to say to Evelyn that is not a lie, so she does not really speak.

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...Yeah. Evelyn can't think of much to say either. She doesn't feel like putting the radio back on. They drive back mostly in silence. 

A few minutes out, she clears her throat. "We - should decide what to say to Lily, if she asks about your friends. I don't want to upset her." 

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"If you not tell her that this what happen if she get attention of government, then maybe she will get attention of government and destroy lives of many people who were only kind to her."

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That...is not at all the objection Evelyn expected Iomedae to have, mostly because when would that possibly come up, but she can see why it makes sense, from Iomedae's angle. And - it's not an angle completely foreign to foster children, really, many of whom have had the experience of finding the courage to tell someone about their treatment at home, only to see their family ripped apart and their siblings spread between different foster homes. That isn't Lily's situation - these days, she seems relieved more than anything else to have been separated from her natural family, which almost speaks louder to how much she must have suffered there than any specific confession could 

"I don't think we should lie to her," she says, very carefully. "I certainly think it would be wrong to tell her we met your friends and they were fine, even if telling her that they aren't okay makes her sad and scared. I - don't think it's appropriate to tell her the whole story, she's not old enough to really understand it, and - I don't want her to take away the lesson that it's dangerous and bad to talk to a teacher or a pastor about a bad thing happening to her, because in a lot of times and places in her life, I think it would be the right thing, to trust that they would help her. I think you're right that it's complicated, and when she's older there's a more complicated lesson she could learn, but I think if I try to explain to her why it's okay and brave to - tell a teacher, or me, if she's being hurt by someone - but it was bad for you to go to the church with Martin, then she's going to be very confused and scared and not know what to do. ...Also I think a lot of specifics might be very upsetting to her, because of ways she was hurt, and I think it's okay to not tell a child her age everything, even if we shouldn't tell her things that are false." 

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" - if a man - that - to her, she should tell me. She should not tell the government. Maybe they will send from the land many people no involved, maybe they do nothing. They no -

- they no see us as people whose word has meaning. If they will kill a man on our word, only because his life also has no meaning to them."

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Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh. 'I think Lily should not be hanging out at illegal migrant camps where that would remotely come up' is true and isn't going to help to say right now. 'Lily's family has papers' is not really the relevant piece here, is it. 

'Promise me that if Lily admits who abused her, you're going to tell me rather than go vigilante murder them' is NOT going to help to say even though she really wants to, and wouldn't be at all surprised if Lily does admit it to Iomedae well before she's willing to trust Evelyn enough; it wouldn't be the first time that's come up. 

 

"- What do you mean, they don't see you as people whose word has meaning?" she says instead. 

(She wants to argue with it. She's...not sure she can, rightly, argue with it. She's seen it happen more than once, that a child in foster care disclosed some kind of abuse and wasn't believed.) 

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"Lily is a" the English word for slave is apparently "foster child. She cannot talk good. She is not from a good family that will say to the court, Lily never lie in her life. When she get upset she scream like little baby. If Lily say a man hurt her, and the man is important, the court say, the man's word better than Lily.

If Lily say a man hurt her, and the man not important, then maybe the court kill the man, but - not because they know it true, because they don't care much. I think when I take Martin to the church that the government would care what I say because I am holy warrior. But the government not care about that. The government see me as a foster child. So maybe they say 'foster child word no meaning, no bother court with this', or maybe they say 'Martin no have papers, may as well kill him', but not - there is no chance that they will say, Iomedae would not lie, Iomedae's word tells us what happened, Iomedae swore on Bible. Right?"

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Evelyn has no idea how to respond but this is...pretty intensely upsetting? 

"would believe her," she says, surprised by the vehemence in her own voice. "I think that her social worker would believe her. The court - wouldn't take her word for it, they would want to get other evidence as well, because children can sometimes lie or be confused," and Diel, in fact, thinks that Iomedae is lying about her family and religion and thus plausibly lying about Martin, and Evelyn is now furious about that, " - but they would take it seriously enough to be worth going to court, to be worth sending police to talk to the person and other people who know them. Children sometimes lie, but - nine times in ten, if a child says, this man hurt me, they're telling the truth. And the system isn't always perfect, we don't always get it right, but I think we often manage to help children like Lily, if they're brave enough to tell someone they were hurt." 

She feels hot and flushed and there's a pressure in her chest and she should really not be getting this upset in a conversation with Iomedae, who is fifteen and her foster child and whose wellbeing is also her responsibility. 

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"Help them how?"

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"Lily lives with me now instead of her birth family, because at school she had bruises and she said some things to a teacher that made her think she was being hurt at home. We don't have enough evidence to take the person who hurt her to court, because she won't talk about it yet, but if she does tell me someday, and she's able to explain it well - you're right, it's harder because she can't speak well, but she's getting better at it - I think there's maybe a...three in four, maybe four in five chance that we manage to get enough evidence to send the person who hurt her to prison, where they can't ever hurt other children like her. And - you can ask her how she feels about it, not all children are happy to be taken into care even when their parents were very, very bad to them, but - I think Lily is glad to be away from where she used to live, and I think she's going to be okay, and I think she wouldn't have been if she had stayed with her natural family until she was an adult." 

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"What evidence convince a court that not trust Lily word and not trust swear on Bible?"

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....Wow, does Evelyn feel like getting into the kinds of evidence that were brought up in court in all of the past child sexual abuse cases she's been peripherally involved in, no, no she REALLY DOES NOT want to do that. That would involve having to get into CHILD PORNOGRAPHY RINGS and there is literally never a time where Evelyn considers that an appropriate conversation to have with a fifteen-year-old, whether or not said fifteen-year-old considers herself a holy warrior of God. Maybe especially not to a teenager with minimal understanding of American law and culture who considers herself a holy warrior of God, who knows what Iomedae might get it in her mind to do about suffering children. 

"When she was taken into foster care, they took pictures of the bruises she had, and they didn't look like bruises someone could get by accident, so we know that someone was hurting her, just not who to investigate - it might not even be her family, it might be a babysitter who watched her for them, or a friend who visited - but if she could tell us who, then the police would take it seriously. And - there are some things that little kids Lily's age aren't going to make up, because they're - not the kind of thing that's appropriate for adults to tell children about, or for them to see in cartoons - so the only way they would know how to describe it is if it had happened to them. And the police would talk to the neighbors, because often people have heard something or seen something, and it wasn't enough by itself for them to call the police about, but you can put it all together and see whether it fits with what the child said. ...Also sometimes adults who hurt children take pictures of it, or show their friends, I don't know why but that can be evidence in court."   

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That is straightforwardly the most bizarre claim Iomedae has ever heard. “I don’t know this place,” she says, grudgingly. “I cannot say Lily you should tell government it won’t come kick us all out of the country, but I can tell her you think so.”

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Evelyn can tell that Iomedae is skeptical, but not of what. "Lily's family wouldn't be kicked out of the country. They have papers, because they were born in the US. I...understand it's not fair, how happening to have been born in one place or another determines how a person is treated by the law, but it is how the law works in America and in a lot of places." 

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“I know that. I did wrong by thinking I was an important person, not by not knowing some people are important to governments and some are not.”

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Oh. Oh no. This is so upsetting and Evelyn isn't really sure what to do with it - she can't even really argue with it, though she's pretty sure that Iomedae is overcorrecting in some direction - 

"I'm sorry," she says. "I– I'm sorry it probably came across that I'm treating Lily being upset as more important than your friends. I know you're upset, and it makes sense to be. I appreciate that you're willing to be patient with me about it." 

And then they're home, and there's not really an excuse to awkwardly sit in the car prolonging an agonizing conversation, is there. Evelyn glances at Iomedae before unbuckling her seatbelt, though, in case Iomedae does have anything to add. 

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"Lily is more important to you than my friends," says Iomedae, baffled. 

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“…Lily’s safety and wellbeing are my responsibility, yes, and that isn’t true of your friends. That’s different from saying she - deserves to be safe more than they do.”
And Iomedae is ALSO her responsibility and so Iomedae’s feelings are important to her, but saying that out loud will not help at all. 

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Iomedae feels like she is trying to crawl up the tallest mountain in the world while innocent people scream at her from the base of the mountain that her idiocy was so momentous it amounts to a betrayal, and Evelyn cannot see the mountain or hear the people, only that Iomedae is moving slower than usual. This is not Evelyn's fault but she doesn't like it much. "Yes, ma'am."

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Evelyn feels like maybe there was no possible way to handle the ‘please don’t tell Lily that you got your friends seized by government because after you stabbed an attempted rapist you tried to get him to medical attention rather than murdering him’ conversation that wasn’t terrible and kind of wronging Iomedae, and maybe she shouldn’t have brought it up. Except that it would have been a terrible idea for Iomedae to say that to Lily, and Evelyn is not entirely sure of Iomedae possessing the common sense to soften it for seven-year-old ears, especially not when she’s clearly devastated. 

“I’ll email the social worker to see if they can find anything out about the kids,” she says, and then they can go in.

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Jeremy has been playing Snakes and Ladders with Lily on the floor.

He looks up. “You’re back fast— oh.” His face falls. “What - happened…?”

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"Lily is too small to hear what happen," says Iomedae. "If you want to hear we could go outside." That's probably safe, in broad daylight; she is not going to offer that they step into another room in the house.

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Jeremy looks sort of uncomfortably at Evelyn, who nods to him. “O…kay,” he says, and agreeably follows Iomedae to the backyard. 

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Lily is looking very uncertain and worried, but doesn't try to follow. She lets Evelyn scoop her up and hug her. 

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"They are gone. La migra come for them and take away their children and send them far. Probably because I took Martin to the church for healing. Martin tell me do not do this, but I think he afraid the law will kill him, and the law should kill him, so I do it anyway. I did not know that they would destroy everyone lives for it. I did not know - I did not know they not care about holy warrior. I did not know they would take me as foster child. If I had known, I let Martin live or die, not take him to church. But I was stupid and had never kill person before and thought I was important, and now I have hurt many people who were only kind to me."

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"...Oh no. That's so awful." Jeremy really wants to give her a hug but that would probably make her so uncomfortable. "Wow. I - man, I don't know what I would've done, I'm - not sure I could kill a person - but that doesn't make it less terrible. Man. Fuck ICE." - he glances self-consciously at the porch door. "Don't tell Mom I swore, but seriously." 

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"She does not want Lily to know that if Lily tell the government a man hurt her then they will come destroy fifty people lives no reason."

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Jeremy grimaces. "I mean, I don't think you should tell Lily - that specific thing - for one thing she doesn't go wandering around migrant camps by herself, that's not usually a risk. There - I mean, there are ways she could - make things happen that upset people, and think she should know that even if Mom doesn't think it's age-appropriate - if a neighbor hurt her, and she tells, and the neighbor has kids, they'll have their kids taken away and good odds the kids and the adult are pissed about that, but - I guess Mom still thinks it's better for the children not to live with someone who abuses kids, even if they're upset at the time. ...I don't think that's the case with your friends, because ICE is evil, but social workers mostly aren't evil and the system is...just kind of not great."  

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"If she says something about a neighbor, the neighbor's children will be turned into foster child?"

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"...Usually, yeah, if she says an adult - hit her, or especially if she says they did sex things to her - the worry is that they'll do it to other children as well and so they're not a safe person to be around children. It's - it can be pretty fucking awful when someone makes up an allegation and doesn't realize that. But Lily wouldn't." 

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"...children safer from men hurt them in their own home than if foster child. Many people hurt foster child who wouldn't hurt child in own home, because foster child - not allowed to carry weapon, not allowed to fight back, courts no believe -"

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Wow that's a whole thorny mess. "It's - also illegal to carry weapons if you're not a foster kid," Jeremy says weakly. "That's not a foster kid law, that's just - the law, though I guess Evelyn is more hardcore about enforcing it than some of my friends' parents. And - uh, I mean, I think sometimes foster parents aren't great, but it's fairly hard to get away with actually abusing foster kids, Mom has to write logs on everything and the social workers will visit and check the house and make sure there's food and the kids have their own rooms and toys and stuff, and if they're good ones they'll talk to the kids alone and make sure they know they could say something if they weren't being treated well. And, uh, a...lot of people hurt children in their own home. Mom worries that they still don't do enough to keep families together, sometimes kids end up in foster care just 'cause the parents are poor and stuff, and - kids love their parents even if their parents are walking disasters - but I think Lily is safer here than she was at home. And you can tell she's happier and less scared, she's doing way better at school and stuff." 

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"When I tell government Martin, they destroy lives of everyone I know. But I supposed to think if I tell government about someone important who owns land, they will do something helpful? No! I never ever tell government anything ever again no matter what you do to me! And I think other foster childs will decide same thing for same reason!"

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This conversation is giving Jeremy such weird deja vu. It's not even close to the first time one of Mom's foster kids has angrily yelled things at him with a similar sentiment, and - it simultaneously feels like Iomedae's reaction is much less - grounded in how anything works - and also somehow far more valid. Jeremy is pretty sure that she's...confused on a fundamental level about something here, still...and also wow he is not even slightly going to take the position that ICE isn't horribly evil. 

 

...He sits down on one of Mom's deck chairs, because this conversation doesn't need any more standing-and-yelling energy. 

"The government isn't just one thing," he says, quietly and sort of tiredly. "The parts of it you've seen are made of - people who're really trying their best, I know Mom is, and at least some of the social workers, some are pretty useless and occasionally one of them makes a really bad call and it arguably does destroy a kid's life, at least from their own point of view. And a lot of police are basically decent people but you definitely get the sense that some of them just like having guns and telling people what to do. And the immigration police people, ICE, are - I don't even know what the point of it is, the migrants aren't hurting anyone. I think Mom - sees all of it with rose-tinted glasses, because she's trying very hard to make things better instead of worse. I - think it's complicated, and I think a lot of kids in foster care are glad they told someone, but - man, I wouldn't buy that if I were in your shoes right now." 

Shrug. "I'm sorry it went like that, is all. And that Mom probably isn't great at - getting it." 

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“She say sorry to me too. I don’t know why. She owe me nothing. We are strangers.”

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"- I mean, for one thing, Mom would say sorry to a random stranger at the grocery store if they had bumped into her. She's practically Canadian about it. But also..." Shrug. "It's not like it costs anything to say, wow that sucks and I wish it hadn't happened to your friends." 

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"I wish it hadn't happened. I maybe wish I was dead instead of finding them, so they would still be free."

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"That would also really suck! You're neat and you're going to change the world someday. Maybe you can get elected to the government and finally get them to shut down ICE, you could be amazing at persuasive speeches with some more practice." 

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"The other people whose lives I destroy, they also would have had futures ahead of them."

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"I mean, they still do? It really sucks, but they're not dead. ...Maybe we could start a petition or something, I don't know if it's work but I bet you could convince so many people to sign a letter to our Congressperson saying how it's appalling and inhumane to deport them." 

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"Congressman is - person who in charge this area, big area? He care about petition from foster child?"

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"Yeah. And not if it was only from you, but - man, honestly it could make a great inspirational story, it's the sort of thing that goes viral and gets shared all over social media. I think the trick with petitions is to find well-known people who'll put their name on it too once you talk to them, and I can think of at least three profs at college who wouldn't even be hard to convince. And then if we can get, like, five thousand people to sign it, the Congressperson will be like, wow, that's five thousand people who are mad about this, if I ignore it they might not vote for me at re-election time." 

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"I didn't know most of those words and I planning to not do things until I know more about world but if you think it would help them then I - really really want to."

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"I...don't think it would make anything worse, and - I think it's the best way to try to change things like that. It doesn't work so well in America to go fight problems with a sword, then you're the bad guy, but - if you can tell a story that makes people think, wow, what if I'm being the bad guy, sometimes they...do a different thing instead. I can talk to my polysci prof about it? He'd be able to say whether he thinks it might work, and how to go about it so it won't cause any worse problems." 

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"Thank you, Jeremy. God bless you. I - would be very grateful, if you ask a expert how petition the congressman to free them."

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"You're welcome." Hopefully Mom doesn't get all snippy about this. Jeremy thinks it's a great idea. Will it work for these specific migrants, well, probably not, but it's the sort of thing that might actually make ICE cool down about raids in the area for a while, if they're getting heat about it. Nobody likes bad publicity. 

 

He still wants to give Iomedae a hug and is still very sure this will make her freak out, so he doesn't offer or show any sign of it. 

(...He is perhaps going to actually have to put some work into not developing a crush on Iomedae. It would be so horrifyingly inappropriate. It's just impossible not to admire her, and then there's a very easy next step from there... Not that he would ever do anything, and you get to be pretty good at acting when you've grown up around a constant stream of foster kids, but still.) 

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It takes unusual moral character to not take liberties with your mother's slaves, at Jeremy's age, but Jeremy seems to possess unusual moral character and also she will only ever be alone with him outside where worst case she thinks she can run away. (She's not allowed to run away, but she thinks Aroden would say it is one of the cases where you can break the law, like how if you live under Tar-Baphon you can break the law.)

She will head back inside.

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Lily has received a very redacted explanation from Evelyn and looks subdued but isn't sobbing or anything. She wants to give Iomedae a hug. "So'y y'fends n'tubble wda pleece." 

 

 

*"Sorry your friends are in trouble with the police." 

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Iomedae will hug her and not say anything because the first five things she thinks of are all either untrue or things Evelyn doesn't want Lily to know.

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Lily is okay with no talking about it. She doesn't know what to say either, and Mummy said that Iomedae might not feel like talking because sometimes people don't when they're sad. She will just hughughug and then quietly ask Iomedae if she wants to color with her or be by herself.

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They're clearly not making it to the science museum this afternoon. Iomedae isn't just devastated and guilty and angry with the government, she's scared - she's not showing it much, but you get to have a very good radar for when kids are scared, after enough years of doing this - and the last thing she needs is to be hauled out to a public place where she'll spend the entire time in constant distress about not having her fucking sword on her in case someone tries to rape one of them.

They can have a quiet afternoon at home instead, and Evelyn will write a long upset angry email to Diel and then delete it without sending it and write a short polite email that sort of elides the part where she drove Iomedae out to New Washoe to look for her migrant camp, and perhaps hints instead that they might have just heard a rumor about ICE raids and Iomedae is very worried about her friends. This is a lot more deception than she usually uses with social workers, even the ones she doesn't get along with, but...she's so tired and everything about the Iomedae case continues to leave her off-balance and metaphorically dizzy with it. 

 

...she really should get Iomedae some martial arts lessons, being scared for her safety is terrible for her. Maybe krav maga is the one she's thinking of, that's actually more focused on practical self-defense as opposed to tournaments? She'll have to look into studios. 

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Iomedae mostly wants to be by herself and pray. She should also request lessons in English reading and writing, which she's going to need, but she doesn't want to ask for things while she's still processing the fact of being a slave of these people and unsure about whether being a paladin means she has to obey them or whether she doesn't because they are in any event not participating in the project of civilization where there are paladins. Like Tar-Baphon. 

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Evelyn is pretty worried! She's going to give Iomedae space, though. It doesn't seem like there's any way she can productively be supportive, right now, when half of what Iomedae is upset about is feeling more or less like a prisoner of the foster care system. Which is definitely a feeling resulting from several confusions, but it's not even entirely unfair, she's not the first child to yell about things like that. It's very understandable that she feels helpless and trapped and out of control of her life, and that cannot possibly be a good combination with the guilt of knowing she put fifty of her friends into the same situation. 

 

Evelyn frets and does a lot of stress-housecleaning and then tries to focus on paying attention to Lily, who is definitely very subdued. She makes a simple pasta vegetable casserole for dinner, hoping Iomedae will actually be willing to a) come down for a few minutes, and b) eat.

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Iomedae will of course obey if told to come to dinner.

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They will have a quiet subdued dinner, then. 

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The whole household mood is definitely getting to Lily. She's been very clingy all afternoon, though at least it hasn't escalated to a tantrum or even particularly bad behavior. 

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Jeremy has been doing an Internet deep dive on immigration law, but it seems like it might be too early to excitedly talk about that with Iomedae, and also he doesn't, like, have a plan yet, and is mostly still at the stage of being very confused. 

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Evelyn's phone rings about halfway through dinner. 

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On a Sunday night? Wow, she's going to be so annoyed if it's a salesperson. And...incredibly torn if it's an emergency foster placement, honestly, she does not feel like she has room to stretch right now to support another kid while Iomedae is, well, having so much trouble with the adjustment. 

 

She excuses herself and takes the phone with her into the study, shutting the door, before she answers it. "Evelyn speaking." 

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It's Diel. "Hey, Evelyn. I'm sure you can guess why I'm calling. How're you doing? How is Iomedae settling in?"

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Presumably Diel has not seen her email and it feels vastly more awkward to bring up over the phone. "...It's been a rough weekend," she admits. "It's a huge adjustment for her, and she's very worried about her friends. I do have plenty of good things to say - she's learning more English very quickly, and she's helpful and lovely - but she's very stressed and anxious right now. I'm - not sure I would feel good about taking another emergency placement right now," which is indeed almost certainly what this is about. 

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"Right. Well, I completely understand if you can't do it but it's the weirdest thing - we've got, uh, about sixty kids whose parents were picked up in ICE raids today, mostly in Clark County but they called us in for help because they've got absolutely no beds for them. And I was going through processing these kids, and I run into one who has the same homemade style clothing as Iomedae did, poor English and poor Spanish, and I'm thinking, maybe same cult? - I think it has to be a cult in Mexico or something, by the way, I forget if I mentioned that to you in my email. But anyway. She claims she doesn't recognize the name 'Iomedae', but she does recognize the city name Iomedae gave the police, Taldor. 

So I'm thinking - maybe they know each other, and Iomedae gave us a fake name. Or maybe they don't, but - they're sure going to have a lot in common. And maybe Iomedae'd have an easier time with the adjustment if there were another kid from her same background. But if you think Iomedae's too much trouble to add another one, I completely understand, I'll keep looking."

 

[you may now wish to read this thread]

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Wow

 

What a not-even-slightly-a-coincidence. (...And makes it seem more likely that maybe the raid on Iomedae's friends' camp wasn't that directly prompted by the events with Martin; this sounds like a coordinated sweep of the whole area, which surely take weeks to arrange. Evelyn had also been starting to suppress a sneaking suspicion that it might be her fault, for mentioning to Diel that Iomedae said the migrants had kids with them, but - probably not that either.)

On the one hand: this sounds like an exhausting disaster in the making. On the other hand, there is no way in the entire world she can say no. Not when Iomedae is lonely and scared and incredibly worried for exactly those kids. 

"- Of course I can take her," she says immediately. "The poor thing. And you're right, they're going to have a lot in common, and - similar needs, that should make this a lot more doable." 

She's tempted to ask for information on the other kids, but one, it's none of her business and Diel will reasonably look askance at her if she asks, and two, it's not like Iomedae is even going to be very reassured to learn that they're all billeted with nice foster carers. 

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"Thank you so much, Evelyn, you're a lifesaver, really. I swear, they've had the kids in a high school gym here since 4am and didn't call us in for help until the afternoon. I guess I'll drive her over, then, probably in about an hour because I have to drive over anyone else I can place in your general region, too. The name she gave us is Alfirin. She's, I don't know, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. Not the most trusting kid I've ever met but I'm sure she's had an even worse day than I have. You take care."

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Evelyn has SEVERAL DOZEN QUESTIONS which she is not going to hassle poor Diel with right now, Evelyn had thought her day was going badly until she heard that. "Wow. Oof. Yeah, an hour is fine." She would offer to take more - she's very tempted to offer - but random migrant kids sounds like a doomier proposition, and also that's now all the bedrooms accounted for. "I'll explain to Iomedae." 

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"You're my hero." Diel hangs up.

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Iomedae has finished eating and stood up to clean the kitchen.

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Evelyn goes over. "Iomedae, I have something important to tell you." 

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"Yes, ma'am?"

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She takes a deep breath. 

"That was the social worker you met on Friday, Diel. She's been finding homes for sixty children from migrant camps like your friends' camp. I think it might have nothing to do with Martin, that your friends were caught, it sounded like they were just searching the whole area. Anyway. She asked if we could have one of them stay with us, since I have one more spare bedroom. And...the other thing is, she says she knows of Taldor, where you're from. She might even speak the same native language as you do. She's going to be confused and scared about the same things, probably, and - I'm hoping you can help explain." 

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"Yes. I can explain. And if she is from Taldor, she know what a holy warrior is. So I have be a good one. - God see so far, God have plans we only see bits of! God so good! Thank you, Evelyn, thank you."

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Evelyn is fairly sure this was not God's plan all along except maybe in the sense where everything that ever happens is supposedly God's plan. She's not going to have an argument about it. 

"Thank you. Diel said they'll probably be here in about an hour, she needs to drive over some other children who she can hopefully find places to stay with different foster carers here." 

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"After I clean kitchen I can get ready for her! I think space for both us in my room, if I move bed then space even if she want sleep on floor too."

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"- Oh, no, you won't have to share. It's very generous of you to offer, but there's another bedroom that nobody is using right now, the one beside Lily's. But you can help me put fresh sheets on the bed, and find some clothes for her from the ottoman of spares - though I don't know what size she would wear, Diel said she's 'twelve or thirteen or fourteen' which is really not very specific. Her name is Alfirin, apparently. She said she hadn't heard of you but she must be from the same area." 

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"It is your house and your laws but she will think it strange, and I cannot keep her safe if she in other room.

Taldor very very big. I don't know she from same area."

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"...The house is locked at night and nobody is going to be able to come in and hurt anyone. But if she feels less scared sleeping in your room at first, that would be okay too." 

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The kitchen's strikingly clean so she will go help prepare the other smaller room for the new girl. She sings to herself while she works. The imperial anthem, because it seems appropriate. 

 

In English it's hard to say complicated things but the thing she'd say if she could say complicated things is that Aroden probably has millions of plans, that's what being a god is, but there is something in this odd place that is nearly as rich as lost Azlant that He wants done, and Iomedae is His agent here to do it, and if there are more people here from home then that's a sign about how hard this place is to get to and how hard it'll be to get home. 

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They can have plain neutral-colored sheets on the bed, and Evelyn finds a few different sets of pajamas that would fit children ranging from 'small for a twelve-year-old' to 'big for a fourteen-year-old', and there really isn't a huge amount of preparation to do other than that, once she's explained things to Lily, so she sort of hovers. 

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Jeremy is not sure how much he's a useful addition to this situation, but three kids is a full house and it seems like maybe Mom should have backup just in case. He'll stay, and read about immigration law rather than hovering. 

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Lily is SO EXCITED and also loves Iomedae's singing and sort of hangs around listening. She is not especially helpful at room prep but she at least isn't making more of a mess. 

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It takes Diel even longer than she said it would, because it takes a while to line up the other placements and then forever to get all the way to Reno from Clark County, but eventually she pulls up in front of Evelyn's four-bedroom suburban American house. 

"This is where you'll be staying," she tells Alfirin. "Let's take you in and meet the family that'll be looking after you!"

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Alfirin doesn't know anything about this family yet so she doesn't have anything to say to that even if saying things wasn't dangerous and even if she had all of her words.

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Evelyn has been on tenterhooks for way too long, and was tempted to call Diel multiple times and only held off because she was probably (hopefully) already driving. It's past Lily's bedtime but there's no hope of getting her to bed now that she's all bursting with excitement about meeting another 'big sister'. 

She's been jumping at every car outside, but this one actually turns into her driveway. She has the front door open even before Diel has fully parked, and stands on the front step waving and trying to smile in a normal and definitely-very-nonthreatening fashion. 

(She is weirdly nervous about how tonight is about to go.) 

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Iomedae, a holy warrior in the presence of someone who knows what a holy warrior is, stands at attention and Detects Evil. (There is no Evil.)

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"Right, great," says Diel. "Alfirin, this is Evelyn. She'll be looking after you. I know Evelyn, and she's a wonderful woman. You'll have everything you need, and I'll check in in a few days so you can tell me then if there are any problems, okay? And this is Iomedae. She speaks Taldane, isn't that great?"

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"She is speaking truthfully of Evelyn, as far as I can tell," she says in Taldane. "Where are you from?"

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She doesn't actually know if Taldor is at war with Sarkoris in real life or just in all the stories, (in all the stories Taldor is always at war with everyone but that doesn't sound practical so it might be made up) and if it is in real life she doesn't know if that means that Taldane people are going to hate Sarkorians or if it's a more friendly sort of war. Somehow she didn't consider this before now, she was so excited to meet someone she had a bit more of a language in common with.

"Undarin! It is not in Taldor really. But I speak some Taldane."

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"I have not heard of it. I am Iomedae, a paladin of Aroden, and one of Evelyn's slaves. I do not know if anyone explained to you how this place works?"

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"Oh good," Diel says quietly to Evelyn, "I bet it'll be good for both of them. I have some paperwork for you, very quickly -"

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"I think some of the other slaves tried but I didn't understand very much because my español is bad. It is a very rich place and people come here because it is rich, even to be slaves here, which I think is a stupid idea. Nobody is afraid of monsters, they are all tame, except maybe la migra but maybe la migra is not monsters, and is just people? You can not always tell by looking."

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(Evelyn will participate in quick paper-signing. Diel clearly has a lot on her plate, and they can exchange more information later by email.) 

 

She...is somewhat uneasy about Iomedae's new ability to have private conversations that she can't understand with someone who is probably just as confused as she is about America, though maybe differently so, if they happened to bump into different aspects first. Who knows which of each other's confusions they're going to feed off, though. 

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"Evelyn says la migra is just people. I can tell by looking, because I'm a paladin, and nobody I have seen is a monster in disguise, but I did not see la migra. The city guard caught me before the big raid - I thought they would not enslave paladins, because in the Empire that is not done, but I think they don't have paladins here, so they thought I was being absurd and wasting the magistrate's time."

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(Diel will give Evelyn a tired smile and then rush out because there's another kid in her car to be dropped off tonight.)

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"I did not know paladins could know just by looking. Can paladins know other things just by looking?"

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"Paladins can see Evil and smite Evil. Powerful paladins get spells from their god just like priests and can know other things by looking but for a new paladin like me it's only Evil. - real Evils, monsters and undead and fiends and so on, it doesn't usually detect ordinary bandits who are no great warriors. If Evelyn kills her slaves more readily than a person should, I would not know that just by looking at her, but she is not a fiend wearing a human face."

 

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That is reassuring on some fronts and worrying on others.

"...I am sorry you were made a slave. I do not know much about slaves, I do not know what it is like to be a slave in a house. Can you tell me?"

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"It is not, here, like it would be at home, and I have only been here a few days. Evelyn is in charge, and she will call the guard to track you with dogs if you leave, and you are not allowed to carry a weapon, or earn any money, though she won't take what you earned before you came here. I think she would be allowed to take it, but she is temperamentally generous. We are to be obliged to go to 'school' but I don't know what it is, they haven't arranged it yet. 

...the way I have found it most useful to think about this place, when I was setting up your room and thinking how I'd explain it to people from back home, is - imagine the Emperor is a kind man, who wants to go to Heaven. So he says 'there should not be any urchins on the streets! They thieve and beg. I will not have it!" and his advisors say, 'yes, sire, we'll drive all the urchins out into the woods' and he says 'but is that Evil? Will I be damned for it?" And his advisors say, 'well, yes, sire', and he says 'then we can't have that! What if instead, we give all the urchins parents. They will be the property of their parents, as any child is the property of his father, but we will tell the parents it is their duty to the state to love the children, and if the children run away we will personally drag them back!' And his ministers said, 'yes, sire, we'll see it done', and then they did. So you have this whole thing which is in many cases much worse than being a street urchin, but more pleasing to the Emperor, and whether it is terrible depends entirely on the parents you are assigned, who of course won't love you since they're not really your parents but may or may not be decent. Evelyn is decent."

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"...I understand. What do children - or slaves pretending to be children - do in a house like this? At home I would do some of the weaving and sewing and if my people took slaves and we had one who was pretending to be our child we would make them do more weaving and sewing probably, but I think here they have magic for weaving, because in Costco I saw a dress that was sold for fifteen dollars."

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"Isn't Costco amazing? It is the first place I have ever seen that I knew in my heart Aroden commanded us to build, and I have seen pictures of the great stone arch.

They have magic for weaving and for so many things. Water, and laundry, and cooking. I do cooking and cleaning and laundry and look after Lily - that's Lily, she is seven but she had a terrible curse happen to her and you should think of her more like a child of three or four - but it's not really very much work, and Evelyn has so far not reprimanded me for taking time to myself to pray when the work is all done. This afternoon I was upset about la migra going after the people I'd travelled with and I spent half the afternoon in my room singing hymns and she didn't order me down until dinner. 

- Evelyn has an adult son. Jeremy. That's him right over there. He has been honorable in every interaction I've had with him, but don't be foolish, obviously." Alfirin is younger than her. "Do I need to explain how to avoid being foolish or did your mother explain that."

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"...I was about to ask about the men. At home if a man tried I would fight him or if I can not fight him I would tell my brothers and my father after and they would fight him, and so no man tried. At home I was not a slave. I think if I am a slave and a man tries and I cut him with a knife, then I am killed and also a person who does not follow the laws. So I do not know what to do here."

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"Yes. When I was travelling with the workers, a man tried, and I stabbed him, and then I brought him to the church for healing and they called the city guard and they questioned me about whether I was guilty of unlawfully attacking him, and that is when I learned that they don't know what paladins are and they took my sword and gave me to Evelyn. And that was with a man who didn't have papers himself, so I was very lucky, because I'd also have stabbed a man with papers.

You are not allowed to carry a knife or defend yourself with one. Evelyn said some things that made it sound like it might be all right if you could defend yourself without a knife, you might not get in trouble for that. 

Jeremy, anyway, hasn't tried, and when I was rude to him because I was angry he said I should petition the congressman of the land about the thing I was angry about and he'd help me learn how. So I think he's an honorable man. But if I am wrong -" Shrug. "Personally I mean to try to hit them and run away, if anyone presses the point, and I think it's not unlawful because the greatest claim on me is Aroden's, but maybe it'd be unlawful for you. If I'm around I will try to defend you since I'm a paladin but I don't know if I'll always be around."

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...She is carrying a knife. Maybe she should keep carrying it and not tell anyone, or maybe she should give it up so that she is following the law, even though it's from home and kind of precious to her.

She could ask Iomedae, who's her fellow child-slave and has been helpful so far but - Iomedae's a paladin. She thinks maybe that means she has to tell if she knows anybody is breaking the law. What's more, she's a paladin of Aroden. Alfirin has heard of Aroden. He's the god of Taldor, of empire and conquest, and once when He was still mortal He came to Sarkoris and killed many people for following their old ways instead of worshiping Him. Alfirin is not sure it would be wise to trust a paladin of Aroden.

...But also Iomedae is the only person she can come close to speaking clearly to, and has been helpful so far, and just offered to protect her, and if she treats everyone as an enemy it will be much harder to escape this place eventually.

 

"...I have a knife. Do I have to give it away or just not carry it ever?"

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"- oh. You should ask Evelyn - not in front of Lily, Lily's curse has to do with knives and she gets scared if they're mentioned, but I will go put Lily to bed in a few minutes and you should ask Evelyn then. I bet Evelyn will say either that it is all right to have in your room if you do not carry it, or that Evelyn will keep it for you in a safe place and give it back to you when you are too old to be a child slave. I don't know which of those she'll say. 

I'm sorry. I miss my sword like it was my arm. It is the thing I hate most about being a slave."

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"I will do that. If some man tries and I hit him and run away, I will not be killed and a person who does not follow the laws?"

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"I don't think so. I think they - would break the game where we are Evelyn's children, if they put you to death for hitting a free man, because Evelyn's children would be entitled to do that. The man is much less likely to get in trouble than if he tried Evelyn's true children, but if it is you before the court, Evelyn would go with you to court and say 'this is my government-given child, the man shouldn't have touched her', and as long as you weren't carrying a knife you will have their sympathy. I think. I'm not completely sure but I don't see what else we're supposed to do. 

If you ask Evelyn she will claim that you are just like her child and the government will take it as seriously as if you were her child and all you have to do is tell her but I don't actually believe her about that. I guess we'll see what ends up happening with the man I stabbed, but what I am expecting is that the magistrate will say 'neither of these people have papers? what do I care if they lie with or stab each other?'

- the other caution about Jeremy is that he doesn't have to force you, you know, he could also give you money or nice things or say you are pretty or that he'll marry you, and he won't, so don't let that dissuade you from running off."

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"I don't want to be married and I would not lie with a man just because he gives me things or says I am pretty. Why would that matter? It would be better to say that he is pretty, but then I would still say that I am not a man and do not care if he is pretty."

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"Well, some girls are very stupid, and if a boy tells them how they're very pretty and very special they like someone being nice to them, and they like the attention, and they'll spend time with him to hear more nice things about themselves, and then give themselves to him because it's so nice to be praised and told you are special.

Or so I am told. I am a paladin. I am not actually sworn to Aroden yet because I got lost on the way to the order I wanted to join but I mean to behave as if I were."

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"Some girls are very stupid." she agrees. "You are a paladin of Aroden, that means you do not like the gods here?"

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"I think the main god here, the one called Christ and Jesus and God, is Aroden but a different name. Some of the stories here are new to me but the important ones are the same - that He was mortal and worked great wonders in the world and founded his church while still living and was opposed to Hell and wanted to save everyone and then ascended but left instructions for how we can all follow him into Axis without even dying, and also He'll be back one day for the Age of Glory to fix everything."

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"Maybe I did not understand well, the workers I was with and the priest said that Jesus did not think empires were good and this empire killed him for it?"

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"Well, Azlant was good, and America is good, and the empire that he was travelling in when that happened was bad? I think only some empires are good. Only if they are - growing towards a thing that can challenge the gods. Tar-Baphon's empire is obviously not good in Aroden's opinion.

I don't think you could rebel against Tar-Baphon by being executed by him, considering he's a necromancer, but on the other hand when Aroden killed Tar-Baphon he got more powerful so maybe that would've been the way to go and if Aroden had tricked Tar-Baphon into executing him instead that would've destroyed Tar-Baphon?

That's my best guess about what was going on with the crucifixion, that he was tricking his enemies into killing him so he could get powerful enough to fight Hell."

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"Why are good empires making trouble for the gods?

...what is Hell? Is it the Abyss? Why does Taldane have two words for it?"

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" - well, it is the destiny of man to surpass the gods. And to do that you need empires, because you need - many powerful people, and if you only have villages, no one will be powerful enough. In an empire, a thing that takes the labor of a hundred thousand men can happen, and surpassing the gods is the labor of even more men than that.

- Hell is the place you go when you die if you are Lawful and also Evil. The Abyss is the place you go when you die if you are not Lawful, and also Evil. The Abyss has demons. Hell has fiends. In the Abyss anyone can kill anyone and may the strongest win. In Hell, they hurt you until you serve Asmodeus without question. They are both bad, Aroden opposes both of them. I'm not sure if the crucifixion saves people from both of them or not because the local language doesn't distinguish the same things Taldane does."

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"...Aroden says that it is our destiny to surpass him?"

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"Yes of course. That is why He left the Starstone and why He is the best god."

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"I think if that is true then he is probably the best god."

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"I can read, and I read the holy books myself, and He said 'it is the birthright and the destiny of man to surpass their fathers and eventually their gods.'" She says it reverently; it is the most important claim about the world she has ever encountered. "And also probably if I was very wrong about Him He wouldn't have made me His paladin."

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"Does he say we should not worship other gods now?"

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“Depends which ones? If you want Erastil to help with the fields why not ask? Worshipping Evil gods is giving aid and comfort to humanity’s enemies, and not even in your interests besides that because the Evil gods won’t keep any promises they make you.”

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"I understand." Alfirin does not in fact trust this person to be telling the truth about Aroden (or to know the truth about Aroden) but she can't really verify any of what she's being told right now so there's not much to do about it.

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Evelyn has been trying hard to get some kind of read on the new girl. It's hard to get a good sense of someone when they're speaking a foreign language, but she seems very - self-contained, wary - compared to Iomedae, who wears her heart on her sleeve and approaches every conversation so earnestly. Evelyn has the sense that she doesn't entirely trust Iomedae; that's something you get good at picking up on, in this line of work. 

Eventually she's going to interrupt. "Alfirin? Why don't we give you a little tour of the house. I'll explain things in English and Iomedae can explain them in Taldane, to help you learn more English words. And then we can have a snack. Does that sound good?" 

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Lily has been watching the two of them in puzzled fascination; she's barely ever heard foreign languages spoken in her whole life. 

"Wa'snack!" she says. "Mi'coc'lat!" She always calls cocoa 'milk chocolate', for some reason, as though it's the same beverage as the cold kind but inexplicably served from a pot. 

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"...Yes, all right, just this one time. But you'll have to brush your teeth again, love." And in that case she kind of wants to do hot chocolate first, and get Lily to bed before settling Alfirin into her room. Maybe they can do a little kitchen tour while she heats the milk on the stove? 

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"She says she wants to show you around the house and tell you about it in English, and I can tell you about it in Taldane, so you can pick up more English, and that afterwards she'll give you something to eat."

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In her best English, then, "Thank you." She follows Iomedae.

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Then Evelyn will show her the table where they eat, and she can get a quick introduction to the fridge and microwave and stove and oven and sink and dishwasher and contents of cupboards.

By the time they've done that, the hot chocolate is ready, and she pours it into cups and brings a tray to the table for them to have together. Alfirin is probably hungry, too; does she want some toast, or some leftovers heated up? (Evelyn really hopes they're not about to have a repeat of "but why aren't you feeding the poor????") 

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Alfirin is hungry. She ate the pizza but that was hours ago. "Yes thank you does me want some toast or some leftovers heated up?"

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She can have a bowl of reheated pasta veggie casserole and a slice of toast with butter, then. 

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Lily is very curious about Alfirin and doesn't actually know what to do about this. She puts her chin down on the table on top of her crossed hands and stares at her. 

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Alfirin smiles back even though she doesn't have much to say to Lily because her English is terrible. On the other hand Lily is seven and cursed and maybe Alfirin's English is good enough for a seven-year-old cursed child.

"Hello. Me Alfirin. You Lily. Me..." She does not know the English word for 'slave', nor does she know if she's supposed to call herself that - "Me live that house today?"

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"Foster child," says Iomedae helpfully. "America has made us all foster childs of Evelyn."

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"Me foster child of Evelyn."

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"Bi'sis'r?" Lily says hopefully. 

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...She has no idea what Lily just said.

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In Taldane, "she's not any good at talking because of the curse."

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Probably Iomedae followed it, but also this is honestly just an awkward conversation to be inevitably among the first ones they have. "Lily wants to know if she can call you her big sister while you live here," she explains. "She didn't have older siblings before and it makes her very happy." 

Hopeful look at Iomedae for Taldane translation, in case Alfirin just doesn't know enough words to even understand the clearly spoken version? 

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Right, they have to pretend to be a family.

"She can call me her big sister while me live here."

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Awwwwwwww. Does Alfirin want a BIG hug??? (Alfirin is probably getting a big hug whether or not she wants one. Lily isn't incredibly good at reading body language of whether people want hugs.) 

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Yes, part of pretending to be a family is hugging a lot.

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Aaaaaand once Alfirin is done eating, it's probably a good time to bundle Lily off to bed and then do the tour of the rest of the house and explain the house rules. 

(Evelyn is so tired and she's going to have log notes to write tonight and she feels, once again, like she's about to thoroughly lose the plot here.) 

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Lily wants two stories from Mummy and a song from Iomedae. Maybe Alfirin can just hug her Barbies and teddies goodnight, since she doesn't seem to know very many words and Lily doesn't know if she knows any songs. 

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Iomedae will sing the hymn for ancient Azlant, the one that ends 'rise up and build anew', and can show Alfirin how to hug the Barbies and teddies if Alfirin seems to find Lily's instructions confusing. 

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She does find Lily's instructions confusing, but can hug the toys once Iomedae explains.

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And once Lily is tucked in, Alfirin can have a tour of the bathroom (this time very thorough and complete with demonstrations of how to control the water temperature and which bottle is the shampoo versus conditioner versus bodywash), and of her bedroom, which is the smaller one with the boy decoration theme. Which Evelyn is YET AGAIN having regrets about because YET AGAIN here she is with three girls, not that Alfirin probably even notices that blue and spaceships and footballs are boy-associated. 

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"No, I don't know why they have us in different rooms from each other. Even if we were Evelyn's real children who in the world would do that?"

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"Even though there are so many rooms, the rooms could be for other things? Maybe one is for boy children and one is for girl children and one is for guests, but there are no boy children or guests now? Does Jeremy have his own land?"

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"I think Jeremy is at a kind of apprenticeship and sleeps there, or with friends who live near there, and only comes to visit in the daytime. I don't think he has his own land. I did ask if he'd inherit Evelyn's and she confirmed that he would."

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...She should talk to Evelyn about the knife before she gets distracted again by the excess of space and also the showers (do they have snakes in the wall? Or some other way to get water? If it's snakes how do the snakes make it hot?? Is it another breed of water snake?)

 

"Iomedae said is - prohibida - hold knife. Me have knife - mis padres me lo dan - You have knife or me have knife in room, not hold?"

 

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Evelyn frowns. "People younger than eighteen aren't supposed to carry knives in public, no - although Iomedae has a multitool and I can get you one if you want." Evelyn still isn't sure how that actually interacts with the law but, like, it's so normal to own a Swiss Army Knife as a kid, it's literally a Boy Scouts thing, it just feels weird for it to be illegal. "Also, nobody, even adults, are supposed to carry knives that are bigger than four inches - this long." She gestures. "Can I see your knife? I think it would be a good idea to keep it in your room, probably, just to be safe." 

Hopeful glance at Iomedae for translation? 

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"She says yes, the law is you cannot carry a knife because you are not old enough, though she can get you a little tool set with a tiny blade in it like I have, and even if you were an adult it would be illegal to carry a knife with a longer blade than she just showed. I don't know what weapons the guards carry but maybe she just means unless you have permission from the congressmember. And she asks to see your knife, and says probably keep it in your room."

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Alfirin will reach into her shirt and pull out the knife and sheath. The blade is about twice as long as Evelyn gestured and it's made of bone.

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Yeah, wow, that does not look like anything made in the US. And Evelyn's hindbrain is yelling an insistent warning that it will go badly to change her mind about letting Alfirin keep it in her room just because she hadn't been picturing...that...despite the fact that Iomedae had a sword and this is still a lot tamer. It might be a family heirloom or something. It certainly looks like something that deserves to be a museum piece. 

"You would get in trouble for carrying that outside the house," she confirms. "Even if you were grown-up. The laws are different here from where you come from. - It's really not that dangerous, I know it's - going to take a long time for either of you to really believe that - but I've never carried a knife with me and nothing bad has ever happened." 

(She did used to carry her keys in her hand, and had pepper spray in her purse in college, but, well, it's not like anything bad ever actually happened in that case either.) 

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"I will not carry that outside the house."

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Neither of them are going to point out to Evelyn that she owns land and they are slaves who barely speak the language and this affects how safe one is around other people, are they.

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They are supposed to be pretending that they are Evelyn's children!

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Evelyn feels like there's definitely some kind of Subtext going on here that she can't quite put her finger on, and she's not a huge fan, but - it'll probably be all right in the end, right? Evelyn is very used to not being trusted at first, it would be unfair of her to expect to be taken at her word, and the poor girls will eventually notice that their lives really are different now and she doesn't go back on what she says - and, however uncomfortable she is about the secret foreign-language conversations, she does think it's good for both of them to have someone else there who understands, and that they'll figure things out faster if they can compare the pieces they have. 

 

"Why don't I show you the drawer in your room that locks?" she asks Alfirin. "Not that anyone should ever go into your room when you're not there, it's against the rules of the house, but Lily is seven and she might forget. You can keep the knife in there, where it's safe and no one but you can get in, and you can keep other private things there too, if you want." 

(Evelyn does not, in fact, have a copy of the key for the cheap lock on the bedside table drawer. If she ever thought a child was keeping...a gun in there, or drugs, or something...it's not like it would be spectacularly hard to unscrew the bolts and take the bedside table apart. And for the most part, it's actually none of her business whether her foster kids want to keep photos from their past or their diary in there, or even money they're not really supposed to have. She had very torn feelings the one time that a foster child hid a second secret mobile phone in there for a couple of months before she uncovered that whole complicated mess, and differently torn feelings about the foster child who went around quietly stealing jewelry and knickknacks and hiding them there, but - kids do need privacy, and a locking drawer isn't against the foster agency rules.

Not that she, you know, really expects Alfirin - or Iomedae, even - to believe her that no one else has a key.) 

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...Right. She does not believe that at all. Not even real children get locking drawers that their parents can't get into! She will put the knife in there, though, and lock it, because that's clearly what's expected of her.

"Thank you."

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Lock! Key! (It would be obvious that it's a cheap and flimsy lock to anyone who knows things about locks - it's the sort you could pick with a hairpin without that much effort, not that Evelyn personally knows this - but this may be less apparent to people who have never seen industrially-manufactured furniture.) 

 

"You have one in your room as well," she tells Iomedae. "I didn't think to bring it up before, sorry. There were a lot of other things to explain." 

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"Thank you, ma'am." Yesterday it would've been accompanied by a genuine smile even though Iomedae too cannot think of a reason one would offer that, but today Iomedae understands more about how being a foster child is.

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Yeah. Evelyn is pretty sure today was...bad...for Iomedae's feeling-of-safety here.

(She's also pretty sure there is absolutely nothing she can productively say about it, not across the current language barrier and...whatever-the-word-even-is for the other kind of barrier, the kind where even when Iomedae does know a word, she...emotionally lives in a different world with different rules...and honestly you would THINK that Evelyn would be VERY GOOD at that by now, at understanding when a child in her care is emotionally inhabiting a different world, when things that seem normal and fine to Evelyn are baffling and terrifying to them, but - well, they do say that you never stop learning new lessons, in this line of work.) 

It's tempting, almost, to feel like it was her mistake, to take Iomedae to try to find her migrant friends - or at least to do that without covering her back first without sanity checking with someone from Social Services whether this was an even slightly reasonable plan. With the benefit of hindsight it feels like definitely a crazy plan, and - it's felt a bit like this entire weekend has been an experience of repeatedly faintly feeling like a crazy person, and she doesn't understand why and that's got to be the real mistake, here. 

- none of that line of thought is helpful right now and Evelyn should stop making this all about herself and her feelings. It's going to be okay, she tells herself, and - it feels forced and unreassuring, but it must be the thousandth time she's tried to tell herself that, and most of the times it was okay and all her self-doubt was...well, maybe reasonable, but not necessarily helpful, and definitely her catastrophising about it was proved wrong in the end, most of the time. Kids do settle, it's just that the thing they need is time, and not Evelyn trying even harder, and - feeling like she's not trying hard enough is sometimes another way of making it all about her own feelings and not what they need. The thing they need is to learn more English and start school and meet other children from normal, healthy families, and it's going to be okay. 

(Evelyn's mind still doesn't really buy that it's going to be okay.) 

 

She takes a deep breath. "I'm going to go downstairs and watch some television. You're welcome to come along, if you want, but you can stay up here and - talk about things - if you'd prefer that." (Evelyn will not even slightly be able to focus on her TV show, if they take her up on it, but it's not like she could understand the conversation even if she were eavesdropping in the room.) "I'll be awake for another couple of hours, if you need anything. - Alfirin, I put some of our spare pajamas out for you, they're in this cupboard and you can pick the ones that fit best." 

And she'll show Alfirin the cupboard again, and then quietly go downstairs, unless either of them say anything to hint that they'd rather she stay. 

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Iomedae doesn't speak until she's gone. "'television' is a magic item that does illusions, they use it to tell stories and educate children. With clothes, the rule is to wear new ones every day, but the laundry isn't a great imposition because they have magic for that too. She'll buy you clothes at the market, if you want that. Pretty ones too, not just ones like mine. I did not want to be pretty."

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"...every day?"

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"I said that too. Evelyn is very rich, her children would be very rich, they would have seven sets of clothes and wear a new one every day and a laundry day once a week. - I refused seven sets, said she should give the money to the church, but you are not a paladin and so I guess you can just have seven sets of clothes if you want."

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"I do not need seven sets of clothes. No person needs seven sets of clothes - Maybe if a set of clothes is two days work to make that is not crazy. I suppose I have more than two weeks' work of clothes now."

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"No person needs seven sets of clothes, but - one of the aims of civilization is to be so rich and to make things so cheaply that people have many things they don't need. In Azlant every free man lived as a king and I bet kings have seven sets of clothes." She shrugs. "But also I refused the clothes for being ridiculous, so I don't really know."

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"Maybe I will take the clothes, then."

 

"Are you staying because you are a paladin or because it is hard to leave?"

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"- I am a paladin so I have not thought very much about how hard it would be to leave. The police do have dogs. I don't know how to make the beasts go where I tell them. I think probably it would be pretty hard. 

Evelyn also argued to me, before I knew I was not allowed to leave, that it would be very unwise to leave until I speak English well, that the school will educate me and I'll get my papers and it is much better for most goals I might have to be well behaved and get papers and eventually become grown and be allowed to work for pay. I can't really argue with her logic but - there is a part of me that says 'if this were in my interests you could let me work for pay, and pay Evelyn room and board, and be allowed to leave, and if it were in my interests all you'd have to do is tell me how much I have to pay to stay with her and I'd decide to do it on my own. You threaten people with the guard to get them to do things that are not in their interests.'

But it doesn't matter because I am a paladin and unless she puts Aroden's claim to me at odds with hers I will stay even if I see a way out. And - I don't like this place personally, I'm very angry, but I don't actually think it's a worse place than Taldor. In Taldor the bad things just happened to other people and not to people like me."

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"Do they worship other gods here at all or is it just Aroden?"

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"I think there are other gods but they don't share churches with Aroden, except Mary does a little bit but She doesn't have her own altars in it, and none of the gods have the names I know. I also think the gods just...don't do as much here? The guard did not understand that I was a paladin. The churches don't have healing."

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"Where do all the magic items come from if the priests do not do things?"

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"...I don't know. Where do magic items usually come from, do they usually come from priests?"

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"I do not know. I think probably the people who do magic make magic items, and at home that is mostly priests. In stories sometimes it is dwarves, but I have not seen any dwarves here."

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"The Crusade has lots of magic items and I have heard of them being inherited but I have not heard how they got made. I have not seen anyone here who does magic, except they had me swear to what happened with Martin on a Bible and I thought that might've been magic but now I think it probably wasn't. - there were magic-users in the television, which had a legend about a castle with 'wizards'.

The churches do have holy water. Maybe the priests can do magic but not healing."

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"I see."

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"I had not met a lot of people who could do magic at home, I don't know much about it. I know about paladins because my uncle was one, and we had a priest of Aroden, and druids come to negotiate about the land in the spring, and my father took me down the river to a place that had a wizard once. I don't have good guesses about America."

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"I mostly know priests and druids too. I saw a wizard once." Why did she say that??? That was not a smart thing to say.

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"Aroden was a wizard. I'm not smart enough, though, not to be a great wizard hero like He was."

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"You would be a wizard if you were smart enough?"

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"Well, I want to fix the Evil afterlives. And I don't know how to do it, exactly, but Aroden's trying, and I don't know who else is. And Aroden is a wizard. And Tar-Baphon is a wizard, and that's why he's been able to fight the Empire. So it really seems like the most obvious kind of leverage to attempt to get, if you can get it. But I can't, because I'm not smart enough. I think being a paladin is also a reasonable thing to do, of course, or I wouldn't be doing it, but there isn't an obvious paladin to point to who already conquered a Empire-sized chunk of Abaddon and say "yeah, that's what I''ll do if I live to be powerful"."

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...

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"I have a spellbook."

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"Can one learn just from -"

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"I learned three spells from it. I can only do one in a day though."

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"Wow.

 

 

 

I don't know if slaves are allowed to be wizards here or not."

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"I do not know either. And also - It might be dangerous. I thought it maybe brought me here, do you know how you got here?"

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"I thought I just got lost. But I shouldn't really have been able to leave the Empire by getting lost, it's the Empire in every direction for a very long way."

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"Taldor is very big."

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"Yes. It is weeks by ship from one end to the other."

 

- there's something weird, there, actually. Iomedae hadn't been thinking about it because everything was weird and it didn't jump out as a different kind of weird than everything else. But - "I want to go talk to Evelyn. I won't tell her you have a spellbook that might be illegal; I don't have the vocabulary anyway. But I want to ask her where she thinks Taldor is, relative to here."

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"As you will." Alfirin can take the time to find somewhere in the room to hide the spellbook. (The locked drawer obviously won't do, it's where Evelyn will expecting her to hide anything she wants to hide)

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"May your path be Aroden's, and His yours." And off she goes downstairs to find Evelyn.

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(She could hide it under her mattress - it lifts up slightly from the bedframe - or under the bed itself, or in one of the drawers of the dresser, or underneath all the Legos in the toybox.) 

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Evelyn is downstairs, watching a (definitely not inappropriate for children) TV show drama, and approximately not enjoying it at all because she's so worried about Iomedae. ...And Alfirin, but that comes as a bit of an afterthought, still. (And Lily, of course, but - she overall feels like Iomedae's arrival was helpful, for Lily, and she's so confused how to feel about that.)

 

She's still very much on edge and will notice and pause the TV as soon as Iomedae comes down the stairs. 

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Iomedae wants to smile at her but it feels like lying. "Ma'am. I think Alfirin is okay and will be obedient. And me too.

Alfirin not from Taldor but she knew it. You know where Taldor is?"

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Uhhhhhh. 

 

"- No, love, not exactly. I - think it's probably not in America, because," nothing about you makes SENSE if you were born here, "- because it sounds much poorer." Wow she had not been in the mood to have this conversation tonight. "...I think it might be in Mexico somewhere, or - maybe even further south than that, in South America. I think it's probably not on a different continent because you would remember if you'd had to travel on a boat."

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"I think it not in America." I think it is on another continent, she would usually say, and it's magic that brought me here. I think it has to be another continent, or you'd have heard of us and we'd have heard of you. 

 

Do paladins lie to Tar-Baphon? She's not sure. But America isn't, actually, Tar-Baphon. She is pretty sure paladins don't lie to America.

 

Not tell America things...she thinks that's okay. And if she's wrong, and Aroden abandons her for it, then she'll tell Evelyn everything. 

Ask questions that aren't her real question - it feels like jumping off a wall and feeling her stomach tug around inside her on the fall down, but she's pretty sure it's just uncomplicatedly allowed.

 

"Do people know Christ everywhere? In all the countries in the world?"

 

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What. 

 

"- I don't know. There are definitely a lot of countries in the world that don't - worship God and Jesus Christ - because there are a lot of religions in the world, the world is big. There might be some countries that haven't even heard of Christ, and there are definitely people who haven't." 

Evelyn has no idea why this is the conversation they're suddenly having. It seems like it might (must) be very important to Iomedae. She is pretty sure she can't possibly handle it well unless she knows why now - what did Iomedae just discuss with Alfirin? - but she doesn't, actually, know how to ask that question in a way that won't make everything worse. 

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Iomedae nods thoughtfully. 

 

She has so many more questions. The place where Christ became a god. Is it known to these people? Do they go there sometimes? Do the parts of his church on different continents talk? But that's doing things, and when she does things she destroys the lives of everyone she's ever met.

 

What would actually happen, if this place came to Taldor's attention, or Taldor came to the attention of this place. Would she like it. Would it serve Aroden. 

 

It's not a hard question. They'd go to war. Probably the only real winner of that war would be Tar-Baphon, and the eastern barbarians.

You can, actually, make mistakes on a bigger scale than Iomedae has managed so far this week. A much bigger scale. 

And if America does not know about Taldor, telling them is one such.  And if America does not know about the Starstone -

 

"Where Alfirin is from they not know much about Christ," she says, truthfully and irrelevantly, and waits to see if she is renounced.

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There is no obvious sign that she's been renounced, but Evelyn is looking - noticeably slightly confused, which is more of an emotional reaction than she's ever shown in front of Iomedae before.

(This...feels important. Very important. It feels like this is the closest Iomedae has come, at any point, to trusting Evelyn and opening up to Evelyn and talking about her past. Evelyn is trying very hard to get this right, and - she doesn't know how, she doesn't know what Iomedae needs right now or how to support her, and she's obviously going to do all the sensible things anyway, like make eye contact and actually listen, but she still feels off-balance...) 

 

"- That's a bit surprising to me," she says, after a moment. "Though - I guess there are lots of places, even places that aren't very far apart on a map, that - know different things." (She's thinking of, like, mostly-uncontacted Amazonian tribes, which is probably not Iomedae's situation, but.) "What sort of things did they know, about him?" 

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Oh no, now Evelyn is trying to interact with the meaningless things Iomedae said instead of saying that she thinks there's a big and important - extremely big, extremely important - misunderstanding here which she wants to conceal from the government until she has lots more context. And Evelyn's trying very earnestly. Iomedae is not renounced but she does think she is wronging Evelyn, now.

 

She also thinks she's going to keep doing it. Because there is nothing gained, aside from satisfying her own confusion, by trying to convince Evelyn of this here and now, and there is an unfathomable amount on the table which is not Iomedae's to gamble with. If it is wise to try to convince America that there's an empire called Taldor they've never heard of, and a Starstone that'll let them become gods, if they don't already know and it'll help humanity win if they know - she can do it in six months. And so can Alfirin so the whole thing doesn't hinge on her not getting herself killed, either. 

 

And her best guess is that it won't, in fact, seem like a good idea in six months, either. She can't imagine it going well, in Taldor, to try to convince them you were from America, unless you knew how to make valuable things for them, and even then it'd be wiser just to make the valuable things. You might tell specific people who you had specific reason to trust.

 

You wouldn't tell the person assigned to pretend to be your mother. That is not how to do international politics. 

 

"They say he no like - places like America and the one that kill him," she says, inanely. "And she think I no would like other gods."

True, irrelevant.

 

....no, actually, she can't do this. She can decide to investigate things on her own and not involve Evelyn; she cannot use Evelyn's kindness and generosity to sneak help with her task out of Evelyn. Even if Aroden won't renounce her for it she cannot and will not. Even if the government has made her Evelyn's property, Evelyn has not actually herself in any sense obliged Iomedae to treat this as an adversarial relationship. If she does, Iomedae will play that game back. But tonight, she won't. 

"I'm sorry, Evelyn. I not being fair to you. I not saying the things I thinking. I not want to, and I will not. But I owe you better than say things that are not what I think. 

 

Good night."

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What. 

 

 

- and the easy thing, and arguably the reasonable thing, would be to smile at Iomedae and pat her shoulder and let her go to bed, and trust that whatever Evelyn just missed, there - because she's pretty sure she missed something huge, maybe as few as a handful of seconds ago, maybe smeared out over the last several days - will, one way or another, turn out fine. 

But, you know, when a kid says something like that to you, it's - okay, in this case it's probably not the first hint at an eventual confession that reveals a pedophile ring, but it's - something of that magnitude? The thing Iomedae just said wasn't, exactly, something one could see as a 'cry for help', but Evelyn is definitely seeing it, right now, as a cry of none of things makes any sense

Evelyn stands up and - doesn't quite reach out to grab Iomedae's shoulder, but it's on some level clear that she would, if Iomedae were her own child who she'd known since birth and felt comfortable doing that with. 

 

 

"...Iomedae. I think we, maybe, really need to talk, because - I think I'm not understanding something, and I think it's something you've been trying to tell me all along." 

(Wow that sounded incredibly stupid once it was out of her mouth.)

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What that's not fair Iomedae decided to be virtuous and now things should work out well.

 

That's also not how things worked out last time Iomedae decided to be virtuous. 

 

Aroden learned from his mistakes the first time so she had better do that too.

 

"Ma'am, I think you right. And we don't need to talk, because the thing - is not a thing you need to understand. You a very nice person and no one tell you if they did have plan war on Hell. ...I no have that yet. If I did, I find people who want to go to war with Hell, not people who want to help foster childs."

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...Wow. Evelyn has - several different uncomfortable feelings about that. 

 

"Iomedae."

.....Okay. How do you even have this conversation. Evelyn is pretty sure she's about to disastrously have this conversation, because she's very tired and off-balance, but that - probably, she thinks, still seems better than not even trying to have it at all. Because at least Iomedae will see that she did try. 

"I'm– ...If you had a plan to fight Hell, I - wouldn't tell you to stop? Because - I think it's admirable, to want to save everyone in Hell. That's - not the thing I'm doing with my life, I couldn't fight probably even to save my own life, but - I've tried to help a lot of children, and - that means trying to understand what they want to do, with their lives. And so if the thing you need to do with your life is, fight Hell, then - that's a little bit my job, now, and I need to understand." 

 

(Evelyn is not at all sure that made any sense. She's even less sure it was a good idea to try to say, at all. But - it still feels like the most important thing, right now, is to try to show that she is trying and does care.)

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"No, ma'am. I - sorry. I think maybe government wrong you, here. But -"

 

She wishes she had the vocabulary, she wishes she was saying this in a language where she didn't have to dig every word out from a pile of confusing conversations and squint at it carefully to make sure it means what she thinks it means.

 

"It is not your job to understand me. 

You are kind. You are generous. The thing you want to be for me cannot be, for people I did not choose, in place I cannot leave. I know you try, if I ask, to help me. I know you have try to take up the - shepherd - of people in need. I know that many things so bad that this thing America do is better. 

But when America take me from the church with Martin, America no take me as - person it buy and sell things from, or person it make and keep promises to. America no can take me like that. When America say to you, your job understand Iomedae, America do wrong to you, because America did wrong to me, and try to make you the sword of its doing. 

You try very hard, in very hard strange time. I see that. I no saying this to you now because you fail. If you fail, we have a nice talk something that no matter. You succeed, at being someone I will not take as - okay to use.

But you work for a thing that cannot take me as a equal, that cannot show any honor, that cannot see it. I do not want to be understand by you. I do not want you to think it is your job to understand me. It is both our job to do right each other when law say I in your power and I have important things to do and need to not spend your generosity to do them. But this any honorable person owe any other. Any other job you think you have to me, I free you. You do not owe it to me. You no should try to give it to me. And if America says you have to try to do it anyway, then I have to try to stop you. But I do not want to so I hope you just say 'okay'."

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...Wow. Evelyn feels like she's being thoroughly outclassed at...philosophy? logic? at something, definitely...by a non-native English speaker. That would be embarrassing, if she were paying attention to feelings like that right now. 

 

"- I lied to your social worker," she hears herself say, and - wow what is she even going for with this, in what world was that possibly a good idea to say.

"....I mean, I - didn't tell Diel I was taking you to find your friends' camp, and - I didn't tell her why you were upset, after they weren't there. I think that was...not what I should have done for America, or for my job. And I might get in trouble for it. But it seemed important for you, to find out if your friends were okay or not, and - I care about you. Not because it's my job, or because the government told me to, just - because you're here, and you're you, and you've slept in my house, and I... I'm sorry, I - whether or not you think I should owe you anything, I can't turn off the part of me that cares about you, and wants to understand what you need."

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Oh. 

 

 

Iomedae would not have asked Evelyn to give up Heaven for her. She feels sick, and dizzy, and - and Evelyn was trying to do the right thing, even if it got her order to renounce her, and - that is brave, there is something impoverished and shortsighted about only seeing that as a tragedy - if Iomedae had to do it someday she would not want people to only be appalled, when they heard -

- Iomedae offers Evelyn a hug. 

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Evelyn is CONFUSED and CONCERNED and it's not like either of those are new feelings to have, around Iomedae, this weekend. 

....She will not turn down a hug. She will hug Iomedae back, even. She has a lot of accumulated hugs she's wanted to give Iomedae, at various points, when it seemed like Iomedae wasn't feeling at all open to hugs. 

 

 

"- I think I'm still missing something," she says after a few moments, without actually letting go of the hug. "It seemed like - whatever I just said was important to you - and, I mean, I was trying, but..." 

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"Two things important to you were enemies, and one of them was - the work of your life - and I am sorry, that they were enemies, that you having to choose. I have not had to choose that, and if I ever do, it hurt very badly. I wish it had not been. I am - honored, and sad, and proud, and I see so strength in you. And God be proud you too." 


And she lets go. 

 

"...I still not going tell you the thing. As I say, it not about whether you good person or bad person. It about Iomedae no play with lives of tens, hundreds, thousands, millions, other people, until I know things, and I not know things. I study English, and treat you like honorable person, and you treat me like honorable person, but no can decide with other peoples' lives. Never again."

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That does not really leave Evelyn any less confused–

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one of them was - the work of your life - and I am sorry, that they were enemies

 

...or maybe it does, and it's just that she doesn't like it. At all. And possibly made an enormous mistake, here, which she likes even less. 

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- and none of that is the point, is it. What does Iomedae need, right now...

 

Nod. "I - think I understand, or at least I'm trying to. I'm glad that you're being careful. And - it's okay if you don't want to tell me things, but - if you're confused about how things work, in America, I'll still be here to answer your questions and I'm never going to be angry at you for asking them." 

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"That is very kind of you. I will learn about America and try very hard only ask you for help honorably. ...I not a child, but I very new a holy warrior. I think there some important things I was - playing at, not doing right. And I no can think I done make mistakes. Or even that I can pay for mistakes when I make them. But I try make smaller mistakes, catch faster."

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“…Yeah, I think that’s probably right. You’re very new at this and you’re - a long way from home, aren’t you.”

 

Evelyn is pretty sure she’s STILL missing a huge chunk of what’s actually going on in Iomedae’s head, but she can also recognize the feeling that pushing any harder on it right now won’t result in learning more and will antagonize the child with her. 

“- all right, that’s all I wanted to say. Goodnight, love.”

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"Goodnight, ma'am."

 

She goes back upstairs. Checks if Alfirin is still in her room or if she's washing as ordered.

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Alfirin has not found a good hiding place for the spellbook at all - Everywhere she's found is so obvious a child would think of it in their first five minutes of searching. Which isn't surprising, really. She needs to spend more than five minutes on it. She's put it under the mattress for now and is washing.

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She waits for her to be done washing. She does not have the instinct she shouldn't interrupt another girl in the middle of showering but if the door opens Alfirin won't know it's her not Jeremy. "Evelyn has never heard of Taldor. The police hadn't either. I find that confusing. I think important rich people in Taldor have heard of the empires on other continents, though I haven't, personally. I'm wondering if it's a secret and I shouldn't have mentioned it. Evelyn now thinks Taldor is a small village on this continent and I mean to let her go on thinking that.... I wasn't sure if that was allowed but it apparently is, at least if I'm not trying to use Evelyn's ignorance I've gone and encouraged to harm her."

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"I thought we were probably over the crown of the world. Very far away, people speak different languages, maybe they do not know Taldor. Are there other 'continent's?" The word seems unfamiliar to her, at least in Taldane.

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"Well, there's the sand lands, but they've definitely heard of Taldor there. There's where Azlant used to be that's just small islands. I don't think we're there. There's the dragonlands. I don't think we're in the dragonlands, because there aren't any dragons, but I guess the legends I heard about them could be mostly made up. I don't know if the dragonlands are over the ...crown of the world... or not."

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"I do not know either. The crown of the world is where if you go north and go as far north as you can go. And then I guess you keep going north, though I do not know how that would work, and then you are in another place that is very different, but not as different as the first world or another plane."

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"And this place isn't as different as the first world or another plane, because we'd be dead. Maybe I'm being silly, and they know of Taldor by another name, though it still might well be unwise to identify myself as from there."

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"Maybe. Do you think America and Taldor are at war?"

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"I don't know. None of the possibilities make much sense to me. Maybe they are at war, but that makes it less likely that rich people here wouldn't have heard of Taldor at all, and that no one would speak Taldane or recognize it spoken. Maybe they are so far there is no point in having a war until they have grown up to the borders of the other. I don't think Taldor is at war with the dragonlands. But they would go to steal its secrets, at least, if they knew it had magic like this. ...and I think the dragonlands might be helping fight Tar-Baphon? I'm not sure if that was the dragonlands doing it or just brave adventurers from it. But it'd make sense for the dragonlands to do it, if they think Taldor's losing to Tar-Baphon and want it to be a war that lasts forever and not a war one side wins." That was something Iomedae's father said about Qadira but it seems like it'd extend obviously to other places.

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"...Who is Tar-Baphon?"

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"- maybe I'm just imagining everyone knowing things that actually only matter to people near where I live. Tar-Baphon rules the land north of Taldor, and we are at war with him, and he is a very evil very powerful wizard, and it's not just Taldor fighting him, the dwarves are doing it too, and heroes from all over the world, or so I was told. Aroden Himself came from Axis to fight Tar-Baphon, a long time ago, and He won but Tar-Baphon came back after thousands of years. People say Aroden might have to come Himself again, I don't think the war is going very well."

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"I do not know very many things about Taldor and its wars. Important people probably do know about that though? It sounds like a thing important people would know."

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"It was not at all confusing to me that the workers I travelled with knew none of the names and wars I knew from home. But it is a little strange to me now that the police didn't and that Evelyn doesn't. She owns hundreds of books.

Anyway. I won't ask you to say or not say anything in particular but I am leaving Evelyn with the impression I am from a village called Taldor in some poor country on the borders of this empire."

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"...Why are you not asking me to say or not say anything? If I tell Evelyn that Taldor is a big empire she will ask you and you will have to tell her that is so."

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"Yes, so I would rather you didn't do that, but I don't know if that's in your interests, so I'd be asking for a favor, and I'm your translator for now and you're a slave in a foreign country and you have little reason to trust me so it'd be dishonorable to ask you for favors."

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"You are also a slave. You can ask me favors.

...I was not going to tell her that, anyway. I did tell the other person - Diel - that I am from Undarin in Sarkoris so she maybe knows Sarkoris is a country and not a city - And that Taldane is not my best language. So maybe she can figure out that Taldor is not a city."

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"I haven't heard of Sarkoris, I couldn't have told you it was a country. I guess we'll see if they think to ask me more pointed questions later or not. 

I should wash in the rainstorm magic and go to bed. It's nice to meet you, I wish the circumstances were different, may your path be Aroden's and His yours."

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"And yours as well?" She is not sure what the traditional response to that is.

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She smiles brightly at her so apparently that's good enough, and goes off to her SEPARATE WASHROOM BECAUSE AMERICA IS A FUNDAMENTALLY ABSURD PLACE to wash for bed.

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Alfirin sleeps with the spellbook tucked under the top sheet of the mattress and her knife under her pillow.

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Evelyn makes herself a coffee, which is not a great idea this late at night but her head feels gluey with exhaustion, and she needs to write up log notes on Alfirin's arrival before she goes to bed. 

 

...What just happened

She can tell when a kid is hiding something from her; you get to have a radar for that, even apart from the fact that Iomedae basically said so outright. She can tell when a kid feels betrayed by The System, and no longer expects any of the adults to be on their side. Which...makes sense, from Iomedae's perspective that's more or less the thing that happened. 

She still doesn't understand what prompted Iomedae to bring up Taldor. There's got to be some kind of major significance to it - it was clearly important to Iomedae, there's something very high-stakes for her here - and Evelyn doesn't see it. Was Taldor some kind of drug-cartel village? That...feels like not even the right direction to be looking, somehow. She's so confused and tired of it. What did Iomedae talk about with Alfirin, that - made her reconceptualise something, put the pieces together in the right way and end up adding two and two and getting five? 

Ugh. 

 

She writes up a bland log note about Alfirin, saying that she settled in well and seemed to follow Iomedae's translation of Evelyn's explanation. She has a bone knife that Evelyn has asked her to keep in a locked drawer, but doesn't think she needs to confiscate if there are no further problems; it's one of the only possessions she still has from home. She writes that Alfirin has so far been polite and not disruptive, and comes across as an intelligent and self-sufficient child, but seems very wary, less open with adults than Iomedae was. Her English is also worse. She suspects there are a lot of things both of them aren't saying, yet, about their pasts and where they come from. Presumably Diel knows that it often takes children a long time to feel safe enough to disclose things to their foster carer.

She feels confident that she can manage both of them in the placement, though, and that Alfirin's presence will be positive for Iomedae and vice versa. 

 

She makes it to bed at around 11 pm, and lies awake worrying for a very long time before she finally manages to fall asleep. 

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Iomedae somewhat to her own surprise falls asleep easily.

She was in pain, earlier, but that wasn't just because of the harm she had done; it was because she hadn't grown from it yet, she was trapped still being the person who'd made that mistake. She...feels like she's, in fact, a different person now from the one that made that mistake. She realized some things about the context she is operating in, and figured out her principles around how to behave honorably towards people who have unjust power over you but are trying not to abuse it, and she made a friend, and she made her confusions specific instead of inchoate and overwhelming, and if she needs to learn English to answer the confusions without tipping her hand, well, she's never been a slow learner. 

 

She tells Aroden that while he did not put how he felt about it in the holy books she knows it hurt, to wake up in a world he'd broken and could not fix, and she is glad that he stood up and went on fixing it and taught everyone else how to do that too.

She is curious if it hurt more than the being tortured to death to save people. She thinks it would, for her.

She asks him to look after her family and the families sundered by the raid and to conquer Hell, just in case he forgot since last night, and then she falls right asleep and sleeps soundly.

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Lily, as usual, knocks on Iomedae's door as soon as she's awake at 5:53 am. "I c'min?" 

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"Of course! Good morning."

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Lily would like a hug and then to snuggle up with Iomedae in her floorblanket nest. It took her longer than that to realize that the beds in Mummy's house are safe, but she didn't have anyone other than Mummy to tell her. 

"Y'sced f'beds too?" she asks, very carefully. "S'kay'eer. NO bad NO s'ary." 

 

 

*"Are you scared of beds too? It's okay here."

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"I'm not scared of the bed, it's just so soft I feel like I'll sink into it."

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"Oh." That kiiind of sounds like a sort of being scared but Lily doesn't know what to make of it. "Y'wot," she reassures Iomedae. "N'dat soff." 

 

Can she hear more stories about God doing very brave things? 

 

 

*"You won't. Not that soft."

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Yes. If she's going to exclusively tell stories of God's bravery that she heard since she arrived in America, now, well, there's still plenty of those. 

 

"...and God know the government going to come for him and kill him, and some people say, God, run away! Government come! And God could have run. Or he could have called angels to help. Or he could have killed whole government. But God's plan was to make them all free of sin, so when they go to judgment it no counted against them, so Hell have none of them, so God did not run. God let them nail him to cross, and they thought they had beat him, but it was His plan to save them, even though they were being mean and evil, because God save even bad people, if He can, and He die, and He come back because He always come back when He die. He has too much to do to ever stop."

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Lily looks so concerned about the nailing part! "He s'ared? ...How cu'back?"

 

 

*"Was he scared? How did he come back?" 

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"Probably He was scared! There is magic you can use to not be scared, but there is also magic you can use to not suffer, and I think He was not using it. Probably He was doing whatever worked best to save people. He came back because He was very magic. Very magic there's lots of ways to come back if you die."

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Lily nods very seriously, as though this makes perfect sense. "You b'ry m'gic whe'you g'owup?"

 

*"Will you be very magic when you're grown up?" 

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"It's hard to guess. I hope so."

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Nod. "Hoper diffent m'gic. N'you sa'peel n'NOT nails." She shivers, and wiggles over to hug Iomedae tightly. "Y'my b'sisr. Nowan y'hut." 

 

 

*"I hope there's different magic, and you save people without being nailed. You're my big sister, I don't want you hurt." 

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"Oh, I think probably the thing God did is not the best way for me to help people. But if it is, I would be glad, even if it hurt. If someone say to me now, Iomedae you can die like God and save all who want from Hell forever, I would be so happy." She hugs Lily. "There things much worse than hurting. Like - failing."

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Lily does not really seem to get this but she can tell when her big sister is sad, and she hugs Iomedae harder. 

 

...Maybe breakfast now? 

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Yeah, sure. They should practice sneaking and try to have the pancakes all ready before Evelyn comes downstairs.

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Lily looks slightly worried about this - Mummy wasn't happy about the surprise at ALL last time - but sneaking is fun and so is making pancakes. She considers it and then nods agreeably and follows Iomedae downstairs, trying to be SO quiet. 

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Iomedae doesn't really understand what bothers Evelyn, it seems totally unpredictable, but Evelyn's yet to hit her so obviously Evelyn has never been particularly upset. She will get out the fixings and start making pancakes, trying to give Lily as many tasks as a four-year-old could do successfully (that's a fair number! Four year olds are competent to help in the kitchen, if you watch them closely!)

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Lily knows how to be helpful! Mummy lets her get the flour out of the cupboard and mix the batter when they make pancakes. Iomedae lets her do the egg-cracking, which Mummy doesn't usually because Lily has a tendency to drop the eggshells in the batter. Lily is very happy about this, and slightly forgetting that they're supposed to be sneaking and singing is not very sneaky. 

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Evelyn has, unsurprisingly, slept terribly; she's always on edge when a new child is first staying with her, and she doesn't think Alfirin is the type to try to abscond in the middle of the night but she barely knows her, does she. 

She wakes to the sound of singing, and comes down in her dressing-gown, more bleary-eyed than usual. She ruffles Lily's hair fondly and puts on the kettle for instant coffee. "Those smell wonderful, Iomedae. Thank you for getting a start on breakfast!" Whether she approves of Iomedae cooking unsupervised is...not a battle she wants to pick right now...and it does actually seem like Iomedae is responsible enough to use a stove safely AND keep a close eye on Lily. 

She sits down with her coffee and rubs her forehead, still not really awake enough to come up with her usual morning chatter. 

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Iomedae likes the house much better, she thinks, when Evelyn is asleep. She doesn't do anything she has been ordered not to do, but she isn't constantly observed doing it. She doesn't scold Lily, though, even though she would scold a four year old for singing when they'd been told to be quiet at home, because she suspects Evelyn will disapprove. 

 

"Good morning, ma'am," she says, and keeps working on the pancakes.

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Evelyn is fully aware that a lot of kids are self-conscious if they feel like they're being Observed at all times, and she knows that it's nice for older children to feel like they get to have more independence. She - also definitely has the urge to hover and watch Iomedae at all times, but doing that isn't going to increase the odds that Iomedae finally lets something slip that puts all the baffling notes of confusion in context and makes it all hold together again. She'll make pleasant conversation over breakfast, though keeping an ear out for any sign that Alfirin is stirring, and then ask Iomedae if she minds watching Lily while she goes upstairs to shower and dress. 

"The food bank is open today," she says cheerfully. "Their hours start at nine. I haven't heard anything back from them yet, but their staff are probably all very busy. I was thinking we could go there once Lily is at school, assuming Alfirin doesn't mind joining us, and then we can ask to talk to someone about setting you up with some volunteer hours. - And we should buy you a bike in town, so you can get yourself there once you know the way. How does that sound?" 

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She will watch Lily while Evelyn goes upstairs to shower and dress. "That sound good, ma'am."

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The caffeine hitting her bloodstream and a long hot shower helps a lot with Evelyn's alertness, if not necessarily her mood. She's on edge, and combined with the lack of sleep, it's definitely risking making her irritable, which none of the children deserve. At least she has a lot of practice at hiding it. 

With Iomedae's help - and Lily on her best behavior, though her excitement level at having TWO 'big sisters' in the house partly cancels that out - the school-day morning routine goes more smoothly than usual. Evelyn manages to dissuade Lily from going to wake Alfirin by repeatedly saying that she's probably tired from having a 'big day' yesterday, but she does hope Alfirin will be awake before Lily's school bus at 8:05, or they might have a bit of a time getting her out the door. 

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Alfirin wakes when the sun rises and makes her way downstairs. "Good morning!"

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"Good morning! Have some pancakes!"

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Pancakes! With syrup and jam to go with them! And there's juice and milk in the fridge, if Alfirin prefers that to water. 

Evelyn repeats the question about visiting the food bank, and adds that they'll want to do some shopping so that Alfirin can have clothes of her own. 

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"Thank you." Alfirin eats pancakes and...Fruit juice? For breakfast? Because America is very rich.

"What is 'visiting the food bank'?"

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"It's a place run by a church, where they have free food - people who can afford to donate it - and people who are too poor to buy food can go there and eat or get food to take home and cook. Iomedae wants to volunteer there, to help poorer people. - Iomedae, maybe you can explain it more in Taldane." 

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It all feels very silly now. "Evelyn claimed to me when I arrived here that America makes it so no one goes hungry. She meant no one with papers, but I misunderstood because I spoke the language so poorly, and I objected that the workers obviously go hungry. And she said there are churches that just give out food to the poor, and they can use help handing the food out to the poor, and I wanted to - figure out why the workers weren't getting it, and get it to them if it was really supposed to be the rule that anyone could have it. Only now I know why they weren't getting it."

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"I see. It makes sense that you would do that and also it seems - not very important, now that we know."

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"I will visiting the food bank and shopping with you!"

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"Hopefully it'll be a good way to learn more English, too!" Evelyn says brightly.

She has an uneasy feeling about what exactly Iomedae just said to Alfirin, and in general she's not a fan of the fact that these kids who are CLEARLY keeping some weighty secrets can have private conversations right in front of her about it and agree on their story - it's going to make it much harder to catch onto the little notes of something-not-adding-up that she needs to piece this together - but she's hardly going to tell them not to, and it is still very useful that Iomedae can translate. 

"I was thinking we should start learning some English reading and writing too," she adds. "Maybe later this afternoon? You both need to be in school eventually, but it's probably going to take a few weeks to sort out, and I bet we can make a lot of progress at home. You're both clearly bright and diligent." 

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"Yes, ma'am, I want to learn English reading and writing."

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"I want to learn English reading and writing! I like talk lots ways."

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Evelyn beams at both of them. "I'm so glad you're both excited to learn. Actually, we'll have almost an hour between Lily's school bus and when the food bank opens, so we can make a start on it. It's supposed to be good to spread it out, give your brain some chance to rest and let it soak in." 

And once Lily is dressed and shod and bundled off to school with her bag and packed lunch, she'll Google for alphabet worksheets and print them out. 

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"If we have time that is not chores or learning English can you also teach me to read and speak Taldane better?"

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They're using paper to trace letters? And then, what, throwing the paper away?

 


America is a fundamentally ridiculous place.

("Yes, of course," she says to Alfirin. "It's nice to speak my native tongue and it's useful having a language they don't.")

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"Thank you. I think 'mother' does not like it that we have a language she does not."

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At home, Iomedae was very obedient. If you gave her a rule. And it was sufficiently specific. She was not very good at what the priest said was the higher virtue of obedience, doing what your parents wanted whether or not they'd specifically ordered it. She understands being that kind of obedient to Aroden, because He's Aroden, but she was never in fact particularly good at offering it to anyone else. She starts to open her mouth to say 'if Evelyn wants us to stop, she can tell us to stop', and realizes as she opens it that while this is a habit one might fall into as the beloved daughter of landowning parents receptive to arguments like that Aroden was Lawful despite not being very obedient, it is a stupid habit for a slave. 

"We should probably be careful, then," she says instead, "before she is inspired to order us to stop it." And in English, "what the words for this?", holding up her pen.

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"It's a pen! We also have pencils, those you can erase." Evelyn will show her. "Here - why don't I go through the alphabet and tell you what sound each letter makes, and you can write it in the alphabet you already know, so you have a reference for later?" 

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"That work for me."

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They can do that! And then have some time to spell simple words - Evelyn can write out the spelling used for both of their names on the Social Services form, though it was of course wildly guessing, and how to spell 'Evelyn' and 'Jeremy' and 'Lily', and then some other common household words - 'bed', 'house', 'car', 'stove', 'fridge', 'food', 'water'. She is ALREADY finding herself inspired to apologize for the state of English spelling. 

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English spelling does not make a ton of sense but Alfirin doesn't read enough languages to know if it makes less sense than usual, maybe spelling is just hard.

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Taldane is in fact more intuitive about spelling - or, at least, Iomedae learned Taldane from a tutor who just spelled things the way they sounded and was usually not that far off from spellings in holy books, and who did not seem to think that words had an official standard spelling unless they were the name of the Emperor or something. She doesn't complain, though.

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Diel sends Evelyn an email around nine.

 

Both Iomedae and Alfirin should be taken in to the doctor's office and dentist's office for checkups, since they have never in their lives gotten those, and should get started on getting caught up on vaccinations. That should happen ASAP, what's Evelyn's availability today or tomorrow look like? She's filed all the paperwork for both of them to temporarily have the state's health insurance for fostered youth. Iomedae should also in theory get a therapist (and Alfirin too if Evelyn thinks it'd be beneficial) though they are not actually going to need a specialist in helping kids testify in court cases because she spoke with the sheriff's office this morning and they're dropping charges. It's not, actually, that they don't believe Iomedae, it's that a trial will delay the accused getting deported, and it'll be much easier for everyone for him to be subject to an expedited deportation right now instead of staying around in the country for months while they work out a deal or go to trial. Though of course it's relevant that a sexual assault did not actually occur (that's defined in Nevada as requiring penetration, and an attempt is a much less serious crime) and that there's no physical evidence and Iomedae has limited English and Spanish proficiency and said some weird things during her police interview. Diel thinks this can probably be pitched to Iomedae as a good outcome: the accused will be made to leave the country and never come back, so she is safe from him, and she won't have to go through testifying to a court. Evelyn should be on the lookout, though, as kids often have strong emotions about any progress on the court case against their abusers. 

 

She also told Alfirin she'd try to track down her family. She's almost sure they're not in the US, and international family reunification is kind of a nightmare, but she'll do her best. She looked up the place names Alfirin gave and got nothing. She consulted another cult expert who also had nothing. If Evelyn gets a chance she could ask her how she got here, what nearby cities were called, etcetera, though also Diel will come by tomorrow to see how the girls are settling in and can ask then. 

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Evelyn is delighted to hear that the health insurance is already sorted - that can drag on sometimes - and fully agrees they should have checkups; she's free this afternoon and evening and anytime tomorrow, ideally while Lily is in school, and she's happy to call the office for the usual doctor she takes kids to and book appointments if Diel is busy, it sounds like she must have a lot of her plate. 

Evelyn will try to sensitively explain the plans for Martin to Iomedae; she expects Iomedae will want to know if he's going to face charges or be kept away from vulnerable women in any way in his home country, and might also ask if he'll have food and medical care there, she worries about people's wellbeing even when those people tried to hurt her. She...is not really sure she expects a therapist to be helpful yet (she's in fact pretty certain it won't help at all and will just put Iomedae on the defensive, but doesn't say that); it's probably still worth trying but she's not going to push for an appointment this week or anything and there are often long wait times for therapists that take the state insurance. She'll also try to ask Alfirin about her family, though she's not sure how much success to expect, Alfirin...does not seem to especially trust adults yet. 

(Iomedae seems to have stopped being willing to trust adults, at least American ones with power over her life, and this is honestly one of the more upsetting experiences Evelyn has had in fostering. She doesn't mention it in the email. It's not like she has anything more than a vibe to go on, and it doesn't feel like there's anything productive to be said or done about it, right now.) 

 

Once she's read and replied to the email - which takes a few minutes, so it's 9:20 by the time she's done - they can head over to the food bank? Iomedae seems much less enthusiastic about it now, which Evelyn doesn't love, but she said she was going to do this and she's damn well not going to drop it now. 

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They can head over to the food bank!

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It's a 20 minute drive with current Monday-morning traffic levels, and then the parking lot out front is full and it's another couple of minutes driving around to find the nearest street parking, and another few minutes to walk over from said parking; they're in the door by 9:45 am. 

The building is long and low and beige. There appear to be two buildings with St Vincents signs, actually, one across the smaller street and also beige, but Evelyn leads them toward the one that the GPS told her is the right address for the St Vincents Food Pantry.

For once, Evelyn doesn't recognize any of the staff or volunteers inside. It's a cheerful enough space, one plaster wall beside the service counter painted pink, the lower half of the wall behind said counter painted a bright sunny yellow. There are a lot of printed-off signs pinned to various walls with masking tape, some written-on with highlighter, many faded or half peeling off; the nearest one that Evelyn can read appears to be a volunteer roster, which is promising. There's a counter, and a long open space behind it, with industrial-style metal shelves and stacks and stacks of boxes, the kind you can pick up at the grocery store for free. Most are labeled with sticky notes, impossible to read from this distance.

