Ben kisses his forehead. 

"Okay, we can stop for now."

It hurts when Ben takes his hand away. 

Chen clings to him and doesn't take his face away from Ben's shoulder. 

Ben holds him. 

"You're so good," he says, "you're doing so well."

A tiny gasp followed by a quiet broken sound. 

He kisses Chen's forehead again. "You like it when I say nice things about you."

He bites his lip and nods. 

"That's not like me, I like it when people say awful things to me."

"...like what?" 

"I like... thinking about people being disappointed in me, or calling me bad or worthless or ugly, and then hurting me because of it..."

He thinks about it. 

"I... can try to do that?" 

"Only if you want to."

It takes him a moment, two, five. 

"Look at you," he murmurs, "pretty little worthless thing," and saying it to Ben feels wrong but — all he's looking at is Ben's face —

He makes a soft little whimpery noise and looks up at Chen like Chen is the most important person in the world.

Oh, that's gorgeous. 

"You like that. Being called worthless. It's —" what does he say — "it's because you know it's true, isn't it?"

It's not true, he knows it isn't-- but it's so good to hear Chen calling him that--

He writhes on the bed.

"You're gorgeous," he says, sincerely, "you're beautiful when you're hurting, you're beautiful when you like how you're hurting — because you know you deserve to hurt, don't you —" 

He nods quickly.

He wants-- something. He's not really sure what he wants. Whatever it is he wants it more than he's ever wanted anything in his entire life.

"Of course you do," Chen says, and hits him, hard. 

Oh. Being hit. Being hit was the thing he wanted.

He feels like he's floating, feels like there is nothing that could make him any happier but also feels this incredible craving for-- something--

Chen hits him again, harder — and again, harder than that — 

He is going to have so many bruises and he is so happy about this!

Explaining the bruises might be a challenge but they can figure that out another time, the important thing is the way Ben is smiling right now. 

"I love you so much."

"I love you too. — I meant it when I said you were beautiful." 

"You too!"

Bruises are starting to form on his chest.