And he wakes up on a hill.

Next to him is the word LIFESTEAL, in all caps and obsidian. Above him is a dirt circle of half-built floating islands. There's also a floating sign, BUY, with an arrow down.

Around him: two towers of obsidian, one with a statue of pants floating above it. An obsidian building. A large cartoon plant built out of colored concrete, next to a huge square of ground that has been mined far down into the earth. A brick-and-quartz building. A yellow hexagonal building, clearly intended to evoke honeycomb. A couple bridges across the water, most of which are low-quality wood-and-cobblestone, but one of which looks nicer.

In the water: a ship; a pig statue facing a capybara statue.

On the other side of the water: a nice red-and-white building; a huge, strange triangle of cobblestone, almost a mountain but thin and manmade. A stone-and-green-glass tower with fences around it, low-quality paintings stuck to a few of the fences.

This is a strange place, even stranger than the other places he has been on the surface. (This is likely... not the same surface than he was in before, but there's sun and sky above him and it is uncomfortably bright, so it gets to stay as 'the surface.')

The buildings imply habitation. He picks his way towards them carefully, sticking to the shadows, both for stealth and to limit the pain the light. 

The buildings are empty! However, there's a humanoid (human with red horns and eyes) wearing glowing purple armor picking their way over. He looks like an older teenager— somewhere in the 16-18 range, if he’s human.

"Hey, so, you're new here, right?"

He might be a tiefling? Drizzt isn't sure. 

He is braced to be told to leave. "Yes."

"Great, that's actually really convenient--uh, I guess you might want to gear up first and stuff, I don't mean to stop you right away, but we've got an investigation going on, and you're the only person on the server who is definitely confirmed innocent, so if you want to help that'd be cool." It's not, actually, cool, it means there's a wildcard that Mapicc literally can't frame, but--keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Better he recruits Drizzt than Subz or Poafa. "--Oh, forgot to introduce myself, I'm Mapicc. Nice to meet you."

... This was very much not the reaction he was expecting. He expected to be chased away, not asked to help with an investigation. 

(The gnolls had asked him to help-- no matter. He will judge Mapicc on his actions, not his own paranoia.)

He does his best not to look over excited about the idea of a friendly conversation. "I would be glad to help. I am Drizzt Do'Urden."

“Awesome, nice to meet you Drizzt. The investigation is— you see all the obsidian around?”

"It's hard to miss." 

“Every night, someone—we’ve been calling them Medusa—turns another build at spawn into obsidian.” Mapicc starts walking to the tower that doesn’t also have a floating pants statue; when they’re close, they can see a small wooden sign in front of it, reading:

To Petrify is to Eternalize/but soon justice will be served

“Yesterday they got the building just north of this one—sign said things always go south—so they’re leaving clues about what they do next. This one’s going to be the courthouse, probably? But there’s not much we can actually do to stop them without figuring out who they are. So that’s what we’ve been trying to do.”

He had initially assumed the obsidian was deliberate. It wasn't a common building material in Menzoberranzan, but people had prized it for it's glassy reflectivity in infrasight. 

But someone deliberately turning buildings into it? They must be very powerful. They must be stopped.

It's unfortunate his weapons didn't come with him. 

"I can help watch." 

Shit. Okay. “Poafa’s planning on keeping watch tonight, but—mm. We’ll see how it goes. Ro and I have mostly been asking around, trying to see if anyone has information that might be useful. You can keep watch tomorrow, maybe, if Poafa doesn’t catch anyone? Or—mm.”

Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: shit i fucked up
Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: shit i fucked up
Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: shit i fucked up

(His voice is definitely different in tone when talking about Poafa—skeptical, maybe?)

"If you believe Poafa needs assistance, I can certainly do that." Helping people with tasks they have been assigned that they cannot do: The Drizzt on Patrol Story. 

"It's not that Poafa needs assistance exactly, it's honestly mostly that Poafa is our biggest suspect right now. But it still might be worth letting him stand guard tonight to see what happens; if he doesn't catch anyone and the courthouse turns to obsidian anyway, that's sus, but he might not go for it if someone else is with him--maybe we can have him alone one night and then with you one night, we can see if they're different? If it happens when he's on his own but not when he's with someone else, that's a major point in favor of it being him."

Nice save, Mapicc.

Ah. That makes sense. "I would be willing." 

Huh, not even going to ask for evidence? Well, he'll take it.

"Cool. Uh, don't tell him we suspect him, he thinks we're working together right now. Which, we sort of are."

He wishes he could avoid getting involved in games of manipulation and betrayal but just because it was something done in Menzoberranzan did not make it wholly evil. Though he does intend to avoid Poafa except for their shared watch. He would like to at least minimise the amount of lying. "It would be good to give him a chance to prove his innocence." 

roshambogames whispers to Mapicc: ?
roshambogames whispers to Mapicc: what happened
roshambogames whispers to Mapicc: vc?
Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: in a bit

"Any ideas for how to do that? I'm not, like, sure it's Poafa, it might be Planetlord or Parrot or--anyone, really, we haven't actually ruled anyone out but you. He's just being a little sus, it'd be good to at least check."

"How many nights have you all been keeping watch?" 

"It just started yesterday. We haven't kept watch yet, we didn't know it was going to be, like, a recurring thing until today. Plus Ro's busy with off-server stuff. Uh, we know Planet at least was around the first night, and Parrot, that's why I brought them up. Ro says Parrot's doing another thing that's a secret right now and I trust Ro but Parrot's smart enough that he might be faking us out."

"We can't really rule anyone out without more information." 

Deep sigh. "Yeah. Well, except you."

"Do we know how they might be doing this?" He can fight a wizard, but not unarmed.

