A funny thing happens when he uses the Wite-Out! As it dries, it somehow absorbs into the page, leaving the paper bare of ink except for the lines it was printed with.

...huh. This is some good quality Wite-Out, he can barely see it.

Anyway.

Geometry                                      xx/yy/zzzz

I'm a journal, you know! It says so on my cover!

...huh?????

This is a more elaborate prank than he'd thought. He has no idea how that works, some kind of pressure-activated appearing ink? He writes on the next line:

If Joshua wanted me to use this as a journal he shouldn't have put it in my locker

He has no idea what kinds of things a notebook like this might appear on the following lines, the manufacturer obviously can't make the stuff that appears conditional on whatever he writes. Maybe it'll be something that's the kind of non-sequitur that could reasonably be mistaken as a continuation of many possible responses? Like "Anyway! My name is xyz." or something.

Also, props to Joshua for this, it's definitely distracting him from Geom (not that that's very hard). He wonders if all of the notebooks in his locker have this nifty trick in them.

I don't know who Joshua is, but I was sent by the Spirit of Femininity Unleashed to offer you its power! I can tell I'm supposed to talk to you because you're the first person who wrote in me.

What.

What?

What??

what

I have a metanarrative guarantee that the first person to write in me is always the chosen vessel of the Spirit! Or is that not what you were confused about?

no no i was confused about talking notebook W H A T

I guess I'm pretty unusual from your perspective. Hello! It's nice to meet you!

He stares at it for a few seconds.

Then he continues to stare for a few seconds more.

Then a while longer.

...

............

Yeah he's thoroughly distracted from whatever the teacher is saying.

nice to meet you too

you're not unusual you're impossible

magic isn't real

Magic is real! I'm magic!

no you don't understand

wait metanarrative am i in a story

that's kind of cool but also impossible

Of course you're in a story! Isn't everyone?

He stares at the notebook some more, again.

no? there's real life and then there's stories and stories are, you know, not real

Oh. That's not how I think of these things at all! To me it seems like everyone is in stories all the time. There are countless worlds out there and probably all of them are stories to someone somewhere!

aaaaaaaaa

Okay no. Freaking out does not help. What's happening here is that someone is writing a story about him and he's sentient inside it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa no stop relax don't start hyperventilating in Geometry that is not cool.

please hold for a moment while I have a mild existential crisis

Okay! Take your time! ♡

aaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Don't hyperventilate. It's fine. He's fine. He's in a story and it's a story in which he gets a magic notebook that offers him the

...he rereads.

the power of the Spirit of Femininity Unleashed.

???

No, okay, deal with that later. Existential crisis first.

Does he feel storylike? Well, he has no idea how he could tell but—he remembers his parents. He remembers his siblings. He remembers what he thinks is a reasonable spread of memories of his life, that time he broke his thumb playing goalie when he was ten and that time his old friend dumped yogurt on his head and his first kiss and his first fuck and that time he fell and hit his head as a kid while playing cops and robbers—wait, maybe he died then and now he's in a story because of that—no he should be in Heaven—does this mean God doesn't exist, does this mean Christianity is false.

That's actually a very important question.

is God real?

There are lots of different gods in different worlds! I don't think this world has one, though? But it's hard to be sure, because I am a notebook.

okay back to existential crisis thanks

Now that he thinks about it he feels like he was at least halfway into being an atheist. He can tell by how he's not, like, shocked to hear that God isn't real and there's, like, basically no emotional reaction here other than "welp guess that's that".

He quietly reaches into his shirt and pulls the crucifix and the scapular he's always wearing above his head and puts them in a pocket.

Okay, maybe some feelings here other than that.

Okay!

The thing is he's really not sure how he could tell if he's in a story?? Like, maybe real people have more memories than he does, maybe a real person remembers perfectly faithfully every awake minute of their life and the whole concept of an eidetic memory (and the fact that most humans don't have one) was just made up by his author to justify not having to come up with an entire lifetime worth of memories for their characters.

...actually that makes a depressing amount of sense.

Fuck, he's in a story, isn't he.

.......

Well, he's in a story where he gets superpowers and he's, ah, metanarratively guaranteed to... be the one who... should be getting these powers? Whatever that means. What's a "meta" narrative, even? A narrative about a narrative? He's in a story that is about stories? A story about his story?

what's a metanarrative as opposed to a narrative? oh also i'm done with the crisis i think

Maybe he should have taken longer to have an existential crisis but maybe that wouldn't be so interesting to read/watch so he's written as a character who doesn't freak out for that long in order to not bore his audience.

He should not think like that, he's going to drive himself absolutely insane thinking like that.

Metanarrative effects are effects that operate outside of the story and govern its events without causal justification! If something is metanarratively guaranteed, it will happen regardless of whether that makes sense according to regular causality or narrative concerns!

what does it mean for something to be outside causality? you were in my bag because i put you in my bag because Joshua put you in my locker because he wanted to prank me, isn't all of that causal?

Yes! But relying on regular causality alone, it would've been possible for Joshua to decide to put a different notebook in your locker, or for you to drop me, or for you to let someone else write in me before you did. The metanarrative guarantee means that events will arrange themselves to make sure the right things happen, even if that takes wildly improbable coincidences or things not really making sense the way a story is usually supposed to!

so it's like having the hand of God nudging causality from the outside to come out the way it "should" for the story to make sense, like the way evolutionist christians think God nudged evolution?

That sounds about right!

Terrifying but really cool. Maybe the Spirit of Femininity Unleashed is the actual God. ...or, more likely, his author.

okay, now elephant in the room: I'm a boy

The Spirit of Femininity Unleashed is open to anyone who's open to femininity!

what does that mean?

I don't know what it means for you! Maybe you're open to being a girl, or to being a girl sometimes, or just to being kind of girly! Whatever it is, though, there's some form of femininity that you're open to experiencing and exploring. The Spirit of Femininity Unleashed is never wrong about these things!

Okay but like what does that mean? He's a boy, he dresses like a boy and acts like a boy, he plays soccer and his social circle is mostly other boys and sure he's bisexual but sexuality has nothing to do with gender and besides he's never had any fantasies about being a girl, he's pretty sure he's not trans. And sure, maybe a lot of the boy scripts are kind of uncomfortable, or really uncomfortable, and maybe he doesn't like the predatory sexuality expectation, and the predator expectation in general, and maybe he doesn't love the way people keep having these preconceived notions about him based on his gender, and he cries more than boys are meant to but fuck gender roles, really, and he thinks he'd look hot with eyeliner and there was that time watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer in which Faith was being lesbians with Buffy in a club and he kinda wanted to be Faith being lesbians and...

...

Maybe his masculinity is feeling kind of threatened here because he's starting to feel really defensive of it. He's not a girl! He doesn't want to be a girl! Most of the time! He thinks! And who does this notebook think it is, telling him he's a girl and he's starting to project here.

...

tell me more about what exactly is going on here?

What do you mean? Which aspects of the situation do you want to hear more about?

what the Spirit of Femininity Unleashed is, what you know about why it picked me in particular out of all people it could've, what kinds of powers it gives, what it expects me to do with those powers...

The Spirit of Femininity Unleashed is the unified wish of every person who has ever felt, or wanted to feel, powerful and beautiful and special in a feminine way! It can't communicate with people like you or I directly, so it sends avatars like me to carry out its will by offering power to people who are ✨open to the feminine✨. I can't explain why it chooses the specific people it does, but all it wants from you is to make your choices freely and live your own beautiful powerful special life just the way you want!

As for what kinds of powers it gives, I have a list. Would you like to see my list? It's very ✨neatly formatted✨.

so it's, like, a finite itemised list of individual things I can pick? sure, i'm down, let's go

Ahahahahahahah what's his life become. It hasn't even been half his Geometry class and he's about to look at a list of mystical powers from the Spirit of Femininity Unleashed which apparently wants to trans him.

Sure thing! Just a moment... ⏳

The hourglass animates itself in realtime as ink swirls across a fairly hefty block of subsequent pages, settling into a more graphic-designed, less handwritten format than the notebook has thus far been using to communicate. When the hourglass stops and the ink goes still, the list spans all of them, with point counters reading 0/70 in the top corner of every list-bearing page.

A preamble paragraph before the main list reads,

These powers are offered under an aegis of metanarrative protection. Anytime you might expect a power to have obvious negative side effects, like glowing eyes making it harder to see, it simply won't—you'll be able to see just fine anytime it actually matters, while having dramatically hazy vision at cool, narratively appropriate moments. This doesn't apply to your own preferences about the explicitly described effects of the power; if you don't want to be Well Endowed, the metanarrative cannot protect you from choosing that option and having to live with it.

After that it gets long.

Oh the genre he's in is a CYOA. Oh. Oh that is wild. He wonders if he's a self-insert CYOA? He hadn't conceived of himself as writing CYOAs at all let alone ones of himself but who knows. That'd be... He probably shouldn't be drawing any conclusions from this half-baked possibility that vaguely crossed his mind, it's not like he has any way of finding it out and he should not make any decisions that are based on this.

Anyway, before he actually reads any of this in detail he... goes to the end and sees if there's any space for him to write stuff because he has belatedly realised that he will probably have questions.

(Also it's very narratively convenient that his teacher isn't bothering him, isn't it. Being in a story has its perks, he supposes.)

There's plenty of pages left blank after the end of the list for him to write on!

can I rip a page off you and use it to write questions and keep talking? it's fine if not, I just will definitely have questions and going back and forth would be a bit of a chore

Oh dear. I think that would work but it sounds kind of uncomfortable. Do you want me to insert blank pages in between all the pages of the list? That's pretty easy!

that works too, thank you!

separately, how much uh I mean what senses do you have exactly?

I can tell exactly what's on all my pages, and I can tell when I'm touched, and I can sort of tell some things about my surroundings but not very much, and being damaged is uncomfortable but being written in isn't at all.

Back to the start of the list.

interesting! okay, i'll keep that in mind. time to read these.

