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sad trans girl lev
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That is not the face of someone who is interested. 

"What did you do before grad school became so all consuming?" 

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"Uh. Studied, mostly."

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"That's legit." 

GAH why did he say that. 

"So what would you be studying if you weren't going into electrical engineering?" 

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Psychology. 

"I dunno, probably computer science."

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Awesome! An interest! Lev still doesn't even a little bit look interested but Sasha can try! 

"What do you like about computer science?" 

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"Programmers get to live in San Francisco," he says.

Fuck. How does he explain that?

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"I don't think I've heard that answer before, what's in San Francisco?" Please please tell me a fact about yourself that doesn't make you make a face like you're in physical pain. 

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"It's on the other end of the country from my parents," he doesn't say.

"There are lots of crossdressers in San Francisco," he doesn't say. 

"I like the weather," he says, "and I don't like driving."

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That didn't work that didn't work at all. "I've never been, have you?" 

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Yes. He wore a skirt in public and was called 'she' and went home and jerked off three times in a row.

"The Academy of Sciences is really interesting."

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Lev still looks pained but that's at least a topic he can latch onto. 

"Cool! What's it like?" 

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Lev seems to relax when he's talking about the Academy of Science, a subject that has absolutely nothing to do with himself or his interests or his traits in any way.

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Oh thank God maybe Lev doesn't hate him. 

Sasha pays attention and asks lots of questions! 

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Now that he's no longer talking about himself, Lev is staring at Sasha and making a soft and warm and extremely heterosexual face.

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Oh no he's so pretty. 

Sasha notices himself moving closer and doesn't stop himself from doing that. 

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Lev also doesn't stop him.

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He might wind up leaning against Lev again, their legs pressed together; he doesn't look away from Lev's face, keeps smiling, warm and soft, keeps listening. 

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Lev is staring at his lips a little bit.

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He told himself he wasn't gonna do this what if his parents find out somehow they're still in the library he shouldn't โ€” 

He waits for Lev to find a natural stopping point and then kisses him, quick and gentle. 

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Lev kisses him back.

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!!!! 

Good, that's good, Sasha's good at this, he can keep doing this โ€” 

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He should tell Sasha he's straight. He should tell Sasha he's straight, because Sasha wants to have sex with someone who's into him and not someone who's using him as a prop for a fetishistic sexual fantasy--

"Do you want to go back to my room?"

Fuck.

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"I'd love to." He kisses Lev again, quicker this time, and then grabs his bag. 

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This is a bad idea!

This is such a bad idea!

That is his internal narrative on literally the entire walk to his room.

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Once they're there Sasha can kiss him again, deeper than before.

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