"...I mean, it's not that hard, there's probably still the obsidian farm in the End from when Ro and I built the prison. It'd be annoying to do when no one's on, or if it's just one person so they can't use the farm, but, like, even one person could totally do it if they tried."

... that is a string of words. "And then they--" what is the best question to ask here "turn the farmed obsidian into buildings?"

"They... mine the building and replace it with obsidian?"

He probably shouldn't demonstrate having a lot of obsidian but having a little obsidian is basically fine. Ender chest, shulker box, obsidian, shulker box goes back into ender chest before Drizzt could have a chance to look at it. Time to break a piece of grass and replace it with obsidian. Kind of annoying to mine back, but whatever.

...It probably looks like he's planning to crystal Drizzt. Oops. He makes sure his hands (empty) are clear and visible. "Crystals are banned, don't worry."

"By hand. That's less concerning than it could be." 

It's good to know crystals are not allowed before he comes into the possession of any. Maybe the people here distrust magic as a whole? 

Shrug. "I guess. I mean, they're still turning spawn to obsidian."

"There's a limit to how fast they can do it. And they can only turn buildings into obsidian." 

"...No? I literally just turned the ground to obsidian. Right now they're only turning buildings into obsidian but they aren't limited by that." His tone sounds like he thinks Drizzt is incredibly stupid. He's got his pickaxe out now--it's the same glowing purple as his armor--and is very slowly mining the obsidian again.

"If they can turn people into obsidian I would be more concerned."

"Oh. Oh. Yeah, uh, that would be bad." Kind of cool, though. "...Do you know how to do that?" He's looking at Drizzt with renewed interest.

"I did not study the wizarding arts, unfortunately."

"Huh. Well, that's alright, I can't either, so." He does sound kind of disappointed.

That's understandable, even if he himself does not regret being a skilled fighter or not spending so much time in the Academy. "I should not interrupt you further, unless there is something I can help with." Please have something to help with, this is his first conversation in months with someone who can talk. 

"I should probably let you gear up, honestly. Let me know if you get any info?"

"I will keep my eyes open."

Then Mapicc will wander off.

Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: vc

"What happened--"

"New person joined. I thought I'd talk to them and get them on the investigation before Poafa or Subz could."

"That's so risky-- what happened?"

"It was fine, I played it off. He wanted to help keep watch tonight but I played it off, said we'd have Poafa keep watch on his own one night and then with him one night, and then if it only turns to obsidian while Poafa's alone then we know it's him."

"And you know Poafa's schedule, you're sure we can do this?"

"I'm sure. It'll be fine, okay?"

"If you're sure."

Spawn's pretty empty. Depending how long Drizzt stays, he might see one or two people: both also teenage human(?) boys. The first of which is definitely entirely human, with black hair and a sky-themed hoodie; the second of which has brown hair, a long purple-and-black trenchcoat, large, curling horns, green-and-purple heterochromia, and a black pattern on his skin snaking up his left arm and onto his chest and face.

He's not actually entirely sure how to get equipped. He hands around spawn, because it's the most inhabitated place he has seen so far (...not that he has really gone anywhere else.)

He keeps his distance from the new arrivals, and watches them. (He's observing the social mores and trying to understand what's going on here. Yes. Definitely.)

They're mining one of the obsidian buildings. It's a slow process.

(The horned man has the same glowing purple-black armor as Mapicc had; the definitely-human has a lighter, blue-white armor. Their tools match their armor in color; they're also holding small golden items in their left hands.)

Hmm, those golden items are intriguing. They wouldn't be carrying them if they didn't serve a purpose, not when they could mine faster with two hands. 

He sneaks a little closer. 

He gets some wary looks, but he's unarmed and unarmored, and neither of the people seem interested in fighting him. He gets a better view of the items they're holding.

Idols? For religious purposes?

They have spotted him, and they haven't immediately attacked him or run away. That's good. He steps into the light. "Greetings."

"Uh, hey. You're ... Drizzt, right?"

"That is I." 

Wow, this guy is formal. "That's cool. I'm Subz. Do you, uh, want to help, I can lend you a pickaxe, because I'm gonna be honest, you look pretty broke right now."

For some reason, only the clothes he had on him made the journey. He'd noticed that, of course, but now is the first time he has properly thought through the implications. He has no swords on his belt and is feeling acutely naked. (He is not going to pat his pockets for Guenhwyvar's statuette with people watching, but-- he doubts she came with him.)

"I am, unfortunately, but I would like to help." 

"Sure." Ender chest, purple shulker box, he's got two backup picks but Drizzt is getting the diamond one. Shulker box safely back in enderchest, he can hand over the pick. "Here you go. Let me know if it gets low on durability. Enjoy mining obsidian."

He is getting to do something good for people! He is being assisted in doing this!

...why can he only use one hand. 

The world doesn't answer him. Neither Subz nor the definitely-human seem bothered or alarmed by anything.

He mines in silence for awhile. (Obsidian takes so long to mine.)

... while he has well disposed people here, he should get more information. "Is there a good way for a newcomer to earn money."

"We don't really....do....money. You can, uh, go mining for stuff, or trade with villagers."

"Do villagers trade weapons?"

..........How the fuck do you get onto Lifesteal without knowing the answer to that question.

"Uh. Yes."

"Good to know." Soon, he can be a productive member of society. ...More productive than removing obsidian and taking night watches. 

…It’s probably not a good idea to give his base location to someone he doesn’t know. On the other hand, almost everyone already knows where his base is, it’s not a secret. And Subz has always been too nice for his own good on this server. “…Look, you can use my base to get geared up, okay? Just to get you on your feet before you get set up. But if you start blowing it up I will kill you, so don’t try anything stupid.”

He nods. "I appreciate it, and will repay you."

Nod back. "Thank you, thank you." See, chat, it's an investment. 

