Yeah. Sure. And Zash can be more obviously bullshit if he's carrying that enormous gun one-handed and not even breaking a sweat.

Time to go looking for trouble.

Well, it doesn't take very long. When he emerges out where people can see him, several of those people scream and run.

It's not immediately obvious where one would keep an impounded car from his current vantage point, but. ... There is that sign over there that says Bernardelli Insurance Agency, above what looks like an office. So. Maybe that's a good start.

...sure. Fine. People are probably gonna shoot him but maybe he can block sufficiently many bullets that they won't do it too much.

Nobody shoots at him upon entry. There is a young woman with long brown hair and a brilliant smile sitting behind the desk.

"Hello! Welcome to the Bernardelli Insurance Agency, how can I help you?" she asks, brightly. As if absolutely nothing is out of the ordinary and he is just a regular guy who walked in.

.....................

See, this kind of shit is how Zash mostly manages to go through his life without people going AAAH ZASH THE STAMPEDE THE HUMAN TYPHOON AAAAAH RUUUUN. Some people just do not, actually, care.

"Hi, uh. My, uh," no they're not dating she is not his girlfriend, "I work for someone whose car was in the sand steamer and she was kidnapped so I wish to use her car to go rescue her."

"Do you have proof of identity and power of possession, as written by the owner of the car in question? And what is her name."

"I, uh, don't. Yvette Marlowe. There are several witnesses who—" Many of them were guards. They might be dead. Right. "There were people on the sand steamer who saw me working with her?" he tries. "There were, uh, some problems. With how. We lost a lot of stuff. And she was kidnapped."

This is not going according to plan. This woman looks adorable and innocent and he does not, actually, want to threaten her.

"Hmmmmmmm that does make the situation a bit irregular, doesn't it," she agrees, getting into what looks like a filing cabinet. "Marlowe, Marl-- oh that plant engineer that was kidnapped! Yes." She retrieves what seems to be the file. "Let's seeeeeee. Hmmmm do you know a Mr. Vernon Evanson? That's the only person I see listed with right to possess the vehicle in the absense of Ms. Marlowe."

"Oh, that's me." That's a lie, Vernon is dead because of him. "Though I don't have proof of identity due to the whole everything that happened in that mess. My belongings were all with Dr. Marlowe," which is vacuously true. Also his persona used to call her Dr. even though she is not a Dr. so he's. Keeping that? He guesses?

"Oh! Well then, that becomes very easy! We already have a sample of your DNA on file, and a machine to verify a match in office." She searches through another cabinet and comes out with a small vial and what looks to be a Q-tip, neatly sealed within. "Could I please have a small sample of your blood or saliva for the sake of verification?"

...where the fuck did she get a sample of his DNA.

Does he even have DNA. He doesn't think he does????? He doesn't think plants have genetics?????????????

"O...kay," he says, looking increasingly bewildered by the way this entire interaction is going.

One swab of saliva and a machine later:

"Well Mr. Evanson, I have to say that our machine is very confused! Why, I don't think I've ever seen it this confused in my life." But then she smiles brightly anyway. "But it's very confused in the exact same way that's on file, so that's all right!"

This verification complete, he is given a form to sign to affirm that he is taking possession of the vehicle in question. And then he's just. Given the key fob and told where to pick up his vehicle.

"Oh, before you go, Mr. Evanson, I wanted to warn you." She lowers her voice. "I've heard that criminal Zash the Stampede has escaped from custody, and from the pictures I think he looks a lot like you! You should probably be careful about keeping proof of identity in the future, and maybe get a different coat, someone might get confused!"

...this person??????

Help he wants to be this person's friend. She is so good.

Focus. "Thank you, ma'am, I'll keep that in mind," he says, and he'll. Go pick the car up! After the single most successful car heist in the history of ever!

He is entirely free to pick up the car! It isn't far, and nobody even gets in his way. The very bored looking security guard inspects his papers, and barely even looks at him before directing him to where in the warehouse the car is located. Which he can then just. Drive out.

Okay! He'll, uh. Do that.

...try. To do that. The car isn't starting.

Why is the car not starting. He is not a mechanic. Is Morgan a mechanic? She might be more a mechanic than he is. He'll just, uh. Release the handbrake and then lift the front of the car and pull it along by hand.

The bored looking security guard is not going to judge him for how he would like to retrieve his vehicle, he is not paid enough, thank you.

Well, he now has a car that won't start.

Morgan shows up not long after, her blue hair dyed black, wearing (cheap) sunglasses and a different set of clothes, and carrying a large amount of stuff.

"Oh! Cool! You got the car. Nice, I didn't even hear any gunshots, I guess your reputation does a lot."

"It, I," how does he even explain what happened there. He doesn't, is how. "The car won't start. I don't suppose you have any idea how to begin figuring out what's wrong with it."

"Uh. No? What's wrong with it, it looks fine."

He gets in and demonstrates that turning the key does not cause it to begin vibrating or whatever it is that cars do.

"Huh. Uh. Is there a mechanic we could take it to or something??? Because I've got nothing, man. My plan was to steal some birds. Birds don't have this problem."

"I didn't actually steal the car, the person at the Insurance Agency apparently had my DNA on file except I probably don't have DNA because the machine was very confused but she said the machine was confused in exactly the same way it said it had been confused on file so I got the car. So I didn't threaten anyone. And I'm wondering if I should maybe just go back and. Ask?"

"....... she just...? You know what, sure, why not. I don't have any better ideas, our token human was the one that sorted this all out."

"Pretty sure you still count," he says, but yes, back to the Insurance Agency.

"Not for normal people stuff I don't!!"