"I am going to give you two options."
"Part of my geased obligation is to manage the Sandcrawler with an eye to hurting as few people as possible as little as possible, and preventing the people within it from unnecessarily hurting each other. Knowing who is likely to hurt other people unnecessarily helps me do that."
"I mean - not that we were good to, the droids, but - I just - he's only as bad to them as any of us, I mean - "
"It's - "
He looks at his knees again.
"If you're mind-controlled into being a good person shouldn't you care less about us than the droids."
"The geas seems to want good things for bad people as well as for good people. I have very little insight into what it wants; it directs my actions and long term goals according to the philosophical justifications of the woman who laid it upon me, but it does not explain those philosophical justifications to me. However, she certainly wanted the people in the prison we were both in free from the conditions they would otherwise be subject to."
"She was in the same prison as you? But you said she was a good person - "
He suddenly feels very childish.
"She was there because she was smuggling people, innocent and guilty, to freedom from the regime that enslaved them. I was there because I plundered that regime and tortured and killed its citizens, solely for my own gain and satisfaction."
"I guess evil empires still have to do something about - serial killers. Their prisoners can't all be heroic rebels."
"Pirate barons," he says, in that perfectly level tone devoid of admonition. "But yes."
"Without the ability to lie, which the geas largely prohibits, I have very few and atrophied social skills. My goal is to assist you in your transition and help you to be able to comfortably work alongside me, but I do not know how to do that."
He buries his face in his hands.
He has only just come to terms with what he is. - that's wrong, he definitely hasn't come to terms with what he is yet. He's not ready to -
- he doesn't know how to go back on hating himself, this soon, when it still hurts this much, when he so badly wants to not feel bad about it any more, without just giving up on caring at all about what he and his friends and his family have done.
What would he say to Lylat, if he could talk to Lylat about this? Can he talk to this stranger the way he talks to her?
"I can't - choose how I feel - if I try to wrench myself away from hating myself right now I'll have to do it so hard that I'll wind up - the person I was before, the person who kept telling himself it was okay. And that we weren't doing anything wrong."
"...I really want that to make it okay. But I don't know if I can think it does."
"Do any of the droids..."
"You said we'd be working alongside them, if we defected. How," he takes a ragged breath, "do they feel about that?"
"Many of them are angry and resentful," he says. "Many are unhappy about the notion of working alongside Jawas in general, and Jawas who enslaved them in particular. Some are pragmatic enough to do so anyway, including X. Many of the others respect her enough to follow her lead."
"I and she will both protect you from reprisals. Is that what you're afraid of."