Nether roof portal time! (And then they'll walk for 15 minutes on the nether roof, but Drizzt might have a reaction to the nether before then.)

The people here can casually change planes of existence.

The Academy taught about the different lower planes, and this place is... too flat and uninhabited to resemble any of them. Probably this is the astral plane, and no one in his life had ever managed to describe it well.

He stays silent during the trip, but is obviously keeping an eye out for threats.

That's pretty normal for Lifesteal, especially if you don't have any stuff; Subz barely even notices, and definitely does not comment. Subz stops at another portal and they can go back through to the overworld.

Subz's base: full of large, strangely shaped buildings, a large collection of labeled chests, miscellaneous railroad lines, and a few things which are recognizable as farms (mostly carrots, but also a small amount of wheat, and a strange red plant that is unfamiliar to Drizzt). Some of the things that Drizzt is able to identify as farms are out in the open; others are in small glass buildings, with strange humanoid creatures wandering around inside. There are more of those creatures lined up in other structures--it's hard to tell if they're trapped so that they can't move, but if so, they don't seem particularly upset by it.

(Someone who knows what they look like might also identify: three villager trading halls and villager zombification chambers; a creeper farm; a huge, multilevel automated pumpkin farm; an iron farm; a slime farm; a wood farm; a witch farm. If there are other farms, they're not immediately visible. The storage system isn't automated.)

He does not want to make assumptions here. He does not recognise any of these creatures, or what it means for them to be here. 

But there's a pit of dread in his chest, where he wants to assume this is fine because he is unarmed and can't solve this. 

He looks towards the most humanoid of the creatures, the ones in the booths. "Those are villagers?"

"Yup." Once again, what the fuck is this guy doing on Lifesteal.

Okay, if they are sentient enough to produce goods for trade, they are sentient enough to climb over a lectern if they so choose.

He is going to judge himself later if he finds he is wrong, but this seems to just be a market and agriculture. That's fine. 

"Good to know."

"Cool. I'll leave you to it. If I come back and my shit's broken, I will be really upset."

"I will not touch anything unnecessary." 

"Cool." Subz will leave him to it for a while, then; he needs to finish mining the obsidian and then grind totems.

Drizzt grabs a set of armour, a sword (... why can he only use one hand and why is there only one type of blade, this world is personally cruel to him), a bow, and a shield.

He heads back to join the obsidian mining party.

Four people other than Drizzt cycle out mining the obsidian: Mapicc, Subz, the human teenager with the sky-themed hoodie, and a creature unlike anything Drizzt has ever seen--a creature of huge, pure white floating hands, wearing a periwinkle cloak. It's pretty quiet; they finish before nightfall.

The floating hands are friendly, at least. He wouldn't have expected someone so magical after the lack of wizards he had found here. 

The floating hands, other than being floating hands, don't seem to be doing any magic. They seem to be friends with Mapicc? At the very least, they stay near him, and can be heard giggling with him periodically.

If Drizzt talks to them, he'll learn that (a) the floating hands are named Roshambo, or Ro for short (b) he has a very immature sense of humor (c) he is, in fact, friends with Mapicc, and (d) he's the one that named Medusa and is co-leading the investigation with Mapicc. If Drizzt doesn't initiate a conversation, Ro doesn't either, although he does use one of his hands to wave.

Drizzt is drawn by the giggling and the presence of one person he does know to initiate a conversation. (He has finally got to say words to people who understand them, and the good times cannot last, but he is grabbing the opportunity with both hands.)

Roshambo and Mapicc are definitely friends; every time Roshambo says any variant on "poop", he has to give Mapicc a diamond, and when Mapicc grumbles about wanting to kill Terry for burning down his mansion, Roshambo's the one to talk him down. Both of them, individually, make a deez nuts joke and then crack themselves up over it while Mapicc calls it vile, bro!

They're friendly with Drizzt, too, although they definitely don't know him as well; when Drizzt and Mapicc run out of food, Roshambo shares some golden carrots with them. Roshambo excitedly tells Drizzt a joke, while Mapicc spends the time complaining that Roshambo has told this joke five times in the past three days, come on bro, it's not even that good. They show off their matching shields--Mapicc's is a red T, Roshambo's is a red A, and they explain it stands for Team Awesome. Ro asks if Drizzt has died yet on Lifesteal, is impressed when the answer is no, and then immediately holds Mapicc back from being Drizzt's first murderer.

Their humour is not what he's used to, but it's honestly a major improvement over drow humour. 

Also, fighting but not killing someone is how you show friendship. He has friends! 

...Does he want to fight? If he wants to fight then Mapicc definitely wants to fight. They can set out rules and equal gearsets and everything! Mapicc promises to give the heart back if he wins. 

Oh, he is so on.

"How all-out do you want this to be, what kit do you want? Standard for the server in terms of real fights is nether pot but I don't think I've got two full inventories of potions to spare, and we'd have to be in diamond at the most anyway if we want equal gearsets. I mean, I'd be down to fight you all-out but I don't know if I can make that a fair fight and still have enough to win if I get jumped. Full iron is probably the play, but I dunno if you want cobs, shields, how much food you want..." Mapicc's placed down his ender chest and is setting up a chest next to it; he's fiddling with shulker boxes and his inventory, switching it out for a fight. "Server pearl and gap cap is a stack each right now but I don't actually have a ton of gaps right now, I'm--ooh. I'm actually kind of broke. I should probably fix that soon, huh."

At some point he is going to learn the jargon here. "Iron and shields seems the sensible option."

"Cool. --Hey, Ro, how many carrots can you spare--"

"Duuuuude. Can you at least get more later--"

"I absolutely promise to get more later. It doesn't have to be that many, like, I dunno, 16 each? I'll pay you back a full stack later."

