Telumë pauses after a few minutes.

(Mostly for his own sake, because he does remember all the times they did this, and the now-very-uncomfortable feeling of being - completely responsible - of trying so hard to square the circle of doing what Maitimo wanted and needed, when both of those were so firmly tied up in 'exactly what Telumë wants', when the thing he was attempting was sort of impossible from the beginning but still the only way he could think of to keep Maitimo alive - and he knows pretty much for sure now that the alternative was worse... He keeps those thoughts private, he'll share them later but maybe not right this second.) 

Is this all right for you? 

Yes, he says contentedly, and then lifts his head and narrows his eyes at Telumë - are you all right -

Yes, I just - needed a moment. Maitimo making that expression at him helps a lot, reminds him that he's here-and-now and not in the past; that he, in fact, trusts Maitimo not to let him keep doing anything if it's bad for him. He loves Maitimo so much, loves seeing him relaxed and happy. He resumes. 

Cooperative expressive happy Elf.

He enjoys it for a while, and then some movement or expression must be suddenly too close to something from before, and he freezes. 

- he reaches up, pulls Telumë's hand out of his hair - sits up - 

Hey. It's okay. I love you. I'm here -

I know. He shivers. I am sorry, it is just - for a moment it felt too much like - having complete power over you - and then that felt very bad. 

He kisses his forehead. Frowns. In hindsight it seems like obviously a good idea to, uh, participate more - given what we're working around - I am not sure why I didn't -

Unfortunately I do not have clear memories from when I was Leareth, to know whether that is just what it is like when you are enjoying yourself a lot?

I was enjoying myself a lot. It was different? But not wildly different and we -

- we have done this on four occasions that I remember, counting the marriage, I'm not generalizing from very much -

Was it that few before the war? My surviving notes were not very specific. Anyway, I - am fine now, I just - I wanted to be certain that you were not too distracted to notice if something were happening not how you preferred it; I am worried that you might have some sort of implicit habit here, to be very cooperative? I think that if we talk a little in osanwë during, that will address it on my side. It does not need to be a conversation with particularly interesting content. 

He takes Telumë's hand and winds it back through his hair, very deliberately, without letting go of it. Kisses him. Moves Telumë's hand for him.  What if we do it like this.

I like that. It's different and new and it's a good idea, he likes it when Maitimo has clever ideas...

Then they'll do it like that, with Maitimo radiating 'smug' and 'pleased with himself' as well as 'safe' and 'content' and 'happy'. 

Having those new emotions in the mix helps the most, really, he loves Maitimo being smug; the emotion-bond is really nice when it's pleasant emotions keeping him informed on a moment-to-moment basis that his husband is having a good time. He wishes it were two-way, at least right in this moment - he can compensate a bit by making more of his own delighted thoughts public...

His husband will get himself off with Telumë's deftly-manipulated hand and then want to cuddle, possibly with Telumë mostly pinned, petting his hair very gently. Happy - content - safe -

"I don't know for sure and getting the memories back might help but - hmm, I think I decided that - being wholly and uncomplicatedly cooperative was not just safer but also a part of our dynamic I was more willing to poison than anything else. It might've hurt less at the time, if I'd - done more banter - but -"

Telumë doesn't mind being mostly pinned; he kind of likes it, even. "That makes sense. I am not sure it would even have stood out to me as different, at the time? Since I remembered so little. I do hope having the memories back will help you figure out what was going on for you, even if the memories themselves are from my perspective - I hope that will not be too weird..." 

"I am good at reading people secondhand. - that's how I extended my osanwë range in Arda, when I knew everyone within range had been apprised of the situation and had people talking to them about whether I'd said or done anything, I eavesdropped until I knew some strangers well enough to be able to reach them well out of range -"

"We had wondered that. We did not really prioritize finding out the answer, since initially you were exempt from Truth Spells about it and afterward you were– well, it became moot. Actually, do you know how we proved to the Valar that you did it, and how Jisa and Stef got away? It seems fair for you to know, at this point." 

"They tracked down the people I'd talked to. I was using them to set some other traps so I hadn't tried to get them to hide their involvement, being brought before the Valar didn't seem particularly worth avoiding anyway. I don't know how Jisa and Stef got away."

"Well, the most important part is that they had Companions with them. Including the Groveborn, Rolan; I am not sure if you ever interacted with him, we suspected your osanwë range on him would be short, but his Mindspeech range is ridiculous. Stef had been bringing Rolan over to Valinor in secret, occasionally, he would ride in to read your thoughts, which is not mind control so it was not among the things we negotiated not doing." 

" - huh. I guess that'd work. Where did Jisa get a Companion."

"Technically Rolan is Dara's Companion, actually! They just started swapping around and letting others ride them, once there were so few Heralds and Companions left. Another useful trait of Rolan's is that his attention works more like Quendi do than like humans, so he could track all of your thoughts and sense-inputs, which a human Thoughtsenser would be overwhelmed by. He is honestly a lot more like a Maia than like a person." 

" - huh. I did try only doing important things while I was also doing a dozen other things - and I was constantly doing surveillance near the traps to see if any of them sprang, it was exhausting -"

"Yes, that was what they noticed. They were already very on guard, and then Rolan saw you switch your attention to the birds, and they did not know what you were planning but they bolted. And got enough of a head start due to being on Companion-back, combined with Jisa's magic. They persuaded the Valar to let Rolan testify in secret to avoid revealing his existence to you, in the case that would matter again afterward."