"Thank you, Siren." He places a gentle hand on the wall. 

Then he sits in a corner, puts his head between his legs, and tries to remember how to breathe.

Around him there's a faint hum of the ship itself. More white noise than true sound.

He feels like he's breaking, like every part of him is shattering into glass. Breathing hurts, being alive hurts-

Before, he would take something sharp to his skin, let the pain out through his blood, but he can't-

Can he?

His new companions might object. And the Siren's Shard feels...maybe disapproving?

But there's no-one to stop him.

He wants the ship's disapproval to mean more. He wants it so much.

But it doesn't stop him taking a clean scalpel and opening a vein.

...Was that a strange screeching sound?

Anders can barely hear it over his own pain. The countdown has reached zero.

He digs a little deeper. His clothes stain a little more red.

"-Shit."

Anders starts. "Mako. I- fuck. Sorry-"

The look he gets is pretty definitely a 'stop apologising'.

"No wonder she was screaming."

"You need help fixing that up?"

"I-" would rather you left so I could continue-

"You don't have to be here."

Mako shrugs. "If you want me to go, fine. Just don't bleed out. And clean the cuts when you're done."

I don't want to be alone, been so alone all my life, been so afraid-

"Then I'll see you tomorrow?"

Mako looks at him. "Look. I'm not going to stop you. And I'm not going to judge you." Pause, nearly inaudibly: "I really can't judge you."

"If you don't stop me-"

He shrugs. "I'll stop you killing yourself. But everyone copes somehow."

"I don't know if I want to be alive anymore."

I'm more work than I'm worth-

Mako sits down, on the floor, back against a wall. "Life sucks. Losing everything you knew is terrifying. Even when it wasn't good."

"It's not that. Life with Hawke was good. Life in the clinic was good. I just- I had purpose, I had-"

He feels dizzy.

"You can have a purpose here if you want. A good doc is always hard to find. Even if you don't stay with us, you'll find plenty in need of you."

"I-" Mako isn't wrong. A doctor is always in need. He would always find something to hold him. But-

He's lost a lot of blood.

He slumps to the ground.

Mako noticeably doesn't panic. But he does cross over to Anders. "May I-?" he points at the cuts.

Anders stares at the pulsing wounds in his wrists.

He nods, not sure what he's agreeing to, but trusting Mako.

"This might hurt."

Mako places his hands over the wounds and then there's burning. But when he pulls his hands back, the wounds are cauterised.

The pain didn't bother Anders. Agreeing to stay alive did. 

"Thank you," he says, a little drunkenly.