"They'd go right next to the pictures of me in a kimono, I suppose? I will pose for you, sure."

"Yes. Yes they would." And he thinks he wants to make out a little bit more with his Haru, how about, he's fully guided but also he's horny and in love.

All in all a pretty good reaction to the stupid hummingbird fic.

Eventually, after he's had some more Haru, he goes back to group chat and reads the whole conversation to see what's up with that fic.

It turns out that what's up with that fic is ??????? what the fuck.

"Wo Do-in walked in on us having pubic sex," he repeats in a deadpan. "I... don't... what?"

"As opposed to all the non-pubic sex, I still haven't figured out what that would be." Haru has the Wikipedia page on hummingbirds open.

"I'm compelled to agree with Yoon Ha-eun-shi, this has to be a troll."

"I'm not sure if that improves or worsens Yamanaka's brother's odds of reasoning with them about editing her out."

"Well if they're writing satire of the genre of esper RPF they might be somewhat amenable to reason?" he says, uncertainly. "It is not satire to fuck a real person over."

"Yeah, but it's also not good fan behavior if they're just a serious yet talentless fan."

"True enough." Jaeha's opened the fic by now. "...why did this person even include Wo Do-in in the fic, they just invented a character whole cloth?"

"No idea. Sparkler's also completely wrong and they character-assassinated poor Arctic, who's a sweetheart."

Well now unfortunately he's reading the goddamn fic. "This has to be a troll. No one can spell things this badly accidentally."

"Well, they definitely turned the spell check off but it might just be that they were annoyed by it catching our names every time, or something, rather than that they were coming in on the side of the typographical errors."

"I guess." It's shit, though. Why is he still reading it.

"You've already gotten farther into it than I did."

"I jumped into the part where Wo Do-in shows up and I'm trying to make sense of it. Does it even have, like, a plot? I guess you wouldn't know. Why did this go viral."

"Maybe people just think it's really fun if somebody in their fiction produces hummingbird-related non-sequiturs and this is the first narrative work to fill the void."

"My backlash is shame???????"

"Well, they had to make up something, I guess, what would you rather your fanon backlash be?"

"I don't know! It had never occurred to me to wonder! I just feel like I am sufficiently embarrassed of my actions all the time without having my backlash make it worse."

"Oh no, all the time? You perform so many unembarrasing actions!"

"That's what I want you to think."

"Success, I think it." Nuzzle.

Maybe he should stop looking at a really stupid fanfic and instead look at his Haru. He thinks that's probably a better idea. His Haru is so pretty and nice and hot and smart and perfect, unlike this weird fic's Haru, who is really obsessed with hummingbirds for some reason.

"Did you know that hummingbirds are related to swifts?" says Haru innocently.