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Bella thinks and thinks and thinks. It takes some getting used to not to have to write everything down in order for it to be where she left it when she wants it again. [You going to school today?] she asks Alice, when the time he arrived yesterday has been and gone.
Because that would make some of the thinking she has to do easier, and some of it trickier.
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self_composed
self_composed
Bella hovers, and opens that up, and basks. She can afford to kill a few minutes in a feedback loop.
edgeofyourseat
There's less feedback when he can't see her liking it - but he can feel her paying attention, and imagine her liking it. And it gives him many happy feelings.
self_composed
It turns out that while that's pleasant, it does eventually get dull. [So. Wanna participate in an experiment?]
self_composed
[There's generally a different quality to opening up your thoughts to look at them in detail than there is to having similar thoughts of my own, but I don't know how different in all cases - in particular I haven't opened up any nocioception symbols. Make a triangle and I'll see how that is? And then if that actually-hurts instead of just informing me about the hurt I can pentagon a modification into the power.]
self_composed
Bella pokes the jagged line.
[Huh. It's sort of like I'm remembering it. I couldn't make my own triangle out of it, but it's not my favorite thing either.]
[Huh. It's sort of like I'm remembering it. I couldn't make my own triangle out of it, but it's not my favorite thing either.]
edgeofyourseat
...Alice thinks of something.
He really isn't sure how to put it into words, but luckily, he doesn't have to!
It goes something like this: would there be a difference in how not-fun it was if she was looking at his reaction to the pain at the same time as she looked at the pain? After all, it's fun for him, and it's his thought.
Of course, maybe opening up his thoughts while he gets off on something is one of those things she doesn't want to do because they are sex things.
He really isn't sure how to put it into words, but luckily, he doesn't have to!
It goes something like this: would there be a difference in how not-fun it was if she was looking at his reaction to the pain at the same time as she looked at the pain? After all, it's fun for him, and it's his thought.
Of course, maybe opening up his thoughts while he gets off on something is one of those things she doesn't want to do because they are sex things.
self_composed
[Worth one low-stakes try to find out. Knowing what I can do and how unpleasant it has to be is pretty important.]
edgeofyourseat
Shrugging, he bites his lip again—for a square this time, because the idea is for him to actually like it instead of barely noticing.
self_composed
Bella opens the lightning bolt and the affect around it at the same time.
[...I don't know what I think of that. It's less aversive, at least, but more alien.]
[...I don't know what I think of that. It's less aversive, at least, but more alien.]
edgeofyourseat
[No shit,] he says fondly.
He'd ask her what it's like to not like pain, but, well, he already knows. And he prefers masochism.
He'd ask her what it's like to not like pain, but, well, he already knows. And he prefers masochism.
self_composed
[There are clear advantages,] Bella concedes. [Still not a permanent edit I want to make to myself. ...Although I do wonder why more coinmakers didn't. I'd probably eventually go ahead with it if I were working alone.]
self_composed
[I like my brain how it is. I don't have a good way to predict all the consequences of changing something that... fundamental. It's a native part of you, but it's not of me; I developed for seventeen years with typical reactions to pain. And I don't have to, 'cause I have a pet masochist.]
self_composed
Bella rather expected it to.
She starts swooping around again. Flying is fun.
She starts swooping around again. Flying is fun.
self_composed
Bella backs off on reading him. He can brainphone her when he's all done.
Wheeeeeee!
Wheeeeeee!
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