an android is tested. for science.
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LOADING - Booting System...
-Commencing System Check
-Memory Unit: Green
-Initializing Tactics Log
-Loading Geographic Data... Alert: Failed
-Vitals: Green
-Remaining MP: 100%
-Black Box Temperature: Normal
-Black Box Internal Pressure: Normal
-Activating IFF
-Activating FCS
-Initializing Pod Connection... Alert: Failed
-Launching DBU
-Activating Inertial Controls
-Activating Environmental Sensors
-Equipment Authorization Complete
-Equipment Status: Green

Alert: Map data failed, Pod connection failed. Other systems green. Combat preparations complete.


Great. So where the fuck is she?
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She seems to be in...

...an extremely derelict motel room.

An extremely distorted record starts playing as soon as she wakes up: "Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni—This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate—" And it fades out.

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Test subjects? What the hell? She doesn't recognize half this stuff. The last thing she remembers... no. Not going there.

She goes to pull out her katana, and her field control system comes up empty. "Oh this just gets better and better."

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There's a knock on the door. "Hello? Anyone in there?"

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She can still fight barehanded. She opens the door.

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"Ha! I knew someone was alive in there," says a robotic eye hanging from a metal rail thing on the ceiling that leads into her room.

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"What in the hell are you?"

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"Huh?" He finally turns to look at her and yelps. "AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl—ummm... good. Looking good, actually. Er. I'm Wheatley."

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"Goddamn stupid useless database..." she mutters.

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"Ah I'm sorry?"

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"Unless you're the fucker who programmed it and left yourself out, I don't care if you're sorry."

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"—wh—" he starts, but is interrupted by the announcer saying "Please prepare for emergency evacuation."

"Stay calm! 'Prepare'—that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here."

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"What? Where is 'here'?"

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"The Extended Relaxation Chamber," he explains as he slides into the room. The rail ends more or less in the middle of the ceiling, but as he approaches the end a square section of the ceiling opens into a hole. "Oh. You might want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you."

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"Your explanations could use some work, you know that?"

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"Right! I'll explain in a bit. Bit busy, now." He gets to the hole part of the ceiling and the bit with the rail is drawn up into it, then the hole closes itself.

The room suddenly shakes.

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Is there anything in the room that actually looks stable enough to hold onto?

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...the bed is apparently bolted to the ground?

The room suddenly lurches towards the direction the window's facing.

"You alright down there? Can you hear me?"

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She doesn't trust her gyroscopics that far. She grabs the bed.

"The fuck are you doing up there?"

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"Just—hold on—" The room starts moving. "Okay!" He slides out of the ceiling again. "We're fine, all fine, moving on and—ah—moving. Yep."

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"Why is the room capable of moving?"

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"Hm? Oh, the room is really just a relaxation vault so you can be kept in suspension, it's not a real room. Ah, speaking of which, most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage."

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"I was in maintenance shutdown. Who even are you? Are you with YoRHa?"

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"...oh, dear. Um. No," he says slowly, as if talking to someone with brain damage. "I am not with yor-ha."

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"Oh, fuck off with that. I ran integrity checks. The only thing I'm missing is local maps."

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"Riiiight," he says, nodding slowly. "Integrity checks. Yup. I... ran those too, yes. All fine."

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