Nov 27, 2020 1:25 AM
because we know what we're about
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"Hey. 

"I saw you had another conversation with Hagan just now."

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"Yeah."

The notebook gets a delicate stab with the pen.

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"He likes me. Or - not even really likes me, I don't think, just is attracted enough to impulsively flirt with me. I don't care about it, but I guess he's never - dealt with anything like this before? So I guess he's kind of sad right now. That I don't, um, also like him."

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Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

"Don't like him in what sense?"

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" - I mean I like him, sure, he's great, he's - my friend. I think. He's - trustworthy and reliable and kind and thoughtful, and Verita loves him, and - I guess in a lot of ways I trust him more than anyone else here. In some arenas more than you. But I'm not gonna - throw that all away for a hookup, you know, obviously?"

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"This would be a more meaningful statement if you literally ever hooked up with anyone, but yes, I agree."

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"He wouldn't either. He's more responsible than that. I think. I guess it's just - he's tempted, a little bit, on some level, and - maybe it kind of hurts that I'm not also tempted. I guess. I think Osirians tend not to have a lot of experience with these things, so - it feels like a bigger deal than it is."

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Hmmmmmmmm.

"You think he'll get over it?"

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"Oh yeah. Might be awkward for a while, but - I mean everyone else does, right? Not that I'd know anything about that."

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"Sometimes it takes a while for people to get over things."

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"He's not in love, Asmodia. He's just - inexperienced with girls and probably kind of unaware of how normal this is. But he's - he's not gonna stop talking to me just because of an awkward kind of painful conversation. He wouldn't do that. I think."

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"All right, sorry. Just wanna make sure you're okay. 

"You're really sure he doesn't like you?"

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"Asmodia - "

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"Sorry, sorry! I'm not saying he does, I'm just considering hypotheticals."

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"Well, stop considering that hypothetical."

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"I'm kind of bad at stopping considering hypotheticals."

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Sigh. 

"He is not going to marry me. He's an Osirian and therefore doesn't have other models of romantic relationships with the opposite sex. If he liked me I guess he would be pretty stuck on religious grounds."

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"At least until Elizabeth kills Asmodeus."

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"Yeah, I guess that removes that obstacle, sure, why not get married then."

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" - sorry. Didn't mean to make you sad. Just never really gotten to talk to you about boys."

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Sigh.

She stabs the paper again.

"It's not a big deal. Just - we're from different cultures. We're going different places. I could - tell a nice story about Hagan liking me, if I wanted, but why hope for stories that don't have satisfying endings? And why confuse myself, just because biological imperatives aren't as sensible as people?"

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"But you do like him."

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"No! I don't! Not in the - why does everybody keep - ugh.

"He's important to me. And maybe you don't know what that is, okay, maybe you've never had any friends you didn't want to fuck, but I have it on good authority that it ever happens to people. And I don't see why I shouldn't get to have it just because almost everybody else around here is obsessed with who wants to sleep with who."

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"Sorry." She gives her a hug. "I'm very curious, but you shouldn't have to be sad because of it."

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