A young red-haired man behind the desk, wearing a zip-up black sweatship with 'Catholic Charities of Northern Nevada' emblazoned on it in purple and a nametag on a lanyard that introduces him as 'Tyler, Volunteer', is consulting a list in a tatty binder and talking to an elderly woman with a cane accompanied by a younger but grizzled-looking man who might be her son. A handful of others are waiting behind the woman in a straggling line; none of them look especially homeless, though Evelyn has to admit she wouldn't really know, would she. To one side, the lobby space also holds a couple of small chipped Formica tables and some uncomfortable-looking stacking plastic chairs. An overweight woman with four young children is sitting down there, on her phone. 

There are some other closed doors leading out of the lobby space, unlabeled, and Evelyn can see more staff or volunteers moving at the back, but it's not obvious who she's supposed to talk to. She settles for trying to catch 'Tyler's' eye and offering a little smile and wave. 

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"Hey!" he says cheerfully. "Welcome to the pantry, how can I help you? Are you registered with us?"

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"Hi! My name is Evelyn. I actually sent an email on - I think Saturday morning? - but I imagine you're all really busy. This is my foster daughter Iomedae and she was maybe interested in volunteering with you. Is there a process to sign up for that?" 

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"Oh! Yeah, there totally is. We have volunteer shifts in the warehouse sorting donations and packing boxes, Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, right after school, we get a lot of local students. I can get you the application form - it's here somewhere -" He starts digging through a stack of paperwork.

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Iomedae looks around the room. She isn't sure what she was expecting. It's certainly an astounding quantity and variety of food to be giving to the poor. 

This is - not very confusing, she doesn't think. The only really confusing piece was why the workers wouldn't come to places like this and as she told Alfirin she's no longer confused about that. 

 

"Thank you," she says brightly to Tyler. 

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"Oh, excellent, thank you! I'll try not to take up too much of your time, I can see you're busy, but do you happen to know how long the application process takes? And what sort of approval she needs if she's a minor - she's fifteen." Also she can't read or write yet but Evelyn really isn't sure how to ask about that in front of Iomedae without it being agonizingly awkward. 

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"There's a spot on there for a parent to sign if she's under eighteen. It's not a huge process, it's just a couple of pages, some basic contact information, agreeing to the rules of the food bank and its statement of values and stuff."

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"Of course!" She smiles brightly at Iomedae again. "I'll help you fill it out." She lowers her voice, now kind of wishing she had thought to ask about this before they came in here. "...Alfirin, love, do you have any interest in filling one out as well? There's no pressure, you don't have to." 

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What does that mean??? She's not sure what she's supposed to say here. It was Iomedae's idea, not Evelyn's, so... she guesses Evelyn doesn't want her to? But then why would she ask? If she works at the food bank this will give opportunities to talk to talk to Iomedae without it bothering Evelyn, and an opportunity for English practice....not that she's short of those.

"If me English good enough?"

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"Oh, fluency with Spanish is actually really helpful for the volunteers!" says Tyler. "It's okay if you're an English language learner."

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Evelyn is not actually at all sure that Alfirin is fluent in Spanish, but Iomedae is at least solid. "They both speak Spanish better than English," she confirms. "Though it's not their first language either. I think the language practice would be good for them." 

Glance at Iomedae. "Why don't you talk about it with Alfirin for a moment and help her decide? You can speak Taldane." She's realizing that she miiiight have kind of put Alfirin on the spot, here, and the chance to have an actually-private back and forth about it might help mitigate that. 

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"Do you want to do it? I'm not sure what you should say if you don't."

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"It does not seem worse than other work? Do you think she wants me to do it or do you think she wants me to not?"

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"...I think she wants you to be as excited about it as I was when it sounded like they might only have the problem that the church was trustworthy and the workers did not know this, and therefore any answer will be a little disappointing. I am sorry I inconveniently set the bar there."

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"And if I am not excited does she want me to say yes or no? Maybe you do not know. This seems no worse than other work and we will be able to talk."

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"I think it will go over all right if you say that you are not as excited as me but want to do it to learn more English."

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"I do not know how to say that in English yet."

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"Alfirin says, she no is as excited as me to do it but she want to do it to learn more English."

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Evelyn smiles at Alfirin. "That's perfectly all right." She turns her smile back toward 'Tyler'. "I'll fill out applications for both of them. Thank you so much." 

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He hands over the applications and a pen with a large plush carrot taped to it so you don't forget it's the pantries'. 

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Evelyn smiles and goes to sit down at one of the formica tables - it's slightly sticky on top - and fill out forms. 

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A couple of minutes later, a girl in baggy blue scrubs - with bike grease and a slight rip at the bottom of one pant leg - pushes her way through one of the closed doors, ushering out a skinny older man with numerous tattoos on his wiry arms, wearing a baggy, stained white singlet and jeans. 

"Make sure to come back next week, Mr Ferston," she says, looking at him very seriously. "Nine-thirty, it's on your appointment card. Please try not to forget, okay?" 

She looks like she hasn't slept in at least an entire day. She immediately ducks around behind the counter, vanishes briefly, and comes back with coffee in a paper cup, then stands and leans on the counter. 

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Evelyn waves at her. "Hi! We met at Walmart that one time, right? I thought you worked at the hospital." 

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"I volunteer here as well. There's a community health thingy. Uh. Program." 

She smiles at Iomedae and Alfirin. 

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Iomedae is not going to speak to free people uninvited but she'll smile back and dip her head politely.

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Evelyn is concerned that Iomedae has no idea what the rules are supposed to be for interacting with adults outside of their house and is, for whatever reason related to what she took away from events yesterday, suddenly terrified of getting in trouble with the government/police/ICE? 

She's not really sure what to do about it. Telling Iomedae that it's fine to talk to people at the food bank is definitely not going to cut it, and it's - fair enough, really, that Iomedae doesn't trust her about that kind of thing. Evelyn did nothing to keep her friends safe. 

Well, maybe the best she can do is continue demonstrating what is and isn't safe and appropriate. And hope they relax eventually, when (hopefully) nothing else bad happens to them. 

"I'm Evelyn," she reminds the young nurse. "These are my foster daughters Iomedae and Alfirin. They're both new to living in a - big city," she does not need to get into the details, for confidentiality reasons if nothing else. "I bet they'd be curious to know what working in a hospital is like." 

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Oh no has she been volunteered for a surprise social interaction. Why. ...The answer to 'why' is that she signed up for this, by volunteering at a food bank site. She is always supposed to be open to surprise social interactions, it's just, ugh, she's TIRED. 

Marian smiles brightly, as though she hasn't just made decisions and choices about her sleep cycle and agreed to come in for her usual Monday morning 9-12 shift after taking a night shift for Kristen last night so Kristen could fly out to see her boyfriend's sick mother. Marian is terrible at saying no to things like that even though night shifts are the worst. 

"I'm not sure I would know where to start!" she says, mostly pointing it at Iomedae and Alfirin. "It's - like a doctor's office but way, way bigger. And with a lot more fancy medical equipment and machines, so we can take care of very sick people." 

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"Do you know why doesn't God do that?"

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That does seem like the obvious question, given that Jesus is not in fact a god of torture.

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Oh nooooooooooo why this Marian is going to perish of social awkwardness on the spot. This is the worst conversation to have on no sleep since she woke up at noon yesterday.  

"Uh. Nnnno, I guess I don't know why not." She CANNOT say that she's never heard of God healing people in real life or that she's pretty sure that's not a thing, that would be so disrespectful and mean. Where did these kids even grow up. Are they from some kind of evangelical cult that believes in faith healing. 

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"No gods heal people here?"

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"I think no gods heal people here. Even though Jesus nice god, not torture god."

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"Jesus very no torture god! Jesus be torture to save us! But I don't understand why hospitals. God healing everyone work good I think."

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"This thing" - she makes a cross with her arms - "see, not know nice god."

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What the fuck. This conversation is too surreal to have on this little sleep. The nice (and painfully extroverted) foster carer lady, who she once had an actually quite pleasant ten-minute conversation with in an endless Walmart checkout line, seemed very enthusiastic for her to talk to the kids though.

"Did you, uh, hear about God healing people in the place you come from?" she says, in as friendly a tone as she can manage. Where even did they come from. The lady - Evelyn, that's it, EvelynEvelynEvelyn she's not going to forget it in case she runs into her AGAIN - just said it wasn't a big city, but maybe it wasn't even in America, they don't seem to speak incredibly fluent English. And also apparently are super confused about Jesus. Why this. 

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"Yes. God heal everyone every day where I from because that is His job. I do not know why He does not do it here."

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"Other thing like God heal everyone where I from because - no words because. I sorry."

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'Because that's his job' is not, actually, a take on faith healing Marian had heard before. She's kind of fascinated, in a 'watching a train heading toward a collapsed bridge' kind of way.

The two kids...maybe aren't from the same place, just both very far away? They don't look similar, that makes sense. Marian is so confused right now and kind of out of words to say about it. 

"Well, here we don't have that, so instead people go to school and learn to be nurses and doctors," she says. "And we have to use medications and surgery to help people get better when they're sick or injured." 

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"That is good of you. Thank you. ...I sword a man Friday and think God heal him but that did not happen. He go to a hospital. I glad someone help him since God not doing it."

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WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO HER RIGHT NOW.

 

 

 

...Normal smile normal smile normal smile do NOT freak out about accidentally running into the person who STABBED HER PATIENT and who she can't even be mad at because he TRIED TO RAPE HER. Both of which are, separately, new and exciting instances of "who even DOES that" and "why is Reno LIKE this". 

Aaaaaaaah. 

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She's also now very badly torn between 'mentioning anything to random people she just met about one of her patients is the most unprofessional thing imaginable' and the fact that the poor sweet girl who thinks Jesus should heal people because it's his job is probably worried. 

"I'm sure he'll be okay," she says in a mostly fairly normal voice. 

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...Which is the point at which Evelyn's memory of their conversation finally volunteers that didn't Marian say she works in the trauma unit, she almost certainly heard about Martin and no wonder she's making weird faces, she must feel so stuck on what to say. And may or may not even know that the guy is getting deported. Evelyn still hasn't had a chance to tell Iomedae but here is not the place. 

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"I am not sure of that," Iomedae says to Marian, "but you know more about hospitals."

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"Some people you sword a lot, they still be okay."

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"Yes, but if he was great hero, then I no have been able sword him. I didn't even use holy warrior powers."

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Holy warrior powers??? Marian is slightly starting to feel like she's hallucinating from sleep deprivation. Or having a stroke. This is too weird to be actually happening. 

"We know a lot about treating serious injuries," she says, because that at least isn't unprofessional. "If he was young and healthy," she knows he was both and this conversation is mortifying, "he's likely to make a full recovery, with rehab and stuff." 

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Evelyn is now feeling SLIGHTLY bad about dragging this clearly very tired nurse who probably has actual work to do into the kinds of conversations you end up having with Iomedae. 

"I know it's the middle of your volunteer shift," she says to Marian, "but I'd love to have you over for dinner sometime, if you'd like that." 

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Who invites you to dinner when they've met you twice??? Evelyn, apparently. Somehow Marian is not even very surprised. 

"I, uh, sure, that's really nice of you. I can...give you my phone number, I guess?" 

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Notepad comes out, along with bright smile! (Evelyn loves making new friends.) "Go right ahead!" 

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"I am actually not sure how I feel about Martin making a full recovery," she says to Alfirin in Taldane. "I think it would have been illegal for me to kill him, so I'm glad I didn't, and it's not as if it'll improve much if he can't work and slowly starves, but - it seems very optimistic to hope he will have learned and will change in the future."

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"Being stabbed can be a way to learn and change."

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"...I guess. Well, I hope he learns and does not go to the Abyss."

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Evelyn is not going to demand to know what they're talking about even though she's so curious. She takes down Marian's phone number, smiles at her, and then goes back to filling out the application forms. It's mostly pretty straightforward information, she can fill in nearly all of it from the placement forms or just put down her own details for the contact phone number and contact email. Neither Iomedae nor Alfirin have a social security number or legal ID, but hopefully they can do without that if they're not actually getting paid? She puts 'N/A - paperwork pending' in that slot, and Diel's phone number as a 'reference'. 

She brings the forms back to Tyler at the counter when she's done. 

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"Great, thanks so much! We'll see you tomorrow, then?"

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"Hopefully! I need to double check some other scheduling - what are the options for times they could come in? I can call this afternoon to let you know once I know what else we have on tomorrow." 

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"Volunteer hours for packing boxes are 2:30-5:30."

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"Great! I think that should work for tomorrow - they're not in school right now - but I'll call in a bit to confirm for sure?" She'll need to juggle being home for Lily's school bus arrival, and then take Lily with her to pick them up, it's still too early for her to feel comfortable sending them both out by bike. It seems worth it, though, and that leaves the whole morning open for doctor or dentist appointments. 

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"Yep! In general you're supposed to give us 48 hours notice if they can't be there but if you give me a call when you get home that should work okay."

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"Of course! I should definitely be able to give 48 hours notice in future." She digs out her planner to write the timeslot down. "How many days a week do volunteers usually come in? I think every day would be a lot for them, but if it's helpful to pick Tuesdays and a second day, I think we could do that." 

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"Tuesdays and Thursdays are when we do donation sorting and box packing."

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"Great! I think Tuesdays and Thursdays work fine." She writes all of that down. "See you tomorrow! I'll just call in a bit to confirm." At this point the only way she's cancelling is if Diel already awkwardly scheduled an appointment for that time block tomorrow, but honestly she would be surprised if Diel had managed to get around to it already. 

Marian has already ushered another presumable-patient through the door to whatever room she has back there, so Evelyn doesn't have a chance to say goodbye to her. They can head out. 

She asks on the way back to the car if they're up for a Walmart trip to get Alfirin some clothes, and if that doesn't take too long, maybe a visit to the secondhand bike store? 

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More errands are fine with Iomedae.

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Walmart trip! 

...Evelyn is discreetly keeping a very close eye on Alfirin. She doesn't think she has that good a read on her, yet, and is trying very hard to avoid the temptation of rounding Alfirin off to 'basically Iomedae'. They're entirely different people, who clearly don't have the same background or life experiences or beliefs or assumptions about the world, even if they do have more in common with each other than with Evelyn, or come to think of it, any other child she's ever fostered. 

She's definitely expecting this to end up being fraught and emotionally exhausting in some way, but she's trying not to get ahead of herself and borrow trouble. 

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Once directed to the girls' clothing section, Alfirin starts going through the aisles somewhat methodically, staring at each item for about a second without touching them. (Sometimes she nudges the hangers if she needs to move something out of the way of something else)

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Iomedae doesn't actually have a guess what that's about but it's also none of her business. Alfirin isn't a paladin and her survival strategies here are going to be different.

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Evelyn hasn't even particularly noticed this is weird! Her own browsing method isn't quite that, well, methodical, but 'skim all the items on offer, looking for that one awesome find' is kind of how she approaches shopping, especially at thrift stores. She's mostly not watching that closely because she doesn't want to make Alfirin self-conscious. She occupies herself looking at handbags (there's a display of them across from the teen clothing section) without intending to buy anything. 

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Eventually Alfirin has checked all the items, and taken note of which ones of each kind were the least expensive, and spends an extra few moments figuring whether dresses are less expensive than shirts and pants together. She picks three of the least expensive dresses that parse to her as dresses and one each of the least expensive pants and shirt. (Dresses are cheaper)

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They're reasonable choices that Evelyn has no particular criticism of, though Alfirin definitely isn't going for durable like Iomedae was and seems much more willing to look feminine. 

...They should do bras, too. Maybe she can have Iomedae explain in Taldane what bras are for, to avoid a repeat of the awkward boob-dance pantomime. 

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Alfirin knows what human bodies are shaped like and understands what bras are for by looking at them but she doesn't know why Evelyn thinks she needs one?? "I wear these clothes?" she says, gesturing at the things she already picked.

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"Yes, and the bra would go under them. You don't have to wear a bra if you'd rather not," she does look like she needs one somewhat less than Iomedae, "but it can be a lot more comfortable for exercising and stuff." 

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Can Iomedae translate?

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”She says you do not need to buy it if you do not want it but it can be more… something… for something…”

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"Do not know 'comfortable' 'exercising' "

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"Oh, sorry!" Evelyn has been trying to track which words Iomedae does and doesn't know, but she apparently wasn't paying attention just then. She...will have to do a repeat of the Jogging On The Spot Bouncing Boobs mime routine, oh no. "If you're running, your breasts can bounce and it can hurt. Wearing a bra - especially a sports bra like the ones here, makes it not hurt. Comfortable is when something doesn't hurt, exercise is - things like running or playing sports or practicing fighting." 

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The thing will...help her breasts bounce????? Probably this is a sex thing???? She thinks rich people...usually don't make their daughters be prostitutes but maybe they make their slaves be prostitutes and she's not sure which category she's in for this??? Or is Evelyn hoping she'll get married off soon???

 

She does not have the English to ask about this. She does not have the Spanish to ask about this. She barely has the Taldane to ask about this.

"These are clothes for breeding? Does she expect us to do that?"

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" - no, no, she says this helps your breasts not hurt when you run or fight. This is not really a problem I have noticed, and you even less presumably, but that's what she's saying."

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"Oh. That is better. It does not seem important, unless we are practicing fighting much?"

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"It doesn't seem important to me. I have no idea if it's important to Evelyn. I plan to practice fighting as much as I can but I don't know if you'd want to, or how much 'as much as I can' will even end up being."

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"I should also practice fighting because my brothers are not here and I do not know spells for fighting and also spells for fighting are probably illegal."

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"I have one, for...exercise..." She sounds suspicious of the word.

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Evelyn has no idea what conversation they just had or how concerning it was! ...On some level she's relieved not to know, the 'wearing a bra' conversation with teenage girls is awkward in general and she certainly would have appreciated, when she was fourteen or fifteen, being able to have a private back and forth without her mom listening in. In hopes of minimizing the self-consciousness, Evelyn is going to mostly try to act like this isn't especially interesting or a big deal. 

"Okay. You don't have to wear it, if you decide you don't like it, but we should get you one." She's done so many rounds of 'shopping for a teen girl's first bra' and can easily point out the sensible sports bra section and what she guesses would be Alfirin's size, and then point her to the changing stalls to try it on. 

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Alfirin can go into the changing stalls and...eventually...figure out how to put on a bra, and try the ones Evelyn suggested which seem to fit around her breasts like they're probably supposed to, even if all the bands are weirdly tight by the standards of home.

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She can pick out her favorite, then. (It's more expensive than the individual shirts or dresses.) Evelyn would also really like to get Alfirin new shoes - she, technically, has shoes, but they're not in good condition - but Walmart shoes aren't actually a particularly good deal, when you take quality and durability into account. She has a stash of outgrown shoes at home; maybe she can just suggest that both Alfirin and Iomedae check that out.) 

 

The entire order comes to nearly $70, despite the careful bargain shopping. Evelyn does not act like this is at all a big deal. 

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That's a very low price for this many clothes. Alfirin does think it's strange that Evelyn wants to buy her a breast holder when they are more expensive than a whole dress.

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(Bras are kind of weird! Evelyn remembers finding that particular shopping trip very uncomfortable when she was thirteen, and based on her experiences since, she's pretty sure this is just the generic experience of being a preteen or teenage girl and encountering bras and having to wear them. The best way to minimize that inevitable awkwardness is to just...not make a big deal of it, and move on.) 

 

So! How about a visit to the secondhand bike co-op? 

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It's kind of weird how Evelyn asks them to affirm the next errand. Iomedae again has no objection to the next errand.

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(Diel replies to Evelyn's email saying if Evelyn can schedule doctor/dentist visits that'd be awesome thanks Evelyn!)

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(Evelyn is not going to see that email just yet because she doesn't get email notifications on her phone. She technically can check her email on her phone, and even reply to emails if she's motivated enough to try to type on her tiny touchscreen phone keyboard, but she hardly ever does, because email is not generally for urgent messages and they'll be home by lunchtime.) 

 

She knows everyone who works and/or volunteers at the bike co-op, at least by face if not by name, because of course she does. She's given them an enormous amount of business, over the years, and she's pretty confident by now that they don't resell obviously-stolen bikes (which is the reason she doesn't frequent the other secondhand bike store anymore.) 

Evelyn parks the car, and walks the girls over, and then nudges in through the doorway and grins and waves at - who's on shift today -

"Juan! Hi! These are my new foster daughters, Iomedae and Alfirin. We'd like to look at bikes for them."

She definitely wants to buy one for Iomedae, and is unsure whether it makes sense to get one for Alfirin when she's never ridden a bike before and hasn't explicitly expressed interest in owning one. (She also knows that Juan speaks fluent Spanish, and would be tempted to mention something about this, except for how she's kind of exhausted right now about conversations she can't follow, and she can speak Spanish, sort of, but cannot in fact understand spoken Spanish very well when native speakers are talking fast.) 

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Juan knows Evelyn and - can tell when she's tense, though honestly he's never seen her this tense before. 

He smiles back. "Hi! Great, let's go back and have a look at what we've got this week -" 

 

 

The back room of the shop is unfinished and garage-like and has a large number of bikes, of varying degrees of scruffiness, parked in bike racks or mounted on wall racks. Juan seems to know his way around. 

"- How tall are you, do you know?" he asks Iomedae. Evelyn seemed to be looking at her more, and the second foster kid - what's-her-name - seems a bit shyer. 

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How would one not know how tall one is. "I am this tall."

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Oh no that's such a reasonable answer if you've never gotten measured before. The measurement will happen at the doctor's appointment that will at some point get scheduled, but for now Evelyn only has her best guess, which is that Iomedae is a bit taller than her - not exactly rare, she's 5'5" with her shoes on - but not shockingly taller than her. 

"Five-six or five-seven," she tells Juan. "Long in the legs." 

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He'll go survey their bike selection! ...Iomedae looks really fit, so he's not going to bother with the one-speeds, she'll probably want gears that can do hills and he knows Evelyn can afford it. 

"Here, have a look at this one."

It's not a women's bike, but Iomedae does not come across as the sort of teenage girl who cares about being able to bike in skirts. It's not a lightweight bike - it's a mountain-bike frame, steel rather than aluminum - but she looks like she could bench-press him, she can heft this bike if she needs to. It has beefy tires, for off-road riding. The seat is probably set too low for her but that's better than too high, for trying it out. 

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"I not know how to tell if it a good breed of bike."

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(This is kind of adorable, as mistranslations-to-English go, and Evelyn does not snicker but it takes her a bit of effort.) 

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...Juan does giggle. 

"It's a mountain-bike frame, so it's heavy. You should make sure you can pick it up and don't mind the weight, but it's cheaper than a commuter bike or hybrid, and - honestly, you don't look like it'd slow you down. Best way to get to know a bike is to hop on and give it a spin - in here's fine, we've got space - and I can give you some others to try after, just to compare." 

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...Evelyn would offer to translate, but that would be much less awkward if she had a private language she shared with Iomedae that Juan didn't speak, and also she's...not entirely sure of the technical difference between 'mountain' and 'commuter' and 'hybrid' bikes. 

"He's suggesting you just try to ride it around the room," she says, gesturing. "See how it feels compared to my bike, when you borrowed it." 

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She does not mind the weight of the bike. She will attempt to ride it around but she's still quite bad at riding a bike.

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That is super unsurprising, Evelyn often brings in kids who had clearly never ridden a bike before they lived with her. This particular kid is at least not requiring a lot of coaxing and encouragement to even try riding the bike around, and she doesn't crash into anything or wipe out on the floor, so that's doing pretty well. The seat is obviously too low, but that's for later. If anything, overly-low seats make it easier to try lots of bikes in a row.

Juan waves to catch her attention and get her to stop - catching the handlebars if she looks like she's going to topple over otherwise, but actually she seems to be doing okay - and then takes the bike from her and casually shoves it into one of the floor-racks.

"Right. You did great on that one, but have a go on this one too - I don't think it's the one you'll want," because it costs three times as much and he knows Evelyn, "but just give it a try, to see how it feels." Since she wants to know how to compare different 'breeds' of bike, and he's so curious. 

He'll casually swing down one of the fanciest commuter bikes they have in the shop, and - the seat is actually going to be too high for Iomedae, it's a bigger frame, but Juan has an allen-wrench set in his pocket and can very quickly adjust it as far down as it goes. 

"Here you go!" He holds the handlebars steady until Iomedae is ready. 

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This is probably not an attempt to flirt with Iomedae? But Evelyn is not 100% sure, she doesn't know Juan well enough to be sure he definitely wouldn't, and it's not like she said out loud that Iomedae is only fifteen. She doesn't have any real reason to object, though, if Iomedae seems unbothered by it. 

 

 

- does Alfirin seem okay? Evelyn feels like she's been paying less attention to Alfirin than would be ideal. 

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Alfirin has been inspecting a bike. She's reasonably sure it's a construct and not an animal, and she thinks she's figured out how the pedals work, but she doesn't know how it stays standing up when it's moving. It might be magic but it'd be pretty strange magic to make it stand up when it's moving and not when it's still, and not help it move at all.

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Oh she's being curious about bikes and that's adorable. ...Evelyn does not feel moved to intervene, though she should totally try to find the bike gear video that Jeremy showed Iomedae the other night, once they get home. 

 

- how's Iomedae doing, with the clearly-very-fancy bike Juan just offered her?

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Iomedae is in fact not bothered by the bike-shop employee being friendly! He's just an employee at a shop. If Jeremy wants her she has very few options; if an employee at a bike shop does, they will simply leave the bike shop.

She will try the nicer breed of bike! It does ride differently. She likes it.

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Super valid of her! It's a great bike!

...Evelyn will almost certainly not want to pay an entire $550 for a secondhand bike, even if it's a top-of-the-line lightweight aluminum frame commuter bike with brand-new parts including high-quality tires, that Iomedae will almost certainly grow into even if the frame is a little too big for her now, and so he shouldn't get too excited.

He'll wave and stop her again and then yoink down a third bike, which is also a lighter-weight frame, but much cheaper - slightly smaller, older parts, fewer repairs and replacements because it's not his favorite bike in the shop - and offer it to Iomedae to try out, as well. 

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Evelyn did not actually see the price tag on the fancy bike, but she did see Iomedae's expression. Iomedae is - getting better at hiding her reactions from Evelyn, which Evelyn is not a huge fan of - but she was distracted, presumably with trying not to fall over and focusing on how the bike was different, and so her enjoyment of the nicer bike was pretty obvious to Evelyn. 

 

...Ugh. It probably costs a bunch. But - she would have bought it for Jeremy, right, and it's not like she can't afford it - the issue is just that Iomedae will, almost certainly, freak out about a bike that costs as little as $200 - though, now that Evelyn considers it, it's not like Iomedae knows how much a secondhand bike usually costs...

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Iomedae has no idea how much a secondhand bike usually costs! She will attempt to ask Juan about what makes some bikes better behaved than other bikes.

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Juan is very excited about this topic! 

- So it depends what you're using your bike for, right, do you want to race it or commute on it or ride off-road on it. The second bike he showed her is their top of the line for commuting - if she wants to go to school or work on normal roads, and be able to bike pretty fast and manage uphill and downhill, it's got a high-quality newly replaced derailleur for changing gears - but it wouldn't be as well-behaved on gravel or grass or uneven ground as the first bike she tried, which has thicker tires for that purpose. 

(He's picked up that Iomedae isn't that fluent in English, and is trying to use simpler words and occasionally adding the Spanish phrase as well.) 

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There are smooth flat stone roads everywhere in America. It's ridiculous. There's an army of specialized constructs or beasts just for maintaining them. She switches to Spanish entirely; it's easier. "I can't think where I would want to go that doesn't have a paved road to get there. Where do people find themselves needing the bike for dirt roads?"

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"There are nature trails! It's something people do for fun, or to get exercise - or because they want to see a gorgeous view - not so much to get to work." 

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"Oh, well, I'm a" back to English "foster child", "so I don't think I'm going to be doing any things for fun, just to get to work and so on."

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Juan is giving her such a nonplussed look. He answers in Spanish, it's pretty clear she's more fluent in that and honestly so is he.

"- Were your last foster parents awful like that? Well, you're in luck now because Evelyn is all about fun family outings. - She's not much of a nature person, or - as fit as you," he would feel way more self-conscious saying this in English in front of her, even though Evelyn speaks enough Spanish to probably catch some of it, "but she's kind of obsessed with giving kids all the nice childhood stuff she thinks they were deprived of." 

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"I had a very nice childhood but that was when I was a free person from a rich family. It sounds like Evelyn will not want me to go on 'nature trails'? So I don't need the wider tires?"

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That's a concerning thing to say! Also a pretty weird thing to say, honestly, but it's incredibly rude to ask how on earth she ended up in foster care in the first place if her parents treated her well and were rich. 

"I think Evelyn would take you out to nature trails on the drop of a dime if you asked, and then she'd fail to keep up with you and be embarrassed," Juan says dryly. "You'll probably get more use out of the road bike, if you mostly want some freedom to get yourself places in the city. Public transit here sucks." 

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Oh no Juan is making faces and they're talking fast in Spanish and Evelyn is only catching a few words of how Iomedae is being surreal to interact with this particular time. She doesn't think it involved mentioning God, at least? 

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"I noticed everything was very very far from everything else, and I don't have a car, and I'm not allowed to earn money plus a car would make it easy to escape so I don't expect I'll be able to get one any time soon. A commuter bike would be nice but I'm not sure I can afford it. How much is it?"

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Easy to what??? ...This is baffling and awkward and Juan should...probably...try to mention to Evelyn privately that her foster daughter seems to have some really concerning feelings about being in foster care. It's not like it's the first time he's heard a similar sentiment but it's - stranger, somehow, coming from someone with Iomedae's overall manner. 

"Kids in foster care can work," he says, since that seems like the easiest misconception to correct. "One of Evelyn's foster kids a few years back worked here, she was all over helping him get his first part-time job and everything." 

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Evelyn caught some of that, at least. 

"Iomedae is undocumented," she says quickly, in English because she's absolutely not about to try to keep up with them in Spanish and embarrass herself. "There's a plan in motion to get her paperwork sorted out, but you know how it is. And she's fifteen, so still a bit young to start learning to drive." 

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"Aww. That sucks." He switches to English as well, and shoots Iomedae a sympathetic look. "She can still get her learners permit, I think, but if she doesn't have ID yet that might be messy." 

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"Yeah. And she's still learning to read English. I was thinking we could look into driving lessons once she's sixteen," assuming Iomedae doesn't RUN AWAY TO AFRICA or do something even more concerning than that, "and a bit more settled." 

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Nod. Smile at Iomedae, and he switches back to Spanish. "Don't worry about the price, Evelyn will buy it for you." 

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Iomedae's expression goes studied and expressionless. "That is very kind of her."

 

It is, but this is mostly frustrating rather than comforting. If Evelyn wanted, she could pay Iomedae. (Unless she can't? Because it's against the law for people to pay Iomedae?) Maybe Evelyn is keeping track of how much Iomedae is owed at a fair wage and then paying her in presents, which would be astoundingly decent of her but also makes it impossible for Iomedae to decide how she wants to spend her money. She would not, if it were her money, spend this much of it on a nice bike before she'd tried just running everywhere or getting the cheapest bike. But it is ungrateful, to make that complaint about Evelyn's money; Evelyn can do as she pleases. 

It is the kind of thing a rich person would do for their child, and they are obliged to pretend that that's what's going on here. She doesn't need to overthink it. 

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...Yeah. That's the face of someone who Doesn't Want Charity and is uncomfortable about it. Juan would suggest they split it and Iomedae can pay the difference between the nice bike and the cheap bike, but she's legally not allowed to have a a part-time job, it sounds like, and that's got to be, like, six months of allowance. 

"How about this?" he says brightly to Evelyn. "I'm going to mark it down for you - it's only fair, you give me so much business - so it'll be $450. The bike I had her try out first is $250, so that's a $200 difference, and - sounds like couldn't pay her either, but I don't see why we couldn't make a deal where she does a few Saturdays of volunteering here, I could really use someone strong who can haul bikes up and down for me. She can put it down as volunteer hours for high school, even." 

- he'll quickly repeat this in Spanish for Iomedae, to see whether she actually seems pleased at the idea. 

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Alfirin has been listening to this conversation while she pokes bikes and finds it confusing and somewhat alarming. She is definitely not going to express any interest in bikes or...anything else, maybe, until she understands their situation better.

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Iomedae is also really confused and alarmed. "I am willing to work at the bike shop towards the cost of the bike." she says, trying not to let the confusion into her voice too much.

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She doesn't actually look delighted about that - maybe she's still reading it as charity, but from him? Juan has no idea, honestly, he just knows that Evelyn doesn't in fact have piles of money to throw around, and probably spends more than she really should on getting nice things for her foster kids. And it's dumb and frustrating for Iomedae that she can't work. Stupid immigration law. At least she's apparently not getting deported, so there's that. 

Does Evelyn seem on board with it? 

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Evelyn is thinking that even $450 is a pretty oof amount to spend on a second-hand bike, though if anyone is going to get their money's worth it's Iomedae. She could push to look at the cheaper road bikes, but they'll have used parts and Iomedae might just ride them into the ground within a year and need replacements. 

Iomedae looks kind of stressed, but Iomedae looks kind of stressed at like 80% of interactions, lately, and if she's not going to say what's bothering her then Evelyn really can't guess. 

"That's very kind of you," she says to Juan. "It looks like a lovely bike. I can see you worked hard on it." 

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Juan is beaming proudly. "It's a beauty. I'll feel good knowing it's in a good home." 

 

If Iomedae doesn't seem about to actually object to their plan, he's going to give her a little lecture in Spanish on bike care. Evelyn should have everything she needs for it at home, but she'll want to check the tires regularly - they should feel very hard to the touch, like this, and read at least 80 psi on the gauge, if she lets them get softer she's more likely to end up with a puncture and it'll slow her down a bit. She needs to check the chain regularly and oil it once a week and clean it with a chain scrubber kit once a month, or more often if she plans to ride in winter when there's salt on the roads. This is how to change gears, it's different from how Evelyn's bike does it. The bike has brand-new disk brakes that should be good for ages but here's how to tell if they're wearing out. She should DEFINITELY NOT leave the bike out downtown, even locked, and she should ask Evelyn for a good-quality U-lock and a chain to loop through the wheels so no one tries to make off with them. The front tire is quick-release, for ease of transporting the bike in a car trunk, so it's especially important she lock that; he recommends she actually put the U-lock through it and the frame, like so, and use the chain for the back wheels. 

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Iomedae will be a very attentive student to the bike care lecture and ask him to repeat a bunch of things because she doesn't want to get them wrong. 

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Juan will explain as many times as she wants, and is also very hands-on about demonstrating. 

She's a good kid who deserves better than the foster care system even if she did get lucky enough to land with Evelyn, and Juan feels pretty pleased with himself about sticking one to the government by letting her de facto work to cover the cost of a nice bike herself. Most people don't deserve a bike this nice, they wouldn't take good care of it and they'd forget to lock it and it'd get stolen and show up at the other second-hand bike shop. (Juan has a GRUDGE against the other bike shop, which undercuts his business by being skeevy.) And she's clearly smart and diligent and he'll get her trained up on basic bike maintenance so she knows how to patch her own tires and replace her own chain (which also means he can give her some of the routine maintenance people bring bikes in for, during her "volunteer hours.") 

 

He gets the bike adjusted properly for her, and lends her a helmet and suggests she take it for a spin around the block, which also buys him a couple of minutes to have a discreet conversation with Evelyn at the cash register. The other foster kid is sort of lurking, but he'll lower his voice, and it seems like her English might be even worse than Iomedae's. 

"Your foster daughter said some worrying things," he whispers to her. "She said she used to be free with rich parents, and she seemed to think now she's in foster care you would make her work and not let her have hobbies. And she thought you wouldn't want her to have a car because she could use it to run away." 

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Evelyn winces, but - yeah, that fits. 

("Rich parents"????? Who didn't have running water in their home. ...But who might have been genuinely wealthier than most of their neighbors, if Iomedae really is from some abjectly poor Central American country. That part is also none of Juan's business and she's not going to bring it up.) 

"She's had some bad experiences." Which Evelyn also has no intention of going into detail on. "She's a bit skittish, but I'm sure it'll get better with time." 

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...yeah, sounds like she had one of the bad foster families first. Poor kid. "Yeah," Juan says, and fills out a receipt for Evelyn before putting the details into the ancient credit-card reader. 

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Iomedae rides her bike around the block. She continues to have no particular knack for balancing on a bike, and falls off twice, but she likes it; it goes really fast. It'd be useful in a normal place but it is in many senses the ideal vehicle for Reno, where the roads are flat and smooth everywhere. She returns and carries the bike over to Juan.

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It's a good bike! Way better for going fast than Evelyn's (he would never say this out loud) granny bike. 

"Why don't you bring it in on Saturday?" he suggests. "Then Evelyn won't have to give you a ride." And she'll have it right there if she wants to do some modifications, like putting on a cheap rack from his pile of dismantled bike parts in the back. 

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Oh no Juan doesn't have any context on the fact that Iomedae is super super religious - Evelyn thinks it's somehow failed to come up in this entire conversation, which has got to be a record - and has religion-based assumptions about the appropriateness of being alone with men. 

"I don't mind giving you a ride," she quickly assures Iomedae. "But of course the point of having a bike is to go where you like." 

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"I work at bike shop Saturday? I ride bike to bike shop, work here all day, ride to Evelyn house?"

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"Does this Saturday work?" Juan checks quickly with Evelyn. "We open at eight, if it's not too early I'm usually here at seven-thirty to get ready. I'm just thinking - one second -" 

He digs out an ancient calculator from behind the desk and does some math. 

"It'd be eight dollars an hour if she had papers to get paid, so that's - 25 hours, to cover the $200. I close at three on Saturdays, so that's seven and a half hours, which would be - three Saturdays and a bit. If she does four Saturdays I can throw in a lock and some parts from the back, if she wants a rack and a bell." Smile at Iomedae. "Lots of people bring their bikes in to have it done, so I'll want to show you how, and you can do it yourself once you're done working for the day." 

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"I don't think there's any issue with her coming in starting this Saturday," Evelyn agrees. 

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Iomedae is internally conflicted. But it's the same kind of internal conflict as last night with Evelyn, where she knows what the right thing to do is and just doesn't like actually having to do it.

 

She has incurred a debt. She has incurred a debt that she didn't actually want, under conceivably false pretenses, because she isn't wholly sure she'll stay with Evelyn for a month. She'll have to leave if Jeremy tries anything, for example. Juan is trying to be helpful, and it is an injustice to him, to agree to this debt while intending to conceivably leave before she's paid it, but she also does not intend to promise to stay for the next month no matter what -

 


"And if there's a problem before I have repaid you," she tells Juan in Spanish, "and I have to escape, I will leave the bike here in the place of the debt."

 

Telling him this is of course very dangerous because she'll get in trouble for contemplating leaving but she cannot, actually, bear to take on debt under false pretenses, even if the alternative is getting into a lot of trouble.

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Evelyn mostly didn't catch that. Juan is making an interesting constipated-looking facial expression and she thinks Iomedae said something about - bringing the bike? returning the bike? - but not why. Maybe she thinks Evelyn will make her return it? Why would Evelyn do that?

 

- it'll be fine. Evelyn does not really feel like it's definitely going to be fine but there's nothing actually productive to do with the uneasy feeling. Iomedae doesn't trust her, and so her reassurances mean nothing, and - if there's one thing she's learned in twenty years of fostering traumatized children, it's that you can't force trust. You have to give it space to grow, and - hope for the best. 

She thanks Juan warmly before they head out, and tries to make eye contact in a way that will hopefully convey that he can call or text her if Iomedae just said something horrifying, but that there's no non-awkward way to have another private conversation right now. She beckons for Alfirin to follow them, and they can head out to the car and remove the front wheel of the bike to fit it into the trunk and go home. 

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(Juan is aware that Iomedae's dark backstory is none of his business, but what he's guessing is that her last foster family was, not just kind of shitty, but maybe downright abusive, one of the horror stories you hear. That also makes sense of how a polite lovely girl who really does not seem like she has behavioral issues would end up with Evelyn, a specialized experienced foster carer who almost solely gets the kids with serious problems. He's not going to poke his nose in any further. Evelyn knows what she's doing, and it's awkward when he puts her in the position of having to gracefully deflecting someone being nosy.) 

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Alfirin is so curious what happened but isn't going to ask about it until later, because Evelyn maybe doesn't like it when they speak too much Taldane in front of her.

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Iomedae isn’t sure she understands what happened but Juan didn’t tell Evelyn she is planning to escape (she isn’t, she’s just planning how she’ll manage her debts should she escape, but she’s not sure this is a distinction people care about with their slaves). So probably that’s a success.

 

She feels abruptly exhausted. This is so much worse than picking fruit in the hot sun all day. “Thank you very much for the bike,” she says to Evelyn.

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"You're welcome! I think Juan was delighted to sell it to someone who'll get as much use out of it as you will." 

And Iomedae definitely seemed stressed and bothered about something, which could be for any number of reasons but it might just be that she's uncomfortable having people spend money on her for nice things when there are still poor kids going hungry. Or maybe she's confused about whether this is legal or - a normal thing to do? 

"- It's a good deal," she says. "Remember when you asked me which clothes would last ten years? I bet this bike will last ten years, even if you ride miles every day, and most of the others in the shop wouldn't and you'd just have to buy a new bike in a year or two. And - I've been buying bikes from Juan for ten years, usually multiple bikes a year for new kids, so I figure I'm a favorite customer. It's not the first time he's given me a special discount, or done me a favor - he always patches tires for me for free. And I think he thought you - don't want charity - and that's why he suggested a deal where you help out in the shop, instead of just convincing me to buy it at full price. Which I'm sure he could have done, he's a great salesperson, but - he tries to be generous to his repeat customers, so I'll want to come back and buy more bikes from him later for other kids. And I think he feels badly about you not being allowed to work, and thinks it's unfair." 

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This is too many words too dense with concepts for when Iomedae is this tired.

 

That's not what Aroden would feel, probably. It is not a thought worthy of anyone who means to surpass him.

 

 

 

Evelyn continues to not punish candor. That is insufficient reason to be candid about things that affect other people, but sufficient reason, maybe, to be candid about things that affect only Iomedae.

"I have never before take money a person on my word I pay it later," she says. "And my word mean nothing to you people, so he not agree on my word, he agree on your word. Your word you make me go and work? Or your word you give the bike back if I don't?"

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That seems like a bizarre way to think about it but...maybe it's not, in the world Iomedae lives in? 

"I'm not going to give the bike back!" she says quickly. "It's yours, now. ...If you have a - bad time - when you go on Saturday, and don't want to go back, then - it's okay, I'll just pay Juan the rest of the price we agreed on, and then you and I can figure something else out, so it's not just - charity from me instead. Like, maybe we arrange for you to babysit Lily a few nights week so I can have some me time, or do extra chores to earn allowance. - I'm going to give you and Alfiirin an allowance anyway, I do for all of my foster kids, but I usually do ten dollars a week and I imagine you'd prefer not to spend the next five months paying for the bike, and I think five dollars an hour for babysitting Lily is fair. - of course, if you do decide you like volunteering at the bike shop, you can babysit Lily anyway and have some money to save or buy other things for yourself." 

(Evelyn would actually be fine just...paying for the bike...if it comes to that, but she definitely has the sense at this point that Iomedae would not find this reassurance actually reassuring.) 

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"So the take money on word I pay it later is to you? How much money? I think, I not like take money on word I pay later for so much money when so confused, but I give the bike back, if too much money. If that is not true I need - how much money."

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Why does this have to be so complicated and fraught and tricky to navigate. Evelyn is also abruptly very tired. 

"The difference we agreed on - the amount I haven't paid yet - is two hundred dollars. Which - I know it's a big deal to you, but it's not, really, for me? It's - not something I would spend frivolously, it's not money I can afford to throw around on nice presents every week, and it's - not an amount I'd agree to loan most foster children when I've known them a few days, that part is because I trust you. But - I spend that much on Christmas presents for most kids. Heck, I spent more than that on replacing things Lily broke in her first two weeks here. And - I mean, of course I want to be fair to Juan and not a terrible customer, and I'm sure the reason he offered at all is because I've always been a good customer to him and he trusts me, but it's not - he wouldn't have agreed to this so casually if it'd be a disaster for him not to get the money or your work." 

Dooooooooes this seem to be helping or just upsetting or confusing Iomedae even more? She's trying to speak slowly and choose words she thinks Iomedae knows, but it's a complicated topic to talk about while driving. 

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Now she's angry. She tries to conceal it. 

Apparently what happened, which she did not understand was happening, was that she agreed to pay Evelyn two hundred dollars for the bike, and Evelyn agreed with Juan that this money would be paid in the form of Iomedae coming to work for Juan until she had done work that would earn her two hundred dollars were she not a slave. She would never have chosen to spend two hundred dollars in that fashion. There is a sense in which it makes no sense to be upset about it, because it's not as if she ever had the option of, instead, having two hundred dollars, since she is a slave. But now Evelyn is speaking as if she will give Iomedae money, and give her two hundred dollars less such money to account for Iomedae's bike purchase, and that means it is like spending her own money.

This is of course unambiguously her own fault; she agreed to the plan where she pay for the bike by working at the bike shop, because the bike shop seemed interesting and the bike seemed useful, and she was too stupid and reckless to bother clarifying how much money it was and whether it was in fact permissible to bring the bike back in lieu of payment - all right, in slight fairness to herself, she did clarify to Juan that she would do that if she were to escape before she had repaid the debt, and he didn't object, so maybe it is okay with him, though not with Evelyn -

- and none of it matters, because the money is a game Evelyn is playing, it is not legal for anyone to pay Iomedae money for her labor because she is a slave, the only option is for people to give her things in generosity when they care to, which she can only receive appreciatively and obediently, and she wouldn't previously have claimed to care all that much about being paid for her labor - she has no idea if the order she'd been travelling to has any pay for novices - but there's something here in this bizarre space between pay and not pay, where she can incur debts and have the debts deducted from pay she is otherwise supposedly getting. For babysitting Lily. Iomedae has been doing lots of babysitting Lily, and not getting paid, and she does not know whether Evelyn is claiming that this will change in the future or that the pretend-pay is already being put towards pretend-debts and -

- Iomedae is capable of detecting when she has worked herself up into a righteous fury that may or may not bear particular resemblance to the actual situation. Evelyn is wholly entitled to force Iomedae to work for whoever she wants and to compensate her not at all for it, and if the thing Evelyn is doing involves more stress and more entangling Iomedae than that, this doesn't make it overall worse, and not even especially worse along any particular dimensions. The only person it makes any sense to be angry with is herself, for agreeing to a contract she didn't fully understand; the only person here who has acted wrongly is her, and it would be profoundly unjust to be irritated with Evelyn for the fact that she was an idiot. 

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"I understand, ma'am. I should asked more at bike shop. I am sorry."

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Well this is clearly some kind of miscommunication disaster and Evelyn actually has no idea what Iomedae had previously thought was going on, or honestly what Iomedae thinks is going on now. And she's also kind of unendorsedly irritated, because it feels like every single interaction with Iomedae that involves trying to give her nice things turns into some kind of complicated tangled mess of misinterpretations and she actually feels more, rather than less, like she's walking on eggshells now than she did on Saturday. And also it feels like this would have been so much less confusing if she had just sneakily paid and not let Iomedae see how much the bike cost, which she didn't do because she's pretty sure Iomedae doesn't want adults in her life doing that kind of subterfuge to make her happy. 

Getting snappy at Iomedae is a terrible idea that Iomedae doesn't deserve and that won't help with anything, and it also won't help Evelyn not crash the car. 

...You would think that someone who had grown up in a village and apparently as one of the wealthier people in it would, like, get the concept of being someone's longstanding customer, and them doing you favors? Apparently not, or maybe it's just still upsetting because Iomedae can't parse which things are favors to Evelyn versus debts she's incurred and might get in trouble about? ...Also this maybe combines kind of concerningly with what Juan whispered to her earlier but she doesn't yet see how the pieces fit together, not enough to figure out what in the world Iomedae is thinking

"I'm sorry if Juan was confusing," she says. "If you decide it's - not something you're comfortable with, him wanting to do us both a favor like this - neither of us will be angry if you want to return the bike instead." 

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"The problem is not Juan, ma'am. Is not you also. I only am not used to being foster child. I try to learn to not be angry am foster child."

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"...Yeah. That makes sense. I'm sorry." 

Man, maybe the thing to try at this point is - to stop throwing all her emotional energy at bonding with a child who doesn't trust her and doesn't want a replacement mother and is - maybe not even unreasonably - convinced she would be better off if Social Services would just leave her alone and get out of her life and stop trying to demand that she have the correct sort of childhood. And doesn't expect Evelyn to get it, which is also fair because how could she, Evelyn herself was never undocumented and never in foster care and did get paid for mowing lawns and doing paper routes, and - well, also had to go to high school and wasn't allowed to bring a knife, there are definitely some aspects of this that Iomedae chafes against that are just...actually normal, and not about CPS scrutiny...but it makes sense, that Iomedae is chafing against the rules and Evelyn never was. 

The issue is that Iomedae - and presumably Alfirin, who's being suspiciously and worryingly quiet in the backseat - do very, very badly need to talk to someone American, who knows how America works, and who can explain which things are frustrating but unavoidable rules and which are straight-up misunderstandings. 

She would considering inviting Teagan - who's also fifteen, now, and finally in a mostly-stable living situation - but Teagan would not actually have the maturity to give Iomedae even slightly reasonable advice, and Iomedae would see that and wouldn't trust her. 

She does, however, keep in touch with a lot of her former foster children... Hmm. Probably best not to put Iomedae in touch with one of the teen moms, what if she's religious at them about it. But there are still options... 

 

"Hey," she says, "I just had an idea. There's a girl who lived with me as a foster child, oh, more than ten years ago, from when she was eleven until she was almost fourteen. She's in her twenties now, so she's grown up and living on her own, but - I think maybe she'd get it, better than I do, how frustrating it is. And she'd love to come over, she - we've stayed in touch even after she moved to live with a different foster carer. Her name is Emily." 

And, even better, she works in a daycare, so she's police-checked, and is even on Evelyn's list of approved babysitters. Not that Iomdae or Alfirin need a babysitter, but - they could use a girls' night, maybe, while Evelyn gets out of their hair and takes Lily out for some mummy time. 

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"That would maybe help.

I think the part I am finding hard is the not being allowed earn money, but being allowed - do things that are sort of exactly like earning money but different. I get confused how think about them. I happy work four days for bike. I not happy two hundred dollars bike. But I no can work four days two hundred dollars. But maybe I can if I watch Lily? But I do watch Lily, and I do not get paid. - I am not ungrateful. I not think you should pay me. I just confused. 

What is English for - not foster child. Person who belong to themself."

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"- I'm sorry. That's on me, I - think it's easy for me to lose track of what things I take for granted but that you couldn't possibly know because you didn't grow up here, or how it's probably hard for you to follow conversations in English even though you're really quite good at communicating when you want to. I give all children an allowance," both because it seems only fair and good parenting, and because it's something she can withhold if they're not behaving well, which is really not Iomedae's problem.

"I - wouldn't, normally ask a foster child to babysit one of my other foster children, even if they're old enough, because - that's my job and most of the children I look after have enough on their plate already." Not that she's convinced this isn't true of Iomedae, but giving Iomedae less responsibility is clearly not helping. "I hadn't really been keeping track of how much time you've spent with Lily, there's been - a lot going on, and for babysitting I would usually discuss it in advance and say, you're babysitting Lily from five to seven, say, and I'll be upstairs reading. But I do think it's fair to count the times you've gotten her up in the mornings, even if we hadn't discussed that in advance." 

Sigh. "I'm - not sure what word you want? There are - other children, who live with their parents - but they still have to follow a lot of the same rules, Jeremy did too, they have to go to school, and live with adults who look after them - though of course if their adults hurt them, they can get help, and live somewhere else - and children aren't allowed to do jobs that are considered too dangerous. ...There's - hmm, so there are citizens - people who were born in America and have American passports, and there are legal immigrants, who weren't born here but have papers from the government saying they can work for a particular job, and there are illegal immigrants who don't have papers. When you're an adult, there won't be so many rules, and hopefully by the time you're an adult, you will have a green card - that's a kind of papers - and be allowed to work wherever you want, if they want to hire you. Does that answer the question?" It was probably way too many words. 

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"If I was a citizen, and I wanted a bike, I would say to Juan, I will work in the bike shop for pay and then pay for the bike, because I do not know Juan, I do not know if he will do his part if I do mine, and that way if my plans change I still have the money. If Juan and I live in same village all our life and no reason think my plans change, then maybe I work in the bike shop on Juan promise I get bike after some time. And I no spend two hundred dollars on bike when I only have four hundred twenty eight dollars and no way make more money. 

I do not belong to myself. I am yours. You can say, Iomedae work for Juan. You can say, Iomedae work for Evelyn. You can say Iomedae work for food bank. I think it not good of America make people foster child who no break any laws, no take in any wars, but I not know lots of things, maybe is lots better than other thing that happen. But since I yours, I not sure how to think about getting bikes for my work. Maybe I should say, otherwise I work and get nothing, this way I work get a bike, very foolish no do that. Maybe I should say, I no can accept this; I work where ordered and I say thank you to gifts but I no should try work places give gifts, because I not understand how to do this in a way that is fair, and is not - making promises I no mean to make. It is very important to me no make promises I no mean to make.

Maybe I should say, Evelyn trying be honorable with Iomedae belonging to Evelyn, which everyone know is hard kind of being honorable. Evelyn trying to make it like Iomedae a citizen, as much as Evelyn no get in trouble with government, because government no want anyone treat foster child like citizen, because then maybe the foster childs would disobey and need swording."

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...Emily is absolutely going to get along with Iomedae. It's - not the same words, for sure, that were screamed at her at three o'clock in the morning on more than one occasion, and it's not even quite the same sentiment, but it's - a lot of the same underlying frustration, she thinks. Frustration that she's pretty sure Emily still has, with a system that - involved a few people trying their best for her, and an awful lot of people just showing up for a day's work, and the system itself wasn't the kind of thing that could care about doing right by her. She would, in particular, Evelyn thinks, resonate with the part where Evelyn was trying as hard as she could to - get it right, being a foster parent, even when that meant pushing back against the prevailing tide of CPS rules and fostering agency policies, even when it sometimes meant being told off by a social worker for sticking her nose in things - and that did not, actually, make Emily particularly feel better about being a foster child. 

Emily has political opinions, nowadays. Evelyn is very proud of her. 

She's still pretty confused, and pretty concerned at that last bit, but - honestly she doesn't know what Iomedae means, or if Iomedae will endorse it when she's not upset, because she's clearly at least a bit upset right now. ...Evelyn is maybe just not going to try to argue with that, Iomedae clearly comes from a culture where violence toward children was a lot more acceptable, and Evelyn is not the right person to convince her that, no matter how badly she behaves, Evelyn is never going to hit her let alone stab her. What the actual fuck. Okay, fine, so she's met parents who punished their children by burning them with cigarettes and that is not really any less fucked up but. Still. 

Hopefully talking to Emily will help with that misconception, because Emily...was not a well-behaved teenager like Iomedae is, and - it did land for her, eventually, that Evelyn was never going to hurt her in anger no matter how far she pushed. (It's something a lot of kids do, she thinks, because past experiences get driven in deep, and not knowing where that line is feels more frightening to them than being hurt. Honestly, it's a way of testing the line that feels much less stressful, and one Evelyn feels infinitely more equipped to handle gracefully, than this type of conversation.) 

 

"- I'm trying," she agrees. "I know it's - a lot to adjust to - and I'm not always very good at explaining. And - I think you take your promises much more seriously than any fifteen-year-old I've ever met, I - keep forgetting that. I do think talking to someone like Emily might help it - be less confusing, even if it's still not how you'd prefer things to be." 

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It would be easier not to forget that if Evelyn stopped pretending that Iomedae was a child. But she is probably not allowed to stop pretending that; they are pretending by decree of America's Emperor, or something like that. Iomedae is tired and it is not wise to keep making a point Evelyn doesn't want to hear, but - "you are a carer for children, ma'am. Children should not give their word. I am a holy warrior. Holy warriors do give their word, and die sooner than break it." 

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You're FIFTEEN, Evelyn does not say, because it won't help. She's pretty annoyed with - well, Iomedae's parents, partly, for just - bowing to it like that - and kind of her entire background culture. And at the same time (and, yes, she's aware it's stupid to be mad in both directions at once) she's annoyed with Diel and Social Services and ICE and the entire US government bureaucracy, for - making everything so complicated, for putting up so many fences in the way of Iomedae to be Iomedae when surely Joan of Arc never had to deal with her foster carer being legally required to write log notes to her social worker about concerning things she said shut up, Evelyn's brain, Evelyn is trying to focus on driving a large metal vehicle right now. 

"I'll - try to be better about that," she says, because she's not sure what else you're supposed to say in that circumstance. "And I'll text Emily and see if she wants to come over after work." 

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"Thank you, ma'am." Evelyn is really remarkably virtuous about her slaves being argumentative. Iomedae's own father would've ordered her to stop arguing by now, and she was his daughter for real.

 

She prays silently for the rest of the ride home.

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Alfirin has not been successfully following anyone's words in this conversation, just their moods. Iomedae is upset about what happened in the bike shop and Alfirin doesn't know why and is kind of scared that whatever it was it's going to happen to her too.

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Evelyn has not stopped being concerned, and feels kind of bad for shutting the conversation down rather than trying to draw Iomedae out more, but - drawing Iomedae out is exhausting, she never knows what she's going to stumble onto and most of the time she's left still confused and, really, she doesn't expect to be un-confused until there's less of a language barrier in the way and they can make more progress on the even more intimidating culture gap. And she's actually a much worse driver when distracted. 

They get home without incident. It's nearly noon. Evelyn parks and unloads Iomedae's bike and - actually has to get Iomedae's help putting the front wheel back, she's not very mechanically inclined and Juan showed Iomedae and made her practice it. She has Iomedae walk around the side gate to the backyard and shows her how to unlock the shed (the key lives under the flowerpot) and put her bike away in it. 

 

 

She has to check her email, at which point she does immediately see the email from Diel, and tells Iomedae and Alfirin that she's going upstairs to make a phone call but they're welcome to grab anything they like from the fridge if they're hungry now; she'll make a proper lunch after the calls are made. 

(And she suspects Iomedae and Alfirin could use a chance to talk and decompress after what, as usual, ended up being a stressful and exhausting morning for everyone involved. Evelyn also kind of needs some time to decompress.) 

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"What happened? It was all in English and I did not understand it - "

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"It's fine, everything is fine. So the man at the store offered that I could work there four days, and he would give Evelyn a discount on the bike. And I told him that if I had to leave Evelyn's before I had repaid the debt I'd bring the bike back to him first, and it seemed all right. But then in the car I asked Evelyn - well, I was just trying to ask if she considered me to be indebted to the bike shop man, or to her, and for how much, because I've never been in debt before and frankly would've assumed it wasn't allowed for a slave. And she said it was two hundred dollars, but I shouldn't worry, because if I run into any problems when I go to the bike shop to pay it back, she can just take it out of the money that she will give me for watching Lily. - she has not, obviously, given me any money for watching Lily? Nor would I expect to get any?

- anyway, then I was irritated with myself for being foolish and not asking those questions back in the bike shop instead, and I was feeling the temptation to anger about the money even though of course Evelyn sort of pretending to pay me for things is not worse than her not doing that, but it makes it feel like I chose to spend two hundred dollars, and obviously I wouldn't have done that, and I don't know how to relate to debts I wouldn't have taken on if my time were mine to choose but that are better than my time being otherwise employed, and perhaps I shouldn't take any such debts on. And she said maybe I should talk to a former slave of hers who bought her freedom eventually, and that'd make me feel better about things. And that does sound like a very useful conversation to have, so I agreed, and said I wanted to be more careful not to get into arrangements that resembled making promises.

...and then she said, oh, I am sorry I forgot you care about your promises so much. I know that no one here knows what a paladin is but it's really something. You would think I had invented the whole idea of being careful about agreeing to debts."

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"Why is she... pretending to give you money for watching Lily...? Do rich people in Taldor give their children money for playing with their other children?"

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"No! They don't! If I were at home it would be my job to keep my younger siblings clean and out of trouble when I wasn't doing anything more important and no one would pay me for that because it does not make any sense to pay your children. I don't understand why Evelyn is pretending to, and I don't understand why she spent two hundred fifty dollars plus four days of my labor for a bike. - it's a lovely bike, but I'd feel better if anyone involved seemed to be doing things that made any sense."

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"I do not always know what is strange because Evelyn is a noble in a great empire and what is strange because America is strange. I think it is strange that they give slaves money and let us buy freedom, and also can tell us we have to spend our money to buy bikes, even if we do not want bikes for that amount of money.

 

It seems very strange if nobody in America cares about promises? How would the Emperor keep the empire with no promises?"

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" - that is a very good question! I would expect an Empire to fall apart immediately without promises. 

 

There are different kinds of being a slave in Taldor but some slaves get to keep a part of the money they earn, to motivate them, and can buy their freedom at the same price as you could buy a slave like them at market. It seems like a good system to me, I suppose? I never thought of it. We didn't have slaves like that, only people who worked our land and would need my father's permission if they wanted to go move to the city or something."

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"That kind of slave is not confusing. I understand why sometimes slaves are that kind of slave. I don't understand why that kind of slave - the owner can still take their money, or make them spend it on things instead of saving it - that is like being the other kind of slave, where you cannot buy freedom, but with more pieces."

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" - yeah, it really is. I have no idea. Maybe we can ask the former slave, if she comes to visit. I think Evelyn didn't intend to be forcing me to buy the bike and thought she was being nice since the bike is worth more than the two hundred dollars I am being made to spend on it."

 

 

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"Oh. That makes more sense. And if she has to treat you like a child, many children do not understand money and parents think they are too stupid to decide whether to buy a bike."

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"Yes. And she didn't even really think of it as forcing me to spend my money, because it's not as if I am allowed to work at the bike shop for pay, only for bikes. She saw it was a good deal, and told me to accept it, and this is reasonable treatment of a child, and she even offered that I could return the bike if I regretted agreeing, which is as honorably as one can possibly be expected to treat a slave one has to pretend is a child, so - I think really my only problem is that I passionately dislike being a slave who has to pretend to be a child, and that's not really Evelyn's fault. I asked if she was constrained by - the Emperor not wanting slaves to be bold or to have money, since then he'd have to put down a slave revolt, so the laws do not allow treating slaves too generously - but she did not answer that question."

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She nods. "Being a slave is bad, so if slaves are bold they will fight to not be slaves. I would fight to not be a slave, if it seemed to work, except Evelyn acts like a kind master and dying in the fight I would go to the abyss."

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"Yes. It's funny. If you'd asked me when I was free, should slaves fight, I would say obviously not unless their master was very unreasonable, because it's much worse to die. But now that I am a slave, there is a part of me that wants to fight, even though it still doesn't make any sense. I think I understand better how people end up going to the Abyss even though it's still a terrible decision. It is the part of the spirit that yearns to surpass the gods, except that is a dangerous part of your spirit to have when you're a slave."

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"I think that would still be dangerous, because most of the gods do not want you to surpass them. Maybe Aroden does but that is a strange god thing. The dangerous part of your spirit is only dangerous for slaves if they can not hide it - I think maybe paladins make bad slaves, because of that and for other reasons."

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"Aroden wants us to surpass Him because He was mortal too, He had the bits of His spirit that yearned to surpass the gods and He was an archmage so they couldn't crush Him for it and He built the Starstone so we could follow Him to godhood...

....I think paladins probably do make bad slaves and a sensible empire would just not enslave paladins, but no one has yet accused America of being a sensible empire."

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Evelyn's usual pediatrician has appointments for the next day; she schedules one at 10 am for Iomedae and at 10:30 for Alfirin, which should fit fine into their morning and not interfere with making it to the food bank for 2:30. 

She should go down and let the girls know. And she...feels like she owes Iomedae an apology...she is not at all sure what it feels like she owes Iomedae an apology for, because 'shutting down the car conversation in a less than graceful way because she didn't want to crash' is what's coming to mind but it's only a fraction of it. She doesn't know how to have conversations with Iomedae in a way that make things better rather than worse, and she sort of wants to apologize for that but, you know, the whole problem is that probably she won't manage to communicate what it's an apology for, and Iomedaer will just end up stressed and interpreting it as some completely different thing. 

 

...She takes a deep breath, and goes downstairs. 

"Iomedae, Alfirin, I wanted to let you know that we're going to go see my doctor tomorrow after Lily goes to school. It's just to make sure that you're healthy, it's standard for all children who just came into foster care. - Iomedae, did you know all of those words? You can ask me if you're still confused, and then translate for Alfirin?" 

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"I don't know 'doctor' or 'healthy'."

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It's really easy to lose track of how limited Iomedae's English vocabulary is, when she - Evelyn isn't even sure quite what it is. 

"A doctor is - like the people who work at the hospital and help people who are sick or hurt get better, but this doctor doesn't only see people who are sick, he sees children in his office to make sure that they're not sick. 'Healthy' just means - not sick or hurt, and that you're eating well and growing enough and things like that." 

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"Evelyn says tomorrow she will take us for an evaluation by a healer of some kind, this being an ordinary step when people are enslaved, to check that we are healthy enough to work."

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...Evelyn is not certain that Iomedae's translation of it didn't also contain, like, five other misunderstandings. She's...honestly very tired of everything feeling like that, but it's not like it's Iomedae's fault that Evelyn hasn't been great at actually following up on all her vague nagging senses that she's missing something. Ugh. 

- in fact, she reminds herself emphatically, none of this is Iomedae's fault. Iomedae is a fish out of water, scared and confused and trying to be herself in a world that suddenly leaves her so little space for it. The details of it may be - unusually fraught to handle - but the core thing is, well, what Evelyn has spent the last twenty years addressing. 

 

"Iomedae," she says gently. "I - want to talk to you for a moment. Can you come to the living room?" It's not that it's particularly private from Alfirin - and Alfirin probably won't be able to follow it anyway, her English is notably worse than Iomedae's - but Evelyn feels exhausted and frazzled and right now she needs to be only looking at one of their faces. 

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“Yes, ma’am.” She will follow. 

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Evelyn takes a deep breath. 

"I wanted to say sorry for sort of cutting you off in the car. I wasn't upset with you, I just needed to focus on driving. I'm - always going to be here if you want to talk." 

She looks away, because she's worried that intense eye contact is going to make Iomedae self-conscious, and it - doesn't actually feel wrong, in this moment, to let it show a little that she's embarrassed and off-balance. 

"...I don't think you want to talk, right now," she says quietly. "Not about what's really going on in your head. That's - understandable - and I'm not going to push. I don't think it's helping. But - I'm worried that I missed something, or didn't understand something, and it hurt you and now you quite reasonably don't want to trust me. That's okay. I'm never going to be angry with a foster child for not trusting me, you don't owe that to me, I– I'm responsible for you, and I take that very seriously, and I worry that I'm failing you right now, but I'm not your mother and you don't owe me your trust. So I'm - not going to keep trying to dig about your feelings, right now." 

She closes her eyes, briefly. This is so awkward. "But - it's not because I don't care. I do care, a lot. I want you to be happy and healthy and achieve all the things that matter to you, I just - don't, know how to help with that, right now. I'm sorry." 

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"I see and - think good of - how hard you try, to do right with your foster childs. I am grateful. I know this much worse if I have ordinary person have me. I was thinking before you are as patient disobedience as my real parents when I was a child, and my parents very very patient disobedience.

It will never be good for me to have to pretend to be a child. It will never be good for me to be not allowed to work for pay and say how my money spend. It will never be good for me to be a foster child. It is the most bad thing ever happen to me, and I wish much I was still a person.

But it would be much more bad, if you were not honorable, and I very grateful you are."

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On the one hand, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah????!!!!

On the other hand, it is probably not a good use of either of their time and emotional energy for Evelyn to nitpick Iomedae's word choice when she's working across a substantial language barrier. Of course she feels like ending up in foster care is the worst thing that's ever happened to her. That's not even, like, a particularly unusual way for kids to feel, even when (and this thought is quiet, in the back of her mind, but it's there) - even when being in foster care is actually an enormous improvement on their previous life prospects. (Evelyn is...less sure of it than she would like, that this is true for Iomedae.) It's understandable, that she doesn't feel as though they're treating her like a person. In fact, Emily may have used that exact wording. 

On the other other hand, she doesn't want to just - let that go by her without saying anything. That also feels like failing Iomedae, and the fact that approximately everything she says ends up feeling like failing Iomedae is not, actually, an excuse to always go with the thing that's easiest. 

 

"You are a person, love," she says quietly. "Nobody can take that away from you, even if it feels like we're not treating you like your own person. I'm sorry. ...I think I'm not going to - get it - and it'll just end up frustrating for both of us, if I keep trying to get you to talk to me. I think Emily will understand better." 

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"Ma'am - I no allowed earn money or choose spend it. You choose if I eat and where I go and what I do. You let me choose if you want to, and I say before you are honorable, but you say, Iomedae now we go to doctor to see if you healthy, because I belong you and you get to choose that. 

If I leave this place you call the law and they bring me back or kill me if I fight.

I am not a person. That is not how the law is for a person. I am a foster child. This is no your - you no the one decided this. But I was not born a foster child. I know what be a person is like. Five days ago I a person, and now I am not."

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Arghhhhhhhh. It's so painful to want to argue, because it's such a tangle of points which are completely reasonable and - elements where she honestly has no idea whether Iomedae is still fundamentally misunderstanding how the US works or if she's exaggerating for rhetorical effect because she's upset. 

"I think the thing you want, right now, is to already be an adult," she says quietly. "- I mean, I know that you think you are already an adult, because you're a - holy warrior - but the US doesn't have a law for holy warriors being seen as adults before they're eighteen. Jeremy had a lot of the same complaints you have, when he was fifteen, it's - I know it's different where you grew up, but it's not just foster children who have to wait until they're eighteen to be independent. ...And the police wouldn't ever kill you - or even stab you - because that's, uh, still illegal." 

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"You think people let la migra take their children because they want Heaven so bad? Maybe some of them, but - my parents would give up Heaven keep their children from be stolen. Most parents would. They let la migra take their children because if they fight, la migra kill them."

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The worst part is that she's - not entirely wrong? Evelyn is pretty sure she's mostly wrong - it's not supposed to happen, and if the police kill someone who's 'resisting arrest' then there's an investigation - but she's also pretty sure that people do die, that way, and being an illegal immigrant isn't exactly a great position to be in, and - much less likely to end in someone being prosecuted than if it were, say, Jeremy. 

Evelyn is so tired and really doesn't want to get into a language-barrier-disrupted debate with Iomedae on the matter of police corruption. Ugh. 

(She's also...kind of confused about why fighting to protect your kids from the police would be giving up Heaven. Isn't that the sort of thing the Bible would think is good? She even less feels like getting into a debate about it, though.) 

- also she can't just say 'I don't want to have this conversation', because she told Iomedae she would always be there if Iomedae wanted to talk, and running away as soon as it gets upsetting is a great way to convey to kids that this isn't, in fact, true. 

 

"La migra isn't supposed to kill anyone," she says, wearily. "I'm - not going to say it never happens - and I'm not going to say the police would always even get in trouble, if it does. I know I'm - lucky, in a lot of ways, and haven't seen all the ways that America can be bad. But I've had a lot of kids here, including kids who ran away kind of a lot, and I've never personally known anyone get killed by the police." 

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"Most people, if the law come, will not fight. So they will not be killed. But if they did fight, they would be killed. They all know this. If there were law that would not kill people who disobey, it quickly die and there new law that will kill people who disobey. I not plan to leave, and if I do leave, and the law find me, I not fight. But if I leave, and fight, I die. All the people who obey you, who pick the food that make you rich woman, this is true of. They know that if they disobey they die."

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There's definitely some sort of logic to that, and Evelyn is also pretty sure that there's - something wrong and missing from the analysis - and she is not a criminal justice expert who feels qualified to have a debate about it. Honestly, Emily is probably way more qualified than she is. 

"...Maybe. I do think it's a bad idea to try to fight the police, and most people don't. And I hope you don't run away, but - for the same reason I wouldn't have wanted Jeremy to run away, because I care about you and want you to be safe and be able to go to school and learn to read English and accomplish all the things that are important to you." 

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"I am a holy warrior and obey the law. If I was not a holy warrior, I would still obey because I do not want to die. 

If I had a fifteen, and she say, it more important to me to do God work than to be safe, I hope I would be as good as my father, and say, then do God work with all I have to give you for it. I think I not call the law to sword her back to me."

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...Yeah. Oof. 

(Evelyn is...genuinely not sure how she would feel about alerting Social Services if Iomedae runs away. She thinks she would feel...pretty bad about it, actually. She still can't, just, what, go send Iomedae biking off into the sunset with her blessing? This is not in fact something she can do, even if she were convinced it was how to do right by Iomedae, and - from Iomedae's perspective, the exact reasons why aren't the important part.) 

 

"I'm sorry," she says, because she can't think of anything less inane. "I - that's most of what I wanted to say. That I'm sorry it feels like the worst thing that could happen to you, and I wish I could do better or at least - understand better. But I don't think I'm going to get there by arguing with you." 

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 "It is not the worst thing that could happen to me," she says helpfully. "Tar Baphon could happen to me. Hell could happen to me. It is just the worst thing has happen to me."

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This does NOT MAKE EVELYN FEEL BETTER but it’s - not about her feelings, right now, is it. 

“I’m glad you talked to me about what you think and how it’s upsetting for you,” she says. “I’ll - try very hard never to be frustrated or angry if you argue with me, and I’m not perfect but - I’ve never hit a child, even when I was very angry. I - want to be a safe person for you to talk to, that’s the most important thing.”

Sigh. “Is there anything else you want to tell me right now? Or should we go have some lunch.”

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"I do not think I had anything else I wanted to say, ma'am."

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Then Evelyn will go set out some bread and sandwich ingredients on the counter, and some cut veggies and dip, she doesn't have the energy for a higher-effort lunch than that right now.

(She feels like she wants to write log notes. She has no actual interest in attempting to repeat any of what Iomedae said to Diel, when she's pretty sure that she already failed to totally understand what Iomedae was trying to tell her, and Diel will just add some third worse misinterpretation and then Iomedae will have that on her file forever. Ugh. Evelyn is starting to realize that maybe writing log notes is a lot of how she...thinks, or processes...and she's not actually sure what to do without that. She wants to TALK TO SOMEONE and there's no one incredibly appropriate for it except maybe Diel, who she's still irritated with.

...Well, there's not actually any reason she can't...type things into a Word document and save it. Or better yet, go write in a private diary in her room, so she can give Iomedae and Alfirin some privacy of their own to process. She might have some concerns about exactly what misunderstandings are being mutually reinforced in their private conversations, but it's not going to make anything better to try to prevent them from having private conversations. They're teenagers; they need space.) 

 

"I think we should work on English practice this afternoon," she says to Iomedae and Alfirin. "I also have some stuff to do upstairs, though, so how about I print off more worksheets and you can practice writing letters out while I do that?" 

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"Yes, ma'am."

 

And in Taldane, "she says this afternoon we should practice English more, and she will give us more papers to do."

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"Okay. It's good to practice English more."

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"Yes. I think she is trying to give us work that is good for us."

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And once they've eaten, Evelyn will go Google and print of lots and lots more worksheets. They're still ones aimed at six-year-olds, but they have words to copy and pictures of what the word means. She makes two copies of each one, for each of them, and also brings them a stack of lined paper for more general writing practice and a box of pencils with a pencil sharpener. 

"You can keep a list of any words where you don't recognize the picture or don't think you know the English word for it," she suggests to Iomedae. "I'll tell you the words after I'm done my stuff upstairs." 

And she leaves and gives them some privacy. 

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Iomedae will diligently go through English writing worksheets for as long as it takes to finish them all.

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Alfirin likewise. She really wants to understand the language so that Iomedae doesn't have to translate for her all the time.

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Evelyn writes grumpily in the barely-used diary that Jeremy got her two Christmases ago, and then grumpily vacuums the upstairs carpet, and then goes back downstairs, grumpiness cleared out. 

...She has ten dollars each for Iomedae and Alfirin, and then another fifteen dollars for Iomedae. "For your weekly allowance." Normally she gives it out on Fridays but she's pretty Iomedae is going to go on not believing her about it until she has the cash in hand. "And for the three mornings you got up with Lily, Iomedae, I'm counting that as an hour of babysitting each time." 

And then they can do some verbal English practice? 

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Iomedae is so confused. 

 

What???

Why???

 

"Thank you, ma'am."

 

 

...and yes, they can do some verbal English practice.

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...What? It...maybe makes sense that Evelyn would actually give Iomedae money for the work Iomedae is doing that Evelyn is pretending to pay her for but Alfirin didn't do anything.

 

She'll just practice English and pretend this is normal.

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Because she said she would! And could tell that Iomedae didn't believe her (and Alfirin may or may not even have understood it)! She kind of doubts Iomedae is going to want to spend it, and - having an additional $25 on top of the money she already has doesn't really seem like it increases the odds of her running away. The thing that will keep Iomedae safe and happy is if she trusts Evelyn

(Evelyn is perhaps, slightly, defending herself to Diel in her own head.) 

 

She's not an experienced ESL tutor or anything, but she has a lot of patience and can spend the next two hours sitting with the girls and giving them her full attention. She goes through vocabulary on the sheets, and challenges them to try spelling words they know, and walks around the house naming every household object she can find, and eventually resorts to reading them picture books to try to find more vocabulary prompts. She suggests that Iomedae can have one of the school notebooks and spell the English word alongside the Taldane translation and maybe the pronunciation written in the Taldane alphabet, if that's going to be a helpful memory aid for her to look over later. 

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Iomedae can absolutely do that. She can also prompt for words she has wanted to know. "Word for - the thing a child owe a parent and a man owe a greater man? Word for the thing Martin try do? Word for the person most power all America? Word for foster child if not a child?"

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Those are good words to ask about. Alfirin has more. Words for people who make TVs? People who make bikes? People who make or train cars? (She's still not sure which, for cars). People who know everything? People who know things people aren't supposed to know? Places that are smaller than America?

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That's a lot of questions! Some of those are pretty awkward vocabulary questions and some are just baffling! 

Start with the easy ones, and she'll try to keep a mental list - or, hmm, actually just write a list - of the hard ones so she can come back to them.

"The word for what Martin tried to do is 'rape.' The leader of America is called the President. People who make bikes and TVs are...engineers, I think, if we're talking about the people deciding how to make them, and just 'factory workers' for the people putting parts together. I'm not sure anyone really knows everything, there's a lot to know, but - 'polymath', maybe? Something a person isn't supposed to know is called a secret, but I don't know if there's a word for a person who has secrets, in general, other than just saying that." Explaining spies sounds complicated. 

 

And back to Iomedae. "...I don't think there is an adult version of being a foster child? I mean, sometimes adults live in group homes because they're too disabled - not healthy enough - to work or live on their own or take care of themselves, and they need help like children usually do. There's not a special word for that, I don't think, and I wouldn't say it's really the same thing." 

That...feels like not what Iomedae is getting at. Hmm. The part that bothers Iomedae about being in foster care is not being allowed to leave. And not being allowed to get paid, but Evelyn already explained that's about her papers and not about being in foster care... There's, like, prison, but Iomedae knows about that and also it's clearly not the same sort of thing. 

"People can be not allowed to leave a place if they're very sick - if they have a problem with their mind and a doctor thinks they wouldn't be safe living on their own, or might hurt other people. I suppose in a way, that's - sort of like the doctor deciding that they aren't really an adult who can be responsible for adult decisions. I - don't actually know if there's a specific word for - a person in that situation - but is that more the kind of thing you're thinking of?" 

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"All foster child stop being foster child when older?"

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"...Yeah? - I mean, if you do end up living with me until you're eighteen, I'm always going to feel a bit like you're my child, like I do with Jeremy, and you would be welcome to visit. But once you turn eighteen, you'll be legally an adult, and not a child in foster care. And hopefully you'll have papers by then, too, and be able to work all the same jobs Jeremy could, if you have the education for them." 

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"You no have to buy it? Just - when you eighteen?'

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What?????

"No! You don't have to buy being an adult, it's just based on how old you are. I agree it'd be nice if it were a bit more flexible - some people are more mature at fifteen than other people at twenty-five, I know it's very frustrating for you to be treated like you're too young to be responsible - but eighteen is what the American government decided was the law." 

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That is still three years she'd really like to spend on fixing the world and not on being a slave but it is really, really different from 'forever'.

"That is good! - the word I wanted was for people who no have papers, maybe."

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"I think she said we are only slaves until we are adults?"

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"Yes! That is what she said!!"

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"Thank you Evelyn!"

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Oh no did Iomedae - did both of them? - spend all this time under the misconception that being taken into foster care was SOMEHOW IRREVERSIBLE AND PERMANENT??? Evelyn...is honestly very confused how she might have gotten that misapprehension but she's relieved that it's cleared up! She will try to smile very reassuringly.

(It makes a lot of sense that Iomedae is impatient. Evelyn thinks she was impatient to grow up and move out already by the time she was fifteen or sixteen, and Evelyn isn't even a future Joan of Arc. Hopefully, in time, Iomedae will - be more willing to trust that Evelyn is going to try to give her as many opportunities as she possibly can, and this is really a lot better than picking fruit as a migrant farm laborer.) 

"That's - I think 'undocumented immigrant' is the polite word. There are other ways to be an immigrant that are legal, if someone comes from another country with the right papers - an immigrant is just someone who isn't a citizen, a citizen is someone who has the right to live and work in America no matter what." She will write all of those words down. 

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"But when we are adults, we will have papers, and be citizens?"

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"I think permanent residents, which isn't quite being a citizen, but it means you can stay in America as long as you want and work any job. Diel says there's a law for foster children that lets you apply to be a permanent resident, and in the meantime you can't legally be paid for a job, but you can live with me, and go to school, and have health insurance - that will pay for you to go to the doctor or the hospital if you get sick - and things like that."

She's preeeetty sure she explained health insurance to Iomedae earlier but is starting to re-evaluate how much poor Iomedae is actually absorbing from what must feel like a constant firehose of baffling new information. You never really think about how complicated living in modern America is until you see it through the eyes of an illiterate ESL kid from a third world country, apparently. 

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"And after three years, can carry a weapon, can say things to a judge and it counts, can work for pay?"

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"You might be able to work with pay sooner, if the law for getting papers goes faster! ...I don't think of those three things as - really things that go together? I'm an adult and I can carry some kinds of weapon, if I want, and not others. And - either of us could say something to a judge in court. A judge might be more likely to believe me - either that I was telling the truth or just that I had understood things right - but it's not that they would definitely believe me and definitely wouldn't believe you, it's - complicated." 

She's trying to speak slowly and pay a lot of attention to whether Iomedae seems to be following, but this is hard. Iomedae has a tendency to look like she's politely attentive to your every word regardless, except for the moments when she bursts out in frustration because of a misunderstanding. (Or, you know, a frustrating thing she understood 100% accurately, but at least some of it is misunderstandings.) 

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Iomedae flatly does not believe that it is unpredictable whether judges will trust rich landowners or foster children with limited English. This shows on her face because Iomedae is not good at concealing anything. 

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"She says we will not be citizens but we will have papers, and can work for pay, once we are what America says is grown."

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"I confused. 'Citizen' is - not foster child, can work get pay, can go places if want - what is not foster child, can work get pay, not is citizen?"

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(Evelyn can tell that Iomedae is dubious, and is mostly expecting this to be a matter of nothing she says being incredibly credible to Iomedae right now, and - well, if Iomedae is from an abjectly poor developing country, probably the justice system insofar as it exists at all is incredibly corrupt. And Evelyn can't claim the US system is perfect, it's obviously not - she's seen it be imperfect close up, though it's certainly a lot more complicated than 'foster children aren't believed and adult parents are' - and, well, probably when you're fifteen and scared, the exact extent of how imperfect a system might be isn't an easy thing to wrap your head around.) 

 

She smiles at Alfirin, who she wants to reassure and reward for speaking in English to her rather than just asking Iomedae in Taldane. "It's - a complicated thing about how the laws work, it might be easier to explain once you know more English. I...think maybe the big difference is that citizens can get money from the government, if they're too old to work or get too sick, and that's harder for people who have papers to live and work in America but aren't citizens? And there is a way to become a citizen eventually, if you live here with papers. But I don't know very much about this." 

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"Ohhh!!! Citizens get the - oh, this make sense to me now but I no have the English -"

Switching to Taldane - "in Oppara they have a grain dole. They give all the people there grain. It's so they won't riot. The city has great ancient walls and will never fall, so an Emperor need only fear riots, so he taxes everyone everywhere and gives people in Oppara grain, even if they do no labor. A 'citizen' is a person eligible for the grain dole."

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- oh right, also, Evelyn is terrible at explaining governments and should have to redo grade ten civics class or something. "The other difference is that citizens can vote! That means, uh, every four years at the end of the President's - years of being President - everyone who's a citizen goes and gets a piece of paper, which is called a ballot, and they pick which person they want to be the next President. And they can also vote for Congresspeople and the mayor - leader - of the city, and things." 

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"Okay, that they do not do in Oppara. It seems like it would cause a lot of wars."

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Thaaaaat is a dubious expression and Evelyn doesn't actually know whether Iomedae misunderstood or whether a (mostly) functional democracy just sounds that implausible if you were born in a small village in a poor country. 

 

...Aaaand back to the list of quick notes she made. 

"Right! We should definitely look at a map, in a moment - there's one on the shower curtain but it's not very good. I'll go get the globe in a second. ...Iomedae, I think I'm not actually sure what you're looking for, when you said what a child owes a parent and an adult owes a greater man?" It's probably something painfully religious, isn't it. "I - personally don't think it's useful to say children owe their parents anything, though some parents would say their chidlren owe them gratitude - being thankful that their parents take care of them - or listening to them and behaving well. And I guess you could say we owe the President...taxes? And not breaking the law? But I wouldn't usually pick the same word to talk about both of those, they're different." 

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"...What when the president want be the president more?"

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"...If the President wants to keep being President at the end of four years, he - it can be a woman too but it's always been a man before, that's one way we aren't perfect - can try to convince people to elect him again? But there's a law that a person can't be President for more than two terms, which is eight years." 

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"But if the president no want follow law, then the president is the one with the swords."

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"And the polymaths."

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"Maybe not the church? Maybe the church say no is obedient of the president stay president, and the priests fight the polymaths and swords."

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Evelyn starts to open her mouth and then is interrupted by teenage uniformed theorizing and barely manages not to burst out laughing. ("The polymaths"???) She...isn't actually sure what they mean, but that seems like something to address...later...once they have better vocabulary. 

"- Not really? I - think that's a problem in other countries, more, but -" oof this is hard to explain, both for language barrier reasons and because grade ten civics was, in fact, a really long time ago.

"America has laws from when the country was founded, hundreds of years ago, about - how much power the President has, and how much power other people have, so that the President can't just decide to change the laws and win because he has all of the - it's usually guns, not swords, I can show you pictures of what that means in a moment. But the army - the people who knows how to fight and have weapons - don't only obey the President. ...I don't actually know all of how it works, I learned more in school but it's not something I have to think about every day. I - don't know if it's never happened in the history of America, that a President tried to do that, but they never succeeded and it definitely hasn't happened in a long time." 

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"The - army - is a holy order, serve whoever win the 'vote'?"

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"That is good!! God like that a lot I think!"

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That's...not even that unreasonable a gloss on it, probably, from the background Iomedae has? Evelyn is pretty sure the army isn't, like, explicitly Christian, but they maybe still swear on a Bible? She isn't sure. There's definitely - something not that dissimilar from serving a religion, in serving a country. Sort of. Maybe. 

"That's - probably close enough," she says carefully. "I think it's not exactly the - thing you're thinking of - but you should learn more English and read actual books about it later, to understand more." 

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"Maybe I want to join army. At home I no want that because holy warriors in army not in holy order fall, and also I a woman, but a holy army maybe I should serve."

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Wow. Evelyn can't actually decide if that would be a disaster or a surprisingly suitable career path. ...Probably neither, Iomedae can't actually join the army as an undocumented fifteen-year-old foster child, and by the time she's an adult she'll know a lot more and be able to make an informed decision. 

"One of my former foster children joined the army!" she says cheerfully. "It can be a good career. Something to think about for when you're eighteen, I think, but - maybe you could talk to him on Skype? That's a video on the computer - it's sort of like the television, you can see a picture, but it's also like a phone call because you can talk to someone far away." 

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"I would like talk to former foster child who joined the army! Which army fights America fighting right now?"

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Guess what Evelyn does NOT FEEL LIKE GETTING INTO and has very little excuse not to try to explain anyway! 

"There's a war in Afghanistan and a war in Iraq. They're both places that are very far away. They started because - it's very complicated, but basically, the President thought that their governments were bad and might be building weapons that could kill huge numbers of people, and - there's some messy stuff with their religion and how they see their god's teachings that I don't think I can explain very well. ...It's complicated. Once you learn to read English, there's a lot you could read about it." 

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That means 'we invaded because we are an empire and felt like it'. Iomedae was not born yesterday. "America no help fight Tar-Baphon?"

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....Tar-Baphon is...plausibly just Satan, right. But maybe not, Evelyn really needs to get more in the habit of remembering that every conversation with Iomedae is half made up of cultural and language-barrier miscommunications. Evelyn probably should, at some point, press the point about how approximately nobody in the modern world thinks that Hell is a place you can march an army on, but - not right now. She's tired. 

"I don't think so. I had never heard of Tar-Baphon before you mentioned the name. Unless Tar-Baphon is a word in your language for Al-Qaeda," why did she mention that now she has to explain Al-Qaeda oh no, "- which is a sort of religious army order but - a pretty bad one, it's involved in the war in Afghanistan." 

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"Tar-Baphon fight God and lose but come back after long time. He raise the dead as his foster children."

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He...what...okay that makes MORE SENSE if it's Satan...ish...but also WHAT. Evelyn has SEVERAL CONCERNS and one of them is what on earth Iomedae thinks 'foster children' means. Though that's not exactly a new concern, is it. 

"I don't think America knows about that being a thing that's happening," her mouth says for her, in a very mild tone. 

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Iomedae will not object that this makes no sense. She had been considering the possibility that Taldor was very far away, or that it was secret, and at this point it more or less has to be one of those. "Where I from people think it big problem," she says neutrally.

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"We can try to Google it later." Evelyn is not entirely hiding the fact that she's dubious this will, like, work. 

 

...she'll go get the globe and show them different countries. Canada is north - and also a rich country but not as rich as America, and very cold - and Mexico is south and where a lot of the undocumented migrant workers come from, because it's poorer. And here are lots and lots of other countries, with names written very small in English text. 

(Evelyn is very much not an expert on world geography. There are countries in South America that she totally thought were in, like, South Asia or something.) 

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Why is it a ball. Who possesses maps in the form of a shower curtain and a ball.

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"...Why circle thing?"

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Ohhhhhhh right complete lack of science education. Right. 

"The world is a sphere! - round, like this." Wow she wants to show them the planetarium show that has an animation of zooming out from the earth. Iomedae, at least, would love it. 

...Maybe there's a decent version of it on Youtube. "If that's confusing, we can go find a video of the solar system? - it's not a real video, it's animated like cartoons, but there should be real videos too, there's a space station - like a little house but it's waaaaaaaaay up above the world, where there's no air, so it falls in a circle around." 

Evelyn should clearly never teach a science class to ESL students, she's pretty sure she's butchering this, but she's kind of beaming. It's so - something - to be the one who gets to tell two clearly very smart but very deprived children about SCIENCE. 