Destinations!

You must choose exactly one Destination.

Name: Stay Put - Cost: 0 ☐
You're just going to take these powers and keep on keeping on right where you are.

Name: Somewhere In Mind - Cost: 0 ☐
You have a destination you want to go to. You can choose any place, real, historical, fictional, or made up in your own head right now, and the Spirit will take you there. After that, you're on your own as far as further interdimensional travel.

Name: Isekai Roulette - Cost: 0 ☐
Trust to the will of the Spirit and let it take you where you need to go. It will look at far more options than you could ever know about, and pick something that's likely to be even better for you than whatever you would have chosen on your own.

...well, he has questions already!

so isekaiing is a possibility, is that a permanent truck-kun arrangement or?

What's a truck-kun? Going to another world is only permanent if the world you travel to doesn't have any interdimensional travel of its own, but lots of worlds do!

truck-kun is a trope in some forms of isekai fiction where the main character dies, often by being hit by a truck, to be transported to their isekai destination, and people have created a shared joke that it's always the same truck that kills isekai protagonists and it's truck-kun

Why is he writing a lengthy explanation of who truck-kun is, is it because he's scared of having to think about being isekai'd, yes it is.

would the isekai roulette option take into accounts facts such as "i don't want to be separated from my friends and family" and the kinds of narrative that would in principle be ones i'd appreciate having been in in retrospect and that sort of extrapolation considerations?

Isekai Roulette tries to find the world that's the very best for you out of all the worlds you could possibly travel to! So if it's really important to you to be able to see your friends and family again, you should definitely end up in a world where you'll be able to find your way back. And "the kinds of narrative that you'd appreciate having been in in retrospect" is exactly the kind of consideration that the Spirit is most centrally taking into account when choosing things like that!

Well that's very friendly of it. Of course, he only has this notebook's word for it but he only has this notebook's word for everything, including that picking the "stay here" option would in fact keep him here. But it would be a very, very strange seemingly omnipotent power that would leave him alone if he chooses to stay and that would instead be an evil genie or something if he chooses the roulette. Surely if it's going to respect his choices at all then it might as well respect implicit choices like this?

The failure mode, of course, is that it's not that omnipotent at all (it is presenting as a girly notebook rather than in literally any other way, after all, maybe it's just multipotent) and it can't do better than he can at figuring out what places he'd want to go to.

i'm having vague worries about how to guarantee that the Spirit will find somewhere like that for me, because I wouldn't trust another human to do it so the Spirit would need to know a lot about me to be able to figure this out

Him being in a story kind of complicates matters because on the one hand the author could in fact just figure out by fiat where the best place for him to go would be but on the other hand it might be a sadistic author that enjoys reader tears. He is a little bit of a sadistic author who enjoys reader tears.

...well, he supposes there are sadistic narratives that he'd be okay with participating in because of poignance. Just not ones where he's irretrievably broken or even temporarily broken or anything like that. He wants to stay mostly himself mostly okay with potentially patches of not okay in the middle.

Man, having your life be a story is a lot less interesting than reading a story. Dumbledore's death is tragic and poignant as a story but if his longterm mentor got murdered in front of him that would fuck him up so bad.

That makes sense! The Spirit does know a lot about you, though. Or, I guess that depends what you mean by knowing. I'm not sure the Spirit does "knowing" or "thinking" or "acting" in the same kinds of ways that you or I would understand. But the Spirit is definitely really, really good at finding people the best places to live their own stories in ways they appreciate!

the worry is that if a human tried to do this they wouldn't be able to actually know more than i do about myself such that any choice they make would necessarily be working off insufficient information to do better than me choosing

another worry is that it could be evil genieing me into having some poignant narrative where someone really important to me dies forever and that fucks me up and in theory if you're right about it being able to pick narratives i would like to be in then that wouldn't happen but on the other hand that is seriously constraining because i'll know that any deaths are temporary and all the stakes are kind of bounded and i'm not sure this tells stories the Spirit wants to tell

The Spirit wants you to become beautiful and powerful and special in your own way and live your own best life! If your best life involves being in stories that you don't know you're okay with being in, then maybe Isekai Roulette would send you somewhere that made you forget about the choices you made? But I'm not sure at all about that, I'm just guessing!

...hmm. That... could be acceptable. So long as he eventually recovered his memories that'd be like merging his current self with one that's had a wonderful adventure and that's kind of cool. Sure, he buys it.

Next power!

Name: A Thousand Ships - Cost: 1 ☐
Your face is simply exquisite, an ideal of feminine beauty. There are many possible ideals of feminine beauty, and yours is whichever one speaks most deeply to your soul. Others may match your beauty in their own way, but never exceed it.

Another question:

so, feminine beauty. do I in fact need to trans myself for this stuff or would I just get a bishounen or androgynous look or...

I think that depends on what you want and what works for you! Maybe the vision of feminine beauty that best resonates with you is to be a girl, or to be androgynous, or to be a feminine and beautiful man. Maybe it's all three at different times! A Thousand Ships doesn't usually change its style very often, but if you take a lot of other variable preference-based appearance powers, it might become more flexible that way.

...wait appearance changing is a thing? Oh hell yeah he's much more on board with a lot of bullshit if he can change what he looks like at will.

Alright next...

Name: What's In A Name - Cost: 1 ☐
Magic to divine true names will accept whatever alias you choose to think of as your true name. Magic to use your true name against you will fail.

Name: Angelic Tones - Cost: 2 ☐
Your voice is supernaturally beautiful and you can sing in any vocal range.

Name: Emerald Orbs - Cost: 2 ☐
At all times, your eyes are exactly the right colour. This effect operates based on your sense of aesthetics, in-the-moment preferences, and narrative considerations. Your eyes can be ANY colour this way. Lightless black voids? Brilliant white stars? Limpid pools of endless sapphire? They will look exactly the way you'd want them to look if you were writing a self-insert fanfic about this exact moment of your life.

What's In A Name is a definitely, Angelic Tones excuse you his voice is beautiful already (...but he'll take it if he has leftover points), Emerald Orbs...

...Emerald Orbs.

Oh.

Oh.

This is a Mary Sue story. Marty Stu? ...nah, Mary Sue. Clearly girl Mary Sue. He is gonna be a Mary Sue. He is gonna be a Mary Sue. That is hilarious and furthermore awesome, being a Mary Sue vastly widens his acceptable stories holy shit, sign him the fuck up for this.

    "Mr. Tarleton, I'm sure my lesson is hilarious but could you please hold your excitement for later?" says the teacher, finally taking notice of him.

"Sorry, Mr. Hilbert." He is so incredibly not sorry.

Anyway, the power itself is kind of meh and then after that...

Name: Perfect Hair - Cost: 2 ☐
At all times, you have exactly the right hairstyle. This effect operates based on your sense of aesthetics, in-the-moment preferences, and narrative considerations. It is not limited to physically or logistically plausible hairstyles.

Name: Size Difference - Cost: 2 ☐
At all times, you are exactly the right height. This effect operates based on your sense of aesthetics, in-the-moment preferences, and narrative considerations. It will usually keep any height changes fairly subtle, but at dramatic moments you might discover yourself able to shrink to the size of a bee or grow to the size of a giant.

Name: Dressing Room - Cost: 3 ☐
No matter how ridiculous your outfit, it will stay pristine and perfect, unless it would be more dramatic for you to be artfully bedraggled. You can use any quiet moment to yourself to quick-change your clothes, shoes, nails, and hairstyle into a completely new look. (You cannot change your hair length or colour this way without Perfect Hair, but you can braid or style it.)

Name: Personal Hygiene - Cost: 1 ☐
You are always clean and fresh, never needing to use a bath or toilet.

...Perfect Hair is kind of meh, Size Difference is a kink thing actually but it seems like a superpower so he might take it, Dressing Room is an emphatic yes and Personal Hygiene is an emphatic yes.

does the Personal Hygiene thing imply my clothes only get dirty from external sources and not my own sweat and things?

Yes! Personal Hygiene means never being dirty enough to get anything else dirty by touching it.

that sounds lovely

hey it occurs to me that you apparently can edit the ink on you, I don't suppose I could start marking tentative powers I want and you show me what they add up to?

Yes, of course! I'll add up the point totals and track them for you as you check the boxes, and you can uncheck boxes by erasing them or scribbling over them!

oh perfect thank you!

Alright back to the top he takes What's In A Name, Angelic Tones, Dressing Room, and Personal Hygiene.

Name: Like Roses - Cost: 1 ☐
(Requires Personal Hygiene)
You smell lovely. Your scent is unique to you, and may involve any combination of warm spices, floral notes, petrichor, or other things you think smell good. You do not need any justification for why you smell like this.

Name: Just A Little Longer - Cost: 1 ☐
If you push yourself, you can keep doing any task or working on any project indefinitely, visibly strained but never impaired by injury or fatigue. As soon as you stop, you'll collapse with exhaustion and sleep for up to a full day to regain your strength. This only works when what you're doing is personally important to you.

Name: Immunity System - Cost: 3 ☐
You can't get sick or poisoned. You can still use recreational drugs and alcohol normally, but can't overdose.

Name: My Ears Are Burning - Cost: 6 ☐
You always know exactly what people are thinking, as long as it's about you. This effect is not telepathy and is not blocked by effects that block telepathy. It applies even to people you can't perceive normally. You are never impaired by the flood of information.

Like Roses sure is a Mary Sueish thing and he does not particularly care for it, Just A Little Longer sounds useful as heck and goes on the yes column, Immunity System is a yes, My Ears Are Burning is no absolutely not what kind of privacy-invading anyway.

Name: Well Endowed - Cost: 1 ☐
You have a generous figure, whether that's a classic hourglass or more of a well-rounded look; you can choose the details. Your endowments maintain a state of perfect grace and beauty at all times, never troubling you with uncomfortable bounces or uninvited jiggles.