Sigh. "Fine." 32 golden carrots in the chest, then.

"Awesome." Where are his iron blocks--oh, there they are. Crafting bench down. In the chest: Two sets of iron armor, iron sword, iron axe. Two shields. 16 cobwebs each, 16 golden carrots each. No pearls, no totems. That seems fair enough. Now time to put his actual stuff away. Time for shuffling yet more shulker boxes around. Inventory management is a pain. But he gets it set, and then he's squaring up for a fight.

Drizzt is having to borrow a wooden chest from someone who has ever punched a tree in their life, while sorting out his armour. 

Sword and board has never been his style, but he has trained in it. It's going to be exciting seeing how much he remembers.

It's going to be exciting getting to spar with someone. It's been a number of years he doesn't want to count. Sparring isn't the best reason to draw steel, but it's definitely one of the most fun. 

Mapicc: is, in fact, really good at pvp. There are a few players on the server better or equal to him--Clown, Leo, maybe Subz or Parrot--but not many. He's strong and fast and he knows how to time his crits, when to eat, where to place cobwebs; when he breaks Drizzt's shield, he knows how long he has before it's back up. Drizzt is a good fighter, but he's used to different physics than Mapicc is. The fight is very, very close, but Mapicc's winning.

He starts to copy Mapicc, try to figure out what works. 

But he's used to fights where stopping to eat would get you killed, where you can actually just be faster than someone. 

He's a quick learner, but not that quick.

Drizzt respawns a few feet away, on nine hearts rather than ten. He feels a little weaker, and everything in the world feels a little more intense. 

(Mapicc’s collecting the stuff off of Drizzt’s body, putting it back in the chest.)

This is the first time he's died. 

It's also the first time he's got back up again.

He's vibrating out of his skin and he can't tell how much of that was because his heart stopped and how much because that fight was amazing.

Friends!!!

He goes back towards Mapicc with a stupid grin on his face. "Well done."

"You too! GGs." Mapicc also looks pretty happy, although he's not grinning quite as much as Drizzt. He does /withdraw 1, and then he drops the extra heart back to Drizzt. "If you ever want to do that again, just let me know. Although we should probably either grind gear or get a practice server set up if we want to do anything more than iron."

He picks it up. It's a shining star that absorbs itself into him, and he feels more... settled? Alive? Both, at once. 

"It'll be a good incentive to get better gear."

"Yeah, well, don't waste your best gear on sparring. Never know when a real fight will head your way."

"I'll get more than one set, then."

Mapicc does grin at that. "Now you're talking. One of these days we'll have enough stuff for a full nether pot duel. Super wasteful but it'd be fun. Well, wasteful unless it's real. Hopefully it won't be."

Grin. "It will not be." 

Friends!

Well, that's kind of premature. He's definitely not going to say that, though. "Good to hear. --Ro can we kill someone else, let's go kill someone else, who's on that we can kill."

"Broooo. Weren't we going to get more golden carrots?"

Sigh. "Yeah, okay, that's true. Drizzt, you're keeping watch tomorrow, right? And tonight it's just Poafa."

He nods. 

"Cool. I'm gonna go get carrots now, talk tomorrow?"

"Talk tomorrow."

He has friends, and no one died! ...he died. But he came back, so that's what matters. 

The sun is setting, and while he would prefer to be nocturnal, he should match when other people's waking hours, so he should find somewhere to sleep.

Are there any caves nearby? 

There are some caves around spawn, yeah. Most of them are mined out of valuable resources, but they exist!

As soon as he goes underground, a zombie approaches and starts punching him.

The Underdark does not usually have a pronounced undead problem, and hopefully this isn't caused by a lich.

"Apply sword to zombie" if a thing he can do, though. 

There is definitely an undead problem in these caves. Or possibly a monster problem more generally? There are zombies, skeletons with bows, large aggressive spiders, strange furry green creatures, and very tall black creatures with glowing purple eyes.

Oh, he does not love the spiders. Some giant spiders are natural, sure, but many more are summoned by servants of the Spider Queen.

Is this an amount of monsters he can plausibly kill, or is this an amount that would require back up?

It's an amount he can plausibly kill--there aren't a lot, and they aren't very strong--but there sort of ... keep being more? Even with that, it's definitely not enough to kill him, and he doesn't really need backup, but it's... not really a safe place to sleep, either.

He'll have to warn people-- though they likely already know, seeing how close this is to where the buildings.

He makes a tactical retreat to the surface. He can sleeps in a tree or something. That's fine. 

Once the sun is down, there are monsters on the surface, too, although they can't reach the tops of trees.

... they must be coming from somewhere. Maybe the caves.

At least he can climb up a tree and be safe.

When he wakes up, it's day, and the brick-and-quartz building has been replaced with obsidian. No one's at spawn, though Subz and Bacon periodically say things in chat.

There are two signs out front of the new obsidian building:

We may wish for peace,
but that ship has already sailed

Hmm, whether this means Poafa is in on it or Poafa is bad at spotting a whole building being replaced is unclear.

Time to start mining the obsidian. Slowly.

People start showing up in the late afternoon: Subz (occasionally), Roshambo, Mapicc, and two new people named PlanetLord and Spoke who Drizzt hadn't met yet.

When Roshambo shows up, he gathers Drizzt and Mapicc immediately. "It's gotta be the ship next, right? Yesterday they said justice will be served and then they petrified the courthouse, this time they mention a ship, I think there's only one ship at spawn. I want to interview a couple more people, but Poafa's--Poafa's a little sussy wussy, he was up all night looking at the courthouse, dude, there's no way he missed it, right? He's got to be Medusa."

"Was he asked to watch the courthouse?"