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"The world is a ball? What it rest on?"

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"Oh! That is how go north all the way and keep going!

 

...Which one giant fire bird hose land?"

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"It doesn't! It's floating in space - well, sort of falling, the sun is also a way bigger ball, very very far away - so it doesn't look big - and the earth is falling toward it, but it's moving so fast and the sun is so far away that it just keeps falling in a circle forever. - and yeah, that's how it works, if you go all the way north in a straight line you'll end up at the north pole," she taps it on the globe, "and if you keep going forward you'll be going south again on the other side of the world!" 

 

...Okay what though. 

"I don't think that's a real place." Hose land???? "It sounds like it might be mythology - like something in a story. 

 

- I'm not a science teacher. I think I've got a solar system book somewhere, but - here, let's go find a Youtube video, that'll be even better." 

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Iomedae thinks she knows what Alfirin is talking about, but she doesn't know the English for it either. She studies the ball more closely, looking for Taldor, but she has no idea what Taldor should look like. Maybe that is the Inner Sea. "God here?" she asks, pointing at the right place.

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Evelyn pauses in her youtube-science-video-related excitement to see approximately where Iomedae is pointing. ...Leans in to actually read the text on the land area nearest where Iomedae seemed to be pointing, because it's not like she could find Israel on a map at a quick glance. (Iomedae's education is fascinating.)

 

"- Yeah, people think that God when he was a person lived around there. I think God is everywhere, now." 

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"Yes, God everywhere now." - she lets her finger drift north of Absalom towards Taldor. "This place called?"

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"Uh...Turkey, looks like." She chuckles slightly. "It's been a long time since I did this much world geography!" 

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Not a mystery. Just Taldor not being very important to America because it's very far away.

She can go home. She hadn't realized she'd believed it was impossible until she is confronted with how manifestly possible it is. There are probably ships leaving America for it every week. 

"Turkey," she repeats carefully.

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Alfirin knows Sarkoris is north of Taldor but not how far north. She doesn't know which one it is - not that she even knows if she wants to go home. Better to be home than to be a slave but she doesn't think she'd be allowed to go while she's still a slave.

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Evelyn is distracted - Youtube space videos!!! - and it made (some kind of) sense to her that Iomedae cared about where Jerusalem was on a map, and she wasn't entirely paying attention enough to notice that Iomedae's tone and manner, when repeating 'Turkey', was not necessarily 100% in keeping with it being general curiosity. 

 

Space videos! They can head over to the computer - there's space for both girls to get a good view if Iomedae slides the office chair out of the cubicle-office and then backs up once she's pulled up a video. Thirty seconds on Youtube turns up a solar system explainer video which hopefully isn't completely terrible! 

- she really wants to show Iomedae the pale blue dot image, the first real, actual photograph of Earth from far away - that seems like something God, according to Iomedae, would be delighted about, and honestly that's a conception of God that Evelyn can so get behind - but probably it makes more sense once you've done some more leadup to it. 

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The solar system is honestly very confusing but it's not like Iomedae knows any of this to be false, and it does make sense of some things like how there can be lots of places which cannot be reached by travelling in any direction - 

"Is Heaven one of the other worlds?"

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Wow what an understandable yet deeply awkward misconception.

"I - don't think so - I think Heaven isn't a place you can get to by flying through space, and - we can't actually fly to the other planets, yet, just the Moon, but we can send little machines that can fly and take pictures of the other planets in the solar system, and we know they don't have people there."

(Evelyn is...definitely the flavor of Christian who thinks Heaven is more metaphorically a place than that. That's a complicated thing to convey and she's not sure she wants to get into it anyway, arguing with people about their interpretation of the Bible is rude.) 

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"You send flying - machines - to the Moon? The moon in the stars?"

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"It's not really in the stars, the stars are actually much, much further away than that." ...Not going to try to convey the concept of 'light-years' as a unit of distance right now, though she should totally see if Jeremy wants to attempt it when he visits next. "The moon is much closer than the sun, even, it's a ball of rock that's smaller than the earth and falls around the earth in circles, and it reflects sunlight sometimes, that's when it's bright in the sky. - but yes! We've sent people to the moon! There's television of it."

Now to find one very famous recording on Google, and explain quite seriously to Iomedae that this isn't animated like the solar system video, it's a real picture that was taken with a real camera, on the real moon. The image quality is pretty bad because it was a long time ago and cameras were much worse, then. 

"I saw it, at the time. I was only little - about Lily's age, a little bit older - and we had to go over to the neighbor's house who had a better television." 

 

(Evelyn has some emotions about this. She's very proud of America. ...She's not going to get into the whole Cold War space race part of things, but even so.)

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"What does mean, 'real picture'?"

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Evelyn was busy having feelings about moon landing videos it's fine, she doesn't actually need to see terrible-quality footage again. 

"Like this - one second. I'll show you on my camera." The digital camera is in the desk drawer. She takes a picture of the desk and computer in front of her - she's not going to take a picture of Alfirin, it's rude and can sometimes be very upsetting for children to have a photo taken without their permission - and turns the camera around so Alfirin can see the tiny viewscreen preview of it. "I took a picture of the room just now, with my camera." 

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"Someone go with the wizard to the moon to make picture of wizard moon?"

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"It seems like magic but it's not! It's just - machines, and rockets, and very smart people who made them. But, yeah, I - don't remember exactly how the video was taken - I think they must have brought a video camera on the lunar module, which is the machine - like a car, but for going through space - that they used to land on the moon and then take off again to go home." 

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"Lunar module." That seems like an important 'machine' to remember.

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"Can send army Hell same way?"

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"Why send army Hell? Army evil?"

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"No! To fight Hell and sword Asmodeus!"

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"That work?"

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"I do not know but I did not know people go to Moon either and sword Asmodeus more - if you tax everyone hungry to go to Moon you bad President but if you tax everyone hungry go sword Asmodeus you best President, should be a god, I serve you for all time."

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"Need many lunar module, bring whole army Hell."

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"So many! God take army to" switching to Taldane "Abyss" and back "to fight Ibdurengian, so it can be done."

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THIS GIRL!!!!! THESE GIRLS!!!!! Both of them!!!!! Evelyn has FEELINGS and is honestly not sure what most of the feelings are, except that - you know what, yes, flying a fucking space shuttle full of troops into Hell itself to fight Satan is the most fundamentally American-patriotism thing she can imagine. 

...It's not...how things work, actually...but she cannot bring herself to say that just yet. They'll - figure out in their own time that Hell isn't as simple as another planet. And the sentiment is one that she really very much doesn't want to stomp on. 

(Evelyn continues to spend way more time than she would prefer thinking about Hell, in Iomedae's company.) 

 

 

She listens and looks serious. 

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"Abyss" then back to English "still there. Still full little hungry bread eaters."

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Little hungry bread eaters???? What are they talking about, Jesus fought - who, where - what does that meaaaaaaaaannn– Evelyn is still not interrupting. 

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"Abyss have many baby-gods. God kill only Ibdurengian who start a war with God. Hell, you sword Asmodeus, you win. I think. But also yes God not fix Abyss yet and He should. I will say to him when I tell him fight Hell, also go back and fight Abyss better."

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"He listen you tell him fight Hell?"

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"Well, he give me holy warrior powers. Maybe he saying, Iomedae, you fight Hell."

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"So maybe he also saying, Iomedae, you fight - Abyss - better, sword little hungry bread eaters - Evelyn, what is word little hungry bread eaters?"

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Why is this conversation happening to her. "...I don't actually know what you're talking about, love, I don't recognize the - person, or place? - that you said God was fighting. Maybe you can draw me a picture of the thing you mean?" 

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"Little animal, this big?" - she holds her fingers an inch or two apart - "make big groups, eat all bread when bread plant." She can try to draw one too, but she's never actually seen one.

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"- the Abyss have those? I no knowing that. I thinking it have -" Taldane again "demons?"

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"I think Abyss have both, no have bread plant so bread eaters eat person forever."

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"Eat person until we go sword the bread eaters and make everyone safe. No forever, unless we no do our war."

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She nods, seriously.

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Evelyn does actually know what she means, now! Probably! It makes sense...ish?...because there is that one Bible story about the plagues of Egypt. ....Evelyn is not entirely sure it makes sense. 

"I think you mean 'locusts'? - There's a story in the older part of the Bible, the part before God was a person, about God sending a plague of locusts to a country that was keeping slaves - making them prisoners and treating them badly and forcing them to work - to convince the leader of the country to let them go -" 

Possibly that was incredibly awkward to have just brought up. 

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"Slaves is - foster child, but not child?"

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UM

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...Oh no Evelyn is making a face, is the President going to be angry that they are not pretending well enough?

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That.......possibly makes sense of kind of a lot of confusions and quiet notes of something-being-wrong, actually. Oh nooooooo. These poor children. 

 

"....No. I - guess there's some things - you aren't actually the first foster child to - bring up how it can feel sort of like being a slave. But it's not. I'm not allowed to hurt you - I would get in trouble with Diel and the government, and not be allowed to have other children again and if I hurt someone very badly I could go to prison - and I'm not allowed to make you do work for me - you do have to go to school but that's not a foster children thing, Jeremy had to go to school too, that's what children are expected to do in America. And once you're eighteen you'll be - adults, just like me." 

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"- what happen if foster child not do things they have to do, like go to school, or obey."

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"Some people - have slave, it not allowed kill slave or hurt so not work, if kill slave not get new one - still slave."

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"...Then I might - not give them their allowance, or not let them watch television they like, or say that they can't go out to see their friends. I'm not allowed to hurt you and I never would, any more than I would hurt Jeremy."

(She's actually pretty limited by fostering agency policy in how she can respond to unacceptable behavior. Jeremy would have been grounded for a year for some of what her former foster teens got up to. Emily will have STORIES, probably, and - on reflection it might actually be good for these poor kids to hear them, and hear that Evelyn never once got angry, or punished her any worse than making her return the shoplifted magazines and refusing to drive her anywhere.)

"I - you don't have to obey me. If I say, come help me make dinner, and you would rather read or practice English, you don't have to help me. I do want you to follow the house rules, like not breaking things or stealing things or going into people's rooms without asking, but - if you do break the rules, then the very worst that I could do is say I can't handle it and ask for you to go to another foster parent. Which I wouldn't do - I've hardly ever done, the only time was because a boy kept trying to set the house on fire." 

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"...Boy set house on fire, you say boy still alive?" She sounds skeptical.

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"He's fine! ...He didn't actually set the house on fire, I stopped him, it just scared me a lot, and I had two children Lily's age and younger living here and needed to know they would be safe. He went to - a secure facility, sort of like a house in a hospital, where they could keep him safe and stop him from starting any fires, and he's okay now and doesn't do it anymore." 

(Evelyn feels really bad about that placement breaking down, honestly, and it kind of shows in her body language. Kevin needed support and love and she - wasn't the person who could give him that.) 

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Iomedae absolutely does not believe this.

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If true that's only a little bit of a reason to think foster children are not like slaves and much more reason to think that America is an insane place with insane laws that do not punish attempted arson.

And it's probably not true, because, what. Any place like that would have been literally burnt to the ground a long time ago.

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"If no one is ever sworded for anything, then first person with smart idea to sword people for things take over whole place fast."

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"...I see why you would worry about that but it's actually okay? Most people don't try to do very bad things, and sometimes people do set buildings on fire, I guess, but there are people whose job it is to put fires out, and - the police have ways to stop people that don't kill them. And we do - if people do things like that, even if they're children, they can be kept somewhere and not allowed to leave or allowed to have anything they could use to hurt people - and a lot of people do think that's unfair, but I think it's better than killing them." 

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"...and...eated?"

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CONCERN. 

"- Oh, do you mean, like, do they get food? Yeah. Food is - not actually very expensive, here, because for a lot of kinds of farming we have machines. ...Adults who commit very bad crimes, like killing a lot of people, might sometimes be killed by the government instead of just having to stay in prison for the rest of their life, but it's very rare. I could look up how many in the country in the last ten years, if you want." 

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Iomedae is at this point deeply unsure if America has just given up on enforcing its laws or if Evelyn is just delusional or lying. 'This is why you say even if I fight the law when they come to make me a foster child again, I not die? Because people kill the law and the law go 'that not reason to kill them back'?"

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"Yes I mean do they get food. The president pay for - person boxes and food for every person do crimes?"

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"Yeah. There aren't that many people who do crimes and have to go to prison, though it's definitely expensive and - something we do because America can afford it and killing people is worse."

She winces slightly. "...The police do sometimes - if someone fights the police with a weapon and the police get scared, sometimes they get killed when the police are trying to stop them. I'm - not going to say it's exactly by accident but it's not the thing that's supposed to happen, though - I definitely wouldn't recommend being scary at the police. The police do have ways of catching people that don't risk killing them as much as stabbing would, like - using the electricity we use in lights to zap them so they can't move and run away." 

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"...That not kill people?" She is pretty sure being struck by lightning kills people.

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"I think almost never unless they were sick and had a bad heart. It's not very much electricity, I think? It would be more dangerous to put a fork in the plug, please don't do that." 

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"I think that the place you describe no make sense and no could be and I am - no seeing something. Lots of people do bad things. More if they no put to die for it and get free food."

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Sigh. "I think I'm probably doing a bad job of explaining it, I - know there's a lot less violence and murder and stuff now than there was historically but I don't know a lot about why or how. We'll keep working on your English, and you can - read books and websites about how the government works, look up statistics, uh, numbers people counted and wrote down, about crime and violence and things - and eventually I think it'll make sense–"

She catches herself. "- oh! One thing is lead poisoning, I remember that. There's, uh, a kind of metal they used to make pipes with, that would end up in water for drinking, and being exposed to it makes people less smart and more - impulsive, likely to just do things in the moment when they were upset - and once we stopped doing that, there was less crime and violence. At least that's the theory that - people who study this - have." 

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Iomedae isn't sure she understood that but it feels - in any event like it doesn't strike directly at what she cares about, here.

 

"Where I from, most child not run away. Not because law bring them back; because they die, of bad man or of big cat or big dog or big bird or starve. if a child run away, maybe child idiota or maybe home so bad, they think run away is better. Or maybe they have plan to get money and be safe and no starve, and that - no really run away, that just be no more child. Maybe a rich man pay people bring child back, if he not have as many child as he want, or if it a place where he can sell a girl.

Where I from, slaves run away. You do need law to bring slaves back. Because slaves may no die. They can get work. So you can only make slaves stay with the law."

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That’s…probably normal, in poor third world countries? Especially a bit about - it sounds like either a dowry or bride price, she can never remember which is the one where girls cost money versus earn money for the parents. 

There’s something terribly sad about it. There’s something differently but even more sad about Iomedae clearly, on some level, having preferred things that way.

 

She nods. "I - think that's probably one of the things which is different because America is very rich, and the police can afford to worry about missing children even if their families are poor," though of course the police don't try as hard, if the family is poor and the parents aren't making a fuss. "We don't have to worry much about wildlife - big cats or dogs - hurting children, at least not in cities. But we do worry about people hurting children, and - you can't really earn money on your own, here, until you're nearly an adult. So a fifteen-year-old who runs away, if they have a plan to earn money, is - probably doing it in a way that's dangerous for them. And probably isn't in school, and school is important, it's really hard to have any kind of career without a high school diploma. If a child runs away because their parents are hurting them, and they tell the police when they're found, then they don't have to go back, but they do have to live with a family. I've had children like that as foster children before."  

She's doing such a bad job of explaining this, probably, but it's not actually an option to bow out in the middle of the conversation and hand it to someone more qualified to explain society. 

Shrug. "I think, just, children aren't experienced enough to make good decisions for their future. And - I guess the government has enough money and enough people that they can investigate all the murders and thefts and still have time to look for missing children. I think wherever you were from was poorer, and couldn't necessarily do that, even if it meant that sometimes children would make a silly decision and run away and starve or be killed by wild animals. 

 

- keeping slaves is against the law. I - know people do talk about some things being like slavery - the government making people in prison work, and some people say it about children, not foster children all children - but the kind of slavery you probably mean, the kind that was in the story, where people are born slaves and stay slaves their whole lives, was ended about a hundred and fifty years ago. There was a war over it." 

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“…Alfirin and I have no trouble make money and save money. A fifteen year old who is not idiota can live very good in America because America is rich. Maybe is true of child has ten years, they have a hard time making good money choices, but at fifteen? 

When you say no slaves America do you mean no one made to work for no pay and law bring them back if they run, or you mean it call different words.”

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"...I think that's something where different people would give you different answers. There are some people who are very against prisons, because if someone is convicted of a serious crime in court and goes to prison, the government does make them work and the law does go after them and bring them back if they run away. And children...have to go to school, or be taught at home, and aren't paid for that, and there are definitely some people who think that's - sort of like treating all children as slaves. I guess the government decided it was worth it, to try to make it so more children learn to read and stuff." 

Sigh. "The way you were living before isn't considered very good, in America. It's - obviously better than the standard of living in some other very poor countries, that's why people come here to work without papers, but the government wants children born here to do better than that. ...I guess the government also - gets something out of it, has selfish reasons to do it - because the economy is better– uh, the whole country is richer and makes more wealth - if more people have been to enough school to have good jobs." 

 

Evelyn absolutely feels like she's being graded by her tenth grade civics teacher and about to receive a failing grade on her end-of-term essay. Ugh. 

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So people who have broken the law are enslaved and the government insists on every person under 18 spending their time unpaid in 'school' but you can only be enslaved for a crime, and only made a 'foster child' if you are not 18. It's really very reasonable, except that America has an impossible number of laws. Though Evelyn says it's still the case that almost no one ever breaks them.

 

"I am happy to do a school learn the things for a good job, though I think when I am freed I will go home where I can be a holy warrior, which is a good job. America want to spend money send me to school even if I will not make America rich with my work?"

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She might change her mind about going back to...wherever she's even from (does she have the slightest idea how to get home? Evelyn supposes that is the sort of thing a kid might not be honest about with a social worker)...by the time she's eighteen, and knows a bit more about the space of her options. Evelyn doesn't say that. 

"Yeah. Some people who are born here and go to school their whole lives end up moving to other countries to work, and America doesn't stop them from leaving. It's - I guess the government can't know what any given kid will decide to do with their lives, and it's still better overall to try to send every kid to school." 

Iomedae seems...slightly less confused? Like something Evelyn just said finally made sense? Maybe it was the bit about the economy and why the US government even cares about the children of low-income parents having better futures. Evelyn...thinks that claim is more or less true, not that she's an expert on educational policy or anything. 

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"i think I do not believe school will be good at teaching me the things I need to be a holy warrior, but I understand America does not know about holy warriors, and it makes sense to make people learn a job if they are not holy warriors, so it would be hard for America to do good here. And I think it not true at all that a person who has fifteen years and is not a holy warrior no can make good choices on how to spend their time and money, but the people I work on farm with say all Americans very, uh, no strong no work hard no obey God, so maybe it is true Americans have fifteen years no can make good choices."

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Nod. "I do think you've - had to grow up faster than most children who were born in America do. I think - and a lot of people think - that can be bad for most people, and make it harder for them to have a happy life, if they have to focus on earning money and supporting themselves when they're that young. ...I honestly don't think that's true for you, specifically? But the government rules are what they are, and you're - very unusual. Most people aren't like you." 

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"I am a holy warrior. But if my brothers or sisters was here at fifteen years, they would still have save half the money they make and know how long to buy a car house and learn how to take care of car houses and learn Spanish and learn English. ....and they would lie to not get made a foster child, say they eighteen. I think that is what most fifteen year olds who are not childs do, so you do not meet them."

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Most kids in the US can't lie about their age because records exist for them, Evelyn doesn't say. Plausibly a lot of kids do successfully lie about their age, in places no one actually checks, and Evelyn does not, in fact, end up meeting them. (She's looked after a girl who, for complicated reasons, lied about her age to say she was younger than she was, but that's different.) 

Iomedae would just have been deported if she said she were over eighteen, Evelyn also doesn't say. It seems entirely possible that Iomedae would have preferred that. 

"...Yeah. It sounds like your parents did a good job of teaching you those things." I hope you see them again someday, she also doesn't say, because she doesn't know yet if she means it, and it won't help. 

 

 

...And back to the children's book on construction sites, for some more (non-fraught, not-a-surprise-civics-exam) English vocabulary? 

(It's now just past 3 pm, meaning that Lily's school bus will drop her off in half an hour. And Evelyn really wants to check her phone for a response from Emily on whether she wants to come over tonight and if so what time. Evelyn is going to excuse herself to go to the bathroom a couple of minutes later, both to retrieve her phone and to give Iomedae and Alfirin a couple of minutes' privacy to talk, if they wanted to do that.) 

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"...So we just need to wait three years, and not break any laws, and then we are free and can go home. Or places more like home than America."

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"Yes. Three years feels like a long time because I am impatient but it's not so bad, really. Many mistakes would have been much more costly than that. ...for you it might be more like five years, how old did you tell them you are?" She's carefully avoiding asking how old Alfirin actually is, because she isn't able to lie but she's allowed to be ignorant of things.

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"I do not know how old I am. I did not know how to count when I was a baby."

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"In Taldor when it is Aroden's ascension day, everyone is one year older, so we tell the babies, now you are one, and the one year olds, now you are two, and so on. I guess it makes sense they would not do that in all places. 


There are...fifty weeks in a year? So if Evelyn gives us ten dollars every week for mysterious Evelyn reasons then by the time we are freed we will have fifteen hundred dollars. I wonder if that's enough money for passage to Absalom or not. I suppose even if it's not it'll be easy to earn enough once we're free."

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"Maybe my spellbook has a spell to teleport and we won't need to pay passage."

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"That would be amazing." She's not clear on whether teleporters can take other people or not but Alfirin should look out for Alfirin, here. She's also not clear on anything else about teleporters; they're a thing out of legends. 

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Evelyn has received a text!

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Emily would be delighted to come by and meet some teenagers newly in foster care. Emily wants to know if she can bring her girlfriend along, or is that going to be an issue? Evelyn mentioned that the teenagers - or at least one of them - was very religious? So it sounds like it might be an issue? 

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UM. 

 

 

 

...Evelyn texts back to say that it's almost certainly not an issue (she...has a hard time imagining Iomedae's particular take on God objecting to same-sex relationships) and if it is she'll handle it. Emily's...girlfriend (who Evelyn has definitely not met)...is welcome to join them, if it seems like a good idea to Emily...? 

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Great! They'll be over by 4:30. Emily's girlfriend has a car and is driving. 

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...Okay. This is not even, objectively speaking, all that awkward. (She's going to get to meet Emily's partner!!! Which is honestly pretty exciting! Jeremy doesn't even bring any of his girlfriends home, or - ever mention them, actually.) 

 

Evelyn heads back downstairs. 

"Lily's going to be home from school soon. And - the foster child who used to live here, who I talked about before - Emily - she does want to come over and meet both of you." 

Pause. ...Ugh, do either of them know the word 'girlfriend'? Or 'partner'? Or 'dating', wow, almost certainly not. She's pretty sure Iomedae knows the word 'wife' but that's not even accurate, as far as she knows this is still, like, casual dating. Evelyn is absolutely not about to use the term 'lover' here, she would die of embarrassment. 

"- Emily has a romantic relationship with a girl and her girlfriend is coming over with her," she says, because the pause has gotten awkwardly long. "Did– tell me if those were words you don't know...?" 

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"I do not know romantic, or relationship." She knows girlfriend; it's obviously 'friend who is a girl', because English doesn't gender words like 'friend'.

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"...'Romantic relationship' means - someone who you like in the way where you might want to marry them," Evelyn says. "- Not that I know if Emily is interested in marrying her girlfriend, specifically, but - that sort of thing." This is the wooooooorst. "...I said yes, to Emily bringing her girlfriend too, because I like to meet all of my former foster children's friends and - people they like or love." 

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"...with magic?"

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What?

...No, actually, what??? Evelyn - is not entirely surprised that Iomedae thinks magic is real, given all of the...everything...but she has no idea what would make that seem like a reasonable response to her (honestly-really-embarrassing) attempt to convey the concept of Emily being lesbian? 

 

"No, they're going to drive here together in a car," she says, which she knows is a stupid response and almost certainly not answering Iomedae's actual question but. She doesn't know what Iomedae's actual question is

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" - magic so a girl can get another girl a child."

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Ohhhhhhhh. That makes...slightly more sense. 

"I - wow, I am not an expert on this," and she should probably not tell Iomedae to ask Emily, Emily plausibly does not want to be asked about this the moment she walks in the door. "I - think not everyone who gets married wants kids. But - I think sometimes two women who are married will - if they don't want to adopt a child who was born from other parents who can't take care of them - they would have a man give them his - sperm, seed,"

Evelyn is DYING OVER HERE,

"- and one of the women would be pregnant with the baby, and they would raise the baby together. ...I think scientists - very smart people who study things - are working on a way that two women can have a baby together the same way that a woman and a man would. But we're not there yet, and - none of it would be magic, it's just - science, like how flying a rocket to the moon is just science." 

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"Then I think magic maybe not the word for the thing I mean. It good if people fight everything and science new ways to have what they want. God says to do that."

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...Oh good that sounds like there is not going to be a problem. 

"- Yeah. I think that's right."

She should probably explain why this was even a conversation she had to have. It might come up for Iomedae later.

"- In America, a lot of people who worship God think that the Bible, the scripture, says that - that a man marrying a man, or a woman marrying a woman - is wrong, and means they would go to Hell. don't think that, and it sounds like you don't either, but - I think Emily was nervous, when I said you were a holy warrior, that you might - be angry with her about loving a woman. ....Does that make sense?" 

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"- the holy book say it is - I don't know the English - like killing a person not deserve killing, or like praying to Asmodeus, or like make your slave lie with you or send your baby to Limbo -"

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(...Evelyn is going to make a quiet mental note of "Asmodeus" as a proper noun, she - thinks this isn't the first time she's heard Iomedae mention it?) 

 

"- To be clear, don't think the holy book says that! People - kind of disagree a lot about what the holy book says. But - yeah, some people say it's like killing an innocent person or - bad things like that." 

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"The holy book I know not say that but if something maybe make you go to Hell you should not do it, and the president priests should ask God if it is bad or no."

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...Two women can have babies together? That's amazing.

"Can two mans make babies also?"

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....Well this is now even more awkward. Great. Evelyn continues to be spectacularly unqualified for...all of this. 

(The "president priests"? Iomedae is...possibly operating on the assumption that America is much more religious - or much more a, what's the word? a theocracy? - than is actually the case. Evelyn is watching the clock for Lily's bus dropoff time and does not have the energy to confront this head-on.

...on further thought she doesn't know if that means the President's - as in the president of America's - priests, or if Iomedae is grabbing for words she knows and trying to describe the Pope? ...The Pope is almost certainly against gay marriage. Evelyn hasn't, like, checked this recently, and doesn't really want to bring it up anyway.)

 

- oh good, Alfirin just asked a question. Evelyn had been worried about how quiet Alfirin has been, and is glad that she's comfortable asking questions. 

"- I think it's about the same for two men as for two women? Scientists are working on it, but right now they need a woman to - donate their, uh, eggs." That is almost certainly not going to make any sense to these poor kids who have no science education. "- The women's part of making a baby. You can take it out of a woman and - put it together with the sperm, and then - I think for two men, they do need a woman to - grow the baby in. It's called being a surrogate." 

Why is she having this conversation right now. It's so surreal and uncomfortable. 


Oh right Iomedae also had a question. "- I think nobody in America has - a way of asking God questions and getting answers that other people will take seriously?" Evelyn says, and there should really be a follow-on to that but she can't think of it yet.

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"...American womans is like birds?"

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Oh no this is the most awkward impromptu sex ed lesson that Evelyn has ever had to give, even aside from the part where she's juggling a separate and MORE awkward conversation with Iomedae about Biblical interpretation and homosexuality. Aaaaaaaaah.

"...I think American women are like women everywhere else?" she says to Alfirin. "The eggs are - inside, they don't have shells - they're tiny, you can't even see them, it's not really like birds' eggs at all but we use the same word. But doctors can take them out of a woman and grow them with a man's sperm in a -" they won't know the word for 'test tube', "- dish. That's very clean. And then put the - very very tiny baby - into a different woman, to grow into a baby."

Evelyn hates her life right now, and also it's already 3:12 and Lily will be home any minute and this is not an okay place to pause this– to pause either of these conversations. 

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"How many people doing this thing they maybe go to Hell for, not knowing if go to Hell for it or no? Because I can check - I can marry a woman, and see if God make me no a holy warrior.

But then I maybe go to Hell so I only should do it if lots of people not knowing and lots of people doing it even not knowing if you go to Hell for it or not, and if I could make them know. More than I could save being a holy warrior, because I do not think you can get God forgive a married, you are still doing the married."

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(Aaaaaaaahhhh???!!!) 

 

"I guess that's a way you could test it," Evelyn hears herself say. "I - really don't think it's a good idea, marrying someone is - serious - I don't know if God would count it is it were - for a," joke, prank, "- for a test." 

Also, what, does Iomedae think God would personally tell her if she wasn't meeting the Joan of Arc standard– this is a stupid line of thought -

"Anyway, in Nevada you have to be 18 to get married, so it's not a test you could run now." 

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"Everyone a child until eighteen years, no get married before eighteen years."

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"Marrying someone is very serious and God making me no a holy warrior is even more serious and going to Hell is even more serious than that! But also serious if happens to other people because no one here knows how to talk to God!"

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(Evelyn can't actually remember off the top of her head whether other states allow marriage before age 18 but she's definitely not going to mention that right now.) 

 

 

"- Iomedae, I know this is serious to you but - it's been serious for years and years, right, before you even got here? ....We can talk about it later. Lily is getting home really soon, and Emily will be over with her girlfriend in about an hour, and - I think you can ask Emily questions about God, if you want, though as far as I know she doesn't go to church, but I don't want you to upset her. And - nothing is any more urgent or an emergency than it was before you lived with me, right?" 

Evelyn isn't sure if Iomedae knows the important words here, but it feels like she has to try to say it. 

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"I am not going to do a plan where I maybe go to Hell when I haven't even read the English holy books yet. And - I can only check one thing, this way. Maybe there is a thing even more important to check."

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Evelyn is continuing to handle this disastrously, she's pretty sure.

(...Evelyn really wants a day at the spa, which is not usually a feeling that comes up in the middle of a conversation with a foster child, but - maybe it makes sense, here. She's so tired of being on edge and walking on eggshells and feeling like she has to get every word right because she's failing Iomedae - and Alfirin, and actually she maybe feels more like she's failing Alfirin due to continually slightly forgetting she exists and focusing on Iomedae because Iomedae is more talkative -) 

...She should focus. 

 

"Yeah, I agree," Evelyn says. "I think - for most of the questions you have, learning English and reading more books is important, yeah?" 

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"Yes."

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"Yes." Actually, the most important thing to look up is why no one can just send petitions to Aroden's priesthood in Taldor. If it's possible to travel it'd be worth doing for the word of God.

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Evelyn is, again, pretty sure that there is some kind of - not miscommunication, exactly - something that Alfirin and Iomedae agree on, that Evelyn doesn't entirely follow and that is probably complicatedly wrong. 

Ugh. 

 

...And that's the sound of a school bus pulling up, which is a great excuse to flee this conversation and go hug Lily after her day at school. 

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Lily's hair is messy in the way that means she probably had at least one meltdown at school today. The teacher must have handled it, since Evelyn didn't get a call or notice any missed calls. 

 

...Lily only wants a very brief hug from Mummy, and then she wants to run through and make sure Iomedae is still here and have a proper hug from her big sister. 

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Iomedae will hug her. "How school, Lily?"

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...Lily doesn't really want to talk about school. She wants to drag Iomedae over to the living room and play with Barbies. Who will have a family argument. 

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Evelyn isn't going to step in and interfere with this, but - does Alfirin seem to be doing okay? (Under more normal circumstances, this might seem like a good moment to have a private conversation with Alfirin, but Evelyn is pretty unclear on how much ability to communicate they have when Iomedae isn't right there translating.)

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Alfirin is about as okay as she's been since she arrived. She's quiet, but she's usually pretty quiet. She's studying Evelyn to see if the conversation is over and she should go back to the English worksheets.

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This particular conversation is over! Evelyn will smile reassuringly at Alfirin and try to indicate that it's fine for her to go back to her worksheets. 

(It's much harder to get a read on Alfirin than it was with Iomedae, who is - well, outspoken and makes her opinions known to the point that Evelyn keeps finding herself too exhausted to keep being emotionally available, and/or keep having the conversation at all. Though, you know, overall Evelyn feels like maybe that pattern is not one that results in her getting to know Iomedae the way she should.)

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Alfirin will smile back and go back to her worksheets. Speaking English is still kind of tiring and she wants a break from it before she has to meet a new person and speak English more.

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Grandpa not-even-a-real-Barbie is currently buried under a pile of books on the shelf, because Mummy made Lily take him out of the Lego duffel bag since he's not technically a Lego.

(Lily was fine with that. He doesn't DESERVE to be a Lego. Lego is GOOD and God likes Lego and Lily thinks - hopes - that God does not like Grandpa.) 

 

....Lily is going to dig him out from under the books, and shove a jointed artist's-model wooden doll with Sharpie all over it at Iomedae. "G'apa bad! Y - G'd - FI'hm?" 

 

*"Grandpa is bad! You or God fight him?"

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"Well, depend what kind of bad he is. If he a bad person in this world, Iomedae fight him. If he a bad god, God fight him."

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That's a surprisingly upsetting question. Lily starts crying and gloms herself onto Iomedae. 

 

"NO'a god," she manages. 

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Pat pat. "Fighting bad people is for holy warriors like me."

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"....'kay." Snuggle hug. 

 

Even though Lily is very upset, right now, she's thinking that - probably her big sister needs to know where to go, to fight Grandpa? She will try to say the address very clearly even though talking is so hard. 

"He'iv'at - a - 'ive too s'vn a - a C-r-a....a'c'ampton s'eet."

 

*He lives at 527 Crampton Street.

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....Since Alfirin seems to be fine right now with her worksheets, Evelyn is going to wander her way over to the living room and make sure Iomedae and Lily are okay? 

(Mental note, she should keep track of how long Iomedae plays with Lily and remember to pay her for babysitting...and also, like, remember to have a conversation later about when she should expect to be babysitting and get paid for it...)

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Iomedae didn't quite catch Lily's attempt to give an address mostly because she is unfamiliar with the entire concept of addresses. "You want me to go find him?"

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....Yes, but also no, because Grandpa is scarybadawful and Iomedae is her big sister and maybe it's - bad - to ask her big sister to go fight someone scarybadawful??? 

Words are hard and Lily is - going to nod her head a few times and then curl up in a ball and cling to Iomedae. 

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...Evelyn is pretty sure she just missed something here and it might have been important, but - well, she's not the person who either of these kids trusts, is she. (It doesn't even hurt, particularly, that Lily might have trusted Iomedae with - whatever it is - before she was comfortable bringing it to Evelyn. Evelyn is really used to that dynamic. Big sisters are safer than mommies, in a lot of ways.)

She'll just...stand here by the wall, making it clear that she's watching but also keeping her expression neutral and not acting like any of this is a big deal. 

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"I will see if I can do that." Hug. "You no need to be scared for me. I a holy warrior."

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Lily thinks that maybe she didn't say where Grandpa lives clearly enough and...she can write it down later? She's getting better at writing things, with school. She's still not very good but it's easier than talking, you can just do it really slowly, and she - thinks - probably - she knows how to write the whole address... 

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- also it would be bad if Mummy worried about her, because maybe Mummy would make her big sister NOT go fight. 

 

It takes so much effort, but Lily lets go of Iomedae, and goes over to Mummy and smiles and hugs her. 

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....Hug. 

(Evelyn has...some concerns...but it's not like that's new, either for Lily or for Iomedae, and it seems like spectacularly bad timing to push either of them to answer questions about whatever just happened.)

 

- she will gently nudge Lily in the direction of the kitchen, and grab her a Dr Seuss book that they can work on reading together while Alfirin does her worksheets.

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Lily will try UNUSUALLY HARD at reading Dr Seuss out loud. 

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She'll wait for an opportunity to take Evelyn aside. 

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Evelyn was not really expecting that, specifically, but she's both paying a lot of attention to Iomedae and Alfirin, and also looking for an excuse to leave this room for thirty seconds, and - yeah, okay, Iomedae looks like she wants an opportunity to talk to her privately - maybe? - and so Evelyn will make that happen

Lily wants Oreos for a snack, and maybe usually Evelyn would argue for something healthier or point out that it's too close to dinner, but right now she's delighted to give Lily a glass of milk and five Oreos on a plastic plate and then stroke Lily's hair and say she needs to go to the bathroom, and wander kind of slowly toward the stairs, glancing back to try to catch Iomedae's eye. 

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"Do we know if Lily grandfather demon?"

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...Okay what. 

 

 

"I - doubt he's literally a demon, I," don't think that's a real thing, "think that's not - why most people do bad things. ....Did Lily tell you anything about what her grandfather did?"

...She will perhaps not bring up anything about what sort of evidence would be useful to the police for a prosecution.   

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"No. She ask I fight him. I think she try to tell me how to find him but I no understand. I can tell by looking if he a demon. If you no have holy warriors maybe it hard to check."

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What are you even supposed to SAY to that. Lily's grandfather's address is presumably on file, and Evelyn does not even SLIGHTLY want Iomedae to know it and, what, turn up on the man's doorstep to demand that God personally tell her if he's a demon??? And then, when presumably God does not provide a divine revelation of demonhood, she can absolutely imagine Iomedae instead having an indignant confrontation. Hopefully without weapons involved. Just picturing the scenario is mortifying. 

"We...don't have a way to check if people are demons, but I think he's - just a person, who did some bad things. If Lily ever does bring up, uh, why she wants you to fight him, that would be useful to know, because we can tell the police and they can make sure he can't hurt anyone else." 

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The police are absolutely not going to go after a respected adult on the word of a cursed seven year old who cannot talk comprehensibly.

"If Lily ask me do that, I do that."

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"If she does tell you something we can report, I'll talk to her first and explain everything that's going to happen." Iomedae looks extremely dubious at the concept that involving the law would accomplish anything, and Evelyn isn't sure if pushing back on that is helpful, especially since...well, it's entirely possible that nothing would come of it, if all they have to go on is Lily's disclosures and no physical evidence is turned up. 

She takes a deep breath. "...Thank you for looking out for her. She - it means a lot to me, that you're - someone Lily knows she can trust, and talk to, when she's still too afraid to talk to me." 

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"I think she not scared of you, but you no holy warrior. For some things, need a holy warrior. If he is a demon I am the only one who will be able to see."

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The world would be a lot simpler, Evelyn finds herself thinking, if it were the way Iomedae sees it. A world where the worst evils come from literal demons, that God can point out for His holy warriors to defeat. She's...not sure she's actually looking forward to Iomedae learning just how many of the world's problems really cannot be confronted with a holy sword. 

None of that is something she can say, so she just ducks her head and goes off to make Lily an after-school snack. Lily is excited to meet the "big BIG girl" coming to visit, but maybe after they've exchanged greetings - and she's confirmed that Iomedae and Alfirin are going to be tactful about Emily's sexuality, and Emily seems comfortable supervising them - she can convince Lily to come to the park with her, and give the girls some privacy to talk.

(She's relieved that they cleared up the misunderstanding where Iomedae thought the two of them had been sold into slavery, and Emily won't have to be the one to confront that, but if anything, they might actually get more out of a conversation with a former foster child who had a long list of grievances with the system.) 

 

They can have cheese and crackers and juice at the table. 

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Lily evinces curiosity about Alfirin's English worksheet and wants one too! 

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Awwww. Evelyn is pleased that Lily wants to participate and will print her off her own copy and get her the special pencil that has a rubber thing on it to make it easier for her to grip. (Lily's fine motor skills are behind for her age.) 

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Unlike Alfirin, she knows all the words on the sheet, but copying the letters out takes her much longer. 

(Lily has a SCHEME here. When Mummy isn't looking, she's going to very very carefully draw a house at the bottom of the page and write her old address and then try to sneakily show Iomedae.) 

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Iomedae cannot read English yet. She cannot even reliably figure out all the letters and only knows the numbers that are on bills.

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Well, she's making rapid progress, and they'll keep working on it every day! 

 

(Evelyn entirely misses Lily's ulterior motive. She thinks it's very cute and sweet that Lily wants to show off her progress to her "big sister".) 

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And at 4:30, an old and slightly dented blue pickup truck pulls up and parks on the street beside Evelyn's house, and two young women get out and head up to ring the doorbell, which turns out to be unnecessary because Evelyn heard the car stop and was already on her way to the door.

Emily has her straight dark brown hair cropped to chin-length and tucked behind her ears. She's wearing cream-colored capri pants and a button-down plaid shirt over a white tank top, and carrying a sturdy backpack. She smiles at Evelyn. "Hey! Long time. Claudette, this is Evelyn, I lived with her back when I was a horrible little brat. - Don't make that face, I was." 

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The girl with her is a head taller, her wavy light brown hair cut even shorter, and is wearing chunky boots and bell-bottom overalls over a striped turtleneck. She manages to make the ensemble look like she's about to step out for a runway model photoshoot. 

"Lovely to meet you," she says, with a hint of a French accent. 

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"Delighted to meet you. Please come on in! The girls are in the kitchen." 

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Emily nudges her girlfriend. "It's a shoes-off house. - you've got a full house and it's all girls again?" she says to Evelyn. "Hope you got a tomboy who likes space and football. Or did you actually get around to redecorating the rooms?" She shares an eye-roll with Claudette. "Evelyn made a pink room and a blue room so she'd always be prepared for either a girl or a boy, and then she's constantly had all boys or all girls at once."  

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"Don't plenty of girls like space? Space is very cool." 

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Awww they're cute together. "As it happens, the older girls love space. They just learned about the Moon landing." And immediately had a surreal conversation about using lunar modules to invade Hell. Evelyn doesn't try to explain that; it's probably going to come up organically soon enough. 

She leads the girls over to the kitchen. "This is Iomedae and Alfirin and Lily. Girls, this is Emily who used to live with me, and her girlfriend Claudette. Can I get you two anything? Juice, tea?" 

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Emily is already making herself at home. She waves at the new foster kids and then goes to make herself a coffee. The nice thing about being an adult is that now it would be rude for Evelyn to comment on how coffee will keep her up. 

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"I do not see why she does not have girls share the girl room and boys share the boy room, then she could have as many girl and as many boy as she want. This house so few child."

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"You'd think so, right! It's probably a rule, CPS has a ton of opinions on what constitutes acceptable parenting and it's only sort of related to, like, what kids actually want." 

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Funny, how it used to bother her when Emily lived here and said things like that, but right now it's if anything refreshing. "It's a fostering agency rule, not a state-wide rule - I know other agencies that do try to pack kids in more, especially for teenagers. With my agency, siblings are allowed to share sometimes, but I'm actually only approved to have three children." Smile at Iomedae. "Most kids who stay here are a lot more work to look after than you and Alfirin, I really would struggle if I had five or six." 

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"It make sense kids more work to look after than adults the state make pretend to be kids."

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Snicker. "I see someone has some complaints about the system." Emily brings her coffee over to the table and grins at Iomedae. "Sucks, doesn't it. Claudette got to move out when she was sixteen. She's from Canada, though." 

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"I think the difference is not Canada and is just that my parents didn't make a fuss," Claudette says, hopping up to sit on the counter rather than joining them at the table. 

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"I think people's actual parents usually make less of a fuss than the state pretending to be their parents," Emily says dryly. 

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Evelyn definitely has some sort of opinion about this, but this is neither the time nor the place to insert her opinions. She just smiles pleasantly. 

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"My parents know I am grown! They would be happy if I visit but they know it not the will of God they order me stay.

...I know that three years is a short time to God and that I should be grateful America ever let me go free. And that obedience is a simple virtue if the laws good and a hard virtue if the laws bad but still a virtue."

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"Canada is country? Canada like America or like Mexico?"

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"Thaaaaaat sounds like taking the virtue of gratitude way the fuck too far," Emily says, with feeling. "Obeying unjust laws isn't a virtue, it's the reason things never change." 

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"Language," Evelyn says mildly, and - leaves the rest of that alone. "- Yes, Canada is a country. It's north of America." 

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"If you not obey laws unless they are good laws, then you will die. I guess in America you will only be put in a box. I do not want to die or be put in a box. And holy warriors must obey the laws or no President would allow holy warriors to do the work of God."

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"Civil disobedience is the only way the unjust laws will ever get changed," Emily says. "Though fair enough if you'd rather the government not pay too much attention to you. - no offense, but I really doubt the President is in favor of holy warriors, that's like half the reason we went to war with Afghanistan." 

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"What is 'civil disobedience' and how it change law?"

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Evelyn hides a wince. This conversation is...probably a good idea, still, and it's shaping up to be fascinating...but it's also rapidly veering away from appropriate-for-Lily territory. 

"Lily, love, why don't we let the big girls have some time to hang out by themselves?" she suggests. "We can go to the park and play. Emily, we'll be back in an hour or two for dinner, is that okay?" 

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Lily sort of feels like she's being gotten out of the way, and doesn't like it, but the park is a very tempting bribe. She nods, and hugs Iomedae tightly before putting her hand in Evelyn's and accompanying her to the front door. 

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Wow, Evelyn is giving her a lot of leeway here. Emily is surprised, and slightly confused, and abruptly has several questions. Though she should answer Alfirin's first. ...In simpler words than she would normally use, Evelyn also hadn't mentioned that the two girls were still learning English. 

"Civil disobedience just means, like, publically refusing to follow a law because it's unfair. Usually in a way that isn't violent and doesn't hurt anyone - that's the best way to do it - but gets publicity, as in, it's covered in the news and lots of people hear about it and see how unfair the law is and get angry. And if enough people are angry, the government usually changes the law. So, like, black people - people with darker skin - used to be slaves a really long time ago, right? And people who thought slavery was wrong would help them escape to Canada, where they would be free, even though helping slaves escape was against the law then. And a lot of people argued that the US should stop having slavery too, and eventually that law was changed. ...And then even more recently, like, fifty years ago, black people were still treated really badly and not allowed to do lots of things, like, they weren't allowed to sit in the good seats on buses and had to sit at the back far away from the white people. There was a black woman called Rosa Parks who refused to sit in the back where she was supposed to, and got arrested, and that made a lot of people really mad, so they boycotted the bus company and refused to ride the buses, and took the state to court, and eventually the court decided that segregation was against the Constitution of the US and they changed the law, and now black people can sit wherever they like and go to restaurants and stuff, and it's against the law for a bus driver or store owner to treat them differently because of the color of their skin." 

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"So you - break the law, and die of it or get put in box of it, but that cause everyone angry and President change law? ... is okay with God to do that. God do that Himself.

 

...the President no like holy warriors? America go war Afghanistan because there holy warriors there and they want kill them?"

 

 

 

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"I mean, it's sort of complicated, but - yeah, I think the whole concept is sort of tainted now from, like, Islamic jihad stuff. Sorry, 'jihad' is a word that means, like, a holy war. Most Muslims are perfectly lovely, but there's this, like, extremist sect that thinks Western - American - culture is corrupt and evil, I guess, and they do terrorism - they hijacked a plane and crashed it into some towers in one of the biggest cities in America. I don't really know what it was meant to accomplish, it's - civil disobedience is one thing, but killing huge numbers of people to make a point...isn't that. Anyway, if someone says they're a holy warrior, it kind of makes me think of...that. And probably the President feels the same way." 

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Iomedae is starting to notice a pattern where everything she observes about America from anyone other than Evelyn is extremely worrying and then Evelyn always has a reassuring explanation about how it is actually a very good and humane and just system where everyone is treated fairly.

 

"Well. I would be happy to leave if you do not want holy warriors in America but the President will not let me do that."

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"...Yeah. Sucks. I mean, the President personally doesn't care, but CPS sure has a lot of opinions about kids. ...Where are you from, originally? I'm guessing not America." 

She's desperately curious to know how on earth Iomedae ended up in foster care in the first place, but that's just not a question you ask. One of the unspoken rules of being in foster care is that the other kids' dark backstories are none of your fucking business unless they want to talk about it. 

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"I am guessing not not Canada either," Claudette says dryly. "I've never heard your accent before." 

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"Taldor. I not want say much about it because now I worry America will go to war with it because we have holy warriors."

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She's never heard of it and she does have a solid world geography background - maybe it's a city and not a country, or maybe it's the name for it in Iomedae's native language and not English.

"That is unfortunately something America has a habit of doing sometimes." Emily ducks her head. "Though, like, telling Evelyn about it isn't going to cause a war, she'd have to pass it on to the social worker but CPS has nothing to do with foreign policy and I don't think those departments talk to each other at all. ...Foreign policy is how America works with other countries. Or doesn't work with them, as the case may be. Anyway, the President is way too busy to hear about random kids in foster care."

Shrug. "Evelyn probably keeps saying it's safe to tell her anything, she was relentless about that with me. That's - not really true - she can't keep secrets for you, she has to tell the social worker, and - it's hard to tell what things she's going to freak out about, or at least it was for me and I bet it's not easier for you. But - she wouldn't start a war with your country over it even if she could, which I'm pretty sure she can't because the government does not start wars on the advice of random foster parents." 

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"I think that if someone start learning about Taldor that end with a war maybe. Maybe not. But I do not want chances. Evelyn did not say that anything I say her, she say to social worker. Maybe she did and I didn't understand the words."

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"...Wow. I hope she told you, I'm actually pretty mad if she decided not to, but - yeah, there's a lot of stuff to adjust to, she might've said it once and forgotten to follow up. I think it's not everything she has to report, like, legally speaking she only absolutely has to report things if it's something serious and you or someone else is in danger, but yeah, you should assume that most things will end up in an email to the social worker. And she's really reluctant to promise not to report something, even if you ask in advance. Which - I see why it works that way, I guess, but it's obnoxious and I don't feel like Evelyn ever really got why it was obnoxious." 

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"I would be mad if I had not thinked she would tell the social worker things, but I did think this, and did not trust her, so I am not mad. I think she is trying to be honorable but she is trying to be an honorable owner of slaves, and everyone knows this a hard thing to be."

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Snort. "Yeah. And - I mean, she doesn't see it that way, she's - I guess you couldn't do her job if you thought of it mainly as forcing kids to stay with you against their will, and not, just, like, parenting them the way they deserve, even if what she thinks is healthy for you isn't always what you want. She's going to be incredibly irritating about what's healthy for you. She - can be pretty out of touch, sometimes, but she - the one thing I respect most about her is that she never expects you to be grateful, you know? She tries really hard, but she gets that being in foster care sucks ass, and it makes her sad when kids don't trust her but she won't take it out on you. ...Also she's really, really hard to rile. Seriously. You would not believe the shit I pulled on her when I was twelve." 

Shrug. "Doesn't make it - not being in foster care - but there are worse foster parents out there, trust me." 

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"Yes, it seem very very clear there would be. - we will not be sold to them?"

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"- What? No! It's - look, it's kind of like being a slave in a lot of ways that Evelyn will literally never get, but not in the sense where Evelyn would be allowed to sell a foster kid. She does get some money for it - I used to pull that out in every argument, that she was only in it for the money - but I think that part really isn't true of her. She just likes kids. Even when they're horrible to her, which is the weird part." 

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"It make sense to me, if people will be slaves, to try to have them and treat them better anyone else would. It is not - me personally, I want to fight Hell, I do not like doing honorable things that not help at all with that. But if I was a different sort of person, I see it. 

I no a kid, but Evelyn no understand this."

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Blink blink. 

"- Yeah, one of the ways Evelyn is annoying is that she's got it absolutely set in stone in her brain that anyone under eighteen is a kid and it's," air quotes, "developmentally unhealthy or something for them to have to be self-sufficient. She talks about 'growing up too fast' like it's this awful thing that fucks you up for life, which - well, it's not that there's no truth to that, but it's missing a lot? I don't think I ever felt really okay until I was paying my own bills." 

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Is nobody going to even acknowledge the part about fighting Hell. What the fuck. This is, to be fair, a way less offensive way for the topic of Hell to come up than the usual way people mention it, but it still kind of has Claudette's hackles raised. 

"...What do you mean, fight Hell?" 

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"Go to Hell with lots of swords, or things I no have English for that do the thing of swords, make Hell stop hurting people." She says this like it is the most obvious thing in the world. "I do not know 'developmentally' or 'appropriate' but I think not my honor nor my skills nor my happiness served well by being a slave."

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"Hell is very bad," Alfirin adds helpfully. "Hurt people all day forever. Also Tanar* bad, hurt people all day forever. Fight Tanar too."

 

*The Abyss

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Well. This sure is a conversation that's happening. 

"You know, you're the first very religious person I have ever met whose reaction to Hell is even slightly valid," Claudette says dryly. "- This is going to be weird and awkward either way, so I'm going to get the awkwardness out of the way all at once and admit that I'm an atheist and I don't think Hell exists."

What on earth is the other bad thing they want to fight, she doesn't know that word. Is it a place? A person? What religion are these kids. 

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"I don't know 'atheists' and maybe I not understanding 'exists'. Hell and Abyss where bad people go when die. And Abaddon, also Abaddon."

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Yeah, sometimes you just have to get all the awkwardness out of the way upfront, and it's not going to make the conversation any less weird but at least they'll all agree on what conversation they think they're having. Claudette is very allergic to the sort of conversation where you nod and smile and bite your tongue while crazy religious people say crazy religion things. 

"That's controversial - not something everyone agrees on. Most scientists and educated people now don't believe that there's a God at all, or that people have souls that go anywhere when they die." 

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"I don't know 'scientists' or 'educated' but there are definitely God. And people have souls, and go to judge when they die. Or to Limbo if too small for judgment. Priests heal me and many people I know of things they would die of. If you no have a priest near, having a baby, you may bleed dead before the priest comes, but if you have a priest you safe. If you have lots of money priests can cure sickness. If you have the money of a president priests raise the dead. My uncle was a holy warrior and have a spirit of Heaven serve him and guide him in fight Tar-Baphon, and he talk many people many places, and all of them know the gods. And when I got my holy warrior powers, the priest can see it, and tell my parents, yes, she a holy warrior now."

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That got weirder faster than Claudette expected!!!!! 

 

"I, uh. Excuse me. You're saying you have holy warrior powers? Superhero powers?"

What the fuck. Is this girl schizophrenic or something. She doesn't seem schizophrenic but she sure did just say that priests can raise the dead if you pay them enough money. What the actual fuck. 

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"I have same powers as all new holy warriors. To see evils at twenty paces distance and know how evil they are, and to call on God to kill them better. And others can see with a priest - blessing one - that I a holy warrior. In Taldor, this means they know can trust me, because holy warriors lose powers if we do evil, or lie, or disobey a thing we should be obeying. Here, the people who grow food say, oh, what a good thing for God to do, makes sense, I hope you get stronger. And the people who own land say, no holy warriors. I no know what to think of that.

Evelyn believe me? Or pretending?"

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"...Man, I don't know." Glance at Emily. "Is she Christian?" 

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"I think so? But, like, Hallmark Christmas special style Christian, not the kind where people call on the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues." Why smile at Iomedae. "I'm sure she believes that you're - honestly describing how you feel - and that you want to serve God in the world and it's really important to you. I dunno if she believes that you have, like, actual supernatural powers. Most of the people who go around claiming to have powers are pretty scammy."

Shrug. "Seems normal to me that the - farm workers? - were more religious. I think that's nearly always true, the people who've done the most school are usually less religious." Which to Emily feels like significant evidence that the whole God thing is made-up, but that's pretty awkward to say out loud to the very religious teenager who may or may not be delusional. 

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Claudette is very against the concept of not saying things because they might be awkward. "Well, think that is because God doesn't exist and the more science you know, the more obvious that is." 

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"Is science same as polymaths?"

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"Scientists -  look in mirror see the afterlives? If all the scientists think there no gods, that would be reason to think there no gods, but ...God was a great scientist, if that is what scientist is, and God tell us about Hell and Abaddon and Abyss. ...and God raise island out of the sea. The island is on your maps. So I think God exist."

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And they say Canadians are unnaturally polite. Claudette is, like, the anti-Canadian stereotype. Emily is very fond of her. 

....Who even uses the word 'polymaths'. How does this kid who barely speaks English know it.

"A polymath means someone who's learned a lot of everything. Science is a specific area you can learn about, it's like - why do things fall downward, what's the sun made of, where do plants and animals come from.I have literally never heard of scientists looking in a mirror to see the afterlives. Or - wait, what island?"

That doesn't even match any mythology she's heard of. 'Jesus was a great scientist' is a pretty cool take, as weird cult takes go, but Emily is pretty sure it's not true

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"Are you sure you're not from some kind of alternate universe? Religious people make lots of claims that nobody can prove and that I think are false, but not those ones." 

Claudette isn't really being serious but she's very baffled right now. Emily warned her that foster kids can be weird but she was expecting differently weird. 

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"What is alternate universe? Great scientists can go alternate universe?"

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Nervous laugh. "I was joking. It means, like, a different world - not just a different planet far away, more different than that. It's something from stories, though, it's not real." 

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"In science fiction stories, sometimes the great scientists can go between universes, but that might honestly be a weirder explanation than it turning out that God exists after all." 

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"People who say no gods, they say priests do healing some other way? Or they say 'this America, priests no do healing' and not know in other places priests do healing?"

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"I guess some churches claim that God does miraculous healing? People claim all sorts of things, I think that's one where, like, scientists have tried to test it and there's never been any convincing proof that it's real. ...I know there used to be way more claims of miracles, before science was as good, and now that we can actually get things on video camera and stuff, poof, no more miracles that you can see and couldn't be faked or - people thinking it worked because they expected it to, it turns out fake medicine sort of works if people think it's real medicine and believe it'll help. And it can't just be that it's only in other countries, video cameras and radio are basically everywhere now, we'd have heard." 

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"Scientists cannot do miraculous healing. Everybody know that. Priests can, and... plant-priests. I seed them do it both."

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"Everybody know that," she agrees. "Priests and I did not know plant-priests but no is confusing learn that. We only talk with plant-priests for the crops."

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What the actual heck is a plant priest??? 

"I mean, I don't think the test was having scientists try to miraculously heal people, I think they asked priests who had been telling people they could do healing, and had them try to heal a lot of people, and then maybe had some people come in thinking they were seeing a priest who would heal them but it was actually a scientist in disguise pretending, and then they compared how many of them got better. A lot of things get better on their own, so you might think it was miraculous if you don't have a group of people where it definitely wasn't miraculous to compare to." 

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"I think it is not something everyone knows, actually," Claudette says dryly. "Since neither of us know it." 

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"Everyone in Undarin know. In America everyone not know."

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"I have been miraculous healed. No is thing you can be confused if it happen or not. If one day the priest do a pretend miraculous heal, everyone very angry with him. ...probably throw rocks at him until he die."

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"...Well, in that case I think I'm mostly just really confused. I feel like if miraculous healing was a real thing it'd be - a really big deal? Even if it was only in one country. There would be documentaries and stuff." 

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"Maybe no one has goed to Taldor, because it is so far. Maybe the government is killing people who say miraculous healing is real, and killing all the priests and holy warriors."

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"The US government is definitely not killing all the priests! We have tons of priests who claim all sorts of things, the government doesn't even arrest you for saying things that aren't true unless you're, like, telling people to make their children drink bleach to cure their autism, and even then it is harder than you would think to stop people from giving horrible wrong medical advice on the Internet." Snort. "I'm the last person who would claim the US government isn't, like, kind of evil, but it's not that kind of evil." 

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"You can travel anywhere in the world, it definitely isn't that no one has been to Taldor. I guess unless Taldor is an uncontacted jungle tribe but you don't really seem like someone from an uncontacted jungle tribe and also I don't think they would be Christian." 

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"Well then maybe Taldor is farer than that. I do not know. But I know that priest heal me, hundreds times, and that only poor person have baby with no priest, because they may bleed and die before the priest get there. You could say, sure, priests healing people, but they lying that God give them power to do it and I would say, I no know enough to argue that. But I know priests heal people."

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"If priests had a way to heal people that didn't involve God and was just - magic, or whatever - that really seems like it'd be just as big a deal! Maybe a bigger deal, since they could teach it to people who aren't religious, and it'd have all sorts of implications about the laws of physics and stuff." 

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"I think I would have very mixed feelings if it turns out God is real and priests can miraculously heal people. I don't think I would get along with God." 

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"- no, God is good, you would get along with God. God would say, you think you be a better God than me, come and try it, I left a way, and you not even have to get nailed to a cross to do it."

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"....God did what now? I haven't heard that one before." 

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" - that is why He raise island out of the sea. It is where the 'Starstone' is. You can grow very strong and then use it to become a God like God. Cayden Cailean has doed this, and Norgorber. Those only ones I hear of. - you hear of more?" she asks Alfirin.

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"I not hear more. I not even hear Cayden Cailean and Norgorber."

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"God say, it is the ...the job and the future of men grow past their fathers and then past their gods."

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"...Are you sure you are a Christian and not - something else?" Claudette says. "Not that I disapprove, whatever you are sounds much cooler, but I think at some point it's just confusing to call yourself Christian and believe completely different things from normal Christians." 

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Wow. Okay. That's taking things a teeny bit far, but Claudette sure did actually just say that with her actual mouth. 

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“God a man once ten hundred and ten hundred and ten hundred years ago, turn a god to fix world, fight Hell, build city in city-Heaven now? There two gods doing that?”

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Glance over at Emily. "Not that I have heard of, specifically, but if you're from a place far enough I never heard of it, then I wouldn't expect to have. - Emily, you took world religion, are there other gods that were supposed to have spent time as humans?" 

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"Ugh, I don't know. Not ones that fought Hell, I don't think? And the island that makes people gods isn't ringing any bells either, and I have no idea what 'city-Heaven' is. ...How many years ago are you saying Jesus was born as a human? Christians think it was two thousand years ago - ten hundred and ten hundred, but not three ten hundreds." 

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"In Taldor they count from when God went to Heaven to be a god and they say that three ten hundreds and seven more hundreds and eight more tens years. I not know when God born as human. Before Azlant die. 

 

It could be that two gods do this. It could also be that in America you confused about God. ...could also be that in Taldor confused about God, but in Taldor the priests can ask God things, and God says the answer, so I think America priests confused make more sense than Taldor priests confused. 

City Heaven just - there Heaven where city and you not have to be good, and Heaven where army and you do have to be good. And God in city Heaven. Is how I learned it."

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"...Huh. Well, I don't know enough about theology to debate the bit about Heaven, for all I know that's a totally normal interpretation, but the number of years is definitely wrong. We count years from when Jesus is supposed to have been born, and that was a bit over two thousand - two ten hundreds - years ago. Man, what was even happening in like 1700 BC. I'm not an ancient history person." 

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"I think they were sort of guessing about when Jesus was born. But it might be off by ten years, not thousands. - Who was Azlant? It sort of sounds like Aslan from Narnia but I thought Aslan was supposed to be a metaphor for Jesus, not a different person. And anyway Narnia is fiction about another world." 

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"Azlant place destroy by sky rock long ago, when God alive but before he a god. Jeremy says maybe is call Atlantis in America. I maybe know some things not true but also pretty sure you know some things not true."

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"- Yeah, okay, that somehow got even weirder. I mean, that's metal as fuck, your take on God sounds way cooler than Jesus, but - weird. ...Atlantis supposedly existed a really long time ago, like ten ten hundred years ago, and yeah it's supposed to have been destroyed and sunk under the ocean. Maybe as punishment from the gods for trying to be too cool? Most gods in mythology are not fans of humanity trying to grow past them. Also most scientists don't think really existed, it's mythology. But it's, like, different mythology from the story of Jesus." 

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"I think the stories about Jesus aren't true, that was my entire point! ...I mean, I think historians think there was a person called Jesus who started a religion, just not that he was really the son of God or really came back to life. But if you go around saying you're a Christian, people are going to think you mean the American kind of Christian, and not the cooler thing. Which none of us have ever heard of before." 

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"I no think I have been going around saying I a Christian. I have been going around saying I a holy warrior of God. Azlant sink like ten ten hundred years ago yes. Not as punishment from the gods for trying to be too cool, was a war with water people. The gods Acavna and Amaznen tried to help save us and died trying."

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"Yes, well, if you go around in America saying you worship God, I suppose you are technically not saying you mean the Christian god, but people will assume that - if you were Muslim you would say Allah - and they are not going to assume you mean a completely different religion where God was a human from Atlantis who left behind some kind of magical artifact that can make other people gods too, and some people already used it. Because that isn't Christianity. I don't know what it is but it's something else." 

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This was absolutely not the conversation Emily was expecting to have and she sort of wishes Evelyn had warned her, except for how she has no idea what the warning would even have been

"Also they won't assume you have magic powers," she says dryly. "I'm - really confused about that, actually. And the miraculous healing. I'm not going to be a dick and say you must have imagined it because that's impossible, but I'm really confused." 

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"I had noticed no one here knows what a holy warrior is. It is one of the things I do not like about America. In Taldor I would not be made a slave because the church would be very angry at anyone made a holy warrior a slave. Holy warriors do not make good slaves. And my word people would believe because God make me no a holy warrior if I ever lie. When I take Martin to the church, I think that they will know my word is good. I not have done it if I had knowed America more and knowed they no believe me and make me a slave."

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Ugh, right, the main reason for this entire conversation is that Iomedae (and Alfirin, one assumes?) need someone to talk to who gets the general suckitude of the foster care system. Which is fine, but it feels kind of impossible to combine that conversation with the one where they're suddenly arguing with Iomedae about her bizarre religious beliefs. 

 

 

...She...doesn't talk about it the way people normally talk about religion? Emily is having trouble putting her finger on the difference but it's there, and it's not just the part where she keeps insisting that God is obviously in favor of other people trying to be better gods than Him, like that is a totally normally thing to say and not completely batshit. Repeatedly telling Iomedae that everything she believes is batshit is probably not going to help. 

"- Who's Martin?" she says, because that's a reasonable response that isn't calling Iomedae delusional, and it sounds like it might be related to how Iomedae ended up in foster care, which Emily is at this point desperately curious about. 

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"When I was working on a farm near here, I live with other workers. It was good work, good money, no problems. I had saved four hundred dollar, learn Spanish, learn some English, learn care for car-houses.

Martin a man work on the same farm in Nevada, not travel with us. He give some women a hard time. I say they can share my tent, because I a holy warrior and can keep them safe. Martin drink. Martin come to me. He try to rape me. I sword him. - I did say to him first, this a bad idea, I will sword you, please do not. But he not listening. After I sword him I carry him to the church for healing. He say to me, no do this, the law will know. I think he mean, the law will kill him because he try to rape a holy warrior, that is what happen in Taldor. I do not think this a good reason not to give him to the law. But he really mean - the law will make me a slave, and go steal everyone children and everyone homes. Evelyn says maybe the law stealing everyone children and everyone homes not related, just happen sometimes. So now I a slave and all the workers send to other country and all their children stolen."

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"Wow. Shit. That's horrifying." Emily sounds faintly impressed. "Yeah, I think illegal migrants don't want to come to the attention of the authorities for a reason. Because fuck ICE, that's why. But, uh, at the point when you'd stabbed a dude, I dunno what your options really were. ...Do you mean you had an actual literal holy sword? Because that's both really badass and sounds like the sort of thing that social workers would find concerning." 

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"Yes. My father gave me family sword when God choose me holy warrior. The police took it. The social worker said maybe I get it back when I am freed but I do not really believe that. I think what I should have done is wake up everyone else and ask them why does Martin say I should not go take him for healing, and then they would have explain, and then I sit with Martin and try to fix the swording or talk him before he die so he ask God be with him at judge and he can go to Heaven. I did not do this because I had not sworded a person before and did not want to see him die, but this was a mistake. If I was not willing to have him die I should never have draw my sword, and if I was willing to have him die - and I was - then I should have been willing to let him say no the church and sit with him while he die."

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"Wow. That's incredibly fucked up, you know." Emily is, again, looking more impressed than upset. "I can't tell if you're from some kind of crazy honor culture or what, but you must be having hella culture shock right now." ...Right, English vocabulary. "That isn't the sort of thing people in America would say or do. I don't know where you're from but it sounds like it's really different and that must be confusing. - is your God, uh, okay with stabbing rapists? Because, like, good on you, it sounds like he deserved it, but I bet he didn't believe you were gonna because over here it seems like a crazy thing for a super-religious girl to do." 

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“Holy warriors protect innocent by killing who needs killing. But even if I was not a holy warrior I kill a man try to rape me? Anyone do that if they can.” - actually she’s losing all confidence in what everyone knows. She looks uncertainly at Alfirin.

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"In Undarin too. Anyone do that if they can." Not that they always can because not everyone is a paladin.

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"Of course is better if you can stop man not killing him. Some man try to rape you, maybe only need to slap him and he remember himself and that is better, no one need to die. Some other man, maybe you scream and he is scared away. But if that does not work, and you not willing to kill him, then all men know they just need to keep trying when you try to fight them and you will stop fighting, and many men lie with you, and you have a baby and starve and the baby die too small to know God. ...you will say 'in America you not starve even if you just a woman with a baby, America is so rich' but you maybe die having the baby, with no good priests in America, or the government steal the baby and raise it as a slave.

And maybe you still get sick of letting many men lie with you and cannot work even if the pay is very good.

And all the men who lie with you and would not do that if they feared you, they will go to Hell or Abaddon or the Abyss, so it is not even a favor to them.

 

...and even if none of that was so, I think God would not say that you should just let men lie with you and not stop them if it takes killing them.

It is harder to explain why not, but - but men should not do that, and any law you make, in the end you are saying we kill you if you do not listen, and that does not mean there should not be any laws. And if you are going to have any laws at all, no rape women a good law I think."

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"...Wow. Okay. I'm trying to figure out where to even start. I don't think it's, like, unreasonable, if you happen to own a sword, to stab someone with it for trying to rape you? I don't even think it's illegal, although don't quote me on that, and if you did straight-up kill someone I think it'd get way more police attention than you wanted even if you didn't end up being actually accused of murder for it. It's just....really weird? If you go around telling people you stabbed a dude with a sword for trying to rape you, they're not going to be like 'oh, yeah, good work, glad you're okay', they'll be like 'what the actual fuck'." 

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Claudette is still stuck on an earlier part of that speech. "Do they not have birth control where you're from?" 

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"I mean, maybe they have a religious objection to it?" 

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"Her religion sounds much too cool to be against birth control." 

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"I don't know what you are talking about. I tell the police what happen and they say I did not break the law.  I would not complain if I was made a slave because I breaked the law."

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"...Kill many baby not born yet, go Tanar?"

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"Yes," Iomedae agrees. "Just like if you kill many born babies. If you try your best to feed them but not enough food, and they die, that is different, no Tanar for that."

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"I still don't have the slightest idea what Tanar is. Birth control is - you can take medicine to not get pregnant in the first place, even if you have sex, and lots of women take that. There's also a pill you can take the next day, if you were raped, that stops your body from being able to get pregnant. ...I guess a lot of religious people are against abortion because they think it's killing babies. But banning it and forcing women to have babies they don't want ruins a lot of people's lives." 

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"Killing babies ruin the baby lives."

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"Say 'birth control' again, different words?"

 

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Oh no the awkwardness level of this conversation is rising so fast. Emily is past the point of her life where she ever feels like getting into a fight with fundies about abortion. 

"Women make tiny eggs inside their ovaries, and that's what grows into a baby if it runs into a man's sperm. You can take a drug that stops your body from making the egg, so even if you have sex, there's nothing for the sperm to make a baby with. Or the man can wear a condom - a sort of bag over their dick - and then the sperm are stuck and don't go inside the woman - but obviously you can't count on a rapist to do that. The morning-after pill stops your body from making the egg even if it was about to - so it doesn't always work, you can get really unlucky with timing, but it's supposed to work nineteen times out of twenty if you take it right away or at least the same day." 

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Awkwardness has never stopped Claudette from saying things she thinks. "Well, people who don't believe in God or that souls exist don't think that an early fetus dying is like a person dying, because it's, like, this big," she holds her thumb and forefinger a centimeter apart, "and it doesn't properly have a brain yet or anything." 

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Well those people are obviously wrong.

 

"How get drug?...Also what is 'drug'? 'Drug' like necklace?"

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"I think a drug that make you not able have babies is not evil to take. I do not know of such a drug. Of course is evil to kill babies even if they do not have a brain, what would that have to do with it."

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"Well, people who don't think souls are real think that your - person-ness - is in your brain, because where else would it be, it's got to be kept somewhere physical. ...I guess a long time ago people thought the person-ness was in the liver, but they were wrong. You can study it by looking at how brain injuries affect people." 

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Why on earth would drugs be like a necklace. That's a bizarre superstition to have. "Nnno. Drugs - medicines - are things like painkillers? That the doctor would give you to drink or swallow when you're sick." If that doesn't convey it then she's out of ideas. 

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"Evelyn take us to doctor tomorrow. I could take drug that makes me not bear children then?"

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"Oh! I know drug now. When I child, my mother tell me many story, story have strange thing, I say 'Mother, what that word mean' and she most say it like a necklace. I say 'too many word for necklace' but maybe English not that, English only have one word for necklace."

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Emily is not even going to try to dig into that one. "...Honestly, yeah, I think Evelyn's one of the foster parents who'd take that well. She'll want to give you the really embarrassing sex ed talk, and probably be kind of worried that you want it mainly for in case someone else tries to rape you and that makes it sound like you're traumatized, but if you say it would make you less scared about the police confiscating your sword if at least you didn't have to worry about getting pregnant, I think she'd be like 'yeah, fair enough.' ...She probably needs to get the social worker's permission but she can generally persuade them of things." 

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"That is good. If not carry sword, knife, not use lightning, small good not baby."

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Of course Evelyn decides whether Iomedae is permitted to make herself barren. Iomedae should not feel surprised and upset about this; it follows from things she knew already. "Yes. At least not baby. Sex ed talk?"

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"She won't be completely sure you want it out of caution, because - well, you don't seem like the type to have a secret boyfriend, but a lot of kids who ask about birth control when they're fifteen are going to be asking because they have a secret boyfriend, and Evelyn will want to cover her bases and make sure you know how sex works and have received the standard parental advice on not getting pressured into it and waiting until you really love someone. I'm pretty sure it's just as embarrassing for her as it is for us." 

 

- grin at Alfirin. "I can totally get you a taser if you promise not to tell Evelyn it was me. Or pepper spray, that might be better." 

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"...Taser is lightning? I want, but Iomedae is holy warrior, not lie. And Evelyn maybe hit me if find I have taser?"

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"...Nah, she won't hit you. Trust me, I did worse things than hiding a taser when I lived here. Once when I was thirteen I snuck some of my friends in at 2 am and we had a party in the basement and drank half of her wine collection. - and it's not lying if you just never happen to mention it, is it?"  

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"I no will say it if she does not ask, but if she find Alfirin have taser, and ask, Iomedae, you know who give Alfirin taser, I no can lie. 

 

Why would you ....drink Evelyn wine with friends? Evelyn maybe no, but many people hit you so you no can walk for less than that."

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Being a holy warrior sounds like a pain in the ass, honestly. 

"...I mean, because I was thirteen and a dumbass who wanted to be cool and show her how much I didn't give a shit about her house rules? I guess a little bit to see how much I could get away with, and - maybe thinking if I was awful enough to her, they'd give up on me and let me go home. Which was also a dumbass move, my stepdad used to hit me 'cause his football team lost, when it wasn't even anything I'd done." Shrug. "If I'm going to be psychoanalyzing my thirteen-year-old self, I guess it felt like the whole world had already decided I was a bad kid, and so I might as well go all-in and have some fun. She wasn't even that mad about the wine. She was furious when I stole a bunch of crap from her friend's makeup store, because that's embarrassing for her, right, but she didn't hit me for that either." 

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"Like - checking how much the pretending to be a family was pretending?"

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"...I guess that's a way you could put it? And - yeah, no, it turns out Evelyn is not pretending when she says she thinks of us like her own kids. Honestly, if anything she treated Jeremy worse than me, he would've been grounded for a month if he stole anything. It's just, like, that only helps so much if you'd rather be an adult already instead of stuck playing happy families until you turn eighteen. And Evelyn tries to get it but - I'm not sure she does, really." 

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"I think if I was eleven like you say you was, I would care if Evelyn really cares about me and understands me. But since I am an adult, I care about planning how much money I will earn each week so I can save for going home when I am freed, and about carry weapon so no rape, and about learn a job that will still be useful as a holy warrior in Taldor since I do not want to stay in a country where holy warriors are not welcome and there are not orders I can join, and about behave honorably to Evelyn even though I keep many things from her. But if Evelyn understood I was an adult it would probably make those thing more easy."

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"Taldor sounds horrible, honestly, but I'm not going to be the one to stop you from going home. ...I do think Evelyn wants to trust her foster kids to be responsible, and it sounds like you actually are responsible and not a little shit like I was, so - it'll get better. Probably. She's really generous with allowance and she'd probably help you open a bank account if you wanted to start saving now."

Shrug. "She's kind of against kids having jobs because she thinks of it as a," air-quotes again, "a 'growing up too fast' thing. And because she thinks it distracts you from school. For what it's worth, I'm actually pretty glad she was on my ass as much as she was about school, I hated it at the time but I could've messed up my life a lot more if I'd landed with a foster parent who didn't care if I was doing my homework." 

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"Taldor is poorer than here but I do not think it make you slave if you go to a church for help when a man try to rape you. And if it does do that, I have a chance of fix it, because in Taldor they know what holy warrior is. I think I do not trust America banks if in America smart people say there are no gods."

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"- What does that have to do with anything? Banks aren't churches." 

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"In Taldor they is and that why you can trust them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Iiiiiiiii think that most churches throughout human history have not been very trustworthy. Personally I think it's because God doesn't exist to yell at priests for being corrupt." 

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Well that was a little bit harsher than how Emily would've preferred to say it!

"It sounds like the churches you knew in Taldor aren't like that, though? Also, man, I am seriously starting to wonder if one of us is crazy, you keep confidently saying things that make no sense with, like, anything I know about the world." 

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Yeah at that Iomedae is actually irritated. It's not that Taldor is great but it is grating to hear about how Taldor is so terrible from the nationals of the country that enslaved her and invades other countries for having holy warriors, and that claims that everyone who gets miraculous healing is just confused.

"In Taldor, you can trust a bank-church because Abadar choose the priests, and everyone know the bank of Abadar good. In America, maybe you slave all your holy warriors and the gods give up on you and go work places that are not so evil. And then all Americans say, oh, gods are no real, we will invade the places where the gods work and kill their priests! See! No gods!"

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"You would think if the gods were real they would have some objections to that." 

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"Okay, this is driving me up the wall." Emily digs for her smartphone. "I'm going to just google 'Abadar.' How do you spell– I guess you wouldn't know how to spell it in English." 

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She's ignoring Emily. "God have so many fights. He have to fight Hell and 'Abaddon' and Tanar. He have to fight Tar Baphon. He have to fight every thing that get in way of good lives for people. America is a evil place, but God no can fix every bad thing in the world at one time, and America no is hurt people forever! America only hurt people until they eighteen! If there no Hell, maybe then when I pray to God I say 'save me from slave'. But there is Hell, so I no ask that, and God love the people in Hell too much to answer me even if I did."

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"I would be pretty happy if it turns out your god exists?" Claudette says thoughtfully. "- I mean, mostly I'd be pissed off that Hell exists, that's such a stupid design choice for the universe, but at least your god has reasonable priorities about it. And if Hell does exist then obviously it'd be important to know that." 

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Emily is not having any luck on Google and is starting to feel like she's losing her mind. Or, okay, not starting to feel, it's been going on for a bit now. "Iomedae, how do you say your god's name in, like, your own language?" 

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"Aroden."

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Well, here goes more Google searching. She'll try various spellings of 'Taldor' too. Emily sort of feels like Iomedae is failing to acknowledge the extent to which this the era of globalization and every single country in the world has a Wikipedia page. Presumably it's even more frustrating from Iomedae's perspective, though, and deciding she's crazy now would be rude. 

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"Did it feel like anything, when God made you a holy warrior?" Claudette says curiously. "I mean, how did you know?" 

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"It feel like - you know the difference between 'it is dark' and  -" she closes her eyes.

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"So it's like having a new sense, but not sensing anything with it?" 

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"Yes, like that. And a feeling of warm and close to God but that people sometimes feel when not choosed as holy warriors."

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"Yeah, I feel that way when I get high and I have to say I had never considered it to be evidence that God actually exists." 

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"My parents did have the priest check. They know I would not lie but wanted to make very sure I not confused before spend all the money."

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“How does the priest tell? Is that also a priest sense?”

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"No, but priests get - I don't know the English word - from God. He asked God for one that see a person afterlife, and mine bright like holy warrior and not too dim to see like fifteen year old girl who is not chosen by God."

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"Hmm." 

Claudette looks thoughtfully at her, then tilts her head to the side a little. "That - definitely sounds like a magic power. How sure are you that you would definitely know, if they were just pretending to have it? Because, uh, I think - or I would have said before now, at least - that we can split the atom and send rockets to the moon and I think we know enough about physics to be pretty sure that magic isn't a thing. Even people who believe in God mostly don't think magic is a thing." 

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"The priest could be pretending to see my afterlife but the priest could not be pretending to do all the other priest things like make water and heal people, and I think God would leave the priest if he pretended to have more powers than he had and then he wouldn't have any powers. On Harry Potter they had magic powers?"

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"Yeahhhhhhh, Harry Potter isn't real, it's fiction. ...A made-up story. But if you've seen a priest make water from thin air then, yeah, I don't have an explanation for that."

Claudette scowls at Emily. "When you said foster kids are weird sometimes, you could've warned me that meant spooky shit." 

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"This is literally the first time I've met a foster kid claiming they had magic powers from God, okay? I am just as weirded out as you are!"

She glares at the phone, then shoves it back in her pocket and stands up, heading for the closet-study.

"- Iomedae, come on, we're going to do a Google Earth tour and you can show me the island God pulled out of the sea. Google Earth has, like, satellite imagery, we can go in up close and see if the rock that makes you a god is there." 

 

 

(It's - wow, somehow it's only 5:10 pm, that felt like way longer than forty minutes. Good. It would be such a mess if Evelyn picked now to come home. Emily is - honestly Emily has completely lost the plot and has no idea what's going on, anymore - but the last thing she wants is for Evelyn to be compelled to tell Iomedae's social worker that Iomedae believes in magic.) 

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Evelyn's desktop browser is definitely slower than Emily's newer laptop, but it loads eventually. Here's a picture of the planet from space! 

"It's a real picture," she tells Iomedae. "Or, well, a lot of real pictures, they take them from satellites - little machines that are way high up in the sky, in orbit around the earth - and they sort of stitch them together into an animation." 

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"That is very cool."

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"I do not actually know what the 'Starstone' look like. The holy books say you have to fly to get to it? But not what it would look like from the sky."

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Shrug. "I can't help you there, but I assume it wouldn't look like a normal city or a field or something. Here - you hit this key to turn around the planet -" 

This is probably a stupid exercise. Emily is still somehow finding herself half-expecting that they're going to discover a supermagical rock on Google Fucking Earth. Iomedae just seems so sure of it, like it's not even an interesting claim or the sort of thing you need to proselytize about, like it's - something that everyone knows - 

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Well, if it turns out there's a magic space rock that turns you into a god, maybe they can all turn into gods and fight the Christian God, who Claudette disapproves of on principle. 

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GOOGLE EARTH IS SO COOL

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She starts looking across the whole of the island that is in the right place to be Absalom. It takes...a while. She doesn't know what she's looking for, really.

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It's a lot of land area to cover; the island is over a hundred miles long. 

From above, it...mostly looks like it could be the same as what little she's seen of America and American cities? There are green uninhabited areas that are probably forested, and square-patchwork areas that look like fields, and dry reddish-beige deserty areas, and roads, lots of roads - labeled, helpfully, though it seems to be in a language other than English that she also doesn't know - and cities, little blocky houses arranged on curving streets like Evelyn's neighborhood, or denser buildings that cast shadows in some of the images. If she zooms in close enough, there are cars on the roads. 

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"I am very confused."

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Watching Iomedae scroll around endlessly on Google maps is boring. Emily has been checking messages on her phone. 

"- Yeah. Well, join the club." 

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Claudette takes a step in. "What are you confused about?" 

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"Taldor no trade America. America have cars, Taldor no have cars, this no confusing. Taldor do trade Absalom. If Absalom have cars I think Taldor have cars. Maybe no have cars where I live, the ground not flat for them where I live. But cars a thing people say about big places I think? And if this Absalom, and Absalom trade with America, then America know there gods, because in Absalom no can miss it. And if someone lie and say Absalom have 'Starstone', write a pretend holy book about it, no can tell any important people, they will go there and see it. 

 

Maybe Absalom a different island. I not seeing a good map before I come to America. Or maybe I was turn to stone and a thousand years happen and the gods are dead and no one remember them? That happen to people sometimes."

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"That happen both of us? I think no."

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Poor kid. Poor both of them. Emily feels like her brain is being thrown into an interdimensional blender and she doesn't understand how anything works anymore -

 

- which is, on reflection, not actually how she would expect to feel about a conversation with a schizophrenic person? She's talked to schizophrenic people, before. (She made some life choices, when she was thirteen, and some of them involved sleeping rough, and the homeless alcoholic population of Reno, Nevada was surprisingly nice to a dumbass thirteen-year-old.) 

She's still trying to think of something to say. 

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"I think that is not something that happens to people sometimes, actually. Also we know the history of a thousand years ago pretty well, unless it was a place without writing, and - it sounds like 'Absalom' would've had writing?" 

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"It's really confusing!" Emily agrees, unhappily. "Man. There's two of you. Do you even come from the same town?"

She has a feeling that not. This would be much less confusing if there were only one kid with crazy beliefs, or two kids who were siblings. This...is weirder.

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"No. I is glad Alfirin or I would think I am sick. 

 

 

 

I thinked at first Taldor is secret, and I should not say of it. Then I see the map and I ask if that where God from and Evelyn say yes and I think not secret, just far. Now I back thinking Taldor is secret."

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Emily squints at Google Maps. ...Leans in and toggles the key to zoom out. 

"...Yeah, okay, that's understandable but I think she probably thought you were pointing at, like, Israel. Which is where Jesus was from, and it's actually super close to - uh, Cyprus, it looks like? is what this island is called - so probably Evelyn just wasn't sure where exactly you'd pointed. But it's - not that far, really? This is the 21st century, you could get a plane ticket and be there in less than 24 hours. That's not true for everywhere on the entire planet but it's - more or less true for anywhere where people can read? So. Yeah. I feel like I'm crazy, right now, but - like, in some ways it'd be less confusing if you were literally from a different world." 

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"I think that's still actually weirder and less likely than all of us being crazy." Grin. "It would be pretty cool, though." 

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"Maybe if our homes are secret we should stop talking about them." she says in Taldane.

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"I did realize that eventually, I just have no idea how to gracefully stop the conversation now. I am worried I am giving you a bad impression of paladins. Probably the ones with practice are better at, uh, fighting wars, which sometimes involves keeping secrets."

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...The kids are speaking another language now, which, well, does kind of make it seem more likely that they're from the same place, which is definitely not America and also isn't Mexico because Emily knows any Spanish. 

She tries to look absorbed in her phone.

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"You have only given me a better impression of paladins."

And then in English, "What is 'a plane ticket'?"

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"You get on an airplane! Here, uh, I should - find a video -" Oh good Youtube is not especially slow on this computer. "Planes are metal flying machines, they can go to the other side of the planet in - man, I don't know how fast planes fly, but less than a day? It costs money, and there's all this," air quotes, "'security' since that time that Al-Qaeda stole a plane and crashed it into the twin towers. So you need to have ID - a card with a picture of you on it, from the government - and buy a ticket with the right details from your ID. I think you literally can't get on a plane without ID and it kinda sounds like neither of you, uh, have it." 

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"Evelyn said we will get papers some time."

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"Oh good! I'm glad to hear that. Though, uh. I - don't think you should assume it'll be easy to get a plane ticket home, even once you're allowed to. I think - something is really weird here, and -" 

She looks down. 

"- I'm not going to say anything to Evelyn, and I think you shouldn't either. Because I feel like - I don't think anyone going to war is at all likely, okay? But I think that either they'll decide you're crazy, and that would suck for you, or they'll decide you're really from a parallel universe with magic and shit, and honestly I think that would suck even more." 

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"- yeah. Thank you, not saying anything."

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"Thank you." She's not sure she believes it.

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In Taldane. "What do you think is actually going on."

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"We are on another plane, probably? Or - maybe our homes are on another round world? We can learn later if there are more round worlds than this one. We should not ask now, it would be suspicious."

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Alfirin is the expert on keeping secrets. She'll just nod.

 

"- that means we probably can't go back. Right?"

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"Well we got here. Maybe there is a way. When things are less busy we can look in the spellbook. Maybe it will say what the spells in it do."

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"- Aroden travelled between worlds. So it can be done with spells....possibly very powerful spells. I haven't heard of anyone else doing it."

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"I have not heard of it either. But I also have not heard of people going to another world by accident... maybe I would not know, if they did not make their way back. Or even if they did, and it was far away."

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"Probably even if it happens all the time it would be hard to notice, because people also go missing for other reasons all the time.

 

I am still a paladin. I don't know if that means - Aroden is here - or not."

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"I do not know either."

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The kids are doing more speaking in their own language. And looking - kind of shifty? Not that Emily is judging them for it, but they have not mastered poker faces yet. 

"If you want advice on how to seem normal and not weird and suspicious, I'm happy to answer questions?" she says. "I have a lot of practice seeming normal to social workers." 

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This is a sheepish-looking paladin.

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"We like that."

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Nod. 

"So, uh, talking a lot about how you're scared to go outside without a knife - or sword, I guess - because someone might rape you, is - going to make social workers think that you had a horrible childhood and need lots of therapy. Which, like, they might not even be wrong, but therapy is dumb and you've got better shit to do with your time. ...I don't actually know if you know that word, therapy is, like, talking to a person about your feelings, where the person you're talking to has been to a lot of school where they learn to talk to kids about their feelings. It's incredibly annoying." 

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"It is sensible to try to avoid someone rape you. The problem is not the feeling, the problem is the men who might rape you."

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"...Why need talk about feelings? Why the president want that?"

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"The President doesn't care, he's got like three hundred million people in the country to please and, trust me, foster kids - and foster parents - are not an important voting bloc."

Sigh. "...I mean, I just agree with you on that? But I think social workers don't, they're - man, I think even Evelyn has some feelings about how they're mostly from a higher social class– uh, grew up with richer parents than her, living in nicer neighborhoods with less crime, and stuff. And I think they - usually kind of live in a world where being raped isn't a normal thing that can happen to normal people, it's like this rare horrifying disaster and means you need a lot of extra help and stuff. Which is, like, compassionate of them and stuff, but the extra help is never helpful, so it's kind of just better not to bring it up or give them any reason to worry." 

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"They do already know about Martin but I can truly say that I am not very upset about what Martin try to do and not more worry about rape than I did before."

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"Talk about feelings is for help me? Not because social workers want for social workers?"

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"- Yeah, I mean, that's the idea?"

Emily...is not entirely sure she followed the question, actually.

"I think they're all - almost all - trying to help, they're just out of touch, or stuck following dumb CPS rules. I think it's kinda impossible for a therapist to be that helpful. if you're stuck in foster care and they're talking to your social worker, but - I had a therapist for a bit once I aged out of foster care, once she wasn't going to tattle on me to anyone, and it did help, I guess."

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"...Why they want help me?"

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"...I mean, not you specifically, that's kind of the whole issue? There's loads of people who - want to help, like, vulnerable kids in need, for all the obvious reasons, 'cause they're cute and rescuing people makes you feel good about yourself. The problem isn't that they're malicious, it's just that - they won't ever get it, and they're stuck following rules from a fucked-up system that super doesn't get it, and you're probably better off staying under the radar until you're eighteen." 

