She turns this over in her head. It's better than the worst she'd been fearing, certainly, and now that she's read Mal's actual response it's hard to even imagine what she'd been afraid Mal would say.  But...

Well, part of my problem is - even if I accept that I just need to do more good than harm in order to be a good person, which I'm not sure I agree with - I don't know if I *will*.  I don't know if my actions caused more harm than good when I was fighting the other magical girl today, but I know I caused more harm than I *needed* to.  I wasn't thinking about whether I was doing more harm than good.  I think I did the things I did because I liked seeing the other girl scared, and if that's something that can make me hurt people then I don't think I'm a person who

She mulls over her next words for a moment, as she worries at her lip and stares into the bright blue-white glow of her screen.

is in fact going to go through life helping people more than she hurts them.  And I don't think I've ever done something before because I *wanted to hurt someone*, maybe except when I was really little, and I didn't realize I was going to until I did.  And I don't know if I can just say, "okay, I'm not going to do that again," because if you'd asked me before I did it I would've said I wasn't going to then too.

That is a reasonable worry. The ways that wishes can change our minds - put them out of our control - can be terrifying. For solving it - you'll likely be under its sway less when your soul gem is full. Also, there's ways you can gain greater self knowledge and control. It's hard, long work though.

She - reads this, and thinks, and breathes.  Her heart's racing less.

She's not too optimistic about being less swayed by it when her soul gem's fuller.  The way it changed her mind was her wish, not a side effect; it was what she thought she wanted.  But it's a smart thing to keep an eye on.  And work - work she can put in.

I'm willing to put in work.  I think I have to.  ...Looking back I think there was a moment that I could've - held back, or not gotten so lost in what I was doing.

...but the opening's too good, some instinct in her tells her to press the advantage...

But I'm a little worried about keeping an eye open for things like that in the middle of a fight.  Everything moves so fast and it's dangerous to get distracted.  Is there anything else for it other than that sort of thing?

Other than getting another potential to make a wish that cancels out yours - which is very hard - I don't think so, no.

I don't want to pin my hopes on something like that, if I can fix myself some other way.  I'm not sure it would be a very good use of a wish.  I can try to keep one eye on myself.  We've practiced a lot of nonlethal fighting, I know how to do it, I just need to... do it.

...How much does it hurt a magical girl to get a knife stuck in her shoulder?  I think one of the reasons I was in my head so much about it was because I was imagining an ordinary human getting injured that way, which would've been *really bad* I'm pretty sure.

It depends on how much she's focusing on her body. It's incredibly dangerous to do so, but magical girls can ignore their wounds entirely, and most will reflexively dull pain.

But it wouldn't be a medical emergency or anything, the way it'd be for a regular person?  Just something to regenerate from like any other injury.

Just something to regenerate from, yes.

Okay.  That makes me feel better.  I could've probably held her off nonlethally and I'll try to in the future, but it's good to be sure I didn't hurt her as badly as I was imagining.

Thanks a lot for talking to me about this.

You're welcome. And I can help with mental exercises to develop better self awareness for the future.

I would like that.  Thank you.

She sends over detailed descriptions of exercises, as well as a note she can get Kaylee some books that're more in depth next time they see each other.

Thanks!  I should probably head to bed now, though, I'm pretty tired now that I'm not so panicky.  Good night!

Good night!

Kaylee’s in a better mood, next morning, as they pack up and check out; but she’s still a bit distant.

"Everything okay?"

She nods.  "Didn't sleep well last night."  She's still not sure she's ready to talk to Lianne about it.  Certainly she'd like to wait till they're alone.

"Alright."

She'll help fill Emma in on what exactly happened, last night, if Emma has any questions.  But:

"I think I need a day off from magical girl stuff," she says.  "Lianne, are we near any of the good sightseeing spots?"

"I think so! We'll have to check..."

She'll poke her head into an atlas with Lianne.  " - oh, it looks like we're right near Petrified Forest National Park - you mentioned wanting to go there, right?"

"Yeah! It sounded neat."

"Sounds like a plan!"

"How long do you wanna spend there, do you think?"

"Wellllll it depends a little!  On how pretty it turns out to be.  But a few hours, at least, I bet!"