Some hours later, the Lord-Watcher has half an hour free for Carissa, if she doesn't mind talking over dinner.

Dinner, it transpires, is in his office, and consists of cold sandwiches and a bottle of wine.

"Do you eat? Drink?"

"....yes, Lord-Watcher." Is it a trick question? Oh, probably people as important as them usually don't eat, because a Ring of Sustenance is worth it for the less time spent vulnerable and more time spent working. "I burned all my magic items for spying in Westcrown and don't have any at the moment. I was hardly going to ask to borrow some in order to go off and not answer the marriage proposal for a month."

He shoves a sandwich at her and pours her a glass, then takes a sip from his own. "Apologies for the sparseness of the food, then. I hadn't expected to be eating here today. The report says you're the future queen of Cheliax and you want to know the plan for the destruction of Hell."

"- I have kind of mixed feelings about the destruction of Hell, my friends live there.  A hostile takeover seems reasonable.

- Iomedae got me this job, and I assumed that this was because She could see I'd be appreciative and obey her church in every respect and do a good job of it, but then Her church was somewhat disinclined to tell me exactly what to do, and if I have to figure it out for myself I need to know the plan, in less broad strokes than 'conquer Hell' and more broad strokes than 'make Cheliax a country that produces lots of obedient Iomedaeans.'"

"Uh huh. I'm going to guess most of your friends in Hell would rather have Hell destroyed than not, if a nondestructive takeover isn't on the table, which it probably isn't."

" - well, I'm willing to ask them, but I would not have bet that way! A lot of people get very worked up about torture but it's not actually very bad. - I know it is not allowed, and I will obey Iomedae. That doesn't mean it's very bad."

"Idiot girl, people get worked up about it because for just about everybody it is very bad. Maybe you're unusual and don't mind it very much, but almost nobody's like you, and Hell's torments don't end. Give a decent conjurer a name to Call and you can see it for yourself."

Carissa should probably be trying to figure out the diplomatic ramifications of this conversation but that sounds hard and she did come here to understand how Iomedae's church sees things and it would be worse if they wouldn't tell her. "I'm pretty sure once you become a devil they stop torturing you all the time! But I did say I'll check." She won't say that maybe all Lastwallians are just weak. Diplomacy! "And I'm not saying Iomedae can't do whatever She wants."

"Most people don't become devils. Even those that do, it takes centuries. You're also still being very Asmodean in how you relate to Iomedae, but someone else can sort that out for you.

You want to know The Plan. Truth is, I don't know the plan. Here in Lastwall we didn't know Aroden was alive until around the same time the rest of the world found out. We're not even sure Iomedae knew, but if She did She couldn't give us advance notice. Our - Lastwall's - role in it was keeping Tar-Baphon sealed and preparing for the Age of Glory, and then when the Age of Glory failed to come our role was damage control on this planet. Now I guess it's here after all, kind of late and with a crapsack of an opening, but here nevertheless - My best guess is, what She needs from us now is to rebuild Cheliax and rebuild Lastwall to the point where we can hit Geb or Nidal with Aroden's help. Could be once those thorns are out of our sides it's easier to start hitting the evil afterlives from Golarion than from Heaven direct."

"- well, that's easy. I'd do that anyway." She doesn't ask what bone Iomedae has to pick with Geb and Nidal. Carissa is capable of pattern recognition. Iomedae dislikes the undead and also torture. "Are there going to be things She wants that aren't just 'make the country prosperous and strong and stop all the torture.'"

"And the slavery and the serfdom and the censorship and the trade in souls and the boneyard babies and - The list is pretty long, actually. I can get it to you in writing. Positively, build a country where everyone trusts their neighbor and every neighbor deserves that trust. One with fair courts where the magistrates don't take bribes. One where people can worship any non-evil god they please. We would of course be happy to send you advisors if you'd rather not just rely on your memory of one old man's thoughts."

"That's more how I expected paladins to sound. Boneyard babies are dispreferred because they don't usually make Heaven?" 

"Because they don't usually grow up the way people should, often don't even learn to speak, just live miserable, bestial lives for about fourteen, fifteen years before Pharasma judges them chaotic evil and they go to be devoured or turned into some demon's plaything."

"What'd you think paladins would sound like, how'd Lastwall disappoint until now?"

"- I didn't know that boneyard children get devoured! If that's true obviously I am against it! 

DIdn't meet a lot of paladins, but they had been characterized to me as, you know, no sex, no fun, we're going to pick the losing side on principle and we're too virtuous to hurt people even when it works, and they didn't manage to convince me that was false. I liked the Hellknights who were Iomedaens but apparently they are not uncomplicatedly endorsed.

And I - the thing I liked about Iomedae was that She wasn't all tied up in a knot, She saw an opening to put someone on the throne and took it and it made for a terrifying month but I'd do it a thousand times over and She'd do it to me a thousand times over, She said as much, if that were what'd make me run Cheliax best, though she said it probably wouldn't be."

"And the things I said sounded like weakness or just like hating fun?"

"Hating fun, but also - wanting something? It would be odd if the things Iomedae wanted were precisely the things any reasonable monarch would do anyway. I was expecting to learn what she wanted in return, and 'no fun' is an answer. A paladin answer, but it makes more sense than no answer at all."

"Well, once you've done all the things a sensible queen would do anyways - and believe me, not every monarch is so sensible - and built a just society, I don't see any reason you can't have some fun. I'm sure there are ways. I wouldn't say that I've tried, myself."

"Because you'll be repaid in Heaven? Or just because you don't care about anything except doing what Iomedae wants?"

"...Sorry, that was a joke. I do find time sometimes for things I enjoy that aren't effective service to Good. It's not that much time, but that's because there's a lot to do, not because I don't enjoy things - In answer to your question, I'd say it's more that I care about other people being safe and happy too, and so I spend my time trying to help them be."

In a sense it's the most paladiny answer ever and in another she can't actually find any contempt in herself for it. They decided what they wanted, and they won it. 

"Do you trust Iomedae?"

"Huh. Not the sort of question I usually get - I suppose I do, though maybe a little less than I did last year. You know, I'm not actually a paladin, She never chose me and I never wound up swearing to any of the orders. But I still trust Her."

She wonders if people think less of you, in Lastwall, if you're not a paladin. Presumably not, if you can end up running the place. "I had been assuming She didn't want a paladin running Her country so you didn't have to follow all the rules, where they weren't enough to win. 

...less than last year because She and Aroden probably broke the world on purpose?"

"I think the rules you're thinking of are ones I still follow, so no - I'm just better at my job than any paladin I know.

I trust Her a bit less than I did last year because - either She didn't know about Aroden or She did know and She didn't tell us - maybe even actively lied to us - and either way it means She's a little less reliable than I would've said She was last year. I'm quite sure that if She did this intentionally, and mislead us intentionally, there was a reason I'd consider a good one behind it all, it's not like I think She betrayed us."

"Why are you quite sure that if She lied there was a reason you'd consider a good one?"