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"When I want to help people I do not make them slave. Being made a slave is very bad for people."

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"...Social workers religious? Believe afterlives?"

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This conversation is bizarrely frustrating, for one that's supposed to be about her giving advice.

(....Emily is just now managing to notice that she's - kind of having emotions about this. Oops. She hadn't planned on that.) 

 

"...I don't think social workers are any more likely to be religious than, like, most people in America. Maybe less likely, they have to do a lot of school and usually people who've done a lot of school are less religious." 

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"...I think, they say 'I want help people' but not help people how people want help - they not want help people, they want - be person who help people - I think want be person who help people because they want paradise - If not religious why they want be person who help people?"

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"I...think that's a normal way for people to be? Wanting to help people is easy, doing it right when it's messy and complicated is hard." 

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"I think in some ways I rather a normal owner who just want obeyed and work done for no pay and not want have the feeling they help people. Part of me feel very angry about needing to pretend the people who enslave me did a good thing when they did a very evil one."

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"...I feel like you're still comparing this to, like, how things work in - Taldor, or whatever - and you're using words in ways that I'm not going to say are wrong, but it's not the normal way to talk about it? And, like, that's fine, I'm not judging, but - if you say the thing you just said to a social worker, they'll think it's really weird. ...It might be fine to say it to Evelyn? I don't know, I think the one thing I can genuinely say she's better at is - not expecting us to act all grateful like she's some heroine rescuing us."

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"Evelyn is doing her best and I do not want to say things that make her sad to her. They are not safe to say to Diel, though."

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"....Yeah, no, not so much. Especially not for you, if - they're going to either think you're crazy or an alien, but - in general, too." Snort. "Man, Evelyn'd probably be sad if she knew I was bad-mouthing social workers to you. But lots of things make Evelyn sad. It's a pretty fucked-up world."

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"Is safe say Diel, the food is very good, I am sad I cannot work, I miss my friends who were send out of country, I obey Evelyn? I no can say I grateful be a slave, I not grateful. I no can say my life better now, my life much worse. I no can say I safer now, no can say I happy, no can say I better cared for here, all that would be a lie. ...I could say I learn more English here. That is true. Will she hit me very much if I no say anything at all? That make me much happier. I really really not like picking my words to give people wrong knowing. No when I have not and cannot clearly say we are not allies, no when they are pretending we are allies."

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"...I think you can say you're sad about not being allowed to work and missing your friends, and you're grateful for learning more English. You don't have to say you're grateful. It's pretty damn obvious you aren't grateful." Shrug. "No one's gonna hit you if you just go for complete silence all the time, they just might send you to a therapist, which in some ways is even fucking worse. There was a little kid who lived with Evelyn when I was there and refused to talk for months."

Aaaaand she sort of expects Iomedae would last about ten minutes into her vow of silence before the righteous indignation about America overflowed. (Emily is finding that she likes Iomedae quite a lot.) 

"Man, I wonder what sort of social worker Diel is. There's a sort of social worker that tries really hard to pretend you're friends, and it's fucking obnoxious, right, they're even less - the kind of thing that can be your friend - than Evelyn, and Evelyn doesn't try to pretend that." She grins slightly. "Evelyn kinda gets grudges on social workers if she doesn't vibe with them, and then she might use a lot of personal discretion in what she mentions in her notes to them. ...I can try to feel her out on Diel, if you like? Obviously it's pretty awkward for you to ask if she has a grudge against your social worker, but she already knows I have a grudge against the entire concept of social workers."

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"It - change how they see Alfirin, change her choices, if I no talk to social workers?"

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"...You two have the same social worker?" Emily makes a face. "I mean, it'll - change what they assume is going on, but I don't actually know what the takeaway would be. She might assume you don't want to go home or ever see your family again and that's why you're not giving her anything to work with on finding them? Which will make her think it was probably abusive, and then she'll make the same assumption about Alfirin, because I bet she's assuming you're from tiny nearby villages, that's the only way it'd make sense from what she knows and I don't think you should say otherwise." 

Shrug. "Dunno if it'd change - much of how they're treating you? But, yeah, you and Alfirin are on the same team here, you should decide together how you want to talk to social workers or else they'll play you off against each other." 

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"That is not honorable way to treat people," says Iomedae tiredly, because she knows by now it doesn't matter. 

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And in Taldane, "I think my own inclination is to tell the social worker that I do not feel comfortable speaking with her until I am no longer in her power. But I don't want to - put what makes me feel good about myself above your safety.

I'm - scared of falling. Actually, let me break that into pieces. I know paladins can't usually make it without a holy order, and I'm not going to have one until we get back, sounds like. This is probably not a reason to just do whatever feels honorable in my heart, I'm sure someone's tried that, but it makes me wary of ignoring what feels honorable for an easier captivity. I love Aroden and this is hard enough to do with the knowledge that He knows I'm an adult and should be free to do His work, and it'll be harder to do without that, though at least then I could escape. I separately think my being a paladin is a valuable strategic resource of ours, and if I lose it I want to lose it checking whether Aroden approves of something important, not gradually through being a slave and learning the habits of slaves and learning the danger of the impulse to be anything else."

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"I think you should say that to her, because you can not lie and should not almost-lie. I think they will not beat me very badly for you not talking to them. And if they do - I do not want to be beaten very badly but I also do not want to be a person they hurt to hurt you, and I do not want them to win doing that, so you should not change what you do then.

I will probably not say that, because I am not a paladin."

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"I will probably change what I do if they beat you for my silence but not in the direction they want to oblige us in. 

Thank you."

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"I want say Diel, I do not want to speak with her until I am freed. But I am willing to say this in a way that does not make her think I am crazy."

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"...Hmm. I think if you just say that, it won't make her think you're crazy - you're probably fine as long as you don't try to convince them you have magic powers, though claiming to be personally chosen by God is a little suspicious. I think you could say it less - concerningly? 'I'm not comfortable answering questions about my childhood when you're in a position of power over me' would work, or - I mean, wouldn't even give a reason, but you seem to care a lot about being upfront with people and I think giving the reason phrased that way won't make things worse for you or Alfirin. ...You're not gonna end up talking to Diel directly much anyway, they only have to visit every, like, six weeks, the issue is mainly that we don't know what Evelyn is telling her about you." 

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"I have sayed to Evelyn already that she is honorable woman but I do not want her to understand me and it is not her job to understand me. I think it is hard for her but it is not me lying. If I talk less to her she will be sad but I believe her she will not hit us. The 'school' also say all that happen to Diel?'

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"...I think less? Like, if you tell your teacher that your parents hit you or did sex things to you, or that Evelyn is treating you badly, that they have to report, and - I guess they send your grades at the end of the year? But they're not gonna be writing down the questions you ask in class, they don't have time for that shit. I guess if you ask a question that has concerning implications, they might tell Evelyn or Diel that they're worried about you? I...think you maybe don't have a good sense yet of what sorts of questions come across as really concerning." 

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" - if I tell the teacher my parents hit me?"

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"Parents aren't supposed to hit kids, 'least not hard enough to leave bruises, it's considered abuse and a reason to take you away from your parents and put you in foster care." 

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"Maybe hit no mean what I think? Parents no should hit child the way you hit slave."

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"Look, don't make the CPS rules. But I had a friend who ended up in foster care 'cause his teacher saw bruises when he was changing for gym, he hadn't even said anything. Maybe just don't mention anything about your parents in school?" Shrug. "It, like, probably doesn't matter, they'd care a lot more if you were still living with them. But if the teacher told Diel, it might get her to come out and try to ask you about it, and I think you'd rather avoid that." 

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Taldane. "- would you be willing to hit me right now like anyone in Undarin would hit a small child who wandered off or stole food."

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"...Later when there are not other people here? I am worried that this person seems to be on our side but maybe will not keep being on our side if we do anything too surprising, and it sounds like maybe hitting is surprising? I am not saying her name or any words in the language they speak here because they might be recognized."

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"- I want to ask her if that kind of hitting is the thing social services steals children and enslaves them over or not, but we can warn her first if you are willing to do it."

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"Okay. I can do that."

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"I am very confused now about what 'hit' means in English, so I asked Alfirin to hit me, and then you can tell us if that the thing you is talking about."

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Alfirin stands on tip-toes and swats Iomedae in the back of the head. Probably not as hard as adults do, because she is not very strong and it's a bad angle, but she tries.

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...You know what, that's actually a pretty reasonable thing for them to want to test, and - well, Evelyn isn't here, and if Alfirin does leave bruises then Iomedae can probably say she fell off her bike or something. (Man. America must seem completely insane to them.) 

"Yeah, okay.

 

- hmm. That'd definitely count as hitting. I think that's, like, reasonable people wouldn't call it abuse, if it wasn't very often and didn't make you scared of your parents? But I think if you told your teacher that happened, they'd - wonder if something worse was happening - and they might well make a report to CPS and send a social worker to your house to ask your parents questions. If CPS didn't find any other issues, they probably wouldn't put you in foster care over it. But there's, like, not actually a good reason to bring it up? And sometimes people aren't reasonable about what counts as abuse, or once they're paying attention they decide something else is an issue. ...I think rich fancy people don't hit their kids even like that, they're supposed to, like, have kinder parenting strategies, and they'd say it sets a bad example and makes kids think it's okay to hit other kids." 

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"In ten America children, how many the government steal?"

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"....Uh, it's less than one in tenbut - I think not that much less, if you count 'was ever in foster care', sometimes they take the kids for a bit and then end up sending them back home, or to grandparents or whatever. ...That's what happened with me, I eventually ended up living with my aunt. Anyway, I'd have to Google it to be sure. I do know it's really skewed, it'd - be super rare for people like Evelyn, who own a house and stuff, but - it was more than one in ten in my neighborhood, where everyone was really poor. The government judges poor parents a lot harder." 

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"Of course. That is how it is even in normal places that no steal children. - my family own a house. No one make us slaves, the law care if someone rape me. I do not know if being poor in Taldor is better. No one steal your children but other things more bad I think."

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"...Yeah, I don't know. I think it's - trying to help with real problems?" Shrug. "And, man, if it worked better, they'd have taken me into care when I was three, and that might've been better than the childhood I actually had, you know? Just. I think maybe you can't make a system that's - good for kids to have to interact with - or at least we haven't figured out how." 

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Iomedae is very tired of everyone asserting that she is a child even when they're being helpful about concealing her origins from the social workers without being subjected to 'therapy'. However, picking fights with your allies over the way that they think of you is always unwise, and especially in this case. "I understand. Thank you."

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(Emily isn't mostly thinking about Iomedae, right now, she's thinking about the kids in her childhood neighborhood. Though Iomedae does come across as very...fifteen...and young for it in some ways. Probably it's the barely speaking English and not knowing anything about anything, but it's also the - lack of cynicism? Being filled with righteous indignance over the unfairness of reality, as though this ever accomplishes anything? ...This is not useful advice to give Iomedae and she's not going to try.) 

"You'll get better at staying under the radar," she says, after a moment. "- Uh, not being noticed or standing out, 'under the radar' is a figure of speech."

 

Sigh. "I think you - I'm sure you're not doing this on purpose, but you kinda have a tendency to - say things really confidently, like someone would have to be very stupid or evil to disagree with you, and they're not things everyone agrees with here? It comes across as judgy. Especially about religion, I - really don't like feeling judged for not being religious, and I think it's super reasonable to not be religious in America." 

(In hindsight, Emily is realizing that she's been feeling kind of defensive and prickly for a while, like she's just trying to help and the reward is Iomedae being indignant at her like it's her fault that CPS is like this. Which is obviously unfair of her, and she's kind of embarrassed now, but - apparently Iomedae doesn't bring out the best in her.)

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"You have English words make saying a thing sound not judgy? I do not care if other people - religious? except that I wish they knew I was holy warrior, and it sounds like this not really possible even if they is religious."

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"- Yeah, I don't think there's a - thing you could convince Evelyn or the social worker of - that would make them be like, yeah okay you're chosen by God and that makes you automatically an adult. I really don't think you should try to push any harder on that, in case they just decide you're crazy." 

Sigh. "Okay, so, one, it's kind of rude to argue with people about religion in America. I bet that's why Evelyn didn't ask the right questions to end up being as confused as we are now. Two, it's - I mean, I realize I'm not unbiased here, but I don't think going around being super religious puts you in good company? America has some super religious people and they kinda suck, because a lot of Christian beliefs kinda suck? ...Evelyn wouldn't agree but Evelyn lives in this weird imaginary world where everyone is a nice person who's trying their best to help. I mean, I'm actually not judging her for it, it seems to work out really well for her, but it's true." 

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"I do not understand America politics, and I no going discuss where I from any more, but it would be a very very big lie to pretend I not 'super religious'."

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Also, the people she met in America who trusted God were kind and good and generous and helpful and her friends, until she failed them, and the people she's met in America who treat God as a game of make-believe have been at best accidentally enormously damaging and cruel to her, or have been Emily who is helpful but whose advice is mostly that Iomedae should give up on Law and honor and smile and lie and smile and lie until she rots inside. 


She doesn't say this. She is learning.

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Claudette has been hanging back for a while - this seems like Foster Kid Stuff and not something she has anything useful to say about - but she clears her throat.

"I think you aren't Christian, though, since a lot of the things you believe are definitely not Christian things. So it's kind of a bit lying to let people keep assuming the god you're a holy warrior of is Jesus. And they'll assume you're way less cool than you actually are. I think it might actually be heretical for Christians to want to fight Hell? 'Cause it's, like, part of God's plan and all. I am pretty sure it's definitely not a Christian thing that God wants other people to be gods too and do it better. It's really fucking cool, unlike Christianity in America, which is not very cool. I'd be religious too if a god like that were around and also gave people magic powers. - not that you should tell people about the magic powers." 

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"Jesus fighted Hell. That one of the first things that make me think same God. When I say about Aroden, one of the people I travel with say, oh yeah after He die on cross He go save people Hell. And the sermons in the churches I no understand very good but they about - Jesus want Heaven for everyone even if very evil. No one so evil Jesus not want them in Heaven.

Even if no same God, I plan pray to Jesus every night for stand with people at judgment and take their evils so they are safe. I do not know if He is a dead god or what is going on but if He might be real, I His ally. Saving people from Hell really important. The god who decided to do that is a good god even if He is not Aroden. And if He is dead or pretend, no bad from pray to Him.

I - understand - you both have bad time with church. I am sorry that you did. I do not know enough to say more about it. And I have no guess if Jesus alive or no. But I think Christians good and cool. I believe you that my life easier if I pretend this. I no going pretend it."

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"...Okay, fair, if all Christians were like you about it then churches would probably not suck." 

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"I think probably a lot of Christians are lovely people who don't suck at all and don't want anyone to go to Hell? I mean, Evelyn's Christian. It's just, like, the obnoxious ones are louder." Shrug. "Also a lot of Christians, like, don't want their kids learning real science in school, or don't believe in modern medicine, whereas I feel like your god would be all in favor of technology and understanding the world better." 

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"Technology and Costco and space and understand the world very good and important and the job of all people. I believe you many Christians say or do bad things, but the ones I have knowed were good to me when they have very little to share, and my life was so much better with them, and things very bad for them now and it my fault, so I no going to - pretend I have no thing to do with them for life easier. And I think Jesus have right idea and I bet He does want me grow up be like Him, if He is real."

 

This is intensely upsetting. Why is this so upsetting. Probably because she does not have many allies, and she needs allies, and you have to make compromises to keep allies, but - she was not actually expecting 'denounce Jesus and the people who follow him' to be her new allies' first demand. She would not really have imagined that as in the range of demands allies made of each other; she hasn't asked anyone else to pray, or to pause before meals for her to pray, or even to allow her time in her day for it. She is trying to keep in mind that 'how to appease Americans' is valuable information even when the choice she makes is that it is not worth it to her to appease Americans, but it turns out it's still deeply unpleasant to navigate demands with that in mind. 

 

 

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She also wants to object that she didn't actually bring up either Jesus or Aroden at all. She explained that Evelyn was a different kind of Good person than her, where Evelyn wanted to be kind to slave-children and Iomedae wanted to fight Hell, but that Evelyn's kind of being a good person was still important, and then Claudette said that smart people didn't think there were any gods, and if that counts as Iomedae being 'rude' and 'judgy' then the thing that's disallowed is far more expansive than 'bringing up religion' and includes.... any discussion of her own goals and priorities. Because her priority is in fact ending Hell, and that would be her priority even if all the gods are dead. Even if none of them ever existed. (There is abundant proof of Hell even if there are no gods; you can summon out of it.)

She's not going to say that either. When people criticize you you should listen and thank them even if their criticism is stupid; otherwise people won't bring you criticisms and you won't hear the ones that aren't stupid. But she is, actually, pretty angry at her new allies, for applying this much pressure on her to denounce the people who treated her best in this world and the god they learned to do it from.

...or maybe she's just angry that because she's a slave she can't walk away. She thinks it's mostly that. In a normal interaction with a stranger, if it got to the point of people saying they didn't like it when people were 'super religious', she'd say 'I understand, it sounds like we won't get along' and walk away. But she needs these people, so she has to try to be satisfactory to them.

...and it is not their fault she is a slave, and not their fault for telling her what she has to do to have their support. 

She wants to close her eyes and pray. That would be being 'super religious' and 'rude' and 'judgy'. She keeps her eyes open. 

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"This has been very helpful but I think I need a break now, if that is okay."

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Was it helpful. Emily...honestly feels like Iomedae is not acting like this is helpful. Iomedae is kind of acting like Emily just killed her dog or something. Emily...is having a bit of a time not getting mad about that, honestly, which is stupid and unhelpful and, now that she's had thirty seconds to think, she really wishes she could stop that. Taking out her own shitty childhood trauma on a kid who's probably having an even worse time of it and is still stuck in foster care is such a dick move. 

"...Okay," she says, and absorbs herself in checking her phone. 

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Claudette is terrible at talking to sad people, including when the sad person is her own girlfriend. She'll....go to the bathroom. Now seems like a good time for that. 

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Iomedae is going to go up to Evelyn's largest foster child bedroom and close the door behind her (she cannot lock it, because she is a slave) and -

- it's probably not 'rude' and 'judgy' to pray in private, if no one can guess that's what you're doing -

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Hell, in fact, exists. Iomedae is confused about the America-planet state of information about it - it seems like more than they ought to have if they have no magic and never had any true gods, and less than they ought to have if they have active true gods - but maybe they had gods and they died, or something, that happens. 

Golarion is another plane or another world, but it exists. She and Alfirin are not, in fact, delusional.

And Hell, and Abaddon, and the Abyss exist. You can see it with spells; you can confirm it with summons. it doesn't even take powerful spells. It's not the kind of thing that distant people in Oppara have checked; it's the kind of thing people Iomedae has met and spoken to have checked. 

That matters. That is to a first approximation the only thing that matters. 

 

Iomedae cannot actually afford to alienate all her potential allies. But the thought process 'I cannot afford to alienate all my potential allies' isn't serving her either, it ends up making what could even be a productive relationship feel like it's happening at swordpoint. She is accustomed to Taldor's forms of coercion, which take the form of monsters in the forest and hunger, and does not prickle at being subject to them; America's coercions are more complicated and bizarre, but once she's accustomed to them she'll stop prickling at all of them, too. And she needs to speed that process up, because she's not going to succeed at concealing that she feels held-at-swordpoint, and people resent that.

 

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Worship of Jesus is obviously legal, and even acceptable; Evelyn didn't seem to make a habit of it, but she was happy enough to do it. Iomedae has no idea how many people it will alienate. It makes sense to decide whether to worship Jesus based on how many people it will alienate. Jesus, if He exists, would understand if Iomedae chose to denounce Him in order to save more people from Hell; the kind of entity that decides to be tortured to death to save people from Hell understands that. If you don't understand that you don't become the kind of entity that decides to be tortured to death to save people from Hell. 

If her understanding of Christianity is correct, if she denounces Jesus then He cannot stand with her at judgment; He is only allowed to do that for people who ask it of Him. (She is confident, if He exists, that He'd do it for more people if He could; again, if you are the kind of entity that is willing to be tortured to death to save people from Hell, you are not withholding your protection from those who don't know to ask for it because you don't want to help them.) She's not actually that bothered by that; she's a paladin, and anyway her going to Hell isn't worse than other people going to Hell so it'd be worth it if it makes her more effective by enough to save two people. 

That settles her obligations to Jesus, then. 


What about her obligations to the people she travelled with? It feels like a betrayal of them, to denounce their god and smile and nod when people say 'they kind of suck'. She would be hurt, if one of them had been the one to betray the group and get Iomedae enslaved, and then had cheerfully gone along with claims that Iomedae was contemptible and unworthy. She wouldn't hold it against them, because they'd be a slave with very few options, but -

- but you can't let that go as far as you want. Slaves do not in fact have zero options. If nothing else they can always choose to die. Much of the way in which it is terrible to be a slave is being stripped of options; she cannot do it further, in her own head, by deciding that any dishonor is acceptable if it's done by a slave, that a slave has no obligations to any other person. 

So...she would hold it against a person in her position a little, if they denounced her for their convenience. She would not judge it as harshly as if they did it as a free person, of course, but she does believe that people have duties even as slaves, and that one of those is not to smile and nod at insults to people they know to be honorable and good, with the extent of this obligation somewhat contingent on how harshly they expect to be punished for disagreeing. But in this case, it's not that she'll be punished for disobedience, it's that she'll lose a potential ally. 

That is a reasonable price to expect her to pay. 

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Claudette and Emily have had a bad time with Jesus's church, likely because they are women and want to get married and Jesus's church thinks (but doesn't know, because there are no Communes here) that you go to Hell for that. This is a frankly confusing thing for Jesus's church to believe and Iomedae should try to learn more from some other source about why it thinks that. But it makes sense, that Claudette and Emily might choose not to be allied with anyone who worships Jesus, might choose to offer insults to His faithful and see if their prospective allies smile at those, and it is not a demand of Iomedae, not anything she should prickle at, just a trade she could choose to make and is choosing not to. 

When someone asks if you want to make a trade, and you don't, the reasonable thing to do is to make a counteroffer, or to politely refuse. It is unreasonable to be angry with them for offering terms you cannot accept. If your child is dying, and a priest comes by to offer a Lesser Restoration for ten gold, and you do not have ten gold, the priest is not wronging you. If the priest offers then that you could sell the child to him for ten gold, and you decide to refuse, the priest is not wronging you. Claudette and Emily are not wronging her. 

She also does not mean to ally with them. 

 

She needs to avoid burning bridges for Alfirin, though. Alfirin is entitled to negotiate alliances in her own right and not have them damaged by Iomedae's own idiosyncrasies. 

 

She closes her eyes and bows her head.

Aroden, please hold me to Your ordinary standards for holy warriors, without allowances because I am a slave. I do not think that it would serve me to have any less expected of me. Please guide me, if the paths I am taking are not those that end the Evil afterlives. Please fight Hell, and Abaddon, and the Abyss, and give me the strength to do it myself.

Jesus, if you are a separate entity from Aroden, please consider this a request on behalf of every person in all of Creation that you go to their trial, and if that is not allowed, consider it a request from me that you go to mine, not especially because I fear Hell but because I would like to meet you and learn more about the time you went to Hell and how it went and how the next one can be improved or moved up. Please fight Hell, and Abaddon, and the Abyss, and give me the strength to do it myself if that's the kind of thing you do, and please clarify the thing about women marrying women if possible, because it seems like it might be causing a lot of people to do Evil and also not trust that you will stand beside them at judgment or that they'd want you there.  


As usual praying makes her feel better. She fixes her hair and goes back downstairs.

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Emily has been stewing. And then trying not to stew, and instead trying to think about whatever the fuck just happened, and - 

 

- man, if you were really a teenager from another world, where gods actually exist and do epic shit like "invade and fight Hell" and "leave a magic rock that will turn other people into gods", then, one, the entire situation of being abruptly in foster care in 21st century America must be terrifying, and two, how on earth could she have been expected to know that most of the Christian churches in America hate gay people, or that the people who are loudest about their Christianity are the same people who send bomb threats to abortion clinics and refuse to bring their children to doctors?

(Iomedae is probably not literally from another world, because that's insane, but - it's probably right that she's experiencing around the same level of culture shock? And so it makes sense to think of it that way.) 

....And, ugh, if you actually really believe that abortion sends a baby's soul to - Limbo, or whatever - and means the mother goes to Hell, then that would seem pretty reasonable to object to. Emily hates it but - ugh - wow she is not actually very well equipped to give advice on this, is she. But obviously this conversation feels important and scary to Iomedae. Everything feels more important and scary when you're fifteen and have been in foster care for less than a week, and - Emily did not at all mean to say that Iomedae's illegal immigrant friends sucked. Though probably being a gay kid in the migrant camp would be awful Not. The. Point.

 

Emily hears Iomedae's footsteps coming down the stairs, and takes a deep breath.

 

"I'm sorry," she says, as soon as Iomedae is in view. "I was - being immature, I think, and taking my feelings out on you. Your friends sound really cool, actually, and I'm sorry ICE is evil and the US hates illegal immigrants so much. I'm not - mad at you for thinking that Jesus saving people from Hell would be good? I, uh, think a lot of people who call themselves Christians in America...sort of use it as an excuse to have horrible opinions...but that's not your fault." 

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Oh. That is better than she expected this to go. It is reassuring for things to go better than she expected once; so far they have generally been going worse even as she has lowered and lowered and lowered her expectations. 

 

"I understand why you have problems with Jesus church," she says. "It make sense it problem for you that I not willing say I do not support it. Maybe when I know more I will be willing say that. ...I think even then I not willing to say bad things of the people who follow Jesus that I know, but maybe I learn more about them too, though it hard to learn more about them now they sended far away. I am grateful you say the things that let us figure out the things I believe different from the things people here believe."

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Emily shoots a worried look at Alfirin, who has been very quiet for - a while - and, man, if she thinks back to when she was thirteen or fourteen, a tense conversation like this would be agonizing. Possibly even worse if she mostly didn't understand what was going on? 

...Is Alfirin even religious? Clearly not the same way Iomedae is, but - she seems to also believe that God exists - gods exist? - and that Hell exists in a way that - isn't how normal religious people talk about it. And honestly also isn't how fundies talk about it, and...in short, Emily is confused. It seems insane that the simplest answer here is 'they're from a parallel universe with magic', but.

 

- Emily feels like she's fucking up and Iomedae is judging her for it. Right. That's the main thing that's making her feel prickly and mad, and it's– wow it turns out it's incredibly obnoxious to have your therapist's opinions showing up unasked-for in your head, even if you're eighteen and your therapist isn't reporting everything you say to CPS probably.

Okay. Focus on being mature. She's the adult here.

(Iomedae clearly wants to be recognized as an adult, and, man, Emily can relate really hard and also she feels like in some ways she was more mature at twelve than Iomedae is at fifteen.)

 

"It's - it'd be really shitty of me to hold your being Christian against you? Or, I mean, I don't even know what you are, but you wanting to save people from Hell if Hell exists, and thinking it was pretty cool if Jesus existed and did that. It would be pretty cool!"

Shrug. "...I'm, like, probably not a good person to ask for advice on this? Because I don't think Hell - or Heaven - exist, I think people just stop existing when they die, probably. And also I'm kind of fucked up about the whole religion thing, since usually when people bring up Hell it's an excuse to tell me I suck as a human being. But, like, if Hell did exist, obviously it'd be the worst humanitarian disaster ever? And I - respect you a lot, for - that being the first thing you thought about it." 

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"If people stopped existing when they die that - also - uh, worst humanitarian disaster ever. ...in America people get old and die?"

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"Yep! And die for lots of other reasons, too, like - I'm sorry to bring this up, but being stabbed? It's - I guess it's a horrible tragedy but it seems hard to solve, you know, it's not like we have the elixir of youth– ...sorry, English. We don't know how to make people not die, or not get old."

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"People get old and die in Taldor. I just was no sure if also like this America. Enslaving people until eighteen less cruel if they would live forever. ...In Taldor it is because Pharasma want that. This make me think Pharasma want that America also.

 I know people die of being stabbed. I would not be a holy warrior if I did not know when I take a chance of kill a person, and when this is worth doing. 

Hell also hard to solve but this no a reason to not solve it? I guess if there is no Starstone here it is harder turn into a god and fix it that way. But probably there other ways, if it is not Pharasma causing it, and if it is Pharasma causing it, then she is also sending you to afterlives."

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There are multiple things going on there but - 

 

"- Uh, what's a 'Pharasma'?"

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Oh no is that a big thing too. 

 

"- I should not talk about this sort of thing. I sorry. I know I started it."

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"I– it's fine if you don't want to tell me, but - I assume it's a thing from your religion - I'm not going to tell Evelyn, or get mad at you for it, okay? It's just a word I don't know.

 

- it....kind of sounds to me like your religion has a - god, who's considered female, who - makes people age? and decides whether they go to Heaven or Hell?" 

Does that correspond to any mythology she's heard of? ...She's mostly thinking of mythology it definitely doesn't match. 

 

 

...also oops that was definitely being pushy and rude, Iomedae said she didn't want to talk about it. Ugh. There is a REASON that Emily is not herself a foster parent, isn't there. 

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"I mostly think you saying true things about not saying to social worker, but I no have much reason think you saying true things about that, and there many lives I chance."

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...That was pretty confusing but mostly sounds like Iomedae doesn't trust her to be right about details Heaven and Hell? Which is super fair. Emily mostly tries not to interact with either of those concepts ever. 

 

"Yeah. Okay. I - was trying to apologize for being mean. I think you're - clearly trying to do really good stuff? And - I don't think Evelyn will think badly of you for saying you're Christian or for liking Jesus. 

 

- I think you're probably missing, like, a lot of things, here? But you should learn to read and go read all of Wikipedia, it'd be stupid to trust me about it." 

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"I working learn to read. I know Wikipedia. I will read it when I can."

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Nod. 

 

 

...Emily is kind of out of things to say. Or, well, there are tons of things she wants to say, but none of them would be helpful. 

She is apparently going to do the really obnoxious thing her therapist does to her, and sit there quietly, not staring at Iomedae or anything but clearly not busying herself with her phone either, listening and waiting. In case there's other stuff. 

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Iomedae's going to go clean the kitchen since Evelyn will be home soon and it'll be time to make dinner. 

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....Claudette has wandered off to the living room to investigate the TV situation over here. 

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- yeah, you know what, that's super fair. Emily will follow her over there. 

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Alfirin will go help with the kitchen because after that conversation she is not going to go talk to Emily and Claudette alone. "Are you okay? That conversation seemed...bad."

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"It was not great. I think probably a bunch of the ways it was bad will make more sense when we can read. My best guess now is that the church of Jesus mistreated them terribly, and they think it's the church of a god that doesn't even exist, so of course someone in that situation is going to dislike and distrust paladins."

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"Especially if they have never heard of them - I mostly only heard bad things about Aroden and his church before I came here but also I know you can not lie and so I could trust you."

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"I think the state of education here is horrendous because the priests don't get any miracles so there's no way to distinguish true ones from false ones. If there are any true ones. My guess is that the gods died, or something, because it's strange that they'd have the concept of - a man who became a god and said there is Heaven and Hell and Limbo - if he didn't have some way of knowing - I guess he could just be a powerful person who didn't ascend and just claimed to - but someone who knew the truth founded Christianity, and these days it's a mess because he stopped granting spells, or never did. And some institutions...persist...but paladins wouldn't. Paladins are not actually the shape of thing that can endure without a god that picks and renounces us. 

 

I think even if I was accidentally impolite to Emily she won't get back on her word about not telling the social workers about Taldor being in another world, but I am very afraid of it."

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"Yes. Now that we know that - and know that the people in this place do not know - It is scary that they might find out. I don't want them to know before we know more about here, until we decide to say -"

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"Until we are free, I think. Nothing good comes of being a slave that is very interesting to the Emperor, and Emily didn't think that'd be any different in America. Also she said 'they might think you're crazy' like they do something terrible to people if they think that they are crazy. But I didn't want to ask, we can look that up once we can read.

 

If anyone does find out, I will say  'I'm not comfortable answering questions about my childhood when you're in a position of power over me' and you can say we were lying to impress Emily and maybe you'll be okay, if they don't have a way to do truth magic, and I am getting the sense that they don't." 

 

Iomedae is getting the sense that Emily thinks she is a naive idiot for being unwilling to lie. Her best guess is that she is, in fact, not underestimating how badly America can and will hurt her, and is just clinging to something worth even more to her than that, but it is of course worth considering the possibility that she is being naive and that if she knew what they'd do to her it wouldn't, at all, seem worth it. She thinks a paladin isn't supposed to lie even to escape eternal torment but she could renounce Aroden first and tell the only people in the world who were in any sense relying on her being a paladin -

- she feels sick again, now. Why does being a slave hurt so much. When you put it like that it's not even an interesting question. 

 

Aroden does not think she is a child. 

"In what capacities would you say you are relying on my being a paladin."

 

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"Well, I do not know if America has demons. It has been helpful for trusting you so far but - I do not actually have a way to check if you are still a paladin. I am not relying on it for trusting you any more."

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"Okay. I am going to try not to give it up and if I do I'll try to tell you as soon as possible but I do not know for sure how well I'll do and it might be relevant to my decisionmaking if you were making plans that counted on my being a paladin in the future."

This kitchen is going to be so spotless.

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And Evelyn, who has just had a lovely time with Lily at the park, will get home at 6 pm to - well, apparently to Emily and her girlfriend watching TV in the lounge, and Iomedae and Alfirin - not with them - they seem to be cleaning the kitchen...? 

That's. Uh. That - does not seem like this conversation resulted in all of them being friends. Which was probably a lot to expect, but - ugh. 

 

Evelyn will be blandly cheerful and pleasantly remind Lily to take her shoes off before sprinting off to tell Iomedae about their park adventures. 

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Lily will run off to the kitchen and attempt to inform Iomedae that she went SO HIGH on the swings and was SO BRAVE and also there was a ladybug and it was pretty. 

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Evelyn would really like to interrogate Emily on whatever just happened here, but - she sort of agreed with herself that she wouldn't do that? It doesn't do any good to give them privacy to talk if she's going to demand to know about it afterward. 

 

 

...She'll follow Lily to the kitchen, pausing to smile and wave at Emily and Claudette, and smile pleasantly and normally at Iomedae and Alfirin and then start working on dinner - wow this kitchen is clean - she sort of wants to thank them but also she doesn't want to draw attention to it - 

 

She'll start working on dinner. It's going to be pasta, because that doesn't require thinking. 

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"Thank you for invite Emily here to talk to us. We do not think very close things but I think it was a help to me."

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"Mm?" Evelyn glances over. "- Yeah, I guess you'd have pretty different beliefs. I'm glad it helped, though. Emily is - well, she had a hard time, when she was your age." That's a fine thing to say even if Emily might overhear, it's not like she would disagree with it. "I think there's some stuff she would understand better, even if you're - very different people." 

 

(Evelyn is NOT ASKING what they talked about, even though she's desperately curious. The fact that she's desperately curious isn't even the point. The point is that Iomedae needs something, Iomedae is in pain, and Evelyn doesn't get it. She thought she knew all the ways that teenagers could be in pain, but, apparently, she does not. ...It's important, to figure it out, but she is absolutely not going to do it by snooping.) 

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Her duties discharged Iomedae is going to look for something else to do. She finished the English worksheets but she can go back through them.

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Evelyn would print her off more worksheets if she wasn't in the middle of supervising pasta on the stove and trying to keep Lily out of the cupboards. It's probably fine, anyway, it's good to review materials to remember them better. 

 

 

She still has no idea how to navigate this - whole dynamic, whatever it is - but once pasta and sauce are ready, she'll call Emily and Claudette over to eat. 

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Hopefully Evelyn is on top of making some kind of normal conversation happen, because Emily is still mostly distracted by a combination of 'feeling like an idiot' and 'being mad at Iomedae for stupid reasons.' 

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Evelyn is 100% on top of making pleasant small talk! She wants to hear about Emily's job at the daycare, and - what does Claudette do, again? 

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"I am an artist! ...But art is not a good way to make a living. So I work at the pharmacy." 

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Evelyn is delighted and attentive and wants to hear all about it! What kind of art? And which pharmacy? She's been to most of the ones in town, and knows the staff... 

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Evelyn is kind of an absurd human being but, like, not in a bad way. Right now Emily appreciates it kind of a lot. 

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And hopefully that gets them through dinner without anyone's feelings being hurt, and Evelyn can gently shoo Emily and Claudette by mentioning that it's time for Lily's bath.

She's tired, but - less so than yesterday? Having Lily at school for most of the day helped, and then having some park time with just Lily helped...more than that, probably. Evelyn feels like she could gracefully cope if there's going to be another big serious emotional conversation with Iomedae and/or Alfirin before they all go to bed. 

...Is there? Going to be a big emotional conversation, that is? Evelyn isn't going to be the one to start it, but once Lily has been read to and sung to and tucked in and her lights are out, she'll suggest they can all have some hot chocolate, and try to make it obvious in her body language that she's available and listening.

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Iomedae doesn't speak at dinner, and tries (though she's not very good at it yet) to conceal her prayer before she eats. She accepts hot chocolate and asks precisely three questions about English words she was confused by from her vocabulary sheet ("exam"? "sports"? "traffic"?).

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....Evelyn has some concerns. It is not going to help to bring this up. (And she already told Iomedae - and hopefully Iomedae understood - that her not-bringing-it-up is NOT because she doesn't care about Iomedae's wellbeing.) 

 

An exam is something you do at school, that's meant to check whether you learned the things you were supposed to learn. Sports are - activities people do with their bodies for fun; games with throwing balls around are the most popular kind of sport but lots of things count, including riding a bike. Traffic is when there are lots of cars driving on the road and so it takes longer to drive somewhere. 

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Iomedae appreciates that. 

 

 

 

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"I know it is hard for you, that I talk less now I know more. Maybe it feel like - you try to do right thing, let me go visit my friends, let me talk to Emily, and I less happy and - free speaking - than when I first get here. I do not want to do to you - your generous make you worse off. But the more I understand what has been doed to me, the more I can know which things that matter to me I can have and how much pay for them, and that is better for me than no knowing, even if the Iomedae no knowing seem happier. If you want me talk as repay what I owe you, I will, but the thing that is best for me is to no talk to you, maybe until I am free."

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....There are a lot of things that Evelyn wants to say. But - well, none of them are really things that she can say, right now. Not across this language barrier and culture barrier and - well, power dynamic. 

"You - don't owe it to me to talk to me," she says quietly, making a lot of effort to speak slowly and clearly. "I hope that you'll keep - asking me questions, when you're confused - but it's okay if they're only questions about what words mean in English. I think things will be a lot less confusing once you know English better, and - can go read things about America."

She stands up, carries her empty hot chocolate mug to the counter. "Don't forget that we're going to the doctor tomorrow, once Lily is at school. - Also, just to make sure I've said it - if you get up with Lily tomorrow, I'll pay you five dollars again for an hour of babysitting. You don't have to - you never have to - but it makes my morning a lot easier, and I appreciate it." 

 

She'll also try to catch Alfirin's eye, not that she expects Alfirin to want to say anything to her directly, it's been clear all along that Alfirin is - less inclined to trust adults, and more practiced at keeping her thoughts and feelings to herself.

(Evelyn doesn't find this reassuring. It's normal for fifteen-year-olds to speak before they think. The wariness is something you see in traumatized kids, and it was actually pretty reassuring, that Iomedae isn't like that. ...The fact that Iomedae is getting more like that is pretty upsetting, and does make it feel like she's doing something horribly wrong, but that's Evelyn's problem and she's absolutely not going to put it on Iomedae.) 

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Iomedae will go to her room and pray.

 

There is this world, and there is her world. How many worlds are there? Worlds go around stars in the sky. Is there a world around every star in the sky?

 

It's a very important question, because it affects how many people need her to end the Evil afterlives. 

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Alfirin doesn't say anything. It might be wise for her to at some point talk to Evelyn about how she feels about the situation she's in - so that Evelyn does not feel a need to involve a professional talking-about-feelings-to-help-people-who-don't-want-your-help person - but right now she's tired and wants a rest before doing anything else involving the English language.

 

She considers asking Iomedae for help with the spellbook but she's not really up for reading either.

 

She tries sitting in the room that's supposedly hers, in the dark and the quiet, thinking. She thinks about the world being a ball, and about this world being a different ball. She wonders how far she is from home, if the two ball-worlds are close together or very far away. She thinks about women marrying each other and using magic to lay eggs like birds; It certainly seems more convenient, if women can have babies without sex. And not have babies if they are raped. She thinks about combine harvesters, and how they are probably machines and not monsters, though if they're machines she has no idea how they work.

It's lonely.

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Evelyn....will go to the study, and open an email, and stare at it in blank misery for several minutes. This is not an experience that normally happens to her! It's confusing.

 

...She'll write some rather bland log notes.

Iomedae and Alfirin are getting along well and, she thinks, providing valuable support for each other. They're still facing a lot of culture shock, but Evelyn is sure their questions will be easier to answer once they're more fluent in English. They did a lot of English practice today, at home. They visited the food bank and arranged for both girls to do some volunteering, at least for now while they're not in school and could benefit from more daytime activities. Evelyn thinks it will be valuable for language practice and cultural exposure.

Evelyn discussed chores and allowance with them, and plans to increase their allowance for extra chores, including playing with Lily. They went shopping and got clothes for Alfirin and a bike for Iomedae. Alfirin didn't want a bike, and in any case hasn't even started learning to ride one. They had company over for dinner and it went fine. They have doctor's appointments for tomorrow morning and dentist appointments booked for further in the future.

Overall, the girls are adjusting as well as anyone can expect. Evelyn hasn't brought up the issue of Martin being deported with Iomedae, yet, she was waiting for a good time, but she expects it to go fine. 

 

(Evelyn does not expect it to go fine, but - she does, overall, expect that it won't go wrong in ways she could easily explain to Diel, so - that's more or less the same thing, right?)

(She doesn't go into specifics about the company they had over. She has no idea how to convey to Diel why it seemed like a good idea or what she was hoping for, and - well, it's not like she even knows the details of what was discussed. It's perhaps misleading to say it went well, but Iomedae did say it was helpful.) 

 

 

Evelyn rewrites the notes, including splitting out the Parts About Iomedae and the Parts About Alfirin into separate emails, and sends them, and goes to bed. She does not, immediately, go to sleep

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Alfirin gets up and walks across the hall to knock on Iomedae's door.

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She gets the door. 

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"Is everything all right?"

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"Everything is all right. Can I sleep on the floor in here tonight? The other room is too big and too empty and the bed is too soft."

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"Isn't it? I don't understand why you'd even want such a soft bed. It feels like being suffocated. There's room on the floor in here, though you should bring in your own bedding." She will push her bed to the side to make there be more of it.

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This house doesn't change temperatures very much at night, bedding seems kind of unnecessary. Alfirin goes back to her room for a thin blanket and the least wrong pillow, though, and finds a spot for them on Iomedae's floor.

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"Do you know the song of rebuilding after Azlant was lost?"

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"No." She knows some songs about the ten-thousand-winter night but those are probably not the one Iomedae is thinking of. Not much rebuilding, in those.

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"May I sing it?'

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"I would enjoy that."

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She closes her eyes and sings, in Taldane, though Taldane was not yet spoken when Aroden composed this song, and everyone agrees his original was better and the translations are all grossly inadequate. 

The careful text-books measure
 - Let all who build beware!
The load, the shock, the pressure
Material can bear.
So, when the shattered girder
Lets down the grinding span,
The blame of loss, or murder,
Is laid upon the man.
Not on the steel —the Man!

But in our daily dealing
With stone and steel, we find
The Gods have no such feeling
Of justice toward mankind.
With no set strength they made us -
For no purpose prepared -
In time they overtake us
With loads we cannot bear:
Too merciless to bear.  

We hold all lands to plunder—
All distant planes as well—
Too wonder-stale to wonder
At each new miracle;
Till, in the mid-illusion
Of Godhood 'neath our hand
Falls multiple confusion
On all we did or planned—
The mighty works we planned.  

We only in Creation
How much luckier the screw and nail
Abide the twin damnation—
To fail and know we fail.
Yet we - by which sole token
We know we once were Gods—
Take shame in being broken
However great the odds—
The burden of the Odds.

Oh, veiled and secret Power
Whose paths we seek in vain,
Be with us in our hour
Of overthrow and pain;
That we - by which sure token
We know Thy ways are true—
In spite of being broken,
Or because of being broken
Rise up and build anew

Stand up and build anew.

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Alfirin is not really parsing all the words, because she has been speaking foreign languages all day long and she is tired and they're being sung instead of spoken clearly. She gets the gist of it, though, and it's pretty, and there's something comfortingly normal about someone singing at night.

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....Yeah Evelyn is not actually asleep yet and can definitely overhear the singing happening. Also she's pretty sure that Alfirin crept over to Iomedae's room. She has a lot of practice at interpreting the sounds of footsteps and door-creaks. 

It's fine. It's - probably good for them, that they have each other. 

 

It's a pretty song. A sad song, she thinks? She wishes she could understand the words. 

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Iomedae knows a lot of other ones, but that's the one that has brought her the most comfort since she became a slave. If you'd asked her a week ago she'd have said it's about how mortals are tougher than anything you throw at them, and she's pretty sure now that that's not it, actually, but it's about how if your most catastrophic mistakes do happen to leave you standing you can choose to be the sort of person who gets stronger from them, who learns your breaking point and does not break of it.

She will lie down next to Alfirin but not so close it seems like she's trying to be excessively friendly, and sing a silly children's song about cats chasing ducks chasing insects down a hill.

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When Iomedae's done with that one Alfirin can take a turn, singing the one about a goat and the one about a woman who gets kidnapped by fairies and the one about the woman who almost but not quite gets kidnapped by fairies. They're all in Hallit because all the songs Alfirin knows are in Hallit.

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Iomedae cannot understand those and her head is too full of new words to even want to pick up any Hallit but it is nice, to hear someone singing, to feel like they might be free people in an ordinary place under an ordinary roof. ...when everyone else is out of the house for some reason. And it smells weird. 

She will try to sing Alfirin the song of how men bent plants to their will but she's getting sleepy.

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Yeah her too.

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It's been a kind of exhausting and upsetting day for Lily.

She was very good at school, but being good at school is tiring, and then she got home and the big sisters were sad, and Mummy was sad, and nobody was talking about it so she didn't know what was wrong. And then she didn't even get to play with the big girls who visited, and Mummy took her to the park but was sort of preoccupied - which is wrongbadscary, Mummy shouldn't be like that - and then she got back and the big girls were upset too and Iomedae was angry. She wasn't doing any of the scary angry things like shouting or hitting, but Lily is not a baby and she has EYES and can TELL when people are angry. She can tell when something is wrong, and it's almost worse that there's no shouting or throwing or hitting, then at least she wouldn't be waiting for it. 

 

She's still exhausted enough to fall asleep immediately, and sleep through the singing, but it's perhaps not entirely surprising that she has a nightmare, and at 2:30 am a bloodcurdling shriek can be heard from her room. 

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Ooooof Evelyn just got properly to sleep and her head is pounding. She stumbles out of bed, grabbing for her dressing-gown, and staggers blearily for the door. 

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Iomedae's faster. Detect Evil?

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Oh no????? Alfirin is up and stumbling after Iomedae and - she doesn't have a weapon she left it in the locked drawer - she shouldn't have done that she slept with it under her pillow the night before for a reason -

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No evil! Just Lily, her face scrunched up and sweaty. The scream is trailing off but she still doesn't seem to be really awake; she's whimpering "no" over and over, her arms over her head as though she's trying to fend off an invisible person. 

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Evelyn reaches the room. Oh no, Iomedae and Alfirin are both awake and look really freaked out. "- It's okay, she's okay, she has bad dreams, nobody's in danger here -"

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"Bad dreams sometimes mean bad things."

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Alfirin does not know what a 'dream' is or why having bad ones around isn't itself a bad thing.

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"- no Evil. Evelyn claims that Lily cried out because her sleep is troubled."

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"It's because bad things happened to her before and she has bad memories," Evelyn says, which is not technically something she knows for sure but one can make certain assumptions. 

(Lily has not, once, asked when she was going home to her birth family. Evelyn...can infer kind of a lot, from that. Kids her age almost always want to go home more than anything else in the world.) 

She forges into the room and turns on the bedside lamp and sits down on the side of the bed. "Lily, love, wake up," she says calmly. "You're in your bedroom at Evelyn's house. You're having a bad dream." 

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Lily does seem to wake up. She does not really seem to be less upset. 

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Evelyn stays where she is, sitting on the side of the bed. "You girls go back to bed, okay?" she says to Iomedae and Alfirin. "You need your sleep." 

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Lily scrambles up frantically, trying to free herself from the blankets. "I s'eepd'r! NO bad." 

 

 

*"I sleep there!" 

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"...Lily, you can't sleep in Iomedae's room tonight. You can go say hi in the morning, but this is your bed and your room and nothing bad is going to happen here." 

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"H'wa'ere! Wa'RY'ere!" 

 

 

*"He was here! Was RIGHT here!" 

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"- Nobody was here, Lily. You had a bad dream." And she has a much better idea of who 'he' is, now. Probably not a demon, if only demons hurt children the world would be so much simpler. "He's - far away, and doesn't know where you live anymore, and he's never going to hurt you again, I promise." 

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"She can sleep with us. If he come to get her, I stop him."

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Alfirin nods. She doesn't mind sharing more, though she is kind of kicking herself about not keeping the knife with her overnight and she should not go get it if Lily is in the same room.

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"This my fault because Lily tell me go stop him but I could not understand her saying how to find. I can a small thing keep her safe."

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Aaahhhh??!! Okay technically this is not new information, and also it was clearly deluding herself to vaguely hope that Iomedae would be distracted by the many things going on and drop the matter, but aaaaah. At least she still doesn't, in fact, know where Lily's grandfather lives? ...Evelyn is too tired for this right now. 

 

It's...definitely not fostering best practices to let kids sleep in each other's rooms. Usually she wouldn't even consider it, because it would also be clearly a bad idea, but - in this case, she does actually just trust Iomedae with Lily, and - has more mixed feelings about Alfirin, who she still feels like she barely knows, and who definitely just ran over here from Iomedae's room and not her own - but honestly she also trusts Iomedae to make sure that's fine. Her gut feeling is that this is, very clearly, the right thing for Lily right now, and also - something Iomedae needs. The only thing standing in her way is that it's weird and she would be embarrassed about explaining it to Diel. (And that it would be utterly awful if something bad did somehow happen and it was her fault, but she cannot, actually, think what that would be. Iomedae knows better than to have her pocketknife out around Lily.)

Also, it feels like tomorrow is going to be impossible to face unless she gets some sleep tonight. The chronic sleep deprivation during her first couple of weeks with Lily was bearable because Lily was her only placement, and also at school all day. Maybe she's getting too old for this, but it's the situation she's in. 

Right. Figuring out if she has to explain this in her log notes can be tomorrow-Evelyn's problem. 

 

"...Okay. He's not going to show up here, he doesn't know where we live, but - I think Lily would sleep better if you were there, so she can sleep in your room just for tonight, if you're sure you don't mind." 

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Wow. Lily was not at all expecting that to work. She flings her arms around Evelyn. "TA'you Mummy." 

 

*"Thank you." 

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Awwww. 

Evelyn hugs Lily back and strokes her hair, and then stands up carefully, with Lily still glommed onto her like a limpet, and carries her over to Iomedae. Lily will obediently transfer her grip to Iomedae's shoulders and burrow her head into Iomedae's chest, sniffling.

(Which is also awwwwwwwwww. And - something about it, this one quiet moment at almost 3 am on a Tuesday morning, standing in pajamas in the hallway, makes it feel like maybe, somehow, this is going to be all right.) 

"Thank you, Iomedae," she says quietly. 

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Iomedae in her more petty and childish moments resents that Lily has been told they are sisters, but she would never resent a cursed child frightened of a man who did unsayable things to her for wanting to sleep in a room full of people like a normal person and not in an isolated box like Americans, or for wanting a paladin between her and her enemies.


"God will help me if bad man comes," she tells Lily.

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(Look, strictly speaking Evelyn did not at any point tell Lily that Iomedae was her sister. Evelyn never does that. She said a big girl was coming to live in the house with them, and Lily made her own stubborn determination of what that meant.) 

She goes back to bed. 

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Lily clings. She's a lot calmer now, though. Nobody seems angry at each other right now and so maybe this house is an okay safe house again. 

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It has not at all occurred to Alfirin that they might not be allowed to share a room, so she follows Iomedae back to her floor.

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"You want the bed or the floor?" she asks Lily. "We will all be hugs if the floor."

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"F'oor'ugs," Lily says drowsily. "...Y'n'mada Mummy n'more?" 

 

 

*"Floor hugs. You're not mad at Mummy anymore?" 

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They can all fit on the floor, they'll just be very cuddly. Iomedae is used to this and she bets Alfirin is too. "I was never mad your Mummy. I mad the government sometimes."

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Alfirin is used to being cuddly with siblings and pretend-siblings are an okay substitute. She's about as prickly about snuggles as a very tired rabbit.

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Being mad at the government sounds complicated and Lily doesn't really know what Iomedae means. She's too tired to ask, and sleeping piled up on the floor with TWO big girls right there is the safest she's maybe ever felt in this house. Possibly ever. 

She falls asleep. And, for once, is even going to sleep in until nearly 7 am. 

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Iomedae is also tired - emotionally more than physically - and will sleep until Lily wakes her.

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Alfirin wakes a little earlier but doesn't get up, since that might wake Lily and Lily probably needs the sleep.

 

"Good morning Lily" she whispers when the younger girl opens her eyes.

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"G'munning!" Yawn. Lily is in a vastly better mood. Everyone is friends again, except for the government, but that's okay because the government does not live in Mummy's house. "Pa'cakes?" 

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Evelyn is, for once, actually up already and downstairs with coffee. She's happy to let Iomedae or Alfirin take the lead on pancake-making if they seem to want to, though. 

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Alfirin doesn't know how to make pancakes and does have a question for Evelyn. "Why do you drink soup every morning?"

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"Hmm? - Oh, this is called coffee. It helps me feel more awake." 

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Iomedae knows how to make pancakes mostly and is happy to do that. 

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"Thank you." she says, and goes to watch Iomedae make pancakes so she'll know how tomorrow.

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And they can have a pleasant non-stressful morning, and get Lily out the door on time to her bus. They'll have about 90 minutes to do more English worksheets and vocabulary practice before they have to head out to the doctor's office. 

Do Iomedae or Alfirin have particular vocabulary questions for Evelyn? 

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"No vocabulary but Emily say the doctors can make me - no a woman, no able have babies - if you allow it. Can I have this?"

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EMILY

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...This is fine. It's a pretty reasonable conversation for girls to have with each other, it's useful information for Iomedae to know, and she probably doesn't mean that she's decided she's trans??? And is just trying to convey the concept of birth control in her limited English?? Evelyn is less clear on why Iomedae would want birth control so badly, but - oh, maybe it makes perfect sense actually. She's from a poorer underdeveloped country that's probably a lot worse on women's rights, and she recently experienced attempted rape. That fits, and probably she doesn't need to go hunting for further explanation in the form of Iomedae having a secret boyfriend. It seems incredibly unlikely that Iomedae has a secret boyfriend. 

Evelyn will smile so normally. "That's a good question! Of course I would be fine with it, but I do want to make sure you understand what it means. It doesn't make you - not a woman - or at least that's not how we think about it here. And it doesn't have to be forever, you can decide to stop using it later if you do change your mind and want babies when you're older. It doesn't always work but it almost always works, if you use it right. Some of the kinds can make some people feel sick, or sad all the time, but in that case you can just say so, there are other kinds to try. Does all of that make sense?" 

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"Oh, it is good that you can decide later to stop using it. It no good for me because I am holy warrior and holy warrior girl no marry, but good many other people."

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It is literally never helpful to tell teenagers that they might change their mind about some strongly-held opinion when they're older. And Iomedae...seems less likely than most to change her mind, Evelyn thinks. She just nods and smiles and goes back to helping them with worksheets. 

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Aroden might renounce her and if that happens she will have to pursue different life plans but it's still very hard to imagine them involving children. She argued it endlessly with her mother, when she was a child.

 

"If I'd gone off to be a holy warrior," her mother had said, "none of you would exist, and instead I raised three noble and good sons who will serve Aroden, and that's three times the effect any man can have, no matter how great. If you are unusually suited to His service, so will your sons be; character breeds true."

"If Aroden foresees that will be better I guess He won't pick me," says Iomedae, though of course if that were all there were to it she would be indifferent and she isn't. 

 

 

The fundamental thing is that she does not want a child. It is wronging a child if her mother goes off to die on a cross or invade the Abyss. Having a child feels something like a promise not to do that, and that isn't a promise she could ever really imagine it would be worth making. 

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They'll leave for the doctor at 9:30, just to make sure they arrive definitely on time. Evelyn is trying very hard not to feel pre-emptively exhausted. It's going to be fine. It might end up being a surreal bizarre experience for everyone but all of them are capable of surviving awkward interactions.

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Initial checkups for kids brought into foster care are long, even when the kids in question have accessed medical care before. It's particularly important to look for and document any signs of abuse and neglect, to make and start on a plan to get kids caught up on their vaccinations, and to provide basic education about healthy habits which many of them have never had. The appointments are a couple hours long each and will run in parallel so they're not there all day. The receptionist knows Evelyn, and waves her in. "It's good to see you! And these must be the kids! I have, uh, a Yomeday and a Allison?" 

(She had assumed Yomeday was a black name, honestly. It just sounds kind of like it would be? Neither of the foster kids are black, though.)

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The other people in the waiting room are harrassed-looking parents with toddlers. "This a special doctor for childs?"

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Evelyn nods to Iomedae. "Yes, exactly."

She smiles at the receptionist. "Lovely to see you again! And, yep, these are the kids. It's pronounced Iomedae," well, more or less, Evelyn is still not sure she's getting it perfectly. "And Al-fir-in, I think I must've mangled that one when I was calling about the appointment yesterday. Really grateful you could fit us in on such short notice!" 

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"Of course! I'll call your names in just a moment."

 

When she does, she calls Yomeday and Allison.

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Iomedae has a feeling she is going to dislike the special child doctor. 

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"Right, Allison will be in room 3 here, and Yomeday will be in room 4 here! That way mom can pop back and forth between you both as needed and no one's waiting for ages, okay?"

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"Now, you can just go ahead and take your shoes off and pop up on the exam table - this here -"

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It is not a table. It is a weird bed covered in paper. "I will - break the paper."

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"Oh, that's fine. Lots more where it came from." She turns to smile just as brightly at Alfirin. "- oh, also, both of you should drink some water, we are going to take a urine sample, which is where you pee in a cup for us. It can help us learn a lot about your health and how you are doing."

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"...Do we have to?" They are obviously going to use it for dark magic of some sort. Why else would they want her piss?

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"It's really important for helping us get the whole picture about your health. It lets us run some tests to make sure you don't have anything going wrong with your body, including some really serious diseases like diabetes. It doesn't hurt at all, it's very easy. I know it's a bit gross, but it'll be really helpful."

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Iomedae hates these people. "Can we do the civil disobedience?"

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The receptionist is in fact accustomed to foster teenagers coming through this office. And objecting to this thing. "You're not gonna get in trouble for failing the drug test. We need to know what you're on so we can help."

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"I think I did not drink any drugs, unless they were mixed food and nobody told me. Do I still have to?"

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"We don't just test for drugs, we also test for the sicknesses I mentioned, and for other things that are important to your care plan!" Also teenagers lie constantly.

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Iomedae wishes they'd just hit them. It would be clearer. There is a part of her that wants to dig her heels in and refuse and see what happens and that part of her is very dangerous in a slave and needs to die. 

She also doesn't want to give in, though, that makes Alfirin the one who's being difficult. "Can you do this some other time when we know more about doctors and America?"

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"We'll have some followup appointments but you can't just save every procedure you don't like for the followup appointments, that means it'll take a lot longer to get you an appropriate care plan. And some things the pee test checks for, like diabetes, or pregnancy, we'd want to address right away. We wouldn't be taking good care of you if we missed it for months more."

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"Pregnancy?"

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"Having a baby. Though, of course, if you're pregnant, you have lots of options, you absolutely do not have to have a baby. But the sooner we know, the more options you have to access other services, that gets harder later in pregnancy."

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Iomedae has so many confusions she doesn't even know which to articulate first. 

"I not have child, no man ever lie with me. If I have problems, I having them a long time, I don't see why they will worse now."

If I was with child I'd conceal it from you because Emily and Claudette say that educated Americans believe that babies don't have souls and killing them is all right. This woman looks very educated. She wears glasses and a uniform and speaks with the American important-people cadence. 

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"I am not having a baby also. I do want the drug makes women not have babies. I want do pee test next time, know more about doctors."

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Evelyn stepped back out of the exam room and has been hovering at a distance, because it's not, generally, actually doing kids a favor to hover right there and micromanage all of their experiences with not-always-fun-but-definitely-necessary childhood experiences like doctor's appointments. Also it doesn't do her reputation with the clinic staff any good if she gives off the impression of being the sort of helicopter parent who overreacts to everything; she needs to make sure that it's the case that when she does put her foot down about something, it's taken seriously and doesn't just come across as her being difficult. 

 

At this point, though, the internal screaming has gotten loud enough that she clears her throat. "The girls are just learning English, and I think they would be more comfortable doing the test later once I can explain to them what it's for."

And this is by FAR not the first time a child has freaked out and refused to give a urine sample. It took over a week of coaxing to get one from Lily, and Evelyn ended up having to do it in the bathroom at home and then drive it over to the outpatient lab in a baggie. Evelyn...did not even think to talk them through the contents of a doctor's appointment, like she would have with a younger child, and in hindsight that was perhaps a mistake and she should have plowed through the awkwardness rather than trying to dodge it and throw it at the clinic staff. These kids have no idea how modern medicine works. Who knows what bizarre misunderstanding is going through Iomedae or Alfirin's head right now? 

"Why don't I just take a prescription for the test?" she suggests. "I've done it that way lots of times before. I can get it done at one of the outpatient labs and have the results faxed to the clinic, it's actually faster sometimes, and it won't take up any time at a followup appointment." 

And she's not worried about pregnancy for either of them and definitely not worried about drugs, but saying that won't actually be more convincing to the staff, she'll just - keep acting very chill. 

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"Sure," the nurse says, "I'll see if we can do it that way." And a sympathetic eyeroll shared with Evelyn so the kids can't see it. "Right, in that case, can you both go into your rooms? I'm going to take some quick measurements - height and weight, blood pressure, body temperature - but I'm going to talk to your foster mom first."

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Iomedae will go sit down on the paper table.

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"I'm getting the sense we have some special care needs here?" the nurse says in a whisper when the door has closed. "I saw in the notes they're newly in foster care and English language learners but if there's specific trauma we should know about, or if they're going to be that difficult about every procedure, it's good to know in advance so we don't scare them. Their previous provider wasn't listed and we have no records."

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Okay. Right. How to say this...

"There are not as far as anyone knows any records. We don't - fully understand their backgrounds - they were both found with separate migrant camps, and hadn't previously met, but they share a language they call Taldane, and our best guess is that they both somehow made it here from - who even knows, maybe Central America. I suspect they've never seen a doctor before in their lives. When they first arrived with me, they had never seen indoor plumbing before. Iomedae in particular is - pretty intensely religious, and I don't mean the kind of religious you'd expect to see in America. - Also, Iomedae recently experienced an attempted rape - she defended herself and nothing happened, but it understandably worries her that it could happen again. If she asks about birth control, I suspect that's why, and I'm comfortable with it." 

Sigh. "...They're good kids, honestly, but they're dealing with an enormous amount of culture shock. A lot of things make them anxious right now, because everything is unfamiliar, and the language barrier means it can take a long time to explain. I - realize it's kind of difficult, but, yeah, I think it's important to go slowly and explain everything in words they know." Pause. "- It might be easier to have them in the same exam room, if that's at all possible. Alfirin," she only puts a very slight emphasis on it, no need to be blatantly passive-aggressive here, "is significantly weaker on English, and Iomedae does a lot of translating for her."  

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"Well, I think we can probably do that for the physical exam, if you approve and they're both in favor. I don't think we can for the behavioral health exam, we aren't allowed to run that one without a formally qualified translator. Does the agency have one who can call in?"

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"...We haven't been able to locate anyone who can translate for Taldane, no." Which is one of a growing pile of baffling notes of confusion, but Evelyn does not feel like getting into a whole discussion about it with the pediatric nurse. "Alfirin is a little more fluent in Spanish, if you have anyone available for that? Though I expect some of the assessments are - just going to have to wait until they've picked up more vocabulary."

And cultural context. They're going to come across as so concerning in a behavioral health exam right now, aughhh. Evelyn also doesn't want to get into a whole discussion about that, but she does know that it's not impossible to just - decide to defer some of the assessments, until a child is more "settled" and able to cooperate with it. A lot of her former foster kids have been not especially cooperative with doctor's appointments.

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"All right. We'll see what we can do." And she goes to knock on Iomedae's exam room. "Your mom said you might want to share an exam room with Alfirin. That would mean she might see or overhear your exam results, but it also means you two can talk to each other and it might be less scary, okay? Do you want that?"

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Iomedae is so fond of Evelyn that for a brief second she's not even blazingly furious about the pretending Evelyn is her mother. "I would like, ma'am."

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"Well, let me check if Alfirin wants that too, okay?"

And she goes to knock on the other door.

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America is such a baffling place. She would really expect a process this humiliating and miserable could only be produced by someone who preferred it or at least did not disprefer it; she would never have imagined it would have resulted from people apparently trying to be principled. It is in some sense deeply discouraging. 

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"Hey, AlFEERin, your mom says that you and Iomedae might be more comfortable if we did both your exams in the same room. That would mean Iomedae might see or overhear your exam results, but it also means you two can talk to each other and it might be less scary, okay? Do you want that?"

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"...Yes, I want that. Why you ask me?"

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"So, you have the right to medical confidentiality, which means that only your doctors and your foster care team and other people working to help you have access to your medical test results without your agreement. If I asked Iomedae to come in here, and she saw your test results, she would have private information you maybe didn't want her to have, and that's not very fair to you."

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...Okay that's not in fact crazy though it is taking the concept to a kind of crazy extreme. "Okay. I want be in a room with Iomedae, even if she see my test results."

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"Great!" Then she'll herd the other Central American teenager over. "Okay, the first thing we're going to do is measure you and weigh you. I will show you how we do this on a doll, first, so it's not surprising." The doll can stand up against the wall and be measured. The doll can go on the scale and be weighed. This is the procedure for foster care six year olds and most teenagers would be murderous if you did it to them. 

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It is well intentioned. And somewhat interesting. "How the weigh work?"

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" - the scale? It shows a number here which is how much you weigh."

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"Yes, but how does it know."

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"It's electronic."

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"...but how does it know?" the thing is lightning? And that's supposed to mean it can know how big they are?

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Probably the poor nurse also doesn't have a one-line explanation, and it's not her job to give these ravenously curious incredible kids a science education. Evelyn...is realizing that she doesn't actually have the slightest idea how digital scales work. Something with magnets??? 

"Why don't we Google that later once we're home?" she suggests. "I - don't actually know how exactly it works, but I bet it's interesting." 

She is doing kind of more hovering than she would usually prefer, but she also doesn't want the conversation to be derailed repeatedly by Science Curiosity. 

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Are they ready to weigh and measure the kids now? Yes? 

 

"Are you both okay with hearing your weight? Some kids who've struggled with eating issues prefer the doctor not tell them their weight. We still need it for your charts."

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"I do not understand at all."

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"...I am same weight as four rocks. Know already."

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"...which four rock - all right. How about I tell you your weight, and talk about whether your weight puts you at risk of any health problems, and if that's bothering you, you can say 'nurse, that's enough' and I'll stop, okay?"

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"- okay."

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"So, Iomedae, it looks like you are 5'6", and 190 pounds. And we have a tool that lets us ask - is that a healthy weight at your height? And what it's telling me is that that is technically obese. Now, that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. And it doesn't even necessarily mean you need to lose weight - you've still got some growing to do, so I'd say our focus would be more on maintaining your weight in a healthy way while the rest of you catches up."

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Those numbers and words don't really mean anything but she'll nod and smile politely. 

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Iomedae is ABSOLUTELY NOT obese, what the fuck, but she doesn't seem upset and the nurse doesn't seem inclined to dwell on it and Evelyn is inclined to just...mention later that she isn't worried. Possibly Iomedae has no idea what the nurse even meant, since her description of it was not, in any way, linked to 'eating food'. 

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She's really only catching around one word in three. She is picking up on the 'trying to be nonjudgmental, while being super judgmental', but Americans are baffling and she is probably being judged for some American thing they invented themselves and which she doesn't care about. She accepts a pamphlet on healthy eating. 

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"Alfirin, you are 5'1" and 96 pounds. Now, every body is different, but that's a little thin at your height. Would you say that you got enough to eat at home?"

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...Well she's alive, isn't she? "...yes? I eat enough at home?"

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"Okay. Now, it could just be that that's where your body naturally lands, but it also could be that you'd benefit from getting more healthy fats and protein into your diet, so you can grow a little more. I have a big chart here that shows lots of different foods and how many healthy fats and proteins they have in them. Do you see anything you like to eat?"

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?????? "I eat any food? I like to eat fish and cheese and meat but not get meat except on holidays." Fish and meat and cheese are the things in the right parts of the chart that she can recognize.

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"Okay! Well, I'm going to suggest to your foster mom that she stock lots of fish and cheese and meat at home, and I think you should eat meat even when it's not a holiday, and it'll help you grow big and healthy."

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- oh, that makes sense. Iomedae had been confused about why Alfirin and not her had to look at the food chart and have requests made of Evelyn but they're worried Alfirin is undernourished, and no one could possibly worry that about Iomedae. 

 

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Next she'll take the doll's blood pressure and explain that this measures how much your blood is pushing against your arteries at each part of your heartbeat. If your blood is pushing too much, it could damage your arteries; if it isn't pushing enough, your brain might not be getting enough blood.

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"...you take my blood?" That is even more obviously dark magic than the urine.

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"- so, we are going to want to do some labs where we take your blood to make sure everything is healthy, but for a blood pressure test, we actually don't have to! We will put this cuff on your arm -" demonstration on the doll - "and it'll measure your blood pressure without taking any blood at all. It is pretty tight - that's necessary for it to work - but it won't involve any needles or anything."

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Iomedae knows 'needles'. She did mending in exchange for extra money for the people she travelled with. She is an utter disappointment at needlework but was nonetheless somehow better than all of them - 

- in hindsight obviously because they wouldn't have spent half their waking hours on it, fabric is cheap here. 

 

Taking blood with needles sounds unpleasant but that's secondary to the concern about what they do with it once they take it. "That too wait we know more about America?"

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Bright smile. "Maybe that's what we'll end up having to do about the blood draw! But for now, the pressure cuff? It won't hurt at all and it doesn't take anything except measurements."

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"Okay. Pressure cuff."

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Both girls have very healthy blood pressures! That's great! 


The next thing they're going to do is a complete physical exam, looking at their bodies to make sure that they look healthy, don't have any scrapes and injuries and so on. First, do they both feel healthy? Are there any motions that are painful to make or any recent occasions where they've bumped something?

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"Martin grab my breast and my neck but I stab him very fast and there no marks."

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Evelyn did warn her about the attempted sexual assault but yikes. 

"Okay. And nothing else in your body has been hurting you, or feeling out of the ordinary?"

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"I fall down all the time on bike?"

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"Right, see, that's great to know about! It's not a big deal, but one of the things we are looking for is scrapes and scratches and whether they've been appropriately cared for. You should wash out any injuries you get on your bike that are deep enough to bleed, and always wear protective gear - helmet, armpads, kneepads."

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In civilized places you just ride your bike around all day and then go to the church at dusk.

Iomedae is aware she's just proposed a definition of 'civilized places' that it may be no place on two planets meets. Well. Aroden is the god of civilization; cherished, where it exists, and built, where it doesn't.

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"Would you girls prefer the other leave the room for this part, since we are asking you to take your clothes off?"

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"...and?"

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"...Why does that matter?" It's not like there are men present.

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"Well, okay then! Some people don't feel comfortable being naked in the presence of other people."

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That would explain why all Americans have separate washrooms. "Is fine."

 

She strips.

 

She is an impressively muscular, strikingly healthy looking young woman who has some scuffs on her knees and elbows from biking and an Eye of Aroden meticulously carved into her chest just below the collarbone.

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UM

 

Evelyn had not in fact known about that! What the fuck???!!! 

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Alfirin takes off her clothes. She looks like a slightly malnourished young woman with no noteworthy scars and is staring at Iomedae's chest because she did not know Aroden was like that.

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"- can you tell me about those scars on your chest?" says the nurse, with the fake bright smile.

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Oh. 

 

Americans are going to be unreasonable, aren't they. 

 

"I'm not comfortable answering questions about my childhood when you're in a position of power over me," she says, with meticulous precision.

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Wow. Emily absolutely gave her that script, didn't she, and Evelyn is not going to involve herself and is keeping a careful poker face but the thing it's hiding is a smile, because apparently she's very impressed with, and fond of, Emily right now. This is probably going to come across as intensely concerning to everyone involved and that's not actually a good thing, but still. 

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"I understand," says the nurse with the same fake bright smile. "But we're here to help you, and keep you safe, and that's easier to do if we know just a little bit about what's going on with you. That - looks like it must have hurt."

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"She just say she not going to tell you." This nurse is not very bright, is she. Alfirin stops looking at Iomedae and looks at the nurse the same way she looks at particularly dumb four-year-olds trying to eat snails.

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This nurse thinks she's a child. Children sometimes say "I won't tell you" and then tell you five minutes later when they've calmed down.

 

Paladins? Don't do that. 

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Evelyn really can't imagine that the fact that it would have hurt seems at all important to Iomedae. 

 

She...almost doesn't want to say anything, because it feels slightly like betraying Iomedae, who just said that she doesn't want the faceless system that has complete power over her life to know any more about her. But it seems more important than that to end this line of questioning in a way that doesn't make things 1000% worse. 

 

 

"I think it's probably a - religious cultural practice, from her home," she hears herself say, which is not actually the thing she expected to say, she hadn't quite formed that thought fully until it was out of her mouth.

(Though it's kind of the obvious theory, Iomedae's single strongest character trait by far is being a holy warrior of God, and carving some sort of iconography into your own flesh isn't not a holy warrior-esque sort of thing to do. It's more confusing that it's not a cross, but Evelyn does not at all want to join the interrogation right now and ask about that.) 

She clears her throat. "Anyway, I - don't think it's a good idea to ask a lot of questions about it right now? Her religion is - very personal to her."

That is KIND OF AN OUTRIGHT LIE, going off the last several days, when Iomedae has been loudly making her faith the topic of most conversations, but - it feels like the right thing to say, in this context. It feels like the way Iomedae is trying to approach it, now, and her wariness makes Evelyn sad but Evelyn is still going to do her best to support the thing Iomedae wants and needs right now, which is clearly to NOT BE INTERROGATED. 

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The nurse nods, thoughfully. For a second. 

 

"Iomedae, one of our most important jobs here is to make sure that you're safe, and that other children are safe. Whatever happened here, however you feel about it, and there are a lot of ways you might feel about it, you wouldn't want it to happen to younger children, right? You wouldn't want anyone to get - infected injuries, diseases that can happen when you cut yourself - and you wouldn't want them to be scared and in pain. If you tell us about what happened here, no one is going to be mad at you. We're just going to make sure that kids who have - injuries like yours - get the medical attention they need."

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"You don't have to talk about it. You certainly don't have to say anything personal. But this is - not a safe practice, and I need to make sure it's not going to happen again, and that it's not happening to other people who it's our job to keep safe."

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(Wow, the 'say something so annoying I am tempted to respond' strategy almost worked on her. That's kind of embarrassing.)

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"Maybe we can come back to this later."

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"I am freed in three years."

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Man. Evelyn is...kind of pissed off right now, actually, and for reasons she's not sure she could explain even in the privacy of her own head, because on the surface of it, trying to ask questions about a kid's horrifying probably-ritual-scarification (is that the word for it?) is super reasonable, but - auuuuughhhhhhh. 

 

She's actually really proud of Iomedae for not - well, 'rising to the bait' is a deeply uncharitable gloss on it, the nurse is clearly being sincere, but it really must have felt that way to Iomedae. And getting into an argument about religion in the pediatrician's office is not going to go anywhere good. 

(Probably the nurse isn't going to draw concerning conclusions from Iomedae's word choice about when she leaves foster care? Lots of kids feel kind of that way about it.) 

 

She kind of wants to smile at Iomedae but that might be weird, if the nurse thinks she's colluding to keep Iomedae's secrets from the rest of the fostering team.... Okay, on reflection, that's an insane person way to think about it, for one thing she's not even doing that, she's - conveying all the important facts, just. Judiciously. And smiling to reassure a stressed and upset kid is a really normal thing to do, right? 

She tries to catch Iomedae's eye and offer her a small smile. 

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Evelyn is being unexpectedly helpful and Iomedae appreciates it. 

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"All right," says the nurse, frustratedly. "Alfirin, can we do a physical examination for you as well?"

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(...Evelyn is planning to tell the nurse, in private after this, that she's going to gently ask Iomedae about it at home later, in an environment where she feels safer. She's not sure if this particular nurse just...hasn't encountered the actually-extremely-common problem of kids in foster care not being even slightly willing to open up to strange adults who they see no reason to trust.

And, like, she will gently ask Iomedae about it. ....Very very gently and with no pressure. And being judicious about how she reports anything Iomedae says. And possibly waiting until she has a few more days of English vocabulary and slightly more of a sense of stability in her life.) 

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"...Yes? Is do a physical examination when you ask about scars? I have one an animal bite me and one I play with tool when I a baby and one I reach into fire but that one better now, maybe not very a scar." She points them out as she mentions them.

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" - yes, that's part of what we look at in a physical examination, though we also look at many other things. The only part of the examination where we need to look at your whole body is to look for injuries you are hiding, because some children hide injuries. Thank you for telling me about your scars." Those kinda sound like the result of neglectful parents but to be fair sometimes good parents have a toddler who just cannot stop trying to injure themself. 

 


After Alfirin is determined not to have horrible ritual scarification and both girls are confirmed to not be hiding any recent injuries they can put their clothes back on. 

 

"The doctor will come in in a little while, and he's going to look at your reflexes, your eyes, your ears, your nose, your mouth, things like that. He can demonstrate on the doll too. Then after we've checked if you girls are physically healthy, we will do a behavioral health screening, where we talk about how you are feeling and how these changes in your life might be affecting you."

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"What is a reflexih?" From context she assumes it's a part of her head that she has two of but she can't think of any more of those.

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"It's the way your body responds automatically to inputs. For example, if the doctor bops your knee with a hammer, your leg will move by reflex, before you have time to think of moving it."

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So when she says 'look at your reflexes and eyes and ears and mouth and nose' what she means is 'hit you with a hammer and then probably do things to your eyes and ears and mouth and nose.' "Yes ma'am."

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....Evelyn is pretty sure these kids with their deeply concerning history are going to be picturing a completely different mental image than the one the nurse actually means!!! 

"It's a very little hammer," she adds quickly, making a hand gesture. "It's rubber, so it's soft, and they don't bop you very hard, it isn't supposed to hurt." 

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"That's good." America is a crazy evil place so they hit children with hammers when they take them to see healers, but also Americans are weak so they use soft tiny hammers - None of this makes any sense and she knows that explanation is wrong but she doesn't have a better one.

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"That's right," says the nurse. The bright fake smile is back. "It's a very tiny hammer, not scary at all. He'll show you on the doll first." And she'll gather up her clipboard and leave.

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"- I wanted a backup holy symbol," Iomedae says to Alfirin when the nurse is out of the room. "And I was waiting two months for my armor to be made for me so it seemed a better time than I was likely to get once I joined the order. - you have to let it heal the slow way or it won't scar."

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"People who follow your god don't have to do it?"

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"Of course not! I bet it would make it lots harder to recruit people, and if they don't have a backup holy symbol and theirs gets shattered whose problem is that but their own?"

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"I was just checking so I would be careful that your god is not secretly evil!"

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"That is very fair. But no, it's just me. I asked the priest why more people didn't do it and he said '...because it would hurt' and so I figured that I wanted to. ...whenever I found situations where the reason it had not been solved was that solving it would be very unpleasant, I considered that a significant advantage, because I think I care wildly more about winning than most people and moderately less about it not being dreadful."

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Evelyn is VERY sure that the girls are talking about Iomedae's scar - she's pretty sure, from Alfirin's face, that Alfirin was also learning about this for the first time and had a lot of questions - and she kind of desperately wishes she understood Taldane, right now, but - it wouldn't be better overall, she thinks, if she could eavesdrop on all of their conversations. She's certainly not about to ask. Maybe later - carefully - but not while they're in a doctor's office, which is clearly turning out to be an alarming experience for them. (That part in particular is one Evelyn is pretty used to navigating, though the reasons for it in this case are different. She's not sure she's ever met a kid who liked doctor's visits.) 

 

She tries to look busy reading a poster, and waits for the doctor to come in. She tries not to worry about the behavioral health exam coming up. 

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The doctor is a man of about fifty, with a much more calming manner; he sits down on a chair at a good distance from the girls and explains the eye, ear, nose, and throat exams at a slow pace in small words. If they do not like an exam while he is doing it, he tells them, they can tell him to stop and he will. 

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They may as well get it over with. 

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If they tell him to stop he'll stop and then... presumably just do it again? "If you will stop if we ask, you will do again after stop? Why stop?"

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"We will talk about what was bothering you, and I'll see if there is some other test of the same thing that wouldn't bother you in the same way. But ultimately, if we just can't find one, we can skip that test today. Now, don't make me regret telling you that by trying to skip all the tests just because they're no fun. I know they're no fun. They're important."

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If they're important why does he let them skip some?

"...Okay."

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"But you feeling in control here is also important, so if one of them is really getting to you, call a stop, we'll see if we can solve whatever's making the test stressful."

 

Then he will shine a lot of bright lights in their eyes and ears and throat, and move their head around and ask them to track the light and make 'beep' sounds in their ears at strange pitches and hit their knees with a very small hammer, unless there are any objections.

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The bright light in her eyes is uncomfortable and the beeping in her ears is weird and kind of uncomfortable and she doesn't like being hit with a hammer because nobody in their right mind would like being hit by a hammer - maybe the hammer is a test to see if she'll complain about things she doesn't like.

"Is there a way to do this one without hitting with hammer?"

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" - well," says the doctor, "I'm not really sure that there is. What's bothering you, you're worried it'll hurt?"

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"Yes." Obviously. She does not give him the snails face because this is a test.

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"Okay. Well, most people don't actually find that the hammer hurts. But you know what I'm going to do, is I'm going to get out my computer and check if there is a common substitute. The test with the hammer checks if your neurological system - your brain's control of your body - is working okay, but maybe someone has found another way to test that. I will see what our options are."

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... Surely she is not the first person to object to being HIT WITH A HAMMER. So he's...pretending to not know if there's another way? She'll wait and see if he pretends to find another way.

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"Well, look at this!" the doctor says after a minute. "Here's a lovely woman doctor in Louisiana who has solved our puzzle for us. She writes, 'When checking knee reflexes, press down on the dorsum of the foot while tapping the patellar tendon. This maneuver overcomes inhibition of the reflex, so that a brisk tap with the side of the index finger elicits a good response. Using the index finger avoids the need for a reflex hammer, which may upset the child.' Does that one sound any better to you?"

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(Evelyn appreciates her pediatrician SO MUCH. You can't be very picky about more things than that, like the nursing staff - there just aren't that many pediatrics clinics in Reno, especially not once you filter for 'accept the state insurance for kids in foster care' and 'admin staff capable of handling slightly unusual paperwork' - but she shopped for doctors hard.) 

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She knows what answer she's supposed to give here, even if she doesn't know what a dorsum or patellar or tendon or inhibition or index finger is (maybe it's a normal finger, but maybe it's some other tool that's just called a finger for reasons). "Yes, that sounds better."

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"Right! Let's try it that way, then. I may need to practice a few times, as I haven't done it this way before. This here is your dorsum, and this is your pateller tendon, so I think what Doctor Darken in Louisiana is saying is that -"

And Alfirin's leg twitches when he taps it with his finger.

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"Why...do they do this with the hammer. If there is another way that is easy."

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"Well, most kids don't mind the hammer, believe it or not. It's just a little tap, and with little kids we don't call it a 'hammer'. That makes it sound scarier." He shows her a wedge of plastic. "See, it doesn't look as scary as it sounds, right? Would you rather the normal way or the way I just looked up?"

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Iomedae is so far beyond bewildered at this point she's struggling for words, which is not a problem she's used to having even in her third language. 

 

"- hit me with the hammer? So we can - so we know why this is this way."

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Sure! Tap tap.

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WHY IS AMERICA LIKE THIS

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...Man, it's probably pretty understandable to find reflex tests incredibly baffling if you've never encountered modern medicine before, though of course the way the nurse presented it didn't help. Unfortunately Evelyn doubts she can clarify things any more than the doctor did, she had actually been kind of blanking on what kind of problem the reflex test is even meant to be testing for. 

She smiles reassuringly. 

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That honestly looks less bad than the bright lights or the noises and she is so confused about what any of that was supposed to accomplish. Showing off that healers know all the body's secrets and can use them to make legs twitch???

 

"Are you a scientist and a polymath or just a doctor?"

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He snorts. "I'm just a doctor. Do you want to be a scientist and a, uh, polymath when you grow up?"

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"Just a scientist, I think, if I am allowed. I think I cannot be a polymath unless I am also a doctor or an animal trainer and I think I can not be a doctor or an animal trainer?"

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"- you can certainly be a doctor or an, uh, animal trainer, if you want to, and you can be a scientist if you want to, though I'd have to say I don't know how you'd find the time to do them all at once. Medical school takes a long time. What are your favorite subjects in school?"

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Evelyn clears her throat. "They're not in school just yet. New to the US. They're both very bright, though, and curious about science. I'm sure they'll catch up." 

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"I have not went to school yet because I only went to America weeks ago and only made a foster child two days ago."

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" well! In that case, if you want to be a scientist when you grow up, I would say you should work on your math and science classes at school, and then apply to lots of different universities until you find one that will give you a good price. Some of them have special programs for children in foster care, so you don't have to pay for your university education. 

 

And how about you," he adds to Iomedae, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

 

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"I am grown up already."

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"Well, then, what do you want to be when you get finished with school? If Alfirin here is a scientist she'll be in school for ten years even once she's a grownup by anyone's definition."

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Ten years????? That is so long.

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This conversation is about to go interesting places, but for once Evelyn isn't on eggshells about it. 

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"Before I was made a foster child, I was working on a farm and learning how to take care of the cars we use to drive from farm to farm. In the not growing time I planned maybe I work build houses, or if I good at take care of the cars I do that. A friend say there lots of money in taking care of cars if you are good at it. I also want to do healing of all the workers so the work not so hard on them, and figure out why the church here do no do healing, and fix it, and then buy a car and go a place that need me more. I had a list of places. Some of them you think silly try to fix but I do not think silly and I do not want to talk about it.

 

Now I a foster child. I no can do any of those things. I obey Evelyn three years."

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Evelyn would be kind of worried about most professionals' response to this, but she trusts her doctor, and he's used to foster kids being angry about being in foster care, and - well, a lot ruder than that. Some adults would probably find Iomedae's wording rude, but Evelyn doesn't. 

She's a bit confused about what exactly Iomedae is trying to elide, here, because she was certainly outspoken about her self-appointed (or God-appointed according to her) life mission yesterday, and that was already after the point when she learned about the raid on the migrant camp and felt betrayed by Evelyn and the system. ...Well, the most salient ""place"" Iomedae has talked about fixing is Hell, and - ohhhhhhh, of course that would have come up with Emily and her girlfriend last night, and of course it would have been agonizingly awkward, and they probably...told Iomedae that randomly bringing up Hell unprompted in conversations is something that some people find offensive? Which is, like, true, and - not necessarily bad advice, for integrating into modern American society - though she's sorry Iomedae feels judged about it. 

 

"You don't have to talk about it," she says gently. Probably the whole 'why isn't the church here doing miraculous faith healing' is already bizarre and surreal enough for this conversation. 

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"Well," says the doctor, "I see why you say you are grown up already. That sounds like a very grownup life you were leading. You know, you can study to be a mechanic - and it is good money, your friend was right - while you're in foster care."

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"I did not think learning car care, learning why the church no healing, fixing it, buy car, drive away to place that need me more take long. A year. Maybe two. If you had said to me 'it will take three year to do all that' I would have said 'I do something more - more Godlike - then.' Because a year is too long for only that much done when the world is this bad."

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At this point the man looks faintly baffled. He doesn't exactly try to conceal it, but he does think for a while before replying.  "- so, you think in foster care you can learn to be a mechanic, but if you were on your own you could become a great mechanic in just a few months, fix your Church and figure out why it doesn't do healing, buy a car, and drive off to a bigger problem? Wow. I think a lot of important things just - take a long time."

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"It is no that I think I could do that for sure. It is that, if after a few months I clearly going to need three years to do that, I would do something better instead."

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"You know, I have a spot on my form for 'career goals' and I am not really sure I understand what you're saying well enough to put it down, but I also don't want to talk about this for too much longer because we have a lot to get through. Do you want to try to give me a short version so I can write it down?"

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"No."

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"All right. - next set of questions, I'm actually going to ask Evelyn to step out of the room, so that you kids can answer without worrying what she might think of your answers, okay?"

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"Okay."

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If there are no objections Evelyn will smile pleasantly at them - and try to convey deep gratitude to the doctor via eyebrows, this is going much better than earlier - and then duck out. She mostly expects it to be fine as long as the two of them are together. They trust each other way more than either of them trusts Evelyn, anyway. 

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"Do you want to be here together for all of this? It is usually considered a good idea to talk to everyone separately, so that you don't feel pressure to give an answer your friend thinks is cool."

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"I will no be alone with you."

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"I will not be alone with you also."

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"All right. 

 

So these questions are about - things that you might get up to, while you're young adults, that you might not want your foster mom or anyone else to know about. Like drinking alcohol, getting drunk. Trying drugs that make you feel good. Driving a car without a license. Having sex.

And then there's some questions about ways people might have tried to hurt you.

Now, the rules are, if I learn about a crime someone committed against you and that you might still be at risk of, I have to tell your foster care team. If you tell me that Evelyn or someone else in your life beat you, I have to report that. If you tell me that your dead grandpa beat you, I don't have to report that, because he's dead and can't hurt anyone. If you tell me you are having sex with a boy you met on the internet, I have to report that, because he is committing a crime. If you tell me that you tried some drugs, I don't have to report that. 

I want to help you make safer choices. And I want to make sure no one is hurting you. But I don't want it to be a surprise if you tell me something and I have to let other people know. You can always ask me 'so, if Evelyn were to have been watching me in the shower, would you have to report that', and I'll give you a straight answer.

 

Does that make sense?"

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"That make sense." She's confused by why anyone might think Evelyn watching them shower would need to be reported. Presumably she'd be doing it to make sure they were showering correctly? But the rest of it makes sense.

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She only caught half the words but it sounds like Law, is what it sounds like, it sounds like someone who is trying to make sure they can avoid telling him things they don't want reported, even though he wants them to talk. Iomedae is still full of inchoate indignation about the 'is Iomedae a child' debate recurring but this feels like she's spent the last week underground and is abruptly reminded that the sun isn't just in her imagination. 

He could be lying. But - but at least he knows what lies to tell. 

"That best thing I hear since foster child," she says flatly. 

