"I guess if I were coming at things from your perspective and not from - mine - I would have some of the same concerns. I would argue that a marriage in which you reliably cannot achieve consensus on things is not actually a marriage that's working very well? But it makes sense to want to have a failure mode that's better than constant unresolvable arguments, if you have to fail.
"I'm - honestly mostly okay deferring to you in practice because I expect that you will almost always be able to listen to what I have to say and take it into consideration, but - all of the healthy marriages I've ever seen were pretty consistently able to compromise on things without having a formal hierarchy. And - I think I'm worried that having a formal hierarchy might make it less likely that you'll prioritize less unilateral ways of finding solutions? And - also as far as I know the things that are hardest to come to a consensus on tend to be things about how to spend money and how to parent children, and - the first is probably a non-issue for us and the second is something that I think I just unquestionably have more experience with, which makes me less comfortable saying that you definitely get final say? And I'm maybe not following the analogy about how far to draw your bow versus what to hit when it comes to, like, parenting.
"- and I think if I'm being completely honest it's possible the word 'obey' leaves an infernal taste in my mouth. I, like, promise I will listen to you if our home gets invaded by bandits unless I have, like, a really really good reason not to."