Well Endowed. The immediate place his mind goes to upon reading the title is that he'd have a huge dick and he has multiple thoughts about Astolfo before he reads the description and is sadly disappointed.

what would Well Endowed entail exactly if I'm keeping a mostly masc body plan?

Well, I'm not sure exactly because I'm not used to offering the Spirit's power to boys, but if you preferred a mostly masc body plan then it definitely wouldn't give you an hourglass figure. It would depend on what you wanted and what felt best and most natural to you!

I have remembered that there is a different thing that phrase means when talking about boys. Yes, it could do that sort of thing too!

Oh hell yes he'll rock the Astolfo aesthetic.

...

.........

Okay maybe this Spirit is onto something here. Maybe he's not the most straightforwardly guyish of guys.

Anyway he's checkmarking that one because, look, Astolfo or not he'd be lying if he said he didn't want a bigger dick even though his dick is already pretty big. He's got kinks okay sue him.

...heh. Geddit? "Sue" him?

Is he having thoughts that are explicitly for the sake of his audience now. He guesses he is.

Also is his audience now privy to thoughts of his like those relating to Astolfo.

Well it is entirely their fault for opening this book or watching this show or whatever, he's very certain that it'll have any necessary content warnings for Astolfo.

Name: Hollow Leg - Cost: 1 ☐
(Requires Well Endowed.)
Regardless of your diet and exercise habits, your body maintains the physique and silhouette you prefer. Lack of visible muscle never impairs your strength or endurance. As your preferences change, so will your body; you are no longer bound to the generous figure stipulated by Well Endowed.

Name: Inner Strength - Cost: 3 ☐
(Requires Hollow Leg.)
You are implausibly, superhumanly strong, with endurance and toughness to match. You might have to strain a little to lift and carry at the same level as construction equipment, or deal with lightly scraped knuckles if you punch as hard as a battering ram.

Hollow Leg is an IMMEDIATE YES and then Inner Strength is... maybe? He'll mark it for now and get rid of it later if he's hurting for points, it's not really something he cares about much. For now he's only spent 16 points so he's fine.

Name: Battle Angel - Cost: 1 ☐
Somehow, you never get significantly injured in a fight, unless it's a very dramatic and plot-relevant fight in which case you might be glamorously wounded and pick up a cool new scar.

...hmm... he's a Mary Sue so he's not gonna die of injuries and he's actually okay with having significant injuries for plot? He's got high pain tolerance anyway. Not that one.

Name: Battle Demon - Cost: 1 ☐
You have an unerring intuition for gaps in an opponent's defenses, though it may be beyond your power to exploit them.

...hmmmmm... He'll take it, why not, it's not too OP. ("It's not too OP"? What kind of Mary Sue even is he?)

Name: Battle Maiden - Cost: 3 ☐
(Requires Battle Angel and Battle Demon)
No matter what kind of fight you're getting in, you're always a match for even the most skilled opponent.

This one is a no, he also wants to be able to be outmatched.

Name: Making Ends Meet - Cost: 1 ☐
You have enough money to sustain a comfortable lifestyle. It comes from a source you don't have to pay much attention to, like a job with almost no responsibilities, a large inheritance, or a noble title.

Name: Motherlode - Cost: 2 ☐
(Requires Making Ends Meet.)
You have enough money to sustain a fairly extravagant lifestyle. It doesn't come from anywhere, you just have it.

Name: Four Star Daydream - Cost: 4 ☐
(Requires Motherlode.)
The answer to "can I afford that" is "yes".

All three of the money ones are an immediate yes holy shit he does not want to ever think about money in his life again money fucking sucks.

Name: Dragon Fairy Elf Witch - Cost: 5 ☐
You can at any time discover previously unknown heritage from any type of being you encounter, even if this makes no sense or contradicts previously established descriptions of your family tree. You always get their powers without their drawbacks, unless the drawbacks are cool and dramatic. Any visible features of this heritage will appear at narratively appropriate moments and be cute, pretty, beautiful, or striking rather than awkward, weird, gross, or scary. This ability works even if the beings in question cannot reproduce with humans, or at all.

That's a hilarious name and furthermore yes, he absolutely wants magical heritage. He'd... rather his heritage be self-consistent because that's apparently the kind of Mary Sue he is, but otherwise yes he is totally a Dragon Fairy Elf Witch.

Name: Omniglot - Cost: 3 ☐
You learn languages insanely, ludicrously fast. You know exactly what any word said to you means, and you make strangely accurate guesses about how to phrase things you're trying to say. You never forget any grammar or vocabulary you learn.

Name: Anything You Can Do - Cost: 6 ☐
You learn implausibly quickly from friends, rivals, and love interests. If you have a personal connection to someone with a certain skill, talent, or expertise, you'll learn it five times faster than they did, or twenty times faster if they're actively trying to teach you. This applies even to forms of magic that you ordinarily shouldn't be able to learn.

Omniglot: yes. No question about it. He likes learning languages but not that much and apparently his life is about to get pretty busy.

Anything You Can Do: no. But why not? If he's fine with it for Omniglot why not for general skills? And the answer is immediate: he doesn't really... want... that kind of relationship with others? Being competent is fun but being so competent that you outshine everyone around you... is not the kind of Mary Sue he wants to be.

Name: Closed Book - Cost: 1 ☐
You're immune to any supernatural, pharmaceutical, or other effect that would let people directly read your thoughts or feelings.

Name: Indelible - Cost: 1 ☐
You're immune to any supernatural, pharmaceutical, or other effect that would let people directly alter your thoughts or feelings.

Name: Iron Will - Cost: 2 ☐
(Requires Closed Book and Indelible.)
You are immune to all forms of mental illusion, alteration, interference, or control. Even extreme torture, extended solitary confinement, advanced brainwashing techniques, and so on cannot touch you. You can be lonely but not cripplingly lonely. You can be upset but not traumatized.

Closed Book yes Indelible yes Iron Will yes every time this notebook reminds him that his genre can have shit like mind control he wants absolutely none of it.

And that's... the end of the "Yourself" section.

so a while back you mentioned that variable preference-based powers could make me look different at different times, if I just pick all of those do I become the shapechanging genderfluid bishounen of my dreams or is that a separate power?

That. Is a sentence he just wrote. How did he ever think he was cisgender holy crap.

If you pick all of those, and your heart desires to be a shapechanging genderfluid bishounen, then that's what you'll get! Especially with Dragon Fairy Elf Witch in the mix to let you pick up shapeshifting powers from beings you encounter.

Oh he's in so much trouble okay he goes back and picks A Thousand Ships and Emerald Orbs and Perfect Hair and Size Difference and

does Like Roses count as part of that list or is it separate?

Because he's at 43 points now and starting to worry about how there are still rather a lot of pages he hasn't looked at yet so he maybe should start thinking about point economy.

If you want to be really really sure about the shapeshifting right from the start, you should definitely have Like Roses, and you might even want to be sure you keep Dressing Room, though that one's less important. If you're okay waiting for Dragon Fairy Elf Witch to provide, then you can skip Like Roses.

...hmm.

He's—not sure.

Which probably means he should take it. Check goes the scent thing.

Now where did his brain just hit a snag, there? It had kinda been rolling along mostly okay and that last thing suddenly stopped it short and he doesn't quite understand why. It's not like he was actively relying on the possibility of changing his appearance on the fly before, he thinks, he's been building a stable thing in his mind and then the shapeshifting would be a bonus—

The bell rings. Oh he actually spent the whole class on this. In retrospect he's kind of surprised he's had this much crammed into a single class? Maybe the narrative didn't want to pay attention to the time until it started to strain credibility for it to still be Geom time.

I'll be right back, class is over

Okay! I can wait. I'm very patient.

"Thank you for the notebooks, Josh," Peter says sweetly as he's putting his stuff away and Josh is walking over to him with a confused half-grin. "They were really high quality!"

"You looked really happy with your sparkles over there, Petey," Joshua tries, walking out of the classroom with him. "I don't think I've ever seen you that excited for Geom! Was it because the cover matched your eyes?"

Peter stretches his fingers out in front of him. "Actually it's because I thought of a lovely nail polish colour that would go great with it. Maybe I could show you, get your opinion?"

Joshua sighs. "I told the boys it wasn't going to be that funny. You're boring to tease, Petey."

"—oh, of course it wasn't your idea. Nate's?"

    "Yeah."

"Well I got a message for him, then."

    "Yeah?"

"Yeah, let me—there he is." He starts jogging over to where he can see the blond with a friend down the hall. "Nate!"

"—oh, sup dude. Got our gift?"

"I did and I had something to say to you about it."

Nate smirks. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Peter pulls Nate into a one-armed hug and plants a long, wet, sloppy kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for the gifts~"

He pushes Peter away and starts rubbing his cheek with the shoulder of his T-shirt. "Get off me, you homo."

"You don't get to say that, it's my reclaimed slur not yours."

    "Whatever. The game still on after class?"

"Oh, shoot, something's come up—that's not a no, but I'll let you know. Maybe grab Dore just in case?"

    "Hey, it wasn't because of the notebooks, was it?" asks Joshua, a bit anxiously. "It was just a joke—"

"No, it's fine, I did actually like them and fuck gender roles, you know, I'm gonna have the pinkest sparkliest notebooks in this school."

    "...if anyone can pull it off..."

"Don't say that, I'm sure we could colour match."

    Joshua grimaces and Nate says, "You're so weird, Tarleton."

"Right back atcha, Smith. Catch you guys later, AP Calc time."

    "Later," the say in unison.

alright I'm back but I was on the verge of an epiphany or something back there and I'm gonna get back to it now

Okay! Good luck with your epiphany!

So: what was the snag his brain hit earlier? It was when the notebook mentioned that he could get shapeshifting right away or only later.

