"It's the, uh," Cal flaps his hand for a few seconds, trying to jog his memory, "Time Variance Authority. Basically they consider the MCU canon to be the Sacred Timeline and go around pruning off timelines that try to branch off of it. Uh, they got overthrown, sort of, that's still playing out, you'll see what I mean, but like in theory they could come after your timeline. I just. Don't know how that really intersects with Milliways or even if your timeline is a direct offshoot of the Sacred Timeline. Like there are tons of timelines out there that really, really aren't, Loki kind of made everything Marvel ever did part of MCU canon, so. I mean you'll probably be fine?"

Probably.

"Hmm, by this theory would my world already be doomed since, if it is an offshoot of the Sacred Timeline, it is one where Tony cloned himself when he was twelve?"

"Yeah, that'd be the nexus event for sure," Cal agrees. "But also not necessarily? After the pruning stopped, tons of timelines started branching out and they got left alone. If your world's an offshoot, it could be one of those. The whole second saga is about multiverse stuff, so."

He considers diving into the crossovers in No Way Home, but no - there's a bunch of shit he'll need to explain first. Like so much shit. Just watching all the movies might actually be faster.

"Well, let's get through the starting point and then see where we stand."

To the room! With the snacks!

Milliways is polite and doesn't lead them too much of a merry chase trying to find the room. When they do discover it, it's equipped as Bar promised - full cupboard and minifridge, giant flatscreen TV, and a neatly arranged shelf full of DVDs.

Cal makes an immediate beeline for them.

"Aw, no Black Panther, but that's so soon! . . . oh, cool, she put all the shows on DVDs too, that doesn't even exist on my world, they're only streaming."

"Black Panther? Or should I just wait to be introduced to things in a sensible order?"

"Oh, yeah, the sequel's coming out in a few months, I kinda hoped she might sneak it in. Ugh, but I'd probably explode keeping it to myself."

Bar, as always, knows what she's doing.

"Yeah, she's got them in the right order here." Which is to say, the order of release, because obviously that's how you should watch them to keep the story coherent, He pulls the Iron Man DVD off the shelf and tosses it to Sherlock, on the grounds that he's more familiar with his ancient technology than Cal is.

Sherlock is, it so happens, fully competent to operate a DVD player. Behold! The DVD, it plays!

...it's a little weird settling in to watch a vaguely metafictional film with a Cal who is not his Cal. Like eating a fried paradox. There is some elusive quality of the flavour of the situation that is simultaneously familiar and strange.

It's possible Cal will eventually consider the wisdom of disappearing into the depths of Milliways with someone he's known all of twenty minutes.

Not likely, but possible.

For know, he goes to investigate the minifridge, because guess who forgot his bubble tea downstairs, ugh. Inside, in place of a tiny freezer, is a sleek little compartment. Cal opens it.

"What."

Carefully, he withdraws and holds up with appears to be a steaming fresh mug of tea. "Is - is this yours?"

"...that is... unexpected. Not that I mind a cup of tea by any means—oh, you forgot your beverage, my apologies for not noticing sooner—"

"Hot tea. In the fridge." Even the handle of the mug is warm. He passes it over.

"Nah, I forget stuff like that all the time. If i really wanted it I'd go back an - oh!" Cal straightens up, cup of iced raspberry green tea with tapioca beads in hand. The straw is now pushed through the film at the top of the cup. "Nevermind!"

"Perfect. Shall we?"

"Yeah!"

There are several options for furniture; Cal chooses the sofa, managing somehow to take up half of it.

"So like I said, this is the first one. It's like kind of a product of its time in some ways? But it's still my favorite. I'm pretty sure. It's definitely my favorite first solo film. Uh, Black Panther is really good too and like way more nuanced, but." He shrugs.

But at the end of the day, T'Challa's parents gave a shit about him, and Tony's didn't, and Cal can only relate to one of those experiences. All those glimpses of Tony's upbringing - Cal felt them in his gut.

"I am sure we will get there. In the meantime..."

The movie starts with AC/DC, and Sherlock has to repeatedly stifle giggles. He is torn between, on the one hand, fond amusement that Tony no matter the circumstances will always remain fundamentally Tony, and, on the other hand, unease at the way Tony seems to have grown up so... like that... without him. Like, yes, there is the charming tendency to Just Sort Of Say Things, but did he really have to pick those things to Say?

Cal has seen this movie enough times that much of his attention is on Sherlock.

"This isn't gonna be like, too weird for you, is it?"

"He's so... so," he says, gesturing helplessly at the screen. "I will be fine. Stranger things have happened. But he is... simultaneously very much Tony and... worse, somehow, in ways that are hard to describe."

"Yeah? What's your Tony like?"

Cal turns himself a little toward Sherlock.

"...well, when he says thoughtlessly rude things, he's apologetic afterward, at least if he notices. He... has a good heart. Frequently confused about how to apply it, but a good heart."

Cal nods earnestly.

"Yeah, yeah, he gets more like that later. He just has to go through some shit first."

Understatement.

"I suppose it's not hard to imagine what in my world could have prompted him to develop in that direction earlier."

Onward with movie. Wow, Tony sure does go through some shit.

"I mean. I could probably guess."

Cal grins at Sherlock.

"As I said, it is not h—"

The scene has been changing, from the exploding vehicles to an earlier flashback. Now a familiar face appears on the screen, attached to a familiar voice exhibiting familiar mannerisms.

Sherlock looks like he is only barely restraining himself from growling like a wild animal.

. . . Cal looks back and forth between Sherlock and the screen, upon which Obadiah Stane is graciously accepting an award on Tony's behalf.

"So, uh. Not the good guy in your timeline either, huh?"

"The occasion upon which I am visiting New York is with the intent of verifying whether he, as I have begun to suspect, arranged the death of Tony's parents. In my world, Howard drove off a cliff with Maria in the car; I have not yet conclusively determined, but still do retain the suspicion, that Obadiah arranged for the cliff. Also he enjoys making nasty comments about me while pretending to Tony that he maintains an attitude of wholesome paternal concern. I see the attitude of wholesome paternal concern has remained a theme."