"I mean, I'm pretty sure. We can ask--I want to ask a few other people too, while we're around. Spoke said Planet did it but I'm not sure--I mean, maybe he's just being Spoke, but maybe he's trying to deflect suspicions, or maybe Planet actually did do something. And I was thinking we could also ask Rekrap and Subz, we don't know for sure but I don't think they did it so they might have useful information. Spoke is--probably not worth interrogating, to be honest, whether or not he knows anything he won't give us anything helpful."

"Subz seems trustworthy though."

"He's been helpful, for sure. I don't know if I fully trust anyone other than you--he would have had the obsidian for it, from breaking the prison."

"Obsidian farms are easy, though, and mining it manually is--time-consuming but not hard. I mean, we got a lot of obsidian for the prison, doesn't make us guilty. I'm telling you, obsidian isn't actually that hard to get."

"I guess. But he's not definitely innocent, even if he's not a main suspect."

"Whatever, man."

"I'm gonna message Rek, see if he wants to come to spawn."

"That seems like a wise course of action." 

Rekrap shows up! They explain what's been happening; Mapicc says he thinks it's Poafa. Rekrap doesn't seem to have much information, but he does think that this is super cool, and he wishes he were more involved in it. He mentions that someone stole 20,000 obsidian from him a while ago; Mapicc admits that it was him, for building the prison, and they all laugh. They mention that Subz mined the whole prison in one night, which Rekrap is suitably impressed by. Planetlord's following them around, and they make a couple jokes about that.

And then Rekrap gives them a lead: Spoke admitted to doing one of the things. It might have been a joke; it's hard to tell, with Spoke. He's definitely not the main person--he doesn't have the time for it. But it could be a team--Parrot's his closest ally; Parrot is already a suspect; it takes two people to run the obsidian farm in the End.

(Planetlord makes a joke in chat about Mapicc and Ro being Medusa, which Rekrap also thinks would be super cool. Ro makes a joke about taking it over, to which Mapicc rolls his eyes and says I'm not putting in that much effort, you can go for it.)

They joke a couple times about jumping Planet, who's still following them, but they don't do it. They decide to interrogate Parrot, and spam a bunch of messages in chat, but he's not at spawn and he's not responding, so that's out. 

Planetlord, on the other hand, is right here, following them around.

<Parkertwo> planet vc?
<roshambogames> planet vc
<roshambogames> planet vc
<roshambogames> planet vc
<roshambogames> planet vc
<Mapicc> POLANET VC

"Before we talk to him," Ro says, "I'm a little bit suspicious of him, because he--"

"--Basically, Jaron got banned for defacing spawn, and we think he's carrying out his legacy, because we banned Jaron ourselves, and he knows we're cleaning up spawn, so."

"He has a motive, but there's no evidence."

"Except for the evidence of him apparently telling Spoke!"

"And this would be easier with at least two people." Putting in the obsidian would take less time than removing it,  but still.

<PlanetLord> okay

“Yeah. And Planetlord has a teammate— just one, now, but still—”

"..Hello?"

"--Heyyy, Planet, how's it going buddy!"

Rohsambo puts on a silly voice for the occasion. "Planetlord. We'd like to ask you a couple questions."

"Do you guys think it's me?"

"We know it's you."

"You know it's me? I thought we agreed it wasn't me!"

"Someone admitted it was you. And they may have started with an S-P-O. K-E. Is here."

"Oh. Wait, so, what's happening...?"

"We know you did it. We know you're Medsua."

Mapicc turns to glare at Roshambo. "You're good cop! I'm bad cop! You have to say 'I don't think it was you, we just have to ask everyone'--I'm firing you as good cop. Drizzt, you're our new good cop."

The appropriate answer here is not 'what is a cop?'. "I don't think it was you. We have to ask everyone." 

"Thank you."

"Um. Okayyy..?"

"Planetlord. It has come to our attention that not only were you deafened in the voice chat on the night of the first petrification while everyone was distracted playing Valorant--"

"Not this again."

"--But also, that you had motive to petrify spawn."

"I'm sure this is a misunderstanding." 

"Thank you. I--didn't we do this like two days ago?"

"Tell us or I'm gonna kill you." He hits Planetlord with his sword once; he's not potted, and it's not a crit. (Planetlord doesn't react very strongly, at least not visibly.)

"Wait, tell you what?"

"Tell us you did it."

"I didn't do it! Nah, this is just an excuse to kill me, bruh."

"We won't kill you."

Drizzt puts his sword on the ground to emphasise that. 

Oh shit, free sword! Mapicc grabs it immediately and tucks it into his inventory. He'll give it back later, probably.

Roshambo would glare at Mapicc for that if he had eyes, or legible facial expressions, but he doesn't. 

"If it's not you, Planetlord, who do you think it is?"

"Literally anyone else?"

Mapicc coughs. "Poafa? Sorry."

"It's probably Poafa, I'm sorry. Or Parrot? I think it may be No Pants People. Just like, that team, they do a lot of stuff like that--for example, moving the whole server spawn or whatever thing, so they seem dedicated enough to do something like that."

... well, at least he wasn't planning to use that sword soon? "Who are the No Pants People?"

"Oh right, you're new. Uh, Parrot and Spoke."

"And Rekrap. --Hey, why are you wearing pants?"

Rekrap pulls out a piece of orange wool. "I have the Pants Pass. It was a whole thing. Um. It--Ever since I joined the No Pants Party, I don't think I've done a single thing with them."

Though that could be a lie if the No Pants Party was the one replacing spawn with Obsidian. "Low entry requirements, then." 

"I guess. I mean, I had to speedbridge over the void for a thousand blocks, I dunno if that counts as low entry requirements."

"...Fair point." 

<Mapicc> Parrot please answer our calls out to you

"Oh! You know what? There's gotta be--hold on."

