Iobel and not!Elves
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"Like I said. You would be entirely warranted in deciding never to speak to me again and I would really miss you and totally deserve it and Marlatia will never even know what she missed - well, if you invent immortality, she'll figure it out when you end up ruling her anyway -"

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"Why did you kiss me."

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"I was hoping it would just magically work because if it were even remotely conceivable for me to get one fucking exception -"

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"So you kissed me in case you could just get away without ever mentioning this -?"

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"[What did he do?]"

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"[Not now, kitty.]"

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"And be happily married to the best, most interesting, most capable person that I have ever met, out of hundreds of thousands? Yes! Of course I wanted that!"

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"And not tell me, you weren't going to tell me -"

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"I would have told you 'funny story, before we met I thought I was gay but then I fell in love with you and realized I wasn't'."

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"Great," she mutters, "but turns out you are, kissing's not magic, I could've told you that and I'd never even kissed anybody -"

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"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

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"You just - what, really really want to be king -?"

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"Yes! My father will do a bad job and people will die and they nearly already did when there was a stupid mess I couldn't defuse in time and people dying is not acceptable when I could just -"

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"Just find some girl you could put up with and let her think -"

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"That I was just really bad in bed," he says, burying his head in his hands. "I guess."

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"Really well thought out and not vaguely sociopathic at all well done."

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"Do you want me to leave?"

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"I - I need to think, I -"

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"[What did he DO!?]"

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"[I said not n- ugh, he's gay he just wanted to find a wife so he could be king, that's what -]"

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Cricket yowls at the top of his lungs in indignation and he starts yelling at Mitros in mostly idiolect interspersed liberally with Marlese swearing.

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He squeezes his eyes shut and sits there.

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Cricket can yell a lot. He knows most of the swear words that there are and the portmanteaus he's making with them are probably really inventive if you know his idiolect.

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Eventually Iobel gets him to shush so she can get a word in. "I apologize for him," she mutters. "I need to think, where are you on this whole business now besides 'miserable or a really good actor again'."

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He winces. "I continue thinking I'll be really sad if I never get to see you again and Marlatia could not possibly do better for a Queen but it'd be reasonable of you to go 'too bad'."

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