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"Great. All right. Have either of you girls tried alcohol - wine, beer, hard liquor, things like that which they serve at bars and clubs?"

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"Yes? Everyone drink a little beer or they get sick."

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"Whenever travel, drink wine. Water cannot travel with."

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"Okay. Thank you for telling me. In America it is illegal for children to drink alcohol. And the reason for that is that it can have big effects on your brain while your brain is still growing. It can make you make really bad decisions, hurt yourself or other people, get into lots of trouble. And alcohol is also addictive - people who drink it have their bodies change to learn they always need it. That - may be what you meant about how you have to drink beer or get sick?" Though her physical was really not consistent with this. "If you drink alcohol all the time, and you want to stop, you will need to go to a doctor or your body may die of withdrawal - the process of no longer drinking alcohol. 

Of course the smart move is to stop before you get addicted, and to not drink alcohol while your brain is still growing. 

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"Well that is strange but it is easy to follow that law because in America there is water from hoses and I think that do not make you sick."

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"- oh, did people where you were from use alcoholic drinks in contexts where the water is not clean? Yeah, that can be - not a great thing for your health but better than the diseases you'd get from the water. But in America, all the water is clean - from hoses, from the tap in your house, from stores you might go to or restaurants you might eat at - and you should do that, instead of drinking alcohol."

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"I know being person drink lots is very bad. I not do that."

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"Great. And if you ever notice that you are drinking even though you know it's very bad, and you want to stop, addiction like that is a health issue that we can help you with. You should make an appointment and we will try to help you safely quit alcohol - or any other addictive drug, because all of this also goes for other addictive drugs."

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"I have not drinked beer after I went to America."

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"How about other drugs? Sometimes people - especially if you are homeless, and it sounds like you were - will offer to sell you or trade you - weed, which is also called marijuana, or heroin, or cocaine, or other substances that - make you feel better, fix your mood, things like that."

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"If I need to feel better I go to a doctor instead, because docting drugs are more expensive than pay a doctor. That is how at home, maybe is different in America and I should drink doctoring drugs?"

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" - no. You should not. These drugs are not safe, and they will not - fix anything that is wrong with you - they will just make you feel very happy for a little while, and then after that either go back to feeling normal or get addicted and need the drug to feel normal. You should go to a doctor if you need to feel better."

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" - what people make drugs that make you need the drug and not be happy with no drug. Why anyone take that drug. Why that legal? You have so many laws for things that do not matter!"

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" - no, actually, those drugs are all very illegal. They just might get offered to you anyway, so it's important to know how they affect you."

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"I will not take illegal drugs that make me want the drug and not be happy without it. That sound stupid."

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"No argument here, but sometimes young adults do stupid things, especially if they feel like they're being treated unfairly, or like nothing they do matters anyway."

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Iomedae thinks Americans might be uniquely stupid. They keep apparently doing stupid things no one else would even think of doing. Maybe people that stupid die as children in Taldor.

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"Next question: sex. Do you know what sex is? I can get the dolls out."

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"I do not know the word in English?"

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So he'll get the dolls out! "This doll is male. He has a penis and testicles. This doll is female. She has a vulva and a vagina. People say 'sex' to talk about the specific act where the penis enters the vagina, but there are also lots of other things people do using the sex organs - touching each other, licking each other, things like that."

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"Oh, that. We know that. Nobody has tried very hard to do that to me."

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"One man try pretty hard do that to me, so I stab him."

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"Okay. No one should be trying to do that to you at all. You are too young, and it is -"

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Oh AMERICA she bets it is ILLEGAL

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" - illegal for adults to try to have sex with you, even if you agree. If you tell anyone, they will get in trouble and you will not get in trouble."

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"I told the law about Martin and they take everything I own make me a foster child maybe call la migra on all my friends and steal their children."

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"One man asked but I did not agree because I am not stupid, and he did not try after I did not agree because I am lucky. I will not tell you who." not least because she never learned his name.

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"So, when I say that it is illegal, I mean that the man who tries to do that may go to jail, and that you will not go to jail. I understand that from your perspective the other things around an investigation might also be pretty lousy. I'm not asking you for anyone's name, but - a lot of young adults in foster care end up making decisions around sex that aren't good for them and put them at risk, and one of the best ways to protect yourself is to make it very clear that you know your rights and that you can report them if you choose to. People who go after homeless children, or foster children, do it because they think you won't report it. So I want you to know that what they're doing is illegal, and that you can always tell me if you want to do that. 

 

I also want to discourage you from having sex too fast in more normal relationships with your peers at school. That's different, that's not necessarily illegal, but it's still a bad idea and a fast track to wrecking your life."

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If she were going to have sex voluntarily she'd obviously marry a stable established man to escape foster care, not - be a secret mistress to a random teenage boy? Why would anyone do that??

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????????

He's saying that like having sex with young men at school would be a choice, if it happened.

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"I feel like you're not buying what I'm selling, here," he says, "but I gotta say I don't know what I'm missing."

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"...what are you selling?"

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"I think you should ideally not have sex until you're a little older, and if you're going to, you should think about how to make it safer, including options to avoid the spread of sexually transmitted diseases - some of which can have lifelong consequences - and to avoid pregnancy."

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"Yes, yes, that we want. The avoid pregnancy."

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"I am not stupid and will not have sex unless I get married or forced? I do want the drug for not I will get pregnant if I am forced, is that what you are selling?"

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"- I can talk with you both about options for birth control, yes, though I'll need to talk with Evelyn and with your social worker as well, because they might see it as a worrying sign that you are planning to have sex - I believe you that you are not - or that you are, uh, going around the correct amount of nervous for a homeless girl on the streets and the wrong amount of nervous for a foster child in school about being subject to rape. I can't tell you it never happens, but it's rare and usually involves some of the other things we talked about - drugs, alcohol -"

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"If a person who have to follow foster child rules went to the place I grew up - well, maybe beasts would eat them. But if that did not happen then someone would try them and learn they not allowed to have a knife."

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" - I believe you, but in school no one is allowed to carry a knife. Because we don't want any of the students knifing each other. And there are school security guards."

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"Boys are stronger. Stronger than me, maybe not stronger than Iomedae. No knives, they still win fight - "

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(Boys are not stronger than Iomedae and she is pleased about it.)

 

(Some grown men are, but fewer every year.)

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" - so," says the doctor, "if a boy tried to rape you at school, and you screamed, hundreds of people would hear, because there are a lot of people in a school, and the security guards would hear, and they would come, and he would likely be arrested. You generally do not need to personally win fistfights or knife fights to avoid being raped, unless you're homeless and living on the streets. And I know that you were, and I'm glad you were both able to protect yourselves, but - that's not how everyone else protects themselves."

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"...Or he cover my mouth, or say 'If you scream I smash your skull' and - maybe boys in school are all very stupid, do not think of that?"

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" - most cases of rape among students at school are cases of students who are already dating, and go somewhere private together on purpose but with different understandings of what will happen from there, or of a person getting so drunk or high they cannot meaningfully consent to sex and then someone choosing to have sex with them anyway, or of adults seeking out sex with people under the age of consent, which we call statutory rape."

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"Okay I think the word rape not mean what I thinked it mean. What is the word for making someone have sex with you by being stronger than them or having a better knife."

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"...that is rape. It's just a very rare kind compared to all the other kinds I just described."

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All the other things he described were just - situations in which obviously someone will have sex with you because you weren't trying to stop them. Which is pretty different from situations where people will have sex with you even if you are trying to stop them. But maybe if there are lots of people around who will go off with random teenage boys or get insensible with drink around them then most people do not try to go after people who'll forcefully object. Maybe in America you really pretty much only get raped if you are without papers or astoundingly reckless. 

"I guess we will see how school is."

 

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"That seems like it might work better than another lecture. Do you have anyone you can tell if you feel unsafe at school, or if something happens and you don't want to go to your foster mom about it right away?"

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"...Iomedae?"

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Iomedae beams at her. 

 

And does not say "God", because she is trying to NOT do the thing that Emily thinks is a hint she's an alien from another world. 

 

"I can take care myself. I very strong."

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"I noticed that. Are you in any sports, afterschool activities, things like that?"

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"No yet but Evelyn say some things maybe for me to learn fight people with no sword."

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"I'm glad to hear it. Exercise is healthy, and it sounds like being able to know you can stay safe will - also be healthy for you, in a different way."

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And he takes a deep breath. "Smoke any cigarettes? Shoplift from any stores?"

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"What is a cigarette?

...I did not steal any things, is that what shoplifting mean?"

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"Yep. I know it can seem harmless but it's a way to end up in a lot of trouble very fast. And a lot of things are harder if you're already in foster care. Even if your friends are shoplifting, I really recommend you stay well clear of it."

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"Of course we not steal things. We are fed right now but even when that not so, we worked. You think we maybe have friends who steal things?"

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"That is not a thing for worry about, we not have friends."

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"I did but la migra stole their children and sended them to another country."

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"We not have friends anymore." Actually maybe Lily might steal things when she's possessed but Alfirin does not know her to have done so and isn't going to report her to get her hands cut off about it even if she did.

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"I think lots your advice for very stupid people."

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"I think almost all of us indulge in a little bit of foolishness from time to time."

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"Stealing and sexing and drugs is not a little bit of foolishness. It is not like pet a dog that is actually moonwolf and bite your hand off, bad luck. It is like rear a hundred moon puppies, never feed them, kick cage open, surprise they eat you."

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"Pet a strange dog at night is also not a little bit of foolishness."

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"Look, it's not my job to judge people. It's really not. A lot of people think doctors are judging if you cooperate enough, do what you're recommended, take all your medication on time, exercise, eat healthy - and that stuff matters, but our job is to meet people where they are, and make it a bit better. If that means they're going to get so drunk they can't see straight every night, it means helping them understand what that's doing to their body so they can stay alive. If it means they're going to pet strange dogs at night, I guess I'd look up how to identify normal dogs and moon dogs, whatever those are. If it means they have a lot of sex, I want them to be able to make smart choices about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases. I'm not going 'are the choices that got you here reasonable'. I'm just trying to make sure you know enough for your choices, however good or bad they seem to me, to go as well as they possibly can."

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The thing I want to do when I grow up, Iomedae suddenly wants to say, is conquer the Evil afterlives with America's ridiculous America things. She thinks it might even be a good idea to say it. She thinks he wouldn't have to believe Hell existed to try to give her life advice about how to conquer it. 

 

But 'it might help' is not actually good enough reason, for decisions of that scale. And she really, really, really needs practice at keeping secrets.

 

"Any more bad choices you think we should not do?"

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"That's all I've got. There's a lot more they want to check about the two of you and how you're doing, but it sounds to me like you are in pretty good shape as far as substance abuse, sex, and crime go. And that's a big deal! Stay away from those, and you'll have a lot more options in life. - sex is fine when you're older, in a committed relationship with someone who cares about you."

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Those criteria seem radically insufficient - this argument is not worth having. He's in any event packing up his clipboard to leave.

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He calls Evelyn in before he leaves. "That's all done, then. The nurse'll be back in for the behavioral health screen. I have a lab order here for blood and urine. I would love to start getting the girls caught up on their vaccines, but that can be a lab order too if it's too nerve-wracking to do today."

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“It’s - probably a good idea to wait until we can go over everything at home, yeah. I can handle it if you give me the lab orders." 

She has no idea what Iomedae or Alfirin are rounding off the concept of bloodwork or urine tests to. Some sort of bizarre local superstition from their home country? She does think that once Iomedae gets the concept of vaccines, she'll be incited to delightedly praise God and Costco. Vaccines are clearly something God would approve of. 

(...Maybe. Or maybe Iomedae won't bring it up, maybe she's - decided to stop doing that, because Emily or Claudette told her it would come across as weird. Which Evelyn has mixed feelings about. It does come across as pretty weird, and she had been pre-emptively dreading Iomedae being bullied over it once she starts high school, but - she'll miss it, if Iomedae stops bringing God up at home too.) 

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"Sure thing." He writes them out and hands them to her. "All right. All of you take care, and come right back in if you do have any problems."

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"Of course. Thank you." 

Evelyn smiles at the two girls, and does not ask how it went. Hopefully well? Her doctor tends to have especially good rapport with teenagers. (It's easier for him, Evelyn thinks, when he's breezing into their lives to be unexpectedly chill and respectful about their life choices, and he's not the one dealing with fights and messy rooms and refusal to do homework day in and day out. But it's possible he's also just...better with teenagers than she is, in some way. Not that Iomedae or Alfirin are typical.) 

...She sort of wishes she'd had more time to coach the girls on the behavioral health interview, or at least warn them what to expect, but honestly she has no idea where to start. It's absolutely the kind of topic that explodes into a hundred tentacles of miscommunication and teenage indignence at completely unexpected aspects. 

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The nurse is back about twenty minutes later. "All right. We do have to split the girls up for the behavioral health interview, it's not appropriate for them to hear each others' answers. They can have mom in the room if they want."

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"My mother is not here but Evelyn in the room is better than not." Evelyn is more honorable than the nurse. 

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"I never ask foster children to call me Mom," Evelyn confirms, less because this is going to make any difference whatsoever - this is just how health care professionals are, the doctor only avoids it because she's been bringing her foster kids here for a decade and some of them have MUCH angrier responses to implications that she's their mom - and more because she wants Iomedae to know that she, also, noticed. "Are we going to do them one at a time? Alfirin, do you want me there as well for yours?" 

(It's probably better for her to be there, even if she's going to spend the entire time extremely tense.) 

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"You can not in both rooms same time, you stay with Iomedae if they do both same time? I not need you with me."

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Alfirin will pass her behavioral health interview with flying colors. Alfirin can lie. 

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"We can do them one at a time if you both want your m- uh, your foster mom," the nurse says.

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"- You can talk about it in Taldane for a moment if you want," Evelyn says quickly. If the nurse looks unhappy about them doing this then she can get politely glared at. 

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There's not actually much to discuss. Making Americans feel good about enslaving you doesn't seem hard if you are allowed to mislead them. It's just pretty obviously impossible if you aren't.

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Oh, she gets it now, this nurse will not understand literally anything a "child" says the first time.

"I do not need Evelyn there" she says again.

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"All right, then! Evelyn, why don't you and Yomeday come with me back to the other room."

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Iomedae will obey. 

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(There is some kind of subtext here and Evelyn is pretty sure that she's completely failing to read it correctly. Alfirin - has less trust and rapport with Evelyn and so wouldn't find her presence useful? That wouldn't be surprising, Alfirin has been there for half the time that Iomedae has, but it doesn't feel right. Alfirin seems less worried about this than Iomedae is, and Evelyn doesn't get that part at all. Maybe Iomedae is just still shaken from the incredibly awkward interaction about her ritual scarification, and wants Evelyn to be a buffer in case that comes up again and she's put on the spot? That...still feels incomplete, like Evelyn is missing some element that both Alfirin and Iomedae agree on.) 

...It's not an answer either of them owes her, though. She will smile pleasantly at the nurse. 

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"Now, you can make yourself comfortable," says the nurse, "we're not going to be doing any more physical exams. We're just going to be talking about the feelings and stresses you may be going through right now. If anything I ask doesn't make sense, please feel free to stop me or ask questions. 

Now, all of these questions are about how you have been feeling in the last two weeks. We'll ask later about mental health history - how you felt before that - but this first screening is just to get a snapshot of where you are right now. 

In the last two weeks, have you had thoughts like that you wish that you were dead, or that you would be better off dead, or that other people would be better off if you were dead?"

 

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" - of course I would be better off dead. I do not know if other people would be better off if I were dead. I think maybe my friends would be better off if I had died instead of finding them to travel with, but Evelyn think maybe la migra would have come anyway. But it maybe my fault, so maybe better for them if I had been dead. But if I died now that would not help them, only if I had died before I tell the law about Martin."

 

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....Yep Evelyn is very glad to be here for this. 

"She was living with a migrant camp of undocumented workers," she says quickly. "There was an ICE raid shortly after she came to CPS attention, which may or may not have been related but Iomedae is concerned it was. Martin is the man who attempted to assault her, she brought him in for medical attention afterward."

Evelyn is so calm and not worried and - well, maybe indirectly implying that anyone would be devastated after that, and teenagers can be dramatic, it's not a useful thread to keep yanking on. Evelyn does not expect that to work to get the nurse to leave it alone - the doctor would, and come back to it later - but she can at least convey to Iomedae that saying that is not something Evelyn will get mad at her over.  

Also Iomedae believes in AFTERLIVES - like, harder than Evelyn does? Evelyn believes in Heaven but she's still pretty sure Iomedae believes in it differently. Evelyn is not at all sure that's useful to insert here. The nurse already knows that Iomedae is very religious and can hopefully make that inference? ...She'll wait and see where the nurse goes from here. 

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"How many times in the last few weeks would you say you have had these feelings about being better off dead, or other people being better off if you were dead?"

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"...I do not understand."

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She repeats herself more slowly. 

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Iomedae looks hopelessly at Evelyn. "I do not have - guesses about what I did wrong - a number of times? I know them always."

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"...I think there's a bit of a miscommunication about the question," Evelyn says very carefully, looking at Iomedae and not the nurse. "The question that the doctor is worried about, here, is - sometimes people who are very sad about something that happened, or - feel like something bad was their fault and it means they're a bad person - end up having a lot of thoughts about wishing they were dead, or thinking about ways they could hurt themselves. And that's - something the doctor would want to help a person with, if they were feeling that way, because usually there are ways for someone to feel better, even if the things that happened really are sad." 

 

Evelyn isn't sure if that's a better way to communicate it, but - she would be pretty surprised, if Iomedae were having intrusive suicidal thoughts. She...might have the thought that being in foster care sucks, and Heaven sort of definitionally does not suck, and selfishly she would be happier in Heaven, but Evelyn has a hard time imagining Iomedae acting on that or really even wanting to. Earth is where people need her help. And, as she already pointed out, it wouldn't help her friends for her to die now

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"Like they can give my friends they children back?" It would not be more baffling than anything else about America if they'll give her friends their children back because she is sad.

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...Evelyn is maybe going to be a coward and let the nurse field that one because she is busy being really mad about ICE again.

(It's one thing to take kids into foster care against their protests because their parents hit them and spend all their money on drugs. It's a tragedy, but - the situation was already a tragedy, and sometimes it does result in giving the parents some breathing space to put their lives back together. But it's - Evelyn had never really thought about the difference, before, but these weren't parents who were neglectful or abusive. Iomedae wouldn't have been okay with that. They were parents who loved their children and were trying to give them a better life and future in the only way they saw how, and their crime was having been born in a poorer country, and Evelyn is - pretty mad about that, it turns out, once she's had it repeatedly brought to her attention how unfair it is, even if she's also sort of grumpy about having it repeatedly brought to her attention when she genuinely can't do anything about it.) 

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"What we can do if you're struggling with feelings of wanting to die is get you therapy and medicine that will help you cope with your feelings. You can still be sad, but the sadness will not be so overwhelming. 

In the last two weeks, have you felt like you might hurt yourself or other people?"

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"Well, I stab Martin."

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"...We've had a talk about it already," Evelyn says. "Iomedae is - from a very different culture. Her parents taught her to carry a knife," a sword, please Iomedae don't correct her about that, it sounds so much weirder, "and to defend herself with force, if necessary, and it sounds like this guy did not back off when she tried verbal de-escalation. She didn't want to hurt him, and I'm not worried that she would ever hurt anyone unless she was afraid for her safety and other strategies hadn't worked." 

Iomedae probably doesn't know half of the words she used, but that's not really the point, is it.

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There is not a spot on the form for that. "I see. Uh, okay. Hurting yourself? How many times in the last two weeks have you thought about hurting yourself?"

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"... I thinked about marry a girl to check if it is an Evil thing to do?"

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" - no, the question means, have you thought about cutting yourself, or causing yourself pain, or trying to kill yourself."

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"- you go to Hell for that. No matter how bad it is to be a foster child Hell is worse."

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- wait, is suicide supposed to be something that you go to Hell for? Evelyn can't actually remember that coming up in any sermons or at Sunday School when she was a kid, not that she was the most attentive Sunday School participant. It seems...mean to depressed people? Surely Jesus wouldn't hold it against someone if they did something in a moment of awful pain? 

Evelyn is not going to get into a discussion of theology with Iomedae at the doctor's office. Surely "but you go to Hell for that" isn't even that bizarre a thing to say, she could imagine a Catholic kid saying something like that about, oh, birth control or having an abortion. She doesn't interrupt. 

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"I'm really glad to hear that you don't want to kill yourself and don't have a plan to," says the nurse. "If that changes, you can talk to someone here, all right? We can help with those overwhelming feelings.

How often in the last two weeks have you felt unhappy?"

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"When I was free I feel very happy. Then I made a foster child and still happy because I did not understand what being a foster child was. Then I learned and then usually unhappy, except when asleep, or praying."

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"How often have you felt alone?"

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"I alone to pray so no one will know. I alone to sleep if Alfirin and Lily not join me."

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That's a very understandable way to misinterpret the question, which on reflection is not helpfully worded. 

"She doesn't mean alone in the sense of being by yourself somewhere with no one else there," Evelyn says. "It's more - being sad because you don't feel like you have friends, or missing people you wish were there, or not feeling like there's anyone you talk to who would understand. The English word for that feeling is 'lonely'." 

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"I miss my friends who get send to other country. I miss people in Taldor who know what holy warrior is and - expect right things of me. I miss my father. I am grown and did not miss my father living on my own but if he knew I was a slave he be so angry and learn America try to fix it and get me free and I miss having someone who would do that for me."

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Oh no. 

"- Iomedae is very frustrated that a fifteen-year-old is considered a minor in America," Evelyn says. "Where she grew up, she was considered an adult by her parents, and left home to - pursue an adult life."

It's interesting how much more...on Iomedae's side about it...she feels all of a sudden, though really she should stop thinking of it as 'sides', the nurse is trying to help just like everyone else here. 

Can they not get into the 'holy warrior' part please. Hopefully the nurse will decide to just move on rather than figure out where on the form to put stuff about it. 

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"How often in the last two weeks have you felt that your life was bad?"

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"Bad for the world? When I learn that la migra come to my friend homes. Or bad for me to be living?"

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"Bad for you to be living."

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"It is much more bad than being free, and more bad than being a child when I was a child, and less bad than many things that can happen if a person as stupid as I was."

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"...so would you say that you feel like your life is bad sometimes, often, or almost always, in the last two weeks?"

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"The week before I was made a slave was very good! I had save so much money I could start giving to the church. Some people sleeping in my tent because Martin make them nervous and that maked me happy because I was doing my job keeping people safe. This week bad almost always."

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"How often have you felt like being sad made it hard for you to do things with your friends."

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"...never? How would it do that."

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"How often have you felt like you didn't care about anything?"

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"The whole reason I am mad to be a slave is that there people burning in Hell and it is my job to fix it.

And you are too educated to believe it and so you will let them all burn so the person you see as child is doing child things and make you feel good about yourself.

If I did not care about anything, then why would it make me sad to be a slave."

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The nurse puts down 'never'. 

 

"How often have you felt stressed?"

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"Always."

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"How often have you wanted to be by yourself?"

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"Right now I want that. When talking with Emily and Claudette how educated people think babies do not have souls and Christians kind of suck and not cool, I want that. No other times."

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"How often have you felt mad?"

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"All the time since I was made a slave."

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"How often have you felt so angry you felt like throwing something?"

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"....I have not been angry at flying things?"

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"...so, never?"

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"Or I not understanding the question."

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It takes Evelyn a couple of seconds to figure out what Iomedae is even confused about.

 

....Ohhhhhh. 

"...It doesn't mean, were you angry at something where throwing something would help, it means - you remember when Lily was very upset, and knocked a lot of things down in the kitchen? Sometimes that happens to teenagers too, or - they don't actually knock things down, because they know it would make a mess and wouldn't help, but they sort of want to throw things anyway because then everyone would see how upset they were. I don't know if you ever feel that way, but it's a bit like being so angry you want to shout things at someone even if shouting wouldn't help." 

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" - sometimes I am angry enough that even knowing it is dangerous and unwise for a slave to speak at all I speak. But I am learning. I do it less than when I was new."

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"That's actually our next question," says the nurse stubbornly. "How often you have gotten so angry you felt like yelling at someone."

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" - almost always."

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"How often have you felt fed up?"

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Fed? "...always? When I was free I could feed my self and here Evelyn feed me."

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"No, fed up, like, exasperated, or frustrated, or like you have run out of patience."

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"Almost always."

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"How often have you felt upset?"

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Why are they just asking the same thing different ways - actually, that is reasonable given how often she is misunderstanding what they're asking. "Almost always."

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"How often have you felt like something awful might happen."

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" - awful things is happening."

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"So, almost always?"

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"If it is happening, you say it might happen?"

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"If it feels to you like something awful is happening then it probably also feels like something awful might happen. How often in the last two weeks have you felt nervous?"

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"I don't know the word."

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"Like - scared, but less. A little scared but not much."

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"I feeled nervous about Martin the night before he tried to rape me. I no think he stupid enough try me but I worried he hurt someone. Since I was made a slave I have been a lot scared, so that does not count as nervous?"

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"I'll put 'sometimes'. How often in the last two weeks have you felt scared?"

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"Almost always since I became a slave."

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"How often have you felt worried?"

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"If that have a different meaning than scared I do not know it."

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"It's pretty much the same."

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"Then almost always since I became a slave."

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"How often have you worried what could happen to you?"

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"...almost always."

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"How often have you worried when you went to bed at night?"

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"...if I worried almost always, then I worried when I go to bed at night? Or is it asking, is going to bed more worried than other things?  I am less worried when I do not have to be around anyone who has power over me."

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"How often have you gotten scared really easily?"

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"I do not know how to answer that. No one think 'oh, I am scared really easily', they think 'that thing really scary'?"

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"Have you gotten scared about things other people would not have felt scared about?"

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"- I think an America child lose less by being made a slave, and less confused, and used to having no way to keep safe, and not a holy warrior so can lie to all the doctors and be safe by knowing all the lies to say? So they would be less scared than me."

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She'll put 'usually'. "How often have you felt afraid of going to school?"

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"As much as scared of other things except that I will be made to school for many more hours so if it is more bad than everything then it will be more bad for longer?"

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"How often have you felt scared you might die?"

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"- I will almost for sure die."

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Wow, Evelyn had forgotten that was a question on the screening. It seems very unfair to ESL speakers with a tendency to take everything very literally. 

"I don't think that means dying when you're old, I think it means, are you scared that you'll die soon because something bad happens to you?" 

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"Oh. Maybe? I think Evelyn will not kill me but I do not know about anyone else, and the police taked my sword."

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"How often do you wake up at night scared?"

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"Last night I did that because Lily scream."

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"How often in the last two weeks have you worried while you were at home?"

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"I have not been home in the last two weeks."

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"It means at your foster home."

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"I am almost always scared at Evelyn house."

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"How often have you been scared away from home?"

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"Almost always."

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New form. "In the last seven days, how often have you had thoughts of bad things happening, such as family tragedy, ill health, loss of a job, or accidents?" 

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"Almost always."

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"How often have you felt a racing heart, sweaty, trouble breathing, faint, or shaky?"

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"My heart is fast when there is danger or I am working hard. I do not know most of the other words."

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"How often did you avoid, or did not approach or enter, situations about which you worried?"

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That is the completely reasonable thing to do about dangers. "...almost always?"

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"How often have you needed help to cope with anxiety, like alcohol or  edication, superstitious objects, or other people?"

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"I think I do not understand again. Superstitious objects is necklaces or is drugs?"

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Honestly this is a ridiculous way to phrase the question if you're asking the child themselves about it, even for English speakers who grew up in America. Man. Evelyn feels like she has an idea of what the question means, but very little idea how to translate it to Iomedae. Ugh. Stupid screening test questions. Who even writes these. 

"I think it's, like, a - thing, I suppose it could be a necklace - that you find comforting, maybe because it reminds you of God." 

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"I pray when I am scared and it help?"

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It goes on. And on. They finish the severity of anxiety questionnaire and get into the severity of anger issues questionnaire and then get to the OCD questionnaire. 

"Do you experience worrying a lot about things you touched being dirty or having germs or being poisoned?"

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" - well, lots of things... are dirty or poisoned or will make you sick?"

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Siiiigh. 

"I think the question isn't supposed to be about stuff, like, would you avoid touching poop because it might make you sick. It's more - do you often touch a normal thing, like a table at my house, and then have a lot of thoughts and worries that maybe there were germs on it that will make you sick, or do you worry that the food in my fridge might be poisoned? ...Also, I think in these questions, 'do you worry about something' sort of means, uh, do you keep having thoughts about being scared, even when those thoughts aren't going to help you remember to do things that keep you safe." 

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"....I do not keep having thoughts that will not help me, why would I do that?"

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PTSD questionnaire! Since her traumatic experience, has Iomedae been bothered by 'being “super alert,” on guard, or constantly on the lookout for danger?

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"What is traumatic experience?"

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"- a really bad thing that happened to you that changed how safe you feel. The attempted rape."

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"- the attempted rape was not a really bad thing that happen to me. The being made a slave about it was a really bad thing that happen to me."

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" - yeah, actually, being taken into foster care can count as a traumatic childhood experience. Even if foster care is a lot better and safer than where you were before, being taken into foster care can be a really upsetting experience. You can answer the questions thinking about being taken into foster care if you want."

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" - why do you do it to people if you want to be helping and you know it a really bad thing that happen to them?"

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"At the end of this we'll get you a referral for a therapist who you can talk to about that. I just need to get through these forms. Since your traumatic experience, have you been bothered by feelings of being “super alert,” on guard, or constantly on the lookout for danger?"

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"I do that but I no bothered by it. I a holy warrior. Holy warriors supposed to do that."

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"Uh huh. Have you been bothered by having a very negative emotional state (for example, you were experiencing lots of fear, anger, guilt, shame, or horror) after a stressful experience?"

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"I think I do not understand 'bothered by'. Being sad is not as fun as being happy but is more - correct. When I was happy in foster care it was because I was wrong what foster care was."

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"It's just meant to get at that if your symptoms aren't negatively affecting your life then we're not worried about them."

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"Oh. My symptoms aren't negatively affecting my life."

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The nurse looks so skeptical. "Okay. Have you been bothered by being extremely irritable or angry to the point where you yelled at other people, got into fights, or destroyed things?"

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"No."

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"Have you been bothered by feeling very emotionally upset when something reminded you of a stressful experience?"

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" - actually yes! I feel very emotionally upset when I am reminded of being made a slave. When the doctor said to me we would not get in trouble if we reported a man had sex with us, I feeled so angry at him even though I think he was not lying on purpose. And when you asked questions about if I was lonely I feeled very angry even though asking questions is not worse than other things to make your slave do and makes America happy."

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"No one is making you do this. It's just important for your health and it's a good idea to do it so that we can help you."

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"You saying that also make me angry," she says thoughtfully. "I am no sure if is because it reminded me of a stressful experience or a different reason."

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Eyeroll. "Right. Well, we're done." She turns to Evelyn. "Obviously off the charts anxiety and anger, which I'm sure you've noticed at home. Given how much of the anxiety and anger is tied to the foster care transition, medication isn't necessarily indicated at this point. Of course if it's causing behavioral problems at home, we can move to medication sooner, but the doctor's recommendation is going to be therapy, maybe some group anger management classes, and we can talk about an SSRI if the anxiety's not getting better on its own as she adjusts."

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Evelyn HATES when medical staff do that when the kid is right there. Ugh ugh ugh. 

She addresses her answer to both of them, making eye contact with Iomedae. "It's not causing any problems at my house, actually." Not exactly true but 'Evelyn constantly feels bad about herself' is not a problem that's any of the clinic nurse's business. "Iomedae is understandably angry, but she's - in very good control of it, she has excellent impulse control for a young person - and she never takes it out on us." At least not in ways that Evelyn is inclined to count. Indignant speeches expressing pretty valid grievances do not count. "And I think a lot of things are stressful right now, but I've never noticed her being impaired by anxiety. ...I would take a referral for therapy, since I know there are long wait times and I do want Iomedae to have the option if she decides she wants it. I don't think anger management classes are likely to help, since as I said, my impression at home is that she's already managing it." 

 

...Ugh that probably had a lot of words that Iomedae won't have understood, which is unfortunate, even if right now Evelyn is treating it as more important that the nurse takes her seriously as a competent and experienced foster carer who knows what she's doing here. 

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"I do not know what anxiety is, or transition, or indicated, or behavioral, or SSRI, or adjusts."

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Slowly, loudly. "You are scared all the time because you are in foster care now, and usually if someone was scared all the time we would give them medication that made them feel better, but since we know the cause and it is just that you are in foster care now, we are going to instead get you someone you can talk with about your feelings."

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"Emily say that happen," says Iomedae. "I obey Evelyn."

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"I'm glad to hear that. Well, this, uh, took a lot longer than planned, and we're about out of time. Do you have any questions for me?"

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She has so many questions. Not for anyone here, not even Evelyn. "No."

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(Evelyn is learning kind of a lot of what exactly was talked about with Emily last night, and almost feels bad about it. She had genuinely intended to give Iomedae the option of confidentiality, and it seems sort of unfair for that to end up not working because Iomedae has zero instincts around keeping secrets - which she's pretty sure now is what Emily advised her to do - and has to work very hard to remember not to just speak her mind at all times.) 

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"Okay! Last thing is reconstructing a health history. You've never been to a doctor before, Iomedae?"

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"I don't feel comfortable answering questions about my childhood when you're in a position of power over me."

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" - this isn't about the ritual scarification, this is just about, do you remember what illnesses you've experienced, did you break any bones, things like that."

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"I don't feel comfortable answering questions about my childhood when you're in a position of power over me."

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"Do you deal with a lot of defiant behavior, issues with authority, at home?" she asks Evelyn.

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Okay seriously who says that out loud with their ACTUAL MOUTH with a teenage foster child RIGHT THERE. If it were Teagan - or twelve-year-old Emily - the nurse would be in serious danger of a punch to the face. 

(What on earth did Emily tell Iomedae last night. ...Possibly Iomedae opened up more about her childhood, and Emily - correctly - judged that if she told any adult mandatory reporters, everyone would freak out and make a huge deal of it, and Emily thought it was reasonable of Iomedae not to want this? Which is...something Evelyn has mixed feelings about...but is not going to unpack here.) 

"- No. Not at all. Iomedae is lovely and helpful most of the time, and when she's angry, she uses her words and explains why. It's very normal for children who just came into foster care to prefer not to speak about their childhood to people they see as having power over their lives. I haven't pushed her to talk about her childhood if she prefers not to, I usually don't find it helpful to keep pushing, especially with teenagers."

If she has to come back here with Iomedae she is requesting that they NEVER SEE THIS SPECIFIC NURSE AGAIN, because poor Iomedae, but it's not going to help to make a big fuss of it now. 

"...I believe she's never seen a doctor before this or had any vaccinations, but I don't have any reason to think she had serious injuries or illnesses as a child, and every indication I have is that she was well fed and cared for by her birth family before leaving home." There, something to put down on the form. 

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"Thank you." She will put that down on the form, then. "Right, that's everything, you can head back out to the waiting room and I'll see if Allison's finished up."

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"Alfirin," Evelyn corrects her, smiling so pleasantly and so normally. "Thank you." She stands. Smiles reassuringly at Iomedae, but she's not going to ask if Iomedae is okay right here in the doctor's office. 

 

She really hopes Alfirin is getting along all right. Alfirin seems to have - more instincts in general around managing conversations with authorities and not just saying everything she thinks - but of course she also has minimal context on what will or won't sound concerning, on top of the language barrier. 

She really hopes Iomedae can tell that Evelyn is trying very hard to be on her side. 

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That was really fine. Intensely unpleasant, but everything about the next three years is going to be intensely unpleasant; the skill she needs is patiently enduring it without letting her resentment of these people inspire her to put less care into treating them honorably. Nothing bad happened. The doctor explained some more America laws that are important to know about. Hopefully Alfirin is also fine. 

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Alfirin gets a different nurse, a chipper younger woman who smiles anxiously at her. "Hey. I'm Jessie, and this is a behavioral health screening, where we try to understand how you're doing emotionally - how you are feeling, what feelings are maybe making it hard for you to settle into your new home, do well in school, get along with your friends, and do all the other stuff I am sure you want to do! It's pretty long and repetitive because we try to ask the same question lots of different ways in case one way makes sense to you and the others don't. 

 

"In the last two weeks, how often have you felt stressed or scared?"

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"...all of the days."

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"In the last two weeks, have you had thoughts like that you wish that you were dead, or that you would be better off dead, or that other people would be better off if you were dead?"

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"Being dead is bad."

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" - yes. So you haven't had thoughts like that?"

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"No. Because being dead is bad."

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"Okay. In the last two weeks, have you felt like you might hurt yourself or other people?"

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"...on...purpose?"

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"- yes, on purpose. Like, because you felt out of control, or angry, or mad at them, or mad at yourself."

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"...No."

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"How often in the last two weeks have you felt unhappy?"

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"Sometimes?"

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"How often have you felt alone?"

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"...I have been alone at night when I sleep, except last night I slept in Iomedae's room and was not alone."

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"No, it means - how often have you felt like - you don't have friends, like no one is on your side, like no one really understands you?"

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"...My English is bad and people do not really understand me sometimes? I do not have no friends."

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"How often have you felt like your life is bad?"

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"...Ever since I become a foster child, my life is bad in some ways and good in some ways?"

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"What would you say is good and bad?" That's not on the questionnaire but especially with a language barrier you might want to go off script occasionally.

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"At home the hoses do not make water and only bite, so it is good that hoses here do not bite and do make water. It is good that there is enough food and I can eat meat and pancakes and churros even when not a holiday. It is bad that I am made a foster child when I do not want, it is bad when Lily is having bad dreams, it is bad when I not know all the things that are illegal."

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She has no idea what the girl means but it's probably a language confusion? Her boss said they don't have a translator because they're indigenous or something. It's not relevant, anyway. 

 

How often does she feel stressed? Worried? Unhappy? Angry? Afraid? 

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"...I do not know how all of those words are different."

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Jessie really feels that it is kind of insane to do a behavioral health assessment on an indigenous kid with limited English without a translator. "Uh, angry is - aaaaargh, I'm so mad at you," she says, shaking her first self-consciously. "Worried is - this seems bad, I will stay quiet, look for trouble, expect bad things to happen. Unhappy is sad. Stressed is - aaah this is so much I can't handle all this, I feel like I'm drowning. Afraid is - it feels like something is coming to hurt me -"

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"I feel afraid when la migra take me and everyone I know and give me pizza. I feel unhappy when I am made a foster child and not want that. I feel stressed never. I feel worried many days. Bad things happen, so I think worry is not wrong worry."

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"How often have you felt like you don't care about anything, or like nothing matters, or like there is no point in doing anything?"

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"I do not feel that way any days." She's looking at the nurse like she's an idiot, again.

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"How often have you wanted to be by yourself?"

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"...not any days?"

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"How often have you felt mad?"

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"Mad is like angry? I think I not feel mad any days."

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"How often have you felt fed up - uh, that means like - frustrated, or out of patience, or annoyed -"

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"...I don't know those words either. I am fed every day? Evelyn is a good foster parent."

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" - that's good," she says a bit faintly. "How often have you felt like something very bad might happen?"

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"I in America seven twenty days, bad thing happen...six time? Very bad thing happen two time. So I think very bad thing happen...three ten days?  and half day."

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"- I don't understand exactly what you just said but it sounds like a lot of scary things have happened. Do you feel particularly scared when you go to bed at night?"

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"What is 'particularly'?"

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"More than usual. More scared at bed time than other times."

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"No, not more scared at bed time than other times."

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"Do you think you get scared very easily? At things other people would not be scared of?"

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"...I think sometimes people not scared of things because they not very good thinking. At home there boy say 'I not scared of brown thing' but should be scared of brown thing, go look for brown thing, brown thing kill him. I scared of brown thing and he not but he alive if he scared of brown thing."

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"...brown thing? A...bear? I'm - really sorry to hear that. That sounds really upsetting. Was this someone who was a friend of yours?"

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"Maybe? I don't know what safe English word for brown thing is, why I say brown thing. He was not a particularly friend of mine."

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"Okay. 

 

Do you feel particularly afraid to go to school?"

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"...No. Is school with bad things, bad things happen at school, it good if I particularly afraid to go to school, like it good I afraid of brown thing?"

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She takes a minute to parse that. "No, school is great! School is how you'll learn the things you need to get good jobs and live a good life. But some kids are scared of school anyway because it is something they haven't done before, or their parents told them bad things about it, or the kids there are mean to them, or they had a bad teacher who did not teach very effectively."

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"Most thing in America something I haven't done before. I not particularly afraid of school."

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"Are you afraid that you might die?"

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"I -" don't know if I'm going to go to Paradise or the Abyss, she was about to try to say, before she remembered that educated people in America - which surely means healers - don't believe in afterlives. " - think I afraid of die same as every person afraid of die?"

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"How often have you been scared when you are at home?"

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"At home I scared when go places, hear animals. Or see hose. Or see person died. Or fire. Or other bad thing."

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That is the second time the girl has mentioned hoses. "Did your parents ...hit you with hoses?" That's a thing, right? Because rubber won't leave a mark?

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"...Why my parents hit me with hoses? Hoses maybe bite me or bite them. My parents have sticks. And hands."

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"...that makes sense. You had mentioned being scared of hoses a couple of times and I had not heard of anyone being scared of hoses so I wondered if hoses were used to hurt you. Your parents hit you with sticks and with their hands?"

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"Only when I - not have word. Not obey and happy angry about not obey."

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"How often did that happen? Was that something that happened a couple of times, or something that happened often?" She's staying calm. It does not help if when kids mention there's abuse at home you get upset. They'll think they did something wrong. And the girl is already in foster care, probably not unrelatedly. (But this may well be the first clear accusation they have; she may not have brought it up with her foster mom.) She is typing very fast trying to get down exactly what the girl said.

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"...Not very much?" Something is up, here. "I not - happy angry not obey - very much. Is important learn obey, or get die brown thing, eated locusts."

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"Do you have sisters? Brothers?" 

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"...Why you ask? That not about my behavior."

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Because if there are still children in the home at risk from being hit with sticks then that's important for the report. She doesn't want to lie to the girl but she also doesn't want children to be beaten with sticks and threatened with being eaten by locusts. "I want to make sure they are also safe and fed," she says after internally panicking for a moment.

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Yeah, right.

"I have one baby brother, get sick, die as baby."

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"I am so sorry to hear that. How long ago was that?"

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"Six years"

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She's just going to - flag this for a more experienced interviewer? And return to the screening. 

"Do you experience worrying a lot about things you touched being dirty or having germs or being poisoned?"

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"...I worry about things being dirty when they are dirty."

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"Do you sometimes feel like you have to do the same thing over and over in order to be safe, like washing your hands or touching a door or saying certain words?"

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"No."

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She's going to try one more time at the siblings thing. Sneakily.  "Do you sometimes feel like you are not setting a good example for your brothers and sisters?"

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"...Do you mean my foster sisters? I think I am not a particularly good example for them or a particularly bad example for them."

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"All right. I am going to tell your care team the results of this survey, but they are mostly that you seem to have been through many stresses, but you are not angry and not too sad and not very scared, and that is good. If that changes, those are all things that we can help with, all right?"

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"All right."

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And she'll send Alfirin to the waiting room and write up her report and ask for Evelyn to be sent in once she has a moment.

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...Sure. Evelyn smiles reassuringly at Alfirin too, and heads in to find out what disaster just happened over there because she wasn't present Evelyn's brain can stop borrowing trouble and chill out.

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"Hey," says Jessie. "So Alfirin actually seems to be coping very well - she is stressed, of course, but she emphasized to me that she is mostly scared of the kinds of things that have been happening to her, like being taken into foster care. That's totally normal. If you think she should see a therapist, all of us should really see a therapist, but she didn't show worrying levels of depression or anxiety or anger or anything else.

She did disclose to me that her parents beat her with sticks, when she was 'happy angry not obedient'. I tried to get a little more detail, and didn't really get anywhere, and maybe the care team already knows more?" She tries not to sound too hopeful that this is already Handled and not something she needs to handle herself.

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It's bizarre how Evelyn is pretty sure she knows exactly what "happy angry not obedient" means and also cannot even slightly think of the right English word for it. 

Sigh. "I wasn't specifically aware of that, but I'm not at all surprised, she - seems to come from a culture where that's considered more or less normal parenting. We also don't have any leads on finding her family - we haven't even been able to identify the language, let alone the region, it's almost certainly outside the US - so I haven't been pressing her to talk about it. I expect she'll eventually tell us more once she feels safer here. ...I'm glad she seems to be coping well overall, that matches my impression."

And makes it sound like Alfirin's interview went very differently from Iomedae's. Evelyn is bizarrely proud of Alfirin for that. 

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"She seems very bright. I guess I'll - write up the report for the police even if they probably won't have anything to do with it. You have a good day."

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"Thank you, I appreciate it. It sounds like you - did really well communicating with her, given the language barrier." What she means is BETTER THAN THE OTHER NURSE. She's not going to say that, obviously, but Jessie seems young and unsure of herself and could probably benefit from some praise to boost her confidence. 

And she'll go back out to the waiting room, and see if the receptionist has prescriptions for her; they should have ones for the bloodwork and urine test and whatever the first round of vaccines is going to be for the girls' vaccination schedule. 

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They have those!! And an appointment for birth control, if it's approved by the social worker.

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That's awesome! Evelyn is distracted and would totally have forgotten to ask if they had dropped it, and then felt terrible about it later.

(She's already thinking over her script for emailing Diel to get signoff on it. Maybe emphasize that the girls were clearly both raised in a fairly patriarchal purity culture, and she thinks they're especially scared of maybe being raped because their parents told them they could end up pregnant and it would ruin their lives; she doesn't think either of them is planning to be sexually active, at all, but she's in favor of giving them as many ways as possible to feel secure and in control.) 

Prescriptions tucked away in her handbag, she'll lead the girls out to the car. It's...oof, past noon somehow, they'll have time for lunch before heading to the food bank, but probably not time to explain the tests and vaccines and then also get them done, especially because that's two stops - the local Walgreens does vaccines onsite and there's a Labcorp she uses, but they're not that close together. 

"I don't mind if you talk to each other in Taldane," she tells Iomedae and Alfirin as they get into the car. "I'm curious how you found that - I know it was probably a lot, and I'm happy to answer questions - but I can imagine you might want some time to discuss it with each other first." 

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"It was what I expect. Which is good, means I getting better at expect things, be right."

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"...That's good, yeah." Hopefully Iomedae will also continue to get better at - gracefully interacting with the system and its various professionals, feeling in control of conversations, not finding it as agonizing - but Evelyn doesn't know how to express that helpfully or in a way that won't just make Iomedae more upse and angry.

She drives. 

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She says that she doesn't mind, but Alfirin thinks she kind of minds sometimes.

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And it's not like there's anything to urgently convey. Just gossiping isn't a good enough to reason to spend resources that are hard to measure. And Evelyn's tolerance is one of their most important resources as her slaves. She smiles distantly at Alfirin and looks out the window. She always liked looking out the window when the farm workers moved to a new place but now she kind of dislikes America instead of being delighted with it and so it's not as good.

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Evelyn doesn't feel like making small talk, even for vocabulary practice. She puts on the radio. 

(She's pretty sure that Alfirin and Iomedae are not taking her at face value when she says they're allowed to have private conversations and she won't get mad at them for it? Which - they're inconveniently perceptive kids, they can probably tell that it's often frustrating for Evelyn. She'll have to work on that, because apparently her poker face is not up to the job and so not being frustrated is the only solution here.) 

They get home. She puts a casserole in the oven to reheat, and reminds Iomedae and Alfirin that they're planning to head to the food bank for 2:30 pm today and will spend three hours there. Hopefully it'll be good vocabulary practice! Evelyn is planning to stay for a little while until they're definitely comfortable, but after that will probably use the time to do errands, if they're okay with it. 

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See, that sounds like a good time to gossip about the healers and their feelings questions. "Yes, ma'am."

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Evelyn is kind of running low on easily-findable-on-Google and half-decent vocabulary worksheets, so before and after lunch they can look at more picture books from her rather large selection! She doesn't expect either of the girls to be able to make much headway on reading them yet, but she'll try to get them to read out specific words she knows they've encountered before, and generally use it as a source of inspiration for vocabulary they should learn. 

 

(The stories in the picture books involve a lot of families and children having adventures and children doing day-to-day things like going to the grocery store. Also a weirdly high frequency of families consisting of talking animals.) 

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Iomedae was not laboring under the impression that the only talking species were humanoid. She will diligently try to learn how to read English words until it's time to go to the food bank.

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Alfirin is worried that America is going to try to find her family and steal her siblings because her parents hit her a normal amount and America hates that. Probably it will not work because America is on a different world-ball than Absalom, and Sarkoris is on the same world-ball as Absalom, but maybe a lunar module can go to the world-ball that Iomedae and Alfirin are from. Or maybe a powerful wizard can do that without a lunar module and America is a big empire with many powerful wizards.

 

She is not going to let this show at all. Instead she's going to learn more English and more reading.

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She is successfully hiding it! Evelyn has a vague sense that something is wrong, but that's neither new, nor based on anything in particular about Alfirin's (or Iomedae's) manner right now. She's pretty sure that she's doing the correct thing for the moment, which is helping them learn English as fast as possible and being minimally pushy on other things. 

(She is slightly worried that she's being pushy about the food bank volunteering? Which feels like a weird thing to worry about because Iomedae was the one who asked about it in the first place, but Iomedae has clearly done a lot of re-evaluating things since then, and - well, Evelyn has a lot of experience, and she can recognize the sense of a child being very careful and trying to make her happy because they aren't certain where the lines are, what would make her unhappy, or what she would do to them then. It's less exhausting than the other way of handling uncertainty about where the lines are, which is "pushing them relentlessly", but it's not, actually, less concerning. 

It's probably still a good idea to bring them, though. When they start school will be a good time to suggest-by-default that they stop, and leave them the option of asking to volunteer at a different time. In the meantime, Evelyn is pretty sure that they'll benefit from any additional exposure to normal Americans, and not just for the language practice.) 

 

At 2:10 they can head out, to be absolutely sure they'll be on time. Evelyn packs a lunchbox with a healthy snack for both of them, since she doesn't know if the food bank provides food for its staff and volunteers, or whether any of the food they have is, like, edible without cooking. She suggests that Iomedae watch the route carefully, so she can start learning how to bike there on her own once she's more comfortable on her bike. 

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Iomedae is strongly in favor of knowing her way around Reno on her own even if it'll be nervewracking to go out on a four hundred dollar piece of equipment and without a real weapon. She will stare intently and memorize landmarks. Reno is so big. 

 

She's still glad they're doing the food bank work, even though she no longer has any particular hope for directly fixing the things that seem bad about America before she understands it as a place and, as much as she hates this, probably until she's free. 

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They arrive without incident several minutes early, and Evelyn parks and goes in with the girls. She's not sure if Tyler will be on shift again or if it's someone else. 

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Someone else, an elderly woman whose name tag identifies her as Margaret. There's a truck being unloaded by two men at one end of the warehouse, and half a dozen volunteers packing individual boxes to be dropped off to elderly community members. 

"Here to volunteer?" she says. "It's so good to see young people serving their community."

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"Yep!" There's something weirdly reassuring-feeling about having the girls interact with someone older? Huh. Evelyn isn't sure why that feels important or healthy for them but maybe she should introduce them to more of the neighbors, it's almost certainly also good for them to just meet more people, people who do not particularly have power over their lives, and have normal interactions with them. "This is Iomedae and Alfirin, you should have the signup forms for them from yesterday. They're still learning English but they're picking it up really well." 

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"Great. You girls can go right over there and the other volunteers will show you what we put in each box."

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"Thank you, ma'am."

Iomedae trots on over to the men unloading the truck. She is in a mood to pick up extremely heavy objects and put them in other places. It will make her feel better. 

     "The packing volunteers are over there," one of the men says. 

Iomedae picks up a sixty pound box and puts it on her head. She has good form. It is important to lift things carefully or you'll get weaker instead of stronger for it. "Where does this go?"

     " - shelving unit C, right there. I don't know if you're allowed to do that."

"To put boxes on my head?" Iomedae takes the box down from her head and carries it in her arms over to shelving unit C. "Is it illegal?"

     "...no, carrying them however you want is fine."

She picks up another box.

       "I mean you might not actually be allowed to help unpack the truck. Because they might get sued if you hurt yourself."

"What is 'sued'."

     "Uh, you or your mom might go, 'the company shouldn't have let our girl on the truck, the company owes her money for her injuries'."

"God witness I promise to you that if I hurt myself unpacking this truck I will no say you haved some duty to stop me. My mother and my father, they would not know how to do this and are too honorable anyway. But I do not know if I can promise this for Evelyn, the foster mother the government make me live with. She is kind, but she is American, so maybe do terrible things for silly reason." This box, too, lands on shelving unit C. "So I should go with other volunteers?"

     "Yeah. Sorry."

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Evelyn watches this from a distance, not entirely happily. She does involuntarily wince when she sees Iomedae go in to pick up the box, it looks really heavy, but - apparently it's fine - Iomedae certainly isn't acting like it's a weight she's having to strain to carry...? (Evelyn has done enough abortive rounds of trying to start an exercise routine and seeing a personal trainer that she can recognize good lifting form when she sees it.) Iomedae is, she has learned, 190 pounds of solid muscle - she was doing manual farm labor before, maybe it's not surprising that she's kind of ridiculously strong for a girl her age... 

...Aaaaaaaand perhaps unsurprisingly, the truck-unloading staff do not seem to be on board with Iomedae lifting enormous boxes on her own, which has got to seem to Iomedae like an especially absurd America Thing. 

 

Evelyn sighs, and goes over. "Did they say they were worried about getting in trouble if you hurt yourself? ...I want to know if you think that's America being silly because you really definitely aren't going to hurt yourself just lifting boxes, or because even if you did you don't think it ought to be their fault."

Because this is debatably a decision she can make, that Iomedae is safe to lift things, and it sure looks like she is, but if Evelyn were wrong then, one, it would be mortifying and she would be in trouble, and two, she doesn't think she can actually sign a waiver that will make the food bank not responsible. 

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"They said you maybe demand a court settle it like if they kill my horse. I no will hurt myself with the boxes, I know that God not heal people here."

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“I…think Social Services probably wouldn’t take the food bank to court over it, if both of us were saying clearly that we didn't want to do that. But would be in a lot of trouble with Diel, if I said you could do something where most teenagers your age would have a high chance of getting hurt - because most teenagers would, right, you know you're very unusually strong - and then you did get hurt. I - am willing to tell them that I'm okay with you doing it, because it looks to me like you're doing just fine and I can see you want to help." And that she desperately needs the stress relief of some hard physical exercise, Evelyn is not herself a person who finds exercise useful for that, but she has friends who are, and it makes sense to her that Iomedae would be. "But I wanted to make sure that you know to be really careful, and - that this is actually comfortable for you, and not pushing yourself hard." 

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"I do not want to have you in trouble with Diel. I know I am very unusually strong, I am a holy warrior. I also know that to hurt myself is very bad, and I will not do that."

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"Okay. Let me go talk to them and see if they're willing to be flexible on this." 

 

She goes over to the truck-unloading men. "I don't know if you're the ones who'd need to approve this, but I'm comfortable with my foster daughter unloading boxes. She's - an athlete," there, simpler than explaining 'a holy warrior who knows how to fight with a sword', "and she's very strong, and knows good lifting form, I trust her not to hurt herself. Is there a waiver or something I could sign for her?" 

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"I noticed she was pretty strong," the man says. "I don't have a waiver. - if she doesn't actually get onto the truck I guess she could pick them up off the ground and put them away and I can tell my boss that's not my job to stop her doing that?"

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"...Sure, works for me, if she thinks picking them up from the ground is fine." Evelyn would absolutely fuck up her back doing that but Iomedae probably knows what she's doing. "I'll go check it with Margaret too." 

And she heads back over to find the elderly lady and repeat her explanation that Iomedae is definitely safe to lift things, she's an athlete, "- and gets ants in her pants if she doesn't get enough exercise," Evelyn adds under her breath. "Is there a waiver I can sign or something?" 

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"We usually just have the volunteers pack things," Margaret says. "I can look and see if there's a waiver for them to work on the trucks. Is she an Olympic athlete or something? That's very impressive."

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Iomedae is happy to pick boxes up off the ground. They're really not that heavy. Soldiers have to carry a pack of this weight on a march all day; soldiers who wear armor have to do that on top of their armor which weighs as much. It's just a matter of making sure the weight is where you can handle it. 

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In that case, and as long as she's careful with her body and takes breaks when she's tired, Evelyn is happy for her to get going! 

"Not exactly," she tells Margaret, "though maybe someday! She's certainly got the genetics for it! She's - from an underprivileged background - and was doing farm labor before this. Though probably a lot of it is just how her body is, couldn't be that fit even if I did crossfit every day." 

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Iomedae, if she heard that, would object that her family is rich; a poor person wouldn't, in fact, be as strong as her. There's a reason nearly all holy warriors are of noble birth. (Some people say that the reason is that people of noble birth are intrinsically better, but there is a digression in Scripture about childhood nutrition which Iomedae interprets as saying otherwise.)

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Evelyn is not in fact speaking loud enough that Iomedae, who she's shooed back over to the truck-unloading guys, would be able to hear, though if Iomedae did object, Evelyn would point out that growing up without electricity or running water is, by American standards, an underprivileged background, and this is how Margaret is going to interpret it. 

 

Does Alfirin seem to be settling in okay? 

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She is helping with packing things into boxes rather than making an attempt at the men's and/or paladins' work which she is obviously unqualified for. She seems to be doing fine. It's not hard labor and it's not being interrogated by the government.

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Evelyn will sit down at the little table in the corner and stay politely out of the way, watching with a pleasant smile, until both girls seem settled. She'll sign a waiver if Margaret finds one but isn't going to make a huge fuss about it if not, she's been watching Iomedae at it for a while and Iomedae is clearly fine. (How is she that strong???? Evelyn's brain is oddly quick to jump to 'miraculous holy warrior strength from God' which is not how things work.) 

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That's absolutely how things work. Americans are just too educated to know it. 

 

Iomedae, as she expected, feels better once she has moved a bunch of heavy objects. Also the men unloading the truck are feeling competitive, now, not to be outlifted by a teenage girl, and are doing their own work faster to give her more boxes to move. It is a dynamic she has encountered before and it feels like being at home. 

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"I don't see a waiver for it," Margaret tells Evelyn apologetically. "I suppose it's fine as long as she's not on the truck."

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"It's fine with me! She looks like she's having a great time." Bright smile. "Okay if I head out and leave you guys to it? I'll go let the girls know that I'll be back at five-fifteen or so. My cell number is on the paperwork, if anything comes up." 

She leaves their packed snacks behind the counter, and goes to gently inform Alfirin and Iomedae that she's going to head out and do errands now, if that's okay with them?

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"Yes, ma'am!" This is a happy paladin. Someone had a problem that required being strong and, if she stretches her interpretation of events, also required credibly promising not to demand payment if she injures herself foolishly. She likes it when those are the kinds of problems the world has.

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Evelyn is also very happy when her kids are happy! She feels like she's finally getting something, just one thing, right. 

(She should definitely try to get Iomedae more intense workouts. Her friend Clementine, who does crossfit six days a week and runs marathons in the summer, starts getting kind of ridiculous if she doesn't have her regular exercise. ...Though, also, Iomedae would probably roll her eyes so hard at lifting weights in a gym and setting them down again; she's used to productive physical labor – and the issue is that, with the exception of actual literal farm work, teens under eighteen and especially under sixteen are - kind of locked out of a lot of physical jobs? Since it tends to correlate with dangerous jobs. Well, she'll see what she can think of - maybe there are wilderness rescue programs that take volunteers...?) 

She bids goodbye to Alfirin too, and heads out. 

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Iomedae desperately wants to catch up with Alfirin about the interrogations but she is now in a contest of honor with the truck unloaders and is determined to remain until she's put everything away. They're all going as fast as they can, though, so they're done after less than an hour. 

Then she will jog over to join Alfirin at the box packing.

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Iomedae looks happy. Alfirin is happy too. Packing boxes might not be the most fun thing in the world but it's almost a normal thing and there haven't been any normal normal things besides singing since she was made a foster child.

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Iomedae will observe Alfirin and learn how to pack boxes and then do it. 

"They assigned me to therapy as Emily claimed they would," she says. "And said I am a person consumed by fear and anger but that this is ordinary for a new slave and so they do not need to do anything about it."

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"There is no therapy for me but I think they think my real parents are bad parents and will steal my brothers and sisters about it - I think they cannot find my family so it is not so bad but I am not sure."

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"I'm so sorry. I think they cannot find Undarin because if they could find our world at all then they would know the gods are real. 

Evelyn might be able to help, either with convincing them to not do that or with getting your brothers and sisters if they do do that? The nurse asked Evelyn if my fear and anger was making me disobedient at home, and they would have done something much worse to me if it was, but she said I was well-behaved and did not need them to do things. Maybe she could do it for you too."

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"I think Evelyn would know what the right things to say to them are and what the wrong things are - The healer asked if my parents hit me with snakes, and I told her that they only hit me with sticks and hands like normal people and that is when she started asking about my brothers and sisters - I don't know why she asked me if my parents hit me with snakes, it was a very strange question."

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"That is a very weird question. They didn't ask me that one. But Evelyn usually understood what they meant with the questions, which wasn't what the actual question was. They asked me if I got so angry I wanted to throw things, and I said nothing I was angry at was flying. and Evelyn said they just meant that - just as sometimes even though it's unwise for a slave to speak they might be so angry they are tempted to speak anyway, and Americans sometimes are tempted to throw things when angry even though it is a bad idea, and it is not asking if throwing things will solve your problems but if you want to throw things knowing it won't."

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"Why can they not just ask the questions they mean to ask?"

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"I don't know!! I have never tried to run an interrogation. Maybe it actually works better to ask questions that are stupid and confusing so people get confused and admit that while their parents don't hit them with snakes they do hit them with sticks."

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"Well it worked."

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"It's probably okay. Even if they found Sarkoris how would they possibly find your family?"

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"I don't know! Maybe that is why they want our blood!"

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"Oh, that's fair. That does seem like the sort of thing you could do with blood."

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They are efficient box-packers and actually have all the work done before Evelyn arrives to pick them up. The volunteer coordinator says that everyone's free to just relax and compliments how hardworking the girls are.

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Iomedae could really do without the part of being a slave where everyone tells you how well you are adjusting to it but she smiles and nods.

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She is a normal amount of hardworking for an older girl. She thinks this is just the thing the migrant workers noticed where Americans are all very lazy.

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Evelyn enjoys her glorious almost-three-hour break, which she's pretty sure she very badly needed. She hadn't even realized until she was alone in blissful peace how ragged her emotional equilibrium had gotten. (This is totally normal for the first week of a new placement, she reminds herself, and right now she's in the first week for two new placements. It's going to get better.)  

 

Evelyn didn't even have very many errands to run - they're good on Costco groceries, and covered on fresh produce for a few more days, so she can go on Thursday when the girls do their second food bank shift - so instead she spent a very therapeutic hour browsing Goodwill. Evelyn has a hard-won ability (that her friend Pat calls 'nearly supernatural') to guess a child's shoe size correctly after seeing them barefoot a couple of times, and she's now obtained comfy, sturdy, nearly-new sneakers for both girls for less than $20 total. She's slightly torn on whether to admit to this or imply they were in her used shoe cupboard all along, but - probably the first one, Iomedae has a whole thing about honesty and Evelyn feels vaguely bad deceiving her about things. 

That still leaves an hour and a half to kill, so she goes home, and has the longest shower she's had in six months, and then spends a while on Google looking at martial arts studios and asking on various foster parent Facebook groups she's a member of about the best "practical" martial arts classes available for a very strong, very fit teenager who grew up in a high-crime area and is very worried about self-defense. (Evelyn has a firmly engrained habit of anonymizing requests and leaving out any detail that isn't absolutely necessary.)

She's now pretty sure that what she wants is "krav maga", and there's a studio in the area, yay! ...It's inconveniently on the far opposite side of the city, apparently a 30 minute bike ride away. Evelyn would absolutely not subject most kids to a 30 minute bike ride each way with a martial arts class in the middle, but it's honestly probably good for Iomedae?

 

...The second issue is that the introductory adult classes (which do fortunately specify "14 and up welcome") are 7:30-9:00 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Which means there's one tonight (yay!) if Iomedae is interested, but also means that it's riiiight around Lily's bedtime. Iomedae is not going to be safe to bike there on her own until she's had more practice - and has, like, bike lights, it's dark by 9:00 at this time of year and the days are only going to get shorter from here - and Evelyn would have to be there anyway to sign her up. And probably also wants to be on-hand the entire time for Iomedae's first lesson, in case there are...problems.

(This is the point at which Lily's bus arrives, and Evelyn is distracted for twenty minutes getting Lily a snack and settling her in front of the TV. She doesn't even feel bad about the using-screens-to-replace-parenting. Lily gets home from school very exhausted and Evelyn is pretty sure it's actually good for her, and helps her have a better evening later on, to rewatch episodes of a cartoon she's seen half a dozen times.) 

Evelyn calls the krav maga studio and confirms she can show up and register a teenager for a free trial lesson if she arrives by 7:10, and then...considers the problem of Lily's bedtime for a moment, and decides that probably the best strategy is asking either Jeremy - who's police checked and on her file as a backup caregiver - for babysitting, or calling in one of her foster carer friends. 

It's now 4:15 pm, less than an hour before she needs to leave and pick up the girls.

She calls Jeremy, doesn't get through probably because he's in class, texts him, and gets a response within five minutes confirming that he would definitely be willing to babysit and put Lily to bed if it's in service of Iomedae getting to do epic martial arts, and also that's a bit rushed, does she want him to head over as soon as he's done class and help with dinner and stuff? Evelyn responds that YES she would like that, though to be clear she's not actually sure Iomedae is interested yet, she just wants to make it possible for Iomedae to go tonight if she agrees to it. If not, they can have a nice evening at home. Also if Jeremy can be here before 5 pm, she won't have to take Lily in the car with her, which is preferable. 

Jeremy is there by 4:55. 

 

 

- it's not until she's in the car on the way back to pick up the girls that she remembers she forgot to check if the krav maga studio has a uniform. She....can probably just give Iomedae some comfortable workout clothing from her ottoman of spares, and if they do want you wearing a uniform, arriving at 7:10 should give her time to buy one? Hopefully that will be less of a fight with Iomedae if it's a rule for the self-defense lessons studio...? 

 

 

Evelyn arrives back at the food bank, smiling, at 5:15 pm, handbag on her arm. "How was it? - oh, are you all done already?" 

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"The small-president did not give more work when we had doed it all."

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Evelyn is just going to ignore all the ways in which that's a mildly concerning thing to say. "Yeah, I think they only get so much food delivered that needs packing. I can pick you up earlier on Thursday."

She would clarify that they don't have to go back if they would rather not, but Iomedae looks more relaxed than Evelyn has ever seen her before, and Evelyn is pretty sure that this was a very positive experience for her and she should have more of it. It's mildly unfortunate that the volunteer shifts are on the same days as the krav maga beginner classes, but - well, maybe Iomedae will be advanced quickly to the intermediate classes? Those are on Mondays and Wednesdays. 

 

Evelyn will try to catch Margaret's eye, if Margaret is around, and ideally do a brief checkin about how that went? 

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Margeret is effusive. "What sweet girls! And they were so diligent, too, they just zipped right through all the boxes. A lot of the kids these days, you know, they just want to be on their phones and talk to their friends."

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The reasons why Iomedae and Alfirin are…like that…are not un-concerning reasons, but that isn’t the point right now. And Margaret is very sweet. Evelyn always likes making new friends and this feels like a friendship in the making.

Evelyn beams. “I know! Aren’t they just. - Thursday, right, same time?”

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"Absolutely! See you then!"

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Then Evelyn will cheerfully usher the girls out to the car. 

"I have some good news! I found a," neither of them is going to know the phrase 'martial arts class', "- a teacher that teaches people how to defend yourself without weapons, and I think they're a good teacher, I asked some people for advice and I read the," they will also not be familiar with website reviews, "things people who went there before wrote on the Internet about how it was for them. I think you could both go, if you wanted, but Iomedae definitely can. There's a lesson tonight in a few hours and I've figured it out so Jeremy can watch Lily, if you want to go?" 

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"I want to go!"

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"Yes! I want to go, it is important I learn how to defend myself."

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"Oh good! I'm hoping it's useful for learning how to fight without a knife, but," at the very least it's got to be a workout, which Iomedae needs, "I'm sure you'll learn something." 

She drives in silence for a little while, there's a tricky intersection here. ...Probably it's fine for Alfirin to go? Evelyn...is not actually sure what age they put down in Alfirin's paperwork...but she definitely has the maturity of a fourteen-year-old, and the studio is probably flexible, Evelyn didn't even specify an age when she called and they said it was fine.

"It's also possible to bike to!" she says brightly. "I looked up the route and it's - far, a long way, eight miles I think - it would take half an hour if you're fast on a bike - but you can get there on roads that aren't too dangerous for a bike. ...I'm obviously going to drive you over tonight, since you don't know the way yet and I need to be there anyway to talk to the teacher. I asked Jeremy to come over and put Lily to bed." 

Alfirin is...plausibly not up for an eight-mile bike ride both ways with a martial arts class in the middle, and also hasn't even started learning to cycle...but Evelyn will handle that later, once they find out if the girls even like the class. 

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"It is also important I learn how to go places with a bike?"

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"Half a hour is not a long time to get to a fighting teacher."

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"Only if you want to!" Evelyn says to Alfirin, trying to catch her eye in the rearview mirror. "I'm always happy to drive you, and there are buses too - buses are like really big cars, that go at regular times on the same road and take lots of people - though they, uh, take even longer, and I don't know if you could get home that way since it ends late. I do think you could go more places on your own with a bike, and you might like that better?" 

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"I will try to learn, learn how hard it is?"

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Iomedae is finding it pretty straightforward but of course that's not going to be very predictive for Alfirin of how hard it is. Iomedae can do men's work and fight with a sword.

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"Iomedae is picking it up pretty quickly! But it's easier for some people and harder for others, and Iomedae does still fall a lot. I think maybe we should borrow a bike for you to try?" Alfirin is tiny and will not cope well on Evelyn's bike, it would be a very unfair initial experience of cycling. "And you can see how quickly you pick it up, and whether you would want to go a lot of places that way. It's also pretty tiring for some people, even once you know how to not fall over. I know Iomedae is - very very strong - so I think she can go basically anywhere in the city if she wants to, but couldn't." 

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Alfirin still doesn't understand why the bikes ever don't fall over and doesn't expect to entirely trust them until she does but she's willing to give it a try.

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...In the meantime, there's something else she should talk to Evelyn about.

"Evelyn I need you help me."

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It's kind of the worst time of day for traffic, but that's fine. Evelyn is listening. "Yes? What do you need help with?" 

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"I need to not give the doctors my blood. I think if I give them my blood they use it to find my brothers and sisters and steal them. I do not want my brothers and sisters to be stealed. It would be very bad they are foster children, badder than I am foster child."

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Iomedae suspects that approximately no foster children go to Heaven. The system, however well-intentioned its design, punishes you for telling the truth and rewards you for keeping adults happy with lies and punishes misbehavior flailingly and at random - not an immediate swat for being impolite, but a soft-spoken question at the doctor's office days later, about whether the child's behavior is causing problems at home and requires incomprehensible America things to make the child behave herself. Everyone tells children it's fine to have sex if they are a bit older, with no mention of marriage. Everyone thinks it's all right to kill babies.

It is an environment tailor-made for denying people paradise.

 

And no educated American will care, because educated Americans believe there is no paradise.

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????????????????????!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

"....I don't think that's what they do with blood tests? I - guess you could do a DNA test - sorry that's a science thing, I can explain later - but they would have to have already found your family and be checking if they were really related to you? There isn't, like, a DNA bank of families, even in America? The science isn't that good yet so it's still expensive. And your family is - somewhere outside America, I'm pretty sure." 

Okay right there was a second half there. 

"- Why do you think they want to take your brothers and sisters into foster care?" Because Evelyn can make all sorts of guesses but she has learned, over the years, that her guesses are pretty often wrong. 

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"Because the doctor who do the behavioral health exam very worried when I say my parents hit me when - thing I not have word for - start asking me if I have brothers and sisters - I not lie, but I only tell her about dead baby brother - She not believe me -" She is getting kind of panicked and it's so much harder to find the right English words and say them the right way -

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Iomedae reaches across the back seat of the car and takes her hand. If she were a great and noble paladin she could make people not afraid just by being near them but she is a baby paladin and she cannot keep Alfirin's sisters and brothers safe. 

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Right. Yeah. Of course. That's incredibly predictable and Evelyn suddenly really wishes she could have been in both rooms at once. 

(Evelyn doesn't miss that Alfirin is kind of panicking. It won't help to point it out. There's actually very little she can do to help, from here and also with her current relationship with Alfirin, which is - very reasonably on Alfirin's part - not an especially trusting one. She just - tries to catch her eye again in the rearview mirror, and takes a slow casual deep breath and lets it out.)

(....Evelyn is abruptly so so grateful to Iomedae.) 

 

"I see why that would make them very worried." Evelyn keeps her voice level and calm and in an ordinary conversational sort of tone. "In America, parents aren't supposed to hit their children - I won't say that parents don't ever hit their children, or that - a particular parent hitting their child means they're a bad parent," because Alfirin is absolutely going to be dubious on those grounds, "but it's something that the government worries about, because - parents know that they're not supposed to, right, and so if a parent does it anyway, that's a bad sign about other things." 

Pause. 

"- It sounds like you think your parents were good parents, overall? And that your siblings are okay, living with them?" 

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"My parents are good parents, and my siblings are okay. And they would not be okay if foster childs."

 

"...Most child, do the thing I do for my parents hit me, do it all the time that child die. Because of brown thing or hose or wolf or all the other thing I not English word for. Thing like bad combine harvester, or like bad person, or like bad tree or bad rock. Parent not hit child, child do the thing all the time, child die."

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This is a terrible time to have a conversation about how there are better parenting methods that do not involve much bigger adults doing physical violence to children under their care, and in fact there's no evidence that spanking results in better behavior or children learning self-control earlier, and there is evidence that it results in worse family relationships once the child is older. (Evelyn is pretty sure that's from some kind of study, probably? Or at least a book. She learned it in a foster parent training session and does not remember the source.) 

It's a terrible time for it because, wow, that's describing a genuinely awful and scary kind of childhood, and - one that genuinely sounds like it wasn't her parents' fault, it's an environment where Evelyn herself might not have done any better and she should be empathetic... 

 

...also her brain is kind of repeatedly stumbling over, uh - 

"- I don't think they would have had hoses where you grew up? They're not a kind of wild animal, they're a - sort of tube, pipe," she can't remember if the girls know either of those words, "that you pump water through?" 

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"Hoses here make water, hoses at home bite people, make them sick and die?"

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What. 

"I - think those are talking about different things? Hoses are - made out of rubber or plastic," ugh do they know either of those words, "- made out of the same thing as the bottoms of shoes, and long and skinny and hollow - have a space - on the inside, and you attach them to a tap - like where the water comes out in the kitchen - if you want the water to be coming out further away. They aren't - alive - like how people or animals are alive and move by themselves." 

She has no idea what Alfirin is thinking is a hose that bites people and makes them get sick and die but– 

 

.... ohhhhhhhhh. Okay wow on reflection that's even pretty understandable.

"- I think the thing you mean is snakes? They're a kind of animal that's alive, and they have teeth, and bite people and the - venom - thing in their bite - can make people sick. Hoses are not snakes." 

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...oh. If hoses are not snakes and never bite people it is - slightly less confusing that the healer thought Alfirin's parents hit her with hoses.

 

"Oh. I being stupid. Hoses are not snakes. I meaned snakes."

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"I can see why you were confused! I hadn't thought about it before, but hoses do kind of look like snakes, they're long and thin and even have the same sort of pattern like scales sometimes. I don't think you were being stupid, just - trying to understand things that were very weird, and people weren't explaining them well."

(Evelyn is pretty sure that Alfirin is very smart, actually. She's already noticeably improved in her English communication. Evelyn doesn't feel like she has nearly as close of a read on Alfirin's, well, overall emotional life, as she does with Iomedae, but "quick on the uptake" she can pick up.) 

 

Right she should probably go back to the actual topic. This conversation feels important. It's - actually the closest she's come, so far, to feeling like she at all understands Alfirin's emotional life. 

"...I understand that your parents were - trying to take care of their children as well as they could, somewhere very different from America? With more - dangerous things, like snakes and wolves. It sounds like you think they were doing a good job of keeping your brothers and sisters safe, and teaching them what they would need to know to be safe once they were grown up?" 

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"Yes. My brothers and sisters younger than me, none of them die after they get names. My parents do a good job keeping them safe. Should not be stealed."

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"...That makes sense."

Oh no a traffic light is coming up and someone is honking at her and Evelyn is not 100% sure what she just did to merit honking. She clearly needs to become a BETTER DRIVER so she can handle conversations like this in the car. 

"I - think you shouldn't be very worried? We don't know what country your family is in, and even if we did, CPS - the part of the government that investigates if children are being hurt - is in America, and I think they mostly don't do things that aren't in America?

 

...And if somehow they did find your family, I - believe you, that your parents were trying their best to be good parents with what they had, and I would argue to the court that your siblings should still live with them, and the government should give them more money to feed them and better advice on how to be good parents. I've done that a lot of times before. It's - bad - for children to be torn away from their family, I know that." 

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Iomedae squeezes Alfirin's hand. Evelyn is very good, maybe actually on their side. 

 

She's also having a sudden epiphany about the nature of Law, but she is going to wait on that until Alfirin is reassured. It's important to whether they should do blood tests, though.

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"But you are still a foster parent." she says in a somewhat accusatory tone.

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This is not wise to say but it is very satisfying. 

Additional hand-squeeze.

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Evelyn is pretty confused about what that means–

 

....no, actually, she's not confused. That's a pretty reasonable sentiment. One that most of her teenage foster children might have expressed, if they had the words and felt like they were allowed to.

 

"- Yeah. Because - okay, so for one, there are lots of kids like Lily, whose parents - really did hurt them very very badly - and it's actually just better, for them, to be living somewhere else, with someone who won't hurt them. And - there are lots of kids whose parents are trying their best but - actually never learned how to be good parents, and they take drugs and drink alcohol," Evelyn knows her pediatrician's standard speech and is sure the girls have that vocabulary by now, "and they don't mean to hurt their kids but they are hurting them, and - sometimes all they need is a little break, to take care of themselves, and then they can be good parents. 

 

- and sometimes the system is wrong, and it takes kids into foster care when it shouldn't have - it thinks someone is a bad parent because they're poor, or," okay she is 95% sure Emily would have brought up racism last night, "- because their skin is the wrong color. And - I think it's better, if I'm here, and I can - notice the system is wrong, and say, actually these are good parents, and the child should go home." 

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Iomedae nods vigorously. "The childs would not be free if you said 'this is wrong and I will not be part of it.' Only doing things that fix everything, not just things that make bad things farther away."

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"If nobody be foster parent what happen? President - government - still steal childs, kill them? Or let childs go."

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That....is an incredibly Iomedae-shaped and moderately upsetting way to express - well - a feeling that Evelyn is, yeah, pretty sure she's felt almost every day for the last twenty years. She's halfway through thinking of a response–

 

- wait okay what????? 

"...I don't know. I - that doesn't feel like–

...I think I would have to Google whether there are countries that used to have a foster care system and stopped having one? I know there are - countries that just don't have a foster care system, though usually because they're very poor. I....think it's usually worse, probably?" 

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"Worse for children Lily probably. Lots better for Alfirin and me, because no one bother us so long as we follow law."

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"Maybe I sayed it wrong? What happen if America still have foster care system, but nobody be foster parent. Is government make people be foster parent even if they not want? Or is government kill foster childs? Or is government stop stealing foster childs?

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These poor kids have such a concerning understanding of how anything works. It's...an understandable question to ask, though. She hasn't been asked specifically that before, but 'what if, instead, there wasn't a foster care system' is a sentiment she's heard from multiple kids, including a much younger Emily.

Also, something is going on with Iomedae and Evelyn has no idea what.

"...The government definitely wouldn't kill children, that - does the opposite of solving the problem we're trying to solve. They might pay us more? That's the usual way of getting people to do a job no one likes. There would probably be more institutions and group homes - uh, big buildings where a lot of children live, with staff who come in for work and go home at the end, like the people who work at the food bank. And - yeah, probably somewhat fewer children would end up in foster care. I - think a lot of them are like Lily, and it would be much worse." 

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"So if nobody be foster parent, government still steal lots childs and put them in worse place." She doesn't really understand what's wrong with Lily or what the best way to help her is, but - she's met four foster children, now, and only Lily was like Lily.

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Iomedae is tracing a careful line through several of her ill-articulated indignations and seeing God and has more or less dropped the thread of the conversation. It seems like Alfirin was slightly reassured, anyway.

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Whaaaaaaaaat is up with Iomedae. Evelyn is so confused. 

"...Yeah. I - if there weren't social workers then I think a lot fewer children would go into foster care, because social workers are - the people who actually visit homes and see if children are being hurt by their parents or aren't being fed. I think a hundred years ago, that was - probably something the government didn't do or see as its problem? But - the thing is, social workers don't only take children away from their parents. I think they actually try pretty hard not to jump to that, when they're doing their jobs right. They can help families get money from the government, if the parents are too sick to work, and give the family support in other ways. I don't think it would be a better world if there were no social workers. ...It might be a better world for you and Iomedae if America had decided that people were adults at fourteen and not eighteen, but - I really think you and Iomedae are unusually...grown-up, for your age." 

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"I think Americans our age are unusually childs." That might not have been wise to say and...maybe she should stop.

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"I am unusually adult my age, God mostly pick older holy warriors because if a holy warrior not very careful it very bad. Alfirin is normal grown up my age, for Taldor. 

 

 

I think I see a bit of - honor and God - and why the behavioral health exam about parents hitting is not of God."

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"I guess that's how it would look from your side of things! I think - people do have to grow up faster, probably, in places that are poorer than America. I think people in America had to grow up faster a hundred years ago, when the country wasn't as rich. ...I have to admit that I usually think of that as a bad thing, but - I think it's less bad, probably, if it's normal and what's expected of everyone? And it does actually seem like it wasn't bad for either of you." 

Okay what. 

"- Yes?" she says to Iomedae. 

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"They sayed the behavioral health exam for seeing if we sick and how we feeling. But if we say a wrong thing, like that parents hit us, and parents live America not Sarkoris, behavioral health questions maybe use to steal childs. Right?" 

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Wow she does not have the slightest idea what this is about. It seems really important to Iomedae, and it's making Evelyn feel incredibly off-balance that she doesn't understand why and doesn't know - what direction to steer in - 

"Sometimes, yeah. Being hit by their parents affects how children feel! It's - it wouldn't be enough by itself to take a kid's siblings into foster care, necessarily, just to send someone to talk to them and investigate - though the situation with you is pretty unusual, usually the investigation is first, and if the social worker thinks the kids are being hurt then all of them would go into foster care. ...I guess it would have been more fair of me to explain why they might ask about that? I'm sorry I didn't. There - keeps being kind of a lot I need to explain." 

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"I think a holy warrior God would send away, if they do this. If a holy warrior say, the behavioral health exam for seeing if we sick, then they no can take answers and steal children. They can say 'this test we make you tell us things, we use answer any way we want', then ask questions to steal children, that is - well, maybe it is evil, but it is not dishonorable. I trying to say a thing about dishonor, no about evil. But if a holy warrior say the test is to see if you are sick then it is only for that. 

I feel the same about how I bring Martin to a church for healing and they make me a slave. I think even if I was no a holy warrior, and was a slave runned away, a church at home if I bring a man for healing would say to me 'we no will give you safety here, because we must follow law', would no pretend I safe get me to stay until the law come. I could be wrong because maybe the church at home only good to me because holy warrior and I guess wrong how they would act if I was a runned away slave. Maybe is silly think anyone have honor to a runned away slave. But - but I think I know what Scripture says and I think I know what holy warrior have to do. 

If a holy warrior say 'the test is good for you, for see if you sick, you should do it Alfirin', they mean - that the test no will use to find Alfirin sisters and brothers. Even if the holy warrior think Alfirin brothers and sisters being evilly treated, God will send the holy warrior away, if they say to Alfirin 'the test is good for you' and they mean 'the test we use to steal your sisters and brothers but that is good', that is lying because - because Alfirin does not think it is good to steal her sisters and brothers. Even if the holy warrior thinks it is really good to steal the brothers and sisters, the holy warrior is still lying, because Alfirin does not think so.

Is there a way to say 'you can do this test but only to see if I is sick, you can not use the test for any other things?' And have them do that?"

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This is way too much weird complicated philosophy to handle while driving. 

"I– there are rules about what doctors are allowed to do with medical information, and they mostly aren't allowed to share it with other people. They're not allowed to - tell your colleagues at work that you're sick, for example. There are just a lot of specific exceptions where the law is that they're required to tell certain people, and - a lot of those are for kids, which in America means people under eighteen. The ones that apply for adults too are if you tell a doctor you're planning to try to kill yourself or someone else, and - some stuff about contagious diseases? I - think it's hard, right, deciding what the best laws are to have, and I do get that making it the law that a doctor needs to tell CPS if they think a child's parents hurt them, means that children who know that might avoid telling the doctor the truth because they don't want to go into foster care, and then they can't get any help, including help they would want to have. And I know for a fact that adults who are depressed and thinking about killing themselves sometimes lie to doctors about it. I...guess the people who made the laws in America decided it was worth it, but I get that it's complicated. 

 

- also the fact that it's complicated means you didn't know, and it's on me that I didn't explain more. I'm sorry." 

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Evelyn thinks Iomedae is angry at her. Iomedae isn't. It's a complicated point; in a world without paladins, where educated people think the gods aren't real, how would you notice it? How would you see that there's something there which is - the foundation of all civilization, Scripture says, is the principles that allow people to find those agreements that benefit both of them when agreeing on nothing at all -

 

 

Does a blood test make it obvious that a person is from another world? Not a safe question to speak aloud. Probably a safe question to think; if they had mind reading here, Evelyn's explanation of how they know about rape wouldn't be that sometimes the rapists make portraits of themselves in the act. 

Iomedae's family like most families claim that they have some distant angelic or sun genie or gold dragon ancestry and what if it's true and shows up in a test of her relatives and has implications in America? 

How many things like that are there that she isn't smart enough to think about in time?

"I am not angry," she says. "There are lots of confusing things, and it - not easy see why this one different than if snakes are hoses. Most people not holy warriors and is silly mad they not holy warriors, and I did not knowed this myself. And if I had knowed sooner how doctors work I have done a thing that you think is very bad for me, and you care about me, and it is a very hard thing to ask, ask to tell someone something that will make them make bad choices.

I think I going do civil disobedience about all doctor things. The blood test and pee test and vaccinations and thing that make me not have babies. This is not because you did not tell me, it is because the doctors cannot promise they only checking if I am sick. I do not like disobeying you and I am sorry and I agree to punishment."

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Evelyn is SO CONFUSED and - she's missing something, there's an implication lurking underneath Iomedae's baffling decision and she can't see it - also she should probably not be finding it incredibly endearing that Emily taught them the phrase 'civil disobedience' and Iomedae is now going around using it for literally any refusal to go along with the system's expectations. 

Iomedae is scared and Evelyn has no idea what she's scared of. It doesn't make sense for her to be scared that her siblings will be taken away, there aren't any concerns about her parents' parenting standards, aside from the extreme poverty of a third world country - actually, scratch that, this is obvious to Evelyn but it might not be obvious to Iomedae, who clearly keeps feeling blindsided by the way that things work in America. Maybe it's just that? That Iomedae's attempts to cooperate with the system have unpredictably led to consequences she considers terrible for her? 

...That doesn't feel like everything. Whaaaaaaat is Evelyn missing??? 

 

Focus. 

"It's okay," she says. "I'm not going to be angry or punish you for - not being comfortable with medical treatment you don't understand, when you've had a lot of bad experiences already where you went along with things you didn't understand. I think we should keep working on your English, and once you can read, you can go look things up about how vaccines and blood tests and stuff work, and decide for yourself rather than trusting me that nothing bad will happen. I - know I'm not perfect at understanding what things you would think are bad things to happen, and - it's understandable that that means you aren't willing to trust me on things like that." 

Refusing the vaccines might actually be a pretty big problem? She's not sure Iomedae will be allowed to go to school if she's unvaccinated. At least the food bank didn't ask for proof of vaccination. But - it's still not okay to force medical interventions on a child who doesn't want them, Evelyn thinks, and it's probably not that urgent, Iomedae has been unvaccinated in America for six months. 

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Wow she was definitely expecting this to be a lot harder than that.

 

 

“….thank you, ma’am.”

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Evelyn continues to be very confused about what on earth just happened there, but - it seems like it wasn't a disaster? It feels like she just made progress, somehow, even if she cannot at all put her finger on what kind of progress or in what direction. 

"I think Diel is going to be worried about you refusing the standard medical stuff," she says quietly. "I'll do my best to manage that and make it not a problem." Maybe she can pass it off as a religious objection? It seems kind of insane for Iomedae's conception of God to be against vaccines, but Diel doesn't know that. 

And they can drive home the rest of the way. 

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Iomedae tries to conceal that she is praying for the rest of the car ride home.

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It's a trafficky time of day; they don't pull into the driveway until nearly 5:45. 

Jeremy is in the kitchen with Lily, supervising a pot of chili on the stove and blasting Katy Perry on the stereo; they're both doing silly dances. 

He turns down the volume when Evelyn and the girls come in. "Fun time at the food bank?" 

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"I think I like it more than picking fruits because it is so cold in the building, you can work very fast and not have the heat get too much. Of course, picking fruit gets pay so it is better."

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"Huh! I hadn't pictured it being, like, a workout." Jeremy grins. "Maybe once Diel gets around to sorting out your paperwork, you can switch to a paid position there? Mom, how long does that take, will she do it faster if you nag her?" 

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"I don't think the holdup is Diel, I think she has to submit forms and stuff and then it's just processing times? And Diel has a lot on her plate, I'd rather not nag her." 

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"It is not illegal for them to hire me even once I have papers? The men on the truck sayed that I could not go on the truck because maybe if I got hurt I would sued them."

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"I don't know if they could hire you for truck-related work, but you can definitely get some jobs, and more once you're sixteen. ...Do you actually know when your birthday is? I don't know what they put down in the system for you." 

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"I do not know 'birthday'."

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"...What time of year you were born? So, say, if you were born in summer and you're fifteen now then you're going to turn sixteen in like nine months, but if you were born in early winter then you're almost sixteen already." 

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That's not how they do it in Taldor. They count from Ascension Day. 

 

"...I do not feel comfortable saying things about my childhood when you're in a position of power over me."

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"....Okay."

Man, Iomedae really has just settled on a blanket policy here, Evelyn can't even slightly think of why her birthday would be information she's worried they'll use against her. (Maybe she doesn't know it, and is worried the system will think this means her parents were bad parents?) But of course from Iomedae's perspective, she doesn't know that and can't be sure that anything is safe. It's upsetting, it feels like something Evelyn must have gotten wrong, but - it's pretty understandable from Iomedae's side of things, and sometimes there just...isn't a way to get it right. Evelyn getting upset every time Iomedae is wary of the system is going to get old fast and won't help with anything. 

She starts setting the table. 

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...Lily is going to try to beckon Iomedae over to the other room while Mummy is distracted, and give her a folded-up note she made secretly in art class. It has her old address (527 Crampton Street) and the best drawing she could do of what her old house looks like from the outside. 

