- she goes very still.

She really wishes she were not trapped with him in a stupid carriage in a stupid country with stupid rules that are going to make them stupidly pretend to be married or present themselves for mind control.

"How do you feel about me," she says, after too long, even though she shouldn't, even though they're stuck and she's going to break something and they're going to be stuck with the thing broken and the rest of the ride is going to be awful - 

"I, uh, really thought I said that."

"I don't think you did," she says, quietly.

"I love you. I'm not - I do realize you were right. And I said I'd be your friend, and I meant it -"

Gods, she's going to die of shame, right here in this carriage, and then she will not have to deal with the implications of any of this, because she will be dead, and in hell, and she will never do anything else stupid ever again, and eventually she will be beautifully free of all of her horrible, crushing idiocy.

"Flirting without serious intentions," she says, eventually, "is how one describes what one does when one is halfheartedly trying to pick someone up in a bar, but is actually expecting to go home alone at the end of the night."

"It's how Osirians describe anything where you don't mean to propose marriage even if she likes you back."

"That - doesn't really clarify what you wanted, very much, then, does it - "

"I don't know what I want! Everything's either immoral or impossible or unfair to you or all three!"

Nodnod.

She's afraid she might be crying. 

"M'sorry - I didn't - I feel like I should immediately know what to do about this but I'm pretty sure anything I might say is just going to make things worse somehow - "

"You gave me the right advice. I was just - sad while I was processing it."

She shakes her head. And she needs to say something but everything is wrong, how do you tell the truth when everything you could possibly say sounds like a lie and most of them will hurt one or the other of you like a dagger -

     I think you should probably tell him you love him. I don't think he knows.

She can't, she can't, she doesn't even know what that means - 

"I didn't give you any advice, I didn't know what you were saying - "

"- you, uh, said it wasn't a big deal and it happens to lots of people and it didn't make you think less of me and we could still be friends."

"I was talking about - about the sorts of feelings that make people flirt with no serious intentions, I didn't - I don't even know for sure what you mean when you say that you love me, I just know that if it's anything like what I would mean then I would not have chosen the words 'it's not a big deal' - "

"I wish I could marry you. I wish I could hold you and kiss you and pet you and tell you you're beautiful and smart and perfect and I wish that whenever you were scared I didn't like you anymore you wouldn't be because I'd have promised. I wish we could get dropped on some - stupid horrible bizarre quest - and be happy, because we were together, because we liked being together, because you felt safe with me and not just because you trusted I'd never touch you. I wish when you were sad I could make you happier instead of sadder."

She presses a hand to her mouth and sobs.

"The pendant says it wants you to know that Korva loves you too," she says, when she can speak, and her voice breaks while she says it but she doesn't know what else to do, here.

"Bite me," he says to Fy, "if I get carried away," and then he is going to hug her and hold her and pat her and - he's not actually sure what she's crying about but - "- it's - okay? Ssshhh, ssshhhh, it's okay, it's okay, I love you, it's okay."

She clings to him and cries as quietly as she can and sort of wants to die of shame and also somehow feels a lot better being held. 

"Sorry - I'm sorry - "

“...why?”

"I don't mean to be upset about anything, just - I didn't know - I still have no idea what to do about anything, just - don't think you did anything wrong, just please don't think that - "

“I have totally definitely done a long string of things wrong. I am at this very moment doing a thing wrong.” Hug hug hug.

Cling. "Well don't stop doing that one. Please."

“Not gonna. I love you. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

Snuggle. "Didn't mean to make you sad either."

“I did it to myself. Really.”

"I guess it's possibly half your fault for having ridiculous taste."