"Biggest potential problem is the local werewolf population - I can see them better than pixie-girl but ho boy is that volatile, it can go so, so well or it can go so, so poorly, and I don't entirely know which way it'll flip. Probably best to leave them out entirely and wake them up after coup is complete. Otherwise please keep your foresight witch pointed at not-Volturi as best as you can, and we need a way to keep in contact with each other."

"Werewolf population! Got it. Do phone calls not work?"

"No, they do, but they can be overheard when you're human and email miiiiiiiiaaaughhhhh," she stumbles as if she's on a ship that just got hit with a giant wave. "-be better for depth - foresight witch is looking, please call your in-laws and let them know you're fine -"

She darts forward, grabs one of Bella's empty notebooks and pencils, and writes down a phone number and an email address. Then, quick as can be, she flashes back to the window and promptly vomits out of it.

"- spinning...." she murmurs, coughing up the rest of her, uh, blood dinner?

Bella preemptively holds her nose. "Okay, I'll email you - aren't the vampires going to smell that next time they're near my house -"

"Should be icky by the time they come by, 's animal anyway," she says, a little hoarsely. "They'll know I was here, just not the - empress and family thing - think I told you everything important? E-mail me questions and whatever, I'm gonna go before your mate shows up and makes this complicated."

"...okay. Thank you."

"Mmhmm bye!"

Out of the house she hops, and into the woods she runs. She leaves the window open as she goes.

Bella now has a phone number, an e-mail address, and some serious explaining to do to the Cullens.

She can probably get by by saying things like "apparently half-vampires exist" in a suitably incredulous tone.

Hi Aurene, It's Bella

Hi Bella!

We're currently setting up factories for the synth-blood manufacture - Mum's email is YvetteOrland@hotmail.com, if you want to ask her about manufacturing stuff - we've already put one by Toronto, under Ireland and nearish to St. Petersburg, feel free to make location requests.

Depends how the stuff ships, but I can ask her that kind of thing. You're very sure I should plan not to have a half-vampire kid?

How well does synthblood ship? What inputs does it take?

Uhhhhhh you can if you want? IDK it's hard to see you like 80% of the time. It sucks a bunch to gestate but we have cheat codes for how to keep you alive, and it only takes a month. Dhampirs grow super fast, adulthood in seven years, but I do not expect us to take that long for coup purposes.

Think mum's next project is cracking artificial womb thing so vampires can have kiddos?

Your Future Imperial Majesty, as recommended to me by my daughter,

Synth-blood is very stable within a temperature range of 2°C to 4°C (35°F to 39°F) with a tested stable shelf life of seventeen years and counting in these conditions. It should not be frozen, and is most vulnerable to introduction of outside bacteria, but is not structurally vulnerable per se to temperatures below 40°C (104°F) We also have not started seriously on distribution methods yet, in favor of building up a sufficient backlog. Synth-blood's easier to transport and store than insulin, though, so the infrastructure is theoretically available through ordinary medical distribution. I hear you have a doctor. :)

So, the inputs are approximately 'organic matter;' synth-blood is made as a byproduct of a waterborne fungus that gets its food thrown into the vats. Currently we source food for the fungus from farming and slaughterhouse byproducts, so as to be cheap and easy to source, but this is somewhat flexible. Maintenance of the vats is harder and will require on-site management - I can handle it for everything for now, and will indefinitely, but I would appreciate Imperial Staffing Services to take over when possible in the future. It's just kind of boring, and the opportunity cost for me in particular is not great.

Looking forward to not having to deal with living in paranoid secrecy from the megalomaniacal rulers of the vampire world,

Yvette Orland.

I'm certainly not in a hurry. I can have my ovaries removed first or something.

I'll put it on the to-do list! Thank you very much for your innovation. How's the palatability?

K!

Sorry, forgot to mention - you're going to have to share being queen of just-Ireland-in-particular. It has a vampire queen already, and we've made a coup deal with her. She's cool though, shouldn't be a problem, already switched her coven to synth-blood. She's why the factory in Ireland. It's fine to have personal coven synth-blood factories as long as it's not going to get out the fun police.

You're welcome!

The latest version is really quite good! It is reliably more palatable than most kinds of animal blood, with some accounting for taste, but I am told it does not quite live up to human blood standards. What it does better is dull the throat pain of thirst, along with the improved cognitive effects correlated with animal blood. I have a couple less loved flavors that can fairly easily be rolled out, but the main one is fairly solid. I could not quite bribe all immoral vampires in the world to stop with the murder with just it, but I like to think that I have come damn close.

Should I talk to her? Is she on board with appointing me vampire queen?

This still has to be secret from my own personal vampires for coup reasons and they can't have any?

Probably? And afaict, yes. She doesn't want to rule the world, either. It's very big, you see.

It is, but just the vampires is much smaller!

I guess? But Siobhan (vampire queen of Ireland) literally just wants her island, not all the fuss of handling hundreds of immortal, superpowered vampires whose brains say violence is the first answer to all questions. We're not complaining that you want it instead!

No, I'm perfectly happy to set up something for your vampires somewhere quiet. The plan to rollout to cover the world's vampire population should absolutely stay secret from them, though, and I'd prefer if the Volturi were not aware that synthetic blood is available at all. We'd like to continue not attracting their attention.

We should avoid connecting me with my daughter, though, which is complicated by your mind reader I believe?

Only if you go in person. If it's shelf stable you could drop off a bunch with their pals in Denali.

True! We can dead drop as much as you'd like, that's not hard. I was thinking in terms of handing a factory over to your doctor to make it yourselves, but I suppose it's much simpler to just say I'm a witch who can produce it and is giving it away.

Are you? Does this rely on witchcraft?

Yes, and not anymore. Now that the fungi exists and reproduces perfectly well on its own, witchcraft is not required for making or maintaining it. It was necessary for inventing it, though. You can casually gloss my witchcraft as something biology based; I'll leave out the specifics of it, but it's not inaccurate.

Relatedly, whenever you turn, I can make that less hellish. There's obviously a tradeoff there, with your mind reading mate, and I'd rather the specifics of my witchcraft not get out before everything is settled, but I feel that these problems can be overcome with careful logistics. The trouble of figuring it out is worth sparing you the full pain of turning. Also I probably shouldn't piss off the future Imperial Majesty by not being at least a little bit nice to you.

Oh, before I forget: here's a list of locations where we've stashed small samples of the synth-blood fungus, in case the worst happens. If I die horribly because of my decisions, I don't particularly want my life's work to go unused. I expect figuring out how to get synth-blood from it should be fairly straightforward with vampirism, stubbornness, and appropriate medical training.