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Maybe Lily isn't cursed and is just aware it's a bad idea to seem too clever, as a slave. She studies the paper carefully, and tries to read it back to Lily. "Five...backwards five...seven?"

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"'Ive TWO se'n," Lily corrects her in a loud whisper. "Izda nummer." She drew the number on the mailbox on the house-drawing, and points at it. "C'ampton izza steet." 

 

*"527 is the number. Crampton is the street." 

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"Five two seven Campton Street?"

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Nodnodnod. "I'far byou haffa bike." 

*"It's far but you have a bike." 

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"Yes. I will go when I can get someone to tell me how to get there, okay? It may be a day or two."

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"Da puter te'you!" Lily offers helpfully. "P'tin a Goo'lmap." 

 

*"The computer will tell you. Put it in Google Maps." 

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"I think maybe I'd need to be able to read to do that."

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...That's probably true. Lily makes a face. "...I dink baddit," she offers. She has computer lab class tomorrow, maybe she can sneakily print it out and pretend it's for art? She doesn't...actually know all of the steps in finding Google Maps and looking up a house...but she can ask the teacher and it won't be suspicious like it would be if she asked Mummy for help. 

*"I'll think about it." 

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"Okay." Hug. "I do not know what I will do when I go there but I will go there and see if he is a demon and see if he is hurting people, and if he ever try to hurt you again I will God-fight him."

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Hughughug. "Do'tll Mummy, she s'op you." 

 

*"Don't tell Mummy, she'll stop you." 

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"Yeah. She not know how to - let me get her advice and no be stopped. It's okay. I learning how America works."

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Lily is pretty sure that the idea of grownups who will give you advice and not stop you from doing things is fake. But she trusts Iomedae. 

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Evelyn calls them over for dinner. 

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Iomedae in fact has been noticing she sometimes gets a stomachache from how rich American rich person food is but she ignores this to eat three servings of it because her body will presumably adjust. (She totally failed to parse the nurse's commentary as an admonition to eat less and would be diligently obeying if she had understood.)

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"Doctor sayed I should eat lots meat and cheese and fish, even when not a holiday, but I don't know how much lots."

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"I think eating three meals a day and a big enough portion that you're full afterward seems fine? We have meat for either lunch or dinner most days, I think that's reasonable. I can make an effort to cook fish more often. - You might need to eat more if you're doing a lot of exercise, I think krav maga tonight is going to be a pretty intense workout. We can have a snack once you get home." 

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She will take a normal amount of stew then and put lots of cheese on it.

 

...This stew makes her mouth hurt. Why does this stew make her mouth hurt??? Is it poison??? She can check if it's poison, that is one of the spells she learned and the only one she's had for the last few days except that it's probably illegal to cast spells as a foster child? And Evelyn doesn't know she's a wizard. Nobody else is acting like they are poisoned. She could take the food somewhere else to check? But that would be Very Suspicious probably.

 

...She could just ask. She has not gotten in trouble for asking Evelyn things yet.

"This food hurt me?"

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Oh no. "Is it too hot– ...ohhh, it might be that it's spicy?" It's really not very spicy, Lily can't handle very spicy food, and Evelyn would have thought Mexican food is often spicy? Though Alfirin probably couldn't afford to eat at restaurants and might have been eating plain canned beans and tortillas like Iomedae apparently was. "Spicy means - it's a kind of flavor, from a sort of, uh, I guess it's a fruit technically? Called chili peppers. It tastes like something is hot, and it sounds like you're not used to it? I can get you something else to eat instead. And a glass of milk, milk helps with the mouth burning." 

Does Iomedae seem fine with the chili? 

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"I can eat it I just need know it not poison." She doesn't like it very much but she shouldn't waste food especially food that has meat in it.

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It is an unfamiliar feeling and flavor but Iomedae is a hungry teenager and is undeterred.

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It's probably a losing battle to convince Alfirin that it is, actually, fine to throw out a bowl of chili and eat some other leftovers. Evelyn isn't sure if there are high-protein leftovers easily available in the fridge, either, she would have to defrost something. She'll just have to keep in mind to avoid it in future cooking, which is fine, she doesn't cook much with chilis anyway. Jeremy's a much bigger fan. 

She gets Alfirin a glass of milk to go with the chili, and then cheerfully asks Lily about her day. 

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She finishes her bowl of chili and reminds her stomach that it's not poison. (The milk does help)

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Lily is going to be slightly shifty because she's trying very hard to remember not to talk about art class since she spent it on schemes, but she's happy to talk about their science class. They learned that plants don't eat food! You would think maybe they did with their roots, but they just get water and "mirrles" (minerals) that way, and they eat "egee" (energy) from the sun! 

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And after dinner they can clean up, and Evelyn reads Lily some stories since she won't be there for Lily's bedtime.

They should leave at 6:50, to be extra sure they'll be on time, which means getting ready at 6:40. People usually exercise in lighter more comfortable clothes than their usual ones, because they're probably going to get very sweaty. Evelyn has a good estimate of both girls' sizes now and will get them T-shirts and stretchy jogging pants from the ottoman of spares. Also, these are the shoes she got for them while they were at the food bank! She got them at the used clothing store where things are a lot cheaper, and hopefully they fit and are comfortable but she kept the receipts and can return them if not. Evelyn isn't sure if they're going to be wearing shoes or going barefoot for krav maga practice but they should have good shoes for it just in case. 

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Iomedae feels pretty reluctant about changing into stretchy pants which show her legs but will do it if Evelyn is very sure. "In America dressing like this does not make people think bad woman?"

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"...What? No. This is a completely normal thing to wear for exercising in. ...Though some people are self-conscious about wearing tight clothes, it's okay if you would rather not. I'm just not sure that I have anything loose that would actually fit you, the fit is more forgiving on jogging pants, and they won't get in your way as much." 

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"I do not care about the clothes except that I care if people think I a bad woman."

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"I'm - not entirely sure I know what you mean by 'bad woman' - but nobody's going to think anything of it." And if Iomedae is willing to wear the jogging pants for exercise purposes, they should get a move on, it's nearly 6:50. 

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Well, she doesn't have the English for 'prostitute'! She is content to get back in the car.

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Alfirin is also suspicious of the stretchy pants but fairly easily persuaded that they are okay and not only worn by prostitutes and thieves.

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Evelyn remembers at the last minute to pack water bottles for both of them, with lots of ice; definitely her least favorite part of workouts is getting all overheated and thirsty. It's already much less trafficky and the drive over is pleasant. They get there by 7:05. 

 

The studio is apparently in a quiet, very suburban-feeling, slightly run-down strip mall across from a gravel-strewn vacant lot; it's not at all obvious from the outside that it's a martial arts studio, and is neighbored by a Chinese restaurant and a sushi restaurant. There's a lot of parking available, fortunately, and Evelyn is able to snag a spot immediately outside. 

Feeling slightly out of her element, she leads the girls in. Is there a registration desk or something? 

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There is not! It seems to entirely consist of a single long, low room, with red and blue foam mats - the kind with interlocking puzzle-piece edges - covering the floor, and a row of punching bags hanging along one wall. There's a set of industrial metal shelves at one end, loaded with various equipment, and a couple of large bins like the kind in high school gyms, loaded with what looks like spare body padding of various kinds, and a cheap plastic foldout table with some boxes and binders on top of it. There are a bunch of posters on the walls, which Iomedae and Alfirin will mostly be unable to read. 

A sturdily built man with thinning reddish-brown hair is standing at one end of the studio, working one-on-one with a tall, skinny grey-haired woman who looks like she might be sixty or older, but a very fit sixty if so. She's in a fighting stance, elbows up and fists curls, and he's holding up a sort of pad for her to hit, dodging around to make it harder for her and occasionally raising a hand and indicating for her to freeze so he can step in and adjust her stance or arm position. 

Nobody else appears to be there yet for the class. 

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...Okay then. Evelyn will give a tiny wave the first time the man - presumably the instructor? - looks in their direction, and otherwise wait politely for him to be done with the private lesson. 

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Iomedae will stand behind Evelyn trying not to look like she is a slave filled with fear and anger because she does not think people find that very reassuring to be around and it is not a correct un-reassured to be.

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Alfirin is nervous. She's not practiced at fighting and she's going to be terrible at it and she hates being terrible at things, especially when other people can see her.

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The man nods in response to Evelyn's wave, and gets the woman set up doing a punching-and-kicking routine on one of the bags. "Five minutes!" he tells her. "I'm setting the timer. Do not slow down!" 

He jogs over to them, moving with the grace of someone extremely fit. "Hey. These must be the young adults you called me about earlier?" 

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Nod. "This Iomedae, who's fifteen, and Alfirin, who's," shit was that even in the paperwork, it was definitely more of a guess than with Iomedae, "around fourteen. They're new to the US and learning English, but they're both very bright, and very disciplined and mature for their ages." 

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The man nods, seriously, and then turns to face both of them, unsmiling. 

"I don't teach children," he says gruffly. "Young ladies, krav maga isn't a sport. What we learn here is serious. It's not about winning fights, and definitely not about winning wrestling matches with your friends to look cool. It’s about defending yourself, whatever that takes. And so I don't take students if I don't know, for a fact, that they can be serious about it. If you're silly in class - or out of class, using what you learned here - you could hurt someone very badly." 

He takes a step back. "That being said, I do accept students between twelve and eighteen on a case-by-case basis, because I know that not all young people are children. Your foster carer thinks that you both have the maturity for this. I'm sure she's hoping that you'll prove her right." 

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Alfirin is a child - she's not an American child though, and this man is probably only used to American children and might think of a child from another place as more of an adult. She looks him in the eye. "I understand."

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Iomedae likes him. "I understand. - actually, I did not understand 'wrestling'. But I understanded the - big thing you are saying, and you are right."

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"Wrestling is a kind play-fighting that lots of children do and can be silly about. More often the boys, admittedly." The man still isn't smiling, but he's more or less ignoring Evelyn and looking at them in a level, serious way that really does feel like exactly how he would address an adult. It's hard to pin down exactly what Evelyn or the doctor or nurses did differently, but there's a difference. 

"What's your past experience? Not just martial arts - fighting sports, which, again, krav maga is not - but any kind of sport or athletics. I need to know where you're starting out in order to teach you safely." 

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He has to know to teach her. And Iomedae's heart says that he won't tell Social Services, but she'll be a little careful just in case.

"- I am from far from here. Where I am from, some people God make holy warriors, who keep world safe from great evils. I wanted to be a holy warrior when I growed up. Holy warriors wear metal clothes, have a sword, also learn to use a bigger -" She gestures, because she doesn't have the English for 'bow'. "- bigger than everyone use for meat. Holy warriors honorable and good always, or God send them away. Most holy warriors boy, of course, but God can pick a girl if she is as strong as a boy and as good at sword. God pick me. I come to America.

In America this is not how things are. I work pick fruit. I no can find the holy orders that holy warriors should go to. And one place a man not good to the women in the place, and I tell them they can sleep my tent, because holy warriors keep not-strong safe, that what God give us strong for. And I warn the man, that if he try me I sword him. And he try and grab me and -" she gestures at her neck, at her breast - "and so I sword him, and then take him to get help, and then America maked me a foster child, and taked my sword, and says it is illegal foster child carry any way to stop a bad man. And Evelyn says, I should try this, and I want to. I do not need a sword. I need a way to win, if a bad thing happen."

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"Sports is...playing games? I did the sports when I was littler before I do adult work. I never did the fighting sports and I never fighted anyone. I lucky, I never be attacked like Iomedae yet."

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He doesn't react much to the holy warrior part. He does nod, gruffly but approvingly, at the end of Iomedae's story. "I think you'll do great. Though keep in mind, the best way to win a fight is not to have it in the first place. That's a key principle here, because like I said, krav maga isn't a fighting sport." 

He turns to Alfirin. "You may have some catching up to do. And you're smaller, which doesn't mean you can't learn to defend yourself but does mean you'll have to work harder, 'cause the world is unfair that way. If you're struggling to keep up in something - this holds for both of you - I will give you homework and I will expect you to practice it. All right?" 

 

He turns back to Evelyn. "I'll accept them for a free trial class tonight. If they meet the bar, and they want to keep coming, you can sign up for a trial month there. It's fifty dollars a month per girl."

(Actually it's normally 75 dollars for the trial month, but he's giving her a discount. Being a foster parent is a thankless job, and he's entirely aware that they don't get paid enough to afford krav maga lessons for all their kids, and Evelyn must be going out of her way for them and paying the extra out of her own pocket. And he'll still come ahead, what with their being two of them, and he just bets the older girl in particular will be brilliant and probably helpful at tutoring weaker students.) 

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Evelyn beams. "Wonderful! Thank you." 

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He turns back to the girls. "And that gives us a whole fifteen minutes to try you out on some basics. Warmup to start. Shoes off, for the mats. Twenty laps around the room, now, and I want you touching the pads in each corner." To Evelyn, "- you leaving and coming back? There's not really space to sit and watch. The man who runs the Chinese restaurant will let you hang out there for two hours, though." 

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Evelyn had ABSOLUTELY been planning to hover and watch but she can tell when she's being shooed; it's not even 'taking a hint', that was an explicit instruction to shoo. "- Okay. I should leave my cell number for them, and I'll be back over at nine? - Where should I put the water bottles I brought them?" 

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"Pass them here." The instructor takes them, and then heads over to give the older lady some critical feedback on her form during her final minute of kicks on the punching bag. 

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- her present monthly income is $140. She is not categorically unwilling to spend more than a third of that on fighting classes but it will be a difficult decision.

 

In the meantime she will take off her shoes and run in circles around the mat touching the corners because that is what she has been ordered to do.

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Running is not fighting. Alfirin knows how to run, it's something she's done before even if she's not as strong as Iomedae. The ground is soft and squishy and not covered in sharp rocks so there are no problems with running barefoot.

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And once they've run around the mat twenty times, the instructor stops them and beckons them over to one side of the room, in front of one of the hanging punching bags. 

"Let's cover some basics, so I know what parts of tonight's class you can keep up with no problem." He gestures at the punching bag. "Hit it. Like you'd hit a man trying to hurt you." This particular punching bag in fact sort of has a man's figure drawn on it in Sharpie, or at least a circle and smiley-face for a head and the shape of shoulders and arms. "As hard as you like, the bag can take it." 

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Iomedae does not actually have extensive training in punching things that want to hurt her. Swords are usually more effective. She can try, though.

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It's pretty clear that she has not been trained in how to hit things, but her stance is pretty good and she clearly has solid instincts. And is hecking strong. The bag creaks. "Good work," the instructor says, with gruff pride.  

Alfirin's turn? 

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Alfirin does not have any training in punching things and is much less strong. She aims for the bag's eyes, even though they're a little high up for her and that means she's swinging at a worse angle.

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Well, if she'd punched a real person in that location she might've broken her hand, but she's not hopeless and - as long as they're hitting bags and pads and not skulls - she's not going to seriously injure herself attempting it. They'll go over striking technique in class later. 

"Not bad. Next up, is whether you know how to fall without hurting yourselves. We do work on that in class, but it's not on the curriculum for tonight, and some of the exercises aren't safe if you don't know how to fall. We've got the mats in here, of course, it's safer than it'd be in a real street fight, but I still want to see it. Iomedae, you go first. Just fall on purpose. I'll test it by giving you a hard shove after but we're not starting with that." 

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Iomedae is puzzled. She knows how to take a hit and get back up but not in a way where she has specifically practiced falling. If you can, you avoid falling.

She will try all the same.

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Alfirin can also...fall over??? On purpose????

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Again, it sure looks like Iomedae has had no specific training for taking a fall - and she isn't doing any of the things the class teaches, like slapping the ground with her forearm to absorb the force - but she nonetheless has great instincts. And probably a very high pain tolerance, he suspects she would often fall in ways that left bruises and would just in no way consider this a problem. 

Alfirin does not have instincts nearly as good, and will definitely benefit from that lesson, but she at least didn't do the thing some dumbass kids - or adults, if anything it's more likely in adults - do where they fall like a plank. She's probably not going to injure herself in class if someone knocks her over. 

 

"- Yep, you're fine. Okay. Up again and - close your eyes, Iomedae. I'm gonna push you over and I don't want you bracing for it." 

He does not particularly hold back in how hard he shoves her. 

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She still falls pretty well. Her instinct is to try to not fall, because falling seems like something you probably die of, if you're not just training, and when she does fall to try to get back on her feet as fast as possible. She would probably take some bruises if she did that not on the mat and, yeah, she does not seem to care. 

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Well, she's not wrong! She'll in fact do better in sparring exercises - and definitely better in a real fight - if she falls less, that's not a bad instinct to have at all. He is reassured that she won't fall badly and break her wrist or fuck up her neck if she participates fully in tonight's exercises. 

Alfirin's turn! ...He does not tell her to close her eyes, though if she wants to anyway he won't, like, say anything against it. 

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Well he told Iomedae to close her eyes so probably she's supposed to do that. She stumbles backwards and falls over, somewhat worse than before.

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"You've got some stuff to learn," he tells her. "I think it's safe to participate in everything we've got planned for tonight," and he'll make sure to partner her with students who know what they're doing and will be appropriately careful with a newbie, "but it's very important that you know your limits, and don't feel like you have to do something that you're worried will hurt you just 'cause it's what everyone else is doing. Okay?" 

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"Okay."

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It's now 7:25. A couple of other students are finally starting to trickle in. The private-lesson older woman seems to be taking a break with her water bottle, though she's not leaving so maybe she's planning to stay for the group class as well. 

 

The instructors takes a step back. Glances at the clock. "...Okay, you two take a quick break. Over there. Class starts in five minutes. - If you need a piss, you'd better go before we start. The washroom's not in here, you gotta go back out into the hall." 

He points at the corner where he left their water bottles. He'll give them the standard krav maga speech once class has officially started and most of the students are here. It's a great excuse to reinforce it to everyone. 

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Iomedae does not feel like she needs a break, they haven't really done anything yet, but she will go over to the break location as ordered and wait for five minutes.

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Alfirin needs a bit of a break, mostly because of the running. She has a sip of water and catches her breath.

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Well, mostly he needs to get a drink of water and re-check the lesson plan for tonight and pull out some bins of equipment so they'll be easily within reach. 

 

Other members of the class trickle in.

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(Marian is not going to be on time for class.

She's tested this multiple times, and - if she's really fast at charting, so she has nothing to catch up on after her shift report, and if she gives a really efficient organized report, and then bikes as fast as she possibly can, she can leave the hospital by 7:10 pm and make it to the krav maga studio by 7:35...

...That is not usually the way it goes, to be clear. But she knows that Seamus - the instructor and owner of the studio - pretty well, at this point, and he doesn't hold it against her, that she's a nurse with mandatory hours and cannot always leave the hospital as soon as she would prefer.

Anyway, she's running unusually behind schedule today, and also unusually miserable, because today sucked particularly much. She'll be there by 7:40.)

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Half a dozen other students have trickled in by the time the clock hits 7:30, at which point the instructor's phone alarm goes off and he heads out to address the class. 

 

"- We've got some new students tonight, guys," vague gesture toward Iomedae and Alfirin, "so you're all getting the speech again." 

Seamus takes a deep breath. 

"In the lessons you'll have at this school - and we cover different ones every class - we do teach various self-defense techniques. But the spirit I'm trying to teach all of you is so much bigger than that. As any good instructor will tell you - or should tell you, at least - the principles behind the techniques are far more important than the techniques themselves. 

"As always, our first line of defense is avoidance. We train you to defend yourself only when all other options are exhausted. But when all other options are exhausted, your first and only response is going to be a brutal and vicious counterattack, in order to successfully defend yourself.

"More importantly than anything else, you need the 'will' - the courage, the power - to do whatever is necessary, to fight as hard as you must, in order to be victorious in battle. If you aren’t willing to use the techniques we teach you in order to defend yourself, it won’t matter what you learn here. You must be able to fight with ferocious intensity and purpose, without hesitation, when the situation warrants it.

"Krav maga is based on scientific principles, and uses instinctive actions that do not rely on strength or size, but on technique. We will teach you to exploit the weaknesses of the human body in order to gain the upper hand rapidly so that the confrontation can be resolved efficiently and effectively. 

"Krav Maga is not about winning fights. It's not a sport. It’s a brutally effective means of defending oneself from a violent attacker - or multiple attackers - either armed or unarmed. And most importantly, I will help you learn to recognize a problem before it escalates, and find solutions to fix it that don't involve violence.

"You will also learn what to do after being involved in violence with an attacker. For example: reporting the incident to the appropriate authorities, checking yourself and your friends for injuries, and dealing with the stress associated with violent encounters." 

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Iomedae is happy. This is the kind of thing she would know, by now, if she'd found a holy order. 

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This seems very reasonable to Alfirin. Avoid danger if you can, destroy it if you can't. If you can't do that either...die, she supposes. And given those options, she's glad they're getting lessons that seem to take avoiding and confronting dangers much more seriously than the rest of her experience in the foster care system.

 

...dealing with the aftermath of an attack well seems sensible to cover too. She wouldn't have thought of that one on her own.

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Great, the speech is given, time for warmups! 

 

Jogging around the studio is boring, and everyone (with the exception of the new students) is probably bored of it already. They can start with 10 laps of sideways skipping around the studio, with cartwheels at every corner for the students who can pull that off.

After everyone's done that, they can do star jumps - jumping in the air and flinging your arms up and feet out at the same time, and launching yourself to one side - for two laps around the studio.

And then twenty burpees (Seamus will demonstrate for the newbies.)

And then twenty knee-jumps, which involve jumping as high as you can and pulling your knees up to your chest at the same time. He will point out if anyone's knees aren't going high enough. 

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Iomedae will do all of these things with ease and deep confusion about their purpose.

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Alfirin will not attempt cartwheels.

 

By the end of "warm-ups" she's already feeling tired and out of breath again. She doesn't complain; she's weak and needs to become less weak and hardship helps with that.

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Great! Everyone is now warmed up and will not (or at least will be less likely to) accidentally pull a muscle while doing routine exercises! 

 

(Alfirin and Iomedae are pretty clearly the youngest students in the class. The age range is from early-to-mid-20s, right up to mid-60s - the student who was getting a private lesson earlier, who is keeping up with the rest of the class and outperforming Alfirin, if not Iomedae.) 

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Marian rides her bike right up to the mall and skids to a halt and hops off to drag her bike into the studio itself. (She's had bikes stolen before, multiple times, and she is maybe slightly paranoid about it.)

7:38, great, she made better time than she'd expected - 

 

 

....Uh. 

WHY is the kid who STABBED HER PATIENT (who is, incidentally, apparently being DEPORTED as soon as he's safe to get on a plane, and yes Marian is fucking pissed about this) apparently now a fellow trainee at her krav maga studio?? Which is supposed to be, like, her one stress outlet that does not contain anything related to her job??

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Seamus is unaware that there is any social tension between Marian (who is chronically late to most classes, but has the best possible excuse most of the time, and he likes her because she has more will-to-victory and a higher pain tolerance than most people) and his newest students.

 

Great! Time to pair up and practice punching and kicking! 

He nudges Marian to pair with Iomedae. He's pretty sure Marian can take it. 

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhwhy. 

 

 

 

"Hey," Marian says, in the most normal voice she can manage. "- You were at the food bank the other day, right?" 

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Between being from rural Taldor and having mostly observed Evelyn, who knows everybody, Iomedae is implicitly expecting that Reno has a population of around 2,000 people and does not think this is a notable coincidence at all. "Marian! Yes, I work there Tuesdays Thursdays. You work the hospital, yes? Is everyone well at the hospital?"

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No, because her patient from the other day who she has a lot of emotional investment in actually is being DEPORTED "- Yeah, pretty well? ...Or, I mean, a lot of the patients aren't, but as well as you can expect?" 

This is agonizingly awkward and– oh, right, she has a great excuse to cut this conversation short, because this is krav maga class and they have a goal here.  "...Okay, we're supposed to be practicing kicks. Do you know how to do a roundhouse kick?" Marian can demonstrate.

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"No. What makes it a roundhouse kick. Is this -" she attempts to imitate it "also a roundhouse kick?"

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"- That's pretty good but not exactly it? Uh, I think a roundhouse kick is basically - you kick up - swing your knee up, I mean, not your foot yet - and then swing your body around and kick sideways? ....I can try to demo it slowly but I might, like, fall over." 

 

Marian will demo a slow-mo roundhouse kick. She does not in fact fall over. 

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Iomedae will try again. Her second attempt is better. "This not kill someone I think," she observes.

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...It's probably really stupid to feel embarrassed about the insufficient lethality of the kicks you're trying to practice with the person who STABBED your PATIENT. Also Marian's brain should, like, seriously get around to shutting up about that at some point. 

"- Yeah, I don't know, I think the main point of it is to knock someone over and then you can, like, run away?"

(Marian has definitely knocked people over with her roundhouse kick before, but she doubts she could pull that off now, it looks like her current sparring partner - wow it's really awkward actually to not know her name - outweighs her by at least 50 pounds. ....Marian has occasionally been able to win fights with people who outweighed her but, like, not with just roundhouse kicks, and mostly via having more sheer determination and also cardiovascular fitness and endurance and stuff. She....is kind of doubting she could win on any of those fronts with this kid. 

....She is perhaps feeling some amount of competitive about that.)

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You could probably knock over a random civilian this way. ...probably Iomedae is expected to be needing to fend off random civilians and 'this will not be very useful against wolves or soldiers' will mark her as Not From Around Here.

She nods. "Why we practice in twos?"

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"- Uh, are you asking why we're not practicing, like, more than one person fighting you? ...We do practice fighting against a lot of people sometimes but - uh, I guess that's in the intermediate class, for more experienced students."

(Marian is considered intermediate-level, at this point, and she just makes it to whatever classes she can, and she appreciates how incredibly patient Seamus is about her schedule.) 

 

"...Anyway we should probably focus on the lesson?" Marian will hold the kickpad up for Iomedae to kick at. 

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She can do that! She is remarkably strong and very determined and not trained in this at all.

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This is very endearing! Marian is appreciating having her as a partner.

Marian is not as strong, but is very determined, and is slightly more trained in this. And also has a pretty high pain tolerance. (Maybe especially tonight, because she has feelings about today's shift and there is literally no one she can talk to it about and so the only outlet she has is - well, this.) 

...This was not strictly speaking part of the lesson, but maybe they can practice elbow strikes? Marian personally feels like she can hit things hardest with her elbows, and it seems like her sparring partner might want to know that sort of thing. 

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Her sparring partner would be delighted. (Though she herself can hit things hardest with her feet, once she learns how; she's strong, and can bring a lot of force to bear.)

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Meanwhile, Alfirin has been partnered with a man who appears to be in his early 30s.

He introduces himself politely to her; his name is Justis, apparently. He's tall and skinny and...honestly pretty clumsy, though he's being careful about it. 

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She introduces herself in turn. Alfirin is short and skinny and clumsy like someone who was even shorter until recently and has almost no idea what she's doing. The first time she lands a kick it unbalances her and she almost falls over.

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...Yeah that's pretty relatable. He too tends to almost fall over every time he lands a good kick. He'll give her some advice about holding a wide stance with bent springy knees and keeping your center of gravity low enough that you won't just fall over the first time you hit or kick something bigger and heavier than you. 

(There is no sign that he's noticed her gender, let alone her stretchy jogging pants.) 

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"...How can I have a wide stance when I stand on one foot to kick?"

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"Uh, I didn't mean while you're actually kicking, just, like, before your leg gets off the ground? And then you want to get your leg back down really fast, so you're on two feet again." 

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She will try it, even though it seems unlikely to help with the problem where she falls over when she's standing on one foot and kicking with the other.

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Yeah he doesn't really have more advice than that, except that practicing it more helps. (He doesn't have an issue with falling over, especially, but he has a tendency to hit the kickpad with his toe sticking out and bruise it, and sometimes he fails to hit it at all, though so far he's managed not to hit Alfirin.) 

 

After roundhouse kicks they can do front kicks and knee strikes and then punching. The instructor wanders around the room between various pairs, correcting technique. 

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Marian is in a really bad mood and, for once, not especially worried about stressing her partner out by Seeming Aggressive, she's pretty sure that someone who can stab a dude with a sword will not be stressed out by a woman fifty pounds lighter than her no matter what she does. She hits the pads as hard as she can. She's not nearly as strong as Iomedae, but she has pretty good cardio and does not at any point suggest they take any breaks. 

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Iomedae’s understanding of breaks is that you take them if you’re weak. She is not bothered by aggression on a training field - she couldn’t get better than her brothers at sword fighting until she could actually get them to fight her for real - and has missed Marian’s bad mood entirely. They can practice kicking things hard enough to stop them!

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Alfirin's partner does not have exceptionally good cardio, but he's stronger than her by virtue of being an adult man and much taller, and he's mostly trying to be careful rather than hit very hard and risk his hand or foot accidentally going somewhere he hadn't meant it to, and thus he's not actually getting very tired. He also won't be the first one to propose a break. 

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Alfirin is not under the impression that she can ask for breaks.

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Well, in that case hopefully she can make it through 25 minutes of practicing various techniques before the instructor calls a two-minute break for everyone to go drink water. 

After that they're going to learn, and drill, a new technique for if someone unexpectedly grabs you from behind! It involves pivoting on your feet and whipping your elbow around to whack them in the head. ...They are not going to drill it with actual headwhacking, someone will get hurt if they do that; they're going to drill it as realistically as possible by having groups of three, and the third person will be there to hold a pad up for the elbow strike to actually hit. 

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This is Marian's fault, because sleep-deprived Marian in a bad mood is APPARENTLY cannot be trusted not to actually elbow people in the head, and it's mortifying. 

Marian will look around for a third partner. 

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The instructor is encouraging people to trio up in groups of around the same height, for this, rather than around the same fitness or experience level. Alfirin will be sent to pair off with two tiny, extremely fit young Asian women. Marian and Iomedae are close enough to the same height, and can be joined by the older woman who had been having a private lesson before, who's a little taller than Iomedae. 

 

He reminds them to go slowly and carefully the first few times they try it! And pay a lot of mindful attention to it. They're trying to teach their brain a new way to move their body; they're not, yet, trying to perform the technique in a way that would work in real life. 

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MORTIFYING. 

 

 

Marian offers to be on 'grabbing from behind' duty first since she kind of deserves an elbow to the head probably

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That works for her! Though she's confused about why not just elbow each other in the head - right. No magical healing here. That must make it very hard to practice self-defense.

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(It really does! You have to try to train the right reflexes for a real-life violent situation where you have to make decisions instantly and won't be able to think very well, and somehow do that without actually seriously injuring anyone! ...To be clear, Marian has never considered the alternative where they had magical healing. Mostly just the alternative where everyone else minded bruises the amount she does instead of apparently more than that.) 

She's done this lesson before (in the intermediate class, not the beginner one, she eventually made an arrangement with the instructor where she just sort of comes to whichever class fits into her schedule and if it's the advanced class has a bit of a bad time), and will helpfully do her best to give Iomedae tips on how to hold her weight so she can spin around quickly without risking losing her balance. 

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That seems really useful! Iomedae is unusually strong; she is not actually unusually agile, and if anything is a little worse than average at it because of how she is built like a truck and trucks aren't known for their agility.

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(Marian has similar problems, if to a lesser extent. She's rarely limited on strength unless she's fighting a 200lb man and she's approximately never limited on cardio, but she has terrible balance natively and had to practice it a lot, and she's mildly uncoordinated and also definitely compensates for being an average-sized woman by applying MORE AGGRESSION, which does not help with agility or control. She wonders if Iomedae would appreciate tips on the exercises she did at home to improve her balance and control, but that seems like something to discuss after class.) 

She will give lots of tips while she's on grabbing-from-behind duty, and make sure Iomedae seems to have reasonably good control of where her elbow is going before she suggests that she do it at full force and hit the pad that their third partner is holding. 

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Alfirin's partners are not especially patient with her, and have also clearly done this lesson before and know each other. They suggest she can hold the pad first. They are not actually going to hold back much on how hard they hit it. 

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She will follow their recommendation and not make trouble. She doesn't think she'd get injured by them elbowing her through the pad. When it's her turn she'll hit it as hard as she can (which is still not very).

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The instructor makes the rounds again and gives Iomedae some more tips on how to place her feet. "You want your weight forward a bit - on the balls of your feet, knees a little bent - move your hips more when you turn, don't just twist around at the waist -" 

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Iomedae is sometimes stubborn but not when she is being taught how to kill things. She will diligently try to make all the requested adjustments, hampered only a little by her limited English, and then she will elbow things even harder. 

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After a while they switch! Marian doesn't go as hard as possible on her turn, because their third older partner is holding the pad. She tries to focus on the speed of her reaction to being grabbed, rather than raw force. (She is also, at this point, genuinely getting pretty tired. She was up at 6 am to make it to the hospital on time, and it's been a very long day.) 

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Third partner, on her turn, doesn't hit as hard as either of them but is actually very fast, and quite graceful. She has dance training. 

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(Marian is jealous. At least krav maga is a martial art where it matters less if you're capable of moving gracefully.) 

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The partner exercise takes them until 8:30 pm, at which point the instructor gives everyone a minute to grab a drink of water, and then has them line up along the punching bags. 

"You're going to spend the next five minutes punching the bags - pick a pace you can maintain that long. Eyes forward. ...And if you're unexpectedly grabbed from behind, do what we just practiced." 

He puts on one of the padded headgear for sparring - he doesn't care about getting elbowed in the head that much, but with a class of nearly a dozen people, it adds up - and then sneaks around behind the row of students and tries to grab them in as surprising a way as possible. (And harder. If they don't react quickly enough or hard enough, he will, in fact, just try to pin them.) 

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Iomedae likes her fighting class. She will punch the bags and try not to pay too much attention to when she'll be grabbed, as that's not really the point of the exercise.

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Iomedae is unexpectedly grabbed three times and does pretty well for herself! Alfirin is also grabbed three times and the instructor will definitely pin her arms and pick her up if he can get away with it, it's not doing students any favors to go easy on them just because they're smaller and brand new to the class. 

 

They take a water break after five minutes so people can catch their breath from all the punching.

As a treat, the last twenty minutes of the class are for sparring! Not totally freeform; this is the beginner class, and there are some rules. No strikes aiming for the head or groin; this probably goes without saying but no going for the eyes; no chokeholds; no biting; if either you or your partner hasn't yet attended one of the classes that covered grappling, the fight ends if you end up on the floor. Running away, or otherwise strategically moving around the room, is allowed, but please, for the love of god, try to be vaguely aware of your surroundings and not run headlong into another pair. He'll set a two-minute timer and stop everyone after that duration. 

Everyone should go gear up from the bins at the back of the room; there are chest pads that strap on. Shin pads are optional but recommended, clashing your shins into someone else's if you both try to kick each other at the same time will hurt like hell. Headgear are optional; accidents do happen, and if you would be very upset to be accidentally punched in the head you should consider wearing it. 

He's going to randomize the partner selection a bit, which means it will not necessarily be a very fair fight. That's life. Iomedae gets paired with one of the Asian girls; Marian gets paired with Alfirin. The instructor checks everyone's gear, has everyone spread out around the room, and then whistles for them to start fighting. 

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Marian loves sparring. The donning-and-checking-gear meant a five minute break to catch her breath, and her feet really hurt from all the standing at work today but that's really just another reason not to stand around in one spot. She will run at Alfirin and try to knock her over; she is pretty much expecting to get punched in the process but she does not care. 

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Sparring is great. Iomedae thinks she would ideally spend about half her waking hours on it. It makes more sense than anything else and makes everything else make sense, and you can't pretend to yourself about anything or you'll get instantly punched in the face about it.

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Well, in this particular fight she won't, because aiming for the face is against the rules! Tiny Asian girl weighs about half of what Iomedae does and does not have a hope of knocking her over, but will try to count on being faster and having better balance, and attempt to stay out of punching range while kicking Iomedae in allowed locations whenever she has an opening. She wouldn't try that on more experienced students, it's a great way to get flipped over onto your face when they grab your leg, unless you're fast enough to get a hit in and then out of the way. 

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Marian is bigger and stronger and more practiced than her and it's not like she's strong enough to kill someone with punches. But Marian's bigger and hopefully clumsier than her so - she will kick at Marian's knees and then try to run past her and put some other sparring pair between the two of them. (She knows that once she becomes a real wizard getting out of reach for a moment will maybe be all she needs... and she should really try to learn what some of her other spells do. Probably one of them kills people or turns them into newts which is just as good, really.)

 

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Marian is wearing shin pads - at some point you get tired of having embarrassing permanent shin bruises that are incredibly obvious every time you wear a bathing suit - and is not bothered by being kicked in the knees, but does have to brace herself to keep her balance, which slows her down enough that Alfirin can manage to get behind another pair. 

Well, if she wants to use that strategy, it's a super valid strategy but she has to do it for an entire two minutes! Marian makes sure to keep herself between Alfirin and the exit - it's weirdly common for students to, like, not notice that 'run out of the entire building' is an available strategy, but Alfirin seems like someone who might try it - and will chase her around and attempt to corner her at one end of the room. At the very least, maybe Alfirin will get tired before the two minutes are up and slow down enough that Marian can catch up to her? 

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She's already tired and definitely cannot keep it up for two minutes. She can't even get in counting to five while not running, which is what she was aiming for. When it becomes obvious this strategy isn't going to work she waits for Marian to come to her and tries to slip past again and go for the door. (She didn't think that was in-bounds for the exercise until she noticed Marian trying to keep her away from it)

 

It doesn't work.

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Then Marian - after first making sure there isn't another group right behind Alfirin - will dive in and tackle her to the ground. And then, since Alfirin has not in fact done the grappling class yet, call 'fight over!' and back off, beaming at her and offering a hand to pull her to her feet. "That was really good! Smart strategy. I think you could've gotten past me no problem if you were fresh, so - better cardio would get you there too, and you'll get that." 

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Iomedae for her part is definitely getting hit more than she's landing hits but she's a paladin (or maybe it's just that she's very stubborn) and quite a bit harder to bring down than other people.

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Her sparring partner is taking some hits - harder ones than she's delivering, mostly - but she's apparently at least tough enough to stay on her feet through two minutes of it. They're still both up and fighting by the time the timer goes and the other student raises her hands and backs off. 

"Good match," the girl says, and runs to grab water before the instructor assigns the next round of partners. 

 

 

Iomedae goes up against the tall skinny young man, who's not as fast as her but still manages to get in a couple of hits by dint of having much longer arms and legs than her; about forty-five seconds in, she manages to catch him off guard enough that he loses his balance and goes over hard on his rump. He doesn't seem particularly bothered about losing to a girl; he grins bashfully at her and also praises her on a good match. 

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And then she's up against Marian! 

 

 

 

...Who has been considering her strategy for sparring with Iomedae for half the class. She mostly expects to lose - she can generally only win against people bigger than her by being more aggressive in the offense and having a higher pain tolerance, and she's fairly sure that neither applies here. Grappling and chokeholds are off the table, sigh, and even if she could get Iomedae on the ground, that's not actually a winning strategy in a fight with someone who has fifty pounds of muscle on her, and would in real life be an incredibly stupid plan. She doesn't think she's fast enough to kick Iomedae without having her foot grabbed - though she's also not that worried about being kicked, Iomedae will be terrifying once she's had more practice but she was still needing quite a lot of time to line up her stance before she could reliably aim her kicks at the right place. 

The main advantage she has is probably just better footwork and balance? Which is hilarious, Marian is objectively not good at this, but suggests some ideas. 

 

She doesn't go full-on Alfirin strategy, but she does make Iomedae come to her, gambling that if Iomedae is mostly focusing on aiming a strike then she won't be focusing as much on her feet. ....And Iomedae hasn't really learned any counters yet, that wasn't covered today, whereas Marian has drilled that a lot and is hoping she can manage to dodge or block some of Iomedae's hits and take the opportunity to get a hit of her own in. She's not going to win that way but she'll be pretty pleased with herself if she's still on her feet at the end. 

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One important way fighting with your hands is worse than swordfighting is that when swordfighting you are generally endeavoring to be outside the reach of whoever you're trying to kill and when punching-and-kicking fighting you cannot do this. Iomedae is currently testing the theory that as long as your enemies are themselves unarmed you can solve this by simply not caring that they can reach you or that they can hurt you. She assumes that this approach can be improved on but, you know, you have to start somewhere. Like by trying to hurt your opponent as much as possible as fast as possible.

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In this case they will both get to hit each other kind of a lot, since "simply not caring that they can reach you or that they can hurt you" is ALSO Marian's strategy, and now that they are apparently both picking this strategy, Marian is feeling COMPETITIVE.

Iomedae can hit harder than Marian can - honestly, Iomedae can hit harder than pretty much anyone in the class including the instructor. She's getting slightly fewer hits in than Marian, though; Marian isn't any faster, overall, but has more thoroughly trained instincts for the footwork involved when fighting means repeatedly getting in and out of reach quickly, and is better at countering, and is overall putting somewhat more effort into not getting hit or at least taking a more glancing hit that won't knock her over, even when this means she herself can't hit Iomedae as hard. 

It's hard for either of them to seriously injure each other while staying within the rules, given the torso padding and the fact that head, face, and neck strikes are off-limits, but they can definitely give each other a lot of bruises; Marian is ending up trying to block a lot of hits and her forearms and arms and elbows are not padded, which she has regrets about.

They're both fit enough to not really slow down within a two-minute period. Whether Marian can stay on her feet will mostly depend on whether she fails to dodge or block any strikes hard enough to make her lose her balance; she's not going to call to stop early just because she's in a ridiculous amount of pain. 

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They are on the same page about that. It might be mildly alarming to everyone else in the vicinity but Iomedae is used to sparring with a priest on hand. She does get frustrated, about a minute and a half in, about the fact that nothing they're doing is actually debilitating, because in real life you actually cannot survive a minute and a half of failing to take your opponent down, but she is aware that it is her first day of trying to learn this skillset and she's not going to try any elaborate solutions to this problem. 

They'll both be on their feet after two minutes.

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"Grow strong serve God!" she says cheerfully and breathlessly once they're stopped.

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- and then remembers Marian is probably too educated to know about gods. Oh well.

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(Techniques that would be debilitating without protective padding - and some very carefully taught modifications that shouldn't change the reflexes being trained too much - are for the advanced class sparring. Even Marian isn't really at that level, despite the instructor's deal where she can attend those classes if it's her only availability.

The instructor is definitely keeping a close eye on them, though more to make sure they're not so caught up in trying to win that they fail to notice another pair in the way and hurt someone that way. He is, overall, approving. There's a kind of trying-to-win that's incredibly hard to teach, no matter how many techniques you drill, and so it's always very satisfying when a student comes in with the right mindset on day one.) 

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Marian knows lots of things about lots of gods (though, admittedly, not about Aroden specifically, this was not a topic covered in 12th grade World Religion in Canada.) She is, in fact, an atheist, though it's not as far as she can tell true that most nurses are atheists. 

It's kind of impossible to be bothered. She beams at Iomedae. "That - was incredible -" Her heart rate is at least 190 and her legs feel shaky with exhaustion and her forearms are mostly numb but are going to hurt a ton in a minute. She's in the best mood she's been in all day. 

 

...She's going to lose her next bout with Tall Skinny guy, despite the fact that she can usually beat him, because she is at this point simply too tired to get out of his way. Still. Worth itHopefully Iomedae is too distracted fighting her next partner to notice and judge her.

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Iomedae's next partner will be Alfirin! (Yes, the instructor is aware this is not a fair fight. That's part of the point.) 

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Iomedae is exhausted and in a great mood and beams at Alfirin. "- you don't want me to be gentle," she says in Taldane. It'd be a question except she's pretty sure of the answer.

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"I don't want you to be gentle." She's going to be sore and achy and probably bruised all over already, a few more won't matter.

 

...She is more tired than Iomedae and will not be able to run away here. She doesn't see anything even remotely resembling a winning strategy. She'll try to get in close where Iomedae is only stronger and tougher and not also longer limbed, then...elbow her in the gut or tangle up her legs or something.

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Iomedae had a hard time getting her brothers to actually try to hurt her, even once she'd secured her father's permission to practice swordfighting alongside them. This was very silly. She was going to be a holy warrior, and being better with a sword would make her safer. She is absolutely not going to make the same silly mistake with Alfirin even though she has started to feel protective of her in a little-sister kind of way. 

 

- she is absolutely going to do that, apparently, for at least a few seconds, because somehow knowing it's silly is not causing her to not do it? And then Alfirin elbows her quite hard in the gut and that fixes it, mostly, and she will stop being silly and try using her dramatically superior strength to knock Alfirin over.

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She tries to trip Iomedae so that they both fall over, which is slightly more like winning than most of her options.

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This works and Iomedae crashes down on top of her and remembers just in time that they are supposed to stop trying to hurt each other once they're on the ground. (Sparring at home was 'to surrender' and it is mentally hard to stop at neither of surrender nor incapacitation.)

She sits up, grinning.

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She takes a few moments to get her wind back and then pries herself off the ground, more dazed than grinning.

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"Are you all right?"

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"I will be alright? I just need breath."

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Alfirin should not be injured and if she is it shouldn't be Iomedae's fault  Iomedae had no trouble identifying the flaws in this logic when it was directed at her. It is not kindness to keep people safe in your shadow and thereby deny them the safety that can only be attained by being ready to take on the entire rest of the universe.

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It was not a very long fight; the timer is still going. The instructor comes over, ostensibly to praise Iomedae and suggest that if she's at class on Thursday they'll be drilling some of the moves for fighting on the ground; if they pick it up quickly, that's his bar for letting them use it during freeform sparring. 

(He does also want to check that Alfirin is okay, but she's back on her feet by the time he makes it over, and he doesn't ask or show any sign that he thinks she might not be. She won't appreciate it. She won't appreciate a suggestion that she could sit out the next round, either. There's really only enough time in class for two more fights, anyway, and he'll pair her with someone that will be a bit more of a fair fight.)

He does suggest they take the remaining minute before the timer goes to get water.

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(Marian has been knocked over after her failure to get out of the way - though she did also manage to tangle up her partner's feet enough to drag him down with her - and is RESENTING that her current partner hasn't learned grappling moves and thus the fight is over. If they kept going, she thinks she would have at least a one in three chance of eventually winning via sheer stubbornness.) 

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Iomedae's next partner is the tall skinny older woman, who turns out not to be an easy opponent at all; she looks like she should be easy to knock over, Iomedae probably has seventy pounds on her, but she's fast and has absurdly good balance and a much greater reach. She doesn't hit incredibly hard and certainly doesn't fight as aggressively as Marian; if allowed the opportunity, she'll spend more of it hanging back out of Iomedae's range and saving her energy for a good opening before exploding into unexpected lightning-fast motion – and she seems to have an excellent read on Iomedae's body language and anticipate her attacks almost before Iomedae moves. (Iomedae has not exactly been taught how to avoid telegraphing her strikes, especially for kicking.) 

 

Alfirin is paired with another relative newbie that she hasn't been partnered with yet, a short, mildly overweight, very earnest college-age young man, who is at this point extremely out of breath and dripping sweat, and settles warily into a fighting stance but does not seem incredibly inclined to be the first to attack. 

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Marian is paired with Other Tiny Asian Girl, which is always a surprisingly close match given the size difference. Fortunately, for once both of them are experienced enough with grappling to keep fighting even on the ground, and getting her on the ground where she can't kick is probably the only way Marian can win, so she's going to go for that pretty hard. If she can catch her. Her partner is not making that easy and is somehow managing to land a number of kicks and not even give Marian an opening to hit back. 

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Iomedae wants to learn how to be lightning fast and anticipate peoples' movements! She's - undecided if she'll be at class on Thursday. This is the best thing that has happened since she became a slave, but she is a slave and her income depends entirely on factors she has barely thought about and will need to consider in more detail when not repeatedly being punched. 

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If this guy's not going to be aggressive then she can't really set her goal as being "a moment with her hands free." She'll...feint? That's a thing people do in fights - start moving forward like she's going to attack and then stop right away -

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He's been waiting for her to try something (while taking every second he can to try to catch his breath) and will try to step to the side so she misses him and at the same time kick at her while she's presumably-distracted with what her hands are doing. It's clearly a motion he's practiced but he's tired enough to be executing it clumsily, and he's sort of already committed to the kick - and thus off-balance - by the time he realizes it's a feint.

He's still going to land a hit unless Alfirin actually gets out of his way, though. 

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She can hop back out of the way of the kick, it's basically the same motion as the feint but a little more. And then forward again a fraction of a moment later because it looks like her feint accomplished something and she should probably do something about that? Her opponent is off-balance physically and mentally and maybe hitting him as hard as she can will do something?

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He attempts to block her, but he's in fact off-balance and unprepared for it, and doesn't react quickly enough. She can land a hit! On the torso padding, so it doesn't cause much actual damage - or knock him over, he weighs twice as much as her - but he does not have Iomedae's pain tolerance and it definitely startles him. He stumbles, but manages to hop back with one foot to keep his balance.  

Also she's briefly open for him to hit her back, but she's pretty close - actually too close for him to kick her or get a lot of momentum on a punch. He tries to knee her in the gut instead. 

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She sees it coming fast enough to get her arms in the way which - still ow - and then kick at the leg that's got most of his weight.

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Yeah he's not looking down and does not see her kick coming, and he's already too off-balance to recover from that. He does manage to try to fling his other foot out and trip her too, but he's not nearly as fast as Iomedae, especially not right at this particular moment. 

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She scampers back once he starts to fall, because she's already had one much bigger person fall on her today and she doesn't want to do it again.

 

...did she just...win?

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Technically if she just keeps standing there he could try to get up before she could do anything about it, but, uh. For one thing, ow he just landed hard on his butt and had the breath knocked out of him for like the third time in ten minutes, and two, that was, like, twenty-five seconds of fighting, which means an entire ninety seconds of RESTING before the last bout. 

He flings up both hands. "Fight over?" he gasps. And then, once he's hauled himself into a sitting position, smiles shyly. "...Nice work." If he's embarrassed about losing to a tiny teenage girl on her first class, well, he's sufficiently red in the face already that it's not like anyone could tell if he was blushing.

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"Thank you."

 

...he almost certainly let her win, didn't he.

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(He doesn't think so! He thinks he could probably beat her if they were both rested instead of both exhausted, the advantage of being small is that being exhausted doesn't slow her down as much, but - well, half the reason they do sparring at the end of an intense class, and in back-to-back sessions like this, is because fighting while exhausted is when it most counts. He's not going to tell her that she won fairly, though, he's embarrassed enough already. He drags himself to his feet and looks sheepish and goes to get water.) 

Alfirin can have an entire ninety seconds to rest before the final sparring match of the class! 

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Marian is having to do a lot of chasing her partner in order to get close enough to attempt to get them both on the ground. She's pretty sure that either they'll both still be on their feet after two minutes, or they'll be wrestling on the ground for most of whatever time is left, because her partner is also competitive. 

If she were a completely different person, it would perhaps occur to her that losing a fight in less than two minutes is also a way to get literally any rest. This has not even slightly occurred to her. Why would you do that. 

 

...She manages to corner her partner a minute and ten seconds in, and isn't actually fast enough to grab her leg and flip her while herself staying on her feet, but can strategically lunge at the right moment for them to both lose their balance and end up on the floor. Marian is not actually starting out on top, which isn't ideal, but all she has to do is manage not to get both arms pinned at the same time - and her legs are free for kneeing - 

Fortunately enough of the other fights are over that she doesn't need to be incredibly cautious of who's near her and too distracted to get out of the way, as they both roll around on the floor in a tangle of limbs.

Ow. Okay wow that genuinely hurt, her partner managed to get her in the exact same spot Iomedae did earlier. That's okay, Marian does not technically need to breathe very much if it's only another thirty seconds. 

She eventually manages to pin both of her partners's arms and extract a "fight over!" with, like, ten seconds left on the timer. They both flop on the mat, grinning at each other. 

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Iomedae's partner is getting bolder and trying harder to trip her, though still trying pretty hard not to get close enough to give Iomedae any real openings. She hasn't landed a huge number of hits - and the ones she did weren't even hard enough to hurt - but Iomedae has mostly not been able to touch her at all. She doesn't look especially tired or out of breath, either. 

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Iomedae's not tired but if she needs improved technique to hit the woman then the same thing, done repeatedly, isn't going to help. If this were a real emergency she would smite the woman but that is of course wildly inappropriate conduct during sparring (even though it would only work if the woman is Evil, you can't use more-than-approved force on people in a sparring match just because they're Evil) If this were a real emergency and she was out of smites she'd - probably retreat, honestly, the appropriate thing to do when you're unarmed and your unarmed attacking isn't working is to come back with a weapon. 

Instead she'll just try to rush the woman and drag them both to the mat; they're not allowed to keep fighting there but Iomedae's bigger and she thinks it'd be more of an advantage on the ground.

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Iomedae continues to super telegraph all of her movements and her partner is faster, and mindful of being cornered. 

...That being said, there is totally an obstacle that isn't usually there down one of the paths she could dodge away if Iomedae kept rushing at her, in the form of Marian and her partner - who are apparently allowed to keep fighting on the ground - rolling around each trying to get enough leverage to pin down the other. Iomedae has a better line of sight to that side of the room from her current angle and it's not obvious her partner has seen it yet; fifteen seconds ago they were still far enough from the wall that she could have run around. 

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Iomedae's situational awareness is notably better than her punching but instead of leveraging this to her advantage she will go in the other direction so they don't trip over other people, she's not sure if that's allowed.

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In that case she's not going to be able to get close enough to knock her partner over in the remaining thirty seconds on the timer, though she can manage to almost-corner her enough to at least get a kick in that lands solidly - not enough to be incapacitating given the padding, but it might well have caused enough injury to end the fight if they weren't all bundled up in torso protectors, and definitely earns her a grunt of pain. 

The timer goes. Her partner looks exhilarated.  

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That was not long enough for Marian to catch her breath, especially not given that her diaphragm is still not in perfectly working order and also she and Aisha were kind of just lying on the floor giggling. (Grappling is really fun and also somehow manages to be even more exhausting than running around dodging and kicking.) 

She hauls herself to her feet. 

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Iomedae mostly isn't analyzing what she learned. She finds that if she does too much of that her brain just gets in the way of her body actually learning. She grins and swivels around to see if there's anyone else to fight.

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Final round! Pretty much everyone except the tall older lady - who the instructor partners with Alfirin for the final round - is looking out of breath and worse for wear at this point. Marian is paired with the overweight young guy who recently lost to Alfirin but has, relatedly, had nearly an entire two minutes of rest by the time they're lined up again. Iomedae can fight Aisha, and have mildly better odds because, despite being in very good shape, after nearly a minute of fighting on the ground Aisha is more out of breath than she is. 

 

Tall older lady will dodge in and out and kick Alfirin from well outside the range at which Alfirin can do anything back, though the one upside is that her strikes don't actually hurt very much. 

Aisha...is going to wait and see what Iomedae does first, actually, how about that. She's so out of breath and going abruptly from horizontal to vertical has left her a bit lightheaded. 

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Alfirin can block some kicks and take some kicks and... not actually successfully do much else in this fight. She can try (and fail) to hit or catch the kicking leg, she can try (and fail) to get in close enough to land a hit, she can try (and fail) to stay out of reach. At least it doesn't hurt much.

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(Well, with enough practice she'll get faster, and maybe more importantly, train her perception for when other people are about to attack and her reflexes to dodge or block in time. This is one of the main things sparring is for! Getting hit a lot certainly doesn't make it worse practice at that.) 

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It's part of why Iomedae is trying to just hurt people and not think about it! Some things you train faster if you're just trying to train your instincts and not the part of you that talks. She's not distinguishing much among opponents who aren't Alfirin, except for in whether they are proving difficult to hit.

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Aisha is harder to hit than Marian, for sure, but not nearly as impossible as her previous partner - and she's actually shorter than Iomedae, and has to come inside Iomedae's reach in order to land anything. She's too competitive not to try it anyway, of course, even if it means she's going to take some hits too - though even tired, she's fast enough that Iomedae will have to react quickly to take that opportunity before she's out of range again. 

She kicks really hard, at least when she's not holding back, which she clearly isn't right now. She's not quite as fast as the other tiny Asian girl, but it's sort of shocking how much force she can put behind it given that she can't weigh much over a hundred pounds, and of course at this point Iomedae already has plenty of already-tender bruises. 

Taking a few hits from Iomedae does slow her down, though if anything it makes her more aggressive and competitive. If Iomedae is focused enough to react immediately in the middle of being kicked very hard, she might be able to grab her leg on one of the kicks and knock her over without ending up on the floor herself. 

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You know what Iomedae wishes she had? Armor. It's harder to punch people when they're in armor. She does manage to knock her opponent over eventually.

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It takes Marian over a minute to win her own match, which would be embarrassing if she were any less EXHAUSTED. Today was even more intense than usual. She's delighted about it and her bad mood from earlier has entirely evaporated. 

 

...She is perhaps not entirely delighted at the prospect of having to bike home. Various body parts are complaining rather more than they usually do after a krav maga session. 

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And then the final timer goes, and they're done! 

It's 8:55 pm. The instructor admonishes everyone who immediately flops on the mat again. They should get up and walk around slowly and stretch or they'll regret it tomorrow. 

 

He makes the rounds of the room, giving people some commentary on what he noticed. Alfirin needs to work on cardio and endurance more than anything else; the priority after that is hitting harder, and learning more of the countering techniques that help with fighting a larger opponent, since that's nearly everyone for her. Iomedae should drill extra on balance and footwork - it'll help with maneuverability, and also with telegraphing her own movements less - and he thinks she'll find the classes on blocking attacks, or redirecting the force so she's taking less of it - pretty useful too. Marian, as usual, needs to keep working on speed. 

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Iomedae trots over to find Alfirin, still beaming. "Even without any healing it is good to get to fight."

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"It is good to learn how to fight. I think it is less fun for me than it is for you."

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"I think if most girls liked to fight as much as me the world would look very different." And then grudgingly (because this is an argument she has had many times), "probably it'd be worse."

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"Boys like to fight more" she observes, kind of stupidly, because she is tired and in pain and kind of stupid. "I think it is good to have people who like to fight because there are monsters in the world and if nobody fights them then everybody dies. But probably it is good that not everybody likes very much to fight, because then people would spend all their time fighting each other."

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"I think if everyone was like me they wouldn't do that. But - yeah. 

Do you think you will pay for the monthly classes? I like it very much but 50 'dollars' is a lot."

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"I do not know. I think the instructor is right that I need more vitality, and this seems like a good way to get more vitality, which I will not get doing other work. But in America a week is seven days and so there are four weeks in a month and Evelyn is only giving me ten dollars each week - so I would be spending money I saved from before, and I can not do that forever. I think I will ask Evelyn if I can do other work for her and get paid, like you get money for watching Lily, and pay for the classes as long as I have enough paid work."

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Nod. "I want to ask Evelyn some questions about - are there more things like watching Lily, how likely is Lily to be staying with us for a long time, how likely are we to be kept with Evelyn - and I wish I understood the Lily-watching money better, I'd feel better about spending it if I did. But I do want to do the class, if I can afford it." She does not offer to pay for the difference between Alfirin's monthly Evelyn money and the cost of the classes, even though she's presently earning enough that she could. She'd do it for a real sister but it's in fact silly to think of Alfirin that way on four days' acquaintance.

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"Yes. We need to talk to Evelyn and understand why she is giving us money better."

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Is Evelyn here yet to pick them up?

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Evelyn was told to shoo for the duration of the class, so she waits until 9 pm on the dot before coming in.

She's spent the last almost-two-hours befriending the proprietor of the Chinese restaurant next door. She now knows that he and his wife have been in the US for twenty-eight years and owned a restaurant business for eighteen of them, that this is their second restaurant location - their family also runs one downtown - and that they have four children, one of whom is currently at MIT (and they're very proud.) She's also learned that their middle daughter Xiuying ("but she goes by Aisha to white people"), who recently finished her degree in chemical engineering, has been doing kung fu since she was six, explored every other martial arts school Reno has to offer during high school and college, and has been attending - and quite enjoying - the krav maga studio for the last year. Evelyn has shared stories about Jeremy in turn, and some carefully curated anecdotes about Iomedae and Alfirin. The restaurant proprietor is...okay, somewhat uncomfortably racist against Mexicans, awkward...but seems quickly inclined to approve of Iomedae and Alfirin based on Evelyn's description.

Evelyn has arranged to exchange contact info. And ended up convinced to order Chinese takeout for after class, which is only polite when you've been parking your butt in someone's restaurant for two hours and taking up one of only four tables. She accepted the restaurant owner's recommendation on which menu item his daughter likes the most after an intense workout, and then remembered to request it with no spice, which got her an exasperated-but-amused headshake and mutter about "Americans!" 

...Honestly, the poor man has probably been sick of her for the last half-hour. If Evelyn had known she would be shoo'd for the duration of the class, she would have brought a book or something. 

 

At 9 pm exactly, she pops her head in the door and looks around for Iomedae and Alfirin. 

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Marian is with them! She's showing them some stretches; she isn't sure if they know any, and this particular krav maga instructor isn't really inclined to do stretches at the beginning of class (which, like, makes sense, Marian thinks she remembers reading that stretching before exercise doesn't actually reduce injuries. She's not sure if it actively helps with delayed muscle soreness or anything to do it afterward, but it sure feels nice.) 

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Evelyn - takes off her shoes at the door, it was probably rude to walk around on the mats shod last time - and trots over to them, smiling brightly. "Hi! I wasn't expecting to run into you here! - Iomedae, Alfirin, how was it?" 

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Iomedae is sweaty and battered and doesn't look horrendously bruised only because the bruises haven't had time to start coloring yet. "I like very much! It feels like being a free person. I do not know if I like it fifty dollars a month."

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"It is a thing that make me better, but I don't want it if I am paying for it more money than I am getting. Is there work I can do that a person is paying me for?" She is not going to mention that her subjective experience of it was mostly suffering, because she doesn't yet understand Evelyn's opinions on children facing hardship.

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Marian looks mildly stricken. Oh no, is Evelyn's money tight? Probably that's the subtext behind them getting offered a discount at all?

Fifty dollars a month is - not an amount of money she has to blink over now, but she's making travel nursing wages - her equivalent annual salary would be a little over $75k a year once you add in the various stipends, and Reno doesn't have state taxes, and her grotty studio apartment costs $500 a month. She's not trying spectacularly hard to be thrifty about other living expenses - she buys Kindle books on a whim, these days. She's earning more than enough that she could afford all sorts of fun travel and keeps telling herself she'll get around to planning a trip on this set of days off, and then not getting around to because what if instead she takes the endless overtime shifts and spends 60 hours a week in the place where everything is brightest and sharpest and realest and also where all her friends are. Anyway, at this point she barely thinks twice about dropping $75 on a krav maga membership. 

- but when she was in college, $50 was two weeks' of food. How much do foster parents earn? Probably flat-out not enough to send all their foster kids to krav maga classes. Marian's parents did ask her to pay for swim team, when money was tight, but she could at least earn money. 

It would be so incredibly stupid and frustrating if Iomedae, who is spectacularly good at this and the best sparring partner Marian has ever had, can't keep coming to class because her foster family can't afford it for her. It would be tragic

 

"- I'd be happy to pay for you if it meant you could keep coming," she hears herself say, and is instantly mortified and wants to sink into the FLOOR because that is a spectacularly weird offer to make to a pair of teenagers you met yesterday. 

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Blink blink. 

"....I think maybe there was a misunderstanding here," Evelyn says levelly, mainly addressing Iomedae and Alfirin. "I'm not asking you to pay for this out of your babysitting money. I'm offering to just pay for it, because that's," what parents do for their kids, but of course Iomedae hates that frame, "- that's what the money the government gives me for taking care of teenagers like you is for." 

She turns to smile very warmly at Marian, though, because that was incredibly sweet. 

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Okay now Marian is just really confused. 

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Iomedae is also so confused. And they're in public and even as a free person she would not be ungrateful or defiant of a superior in public but also just going along with what Evelyn seemed to want is how she ended up in the bike situation and she doesn't want that to happen again.

 

"I am grateful, ma'am. I ask you no spend money on this now so I can be not as big confused before money spended."

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Alfirin is also confused and nods along.

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Now Evelyn is confused too! There is just a lot of confusion to go around right now! 

She smiles at them, though. "Of course. We don't need to make a decision here and now, you both look wiped anyway. Let's talk about it tomorrow once we've all slept."

She turns to smile at Marian as well. "Where do you live? It's getting pretty late. We could give you a ride back, if you want, there's room in the car." 

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....Probably Marian cannot at all reasonably feel like it's weird to be offered a ride home by Evelyn thirty seconds after she offered to pay for martial arts classes for Evelyn's foster kids. Objectively speaking, being offered a ride is way more of a normal thing to do. 

She's very tempted. "Uh, I live downtown, right by the hospital? ...Uh. I did bike here, though...?" It technically wouldn't be the end of the world to leave her bike here overnight - she has work tomorrow morning but it's walking distance, she doesn't need a bike - but she is also definitely hoping that maybe Evelyn has a solution to that too. 

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"Does the front wheel come off? If it does, we can fit it in the trunk no problem." 

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"...Yeah, it does. Uh, you really don't have to, if it's out of your way..." 

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"It's really not far out of our way, and it's pitch dark out there." 

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It's been a really long day and Marian is not incredibly hard to tempt into accepting awkward favors. "Okay. Thank you, really, I super appreciate it." 

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Evelyn smiles brightly at her, tells the girls to 'wait right there', and goes off to inform the instructor that they're going to go home and think about whether the school is a good fit for the girls, and she'll call back once they've decided, is that okay? 

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....Great. Now Marian can stand here awkwardly with her absurd offer to pay for things hanging between them. 

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Iomedae will wait where she is ordered. Marian is not any more confusing than Evelyn but she doesn't know that Marian might require assurance about this. She drinks the rest of her water and studies the mat.

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Evelyn lowers her voice and has an inaudible conversation with the instructor for a minute or two, and then heads back over. "Right. Let's get going, it's late."

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The adrenaline high from sparring is wearing off and Marian is yawning and fantasizing about being horizontal in her bed. She's happy to follow Evelyn out and retrieve her bike, though her shoulders definitely complain about lifting it into the trunk and getting it nestled there. 

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Marian can have the front seat, so they're not all crammed in the back; Iomedae isn't small, it would be a tight fit. 

The entire car smells like Chinese takeout. "I picked up some food for once we're home," Evelyn says as she reverses out of the parking spot. "- Uh, there's not enough for you, sorry, Marian. Did you meet Aisha, by the way? Her father owns the restaurant next door from the studio, apparently." 

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Marian isn't sure they would have any way of knowing which one Aisha is; the instructor doesn't make a habit of doing introductions for new students, people just sort of come in and out, she still doesn't know everyone's name in the class. "Aisha is the small Asian girl - uh, the one who kicks ridiculously hard. She used to do kung fu." 

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"Her father said! Since she was six, apparently. ...Anyway, we've exchanged contact information. I might invite their family for dinner sometime, they sound lovely." 

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Does Evelyn do that with literally everyone??? Wild. 

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"Marian, we'd still love to have you over sometime! I had no idea you did krav maga too, that's very neat." And doesn't exactly match her stereotype of what hobbies nurses have, but as usual, that just means Evelyn is making assumptions about people and should stop. 

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Marian had completely forgotten about the dinner invite, but...it feels substantially less awkward now, for some reason? Maybe it's just impossible to feel too awkward after sparring with both of the girls.

She's still not sure what the expected polite response is to being invited to dinner by a near-stranger. "That's very kind of you...?" 

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"Well, do any evenings this week work for you? We live pretty far out, but I could swing over and pick you up." 

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What a relentlessly extroverted person. "I'm off Thursday through Saturday." 

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"Thursday night, then? We usually eat at 5:30 or 6:00." 

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This is so surreal. "....Yeah, five-thirty on Thursday works." 

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"Great!" 

Evelyn drives hospitalward. It's a lot faster than cycling over was, especially at past 9 pm with literally no traffic. Once they get close she'll need more precise instructions, since Marian presumably doesn't live literally inside the hospital. 

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Nope! She lives in one of the row of little apartments above a moderately scruffy-looking laundromat, apparently. She thanks Evelyn warmly and smiles at Iomedae and Alfirin - a genuine, albeit very tired, smile - and then hauls her bike out of the trunk, wincing slightly, and wheels it over to the laundromat to carry it upstairs. 

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And they can drive home! Evelyn won't try to make conversation. The girls are probably tired. 

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Iomedae is physically tired but hardly mentally, but she appreciates the time anyway so she can sort out her confusions into an ordered list in her head. 

 

The most important one -

"America pay you every month to keep us as foster childs?"

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"...Yes." Evelyn really feels like she said that before, but she's also remarked before that it's easy to end up assuming Iomedae's English is better than it really is. "The government pays me to have children living in my home, like it's my job - I mean, it is my job, more or less. And on top of that there are amounts they give me for particular kinds of expenses, like getting you new clothes or supplies for school - a lot of children arrive in foster care without many clothes or belongings, you're not unusual there."

She considers for the moment how to phrase it. "...It's not that they're giving me money that I'm only allowed to spend on something like krav maga. But the idea is that it's normal for good parents to pay for their children - or teenagers - to have nice things like bikes and martial arts classes. The money is so that I can afford to pay for all the same sorts of things I would have for Jeremy at your age, for both of you, as long as you live here. Does that make sense?" 

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"How much money they give you to keep us?"

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Iiiiiin most cases it would not be a great idea to have this conversation, Evelyn thinks, but - just this once, it actually feels very important to be as honest and open as she can. 

"Right now, a hundred and seventy-five dollars a week for each of you, that's the standard emergency rate - uh, when a kid needs a place to sleep right away, that night, before there's been time for their social worker to get to know them or for them to see a doctor. Plus a hundred and twenty-five dollars for each of you, for clothes and stuff. Once it's been a bit longer, they reassess it, and I may end up getting somewhat more money if Social Services thinks that you need more support than usual to adjust to being in foster care. Which I think you do, most kids coming into foster care grew up in America speaking English, and have already been to school, and things like that. ...The government gives me twelve hundred dollars a month for taking care of Lily right now, because she needs a lot of extra help. I don't think either of you need as much help as Lily, though." 

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Iomedae worked very hard, for the last six months, for sixty to seventy dollars a week, and she was not bothered by this, because it was fair pay for her work, in the uncomplicated sense where there were lots of farms and if one offered unusually little pay then workers would go elsewhere and that lords' fruit would rot. 

If America wanted her to live with Evelyn and go to school and had offered her eighty dollars a week to do this she would have done it. 

Instead, of course, America enslaved her, and she is still very angry about this but it's mostly a simmering anger not a burning one at this point.

But the idea that they are willing to pay seven hundred dollars a month, maybe more than that, to Evelyn for keeping her as a slave -

 

 

It is not hard to imagine wanting power over another person so much you would be willing to hurt them unfathomably badly to have it. People do that all the time. They shouldn't, but they do. 

It is actually kind of hard to imagine wanting power over a person so much you would be willing to pay more than twice what a laborer can earn every month in order to deny them their freedom.

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"America pay you a hundred seventy five dollar a week to make life so bad and I think I no should be mad at you for that because if you did not do it a different person would do it but I am mad at you for that a bit, comparing to when I thinked you just did it to help people."

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...That shouldn't hurt. It's so, so far from the first time she's had it flung in her face, that she's only in it for the money. Barely a year ago, Teagan screamed at her that she was taking bribes from the government to run a child prison. 

It does sting a little bit every time, though, and maybe a little bit of that is because she does make a lot of money on this, more than most foster carers she knows, and she's accumulated decades of training and takes specialized foster care placements because those children need help the most, of course, but it's not not about the money; she's a single carer, she doesn't have a husband working on the side like most of her foster parent friends. And she wishes it didn't have to be about the money, that she didn't have to keep her receipts in a box in the study and spreadsheet it out at the end of every month, and the expression on a child's face when she surprises them with the exact Christmas gift they wanted is priceless, of course, but she still has to kick herself at the end of the month, sometimes, laying it out alongside her gas expenses and utilities bills, and the monthly "tax" of replacing clothes cut up and dishes broken by understandably angry children, and the truly spectacular amount one can spend on groceries even when one is being very careful and the amount she sets aside every month so she won't have to dip into the savings account to pay the next quarterly property tax bill. And the sleepless nights, and the occasional wistful thoughts that she could have a nine to five job in a nice quiet civilized office with no screaming ever, let alone at three am, and earn more money than she does now. 

And, of course, her life is still one of unbelievable luxury and abundance and waste, compared to Iomedae's normal, and that hurts too, and it hurts that Iomedae is angry with her and that it's not even unreasonable of her. 

 

She's - going to try very very hard not to say things out of defensiveness that are a bad idea to say, but she can definitely recognize that she is defensive. She takes a deep breath. 

"I - that's fair. I can see why - some things would mean more to you - if I were doing this for no reward except the reward of helping people, and - I kind of wish it could be like that, sometimes? But I couldn't do it at all if I were paid much less. I don't have other income. I don't have a husband who works. When the government gives me money, it's not just to buy you bikes and krav maga classes. It has to pay for the house," well, complicatedly, "and the water, and the heat and the lights, and fixing things when they break, and it has to pay for my food and clothes and doctor's appointments, and the gas to drive the car, and everything I have that means I can take care of children at all." 

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"I thinked you owned land."

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Evelyn has no idea what that has to do with anything???? Maybe Iomedae doesn't know that property taxes are a thing. ...That's actually pretty reasonable, maybe property taxes aren't a thing in third world countries, she has no idea. Maybe Iomedae's main association with 'people who own houses' is 'landlords', probably exploitative ones? But Evelyn can't imagine how Iomedae thinks she's earning rental income. What exactly would she be renting out, the back shed? ...Honestly, probably people do live in sheds where Iomedae's from. Ugh. 

"...Yeah, I have a house. I've paid back the loan I took from the bank to buy it, so I own the house outright and the land it's on. I don't own other land, just the lot. My expenses are less now than they were ten years ago when I was still paying the bank back. - uh, very few people are rich enough to just buy a house with cash, it's normal to go to the bank for a big loan that you pay off for most of your adult life, it's one of the only times it's not a stupid idea to go into debt for a big purchase, because this house will be worth more when I retire and sell it than I paid for it at the start. Anyway, now I only have to pay property tax to the government - one of the ways the government gets money is that anyone who owns land or property pays tax on it - but I don't earn any money from rent. ...I guess you could sort of imagine the government is paying rent on my spare bedrooms on your behalf, but I don't earn other income just from owning a house with a backyard." 

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"You own only the land of your house which you do not plant, not any land plants grow on?"

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Evelyn is so confused. The backyard totally has plants, even if okay fine they're kind of sad plants, she neither has a green thumb nor the spare time to maintain a garden– ohhhhhh. Right. Iomedae was a farm worker, before...okay maybe on reflection this makes more sense.

"....I do not own any land with farms on it, no, I don't think I know anyone who does. Did you - assume I had this entire other source of income from owning farms somewhere...?" 

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"You are a rich woman who does not work, so I thinked you own land, people work the land, you get money. In Taldor this would be how there is a rich woman who does not work, because no one would pay her the cost of keep up a very big very nice house like your house for keeping slaves and she could not earn enough to keep up the big nice house with just the work of a few slaves."

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It is so deeply unreasonable to feel hurt and angry at Iomedae, just because it's the sort of sentiment she's picked up between the lines - never quite said out loud - from white-collar office workers at the sort of holiday event she just doesn't go to anymore because kids who randomly smear feces on the floor are not welcome, the sense that obviously being a stay-at-home mom isn't a job and obviously it's no different if it's being a stay-at-home mom for other people's children. It's not work, it's in some way vaguely unfeminist, and of course nobody says it but it's still there. 

 

It's unreasonable because Iomedae is coming from a different world, a world where ten dollars a day to pick fruit seemed like an upgrade from most people's circumstances. It's unreasonable because Iomedae is trapped, and hurting, pinned down by a system that gives her no avenues toward any of the things that matter to her, in a nonsensical world that, despite its absurd-to-her wealth and technology, is still full of inexplicable rules and walls and inexorable bureaucracies that destroy her friends' lives for no reason. 

...She's abruptly not angry anymore, just tired. 

"I do work. I'm a foster parent; I take care of kids who aren't safe with their family, or don't have a family at all. That's my job. I get paid for it because that's how jobs work. ...You can say that you'd have been better off if the system had left you alone, and you wouldn't be the first foster kid to say that to me, and you might even be right. I know I'm not giving you what you need, and I'm sorry.

"But it's - my friends who have other jobs sometimes tell me they could never be a foster parent, because it would be too hard." Yeah, okay, maybe she's in fact still very defensive, and maybe at this point it's not fair to Iomedae to keep trying and failing to hide it. She takes a deep breath. "It's not your fault and I'm not angry with you, about anything, but - I find it pretty hurtful, when people say I'm just a woman who doesn't work." 

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"I am sorry. Maybe I not know the English for - the thing I mean. I do not think it is bad to be a person owns land. It is good. People own land are better than people who do not.

 And no one make clothes here, or wash them, or carry water, or wash dishes, because you have machines for this, and that is good and of God, it would not be better if you had to do this."

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Presumably Iomedae does not mean the thing it kind of sounds like - that landowners are more deserving or virtuous or morally upright or something, which is absolutely a claim that raises Evelyn's hackles - because that would be an insane thing for Iomedae to believe alongside the rest of her belief system and moral convictions. She probably means the thing that does match with everything else she believes - that wealth and progress and abundance are good, that what God wants is for everyone to someday have the security of a house that belongs to them. Well, Evelyn can get behind that. 

"...I think we're still - talking around some kind of really big gap in how we expect the world to work?"

She wishes she could close her eyes. Inconvenient how she's driving; at least there continues to be literally no traffic.

She takes a deep breath. "I don't really want to have whatever conversation it's going to take to figure out what. I'm....I'm tired, honestly, and it's been such a week, and I am trying very hard not to - have feelings at you - because you don't deserve that and it's not your fault and I'm supposed to be the adult who has it together. But I think I've been wronging you, by not trying hard enough to understand, and - I keep hurting you by accident, with things like the bike payment, because I don't understand the thing I'm missing. I want to understand - not because it's my job that the government pays me to do, plenty of foster parents don't try, plenty of birth parents don't try - but because it's actually really upsetting seeing you be angry and scared all the time and not understanding why or how I can help, and it would be nice if I could solve that as easily as buying you a nice bike and getting you fighting lessons, but I clearly can't." 

Sigh. "...That's not a demand that you talk to me. If you don't trust me, then that's - really understandable, for one - and it's not something I get to demand, it's something I have to earn. 

 

...I'm sorry, is all. I want you to be okay." 

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"- if you do not want to have conversation, you say, Iomedae stop this, I tell you a better time? Or is the thing you just said, you saying that?"

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....Okay, that's fair enough, she was Being Vulnerable(TM) and that is not the same thing as being maximally clear to a kid with limited English. 

"I'm sorry that was confusing. I - am finding the conversation hard to have while driving, and I think we should pause it until we're home and you've had a shower and some food. And possibly until tomorrow when Lily is in school, if it turns out that you're exhausted and want to sleep. I might find it upsetting, but - I care more about you being okay than I do about not having upsetting conversations. Having upsetting conversations comes up a lot in this job." 

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"Yes, ma'am." She doesn't sound upset at all and doesn't speak for the rest of the drive.

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Evelyn wants to give both of them a hug right now. Evelyn does not always get what she wants and is pretty used to this. It is, again, something you sort of sign up for with this job. 

They go in. Evelyn spreads out still-warm Chinese takeout on the table. She's not actually hungry and her waistline doesn't need it, but she takes a plate anyway, just to make it obvious that it's okay and expected for the girls, who must have just burned a ton of calories, to do that. 

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Chinese takeout tastes really weird and oily but Iomedae is not a picky eater. 

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Evelyn has a lot of fond memories built up around Chinese takeout to make it feel like a rare indulgence, but it is objectively speaking kind of a weird cuisine, especially if you're used to eating corn tortillas and beans out of a can and consider stew with some ground beef in it to be luxurious rich person's food. 

She eats in friendly silence. She tries to figure out - something - she's not sure what, it feels like a prerequisite to 'what she should say.' And of course one of the hardest-won lessons of the last twenty years is that sometimes there isn't a right thing to say, sometimes there isn't a promise you can make so that a child will feel safe, because children aren't programmed toys where you can press the right button and get trust. They have their own entire worlds inside their head, that Evelyn can never do more than glimpse the edges of; that's not a problem specific to Iomedae and Alfirin, it's just as true of Lily. 

 

Her head is buzzing with the content of what Iomedae was saying - trying to say - to her, and she is pretty sure that they're getting close to - whatever it was that made Iomedae angry about the bike situation. But it actually that feels like that's a distraction, right now. She smiles blandly, and - does something that she's never been able to describe better, when her fostering friends ask her how on earth she manages it, than 'it's like letting your eyes go out of focus on the room, except it's on the interaction you're stuck in the middle of.' 

 

...It feels adversarial. That's - not new - it's almost universal, actually, this early on. But it's not the same, because - why - because it feels like it shouldn't have to be. It feels like Iomedae is the sort of person who's always trying to extend an olive branch, to bridge that gap, and she can't help herself even once she's decided not to trust Evelyn. Maybe it's ridiculous to say that "Iomedae expressing her anger at Evelyn for being paid to foster children" as an olive branch, but to Evelyn that's what it is. 

It doesn't feel like there are words she can say to convince Iomedae that she's safe. She...doesn't actually want to convince Iomedae that's she safe, which is odd, because it's always felt like very fundamentally the most important thing - that kids can't grow, can't spread their wings, can't even form attachments, unless they feel safe. Evelyn isn't convinced that Alfirin doesn't need this very badly, though right now it seems like she's seeking it out from Iomedae, her trusted friend who understands her, and not the foster mother standing in for a faceless system that tore in and out of their lives like a tornado and deposited them on her doorstep. But Iomedae....

 

 

...Iomedae isn't a kid.

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It's sort of inane, put in words like that, even words in the privacy of her own head. Iomedae is, after all, still fifteen, still basically illiterate, still in some ways very...it feels absurd to think it, but sheltered? Evelyn can't quite figure out what it is she thinks Iomedae was sheltered from, but it feels related to her unexpected indignance at the ways that a modern country of three hundred million people more or less has to work. 

But Iomedae doesn't want or need a parent who she trusts to make sure everything works out fine. 

She needs something, that's for sure. She's practically crying out for it in every single conversation. But it's not to return to childhood. She had her childhood, with loving parents who she trusted, however poor and unfortunately patriarchal they were. She flew the nest. 

She needs someone to help her fight Hell. 

 

 

- great!!! Thank you, Evelyn's brain, for that deep insight!!! What on earth is she supposed to do about it??? 

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(Evelyn has mostly not been making interesting facial expressions for the last several minutes, but it's fairly clear that she's preoccupied.) 

 

She clears her throat. "Girls, I'm going to go sit in the other room for a bit, okay? I want to," think thoughts that are more productive than that one, "watch some television and chill. And I do think we should talk more about the...money stuff...and do that tonight if you have the energy for it - but food and showers first, no offense but you both smell like a teenage boys' locker room." 

Evelyn is tempted to leave the other half implicit, but - you know what, no, actually she thinks one of the ways she's been screwing up here is smoothing things over and leaving them under the surface and not just saying out loud with her actual mouth what she's doing and why. She has mixed feelings and as many as several questions about whatever on earth the girls talked about last night with Emily and her lovely girlfriend, but it does seem like they made progress, on - understanding some more of the disconnect between the world they knew growing up and America - and Evelyn is pretty sure that's because Emily is not the sort of person to shove anything under the rug rather than face the awkwardness. 

She smiles crookedly. "And you could probably use some time to talk privately in Taldane, I'm not sure how much of the conversation in the car Alfirin followed." 

She heads to the other room. 

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When Iomedae is told to back off she does, and she doesn't get upset about it either. This was a fairly important element of getting her father to put up with her. She smiles at Evelyn, sincerely. "Yes, ma'am."

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Evelyn smiles more widely at her and wants to - considers stopping herself - ends up not stopping herself from patting Iomedae's shoulder as she walks past to the other room.

(She leaves her half-finished plate behind. Her stomach is a little upset, like it always is when she's stressed, and she did enough stress-eating during the first few weeks with Lily when she was getting five hours of sleep a night, she doesn't need to do it now when she's getting plenty of sleep and objectively speaking a lot of lovely breaks today and the main difficulty is....whatever the word even is, she's not sure.) 

 

...Iomedae is being very...deliberately polite and deferent, or something...and - not that Evelyn is complaining, to be clear - it feels like Iomedae is applying strategy here, and it's a learned strategy for getting what she wants. She's seen it before. God, Teagan did it sometimes. (Not very often.)

Evelyn in general has pretty mixed feelings about, you know, the type of childhood background that results in teenage girls who do "the thing". And - this wasn't the case with Teagan specifically, who seemed to have instead picked the strategy of "not caring if she got hit" - but she's looked after other teenage girls where "the thing" absolutely had an undertone of "and this is how I appease you enough that you won't hit me". And, assuming that Evelyn's ability to get a read on Iomedae isn't utterly unreliable thanks to the culture gap which is really more of a bottomless culture chasm, is pretty sure she's picking up on more than zero of that from Iomedae. ...Maybe being hit isn't the thing, Iomedae clearly doesn't find it that unpleasant (the bruises were developing further by the time she left the room), but - things that are emotionally like that, in the mind of a child, and Iomedae might be - less or differently - a child now, than the usual fifteen-year-old, but this one does feel like a childhood habit. 

....She can chew on that particular thread later. (Also her brain can stop mixing its metaphors, please and thank you.) The main problem here is not, actually, related to whether Iomedae's father - she thinks it's probably father in particular, not that she has any idea why and maybe it's just dumb sexist stereotypes - would hit her for 'talking back' more than he could tolerate. The point is that, well, sometimes kids with those kind of habits actually feel safer if you give them firm lines rather than relentless compassion. 

 

She sits down on the sofa and fiddles with the remote. Finds a station replaying a particularly mindless soap opera rerun. (The background noise helps. For whatever ridiculous reason, it makes her feel less - listened in on? - by Iomedae and Alfirin.) 

Right. Productive thoughts about what Iomedae needs, please. 

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Evelyn has been doing this for nearly two decades and she's not sure she's ever done this much of - what even is she doing here - the mental equivalent of writing incredibly detailed log notes??? 

Possibly she's just never had to do it, because there haven't been that many cases that involved all of: being deeply, almost-philosophically confused about a child's backstory and needs; not being mostly focused on surviving the minute-to-minute grind of troubleshooting tantrums through a haze of sleep deprivation, such that she had opportunities to try to drag her brain over thinking about it on purpose, rather than the much more common experience of having her first real break in two weeks and abruptly realizing she's been an idiot the entire time; and wanting to be careful in her log notes in a way that actually ruled out thinking through the confusing parts.

To be clear, there are plenty of social workers she leans toward being careful with, but - maybe she's just gotten lucky, and those didn't coincide with the most challenging cases?

Challenging-to-her cases, that is, because - that's a lot of what's going on here, isn't it. Iomedae is - okay, she is kind of ongoingly in distress - but she's not doing it at Evelyn, not in the kind of way that her fellow foster parents universally agree is difficult and awful. Evelyn meant what she said at the doctor's office yester– god, that was today, what a day - that Iomedae is for the most part polite and helpful and no trouble at all. Even her rants at the system's failings would be endearing in many other circumstances; they were when Emily did them. And reassuring, even, because at least Emily was - what - engaging productively? 

...And it is reassuring, honestly, just - about a different thing, that isn't the thing she's worried about in the first place? 

For fuck's sake, Evelyn's brain. What is she worried about in the first place, then? 

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Iomedae is going to be fine. Iomedae is, fundamentally, the sort of person who will find a way to be fine. Presumably she didn't just pop out of the womb like that, her parents and her community must have had a lot to do with it, but...Evelyn doesn't get to be part of that story. 

 

....Ooof. There is something mildly mortifying about confronting herself - while sitting in the dark watching a stupid soap opera like a teenager after a breakup, though at least she's withheld from eating ice cream out of the carton - with the fact that she, apparently, has quite a lot of...ego? (that's probably the right philosophy or psychology term or whatever subject it was where Jeremy brought the word up) ...around how all of her skills, and all of her (ugh) self-efficacy or whatever, is around being a parent. To kids. And helping them grow up to be the best, strongest, most self-actualized version of themselves they can be, in the circumstances they're in. 

She would be honored and delighted and bursting with pride, if Iomedae had been her foster child, and grown up to be the way she already is now. When Emily went on rants about the failings of the world and the system, Evelyn got to take credit for that.

Iomedae is just...already there...and, right, obviously this is agonizing, Evelyn hates being bad at things and she is bad at the thing Iomedae needs. She would be; she mostly doesn't have any practice at it. 

 

(She does feel a burst of warmth, amidst the various uncomfortable self-revelations. She's really impressed with Iomedae's parents,  for - parenting an Iomedae - which can't possibly have been easy, especially not in a low-income country with a deeply religious patriarchal culture. ...Actually she's still pretty confused about that. But, either way. Iomedae's parents did a good job and she wishes she could meet them and tell them so.) 

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Right. Evelyn has now successfully noticed that half of what's hard here, half of why she feels off-balance and unexpectedly upset in so many conversations, is that she feels like shit about herself because she's trying so hard to be the best foster mom to Iomedae, and on some level resenting that it isn't working, and Iomedae does not, actually, need a mom. 

Evelyn should think more at some point about Alfirin, who she has much less of a read on. Which is...honestly probably strategic on Alfirin's part. And a good idea more often than she'd like to admit, for foster kids who - kind of reasonably - would rather interact with the system less rather than more. At a certain point it doesn't matter how much the goal is to help, or how well-intentioned most of the people working for CPS are.

She....doesn't like thinking about exactly what percentage of the time CPS screws up, does she. Which (ughhhhh this is mortifying) is a whole other part of why talking to Iomedae is so frequently randomly upsetting. Somehow Evelyn is fine with being indignant and furious in any specific case where the system is clearly failing a specific kid, who lives with her, where she can fix it, and it's a whole other thing to look at the whole shape of it - to metaphorically let her eyes slip out of focus, see the forest and not be distracted by the trees - and actually ask herself the question of whether it's good that it exists. She wanted the right answer to be written in stone, didn't she, because it's - her job - more than a job, to her - and obviously she wants it to be true that her work matters and helps people. 

 

 

...Great. Okay. Evelyn has now spent several minutes admitting to her various inadequacies, and should now stop navelgazing and think about people who aren't herself. Like Iomedae. 

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Iomedae isn't a kid. 

It's not actually an Iomedae-specific thing to hate having it rubbed in your face that the entire world around you, including and especially the person with the most power and control over your day to day life, sees you as a kid - as someone too young to know what they want, too immature to make good choices about their future, someone who needs an adult to guide and steer and manipulate them into the right decisions. Evelyn does have a lot of practice at not making it constantly obvious that she thinks of kids that way, even when it's just straightforwardly true that she doesn't think they have that maturity. It's condescending, and nobody likes feeling condescended to. 

But she thinks it's a different element of it that bothers Iomedae? It's not - or at least not just - the feeling condescended to. It's also not the same as the indignance that teenagers who grew up neglected and unsupervised tend to have about perfectly normal rules and boundaries; Iomedae actually seems fine, in general, with doing things Evelyn's way because this is Evelyn's house, even when she doesn't understand or agree with the justification. (She definitely manages to make Evelyn feel silently judged for being a bizarre crazy rich American, but that's a side point.) 

Evelyn has a feeling that Iomedae would accept almost any amount of condescension and disrespect - would walk into it willingly, she wouldn't like it but would do her best to grin and bear it anyway - if she had looked over her options and decided it was the fastest path to rescue everyone from Hell. 

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What does Iomedae need to thrive?