"Randomly realizing something? That's interesting."

"Is there a statistic? Obsidian placed."

"True!"

"...Is there?"

You can tell how much obsidian someone has placed? That would be very useful evidence. "We could compare it to how much was cleared,  too."

"It's gonna be scuffed though, because we built the prison, Rek's built the tower--"

"And Pangi's base."

"I placed 323 obsidian. That literally proves that it's not me."

He looks at Mapicc. That is a pretty good alibi if it's true.

"Show us."

"Ooh, that's pretty definitive. --Wait, wait, yeah, send screenshots."

"Okay, here."

The screenshot is sent in the same chat people have been using; it shows Planet's statistics page: 552 obsidian broken, 323 placed.

Roshambo nods, or--sort of bobs one of his hands to convey an impression of nodding. "Planetlord is clear."

"Probably has the least out of anyone. Well, other than Drizzt."

"Dude, I was genius for that!"

"We should go talk to the rest of this No Pants Party then."

"I mean, I've been spamming Parrot, he's not responding."

<ItzSubz_> mapicc
<Mapicc> what
<ItzSubz_> am I allowed to interogate you
<Mapicc> no
<ItzSubz_> I want to interogate
<ItzSubz_> [plsss
<ItzSubz_> pls
<ItzSubz_> pls
<ItzSubz_> pls
<ItzSubz_> pls
<Mapicc> we are already interogating
<ItzSubz_> im coming tro spawn
<Mapicc> wait your turn mister
<ItzSubz_> for interogating

"We could get Spoke on."

"We could." Mapicc doesn't sound enthusiastic about the prospect. "Oh, dude, the vault--Parrot might have a lot from the vault--no, Parrot didn't contribute that much to the vault, that was mostly us."

"A lot of them are going to be scuffed, I think this can only prove innocence."

"The vault?"

"Uhhh, there's this obsidian vault by spawn. It's empty right now, I think."

"Parrot did a challenge where he put people's pets in it, it was a whole thing."

"Which means this sort of thing--" gesture in the direction of the half dismantled obsidian building "-- is in character for him. "

"I... guess? Honestly that isn't the main reason it's in character for him, the main reason it's in character for him is everything else."

"The obsidian? Making other people work to fix what he did?"

.........There is no way to respond to this question honestly that does not cast more suspicion on himself and Mapicc.

"I... guess, yeah."

"I have to go, guys, I'll see you later, goodbye!"

"I'm gonna go too, unless you need me for anything? Baconwaffles wanted to do some stuff."

"Go for it."

And now it's just Mapicc and Ro and Drizzt.

"We could see if we can find Parrot. He can't avoid us indefinitely."

"He kind of can, though. Ro, do you even know what quadrant his base is in?"

"No."

"If you want to search the whole server, be my guest. Personally I'm just gonna wait until he shows up at spawn, he's gonna show up eventually. If we get really desperate we can interview Spoke."

He's a good tracker, he's pretty sure he could just go find him, but he can wait. 

"At least Planetlord is cleared. Unless he photoshopped it. I kinda doubt it, though."

"Not that quick. Unless he had one on save in case we asked, that'd be genius."

"That would be pretty genius. But-- I don't know, it seemed genuine to me."

"I don't think he expected us enough to prepare it."

"That's true. I feel like-- I think he's cleared. At least for now. We should focus on other people to investigate. I'm genuinely really suspicious of Poafa, actually."

(Subz is now visible in the distance, and walking towards them.)

"He did miss a whole building changing."

"Yeah."

Subz is Yet Closer.

<ItzSubz_> hi mapic

"What about Subz? Is Subz a suspect at all? He got the obsidian from the prison, but other than that..."

"We could ask."

"We shouldn't make assumptions at this stage."

<roshambogames> SUBZ vc
<roshambogames> SUBZ vc
<roshambogames> SUBZ vc
<Mapicc> vc subz
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC
<Mapicc> VC

"HELLO. I AM RIGHT HERE."

"Oh okay. Crit!" 

Mapicc accompanies the word "crit" by jumping and hitting Subz with his sword on the way down.

"WHOA whoa whoa-- Can I interrogate you guys? I have some questions."

"We're literally the ones interrogating, bro. You can't just be doing it, I'm sorry."

"No, no, I also want to be the silly interrogator guy too, what the hell." He jumps and punches Mapicc.

"Do not crit me!"

"I punched you, re-laaax. I punched you."

Time for Roshambo to step between them. He's doing a silly voice again, which transitions halfway through into an overly dramatic serious voice. "Mister Subz. It appears that after breaking the prison, you acquired stacks upon stacks of obsidian. And that night, the petrification started happening."

"Wait, really?" He sounds genuinely startled. "That's pretty silly. That is pretty ideal timing. What?" Startled half-laugh.

"Subz, this is your chance to confess."

"It wasn't me, I swear!"

"Do you have an alibi?" The drow justice system loves alibis.

"Okay, okay, I mined all of the obsidian--" (Mapicc jump-and-punches him; he rolls his eyes.) "I mined all of the obsidian and then I went home and put all of the obsidian in a double chest. And it's still there in that double chest to this day."

"Would we be able to check this?"

"Yeah, I mean, you know where my base is, I showed it to you."

"--I was asking for permission."

"Oh. Um, yeah, sure, but also I doubt Mapicc or Roshambo care."

"That's true."

??? "It would be evidence for or against."

"No, yeah, I mean, like... They'd go even if I didn't give permission, soooo."

"Ah. Right."

"Can you maybe...screenshare, Subz?"

"You already know where my base is, why do I need to screenshare?"

"No, moron! You're going to screenshare something else, but I can't tell you until right as we're doing it, so you can't fake it or anything."

"I don't think this is going to be decisive unless it's low, but let's check it out."