It's... okay at least part of it is that he likes his face. He has expressive eyebrows and a sharp jawline and adorable dimples and nice full lips and even his nose is kind of distinctive. He thinks he's pretty, but he's pretty with personality, he's the kind of pretty that can be not-someone's-type, he could be glossed over as a generic white boy and that wouldn't be false and, and... he's... sort of got an identity. You know? He didn't choose his face and there are probably things he'd change about it if he were to design a face from scratch but it's his face and he likes it. And when he was designing the hung femboy with superpowers persona in his head he realises he'd been thinking of that as... a sort of... character? And it's not like he'd thought that he wasn't going to become that character but...

...he supposes he hadn't been thinking of it in terms of leaving his current self behind.

He doesn't want to leave his current self behind.

okay I think epiphany was the wrong word for it but i'm having some not-totally-fully-formed thoughts about identity and appearance that i might want your help untangling

I'm here to help!

so I guess the central thing here is that i don't look very feminine at all, and there are many ways that I could uh

I was having some pretty detailed mental images in my head of variously feminine aesthetics that would appeal to me and that I would be comfortable with but I am pretty attached to what I look like right now, my face is mine and me and I don't think my face could launch any ships let alone a thousand but I don't really want to leave it behind even if there are many other ship-launching faces that I could have

there's a generalization of that for other aspects of my identity than my face but that's the one that was most salient

does that make sense?

I think so! So you want to be able to return to how you look like now, even if you also want to be able to change? That sounds like the sort of thing a shapeshifter might be able to do. Especially if it was really important to you!

But if you want, I could also try to nudge A Thousand Ships a little, to make it more relaxed on the idealized feminine beauty front, and more malleable to your desires in the moment? That way it wouldn't conflict with changing your form to look like you do now, it would just support you extra in looking feminine and beautiful when you want to!

...he wants to hug this notebook. This is such a good notebook. It's offering him superpowers and it's not even asking him to lose things that are important to him forever and he gets to be a Mary Sue about it. He's not gonna grin like a lunatic because Ms. Martin is a lot less tolerant than Mr. Hilbert but on the inside he's grinning a lot.

you are the best notebook

yes I'd love that second thing

Aww, I try! ♡ Let me see... ⏳

...okay, I needed to adjust the point cost up by one but I think I've got it!

thank you! do you have a more

He stops writing there for a second, tapping the edge of his notebook with the corner of his pen like a nervous tick, trying to figure out how to phrase what he means.

"Mr. Tarleton, since you've been paying so much attention to my class, why don't you take a stab at the answer?" asks the teacher, interrupting his train of thought.

"—sorry?" he says, blinking up at her.

She just gestures at the blackboard.

He blinks again, looks at the blackboard for a few awkward seconds with his jaw slightly slack, then shrugs and says, "Ill-defined. Or I guess you could say it doesn't exist. Positive infinity from the right, negative infinity from the left, but you didn't specify which so there's no answer."

...she was not actually expecting him to know the answer. "Correct," she says after a couple of seconds before turning to the rest of the class and trying to hide her annoyance. "As Mr. Tarleton said, for a function with such discontinuities the limit is undefined at the discontinuity and so you need to specify a direction from which to approach it..."

Peter doesn't actually try very hard to hide his smugness before turning back to the notebook. He probably left it hanging for a bit there, whoops, that was impolite.

The notebook is waiting patiently for him to finish that sentence!

Oh cool okay uh what was it right yes he adds

thorough or detailed description of what exactly changed about that power?

to the end of that line.

Let me see about that... ⏳

Name: A Thousand Ships - Cost: 2 ☐
Your face is simply exquisite, an ideal of feminine beauty. There are many possible ideals of feminine beauty, and yours is whichever one speaks most deeply to your soul. Others may match your beauty in their own way, but never exceed it.
It's less important that your face be an ideal of feminine beauty and more important that it be yours. You look how you want to look, based on your in-the-moment preferences and your sense of aesthetics and identity.

best notebook ever

Okay, 45 points spent, time to look at all the rest of everything.

Power of Friendship! Let's read the cute fluffy fun preamble...

These powers affect how others see you and how you interact with them.

In general, effects that describe others' reactions (like their attention being drawn to you by Mysterious Allure, or their sympathy being provoked by Tragic Backstory) operate on a metanarrative rather than a causal level. They are not mind control, and are not blocked by effects that block mind control.

Your "true love" is anyone you're pursuing a serious romantic relationship with. You can have as many of these as you like, but your feelings for all of them must be genuine.

THAT WAS A VERY CONCERNING PREAMBLE. HE IS ONCE AGAIN VERY CONCERNED. HE IS NOT SURE HE WANTS POWERS THAT NEEDED THAT PREAMBLE.

heyyyyyy so what exactly is the distinction being drawn here between metanarratively making people drawn to me and mind controling people to be drawn to me

The metanarrative has a lot more freedom in how to act than a mind control power! A mind control power can only change people's minds in the moment, but the metanarrative can decide before you ever meet them that they will be the sort of people who are naturally drawn to you, or arrange events so that they're coincidentally drawn to you because of things like lighting and timing and how well your voice carries.

oh that makes a lot of sense and is reassuring

is there a way to ensure that these effects are only of that kind and not, for example, metanarratively causing neutrinos from the sun to knock someone's neurons in a specific direction or anything like that?

I'm not sure! If you have strong preferences about that sort of thing, the power should try to follow them, but it might be hard for it to do that because the things it does might not be things you've thought of enough to have opinions about them. And if it can't make the right things happen without doing something you would have dispreferred, it will make the right things happen anyway. If you have your heart set on some powers like that, but you want them to only work in ways that you're okay with, I could try to alter them in that direction but it might bump up the cost like it did with A Thousand Ships.

I'm probably okay with cost bumping, some of the powers i've picked so far i'm a lot less dead-set on than others and can manage point conservation plus I assume if you are sufficiently similar to a certain genre of fiction you pattern-match to from my world there will eventually be options that give me points rather than cost them

He stares at this sentence and teachers talking about run-on sentences show up in his head admonishing him for them so he adds some extra punctuation:

I'm probably okay with cost bumping, some of the powers i've picked so far i'm a lot less dead-set on than others and can manage point conservation. plus I assume, if you are sufficiently similar to a certain genre of fiction you pattern-match to from my world, there will eventually be options that give me points rather than cost them

There, that's clearer. And then next line:

I can try to better articulate my objections if that would help

Yes, there's a Drawbacks section at the end! And I would love to hear more about your objections so I can help you find the powers that are right for you! ♡

He doesn't want to write out his thoughts while he works through them because they'll probably be pretty unformed so he just keeps them in his head. After some thinking he's confident he's got it down and he starts writing, slowly and thoughtfully.

in theory there are circumstances that could make roughly anyone do roughly anything, but those circumstances can range in plausibility and let's-call-it "forcedness". at one end of this scale you have things like being tired or hungry, having had a fight with someone, having received great news and being in a good mood; at the other end, you have things like having your brain and memories and senses literally edited or your limbs and emotions literally controlled. somewhere closer to the middle you have things like someone going out of their way to upset someone else in expectation that that'll make them more snappish later in some important meeting or something.

then even within a given circumstance there are things one is more or less likely to do. I am in a certain sense more likely to shoot up the school if I slept badly but it's still not at all likely and would require a wildly implausible set of thoughts and feelings going through my head to actually cause that, but on the other hand me having less patience with Nate's antics and biting his head off (metaphorically) for a mostly-innocuous comment is well within my typical behaviour.

so perhaps a way of conceptualising some of that from within the framework of narratives that the Spirit seems drawn to is the concept of something being in character or out of character: it would be IC for me to snap at Nate when sleep deprived and OOC for me to shoot up the school in that situation. and stretching the definition a bit, it would be OOC for the setting of mundane Earth to have neutrinos randomly causing people to act in strange ways but it would be IC for it to have some loud construction work happening near someone's house in a way that makes them sleep badly.

the kinds of things I'm not okay with are the kinds of things that are OOC. people holding the Idiot Ball, people being into me despite their existing preferences and not in a way that's related to how they've always had some latent leanings in that direction, people finding me inherently mysteriously alluring at all times even if in most situations they wouldn't have—flattering lighting and so on makes sense as a sometimes thing but if literally every single time someone sees me I'm in flattering enough lighting that they'd find me alluring while in every other kind of lighting they wouldn't then I'd call foul play

and I understand that within the genre the Spirit seems to want to move me to a lot of similarly implausible things kind of happen to the protagonist and I'm mostly fine with that. but while I could see Nate turning it to have some latent homosexuality that was in him all along—dude's repressed as all hell—it really would not make sense for Gabe to be—he's actually tried being with a guy once to see and he's empirically determined he's not into guys, plus given his whole personality and disposition I would separately be really freaked out if he turned out to be into me despite it all.

does this make sense?

Yes, I think I see what you're saying! (Though Mysterious Allure isn't meant to necessarily be romantic in nature; it only governs literal interest, people paying you more attention than they otherwise might. The romantic options are listed later.)

(sure, i haven't actually read the romantic ones but i was just talking about them due to expectations about the genre. i would have been very surprised if there weren't any options later on about people being super into me romantically or sexually despite past leanings, it's just a part of this genre)

He adds the parentheses after writing the whole sentence because it's in response to the notebook's own parentheses and he doesn't want to confuse the main topic they're conversing about.

anyway, so I don't have a great cutoff for what's definitely okay and what's definitely not okay. i have those thoughts about likelihood of actions and what makes i guess a good story versus a bad story and while i do want to be the kind of character the Spirit seems to want me to be i still want my stories to be cool and good stories with that kind of character, you know? and would in general kind of freak out if things like the Gabes of the world turning out to be into me happened very frequently (though I'd buy them happening every now and then for strictly IC ways reasons that reflect who those people were all along and don't modify who they are or the way they act to achieve those effects, the world is vast and the genre is strong and it would be kind of hot)

He really wishes he could be typing rather than writing by hand. He assumes the notebook must have some magic to make sure that it can always understand the scrawl that he calls handwriting but it's a miracle it's taken him this long to outright make a mistake.

