"...Vampire boyfriend," the vampire repeats.

Giles just shakes his head.

"Mm-hm. The things he can do with his fangs... But that's probably TMI, huh?"

"What does the wand do, Rupert? Why does this bead radiate a magical signature?"

The vampire grins. Fangily. "Oh, no, tell me more."

"Why do you think I know these things?" wonders Giles.

[Operation: Talk To The Vampire has not gotten me killed yet,] Bella reports to Sherlock and Giles under cover of a smile. "We-e-ell, I don't know if you're originally from around here or what, but there's a bite shop downtown, and once my boyfriend told me about that I was all kinds of interested, you know, the business model they must have going... I can show you the place if you wanna bust us out of here."

"Because," says Arthur, "she was your Slayer - alas, no more, we can't have this kind of sentimentality - and the magic that was on her person that I could not remove is, oddly enough, duplicated on you."

"I've heard of those," says the vampire, nodding along. "Is that why he hasn't turned you?"

Giles shakes his head again.

"That and my scintillating personality and the fact that if I die even a little bit, the Slayer gets replaced with somebody who probably doesn't have my enlightened view of race relations," Bella says, trying not to speak too hastily.

"Rupert, what has she done to you?" says Arthur. "Did you even know about the spells on you? They're not quite the same as hers - perhaps she was only pretending to be interested in learning magic, perhaps she's got another teacher and she's ensorcelled you somehow..."

The vampire raises his eyebrows. "Uh-huh," he says.

Giles, meanwhile, rolls his eyes.

"They'd probably prioritize hunting me down, too, and then he'd not only have no dessert but no girlfriend at all," she says. She's babbling at near-random now. [Sherlock, are you looking for me - I don't know how long I can keep him conversing civilly - he didn't take the bait when I suggested that he bust the door down -] "Fucking Watchers."

Arthur picks up the wand, waves it experimentally. "I can only imagine that she knows what it does. This isn't a continuous effect, so it must be activated. I have heard rumors that the demons believe the current Slayer is pyrokinetic. Perhaps these aren't hysterical inventions. You know me and artifacts, Giles... experimental."

"You know," says the vampire, "I'm getting the sense you're not giving me the whole story here."

"Go ahead," Giles invites. "I sincerely hope you set us both on fire."

"Hm? What else do you want to know?" asks Bella. "Me, Slayer with vampire boyfriend, you, vampire locked in a house with me to bump me off so they can see if the next in line is better-behaved, what's missing?"

[I love you.]

Arthur may or may not be trying, but he doesn't get any fire out of the wand, and eventually he sets it down and picks up the square.

"Well," says the vampire, "I've heard that if you turn a Slayer you get the most powerful vampire ever seen."

Giles lets out a slightly exaggerated sigh of relief.

"I think they'd probably run this test with some other kind of demon if that were true," says Bella quickly.

[Operation Talk To The Vampire may be about to drastically backfire -]

"This one has a very puzzling signature indeed," Arthur says conversationally. "I don't recognize anything about it."

"Test?" says the vampire. "What test?"

"Oh, no, Br'er Rabbit," says Giles. "Don't touch that one."

Shit. "Well, they gave me something, but they didn't break my legs or put me into a coma or even take my crucifix, I bet they hope I lose but they're pretending it's a contest - maybe if I walk out of here docile and scared I get to tell them that I understand now that vampires are bad and not for dating and they see if I'm salvageable?"

Arthur rolls his eyes at Giles and turns the square over in his hand.

The vampire looks thoughtful.

Giles laughs.

"But," says Bella, "I bet you could break down that door, or a window, and be long gone by the time they show up to herd you into the box again."

"Is something funny, Rupert?"

"Maybe so," the vampire muses.

"Nothing," Giles says innocently.

"Oh, probably. Wouldn't that just drive them nuts, if they came back later to find the place deserted?"

Arthur attempts to break the square. He scratches his hand in the attempt and it remains obstinately intact.

"I bet it would," says the vampire, eyeing the door.

Giles laughs again.

"I don't know how much time they're going to allow," Bella adds. "For all I know they'll be back in a minute."

Arthur begins studiously ignoring Giles as he inspects the wand and the square.

The vampire casually kicks the entire locking mechanism out of the door and doorframe. The door creaks inward on shuddering hinges.

"Let's go find your boyfriend," he suggests.

Giles ignores Arthur right back.