'Someone to walk at her side and help her fight Hell' is the inane obvious thing, but - Iomedae would do it anyway. Iomedae would have the priorities she has whether or not anyone agreed with her about it. She doesn't need the people around her to believe in her potential; the important part here isn't that Iomedae believes she can do anything she can set her mind to, or that she's an exceptional person who can expect to succeed where everyone else would and has failed. The important part is that Hell exists and Iomedae thinks it shouldn't, and who could possibly disagree with her on that? 

A thriving Iomedae is one who can make progress toward that goal.

Which also feels inane and obvious, in a sense, because all children have a deep emotional need to be accomplishing things, making progress, building the self-efficacy that they're going to need very badly in their adult lives. Foster children need it even more than that, because you generally don't end up in foster care at all without having one or more of the disadvantages in life that mean society is rigged against your success. 

 

...Iomedae hates it with a burning passion when adults around her are making decisions about her future based on trying to meet her emotional needs. And Evelyn, apparently, is a bumbling idiot who's been staring in polite befuddlement at the obvious truth right in front of her nose, which is that Iomedae knows perfectly well what she wants to accomplish with her life, and can see perfectly well that a nice momly figure like Evelyn, trying to keep her safe and healthy and give her a lovely childhood, is in her way.

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Evelyn can't give Iomedae what she needs.

 

Probably no one can, not even God. No one except for Iomedae herself. (Another piece of trite wisdom that's true of literally all children, and yet somehow feels new and profound applied to Iomedae.) But - it's worse than that, because what Iomedae needs, and what the system around Evelyn demands of her, are in direct conflict, and Evelyn cannot, actually, just get out Iomedae's way. Not yet. Not for three years. 

She can probably still do a lot better than she has been. 

The thing Iomedae needs is...resources she can use freely, the way she wants to, toward her actual priorities and not the priorities of an imaginary girl Evelyn made up in her head.

Also, maybe even more importantly, she needs to have the slightest idea how America works. America is a resource. A messy, complicated one that's hard to wield in a directed way, and right now Iomedae is missing way too much context to actually leverage the wealth and knowledge and human capital of America toward fixing Hell. 

Evelyn probably can help with that education, if she can manage to actually convey to Iomedae that she's on Iomedae's side here. Probably her goal here should be that in three years - or maybe sooner, if there's literally any way to wrangle for Iomedae to be declared a legal adult younger than eighteen - Iomedae is, actually, ready to launch herself out into the world and make things happen. 

And Evelyn can, in the meantime, give Iomedae every single bit of wiggle room she can eke out of a faceless system that cares about the welfare of children in the abstract, but isn't the kind of entity that can care about her. ...Again, assuming she can convince Iomedae to trust her on it, but - the part where Iomedae doesn't trust Evelyn or feel safe with Evelyn is not actually the main problem here. The problem is that Iomedae isn't allowed to make decisions, and obviously she considers it an unacceptable atrocity on the part of the US government to force her to put her life on hold for three years, because that's three years longer before she can fix Hell. 

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Evelyn is also pretty sure she's still missing a lot of context and miscommunicating a lot of things and misunderstanding what Iomedae is trying to tell her, because there's both a language barrier and a culture gap. Obviously Evelyn is curious and wants to understand Iomedae better, but this is not actually a game where the win condition involves getting to turn over the secret card with all the Iomedae facts. Evelyn doesn't think she's missing that much relevant to what Iomedae needs, because Iomedae is actually a very uncomplicated person, and Evelyn doesn't need to perfectly understand her in order to make good decisions on her behalf, because actually she should just...probably not be making decisions on Iomedae's behalf. She should be telling her what the constraints are, what laws she has to follow, how much space she has to work with, and then she should be getting out of Iomedae's way. 

It feels like a much bigger piece of the problem that Iomedae doesn't understand Evelyn. Not understanding what Evelyn wants from her must be frustrating and terrifying, when she knows that pretty much all the resources she could lean on are gated on 'Evelyn approves and thinks you're making healthy decisions', and Iomedae probably doesn't know how much Evelyn's expectations around what counts as a good decision are compatible with accomplishing anything. 

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This whole series of intense revelations do not actually add up to an idea of what she should say to Iomedae, and it's probably still going to be a confusing and upsetting conversation because Iomedae is coming from such a different place and every conversation they've ever had was full of concerning misunderstandings. But...probably having the exact right script here isn't the important part, that's just - going back to relating to Iomedae like a toy with some hidden buttons that when pressed will give Evelyn what she wants. 

Evelyn sits in the dark with the TV going, and waits for Iomedae and Alfirin to be finished showering. 

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Showering doesn't actually take very long, especially since America being a ridiculous place she and Alfirin have separate washrooms. Iomedae changes into new clothes and detangles her hair with her fingers and brings the old clothes downstairs to put in the laundering machine.

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Alfirin is achey and tired but she doesn't take too long in the rain closet, because the rain closet is still a very weird way to get clean and all the temperatures are strange or uncomfortable. She puts on new clothes and is downstairs not much slower than Iomedae.

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Evelyn gets up, takes a deep breath, and goes over. 

She doesn't smile; this is a serious conversation. She just sits down. 

"We should talk about the money for krav maga - honestly, I think we should probably just look at my finances together, in a sense it's your money and I think you have the right to know how I would usually spend it and decide if you have different priorities - but there are a couple of things I want to say first." 

She's mostly looking at Iomedae now. "It took me a long time to get this through my thick skull, but - you're not a child, are you? The law thinks you are, and that adds some frustrating restrictions - on me, not just you - but I'm not the law, and I have eyes, and when I actually bother to use them it's pretty obvious you don't want or need a mom. You need a...local guide to America, I guess is how I could put it. I want you to be happy, and I don't think you can possibly be if we're making you put your life on hold for three years and telling you it's for your own good, and I want you to trust me but from your point of view I'm just an obstacle between you and everything you care about accomplishing with your life. I'm going to try to stop that, okay? I'm not actually sure I know how to be anything other than a mom, I'm sort of specialized, but...I'm going to try."

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- that is not how Iomedae expected this evening to go! She was expecting to try to explain very carefully and diplomatically why she is confused about financial decisions made about her. She blinks, a bit stupidly. 

- why is this the conversation that prompted Evelyn to believe her about not being a child? And if Evelyn doesn't believe her about being a holy warrior why does she think that she's not a child. A fifteen year old girl in fact would be, ordinarily.

- none of those are good responses. Evelyn is - being kind and careful and generous and she is correct, she is describing Iomedae much more carefully and closely than she was before, and it would be - an important kind of failure, to respond to that with confusion, to fail to notice it or notice the ways in which it would have been difficult -

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" - yes, ma'am. I - thank you. I think you are right that I need a - person explain America, and that I will not be happy if I have to put life on hold three years, though I do not think it very important if I am happy.

I do not think you are - just in the way of doing things with life. America making me a slave is that but you are trying to not hurt us, and there is time to learn English and save money, I am glad of that. I am - confused about the money. And I am scared of learning - things people learn by doing over and over - that are not good for a free person, and I am scared of God leave because I do not live as holy warrior. But I know that you are trying to make things not as bad, and I am very grateful."

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Evelyn nods. "I don't want any of that to happen." She's still, uh, pretty confused about the entire holy warrior thing, but she doesn't need to understand everything in order to get that it's important to Iomedae, any more than she needs to understand what on earth anyone else sees in football, or death metal, to be supportive of a kid who enjoys either.

Sigh. "I'm trying very hard not to hurt either of you. Really, I think trying not to hurt kids is the bare minimum bar a foster parent should meet. I think I can do better than I have been at - not being in your way - if I'm not secretly trying to insist that you have a few more years of childhood because I think I know better than you do what's good for you. I think childhood is supposed to be about - having time and space to learn things and form good habits that will help you accomplish things as an adult - and I do think we can make the best of that. And I think it's good that you have someone to speak on your behalf and make the case for what resources you need, because you don't know how to talk to social workers or doctors so it goes the way you want it to go, and it would be doing you an enormous disservice if the system ends up labeling you as as having anger management issues. But I'm not going to also insist on - doing good parenting at you - the point of that is for you to be okay and get everything you need to succeed later, it's not for me to feel good about myself." 

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"I am scared of - not good habits - because -

 

- so, the way a free person live, they make money because the work the other person want more than he want the money. And if they are not stupid they save as much as they can so they do not starve if they can not work, and they buy things that last a long time and that they know is a good price and that they really need, if they have enough to not go too hungry having spended. 

The way a slave live is, they sometimes get nice things because they made happy a free person. And they should be grateful, and be someone free people happy to give things. And I am worried that is not good habits."

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Evelyn takes a deep breath. This feels very fraught to respond to, because you just don't tell a kid that their worries and fears are wrong, and Iomedae is noticing some elements of the situation that are genuinely bad for her, but...actually Evelyn suspects that some of the strength of her feelings is built up on a tower of misunderstandings? Or maybe that she has more or less accurate expectations about what an undocumented minor in foster care will or won't be able to do, and the oddness here is in what she thinks that means... 

And Evelyn is starting to wonder if she's been glossing over a deep misinterpretation of what foster care is for, out of trying to empathize and not wanting to invalidate Iomedae's feelings. Of course, she's still not actually sure that she's put her finger on what the misinterpretation is. But - Iomedae doesn't talk about being a "slave" in the teenage-indignance way that Teagan talked about being in child prison. It seems pretty plausible that Iomedae - who is after all from a very different place from America, one that was probably worse in a lot of ways - came away with a pretty inaccurate sense of what her actual rights and freedoms are. 

Ugh. 

She takes a deep breath. "Iomedae, I think you're - not wrong to notice that being a child in America is very limiting, especially for the things that matter to you. And - I imagine it's pretty confusing, too, because - even in America people thought about children pretty differently a hundred years ago, and I think the place and culture you grew up in is...more different than America a hundred years ago. I think we try harder to protect children - and the government considers it its business to protect children when their parents aren't doing a good job of it - and a lot of what's frustrating to you is that you don't want or need to be protected, and so it just feels like - rules for no reason, and the government having all sorts of opinions about things you wouldn't expect to be the government's business?"

Sigh. "I won't claim the government and the laws are doing a perfect job here, but - basically no one would use the English word 'slave' literally to talk about your situation? You're not a slave according to American laws. America just thinks you're a childand that's - also pretty bad for the things you want - but I think the difference is important? America thinks that children have a lot of - rights, I guess - just, more focus on the right to be safe and protected and provided for. So you get things like, it's illegal for parents to hurt their children - or even just not to feed their children - and the government will stop them if it finds out, and take the children and give them to foster parents who will treat them the way America thinks children deserve to be treated. I could go to jail for hitting you. I know you think a lot of this is - bizarre crazy rich American stuff - but I don't think it's the same thing as 'America thinks all children are slaves.'" 

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"If you sayed I disobeyed you, the nurses - what they do."

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"Uh, send you to therapy and anger management classes? And the point isn't that you have to do everything I say all the time? It's fine if you're like 'actually I would rather not do the dishes right now, I'm busy.' The point is that, uh, being in control of your emotions and able to get along with people even when they're frustrating is an important adult skill, and kids who don't learn how to resolve conflicts productively instead of screaming and throwing things will have a hard time getting a job and stuff. ...You don't have that problem, I'm not at all worried that you'll lose your temper at your boss when you have a job and get fired, which is why I told the nurse that we don't need to try to solve a problem you don't have." 

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"You tell the nurses, this foster child not obey, they send this foster child - classes on obeying? What happen in classes on obeying?"

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"I think anger management classes really aren't for solving a problem you have. And - I guess 'classes on obeying' isn't totally wrong, but it's the kind of obeying that adults have to do in lots of situations too? So they teach you things like how to notice when you're getting angry so you can leave the room and calm down instead of shouting at someone, and to, like, take a deep breath and count to ten rather than hitting someone? And, like, impulse control in general, and thinking about the consequences of something before you do it. A lot of kids who grew up in difficult circumstances have trouble with, like, making long term plans and sticking to them? Because that's a skill, that you have to learn, and if a kid's parents can't teach them because they never really learned it themselves, then you end up with kids who - say, impulsively steal things because they want them now and aren't thinking about how they'll get in trouble later. And they need to learn things like - it's still not right to hurt someone even if they hurt you first and it's reasonable to be angry with them." 

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"Where I am from, the reason it is not wise for a child to shout or disobey is that they will be hit. And the reason it is not wise for a child to steal is that they will be killed. Here it sometimes feel like - none of it comes to a stop anywhere. And maybe this should feel like not being a slave, because it is right that it is not like being a slave, to not be hurt for disobeying, but - but it feel to me like America think it can make people obey, and I do not see how it can do this but that does not make me sure it cannot do this. And when the nurse asked this question, that maked sense, because - it is the question a place ask if it do know how to make people obey, and will do that when it needs to.

If people are not obeying because they are too stupid then maybe a class help. But I would have thinked that more often people are not obeying because they do not think it is a way to get what they want, and - at some point you have to make it true that disobeying not get them what they want. And I do not see how America do that, and but America look like a place that do that."

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".....Huh. Yeah. I - that's helpful, I think I understand more of why you're confused and why it feels - less safe."

Man, Emily would explain better, with her whole 'the power of the state is rooted in violence' shtick, but Evelyn isn't sure if she entirely believes that frame. It's not false but it's not complete, either. Evelyn is pretty sure that 'fear of going to jail' has nothing to do with why she doesn't steal, even though stealing would make her financial constraints a lot easier if she thought she wouldn't get caught. She just - doesn't want to be a person who steals. That's not how her parents brought her up to behave. 

"I - guess going to jail is what happens, if nothing up to that point convinces people to follow the law. But I think the punishments for crimes are less harsh than they used to be a long time ago? America does kill people for some crimes, but not stealing, and most of the time not even for killing someone? And we have lower crime rates than countries did in the past, especially violent crime rates, so I think there's - something else. I think maybe a lot of it is just what people consider normal? And we've spent a long time, as a culture, trying to move toward people not thinking violence is normal and a good way to solve their problems. 

"...And maybe a lot of it is having better options? I think most people would steal if they were going to starve otherwise - even if they expected to be killed if they got caught! They might not get caught, and if they starve they're dead and maybe their family is too. But America is rich, even poor people in America are rich compared to where you come from, and there are food banks, and - fewer people are desperate, and usually stealing is stupid." Shrug. "It doesn't work perfectly. A lot of people do end up in jail with a criminal record because they were stupid. ...The punishment is less harsh for breaking the law if you're a kid. We expect kids to be - the thing isn't 'stupid' exactly, but not having the skills to get the things they want in other ways?" 

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" so - there are some things where 'what happens if you break the rule' is 'we try to talk to you a lot but in the end we send you to jail' and there are some things where what happens is 'we try to talk to you a lot and no matter what not send you to jail'. And I do not know which ones are which. I do not know if I go to jail for saying no to the blood tests, I do not know if I go to jail for no going to school, I do not know if I go to jail for leaving Evelyn house.

I obey even if I not go to jail unless God call me do other thing, and if God call me do other thing I obey God even if I die of it, so maybe it does not matter, but - it matters to if I am slave, and it matters to knowing how America is."

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"...They do have something like jail for kids. If you murder someone - not in self-defense - or if you were selling illegal dangerous drugs or something, you would probably end up in juvenile detention, that's a special prison just for kids that has school and stuff. But most of the time when kids commit crimes and go to court about it, the sentence is community service - having to do things like volunteer at the food bank - and sometimes mandatory classes like the anger management thing."

She frowns thoughtfully. "I don't think refusing the blood tests is even illegal? might get in trouble if Social Services thinks I'm failing to provide you with good medical care, especially for vaccines - because you not being vaccinated might put other kids at risk - but I won't try to force you to do them, just try to understand your objection and whether there's a way of doing it you would be okay with. Not going to school is - more illegal, and parents can definitely get in trouble if their kids aren't in school, but I've had a lot of kids who refused to go to school, and the thing we're supposed to do is understand what the problem is and find a way they can learn that they're okay with, I've had several kids who ended up working with home tutors because the school environment just didn't work for them. ...If you run away from my house the police will look for you and if they find you they'll bring you back to me, because - I guess it's because America cares more about kids being safe than them having the freedom that adults do, and most fifteen-year-old girls wouldn't be safe on their own. Teenagers in foster care run away pretty often, though, and I've never heard of someone end up in juvie just for running away a lot." 

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"I agree that the thing you are saying is not be a slave. The thing you are saying does not make a lot of sense to me and it is not be a free person but it is not be a slave.

Why do fifteen year old girl run away if they are not safe on they own? Probably because they not safe in foster house?"

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"...It probably is that, sometimes, but I really don't think it was with kids who lived with me. I think it's usually that they weren't really thinking about the danger, or that they wanted other things more than they want to be safe? A lot of the time it was - things that I don't personally approve of or think are smart priorities or a good idea in the long run. I've definitely had previous foster children point out that we don't stop adults from doing things that aren't a good idea in the long run, if they're not actually illegal. My former foster child Teagan used to run away to sleep over with her boyfriend, which I don't approve of and don't think was a good idea, but if she were an adult it would be none of my business. So, yeah, in that sense kids aren't free the way adults are." 

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" - stop a fifteen year old girl run off and lie with a man make sense to me because there is a baby who is hurt by this also, but Emily sayed that educated Americans do not think people have souls so they think it is fine to kill babies."

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....Evelyn makes a face. 

"I think a lot of people think that having an abortion is - sometimes the best of a lot of bad options, but not that that makes it fine? I definitely don't think it's something to - treat casually. And even if we claim that a pregnancy at ten weeks or whatever isn't a baby yet, there are still other people in the situation who can be hurt. Teenagers are more vulnerable than adults. ...I guess that's partly because of the decisions we make as a society to try to protect kids rather than teaching them to protect themselves as early as possible and letting them loose, but I do think that a lot of it is just - maturity, and a lot of fifteen-year-old girls would make decisions that would hurt themselves a lot, if nobody intervened." 

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"So...The police arrest us back here if we run away, is like parents hit kids who try to go to trees, fight bears, because kids who fight bears die and kids is better if parents hit, kids learn not fight bears." She is not sure how she feels about this line of reasoning.

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"It is good to arrest kids back if they are going to trees fight bears," Iomedae agrees, "otherwise giving - I don't know the English word - the Heaven bird people - a lot of work taking care of kids who parents should have taked care of."

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"...I think childs go to trees, fight bears, not always go to Heaven."

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"Childs too small for judging go to Limbo. Parents say please Heaven bird people look after my child in Limbo." - they should probably not be having this conversation in front of Evelyn.

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She doesn't know at what age a child stops being too small for Judgement but that's not what she meant.

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This conversation has yet again gone down a bizarre and baffling Alfirin-and-Iomedae tangent. The Heaven bird people????? It's probably not important - actually Evelyn isn't sure of that, it might be a very important confusion to eventually unravel, but it's off topic for this specific conversation, which is about how to do as right by Iomedae as she can given that she cannot in fact get her officially made a legal adult at fifteen. 

"....I guess that's kind of right. I think the things that are dangerous in America are...more complicatedly dangerous than bears...though cars are actually pretty analogous, kids do die of being hit by cars. But there are also a lot of ways to - end up having a pretty bad life, to end up having fewer options and less freedom as an adult because of a couple of bad decisions. - uh, going to prison being the obvious one. If I have a kid living with me and they've - met some friends who are a bad influence and try to convince them to do illegal things, then I don't feel like it's wrong of me to tell them they're not allowed to leave the house and go do crimes with their friends, even though if they were an adult it would be none of my business who their friends are. ...And teenagers often aren't good with money yet, and it's important for them to learn to be - which is why I give kids an allowance, so they can get some practice making financial decisions with small amounts of their own money, and I'm actually very in favor of summer jobs for teenagers and really wish you didn't have the papers issue - but I also think it's good if an adult is looking out for them and not letting them make the kind of bad financial decision that would end up with them being homeless." 

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"The 'allowance' is meant to be pretending we earn money so we can practice being adult?" She had been very confused about the 'allowance'.

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"...If it is for practicing being adult, we should be spending it on food?"

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"Yes, the hard part of - good financial decisions - is whether have meat more and be stronger or save more for winter, or whether spend more on gas to go far where the pay for work is better. The allowance does not seem like practice."

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"Yeah. I don't think you - either of you - need to practice money-related skills at this level, to be clear, but it's pretty important for kids like Lily? She likes to spend hers on kinds of food that I don't usually buy, but if she wants to buy something more expensive then she has to save it. Right now she's been putting all of it in her savings jar because she decided she wanted to save up for a Barbie horse. Which - I mean, when she's an adult, she'll have to save up for different kinds of things, but right now she cares about Barbies and doesn't care about saving to go to college, and she's more motivated to be responsible even when it's hard and means not having candy now, if it's for something she actually really cares about. ...And I think she won't have to make decisions about whether she can afford to eat meat, probably, because America is richer than where you grew up and meat isn't actually too expensive for most people, even poor people." 

Shrug. "- Also, honestly, a lot of why I like giving an allowance is that I can motivate a lot of teenagers to follow the rules and behave better by withholding their allowance if they break rules. Which is also a bit silly for both of you, but it worked with Teagan." 

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"...If America make it illegal to hit childs or not give them food or make them do hard work maybe you have to pay childs to listen to their parents and follow rules?"

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"When I came to America the first things to know are, how much do I make in a week, how many weeks is there work at that money, how many the people I see are too sick or hurt to work some week, how much costs food, how much costs healing, how much costs go to places that have work.

And when I knowed those things then I could think about harder things like - should I give to church. I did give to church, one dollar in ten, when I haved four hundred dollars saved, so they could use it to help the poor, because when I haved four hundred dollars saved I was not the poor.

And how much to buy a car house. I learned that you can buy a very old holes in it car house for fifteen hundred, twenty hundred, dollars, but only if you know taking care of car houses, so I did not think to buy a car house very soon.

And if I had knowed of krav maga when I was free and working, I have payed to do it, fifty dollars a month, which would mean I save money lots slower, but I am a holy warrior and should know how to fight, so it is good trade saving money lots slower. 

But now - I do not pay for food. I no allowed spend less on food to have more money. I do not pay for clothes but I am ordered have lots of clothes. I do not pay for krav maga, maybe? So allowance is - it is money that just happen and that does not have anything to do with having money as a free person. I can think of it as pay for obeying Evelyn but - it still feel like practicing habit of money having no meaning."

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"...Huh. I'm not at all worried that you'll forget how to have good habits around saving money? I do think you have habits for money that are - built around being very poor - and I think most kids Jeremy's age wouldn't be as good with money as you were, if they were that poor, because in their actual lives they don't need to be. Lots of young adults get financial help from their parents, because their parents can afford it, and often they can get a much better job five years down the line if they spend longer in school rather than immediately getting a job. I'm helping Jeremy pay for some of his college tuition because college will give him more options."

Shrug. "The thing I want here is to help you as much as I can with the things that matter to you, until you're eighteen and the government will stop considering it its business where you live and what you do with your time. I think that means doing different things than I would with most teenagers, and it mostly means helping you understand America in all our rich crazy people-ness." 

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"- okay. How sure you think it is that Lily money will be pay every day for next year? Next three year? Are there things not watch Lily Alfirin can be paid for, or I can be paid for if Lily money stop? I lose Lily money if I disobey, or only allowance money? The bike or the krav maga, these things I owe you?"

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"I think it's - very likely Lily will be here for at least six months, quite likely - I don't know, eight in ten? - that she'll be here for a year. Probably not three years, Social Services will be trying to find relatives who can take care of her, and I don't normally take permanent placements for kids that young."

Shrug. "There are lots of things I could pay you for doing at home, thankfully the part of the government that checks whether people have papers to work doesn't care about that. But - you're right that it's sort of fake, because I'm getting the same amount of money either way, and at a certain point I'm not sure how much of a practical difference there is between paying you for chores so you can pay for krav maga, or just paying for krav maga. Aside from, like, practicing having a good work ethic, but like I said, I'm genuinely not worried you're going to forget how to work hard and be responsible with money. ...I do think it would be good if you do the work at the bike shop to cover the bike discount Juan offered us, as long as it's not horrible or something, it's - you aren't allowed to work for money either way, but Juan is allowed to pay you in free bike, and you'll learn some useful stuff about bike care." Crooked smile. "I think that's probably why he offered, I bet he knows people who can't work legally because they don't have papers and is mad at the government about it. ...Obviously you don't have to, if you think it's a stupid way to prioritize your time, but there isn't an option here that involves getting an extra $200 in cash that you can spend on other things." 

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"I mean to do the bike work if he does not try to rape me but I thinked that I had done a bad job of knowing what I was agreeing to, in the bike shop, so I made a rule that I would not do things like that any more until I am not confused."

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Nod. "I'm sorry. It was surprisingly hard for me to figure out what you were confused about." Sigh. "I think we should maybe just look at my finances? And - okay, wow, I'm noticing that I feel pretty ick about this and I think it's because it would be an awful thing to do to most kids, but we already established you aren't a kid, so - I'm trying to think if there are chores you can do that would actually save me money on expenses for the household, and then it would be pretty reasonable for me to say you can have that money as allowance. Because - uh, it's not really fair to Lily I'm giving you tons of allowance for chores that I could do myself, when that doesn't actually mean can earn more money for the house, and so at some point it means I have to spend less money on nice things for Lily. ...I guess Lily might say she's happy to get fewer new clothes and toys if it means more time playing with you, she really likes you. And I probably do spend more on toys for her than I strictly need to, I give into temptation sometimes." 

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"I think understand how this household money works would be good because I do not think I could spend three sevens hundred dollar a month even if I wanted to live like a president."

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Then they can go to the computer! Evelyn keeps track of her finances using a computer program, it's better than doing it on paper. She breaks it up into categories: housing, food and household, transport, healthcare, activities and leisure, gifts, and Surprise Large Expenses. 

Housing is a much lower chunk than it used to be when she was paying the bank back for the house loan, which is nice! Her property taxes come to about $1200 a year; she gets a bill four times a year, but sets aside $100 per month so she'll always have enough to pay the bill without dipping into savings. She also gets bills for electricity, gas for heating, water use, the television, and the internet, and the truck that comes to pick up her trash and recycling; she's not unnecessarily wasteful, but she does inevitably use a lot of hot water and the dishwasher and laundry machines both see heavy usage. She budgets $300 a month for it, though it's usually a bit less. The house also needs repairs – not in any given month, necessarily, but it's an older house and she wants to have money set aside if the hot water tank or the furnace or the oven or the fridge or the sump pump that keeps water out of the basement break and need to be repaired or replaced. She puts down $50/month for house maintenance, which comes to $600 a year; sometimes she has a lucky year and only needs a handful of inexpensive repairs, but a new furnace costs thousands. So that's $450 a month on having a place to live - which is actually pretty cheap! You would have a hard time renting a one-bedroom apartment for that little if you wanted to live downtown. Owning a house is a good deal once you've paid off the mortgage. 

Food! Evelyn does put some effort into minimizing grocery expenses – not to the extent of not buying meat or produce, she can afford it and a varied diet with lots of protein is important for growing kids, but she shops in bulk which is cheaper per-meal when she can, and does a lot of home cooking, and buys vegetables in-season when they're cheaper, and only buys frozen prepared meals when they're on sale. Her grocery bill also varies a lot by who's living with her, obviously, when it's just her and one kid they spend less. She budgets $100 baseline per person per month, so $400 for this month; smaller kids do eat less than an adult in total, but they also tend to be pickier. Non-food household expenses are things like hand soap and shampoo and cleaning supplies and toilet paper and kleenex. That varies less based on how many kids are around, though the reason she decants toiletries into little containers is because otherwise a lot of kids will waste them. She budgets $100 a month, though also she buys products in large quantities when they're on sale, so it's variable month to month and she averages it. $500 a month on food and household supplies, then. 

Transport means gas and car insurance and repairs. She spends around $125 a month on gas. She has to have her car insured - that means that if it gets damaged in a crash, the insurance will pay for it, and it's also legally required to be insured in order to drive - and that's once a year but costs $900, so she sets aside $75 a month for it. She sets aside $50 a month for car repairs and cleaning. (It's mostly cleaning; she has kids in her car and often they make messes.) $250 on transport. 

Healthcare in the form of doctor's appointments is mostly covered by insurance - which she doesn't even have to pay for, for her foster kids, and Social Services reimburses her for doctor's office copays – but insurance doesn't cover over-the-counter drugs or, like, bandaids. She sets aside $25 per child per month. (Sometimes non-insured health care costs a lot more than that, but foster carers are paid more to look after 'medically fragile' children). She also has to pay $400 a year for her own health insurance; it's technically through her employer, which is the fostering agency, but they don't actually pay for the premiums. She allocates $50 a month for Evelyn Doesn't Get Sick. (If she has large healthcare expenses, which she might well at some point, that has to come out of savings.) $125 this month on healthcare.

(Clothing is another essential but the government provides money for that specifically for her foster kids, and Evelyn herself kind of just...doesn't buy new clothes very often, right now, and it's not part of her core budget. Children need clothes a lot more often because they're growing and more active.)

So, yeah, those are more or less the essential expenses for maintaining their household. A little over $1300 a month. If Evelyn only had Iomedae and Alfirin at the standard emergency foster care rate, she would be getting about $1400 a month and her expenses would only be a tiny bit lower on groceries etc. In practice, of course, sometimes she has one kid in a given month, and sometimes she has three kids who are all high-needs. She also gets paid to run trainings for other foster parents, but that's less favorable for tax purposes. (Foster care payments aren't taxable, thankfully, and Evelyn qualifies for several tax breaks.) 

Anyway, with three kids and Lily getting the foster care payment rate for a specialized placement, she's earning $2600 for this month. Her best guess is that next month, once Iomedae and Alfirin are more formally assessed, they'll both qualify for an additional $150 a month special rate and she'll be earning $2900. On average over the whole year, she probably makes about $2500/month in foster care support payments, and most years she'll make another $5000 - in good years, another $10,000 post-tax - on teaching other foster parents, which she puts directly into her personal retirement savings. 

She has a rule that she tries not to spend more than $2000 a month routinely; if she earns more in a given month, it goes into her easily-accessible savings to cover periods later when she's earning less, and so that she'll have a cushion for large occasional expenses like a new car. (Going into debt to buy a new car, unlike going into debt to buy a house, is something Evelyn's mother taught her was a bad financial decision, but also you absolutely cannot live car-less in a suburb in Reno). As a very approximate rule of thumb for when it's the middle of the month and she hasn't added up expenses yet, she's happily willing to spend up to $50 per kid per month on Nice Things (material possessions) and $50 per kid per month on Nice Things (activities and leisure), plus their routine allowance which comes to $40 a month. The start of a new placement also isn't 'routinely' and she's willing to spend a bit more when a kid just arrived with none of their own possessions; she would have bought Iomedae a $250 bike without a second thought, and it's more or less sustainable for her to do that with all her foster kids. A $450 bike is...well, it's not actually a problem, she's probably still earning more this month than she's spending, but it's not something she could casually do for every kid. 

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"You do not give any money to the poor?"

 

It's genuinely just a clarification, because it's the obvious missing thing from what would otherwise look like a reasonable household balance sheet, and it is only after she says it that she realizes it probably comes across as...judgmental.

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It definitely does, but in a way that's endearing more than upsetting. It's a very Iomedae thing to say. 

"I donate a bit at the end of the year to charity. But - I think it mostly feels like the money I get to take care of foster children isn't really mine to spend on whatever I feel like? It feels a bit...something...like I'm basically saying to Lily that I'm not getting her as many Christmas presents because I think the poor children should have her money. She might even be okay with it! But it's - I know your life experience has been very different, but in general, the kids I take care of are the poor? The American poor, at least, and it's - they may never have been starving, but they still saw else having more than they do, and that - affects people. I don't ever want Lily to feel like she doesn't deserve presents like the other children in her class." 

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"For each foster childs, you get seven hundred dollars, but most of your costs, they are the same if you have foster childs or if you do not, except a hundred dollars for food and twenty five dollars for sick childs and fifty dollars for gifts for your childs. So if you had five childs, six childs, you would have lots of money, and could give a hundred dollars for gifts for childs, and give to the poor, and have more than now?"

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Evelyn has to work very hard not to burst out laughing.

"Well! There's definitely some logic to that. I don't have enough bedrooms, that's a bit of a problem - I know you would be fine sharing, but a lot of kids aren't, they need their private space to feel safe, and Social Services doesn't want kids to be pressured to share rooms because their foster parents want the extra money, so the rule is no sharing rooms except for siblings. ...I think maybe the bigger problem is that I don't have enough me? Not for - most of the actual kids who need a foster parent. I cannot imagine having four of Lily, I would lose my mind. My fostering agency has actually a few times if I was interested in being approved for four - and I've had four at once a few times, in emergencies - they'd jump on it if I offered. I just - it didn't feel like something I could cope with longer term and still actually do a good job of parenting." 

She tilts her head a little to the side. "Though if I do end up keeping you and Alfirin until you're legally adults - and I'm going to push for that, I think it's important that I understand you and I very badly don't want you to have to go through all of that again with a different foster family - I would consider figuring out a way to make another bedroom available? I could definitely handle four if two of them were you and Alfirin." 

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" - if there are other children from places that have heard of Taldor I want you take them. I think most places worse for them."

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"...Yeah." Though now Evelyn is curious why Iomedae thinks so, and whether it's a sign that she's still missing something. ...Probably not, Iomedae has seemed convinced all along that Evelyn is being much nicer than she needs to be and that's not even entirely false. "And there's a good justification for it, too, this is the only place where anyone else speaks Taldane and can translate for them. I expect I'll end up being asked about any more who show up in this area, Diel called me first about Alfirin. I haven't heard about there being any more." 

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"Other childs from our place maybe are less doing things bad and the government is not catching them."

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Sigh. "For what it's worth, I genuinely do think you'll be a lot better off as adults, because you were in foster care. I want to give you more resources and more options, and - I think a lot of the time I have to be careful about that, because a lot of kids will abuse it, but I trust both of you to make good decisions. I know it's a difficult adjustment and it doesn't feel like a good thing, right now, but you weren't in a good situation before either." 

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"You think we will be better at fighting people? Because krav maga is more good for learning fighting than practice alone when tired after day of work? That is probably true but not allowed carry a weapon makes me less good at fighting, and I think maybe that is a bigger effect."

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There are an enormous number of reasons why Evelyn is in favor of Iomedae being with her that have nothing to do with fighting, but - that's part of the problem, isn't it, that Iomedae has no idea just how little the world's most pressing problems can be defeated with a sword. And needs a native guide. 

"...I want to get your sword back from the police," she says instead, kind of surprising herself, she hadn't been planning to say that but it feels right. "It's -" oh god she never did have that conversation, did she, this is so awkward now - though in some ways it's vastly less awkward now that she's somehow managed to figure out Just Being Honest With Iomedae. It feels like - how would Jeremy put it - one of those things in a video game where you 'unlock a level' and your video game character suddenly has new powers... 

"...I learned a little while ago that the government doesn't want to keep Martin in jail long enough to do a trial. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away, there kept being stuff going on. But he doesn't have papers to be in the country and he would probably be deported afterward anyway. I don't know if he'll be in trouble with the authorities in his home country, I meant to try to find that out for you, but - anyway, that means that there isn't going to be a court case here and so there's no reason the police should need to hang onto your sword as evidence. You won't be able to carry it, but I see no reason why you can't practice with it in private. And if we can figure out the household finances to make it work, you could have swordfighting lessons in the summer, I'm sure that's a thing." 

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" - okay, if you get my sword back and get me a sword lesson then probably I will be better at fighting than if I have to work. I maybe still weaker because no real dangers, but I do not know. 

 

I knowed the police would not do anything to Martin as soon as I learned that America do not have holy warriors. I would no have taked him to the church if I had knowed.

...if the thing you mean was no that I will be better at fighting, what did you mean? That I will have more money? I will have a little more money if I do not have any expenses and Lily is here always and if I would no have gotten any better at picking fruit doing it longer, and no have learned how to take care of car houses. I will not have a lot more money."

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'Criminals won't face consequences because America doesn't have holy warriors' is SUCH a bizarre claim and Evelyn would be inclined to assume Iomedae meant something else, except for how she's pretty sure that most of the times she brushed a confusion like that under the rug, Iomedae totally did mean the bizarre confusing thing. 

"- I think it's complicated but it's not - if you think that people who do thinks like what Martin did don't go to jail for it, that's an oversimplification. We're not...doing it perfectly...but America is trying to have a functional criminal justice system. And lots of people are trying to make it work better, all the time, and - we'll get there, someday." 

Sigh. "I don't think it's mostly about how much money you'll have in three years, but it is about how much money you can expect to have in ten years? I bet that nice young nurse earns twice as much money as I do, and nursing isn't even something we would consider the kind of job where you get rich, just - a decent job, that a normal American with a half decent work ethic can aim for. And - I think you want even more than that. I definitely think you want a lot more than just picking fruit with a camp of fifty people and protecting the girls you know personally from rapists. I think you want to take your life and find a way to use it to help thousands of people. Millions, even, and - most people can't help millions, most people would burn out or give up, but I think you're stronger than that and you'll never stop trying to find a way. And I think the ways open to you were so much smaller, before, and not even just because you could have been picked up in a raid and deported anytime. I think that if you learn to read, and you read a lot of books, and you meet a lot of people, you'll - understand America, and understand what sort of problems we have and what it takes to fix them. I'm pretty sure it's usually not a sword."

A slight, crooked, sad smile. "And if there are a few problems that really can only be solved with violence, well, our army hasn't used swords in centuries. There's a gun class at the krav maga studio, I saw the poster." 

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"I do not know if you are right but it is - good you think that. It is a good reason to think it is better I am here."

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"Well, my first priority is for you to know enough that you can check it for yourself. It - makes sense, that it's hard for you to feel like I understand and care about the things you want, because they're not the things I've tried to do with my life? I'd be useless in a fight, and I'm not - unusually smart, or ambitious - and the thing I care about and am good at is being a mom. But -" oh for fuck's sake is she going to tear up now, stop it Evelyn's brain she can cry about her feelings later, "- but I do have a lot of practice at trying to help my foster children live up to their potential and accomplish everything they're capable of. And - I think that applies even if the foster kid is not actually a kid." 

She smiles at Alfirin, who is definitely getting overshadowed in some of these conversations. "And Alfirin can be a brilliant scientist or something. I definitely think it would be a waste if you were stuck picking fruit for your whole life, Alfirin, and - I don't have as good a sense of what you're missing that you could do there and not here, but if you tell me, I'll try to help with that as well." 

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"At home I knowed all the rules. And nobody - " She scrunches up her face "- Knowing the English is hard. People wanted things but people not wanted things that they not wanted. Nobody maked a rule that I have to be happy."

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"...Yeah. I think I do get that, actually? I mean, not as much as someone who's been a foster kid, but - it's a common complaint? That everyone wants to help and they're trying so hard to help, but in ways you hate that make your life worse, and if you get upset about it then they're all hurt because they want you to be grateful. ...At least, that was Emily's complaint. She did eventually say I was better about it. It took her a while to really be sure of that, though."

Shrug. "And there are lots of rules that are - mostly not even about what adults want because it's convenient for them, or whatever, they're about what American culture thinks is healthy for children and will help them grow up to be strong and smart and good at jobs. And you end up with people doing it because they're supposed to and not because they care. ...Also, big government systems are just confusing if you're not used to them, I think? If you grew up in a little village, then - well, America has three hundred million people. A million is a thousand thousands." Do they know 'thousands'? "- a thousand is ten hundreds. I think it's - hard to avoid, having systems that don't really care about each person, just about the - big picture." 

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"I think many things you say are the thing I was saying - I think 'systems' that don't care about each person is not the problem? I think 'systems' caring about me is worse than not caring."

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"I think the child welfare system cares about - children, in general? And so it's, like, if someone is a child - meaning they're not eighteen yet - the CPS part of the government thinks it's their business who that person lives with and whether they go to school. I think a lot of people are actually trying really hard to do right by...children, in general...and it's just that 'children, in general' is a pretty different thing from any given child?" 

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"I worry America wrong about what makes children grow up strong and smart and good at jobs because - America wrong about a lot of things I think."

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"Caring about 'children, in general' is very strange and I do not understand why anyone does that."

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Evelyn is so fond of Iomedae. Evelyn is possibly slightly bursting with emotions in general, right now, it's inconvenient but 'unprofessional' probably isn't the right framing? Iomedae and Alfirin don't need her to be a perfect adult and the world's best mom. They need her to be a person, who sees them as people, and who tries to understand and explain.

"You're probably right! ...Alfirin, I think you have a point and that's - not how I work - but I can try to explain later why I think it's a mistake people can make even when they're trying.

She turns back to Iomedae. "I think we're probably - more right about some things than any country in the world was a few hundred years ago? I think you can't be a country that sends people to the Moon unless you're right about some of the things people need to grow up strong and smart and good at jobs. But I think we could be better, and I - want you to grow up as strong and smart and good at things as you can possibly be, and - notice the things we're getting wrong, and convince people to fix them - 

 

- I do think that the really big things you could do, with your life, would mean doing some of that? I think we've genuinely gotten less violent as a society over the last century, and - that doesn't mean we don't have problems anymore, we might have worse problems in some ways, but - fewer of the really bad problems that are left can be solved with swords." 

There's something she wants to say and it's bubbling up mostly in the form of inchoate emotions and it's really inconvenient how, yet again, this is not a situation where she feels experienced and skilled and in control, she has no idea what she's doing, but - it feels important. 

"...There's a thing I want to say, about - why care, and why I want to help. I'm probably going to be bad at saying it, because - I think we sort of speak different languages, even apart from how you're both still learning English. ...You should probably ask me questions first if there's anything I just said that was confusing or had words you don't know." 

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"I think you are saying America has to know some things about making children smart and having people - drink of the fruit of abundance as God says to - to have lunar modules. I think you are right about this. I am not smart to be a scientist but Alfirin should be maybe and it is good if America she can learn lunar modules and nowhere else can teach her that."

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Nod. "I think that's right. I think America - and lots of other places, but America is definitely a world leader here - is pretty good at...the things you need for technology and progress? Which matters, it's a lot of why even the poorest people in America usually aren't starving, but it's - not everything, and I think we don't necessarily know how to solve the...well, social problems." Sigh. "Also America is pretty bad at helping other countries that are worse off, and I - I'm sorry I wasn't the sort of person who would have been angry about that before you made me look at it, but I am kind of angry about it now." 

Does Alfirin have any questions? 

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"I am not sure how America not have violence."

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"Oh, I mean, we have way more violence than anyone would like, but - a lot less than other countries that are worse off, and probably a lot less than America a couple hundred years ago? There are murders, and rapes, but I don't carry a weapon when I go to the grocery store and nothing bad has ever happened. My mom did - advise me to have ways to hurt people if they attacked me - when I was a teenager, and I was paying attention to it, but I have never in my entire life actually been mugged or anything."

Shrug. "That part does vary based on where you live, in some poor neighborhoods there are more shootings - uh, people getting into a fight in the street and using guns to kill each other. But this isn't one of them, and it's not a neighborhood where you have to worry about someone stealing your car if you leave it in the driveway or breaking into your house if you go on vacation. I...actually don't know why? I've never thought about it before, it's just - the thing that's normal to me. But I think the thing that's normal to me is different from the thing that's normal to both of you, because - I can tell Iomedae was scared about leaving the house without a sword, and I've never worried about that and I'm still here to tell you about it." 

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"And the only things that are scary are people? All the bears are killed?"

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"...Yeah, more or less? Not all, I think people who live out in the forest have to worry sometimes, but we're in a city. ...People actually get upset about it, that we killed all the big animals to turn the whole continent into farms and cities and that was mean to the animals. Sometimes there are programs to reintroduce wolves and stuff to an area where we killed all the wolves. - an area really far away from any cities, like, out in the mountains where hardly anyone lives."

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"Animals you mean - talking weapon-using animals?"

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"....I've never heard of a talking animal that could use tools at all, let alone weapons. I guess chimps - sort of can? ...They're our closest living relative, to our whole species I mean, I think the most recent ancestor of humans and chimps lived," wow she sucks at biology, "...millions of years ago, at least - thousands of thousands of years. They don't talk but they can learn sign language and stuff if humans teach them, and use simple tools. We - uh, did used to kill them a lot, there aren't that many left, but more recently there've been movements to try to give them more land to live on." 

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"...The English worksheets were lying to us?"

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?????????????????????????????????????

 

 

...Oh. 

"- Do you mean the books for children I read you, that had talking animals? That's - it's not meant to be a lie but it's pretend, like the wizards in Harry Potter are pretend, a lot of children's stories have things in them that don't exist in real life. I'm sorry. I should probably have tried to explain that better." 

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"I don't know what the wizards in Harry Potter are.

 

...Animals never talk, and books have pretend things in them. I understand."

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"Do you mean that people who have in the blood the knowing to fly and shoot fire at people, do not exist, or that those do exist but they are not like in Harry Potter?"

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"...I am pretty sure they don't exist. I guess in the story, the wizards are secret and so I wouldn't know, but - I think people who understand science better than me are pretty sure magic like in Harry Potter is not physically possible." 

 

Aughhhhh this conversation feels like it's really close to an important confusion, all of Evelyn's intuitions are screaming it at her, and also she has no idea what to DO with that!!!

Iomedae...thinks magic in Harry Potter is the sort of thing that could obviously be real? Iomedae also thinks priests should be able to do faith healing and miracles on demand. Evelyn's parenting instincts are for some reason informing her that this is really important? 

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"People who are upset America killed all the big animals are - people who are confused and think animals talk?"

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"No, it's - I mean, babies don't talk, right, and babies still in the womb definitely don't talk, and a lot of people still think it's sad when they die, because even if they don't talk they can have feelings? And I think a lot of people feel like - we, humans I mean, don't have the right to just kill whatever animals we want because we're smarter and stronger and can use weapons when they can't? ...I think it's maybe the sort of thing people start caring about once they're rich enough that they don't need to worry that they or their children will starve." 

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"Is it illegal to think animals talk? Or is it just not what educated people do."

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???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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"...No. It's...popular, if anything, I think lots of scientists are studying whether, like, crows can talk if you teach them how to do it by pressing buttons? I - think the fact that you're asking that question makes me feel like there's some even more important thing I don't understand yet."

Because what. Just. WHAT. There's...a thing here that she was confused and concerned about before and this suddenly feels like a very sharp manifestation of it and she doesn't understand

"- I think we should talk about this. I would, uh, kind of rather we not try to talk about this right now, because there was actually a thing I wanted to say that I think is - more important in the short run - and also it's getting pretty late and we all need sleep, especially if you're both going to be up with Lily in the morning." 

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"Okay. Say a important thing?"

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"Yes, say important thing."

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Well, it kind of feels like the whole mood is ruined now, including Evelyn's mood that she had been in five minutes ago where it felt like she was about to say something meaningful and important instead of trite and stupid, but also she's worried that she would just - lose hold of it - if she got too distracted by - whatever conversation they would even be about to have, if she kept going with it. And also the girls must be exhausted, it's been such a long day, and it's past 10 pm now and it would be irresponsible on all sides to randomly stay up until midnight arguing about whether animals can talk and she still theoretically should write some actual log notes tonight. 

(....She doesn't want to. Diel won't notice if she skips a night, it's not like it's expected to write something every night and Evelyn knows full well that she's more conscientious about it than many foster carers. She's pretty sure it mostly feels important to her because it helps her think and notice all the stuff she was being an idiot about, and - she's trying to do that in other ways, here.) 

 

"Right. ...I want to spend the money that the government gives me on helping both of you grow up to be as strong and smart and good at things as you possibly can, in the next three years. I guess I want that for every foster kid. The reason I do this job isn't to have money to spend on nice things for myself, I know it seems like a lot of money but I have to be more careful about money than basically anyone I know and no one I know is rich by American standards. But...the reward is seeing one of my foster kids grow up, and do things with their life, and knowing that I was there and I helped them and taught them and that's why they are where they are today. 

"...And I think that's still not how I should think about either of you, because neither of you needs the things that kids usually need, but - Iomedae, it would be a tragedy, not just for you but for the world, if you had to put your life on hold for three years because the government said you had to live with parents, and the parents they gave you didn't care about saving everyone from Hell. ...I don't know if you'll end up deciding that saving everyone from Hell is the best thing you can do with your life - I've certainly never thought of it as something anyone could do, but I also don't go around thinking of 'curing cancer' as something people can do, and I would be honored to help a foster child be someone who could try to cure cancer. And - if you decide otherwise it'll be because you found something more important, or something where you personally were better at solving the problem. And I - the world - needs that, needs more people like you, because I sort of hate admitting it but we do have problems that aren't solved. 

"And I...want to be the one who helps you, instead of making you put your life on hold. I want to be the reason you don't regret coming to America. I want to help you figure out what you need, and finds a way to give that to you, so that you're - ready, in three years, to go fight for our world and our future. Because - I mean, it definitely would make me feel good about myself, that's the reason I selfishly want it, I think I'd be happy for the rest of my life if I could look out every day and see you saving the world - but also it's not even about me. It's about all the people you can save. And - I can't save the world, but I'm pretty good at saving kids - and you're not a kid, and the things I'm good at don't all apply, but I think I can help you get through the next three years without getting in trouble, and I think I can make sure you learn as much as you possibly can, and I want to do that." 

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"Thank you. I - want that also. I ....was not really planning to have America make me spend three years not making progress on ending Hell. But I would so much happier not be - defying you, or using your help for things you did not mean it for.

 

And - thank you. So many thank you."

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"I want to help everyone who lives with me to be a better person, and do more with their life whatever that means for them. I think that's the thing that parents - well, good parents - want for all their kids. But, yeah, I think you're - very special - and I want to help you live up to that. And it's so much easier if you trust me and tell me what you need, it's - you don't owe me your trust, but I am trying really really hard to earn it, okay? And I - don't want you to have to go behind my back to do anything important to you, because the things that are important to you are good things, according to me." 

Evelyn has so many emotions about this. Aughhh. Somehow (who would've thought?) she has way more practice at concealing emotions like 'being absolutely horrified about the disclosure of sexual abuse you're in the middle of hearing', and not....this. 

"....Can I give you a hug? No is fine." 

 

(Sheeee still feels a bit like she's neglecting Alfirin, who is so much quieter and more self-contained about what she needs and who Evelyn...does, if she's honest with herself, have much less of an emotional attachment to.) 

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Iomedae hugs her. For a long time, quite tightly. She wants to cry, but paladins don't cry; she waits until her feelings have finished cascading around in her head before she tries turning them into words in this still unfamiliar language. It would not be responsible, to do anything else. 

 

 

 

"I think America can fight Hell maybe," she says. "I think maybe I know why no one else has done it and it is a reason that maybe is not true any more. I know the people there are not your childs. But some of them are childs the way America says who a child is. And some of them would be okay probably, if they lived a place that tried so many times to talk them to not hurting people."

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Evelyn's speech sounded slightly too much like the right thing to say for Alfirin to really trust it, yet.

"I very thank you for - you understand we not are American childs, things good for American childs not good for us."

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Oh no that is even more something that makes Evelyn want to cry!

(...Evelyn has more practice than Iomedae at not crying when it's not going to help, even if she has fewer intense moral convictions about it. This isn't even the most she's wanted to cry when it was a bad idea in the last two years, just the most unexpected time. She doesn't cry. She does hug Iomedae more tightly and clingily than she usually would.) 

And then backs off and gives Iomedae a bit of space, when the hug is over.

 

- and pays attention to Alfirin again. "Yeah. I think even in America, different kids need different things? ...I think maybe the two of you are more different than that, and so I'm not going to be good at understanding what you need even though I've had a lot of practice, but - I did notice, almost right away, that there was a thing I didn't understand." 

 

She turns back to Iomedae, after a few seconds to attempt to collect her now-very-scattered thoughts. 

"...We should talk later about what reason you think maybe isn't true anymore, that might be something I can give you advice on if it's America-related advice."

(Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah???? This is an absurd hypothetical to be entertaining and Evelyn's brain keeps running very hard into the absurdity of it, but - it's not like she disagrees, that Hell is bad? And - well, obviously Jesus didn't solve it permanently - ugh she apparently kind of hates thinking about this directly, it feels slippery and out of reach and like she's vaguely breaking some kind of rule...)

"But - yeah. Everyone - deserves good things, and to be given a chance to not be bad people anymore? I - honestly wish I could've looked after some of the parents of my foster kids - even when they hurt their kids a lot, it was - they could have been better people, if they'd had good parents, and - I don't know if it's ever really too late for that to be a way people can change. It's mostly that the government won't pay for it once people are over eighteen." 

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"It is late." No, that was the thing she'd decided not to do even before Evelyn had - offered to help -

" - it is late but this is not very important to me and the reason I think we should talk of it later is that I have not decided if I explain, and will not decide in short time."

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Alfirin is not sure if all paladins are this bad at keeping secrets or if it's just very young paladins.

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...Nod. That's super reasonable. Evelyn does not have the right to demand trust from either of them, and her instincts - which she usually trusts a lot - are telling her that Iomedae and Alfirin are probably very overdue for a private conversation where they can catch each other up and try to make sense of the situation they're in with the only other person who speaks their (literal, and also metaphorical) language. 

(Evelyn is absolutely going to notice the fact that Iomedae picked that exact moment to clam up, and try to figure out what it means and what she's missing, but she doesn't really expect Iomedae to expect her not to do that.) 

"Sounds good. I'm - glad we talked. I'm going to go upstairs and get ready for bed," thereby committing herself to not writing log notes to Diel as some sort of dumb alternative to therapy about this entire situation being the way it is. "You can help yourself to anything from the fridge if you're hungry again, I bet you burned a ton of calories doing krav maga. Don't forget to brush your teeth." 

 

 

And she goes upstairs. 

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Iomedae beams at her as she goes. Switches to Taldane. "She understood! She knows we aren't American children and she wants to help fight Hell!"

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"...We told her we think we are not like American children and you have told her many times that you want to fight Hell."

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" - yes but at the time she did not seem to understand."

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"I think maybe she understands what words will make us happy to hear them and does not understand or agree with what the words mean. And said the words because she wants us to be happy children."

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" - I don't think so but I acknowledge that not having thought of that was very stupid of me."

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"I think usually people do not start understanding you and agreeing with you very quickly and all at once. And if someone is telling you all the things that would make you happiest to hear, it is usually a trick?"

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" - I think that most people do not think about if they should fight Hell and if they thought about it, they'd realize they absolutely should if they could win, and America is - rich like Azlant, rich enough to make those powers that are the enemies of humankind afraid. And so it makes sense that if you tell them they should, they'd - realize you were right. And I think Evelyn has been trying to be honorable the whole time, and starting to lie to us would be a change in her character in a way where changing her mind about whether I had a point wouldn't be."

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"I am not sure Americans know what honor is any more than they know that some animals talk."

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" - okay, that is fair. I think the doctor knew a little bit about honor, and I think Evelyn knows a little bit, but - not very much. The gods cannot pick paladins here, they would all fall at once. ...I still think Evelyn knows enough about honor to not lie about whether she thinks we should fight Hell and whether she thinks we are not like American children, which in any event you don't have to be all that smart to see."

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"I think she is acting like a person who wants that we think she is our friend. Sometimes people who want that you think they are your friend want that because they are your friend, but sometimes not and I do not know Evelyn long enough to tell which she is."

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"You think we should not explain anything? If she is a friend she would be a lot of help keeping it secret from everyone else."

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"I do not know how much is a good idea to explain and - If we explain a thing to Evelyn we cannot unexplain it later."

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"I do not mean to speak of it while you think it is unwise. Being wrong that it is safe would put you in great danger."

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"...If you think it is wise to tell Evelyn some thing you should tell her that thing. It does not matter what I think is wise, if you have heard what I think and you think something else still."

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"I think that is not always true? I think it is sometimes true, but I think there are some decisions that are big enough that one should not make it given dissent even if unpersuaded by the dissent. - for example, if I was very sure it was good for you to treat you as an American child, I still shouldn't, if you are not persuaded by my arguments."

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"...maybe. But I did not say, 'No, do not tell Evelyn that' - I only said 'I do not know how much it is wise to explain yet, and we can not unexplain things, so I think it is wise to not explain yet'. I was not trying to say 'No, do not explain yet.' "

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" - yes, I noticed the difference, and I thought that maybe it was because you were afraid to say 'no', even if you thought 'no', so I wanted to say - well firstly that I think your reasoning is probably good and I am probably convinced, and separately that I have been thinking of this as a decision I would be unlikely to make over your active opposition because it affects you so much, and so if you wanted to say 'no', it seemed to me a situation where you are entitled to."

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"I am not afraid of you. If you are being very stupid I will say 'no, do not do that'."

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"Thank you. I think that listening to you when you say 'no, do not do that' will get me more of what I want than not listening, so I mean to listen, even when I'm not persuaded, if it's important enough. - that is not a promise, that is saying what I intend, and I'm not promising about telling Evelyn about Taldor either. But I think you're probably right, and separately I think we ought to both agree before we say anything. So I won't say anything. About Taldor or about how animals definitely talk sometimes or about how sorcerers are not in fact pretend."

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"It is hard to not say things by accident because - every time there is a new thing, that I think is normal and everywhere, but they do not have it in America or they are hiding it in America. Like there are 'bears' here but they never talk except in lying books, and there are wolves and moonwolves but maybe not barghests or cougars, There are elephants but they are all bald. Or maybe they are not all bald, but if I ask 'Are all the elephants here bald?' then it is suspicious if it is true that nobody has heard of a normal elephant."

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"Yes. And I would never have guessed that the animals talking was not understood to be true, because it was in the books, or - Harry Potter was an illusion-play about some sorcerers at a very impressive ancient school of magic, and Evelyn and Jeremy explained that it was a pretend story but I thought that meant that the specific events of the story - where a powerful evil sorcerer tried to kill a baby but it didn't work - hadn't happened, not that sorcerers are believed to not exist."

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"It is things like that that make me think - maybe America had sorcerers and talking animals, and then some evil presidents killed them all or drove them away, and the stories are still there but - people have never seen a sorcerer or a talking animal so they think they are all pretend and not just old."

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"If all the sorcerers and talking animals are hiding they are probably wise to be hiding. - in Harry Potter that was what the play said happened, it said that all the sorcerers had decided to hide, and had built buildings right alongside normal buildings that only people who could see magic could see. I don't know if that's actually a thing you can do with magic. Probably."

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"Oh! Maybe I should look for them. That is one of the spells in the book, seeing magic."

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"Oh good! Then you should look for them. Things will make lots more sense if we find them."

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"It would be strange and stupid if there were people who knew a lot of magic and hid themselves away with magic and then wrote illusion-plays about how they did it. But I guess sometimes people with lots of magic think they can do anything and nobody can stop them and do stupid things that get them found."

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"Sometimes. Or - sometimes a thing that looks like one person doing something stupid is actually a bunch of different people who are opposing each other."

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"Sometimes. We should probably sleep soon, so I can wake up early and prepare the spell before Evelyn is up."

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"I'll give you half my Lily pay on days you spend the time I'm with Lily before Evelyn is up preparing spells to help us figure out what's going on."

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"Thank you. You know that I am not a very good wizard, right?"

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"I know. But you are young to be a wizard at all, and you'll get better."

 

And she straightens out the blankets on the floor, and closes her eyes to pray.

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Aroden.

I will obey you in all things but I don't know which things that is. I don't know if Evelyn is telling the truth that she understands and wants to help. But it's - very bad, right, if someone is telling the truth and wants to help, and there's no way to trust them, no way to pull together because you can't know for sure. The strength of civilization is that we can all pull together and I know that doesn't just mean I should trust anyone who says they want to work on it but - but it means something. Right?

I am not sure if I should go to Lily's grandfather's house tomorrow. I am worried if I tell Evelyn then she'll stop me, but I am worried if I do it without telling her then she'll regret having offered to help me, today. I told Lily I'd check if her grandfather was a demon and I am going to do that but I do not want to make it look to Evelyn like I am - refusing her alliance -

I am not sure what You would do. You were a wizard and maybe that would help. But I don't think it's a problem of magic, not really. It's a problem of honor, only I don't know enough about - I know You thought I know enough. And You know far more than me. But I'm scared that I don't know enough, that I knew enough for Taldor and not enough for here, where maybe I am the only one who knows, or where - Evelyn knows a bit, the doctor knows a bit, but not enough, maybe. 

Please take my powers from me if I fail. I am not sure I would do anything at all, if I were risking Law itself and not just whether it can recognize me. 

And please conquer the Evil afterlives. Soon. Today would be a pretty good day to do it. 

 

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Lily doesn't have a nightmare that night. She sleeps really well, actually. Things are as good as they've ever been! She has a big sister who's a holy warrior of God and so smart and strong and brave and good (and of course God is even MORE smart and strong and brave and good), and Lily has a PLAN. She's going to tell her teacher in computer lab that she wants to make a Google Map printout art project of how to bike to her "best friend"'s house. ...She's going to put in an address one street over because she is being very smart and careful, because this is the most important thing, and she thinks maybe the teacher knows her old address and would be suspicious. She can just draw the rest of the way in highlighter marker once she takes the art project home. 

She's awake at 5:55 am, and goes to the bathroom first - all by herself like a big girl - and then politely knocks on Iomedae's door. 

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Iomedae startles awake but is calm by the time she gets to the door. "Good morning, Lily," she says very quietly. She doesn't want to wake Evelyn so Alfirin has time to prepare her spells.

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Lily can be very quiet! She isn't all that hungry for breakfast yet and would be content to hang out in their bedroom and have snuggles. And maybe a story? It can be a quiet story. Lily is in favor of Mummy getting enough sleep so she isn't grumpy. 

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Snuggles! "I think I am not going to go see if your grandfather a demon today," she tells Lily. "If he come here to hurt you I will fight him."

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Maybe it's just because Iomedae doesn't think she knows how to get there and might get lost? Or maybe she doesn't have a way to go that Mummy wouldn't notice, and is worried Mummy would be mad. Mummy probably would be mad, but - Lily doesn't like thinking about that - she's not going to tell Iomedae not to go, though. 

"...'Kay," she says, subdued. She could try to explain her plan but that's so many words and the teacher is more used to understanding her, it'll be easier if she can just bring the art project home secretly and show Iomedae then. 

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"I mean to go to his house. I think today is not a good day but tomorrow maybe is. I know it is so important, and I know it is my job."

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"'Kay." Lily looks happier. She trusts Iomedae and she trusts God and it makes sense to want to go on a day that's a good day. 

(She isn't very worried that Grandpa will come here and hurt her today. She's been here for lots of days and she was at other houses for more lots of days and everyone tells her a lot that her old parents don't know where she's living now, and she definitely wasn't sure at first if that meant Grandpa didn't know but...it's been lots of days, and even if Grandpa did come here, she wouldn't be by herself - and she knows all the good places to hide now and Grandpa doesn't yet. And Iomedae would fight him.) 

Quiet snuggles. 

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Evelyn doesn't hear any of that. 

She does have her internal clock firmly set to wake up around 6 am, by now, and she actually went to bed on the earlier side last night. She wakes up at around 6:15 am - gauges the color and angle of light coming through her curtains, glances at the clock - starts to roll over - 

 

- remembers that everything is very complicated right now. 

Right. Yesterday was another exhausting confusing day, but she thinks the break while the girls were at the food bank, and the additional short break when they were in krav maga, maybe mattered a lot? She had been...reacting, not thinking...and usually that's fine, because usually she isn't so - lost in the dark - like she was with Iomedae and Alfirin. And instead she had the energy to notice that there was something she was missing, and the will to go think about it by herself, and - honestly she doesn't remember most of the specific thoughts she had, she has terrible recall for anything that was only ever inside her head, but she remembers the results. 

Iomedae: not a kid. At least not in the sense that feels most real to Evelyn, of needing a mom. Iomedae needs people who believe in her and are on her side and want her to succeed - people willing to fight in her corner and give her advice and help her navigate the world - but that's not a kid thing, specifically, lots of people need that. Evelyn has needed it from her supervising social workers, plenty of times. ...She tried to communicate that to Iomedae and she thinks she succeeded? Evelyn is pretty sure something was successfully communicated, at least. There was a hug involved, and she doesn't think it was a - pitying? - hug, like the time before. 

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She thinks she also managed to correct some of Iomedae's more concerning misunderstandings about what being in foster care means? She's not entirely expecting it to stick, Iomedae seems to have very deeply entrenched expectations about how the world works (and that's not even weird or unexpected, that's what happens with abused or neglected kids, and Iomedae wasn't abused or neglected - her parents genuinely seem to have done a great job of parenting - but her circumstances were awful and that probably has a lot of the same effects?) 

They talked about finances. Iomedae is clearly worried about a lot of ways she could develop what she sees as - bad habits for being a holy warrior and future heroine? But money seems like a big one. Evelyn does kind of feel bad now about not donating more to charity but taking in six foster kids is a terrible solution. Hopefully she'll have the vocabulary to explain that better, later. She...really does, at this point, feel like she owes that to Iomedae, not because she feels particularly bad about her previous choices but because Iomedae does need to know the - cultural context, or whatever - where Evelyn's choices are the normal thing, and caring for unsafe numbers of foster kids in order to donate to save other kids in poorer countries is not the normal thing. 

She offered to get Iomedae her sword back. (She also explained the Martin thing, and Iomedae didn't freak out, so...success? She can tell Diel that went fine. ...She probably should write something to Diel, since she's probably going to get the doctor's appointment notes soon and in isolation that might be more concerning than is really justified.) Evelyn is - not exactly regretting the offer, it's obviously what she should have said, but ugh it sounds awkward. She's never been in this exact situation before and doesn't know the procedure. 

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...They had an extremely baffling exchange about - talking animals and Harry Potter - and Evelyn doesn't actually think it was the wrong decision, to put that on hold and finish saying her piece to Iomedae, because she was not in a good headspace for it and the thing she wanted to say was, she thinks, actually pretty important here.

It does feel a bit like she might have missed an opening to hear things from the girls when they were relatively less on guard about it? But - it feels different, right, from the sort of case where a teenager disclosed horrific abuse because Evelyn gave them an opening when she sat up with them and listened to them talk after she had just picked them up from the police station still drunk, at a point when they weren't necessarily thinking about the consequences of telling her.

It's different because - well, Iomedae and Alfirin can't possibly know the usual consequences, that's been half of their problem, that America and CPS regulations are mysterious and confusing and terrifying to them.

...And also because Evelyn does not, actually, think that telling Diel will end up being a good idea at all, if and when the - thing, whatever it is - comes out. She doesn't think bringing in the police is going to matter. She– it would be different if she thought that other children might be at risk, and could be rescued sooner if she arguably/ambiguously betrayed Iomedae and Alfirin's trust to learn things from them when they were less guarded, but that doesn't seem like the thing, here. It seems like something that's mostly just Alfirin and Iomedae's business, and only Evelyn's business to the extent that she can help them better if she has any idea what's going on. And it's just pretty reasonable, on their parts, to not want to tell her until she's rightly earned their trust. 

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She might end up regretting that! It wouldn't be the first time that she's been vaguely uneasy about a child obviously keeping secrets, and decided to err on the side of letting them tell her once they were ready because it seemed like whatever it was could only be hurting them, and been very wrong.

But it doesn't work at all to be constantly paranoid that teenagers are lying. At least, it doesn't work for Evelyn. If she's doing her job right, then Iomedae and/or Alfirin will come to her with whatever it is on their own time, and it's okay if that takes two months, and - even if it's like the specific case where she regrets not digging harder, it's not like it was that realistic that she could have coerced the information out of them much sooner, and it would have cost so much to try. 

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Evelyn yawns and stretches and rolls over, and tries to think if she has anything urgent on the schedule today. (Other than emailing Diel an update where she'll emphasize Iomedae having had a hard time understanding questions because of the language barrier, and probably having some cultural superstitions about invasive medical tests, which Evelyn will of course work on with her at home but doesn't think they should push just yet.) 

She can't actually think of anything, other than getting Lily onto the bus on time of course. Tomorrow is going to be super busy, with food bank volunteering and having Marian over for dinner and then krav maga if she gets the girls - hopefully at least Iomedae, though it's probably also good for Alfirin - to agree to her paying for it. But today is actually pretty wide-open. 

 

...It's relaxing. Surprisingly. Yesterday it would have been nervewracking, she thinks, but it's mostly that she constantly felt like she was failing to give either of them what they needed, and also they couldn't even have a conversation about it and every attempt to talk made it worse.

Today, she - doesn't really know where they stand, still, but she's not nearly as stressed? The (not)-kids are okay. Possibly feeling this way is as much a change on Evelyn's side as on theirs, because she - said her piece, and got a hug - but that's fine.

 

She's not particularly in a rush to get up, but when she still hasn't heard a peep or any creaking stairs at 6:30 am, she gets up and goes to shower in her en-suite.

(It's a ridiculous luxury, actually, being able to wake up slowly and roll around in bed thinking slow morning thoughts and then shower and get dressed and come out already polished and ready for her day, and not worry at all about the kids because Iomedae is handling it, and Evelyn trusts her with it and also trusts that it's not unfairly exploiting her. $5 per day is a bargain.

 

The water goes on in Evelyn's bedroom. 

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Lily has been really enjoying the quiet snuggles, but she sits up a little. "Mummy up," she whispers to Iomedae. "- S'i'sower. B'a'fmin." 

 

*"She's in the shower, she'll be a few minutes." 

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"Yeah. Let's go downstairs and start pancakes?"

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Pancakes!!!

 

Best idea. Lily will follow Iomedae downstairs, holding her hand the whole way. 

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Alfirin had finished hanging her one spell before the water came on, and gives up on trying to hang a second. She throws on some clothes and heads downstairs to help with breakfast. Iomedae and Lily are doing the pancakes, so she starts 'coffee'.

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Evelyn is pretty quick in the shower, and at getting dressed. (It's an important career skill.)

She comes down dressed, cheerful and smiling with her hair finger-combed in the shower and towel-dried but not actually dry, and - wow, Alfirin made her coffee??? 

She should probably not give Alfirin a hug for it, too early (and also she doesn't want to reward "do everything possible to please your adults because they might hit you otherwise" and still isn't sure how much that applies with Alfirin) but she's visibly delighted. 

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Mummy is in a good mood and Iomedae let her crack eggs for making pancakes and Lily is having a GREAT day so far. 

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Evelyn is in a good mood! (Lily doesn't and shouldn't know all the many complicated reasons why.) 

 

It's not even 7 am and they've got breakfast already! Iomedae is very good at pancakes, Evelyn is grateful. And Lily's bus won't be here for over an hour. Lily should go up and get ready a little bit before that, but they've still got almost a whole hour after breakfast for - well, whatever family activity they'd all like? Evelyn is up for whatever they're excited about (though she is making eye contact with Lily in particular, who is after all actually a foster child and generally excited about family activities.) 

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....Lily has lots of ideas (for example she could practice riding her bike with Iomedae!) but she's...going to shyly look at Iomedae first, apparently?

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“I do not know what we do! I do not know all the things there are.”

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Then Lily will not feel at all bad about picking for her. "W'go BIKE?" 

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"Sure!" Learning to bike is important for getting from place to place anyway.

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Then they can all put shoes on and go out in the backyard and Lily will haul her bike out of the shed! It's pink and has a basket in front and training wheels. She manages to fall sometimes even with the training wheels, and at one point needs to be rescued by Evelyn from running headlong into a street sign, but she's very proud of herself. 

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Evelyn gets knee and elbow pads out for Iomedae. She doesn't actually have a spare bike in Alfirin's size, but her neighbor two doors down has a ten-year-old son, who's big enough for his age that his bike frame might work fine for Alfirin if they raise the seat a bit? If Alfirin wants to practice too then she'll go knock on their door and ask. They're probably up, the ten-year-old son gets the same bus as Lily. 

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There sure are a lot of things Alfirin needs to learn how to do to live in America. She is still sore all over from krav maga, and she doesn't want to practice riding a bike, especially since that probably involves a lot of falling over.

"Yes, I should learn riding a bike."

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Evelyn asks Iomedae to keep an eye on Lily and make sure she doesn't go out into the street (though she's not very worried, it's 7 am and this neighborhood doesn't get a lot of traffic even at rush hour.) She confirms as she walks past that she can see the kitchen lights on in her neighbor Carol's house, and then rings the doorbell and smilingly asks if she could borrow Joey's bike for a bit for one of her new foster children - they won't be going far or anything, just around the neighborhood.

Carol smiles back and suggests Evelyn keep a hold of it until after school, she'll be out most of the day visiting her mother-in-law and helping her pack, she's downsizing to a smaller apartment. They make a couple of minutes worth of small talk about Carol's mother-in-law, with Evelyn glancing over every so often to make sure she still has line of sight to the girls, and then Evelyn thanks Carol warmly and wheels the bike over. 

She may not have a bike in Alfirin's size, but she has spare training wheels, and a lot of practice with quickly placing and removing them; it's pretty common for preteens and young teenagers in foster care to have never ridden a bike, and Joey's bike is still small enough to fit the standard training wheel size she has. She puts them on, and gets Alfirin kitted out with a helmet and knee and elbow pads, and then she can have a go! 

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See, with two more wheels she can understand why it doesn't just fall over. She will put on the armor and try to make the bike go?

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Evelyn cheerfully gives her advice and demonstrations on how the brakes and gear-changing and steering work!

The bike is easier to keep upright with training wheels but keeping it going in a straight line, let alone turning on purpose, is still pretty tricky. Evelyn keeps a close eye on her but tries not to be too visibly hovering, it makes kids anxious. 

 

How's Iomedae getting along? Evelyn has been quietly considering whether Thursday will end up being too early for her to try out biking to krav maga. It might actually work out really well if Marian is there and can accompany her, though that doesn't solve the issue for Alfirin. 

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Iomedae has no particular advantages at learning to bike other than her willingness to subject her already-bruised body to a lot of falls. She's making progress, though. Really it's just like riding a horse except that horses make sense.

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Evelyn is very proud of her foster daughters!

At 7:50 she wants to take Lily in for hair-grooming and teethbrushing and final schoolbag checks. They can stay out front and keep practicing on their own, as long as they're careful of the road, and Iomedae looks out for Alfirin and comes to get Evelyn right away if Alfirin falls and gets hurt or something. 

(They're almost certainly not going to get seriously injured, and she's really quite sure they're not going to run away. And - teenagers need to do normal teenage independence things. They need to be trusted. Young adults who are trapped in foster care despite not being kids probably need it even moreso.) 

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Iomedae isn't sure what Evelyn will do if Alfirin gets hurt but she'll get help if it seems indicated. It seems genuinely very useful to master bike-riding. And if they see anything interesting Alfirin can check it for magic.

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It's not a spectacularly interesting neighborhood. In the next fifteen minutes they observe one car departing for the morning commute, a teenage boy on a bicycle who whizzes past on the other side of the street and doesn't even glance at them, and a woman in her early thirties - wearing four-inch heels and a short tight skirt - walking a tiny poodle with a ridiculous haircut and talking very fast to someone on her phone. 

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Evelyn comes out with Lily, now schoolbagged and shod, at 8:03 am, a couple of minutes before the bus arrives. It's a nice day and they're not on a deadline. She's brought her second coffee with her, and sits down on the front step to watch the girls practice. 

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Biking is like all skills and can be mastered with determination, prayer, and a willingness to die for the cause. Or, well, fall on one's bruised limbs for it. 

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Evelyn should probably not encourage them to spend all morning at it, even though watching Iomedae determinedly learning to ride a bike is honestly very inspiring. The girls are collecting an array of bruises that would be concerning and awkward to explain if, say, Diel visits sometime this week and notices. 

At 8:30 she suggests they go in. Maybe they can go to the library today? She was thinking about English practice, and what she really wants is non-fiction picture books, which she doesn't own as many of. Also the library is great and she thinks they'll like it. 

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"Library?"

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"It's a big building just full of books! You can go and borrow some of the books for free! As long as you take them back in two weeks so other people can read them. There's also a librarian who knows a lot about the books and can help you find ones you want." 

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"Who pay for that?"

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"...I think a lot of it is the city government, so it's from taxes? And the library takes donations, they encourage people who use it a lot to donate a bit of money if they can afford it. People donate their books, too, and I think they get discounts on buying books, so that part costs less to run. ...Books are like clothes, I bet, and way cheaper to make in America than you're used to. You can buy a new paperback for ten dollars or so, usually." 

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"That is so little! God is glad!"

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"He would be! It's really, really good."

And Evelyn has a better sense, now, of what sorts of confusion Iomedae might need explained, and what things it helps to try to say. 

"It's cheaper because we have machines to copy books. I assume writing them is still just as much work as it was in your country, but once a book is written, you can just get a factory to make lots and lots of copies, using machines, and it only costs a tiny bit per book once you're printing enough of them. I think even the poorest children who are born in America usually have some books at home, or at least magazines or newspapers - those are things that get published every day or every week, with news and stuff - and it's easier to learn to read, if you have things to read at home." 

Shrug. "And I'm not poor, but I'm not rich either, by American standards, and you've seen how many books I have. - You can get them cheaper if you don't buy new. At the thrift store - the store for used things, people donate clothes and pots and toys and books, if they don't want them anymore but it's not worth their time to try to sell them - anyway, there you can get a lot of paperback books for a dollar or two, and nice hardbound books for less than ten dollars usually. Most of my books are second-hand, or from friends who were moving and needed to get rid of some of their stuff."

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"And all childs whose parents do not work on farms learn to read?"

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"I think even kids whose parents do work on farms usually have to go to school, if they were born in America and, uh, have papers so the government knows about them."

And this is giving her the itchy feeling of being another very understandable misunderstanding that Iomedae would have if she grew up somewhere very poor. Hmm. 

"- It's really not very many people in America who work on farms. I'd have to Google the exact numbers but I think it's, like, definitely less than one in twenty people, maybe one in fifty people? ...I guess the migrant workers aren't counted as Americans and that might throw it off, some, but for crops like wheat and stuff, we have machines that do nearly all of the work. There are a lot of poor people in America but it's - people who work at grocery stores and gas stations and packing boxes and driving trucks places? And their children go to school and learn to read and do math and stuff." 

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"Only people without papers work on farms?"

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"...I think not only them, there would be some Americans with papers who work on farms, but I think it might be one of the only jobs that doesn't try to check if people have papers or not? ...Though I think there's a way to get papers temporarily and come here from another country in the right season and work on farms, so there are probably also a bunch of not-Americans who are here with papers to work on farms. I still think it's not that many people, compared to the number of people who live in America and work in other jobs, but I bet the Internet would know more about the numbers, if you're curious I can go look it up?" 

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"Most people are not farmers is an important thing about America I think, but I do not know if it matter if it is one of ten or one of twenty. Farmers are not educated? Believe in souls and Heaven and God? Only farmers think those things?"

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Um. What. ...Ohh. EMILY??!! 

 

"....Okay. Did, uh– I'm guessing Emily told you something like, educated people are less likely to be religious and believe in God? I think she maybe said a thing that confused you. I'm pretty sure that more than half of people in America are religious and go to church and believe in God. Maybe not very religious, I - wasn't managing to go to church very often before you came to live with me, but I do believe in God and Heaven and I think that's - normal, actually, more normal than Emily not believing in God. And nearly everyone knows how to read. I guess people who went to college, the kind of school Jeremy is doing now, are less likely to go to church – I think Emily meant 'educated people' as in people who go to college and study science or math or engineering, not as in people who know how to read. In America nearly everyone knows how to read, and so - 'educated people' means people who are more educated than just having graduated high school." 

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She chews on this one for a bit. "...half of people believe God is a strange way for things to be," she says eventually.

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"...I guess it is a bit strange." Shrug. "I do think it's more than just half, I just don't remember exactly enough to give you a number. And I think people don't usually talk about it that much, it's - we think it's sort of rude to argue with people about their religion. I don't actually know which of my neighbors believe in God." 

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"Is it rude to argue about if there is a sun in the sky?"

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???????????? 

(This feels like it's getting close to an important confusion, and Evelyn recently decided not to dig at things even if they feel like important confusions, but it's probably not "digging" if she's just answering Iomedae's questions?) 

"I guess people in America think about God differently from that. It's not like you can see God directly with your eyes, or Heaven, or souls, the way you can see the sun? And there are people who live here and believe in different gods, or just believe that God wants different things, and...I guess we decided as a country that getting into big fights - wars, sometimes - over that sort of thing is something we'd rather avoid." 

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"I think I see maybe. Thank you, ma'am. I can go to the library."

 

It makes sense, actually, that you'd have wars over what the churches actually wanted and what the gods actually said, if there was no way to check and no one had empowered priests. And it - only half makes sense, but does half make sense - that the end result would be everyone being wary of making any claims about what the gods want, which can never be credible.

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Evelyn tries to smile brightly at her, even though she's still kind of confused and not actually sure if she answered Iomedae's question or just gave her an entirely different misunderstanding. 

"You can ask me more questions later if you think of them, I'm always happy to answer your questions. Let's go to the library." 

They'll drive. It's bike-able for Iomedae, and she'll maybe try to show her the Google Maps route later today, but it's definitely too far for Alfirin to bike safely, and they have a car right here and Iomedae could probably use the break anyway. 

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It is, in objective Earth terms, not a very large or well-stocked library. It's all on one floor, a single big high-ceiling'd room subdivided by shelves. The adult nonfiction section is smaller and sadder than the adult genre fiction section (romance, thriller, mystery, some amount of fantasy and sci-fi), which takes up an entire corner, and the litfic section takes up half of another corner.

There's a fairly generous kids' section, which is where Evelyn heads first. It has beanbags and chairs and some sad-looking plastic toys in the open middle section of the corner, and shelves organized by appropriate reading age. The Animorphs and Babysitter Club series take up entire shelves; the picture books for kids are on the opposite side. The children's non-fiction section is on the other side of the shelves, not directly facing the play area. 

 

There are still more than 50,000 books in this one single room. 

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The librarian on today knows Evelyn and is pleased to see her again! Evelyn points Iomedae and Alfirin in the right direction to find picture books, and then is pretty quickly waylaid by catching-up small talk. 

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That is so many books. And they're...free? For anyone? And full of trees, even though it's indoors, and - she would probably be amazed by the architecture if she weren't busy being amazed by everything else.

 

She doesn't want the 'fiction' right now because it's full of lies. She wants to learn what Americans think is true first. Children's 'nonfiction'? (What makes a nonfiction a children's nonfiction, anyways?)

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This place is so cool though she'd get wildly more out of it if she could ...read in English, which she absolutely cannot, she only remembers a few of the letters. 

 

Probably what makes these books for children is that they are beautifully illustrated, some of them so meticulously you'd think you were there. 

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Yep! The books in the children's nonfiction section are mostly picture books. Some of them - probably the ones meant for younger children - have thin spines and simplified pictures with bright colors and thick lines, and large print with only a few words per page. Some have very detailed images and diagrams, of things like the insides of planets and the insides of trees and the insides of human bodies, and lots and lots of words labeling the images and diagrams. 

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(Do the girls seem okay? Evelyn is headed right over, any minute, and will make an effort to disengage from this conversation sooner if it looks like they need some guidance, but she's actually really enjoying the chance to catch up. Usually she has kids who scream a lot, right, and the library isn't a fan of that, and so she has to do a whole lot of careful management of the situation so there can be a library trip with no screaming, and that means being limited to facial expressions across the room and no actual catching-up. She really wants to hear more about the librarian's daughter-in-law, though she'll definitely be right there if Iomedae or Alfirin glance over at her or seem to be in any distress.)

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Iomedae is not clear what they're supposed to be doing, but she's happy to flip through the beautiful illustrations all day, if not otherwise instructed.

 

If Evelyn does come over she will ask where she can find the illustrated Scripture.

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The girls seem okay, except that even though she remembers all the letters it's taking Alfirin a long time to read any given book title and also most of them have words she doesn't know.

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Evelyn hasn't forgotten they exist or anything, and comes over a couple of minutes later. 

"- You mean the Bible? I'm - yeah, there's got to be a children's illustrated Bible here somewhere..." 

 

...She will maybe have to go ask the librarian. 

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Yep they've got some children's illustrated Bibles! Here's the newest one - and best one, according to the librarian, if she says so herself. The Children's Bible, by Anne de Graaf, gorgeous brand new hardcover edition. 

(If the librarian has any feelings about this being the particular book that Evelyn's newest foster kid wants, she hides them.) 

the old testament

God Makes Everything

Genesis 1:1-19

A long time ago there was nothing but darkness. It is hard to picture just nothing, but that is all there was... except for God.

So God made light. That way there could be day and night, instead of only darkness.

Then God made the earth and divided parts of it into oceans and seas and other parts into big pieces of land. God made all the plants and trees and made them grow on the land.

In the sky God made the stars and planets. He made the sun and moon so there would always be a day after every night.

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...Evelyn can read it out loud. 

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That is good because otherwise Iomedae would have no idea what the words said. The picture is not very helpful.

"I did not know that there was light before there was stars," she says. The rest all sounds right but she had for some reason envisioned that the stars were created as a light source, though the books she's read don't say specifically.

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....Evelyn is pretty sure that "God made light" is meant to be interpreted metaphorically, but...she's not actually sure what it's a metaphor for, not enough that she could have a debate with Iomedae of all people about it, and in any case she would rather just keep having a nice library experience that does not involve any debates.

 

She doesn't say anything. She'll keep reading. 

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It Looks Good

Genesis 1:20-25; 2:3-6

When God looked at all the water covering the world He made big fish and little fish. Some were too small to see.

For the sky He made large birds and small, in many colors. They were bright blue, dark green, brown, purple, red, black and white.

When He looked toward the land God saw grass blowing in the breezes and ripe fruit hanging from the trees. He knew it was a good place for animals. He made tiny bees and giant elephants, crocodiles, sheep and lions, all different sorts of animals. But they did not have names yet. There were just the right animals living in just the right places and not too many. And there was plenty of food and water for them all.

The First Man and Woman

Genesis 1:26-31; 2:1-7, 18-23

At that time there were no people on the earth. God wanted to make someone who was like Him. God put His hand in the dirt. He picked up a handful of dust, blew on it, then created a life that was the first man.

God brought all the different kinds of animals to Adam. “Call them whatever you want,” God said. So Adam called one a hippopotamus, and another a butterfly. Once Adam had finished, God saw that not one of the animals was right for being Adam’s special helper.

So while Adam slept, God took a part of Adam and around that part He made someone who was like Adam, but different. She was the first woman. When Adam woke up he was very happy. “Here is someone who can be my friend,” he said. But she had no name.

 

When God finished making Adam and the woman, He was pleased. He decided He would rest for one day. He blessed all that He had made.

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(Evelyn is just here reading aloud. She's going to put off any feelings of her own for LATER.) 

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Iomedae did not know any of this but it is obviously Pharasmin rather than Arodenite theology and she's never read a Pharasmin holy book. 

"Did God also only make boy animals, and make girl animals when She made girl people?"

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"...Huh, what a good question! I could - see it either way, I guess - I'm really not an expert on Biblical interpretation...." 

(Evelyn is pretty sure that God didn't personally make all the animals and that this entire section is metaphorical, but does she feel like debating that right now: no. No she does not.) 

She's going to just keep reading. 

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The Garden of Eden

Genesis 2:8-17, 24-25

God chose the prettiest part of the earth and gave it to Adam and the woman. It was a garden called Eden. In Eden all the animals lived peacefully with each other. No one was afraid.

Adam and the woman loved God very much. They walked around their garden with no clothes on because they had no reason to feel ashamed. For them there was one thing even better than all the dazzling flowers, tall trees and lovely smells in Eden. It was that they knew God loved them very much.

God told Adam and the woman they could do whatever they wanted. There was just one rule they must follow. God said, “You may eat fruit from any of the trees here except one. And that is the tree of knowledge of good and evil.” The two people understood.

 

All for a Piece of Fruit

Genesis 3:1-19

Of all the animals in Eden the serpent was smarter and craftier than the rest. One day the serpent crept toward the woman. He teased her, “You don’t have to listen to God. You can eat from that tree in the middle of the garden. You won’t die!”

After this, the woman walked over to the tree. She did not know what she should do. Then she made a choice.

She picked a piece of fruit and took a bite. She brought the fruit to Adam and asked him to eat. Once they had both taken a bite they suddenly felt as if a cloud were hanging over them. The sunshine felt cold. For the first time ever, they were afraid.

 

 

They had done the wrong thing. The Lord was very sad because He must discipline His children. God did this because He cared. He wanted Adam and the woman to know that every choice was their own. Some choices lead to good things while other choices can be painful.

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Evelyn has some feelings about this, apparently. It's...been a pretty long time since she read through the Bible in order, and somehow the shortened illustrated children's version of it hits harder. 

Her emotions aren't Iomedae or Alfirin's problem, though. She keeps reading. 

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"Why did the woman eat the apple if God said to not eat the apple?? That is very stupid and bad."

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"....That's also a good question!" And one which Evelyn feels deeply unprepared for. "I - don't know, exactly. I wasn't in Eve's head when she decided - and we don't know if Eve - the woman in the story, sorry, they took her name out in this version but in the usual Bible she's called Eve - I don't know if she actually existed, as a specific person, or if it's - a story that's about all of the humans as they were a long time ago..." 

(Also Evelyn only just now managed to notice explicitly that the story was fine with giving Adam a name, apparently it's just Eve who didn't deserve one - wow she has angry-feminist feelings about this suddenly...) 

"- I think the idea is that Eve wanted to - understand the world for herself, and make her own choices, and have her own ideas for things she could build? And - I think Jesus, the God you know, is fine with that, I think He wants that, but I guess that really early on, God didn't understand that yet." 

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"God want us to learn and make choices, but if God say not to touch a tree, God do not want us to touch the tree."

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....Iomedae seems to feel really strongly about this. That seems - important. 

 

Evelyn did promise (to herself, if no one else) that she wasn't going to keep digging for answers to questions that Iomedae and Alfirin aren't ready to trust her with yet, but - that doesn't mean she has to blaze ahead and keep reading (though that would honestly be the easier path, here and now.

"Hm...?" She's looking at the book, not Iomedae, but she makes a listening sort of noise and doesn't keep reading just yet. 

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"- I sorry, ma'am. The way you think about gods is very - not the way I was learned to think of gods. I do not know this story, I know more of god who was human, but - but the first thing every child have to learn is, if someone says do not eat that, do not eat that. It is not - learning to make choices, to eat a thing someone said not to eat. You just die."

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"...I mean, in America I think kids don't usually die of eating things they shouldn't? Because usually their parents take them to the hospital in time and they get treated for it. - that's not the point. We'll get to the Jesus parts if we keep reading."

(She's a little bit tempted to just skip ahead, but not very, and that's only partly because she doesn't actually know this Bible or what page number to skip to. It...seems important, for Iomedae to hear and see some of what American Christianity means.) 

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"Not for a long time I think, if this start at the stars. I glad to know this. Thank you for reading."

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Out of Eden

Genesis 3:20-24

God told Adam and the woman that they must leave the garden of Eden. Otherwise, He said, they might disobey again and eat from another forbidden tree, the tree of life.

Adam and the woman looked at each other. They were together, but they still felt frightened of all that lay ahead. When they left Eden they would have to work hard to find enough to eat.

Adam gave the woman a name then. He called her Eve, which meant “Living.”

Adam and Eve bowed their heads. They felt very sad. They knew God would continue to show His love for them. But the worst part of their punishment was that they would never be as close to God as they had been before they chose to disobey Him.

 

(...Evelyn has feelings. But she doesn't really want to talk about them. She keeps reading.) 

 

Two Brothers

Genesis 4:1-2

After Adam and Eve left Eden, they took care of each other. Soon their first child was born. They named him Cain. Later they had a second little boy. They named him Abel.

Cain and Abel helped their parents live in the world outside Eden. There they had to work hard to make sure they had enough to eat.

Cain’s way of helping the family was to grow crops. He looked forward to the rain which watered the seeds he had planted. The grain he grew could be ground into flour for making bread.

 

He also gathered vegetables and fruit. Abel’s way of helping was to raise sheep and goats. He would milk the goats or sometimes kill them for the meat.