That's very reasonable of you! I think I can definitely alter the mind-affecting options you take to make sure they fit your narrative sensibilities that way. Just tell me which ones you want to change and I'll work it out and update the costs and descriptions accordingly!

i know i've said this before but: best notebook

alright time to actually read those options in more depth

(Once more the tiny hearts.)

The tiny hearts are adorable.

Name: Mysterious Allure - Cost: 5 ☐
There's just something about you. People are drawn to you, fascinated by you. You tend to be the most interesting person in the room unless something really unusual is going on.

Mysterious Allure is... he can see some of the appeal but he thinks not enough of it to pay 5 points for it (or the updated probably-higher cost involved in making it more palatable).

Name: Captive Audience - Cost: 3 ☐
As long as you have genuine interest in what you're talking about, no one will ever get bored of listening to you talk about it.

Captive Audience............ oh God he's tempted. He is so tempted. He thinks he's gonna pass because, like, he wants to actually be that interesting but. God he's tempted.

Name: Blackout Binge - Cost: 2 ☐
(Requires Immunity System)
Heavy use of recreational intoxicants puts you in a carefree, uninhibited state in which it will be universally agreed afterward that you were not responsible for your actions.

Blackout Binge: no. Not even a little bit. He's not sure how that could be achieved without mind control but, like, he's not even old enough to drink yet (which doesn't mean he hasn't but those were not his proudest moments) and he definitely doesn't want to be excused for shit he does while drugged out.

Name: Disney Princess - Cost: 2 ☐
Animals are always friendly to you, especially the small cute ones. You can effectively tame any animal by feeding it and speaking gently to it.

Name: Best Friend - Cost: 3 ☐
You have an animal companion, like a horse or a cat or a raven. They have a cool name and maybe a few nifty cosmetic quirks, like glowing purple eyes. Their loyalty is infinite and they often hold the key to solving whatever situation you're up against. You can understand them perfectly even though they can't speak, and they always know exactly what you mean even if all you do is glance at them meaningfully.

Name: Bestest Friend - Cost: 5 ☐
(Requires Best Friend)
Your animal companion is a fully magical creature, like a dragon or unicorn. They have magnificent supernatural powers ready to be used at your command. They can speak every language you can, but can still communicate with you on a deeper level of mutual love and understanding.

Disney Princess: ...maybe? He's not sure why he'd want an animal companion, he knows it's a thing in the genre but he's not, like, a fan of animals, and he has mild not-exactly-trauma about them after he and his siblings got a dog when he was like nine and then they proceeded to neglect it for years until they got rid of it and that was a terrible time for everyone involved the dog most of all. And sure these animals would solve one of the main problems that caused the situation, that of communication, but still: no, not really.

Best Friend: same deal.

Bestest Friend: okay now he's starting to get tempted. Having a dragon companion sounds super cool. He's confused about how he'd get a unicorn, he's not a virgin and would definitely not want to stay one very long if he were, but maybe this is a unicorn from some other form of media where they don't only hang around virgins. Or maybe he's such a Mary Sue that unicorns like him even though he's not a virgin. That'd actually be super Mary Sueish of him and makes him feel tempted by the suite just for that but in the end he thinks he'll pass.

Name: Generosity - Cost: 3 ☐
Your friends love to get you presents. They'll try to pick out things you'll like, but their success depends on how well they know you.

Name: Helpfulness - Cost: 4 ☐
Your friends love to do you favours. They'll volunteer eagerly whenever you need help with small tasks.

Name: Cuddle Buddies - Cost: 2 ☐
Your friends love to hug and cuddle you. Even someone who ordinarily isn't into that sort of thing will make an exception for you.

Name: Flattery - Cost: 1 ☐
Your friends love to compliment you and tell you all about how much they like you and why.

Name: Quality Time - Cost: 2 ☐
Your friends love to hang out with you and spend time together, even if you're not doing anything interesting or important.

Generosity, Helpfulness, Cuddle Buddies, Flattery, Quality Time: no? Maybe he just already has very good friends but he's not particularly feeling the lack of any of these and if he can already get them without superpowers he's not gonna waste points on them. Quality Time in particular just sounds like having friends, like that's part of what friends are for is spending uninteresting unimportant Quality Time together.

Name: Agree to Agree - Cost: 4 ☐
You can always convince your friends to see your point of view about things like politics and philosophy. They might have a few quibbles here and there, but they'll see how right you are once you explain where you're coming from in enough detail.

Agree to Agree: hell to the no. ...wait, actually...

is there a possible version of Agree to Agree that would work only if I am actually right? I guess maybe this breaks some things because I'll know that if I'm failing to convince people then it's because I'm wrong and that in itself should convince me but on the other hand skipping out on disagreement that comes from miscommunication or misunderstanding or hidden assumptions sounds great

Oh, that's a very good question... I'll have to think about that one. It might be tricky and might not do exactly what you want, but I think I can probably come up with something! You can keep asking me questions while I think about it.

awesome, alright

Next: Love Interest.

Name: Love Interest - Cost: 1 ☐
(Requires A Thousand Ships and Mysterious Allure)
Anyone you fall for will inevitably like you back. They may not necessarily act on their feelings, but the potential will be there.

Uh.

This. Sure is an element of the genre, isn't it. He can't say he's zero tempted, especially if this could be arranged in non-mind control ways. He's... gonna have to ask the notebook about it. Because. Because.

...

Because.

(He's a romantic, okay, sue him, he's had his crushes rejected one too many times and would sooner do without if that's on offer.)

so for Love interest, what kinds of metanarrative mechanisms are available here? i'm not sure how I would cause these effects without mind control and mind control-alikes

If I made an altered version of Love Interest that only operated in ways you were okay with, I think it would do things like having you only meet people you were likely to be into if they were also likely to be into you, and showing you in your best light to people you were into, and giving people you were into character development that led them toward being into you. The ordinary version does things like that too but also does other things, like changing people's minds directly, or giving them out-of-character epiphanies.

Jesus Christ he's so glad he had that very long diatribe there about free will and mind control because yikes.

...god, there totally are other people in other universes that were offered these powers and who 100% took the mind control options, aren't there. He's creeped out.

I would really appreciate such a version

a separate and mostly unrelated question, i assume there are other people out there in the multiverse who also have the power of the Spirit, right? am I at all likely to meet them? what happens if I do and our powers enter into conflict?

One of the Drawback options makes you likely to meet other people chosen by the Spirit! It almost never happens by itself.

When two people chosen by the Spirit meet, the ways their powers apply to each other are mostly dictated by the combination of their narrative preferences. If there's any way they can live a story together that's part of both of their best lives, they do that. Otherwise, things get complicated, but the biggest question governing power interactions is still 'what kind of story does this person want to live?'.

that makes sense. I'll probably not pick the drawback, though, I think I want to be the protagonist of my story

And not have another Mary Sue mind controlling everyone around her ahahahahah.

Reasonable!

Anyway where was he ah yes Love Interest which may soon be modified to be less mind controlling so next is Love Triangle...

Name: Love Triangle - Cost: 2 ☐
(Requires Love Interest)
People you fall for will be open to dating you even if they already have another serious relationship, or other circumstances that would ordinarily interfere, like a demanding career or a vow of chastity. This may cause drama, but it'll blow over quickly and there won't be any serious problems.

...

........

Uh huh. Sure. "Drama". He's onto you. So that's a no from him.

Next, Love Dodecahedron...

Name: Love Dodecahedron - Cost: 5 ☐
(Requires Love Triangle)
When you fall for someone who is already seriously dating or even married, your romantic rival will be open to allowing their partner to date you, and may even want to date you themselves.

...solves the drama? Apparently? By? Everyone being poly? Okay that is really tempting and he's sure there's a metanarrative thing that'll be happening here such that he'll only happen to run into people to potentially fall for who are already up for being poly. Really tempting. Except...

...he rereads "Love Triangle"...

..."Love Dodecahedron" solves specifically the romantic drama. He's onto you, again, with your

or other circumstances that would ordinarily interfere, like a demanding career or a vow of chastity

So yeah he does not want people to quit their jobs or break their vows of chastity or whatever for him. That's a hard pass.

Next:

Name: Time Enough For Love - Cost: 5 ☐
No matter how many people you want to date or be close friends with, you will somehow find the time to hang out with all of them and express your love and care. This power can only be used for relationship activities and not for anything else you might want to use the ability to be in two places at once for.

WOW he nearly dug a hole into the page there uh.

sorry about nearly digging a hole into your page there. i got excited.

That's okay, I understand! A lot of people really like that one.

yeah no kidding

Next is...

Name: I Can Fix Them - Cost: 5 ☐
Regardless of how morally despicable someone is, your love can and will reform them into a genuinely good, kind, upstanding person who regrets their evil deeds.

This CYOA is really doing its level best to throw all of his moral intuitions at weird places to see where they fall, huh. Goddamnit.

Okay, so, thinking through this one... He still has a strong aversion to mind control, and he's sure that he could ask the notebook for a non-mind control version of this power, but...

That'd make him only ever run into villains who were already, from the start, seducible into being nice people. Right? And so all of the villains who are in fact irredeemable will continue to not be redeemed. So maybe it is worthwhile taking this with fully unadulterated mind control so he can deal with the worst villains around?

...is he seriously considering using his dick as a weapon to make villains less villainous. Well, "love" not "dick", it'd be more of a sweet thing of romancing the villain and making them realise the error of their ways...

Man. Man he really, uh. He really. Should. Not. Do this. He just shouldn't. He has tried it before, and it was even with people who weren't morally despicable, it was just regular people whom he thought he could fix with sufficient applications of loving them and it didn't work and it didn't work in disastrous ways and, and this power guarantees that it'd work actually this time so if he just did it then it'd be fine and.

And.

THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA WHY IS HIS PEN HOVERING OVER THAT LITTLE BOX AUGHHHHHH

HE'LL THINK ABOUT IT LATER.

NEXT.

