"Not... in... the sense that I might've been otherwise inclined to blame you?"

"Well, knock it off, asshole. We tried to help him. We got pretty far. He got to hear an apology from someone he wanted one from before he got popped. That's more than a lot of people get. We cut our losses before trying to help him got someone else hurt. This ain't a good day, but it's not a bad one, either."

He shakes his head. "...I'm gonna live a lot longer than most people. And I'm gonna get into a lot more situations where what I do matters. There are... things I could've done differently. I could've gone into open space. I could've gone vertically. I could've circled around rather than keep running away. Dealing with a big towering mass of muscle with machine guns for arms isn't something I could've reasonably prepared for, in the specifics... but there are general things I could've done better. Should've done better. Should've known better than to do. I've had more time to learn these things than most people ever will. I want to not... make those mistakes again."

"Okay, but like. Is that a way to improve going forward, or is that a way to beat yourself up for what happened? 'Cause I saw a guy who had things mostly covered, with room for improvement, then lost his cool when his damage came up. You ain't going to fix that by causing more. You know?"

"When my damage came up?" he asks archly.

"You were doing okay before you realized the guy was someone you knew. Then you shut down and just started apologizing while he was wailing on you and let him have all the power. And he broke stuff. That's when the structural issues started happening that led to everything going wrong."

"That's... fair." He chews on his lip. There's a part of him that wanted Rollo to hurt him, once Zash realised what must've happened. That felt like he deserved to be hurt. But... "You're right."

"I know I am! So stop it."

"I'm not sure how," he sighs. "Or... Even if I manage to just act completely unaffected when it counts, I can't really not be damaged. I can't come out of today and not hurt. I cared about him, and he's dead, and there are things I could've done that might have prevented it, and that hurts."

"Then work on that instead of going over the billion and one ways you could have done better if you were a tactically perfect robot. Instead of just. 'Oh no, I was inefficient because I was hurt, let me hurt myself more because I was inefficient!'"

"Easier said than done, you know."

"Yeah! Always is. Words are easy. Actions're harder."

"Work on what? I don't want to not hurt."

".... why."

"...because it's important? Because it's correct to be sad when you lose someone you love? I feel like this can't be the disconnect here."

"Who died and made you feelings overlord, king of the feelings that are or aren't correct, man."

He shakes his head. "I'm not... trying to claim anything about everyone, here. But I just feel like... it's the same kind of thing as loving someone. I... I miss my brother more than I can say, I feel his absence like a physical ache in my heart every day, and it's part of what loving him is, for me. It's wanting to see him and wanting him next to me and wanting him to be in my life, and feeling the lack.

"It's the same thing, but more. I'll never see Rollo again, and the world doesn't have his light anymore. If I'd known he'd gone on to live his full life then... I'd miss him still, like I miss everyone I've met, but it would hurt less."

"... Okay, but feeling sad and feeling like you have to be sad to remember him are different things. Isn't making yourself hurt more just. Making the main effect he and everyone you've ever loved be causing more hurt in the world? How is that fair."

"I don't think that's... a good description. It's..." His turn to struggle with words. "I don't feel like I have to hurt. I just do hurt and I don't want to stop hurting. And not all hurt is bad. I think I would be... worse at being myself, if I didn't hurt. Feeling this is important to who I am. Both sides, the good and the bad. I don't want to not miss my brother, it's the same thing as not wanting to not love him. I don't want to not hurt for Rollo, it's the same thing as not wanting to not have met him."

"....... For a guy who doesn't feel like he has to hurt, you sure do fool me, man," she sighs. "With your actions and your, Iunno, reflexive beating yourself up thing. I think what you're saying makes sense, but also is not matching up with what you're doing. And you seem like you feel like you should be an ultra efficient perfect life-saving robot man, and acting like whenever you aren't it's a thing to beat out of yourself, except when anyone pokes it hard enough you'll go on about the sanctity of emotional attachment or whatever."

"If you want to say that I spend too much time dwelling on my supposed failures and expect much more of myself than is remotely reasonable you'll find no argument from me. That's just not the same as me having to work on not feeling hurt when it happens."

"I guess, yeah. Do what you want with your own brain."

"I'm not entirely sure I have one but I'll take the sentiment."

"I thought we said no self-flagellation, Zash."

"Talking about biology, here! Who knows what I got in here. Could be marshmallows. Or pollen, maybe pollen, plant and all. ...do you know about original flavour plants?"