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"So of course I just had to know more. I squeezed a few people - you don't need the details."

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(Breathe. Just breathe.)

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"And I found out that the new outfit is extrrrremely professional, veeery tidy, and answers to a guy calling himself Moriarty. I love it! Don't you love it? It's so charming," he says. "Nobody knows who he is or where he lives. It's all a big mystery. Fun and exciting, don'tcha think?"

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"No," he says. Flatly.

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The Joker sighs wistfully. "Nnnoo. Of course not. Anyway, funny thing, a week after I tickled his toes this literary enthusiast started trying to clean me out! Can you believe it? We've been going back and forth," his hands sway left and then right in time with the words, "ever since. I threaten his people, he has mine followed. He sends my people to jail - amazing resources this guy has, honestly, I'm impressed - and I impersonate a window washer and commit a little vandalism. Which," he adds, "is somehow enough to bring you out of the woodwork - I have to wonder why, I really do."

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He should have known coming here would be a mistake.

(He had to know.)

"Too far into the public eye," he says, giving nothing away. "I had to know if you were picking up old habits."
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The Joker grins, slowly, enjoying the moment.

"I wasn't," he says, "but I could."
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He actually shudders.
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The Joker, not to put too fine a point on it, cracks up. He loses the support of the wall in so doing, and stumbles forward almost into Batman, giggling helplessly.

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...Not for the first time tonight, Batman honestly has no idea what to do.

He could leave the Joker on the roof of the MCU for Commissioner Gordon to find - he's at least confident that this time there will be no exploding minions - but he has no illusions about the ease of getting him there. Letting himself be knocked around is one thing; the Joker isn't going to lie down for an arrest unless it's in his game plan. And then there's the kid. But if he leaves the Joker loose, what's to stop him from getting ideas? A repeat performance of that is the last thing Gotham needs.

So he just... waits.
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He sobers eventually, straightening up from his doubled-over hysteria.

"Somebody's all grown up," he says with a fond little smile.
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It's as good a segue as any.

"Who's the girl?"
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"None of your business," he says amicably.

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...

He finds that... strangely hard to argue with.
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The Joker leaves those words hanging in the air for a long moment, watching Batman watch him.

Then he says, softly, evenly, "Just about kills you to find out I'm human, doesn't it?"
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He flinches—almost snarls—bites it back.

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"That was always half your problem," he continues thoughtfully. "To you, some people are people, and some people are monsters."

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He shouldn't ask. The Joker might not be playing his games with all of Gotham - yet - but that doesn't make him less dangerous. He cannot be allowed to take control of this conversation.

But Batman is curious. He's never seen the Joker this unguarded. It might be something he can use.

"What's the other half?"
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"When I was a kid I read this adorable little story," he says, "where the Birds and the Beasts went to war. The Birds wanted the Bat on their team - figured having wings was good enough for them. But he said no, he's fuzzy and has a soft little nose, that makes him a Beast, right? So then the Beasts ask him to join their team."

He leans forward, away from the wall, and looks up into Batman's eyes.

"Can you guess what he said?"
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...This is more than he signed up for.

But he knows the answer. And knows where the Joker is going with it, much as he might wish he didn't.

"He said no," he says. Reluctantly.
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The Joker flashes a grin. "Got it in one. He can't be a Beast, see, he's got these flappy little—" he reaches out and flicks the edge of Batman's cape with a fingertip "—wings."

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He scowls and smacks the Joker's hand away, realizing just slightly too late that this is exactly the reaction he was intended to have.

It is past time to cut his losses here.

(He is abruptly reminded that he has seen the Joker this unguarded. Once. The words 'you complete me' in that hushed tone of absolute sincerity are still burned into his mind.)

Coming here really was the worst thing he could've done, wasn't it? Here he is with more questions than answers, and an uncomfortable sense that the Joker has just explained the last decade of his life with a single slightly twisted Aesop reference. And if he goes home and the Joker takes this conversation as a reason to get back into the game the way he did four years ago, there is nothing Batman can do to stop him. He made sure of that when he took the fall for Harvey Dent. Gotham doesn't need him anymore.

Which leaves him... where? A mammal with wings. Not a monster like the Joker, or Dent himself, or Crane, or Ra's... but not a person, either.

"You're wrong," he says finally, knowing as he says it that it's worse than futile. "I chose my side."
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The Joker shrugs fluidly. "Who are you arguing with? I don't believe in monsters. Just people, doing what people do."

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"Everyone's a monster to you," he growls, remembering (...these civilized people, they'll eat each other.)

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He grins again.

"Nahhh. We can be vicious little weasels sometimes, I'll give you that, we mmmortals. But we don't come in these neat - little - categories. Good and evil, guilty and innocent—nobody's all one thing or the otherrr." He straightens his jacket, tugging the panels flat. "And now you're gonna tell me I'm just saying that to cover for what a vicious weasel I am. Aren'tcha."
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