I don't think it was a loadbearing part of how I was thinking about anything. You caught more trauma than me on the 'I might have sex when it's a bad idea' front. 

I don't think we're ready. But I'm okay with not having rules about it.

I agree, I am not feeling very ready, just - I think at this point the difficulty is less that I distrust my desires here. It is more that I am struggling to even notice whether I want it or not, when I am not actually with you? I know very strongly that I wish to - see you, talk to you, look at new construction with you, have you hold me and sing to me - all of that feels wonderful and good whenever I think about it, whereas sex only intermittently does. I am very confused about it. 

Are you sure this body is attracted to men? It occurred to me at some point that most aren't.

I think that is probably not the main issue, given how absurdly turned on I was by everything you did when - all of that happened - including when the thing you did was 'try to kill me, but cleverly'. 

Okay, fair point. Maybe the problem now is that I am not trying to kill you.

Telumë is still on his balcony drinking (non-drugged) tea, and he almost spits out a mouthful of it. You were not trying to kill me before the attack on Haven, he points out. You tried to kill me zero times, in fact. I think - probably I just need more time? I have a great many habits built around it not feeling safe to want you in that way. That is less true about wanting to see you or cuddle you, I think, so those are not as complicated. Anyway. Do you want to come over, or go somewhere else first?

Let's go out walking. Watch some birds.

Of course. He smiles, gets up and heads for the door. Have you heard from Kalira lately? 

We exchange letters! She seems really happy. I suspect she'll be a spectacular bird researcher.

I am sure she will! From what I recall of talking to her, she is quite brilliant. 

And they can wander around some of the public gardens again, looking for birds. There are a pretty wide variety of birds in the city, most of them non-native to the region; the climate inside the city is very different from that outside, after all. 

Maitimo is secondhand an expert on birds and can tell Telumë all about them. And hold his hand.

Telumë squeezes his hand. Leans on his shoulder when they stop to look at things. Eventually he's hungry enough to suggest they stop at a different new restaurant near the water, which has a pleasant outdoor courtyard surrounded by flowerbeds. 

Telumë's beautiful city is going to be so well set up for interworld trade once more of the Noldor are back and there's more of that. (He has a lot of ideas about how to make it go well.)

Telumë talks about some magic research he's been doing, and some plans for future developments in their country that he's been discussing with Foundation, and is eager to hear Maitimo's thoughts on all of it. 

On the whole he prefers lucid Telumë by a lot, even if there was something fascinating about Telumë a little bit out of his mind.

Telumë also prefers being lucid, which is unsurprising to him overall. He really likes talking to Maitimo about plans and ideas, even if it was surprisingly nice to set down that part of himself for a while and be totally in the moment. And it's nice how some of that relaxed comfortable feeling still lingers now. He endorses feeling that way with Maitimo, but it was hard to find his way to it before.

When they're done eating they can head back to Telumë's house, if Maitimo wants. 

Maitimo does want that. 

As soon as they're inside the door, Telumë stops. I want to kiss you. 

Ooooooh. Kiss.

Telumë leans up against the closed door and kisses Maitimo and tries to pay very close attention to everything he's feeling and everything he wants. He wants to run his hand along Maitimo's back, so he does.

...He wants Maitimo to pick him up and carry him somewhere. 

Maitimo can scoop him up and carry him around on a tour of his house. Did you want me to carry you to your parlor so you could straighten pillows? Did you want me to carry you to your garden so you could water your flowers? Did you want me to carry you to your kitchen so you can sweep it?  ...did you want me to carry you to your bedroom -

He laughs. Bedroom, please. 

He knows the joke he'd make, if everything were all right - your wish is my command, he would say very seriously, all of his body language changed to devotion to this sacred duty - but everything is not quite all right so he just kisses him and takes him to his bedroom.

Telumë is having some trouble introspecting what he wants, right now, maybe he's thinking about it too hard or something. Does Maitimo have any advice? 

Well, if Maitimo takes his own shirt off and lies down next to Telumë and kisses his forehead and pets his hair, is that good or bad.