"I'm delighted you are going to take part in class. I'm afraid I can't offer you any more food, but now does seem like a good time to talk to your father."

*boom headshot*

"I understand now."

"Tell me what you think of this class, and your plans for it. You are very talented, but rather behind schedule. So we must work quickly to maximize your educational attainment."

"I think hurting people is wrong, and I beg you let me do it to the Helots anyway. Lest it happen to me and those I care for."

"And?"

"I want an axe, a mask seed, and to be dropped near a pizza place that does delivery, and has a blind spot delivery drivers have to pass through."

"You are supposed to hunt Helots, not just scavenge their food."

"I've learned that people are vulnerable when hungry."

"I see."

"You have your axe, and your Seed. The portal is awaiting alignment. Is there something else you would like to do?"

"Eat?"

"No you imbecile. Take your weapon! Strike me down with all your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!"

"I thought we weren't doing Star Wars."

*force lightning*

"So when I want to do a bit it's time to shut up, and when you want to do a bit we're doing a bit?"

"When I want to do a bit the universe itself goes along with the bit. Why do you think we look like this? It's because it will be funny when the prequels come out."

????
"Can I just go murder people now?"

"Fine, but I'll be monitoring you in prophecy and if I don't foresee at least one inspired by a true story blockbuster and 5 tasteless true crime podcasts you and your friends will suffer until that second part makes sense."

"Yes, master."

What a nutjob.

*Interplanar yeet*.

Ok so, the driver is probably going to leave the back door of the car unlocked, if not they will definitely leave the front unlocked, probably even open. That should give me plenty of time to get in the back seat and get hidden while he gets the pizza.

This makes sense even from a purely mundane perspective. And I should have an Eternal quadrant to-

Actually fuck the chart. This is the start of a slasher movie and I'm the slasher so I get to jump out of this loser's back seat with no warning.

Logic.

*radio blaring*

"I'm on a highway to hell."

It's pretty isolated. Next stop sign I do the kill.

Axe might not have been the best choice for this stage but I can choke up on it and if I have to incant I have to incant.

*blows through the stop sign*

"Hey dickhead! Stop for stop signs or someone is gonna get killed."

*thwack thwack thwack*

Hervör

"Tell me everything I need to know to deliver these."

*ding ding*

"Pizza for Mr. Dough"

"Hey man you got my pizza?"

"Yeah, just check these are the correct toppings."

"What the hell?"

*thwack*

Take the jaw, eyes, and pinky as toppings for my next stop. And leave a coin half from the roll I chopped with my axe. I don't really have a plan for this part, but fake clues and ways to prove someone is the real killer seem useful. Wonder who I'll end up framing. Maybe a priest, that would be funny.

Oh probably, the lead detective on this case. I don't really know it's just something that I want on hand for. Ugh, I know there must be a word for this.

Whatever, next kill.

*ding dong*

"Thanks, I'm starving.

Haven't eaten since breakfast."

*thwack* 

"Since breakfast?"

"Aaaagh! Fuck my fingers."

*thwack*

"I can't imagine what it must be like to go almost half a day without food."

"Please, I'll give you money anything just-"

*thwack thunk*

"You weren't using that head for anything productive anyway."

Yvain de Foix

At least he tasted ok, wish I had time to properly cook and not just magic it.

*ding-dong*

"Way to be late. Don't expect a tip asshole."

"Please sir, both of the last two customers had trouble paying and that's why it took so long

 I even blew through a stop sign to get here faster."

"Do I look like I care?"

Oscar Wilde

"To be clear I was going to kill you anyway. But the part where I sicken you too much to resist then torture you while making you write weird notes in your own blood was 100% preventable on your part."

*wheezing*

"Why can't I stand up? You just said some faggots name."

"Magic. Now do you like chilli flakes on your pizza? How about on your eyes?"

"The ding-dong butcher has hit another town. Victims have been found with the split half of coins embedded in their hands. Their eyes, pinkies, and jaws have been put in pizza boxes for the next victim. Additionally some victims have been subjected to hot pepper based torture and found with notes written in blood complaining about poor tips.

Our sponsor pizza bungalow would like to reassure you that none of this has involved our drivers.

Pizza bungalow trust us with your dinner."

"Very good, I'm proud of you.

Take the next exit, then loop back through it twice for your gate.

There is a surprise for you on the other side."