lol

Mezzopiano: maybe when it has been more than 24 hours you will discover that good moods can must and should be resilient to your parents being alive??
spirulinagalaxy: so are you like in her lair. is it a nice lair. is she keeping you in the dungeon or what

it's an extremely nice lair. it's like underground/underwater on this presumably artifical island and there's a beautiful view both on the surface level and of the ocean inside and i have my own bedroom (kinda a double edged sword, she declined to cuddle me to sleep last night) and the bed is very comfy and there is obviously a computer which most people kidnapped by supervillains probably do not get? i normally hate the beach but i might change my mind given that i'm about to start looking really hot in swimsuits

spirulinagalaxy: swanky. and the horrible torments have not started yet?
pithy: nonsense spi obviously the horrible torment is not being cuddled to sleep. can't you read
basking robin: people should study you and determine what made you immune to cultural programming on hotness

@spirulina galaxy not yet. hopefully they aren't gonna be that horrible tho

@basking robin i'm built different

spirulinagalaxy: this is, how you say, "hopium"
basking robin: I guess maybe monoceros is gonna study you. but not in the right way probably.
unicorn: why is she letting you on the internet

apparently i'm not important enough to attract enough supe heat to be worth denying her precious eris kitten her screen time

pithy: does she eat kittens
grape_fruit: sh'es not going to eat K, she's going to grow space pearls in her
Mezzopiano: fyi oysters usually don't like, survive, having their pearls took
Aquinas: Please don't give up on the possibility of rescue, K. There's always a chance a hero will see an opening to bring you home.
unicorn: way to harsh her vibe man

she promised she wouldn't kill me. maybe it's a lie but if that's the case there's not much i can do about it so i'm choosing to believe i am her precious treasure and she would never harm me in a way that isn't hot.

Mezzopiano: but like, what about after you grow the pearls. what then.

guys how many times do i have to fucking tell you. there are a number of different ways this could go, some of them are very very bad but some of them are very good and like the only way i can make the good ones more likely is by being nice and cooperative and eating until she says i'm done and kneeling when she tells me to kneel and uuuhhhh what was i talking about again

pithy: I for one am excited to learn what supervillains eat. what was dinner. what was breakfast. actually what timezone is the lair even in.

as previously stated it was 12 courses. they were uuuh some kind of delicious fish salad, eggs benedict, soup dumplings, crab rangoon, some kind of ethiopian meat dish whose name i don't remember, asparagus with like parmesan and breadcrumbs or something, chocolate chip cookies, raspberry buttercream bonbons, and salted caramel ice cream made from WHALE MILK. and no i do not mean her breast milk i mean milk from an actual 20 ton krill eating marine mammal. or idk i guess not all whale species are that big and she didn't say which one it was from. i guess i could ask. anyways it was all delicious except for the eggs benedict but that's probably not a surprise coming from me. we haven't had breakfast yet. 

She looks at the computer's clock and reports the current time to the Eris server.

grape_fruit: why haven't you had breakfast yet?

idk. kinda convenient though bc i'm still kinda full from last night. it's 9:25 here. what time is it where you guys are?

pithy: looks like you have traveled to 2 hours later than your usual. maybe she's waiting cause of that.
unicorn: hey how sure are you it's safe for us to talk to you. like, for us. what if we offend her. or you once you have powers

I solemnly swear not to hurt anyone in this server no matter how cool of powers I get unless they are directly a threat to my life, health, or freedom, and even then only the minimum amount necessary to neutralize such threat. except aquinas. I don't think she gives a shit what you guys say. I on the other hand, will uuuh, shit I just swore not to hurt you. I'll firmly reprimand you if you talk shit about my new gf. or steal your mail or rearrange your furniture or something.

spirulinagalaxy: that would be more reassuring if it didn't seem like you considered 'maybe possibly judging you' a threat to your health
Aquinas: I don't deserve that. I'd appreciate the common courtesy you'd extend to anyone else.
Mezzopiano: seconding spirulina tbh
basking robin: "freedom"

the parents thing is a different ballgame. i won't kill any of you even if you judge me really hard. also by "threaten my freedom" i mean literally trying to have me imprisoned. by someone who isn't sexy in a place that doesn't have gourmet food and internet access, i mean.

unicorn: okay so a nice scandinavian prison with cute guards is a-ok?
Mezzopiano: please, again, do not murder your parents.

@unicorn i don't think there are any prisons with exclusively female guards under 40 in age and over 40 in bmi but if you can somehow construct one sure, why the hell not

@mezzopiano look can we table the parents thing. it's not something i have either the capacity or the need to make a decision on now and if they do find about All This having to live with the mortifying ordeal of being judged for a few hours/days/weeks while i work something out with you guys won't kill me. 

Mezzopiano: villainvillage estimates monoceros at age 52 plus or minus ten years
Mezzopiano: okay tabling but under PROTEST
pithy: presumably she doesn't look it

ok so the guards don't have to be under 40 as long as they have whatever bullshit bioenhancements mo is using to look under 40. how the hell come she isn't selling those, by the way? i hope it's just spite and not that they only work on her for some reason bc i need to get my hands on those.

spirulinagalaxy: how, respectfully, the fuck should we know
spirulinagalaxy: ask her over your froofy oatmeal or whatever

it was a rhetorical question. i will.