Oh, she grows hair. It comes in orange so we're legally obliged to shave it till she can hold still enough to be dyed. Had to do the same thing when I was a baby, mine was white till it pinked up.

Legally obliged. Okay. I should really not be surprised by that.

Otherwise someone might think she was a clean baby, see.

And then they might find her adorable. Oh, the horror.

They might think I had kidnapped her and was polluting her.

That seems like a stupid conclusion to draw.

And yet. I mean, if I did kidnap an orange baby I could just shave it but still.

Yeah. Also, like, why would you do that. And do they think no one would notice.

They just want to make it really obvious who the reds are.

It's stupid.

Won't get any argument from me.

Yeah. Just, ugh.

You said if we do something secret involving a lot of reds one'll slip.

Somebody'll have an Internet friend or act shifty and have it beaten out of them or tell their purple girlfriend or get high and blog it.

Right.

But something involving just one would be safe, right?

Probably! For example I do not have a drug problem.

I want to try to teach you magic.

Oooh.

You'll have to be careful not to get caught but I bet you can do it.

I'm still trying to get discharged from the army. They haven't cut me yet. It'll be easier to do secret things at home.

I bet it will.

Got my name on the cut-first list. Next time they slim down I'm off.

That's good!

Do you have to like teach me in person or what?

I'm not sure how to teach magic, actually--but it's probably safer.

You have to do the five hour shower if you come to my neighborhood and then leave.