Name: True Love's Kiss - Cost: 1 ☐
By kissing your true love, you can break any curse, heal any injury, and cure any illness. The same works in reverse.

That's very innocuous and strictly positive and an immediate yes.

Next is...

Name: Planned Parenthood - Cost: 1 ☐
You can only have children if you actively and specifically want to. Your partners will understand this and not worry too much about it.

can I get Planned Parenthood without the part where people are automatically okay with it? i don't particularly want anything to replace that with, i'm fine having this be a plot point or a source of conflict or something i have to work through and actually now that i say all of this i confess i'm not entirely sure whether that'd have changed anything about the cost even if it wasn't already just a 1? is having conflict about this the kind of thing that the Spirit disprefers and would thus cost more power or, how exactly does that work?

If you take the Incomplete drawback later on, I can bend it to erase the mind-affecting parts of Planned Parenthood. It might help me with the Agree to Agree problem, too! And the modified Love Interest!

oh excellent I'll watch for it then

Next...

Name: Two Become One - Cost: 1 ☐
(Requires Planned Parenthood)
When you have sex, it is always special and wonderful and beautiful. No one ever elbows anyone in the face or makes undignified noises.

...pass. Sex is messy and that's part of it and it, it's, it feels a bit like it defeats the point to always have it be ~special and wonderful and beautiful~. It... detracts from the humanity of it. He thinks.

Name: Bop It - Cost: 1 ☐
(Requires Two Become One)
The mysteries of another's body are an open book to you, and you always know exactly how to move and touch in order to please someone in bed.

Bop It on the other hand is a lot more tempting if it weren't for the requirement. Not... he thinks it's not tempting enough that he'd take it, especially because he does sort of pride himself in his ability to figure out how to make someone melt on his fingers the hard way.

Name: The Princess And The Dragon - Cost: 3 ☐
No matter who or what you're trying to sleep with, the logistics will all work out, somehow. Arbitrary differences in size, biology, temperature, substrate, and underlying physics can be gotten around with sufficient creativity and determination.

Oh that is such a yes holy shit wait does that mean he gets to fuck nonhuman species he did not know he had this kink but in retrospect it sure was predictable huh welp.

Name: GGG - Cost: 4 ☐
Your true love will be willing to try just about anything you suggest in bed, and if you really enjoy it, they'll really enjoy it too.

No.

Name: Before Your Eyes - Cost: 4 ☐
In your presence, people become willing to experiment sexually in ways they normally wouldn't. For some reason this applies especially well to boys kissing each other.

This is clearly some fujoshi shit huh. Don't worry he can be one of the boys kissing boys here, there'll be a lot of that happening if it's up to him. Also no.

Name: Fated Lovers - Cost: 3 ☐
You will meet someone who will go on to become your true love. If you enter a specific universe with a specific target in mind, you'll meet that person under favourable circumstances, and if it doesn't work out with them, this power will keep introducing you to new possibilities until you find someone who's right for you. If you're the sort of person who can have multiple true loves, you'll keep meeting new ones until you have enough.

...

...he shouldn't start crying in the middle of AP Calc. He doesn't know why this is making him feel like crying but it is.

You know what this is, this is too many epiphanies or whatever the fuck. He bets his audience is laughing their ass off about just how many times a single notebook can break him. Well, ha ha to all of you, too. He is not going to give you the satisfaction of crying over this, even though he probably will have to actually think about why this made him want to cry so that he can decide whether he'll take it.

Damnation.

Name: Sorry About That - Cost: 3 ☐
Your true love will be extremely forgiving. Even if you make mistakes or act thoughtlessly toward them, a simple apology will mend things between you. They may expect you to try to improve, but they'll be infinitely patient about how fast that improvement takes place.

Name: Excuse Me - Cost: 5 ☐
(Requires Sorry About That)
All your friends will be just as forgiving as your true love.

Name: Tragic Backstory - Cost: 8 ☐
(Requires Excuse Me)
Something terrible happened to you in your past. Anyone who hears about it immediately forgives you for any and all bad behaviour in the present. They will not expect you to grow or change, and will continue sympathetically excusing whatever you do indefinitely.

Jesus H. Christ my guy do people really want to just be able to do awful shit with impunity like this don't answer that. But like. God.

Name: Sense of Style - Cost: 4 ☐
People who are romantically interested in you will start dressing more to your taste. The more romantically compatible they are, the better they'll be able to guess exactly what to wear to catch your eye.

Sense of Style: will that get people naked. He's not sure there's any clothes that he likes more than naked. Maybe if it's very sexy. Actually there are kinds of sexy that he'd buy over naked (Astolfo) but he's really not sure this power is trying to cater to this particular kink of his.

...hmm.

Name: Bonus Style Points - Cost: 3 ☐
(Requires Sense of Style)
Luck will shine on anyone trying to dress up for you. They'll get their hands on outfits they couldn't normally afford, their clothes will fit better, and in extreme cases they might even find themselves able to change shape, sex, or species—though only in ways that make them more, not less, comfortable in their own skin.

What's next holy shit he can get other people to shapeshift too?????? Okay those two are a yes then hoooly wow.

Name: Popular - Cost: 3 ☐
Wherever you go, you develop a reputation fast. The sort of people who you'd like to have as fans tend to hear about you and be impressed. You may not make an impression on mainstream society at large, but you'll develop a following among the people who best resonate with your style.

Enh.

Name: Famous - Cost: 3 ☐
(Requires Popular.)
Wherever you go, people really take to you. You're the subject of constant gossip and most people have heard of you before you meet them. People you've never met will get crushes on you.

Enhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Name: Undiplomatic Immunity - Cost: 6 ☐
You are above the law. Any crimes you commit will be overlooked by the authorities. Note that, if you do enough crime that you start looking more like an invading army, local governments will still feel free to declare war.

No. Why.

Name: Friends In Low Places - Cost: 3 ☐
You make friends easily among the lowest echelons of society, the underdogs and underworlders. Moving and acting in these circles is intuitive and natural for you.

Name: Friends In High Places - Cost: 3 ☐
You make friends easily at the highest echelons of society, among the rich and powerful. Moving and acting in these circles is intuitive and natural for you.

Name: Friends in Strange Places - Cost: 3 ☐
You make friends easily in small isolated communities, among those who may be scorned by mainstream society for their differences or may just be so obscure that mainstream society mostly hasn't heard of them. Moving and acting in these circles is intuitive and natural for you.

...okay he. He does like these. These are cool. He'll take them.

Aaaand we're at the Drawbacks part! His points total is 71 but that's not counting whatever the modified version of Love Interest will cost plus the Mysterious Allure requirement and the Agree to Agree thing aaaand whatever the fuck just happened in his brain when he read over Fated Lovers.

okay so I'm at Drawbacks, pulse check on modified Love Interest?

I think I can get it to fit together with the modified Planned Parenthood using Incomplete to nudge them both. I'm still working on the changes you asked for to Agree to Agree; I think I'm going to end up needing to construct a whole new option and that's always tricky... I'm pretty sure I can get it to work, though!

Name: Backchannel - Cost: 4 ☐
When you're talking to someone and you think you might not be getting through to each other, you can take a step back, look deep into your heart, and really try to understand where they're coming from, and it will just work and you'll know what they're trying to say and how sincere they are about it and have a good idea of what you should say if you want them to understand you right back.

(I was trying to do something much more ambitious, that made you just be able to communicate with people that easily all the time instead of when you take a moment to try it, but this one is much easier to put together and it also doesn't cost as many points!)

oh but that's wonderful, that's better than what I had thought before any of the vague thoughts I had about it

he writes, then immediately checks that checkbox. 75 points now.

why the name "Backchannel"?

I don't know, it just felt right! Inventing options is very mysterious that way.

huh, interesting

He wonders if there's some reference he's meant to be getting here like "Emerald Orbs" and "Dragon Fairy Elf Witch"? Meh, whatever. On to drawbacks.

Name: Decorative - Grants: +1 ☐
You are unfailingly cute and pretty and feminine at all times, in all circumstances. You cannot wear insufficiently pretty clothes. You cannot make insufficiently pretty noises. You cannot ugly cry.

...oh, oof. He was a little bit confused about what exactly the drawback was until the last sentence and... yeah. Yeah.

Kind of surprising that it's only one point.

Name: Beauty Is A Curse - Grants: +1 ☐
(Requires A Thousand Ships)
No, you don't understand. Beauty IS a curse. People will NOT stop bringing it up. Everyone you meet just has to point out how pretty you are. This will never stop happening. Even the most tactful people find it slipping out subtly, as remarks about the luster of your hair or the depth of your eyes.

His ego is more massive than his dick will be once he gets magic powers so this does not actually sound like a drawback at all.

Name: Plain Jane - Grants: +2 ☐
No matter what you look like, nor how many times people tell you you're beautiful, when you look in the mirror all you see is imperfections. You will never be fully satisfied with your appearance on an instinctive level.

...once again he is surprised by how few points a drawback gives, because this would make him permanently, constantly miserable. He used to not like how he looked and now he does and if he became permanently incapable of ever being satisfied with his looks again he's not sure what he'd do. Honestly it's getting more upsetting the more he thinks about it so instead he will move on to the next drawback.

Name: Style of Sisyphus - Grants: +1 ☐
Anytime you settle on a personal style that works well for you, soon afterward you'll encounter inspiration for another style that you like even better. You might end up cycling between different fashions, or trying to incporporate them all into a single outfit (and then finding another inspiration and having to start all over again).

This honestly sounds kind of fun? Except for the implied mind control, even though he doesn't really have a problem per se with choosing to "mind control himself".

Name: There's Another One - Grants: +3 ☐
You are not the only vessel of the Spirit. You might meet someone else with similar powers to yours; you might even meet more than one. Your susceptibility to one another's powers will be governed by the narrative.

Oh yeah the notebook mentioned this. He probably doesn't want this, especially again given how few points it gives, because he bets other Mary Sues are a lot more cavalier about mind control than he is.