"Okay, now press statistics."

"You're looking for obsidian placed?"

"2,000. Huh. That's--quite a bit of obsidian. I don't think it incriminates him, but I don't think it clears him, either."

"I don't even know what I've built with obsidian this season, I'm gonna be honest with you. I've just built a bunch of nether portals, I guess. And it's my building block half the time."

"Interesting, interesting. I have one final question for you, Subz, do you have any leads for us? Or for anyone. Do you have any suspicions? Where's your head at?"

"Where's my head at? I mean, yesterday, there was Parrot around and Poafa around, and that's all I know. My suspicions are put in one of those two."

Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: say the word and i will SPLASH

"That's kind of the consensus."

"That's kind of what we're hearing from everybody, bro. Parrot or Poafa. Parrot mainly because he's always up to something and we know he has obby, and then Poafa 'cause he is the only one witnessing nothing happening."

"Parrot has also been avoiding us."

"That's true. Although--he is doing something, I don't know if I should say--then again, that could be the perfect alibi. We definitely need to talk to him, I'll message him some more. Poafa also--one or two days before the petrification started, Poafa created a team and invited me and Mapicc to it called the Cleanup Crew. And basically their entire goal is to prevent spawn from being griefed or destroyed or defaced in any way, and that's kind of what the petrification is. It's an alibi that he created himself, just like the stakeout last night. Drizzt, Subz, is there anything else?"

...creating a "Clean Up Crew" just before petrification started its incredibly sloppy. "Not on my end."

"Can I ask you some questions completely unrelated to this in any way?"

"Yes."

"Did you guys steal three double chests of gold nuggets from me? And potentially three shulker boxes that were empty? And potentially build a tower outside of my base to spy on me or something?"

...

"You know, steal is a big word."

Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: yes i did all of that

Drizzt is just Looking at Roshambo.

(To the extent that Roshambo can really be said to look at things, he is looking at Mapicc. Subz is looking back and forth between Ro and Mapicc.)

"It is a big word, that's why I chose it!"

"And, um, I personally, I didn't do any of that."

"Okay."

"You built the tower!"

"I did not build the tower!"

"He saw you on top of it, what are you doing."

"I did build the tower. But! That was, uh, a harmless prank."

"It was pretty funny. --I would never touch your gold farm, I'm too... Mapicc. I would never. I would literally never."

Halfway through, he pauses to eat a golden apple. It is absolutely not necessary and it is a waste of a golden apple. However: it is funny.

?????? "Why?"

"Why what? Ro built the tower because it was funny, and I didn't touch the gold farm because I would never touch Subz's gold farm."

"I hope you wouldn't."

"Bro, re-lax!"

How has he ended up with divided loyalties in less than a day. How has this happened. 

He is going to look calm an me not like he's constantly flicking his gaze between looking at Subz and Mapicc and Ro.

"What about the fifteen shulker boxes?"

"I actually did not touch that. Did you, Ro?"

"Dude. I did not touch that. Although, um..."

Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: you absolutely did huh

"WHAT are you talking about-- Subz. I know who did it."

(The silly voice is back at the end.)

"Pangi."

Roshambo cracks up. "You're just lying, man!" 

Mapicc starts laughing too, a little.

"I just want him to not like Pangi. I hate Pangi." (They're still both laughing.)

"Can I say who did it, Mapicc?"

"I don't care."

"Mapicc did it. BUT! To be fair, to be fair, before you jump to conclusions, man--didn't you say we could take what we wanted?"

Why is everyone stealing? 

"Yeah, you did say that, actually. You said, I'm so rich, I have money falling out of my armpits, literally take whatever you want."

"I do not recall this statement, what are you talking about." (Subz is also laughing a little.)

"You said that! You said that! Do you not remember this? Wow."

"This is cap, you guys are lying to my face right now. You guys are being girlboss gaslight gatekeepers right now."

Once again with the strings of words! At least Subz does not seem that upset? (Note to self: find out what a shulker is, and acquire replacements for Subz.)

"I'm sure we can work something out." 

"Thank you Drizzt, but I don't--I don't really think that should be on you, I'm gonna be honest, I don't really think you had anything to do with this. Mapicc and Ro, on the other hand."

Well, yes, but they are his allies. He has some responsibility for their actions. For now, at least. 

He nods. 

"Subz, we never took your stuff. Also, gaslighting does not exist." It's said in a serious tone, but a serious tone that is definitely very close to laughing.

Yeah, he's not getting anywhere with this. Not unless he wants to start a fight, and he is supposed to be a pacifist. Might as well just play into it. He can talk to Drizzt later, maybe, but he meant what he said--this really isn't Drizzt's fault. Easier for everyone if he just deescalates.

"Wait, really? Oh, you're right. I'm sorry guys. My bad."

Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: we are doing it rn!
Mapicc whispers to roshambogames: say bananas and i will splash

Silly voice is once again back. "Was there anything else, Mister Subz?"

"No, that's all I really had to say, and clearly you guys didn't have anything to do with that, luckily, so. That's okay."

"Thank you for your time, Mister Subz."

"Yeah, thank you for your time as well, I'm gonna head out now, you guys have fun. Bye."

"Goodbye."

Roshambo silly voice: it is still happening. "Is there anyone else we need to interrogate?"

"Parrot, if he would goddamn answer us."

He is going to talk about the theft later, when he has more information. There's likely a reason, and he hopes for Mapicc and Ro's sakes it's a good one. 

"Is there any way we may be able to draw him out."

"Right now? Probably nooot, just from my knowledge of what he's doing. Offering totems might work but I don't actually have a ton going spare. Honestly, I think he'll probably show up for an interview in, like, a couple days max."

