Nod nod. 

"That's ok. A big part of the reason why I offered the chance to go slower is that making those judgements is pretty difficult. If you'd like, I can give you a few ideas for the level of commitment and focus I was thinking of?"

Hailey nodded, softly. "That's probably a good idea, yeah."

"Ok so." 

She spreads her hands. 

"The most basic option would be basically me providing you 'cultivator university'. There'd be regularly scheduled classes for say, three hours a day except Sunday, some homework, which will probably be just some reading and basic cultivation and cooking work to play around with on your own, and maybe one or two classes that involves field missions. For this, I'd probably end up mostly just making sure you get through your early stage cultivation with a good foundation and get you to the point where you can function well as an immortal chef." 

She pauses for a moment.

"A bit more intense option might be something more like a traditional apprenticeship or salaried job. You'd work 40 hours a week on some projects I assign, be it in the kitchen or in a cultivation spot, and I'd do my best to get you a good grounding in a bunch of different techniques that fit you - grab a few wind things, a proper outfit,  make sure you have the basic weapons you need, beyond the gifts you'll get, a bit more access to some of my products and try to get you into a place where I've covered enough for field missions to be closer at hand just from the basic arrangement."

She purses her lips, thinking. 

"I'm happy to accomodate you however helps? Going for something more flexible is definitely possible, and it's okay if you want to take the first little while on as-desired basis, even if that's a little impractical going forward. If you want to rush a bit more in your cultivation progress, I can get you better materials to work with and more of my work, for a cost in lock-in or debt, depending on what you are looking for, and the actual amount of hours can be tweaked with any of these options. There's also no need to nesscarily set this up exclusively, either - if you feel like it's a good proposition for your time, I can introduce you to some of the rest of group who can offer their own services in training and show you the open source scripture project, if you want to go for a cheaper option." 

Wow. Okay. Hailey let out a soft, slow, contemplative sigh. These were great options. These were almost too many great options. Okay, think about it slowly. What advantages did two have over one, for what costs?

Two looked like it involved more resources, filled her time more. There was more commitment and possible debt, but it avoided leaving her idle.

One leg started bouncing subconsciously, until she noticed and tried to slow her breathing and still her leg again.

Two also sounded like she'd have more help picking things out, and getting adjusted. Which, well, it was embarrassing to need help figuring all this out, but...

Fuck, she really did need some help.

She twisted her hands in her lap for a moment, and took a few deep breaths. Opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, bit her lip, then finally spoke.

"I think I need the second option. I don't know what I don't know, and I don't know what I'd fill my time with if I had as much to spare as the first option does. Even just trying to pick through the tweaks you suggested after number two... it's overwhelming to try to decide. I don't even understand the tradeoffs properly."

She stopped, tried to keep her breathing slow. Even just saying that had felt raw, like the new-nerves sensitivity of just-healed skin.

"Okay." 

She reaches out her hand to clasp hers, again, and squeezes gently. 

"Should be able to get that cleared past the Senior Fox pretty quickly from a standard contract - can send that to you for review once you've calmed down a little. If you'd like, we can talk a little bit more about the tradeoffs, or I can just give you some more time to rest and get into a better state of mind?"

Hailey nodded, slowly, gratefully, and squeezed Romana's hand back. "Thanks. Yeah, I'd appreciate going over the contract after some time to take it all in."

She took a slow breath. What did she want to do right now?

"I feel like I ought to ask about tradeoffs, or what you said earlier about tribulations. But I also maybe just need a break from learning intense stuff for a minute. And then there's this separate weird feeling like I just want to sit here with you for a while? I can't remember ever wanting to spend time with someone outside of trying to accomplish something before, huh."

She laughs quietly. 

"Yeah, the body refinement process can really do that to you. The Seniors always try to emphasize the warnings more, but it's hard to make it read as more then just a webMD side effect blob, you know?" 

She slowly strode around the table, taking the chair casually in one hand, and sat it down next to her, before resting her head against her shoulder. 

Hailey froze again. This was not at all what she meant. She didn't know what to do. This felt really nice. She didn't understand why Romana was doing this. Why did this feel so nice? Maybe because physical contact is good for people? Maybe there were other reasons?

She deliberately relaxed a bit. That felt even better. She tried leaning a little bit against Romana in response.

She leans in against her a little, a quiet approving sigh as way of encouragement escaping her lips. 

Huh. This was actually pretty nice. Nothing bad was happening. She leaned in a bit more, and relaxed a bit further.

...why did she have an urge to put her arm around Romana?

She smiled, just slightly.

Romana smiled... (at her?)

Hailey put the urge about the arm out of her mind for the moment, tried to relax the rest of the way.

A question bubbled to the front of her mind.

"Why does this feel so great?", she whispered.

Wait, did she just say that out loud?

She wraps an arm around her. 

"Because you've been starved of this, and it's a soft and good thing to have." 

Okay, she did say that out loud, and Romana called her out, but it's okay?

"I'm not even sure I know what this is, but maybe you've got a point," she mumbled.

She relaxed again a bit, leaning into Romana's arm around her.

"It's easy to put it into words that don't explain it too well? 'Intimacy' is one, 'human connection' is a pretty good noun phrase for it, but lacks a lot of the... more physical side to the craving for affection and closeness that this all is a part of."

Her arm wrapped around a little tighter, squeezing her against her.

Okay, that kinda made sense. And the arm around her did feel good.

...wait...

"Um, doesn't intimacy mean...?"

She tried not to tense up again.

She laughs quietly and warmly against her. 

"Intimacy is about more than just sexual intimacy. It's about social, personal connection, in all its forms. Getting inside your guard physically is a good way to get the feeling quickly, and it's comforting, I find. It doesn't need to be anything more than that." 

Her hand stroked her shoulder lightly.

Wow, that laugh was—

Wait, intmacy's more than that? She guessed that made sense?

"Tha—"

Something felt missing?

"That makes sense?"

Why did it feel so disappointing to agree with that?