Name: Incomplete - Grants: +5 ☐
About half of people you encounter will be immune to all effects listed under Power of Friendship, and about half of those who remain will see reduced effects. You can do nothing to change this.

There it is. This... honestly doesn't even sound so much like a drawback. Having some people be in his story and some people not be in his story just sounds... pretty alright actually? He's taking it, absolutely. Now what were his Power of Friendship powers again?

...oh, right, that power he's not thinking about for now. That power's there. He will continue not to think about it for now, nope. Let's instead think about the powers he does want, like Love Interest and the requisite Mysterious Allure, which he's checking now and which together with Incomplete bring his total to 76.

Name: Love Interest - Cost: 1 ☐
(Requires A Thousand Ships and Mysterious Allure)
Anyone you fall for will ^(almost) inevitably like you back. They may not necessarily act on their feelings, but the potential will be there.
This power will only work by doing things like filter who you meet and present you in a flattering light and lead people to natural character development. If all that isn't enough, you could end up with an unrequited crush.

Name: Planned Parenthood - Cost: 1 ☐
You can only have children if you actively and specifically want to. Your partners will understand this and not worry too much about it.

those changes are perfect, thank you!

Okay he's still at 6 above maximum and there's that one power he is definitely not taking too to take into account so let's look at more drawbacks.

Name: Green With Envy - Grants: +6 ☐
People are so eager to be your friend that they become bitter and vindictive when denied the opportunity. You can tear apart long-established friend groups if you aren't careful to give everyone equal attention, and sometimes even then. This effect is particularly harsh around people you're dating.

...no. Absolutely not. He is obligate poly and that's hard enough to manage without cosmic forces pushing people into being jealous or so he hears, though he wouldn't know because no one wants to have long-term committed relationships with him let alone two people at once.

Name: You Ruin Them - Grants: +3 ☐
Once someone has dated, slept with, or even shared a deep and longing glance across a room with you, their heart is never fully satisfied with anyone else. Other relationships pale in comparison to what they could have, or imagine they could have, with you.

He... understands that this is some people's narrative kink but good God.

Name: Jilted Lovers - Grants: +4 ☐
When you break up with someone, they become monomaniacally obsessed with getting back together. If you take Realism, this will absolutely escalate to violent stalking.

Yikes??? Also, "Realism", that seems potentially interesting.

Name: The Crazy Train - Grants: +6 ☐
Powers that you should be able to control directly or influence by your mood and preferences (like Dragon Fairy Elf Witch, Emerald Orbs, or What's In A Name) instead answer only to the narrative, which is still using your aesthetics but might not necessarily have your best interests in mind. Combines... interestingly... with Realism.

...once again in the "drawbacks that aren't bad" series...

Okay, to be fair, he can totally imagine situations where he'd hate this but also it's still his aesthetics and the notebook said that stories would be ones he'd have been okay with having been in? He's vaguely tempted to grab this one as a perk instead of a drawback.

Name: They'll Know - Grants: +8 ☐
This drawback lifts the veil that discourages people from realizing how your powers affect the world around them and their own minds. Warning: this knowledge can cause a lot of trouble.

And again, another drawback that seems like a perk!

what's this "veil" the They'll Know drawback mentions?

Normally, the metanarrative tries to make sure that people only notice your powers within the narrative; people with Size Difference aren't noticed shifting height slightly until they shift height dramatically enough for that power to enter the story, and people with mind-affecting powers find that people usually don't notice their minds being affected. That sort of thing.

so given my general preferences about this matter, with no mind-affecting anything, would this just take the form of people not being prevented (via, I presume, coincidence-management and things like that) from putting two and two together about how the narrative tends to bend in my favor?

Yes, that's right!

fortunately for me I actually find narratives that break or lean against the fourth wall like that a lot of fun

Hello, audience, he is looking straight at you right now. He has no idea what format he's in but rest assured that he is looking directly at you. He hopes you're enjoying his little rollercoaster ride.

Anywho he'll check that box and now he's at 68.

Then I'm glad you get the chance to explore them!

Alright, so, last drawback: Realism.

Name: Realism - Grants: +20 ☐
Give up your metanarrative protection. Although your individually selected powers still work as described, the invisible synergies that protect you from, say, gaining violent stalkers through Mysterious Allure or being genuinely traumatized by your Tragic Backstory are removed. Additionally, though effects like I Can Fix Them still operate, they may take considerably more effort, care, thought, and narrative investment on your part.

...

Okay so it's, like, They'll Know but on steroids.

No. He likes the metanarrative. He does not want this. He's gotten all hyped up for being in a story, he does not want to just go into real life but with superpowers. Stories are cool, and furthermore better than real life along many axes especially if it's stories he'll be happy to be in. And, thankfully, he does not need twenty extra points.

okay I think for the moment I've made the choices I wanted to make,

He's such a liar.

and so I'll take a break for now and then read over my choices later to make sure I'm okay with them and probably come up with more questions and stuff

what happens afterwards, though? like, once I actually check all the boxes and go with them, what's the process transition between real life and story life like?

That depends on which Destination you choose! The Spirit will grant you the powers you chose, and then if you're leaving the world you'll disappear, and if not, you'll stay. I'm told being touched by the Spirit looks kind of like a magical girl transformation sequence but I've never seen a magical girl transformation sequence because I am a notebook, so it's hard to say how accurate that is.

if I stay here, will I still have a magical girl transformation sequence? will events on this Earth start to follow narrative logic rather than regular causality?

if I go, are "Narnia" arrangements possible, in which I have whatever story I am going to have next and then return to the same time and place I left?

what happens if I disappear in a way that people can study, such as in a laboratory of some kind where people can measure my weight as I do? in the sense that, do I get replaced by a similar mass of air minus the dissipated energy from the emited photons or do I form a vacuum, and what kinds of readings would instruments such as detectors for various kinds of radiation read

actually that last question is a bit too specific, what I mean more is that usually when completely exceptional phenomena uh

sorry, let me try to figure out how to phrase what i want to phrase

Yes, if you stay, you'll be living a story just as much as you would be if you left!

The Narnia arrangement won't happen by default, but you could end up with something like it if you found a way of moving between worlds that pauses ones you aren't in. There are plenty of ways like that!

So the thing is, there's a genre of story in which something impossible happens and that's the window into a whole new world of impossibilities. And the thing Peter had wanted to say was something like, in real life when something impossible happens then people notice it and study it and learn new things about the world but—that's still story logic, actually. In real life impossible things don't happen, that experiment at the LHC that suggested FTL neutrinos was just a measurement error, people barely look into claims of miracles and magic anymore because they know there's nothing there.

(What kind of Christian was he, thinking like that about miracles? Why did he think God existed, if he was sure he'd never see any sign of Him?)

He's in a story already. What's happening here, with the notebook, that's not, that doesn't happen in reality. He's not sure if he's always been in a story or if he's just been cloned into one or, or what, but the point where his story started was when the notebook greeted him, it's not waiting for him to finalize his allocation of points. If he puts the notebook away now and never thinks about this again that's the story, but it won't make him not be in a story, it won't take him back to reality.

There isn't an answer to the question of what people would see, measure, detect, if they were inclined to do so while looking at his magical girl transformation in real life because this wouldn't happen in real life, and in story logic whatever happens will be a story kind of thing to happen.

And he kind of suspects that... since he's the apparent protagonist of this story... then what will really determine what would happen if someone were measuring the weight of a sealed room with him in it before he teleported... depends on the stories he enjoys. The narrative he'd want to be in. Or something along those lines. He thinks.

The story in which people look into the disappearance of Peter Tarleton and discover a realm of magic and mystery is just as valid as the story where that's the only evidence this universe will ever see of something more is just as valid as the story where there's no answer to the question of what happens here because the protagonist didn't really think about it in those terms so it never really made any difference to the story.

Peter has no idea if that all made any sense and he kind of hopes he's not in a written medium because it would be really embarrassing to have a bunch of thoughts like these in a way that lets people go back and reread them and pick them apart. He's sorry for the inconsistencies and assumptions, okay, audience? He's trying to think things through here.

I had a thought few thoughts about the nature of reality that I want to sanity check with you in some detail probably

might need to take another break soon because I don't know if I'll have enough time to go into it before the end of class

but the first question is, I'm already in a story, right? in a meaningful sense, in a way that's not the same way I could be said to have been in a story before I started talking to you, that is

The way I usually think about it, everyone is in stories all the time. People love writing stories, and love narrativizing their own lives, and across the unfathomably wide span of the multiverse it usually turns out that every story is true somewhere and every life touches someone's story, and I think that's beautiful. But it's true that something dramatic and magical just happened to you that would make an especially good start to a story focused on ✨you✨, so most of the stories about your life probably start with you picking me up! Well, maybe with a few establishing shots beforehand.

...unfathomably wide span of the multiverse...

so this may be a bit late in the story but how unfathomable are we speaking here?

because there's unfathomable and there's unfathomable, right, and if we're talking "so unfathomable that every story is true and everyone is a story somewhere" then that is very unfathomable

I think it's probably possible to find stories that aren't true somewhere, and maybe possible to find people who aren't a story somewhere, but hard to be sure either way. The span of the multiverse is very very unfathomable! It's because there are lots and lots of different ways that different worlds can be organized relative to each other, and no good way to organize all the ways of organizing them, so no matter where you start or which ways of traveling between worlds you use, there are always a lot of worlds that are just too far away for you to ever reach.

which stories aren't true somewhere? what would that look like? ...I guess now that I think about it if you could tell me their story then that would mean they must no actually that logic doesn't follow

it's just, the only real numbers are zero and one and infinity, right? either nothing exists, or one universe exists, or all of them exist, but it seems wild that some of them exist but some don't

and if every universe exists then why am I in this universe and not some other universe? how can you tell what comes next

...he pauses, tapping the corner of the notebook with his pen as he thinks about how to phrase this question...

when everything is possible? how does causality even work that way?

Please bear with me, this can be a little difficult to explain...

