He was so happy. He was thinking about how pretty and wonderful she was and how they were going to have the best kids in the entire universe and how they were - safe in the deep plane where his life could never catch up with him -

...snuggle.

"It's a nice memory.

"I'm sorry about - what's happened since."

"It's funny, I never missed them. I thought I was never going to see them again and that was fine."

Nodnodnod.

"Not about having them, I guess. About - knowing they were going to be okay." 

She squeezes his hand.

"Knowing they were going to be - at all - not even okay, just -"

Nodnodnod.

"I guess it probably doesn't do any good to say that it's incredibly unfair that all of this happened. But - it is.

"Keep wanting to ask whether there's - anything you want that I can give you, or that we can work towards, but - I guess maybe you had better talk to Fazil first. I do want to - if there's a way to make things easier, or give you just a little bit of happiness back - I want that. But I have to do it in a way that doesn't shatter things again."

"I think - if you're okay and you love me - it's fine if you don't really do things for me."

"I guess that's probably a reasonable attitude, under the circumstances. It's just - you seem very sad. And I wish I could make you happy again. Even a little bit.

"Maybe I ought to practice being selfish first. But - that is one of the things I want, eventually. Being able to make you happy."

"You're really very good. And - that would be really wonderful, if -"

Snuggle. "Maybe soon. I hope it's soon."

"How's Khemet."

"He's all right. Energetic. Learning his letters. Likes going to the beach. Likes playfighting with people. Lots of fighting. Maybe that's a good sign. Don't want to read too much into it, girls playfight too, but - maybe it's a sign that the potion will work out conveniently for him. How much time have you been able to spend with him, I know people take him to the other palace sometimes - "

"Little bit. I'm not going to be any good for him, obviously, but I don't want to be a stranger. Maybe I can teach him - archery, or something, when he's bigger."

"Oh, no, love, you've gotta play with him now. It won't be any good for him not to have a good relationship with his father, and it's so much harder to build one later, if he doesn't know you when he's small. Especially if you expect him to take on the crown when he's young, he's going to need people who can support him. Going to need his family. I know we're not a very good family, but - you shouldn't have had to do it alone, and he shouldn't either - "

"I - tried spending time with you and I just made you broken and want to run away."

" - well, yeah, but I think there were some other considerations there."

"I don't - really get what they were - aside from you hating sex but that's - downstream, right -"

" - I guess it's kind of all confused on the cause and effect fronts at this point, probably. I was scared of you, and can't have sex without it hurting when I'm scared, is I guess how I think it works, and then you had sex with me anyway and it hurt very badly and this made me more scared of you, and - I guess a lot of other stuff happened later but I think that was the heart of it, really. I needed to not be scared. And I needed to not be hurt, not - forcibly hurt by someone I was scared of, during something I wanted to associate with being loved and not with - that.

"I think you should try to avoid hurting him or scaring him. Mostly."

"I don't - mean to do that - but I didn't mean to hurt you or scare you either!"

"Well, uh, if he's crying or acting scared, then - stop doing whatever you're doing, I guess? This is not a parenting strategy that I would suggest to someone else, but if you're worried about really hurting him, then - I kind of expect toddlers to not be as good at hiding being afraid as adults who were raised in Cheliax. If that's any consolation.

"I'm still really confused about - how you could have not noticed - but I guess it won't do any good to complain about that again. It happened. I do think that even with that sort of limitation it is probably possible to avoid hurting your son remotely as badly as you hurt me."

"I mean, I noticed you were sad. I was - also sad - and I figured it was mostly about me being evil, which I can't fix. I didn't think -" Sigh. "I don't know what to do with him."

"He likes it when people pretend to be dragons. Gently. Or spin him around. Or listen to him talk about all of his imaginary spells."

"I guess I can do those things."

"I think you'd be good at them. Even the way you are now. I guess I could be wrong. You have to be - gentle, with kids, maybe a lot gentler than you're used to being. But I think you can do it.

"Maybe we could - visit the beach together, or something. And you could play with him, and afterwards I could tell you if I thought you did anything concerning?"