“You’re changing the subject. Don’t listen to him, Quackity, he’s changing the subject. Everything I do with food is perfectly legal and I would never accept anything out of pity.”

Quackity, who is alive because of sponsor gifts, thinks, sure you wouldn't. 

"Duly noted. Absolutely no pity food for you, Tommy." 

“Thank you. See, Wilbur, Quackity knows what’s up.”

Gaining a new appreciation for why Tubbo volunteered for this kid. He is not fucking saying that. Couldn't drag it out of him with a draft horse.

Instead he casts around for a change of subject. Almost any change of subject would be good. Not flirting with Wilbur, brain, we are watching our fucking mouth around Tommy please and thank you.

"I— man, this is weird. In some sense I have known you both for ages and in some sense I met you, like, today." 

“Wait, do I have an evil clone too? That’d be awesome, we would do so many crimes together.”

"I would not say you have an evil clone. I would say you have a regular clone. He has never to my knowledge done anything evil. He names all of his and Tubbo's bees." 

“Someone can be evil and name bees. You can’t just assume someone’s not evil because they name bees. That’s, I mean, that’s Tubbo’s whole career plan. Name bees, do crime.”

"Okay but I have no reason to think he is evil! You can't just assume someone's evil because they're your clone!"

“You’re right. I’ve been very unfair to clones. I have— I have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement, and I don’t expect to be forgiven—” He struggles to get through the sentence, interrupting himself repeatedly with laughs. (Wilbur is laughing too, and looking at Tommy as though the kid hung the stars.)

"As a member of the clone community, I think we all need to hold each other accountable for, for clonephobic viewpoints, and--"

Yeah okay he isn't finishing this sentence either. 

"You know, it's kinda fucked up that you don't know you're a clone until you meet someone who looks like you. Anyone could be a clone and not know it. Mmmm. AMONGUS."

...yep, nope, context is totally unenlightening on this one. "Among us being.........?"

"SUS. SUS. AMONGUS. IMPOSTER. SUS."

When Wilbur gets himself to a point of "mostly composed and not interrupting himself with surprisingly high-pitched heehees", which admittedly takes a while: "A game, it was really popular for a while."

It is very weird watching this. Especially what with the thing where the Wilbur and Tommy he knows have probably never spoken.

"Thank you. I still don't have any idea what either of you are talking about but in a more enlightened way this time." 

Tommy does an over-the-top, theatrical bow. "Thank you, thank you, I am so good at enlightening. I walk into a dark room and suddenly it is full of torches because I am illuminating. I'm not lit, though, that's a different thing. Am I lit? No no, don't use drugs, that's what I always say."

"That is--that is just a lie. You literally--we literally started a drug van together." 

"Yeah, well, in Pogtopia--"

"Don't you dare fucking talk about Pogtopia with me. I've changed. I was in that bloody train station for thirteen years--thirteen and a half years--I fucking, I apologized! I did your shit, Tommy! I'm not the, the villain, anymore!"

"Yeah, well--"

"Shut up, Tommy." There's a vicious edge to Wilbur's voice. He puts a wooden platform down in front of Tommy, between him and Quackity, and stands on it, blocking them altogether. He was already taller than Tommy--6'5 to Tommy's 6'3--but now he towers. "And Quackity, this Quackity, he'll--"

(Tommy puts down a matching stepstool, this one out of stone; Wilbur puts down a matching one, now two steps above Tommy, and glares at him, hard, before turning back to Quackity.)

"Listen, Quackity, I want to apologize. I feel like--I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. I don't know what exactly I did wrong since we met, but I can tell I--I fucked up something. And I want to remedy that! I'm sorry. I promise to, to change. To be better. I can change! I can be--I can be better."

(Tommy puts down another stone step while Wilbur's not looking at him. Wilbur glares again.)

"Sorry, sorry, just trying to hear you better."

"It's not for you, it's for Quackity. And Quackity's still on the ground. Mine down, Tommy." Tommy doesn't move. "Mine down. That's an order." Tommy, reluctantly, does; Wilbur does too, so that he's back to only being one step above the ground. He turns back to Quackity. "Quackity. Quackity, look at me. I'm-- I'm sorry, alright? I want to get to know you better. As yourself, not just as--as Quackity's evil clone. And whatever I did, I promise, I want to make things right with you." He stops and looks at Quackity expectantly.

Ahaha.

What the fuck.

"...well, you can start by getting the fuck down." 

Wilbur, in lieu of a more normal reaction like "getting back on the ground", kneels.