If it were really true that every possible way for things to turn out from every possible starting point, and all the possible ways for all those possible worlds to interact based on all their possible ways of traveling between each other, was all true somewhere, that would be... sort of the same thing as nothing being true, or sort of the same thing as there being only one possible way for things to work? Because the way for things to work would be "everything".

Instead there are lots and lots and lots of different possible ways for things to work and they are mostly all true somewhere. So there are worlds out there where, from their specific starting point, under their specific system, every possible outcome happens somewhere within the flower of that reality. Mostly other worlds don't interact with those ones because interacting with them is a big mess. But in some places they do! And in some places it's not even possible to find one of those worlds no matter how hard you look. And in some places worlds are organized haphazardly so all the ones that have dimensional transit systems can find all the other ones if they know where to look, and in some places worlds are organized into a net of specific connections and if two worlds aren't connected you can't get between them without hopping around the net between connected worlds. But sometimes it's possible to move between those kinds of regions, and then things get really weird.

The reason why I say things like "it's probably possible, but hard to be sure" when I'm talking about finding out what is and isn't true in the whole entire multiverse is that the whole entire multiverse is too big for anyone to really know what's going on in the parts of it that are far away from them. Even the Spirit, which I think is better at reaching distant worlds than almost anything, isn't good enough at reaching distant worlds to find them all. There are just too many different ways for worlds to be, and ways for them to relate to each other, and ways for different ways of worlds relating to each other to relate to each other, all heaped up together in no kind of sensible order at all. But that's not the same thing as everything being true at once. If everything is true at once, it's happening on a scale so big that even the Spirit doesn't know about it, so you probably don't have to worry about what it means for how you can tell what's going to happen next.

That's... he feels both reassured and not. The fundamental nature of reality is such that he can still predict things based on the past; but on the other hand, he can't help but feel that this meta multiversal logic is one way things could work and it follows from itself that there could be other ways for it to work...

This is confusing and he really doesn't know that he understands.

where am I, really? like, this me, the me writing on this notebook right now, I've been thinking of myself as a story being in a story but that can't be what's happening because stories are just ink on paper, they may be about something that's really happening somewhere but there's a somewhere where they're really happening and that somewhere isn't the ink on the paper

Because actually fancy fourth-wall leanings aside he can't really be in a story in a fundamental sense. Sure, if the vast multiverse is such that someone is writing a story about him, then yeah that's a sense in which he's in a story but there's still a him there having thoughts and perceiving the world and, and. He doesn't know how to think about any of this.

sorry I thought I was done with the existential freakout earlier but I guess I wasn't

You're really here and really in this world having these experiences! And it might also be true that someone somewhere is writing a story about you, or making a movie, or something like that. Maybe someday you'll find a world where you can read that book or watch that movie. But that doesn't have to mean that you "are" the ink on the page; you're still you, and your choices and experiences are still as real as they've always been. You are the somewhere where the story is really happening, and for you the "really happening" part is much more relevant than the "story" part, even though the "story" part is much more relevant to you now than it ever is to most people. And there might not even be a book or a movie exactly; the story level might just be happening inside your own narrativization of your experiences, or in the Spirit's perception of you, or something like that.

It makes sense that you're still having trouble! You can take your time to think things through and get used to the idea. I would offer you a hug but I am a notebook. You can hug me anyway but I'm told the corners detract from the experience.

but the Spirit is still very definitely changing my life into in ways that make it more like a story, and

"Pete?"

He doesn't quite shriek but he jumps and slams the notebook shut as fast as if he'd been drawing porn in public. "Uh, hi, Jess," he says, heart racing and voice unsteady in a way he's very sure is incredibly noticeable.

"...is everything okay?" she asks, looking around and the classroom that is now empty except for herself, her friend Anna, and Peter.

"Bet you he was writing smut," Anna says with a smirk.

Jessica blushes. "It's none of our business if he is."

"He was distracted all class."

"Um, no. I, uh," entirely failed to notice the bell and everyone leaving. "...something kinda personal and important happened and I've been, uh, journaling to process it before I have to deal with it."

"...oh, shit. Sorry."

"And that's why you don't make that kind of dumb joke," says Jessica primly. Then she softens and looks at Peter again. "Any way we can help?"

"It's really not that kind of thing. I'll be fine? It's—overall good? Just a lot. And very hard to talk about and personal and I needed some time to digest it and figure it out and..."

"You were making lots of faces."

"I'm very pretty and want to make sure everyone knows of all the gorgeous ways I can look."

"Aaaand I'm out of sympathy again."

"Are you having lunch with us today?"

"Yeah, just let me finish this thought here and I'll join you guys. Save me a seat?"

"Will do."

When he opens it again, the notebook is waiting patiently for him to finish!

I think actually I need to take a break to think about a bunch of this stuff

I'll probably have more questions for you as I do that but the break part is probably important

also whoever told you you're not huggable because of your corners has absolutely no idea what they're talking about, notebooks and books in general are absolutely very huggable and once I'm not in public actually no one's in this classroom at all right now so I'll just hug you anyway to prove a point. well not just to prove a point, I also want to hug you, but also to prove a point

And he does, in fact, hug the notebook.

When he opens the notebook again after that, it has drawn little hearts all over that paragraph.

anyway gonna go now, it's been a pleasure even if it's also been a very wild ride, I'll come back to you once I have more thoughts in order and/or have more questions to ask

Okay! I'll be waiting!

He puts his stuff away, notebook included, slings his bag over one shoulder, and goes to have lunch with his friends.

And they did in fact save him a seat.

Anna is also sitting at the same table, as well as his friends Marcus and Gabe.

"Why'dyou have your bag with you?" he asks.

"To protect my private property."

"Your private property?"

"Nate and the boys decided to mess with my stuff today and replaced every single one of my notebooks with pretty pink ones."

Snort.

"I'll never understand why you're friends with them. They suck."

"That's not a nice thing to say."

Shrug. "I'm not a nice person."

"So I'm meant to like you more than them because you're not nice?"

"'Least I'm honest about it."

"I think you're nice."

"Jessica and Marcus under a tree," says Anna, but her heart isn't really in it.

"Let me see the notebooks."

"I, uh," and a penny drops like a hundred pound stone in his head. "...sure," he says while he tries not to let his face show how much he's kicking himself.

Why, oh, why did he think he'd need to figure all of this out... on his own?

Anyway he grabs one of the non-magical notebooks (at least he hopes it's not magical but that'd be hilarious) and offers it to him.

"...everything alright?" asks Gabe, accepting the notebook.

"Yeah, just, just having an epiphany."

"Oh no, should I call an ambulance?"

"Do I look like I want to get bankrupted today?"

"Now why would you ruin my joke by forcibly inserting the realities of the American healthcare system into it like that?"

Jessica giggles.

"This is a pretty high quality notebook, though," opines Gabe, passing it over to Marcus.

"That's what I said! Nate is garbage at pranks, I don't even want my old notebooks back. Besides, these would look great with this nail polish I've been thinking of trying..."

"—really?! Oh you have to show me, what color did you pick, do you have a picture?"

"I'm pretty sure it was a joke," says Anna in between mouthfuls. Then she pauses. "...right?"

"Who knows. Hey how do you think I'd look with eyeliner on? And maybe a skirt?"

"Fetching," says Marcus, offering Peter his notebook back.

"Okay, no, Tarleton, if you're serious about this we're gonna need to consult, I do not trust your fashion sense."

"I think I dress well enough!" he protests.

"For a boy. Jeans and T-shirt and be reasonably clean and shave regularly and you're ninety percent of the way there."

"Are you saying I don't dress better than this clown?" he asks, hiking his thumb in Marcus's direction.

"That bar is low."

"Jeans and T-shirt and clean and shaven."

"Okay fine there's more to it than that."

"Hey, fuck both of you."

"Fuck me yourself, you coward," says Peter...

...but Marcus says exactly the same thing at the same time imitating Peter's voice. "You're so predictable, Pete," he adds.

"I like to think of myself as consistent instead."

"You certainly like to think of yourself, it's true."

"Anywho, I need to talk to the two of you," Marcus and Gabe, "and Viv and my sister, ideally before class starts, so could I urge you to eat fast?"

"Ooh, inner circle meeting."

"You sound like such a nerd when you say stuff like 'urge you to eat fast'."

"I am a nerd."

"You play sports, I don't think you can qualify for nerd if you play sports."

"Woe is me, stuck between worlds, not a jock because I'm too much of a nerd, not a nerd because I'm too much of a jock, forever doomed to wander in the fringes of high school cliques."

Gabe elbows Marcus. "Sure, we can eat fast. Might want to tell your sister, too."

"Yeah I'm gonna text her," he says, grabbing his phone to do so.

"Is this about the thing?"

"It's about the thing."

"Hey, how come she knows about the thing and we don't?"

"I also know about the thing."

"No one knows about the thing, they just know that there's a thing."

"Sounds like a not very secret thing."

"It's very secret."

"What's the thing?"

"Eat faster if you want to find out!"

He glares at Peter and makes a show of shoving food in his mouth, which is predictably too fast and causes him to choke on it and start coughing.

"Ew, cover your mouth when you do that."

"Your other friends aren't invited? I'm flattered."

"...I mean, objectively speaking you know I'm closer to you guys. Nate and the boys are cool but we don't have much in common other than jock shit."

"And being extroverts."

"That's under jock shit."

"I'm sure there's introverted jocks."

"Yes, Dore is one, I'm just being facetious."

"'Facetious'," says Marcus, again in an exaggerated imitation of Peter's voice.

"Making fun of people's speech patterns is a jock thing to do, you know."

"You take that back right this instant, how dare you."

"You're spending a lot of time talking and not enough time eating."

Marcus flips Peter the bird but does in fact resume eating.

And after they finish eating he goes to fetch his sister (who's a sophomore).

"You're slow."

"Sue me."

She rolls her eyes but gets up from her table with the theater clique to follow him.