 

The First Murder

Genesis 4:3-16

One day Cain put together some of the crops he had grown and offered them to say thank you to God. Abel did the same, but he chose the best of the fattest of the lambs to give back to God.

God looked at the gifts both boys were offering Him. He liked Abel’s gift better than Cain’s.

This made Cain angry. He did not think God was being fair. God told Cain he could choose to do right or wrong. Cain chose to be angry.

He came up with a plan. He called Abel out to the fields. There, Cain did something very bad. He killed Abel.

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This part is...actually hard, to keep reading through. But Evelyn doesn't– ...she pauses, briefly, takes a breath, but she doesn't stop reading. She should at least get to the end of the page. 

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God called him, “Cain, where is your brother Abel?” Cain shook his head.

 

God said, “You have done wrong. As your punishment, you will no longer be able to grow your crops. I am sending you away from here.” So Cain had to live in the land of Nod, which meant “Wandering.”

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This telling makes all of the suffering in the world sound very profoundly preventable by refraining for five minutes from sheer Evil and/or idiocy. The holy texts she's familiar with have a very different emphasis, one where humankind is great but beset by even greater adversaries, with whom peace was attempted before war was pursued. But then, this is a children's telling, and children in fact need lessons about avoiding Evil and/or idiocy. And it's a telling of a much earlier time.

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Noah Builds a Boat

Genesis 6:5-22

Many, many years passed. After so much time, most of the people living on the earth chose not to care about God anymore. They no longer taught their children to thank God. Over and over again they chose to hurt and lie and do wrong.

God looked at the people and grew very sad. He saw all the pain they caused each other. He wished He had never created people with the rest of the animals on earth. God decided He would take away the lives on earth which He had made.

At this time, when so many were bad, one man was different. His name was Noah. Noah often asked God’s help. Noah listened for God’s answers and then obeyed Him. This pleased God.

God told Noah, “I am going to put an end to all people. I will cause a huge flood to cover the land and everyone will drown. But I will spare you and those you love. Build a big boat, and build it the way I say to. Then fill it with two of every type of animal. Fill it with food. Then you will be safe.”

Noah trusted God. God gave Noah the plans for making the boat which was called an ark.

 

The Voyage of the Ark

Genesis 7:1-16

When the ark was finished Noah’s family climbed in and left the door open. Soon animals and birds and all creeping creatures came crawling their way to Noah’s ark. What a sight it was! And the noise was enough to bring Noah’s neighbors out to watch and shake their heads all over again.

There were lions roaring, donkeys braying, dogs barking, birds singing and sheep bleating. Two by two, the animals entered the ark, all different types and shapes and sizes. Tiny worms wiggled, horses pranced and rabbits hopped.

 

After all the animals were inside, God closed the door to the boat, and quickly locked it so no one would fall out. And then it began to rain. It rained and rained and rained.

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(Evelyn is going to run out of energy for reading the entire Bible out loud to Iomedae, at some point. But hopefully it's at least useful for vocabulary?) 

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Iomedae is charitably inclined towards gods, if they are not running Hell. She knows they are much much smarter than her, and that they can act only indirectly, and that they are opposed by great evils. It makes sense that eating a cursed fruit would make a person so dangerous that they could no longer remain in paradise, if it makes them possible for demon lords to act through or something. It makes sense to exile people for murder, if for some reason you are not inclined to execute them. 

....it makes less sense to drown the whole world. She's having some difficulty thinking of any circumstances under which it makes sense, actually. 

"Lots of the people are children," she observes.

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Evelyn had been trying kind of hard over here to not have feelings

 

 

"...Yeah. I - don't like this story either. ...I don't think it's something Jesus would do? But Jesus could - understand humans, because he was born as a human, I think that's kind of the point? That God was - doing His best, but cruel by accident, until He sent his only begotten son to save us..." 

Evelyn has an unreasonable number of feelings, yet again. Hopefully at some point they'll get through all of the random unexpected stupidly feelings-inducing trigger points and it will be less like this

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"Yes, I know Jesus not do this," she says. "But I have thinked that other gods before Jesus sayed, no, do not kill all the children, then Limbo will be full of babies."

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...Right her religion is some weird polytheistic thing. Evelyn had sort of forgotten about that. Ugh. Evelyn is maybe kind of bad at this. 

"I think the babies would be fine?" Wow Evelyn does not want to keep having this conversation. "Because - they haven't sinned, they couldn't have since they're babies, and Jesus loves them. ...I guess I don't know what happened to the babies who died in the Flood, before Jesus was born."

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"They go to Limbo but there is no one there to raise them because their parents are not Heaven bird people. I do not think God - God make world - I do not think God want this? It is a bad thing to want. Killing everyone is evil."

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Evelyn can't argue with that and doesn't want to. 

"....Should we stop reading? I can check the book out, if you want to - have the chance to read more of it later - but I think maybe it'd be better to read more of it at home." 

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"Why better at home?"

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Because the librarian doesn't want noise or disruption or awkward debates about religion that anyone might walk in on - she can't say that to Iomedae - she probably should, actually, try to just say what she's thinking, she meant to do that and she shouldn't give up on it just because it's awkward. 

She keeps her voice low. "Because I think both of us are going to have a lot of - feelings and opinions - and like I said before, in America it's rude to talk about religion in public, since people who worship other gods, or don't believe in God at all, might also come to this library?"

Sigh. "....I haven't read through the Bible since I was - maybe in high school, I'm not sure, but definitely before I was twenty, and that was thirty years ago. I - have different feelings about it now, than I would have then. I've been trying not to show it, because we're in the library and it'd be weird. But I'd prefer to read through the Bible with you where I didn't have to worry about what other people would think."

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It seems to Iomedae like the height of insanity, to be unable to discuss events documented in history books in public if gods were involved. To not make claims about what the gods want, sure, she can see how that'd get tense fast in a society that can't verify it. But surely the gods were active in the world when they were approving their holy books -

"Evelyn, did this god send this book to someone in a vision, or send a person bringing it, or come herself to write it?"

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Since when does God get female pronouns??? That's so bizarre, especially given that Jesus definitely seems to get male pronouns. 

"I - think some parts of it are supposed to have been divine revelations, yeah. It wasn't written all at once, there are a lot of sections in the Bible from different periods, and of course the New Testament is way newer. I think God did directly give Moses the Ten Commandments? That's a later story." Shrug. "For a lot of it I think we don't know exactly. It was a really long time ago and history was a lot less written down because fewer people could read or write." 

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"I see. Thank you." It does seem like the kind of thing you'd lose track of when a god stopped choosing priests.

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"We can Google it when we get home. I know there are a lot of Biblical scholars who study scripture and I think some of them focus on figuring out when and how it was written, it's just not really something that came up at the church I go to." 

Does Iomedae want to maybe also look for some science books? ...Ooh the library has a hardcover copy of The Way Things Work. Jeremy adored that book when he was a kid and it's probably very good for learning vocabulary even if the girls aren't quite at the level of reading it themselves yet. And maybe they can find a book about the human body aimed at older preteens; Evelyn has picture books at home but they're mostly targeting the toddler age group. And an illustrated book about world geography and history seems like a good idea for educational purposes, they can learn the American words for all the continents and other countries. 

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Iomedae will be quiet and go along with further book suggestions.

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And Evelyn is shortly later very relieved to have interrupted the Bible debate, because another family just showed up - she knows them casually, their fifteen-year-old daughter Abbie was in Teagan's class and the younger twin boys attend Lily's primary school, she's seen the mom in the playground. Evelyn has no idea if they go to church. Not that it would be zero mortifying to have someone from church walk in on her having a bizarre Biblical debate with Iomedae, but she wouldn't feel right shutting down the entire conversation over it. (She doesn't feel great about that now, either, but Iomedae really does need to learn how to avoid making people uncomfortable. It's an important skill for getting along in America, particularly in a high school.) 

 

Does Alfirin seem to be finding books she's interested in? Evelyn will smile and wave at Abbie's parents and then go see if Alfirin needs help. 

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Alfirin has found a few books she wants and has been carrying them around in a stack as she wanders between shelves. There's two about animals, and one about trains and one about architecture and a book about all the planets that should tell her if America knows about Golarion. She will probably not be able to read all of them in two weeks.

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Evelyn will wander a bit longer; the library is nice to hang out in. She finds an illustrated book about the discovery of germ theory and advances in medicine over the last few hundred years, and a book specifically on the history of the ancient world; the history book she already grabbed is approximately medieval-period-through-19th-century. ...She considers a book on WW2 and decides that she doesn't think the girls are quite ready for that yet. Maybe next week.

She wants to spend a few minutes catching up with Abbie's parents and asking Abbie how her classes are going this year, and then they can check the books out at the desk and head home for lunch and reading. 

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"Where you''re from," she asks Alfirin in Taldane, "do they say that Pharasma was not happy with the early humans so drowned them all but her followers in a big flood?"

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"...No? If she was not happy with early humans she would just not make them?"

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"That is what I thought also. This holy book claims that, but it does not really make any sense to me. The other things it claims make more sense. Probably the people here have misunderstood because the gods are quiet here? But it seems a particularly big and baffling misunderstanding. I guess maybe if there was a big flood that killed everyone and Pharasma saved Her followers they'd assume She also did the flood, if they were ignorant."

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"Yes. Probably some other god made the flood."

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"That makes more sense. They also claim that the gods made men first and then made women to help them, which is not how I was taught but also wasn't really an emphasis so I can't say it's an actual difference in how the worlds were created."

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"That does not make any sense, does it say they made all the male animals first, too? I think the breeding parts do not do anything else, why would they make a bunch of male animals with male breeding parts if they were not making females at the same time?"

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"I asked Evelyn about the animals and she had no idea. Maybe the first animals had no breeding parts at all but they were other than that more like men than like women, because the ideal form if you don't have to bear children is the male one? ...or Americans have a stupid wrong holy book because they can't talk to the gods, it could also be that. But it seems like a strange bit for anyone to have tampered with in the course of its transmission - what do you get out of claims about the order of creation?"

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"I do not know. Maybe it was a mistake?"

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"Maybe. I think I want to talk to - not Evelyn, someone who does interpretation of the holy books and thinks about things like this all the time. But probably that should wait until we are less ignorant about America so I do not ask revealing questions."

 

And she'll go catch up with Evelyn at the doors.

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Evelyn is awfully curious what they were just talking about, and has no intention of asking. She smiles at both of them and leads the way back to the car. She doesn't start a conversation on the drive back, but definitely has some sort of vague past-experiences superstitious feeling that an important fraught conversation is going to happen to her anyway. 

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Nope! Iomedae is not sure where it is permissible to talk about the CREATION OF THE UNIVERSE, a FAIRLY IMPORTANT TOPIC in America and will follow Evelyn's lead.

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It's still a little early for lunch. Maybe they can sit down and look at The Way Things Work together?

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...Quick clarification, the rotation of the Earth is not actually powered by a hand crank! This page is being silly! 

 

 

They can read about mechanics and the physical principles behind movement! There's probably a lot of new vocabulary here to learn, as well as the actual concepts of simple machines like ramps, levers, gears, wheels, and springs.

For some reason the entire section is accompanied by mammoth-themed drawings. The page on the inclined plane, which explains the principle behind ramps, has an entire little story about dropping rocks on mammoths' heads to stun and capture them. Evelyn quickly pauses to explain that the story is definitely fictional, mammoths are actually extinct and their closest living relatives don't have wooly hair. But inclined planes are totally real! 

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Iomedae does not know enough about planets or mammoths to be surprised by any of this. 

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"People dropped rocks on all the mammoths and made them bald?"

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Honestly a very understandable confusion! Evelyn had sort of forgotten how this book contained jokes in addition to actual science lessons. 

"...I think people a very long time ago hunted and killed the mammoths - maybe by dropping rocks on them, I don't know! - and then the ice age ended and it got warmer and the climate was harder on them, and now there aren't any more. Elephants are - like bald mammoths, yeah, but they lived in different parts of the world." 

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"Okay." She doesn't have any more questions yet. Inclined planes make sense.

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Iomedae can't really think what it would mean for inclined planes to be pretend. They could be banned, and Americans could probably manage to convince themselves they didn't really exist, but they would, in fact, keep right on existing.

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Next page: did you know that keys work off the principle of the inclined plane? Because they do!

In a standard cylinder key - (actually Evelyn isn't sure that Iomedae and Alfirin would have had locks, where they grew up? She can pull out her house keys from her handbag and show them) - but anyway, the way that works is by pushing pins out of the way the exact right amount so that the two blocks - one is the door and one is the bolt holding the door shut - can slide apart. And the reason keys have all those funny uneven serrated edges, is because that lets you push the pins to the exact right height. There's a simplified picture showing it!  

(Evelyn is finally slightly more in her element! She really likes reading science books to - not kids, in this case, but young people who know less - and being reminded, herself, about how ridiculously cool all of the little things in the world like keys are. She's happy.) 

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Taldor has invented locks and keys but not being in the locks business or likely to pursue a career as a thief Iomedae never learned anything about how they work. She is attentive. 

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Alfirin knows that locks exist and stop things from opening but nothing else about them.

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The next page is about 'cutting machines'! ...By which the book means things like axes and scissors. Things that cut other things nearly always make use of the wedge, which is an inclined plane in the same way that ramps are! For an axe, the blade is wedge-shaped, which converts the downward force of the axe into a sideways force that pushes apart the two halves of whatever the axe is cutting. Scissors have wedge-blades that cut with great force from opposite directions, but also use levers, which will be covered on a later page apparently. 

 

 

...There's a section on electric trimmers, which sure does contain an image of someone using an electric trimmer (where "the trimmer's blades act as paired wedges like the blades of scissors") using it to, uh, shave a mammoth.

(Oh no. Evelyn really didn't plan this and now she's probably going to have to have more awkward conversations with Alfirin about why elephants are bald.) 

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She already got the explanation that Americans killed all the elephants with hair, and that elephant baldness breeds true. (She is kind of confused by why they seem to care so much about elephants not having hair.)

She knows how axes work already. It's not hard to understand how axes work if you've ever seen an axe, though come to think of it she's not sure she's seen any axes in America. "Do childs in America not see axes, need books to tell about them?"

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Um. 

"I had seen an axe by the time I was your age, I think."

Once that she remembers, on a trip visiting her best friend's uncle, and she didn't actually touch it or use it.

"I guess probably a lot of American children haven't, and - probably that's even more true for kids now. If you live in a city, there's not really anything you need an axe for. ...Uh, I don't think that's actually the point that the book is making, though? The point is that axes and scissors and - electric hair-trimmers - all work for the same reasons that walking up a gentle hill is easier than climbing a tower, even if it's the same height." 

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Iomedae doesn't understand how that's true from Evelyn's explanation and looking at the pictures. She'll just watch Alfirin to see if it actually is true and if so memorize it to contemplate if she ever needs to.

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She frowns. "The book sayed it is the same amount work to walk up a hill or to walk up a tower. I think I not know how that is for axes."

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Evelyn is deeply unqualified to be a science teacher and has no idea what she's doing here. 

"I think it's - so it takes less effort to walk up a gentle hill than to climb a tower, even if you're carrying the same weight, right? And I think that's a bit like, if you imagine you were trying to cut a log into two with a square axe? You'd have to hit it over and over, really hard, and it wouldn't be very good at cutting the log, because all the hitting-force would just be going down, trying to crush it, and not sideways to split the wood? And if you had a normal sharp axe, it'd be easier. ...I think trying to climb straight up a tower with a heavy rock is like trying to cut a log with a square axe." 

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Iomedae does not see how but would not expect to see how even if this was true, this is clearly a wizard kind of thing.

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Something about that explanation doesn't make sense but she's not sure how to articulate it in English. "I think hitting with a square axe is like trying to go up a tower by hitting the wall?"

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Man. Evelyn continues to not be a science teacher! She never claimed to be any good at explaining physics, or mechanics or whatever this chapter is. 

"I think that's not quite the same? If you're trying to climb a tower, and you hit the wall, you'll - bounce off, I guess, and fall. But if it's a square axe hitting wood, nothing can fly off anywhere? The axe can't, because it's solid metal and stuck against the wood, and the wood can't fly anywhere because it's all stuck to - itself? ...Maybe that's the difference, if you're climbing a tower and hitting it then it's only air around you and not wood." 

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...She's pretty sure if you hit a block of wood with a square axe - or a hammer - the hammer will bounce off?

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Evelyn is bad at explaining this, it turns out. 

"Uh. Okay, hmm. Yeah, I think it's - so you can imagine cutting wood with a sharpened axe or will a dull axe, right? And if the axe is dulled, the person has to be stronger to use it, or the wood has to be softer. I think you can say that a square axe is kind of like a really, really dull axe, and normal people aren't strong enough to hit hard enough with it for it to go through the wood, so it bounces. But if you hit, like, butter in a log shape with the square axe, it wouldn't bounce off it? It wouldn't work very well, though it'd just also squish a bunch and be messy because most of the force isn't cutting force. And if someone was really, really strong, then wood would be more like butter to them. Does that make sense?" 

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That...maybe makes sense? "If someone very strong hit a tree with hammer, it break apart, not squish."

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"Yeah, I think wood has more... There's a physics word for the thing I mean but I can't remember it, I think it's not 'brittle' - something brittle is usually more fragile than wood, like glass or pottery, and then you don't need to be very strong to hit it and have it break apart. Wood is - stronger than pottery but I'm blanking on the physics word for what kind of strong it is. Anyway, I think you want a sharp blade to cut something like wood in exactly the way you meant to, because you can control a lot more where the force goes? And a very strong person could break a tree apart with a square axe, but not - neatly, because the force is kind of all over the place and I think the wood would end up breaking where it was closest to having a crack already." 

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Yes, wood is not like butter even for very strong people. This does not really explain why cutting wood with an axe is like walking up a hill instead of climbing a tower. "Okay."

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Yeah, Evelyn suspects she didn't do a great job of explaining it, but she's more or less out of ideas now. "I bet Jeremy can do a better job of explaining it, he actually did high school physics and it wasn't as long ago." 

Next page? 

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Sure, next page.

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Plows! This page is pretty fun because Evelyn is learning things too. Apparently plows have four different parts, all of which have weird names that Evelyn had never heard of (Jeremy liked this book but could read to himself by then), three of which use wedges pointed in different directions to let a horse - or for modern plows, a tractor - plow hard soil with less force. 

 

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"Steel is not expensive in America, so use it for plows!"

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"Yeah! ...I hadn't actually realized how recent steels plows were, I thought - we've been able to make steel for way longer than that - but I guess it was too expensive for every farmer to have a steel plow until we could make it industrially." 

The next page is about zippers! Zippers are apparently really cool. The slider that moves the zipper up or down uses wedges to apply enough force to push the zipper teeth together or force them apart, without it feeling too difficult. For this, Evelyn can actually just go grab one of her jackets with a metal zipper from the closet, so they can look at it up close! 

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Plows seem a lot more important than zippers, she is more interested in the plows. "Steel plows good because longer to wear out, or good because the plants grow better?"

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"My guess would be mostly that steel is stronger than wood and won't break if the soil is super hard, which I guess is longer to wear out? I don't know, maybe they also work better at breaking up the soil and stuff. We can Google that if you want." 

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"I want - how steel is made not cost very much, and what things it is better for."

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"The book might talk about steel production later?" Time for a quick glance at the table of contents. "...Uh, I guess not, or at least I don't see what chapter it would be in. Want to go look up on the computer what made it so steel is cheaper to make now? - I think metal is better than wood for a lot of things, because it's strong and doesn't rot. Even boats are usually made of metal now." 

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"Metal is better yes, but only if you knowing how to make it not cost a lot. I do want to look that up." Really she actually wants to go back to the Bible but she's not going to bring it up when she's been told to drop it.

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(Evelyn is perhaps slightly hoping that Iomedae will learn to read in English shockingly fast and be able to read herself the Bible, at which point Evelyn will still have to answer her questions but it won't be nearly as agonizing. Maybe she can call or email someone from church and ask if they have a Bible class, or at least someone who might want to spend time with Iomedae and answer her questions?) 

She heads over to the computer to Google "why is industrial steel production cheaper." Clicks around a bit, ends up on the Wikipedia page for the Bessemer process.

"Huh! So it sounds like the main difference between iron and steel is that steel is more pure, and has a different amount of carbon - that's a different element, I think coal and soot that's left over after you burn wood are both mostly carbon - and so you need to heat the metal enough to melt it and then somehow get rid of the impurities. It sounds like about a hundred and fifty years ago, we could make steel but it was really expensive to make a lot of steel, so it was used in, like, cutlery for eating, but not really big things. ...They wanted to be able to make enough steel to use it for guns, because there was a war going on. So this scientist, Bessemer, figured out a way to melt the iron in a big crucible - a sort of pot, made of stuff that wouldn't melt at that temperature - and blow air through it, and the air would oxidize the impurities and they'd either blow away as gases or turn solid, and eventually the molten metal left would be pure. And then you'd have to add back in some carbon. ...Uh, this article is really complicated, I might want to find one that doesn't assume I know a ton of science already. But it sounds like the Bessemer process was the first time you could make a lot of steel at once, and making a lot of anything at once is usually cheaper. And then I'm assuming there were lots more discoveries over the last hundred and fifty years, and probably we also got better at mining and smelting the ore - the rock that has iron in it - to make the iron that gets turned into steel." 

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"Is there a TV of making steel that shows all the parts of doing it?"

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"Probably! That's a good idea." Evelyn opens a new Internet Explorer window and pulls up Youtube. "Hmm. ...Okay let's try this one, I guess. Did you want to watch it now? It'll be like seven minutes." 

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" - that is not many minutes, I thinked it would take all day."

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"Oh, I'm assuming they don't just park a camera at the steel plant and show the entire thing, I bet a lot of it is boring and the same thing happening for hours. I think it'll be clips of the important parts, and seven minutes is just how long it takes to explain the steps?" 

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"That is good, then. I want to make steel."

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Evelyn sort of doubts a youtube video is going to cover everything you need to know to make your own steel, that's - a lot of stuff, she's pretty sure, some of which is tangential to the actual steel part and requires having centuries' worth of other infrastructure. But hopefully it'll be fun anyway. They can watch it and see. 

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It's - sort of interesting? The narrator is talking much too fast for her to follow, and there's no explanation of why they do anything, just what they get out of each step. Maybe it'd still be enough, if she were clever. 

"I think I do not understand enough to make steel," she says at the end of it. 

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"Yeah, making steel is really complicated! I don't know most of it and I think you'd want, like, an actual textbook - we could ask the librarian about that once you know how to read better? Anyway, I think the important part, for why it's cheaper and we can use it for more things, is that factories can make a lot of steel at once and it doesn't need as many people working on it." 

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Iomedae isn't sure if that's the important part. It seems a bit like saying the important part about Azlant was that they had cheap magic items. But knowing this is knowing almost nothing; to build Azlant again you need to know how to make magic items cheaply. 

It is useful for understanding Azlant and understanding America that everything is cheap. But Iomedae knew that already, and the thing she is itching to know at this point is why. 

She doesn't try to explain this. "That is good," she says instead.

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It's nearly time for lunch, but they have time for some of the next book chapter next? It's about levers. There are more silly mammoth illustrations and stories to go along with it. 

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Iomedae is going to stay mostly quiet. She can probably pick up these things, if she needs to; not being smart doesn't mean you can't learn most things, just that it will take you longer. But Alfirin will get it faster, or be more usefully confused if it's confusing, and given that Americans are wrong about so many things it seems like an actively unhealthy motion striving to believe the things in the books without enough discernment to notice if they're wrong. 

 


(She still doesn't ask about the holy book, but her eyes dart longingly over there a few times.)

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...Huh.

"Do you have boards? I want to see 'levers' in the world and not only art."

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Sure! Evelyn will go have a poke around for some thing they can use to play with levers.

She has a yardstick? And they'll want something for a fulcrum, hmm, she can dig in the blocks toybox and find a sturdy triangular block. They maybe want the rest of the blocks too, to use as weights on either end of their lever. 

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"This stick even has numbers on!"

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"It does! It's for measuring how big things are. But we could use that to try putting the fulcrum in different places so the other end of the lever is longer or shorter."

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She sets up the lever on the table and tests it out with the blocks in different positions until she's convinced herself.

"Levers works like the book sayed."

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"Can I try?"

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"Of course!" 

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Iomedae will take the actions Alfirin was just taking but she doesn't really understand what she's trying to prove to herself. You can balance blocks on a stick with the fulcrum in various places, she's convinced of that much. "I don't see but maybe it is a scientist thing? Is it?"

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"I think it might be more obvious if we were using it to lift something that's actually heavy? I don't want to break the yardstick, but...hmm...one second, there's probably stuff in the cupboard." 

She's back more like thirty seconds later with a box of canned tuna. "Here. If we put this on the floor with the yardstick under it, like in the picture with the mammoth, you can try tilting it up off the ground by grabbing the yardstick right beside the box, and also by grabbing it way over here at the end, and see if you can tell which way is easier and feels less heavy?"

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"I don't think it's a scientist thing. It is like a thing that selling-people have, and if you move the blocks to the middle they...are smaller? One block ten marks away is like ten blocks one mark away."

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" - like it is easier to carry a thing close to your chest than out as far as your arm can reach?"

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"Yes! Like that."

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"Lighter. Is the word for smaller but for how heavy something is and not, like, how wide it is."

(Is it like that? It feels like it should be, but with a lever the point is it's easier to lift the thing if you've got a longer lever, not a shorter one, and now Evelyn is confusing herself... Though if Alfirin thinks so she's probably right, she's clearly very smart.) 

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"Like how it is easier for people to do work of God in world even though God is smarter, because we are - closer?"

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"I don't know if like that."

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It seems like it might be metaphorically like that, but Evelyn is worried that if she tries to say that, then Iomedae will manage not to get the part where it's a metaphor - does she even have that vocabulary? - and they'll end up having a weird conversation about it. 

"I'm not sure either. Maybe you can ask the minister at church on Sunday?" 

Also: lunch! They should do that!  

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"It is not - notrespectful - ask him questions, if he not know holy warriors?"

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"I think there are some questions he won't be able to answer for you, if they're specifically about holy warriors? And I think our church doesn't necessarily teach all the same things as your church back home did, so he might find some of your questions confusing. But it's not disrespectful to ask, I think? That sort of question would be fine, asking him about the Bible would be fine. I think he could do a way better job of answering your questions about the Bible than I could." 

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"It is his job yes. I will ask him if this is allowed."

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"It's definitely allowed! I think it's probably a good idea. And we can ask him if there's, like, a youth group or something that you could go to on another day of the week?" 

Evelyn heads to the kitchen. "Okay, hmm, any thoughts on lunch? We can just do sandwiches or we can cook something." 

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"What do you want?"

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"I'm not fussed! Something with veggies in it would be nice - I could go for a pasta salad, we've got olives and sundried tomatoes and cucumber and those all go well - but that's longer to wait and more prep, and I admit I'm not that much in the mood for cooking." 

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"I not know that food yet."

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"Well, if you want to help supervise the pasta cooking, you can try it and see if you like it! It's not spicy or anything." She glances at Iomedae. "Cooking meals from scratch is usually cheaper, I guess, but I'm not sure how this one comes out, the nice olives and the sundried tomatoes aren't cheap. I guess if we figure out you like them, we can dry our own tomatoes?" 

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"Tomatoes are not hard to dry. Olives I do not think will grow here. I - I do not care only for saving all the money, my family was rich, we had - foods of far away at times. I see that America problems not like 'there is no food for poor', is about papers and illegal. I care more if the money I earn, if I can know what it will be next month."

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Nod. "I haven't dried my own tomatoes before but it sounds like a fun project! Olives don't grow here, no, though the recipe probably actually works fine with the less fancy kind. I don't buy the fancy kind often, just, they're so good." Smile. "Let's make pasta salad! It'll have leftovers, too, for snacks later." 

She assigns Alfirin to watching the pasta on the stove and scooping a piece to check it once the timer goes, and Iomedae to slicing cucumbers while she assembles the other ingredients and the dressing. 

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Iomedae will watch the other steps so tomorrow she can do it all herself. She is very quick with chopping vegetables. She did it for several years while fighting with her father about whether she could do weapons practice with the boys. It takes her about ten seconds to get through the cucumbers but for those ten seconds she's a bit scary.

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Wow. It's a very good thing that Lily isn't here to see that, but - well, Iomedae knows that, and Lily isn't here, so Evelyn isn't actually worried or objecting to it.

In that case Iomedae can chop up sundried tomatoes into little bits too! ...And then bologna because they really should have a protein in this for the active growing girls, and they're out of ham but they always have bologna for Lily's school sandwiches. The dressing is sour cream and dill and lime juice blended until it's a creamy liquid. And the recipe goes well with various kinds of extras - it just means it makes more, meaning more leftovers for hungry teenagers - so Evelyn will open a can of corn too, and give Iomedae the quarter remaining of a red cabbage to dice into small pieces with her mildly terrifying but very impressive veggie-cutting skills. 

(If Iomedae chops the end of her finger off then Evelyn is going to have some regrets, and some questions to answer. But she doesn't think Iomedae is going to.) 

The timer for the penne pasta goes off after ten minutes. 

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Iomedae cut herself during cooking a couple of times when she was eleven, and got healing. The being told she was stupid and irresponsible hurt lots more than the knife injuries. These days, she is careful.

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It turns out that cooking something of the Large Salad variety feels like much less of a production when Evelyn can just hand ingredients to Iomedae and have them chopped or diced ten to thirty seconds later. She'd never particularly had the thought that she dislikes chopping veggies - when she's home alone prepping meals in advance, it can be sort of meditative - but it apparently did feel like it was adding friction here. She makes sure to thank Iomedae warmly. 

And then they have lunch! And probably several future meals, Evelyn may have gone a little overboard on adding bonus ingredients and now the salad fills most of her largest mixing bowl. 

She carries it to the table. "I hope you guys like it, because there's lots!" If they don't then she has a serious food excess, but that's not actually a problem, she can pretty much always find a neighbor happy for a gift of leftovers. "...I should put some in a tupperware and bring it to Miss Enderbridge. She's one of the neighbors and she has trouble getting out these days." 

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Iomedae will as usual eat as much as she is served and more if she's told to take seconds. 

 

 

She is thinking about if there's any way to test if Evelyn was sincere about the things she said yesterday. There has to be. People who are lying about thinking you should invade Hell will treat you differently from people who aren't.

 

 

 

"You sayed, you would spend fifty and fifty dollars a month on things for childs. Will you give Alfirin and I fifty and fifty dollars, and then we can decide if to spend on things?"

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(Evelyn doesn't usually tell kids outright to take seconds, but she is tracking implicitly that Iomedae in particular probably needs seconds and might not feel she has permission. She's letting everyone serve themselves from the bowl, and she'll smile at the girls and serve herself seconds - she made sure to take a small enough first helping that this isn't going to be a terrible idea for her waistline.) 

...Hmm. On the one hand, she spent several months' of her Discretionary Iomedae Budget on a bike - but on the other hand, Iomedae hadn't even asked for that, and it's not like she wouldn't have been happy to drop another fifty dollars this month on krav maga. And Iomedae is going to get a lot of use out of that bike, and a lot of freedom she wouldn't otherwise have; the last thing Evelyn wants to do is make her regret owning it. 

"I think that's fair. I'll give you both a hundred dollars for this month. Fifty dollars for activities and fifty dollars for things, but of course it's up to you how to split that, I don't usually do it exactly anyway, and you don't have to spend it at all if you'd rather save it. ...I do want you to come talk to me if you decide you want to buy something, because sometimes there are ways to get it for cheaper that you won't be able to find yourselves - like, there's a website on the Internet for this neighborhood, where people post about things they don't want anymore and are selling for way cheaper than you could buy them at the store. And we'll have to go to the bank, I don't think I have two hundred dollars in cash right now." 

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A promising sign. "Thank you, ma'am."

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"Want to go to the bank after lunch, then? It's not that far, but I think it's still a bit too far for Alfirin to bike. We could walk, I guess, and drop off a tupperware for Miss Enderbridge along the way?"

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"We can do this."

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"Alfirin, does that sound good to you?" 

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"I think so. What is a bank?"

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"It's a place that holds onto your money for you and keeps it safe! I keep some money in bills, but most of my money is with the bank. I have a debit card," she has her handbag beside her and can pull it out and show them, "that I can use at stores, and it tells the bank to send the money to the store. Also you can put your money in a savings account, and you can't spend it from there - you have to move it to the other account and it takes a day or two - but the bank gives you interest on it, which means they add a little bit more money every year." 

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"... They keep your money safe for you, and they always give it back, and they give you more money?" That sounds incredibly fake.

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"Banks are not just America. In other places they not give you more money though. You give them money, for keeping the money safe."

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"That makes sense."

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And, switching to Taldane with an eye on Evelyn to see if she gets angry, "And in other places they're run by the church of Abadar. I don't know how you'd trust it in a place where there are no priests chosen by the gods."

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"Well if the bank gives money, then maybe it is run by a very rich honorable eunuch, and you know they will not steal because they already have more money than they need."

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" - maybe. But it seems like a strange thing for a very rich honorable person to do. Funding libraries, that makes sense, I can imagine the kind of rich honorable person who'd do that, but why give money to people who already have money but entrust it to you?"

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"I think the bank can pay interest because they invest the money? Which means, uh - I should really get someone who knows more about this to explain it properly, but basically, because they have so much money from all the people who put their money in savings accounts, they can use it to make loans to people - like people buying houses, say - and those people pay back the loan plus extra, and they can take a little bit of that extra and give it to people with savings accounts as interest. It's not a lot of interest, it's like 0.1% - uh, a thousandth of the money I have in there total, that they add in extra at the end of the year. If you put it in a proper investment account it's usually more, but it's also more risky because if the economy goes down you might end up with less." 

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"So the bank does not keep your money for you, they give it to other people and then only give a thousandth back?"

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"...No, if you go to the bank and say you want to take all of your money out of the savings account, they'll give it back to you, plus the little bit extra they added while they were holding onto it for you. I think they can do that because they're usually really good at guessing how many people are going to take money out most years, so they know much has to be available and not loaned out, and they're careful about who they make loans to - if you want to buy a house, you need to give them all sorts of paperwork and information on how much you earn at your job, and stuff, because they want to only make loans to people who'll definitely pay them back. ...Sometimes banks do make mistakes and run out of money, and then it's really bad for everyone who put their savings there, but that doesn't happen very often, and nowadays the government will give the banks some of their money if they make a mistake like that, because it's so bad for the country when a bank runs out of money." 

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"...Say again slower? You give the bank a thousand dollar, the bank gives the thousand dollar to someone to buy a house, then you ask for your money back and...they give you a thousand dollar and one dollar? Where do they get the thousand dollar and one dollar? From other person who gives money to bank?"

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"That's pretty close to right, I think! It's more complicated than that, but - here, I'm getting paper." 

Evelyn brings over a piece of paper and quickly draws ten stick figures on it, and then a stylized building with a B on it. "Okay. All of the actual numbers here are made up, but - this is the bank. Let's say there are ten people and they all have a thousand dollars in savings - they have more than a thousand dollars total, and they're working and earning money to pay for their food and their house, the thousand dollars is the money they don't expect to need this year unless there's an emergency, like if they lose their job or their house burns down or their child gets sick. That happens sometimes, but most people won't have a bad thing like that happen to them on a particular year." 

She draws arrows from the ten hasty stick figures to the bank building. "So now the bank has ten thousand dollars, yeah?" Off to the side, she adds another stick figure and a smaller house-drawing. "Now, someone else comes to the bank and says, I want to buy a house and I need five thousand dollars, but I don't have that many dollars, so I want to borrow it. The bank says, okay, but you have to pay it back with 5% interest, five parts in a hundred - the way they calculate interest on mortgages is pretty complicated, but we can say it's just 5% on the whole amount, which on five thousand is, uh - fifty times five, that's $250. The bank says, okay, we'll loan you five thousand dollars, and you need to pay it back over five years with extra - so a thousand and fifty dollars every year. They ask a lot of questions to make sure the person can afford to pay a thousand and fifty dollars a year, and if they can, they lend them the money."

She draws a dollar-sign and arrow going to the house. "Now the bank is getting an extra fifty dollars a year! They only have to spend ten of those dollars to give all the people with savings their one-thousandth in interest. And they only lent out five thousand, so even if it's a really unlucky year and three of the people need all of their savings, the bank can give them back their money. ...And the other thing is that the loan is backed by the house itself. So even if the person who took the loan can't afford to pay it back and runs away, now the bank has their house and can sell it. Does that make sense? In general, I mean, not the exact numbers, I just came up with stuff for those." 

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"Oh, the bank takes the money for houses back. I didn't understand that before. I thinked the bank gived people money for houses as a gifts. Like the president."

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"No! I see why you were confused, that definitely wouldn't work. I think banks make other kinds of investments too, but mortgage loans are the easy to explain version. The person taking a loan wants to, even though it costs more in total, because otherwise they would have to save for years and years before they could buy a house, and the bank wants to make loans because they get the extra. ...The extra is more than that, too, I definitely paid more in interest. I think it's actually 5% every year on the whole amount you still owe? So it would be $250 the first year, when you owe the whole $5000, but you also pay back $1000 of it so the second year you only owe the bank $4000 and the interest is $200." 

She shakes her head slightly. "Anyway, picture that, but the bank has savings from millions of people, and makes loans for thousands and thousands of mortgages." 

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"And the people who work at the bank do not take the money because they are all honorable person with no childs? Or is it because the president will always find out and kill them?"

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"Put them in a box," Iomedae corrects her.

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"Even if they steal a thousand thousand people's money they just get put in a box?"

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"If you kill them, they go to Hell. If you put them in a box....probably they get old, then go to Hell. But maybe they can fix it?"

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Aughhhh the conversation is veering off into Weird Directions again before Evelyn can formulate her answer. Evelyn does not really want to talk about how the US prison system relates to Hell, though - probably there is some advantage? Like, at the very least, maybe someone who spends twenty years in prison eventually thinks about their life choices and decides to be a better person? ...Evelyn kind of thinks that isn't what she's heard about prison, and often people come out worse, but that's probably less true at the kind of federal prison for white-collar financial crimes. 

"...I think mostly the bank makes it really hard for someone who works there to steal a lot of money? Like, this isn't really it - they do it all on computers now - but you could imagine they keep the money in a vault with ten locks, and the keys belong to ten different people, so no one person could decide to steal the money, and it'd be hard to get all ten people to agree to it because there are cameras watching the vault and they would probably get caught? ...The bank probably also does a lot of checking whether someone is, uh, an honorable sort of person who won't do crimes, before they hire them for a job where they would have an opportunity to take a lot of money? But there are thousands of people who work at the bank and most of them just don't have much opportunity because there are - lots of locks, except on computers." 

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"Okay. I think I understand bank and we can walk to the bank after lunch."

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"And we'll stop by on the way and say hi to the neighbor! I should really do that more often. She's older and she can't drive anymore, which means she's pretty stuck in her house." Evelyn smiles around the table at the girls. "- But I'm going to have a little more of this before I put it away, I think it came out delicious." 

(And hopefully Iomedae and/or Alfirin will also feel encouraged to take another helping if they're still hungry?) 

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Iomedae will do that. She is thinking about more tests of if Evelyn is serious. 

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Evelyn is mostly thinking about logistics, but in the back of her mind, she's confused. 

It's not confusing that Alfirin didn't seem to know about the concept of banks, and was suspicious they would be corrupt; banks probably are corrupt in third world countries, and not accessible at all to especially poor rural areas. Iomedae's family was better off, so it makes sense that she had heard of banks...

She's - not sure what she's confused about, actually. Maybe something she's missing because it was while the girls had switched to Taldane. (She is very carefully trying not to show any sign of unhappiness when they do that, but it's definitely tricky.) 

 

- also trying to think about her confusion here is exhausting, and she had kind of agreed with herself that she wouldn't do that anymore? And would let the girls come to her with their secrets once she's proven that she's worth trusting. She should get a move on on proving that, then. 

Once everyone is done eating, she'll pack up most of the remaining salad - there's still a lot - in a large tupperware, and also fill a medium tupperware to take to Miss Enderbridge. 

"It's about a ten-minute walk," she says. "I know the way, obviously, but - I want you to learn how to go places you want to go, so why don't we go look it up on Google Maps? We want the Wells Fargo on Caughlin..." 

She can pull it up for them, tracing her finger along the road, pointing out that it's more or less right along the way to the route they take in the car for getting onto the highway and going anywhere else in the city. 

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Google Maps is how Lily wanted her to find Lily's home. Iomedae will give this lesson the attentiveness she only reserves for a quest she has agreed to take on. This is even more unnerving intensity than her usual unnerving intensity.

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Evelyn is indeed unnerved, and confused! She can tell when something is desperately important to a kid young adult - reading that is something she has a lot of practice at - and she does not at all see the connection for why Google Maps of all things is apparently more intensely important to Iomedae than having the Bible read to her. 

...not going to poke at it. Evelyn will cheerfully show Iomedae how the basic navigational features work, though it's going to be pretty hard for her to use it independently until she can read and write fluently in English and knows how to type on a keyboard. 

She explains the regular route to the bank, and also that they'll have to take a little detour this time in particular to go by Miss Enderbridge's house, though it's not too far out of their way. They live at 4591 Village Green Parkway - it's probably a good idea for the girls to know their address, if they're going to be leaving the house independently - and Miss Enderbridge is a little ways down Lynnfield. 

 

And once they've looked over the route, they can go put their shoes on and head out! Evelyn is carrying her handbag, and offers Iomedae the tupperware to hold onto. 

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Iomedae is happy to carry things, up to and including Evelyn herself should it come up. She Detects Evil as she goes, just for the habit, which means she looks a little distracted.

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There is no (detectable) Evil to be found in this particular neighborhood of suburban Reno. 

 

Miss Enderbridge's house seems to be...half of a house? There's a single building - in total maybe a little wider than Evelyn's house - but it's divided in half, with two sets of steps and two porches and two doors and two mailboxes with numbers on them. The house itself looks more decrepit than Evelyn's, the fake-wood substance of the wall dirty and faded, and there are missing roof shingles. The lawn on that side is bereft of the various brightly colored plastic toys that litter Evelyn's lawn, and only a little overgrown, held back from the cobblestone path to the door by a row of little wooden boxes full of soil with flowers growing from them. 

The wood of the porch is also faded, but not rotted, and it's very clean and tidy, with a nice welcome mat and a rocking chair tucked under the overhanging roof. 

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There's also a very elderly woman sitting in the rocking chair, thoroughly immersed in a thick book, a cup of tea resting on the tiny end table at her elbow. 

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"Miss Enderbridge!" Evelyn calls out, and heads up the path. "I've brought you some of our leftovers, we made too much pasta salad." 

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The woman lifts her head. "And you've brought your latest young ladies too, I see!" She smiles at Iomedae, showing remarkably white and intact teeth for a woman who looks at least eighty. "My, don't you look strong!" 

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"Hello, ma'am. I am a holy warrior."

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This earns her a wider grin. "Really! Goodness, you don't see so many of those around these days. Or at least not in these parts." Wink at Evelyn. "Like she fell right out of a story! Imagine that. I think I must have some stories around about holy warriors, young miss, if that's the sort of thing you like to read." 

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"I want that very much."

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Miss Enderbridge is really very....herself. 

"Miss Enderbridge owns a lot of books," Evelyn says. "She used to teach reading and writing." 

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"Really, Evelyn! I used to teach literature." Miss Enderbridge seems more interested in paying attention to Iomedae and Alfirin, though. "And who's this one? Not so much the warrior type, I wouldn't reckon, but what sort of creature are you?" 

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Diplomatic smile. "This is Alfirin, and the, er, holy warrior is Iomedae." 

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"Iomedae. Now isn't that just a name out of Greek legend! ...Not a specific Greek legend, mind you, but it sounds like it ought to be. Well, young lady, maybe you were destined to be a legendary holy warrior." 

She turns to Alfirin. "And your name sounds a little like one of the fae, but one mustn't make assumptions." 

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"What is 'literature'?"

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"Studying the works of the greatest writers of history! It's reading, yes, but it's not just any reading. You could read the back of a box of Cheerios, but that's not literature." 

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Evelyn clears her throat. "Should I just, er, bring this inside for you?" 

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"Yes, dear, that would be lovely. You can pop it in the fridge. Door's unlocked." Miss Enderbridge turns back to the girls, who she clearly finds vastly more interesting. 

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"What" do Americans think "are the greatest writers of history."

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"What did they write?"

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"Oh, you could never possibly get everyone to agree on that! Which is why I have all of them. ...Well, the ones in English, and some Greek and Latin - and some French, the Romance languages aren't too difficult to pick out if you've got Latin - and a bit of German but I confess my German was the first casualty of old age. I'd be right missing out on anything great in Chinese, though, or Arabic, if it's not been translated. I could tell you my favorites, but if you want the whole literary canon you'd have to be here all day, and it looked to me like dear Evelyn is on a mission." 

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"The ones that God writed, you have those?"

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"You dear girl. Well, I'd have to start by asking you which god. There are so many." 

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"Are there a lot who wrote books? God who was a man, who was a scientist, wrote books. God of knowing all things who seed too much and broke, maybe wrote books but is a bad idea read them. God who drink too much, no books I think. God of lying no say and not believe if he did."

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Miss Enderbridge does not look particularly confused or nonplussed by this. "Well! You do have a point, there are certainly fewer gods who wrote books, so that should narrow it down. It's not ringing any bells just yet, but this old mind gets forgetful and there are three thousand books in there. I'll see what I can do for you." 

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"Thank you."

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"And Alfirin! Do you have any book requests?" 

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"I want to learn all the science but I think it is wiser to learn English and then science later, is hard to learn English science when I don't speak English good."

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"...Well, I'm afraid one thing I don't have is English primers. I'll certainly have a look and see what I have for you." 

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Evelyn nudges her way out through the door. "Well, girls?" 

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Iomedae does not understand the question. "Yes, ma'am?"

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It was a stupid question because being in Miss Enderbridge's presence has a tendency to make Evelyn feel like she's about to be politely scolded by an intimidating high school English teacher. "Are you ready to go, or did you want to finish talking about whatever you're talking about?" 

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"We are talking about books." Miss Enderbridge hasn't dismissed them yet??

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"We were! These young ladies are delightful, Evelyn, you should be very proud of them." Miss Enderbridge gives them a little wave. "Go on, then, I can see Evelyn has errands. I'll do my best on those book requests." 

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"Thank you ma'am."

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"Thank you, ma'am." Then Iomedae will follow Evelyn out. This was a fairly non-confusing interaction, all things considered, though she's not sure it wasn't because Miss Enderbridge was just playing along with whatever they said.

 

 

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...Evelyn feels like she's missing something, but she is not going to ask. If Iomedae and Alfirin had a private conversation with Miss Enderbridge, it can stay private unless they want to tell her about it. 

"We're off to the bank," she tells Miss Enderbridge, smiling. "I'm sure we'll call on you later this week." For one thing, Miss Enderbridge's fridge and cupboards are incredibly sad and, now that Evelyn is paying attention to it, she looks thin. Clearly the neighborhood has been falling down on making sure she gets groceries. 

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Alfirin feels like she is missing something. "Is that saying right nice words in America?" In Undarin one would be much more respectful of a local elder?

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Evelyn is DEFINITELY missing something. "Hmm?" 

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"Oh, no, that wasn't rude. I suppose it might be rude to talk to the mayor like that, but not to a friend." She winks at Evelyn. 

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...Evelyn remains confused about whatever interaction just happened. 

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"Okay.

 

...who is a mayor?"

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....Evelyn is going to chivvy them along so they're not having this conversation standing around on Miss Enderbridge's porch. Miss Enderbridge has a book right there and probably wants to get back to reading it. 

"A mayor is sort of like a local President just for a city? So Reno has our own mayor, and other cities have their mayors." 

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"And the mayors promise to - people who run bigger things than a city? A state, in the United States? And then all the states promise to the president?"

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"Yeah, basically that. Though I think they mainly promise to uphold the laws and constitution of America, and the President doesn't just get to change the laws." 

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"Right. They promise to the Government, not the President."

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"And if they break their promise, the President has more men than they have?"

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"...Yeah. Though civil wars - the President having a war with a city or state that doesn't want to listen to the government anymore - don't happen very often. I guess mayors end up getting arrested more often than that, sometimes they steal money from the government or something. But the police are allowed to just arrest them. - The police can't just arrest the President, I think, there is a process for removing a President if they broke the law but it's complicated." 

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"That makes sense." The police in Taldor also cannot arrest the Emperor. Even if he murders people or something. ...actually she's not sure he can murder people, since murder is unlawful killing and he is the Emperor. He could break a treaty or something, and that would be very bad and - maybe the gods would smite him? She isn't actually sure. 

 

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Evelyn will keep walking, but she's trying to discreetly let Iomedae lead the way, since they just spent a while learning to read Google Maps (and it seems incredibly important to Iomedae to be able to navigate on her own?)

"I like our mayor!  I mean, I don't know know him, but I met him at a big event once. His name is Bob Cashell, before he was mayor he made a lot of money running businesses. ...Casinos, mostly, they're a big thing in Nevada."

Oh dear now she's set herself up to have to explain casinos. It's particularly awkward because she in fact thinks casinos are pretty stupid, but feels vaguely compelled to defend them anyway. 

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"I do not know 'casinos'."

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"Er, it's kind of complicated. ...Where you grew up, did people ever play games where they bet or wagered money?" Actually she's not sure if the girls know the English words for 'bet' or 'wager'. "Uh,  where they would all put money on the table, and whoever won the game would get all of it?" 

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"Men do this, yes." It is as much not a girls' activity as swordfighting and there was much less reason to protest that.

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Nod. "Casinos are - basically a place people go to do that? The English word for it is 'gambling.' But casinos have lots and lots more games, and some of them are with machines instead of other people playing a game." Shrug. "I don't really get the appeal. But a lot of people enjoy it, so the casinos in Nevada are a major tourist attraction. - uh, that means people travel here from other states to visit them, which is good for other local businesses making money." 

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"People travel from other states to play games for money? Why don't they play games for money at home?"

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"Some states have different laws that make it harder to run casinos. Also I think people like it being a - big occasion? Going on a trip to Vegas - that's the really big city in Nevada - with your friends is a thing people do for a holiday." 

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"...Not educated people?"

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Evelyn is never quite sure what Alfirin or Iomedae mean when they talk about 'educated' people. "I - think maybe people who like gambling tend to be less educated, in general, but there are definitely people who've been to college and stuff who go to casinos?" 

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"But not go for holy days."

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Evelyn feels very unsure what that question is getting at?? "I think people who go to church are maybe less likely to gamble? But if they did, they probably wouldn't go on Sundays, no– ...ohhhhh, is it because I said "holiday"? That's - uh, sort of just a phrase now for, like, taking time off from your job? I should have said 'vacation', that's clearer." 

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"I understand now."

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"Does the church teach that you should not 'gamble'? Because it is evil or because it is stupid?"

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"I don't know if it's evil - maybe some churches teach that," she has a suspicion it's the same churches that think dancing is evil and maybe fun in general, "but our minister never brought that up. It's definitely - not necessarily a good idea, or healthy? I think it's a bit like alcohol, maybe - it's not that it's evil, and it's fine in moderation, but some people have a lot of trouble with moderation and then it makes it - harder to be a good person. Gambling especially can get really expensive, people make bad choices and go into debt. But, I mean, some of Jeremy's older friends go sometimes - you have to be twenty-one - and they decide how much money they're willing to gamble and don't spend more than that, and - I don't personally see why that's fun, but I don't think having fun is evil." 

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" - having fun is not evil," she confirms. "I have fun sometimes and God has not sended me away."

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That is the most Iomedae response imaginable. Evelyn smiles, slightly. "I'm glad. ...I don't think you would find gambling fun, though. I mean, I've never actually been, I couldn't say for sure, but I don't really feel like I'm missing out." 

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"It costs money and I can not think of a fun so fun I would spend money on it right now."

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Which is both very understandable - and admirable - and also a mildly concerning attitude to have. 

"I understand. I do think having fun sometimes is important, but there are plenty of ways to have fun that don't cost any money - and things that cost me money once, but now they're in my house and don't cost any money to keep having." 

And they're at the bank! There's an ATM, but Evelyn likes going in to the desk to withdraw money or deposit checks. She's acquainted with basically all of the bank tellers. Debra is on today, and Evelyn can chat with her while they carry out the transaction, and react with delight to learning her son is engaged to his longtime girlfriend from France and they're planning a wedding for the upcoming summer.  

She withdraws two hundred dollars in twenties, and asks if she can have two of the twenties in fives instead. It's unclear if this is something you can usually get, but Debra happily exchanges them for her while goodnaturedly complaining about brides-to-be with strong opinions on flower arrangements and "you know, that fancy gourmet French taste" in reception dinners. 

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Evelyn's behavior continues to make perfect sense assuming three hundred people live in Reno. Iomedae waits patiently.

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And once they're out in the parking lot, Evelyn will lean against the brick wall of the little mall complex and count out $80 in twenties and $20 in fives for each of them. 

"There you go. - I'm happy to hold onto it for you if you're worried about losing it on the walk home. We should go dig in one of the stuff cupboards and find you guys wallets or purses or something." 

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Iomedae kept her money in a pocket sewn into the inside of her shirt; the shirts Evelyn bought her did not come with such a feature so she sewed it on. "I can keep the money," she says, tucking it on to the interior pocket.

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"If I hold money in my hand, is it we will be attacked?"

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"Not in this neighborhood in the middle of the day! I wouldn't walk around downtown with a wad of cash in your hand, no. But I can keep it in my handbag until we're home, if you're nervous about it." 

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"I not am nervous about it, if you say it not happen."

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Great! Then they can walk home again, this time without the detour.

Evelyn is visibly in a good mood! Walks are nice, errands are nice, spending time with her foster (not)-children is always nice, and the combination of all three is lovely. She should really do this more often. 

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Evelyn is a very puzzling person but a consistent one, and that's very important. "Study more English?" They're going to need to read to make any major decisions about what they're doing here.

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That's a great idea! They should maybe take a break from reading books together for vocabulary, and work more on writing? Practicing writing seems like a good way to get the alphabet and common word spellings more solidly in their heads.

(And they're less advanced at it, which means Evelyn can print off some more worksheets and then give them simple challenges, which is less exhausting than trying to explain stuff from the science book and much less exhausting than reading the Bible. ...She really should tell Iomedae that she's happy to do some Bible reading every day, it's clearly important to her, but maybe that can be an evening activity after Lily is in bed tonight.)  

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Iomedae is not planning to ask about the Bible again. She's happy to work on writing. It is obviously closely related to reading and useful in its own right. 

 

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Writing is an important skill for a wizard and Alfirin will study diligently.

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Writing is important! They'll be expected to do a lot of it at school. 

Evelyn has to stop herself from offering over-the-top praise for every worksheet completed; they'll probably just find it uncomfortable, they're not six. 

"Maybe you could work with Lily when she does her homework tonight," she suggests cheerfully. "She's a little ahead of you in reading, probably, but not hugely, and I think she might find it very motivational to work on it together." 

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"Lily is seven made like four! Seven is small for a girl to read and write and four is so small."

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"It's important to start early! She does struggle with it more than a lot of kids, Jeremy could read when he was five - well, picture books - but that only makes it more important to be working on it now, so she has as much time as possible to catch up. Kids start properly learning to read in first grade, which is age six or seven, though kindergarten - that's for younger kids - usually does the alphabet and stuff, so they come in knowing their letters." 

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"America is so rich, all the boys and all the girls get teachers when they are six?"

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"Yeah! School is really important. You need it for basically any good job, right, and it's also important to be able to read so you can understand things in the news and vote and stuff." 

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"Do the teachers not have papers?"

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"Hmm? No, teaching is a job you definitely need papers for, and college. It's not that well paid - people complain about it a lot, especially because it ends up being a lot more than the usual forty hours a week for a full time job - but they earn a bit more than me. The government just thinks this is really important." 

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"But, there are as many childs as adults, yes? And Lily go to school all day. If all childs need a teacher from when they are six to when they are eighteen, then even if two boys study together, half of all the people are being teachers."

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That is a...confusing way to talk about it...but Evelyn isn't totally sure yet what she's confused about. 

"No, no, it's not one-on-one tutoring. Kids learn in a classroom with one teacher and usually twenty or thirty students." 

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"- how do you see if the students learned, if there are thirty of them? If every student speak for ten minutes, that is near the whole day gone, and you only know they learned ten minutes."

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"Honestly, one of my friends who's a teacher would know more! But I think normally they have a lesson plan that the whole class does together - the kids in a class are all the same age and have been in school the same number of years - so they all read the same book together, or learn about how, oh, rain works or something. And then they have homework to do at home - you'll see Lily's tonight, but I also kept all of Jeremy's school assignments," definitely not to let future foster kids CHEAT but, well, possibly to let Evelyn cheat at homework-help, "and they bring it in and the teacher reads through it and checks how many answers they got right. And sometimes there are tests in class, where everyone has a paper with questions and they write in the answers, and at the end of the day the teacher reads them."

Slight smile. "Having to grade homework and tests at home after work is one of the things teachers complain about. Though I think mostly people only study to be teachers if they love teaching."

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"That does not sound like it would work but maybe it does. So when we go to school, they will give us the same work as twenty eight American girls, and see if we do it right?"

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"...Girls and boys, public schools don't have separate classes. I guess some private or religious schools do but it's pretty rare now." 

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"They teach same things to girls and boys?"

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"But girls and boys need to know not same things."

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...Oh, right, low-income very religious background, obviously there's weird gender stuff. 

"Girls and boys need to know more or less the same things in America!" Evelyn says, perhaps a little too brightly. "Reading and writing is just as important either way, and women work the same kinds of jobs as men. - I guess I sort of wish they still had home ec - er, doing stuff for your household, cooking and cleaning and budgeting for groceries and stuff - or parenting classes at schools now. They mostly took that out of the regular classes in the last few decades, and so many young people have no idea how to run a household. But I think the boys would benefit from that too." 

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"The girls go to school, and do not learn how to care for babies, or to cook or fix clothes or run a house or hire people or clean or be good with money?" This really explains why everyone says Americans are so helpless. 

" - if America go to war, the President call the states call the mayors call the boys to fight?"

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"...do the mayors call the girls to fight also?" Alfirin is skeptical of this idea but it sounds like the sort of thing America might do and it fits with teaching all the same things.

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"When I went to school there were classes on running a household, and I think some schools still have classes on babies? But I think the thought ended up being that girls could learn that from their parents at home, or - I don't know, figure it out from parenting books - and also a lot of women don't even want to have children." 

To Alfirin, "- back when we had the draft - the President getting all the states and cities to send men for the army - it was only men. We haven't had a draft since - man, forty years ago for Vietnam? The current army is volunteers. It's still more men than women who join, but some women do." 

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"That makes sense!" She sounds kind of surprised, because America rarely makes sense. "But that means boys need to learn fight, and girls do not. So do girls learn to fight, or do boys no learn to fight even though they will need to if there is a war?"

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"Most boys don't need to learn to fight because they're not going to join the army! If they do join, there's a whole training program for it, it's not something we think makes sense to cover in school when it won't even apply for most people." 

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"So the school does not teach caring for babies, and the school does not teach fighting, and the school does not teach running a house, and the school does not teach the word of God....it teaches lunar modules?"

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"Stuff related to that, yeah! Designing lunar models specifically is really, really complicated, only very smart people can do it. But basically all jobs need you to be good at reading and writing and basic math. High school doesn't cover everything in depth, but everyone learns the basics, and some science, and some history and geography - where other countries are - and how the government works, and often a second language like Spanish. How to use computers, too, that wasn't a thing yet when I was in school but it's important in basically all jobs nowadays." 

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"And then, since they know where other countries are and do not know how to care for childs, they childs end up like Lily and the government take them away?"

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"That doesn't happen that often, and - I'm not sure teaching different things in school would really fix the reasons it happens? It might help sometimes, if the problem really is that someone doesn't know better - or that their own parents weren't great and that's where they learned their sense of what's normal - but I think a lot of abusive parents do actually know better and just don't - care. Or they're addicted to drugs or alcohol, or have another problem in their lives like that."

Shrug. "I definitely think we could be doing better to prevent kids from ending up in Lily's situation. I - mostly don't think that teaching home ec and parenting stuff in school again is a solution. And if it was, I think it'd be especially important that the boys take it as well." 

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"Men cannot care for babies. They do not have bras."

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"Men can absolutely care for babies, and should! It's good for kids to have involved fathers, and babies bond with the people who actually spend time carrying them and playing with them and stuff - if the dad isn't involved when they're a baby, they won't be as comfortable with him when they're a toddler. Men can't breastfeed but they can bottle-feed - with breast milk, even, my friend Esther is a surgeon and she would pump milk out and keep it in the fridge so her husband could bottle-feed their baby when she was on shift." Chuckle. "Not to mention, most moms nowadays think it's only fair for their partner to do their half of diaper changes." 

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"Men do all they work in the house, in America?"

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That sentence was very confusing but it does not seem like clarifying it is an urgent priority.

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"If you mean staying at home and only doing housework, sometimes but rarely? But that's not all that common for women, either, a lot of women have careers they're invested in - I can't imagine Marian would be a stay-at-home mom after she spend all the time training to be a nurse - and a lot of families can't afford to have a stay-at-home parent once the children are old enough for school, so both parents work jobs and share the housework. The gender stereotype is that men do more of the handyman fixing-up stuff and women do more of the cooking and cleaning, but every family is different. Jeremy's a great cook, for example. ...Maybe part of what's confusing is that housework takes a lot less time in America, because we have washing machines and dishwashers and vacuum cleaners and stuff? It's maybe an hour or two a day." 

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"No what is confusing is who care for the children? People with no papers?"

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"...I guess that's probably a way some people get nannies - that's someone who comes to watch your young children while you work - for less money? Sometimes one of the parents stays home until the children are all at least four or five and in preschool or kindergarten - those are like school but it's more just playing and getting to know other kids, they're not learning to read or write yet - and they only go back to work once the kids are out of the house during the day anyway. A lot of my friends do home daycares - basically, one of them will stay home and take care of three or four people's children while they work. There are also not-at-home daycares but they're pricey and it's hard to find a good one, at that point if you really can't stay at home until they're in school you might as well get a nanny. According to me, at least." 

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" - so, most people do not raise they children, they have the people who work for them do that, and since even women are not being mothers, they may as well learn man things in school?"

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"...How many people brought to America to do work without papers?"

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Evelyn is still thinking about Iomedae's question. "I think there's still a lot of important parenting stuff that happens outside of school? For one, kids don't learn well in school if they don't have a good home life. And of course there's the first couple of years, it's really important for babies to bond with their parents. I think some women do wish it was still more normal to be a stay-at-home parent? It was a lot more common fifty years ago. But also, women not being in the workplace feels like a pretty big waste, too, when women are just as good as men at most jobs?" 

She turns back to Alfirin. "I'm not totally sure - and it's hard for the government to count them, right, the whole point is they're trying not to have the government know they're in the country - but it's a pretty small number compared to how many people live in America in total? The figure I vaguely remember reading was ten million - a million is a thousand thousands, right? - and that's less than one in twenty people in the US." 

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" - women are not as good as men at most jobs. I guess maybe at America jobs. I do not really understand what America jobs are. Women are not as strong as men, and not as fast. For the body to be maked for the having of childs is to make it not as good at other works."

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"Yeah. I think that's - a way the world has changed a lot in the last hundred years? There are still a lot more men in the army and that's probably why, but even there it doesn't matter as much to be strong when we have guns. Even for farming it matters less when we do most of the really hard parts with machines. Most jobs are - man, I'm not sure how it actually breaks down, we should maybe Google it. But a lot of jobs are working in big stores or serving food or driving trucks of food to cities - I think more men drive trucks but women aren't worse at it, just less likely to be interested. And it definitely feels like there are more women than men working at the bank we just visited, for example, and if anything they're better at it. We can go look up the numbers on how many people have what kind of job, if you want?" 

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"Maybe that would make me not so confused. 

 

Why do people with papers in America marry? ....do people with papers in America marry?"

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They can go to the computer, then, and Evelyn will Google "US occupational statistics" which she's pretty sure is the right phrase. 

"People fall in love! And being married is - it's a commitment, it means you're saying, this isn't just casual, we're partners for the long run. It's a good idea not to have children with someone unless you're committed enough to each other to get married. ...Also it's a bit better for your taxes, and there are some legal things it affects, like if your husband or wife is very sick and can't make their own decisions about medical treatment, you can decide on their behalf. And if people separate later then there's a legal process to divide up their money and property fairly. Jeremy's father - decided he hadn't wanted to be married to me after all - but he still sent money for Jeremy until he was eighteen, which helped out a lot for paying the loan to the bank for the house, and if he'd stopped sending it then he would have gotten in trouble with the courts." 

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"Oh! So marriage is agreeing to pay for the childs. That makes sense." Marriage is recognizably not the joining of two people who have complementary competences both of them needed to run a household as they have complementary bodies both of them needed for union and child, but 'to oblige the father to pay for the children' is a perfectly cromulent thing for marriage to be understood to be in the absence of that. 

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Evelyn briefly considers whether she should point out that (because English is ridiculous) the correct plural is "children", and decides that it doesn't actually seem that helpful to focus on teaching Iomedae to sound more native rather than just increasing her vocabulary. She already tends to come across as knowing English better than she really does. 

Occupational statistics! Wow there are a lot of job categories, apparently. The top ten most common jobs, by number of people working in them, are apparently only 20% of the total. Most of them are low-paying; registered nursing (what Marian does!) is the only one that's particularly well paid, but wow apparently there are a lot of nurses.

Evelyn will do her best to describe what each kind of job on the chart involves, though, uh, "general office clerks" is very...nonspecific...and she's mostly left with 'people who work in desks at business buildings, they probably do a lot of filling out paperwork and making phone calls and sending emails.' 

The enormous table of job areas underneath is pretty hard to read but Evelyn can at least skim the headings!

There are people who run businesses or manage smaller groups inside of big businesses; there are people who plan how to build things, which would include lunar modules but is mostly, like, buildings and trains and stuff like making houses have electricity; there are scientists who study things like how animals breed or how the weather works; there are people who work in the community helping other people, that would include social workers like Diel; there are people who do art and entertainment, and make things like movies; there are people who work in healthcare and take care of sick people; there are people who work in prisons; there are people who prepare food... 

 

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"So most people with papers work in stores they do not own, or are cooks, or are nurses? That - make sense I think. And women have to do this and not look after they childs because they do not know how to look after childs and do know how to work in stores?"

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"Some women do stay at home - hmm, I can google that too." She does so. "Looks like...a bit less than one in three mothers in the US is staying at home with the kids - though probably most of those women worked jobs before they had children - and that's actually higher than it was a decade ago."

(She is kind of tired of arguing with Iomedae about whether women are invariably incompetent at parenting just because it's not on the school curriculum, or whether being there day in and out for the non-school parts of a child's life means you flat-out aren't raising them, and in general, Iomedae's insistently...'black-and-white' isn't quite right, but definitely lacking nuance and with bizarre emphasis...view on American society. Also the fact that she JUST SAID that the top ten jobs - which involved as many as several things other than retail or cooking or nursing - were still only 20% of all jobs, the space of jobs is huge. But Evelyn is already noticing herself feeling slightly frustrated, and it would be stupid to keep hammering on that point and end up actually mad about it to the point Iomedae would notice. She'll drop it.) 

"I think it's - well, sometimes it's just finances, if they can earn more at their job than it costs to pay for childcare - and once the children are in school they're not paying for it anyway, school is free. But also, I think a lot of women like their job and like having a life outside the home, and valuable skills other than parenting and housework? People say it can get stifling when everything in your life is about kids and being a mom." She gestures around herself. "I mean, obviously I don't feel that way, but I think it's not rare." 

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Iomedae does not intend to be a mother and does not want to and has never really contemplated bearing children but she cannot really imagine giving birth to ten different human beings and then going off to do something unrelated every day and see them only in the dark. It is not hard to imagine that some women prefer this. It's a little hard to imagine it's most of them, but Americans are strange and caring for babies is a lot of work, perhaps of the kind they typically refuse to do. 

 

"I see."

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"...It does not make sense if most womans can earn more money working than they pay for childcare? Because then other womans would not care their childs, other womans would work for money other ways. And there are not enough womans with no papers to care all the childs."

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"No, it works if the child-watching women watch thirty childs."

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"That is too many childs for one woman to watch good! Normal it is close to same number womans and childs."

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"Thirty is only once they're older than six and in school. In daycare for the really little kids, it's - three or four kids per adult, usually, depending what age exactly? Though even that isn't very good for babies." Evelyn does, if she's honest with herself, moderately judge people who put their six-month-old in daycare. "Most of my friends took a full year off work, but their husbands had good jobs and their work was flexible enough - or in Esther's case, the surgeon, her husband wants to be a stay-at-home dad."

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"A stay at home dad is - father cares for the babies with a not real bra, does the things the mother would do? And the mother is a scientist?"

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"She's a type of doctor. She still does a lot with their daughter, she's one of those people who needs like four hours of sleep a night, but her husband is the one who stays home for it, yeah. - uh, the word is 'breasts', a bra is the thing you wear on them." 

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"It make sense, if there are women want to do men's work, there are men want to do women's work."

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Nod. "I think one of the things that's changed in America - even over my lifetime - is that people try not to call things 'men's work' or 'women's work'? Because it's really just about what you're good at and interested in, which does seem to be different on average - there are more male engineers who design trains and more female nurses - but it's not determined by that? And I think there are plenty of fathers who love parenting but would be embarrassed if it were, like, this whole big thing that they were doing 'women's work'? And of course it was - bad for women, historically, having so many fewer options than men." 

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"It is better to be a man," Iomedae agrees, as though this is obviously true and only barely relevant to their existing conversation. "I can see why a place would want to - have things so that being a woman is more like being a man. I do not know if this is bad. Maybe it is good and of God. It is just very new. I would have to see how it is for people I think."

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Nod. "I...can see that it must be very different. I think it's - probably not better in all ways, or for everyone, but it's better in general? But you'll have to judge that for yourself, once you know more about America." 

They can poke at the occupations list a bit longer, maybe? Building and grounds cleaning! Personal care services, which include, apparently, hairdressers and tour guides and fitness trainers and also a surprisingly tiny number of childcare workers (600 thousand), though of course that's not counting people who work in schools with all the children over six. Salespeople! Office and admin work, which as a category accounts for a whole 21 million jobs, far more than any other previous category! (Sales-related occupations were 13 million, food preparation was 11 million.) 

"Farming, fishing, and forestry" combined account for less than a million jobs - of course, that's not counting something in the vicinity of ten million undocumented immigrants not reflected in the official government job statistics, but not all of those are working and it's still half the total number of people who work in offices. 

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"It is also hard to say if it is gooder because - it is gooder to be a rich woman than a poor woman. So it is gooder to be a woman in America, if America way is better or not."

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Nod. "There are definitely other places in the world where it's more - like it used to be in America a few hundred years ago - but I don't know if any rich countries are like that, so it seems sort of hard to compare." Shrug. "You'll have lots of opportunities to talk to people and ask them questions." 

Do either of the girls have more questions about jobs in America while they've got the website up? 

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Iomedae has thought of one, actually. "Is the president a girl some times?"

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"There hasn't been a woman president yet, but we're working on it! A woman called Hilary Clinton ran a few years ago, but she wasn't elected. I'm sure she'll run again." Explaining that instead the US elected its first black President and that it was nearly as groundbreaking would involve explaining the ongoing legacy of racism, and probably earning judgmental looks from Iomedae. 

Evelyn shrugs. "Running for President is particularly, uh, a big ask, I think? It takes decades to prepare for it - dedicating your life to politics, usually, on top of having a lot of advantages, and so it takes - longer to change, and fifty years ago things were a lot less equal for women. There are women Congresspeople though. Still a lot less than half, but - things are changing." She smiles, almost proudly. "The Supreme Court - that's the very top court in the country, if the smaller courts can't decide something then a case goes there, they end up deciding a lot of big questions about how the law works in America - anyway, it's only nine judges, and three of them are women now. It was a really big deal." 

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"That is good!"


And in Taldane, "Taldor had a woman who was Emperor. But she did it by killing her sons and her husband's brothers so she's not a good example, really."

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"Taldor sounds like a place that would have man emperors, so it is not surprising that women are bad at being emperor in Taldor."

Then in English, "How many presidents is fifty years?"

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"There's an election every four years, so fifty years would be - ten elections plus, uh, two and a half - about twelve Presidents if it'd been a new President every time, but Presidents can run for a second term and, er," she's counting on her fingers, "Nixon, Reagan, Clinton - Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton's husband - and Bush... So at least four of the Presidents in the last fifty years were President for eight years instead of just four. Which I think means it was eight Presidents in the last fifty years instead of twelve, if I'm doing the math right." 

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"That is so many!!! And there is not a war about who will be the president, even how many it changes?


Do presidents have to keep the promises other presidents maked?"

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"There isn't! We've only had the one civil war, and it was - I guess timing-wise it was because some of the US states didn't want their country led by the President who had won the election, but it was really over bigger things than that, I think it was going to happen one way or another. Hmm - about ten years ago the vote was really close and there was a lot of arguments that maybe the vote had been counted wrong, and the Supreme Court that I mentioned a minute ago had to step in, but - when they did, the candidate who lost didn't argue about it, let alone start a war over it, he respected the Supreme Court's authority to make that decision and congratulated the guy who won." 

And she pauses to consider Iomedae's other question. "I...think it depends what sort of promise? How - official it is, more or less. If a President meets with the leader of another country and says he won't go to war with them, but it's not in writing or anything, then the next President can just decide to do something different. If it's something official, like if a treaty signed or a new law approved, then - I mean, I think there is a process for a later President to change it? But it has to go through the court and the change has to be approved by all the same people who approved the new law in the first place." 

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"Not having a lot of wars about who the president is is very good. A place can be more powerful if it has that. I think God think it is good. - do the churches here say what God think about it?"

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A spectacularly predictable question for Iomedae to ask, and Evelyn isn't sure it makes sense to feel nearly as uncomfortable about answering it as it turns out she does. "...Yeah. I think a lot of churches say that God thinks it's very good." With, uh, various different emphases. She doesn't really want to get into that. "You could ask the minister at our church on Sunday about it? That's a very appropriate sort of question to ask him." 

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Another thing makes more sense now that she has more pieces. "And you sayed he will not think it is not respectful a girl asking because America raise all its girls like boys."

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"- Yes, of course. I'm not saying there aren't questions you might ask that he would find disrespectful, but he wouldn't react differently if it were a boy asking or a girl." She smiles slightly. "If anything, boys get less leeway to ask unusual questions, the teacher is more likely to assume they're being disruptive." It's a pattern she's noticed before with her foster children; troubled boys are troublemakers, troubled girls tend to slide under the radar.

Shrug. "I think girls have a reputation for being - more well-behaved. I don't think that's particularly fair either, really boys and girls should be on the same footing."  

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"In America maybe they should be even. In poor places, boys should be more careless, because maybe they will be great heroes, and it does not serve a family if their girl is a great hero."

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I hope someday you're a great hero, and your birth family finds out and they're as proud of you as you deserve. It really won't help to say that, for multiple reasons. 

"I don't think that's a good reason to be careless?" she says, slightly awkwardly. "- Maybe you want a different English word for the thing you mean, I would expect carelessness would get in the way of becoming a great hero. But - also most people aren't going to be great heroes, right? Whether they're in America or where you grew up, most people are just going to have jobs and families." 

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"Most careless people is eated by bears, but some becoming great heroes instead. Men are more careless because men do not make babies, so more men is great heroes."

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"...In poor countries," she adds, since Evelyn looks confused.

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?????????????????????????????????????????

That does NOT really clarify things. 

"I don't think that, uh, being careless and getting lucky enough not to be eaten by bears is a good career path for anyone," Evelyn says, mostly because it feels like she should say something. "And - yeah, young women can - get in trouble with careless decisions like getting pregnant, but it's not like boys can't ruin their lives by being careless, even if they're only careless once. Driving drunk and getting in a bad car crash is pretty life-ruining, and young men are way more likely than young women to die that way."

She's not sure why she said that. It probably wasn't a helpful thing to say. She maybe just really wants to argue with the claim that it's fine, even good, for boys to be careless??? (Honestly, you would think it would be EVEN EASIER to ruin your life with a careless decision in a poor country with a terrible medical system? ...Maybe if you're poor enough that you can't afford a car or a motorcycle.) 

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"Yes, young men are more likely to die. Girls mostly die babies, boys mostly die Alfirin and Iomedae age, or twenty. ...in poor countries." This conversation is a bad idea and they should drop it, shouldn't they, except it's - a really good feeling when the pieces of America start to come together. "I am happy to talk to the priest. I will stop asking you God questions. Thank you for explaining."

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The last several questions weren't even slightly related to God???? 

...You know what, nevermind. Evelyn thinks she managed to navigate that without saying something the wrong way and either upsetting the girls or confusing them even more, but it would probably be better not to keep pushing her luck. 

"You're welcome!" she says, smiling brightly at Iomedae. She glances at the clock. "And Lily will be home pretty soon. I'm going to get out a snack for her, you can help if you want." 

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Iomedae will happily help get Lily a snack! She's also pleased with herself for apparently navigating that conversation without upsetting Evelyn. It seems like it's important to Evelyn to assure Iomedae that she too can be a great hero, but Iomedae knows this because Aroden picked her.

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Evelyn still seemed confused by that conversation, but Alfirin's not sure what part was confusing. Alfirin is confused about what a career path is - she was guessing it was a paved road or something where there won't be bears? But thinking about it more that doesn't make sense and it's too late to ask about it now. She will help make a snack and smile at Iomedae who seems pleased and also remembered to stop telling Evelyn things about poor countries, which Alfirin had forgotten about, so she's grateful for the reminder.

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If not for Alfirin Iomedae suspects she'd be spending half her time wondering if she'd been bitten by a mad animal and was now mad herself. She'll smile back.

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Lily arrives on time a few minutes later! 

She's a bit subdued, which prompts Evelyn to briefly waylay the bus driver and ask if Lily had any "P-R-O-B-L-E-M-S" at school today, and receive reassurance that Lily's teacher reported she was well-behaved and had a very good day. 

(Lily is trying very hard to be Not Suspicious so that Mummy won't notice anything. She lets Mummy hug her, and then goes to hang up her backpack herself and take out her lunchbox and planner and homework sheet, so that she can zip her backpack up again and Mummy won't have any reason to look inside and find the art project. It's very hard to wait patiently until Mummy goes away from the kitchen and she can sneak the art project to Iomedae, but it's important to be Not Suspicious.) 

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"Thank you, love, that's very helpful of you." Evelyn accepts the lunchbox from Lily and puts it beside the sink. "Would you like help with your homework?" She's a little confused about Lily's apparent good mood, but she's not complaining. 

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"C'Meday he'mee?" Lily asks politely. So politely. 

 

*"Can Iomedae help me?" 

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Evelyn ruffles Lily's hair. "You'll have to ask Iomedae." 

Something is definitely up with Lily right now; she's very obviously on her best behavior for some reason. Maybe she heard about a toy or game from one of her school friends and plans to butter Evelyn up before asking for it; usually with kids, it's usually that or some request related to seeing their birth family, and there's no way Lily is plotting the latter. Well, Evelyn still isn't complaining. 

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Lily brings her handwriting-practice worksheet over to Iomedae! "He'mee?" 

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Evelyn hums to herself as she carries the plate of cut vegetables and dip to the table - Iomedae is, as usual, somewhat terrifyingly efficient at cutting up carrot sticks and zucchini sticks to specification - and then unpacks the empty Tupperwares from Lily's lunchbox, humming to herself. It's lovely to see the kids getting along. 

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- Iomedae can attempt to help Lily with her homework but she still can't, you know, read. The handwriting worksheet at least looks like the ones Evelyn gave Iomedae and Alfirin.

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It does! It's actually simpler words, for the most part, 'dog' and 'cow' and 'apple'. Lily doesn't need help with it, so much as praise and encouragement to stay on task. She's very slow at writing and clearly finds it frustrating and difficult; her handwriting is terrible. 

(She's also having more trouble than usual concentrating, because she's paying a lot of attention to Mummy and whether she seems like she might be about to leave the room and if so for how long. It needs to be long enough that she can explain to Iomedae to hide the art project.) 

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Evelyn is trying to ignore the background unease that things are going Suspiciously Well, similar to the itchy feeling in her spine when she suddenly realizes the upstairs bedrooms have been Very Quiet for several minutes. It would be unfair of her to punish kids with suspicion for being on their best behavior, whatever their ulterior motive. 

And it's adorable watching Lily try to earnestly explain the vagaries of English spelling (cow isn't spelled c-a-w even though A is what makes an ahhh sound, and you HAVE to remember that apple has two ps) while painstakingly tracing barely-legible letters on her connect-the-dots handwriting practice lines. Having Iomedae and Alfirin around is so clearly doing Lily a lot of good; it gives her a reason to talk and, given Iomedae and Alfirin's ESL status, to put more care and attention into speaking clearly. She's got to be making impressive progress in her speech therapy sessions, which she's pulled out of class to attend twice a week. Evelyn should remember to email the therapist and ask about it. 

And Iomedae and Alfirin might actually be learning something, hearing Lily proudly and mostly-comprehensibly chatter about spelling. Honestly, Evelyn is feeling very warm and fond of Lily right now. If Lily is trying to butter her up before requesting some $50 Barbie accessory that one of her school friends bragged about, well, maybe Lily has earned a treat. 

She putters in the kitchen, putting together ingredients for a lasagna. 

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...Lily runs out of words to write on her worksheet. Oh no. She needs to stay at the kitchen table, near where her backpack is, until Mummy leaves the kitchen. Mmmmmmaybe she can do EXTRA homework, just turn the homework sheets over and write some other words that she knows? 

(Without the benefit of connect-the-dots tracing lines, her handwriting is very large - she can only fit five or six words on the full sheet of paper - and still hard to read, but she can carefully explain to Iomedae and Alfirin how to spell 'BARBIE' and 'GIRL' and 'CAR' and 'TEBLE', which she stares at for a while, it looks wrong but she can't figure out how it's wrong.) 

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Whatever her agenda, Lily sure is hamming it up. Evelyn smiles fondly and puts the lasagna in the fridge and asks Iomedae to keep an eye on Lily while she goes to the bathroom. 

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!!!!!!!!!!!

(Oh good, Mummy isn't suspicious. Lily is very proud of how good she's been at acting Not Suspicious.) 

As soon as she hears the bathroom door close, she's up like a pogo stick and dashing to her backpack. She unzips it and yanks out the art project, which is carefully folded and only slightly crumpled at the edges, and rushes it over to Iomedae. 

It's three A4 sheets taped together along the long sides, with three different parts of the Google Maps printout almost-but-not-quite lined up. The school has the lazy printers that don't run if you get them wet, although Lily isn't really sure why the teacher calls them lazy printers, it seems like they must work harder than the kind Mummy has that runs. Maybe they're lazy because they only print in black and white? She's remedied that by adding lots of messy decorative doodling with crayon, and a non-decorative doodle of a house overtop of Grandpa's address on the map. 

She shoves it into Iomedae's hands. Points emphatically at the marked address. "Hayit f'Mummy!" 

 

*"Hide it from Mummy!" 

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Evelyn is trained from long habit to be fast in the bathroom. The toilet flushes upstairs. 

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Iomedae tucks it up and places it into the pouch where she keeps her money and nods to Lily very seriously. When a small child entrusts you with an important quest to stop a man who did unsayable things to her, you do it. 

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When Evelyn comes back downstairs, Lily is SO UNSUSPICIOUSLY concentrating on trying to spell 'FLOOR'. She no longer has a good reason to keep pretending to do homework, and she's getting pretty frustrated with it, but it might be suspicious if she stopped very suddenly. She can spell FLOOR and then DOOR and then go play with Barbies. 

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Awwww. Evelyn is definitely on some level waiting for the other shoe to drop, but that doesn't make it less cute. 

Do Iomedae or Alfirin have any questions about their impromptu spelling lesson? 

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"English is very hard spelling, letter Ay is not making sound Ay."

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"English spelling is hard! I'm sorry about that. Most of the letters make different sounds in different words, it's confusing - there are rules to it, sort of, but they're confusing rules."

Evelyn leans in to look at the words on the paper. "...Oh." She carefully erases the E in TEBLE and replaces it with an A. "'Table' is actually spelled with an 'Ay', though. If it were an E, it would be pronounced like 'pebble', I think." Which she spells for them as well, in much neater handwriting. "Lily is still learning her spelling too." 

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"Lily is still learning but is already good spelling, I think."

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"She knows enough to make herself understood, which is a good start! Everyone expects young kids to misspell things." Sigh. "But you and Iomedae aren't kids, and - people will assume you're not well educated if you don't have good spelling. I think there are probably principles you can learn to make it make more sense, rather than having to just memorize everything, but don't know them. Maybe Miss Enderbridge would." 

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"People assume we are not well educated, people are right. When later time, maybe we are well educated, but then we are good spelling also."

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...Nod. "I suppose that's fair enough. I just - I guess I don't want people being unfair to you just because you didn't have the opportunity to learn English at Lily's age. But I'm sure you'll catch up. You're both smart and I know you'll work hard on it." 

And they've got half an hour left before dinner, and Lily is (for the moment) playing nicely on her own. Evelyn can spend a few minutes doing her best to think of examples of words where letters make different sounds, or where words that have the same sound are spelled differently, before she's pulled away by thumps coming from the living room and has to coax Lily through putting back a lot of books she just knocked down. 

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Lily seems to be in a weirdly tense and restless mood, despite a clear ongoing effort to be well-behaved. She does not request a Barbie accessory, over dinner or afterward. 

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Evelyn leaves the girls downstairs while she takes Lily up for her bath. She trusts them not to get up to any mischief. 

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Taldane. "Lily gave me a map I think, to the house where the man who cursed her lives."

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"I see. What are you going to do?"

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"I think I need to go there and - well, see if he's Evil, I guess, first off. There's not all that much I can do if he's in fact possessed by a demon or malign spirit or something - the Americans won't believe it, and that's not a fight I can win. Nor one I'm allowed to pick, unless he starts it, and I think if I try to arrange his starting it that's - it's like not-technically-lying, but for killing."

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She nods. "That makes sense. So just go and look? Not fight him either way?"

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"Unless he is hurting someone else, or - I don't know, maybe if he is possessed by something I can make it go away like a priest could. I don't know how powerful a paladin you have to be to do that."

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"Wouldn't you need to learn how to do it even if you are strong enough?"

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"I don't know. Not like a wizard needs to learn, it'd be a power Aroden gives me. I certainly wouldn't want to plan on being able to do it... I should have asked my uncle more questions, the time he visited, but I was already in trouble for asking too many questions. ...I guess that means I should have asked him different questions."

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"I guess so. Unless the questions you asked him were more important."

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"They were most of them sort of silly. I was eight. I asked him why he hadn't fixed the bad afterlives yet, and why Tar-Baphon wanted to kill everybody, and what you had to do to make Aroden pick you as a paladin, and what powers paladins had, and what their oaths were, and so on, but I also got distracted with silly things. I'd have been more focused if I'd guessed it was all I'd have to go on."

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"There are a lot of things I'd have tried to know better if I had known we'd be in America."

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Snort. "I guess.

I think I'll go tomorrow."

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"When? Should I keep Evelyn from paying attention?"

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"I will tell her I am going out biking." Truthfully, of course. "I worry if you do anything to help then you will get in trouble if I get murdered by the demon or something."

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"Maybe. I do not know how getting in trouble in America works."

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"Evelyn really makes it sound like it practically cannot be done. The guards seemed like competent guards of an ordinary place, though, when I stabbed Martin."

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"Yes. I mean that I might get in trouble if you get killed anyways, even if I do not help."

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"You might. I'm sorry. I think that I ought to do it because - Lily is one of the only people who knows I'm a paladin and she asked me to protect her from evil and that is what paladins are for."

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"You should do it! But maybe it is not bad for me to help."

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Iomedae is not sure that's how not getting in trouble works but she doesn't know how to dispute it. "If you want to ask Evelyn for a lesson when I ask her to go out on my bike that will probably help with her not coming up with ideas to follow me on my bike or anything. But you are not a paladin and I do not think you are obliged to risk anything for this."

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"I will help, because it is bad if there are possessed people cursing children, and because if you get caught and executed or sent to a different overseer parent I will be the only person from our countries here and it will be harder for me to accomplish things. I know you might get killed by the demon and then that will happen anyways but I think it is better to try to help and stop you getting caught."

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"Okay. Then I would like it if you distracted Evelyn when I am leaving, and I will try to be very careful not to get killed by the demon."

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Iomedae goes to bed a little early, so she'll have time to pray. She asks Aroden to guide her and not let her err in finding Lily's grandfather, and to fix the evil afterlives, ideally today before she maybe sends someone there though she's going to try very hard to avoid doing that. And she tries to think very clearly of her plans, in case that makes it easier for Aroden to see if they are wise plans. 

She doesn't get a response, which makes sense; it'd be arrogant to think she merited one. Aroden has already given her His most important direction. 

She sings to Alfirin, and tries to recite a bit from the holy books, the part about Azlant.

She sleeps.

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Evelyn writes up log notes. 

It's probably the longest she's ever spent on such aggressively bland notes. She has to cover the doctor's appointment and the food bank volunteering and krav maga, since she didn't write notes yesterday, and then she also mentions the library trip and introducing the girls to one of her neighbors. It makes it easier to elide some of what she doesn't want to bring up.  

She does have to touch on Iomedae's behavioral assessment at the doctor's appointment. Diel may not have gotten the update yet, unless she called over to check up on it, the clinic usually faxes notes over and it takes a few days, but if not she'll see it soon. Evelyn tries to juggle admitting that she's not not worried, but also reinforcing that Iomedae really doesn't have behavioral problems at home, and is in general very motivated to learn more about American culture and how to live within it. Evelyn thinks they're developing a good rapport. Iomedae clearly benefits quite a lot from physical exercise to work off some of her energy. (This is sort of a standard code phrase; it's a common-wisdom idea, and a trendy one right now, that children with anger management difficulties are often better regulated if they have regular physical activity.) Alfirin and Iomedae continue to be very close and provide support to each other, though Alfirin is still quieter and more withdrawn with Evelyn herself. 

She reads the draft notes over an unreasonable number of times, trying to figure out whether it comes across as being evasive. It definitely reads as scattered, but, well, she has three placements and none of them are straightforward; if anything, Diel should expect her to be a lot more exhausted and frazzled than she actually is, given that she's downplaying how much help Iomedae has been offering with Lily. 

Evelyn is apparently really not cut out for being secretive. She sighs, and sends the emails, and goes to bed. 

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Lily doesn't have a nightmare that night, but she's definitely in an antsy mood. She's awake at 4:53 am and knocking politely on Iomedae and Alfirin's door. 

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Iomedae will go and get the door for her. "Good morning," she says quietly.

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Lily curls up shyly against her. 

"Temme s'ory God fi'bad peel?" she manages eventually. 

 

*"Tell me a story about God fighting bad people?" 

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Then Iomedae will hold her close and tell her about the time God led an army into the Abyss to fight Ibdurigian who didn't want humanity to build Costco ever again. 

"I am going to go today," she told her. "To see if your grandfather is a demon, and see if anyone needs keeping safe from him."

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Lily curls up more tightly against her. She doesn't know how to express that she's scared Iomedae will get hurt. Iomedae doesn't have a sword right now. BUT she's big, nearly a grownup, and she's brave and strong and a holy warrior of God. Lily is still kind of scared. 

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Iomedae snuggles her and doesn't say anything for a while.

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And eventually Lily will take a deep breath and square her shoulders and ask if they can make pancakes now. 

(It's still not that long past 5 am. It's dark outside.) 

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"We'll have to be very quiet, it's earlier than usual." Iomedae can't read a clock but she can read the sun.