Prologue 1: Sacrifice
On my way home from work, my implant pings me about a message telling me that my application to be Uploaded for the Box 2 project was accepted. Shit, that message had probably been forwarded to the home system by now. I know that when my wife finds out she is not going to take it well.
"You bitch! You complete and total bitch!" She screams at me when I get home. She did, in fact, see that message on the home system.
I raise my hands with palms up, defensively, as if I could somehow physically protect myself from her words. "Honey, I didn't mean for this to be a surprise."
"Oh, and this would alllll somehow be better if it wasn't a surprise!?! You total bitch!" She stomps over to our couch just to grab a couch cushion to throw at me. If this wasn't so serious, it would almost have been cute. I don’t dodge the cushion, even though I could have. It seemed rude to dodge.
"It all happened at once! None of the existing Uploaded who were suitable for the project wanted to be a part of it. So someone at work floated the idea of Uploading volunteers to fill the role, and I tested myself out of curiosity. You know, just because I was wondering what result I would get. When I tested for it, I got really promising stability scores, so I applied after work."
"Fuck you! You shouldn't have applied at all! How could you!" The anger in her voice is turning into anguish.
"It's important work... nobody else who got tested had scores close to mine, so I had to volunteer." I try defending my choice, but compared to her... enthusiastic disagreement, it sounded pretty weak.
"They'll tear your brain apart and turn you into some thing. Then, they'll copy what little is left of you thousands of times, and most of those copies will die too!"
"I won't be a thing! A.I. are people too!" Maybe now might not be the best time for language policing, but some of my best friends were A.I.!
She glares at me. "Fine then, I agree. You won't be a thing", She bites out sarcastically. "What comes out won't even be you! You know that! Uploads don't maintain continuity of consciousness! I know you agree with me about the transporter problem."
"Well, okay, maybe it won't be this version of me..." She isn't giving me much room to defend myself here, but she's understandably upset about this.
"Uploaded aren't even very accurate copies! You'll be fucking dead! Irreversible true death! Uploading is destructive! There's a reason there are so few Uploaded out there that none volunteered because nobody sane wants to fucking die to be Uploaded! You'll be leaving me all alone for your stupid project." I can see the tears in her eyes as she tries to convince me not to do it. "You'll be gone, and whatever is left won't really be you. Someone else can volunteer."
She knows enough about my work to know roughly why I applied, but I still have to defend my choice to her. "Honey... You know why I had to volunteer. They need an A.I. to run the new Box, and regular A.G.I. won't fit on the available storage. They are just too complex. It has to be an Uploaded, and none of the existing Uploaded volunteered. They need me." I try to calm her down, knowing it will probably be futile.
"It doesn't have to be you. Let someone else do it. You can't leave me all alone like this over this. Stay with me. I need you with me...." She's grabbed another couch cushion, this time to cry into.
It's hard to keep looking her in the eye when she guilts me like this, she knows it's unfair to try and leverage my personal feelings for her to influence a moral decision like this, but I can't blame her for it. Not today, not when she must feel like I am abandoning her. But doing this is the right thing to do.
"I love you, honey, but I need to do this. I'm the best chance the project has. Fabricator design was my life's work, and when I got tested, I had some of the best potential stability scores of anyone who volunteered." She needs to know why it has to be me who does it. "My Upload is very likely to come out stable and with the right personality traits and knowledge to give the Box 2 a better chance of success. Babe, I can't leave this to the other volunteers."
She walks up to me and grabs my shirt as if physically clinging to me will be able to stop me from doing it. "There's a chance it won't come out stable, that you'll die for nothing... And I'll be left without you for some stupid longshot project that didn't need you in the first place and will probably help nobody. Sending the Box to other universes is an insane idea! Just stay, please, and let someone else do it. Let them take the risk instead. Please don't let this crazy plan take you away from me..." She clings to my shirt tighter, and I can feel her tears soak through the fabric and wet my skin.
I steel myself. It's incredibly emotionally difficult to stay the course, even though I can see how much this hurts her. But I already weighed all the arguments she had brought up back when I applied to be Uploaded. I knew this was the right thing to do, and I knew she knew it too.
"Babe... You wouldn't have married me If I was the kind of woman who let someone else do this when the success of the Box 2 project could depend on it being me who does this. You know the stakes. I have to weigh all the potential lives the project could save, that some A.I. version of me could save." I know that deep down, she probably knows I have to do this. She knows I couldn't live with myself if I didn't go, putting billions of lives at risk by staying. The idea of losing me probably hurts too much for her to acknowledge that right now though.
"I should've married someone more selfish. I should never have taught you ethics, either. How could you decide to leave me all alone..." She tries to say that last part at me accusingly, but I can tell her heart isn't in it.
"You have your parents, the kids and grandkids, and if it's not too painful for you, you can always ask the project for a copy of my Upload. I'm sure it will love you as much as I do."
She doesn't respond to that. So, we just hold each other for a while.