"Waiting a few days will be frustrating," he is getting very intimate knowledge of exactly how long it takes to mine obsidian "but this isn't so urgent."

"Yeahhhh. I'll keep messaging Parrot. We could talk to Poafa, see what the plan for tonight is."

He nods. "And I can see if he follows through on what he says."

"Yeah. He shouuuuld be around fairly soon, we've got pretty similar schedules."

Poafa: is indeed around fairly soon.

He suggests that he take a schematic of the boat and then burn it down, so that he can rebuild it tomorrow or in the future but whoever Medusa is won't be able to turn it to obsidian; Roshambo is particularly reluctant, but eventually everyone (Mapicc, Roshambo, Planetlord, and Subz) agrees. At one point he shows a screenshot his obsidian placed count to Planet and Mapicc, who both confirm that it's in the low hundreds--not even close to enough to be Medusa. He agrees to do another 10-hour overnight watch, just in case. He joins in with joking when everyone else is, but when talking about Medusa, he's probably the most audibly tired and frustrated of everyone.

It seems less likely to be Poafa, considering the low obsidian count, though he's reserving judgement. Parrot is looking more likely. 

(Or maybe Subz.)

He's still going to join him on watch tonight. 

10 hours later, the sun is rising, the boat has not reappeared, nothing has turned to obsidian, and Medusa--whoever they are--has not shown their face. Nothing particularly suspicious happened overnight. Poafa says goodbye to Drizzt and leaves spawn to head back to his base.

(Elsewhere, Mapicc and Roshambo debate the merits of using an invis to check if Drizzt is still watching spawn. The situation, they both agree, is very bad. They eventually agree to risk it--cover story if anyone sees particles is that they wanted to check if Poafa returned to spawn in secret or if anyone else was at spawn who might be suspicious. Roshambo heads, invisibly, an inventory full of potions, towards spawn, to see if Drizzt is still keeping his watch or if he abandoned it once Poafa left.)

While he technically does have better things to do-- pay back Subz, get actual equipment, get shelter that isn't a tree, investigate the ?lich? problem-- patrolling is something he's good at. 

He's still at spawn.

Shit. Okay. Roshambo knows when he's beat; assuming Drizzt doesn't notice anything, he heads back to Mapicc.

On the one hand, this was always sort of the plan; if Medusa only works when Poafa's standing guard, this doesn't exactly make Poafa look innocent.

On the other hand, if Drizzt starts doing this more often, they won't be able to do this at all.

And on the third hand, which Roshambo also has, Poafa has already been mostly-cleared by his obsidian count. He and Mapicc have half a plan there, but it's... not a solid one, not something they can pull off yet, and so making Poafa look marginally more suspicious... doesn't actually do much, at this moment. People could so easily start suspecting. According to Mapicc, Poafa already has, and now he's spent the night with Drizzt.

Drizzt leaves mid morning to Be more comfortable in the dark be productive and mine.

Team Awesome don't know when Drizzt leaves, and besides, Mapicc wasn't lying about having the same schedule as Poafa; they don't return to spawn until the afternoon, and exclaim happily over the fact that the boat hasn't been turned to obsidian. 

Also in the afternoon: someone who Drizzt hasn't met is building a new building. It is distinctly not obsidian: it's red with white and blue accents and a checkerboard floor. The person building it also builds a large floating sign pointing to it, reading IHOB ⬇️.

Drizzt returns to spawn late afternoon on his own two feet,  as opposed to dying, a reasonable amount of iron and coal richer.

It's nice to see a new, non-obsidian building.

Mapicc waves to him. "Hey. How was the watch?"

"Nothing suspicious happened."

"That's good. --Parrot finally got back to us, he can only do a call but you can join for that if you want."

"It  would be good to hear from him."

Then the three of them--Mapicc, Drizzt, and Ro--can call Parrot.

"Hello?"

"Parrot," Roshambo says in his silly voice. "Have you heard of someone named Medusa."

"...No? Other than that you think it's related to me somehow."

"Have you been to spawn recently."

"No.....?"

"A player has been changing buildings at spawn to obsidian and we're trying to catch them. You've been online on most of the nights that this has happened, you don't have any alibi, and you've been avoiding us."

"Roshambo, bro, I expect this from Mapicc, but you know what I've been doing."

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to share. You could have had help. You could be lying. You're kind of known for lying, actually. Parrot, listen, tell me this isn't the sort of thing the NPPP would do."

"Bro. I am on one heart. I am huddling in the side of a hill so I don't get banned."

"You don't need hearts to build things."

"You need hearts to not die while building things. If I get hit by a mob once, if I take a bit too much fall damage, I am banned. I have genuinely not come to spawn once since I started this challenge."

To Mapicc: "We could ask around if anyone had seen him recently."

"Yeah, probably a good idea. I mean, he could just be lying."

"I haven't seen him, and I did know he was doing something like this, so that much checks out. It's a good cover if he's lying, though. All he has to do to keep his cover going is not come to spawn when anyone else is there."

"And not get spotted approaching it either."

"True."

To Parrot:

"How do we know you're not lying?"

"I mean, you don't. I could screenshare but you have no way of knowing if I just withdrew hearts during this conversation. You could ask Spoke but he's teamed with me. But any evidence you find will support my story, because I'm telling the truth."

"Is there any other evidence you have?"

"Genuinely, I am not sure what I could give you guys. I have been in a hole for so many days."

Mapicc giggles. "A hole, you say. Sorry, sorry."

Roshambo giggles also. "That's vile, bro." Back to serious voice: "Parrot, who do you think it was? Do you have any ideas?"

"Uh, not...really? Like I said, I haven't been at spawn."

"Alright, bro." To Roshambo and Drizzt: "Do you have any other questions?"

"I don't think so."

"No."

"Well, Parrot, thank you for your time."